The Brilliant Idiots - Brilliantly Delirious

Episode Date: December 9, 2023

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I love the premise of this show. Smart people talking about dumb shit. I think it's dumb people talking about smart shit. Oh, we go where we're not supposed to go, baby. The Brilliant Idiots Podcasts. Yep, Shalamy, guys. Andrew Shope. We are the Brilliant Idiot's Podcast.

Back for another week of Brilliant Idiotness, baby. Heseky Walker. What's happening? I'm good, man. I'm chilling. Let the record show. We are taping this at like 8 p.m. on a Thursday night. This is my third gig of the day.

Breakfast Club. Did Breakfast Club this morning. Daily show. Did Daily show. Brilliant idiots. Now brilliant idiots. You know what I mean? Hardest working man in the business.

Well, I think they might be harder. Kevin Hart, Nick Cannon. Those guys worked pretty hard. It's just a full day. But you know the beauty of it and I thought about this as I was on the way over here. Everything is different. You know what I'm saying? Breakfast Club isn't daily show.

Daily Show isn't brilliant idiots. It's all different. You know, like this morning on Breakfast Club, we had Carrie Champion and Lauren La Rosa debating about why women hate each other, you know what I mean? Why do women hate each other? Why do they, Taylor? Did you come to a conclusion after they finished talking? It was interesting.

It was an interesting conversation. Latin women don't hate each other. They'd be licking each other's buttholes and clits. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Good time. He's not a Latin woman. I'm a Latin pop star.

You are a Latin pop star? I'm a Latin pop star. No Daddy Yankee went to Christian, yo? I saw that. That's crazy. Daddy went to Daddy. He's doing Christian music. Not really.

I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't really give it to me. That clip that and give it to me. Just so that could be Taylor's ringtone. Do you want me to answer? No, not really. Anytime she calls my phone. You want me to answer?

No, not really. I love you, Taylor. I love you, Taylor. You can't say it back? You, you, you, stop line. I don't call you. You text?

I can answer my text by the time. Because I'm waiting for a call. Why do people need you to answer text back? Yo, for real. That's my answer. You see it says red. Yeah. But just send me the message.

I asked a legit question for your show. What was the question? What question you asked? Yes, if you wanted to be guessing yourself. Who was it? Sounds exciting. Sounds exciting. Sounds incredible.

incredibly exciting, Taylor. To look to everybody who watched The Daily Show. This is the second week. Are you the only person that's done two weeks? No, Leslie Jones did two weeks. Sarah Silverman did two weeks. And Cal Pins doing the second week next week. Yo, with all due respect.

And maybe it's just my algorithm. But you're the only one that's like, I see headlines about things you said on the Daily Show, not on your Instagram or the Daily Show's Instagram but on news portals Now this could be that you're

Part of this is obviously that you're bigger than other people that are hosting the show But it's if I don't know I'm just saying if I'm the daily show I'm looking at the footprint From a Charlemagne week It's interesting you know what I mean I was talking to my wife about this yesterday It feels like when you do the Daily Show

At least for me it's a culmination of like where my trajectory has been going you know because when you start having conversations with politicians and you know they start coming on breakfast club and like I you know I'm just a curious person like doing this that's what I'm saying and then doing this and then you know doing God's honest truth and hell of a week and it's just like every time I did those shows I modeled them after the daily show like that was my thing like I felt like you have reps for this Yeah, because Daily Show is the pinnacle of any of those shows. You know what I mean?

Like, I think there's two great formats in late night for that kind of show, and it's Bill Maher. And then it's the Daily Show. And then even when you go look at people who've had success, like the John Oliver, the Stephen Colbert, when they went and did other shows, those shows were like the Daily Show, because the Daily Show has such a system. It has such a formula. I'm not talking about the late show that Colbert does now.

I'm talking about Colbert Report. So they have such a system. such a formula, man, that if you've been a part of it, you can pretty much go duplicate that. You know what I'm saying? Anywhere else. So, yeah, I feel like, you know, God, God definitely has put me in position for a time.

So you enjoyed it even more this week? I love it, bro. I really love it. Now, do you love? I love it like I love brilliant idiots. Really? Yeah. It feels that loose?

It feels that. No, I take, it, it did. Yes, it does, but with a structure. You know what I'm saying? Because it's different. You know what I mean? Like here at Breakfast Club, we freestyle. And here we freestyle.

Jelly Rose said that shit to me today. Jelly Rose said, yo, man. He said, man. I love Jelly Rose on last night. Jelly Rose said, yo, man. He said, man, I love you on breakfast club. You know what I'm saying? Because, you know, you like, you like loose with it.

You know what I'm saying? It's a freestyle. He said, man, here, man. It's like you like a sniper. Like a sniper. Like a sniper. Like a sniper. I love this shit for you, man.

How was the other show today? Oh, man. Jelly's fucking fantastic. You know what Jellie reminds me of, and I thought about that today? Jelly Reminds me a killer, fucking Mike. Oh. Jelly Roll reminds me a killer fucking Mike. Like, because Jelly Roe is super smart.

Yes. Very intelligent guy. You know what I mean? But you might be, his presentation might be disarming. Like, you might not think that. And then you talk to him. You talk to him. You're like, oh, shit, but I'm talking about everything.

His whole aesthetic to me is killer, like. And I'm not even talking about just size-wise. I'm talking about the things that come out of his mouth, his energy. No, man. The things that come out of his mouth, his energy. He really loves his hometown. He wears his hometown on his back. He and Killer Mike, I don't know,

they just got very, very similar energy to me. Both incredibly musical? Incredibly musical. Jelly Roll is my favorite musicals. Well, him and Killer Michael are my favorite musical stories of the year. Oh, wow. Because Killer Mike Michael is nominated for a Grammy. And he's actually nominated for a couple of Grammys.

He's nominated for two Grammys for the album and I think two for the single. But either way, I know Killer Mike is going to win rap album of the year. Grammy, Recording Academy, if Killer Mike does not win rap album of the year, something is wrong. If he does not win a rap album of the year for Michael, something is wrong. He definitely should win something for scientists and engineers, but there's no better rap album than Killer Mike all year long.

Wow. You haven't heard? I got to go check it out. Oh, my God. Come on, man. Michael is fantastic, phenomenal project. He's nominated for Rap album of the Year at the Grammys, and he should absolutely win.

If y'all think Jelly Roll had a fantastic speech at the CMAs or whatever it was, let Killer Mike get up there and see what the fuck's going on. You know? So yeah, I fuck with both of them. Okay, so that was fun. This week, great on The Daily Show. Yes. Any jokes that are going to get cut that you can share with us?

I'll tell y'all next week. Because you don't know just yet. I don't know if they're going to get cut. Charlemagne came in here. He was so excited to tell me the jokes that were just driving people crazy in the audience. Not the ones that were making them laugh. The ones that were making them hold their head in their hands. Taylor was there.

Taylor? Taylor was there. That's, listen, Andrew has, I personally still, Andrew has bought that back. Okay. To where you can make those kind of jokes. And listen, it's not like the writers on these shows don't want to make. They want to make them all the time. And now they have somebody who's willing to do it.

Yes. You know. Talk to the microphone. Like you said before that, the comedian. Vince August. You know Vince. Vince August. Vince August.

Yeah, he was the warm up. Yeah, he was the warm up. He kept saying like, it's a joke. Like, I don't like a joke. That's be said. As soon as I came out, he goes, I mean, I don't think this is your kind of crowd tonight. He said, they're a little sensitive and a little slow.

We have fun. It's just, I really enjoy doing the daily show. And it's just, very fun to work in the same system as the legend. He's an icon like John Stewart. He's the guy. I mean, motherfuckers is really talking about him running

for president and they're serious about it. I mean... I'm one of... Yeah, I'm with you. Alex, I'm not even joking. Yeah, if he wanted to, I could get behind it. At first, when I heard it, I'm like, I don't want another celebrity in chief, but then I thought about it, and I'm like, John Stewart is more than a comedian. I can get behind them.

John Stewart has gotten more legislation passed than most members of Congress. And he's just a common sense thinker who gives a fuck. I can get behind that. I can see it for him. I'm like, damn, John Stewart, Mike. And he's got a presidential name. Yeah, what are you doing, Taylor?

Being jealous of Jelly Roll. Listen. Man, why would she be jealous of Jelly Roll? She wants that name for herself. Listen, John Stewart even has a presidential name, yo. You're going to let him just move past that? No, I'm not. He said, move past that.

You're a crazy guy, yo. The fuck is your problem. Oh, he's mad because I said he had patches in his beard earlier. That's why he's made. Sour. I didn't have a beer. He said he wants to grow out. He said he wants to grow up his beard.

And I said, he missed it. He missed it. What? Tell her. Tell her. Wait, he doesn't have a full beard? You sold it, too. My beard was not patchy, yo.

Yes, it was. I had a patch right here. I have a picture of it. Knock it off. Knock it off. That's what you had to play, which would call it, monostat and shit on it.

No, that was my hair. That was my actual head. And where did it? And what happened? It made your beer grow and have patches. How? I put it on my hair. And nothing happened to your hair.

Yo. When your vagina smells horrible like garbage? Monastat. You take that. You bought it up, but now you don't know what it is. You know what I'm saying? You bought it up.

Wait, wait, isn't that what Monastat is for? Let's see. Taylor. Monastat, a restaurant in Loper, Derby. It's a buffet. You ever eat their, Taylor? Hold on. Okay, let's do some all memes necessary.

You want to talk about the debate or not? First, you want to talk about Adele Badu. Adele Badu? What Adele do? Vadal do. yeast infections. Oh, shit. Taylor. What? Vaginal yeast infections is what mana status for. Why were you putting that in your

fucking scalp? Because Tiffany had his totem to so gross beer. Yeah, they said growth or said, how old remember that? Because you know it's during the COVID, so I was letting my hair grow up. Shit. Shout out, Tiffany. Alex, you're crazy. Shout out of Tiffany.

What did you just say, Alex? I didn't say. You got to say, don't laugh behind tip back. Don't do that. You know, Tiffany, we love you, get better soon, get an Uber. Oh, my God. A sound advice. Yes.

Luke is the good sister Tiffany Hatter. She needs to get Uber. She loves you too, by the way. She said she told me she met you somewhere. Yeah, we bumped into each other. What the fuck was that? Somewhere in New York. Yeah, there was a, oh, it's a hotel that has like a bar in it.

What? The hotel has a bar in it. Yeah, this sounds super fitting. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was in the Espo's a hotel. Oh, no, Dub was with her. Doug was with Tiffany?

Yeah, I think he was with Tiffany and another one of her friends. Oh, okay, okay, okay. I mean, Tiffany's Jewish, too. She is Jewish, but that's not why they were together. Tiffany's Jewish. She is? She is. She is like an Ethiopian Jew.

You didn't know that? One of the original. I went to Tiffany's Bar Mitzvah. All right. You didn't go to Tiffany's Bar Mitzv because she's a woman. What they call it? Ba'i. Bot Mitzvah.

Yeah, I went to, I went to it. I was there. When they did the whole. They did the whole ceremony and everything. Wait, why would you get bat mitzvah this way? You didn't know. You get five minutes to 13. Exactly.

It was something when she turned 40. I'm not making this out. I was there. It's her birthday party. Bro, I was, yo, no, no, no. No, it was our birthday party, but it was a fucking, I'm telling you. It wasn't a bot mitzvah, bro. She had a ceremony, man.

I was dead. They had the rabbi and everything, yo. What do you think they were doing? I don't know. Hold on. Yeah, she had our bat mitzvah when she turned 40. That's not how, I mean, black people are late with shit But usually you do it around 13

That's the blackest Jewish shit I've ever heard in my life Of bot misfit 23 years later Yeah, comedian and actress Tiffany Haddis had her bot missus When she's 7, 40 years old Since then she has shared her experience Learning new Jewish traditions And connecting with her roots A bar or bot misper is usually a ceremony

That occurs when a Jewish child turns 13 It's a coming-of-age ritual in the Jewish community But for Haddish, it was a way of celebrating her unique identity. See the shit right here? It's the whole... I believe you. Yeah, she had the rabbis and everything there. Shout out to Tiffany. Um, why was Adele wearing that head wrap? What the fuck's going on?

Exactly. What's going on? Yo, why all you brothers trying to turn your, your, your, your, your, newbie and white queens into black women, you know, what's going on? Why can't she wear her hair like that? Oh, yeah. With the Cuban link to the earrings? Like, she's killing it. That do look five. Like, she's like she's like she got channeling Jill Scott and Erica Badoo. And Aunt Jemima. Like she's giving... Yo. She did a little look like I want to pour her on some pancakes.

Okay, Hedell? She's giving like, she's giving like that, that, that energy, that sugar festival energy. She's been to the sugar water festival. You never been to the sugar water festival? I did. I did. You did for real? Yeah.

With Erica Badu, Jill Scott, poetry, and Queen Latifah? Well, Floatry wasn't there that year, but I did go. Yeah, I've been to mad sugar water festival. I have gone to sugar water festival. She's given sugar water festival energy. She looked like, let's say that middle pit. Jill Scott, Erica, Badu, Adele, Queen Latifah, Bong. That would be an amazing headlining group for Sugar Water Festival.

Come on, man. Did you ever go to Sugar Water Festival, Taylor? Probably not. Nah. Taylor just wants the sugar. Fuck the water. Yo. Listen to me, yo.

Let me tell you all something right now. Tell you something right now. What's going on right now? Oh, you could have said, yo. What's going on right now? Let me tell you. I'm not going to land. Let's talk.

Listen, listen. I'm not going to land. If we're going to talk about sugar, we're going to talk about my pussy being sugar then. We're not going to talk about how bad one. Ew! Ew! Ew! That's why you need a monist that because you're baking shit up in there, yo.

Get out of here. That's gross. Why is you talking about it? Exactly. Exactly. Now you don't want to talk about shit. You're our little sister. Don't talk about your pussy, yo.

That's disgusting. Now let's talk about it down. A little salt and vinegar clit. Ew. Everybody wants to hear about that shit talking about sugar. You know what? Oh, ew. Taylor, ew.

Listen. Taylor, ew. You know what the Adel thing reminds me? Ew. The Adele thing reminds. You got the white cheddar dust coming off your shit. Ugh. And she didn't say that she was no confidence.

You're talking about that. Put the, blah, blah. That's not how I was saying. It's not like you just failed a goddamn sobriety test. That is how you said. That is how you said.

It definitely sounded like you failed a sobriety test. Point your finger to your nose, Taylor. Right now. For what? That shit is kind of hard. Oh no, I got it. Talk about my. Yo, talk about my pussy, taste, taste,

yeah, if you bend your elbow. I'm thinking like, I don't talk like Chris Christie. Did he come on? Did he come on? That's funny. Did he come on a daily show? So, did Chrissy come on? He was supposed to be there today,

but him and Taylor couldn't be in the building. Yes. No! Show me! Sholome Shalomie. Something about fire marshes and shit is the hell you know. You're projecting a lot.

What type of regulation? You're projecting a lot. Oh my God. I love. You're projecting a lot. Oh my God. Taylor hated on me, yo. What happened?

Because you got no fucking, you can't grow a beer. Stop being mad at me for it. Stop projecting. Okay, I'll quit. All right. That shit is funny. Can you go. Adele by Duke.

I think. I think. You call her a day. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Taylor lining Alex. I know. Wait, wait.

What about? What about? I miss it. I miss it. What you're laughing about? Alex, I know you're not talking. God damn. What does his beard look like?

I know, not doing this. What does his beard look like? Stop! Not in my house. You know, what in my house? You're acting. You're acting. You're acting.

You're acting. You're acting. You're acting. That's hilarious. Don't let us. Don't let us, what do you mean? We're doing the pod.

We potting, baby. Brilliant idiotous podcast, okay? Potting. You're partied. You know, don't be belligerent. Don't be belligerent. Listen, Taylor. Everybody's talking about this Adele picture

because I think that Jonathan Majors. What's your necklace is now? Let him be great. Can you let him be? Why do you want me to do? Listen. You got something to say about everybody. Exactly.

Did you see what Jonathan May just told his ex-girlfriend? A duck? What? Y'all would ask. No, he wouldn't say, duck. Did you see what he said? He said he wanted his ex to act like Corretta Scott King and Michelle Obama. Who.

He didn't even see that in court. And the ongoing misdemeanor. What does that even mean? That commenced on Monday, the actor's ex-girlfriend and alleged victim, Grace Javari, asserted that the 34-year-old insisted that she behaved more like former first lady Michelle Obama or civil rights icon Corretta Scott King. What do you think when you hear that show? Well, I think, is this a snow bunny? White woman. That's what makes it, now here's the comedy.

Now you see the comedy. It's not funny because of the situation. But there's some comedy in here. I had no clue that he was dating a snow bunny. White woman. Did he put his hands on a snow bunny? White woman. Allegedly.

Allegedly. Is that why the black community is so quick to forgive him for what happens? Taylor. Well, here's the thing. Tell him why he's smiling on this. I said that. I said that. I said that.

I said that. I thought the black people is so quick to forgive it. And she just goes, but here's the thing. We don't, there's nothing to forgive because you're innocent. It's an allegation. It's an allegation. You know what I mean?

It's an allegation. It's an allegation. I think, I mean, it's an allegation. I think that him, when I, when I saw this, what I thought to myself. A lot of allegations these days, man. A lot of allegations. If you want, if you're a black man who's dating a white woman and you want your white woman to be like Coretta Scott King or Michelle Obama, who do you think you are?

But what does that mean even to be like Michelle Obama or? Classy, you know, classy, elegant. You know what I mean? Is that what he means by it? That's what I think. Classy, elegant. Because Coretta Scott was ride or die. Definitely was ride or die.

Rider die. Rider died. Correta told the FBI, go ahead and put the motifs out of my husband and his infidelity. Because this movement is bigger than my marriage. Ride or die. So is that, is he like, yo, why don't you be a little bit more ride or die? And then what would he be riding or dying with Michelle about? because Barack hasn't had any infidelities. I think now we know why he dresses like a civil rights activist.

Who? Jonathan Majes. Like when you see Jonathan Majors, all his pictures look like they should be in black and white. You know what I mean? That's fact. So I think that if he sees a woman and he wants his ex-girlfriend who's white to be more like those women, it's because he sees himself in that civil rights activist air. He has the face for it.

You definitely have a face for it. To do Jonathan, though. Make sure you go listen to Broke Down Profits on Audible. Is he in that? Yes, it's the latest release from Kevin Hart Nye's production company, SBH Productions. We did it. I mean, it was done so long ago, but it's Jonathan Majes, Brian, Tyree, Henry, Dasha Polanco, Donnell Rawlins is in it. And it's written by my man, S.A. Cosby, who the New York Times said is one of the authors of the year. Everybody loves S.A. Cosby's books. He wrote Razor Blade Tears. Everybody loves that. That's getting, that got picked up. That's getting done.

by a, God, what's the famous producer's name? I can't remember right now. Weinstein? Shut up. Yo. Shut up, man. What is wrong with y'all today? What are you?

You're an extra silly to me. I mean, for no reason. Y'all are extra silly tonight. Like, why? Like, what is the reason? For that shit. Go to the next topic. Jerry Brookheimer.

Oh, wow. Yeah, Jerry Brookheimer is doing Razor Blade Tis and Paramount. Yeah, Paramount Player is one of the rights to S.A. Cosby's book, Razor Blade Tills. He has another book called Aldous Sin is Bleed. Volchie just named that one of the books of the year. S.A. Cosby is really, really dope, man. Great guy.

Now, Taylor, what else do we have for memes that you won't care about next week? Come on, Taylor. I have a question for y'all. Come on, answer this question. Okay. Taylor's type clicked on which doesn't belong. Because this was... Can y'all answer this?

Mother asked the Internet for help on her first grader's confusing homework assignment. Which word is the odd one out? Friend, egg, tooth brush, desk, silver. I think it's friend because... What is it? So my 6-year-old daughter, who's in year one, got this homework question. It's confusing, in my opinion, to say the least, especially considering the age, it's aimed at,

but I'd love to hear your answers. And y'all don't be having nothing better to do, y'all. Y'all get on the internet, and this is the type of shit y'all do, y'all? Yeah, friend. It's friend, right? Obviously, yeah. Clearly a friend. The other ones are objects.

Objects, duh. And friend. there's a person. I wouldn't, I mean, I think I got through, what did you say it was, Taylor? I said friend. I think I got through. You did not say friend.

Yes, I did. What did she say? I thought she said silver. Did you say silver? I was about to say. All they got to do is rewind, Taylor. Which one did you say don't belong? I said friend.

I didn't believe you. You did say friend? Okay. What's tough? You want to fight? You know, impress him. Press him. He's really upset about that beard.

I am not upset about the beer. I am upset about your, you're projecting. You're projecting. You're projecting. mama sorority hating on me. That's what I'm really upset about. Okay?

Let's get to it. Your mama's sorority hating on me because your mama love giving me her pie. Relax. Wait, what happens? You're going to have the nerve. Yo, the sorority going to talk about, yo, tell Charlemagne get in line. Yeah. We've been eating her mama's pie.

That's exactly. You know what I'm saying? That's what I hate how he says. That's what you say. And her mama's insane. You know what I'm saying? What is that supposed to mean? What is that supposed to mean?

Yeah. Is that the sorority? Yes. But what is that supposed to mean? I don't want no smoke, yo. Leave me alone, yo. But are the women? I'm tired.

No, literally my mom was like, tell Shalamein that my dating sisters are annoyed with him for blasting it. Like, he's been here. Like, for real, for real. Really? But what? Yo, shout out to yo mama. Shout out to Mama Hayes.

Thank you for the pie. Zetas relax. Okay. They're going to be so mad. But no, but why would they tell you mama something like that? Because you don't deserve it. Y'all ain't never struck me as playing haters, yo. Wow.

Unless it's against the A.K.A.s. But other than that, y'all ain't never struck me as haters. Why y'all going to hate on me for? Because the Taylor Mama like to give me that pie. Stop. Why do you say that? Why do you say that? Because I swear to get my dad's going to punch you in your throat.

For what? But what? Stop talking like that. Why are you making it something else? We're talking about. No doubt. I ask my both to say that. No doubt.

Hey, listen, Mama gives me her pie. She loves giving me her pie. Tell me. She loves when I eat her pie. Get in my belly. Come on. Anyway. I hate y'all.

And I love eating it, too. Yo! I love getting her pie so much. Because why? Moist. Yo, I'm some rocied. Sugary. It's sugary.

Very sweet. Very sweet. Very sweet. Very sweet. Yo, look at that. Look at that. Look at that. There's violence behind that look. Does she make them for Christmas? You don't make them for Christmas? You think you're going to get some? No. Wait, what? You see what? I swear. You don't tell her mama, you going to give me some? Tell us that I can't get some. I know, I know. I know.

Mama hey, tell us that I can't get some. I want some. Mama Hayes. I'll take some more for Christmas, Mama Hayes. I swear to guys. If you enjoyed me eating in Mama Hayes, please, feel free. I mean, can you imagine? I'll eat $40 on your, on the counter.

First of all. I said cash. I mean, she's selling pies now? You don't want to tell me that. Yeah. So are you mad because I want to pay her? Hold on. She is a pie business and you're disrupting.

I'm making her, you know what I'm making, I'm making her start one because she be acting like she don't want. So we think $40. On some real shit, I'm not to knock all y'all out. Why? Do you want to eat your mom's pie or not? Why do you don't make no stag? Can you all say with the pie? You can you say with the pie is sweet potato pie?

So I was saying pie like sexually. Well, maybe she wants to go outside of just sweet potato. Maybe she wants to sell that pie. That's right. I'm just saying like. I want some real shit. Stop. And I just want to let you know.

I'm not sharing with y'all. I want the pie of myself. I mean, I was the same way. I want the pie of my stuff. Let me tell you. Taylor, Mama Hayes gave me that pie. And it was on the counter in the breakfast club studio. And it was in a shop right grocery bag.

Oh, no. And, man, Taylor busted that shit open. Taylor busted her mom's pie. What am I even listening to? Yo, Taylor busted her mom's pie open. And I just stared at the pie for a minute. Like, God damn, that's a pretty pie. And, like, all the dudes in the room was like, you, I want to eat some of that pie.

Some of the ladies was like, yo, one of the ladies had her own pie. Simsema. Sim Stima had our own pie. But stick from Taylor's mom, still wanted to eat more Taylor mom's pie. Come on, yo. She won't a second? This sounds like a successful business, y'all.

That's right. This sounds like a successful business. Your mom can make a lot of money selling that pie. Your mama got bottomless pie, Taylor. Taylor's mama got bottomless pie. I was not going to have the same energy when you meet her husband. That's all I'm saying. I'm going to give him that.

I'm going to say, yo, yo, King. He's the first person who had her pie. He locked it down. He's right with me. Why you think he'd be? Married her because she got the sweetest Pye. You're smart as intelligent human.

You are the smartest man. He's a genius. He's the smartest man in Laura Darby. For real. He's a genius. The dad's genius. Because he gets that pot whenever he won.

Whenever he won. All season. We got to wait for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I got to wait for seasonal. I get it when it's seasonal. You're dirt. You sit all year round. Why are you sitting like that?

I don't fucking know, man. 9 o'clock in May. Why are we here? Come on. He's been working since 5 in the morning. It's fun. Listen, Ashanti and Nelly are expecting congratulations. I allegedly, you didn't know that? No.

What do you think about this video? Because I feel like they didn't necessarily come out and say it. What do you mean? Watch. Baby on the way mad bills to pay. Who's that Shanti, man? Shanti's so fly. How can you?

Ashanti so dope Shanti got good energy too man she got a good shit If you really pay attention to Ashanti Ashanti stays out the way Ashanti don't bother nobody Ashanti is only in drama when people bring her into drama

The most drama Ashanti has ever had in her whole career is anytime Irf Gotti doesn't energy You know what I'm saying Other than that Ashanti don't bother nobody She stays out the way

She minds her motherfucking business man I respect it so much man Salute to Ashanti I hope if it's true what they're saying and she's pregnant from Nellie, I hope she has a healthy pregnancy and I hope she has a healthy delivery,

man. Ruthie, you Ashante. What was that video you just showed us in Yad Taylor? What she said? And get that ring. Because I'm talking about this earlier. What if you don't want to get married?

He's projected. Stop projecting. Yeah, I understand that. Are you projecting? Stop projecting. You don't know what a chance you want. I mean, it might be a projection, whatever.

But I'm just saying traditionally I will want to be married and then have a baby. Nikki Haley wants to get rid of TikTok. How do y'all feel about this? Let's hear what Nikki had to say about this. See how many followers she got? We really do need to ban TikTok once and for all. And let me tell you why.

For every 30 minutes that someone watches TikTok, every day, they become 17% more anti-Semitic, more pro-Hamas based on doing that. I don't have TikTok. I don't have TikTok. What do you think? think about that statement, Shultzzi. She looked like she banned her lips.

Oh. What? Did she do that? Did she banning her lips? I see her lips. Nah, stop playing, yo. No, she got lips. Come on, y'all.

She got, she got lips. I mean, they're not Kylie Jenner. She don't have the front. The top lip. She don't have the top lip. I mean, that's 50%. 50% of what? Of the lips.

You don't follow Nikki Haley on Twitter? I just don't understand how she came up with that stat. Like, who's the statician that came up with that shit? Like, if you stay on TikTok for 30 minutes, you become 17% more anti-Semitic? That does it make any sense? It makes zero sense whatsoever. And does it keep increasing like that? Yeah.

If you stay for 60, does it go up to 34? You know what I mean? Get your calculate out until I can't go fast 34. 17 times 2 is all I got. I wanted to keep going My point is if you're on there for two hours It's over If you're on there for two hours

Bro, you're full blown notches Whoa crazy Whoa Crazy Crazy You're all bad at man Yeah, I know It's a little over to it

It's a 17 No, it's not even that It's a 17% increase every single time But don't matter We're brilliant it's we don't care about it My point is Nikki Haley's trying to ban TikTok How do you feel about that bro

You're not on TikTok I don't give a fuck about TikTok. You don't know what's going on? That's not the first person I've heard say ban TikTok if they say TikTok is Chinese spyware. I mean, it's, it is. All of these shit is somebody's spyware. Like Facebook and Instagram is our spyware.

It's more about like influencing culture. I think that's what it is. Like we influence culture around the world with our social media. Do we? Of course. I don't know, man. That's a fact. But in China, they don't even let their kids see this shit.

Their algorithm is totally different China. I know. Like they let them see like stuff that's educational and things they can learn from. I made this up on this podcast to you. And then it went viral. And that's why all these people are like, we got to cancel TikTok. You don't remember it's doing this in the old studio? What the fuck out of his?

Yeah. That's the reason? Yeah. That place where you heard it from? You heard it? Yeah. Remember when you were just like, I heard that from me? Really?

Yeah. But I also made that up. But Trump said that shit too. Everybody took it and ran with him. But then if. It turned out to be right, but I was just a hunch. So you Taylor Swift's TikTok? I think so.

What does that mean? You did the same shit with Taylor. Andrew was ahead of the curve on the conversation. What did Taylor do? You created the Taylor Swift Beyonce versus. That was not happening. People were just having a conversation about both of them being on tour, breaking records. You came in here one day and you created the Taylor Swift versus Beyonce.

Now, every single time they mentioned Taylor anywhere. They say something about Beyonce not being, being, doing the things she's doing, basically. Beyonce's out movie comes out this weekend, last weekend. And they're going to compare the numbers? No, it came out last weekend. Oh. She did $21 million, number one movie in the country. Great feat in this era.

But Taylor did $92 million. Now, I was watching Fox and something. And the guy was just like, he was talking about telling how Taylor did $92 million. No, he was talking about Beyonce and how Beyonce did $21 million. And he goes, but. Taylor Swift did 92. Just randomly. I'm like, holy shit.

You could talk about them independently. That's what I'm saying. Why do you have to compare them? You's your fault. You called this, yo. You don't want to know something fucked up? I literally put Taylor Swift in the Beyonce conversation single-handedly. Like, nobody was doing that before I did.

We're at the same restaurant the other night, eating. She don't send over a bottle of wine, come over, say thank you. What restaurant was yelling? It's called Paris. People knew she was in. Yeah. It wasn't Mad Paps and everybody outside? No, actually, which is quite interesting. Really? Really?

Who was she wig? Travis Keltz? No. I was looking for Travis now. Interesting. But you could come over and say hello for this, like, you know, massive career boost I've given her. She might have thought you was a scooter. She might have thought a double scooter. Yo, free scooter, Taylor.

Stop bully a scooter, yo. I'll have a real conversation with you about that. Yo, uh, Taylor, I had another thought about Taylor to slip. my mind just that fucking fast. Does she look like Mark Gagnon? He definitely looks like Mar Gagganon. Well, Mark looks like her. And by the way, that is not a distant tailor because Mark Gaginon is a beautiful. He's a beautiful. He's a pretty dude. I can't even call him a dude.

I don't know. He's a pretty human. He's a pretty human, yo. Who can confirm Mark is actually a guy, yo? He got a girl. You got a wife? What that mean? He might be a lesbian. Oh, my God. Mark too beautiful, man. There's no way Mark is full blonde. His beard. His beard do look. a little lesbian that grows it out.

Really? It does look a little. Oh my God. Mark is beautiful, yo. I'm gonna be honest. You can't tell me that's not Mark. I'm gonna be honest. Mark might be Taylor Swift.

Mark might be pretty and into it. I can't go there. I can't go there, bro. Taylor's a cool. You can't look at your friend like that. I can't go there, bro. I don't know, man. It's two different levels of.

pretty. It's two different. Mark is beautiful. No, he's beautiful, bro. Look at this man, yo. Come on, man. You know, what's that mean? What's that mean? What's that's, what face card? Don't decline? Yeah. Mark's face card, don't decline. Don't decline. Straight up. Mark is, Mark has got the black car to faces. I'll give him this. He got a black card of face. He got a better body, though. Mark? Yeah, he's built more right. Really? Oh, he got a thang on him, Do you remember his cakes? Oh, yeah, Mark, too. Oh, you're right.

Mark went like Jesus, man. He got that Jesus. He might have that Jesus, yo. But the thing on him, I think he has that Taylor doesn't have. Yeah, no, he's stacked, he's stacked. He's stacked. He's stacked. He's stacked.

He got, easy. With what? As. Everybody got Taylor. I mean, Taylor. Ass. Not Taylor Swift. Our Taylor.

Everybody. Wagon. Tail in. You know how to make a move, though? No. How you know? You ain't never seen Mark Twerk for him. Don't insult that, man.

Don't have somebody else embarrass you in here. That's right. You were racing. Mark would beat you in the twerk off. Cut it out. Don't ask for the smoke. I call Mark over right now. Playing with Mark.

I call Mark the stallion over here, man. Yeah, let me see him Mark Stahlia. Call Mark over here. Let him walk in the room and wake me to fuck up. Let me see him Mark. You know what I'm saying? You call him Mark the Stalian, bro. You know what I'm saying?

Mark is the fucking stallion. Tell Mark come in here and wake me to fuck up. Come on, Mark gagging on. God even gave him a great last name. Whatever you are, Mark, Mark, motherfuckers be gagging on. Whether it's a dick, a vagina, whatever it is, Mark.

Shout out to Mark. Come on, let's pay some bills, man. Teller, what we got? What's facing bills? You want to do that one? I got too. What's one is it? Skylight frames.

Oh, I love that. God damn, tell you got all these fucking hats. Let me stop complaining. God is good. God is good. God is good. All the time. I know that.

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with Code Idiots. subject to change terms apply sign up for more become a dash pass member today let's get back to the show church announcements showtsey church announcements yo um yo congratulations you stole out the fucking farm in l a you know what i'm saying motherfucking big showtie not the fucking little one stop playing with them we do it all right out here and uh we just announced a life tour uh the american life tour just went up on sale i don't know when this is coming out so what are you on what you've been on what is the garden in the form out of I had to announce the garden the forum first, and now we had to announce, you know, we, I think, announced like 15 more shows. So make sure you go check that out.

If there are tickets left, you get them at theadrysholtz.com. Yeah, we got Miami, Austin, Charlotte, Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Nashville, Phoenix, San Francisco. I'm probably forgetting some, but make sure you go to the edge of the show. Show's dot com get those tickets while you still can't how do we break fucking record Joe how do we break records I remember telling you on this podcast some years ago that one day you were going to be the biggest stand-up touring comedian in the world I was saying I was looking at the guy Russell Peter Peter he's a legend and I was like yo you're going to be doing that how do we get that how is it that we look a year from now and it says Andrew Shultz number one touring comedian

of 2024 how do we make that happen I think we just keep on delivering great shows. Got you. This is the hour I'm most proud of creating in my entire life. Really? Yeah. So I'm very excited about this one, you know, because I've never been personal in my life, in my comedy,

because I never thought I had anything interesting to share about, like, my personal life. I thought it was more. Interesting. And about a year ago, I started going through something that was definitely worth sharing. So I'm, yeah, and then crafted the hour about that. It's so funny. I remember seeing, I was reading. some review about you and somebody

said something similar to that. They were like, I think it was after the show saves America and they were saying how funny it was and how great it was. They just wish you had got at Lewis, they knew more about you. Yeah, yeah. I remember seeing that. So you're giving it to them. Yeah, I think it just has to be natural. Like it has to be

you know, you have to, at least for me as a comic, like you've got to reflect what you're going through. You know? And like, yeah, it was just... You can't force it. You can't force it. It's got it. And you also have to evolved. Like I think sometimes comics can start doing impressions of themselves without even realizing. And I never want to be that. I always want to be doing something different. I always want to be pushing the art somewhere. You don't want to be a character to yourself. Exactly. So yeah, so I'm fucking hyped on this and the people are excited. I think it's just putting together great shows and

have the shows that people tell their friends about. And, you know, they ideally tell their friends like, you cannot miss this when it comes into your town. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, is just people going, I need to be there. Like they have to see you think you're funny and then want to be there. And it's easy for people to get caught up in what works for them. So to hear you say, nah, man. Oh, yeah, I believe in the opposite. Yeah. You should make yourself nervous.

You should push yourself. You're uncomfortable. You're uncomfortable. That's always been, at least for me, it's like putting out stand-up, you know, originally. You know, then I did that crowd work special. I was like, all right, let me just try this thing. That became a big trend in comedy. Then going to Europe and doing the shows out there that we filmed and did that,

like putting that special out. Like even doing the show It saves American thing. I had never done that. You know what I mean? Like I just never done like straight to camera, no audience rants. But I think that's how you got to stay fresh. And I also think that's how you respect your audience. Like they got to grow at you.

Absolutely. Like you look at all these people who have had careers. Like they're around for decades. They're constantly evolving and changing. I mean, look at even guys like in music, JZ. You look at Drake. You look at the guys who like are making different types of music and reflecting their life. Because your audience wants to grow with you.

If you keep trying to satisfy the audience at the age they were when you started, it's weird. You're the one, what they call that shit, stuck in, um, past. No, not stuck in the past, but it's something they call it something. Melasses? Frozen. Huh? Stuck in molasses or something like that? Melasses.

What? Yo, you know it's so crazy. Somebody, I'm so traumatized by this shit. Listen, today we have a daily show. Camer goes, yo, Shawman, why you ain't helped Maddie? you couldn't even. I'm like, you almost fucking got me. You almost fucking got me.

Until my dumb ass realized the cameraman Maddie fell yesterday during the show. I'm like, bro, my bad man. I was like, Maddie. I was like, what, Maddie's nuts, uh? And I'm saying it to him like, what, Maddie's nuts?

He probably thought I was an asshole. And I went to the desk and I thought about it. I was like, yo, you wasn't trying to get me. Baddy fell yesterday. But no, to your point, I don't even know what you fuck you was talking about. I'm a goddamn tired. No, we were talking about you doing it. No, you were talking about the gift rapid.

No, I wasn't. We were not talking about gift wrapping. When he starts to realize what he is, it takes him a second, and he goes. Listen, I want everybody to go listen to broke down profits on Audible. It is the latest release from me and Kevin Hart's company, SBA's Productions. It's written by S.A. Cosby. You know S.A. Cosby, phenomenal author. Stars Brian Tyree Henry, Donnell Rylans, Dasha Polanco, Jonathan Majes.

Go listen to it right now on Audible. Make sure you also go listen to Unleash for Love from my good sister, Alicia Renee. That is out on Audible right now. And go listen to Summer 85. That's out on Audible and Find It, Tameka. All of that is out on Audible. Go listen to All SBAH Produce. work on Audible, man.

Thank you. What else we got, Taylor, gang? Oh, and go get my man Doug Melville's book Invisible Generals. That's the latest release for my book in print, Black Privilely Publishing with Simon & Shoes. What else we got, Taylor, gang? You got to turn the heat off. It's hot as a motherfucker.

I thought it was just Taylor. What else we got, yo? Oh, thanks, I'm hot. Okay. Colorado. Whoa. Let's go scroll up a little bit. Scroll up, Taylor.

You know what? Colorado. Oh, yeah. But first of all, I want to salute to Usher, because Usher broke down in tears. He wraps his Vegas residency. Phenomenal. If you didn't get to see Usher's Vegas residency, you missed out. Next time you're going to see him, but that's the Super Bowl.

Usher, I really need you to bring the Scrippapole to the Super Bowl. That script, a poll that you bring out on stage in Vegas at your residency, please. I'm begging you. I'm begging you. Bring it to the Super Bowl stage, please. What a year for him. Yeah. Damn, bro.

I'm never going to forget it. Ain't nobody drinking you. Mortar more angry than him. I'm never going to forget. Right? Like it's a punishment. What the fuck was that about? I'm never...

Why are you taking it out on the water, bro? Just have a sip. What the fuck? The bottle got to get squished every single time. Like, bro. I stay ready, so I have to get ready, bro. Seems like you. You know what I'm saying?

You never know. You never fucking know. Yo. Y'all fast I made that shit bust? It's over. It's over. I ain't even put in my mouth and that shit busted.

Okay? Y'all ain't even preparing for that penis apocalypse. Okay? You gotta know how to make it busts before it goes. Y'all ain't, y'all don't be on the, y'all don't be on the website. Y'all don't know about these zombies

that's out here trying to make you suck their dick. You ain't heard about that? What? You ain't heard about that? You ain't heard about that. There's this shit going around that they said in the future, like the,

in the zombie apocalypse that the zombies are just going to try to make people stuck their cocks. All right? And the only way to make them stop is to make them bust. Okay? I made it bust without even putting it in my mouth. How'd you do it? You just saw it. Rewined the tape.

No, let's talk about Colorado. You want to talk about Colorado? I'm down to talk about Colorado. Yeah, yeah. Let's talk about Colorado. Let's do that. Let's talk about Colorado. Whatever we were talking about before.

I want to forget we able to put that up. Colorado the band. How you even made that up? What? Where did your brain go? Like, we were just making fun of how violent you drink water and you and you were in me. Oh, there's some fucking dick-sucking zombies that are going to come around and go make you suck this. No, I didn't say that.

I said the zombies want you to suck. Don't he makes it up like a four-year-old that just learn words? Like he's like, and then the zombies will come and they're going to make you suck their dick. And then if you don't do that, you're going to get stabbed and we have to drive a range over. And then I want pancakes. What is going on? You only got room for the pancakes in your mouth that you don't suck the coke.

You're going to lose your appetite. Okay? That is a problem, bro. That is a problem. You're not thinking. What happened at the Daily Show? Yo, what they do to him? No one is.

What they do to him at the Daily Show? He's too relaxed. He got some little facial afterwards. Shout out to Brenda. I love Brenda. I love Brenda. Brenda is the ultimate makeup artist, man. What's in the product? He's in the Illuminati now.

He might be in the Illuminati. I'm playing with me. Yeah, man. Yeah, we are playing. I'm playing the Illuminati. Man, what are talking about? What'd you have to do to get in the Illuminati? Come on, son.

Come on, son. Come on, son. You've got Alex. Shal out here bushing on me like, come on, Charlotte. That's the initiation. You want it or you don't want it? Wipe it off, you don't want it. Wait, excuse you.

Son. Yo, what's going on, Taylor? I don't know like I'm the only straight person here. Me? I'm straight. I'm straight, too. What happened to the Colorado topic? Yeah, let's talk about Colorado.

Because Taylor really wants to talk about this for some reason. All right, Taylor. Set it up. Set it up. Set it up. Tell it. What is it? Tell her.

Tell her. No. I don't want to do. That's your first topic that you put. That's the first topic that you put. You was like, talk about Colorado. Talk about Colorado. Talk about Colorado.

How do you do that? What's the headline? Give it to us. What is it? Colorado to Ben, fats will be a discrimination. Damn. Faith isn't smart. Something smart.

Mm-hmm. Colorado is set to pass a law, banning discrimination against people who are overweight The so-called fat-phobia law would require employers to offer workplace accommodations for overweight workers. It would also ban landlords from turning away renters due to their weight. A similar law was adopted in New York earlier this month. Really? Clearly not. Colorado expects the bill to pass sometime next year.

I don't understand this. Like, first of all, how would you know somebody's fatphobic? Like, how would you know that a landlord turns you? you away just because of your weight. I don't like shit like that, yo, because then that means that people who are overweight, who may not necessarily have the credentials to get an apartment or whatever can blame it on their weight. That is an advance to be in fact.

You could just blame everything bad that happens to you on people. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Damn, the Marbles is now, and what is the Marbles? The Marbles is Carol Danvers, Monica Rambo. But it's a woman Marvel movie? And Kamala Khan. Yes, I haven't seen it yet.

But what's the point of it? Well, the point of it is it's the sequel to... No, it's the sequel to Captain Marvel. Oh, yay. You would have to be watching the Disney Plus shows to understand why Monica Ramble and Kamala Khan fit into it. The Marbles is now the lowest grossing film in the history of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

After a month in theaters, the film reached its plateau after making $80 million in North America and 197 million globally. The poor showing won't stop the film from running at theaters completely. According to reports, the film will running theaters through millions.

I haven't seen it yet. And that's a bad sign. Because y'all know I'm a Marvel guy. But why would you go see it? I've been following all this. I know. What is the idea? Is it like the view?

Like, what do they do? They complain about... Monica Ramble is Captain Marvel's best friend's daughter. Like, it all makes sense. Kamala Khan is a superfan of Captain Marvel and something happens where all of their powers are intertwined

and they all end up like, God damn it's almost like the appearance is all this thing. Holy shit. Think how sexist this is. That's what I'm saying. I can't have their own superpowers. You put that together. The ability to bring up old shit for no reason.

They do, I mean, they all do have their powers but their powers are intertwined for some reason. But what are some other powers that they have? I know somebody already had to make that joke about just like women's periods of being There's probably that. But what other powers do they have, Charlemagne? I don't think I'm not people sorry to make that joke.

What? I'm not enough people saw it to make that joke. Yo, you might be right. That fucked up, though, man. Marble's in trouble, yo. Marble's in trouble. I'm telling you, the only thing that fucked up Marvel was Disney Plus. And the reason Marble fucked up Disney Plus is because people aren't invested in the TV show. If you're watching the TV,

I can't watch the TV shows that then motherfucking movie comes out basically. movie comes out based on it. Yo, Lokey, you know. I remember a time where somebody said, yo, Disney Plus is fucking genius and it's going to take over and it's going to be the best thing.

Disney Plus is killing. No, you said that. It's still killing. You just said what killed this movie is Disney Plus. It killed Marvel. It killed Marvel. Oh, yeah, yeah. But look, I think part of this

and I think we got to acknowledge is that Marvel did the perfect, what is it called? What is it called when you drop an album? Rollout. They did the perfect rollout. For films. Like, they should study this in history.

It will never be done to this level again. The sophistication, the success rate, the storytelling, intertwining everything, different 10 years. In my opinion, don't continue it. Put it on ice for 10 years and then start it up again with all new actors like they do Batman, like they do Spider-Man, like they do anything. All the stories that we care about are done. We saw the ends. We don't need to see the fucking Marvels figure their dumb shit out.

Shokes. This is how I know me and your pals are intertwined because I was sitting at home and I write shit like this out sometime just to do it. But if I was working at Marvel, I would have did the same thing. In-game, Avengers,

that whole saga is gone. It's gone for now. So, what do you do? The snap happened all throughout the universe, all the different multiverses. I'm going to, they're on Earth's 6th. 16 now, I'm going to the other earth. I'm going to the other earth that they went to in Dr. Strange,

and that's how I introduced the mutants and the Fantastic Four and all that shit like that. Now, I might have done, and by the way, you could go there and introduce Life After the Snap. Don't worry about how we see Life After the Snap on Earth 616. Let's go to this other planet, right, and see how the Snap respected that Earth. On that other Earth that's in Dr. Strange, you got the Fantastic Four. and you got the X-Men. So you go over there, focus on the X-Men for the next five years.

Because you know it's not going to be 10 because shit moves faster now. Lo-key, we haven't an X-Men movie for a while. Start that at the beginning. That's what I'm saying. I'm completely agree with you. Go right to the Mutant Saga. Leave what you did.

You did the perfect thing in filmmaking. I don't even think it was, I think it was longer than 10 years. That was a decade. From the first Iron Man? I think the first Iron Man was, look it up somebody. No.

Producers. That might be 20 years. First Iron Man was like two, let me see it's 2020. First Iron Man probably was like 20. 2008. Damn. 2008. That's a 15 year run.

Why rush it? Son, why did they rush to introduce all these new characters and show us life after the snap? They were chasing a bag. You chase the bag. You had nothing. What they should have done is put it on ice. Like you said, we haven't had a good X-Men run in a minute.

Start the X-Men over. Do the mutant saga. I like it. Fantastic Four shit never hit once in anybody's life. If you want to try it, try it. I doubt it hits. Build out the X-Men ship for the next 10 years. And then you start with Iron Man again.

Or start with a different story. You know how I would have started the next saga? I would have went to the X-Men, but in this iteration of Marvel, Deadpool would have been my Iron Man. You know how Iron Man set it off for the Marvel universe that we see now? Deadpool 3 would have set it off for the next phase of the Mutant saga, which I'm, which I think they're going to try to do now.

Can you start the Mutant saga with Deadpool? Where's the timing? I think you could because. I want to see early Wolverine again. I want to see early, like I guess we got Wolverine. But that's what they're doing in Deadpool 3. Deadpool 3 is huge jacking in the yellow Wolverine.

That's what I'm saying. So they could have started with Deadpool 3, the whole multiverse, all of that shit like that. But just go, just, and Deadpool could have been time travel. They already introduced time travel. Don't even talk about multiverse. Like, I'm over this multiverse shit. It sucks.

There's too many, like, loophole if you die. But that's the only way to, that's the only way to introduce the X-Men and Fantastic Four, and it makes sense. Like, Marvel started doing a lot of goofy shit when they did, like, the secret war. You don't know what the role was doing in-game. Like, they fucken up the whole shit. You need casuals in order to make billions of dollars on movies. The beautiful thing about all these Marvel films is that you could be a complete casual,

go to the movie theater, watch it, and you're like, that was an enjoyable experience. I don't need to know anything else about the storyline. With these marbles, I got to watch a fucking show about these female superheroes. Maybe I watch it. Maybe I don't. It's too much.

You have to be too invested. You had the Disney Plus, and because of that, they needed stuff to put on it. Of course. They rushed it, man. Of course. Oh, by the way, they rushed. And they didn't have license for X-Men yet.

They didn't have, like, Sony still owned. But that's what I'm saying? wide rush. Like, yo, marble is box office. It's big budget. So, start at the beginning with X-Men, we will be right back in. I'm with you. But you would have to do it as another Earth

because what would have ended up happening was you go do it in another Earth. The mutants are on this planet. You didn't exist. In Earth 616, they existed on this planet. But the Avengers don't exist on this planet. By the time you get to the incursions and all that shit, these two planets collide. That's how they end up

all together, five, seven years from now and they do secret war. That's what they should have did, but I don't think they took a beat. There's no way they took a beat. Yo, I'll be honest. If I'm restarting X-Men, I make no acknowledgement that it's on a different world.

I don't even mention the fact that Marvel or whatever it was called, what do you call them? Or 616? Yeah, but what are the... Multipers? No, no. What are they called? Avengers.

Avengers. I make no mention of the Avengers at all. It's just X-Men the Mewans. And then when the storyline gets to the point where it needs to convert, verge, then you bring up this multiverse story, all this other shit. For a person who's just diving in, it's too confusing. And when there are all these fucking worlds and shit, I don't want to deal with that. Don't educate me on all these things.

You're right. I watch that new Spiderverse movie or whatever. Fantastic. It's 30 minutes in. It's too many different colors and shit. They're going to a different world. This person, it's too much. You got to watch that shit high, bro.

Maybe that's it. You watch that shit high. Mushrooms are we? I only did it with weed Mushroom would be crazy Especially if you got like Surround sound in your house If you could feel it in your body

I wish I would have went That would have gone I did That's great But the first 30 minutes I couldn't get through And then I apparently after that You really start getting

Into the serious story Yeah All I'm saying is yeah Not with this story line shit I can't even like What I really Think what I really enjoyed From Marvel

Is go around I enjoyed Loki I enjoyed both Loki I enjoyed both Loki Fantastic I enjoy Couldn't get into it. I enjoyed the what is.

I like Shehawk. I like Shehawk. I like Shehawk. You ain't fuck with Shehawk? When they had Megastanaly twerking in the episode, I'm like, the thing with Sheehog that makes it crazy.

I don't know why we need Sheehawk right now. It's almost like Marble was trying to correct shit that they could have just took their time to correct because they got so much flack for the first 10 years from not having no women characters. So they introduced all these women characters. Every correction is an over-correction. And now you're not creating

from a place of authenticity, you're created for a place of reactivity. That's real. And when you're created for a place of reactivity, you're dead. Dead out here. Let's pay some bills, man. Every erection is an erection.

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All you got to pay $5 ship, and when you go to bluechoo.com and use the promo code, idiots. What else we got, Charlotte? Rocket Money. Thank you, Rocket Money, man. Do you ever feel like money is this flying out of your account, and you have no idea where it's going. Well, I know it's all those subscriptions.

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Stop wasting money on things you don't use. cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash idiots. That's rocketmoney.com slash idiots. Rocketmoney.com slash idiots. Let's get back to the show. Let's do one more topic. Let's get into some asking idiots because motherfuckers is tired in the streets.

Okay? It's way past my bedtime. It's 9.30 and I keep smelling fucking Asian food. Is there an Asian restaurant around here or something? I would love that. It's not? No. Where the fuck does that smell coming from?

What does that say? Ricky Smiley does what? Ricky Smiley sland. grown men who call roadside assistance for flat tires. Recently, Ricky Smiley revealed how he feels about men using roadside assistance instead of changing their own tires. Smiley said grown men calling roadside assistance for a flat tire is sassy as fuck. Well, I am sassy Santan.

Because if I get a motherfucking flat tire, I'm calling roadside assistance, especially depending on that. Because, you know, you'd be on the side of the motherfucking highway and you get out and try to change the flat tire. I didn't thought way too many times I heard way too many stories and motherfuckers getting blindsided you know what I'm saying

getting hit by cars especially depending on what time of day it is so I am Sassy Santana Ricky Smiley okay one person said 20 minutes after Taya changes hands cleans and back on the road

these are things the man of my era learned as well as basic electrical work well I mean a lot of those guys that actually changed tires too they don't know about roadside of system they probably don't even had that shit on these motherfucking phone.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. They probably, yeah, they probably got a suspended license and driving illegally.

Shut up. Taylor Swift. Time reveals 23 persons of the years. Taylor Swift, if you think about that show, I mean, she is.

Oh, that's what we were talking about today on, on flagrant, on the Patreon, about like, who is America's hearing right now?

Who is America's leader? it depends there's been different eras with different people Barack was an era it doesn't have to be like we have no leader in politics I think we're

I have no leader politics right now like there's been time for different people were the person okay there's been like it or not

Trump there's been like it or not Obama there's been like or not Tom Brady like when Tom Brady won that championship with the buccaneers

it was like this moment where you go holy shit is leader the right word? All of leaders are the right word. Leaders are the right word for the Trump and Obama. Let me use leader. Like a hero, inspiration, person that we go to. Taylor, I think, is it right now.

100% Taylor. And I can easily explain why. Okay, go. Because this whole elevation of Taylor Swift that we've seen over the last couple of years, it came because she had a struggle. You know, she started the whole campaign about Scooter Braun, finester out of her. Cap, you know, Masters or whatever it is. She's the go, but cap. But it gave her a big, bad villain.

Her dad made a lot of money on that deal. $15 million. So it gave her... I don't think that, I don't think there's enough on that. $15 million. Dad made a lot of money on that deal. It gave her, it gave her a villain. And so not only a villain,

it was a struggle story because it was like, I can't get my master's back, but I'm going to go in this studio, and I'm going to re-record all of these albums, which everybody knows is the tough ass to do. And so she sold it to her fans. Her fans loved it and she

put re-released those albums. She's doing one million copies in a fucking week. The last was 189 to redo, did 1.5. Unbelievable. So she's America's hero and she's being rewarded for it. She went out on a triumphant tour. You know? Unbelievable. You know, to go

out there and remind people of how dope she is, but also kind of a thank you to my fingers. You know, I'm going to charge you millions of dollars. I'm going to charge you big go-cool money to say thank you. You know? So she's the hero. And it's also interesting because the reality is Donald Trump is the time person.

I think of it. Talk to me. Why? Four indictments. 91 criminal charges. Two impeachments still projected to be the next president of the United States of America. There's 18 holes in there. Ain't even campaigning on no policy.

Ain't talked about no new legislation yet. Just, shrieking. Doesn't even debate. Doesn't even debate. Isn't even showing up for the fucking debates. Yeah. How old he's not the time personally. No, he's time personally.

Come off, man. Yeah, but it's not for good shit, though. It don't have to be good. America's been rewarding bad behavior. Why stop now? Why stop now? George Santos charging $500 a fucking cameo. To talk about the things that he got fired for.

To make jokes about the things he got fired for. Come on. man. Trump is people are saying Trump's going to be a dictator. He gets asked about it by Sean Hannity. He said on the first day, this ain't even the funniest part of the clip. Play this clip tale.

I want to go back to this one issue though because the media has been focused on this and attacking you under no circumstances. You are promising America tonight. You would never abuse power as retribution against anybody. Except for day one.

He's going crazy. Except for day one, meaning I want to close the border and I want... Rewan is just a little bit. I love this. Listen it. Wait, where... This is phenomenal. I want to close the border and I want...

Except for one. He's going to crazy. Except for day one. Go back, go back. Go back. Go back. Go back. You would never abuse power as retribution against anybody. Except for day one. Except for one.

He's going to crazy. Except for day one. Meaning? I want to close the border and I want to drill that's not a drill that's not that's not retribution

I got I'm going to be I'm going to be you know he keeps we love this guy he says you're not going to be a dictator are you I said no no no

other than day one we're closing the border and we're drilling drilling drilling after that I'm not a dick that sounds to be locked he didn't understand the question exact retribution

he it's funny what Hannity was setting him up for was basically saying, hey, you're going to be a peaceful president, right? You're not going to go locking people up because they gave you a hard time. And well, no, he answered a different question. He was like, he thought he was being asked, you're not going to be a dictator if you went. And he's like, I am.

I'm closing the border and we're going to start to drill. These are the rules that I'm going to dictate. They just messed up, but it's so funny that he said. Trump know exactly what the fuck he's talking about. Yeah, he's like, I'm going out of my talking points. It doesn't matter what the fuck you ask. And by way, it's still going back to democracy after the dictatorship. Why would you go back to democracy after you've had a taste of dictatorship?

If you were a dictator, like, why would you go back to democracy? You know, so funny? I didn't realize he was talking to Sean. I thought he was talking to himself. That was when I was like, this motherfucker cold. Because he goes, he goes, dictator day one. Then he goes, he's going crazy. I thought he was talking about enough.

I was like, this motherfucker is the ill. He said, he's going crazy. I didn't realize he was talking to Sean. He was pointing at Sean and said, look, he's about to go crazy because of my answer. You know what I mean? I thought he was talking about himself. He's going crazy. Day one, only on day one.

He's going crazy. Wait back. Listen to it. No, that's fine. Go back. You're sure he wasn't talking. You wasn't talking to himself, yo? No, he's talking to Shaw.

Listen, Sean set him over to softball. You would never abuse power as retribution against anybody. Except for day one. Except for day one. He's going crazy. Except the day one. Meaning, I want to close the border. And I want to.

You know what I'm saying? The crazy part is not the day one. this on Daily Show, the fact that that's even a question in 2023. That's not a normal question to ever ask a presidential candidate. Regardless of what his answer was, are you going to be a dictator?

And nobody gives a fucking. That's crazy. Why wouldn't I try it? If I was Trump, why wouldn't I try a little dictation? There's nobody gives me shit. Nobody cares. Somebody's well. I know Trump got to go home at night sometimes and be like, man,

I should just dick. I'm really getting away with this Like, all this shit I got away went now. So he's sitting back like, so you mean to tell me I could really be Kim Jong-un? No, he's not sure. I don't see why he wouldn't. We're going to see. This is a man who loved power, bro.

We're going to see. I don't see why he wouldn't. John Stewart, step it up. That's right. And Kim Jong-un, man, you're kind of going out a little soft. What kind of dictate are you? You see Kim Jong-un crying because he want more women in his country to have babies? We'll go get after it.

You're a dictator, bro. Go get after it. Man abortion like America does. You know what I mean? America don't cry over telling women what to do with their bodies. They just do it. Yeah. Yo, salute to big unc, man.

Steve Harvey, elevate you. Okay? Got to tell you about something that's been keeping me feeling fresh, healthy, and energized lately. I actually should have drank some before I came in here today. It's called Elevate You Vitality Daily Greens, co-founded by the good brother, Steve Harvey. and formulated by Harvard scientists. This game-changing formula boost your body's mitochondrial production,

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Go to Elevatue.com. E-E-E-E-Y-O-U.com and use promo code idiots with 15% off your entire purchase. What else we got, Taylor? Let's do an ask an idiot. No, Taylor. We don't want to talk about inter-rational relations. She loves, loves, loves. When we go, let's do Askin an Idiot to tell us about how that white boy broke her heart.

She rekind. The only thing a white boy did to me, my pussy. She rekindled with a white boyfriend at a Hampton homecoming. Don't ever disrespect. Do not disrespect. Do not disrespect. He didn't broke her fucking heartbreakers. That's what we do.

Do not disrespect. We're heartbreakers. Let's go. Taylor asking idiots. We're heartbreakers. It's not a white man. Come on, big punt. You know what I call you big punt?

Why? Because we keep asking to do asking idiots. You keep punting the ball or something else. That's a good point. Good try. Good thing. He's drunk again. Still drinking again.

Taylor, I'm about to start drinking. If you don't break up your business. I got to do you sugar. You're drinking. come on come on Taylor, after an idiot. Come on Taylor, gang. Let's go. What's wrong? Mike X-O-702 says

Is there any truth to the saying, fake it till you make it? Yeah. I often wonder about this thing because I don't think you have to fake it to make it. I think if it's destined for you to make it,

you're going to make it. Probably wasted a whole lot of time faking it and probably didn't even truly make it. until you started being a true authentic version of yourself. You know what I'm saying? I don't know if fake until you make it. I don't know if there's really any truth to that. Because I can't fuck with people.

I can't fuck with fake people. I can't do it. Oh, but I didn't look at it like that. I looked at fake Zemakers more like you don't believe you're qualified for the thing, but you go try to do it anyway. And through attempting to try to do it, you realize you are called. I never looked at it like that. That's how I looked at fakes d'emakers.

Like if you out of here like fake flage, flexing or fake that, no, but if you have some imposter syndrome going into this job that you just got, I think that's normal. I think most people have that little bit of insecurity. Will I be able to, you know, rise to this challenge? And I think that's a human thing. So you should go and try to rise. Yeah, one of my mentor, one of my mentor, Dr. Robert Evan is a man, a food professor. He said to me way, just back in this like 2001. And I was doing radio at High 989 in Charleston, South Carolina. and they hired they fired my guy

Big G, slew to my dude, Big G, and they hired a guy named Corey Hill to be the program director to go to Cory Hill. Corey Hill was a radio personality

on another station. And I remember being like, why is Corey the program director? In my mind, I'm thinking that, I'm saying that to my people. And I remember, I remember Cliff Fletcher,

God blessed the day. Cliff was the owner of the station. Cliff asked me, I remember I never thought about being a program director. I was like, I don't know about being a program director. You know, I like being a personality. And I remember telling professor that after Corey Hill, who was a radio personality, who had never been a program director, had got the gig.

I remember telling me that professor that looked at me, he said, if I ever hear him do some shit like that again, I'll smack the shit out. See, you know, I would tell a motherfucker you. You don't know how to do something. You take that motherfucker's job and we figure it out. So that's kind of like, I guess. 100%. You know, figure it until you make it, I guess.

How much you get paid when you were a radio DJ, or radio, what were you called? I was a radio personality in Charleston, yeah. At that time, that was 2000, 2000, 2001. I was getting paid $19,000 a year. And you couldn't tell me that wasn't this year. And would you also have to do a bunch of things outside the job in order to make money.

Same shit that radio personality is now. So hosting party. Hosting party. Solve it and shit. Hell. Would you make more money on that stuff than you would working as the radio personnel? I never tallied it up, but it probably was about the same.

So you used the fame and influence to create other revenues? Yeah. But back then, the money we used to get the charge, the money we used to charge with parties back then was like $150. No way. Yeah. So at the time, the charge of South Carolina,

hosting parties, I was getting $150, 2000, 2001. I still living with my mom, $19,000 a year, getting like $150,000 to host parties. Did you have any endorsement? Yeah, but I mean, even then it wasn't crazy money. Like, endorsements back then was like $50. Like $25, $50 and shit like that. Times have definitely changed, people.

Definitely changed. But isn't that interesting? Like, I think maybe for younger people, they don't understand the influence that, like, the radio had. Oh, yeah. But the radio people were celebrities to think that somebody, your local person that you hear every single day was making only 19. $19,000 a year. What was your time slot? I was on 7 p.m. and midnight. Is that a valuable slot? Is that nighttime? It's night time. It's nice time. I mean, it was valuable for me because I'm me.

Right. So I was on there. I had the number, I had the number two show. I think it went from, I think they might have been like number 13 or something. I took it to like number two. Get out of you. Yeah. You know. Couldn't beat the hair of the station Z-93 was the station I left to go there. But, yeah, I mean, that's the game. I tell people all the time, like, in radio, right? Even if you on a show, like, let's say, like, let's say whoever we bring in for the breakfast club, the money's going to be good, you know, but it's not going to be.

What are you going to do with this opportunity? Yes, the money's going to be good, but it's not going to be what it will be or what it can't be. Yeah. You know what I mean? So, but it's so much, come on, man. Imagine the opportunity you're going to. going to get being on

the breakfast club right now, 100 plus markets being the only woman. You know what I'm saying? Nationally syndicated radio show, like, whatever you're doing is going to multiply times 10. And people don't, like, what you just said is true. The power of radio is very, very, very different. Like, very different.

I would love to talk to Ricky Smiley. I would love for Ricky Smiley to talk about how his comedy career was before radio as opposed to being on the radio every morning. D.L. Hughley, how is your comedy career before radio as opposed to being on the radio every day? You know what I'm saying? Like, whatever

you're doing is going to elevate it times 100. And that's why most people still stay on the radio. That's why Steve Harvey's still on the radio. As why Mario Lopez is still on the radio. That's why Ryan Sechrest is still on the radio. Because whatever you're doing outside of radio, you can magnify it times 100. Radio was the greatest amplifier

out there. So, even though I was making $19,000 a year in Charleston, I had that big amp. like, you know, that big stick. That's what we used to call it. So you left another radio station to go there. You left the number one? I left a bigger stick.

To go to a little stick. To go with a more comfortable stick. Why'd you leave? Because the day wouldn't make me full time. It wasn't full time for the station. Oh, then you got offered full time for this one. Yeah, my man, Big G. So big G and Cliff Fletcher, first people that ever give me a full-time job in radio.

And Big G said, yo, I want you to do a morning show at night. So that's when I learned to do segments and sketches and all of that other type of shit, you know, at Hot 989 in Charleston. I'm forever indebted to Big Gee, man. Love you, Big Geo. George Cook, one of the greatest program directors in the motherfucking country. Don't you ever forget it? And what do you think it was that bumped you up in the ratings? Was there like an event that happened, an interview?

Like, how did people start realizing? I was retarded. You're talking about being 2001? So you were just going crazy. In fucking same. pure insanity. Anybody in Charlton, South Carolina, who grew up listening to me on Hot 989

will tell you the same. Retarded. Did you go from nighttime today? What do you mean? Like, did you go to day? Did you go to morning? No, I only did night, 7 to midnight. Wow.

To everybody who worked at Hot 99 at that time. By Martino, my man, D.N. Nice, George Cook, Doug Banks, and D.D. McGuire. was the syndicated morning show and that's it. That's literally all we hear. You get to an audience too. I worked at a night.

I worked on a couch match. Yeah, nights was great because all the kids was home, you know what I'm saying? And my segments were geared towards the kids. I had a segment called 8 o'clock. So I was like, hot 98,9, holl if you hate you.

I just had motherfuckers calling up shitting on people. For a whole hour. No. Yes. Hot 989, howliff you hate me? It's called hate a clock. Everybody would just call and showing each other.

Then at 9 o'clock, I would do something called lyrical warfare, but I would have people call into the radio station live and rap. Live? Live. And I would just shit on them. And I had this drop that I used to go,

you are baboonkee, baboon key, baboon key, whenever you was whacked. How did you have it live? Are they cussing? Yes. Reparted! How many times do I have to tell you? Did the radio station get in trouble?

Did y'all have boxed back then? Yeah, we had the 360 No, we didn't have Boxford, we had the 360. The MPC 360 shit. It was just like, it was, but by the way, funnest time ever. Funnest time ever. Because I got, I got fired.

I got fired from my name. From doing what? That's my first five for doing what? Going live, people cut it. What are you talking about? That's not why. They just told me they needed to move in another direction. But I'm, you know,

what do you think the reason was? I mean, when I think back on it now, it's because I was retarded. But, like, you were the number two show. It doesn't mean anything. I had no leverage. I mean, $19,000 a year. Who was this motherfucker to be on our radio talking shit? I'll be talking shit.

I'll be talking shit about the people downstairs, the sales people downstairs. Oh, my God. For no reason. Like, no reason. I was retarded. I know I was retarded. I'm not going to say that I wasn't retarded. I was retarded.

Straight up. And I can use that word because 2001, that word was still appropriate. I'm talking about myself in 2001. One more. One more. Then we got to go to bed, yo. One more we got to go to bed. Which one?

Either one. Which one? Which one? Go to the other. Scroll up. I like this other one. This guy needs some advice. Go to the guy who needs some advice.

S. Jeb 342. We're going to end with you. He says, should I quit my job because everyone is semi-refer. racist and only make black jokes to me. What do you think, Shokes? Um, I'm the wrong person to ask.

You are probably, too. Do they slap me? I like, I like a good racially charged joke. What's the job? I need a no job. I mean, I like a good racially charged joke.

Like, if he's Santa Claus, no. Like, you're going to get these jokes being black Santa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I think it just depends on the job. Like, is there a reason?

Very true. Very true. What is the job? That is a great motherfucking point because why would they just be making black jokes about you? You work somewhere that either black people don't normally work and these white people are comfortable enough to make black jokes. Yeah. Something's going on here, y'all.

Yeah, something's going on. It might be not be, it might be Latinos. I don't know. Something's happening. You got to give us more. Give us more as Jeb three, four. or two and we can answer you a question because I'm the wrong person now. I literally just said

I like a good racially charged joke. You give me a good racially charged joke regardless of what the race is. So he also says, I also feel like they don't promote me because it's a white guy club. Where the fuck do you work at? Yeah, three, four. Yeah, brother, hit us up next week.

And yeah, tell us. We'll give you some jokes to say. Exactly. We'll give you some. Yeah. Let me give some jokes to do. All right. That's it, guys. I'm tired of shit, bro.

It is 9.40. Bad time. At fucking night. Don't ever say we don't love y'all. Bad time. Okay? I did breakfast club this morning. Daily show today and came in here and gave you how much time, Alex?

About an hour and 40. Come on, what the fuck? An hour 40. I only want to do 75. Don't ever say we don't love you. We love y'all, all right? As always, you listen to the podcast. You think we're smart.

You think we're intelligent. You think we're brilliant. You're absolutely right. But if you listen to this podcast, and you think we're just a couple of idiots. Why the fuck are you fond of you like that? Y'all look so delirious and tired. You're not even that.

Yo, come fight me, bro. Clearly, you don't mind peace in my mouth pie. Clearly, you don't. You're a little. As always, you look to this podcast, you think we're smart, you think we're intelligent, you think we're brilliant,

you're absolutely right. But if you look to this podcast, you think we're just a couple of idiots that don't know shit, you're right, too. It's the brilliant of these podcast. Thank you, too.