The Brilliant Idiots - Crash Comedy Jam

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

This week on Brilliant Idiots, Charlamagne tha God and Andrew Schulz are breaking down the Hantavirus scare (the X-Files called it in '98, just saying), debating whether New York City's rat population has secretly been protecting New Yorkers this whole time, Then they get into the Kevin Hart Netflix Roast, what landed, what crossed a line, and why Charlamagne draws a hard line at joking about violent, tragic deaths. They dig into Tony Hinchcliffe's controversial bits, whether roast rules apply when the people being joked on aren't even in the room, and what it means that Katt Williams showed up. Plus: the Trump third-term conversation nobody in the GOP has the guts to have, that Louisiana election story that should be everywhere, and if you're allergic to peanuts and on death row, do you request the PB&J as a last request? ************************************ Sponsor Brilliant Idiots: ⁠⁠https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/brilliant-idiots⁠⁠ Jess Hilarious - Til Death Do We Parent - ⁠Pre Order⁠ 2Chainz - The Voice in my head is God - ⁠⁠Pre Order⁠⁠ The Black Family Who Built America - Cheryl McKissack Daniel -⁠⁠Order Link⁠⁠ Uncommon Favor - Dawn Staley - ⁠⁠Order Link⁠⁠ Get Honest or Die Lying Why Small Talk Sucks- By Charlamagne Tha God - ⁠⁠Order Link⁠⁠ Check out Andrew Schulz - ⁠⁠www.theandrewschulz.com⁠⁠ Check out all the podcast on Charlamagne's "Black Effect Network" - ⁠⁠https://blackeffect.com⁠⁠ Checks out AlexxMedia ⁠AM Mornings⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hunter, Hunter, Hunter, Hunter. No. Hunter, hunter, hunter, hunter. Not Hunter. What, it's not? No. Guys, we're going to get a nice little break. They're going to have us locked up for six months.

Nah, no, you want to get a nice little break. Hunter, hunter, hunter, hunter, hunter, hunter, hunter. What's up, my friend? Hanta is not going to put us on lockdown. Hanta, yes, yes, it is. You think this administration is going to put us on lockdown? Get the fuck out of here. No, they're not locking it.

No, what are you talking about? They would love nothing more. I think they shut down. Didn't they shut down? the lockdown people? What is that even called? That's what I'm saying. Like, they didn't do a federal lockdown

when it was COVID. And it'll probably be a state by state thing. But, like, it's not going to be a federal lockdown. What am I referencing in that? Hunter, Hunter, Hunter, Pentta, Pentagon, Biden, Biden. Biden, Biden. Biden, Biden. Yeah.

That hanta shit is interesting. Should we be concerned? No. You said that about COVID. Is that right, though? Ultimately, I was right. To a certain extent. But this one has a.

40% mortality rate. What did COVID have? 0.8. And we shut the world down. You see what I'm saying? 0.8%. For 0.8? 0.8.

This shit got a 40% mortality. I got to see 40% of the people on that ship died to believe it, man. I got to see 40, because it seems like 40% of the people

didn't die on that ship. If the shit is caused by rats, how come New York hasn't never had an outbreak of the hunting? Y'all at the home of the biggest rats on the planet. But we're part rat. You know what?

apart. That might be true. You lived around us so much. We literally travel through the city on subway underground like rats travel through the city. We only come up when we need to come up. That's true. We stay inside buildings all day like rats. We're not outside creatures. That's true. We can handle the elements. I don't think anybody died of COVID in New York. Nah, mad people die to COVID in New York. For sure. Y'all know one? Yes, I do. Who? Fred to God's son. God bless the dead. I mean, I know more, but the one that comes in my mind is Fred to God. RIP, Fred the gods. Were there pre-existing conditions involved?

I don't think so. I just remember he was... RIP, man, RIP. Outside of Fred, I don't think anybody passed. My aunt died of it. But where's your aunt from? Philly. Philly, that's the difference.

You're not from New York. Italy. Obviously, all I pay attention to a... This in general, who cares of it? It's two hours away. Y'all need more rats. You don't have enough rats. You don't have enough rats.

You don't have enough rats. And none of the Ninja Turtles got it. Yeah. I do know. one thing, the X-Files told us in 1998 that we were all going to die of Hanna virus. I walked in here, Charlemagne, is playing a video for Chris. Because that shit cannot be that much of a coincidence. From the X-Files.

The X-Files 20 years ago. This is one foremost political journalists in the United States of America. He's referencing the X-Files. Once again. For a prediction on how the world is going to end. Once again, what you just said is another problem with America. Which is? Why am I a former political journalist?

Listen. You know, did you hear this shit? Are you familiar with the antivirus, Ejama? Yeah, it was a deadly virus spread by field mice in the southwestern United States several years ago. Yes, colder. The newspaper, FEMA was called out to manage an outbreak of the hanta virus. Hunter. Are you familiar with what the federal emergency management agency's real power is?

FEMA allows the White House to suspend constitutional government upon declaration of a national emergency. Think about that. What is an agency with such broad sweeping power doing managing a state? small viral outbreak in suburban Texas. Oh. Man, you're saying it was such a small outbreak. Stop worrying about all this. Stop worrying about all this stuff.

The virus. Everything's gonna be fine. But what was it? Sounds like you're getting scared. Everything's gonna be just fine, dude. I know New York's gonna be fine. He said if you wanna kill a large group of people, let the Hannah free.

Let me just- That was the X-Files 20 years ago. Let me just tell you guys something. This shit would happen when the Knicks are about to win a champion. I think about that all the time. This shit would happen when the Knicks are cruising through the playoffs. I think about that all the time. Not the fact that the Knicks won a chance shit,

but when you're finally getting everything you want in life. The Hunter. Here we go again with this shit, man. Do you have something in that $200 million contract that says there's a deadly global pandemic? They don't got to pay you? I don't know what you talk about. But I will say one thing that I've learned about life is all contracts should be guaranteed.

Okay. That is one thing that I've learned about life. No, but there's a specific term in contracts. like a French term. Force major. Force major is a real term. But force major is a real term. So if all the pandemic could cut that shit out and I'm sorry, man.

Nah, no, buddy. No, I don't think yours should be shut down. Yeah. But no, I don't know. I don't know what we're talking about right now. But I do know that Hanna virus. I think we should just be concerned. I'm seeing the Asians back out with the mask, bro.

You know what I'm saying? Chris, be honest. They haven't been wearing the mask in a minute. I haven't seen an agent in a mask. You haven't seen you in the mask in a minute, but now they back out. The N95s are back out. Yo, can I tell you another thing that I want to say? See, look at Chris.

Oh, fuck. Chris, his wife made them leave. Don't leave the fucking house without the mask. Chris, can I ask you a question? Because pre-mask Asian teeth were crazy. They all get like, shit. Shut the fuck up. The braces are stuff.

Asian teeth have been perfect since the pandemic. Now, you're thinking of England. No, England people don't have teeth. That's my family. I know my family. You don't have to explain to me. about my family. I know. Okay. What I'm saying is Asian teeth were crazy, all different directions. Like, you didn't even know what was going on. It looked like the Game of Thrones chair.

No, I think Asian teeth have been good. Post-pandemic? No, pre-Dembourg. Yeah. Immaculate. Pre-pandemic? Crazy. Really? I never noticed. I never paid attention. It looked like the French fries coming out the McDonald's box. And then, and then. How do you even see? I don't know. I don't even see. I don't know. open their mouths that wide. Oh, come on, bro. They don't. You never been to, like, a little dim sum spot?

They don't, they bet. Every time they laugh, it's like, it's like ventriloquins almost. Yeah, but they got to cover it up because it was the friend. It was small fries. It was small fries every time. But now perfect. So something happened during COVID where they all got perfect teeth. I haven't seen an Asian person without perfect teeth.

Most of the time, I guess. Say it again? Maybe they were all using the time to go to this. Yo, salute. You got to make you. Salute. Y'all did it. Don't waste your time.

Use your time wisely. Hey, Great Britain. You got to follow the Asians, bro. I don't know, bro. Why do British people historically have bad teeth? I got to be the T or something. Also, inbreeding. Inbreeding.

Ooh, that might be a thing because hillbillies be having fucked up teeth, too. That might be a thing. You got to control power. You've got to keep the power centralized. You heard about the Habsburg jaw in Europe, right? The Habsburg dynasty. If you had to say,

jaw you might have. There's real information in history being shared here. No, this is actually real. That shit sounds crazy. So the, the haps. Perhaps I put this big jaw. You know what I'm saying? You still fucking up. And you were so close.

You still fucked it up and you were so close. No, the Habsburg Jaws, like the Habsburg dynasty, they had basically like all the different kings and rulers in Europe came from this one family, the Habsburgs. And in order to like maintain and control power, they would just marry cousins with one another. And then they supposedly start to develop the thing called the Hapsburg jaw. And you can see these old paintings of them and they were fucking

gnarly looking. That's the specific one right there. So Jay Leno's a Hapsburg? John Dino. What? You see. He's got to be a descendant of the Hapsburg. Yeah, you're royalty, bro. No, he is. You're not just TV royalty. Hey, hey, mama. Yeah, we, yeah, tell her, dude. Tell us, by the way, he's told her to do some say. You, put that up. You're gonna live funky like that? A little P good?

Yeah. Everything fun? Big P. Shout out to Big P, man. Big P in the building. Did you see the roast? I've seen sections of the roast. So I've seen clips and I've seen

a few different sections. Your perspective is probably different. You've done a roast before. I have done. I have done it, yeah. Did they roasted you when you was on stage too, right? Yeah. Yeah, a little bit.

Okay, okay. A little bit. Overall, I enjoyed the roast. Okay. But I think that one thing that we all always have to remember about all of these situations is people have the right to laugh. People also have the right to be offended. Like the thing...

Yeah, everybody has the right to do whatever they want. The things that's art, right? So when you put art out into the world... You got the right to react to whatever you want. However you want. And, you know, I think it's also very important to understand that, you know, what you find funny or what is the joke to you is also some people's trigger. Yeah, like, you can't believe in freedom of speech and then be like, you're not

allowed to speak badly against, you know, the art that you just watched. No, no. And listen, I'm cool with, I like dark humor, right? But what I just don't understand the joking about death. Especially violent, tragic deaths. I don't understand that. What's funny about that shit? Well, well, sometimes it's very funny.

It depends, right? Like, if you're joking on historical stuff, right? Like something that happened 80 years ago. An example, Pearl Harbor, right? Okay. When the Japanese flew those planes into Pearl Harbor. Okay. Right?

Now, a lot of people assumed it was a kamikaze mission. I think that they were actually trying to land. Okay. The reason that joke is, I'm going to tell you why that's actually a joke. Why is it a joke? Because it's a joke. It's a joke that actually lands. And it lands.

I see what you did now. No, no. No. No. No. No. No one is old. I'm sure there are people

that'll be offended, but there's nobody, I don't think there's anybody left to be offended. I mean, somebody's... I'm sort of saying, how long ago was that? Somebody's grandpa found out

there was no landing gear. You see? But you're not naming a specific person. You're not individualizing it. Well, look, like, I don't even think you need... And it's old. I don't think you need... What's the saying?

Tragedy plus time equals comedy. Tragedy plus time equals comedy. Again, again, I don't even... I don't even think you need to explain the circumstance for it. Like, if you felt away about something, that's totally fine. Yes. And then what I would say about the Roast specifically is, like, I think what has happened

is like it's populated social media. So a lot of people are just scrolling and they're looking at, you know, random stuff in their feed. They're looking at a funny cat video, a stupid AI, slop video, something else. And then all of a sudden, the most racist joke ever pops up on the feed. When you, when you subscribe to the Roast, like when you go, I'm going to watch the Roast, and you understand, like, what a roast is, your brain is conforming to the standards

of the roast a little more. So I would imagine people who are like, I'm going to turn this on and I'm going to hear the darkest fucking jokes ever about everybody and everybody as equal grounds and everybody's going to be able to say whatever they want. I imagine, like, you're a little bit more prepared to be offended than when you're just randomly scrolling something

and you see, like, you know, a really crazy offensive person. The sexist jokes, the racist jokes, like, you can debate that all day. I just don't understand. why people want to joke on somebody's dead relative. I don't care if it's George Floyd, Charlie Kirk, Cheryl Underwood's husband who committed suicide, Pete Davidson's dad

who died in 9-11. Why? You're allowed to think that. Like, the way Mark put this best, I think, on flagrant, it's like there's a different expectation for jokes depending the scenario you're in. So if you're at work, not like this kind of job, but if you're at a regular job,

and this is Mark's points, I want to give him credit for it. but it's like, you don't expect to hear fucked up jokes. Maybe some little, like, water cooler talk, but nothing that crazy is going to make people feel uncomfortable. And if somebody does bust a kind of crazy joke, it's either that much more hilarious or that much more offensive, given the setting that you're in.

A rose is a very specific thing where, like, everybody goes, hey, the most vile, offensive, heinous things are going to be said right here. And that is what most people assume going into it. Definitely everybody on the panel knew, that that's possible that they could say those things. So, like, even though their feelings might have been hurt, they knew going into the game.

It's like when you agree to play, like, you know, football, it's like you could get hit. You could get hit in a way that complete changes you. But there's got to be some parameters, right? I'm sure there's people up there who had things like, I don't want to. So my rules, my rules are like with Brady, I don't touch, I don't touch the kids.

No, I don't fuck with the kids at all because, like, they didn't ask to be part of this. And I don't talk about wives unless they have chosen to be public figures. So, like, that's my... It was actually the roast of Giselle, though. Yeah, but she's a public figure. Like, she is chosen.

And she was pissed. She hated this shit. Should have stayed married. I don't know what to tell you. You shouldn't cheat on your man with a fucking karate instructor. You know what I mean? Like, there's ways to get around it.

Yeah. But by the way, to me, that's fair game. And here's the thing, I just don't understand why people want a joke on death because I come from the era of, even if you was making your mama jokes or your daddy jokes, It's the person be like, man, my mom are dead.

Oh, he'd be like, oh, my bad. Like, you knew that's where you stopped. Would you stop there? Yes. Because now you've got to fight unless you want to. By the way, I don't have to stop there. But if you keep going, you got to be ready to throw hands. If I trigger this person enough for he's yaw, this motherfucker,

told me that his mama dead or his daddy dead. Has anybody, has anybody on the roast said that they were offended by jokes? Or is it people that are watching the roast that are saying that are. But that's my point. Like you said, if you're part of the roast, you know what the rules are. Everything is fair game. We've heard Pete Davidson made jokes about his father died in 9-11.

Exactly, yeah. I'm sure Cheryl Underwood has probably made jokes about her husband, you know, committing suicide. Kevin Hart's, you know, father died. People were making jokes about him. I thought Regina Hall actually thought Regina Hall's jokes where she was acting like she was channeling Kevin Hart's dead mom was hilarious. Funny about crazy. To me, one of the funniest jokes of the night when she was talking about how. Kevin's mom, God bless the dead,

was having sex with Michael Clark Duncan in heaven. She was like, yes, they run trains in heaven. And then she's like, oh, not that heaven? Because his daughter's name is heaven. You see what I'm saying? Oh, wow, I didn't catch it. That's my point. But that's one of them double entendres.

I find that funny. But, man, I don't find anything funny about a violent, tragic death. I am. Somebody getting choked up by the police. Somebody getting shot in the neck. Once again, I don't even like the Pete and Cheryl shit, but they're part of the roast. And I'm sure...

George Floyd and Charlie Kirk had nothing to do with this roast. I'm sure if they said to the other comedians, they're like, hey, this is a really sensitive topic for me. Can you guys not talk about it? I can almost guarantee that all the other comedians there would be like, dude, I don't even care that much about that thing that happened to you. Like, if you don't want to do that, then we won't do it. So, usually, I mean, that was the thing about the Tom thing.

The thing about the Tom thing was like, don't talk about his kids. And then there was one moment when Jeff Ross made a joke about Bob Kraft. Oh, and Tom got mad. And Tom walked up to him during the roast and said, hey, man, keep his name out of your fucking mouth or something like that. And like, for real, for real? Yeah, yeah.

Wow. It was kind of funny that we made a bunch of Jazeel jokes and he was like, yo, keep that shit, comment. There's a statement going on online. I don't know if it's true from Tom Brady. You seen that statement? Is that real? Yes.

Probably. I hope so. Sometimes you just want it to be real. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. It's like, I can't believe you let people talk about your ex-wife. It's like, listen. 25 million. If somebody paid you 20 million to make fun of your ex-wife who cheated on you with a Brazilian jiu-jitsu instructor, you would take it too, something like that.

Let me see if I can find this shit. This shit is so funny. I mean, the way you look at it is like this, like, when you see people fighting in the UFC, it's some crazy shit. You see somebody like elbowing an unconscious guy in the face and just splitting his forehead, whole blood dripping everywhere. But you go into that event. going, I'm going to see some crazy stuff. It doesn't mean that you can't still see it and be like, oh, this is brutal. And there are a lot of people that watch it. Like, my dad could ever watch UFC, huge boxing fan.

But UFC, he'd be like, this is just a little bit too brutal for me, right? But you go into it expecting that thing. If you see a street fight where a dude's just pummel in somebody's fucking head, it's like, you would just try to walk home. So that's going to be way more, like, I don't want to watch this and this is fucked up. So I think the environment of the roast is the most extreme version. of offensive jokes, even on stage at a stand-up comedy club, is less extreme than a roast.

Why is violent, tragic death a joke? It's the thing you're not supposed to say. It's the most taboo. But where's the funny? Like, I'll give you an example, right? It's on the comedian to make it funny. I just don't see how it's... There have to be funny premises.

There's nothing funny about somebody getting shot in the neck. There's nothing funny about somebody getting choked out for nine minutes. Like, I'll give you an example. And I'm not even going to say no name. But let's just say you're a relationship expert. You're a social media relationship expert, right? And you're always constantly giving advice about, you know, relationships and blah, blah, blah, men and women, you know, who's got value, who doesn't have value. But the rumor is you died having sex with a prostitute taking dick pills.

there's a lot of premises there that could actually probably that jokes could be made up somebody's getting shot in the neck of the speech somebody getting choked out by the police why I mean the why is how do we make the most unfunny tragic thing funny and that's the difficult task and it's a very difficult task because so many people probably have the sentiment you have But if you're able to make this heinous thing funny, it's super high-level difficulty. It's like diving in the Olympics. You get scored based on your form, but also based on how difficult the dive is or even gymnastics. It's not just how you execute it.

It's how difficult the trick is you need to execute it. So it doesn't mean that just doing the joke, it makes it funny. Clearly to you, it wasn't. But like to other people, maybe it was. And maybe the perfect joke about that tragic thing. is executed in such a brilliant fucking way, it even gets a tickle out of you. And that's the dice roll you take as a comedian

or anybody who's being part of the roast. It's a hell of a dice role when you're making jokes about people who literally just, this just happened to. But you got family members that are still grieving, loved ones that are still grieving. So you really, imagine you just want to watch the roast because you're a fan of Kevin Hart

and you see somebody make that joke about your dad or your husband, blah. I mean, I made a joke about Kev's dad. But Kev's dad is fair game. Right, right. Kev, not only has Kev made jokes about his dad, Kev's a part of the roast. Oh, you're saying using people that aren't even...

The Floyd family's not a part of the roast. The Kirk family's not a part of the roast. God, God, God, God. And the joke ends up being about them. Instead of that person. The joke Tony Hitchcliffe made ended up being about George. It wasn't about Kev.

And then Pete had that joke about, like... Unloading in your throat or something like child. It's funny, though. I didn't find her to be. music. Well, the joke, the joke was about Tony. It wasn't about Charlie. It was, but I just don't, I just don't like making jokes about violent, tragic deaths that are so fresh. Bro, you've made so many wild jokes. Not about deaf? I don't play about deaf like that. Yeah, but like other topics that are really different. I'm with you. I don't, listen, I'm not, I'm not in here defending

any topic except for death. A week ago. What was it? Give me to it. It was so funny, bro. I think I even sent it to you. There's a guy on breakfast club who was like, you know, I was, you know, molested when I was 14. And then you were like, yo, me too. It was like you were bonding with him. And he was like, yeah, it was an older boy in the neighborhood. And then you couldn't help yourself and be like, well, well, well, mine was a girl now. So I got sexually abused when I was eight. Me too. Did you? Yeah. At eight years old. Wow, bro. Yeah. So it was an older teenage boy that lived across the street. It wasn't a boy, though. It was an older woman. Understood. That wasn't a But it wasn't a joke.

I just had to clear the record. That was not a joke. The joke is, the joke is you didn't want nobody to think that. I got molested by a guy. That's the joke. Why is that a joke? That's a joke. The joke is that why would it be any different?

It is different. It is different. Why? It just is. A man touching another little, touching a little boy is different. It just is. Why? Because it's a man.

But why? Because there's a lot more layers that come with that type of trauma. Because when you talk to a lot of these guys, actually a woman has more layers. Because a lot of these guys, after they get touched by men, they start questioning their sexuality. Right. And they have to live with that throughout life.

That's why if you continue to watch the interview, I even ask them, did you ever question your sexuality? Right. Because that's usually what happens when a guy gets touched by a guy. So then having a woman do it confirm your sexuality? Hmm. If I depend, I got bricked up. You know what I'm saying?

I think about now if I could do it again. She was related to you though, right? By marriage. But you're kind of like a Hapsburg. See what I'm saying? Like, this is, it's fucked up shit, but it's just, this is joke. I think the point that you're making is, which is kind of, which is kind of interesting, which is like, the joke is about people that weren't there.

But then again, I just don't understand why you would want to joke. I don't like the joke about nothing I couldn't handle happening. to me. But that's your choice. I guess the question is, are you saying nobody should be able to do it? Are you just saying this is your line? Oh, you can, no, you can, they can do whatever they want. They got freedom of speech. They just got to deal with all the consequences that come with it. Or they got to do it. Isn't that what Pete's kind of saying in a way is I can handle it? Because you said something that wouldn't happen to you. He's like, I've already been there. I've been sure. Yeah, I thought the joke is great. Even though, even though I am not the person that's going to

joke on somebody's death, I have no problem with Pete, Cheryl, and Kevin. They're a part of the roast. Right. If they choose to make their life, you know, a fodder. Right. Cool.

I'm just talking about, if you're sitting at home, why make the joke about George Floyd? Why make the joke about Charlie Kirk? Who what? You know what? These people did not sign. There's even like a nuance

between those two cases, but. And think about how violent and sudden and tragic those situations are. Like, I know, but like, this is where like,

if you can craft the perfect bit. Like, this bit wasn't, these bits didn't like, these bits didn't make you laugh, but if you can craft the perfect bit and it's about just the most heinous thing that ever happened,

for comedians, not all comedians, some comedians, you know, like doing like very relatable stuff and all that kind of stuff, but like there's a version where it takes a lot of skill to execute a joke that is like very delicate, you know,

and... Or maybe it wasn't intended to be, which is how I interpreted it. What you mean? I interpreted the, that Charlie Kirk joke is a double fuck you. Like, a fuck you to Tony and then within the context of a roast, but like, and also a fuck you to Charlie Kirk's legacy.

Somebody who a lot of people love. Yeah. And then somebody, a lot of people really fucking didn't fuck with. Yeah. And if you're going to be fodder in my joke, deal with it. I'm with you. I just don't want the energy of that because the reality of the situation is the people that love him, going to love him.

Same way. The people that love George Floyd going to love George Floyd. But George Floyd never set out to be a public figure. George Floyd was caught up in an event. But that's even why. Charlie Kirk put himself out there in a very, very specific way. But I don't need you to be a public figure to have empathy for your situation. You know what I'm saying?

Like if we walked out here right now and we saw some random person, you know, get their head blowing off, it would be like, God damn, what the fuck was that about? I want to be empathetic. Because you don't want that to be you. But tragedy plus time. But that's, I think, what you're really saying. What? You're almost like worried that this energy is being put in.

the air and it's going to like catch you up. Yes. What's the thing we always say about Charlie Kirk? Whenever somebody brings up Charlie Kirk, they'd be like, well, Charlie died for what he believed in, right? Because didn't he make the statement about, you know, gun casualties are just what happens when you have the right to bear arms, basically?

Right? Yeah. So we need to be very clear that you're not going to get gun deaths to zero. It will not happen. Right. You can significantly reduce them. you will never live in a society when you have an armed citizenry and you won't have a single gun death.

That is nonsense. It's dribble. But I think it's worth it. I think it's worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights. That is a prudent deal. The chicken came home to roost on. And I don't want, no, I don't want that.

I don't think, yeah, I mean, the pushback I would give on that is like, think he believed in people killing one another. But if you make a statement like that, then you have to put yourself in that equation as well. Yeah, and I understand Chris's point too, which is like Charlie chose to be a public figure and he chose to sign up for the scrutiny that comes with that, not being shot,

but the commentary about him as a personality. And that's, we know that very well. There are going to be people that say amazing things about us and there are going to be people that say horrible things about us, right? And I don't need to be a public figure. Right now, if the news comes in, hey man, a plane crashed on the way to such and such with 100 people in there.

He'd be like, fuck. Who's flying? Shut up, man. But we all ride planes is what I'm saying. Yeah, but there's no part of you that would like to know. I want to know how it happened. Of course. You know what I mean?

Not like we can prevent a plane crash if we get in a plane, but I would like to know how it happened. Yeah, me too. And to me, it's like there's no reason to joke about that situation. I don't like joking about violent, tragic death. Because I know that could be any of us. And you're allowed to have that opinion. And like somebody else's triggers might be a different thing they don't like.

They might be kids, somebody else's triggers. Everybody got their own shit. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Like to me, I think the biggest one that got me was just any of the kids stuff. And maybe I'm a softy as like an adult, you know what I mean? But I think there was one about Dremont's kids or something like that. And I was like, whoa.

And I thought Dremont handled it really well. But like... Because you love your kids. Your kids might be your thumbs through. Your kids might be the one thing. You'd be like, all right, bro. Cool out. I don't want nobody making jokes about my kids.

Everybody has their own thing. And that's fun. All right, guys, stay a break for a second. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. SquareSpace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place.

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Hems.com slash idiots. Do you feel like this roast was the same like Brady's? I feel like this one was a bit more going for shock value over the funny. Man, Brady's was shocking. Yeah, Brady's was shocking as shit. I think the difference for this roast, I would say, is that like, Kevin is a black dude. Okay.

So there's probably way more black joke. And there's more black people on the dais. So there's way more racial jokes. because of it. And like the roast, a roast at the end of the day does tend to like pull on tons of like stereotypes and these types of things. So like you're hearing a lot more of it by proxy of who, you know, you guys are talking about or who the people are talking about. And there might be people on the dais that the people don't really know the people be in the audience. So you're really pulling off of visually what you can see and so much of a rose is visually what

you can see. If you're making fun of Rob and Grimkowski, shout out Rob, but like calling him retarded and doing all these other things. It's like, or the Edelman and these other guys or like the other, who's the quarterback before Tom Brady? Drew Bledso. Drew Bledso. It's just like there's a lot of white guys that you're just making like white guy jokes.

And obviously that's not going to come across as racially insensitive. Because a lot of the reaction I've seen online is like, how come all these jokes are racist? And it's like, well, you have, you know, prominent people of color that are going to be on this day. As when it comes to Chelsea Handler, they're not going to make fun of her being a white woman. they're going to make fun her being a whore,

or make fun of her being childless. Well, Shane made fun of her being a whore and being Zionist. And hanging out with Epstein. Hanging out with Epstein. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. How do they pick the people to be on these roles?

Because that's another interesting thing. And I guess because I know Kev. So I was just like, I wanted it to be more deaf comedy jamish. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like there's a lot of, different comedians that could have been on that stage that wasn't that could have roasted Kevin. Like, I don't know where, like, where did Shane come from in Kevin Hart's world?

Where did, both from Philly? Oh, okay, okay. Both from, like, the PA area. Imagine, like, where did Tony Hinchcliff come from in the Kevin Hart world? Like, Naim Lin makes all the sense in the world. And he killed it. Regina Hallman. Naim's was fantastic. Listen, everybody that actually knew Kev? Naim's been a hilarious comic for decades, by the way, so it's cool to see him. By the way, buried dark humor. Always has.

He's been great. People that actually new cab, Naim, Regina Hall, Joey, who else was up there that you know actually Newkeb? I can't think right now. But those people actually

bodied it. I wanted more of that. Like, where does the Tony Hinchclips and all of them come in that point? Well, I think Tony just was, he's really known for this. He's a big figure. He's also big on Netflix.

Yeah. You know, so I think that there's that. And he's also, like, really good at roasting. Like, like the way they would have Greg Gerard. on every roast. Exactly. Like, you want to have the people that are professionals at that crowd.

I would never have Tony because he's the one that always causes the problems. He's the reason that this shit is getting all the backlash. Netflix probably loves that. But he also is fucking fantastic

at it. Like, objectively speaking, I enjoyed it up until that last part because I was like, why? I was like, oh, come on, though. Right. Because you got to read the, first of all, I don't know

why you would want to make that joke, but also read the room. He said, Chelsea Handler, you're aging, like a vegetable in Lizzo's fridge. That shit. Hilarious.

Regina Hall was in the movie one battle after another. Or as Lizzo calls stairs. Body. Body. You know, and I know there's fat people out there that's like, why don't you have empathy for us, y'all, man? I like a good fat joke, okay? That's not your trigger.

That's not my, but I'm not fat. Exactly. You know what I'm saying? But I just, death is just something we can't come back from. That's all. And by the way, the violence. the violentness of those deaths. Yo, just you're getting old, bro.

That's it. You getting old? I've never played with death. You getting soft? Nah, I just can't play with death like that, especially, they're fresh. What did you guys think? I've seen a lot of commentary

around Cat Williams bit. I thought Cat was perfect for the rules. I think that I would have loved to see Kat and Mike Hemp's, you know, come out there. That would have been very cool, too. I wonder, somebody said to me something very interesting, though. they was like, you know, when you listen to Kat

on like Shannon Sharp Show and how he talks about the industry and how he talks about those people, they was like if Kat really believed that he wouldn't have come out at all. You know what I'm saying? Like, why would you

want to be at that event? I mean, because it's a big event and you want to you know. But you're the anti-industry guy. You're an anti- of the Kevin hearts and all of those people like that. Maybe he wanted an opportunity to just shit on this guy he don't like in front of the world.

Well, I haven't seen it, but that was the commentary that it wasn't jokes. It was jokes. It was jokes. He did a great job. I mean, it was jokes, but that don't mean it's not true. That's the way he didn't find him true. You know what I mean?

That don't mean he didn't believe what he said. It was a lot of that going on all throughout the night. Yeah, that's the other thing that I'd be thinking about with these roles, especially in regard to Kev's. because you can't really do that with Tom Brady. But God damn, man, when people are saying that your movies suck and you know you take every opportunity and you never say no, blah, blah, blah, blah. Kev, I don't know if you know.

People really believe that shit, okay? Like, people take the opportunity to really say what they feel about you under the guise of roast. Yeah. Which is why all of that stuff seems even more heinous, right? Well, that's... You understand what I'm saying? I do, I do.

That's why, like, I'll be honest, I was, the one thing that was a little surprising to me, too, is like, I thought maybe, like, Kat, I thought, uh, I thought Katz's contemporaries, some of them would be on there. You know what I mean? That's what I said I wanted it to be more deaf comedy jammer. I thought like Chris Rock. Where was Chris Rock? Where was Chapel? Like, Duvall. Yeah, Duvall. Yeah, Duvall. It's like, this is a big moment celebrating, like, an iconic entertainer. But, like, also specifically, an iconic black entertainer. So there's this version where you go, like, okay, well, where are the other contemporaries and, like, should they pull up for this event? In the same way that, like, if Sinatra's getting roasted, his whole crew is roasting him. You know what I mean?

Like, Dean Martin's going to be there. Sammy Davis Jr. is going to be there. Like, the whole crew is going to be there. Rickles is going to be there. And his crew was there. Like, you had the plastic cup boys there. But that's why when Cheryl Underwood went up there made so much sense. It was great.

Killed. Regina Hall killed. Naim killed. Joey killed. like, those people, Kat Williams, even though, you know, they don't get along, they didn't get along. They still were considered peers, so to speak, right? Yeah, yeah. So those people body.

And then maybe that would alleviate a little bit of, like, some of this conversation about, like, the racism and the jokes. If there were more prominent black entertainers that were plowna. I don't know why. No, I do know why Shane was hosting it, because he's Shane Gillis. Yeah, so it made sense. It's as big as a comic right. It made sense for Netflix. I think at some point Netflix has to say, all right, it's the roast of Kevin Hart.

So we got to trust who Kev says should be on this stage. I would not be surprised if Kev wanted Shane to do it. I'm sure. I'll be honest, I thought it was the right chose also for viewership because Shane and Kev might not have crossover an audience. But if you want to bring Shane's audience, which is massive, to Kev's audience, which is massive, and now you get this beautiful cornucopia of everybody watching this thing. I ain't went mixing the algorithms no more. Have you not learned that from brilliant idiots?

We were so fine for years. And then y'all found out about us. You know what I'm saying? Why are you telling your friends? We've been over here for 13 years, millions of listeners. Minds and our business as soon as our shit start getting another algorithm. I know. Now everybody takes shit out of context.

I know. Misciscisciscisc excludes what we said. We have a great thing going, bro. You see what I'm saying? We got too famous. Oh! Can't get too famous, guys. But I do agree with you.

I feel like it should have been more of his content. I think selfishly I would like to see it. It would have been fire. I just felt like it should have been... Now, the question is, do people on Kev's level want to sit there and get made fun of? And I think what happens... People on Kev's level? Yeah, like, Kev is in a very unique situation.

We're talking about, like, one of the most famous entertainers alive, Kevin Hart is. I mean, some people say the most successful comic ever. I saw people saying that actually. And it's, it's debatable, but for me, I can only think, it's in the, it's in the conversation for sure. Kev, Eddie. Seinfeld. Seinfeld.

It's very rare air, bro. Yeah. Very. I'm not talking about who you think is funny. I'm just talking about success level. Yeah, like he's had TV, movies, businesses, all these other things. Very rare. Just operating in the stand-up space.

That's why I say entertainer. Yeah. Because, like, Kev's entertainment career has been so successful. It's, it hasn't. clips his stand-up. Obviously, everybody knows him as a stand-up. But, like, when you start doing Jumanjis, when you start doing these massive franchises

that are, like, international, it's a very different ballgame. The question I have is, like, other people that are in that rare air, Eddie Murphy ain't sitting on that fucking days for two hours getting made fun of by all these people who you don't know who they are. Come on, bro.

Why? Never. You know what I mean? Like, so that is a tricky thing about the roast, which is like getting your colleagues to sit there and just take shots for two and a half hours. Live. Live.

So you can't even trust that even if I told you I'm not going to make a joke about this. And I asked y'all not to, don't mean somebody won't slip it in. I'm just saying somebody might. Who did that? I'm just saying somebody might just put a little extra on it. You know what I mean? That shit was hilarious. I was fucking crying at that.

That's all I'm saying. I don't know, bro. So that's the thing. I don't think they will do it. And also, you got to keep in mind, the more famous you are. Yeah. The more you're going to be targeted and the more things people know about you, so the jokes will do better.

So it's like there's certain people on the day that probably get ignored, right? Because why waste three minutes of your set on this person that people might not know or they might know when you could be shooting at the most well-known people on the planet? Yeah, I don't know how many more these goat roast y'all going to get, to be honest. You need Tiger Woods. He would never. But he would never. But if you did Tiger Woods.

Phenomenal. By the way, Tiger should do it. Tiger shit ain't really crazy, okay? He was tough. I'll do. I would absolutely. I was going to say Tiger shit ain't crazy. I would do Tiger.

He cheated on his wife. He had a drinking problem, a drug problem? Like, that ain't crazy. That's still bothering him. To this day. No, I'm saying. Like, there's a lot of material that. You're right.

But it's infidelity. Yes. In drug use. Yes. It's not like this guy's murdered somebody. It's not like this guy's like, you know, done something like horrible to hurt humanity. By the way, you know it would be. But then you got Asian jokes, black jokes.

Oh, that's why it's. He's like, he's four people in one. That's hilarious. The whole Asian thing. Like it's hilarious. Bro. Like, to me, Tiger. Tiger, if Tiger does, I shut down everything and I, and I...

But the reason they wouldn't do Tiger, though? Was because Tiger won't do it. But also they don't want to, they wouldn't celebrate it. Who is they? Just people. Like, people would look at him like, why are y'all celebrating him? Even though he's one of the greatest golfers ever. People would celebrate him.

And let me tell you, 100% Tiger's been asked. Oh, he's been asked? It starts with Tiger. It starts with Tiger. Yeah. Oh, before Brady was asked with Tiger? No. Or it starts with Brady and then you go, okay, who, you know, Tiger would be perfect.

This is how it works. You know, somebody said this before. Like, every movie starts with Tom Hanks. I don't care what movie it is. You ask Tom Hanks if he'll do it. And then you ask Leo and then you add, like, that's how it goes, right? Every movie starts with Denzel. And if he won't do it or he's not interested, you go down the list.

So it's Jordan, Tom Brady, Tiger Woods. Those are the people that starts with Barack. He can't. But it would be crazy. The only problem with Tiger is at the end when he got to deliver his jokes back. It'd be trash. As long as he didn't have a drive to the podium. I mean, just make him walk to the podium.

Other than that, yes, the roasted Tiger Woods would be phenomenal. Tiger's so competitive, though, he will find a way to be good at it. He will be working it out nonstop. Like he'll, these guys are psycho competitors. Who else would be good? Jordan. Jordan would be incredible. I don't know if Jordan would be incredible.

He would never do it because why would you put yourself in the situation when you're a billionaire? Drake couldn't do it for sure. Oh, they asked Drake, I'm sure, all the time. Drake would be. Drake would be good. But Drake would be good, but he would never do that. Drake would be phenomenal. But he should be.

He jokes around. That's what I'm saying. Drake is actually good at delivering jokes. That's what I'm saying. I'd see him do like a little ghost. That's what I'm saying. And he's good. No, no.

Drake would be really good when it came to his time. Yeah. Because not only does he have like punchlines in a rap or whatever, but he understands like performing and jokes. Yeah. Time. So it's like... Drake would be good.

And you couldn't really play with him. Like there's certain guys that you're like, okay, they could hit shoe on shit, but it's not going to be that crazy. Like with Tom, we knew that, you know, he was going to say jokes, but it wasn't going to be... But you know what, though? The only reason Drake probably wouldn't be good

is because he'd sue if it got too crazy. Like, if it got too crazy. Because you know how they're coming. If you think Kendrick was coming with the old trick, you like them young. It was too many compliments. You know what I mean? They don't go crazy. No, but you know he would because you know comedians are going to go crazy.

Everything pushing T and Kendrick is going to ice man coming. Iceman coming. Everything Kendrick and pushing T said in their disc records over the years, they're going to do that times 100. Drake can't handle it. He told us that he can't handle that. That's what I'm saying. Most people that have, that make this amount of money. That's why you've got to salute Kev.

nobody that is in Kevin's position in entertainment would do that. At William should do it too. I don't know if, like, here's the other thing. I feel like they did want a cat before. It wasn't on. I'm not trying to be critical, but like, when you just come out at the end.

Very telling. It's like, it's a fun surprise for everybody, et cetera, but you don't got to sit there and get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get to come in and just do it, but you don't get to get it. And even worse, he went out and then left.

At least Lizzo came out towards the end, but she stayed there and got some jokes. Yeah. But he went out and he left. I disagree, though. Cat's not scared. Cat did Wiling Out, bro. Cat came up in the wild.

Cat was a member of Wileylandout. It's not whether you need, and comedians, I don't think Kat's scared, by the way. Cat is not scared. Cat can fucking handle himself in any room he goes into. Trust me,

especially when it comes to comedy. Like, there's no question about that. What I'm saying is that usually people that are on Kev's level, they're not going to submit themselves to public humiliation for two and a half hours from people they don't even fucking know. Unless it's a humiliation ritual.

Unless your contract is up. And so now they got to do this humiliation ritual one last time. What you're trying to say, bro. Before you bow out. What you're trying to say? I don't know. I'm just repeating what I saw on the internet. Yeah.

About whom? About this one. They said this was a humiliation ritual for death. And his contract was up. I don't fucking know. They never tell us these things. Do you ever notice the internet never goes into details? Can I tell you something?

Can I tell you something? Meek Mill might be on or something, y'all. I saw him in a comment. And it was something about like the day after the roast, he said, notice how, because there was a blog post about like Kevin Hart's production company, like laying people off. But that came out the day of the roast. Or the day of the roast. And then, and then Meek was like, notice how all the blogs are posting the same story, the day of the roast about Kev's company doing bad, whatever. And I think what he was trying to communicate is there is a coordinated effort that he has been in a receiving end of sometimes of these blogs all posts in the same story.

they're hitting. Oh, well, yeah, that's a fact. I mean, literally the article came out. That shit is corny. The day they're celebrating you for the roast. And it came out hours before. It came out like maybe, maybe like three, four hours before. And then the next day, because Kev is so much a part of the algorithm, right? Because everybody's talking about the rose, Bloomberg re-pushed it out. So they put it out. Well, to be fair, that was original reporting from Bloomberg. It wasn't a blog. But it came out on that Sunday, though. I think it was in connection to one of the moves around the business. I don't remember.

You know, they don't even drop big stories like that on a Sunday, Chris. Like, they're doing it because they know that he's going to be talked about that day and you can get the most view of the story. But it's just like, I get it. That's your business and that's how you got to get clicks and views or whatever. But like, to me, it's whack. And to even follow up on it from all the blogs is whack. But you need a beak mill to confirm that, to know that it's coordinated campaigns against people.

We've lived it. Yeah, but sometimes when you see it from the outside. You know what I mean? Like when you see on it, when you're going through it on the inside, you're like, I can't get my ego getting headlight. Oh, this is a coordinated attack on me, whatever. But then when you see it so blatant, like you're like, oh, wow, everything's fake on the internet. This is interesting.

We've done autopsies. Well, well. Chris, we've been doing stuff like this since 2018. I didn't know that we're sharing with the people. Oh, I don't know. I've been got to the root of the matter. Oh, I know. All of this stuff about bots and, you know, fake accounts and coordinated campaigns.

Hey guys. Where did you say most of mine originated from, Chris? Hey, guys. It's coming. Not just told me it was India. India was India. That's where the bar farms are. Yeah. Oh, hey guys, it's coming.

Just so you know, it's coming. Oh, it's here. No, I mean, like the. The reveal? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But, like, you know, slow play it. Absolutely, absolutely.

Absolutely. Let's pay some bills, man. Church announcements have the Kyle Walker. Yes, man. This week will be. in Salt Lake City, man. Thank you guys for selling out all the shows. Love Salt Lake.

Great comedy scene. And then we got June 5th and 6th. We'll be at Virginia Beach. And then August 8th, I'll be in Halifax, Nova Scotia for the great outdoors festival. And also doing something very cool on June 4th.

We got a charity paddle event that we're doing. The Life paddle Classic with myself and NeuroGum has gotten involved and they're supporting as well. And we're going to raise a bunch of money for IVF and people who are financially strapped and are struggling to bring kids into this world.

We want to alleviate some of that pressure. So we're going to do with this charity that I've been working with called BabyQuest. They're absolutely phenomenal and it's helping people start their families. So 100% of the proceeds from the Life Paddle Classic are all going to Baby Quest. And basically, what's going to happen is June 4th, we're going to have a paddle tournament. If you want to come check it out, you're more than welcome to come check it. out. If you can't for whatever reason, make sure that you support by buying the dad bundle. Okay? They got the dad bundle available at NeuroGum right now. They got the energy and focus

and they got a little nighttime and sleep and rechargements as well. So make more you check that. Every purchase of the dad bundle will fund the IVF support for families who are otherwise may not be able to afford the treatment. So this is about community, family, giving people a real shot of becoming parents and something that's obviously near and dear to my wife and I's hearts. How we're able to bring both of our kids into the world. So if you guys like support, you can go buy that dad bundle on Neurogum's website, or you can come out June 4th to a paddle house in Dumbo, Brooklyn, phenomenal paddle facility here in New York City, and sign up, become part of the tournament, and let's go. This could be great, raise a lot of money and help a lot of people. It'll be

awesome if you guys can't support. So if you can't be there, go buy some NeuroMintz, go get that Andrew Schultz, a neuro dad bundle, and just help us raise some life for families going through IVF. I am so happy you found a cause, man. Oh, man, thank you. No, for real. Everybody needs to have a cause that is near and dear to their heart. And it's always best when it's something that, you know,

you've had lived experience. You know what I mean? I hear that. And it happens so organically, right? Like, you know, this is something you actually went through, something you experienced and you just talked about it naturally. And look at all the beautiful things that came from it. It's a life special, you know,

now you're out here giving back, you know, helping other people that are going through it. I think that's phenomenal. It is cool, man. You're like, people actually get to start a family. Yes, man. Help them with that journey. That's pretty cool. Now, what if, you know, somebody goes through all of this and then they have a child that just becomes a terrible human being in the future?

Yo, you know what? I actually thought about that. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? I thought about it. Think about all the money people spend on IVF and then you just raise a heathen. I thought about that. Like, what if they do something?

something horrible. And now we're like kind of part of that system. You see what I'm saying? But at the same time, like what if somebody who's on, you know, Medicaid or whatever, you know, has to go to the hospital, they don't have to pay for their treatment because they obviously can't, but they... Do they let you keep the receipt? What do you mean? What? What do you mean? Would I mean? Can you return it? Yes. And you return it? Yes. No, but I'm saying like people still got to deliver babies, but they can't pay for it. So we're paying for that delivery of those babies. and then those people can go out and do horrible things. So we're all kind of responsible in a way.

This is more directly responsible for sure. But those parents have extra pressure because now we're implicated. Shit is rough out here, bro. But what if they do something amazing? What if they save the world? Now we're part of that process. You won. But you've always got to look at things from both sides.

You have to look at things from both sides. You know, I'm just prone to look at things from the negative. I know. I know. But they could become the next school shooter. We don't do IVF4 whites. This is a non-white IVF charity to avoid potential school. No, I'm joking.

Everybody can do it. Every type of couple. No, no, I like the DEIVF. D-E-I-VF is fired. Y'all don't need any help. D-E-I-V-F is fire. The whites need to help. Listen, D-E-I-V-F is fire.

D-E-I-V-F, I like that. I like that. The E-I-V-F is fire. Did you hear this? story about how people are dating less? No, you got to go your stuff. You didn't do your church announcers. Oh, shit. Jess O'Lariah's book,

available everywhere you buy books. Yeah. Tell death do we parent. Shut up, Jess, man. Hey, it's salute to my guy, Doug Melville, man. Doug Melville wrote a great article for Forbes, man. Doug is my guide. Couldn't even big you up, Jess. I tried, and he just pivoted. I'm doing a her to her. Oh, okay.

There's nobody better. Okay. Nobody more self-serving than Jess Olarius. Okay. It don't matter what the topic. She'll bring it back to her. This is about her. Okay.

But no, but this is part of it, though. Shout out to my god, Doug Melville. He wrote an article for Forbes called it's Charlamagne the God, the Book Whisperer, his imprint New York Times, bestseller say yes. I saw this. That is very cool. It's this good recognition.

I always appreciate, you know, I appreciate anybody who sees me. You know what I'm out here doing? Because, you know, those are things that people don't necessarily pay attention to, which I don't know. need the recognition. Yeah. I want the imprint to get the recognition, Black Privilege Publishing, but thank you. Thank you. And Little John's book is on the way you could go pre-order that right now. But you play a part of curating it, a huge part of curating it. So you deserve

credit. Yeah. I mean, listen, you know, these are people who either inspired me in some way or I can just look at their story and see how it inspires people. Like you can look at Don Staley and see how her story would inspire people and be like, Don, you need to write a book. Like, You know what I'm saying? Little John? Like I grew up off Little John. He provided the soundtrack for so many of our lives, but he's such an interesting individual

because the character that Dave Chappelle played, I didn't know Little John back then. Right. But knowing him now, the character is perfect. It's identical. That's who he is. I mean, you see it now. We see.

He does meditation albums. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Fascinating guy. Physically, you see how he looks now. You know what I mean? And the name of his book is, I only shout so you can hear me.

Well, make sure you guys go support that. Yeah, make sure you pre-order that right now. What else we got? But no, did you see this shit about how people are dating less because of the economy? Going out to eat less or dating less? They said dating less. Because for whatever reason, this generation thinks you have to go somewhere and do something to go and date. I'll be honest.

I have close friends who I know you guys know. And. Shout out to dove. Damn, bro. What? Damn, bro. And he's, his, don't blame dove being cheap on this. Don't you dare try to blame dove's cheapness on this story.

When I was in Denver, one of the shows, there was some deaf people in the audience. So like by state law, they bring a sign language interpreter on stage for the whole show. And they got to interpret everything that I say for the whole show. bro i gotta show you some of this footage man you gotta put that shit out i gotta show you you was fucking with him oh son i got it it was great it was like somebody said we'll probably cut this but like somebody said like uh like jew and then she goes like this for jew why the fuck that could be santa claus so that's so i was like uh you know i think we're all surprised that that was the choice for true and i go like you know i think maybe there's some of us

who thought it'd be this or this. And then I go, or that. No bullshit. I go, what's Asian and no bullshit? She goes like this. I go. What the fuck was that? Oh, God.

Can't dry. Get the fuck out of it. I'm saying, these deaf motherfuckers are racist, damn. Why don't she do karate or something? That's what I thought. Fuck. That's what I thought. I mean, that's stereotypical too, but God damn.

Bro, it was funny, dude. It was funny. But I think about when I was broke back in the day, right? Yeah. I was creative. That was the whole beauty of, like, you know, growing up in the 1900s, man. Like, you know, you write a little letter. He said he doesn't do dinner dates.

That's what I was getting at. He doesn't do dinner dates. Because it's like you go out to dinner is $300 fucking dollars. You don't even know if you like each other. It's like, tell me. You know what I did with my wife back in the day? A picnic, bro. Go have a fucking picnic.

Wait, why is that a son? Why are you laughing at that? And you're from New York. Y'all got Central Park. Exactly. Y'all got that grassy knoll on the West Side Highway that everybody be in sometimes. Maybe that's Central Park, too. I don't fucking feel it.

What happened to being creative? That's the gayest shit I haven't heard in my entire life. You show up with a wicker basket and a blanket in that motherfucker. No girl is sitting on a grandma. I don't think they would love that, bro. Fire. Don't. Don't suggest picnic.

Have a picnic. I've done it. Yeah, but not on a first date, Taylor. Why not? You're going to go on a first day just sit in the grass. Why not? I like creativity.

That's how homeless people do. No, no, I like people. No, no. That's what homeless people do? No, no. I like. What if we motherfucking government workers who haven't had a check in a while

but y'all feeling you, man. What is creativity? As I think you could do a sip in paint theater. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Go to coffee. Go get a drink at a bar.

What if I don't like coffee? Drinks are expensive too. They usually do that, though. But less expensive than a whole dinner because dinner got drinks too. Less expensive than a whole dinner because dinner got drinks too. That's why you have a picnic.

And you go to the store and get you a little bottle of wine or something. Yo, don't do this, man. Guys, go do that. Picnic, picnic. That's a fun thing to do after you know somebody already. But the first date, first date. Nature.

You're around people. Meet me in the park. Meet me in the park. Let me in the park. La-da-la-la-la-la. That's what Punjabia. That's what Punjabia said, right? They didn't say, meet me in the park.

Meet me at the corner of the park, knock her arms. I don't see nothing wrong with a picnic on a first day. But by the way, here's the thing that we're not talking about. The fact that if a woman actually likes you, she'll go with you anywhere. She don't even matter. Exactly. But you're also freaking apart. How long until you do the first date too, though?

Like, because if they're talking on the phone for a couple of weeks and then do the first date, then it's not a problem. Who talks for a few weeks before the first date? No, you got to crack cheeks if you've been talking for a few weeks. By the way, that's the hustle. You don't. Yeah, that's crazy. In this economy, pussy and dick are free. Damn!

Damn! They are. Damn. Crazy. But they are. Come over. We got AC. Come over.

It's crazy. Why is that crazy? I'm not going over your house on the first date. You shouldn't, and you're smart. But why not? That's dangerous. That is very dangerous. That's why you got a fine.

safe spaces to be. But why is that dangerous? Because I don't know you. It's the first day. It's more dangerous for me. You're in my house. Nah, I wouldn't even want to know you. Exactly. I'm taking the risk. So don't do it. Public place we meet. We go out, we kick it. We have fun. I'm telling you guys, picnic, man, subway sandwiches, Doritos, you know what I'm saying? Bottles and water. And y'all bought that and talk about how tough life is right now. I'm really not mad at that. I like outdoors. I like walking and everything. Like, that's fine. Springtime, summertime. You know, take them. I'm going to have to eat something, but.

Take her for a ride on the subway. Yeah. And that's what you're suggesting. No. That's nice. The first thing she's going to do is just tell her friends how broke you are. Yeah. And she broke, too.

That's the first of all. Let's talk about that. They can't. They can't. They can't. And men, it's where you've got to take your power back. They can be broke. Men take your power back.

The same thing that women want from us, we got to want from them. What if we started talking about? We don't want no broke-ass woman. We don't want no broke-ass woman. But girls always got a thousand-dollar. Why? Girls always got a thousand dollars. Not in this economy.

No, in this economy specifically, every girl got a thousand. Not in this economy. Every girl. Nobody got a stack to give, no box in this economy. No, there's guys out there with a stack to give. Get one of these crypto dudes, a tech guy. Yeah, but they got a thousand. So are you happy being just the number on the roster?

I just said you got 1,000. Every girl got the first thousand. Damn. Damn. I mean, listen, you could be an eater on a rich man's roster. if that's what you want. I just don't know what happened to creativity. What happened to creativity?

You girls got like, Don't put me in that category. You know, I can tell you what happened to creativity when women put so much emphasis on guys having money so guys felt like all I got to do is have the money.

Exactly. Forget focusing on being creative. You do what your one. You do what your one. Exactly. If you guys like fucking poets, we'd be writing poetry. Word is wrong.

Y'all like hedge fund manager. Word is fun. And poetry got you the pussy niggins would be out here rhyming their ass off. Women dictate society. Men gravitate towards the things that women want. If you, if women are upset with society, change it. Yes.

It's your fault. You could fuck society into whatever you want it to be. You want some skinny jeans, we wear skinny jeans. You want some baggy jeans, we wear baggy jeans. Apply that to jobs too. I got my eyebrows arched back in the day because some women convinced me to do it. They told me that's what Tupac did. He got his back arched for a guy.

That's what they told me to do. That's y'all being dumb. They said Tupacacac got his eye. eyebrows arch. I said, what shit all arch on meeting? How about y'all have a mind? No. Start fucking teachers. I guarantee you these students will get way better grades because all the smart dudes will go and start teaching so they can get laid. If society is fucked up in a free society where women can choose to do whatever they want

and they can reward whatever they want, then it's on women. Put poetry over the paper. That's it. The poetry is what gives me the person. What do you want guys to do? And I'll start being a poet. That's it. I've always said, like, a magic trick, and you like my little dad jokes.

See what I'm saying? A magic trick, I would get out of panties. You know. That's fire. I love a magic trick. I love a magic trick. It has to be a dope-ass magic trick. Shout out the Pee for pulling that rabbit out the hat.

Shout out to him. Shout out to Pee. Shout out to my men. Pete said, I got the magic stick. I wish we had that on camera. I love a magic trick. I love a magic trick. I do. Shout out the peace.

It is what it is. All right, shout out the peace. You want a good magic trick? Come here. Come here. Come here. Ready? Take this. Don't look me in the eyes.

You obviously take this, right? Okay, right, take this, right? I want you to, I don't want to say blow on that, but I want you to say avocadabra. Right? Avicadabra. Yeah, you do that. Say abracadabra. Pound one time.

pound two times pound three times Jesus Christ Disappear I knew where it was already That was in the magic trick

Oh it's in this hand Yes Do you think she's three Oh shit You put it somewhere Can you You have me focus on that hand Go back and sit down man

That's magic That's magic That's magic I'm gonna tell you'll be fire Yeah On his cock That's why it would be fire If y'all was actually

No serious If he was actually trying to holl at you and y'all was actually kicking it and been on a few dates and y'all like each other, he makes the ring disappear and you can't find it, but then you find it on his cock, fire. I'm going to be tired of it. I love this guy. I don't think it would be, though. That would be fired.

You'll be telling your girl's like, oh, he took a ring and he made it disappear and it reappeared on his cock. I had to fuck him. Can I say something, though, about the dating scene? What? Take off your shoe. Which one. Doesn't matter? right shoe. Now look in that right shoe.

Here. Turn it upside down. Shake it out. There's nothing in here. You dumb ass. It's not. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Oh. Oh.

The way I'm doing that. But that's not how you're going to get the person, though, then. No, that's obviously why not. Why not? I was just seeing. You know. See. But wait, can I say, though, the problem, too, though, with dating, like, for instance, me and I mean, like, we came in with the tension of what we wanted from each other.

Yes, you guys were very serious about your relationship. Yeah. But other people, they say they want to. serious relationship, but they're not willing to take those levels to do it. You're right. Like UNP, clearly your soulmates, y'all had an intention. Y'all know y'all want to spend the rest of your life with each other. Most people would be wanting just to fuck.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? If you find that special person that you actually want to be with, you will be intentional about it. Not to divert here, but come over here one last time. Yo. Just come. One last time.

One last time. Go. One last time. Come here. That's magic might work for real. Magic might be it. For real, guys. Mass, messy.

Okay, ready? I want you to say, I want you to put your hands down. Okay? Hold on. Look, I'm not doing anything, right? Okay. Who's behind me? Stay right there.

What are you doing? Stay right there. Hold on. Okay. Was that crazy that it was in your hair the whole time? Was that crazy that it was in your hair the whole time? Yes, it was so crazy. It was so crazy.

How did I do that? He did magic to me, girls. Oh, my God. How did I do it? How did I? Can you explain how I did it? I don't know where you were hiding the ring at. Imagine what you would do with a condom.

That's why you got to be careful out here with me. There's a lot of magicians. Yeah, last fact. But no, be creative, man. Get back to being creative. yo let's do some asking idiots yeah let's do some asking idiots I gotta go do daily show man

oh you're doing daily show what are you guys talking about what am I talking about tonight tonight I am I'm telling the GOP to stop being pussy GOP yeah the GOP

to stop being pussy say it talk to me what will this air this will be out after daily show I'm essentially telling the GOP let us know in 2020 is it going to be

a Democrat versus a Republican or a Democrat versus a king? Ooh. Stop pussyfooting around the whole 2028. We know y'all want Trump to run again. We know y'all, you know, trying to say fuck the Constitution. We see what's happening with the redistricting. Let's just go ahead

and make it happen. Question on that. Like, how could he possibly run again based on popularity? Like, isn't it in the GOP's best to get this guy to fuck up out of you? Guys, guys, guys. You think they're going to get in line with another fucking war for no reason, no Epstein files?

If he runs again, it doesn't matter. Democracy is we know it is done. It would be a sham election. Sure, sure, sure, agree. You get the point I'm trying to make, which is like, if you're going to be king, you got to just be king because if you actually ran, who the fuck would support you even in your own party. I agree, other than the, like, the die-hard, maga.

But they're retarded. At this point, you're retarded. Like, I'm sorry. It literally, permanent war, Epstein files. Like, this is... He literally said this week, he doesn't care about America and people's financial situation. I saw that shit. All he cares about it that Iran don't have no nuclear weapons.

What the fuck? Since when can a president multitask? Since when can a president, you know, make sure Iran don't have nuclear weapons, but also care about the promise that you said one UDUDU. election. You told us that you won the election because of one word, groceries, and you said you was going to fix the economy on day one. I mean, how you don't give a fuck about America's financial situation? He can care about Iran and golf, but he can't care about Iran and if Americans can afford to put food in their mouths. Nah, dude. There was an interesting video I saw. Let me see if I can

find the video. I want to know what you. I'm curious to see which one, which people in the GOP starts separating from him so that they could start building up the base. Hasn't the one guy started already? J.D. or Rubio? No, no, no. The senator who's been kind of at the... Massey at the face of the Epstein stuff. Oh, is he going to run? Well, I feel like he's

made the most kind of like distinct split so far. Oh, he's been on that ass from the beginning and respect. A dude from South Carolina too. But one is not enough. The one that basically told Trump that, you're not doing this redistricting. You can't call me tell me what to do. What's his name? His name is...

But did you see the hearings with the nominees? Oh, that's Massey. That's Shane Massey. Yeah, for federal judges. But you're talking about the other Matthew. You're talking about when I be with Roe Conner. Yeah, that one. But what I'm talking about is they asked,

I think it was nominees for a federal judge position. Would they just out and out say that Trump running for a third term was unconstitutional? Oh, I use that clip. I'm using that on the Daily Show. They won't say it. He can't even just say it. Who won't say? It's unconstitutional.

Just say it. These motherfuckers are so pussy. Just say it's unconstitutional. Because it is. It is. I want to know what y'all think of this. I find this interesting. Listen to this.

Soon you guys are all going to see that this has absolutely nothing to do with them worrying about losing their terms. They wouldn't be worried about singular seats like South Carolina, which is already a red state, and I highly doubt it's going to change. It's not. This has everything to do with them trying to get to the meat

and potatoes of their plane. I mean, it's logical thinking. You know, gerrymandering. They're trying to get the seeds because they don't want to lose the midterms, very surface level. They're going to lose them. No, no, no, no. Listen, no. The real meat and potatoes is them getting two-thirds majority so they can change the Constitution.

That's the real plan here. And the sooner that we realize that, the sooner that everybody starts to realize what they're doing, then we can figure out what to do next as a whole. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Can I, first of all, like, one terrifying, but also, how on earth is it possible that the Democrats could lose the midterms given unbelievable levels of corruption from the administration and the cronies? Another war that nobody asked for and nobody understands and nobody supports unless you are,

have family in Iran or you have family in Israel. Those are the only people I've spoken to in America that are like, all right, this sounds good. Okay? None of the wars that he said are going to stop have been stopped. And refusal for a single person to get arrested over the Epstein files. Like not the only person that's been arrested over the Epstein files outside of Epstein who's dead is, is Gilain Maxwell. Which is already hilarious that like a woman, the one woman involved is the only person in jail. How can the Democratic Party not...

Because Republicans are going to cheat. If it was a free and fair election, it wouldn't be closed. But how do you cheat? How do you convince people that they're doing a good job? Like, what are they delivering on for you? What can they hang their hat on? That's what I'm trying to understand. I'm with you.

All I'm simply saying is everybody needs to look alive because the rigging is clearly happening right now. But this is a golden opportunity galvanized support against this. Why are you telling me there's a chance that they might win. How has there not been... But also... You know, is the gerrymandering that's going on now? But what this woman just said is true.

It ain't about the gerrymandering. It's about them getting the two-thirds. But they can change the constitution. But why are we even talking about two-thirds majority? Like, you should be getting swallowed up in the midterms. How did the conversation go from absolute demolishing in the midterms to now they potentially could get a two-thirds majority after the mid-th century? Like, what is happening here?

If they get two... Who knows? Trump and the administration are handing... they're handing America on a silver battle to the Democrats. And obviously I agree, but what just happened in Indiana? He picked five, you know, seven guys, five of them one. Like, I mean, can you play this? This is one of the most extraordinary clips I've ever seen.

I've seen it. We see it. Mr. Mark, is President Trump eligible to run for president again in 2028? Senator, without considering all the facts and looking at everything, depending on what the situation is, this to me strikes. is more of a hypothetical of something that could be now. Has President Trump been elected president twice? President Trump has been certified the president of the United States two times.

Is he eligible to run for a third term under our Constitution? I would have to review the actual order to it. The language of the constitutional amendment that makes it clear that no, he is not eligible to run for third term. Arrest that guy. Anybody else brave enough to say that the Constitution of the United States prevents President Trump from seeking a third term? That guy's an elected official? Who is that guy that he's a... Anybody willing to apply the Constitution

by its plain language in the 22nd Amendment? Who is he speaking to? Nobody. All right, let's move on. Is this like a Republican nominee for a judge, federal judge? And the guy won't say it's unconstitutional or unconstitutional

around for a third time? How can you be a judge if you're not even going to honor the Constitution? So to answer your question, Schultz, I don't fucking know. I just know everybody needs to look a lie. You know what I'm saying? That's all the fuck I can tell you. Everybody look alive.

There's a clear offensive game plan that has been created. Motherfuckers need to have a defense. That's all I know. Yo, he's giving you the offense and the defense by being historically unpopular. Like, I don't understand how this. But he's not unpopular if Republicans in Indiana follow his lead and vote for him. People still fuck with him. Yeah, I don't know if like Indiana is.

the litmus test for the whole country. What state was the guy who won the seat? He won by like 68% of the vote and they... Oh, Louisiana where they threw out 45,000 votes? They just threw it out. Like, no, no, we're getting rid of that. Why? What the fuck, no. What would their justification be? The guy didn't give a justification. I mean, you can find the clip. He basically said it. It's not my job to explain why. He said that, right? Yeah. Yeah, he said that. See if you can find that clip. Hold on. I want you to know this case. Hold on. Sixty eight percent of votes, seat thrown. out. Damn, I knew the dude name too, man. Yes, he won 68. Calvin Duncan. That's his name. Hold on. We pull up the story

of Calvin Duncan. Calvin Duncan, black man in it was Louisiana? That's the clip I'm thinking of. I'm not sure if it's the same. But in Louisiana, they definitely threw out about 40,000 votes. Yes, Calvin Duncan, a black man and Democrat, won 68% of the vote to become Orleans parish clerk of criminal court. Before he could take office, Louisiana Republicans passed a bill to eliminate the very position he won and the governor signed it into law. The people voted. He won. Then the position itself was targeted after the outcome. Like, hey, what the fuck are we talking about? This happened on May 3rd,

26. A federal judge had to step in and block the law ruling it unconstitutional because they're stripped voters of their choice after the election had already taken place. Now look at who is making these decisions. Republicans control about 70% of the law. Louisiana legislator and the overwhelming majority of them are white and the Louisiana House out of more than two dozen black legislators, only two are Republicans, the rest of Democrats. And let's be clear, this isn't about who would take over the duties. The person is that role is a black, the person in that role is a black Democrat. That actually makes the point even clearer. This isn't about replacing one person. It's about eliminating the position after

voters made their decision. And then the same people turn around and tell black folks to stop talking about race. Where are the, where is CNN talking about this? Where is like MS now talking about this? Oh, this clip is everywhere. Okay. This specific one or the story? Yeah, the Louisiana. Both. Okay, good.

Everywhere. I wouldn't say everywhere, Chris. You still love giving mainstream media a lot of credit that they don't actually do that. I don't watch any mainstream media, honestly. So the how you know is everywhere. I've seen it in a lot of places. That feels like everywhere. I'm talking about mainstream media.

Like, this is what I'm trying to, this is what I'm trying to say. Like, we can get out there and we can white night about how things are fucked up. But when these stories come out and they're not populated through mainstream media, they're not populated through CNN. They're not populated. CBS News, MS now, Axios, PBS, the Hill. Well, Chris, you know what the problem is, is how they talk about these stories. So they'll be like, they'll be like, can Donald Trump run for another term?

Is it unconstitutional? They got more stories about Hassan Piker than they do about this. Well, this is my question slash argument in general. I think all the information is very much out there. I think for whatever reason, it doesn't resonate. And I'm being honest. I'm feeling fatigue right now. Like, I look at all this stuff and I'm like, I don't even know where to start.

I don't even know what to focus on. I don't even know. I mean, something like this clip is easy to kind of gravitate towards because it's so blatant. And there's no room to misinterpret something like that. There's no other side of this coin that they're not showing you. This is a Cinco fan who's just there to do Trump's orders. You're rightly saying, I refuse to answer whether Trump can serve a third term, right? So maybe this-

Maybe this one I gravitate towards But you're not even someone running for office You're a judge. A judge. Bound to the Constitution. To the law. To the law. There's no way to misinterpret what the law is. There's no nuance in that.

You can't run for a fucking third term, period. By the way, this is how you rile people up. This is how you radicalize people. There's patriots out here that love the motherfucking constitution. Love it. Think about what they, when they thought that an election was being stolen, what did they do? they stormed the motherfucking capital.

I mean, is there any even example in history of a president running for a third term? Well, sure. I mean, we didn't enact that until FDR. He served three terms. It's the last 85 years. But to me, my point is like, he did three and then it was enacted. And then this is current law. I believe so.

Got it. Okay. That makes sense. So this is the law and you are bound for the law. Unconstitutional. It's in the Constitution. It literally says you can't run. You can do two terms.

That's it. Let's do some. After the interview is Terrell. This is also a president that was supposed to go to jail, and he just took a mugshot and left. I don't know what to say. Wasn't he supposed to go to jail? Taylor's amazing.

She is. She is. She is. She is. I hate you. I hate you. You know, this is also cereal. You pour milk in it and eat it with a spoon.

And preferably for breakfast. What are you talking about? I'm just saying, like. Taylor, you want to see another magazine? No, leave me alone. Manjee. I'm trying to do smasper idiots. Let's do two after idiots because I got to go.

They texted me like, yo, traffic is crazy. Whatever. Let me see. What's corn mix? Corn Mix underscore says, do you guys think America would benefit from another lockdown? No. Wow. No.

No. I won another lockdown for a real. You do? First of all. Yeah, calm shit down. It's too much. First of all, the economy is already in. First of all, it's not getting locked down under this administration.

That's number one. But we could have statewide lockdowns, like last time. There wasn't a federal, you know, shutdown last time. They're not going to do that, though. But, no, they're not going to do that. Because the economy is already in the toilet, and we saw what happened last time. Last time, America shut down for two weeks and needed a bailout. Okay.

The richest country in the world, the land of milk and honey, needed a bailout after two fucking weeks. Literally, if some shit like this happened right now, America. could get replaced as the superpower in this world. Might be happening as we speak. Might be happening as we speak. They're having a convo about it. That's what I'm saying.

Might be happening in Beijing right now. What do you think's happen about in that Beijing conversation right now? I think Trump's going in with very little leverage. I think he had a lot of leverage before and he spent it all. You know, obviously I'm focused on Taiwan,

but I did talk to a guy who's writes a lot about international relations and I was kind of asking like, Why aren't they just going to take Taiwan during these discussions? And he's like, actually they can take Taiwan anytime they want. And what they can take right now that they haven't been able to take before is the type of international prestige America's always enjoyed for the last hundred years. As the police, the peacemakers, the, you know, China's never enjoyed that reputation.

America's vacating it right now, essentially. But they don't want that reputation. Maybe they do. If they don't have to pay for it. Right. If they don't have to pay for it. So we'll be the big guys who come in and solve Iran. We'll be the ones who take the position that the U.S. is letting go of right now. And then we'll take Taiwan five years from now or 10 years from now. What's the rush?

Question. Is the only hope for Republicans if they're able to stop the Iran war and the Ukraine war? Well, I mean, stop a war that they started that hasn't. move the needle. It's like such a fucking crazy question. Yes, that's the worst part. Like, we don't have to be in this situation. We're in this situation because of incompetence.

Gas prices are up because of incompetence. Pure. You did something that no president would do because they're just all smart. We're just crawling to get back to the status quo that was in place six months ago. It doesn't, we're not even talking about Venezuela or any of these other things. I'm not all about that shit. Right. Isn't that crazy?

There's no plan. There's no fucking. I know. Yeah. So, no, we would not benefit from another lockdown. Mind you, I'm a cancer. I like being home. I love it. But no, we do not need that right now. Especially not right now. I got a daughter going to college. You might have got time. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, y'all really don't want to be home like y'all think y'all want to be home. If a lot of people didn't die, then your daughter won't go off to college and now you get a few more years with that at home. Yeah, shut up. I'm just saying it's slowed down. What really happened is he paid 90 grand to have her do remote learning from your fucking house. Curtis born. If she, if she, if I got to pay that much to do goddamn remote learning, she got to go to DeVry or something. What the fuck? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no doing this shit. I feel like the slowdown would just help mentally. I don't think so. I think it would drive us even more crazy. I really do.

I think there's more people mentally ill and dealing with mental health issues now than there was during COVID. And there's also more desperation. Yes. Like desperation matched with mental illness and mental health issues is a horrible concoction. And if I'm desperate financially, I know mad people are home. That shit, there probably so much more home invasions. Well, if you know people are home, you're not going to invade. Why not? Because they're there.

That's the, they don't, you think they care? They shoot. You want people at work. No, no, no, no. They want you right then and there. Let me tie you up so you can show me where everything's at. Yes, I'm telling you, that's what that shit goes down, unless you know that, unless you know there's some valuables in the house. If you know that there's valuables in the house, that's different.

Other than that, show me, I don't even need to know where to safe at, because you know the combination. Open that motherfucker. Shit can get ugly, man. What else we got, Taylor? One more? Yeah, let's do one more because I got there. Ease on down.

Ease on down to roll. I want to scroll back up? What the fuck did that say? No. That's a good good question. Let's end with that. That's a good question. If you were on death row, who said this?

Who said this? Jonathan Williams Rosario. He said, if you're on death row but allergic to peanuts, would you want a peanut butter and jelly to go out on your own terms? And think about it, you never had a peanut butter and jelly. You heard about P.B. and J your entire life. You never got to bite into one. You know what I probably would do?

Just give me like three uncrustables. I don't even need to make the whole PBMJ. Just give me three uncrustables, warm it up just enough. Let me die a happy. Wow. You know what I mean? Let me die of fucking They're not better than the actual

peanut butter They're not But boy, them uncrustables know how to slap When they slap you hear me They will Smith with it Like they just They just, ooh They just

Uncrustables Now there's nothing like some white bread Peanut butter and jelly Cut in half But boy and uncrustable at the right time Yeah man I want a gourmet peanut butter That's what I'm saying

I want the good peanut butter I want the I want the jam with the seeds a little bit in it like yeah i want a fancy one dude i don't want no jam with the seeds i want my my shit process yeah i don't like that i don't like that jam with seats but wouldn't you rather die by uh lethal injection than by having an allergic reaction to peanut and a phlegic shock yeah i've never had an allergic reaction i don't even know how i feel but you both of those things can be true like

you could eat it right before you go get your lethal injection enjoy it for like 30 seconds low key get the lethal injection then start eating the pb and j and then you realized that man you had something to live for. You would have made different decisions in your life if you were able to eat PB&Js. What if PB&J means penis blow in job? What if it does mean that? You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, what if? So now, what if you had to go out like that? Yeah, you asked for a PB&J, but just some guy came in. He's like, I'm here for the penis blow job. I'm here for the penis blow job. I'm here for the best blow job that you ever. Oh, my God. Men?

No, what was that? No, no, she's on the son. She was cooking. She was not to say. She was not to say. You're going to take it, though. Even if there's a guy, if you're going to take it. You're on death row.

You're on death row. You get sucked one last time. And Lily goes to your grave. You're going. I don't know if I'm going. Respectfully, I don't want to risk it right now. You think that's what would? I don't know.

I don't know. I just don't want to risk it. And Lily, go to your grave, though. No one knows. God knows, man. God's watching. I can't add, listen, I can't add more sins on to the ones I already got, allegedly. Okay.

And you go to the scripture. You're going to make God watch the whole thing. Oh, my God. And then God will be like, this is what you was thinking? Really? Right when you was about to go this with you was saying, right when you was about to meet me? He'd say, and you can have. Close the gates.

You know what I'm saying? Close the gates. And he'd probably give you the Satan, not because of the gate, just because this is what you really thinking about in your last. days a goddamn blowjob. Your last minutes on this earth, you want a fucking blowjob? I mean, you probably would. Yeah, like that.

You probably would. Last meal or last blowjob? From a woman? No, I'm asking. What would you take? No, he's saying that's what gay guy's last meal is. Last meal or a blowjob? An ethical blowjob.

Last meal. Last meal. The meal will last longer than the blowjob. You also might be. stressed, even getting hard. I live a little bit longer eating, you know, blowjob, you know, 25 seconds, I'm gone. All right, you know why you got time for that shit, man?

You know what I mean? Yo, take your time. Take your time. No rush, man. No rush. Stretch this out. As always, if you listen to this podcast, you think we're smart, you think we're intelligent,

you think we're brilliant, you're absolutely right. But if you think we're just, but if you think we're just a couple idiots and don't know shit, you're right, too. It's the brilliant of this podcast. Thank you for listening. Peace.