The Brilliant Idiots - The Garden Party

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

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I love the premise of this show. Smart people talking about dumb shit. I think it's dumb people talking about smart shit. Oh, we go where we're not supposed to go, baby. The Brilliant Idiots Podcasts. Yep, Salomey and the God. Andrew Shult. We are The Brilliant Idiot's podcast,

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to get up to 55% off site wide for this insane Black Friday special. That's up to 55% off site wide. with cold idiots at exter.com. Let's start the motherfucking show. Hezzy? Yes, sir. Hezekiah Walker.

Yes, sir. Hezekiah Walker, Andrew Schultz, this week announced that today is Tuesday. We're recording us on a Tuesday, by the way. He announced on Monday that he was doing Madison Square Garden. Very heartwarming video with you and your father. Yeah, that's cool. The living legend, Larry legend. He gave you the fist bump like, ooh, you bought a good one home.

You know what I'm saying? When you bring your fine ass fiancé home, your dad is like, okay. You know what I'm saying? He hit him with that fist bump, man. Tickets went on sale the day at 12 noon. It is 118. No, tickets went on sale at noon, right? They went on sale at 9 in the morning.

9 in the morning. By what time were you called? A little before 11. A little before 11 a.m. Shote was called and they said the garden is sold the fuck out. Madison Square fucking garden is sold the fuck out. Okay?

Not the goddamn theater. All right? Okay. No disrespect. Everybody who's done the theater, the theater is big too. But not the theater at the garden. The whole garden. Jay Z said, you got to pardon, Jay for selling out the garden in a day.

The Hezzi stole it out in 90 minutes. The Heavs sold it out in 90 minutes. We're not making this up. We're not making this up. Are we making this up? This is not one of those times where I'm lying and you should believe me. Sean, man. The greatest compliment Charlie gave me, he goes,

do you realize that you are going to be on the floor of a sold-out Madison Square Garden and you're not even coaching 12 black dudes? You're not even coaching 12 Negroes, man. This is you going one on what? The accomplishment of a white man. Man, listen. I don't know how you feel. That is funny.

Most white guys in order to be here. Yes. Think about it. Pat Riley. Yo. You know what I'm saying? Pat Riley couldn't sell out the freaking garden without 12, 7-foot Negroes. Okay?

Oh, shit. I got to pour it, Taylor. Yeah, but I know. Shot glass. You don't got no glass, Alex? I took a sip. My bad. Come on, man. This is big, man.

This is big. This is crazy. This is big. Taylor, you drinking? Oh, shit. Cheers, man. Cheers. Cheers, man.

Cheers, man. Cheers, cheers. Cheers, cheers. Cheers, cheers. Cheers, cheers. Cheers. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Let me share this one. Cheers. Cheers, man. Cheers. Cheers, bro. Cheers. Cheers, cheers.

Cheers. Yeah. For a guy who grew up in Manhattan. I think you need to adjust that cam. For a guy who grew up in Manhattan, New York City kid, everything. Going by that theater all the time. I remember one of the first things you ever told.

Arena. Arena. The arena. Yeah. One of the first things you ever told me when I met you, I remember you saying, I think we was at a fight or something. And you was like, your dad always told you

to show respect to the garden. Oh, yeah. Put on a college shirt. Always, yeah. I had to wear a college shirt every time I went to the garden. And now you sold out that venue that means so much. Damn right. How do you feel?

I mean... I feel unbelievable. It's shocking. Why? You've been putting in the work. It's not about like, oh my God, I'm so surprised. It's more like I've thought about something for 16 years every single day. And then to see it actually happen is a surreal.

Does it scare you? Because now you know the law of attraction is real. You know that your thoughts can really become things. Manifestation is real. Those things I've always believed. I do always believe. It doesn't mean it's going to happen right away. But, you know, obviously like this, it takes time.

Yeah. that I fucking believed it could happen. I remember every time I would go into the garden, we're seeing a concert, or any time I could, especially in concerts, you can go to the center. You know,

and I would just go in there, I'd sit down, I'd just kind of like imagine what this was going to be like. And fuck, man, it is an awesome feeling. The reason I tell y'all, y'all got to stop campaigning yourself

for Andrew Shokes is because, you know, Andrew's name is like synonymous with so many things right now. It's a blueprint for a lot of different things. But until you have a fan, that shows up and supports you with their dollars the way Andrew does. Don't talk to me about your views.

Don't talk to me about going viral. If you don't have a true fan base that shows up to support you with their dollars, then to me you don't really have the value that you think you have. Value over viral. You have a fan base. I got to thank you for that, man. You shared your fan base with me. That's what got it started.

No, bro. I don't like when people say that only because we started bringing this together. But you brought so much more to brilliant idiots at that time. And you still bring so much more. That's not true. But I'm just saying, like, I got the opportunity to be in front of people that liked comedy. They appreciated your version of comedy, which I think is kind of similar to mine. So it gave me the opportunity to do that.

And there are other people along the way that also were instrumental, but you were the first person that I think introduced me to a fan base. being on TV is one thing. Maybe people fuck with you, maybe they don't. Maybe they just fuck with the show. How many people are, you know, the host of a show and the second they stop hosting it, all of a sudden people stop caring about them.

Yeah, asking anybody on Fox News? For real. They're the biggest person in the world, and then, I mean, I guess Tucker's doing all right, but there's a lot of people that the second they leave is a rap for them. So that was huge for me, man. I think it's interesting with the podcast game

because podcasts might even give you more of a cult-like following than even radio. Because sometimes you can get in your car and, you know, you might just be forced to listen to radio. You got to go out of your way to listen to a podcast. So, you know, you can't. You're opting in. You're opting in. So it's just like, yo, it's one thing, we could do brilliant idiots and it's one thing to be successful for a couple of episodes.

We've been doing this for 10 years. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's when I knew the Brecklands Club was something. It's when I saw that it was the YouTube numbers. And I was like, oh, people are opting into this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not flipping through channels because they're in traffic.

That's right. They're opting in. And you're meeting people where they are. Exactly. And the same thing with stand-up, even just putting your stuff online, especially when we started early when it was just YouTube. It was like, you're opting into this clip. You're opting in.

Nobody was doing that before Andrew Shokes. If they were, I didn't see it. I know Louis C.K. You know, put out specials online. But I'm talking about giving away clips. You got to think we come from the era where you didn't give your stand-up away. Yeah. That was your bread and butter.

You know what I'm saying? Like, that's why people didn't want to do specials because they felt like, oh, if I give this hour away then I can't go on the road and tour it. You know what kind of nuts it takes for you to put out clips? They say, you're going to start giving away clips of my stand-up specials. Yeah, that's the thing that, like, well, people,

sometimes people say, you know, you started, you know, clips, you started people doing YouTube special and that kind of stuff. And, but what I would say, the fundamental change that happened from that was the relationship with material. And maybe that was my, change of the game. It's like instead of material being a thing you hoarded and then you put out for a special and hope that people saw and then maybe you were able to go on the road because of it,

it became your tool to get people to come out and see you. So now you don't have to hope that you get an HBO special and hope people watch it and hope that you could tour. I literally see myself and other comics putting out the thing that we care the most about getting the positive reinforcement and building fan bases from it. The podcast make you feel like that because you were putting out such high level content every week. Hell yeah. Also, just like, podcast gets you to cement, like, who you are. It's hard to lie for two hours.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Not really. It's actually fun. It's actually kind of fun to lie for two hours. Who been lying for two hours, hell? We've been telling the truth for all day. It's like, yo, can I go live for a couple hours for entertainment?

This guy. You don't think so? You don't think so. I like lying for a couple hours for entertainment, man. Yeah, it was good. It's been fun, man. It's been 10 years, man. It's been fun and shit.

But I'll tell you something, man. This shit, man, watching you. And I told you, when you text me, when you text me Sunday, I said, we got to sell this shit out of 24 hours. Yeah, it was great. What the fuck we got to do? That's also the coolest thing is, like, there's moments where you're going to do something.

you're really excited about and like when you tell your friends about it and they're like all right how are we how are we solving you got damn right but you feel it's overwhelming bro yeah yeah yeah yeah because i think it's so easy especially in this game to be like there are people who they have envy or jealousy i'm very fortunate like the people that i've built with are the people that want to see other people win now you say that a lot but i know it through execution and it's like and like you know rogan is like that, literally the best people of what they do are like that. Isn't that funny? Absolutely. And the people who are not like that, there's this thing in, they reap what they sow.

You reap what you sow? There's this thing in stoicism where it talks about, which I don't know if I necessarily agree with, maybe, but they said every time you hear something about somebody, there's a technical term for it, but there's like a little bit of envy comes into place. But then they say you have to turn that envy immediately to joy. Yep. meaning you put yourself in that person's shoes. And you're genuinely happy for that person and what that person accomplished.

And they said you should constantly, constantly, constantly practice that because of what you just said, you will reap what you so. You know what I'm saying? So you should be ecstatic for people. Like that shit excites me when I see Andrew put out the video with his pops. I'm like, oh, shit, this is going to. First of all, I'm like, this is going to kill her. Oh my God

There's women that probably don't like Schultz That's going to be like oh he got me I'm going to come to this show You know what I'm saying There's something Because you don't see guys Guys don't give it up for their dads like that Yeah

You know what I'm saying Mommy gets a lot of credit Like to see what happens When a man pours into another man Which is his son And just gives him that confidence And like it's like

Yo That's where Shultz gets His ability to feel like he can accomplish any 100%. You know what I'm saying? 100%. Like that shit is different. Like don't blame me if I'm like overly confident.

That's not my fault. What do you want your child to be? That's my dad, bro. My dad did that. You know what I mean? And my mom too. Like shout out my mom as well. But like, yeah, like I had a very,

my mom, I just found this out recently. My mom told me she's like, after you were born, I went back to work and your dad took off. Wow. Because he had a job. He was like producing news at NBC.

Wow. So he took off. and he just was with me the first six months of my life. And I wonder if part of that is, you know, like a bonding that we kind of made right there. He was a phenomenal dad through and through, like never took a day off in 40 years of my life. Never took a day off. But I wonder if there's something happens there. Absolutely.

First few months. That's how I was my oldest daughter. Really? Yeah, because she was born in June of 2008. I got fired November 2nd of 2008. My wife was going to work. I was too proud to go collect unemployed. So I was at home with my daughter for like seven months.

I didn't get another gig until like May of the next year. Wow. So like seven, eight months. So when you see, when you see the confidence that my daughter has and she's a cancer like me. Yeah. And like she's very not slick at the mouth,

but quick with it. And like, you know, and she's super well read. So it's just like, this is me. I mean, it's the best version of me and my wife.

But this is me. But yeah, it's a, even though, you know, she's 15 or don't want none to do with me right. Now it's still that bond. And what would you do at 15?

What was I doing at 15? I'm saying you would be the exact same way. Oh, I was shook of my pops. That's why when I see you... That's why when I see you... You just ain't tasing people. Exactly. The only difference between you and your dad

is that you're not scary. My dad gave me a false sense of confidence. Ooh. You know what I'm saying? Like when I look at what you... It's funny because both our dad's the name Larry, but when I look at what your dad... poured into you. My dad gave me

a false sense of confidence, but that's only because he was still figuring things out for himself. You got to think he was still dealing with substance abuse issues and trying to get his life together, dealing with his own mental health issues, so he was trying to figure things out. You know what I mean? What do you mean a false sense of confidence?

Because he had an idea of what he thought a man should be. You know what I'm saying? I don't know if your dad, I could be wrong, but it don't seem like your dad told you this is what manhood is. He never told me thing. He didn't tell him. He just showed you. I just

observed it. Yeah. And he just there's a couple that he told me the importance of apologizing. That was one. And I remember that distinctly. Like he's like, it's important to apologize when you do something wrong. It takes a man to apologize when you do something wrong. And I think that's been really helpful

in my life. Like, it's okay. You're going to fuck up. And you've got to fucking apologize. I say I'm sorry. You ain't sorry, motherfucker? You ain't sorry? You ain't sorry? You know what I'm saying? You apologize. Ain't shit sorry about you. I kind of agree with your dad.

I get what he's saying. Yeah, I do. You do seem like some of the way sorry, but we're saying. He meant like you're not a sorry motherfucker like how a team is sorry. You know what I'm saying? Like you're a sorry-ass player.

That's what he meant it by. He meant it like, yo, he's not sorry. You know what I'm saying? Say you apologize. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we're nitpicking now. Yeah, exactly.

It's like, come on. But I don't know. I just, he was always there. He'd come to every. single game. It's so funny, even as an adult, like, Jamil, you know, Jamil, you know, Jamil, hit me, he said something. He goes, did you ever see another parent at one of our basketball games? And I, and I thought back, and I was like, oh, shit. You play with all black guys? He's the only white guy in the team? What happened? What happened? What happened? Jamil's black,

by the way. I mean, y'all didn't know. I mean, Jewish Jamil. Yeah. Jewish Jamil. No, no. And it was just like, yeah, he was just always there. And I think a confidence comes from that. Like your parents just always wanted to be involved. Having your back. Having your back and just being like present and, oh, you have a thing, I want to be there. Even to this day, he'll ask every single time I'm going on and say, you know his memory is not there. But like every single time, he's like, you're going up tonight? I'm like, yeah, he's like, can we come? Like, as a knee jerk reaction. Wow. And I think that that kind of sticks with you and makes you feel like the things you do are important.

How many times did he seen you on stage? Oh, plenty. Tons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that is, Radio City was obviously big and then, you know, and then Madison Square Garden will be big, you know. That's the one. You were fighting back tears in that video, bro. That shit was hard, bro. That shit was hard. Because he's right there, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he doesn't know exactly what's going on. Like, you know, my dad is what's called MCI, so his short-term memory really isn't there. So I couldn't tell him why I brought him there.

But at the same time, he's just in the garden. He's like, why are we here? And then he'll keep asking. He'll never forget the garden. Never forget the garden. Never forget the garden. He'll never forget the garden. He was very present in that video to me.

He saw Ali Frazier in the garden. Shit. Like, I mean, he's just seeing so many things there. And, like, I mean, the way he would talk about it, especially when you're from New York, like, I know the Knicks haven't been great while we're alive, but the garden was still representative of greatness. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Like, this is just where you saw greatness. And, oh, man, I can't even, yeah, still. You got to bring back that feeling. 100%. That's the fucking show, show that that shit got to feel like the Knicks in the 90s. Real talk. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Like, that shit got to feel like that. Like, you got to feel like that come made fucking fourth. Yeah. You know what I mean? Cinco de Mayo weekend. That's right. What if it's mad Mexicans that just decided to come up with a show? To clean up after?

Or what? Oh, shit. We're getting started, baby. You got to get ready. Get primed for fucking Cinco de Mayo Weekers. Cinco de Hezi weekers. Cinco de Hezzi. May the Fork be with you.

You got to come out there dressed like fucking Mayweather was when he fought. Yo. Yo, son. They went as the goat, bro. But, yo, we added a second. second show, man. On Cinco de Mayo! No, no, we added the third.

Oh. We added out of respect for our Mexican brothers and sisters. We know that y'all going for it heavy on the fifth. No, man. I'm so fucking proud of you, man. That shit is going to be like, God damn. Because I've been waiting for this. Because, you know, when you're trying to explain things to people

and you're like, y'all don't realize how big Shultz is, you know, because they, you know, people pay attention to our overseas. I'm a Latin pop star in America. Exactly. I keep explaining that. And I've been telling him, I said, when he comes to America and he starts selling out arenas, that's when the fuck y'all gonna really pay attention. Yeah.

And look, the garden, 90 minutes, sold out, already added another motherfucking show. Yeah. Come the fuck on, man. Yeah. Come the fuck on, man. Thank you, man. Come on, Hezzie, man. Thank you, man.

That's been awesome. Thank you. And thank you so much, bro. You've just been so instrumental in everything that's happened in my life. So I like to give you your flowers as much as I possibly can. You've been great. The world just catching on. It's been fucking great.

Respect. You've been who you are. Like, that's what people don't realize. People are who they are before they got here. You know what I'm saying? Like, you've been, you've been him. You know what I mean? You've been him.

And now people are just starting to witness that. Oh, it's going to be incredible. Oh, thank you. What else we got this? I need you in the building, bro. What the fuck kind of question is that? I need Google in the building. Like, what are you talking about?

We need Rogan coming out, man. We need to be at. You need both, bro. I mean, Charlotte got to play a role in the show, man, Charlotte got to be part of the show in some way. We got to do something. We got to do something, bro. We got it.

Yeah, what if you catch the crowd with a... What if you catch it with a... I'm no good at that shit, man. They're going to see it from a mile away. God, motherfuckers be catching me. And you know what's so funny? I can't always catch people in the street. Like, they'll try to get you crazy.

Like, this dude was walking by. You know how somebody will walk by you didn't recognize this you? Yeah. Yo, Shala! What's happening? What's up? Yo, man. You know, molten, right?

Knock it off, bro. What's molten? I don't fucking know. I didn't ask. And that's the fucked up shit. Because when you hear ones that don't sound right, you want to say what is that? Just to see how they fucking get you. You know, somebody caught me with the Israel-Palestine war.

No, man. Bro, they said, and with that, you know, you're taking it serious. So they were like, yeah, it's just horrible with this new terrorist. organization that popped up, Kisma, and I was like, who? And they're like, kiss my dick. I was like, yo, you can't use Israel Balsai to catch me with a kiss my dick. What else we got, Taylor? Why you look so depressed all of a sudden, Taylor?

What you're thinking about? What you're thinking about? I don't want you to do that. I told you. Hold on one second. Hold on one second. Talking to the mic. The mic is right there.

You got to stop. Come on, yes. Shaloh, why are you doing? Okay, so. Let's play her game. Stop calling you the game. Meme of the day. This day and a meme.

So I've been seeing that the kids, the celebrity kids, just won't be regular kids. I don't understand this. But go ahead. But recently, Joe, I don't know how I say her name, Chavez, is it? And BOWAS. Davis and Bow Wow's child.

She was saying how that she doesn't like to be on camera. She wants to be a regular kid. She won't be acting like that. Beautiful. And then same thing with Kim Kay's situation too. She wants to be in a regular apartment. North does. Yeah, North doesn't know what Kim does.

Yeah. Here's the thing. First of all, do these kids even know what regular is? Do these kids know what normal is? No. That's what I'm saying. What did it mean when they want to be normal? Even the people they're going to school with are not living normal lives.

Yeah. What is this normal? What is normal mean? I don't know. Well, here, so this is the way. Also, the arrogance to be like, I want a normal life. This is what Joy said about her child. Who's this?

Whose baby mom is that? This is badwashed being mom. Okay. Oh. What car is she in? She's driving James and the giant peach. I just want to, like, you know, be a kid and play sports and have friends. and like that I just want to be a kid.

Baby girl. In my head, I'm like, girl, you're 12, you're so talented and so beautiful and you can really be out here getting to the bag at 12. But okay, I get it. I'm not going to pressure her, so I'm like, okay, well, I'm not going to pressure you. That's not what you want to do, and you don't have to do it, but you guys...

You know the funny part about this, though? Like, she is not wrong for feeling the way she feels. because she's a mom. But I think what we don't realize is that a lot of times the things we may want our kids to do, our kids may simply not want to do. But is Bow Wow's kid really going through it? Yeah, I mean, she's a Nickelodeon star. Oh, she's a TV star.

I did not know that. Oh, but yeah, I mean, that's a little bit. Bow Wow's daughter's a Nickelodeon star? Yeah, she's a Nickelodeon. Oh, so she got every, and she's 12, she got every right to say she don't want to do it. She might be overwhelmed. Yeah. And if kids are overwhelmed, you cannot, you know, you got to let them disconnect because she's,

going to grow to hate it. Like she might just want to take a break for a second. And then she might get back to it when she feel like she want to get back to it. Like, who the hell want to be working crazy at 12? I was just reading about that in Jada Pinkett Smith books. She had this whole chapter where she talked about Willow. And you don't realize all of the things Willow was set to do. Willow had to whip my hair record.

That shit slapped, bro. That shit slapped. And then Willow was supposed to star in Annie. Oh, really? I didn't know that. And, like, she had the awareness just to be like, I don't want to do this. Like, this is too much work.

Like, I don't want to be, I don't, I want to be a child. And I'm like, yo, you got to respect the kids' wishes. Mind you, she was already in it. Like, she didn't, she disconnected when she was in it. Like, she already had signed up to do the movie. She had all of this backing. Jay Z. and James Lasseter, they had the rights to Andy, all of this shit. And she decided, yo, I don't want to do it for her.

You can't, why you can't force them as a child? Like, why would you force, once you force your child as child labor? Might as well send him to chime What? I'm serious Once you force your child to work Acting in movies is very similar to making iPhones

I mean I would agree I would agree If you don't want to be in the movie That's true If you don't want to be in the movie It can feel just as I don't know

Channel that Channel that is motivation Like Annie didn't want to be an orphan Annie didn't not want to be a fucking orphan man You know what I mean Annie was talking about The son was going to come out tomorrow. She had no idea if that was true or not.

That's not opposite. You know what? It wasn't going to for her. What happens at the end of that movie? Does she get adopted? Yeah, she got adopted during the movie. By whom? Fucking Mr. Drummond.

Yeah. No, it was Mr. Drummond, man. Then she had the two black brothers. Gosh. What the only thing I know about Andrews. Arnold and Willis? Oh, drumming his dick on your head? That?

Oh, that was That's a good show to get a lot off, though. I literally thought that's what you were saying. No, because you said drumming in the two black brothers, and I was like, is that the... No? Arnold and Willis, man. Did y'all want to see what Kim said?

Or no. What did Kim say, Taylor? I mean, it's the same... Let's see what Kim Kay said. To her dad, she'll be like, Dad is the best. She has it all figured out. He doesn't have a nanny.

He doesn't have a shack. He doesn't have security. He lives in an apartment and she'll start crying. Why don't you have an apartment? I can't believe we don't have an apartment. In the north, she'll go to her dad. She'll be like, dad is the best. Dad is the best.

She feels like that because Kanye probably just lets her play. You know, Kanye's a big kid himself. You know what I mean? She'd go over Kanye house and it's no pressure. Go to Kanye's apartment. There's no pressure. The grass is a little. always greener. The grass is always greener at the house that you're not at all the time.

Yeah, because it's like hanging with your grandparents. That's just fun because there's no rules. Absolutely. The rules parent is always going to be the annoying one until you get older. And then that's the parent where you're like, oh, wow, they were really fired. They really cared about me. They really wanted me to be great. Is the video done? Huh? Is the video done? Which one? The one that says you sold out 90 minutes. Yeah. Let's take a break. You got to take a flex break. Y'all can watch us do this. Where's the video? I'll let you I'm gonna repost you

I'm gonna repost you I'm gonna repost Andrew after you flex break you gotta take a flex break there is yo you start at the fucking garden in 90 minutes stop acting like this shit is normal stop acting like this shit is regular

okay this shit ain't normal this shit ain't motherfucking regular man praise me to God and the people in New York City 90 minutes conversation changes bro conversation changes you got to start looking at

looking at me different. Talk to me motherfucking nice. You got to start being like Dojie Cat. What doja Cat do? Oh, you got to show.

You should. You got to. How do you still out the second show? You got to do one video where you humble. Like, thank you very much. This and that.

And you got to do another one when you're doing what Dony Cat did. Play that again. Big Doja. You guys, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I was really mean for me to do that to say that and make that video. That was like really disturbing.

I'm serious. And then she doesn't. Why? What is that horrible? She just because she's crazy. She doesn't have a phone of the people. She must have sold some shit out. Did she sell out the garden in 90 minutes, though?

What you overthinking the caption? No, I got it. MSG sold out in less than two hours. We're adding a second show. 90 minutes. Okay. Dove said it was 90 minutes. All right.

That's what Dove said. 90 minutes, bro. Two hours is a little too long. That's a Marvel movie. You sold out in less than a fucking Marvel movie, bro. Should I say that? Or just sold out 90 minutes? No, he sold out 90 minutes.

You should do a Marvel movie. Half the time of the Scorsese film. Yeah, yeah. Half the time of a Scorsese film. 90 fucking minutes. Sorry, guys. Y'all can understand us taking a quick little flex break, right?

Huh? Huh? Just to post that show sold out the garden in 90 fucking minutes. All right, we took a quick little flex break just to post this video letting everybody know that the he's sold out the garden in 90 minutes

and tickets go on sale Wednesday at 9 a.m. for another show. Truthfully, by the time this podcast come out, y'all probably will probably be sold out of it. Second show will probably be gone. Inshallah. Inshallah. Insha-la. Inshallah.

Insha-la. Inshallah. What else we got, man? Oh, celebs are getting back with their exes. Everybody says is get back with your ex season. I mean, or Sukiana said that. Sukiana encouraged everybody to get back with their ex. Why? What's she said? Because Birdman and Tony Braxton.

Here's the thing that's so funny about this. How do we know these people even broke up? I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know they broke up. Who's that in the corner? Janet Jackson and JD. Janice and JD back together too? And who's that?

Little Meach and Summer Walker, Nellie and Ashanti? I don't think Janet and Jada are, I think they're just friends. I don't know why people care. I'm going to be honest with you. What do you mean? And I still don't understand why celebrity is the freaking blueprint for everything. Like, just because it's working for these individuals, what makes you think you should get back with?

with your ex. Does it make you want to get back with your ex, Taylor? No comment. Not them. Not them. But it's already, I'm not saying nothing else. Relax. Relax. Relax. First of all, it's not an ex. Let's be very clear. What you mean it's not an X? So what is it? A Y or Z? What is it? Huh? He's my best friend. So is it? Oh. Hold on. Is that the one who just had a baby? No. Oh. Absolutely.

Me or him? You. What do you mean? So tell us back with her best friends. I didn't know you had a best friend that was a guy. Wait a minute. This is really beautiful. Wow.

Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. You have a best friend that you've been intimate with. We started off as friends. You did all his friends. I met him back at Hampton. We started off as friends. Started off his friends.

Okay. And over time, you know, chemistry got more stronger and saw what was going on. Who is this nigga? I know. We have not ever heard of this man. No, you have met him. I brought him to the station like six years ago. Wow.

He spent my parents, all that shit. Why have you kept him away? Um, life be happening. But he's, we kept in touch him. We reconnected. That's my own. kid dude. Oh shit.

You over there blushing, doing your little feet, creasing your fucking air force. You don't even get, you know, whatever the foot of it is, George, creasing your fucking jays. You get you. Hold on. Wow. You're smitten. I mean, smitten like a goddamn kid. Yeah.

So what's going on right now? Look at you, Taylor. Blushing like a motherfucker. I wish you had a camera on you so people could see this shit. Damn. Wait a minute. So break this down. So wait, there's a...

I didn't know what you're a man in your life that you loved. Huh? What did he major in? Business. Oh, I see what the fuck happened. How long ago was Hampton Homecoming? Relax. Yeah.

Yeah. I know what the fuck happened. Wait, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you went to Hampton Homecoming last weekend or the weekend before last, huh? 30-60 MGs of that good setiva. Couple of drinks. Huh? Oh, first of all.

Before. Before Hampton, it was already, we already reconnected. But that homecoming weekend was different. Was it different? Yep. That homecoming, hoo-ha hit different, huh? Was it different, though? That Hampton homecoming, hoo-ha hit different.

It was home. Did you give him something? I just want a roughneck to go on the tongue. You guys had sex? Stop. Did you guys have sex? Oh, my God. Hampton Homecoming.

Did you use a condom? Oh, my gosh. That's why you asked me for a condom for Taylor? No. Robbins, I didn't ask me for a condom. You had your goddamn cybal wallet, and I say, can you fit condoms in here? I ain't said nothing about it. I ain't asking no condoms.

That's very true. Taylor Gay. Oh, my God. You know how I know it happened? Because the last few weeks we've been in here whenever we start talking about this tell him, I'm with a spiritual journey. Wait a minute. You found heaven, huh?

That spiritual journey ended up at. Hampton Homecoming. Like, you started doing it. I know. I'm really happy. You let your head down. You did let your head down. I compliment your hair.

Remember I compliment your jays? You tap in the laptop. You're looking up in the sky. You can't stop smiling. Can't stop smiling. Damn. Man, you might be going to give a shout out. Yeah, give me a shout out.

Yeah, your shout out. Yo, homie, shout out to you, man. Taming that wild Philly John. Where up? Finally. She's walking different, man. walking fucking different. You are walking different.

I remember when you ran to the elevator today, I was like, there's a little hobble going on over here. Did you see David Axelrod said it's time for Joe Biden to sit the fuck down? What? David Axelrod. Who's that? David Axelrod. The name sounds familiar.

Former Obama advisor. Oh. That was his title, right, Chris? Chief of Staff. Okay. David Axelrod. I thought you're talking about the character from millions. What?

Oh, what's his face is Axelrod too, yeah. All right. So what do you say to Biden? As I've said for like a couple of years now, the issue is not, for him is not political. It's actuarial. And you can see that in this poll. I mean, there's just a lot of concern about the age issue. And that is something that I think he needs to ponder.

Just do a check and say, is this the right thing to do? I've been saying that as far as like, I feel like the Republican Party should move away from Trump. man, I feel like the Democrats should move away from Biden. But to whom? That's exactly the point. There's nobody there. Nobody there.

If you're David Axelrod, no, it's plenty there on Republican side. But if you're David Axelrod and you make a statement like that, as a former chief strategist for Barack Obama, you can't make a statement like that without a plan B. Oh, that's a shot. That's a shot.

Obama and David Axelrod was talking to. I don't feel like David just came up with that. I feel like he came up on the zone. But you don't feel comfortable going out there saying that. Unless that is a very big sentiment in the whole. Democratic Party. Okay, so who do you put up there? Like if you put... I don't know. That's my

whole point. What is the plan B? You can't make a statement like that without a plan B. Michelle Obama. No, man. No. She would win. No, man. So Democrats have nobody. Democrats do have people, but they're not going to get... Who? I like Tim Ryan in Ohio,

man. I think Tim Ryan in Ohio. He used to be in the Senate. I just know the sweatshirt guy from Ohio. The sweatshirt guy. Pennsylvania. Oh, Pennsylvania. My bad. Oh, no, no, no.

I need to talk about. Tim Ryan from Ohio would be good. Can't have Gavin Newsom. No woman's going to win, Chris. We got to be honest about this. We got to start. Chris just said Gretchen Wilmer. Okay, Schultz.

No, man, it's just America. Like, it's not going to happen. But we said that about black people, too. Yeah, but it's different. It's still a man. I don't think so. You know what I'm saying? If you would have asked me back the day,

would we elect a white woman before a black man, I would have said yes. I would have told you absolutely not. No way. Just like everybody says Secretary Pete. I like Secretary Pete, but come on, y'all really think America's going to ever elect the gay man as president. Have you seen America? Exactly.

Hold on. I think America could. I think America could. A gay president? Yeah. I don't see it. I genuinely think we could. I don't see it.

They can't be all gay about it. Secretary Pete drives a minivan with his husband. That's pretty straight. That's what married couples drive. My parents drove him many of them. We got a speaker at a house right now who thinks that gay people should be banished. Banished to where? You didn't see his comments?

No. Pull up Mike Jomich's comments on homosexuality. Where? What do he say? Put it like this. His worldview, this is his words. His worldview is the Bible. Oh.

And he's the speaker at the house. He believes in conversion therapy. All that shit. Here's the thing. If you're religious, right? If you're devoutly religious, then this is your God telling you what to do and you're not questioning your God.

Yep. Okay. Isn't conversion therapy empathetic? It's not a mean thing. It's like, hey, I want you to go to heaven. I love you as a brother. You are doing this sinful act, but I think that we can help you stop doing that

through this conversion. So why isn't it there conversion therapy for premarital sex? A conversion therapy for eating pork? Convergent therapy for way and polyester. All of these things the Bible tells you that you shouldn't do. There's no question that there's tons of hypocrisy. I'm not trying to say that. What I'm trying to say is we're approaching this perspective

from people who don't take the Bible literally and we're looking at them and be like, oh, it's so rude what you're doing trying to convert these people. No, he takes it literally. If he takes it literally, he said the fall of the Roman Empire was homosexuality. and he's the speaker at a house I'm I'll hear him out I'll hear him out

we gotta hear him out gotta hear him out you gotta hear him out he might have a fire brilliant idiot that sounds like brilliant idiot's point there was a lot of pedophilia what if homosexuality crashed the Roman Empire

then explain Alexander the Great can we just be honest here Alexander the Great didn't really have an He had like a hot 10 years. She was a very hot 10 years. He had a hot 10 years really capped off by taking out Cyrus, the Persian king. But if he didn't take out Cyrus, he's almost not even remembered because that was the big accomplishment. Back then, that land was traded back and forth in tons of different ways.

He was all eagle. But taking out the Persians was like an impossible thing. I read a story about somebody he ran up on and the person wasn't scared of Alexander the Great. And somebody with Alexander said, why aren't you afraid? And he goes, he said, why aren't you afraid? This is the greatest conqueror in the world. And the guy told Alexander the Great, I'm not afraid because

I don't have a need or desire to conquer the world. I'm wording it wrong, but he basically was like, that need you have to conquer the world is your Achilles. That's your problem. I don't have that desire. I don't have the need to want to conquer the world and conquer everybody. And it did end up killing him. Absolutely.

Yeah. 100 fucking percent. I said, hold on. Did you see the Napoleon trailer? Oh, my God. That shit is so fine. How short is? Why?

I thought that, too, but he ain't sure. That's British propaganda, bro. Really? Yeah, because they were terrified of that motherfucker. He was running shit. I had a fire Napoleon joke on the Daily Show. I can't remember what it was. What was it?

Oh, it was about height. I mean, it was about how Napoleon was short. and he took over an entire continent. Abraham Lincoln was tall and he got shot in the fucking head. So who's... What a miss. Who would have missed?

Who's more successful? Who had more success? We need a short president anyway. People always talk about Napoleon complexes. Well, that guy ruled the entire continent. Abraham Lincoln was tall and he got shot in the head. So you tell me...

You tell me who's more successful, okay? But at least now I know why DeSantis is in that huge fight with Disney. It's not because of wokeness. It's because you got to be this tall to ride the magic teacups. Yo, would have missed. What a miss. How crazy is that? Yo, Abe Lincoln, bro.

Except he was sitting down. Say again? Except Lincoln was sitting down. You ever seen me when I'm sitting down? Yeah, I'm way short of sitting down and standing up. That's how Sam works. Yo, Abe Lincoln, son, Lincoln, you know Lincoln, Lincoln got the gay rumors, right? People said Abe Lincoln is gay.

That's what they called him, Stinking Lincoln? Stinking Lincoln. Stinking. Yeah, the log cabin is his ass. Yo, the log cabin. You know, bring your log in this cabin right here. Holy shit. But for real, they said he was gay.

Really? And he did get shot watching a play. gay you know what I mean like come on just saying what he did for black why is it okay

to make Lincoln jokes nowadays nah because time went by yeah enough time went by oh and there's none Lincoln's the goat like he's the motherfucking goat my brother's named after Lincoln my dad's biggest fan is Abraham Lincoln

your brother's name is Greg Gregory Lincoln Shultz oh but Lincoln is the motherfucking goat that being said his wife was crazy literally had a bat shit crazy white, right Chris? So he was probably, you know, getting sucked. But there was rumors. See,

this is how you know Abraham Lincoln was great. Whenever you got rumors that you're gay, that you're everything. No, that's how you know he's black. But that's how you know Abraham Lincoln is black, bro. Like what, what was Abraham Lincoln really? You know how you know Abraham Lincoln is really black though, for real, for real? What the fuck? That is hilarious. They got Trump on one side and Lincoln on the other. Yeah. What about Lincoln? Okay. Think about how they treated Lincoln. What what coin is he on? The penny. The only coin

this brown, right? Have you seen the Lincoln Memorial? Put up a picture of the Lincoln Memorial right now. Put him a picture of the Lincoln Memorial right now. Tell me this ain't a black man. Put a picture of the Lincoln Memorial right now from the outside. Why is the Penny Brown though? Do we know why the Penny's brown? Because Lincoln's black. I'm out of town, thugging with my round. Look at that, look at that right there. Look at the top left. You just had it. Why do we never think of me,

right, top left, top left, top left, click that right there. Yeah. Zoom in a little bit. He is the only statue behind bars. Oh, my God. They don't locked up Lincoln, yeah. That's how you know he's black.

They locked him up. He's incarcerated. And he on the brown penny. God damn. He on the brown penny. He's incarcerated. And they used them for one of the greatest. Freeway beard. You got the Philly beer.

They use them as one of the greatest anthems of all time. Go. I got five on it. I got five on it. He's on the $5 bill. The car, the black people love to drive is the Lincoln. Who! Stinking Lincoln.

Damn. Abraham Lincoln is black. God, damn. That's a black-ass man. And they shot him. Got shot. God damn, man. Drive by.

That's why don't nobody care when we make Lincoln jokes. There it is. If Link was white, they probably stopped. I got to stop making fun of the first black president, man. Yo, you know what's crazy? Have you seen, have you seen Martin Luther King's statue in Washington, D.C.? No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the one.

He got a statue in D.C.? In D.C. No, of course. Oh, yeah, yeah, on the National Monument, I think, right? But, you know, it's wild, it's white. I mean, yeah, the statue, the material. why not make it black? Why not make it out of black material?

Well, probably when they made it, they probably didn't have the color pallets to do it right. What do you mean when they made it? They made it like fucking 10 years ago or something like that. That should have been up there. Bro, they've had different color marble for fucking centuries. My point is, I like the white aesthetic.

Hundreds of years from now, 400 years from now, people are going to think Martin Luther King was white. Yeah. That's the only thing they'll have to remember him. Nah, look at those pictures, man. Go. Look at those features, man.

What feature? Wait here, what are you talking about? What's the features? That's a black man, man, man. What features? Zoom in. The lips. That's Kim Jong-un.

So that is, if I tell you that's Kim Jong-un, them lips, bro. That ain't going to be. That's a black man. That's a black man. So that is Kim Jong-un until you hit them lips. Now, they might knock the nose in the lips off. Now, the nose is still ambiguous.

They take the nose and the lips off. You might be wondering who that is. That's Steve Harvey, bro. That's Steve Harvey, bro. That's the king, man. Yo, survey says. Somebody got it. Shut up, man.

Let's pay some bills, man. Let's pay some bills, man. I got to be real quick. Word. Door Dash. Got to salute to DoorDash, man. DoorDash, let me tell you all something. I personally believe, and it's just my opinion,

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become a DashPass member today. All right, guys, we'll take a break for a second because, listen, we got to put in our picks, okay? You already know it's prize picks time. It's time to hit him with the more or less. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I got some guaranteed locks. I'm putting the quotes on it, guaranteed because it's got to be legal,

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Madison Square Garden. Thank you guys so much for selling out the first show. We're adding the second one. We're trying to go back to back at the garden. So get those tickets. I'm not sure exactly what day this episode is coming out, but whenever it does come out, Go there, get it.

These are going to be the shows. You know, I'm going to make sure that this is the wildest comedy show Madison Square Garden has ever seen. He sold out the first show in 90 minutes. I'm going to be honest with you. It was very hard to do the podcast today only because I only feel like talking about this. Because it's such a fucking accomplishment. Yeah, it's, you know what I'm saying? It's fucking cool.

So thank you guys, everybody who supported, everybody who spread the word. Everybody continues to spread the word. Keep doing that. We need that. And I love that. And it means the world. And I promise you, I'm going to. deliver the greatest comedy show

the guard has ever seen. May 3rd and May 4th. May 4th, already sold out. So when the tickets go on sale for May 3rd, by the time this comes out, it's probably be sold up. Let's hope. Let's hope.

Inshallah, inshallah. Insha-Lah. I got to tell everybody, I can't believe I forgot the book. I had it with me all day. Sluo to my guy, Doug Melville. Invisible Generals. Invisible Generals comes out. It came out Tuesday.

You know, we're recording this on a Tuesday. Invisible Generals actually came out today. You know what I mean? So that is the next release, the latest release off my book in print with Simon & Shoester, Black Privilege Publishing. The amazing true story of America's first black generals, Benjamin O'Davis Sr. and Jr., a father and son who helped integrate the American military and create the famous Tuskegee Airmen. Invisible Generals is out today. Salute to everybody that's been reviewing it. I had him on the Daily show with me last week, And after the Daily Show happened, he was like top 10 in like, no, top five in 10 different categories on Amazon, man.

So, you know, it's one of those stories. Like, not only the Benjamin O. Davis helped integrate the U.S. military and founded Tuskegee Edmund. He helped with implementing the speed limit, the 55-mile-hour speed limit. And the TSA. And what we now know is the TSA. It's like a really incredible story, man. So make sure you go out there and get invisible generals anywhere you buy books. He created the speed limit.

He helped create the speed limit. Unfucking believable. He might be single-handedly responsible for you guys being late all the fucking time. Shit to fuck that. If there was no speed limit, think about how on time black people could be. But this guy really fucked it up for you. 55 miles miles. 55.

Yeah. And so with everybody that watched me on the Daily Show last week, man. How was that, man? How did it feel? Yeah. Bro, it was the most fulfilling television experience I've had at the talk show. Amazing. It was like playing with the 90s, 90s Bulls.

Like whatever, whatever it probably felt like to play in Phil Jackson's triangle offense. It was, you know, back-to-back three-peating. It felt like that. Can you tell that joke? Can you tell that joke that you had? What was the joke? The Chinese one? Yeah.

That's so good. I mean, they played half of it. I did say when Gavin Newsom ran over the Chinese kid in China, and I was like, finally a Democrat that's being tough on China. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, he knocked the little kid down and was like, oh, COVID, bitch. Yeah. You know, and then I was like,

finally a Democrat is getting tough on China, okay? Newsom took that kid down like, oh, that's for COVID, bitch. All right? And it's bad enough Newsom ran through that kid's chest, but did they have to make that the new cover of NBA 2K? You know what I'm really thinking? How was this guy worse at basketball than Chinese people? I mean, oh, I'm sorry.

Who are your three favorite Chinese basketball players? But in all seriousness, you know, hey, glad this kid is all right. He's got to get back to . That's the only thing they cut all week. That's phenomenal. You know what I mean? But, man, it really was like,

because here's the thing about people don't realize about the Daily Show. It looks good on you, bro. But it's an institution. It looks good on you. It felt good, but it's an institution. Yes, yes. This has been around for 27 years. Yes, you were signing up for the role.

That's right. And that's what you have to know when you go into that building. I think that makes sense. Don't go in there trying to change their culture. Right. You just go in there and elevate whatever it is. And that coach already is. Like, you didn't go play for the Bulls in the 90s and change what the fuck Phil Jacksonville.

It's going to be a triangle defense. That's right. How can you excel? Sorry, triangle offense. How can you excel within the triangle? That's right. I'm going to take your table in the triangle. talents.

Yeah. And I'm going to use your talents to help us elevate what we're already doing. Yeah. Same thing with the Patriots in the 2000s, the Spurs in the 90s, 2000s, whoever you can name, whatever system it was, that's what this is. And it's such a system. The showrunner of this show, her name is Jennifer Flans. Got to give Jennifer salute to her because everything's got to the top.

Yes. Right? She's been there. She was a PA. Worked her way up. It's 96. Yep. So she gets it.

She understands the system. She understands, you know, what it is. they're trying to do. The Daily Show, I think the Daily Show has a certain post of society. And it's a certain thing we expect from the Daily Show, right? It's a bar that John Stewart said. Oh, amazing.

You know? Trevor took that baton and carried it. And I think people want that sensibility. Yes. You know? Yeah, absolutely. But I thought it was cool that you maybe pushed back against what the typical sensibility of the Daily Show would be.

Well, I think the sensibility of what it became. Because if you go back now, let's go back. Let's go back to when John Stewart was on. John Stewart was talking to both sides of the aisle. I feel like yours was more reflective of that. Yeah, because that's what we do. Like, we're the type of people we want to sit down and we want to have conversations about with everybody. Yeah.

And about everything. And just as far as being objective, that's just who we naturally are. Yeah. People say we're can change. I disagree. Right. But the reality is we just like to see things from all angles and all sides can be explored. I think as soon as you pick a side, you lose.

Yeah. I think as soon as you pick a side, you shut yourself down to learning, being educated. Agreed. Like, you cannot just shut things down. Agreed 100%. Like how you said just not even about Mike Johnson, you'll hear him out. You know what I'm saying? Mike Johnson.

Speak of the House. Oh, yeah. Who's super homophobic and hates gay people. No, I'm just going to hear him out. Hold on. Because you said his worldview is the Bible. No. I'm hearing him out about Rome.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, you want to hear about what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. Let's why, let's hear it out. Yeah, I get what you're saying. And by the way, if you don't agree, we just shoot it down. Gay dudes look like they're having a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if everybody was gay, there was too much fun and wrong.

The empire would fall. Nobody was working. America would fall. If everybody was gay, America would fall. No, everybody's having too much fucking fun. Come on. I don't know, though gay people are very organized. If everybody's gay,

Right? We'd be a very well-dressed society. We'd be well-dressed, but nobody's going to be buying shit of Sephora. A lot more empathy, we'd have. Empathy. You don't think so? Yeah. I think we'd have a lot more empathy for each other.

Listen, there'd be advantages if everybody's gay, and there'd be disadvantages of everybody's gay. Just like in life. Just like in life. Yeah, everything. Yeah, everything. But I just need to see it. I need to see it. Yeah.

Like, I need to understand his argument. Yeah. I'm with you, but that's my point. You're willing to listen. And if you disagree, you're going to challenge him on the disagreement. And the crazier argument you got, the more I want to listen to. Come on, man. The more I want to listen to.

Come on, man. If you tell me you turned into a wolf when you're younger, I want to hear it out. But it's true. That really happened. You've been telling me that for 10 years. I have no reason to lie about it. Every single time you tell me, I listen. I have no reason to lie about that.

But long story short, Daily Show is fantastic. I love that. I really really were. It was incredible experience. Flute everybody at the Daily Show, the whole production team, all the writers, everybody, I thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed myself. And it's one of those experiences where you walked away and you felt like you actually learned something.

Like, I felt like I grew from that experience. You know what I'm saying? Like I really do. I feel that out. Like how so? I learned that experience really truly does matter. Experience in hosting a show? Well, that as well, you know, and I have a lot of experience in hosting.

That was another thing, too, right? It's like, damn, because, you know, when you start to do as much television as I've done on talk shows, right? Because I had Charlemagne and friends that evolved in the uncommon sense. All of that was with MTV 2. Then we did, you know, God's honest truth. That turned in a hell of a week. That was with Comedy Central. And when the shows don't necessarily go to where you want them to go, like they end up getting canceled,

you start to question yourself a little bit like, well, I did it. You know what I'm saying? I got the opportunity to do it. You know, maybe it's not my thing. But then you constantly keep getting pulled back to do it. And then when you get to do something like the Daily Show and you're in, there with a bunch of well-seasoned, experienced writers who know how to do what it is you're attempting to do and they get it when you go in there and you say, oh, this is the idea that I have,

yada, yada, yada, yada. And they know how to execute it. You know, it just makes you feel like, oh, this is what I was. This is what I need when I'm there. This is what I need. And it's not a knocked to any of the writing rooms that we've had. But it is. Well, I'll tell you what, you can have the talent. There's levels. But you've got to have the experience. Yeah, there's levels.

You can be a raw talent that can write some fire shit, but do you know, do you have the experience? There's levels to the shit. Levels, you know what I mean? And it's okay. They should aspire also to do it. That's why you got to have rooms where you got to have your 20-year veteran. And if you want to bring in this newbie who got the talent, you got this 20-year veteran and put his arm around this newbie and show this newbie and show this newbie how to

write TV. It's the Miami Heat. It's a different ballgame. Writing TV is a different ballgame than just writing jokes. 100%. And you might need somebody who just got crazy ideas or funny ideas around people who can really polish things and then you build this great joke. Yeah. But just having people who have the crazy ideas and nobody can structure it or just having the structure and none of the crazy ideas isn't going to work. And you got to have people who just want to try shit. Yeah. One of the biggest issues that everybody has nowadays when they go in writers rooms is you will spend so much time debating what's appropriate and was not

appropriate. Debating was offensive and was not offensive. You know what I'm saying? Like you can't even have a, I can't, like if I want to do a long story short, which I did on Daily Show about, you know, Joe Biden and why Democrats are weak, like, let's just do

the take. You know what I'm saying? Like, like, like, because we all, it's not like we don't know this. Yeah. Like if we're being honest, if everybody's being honest, you know that they're week. You know America loves this gangster shit. You know why people like Trump, let's try not to act like

we don't. Exactly. And we know why people don't like Biden. So let's stop acting like we're emotional creature. We're emotional creature. So let's let's give some critique on what the Democrats could be doing. How about y'all need to get on this gangster shit too? That was basically my take. Yeah. So when you got a room full of people

that's like, I totally get it. Let's get to it. I love it. As opposed to I don't know. I don't want to sound like you're supporting Trump, this and that. Oh, God, we're smart people here, y'all. Like, you know what I mean? And you're also brave enough to take the risk.

I think that's the thing. It's like a lot of people are concerned about the perspective that they'll have or people have about them. But I think oftentimes those people are out of touch with what the streets are talking about. And by the streets, I just mean, like, what the average American is feeling. If you live in, like, a Hollywood bubble or a political bubble or, I don't know, like maybe an entertainment bubble. or whatever it is.

You're really just concerned with that bubble and those people in the bubble are not reflective of Americans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once you know what Americans really feel, you have a little bit more freedom to play because you're not worried you're going to be labeled as some magad dude

just because you're saying, yo, Biden don't got the gangster shit that Trump does and that's what the people want. That's right. That's right. When a coach is talking to you, a coach is telling you everything that you're not doing correct.

Because he wants you to correct it because he wants you to fucking be the best version of yourself so you can fucking win. Win, yeah. And that's what we're talking. got to do. But it's just interesting. It just made, and it did make me feel like, man, I, um, when we, when we

have these writers rooms where we're bringing in like all new people and they don't have the experience, it's like, it made me feel like I set them up for failure. Yeah, you need like, you got to have the experience people in the room, man. I know. Got to. With my guy, uh,

you know, Josh Lee, he came on for the second season, a hell of a week. He came from Daily show. Interesting. And he bought that experience. So those talented people we had in the room, like Charles McV's and the Dres and, you know, Lanay and everybody else. Like, we, you know, he was able to help get the best out of them. And basically just showed him how to actually write for a talk show, you know.

And salute to Lanay, Lanay works at the Daily Show now. Like, you know what I mean? She's in the writer's room over there. So, yeah, you just got, the long story short for anything that you're doing, do not this kind experience. You know, we love to run towards youth. Yeah. And we love to run towards what's new.

And surround yourself with greatness, bro. That's right. It's like greatness is only going to make you more great. That's right. It's the reason people are happy to be 20-year veterans, that's something. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? 25-year veterans is that something.

Like, you've got to have that experience in the room. Bro, the video that we put out, you know, with my dad and I at Master Square Garden, like, Vala made that video. And it was just absolutely beautiful. He's amazing at creating those videos, right? Amazing. I feel like you said something about it. I feel like you said something.

No, Vala. It sounds like it's not. That's a real person. That's a real Switterga. Sweeter got in it. Where is he? He's the bowl. He's in your mouth.

No, no, no. But Vala. Vala made the video. And he's just amazing at creating these pieces. And when you have someone that's that great at it, you get something that's great. obviously I have a relationship with my father that is incredibly important to me

and it's something that I can speak on very easily because of how important it is. But you still need something great to elevate and that's just like the Daily Show or anything else. It's like your talent, if you have the right people around you, there's nobody who can stop it.

Because already you're going to be able to do it by yourself better than most people. And then you get people around you that are nice. Man, yeah. What happened when Jordan got Pippin, Tony Koo coach, Dennis Robin, like things started to be different.

Man, and it's a tone-setting thing, man. I'm telling you, man, the Daily Show has a culture. When you do it, you understand what I'm saying. Like, when you go there, you'll get it. And you'll quickly gain trust for the room. You know what I'm saying? You'll quickly gain trust in the room. And Vala could have fucked that video up.

That's a one-take shot. You only get one time to do that shit. Now, you're not going to go in there and tell your pop that twice. Unfortunately, I probably could have based on my dad's memory. But unfortunately, unfortunately. You think that until your dad be like, why the fuck you're telling me this again? I got it.

I got it. We're here. I got it. No. But you're right. 100%. It's just like, you could have fucked that up. And to capture the raw emotion of that shit.

You know what I'm saying? The capture the, the look of joy in your father's eyes. the, what's the word I'm looking for the pride that he had for you in that moment, you know, to capture you, the innocence. Yeah. I love the interstitials of you as a child

because in that moment as you're talking to your dad, you saw your inner child. Yeah. You saw your inner child, like thanking your dad for all of that stuff that most kids take for granted, man. Until they get old enough to realize, God damn, Pop's right. Yeah.

This shit is not easy. This shit is no joke. Uh-huh. Amen. So, man, salute to Valleya. What's his name? Now you're trying to get me. No.

Now he's trying to get me. Avon Orgy is opening up about her virginity at the age of 39. And she revealed that she has pent-up sexual energy. Let's hear it. Are you still a virgin? I am. Oh, my God. I love this.

This is the most original guest we've ever had on. And what are you, 39? I am. Oh, my God. God. That dam is going to break one day, baby. Maybe let me tell you right now. Like people are like, oh, you know, Yvonne. I was like, pray for him.

Whoever he is, why he's going to get a lot of pent up energy up in here. Oh my God. And you're going to hit your sexual peak when you start having sex. So yeah, you're going to need a couple of men, probably. Yvonne went from being a virgin to polyethy. I wonder how you know you got pent up sexual energy if you never had sex. Yeah. That means she probably...

What? Mastabating all the time. She's an actress, and she does, like, sex scenes, like, insecure. She's still not sex. I know, but she has to act. You know how you started blushing when you started talking about how you smashed the boo from Hampton a couple of weeks ago that you're at homecoming? I can't believe you had him. Your old new boo?

Remember how you started blushing and you're tossing your hair and shit and creasing your joy and shit? Like, you know what sex feels like. So, you know, having pent up sexual energy, if you've never had sex, how can you have that? Did you have an orgasm? That still ain't sex, though. Did you, you, you didn't have one? I had, I'm not telling you my business. Just know it was great.

I don't even like talking about this because I know Yvonne, like, what it's just, you know what I mean? But it's like, yeah, I don't know how you have pent up sexual energy if you never have sex. But wait a minute, did you, did you have, uh. Oh, we're not getting on. We were talking about Yvonne. You know you can't edit. He's got the no edit feature on. Did he hit from the bottom?

He can't edit any of this tail. Did he give you the popcorn? No, he just getting edited to tell him. He can't do it. Did he give you popcorn? What is that? The popcorn on the bottom. He gives me a pop corn?

What makes a man the throat goat? What? What? What kind of Pete? What's the judge question is that? Yo, I told Pete, he was on purpose. No, you didn't catch him. I told him.

No, what I told him was he was talking about Mike Johnson, right? Hey, yeah. And I was like, yo, it's kind of crazy for him to hate gays, and his last name is Johnson, right? Yeah. Pete is like, okay, I think I got to go cut a ribbon or something real quick. And I said, yo, you got to hit Mike and put the tip of the files, yo. And what he said?

He was like, I gotta go. He was like, I gotta go. I gotta go. He's got to go do something. He's fine with doubling child poverty, but he's got a problem with what goes on in other people's bedrooms. I mean, they're picking and choosing more than everybody.

It's kind of hard. It's crazy to dislike gay people so much and your last name is Johnson. Shut up, man. I'm just saying you don't think of it. Use that one, Pete. Here Pete, use that one. I'll file that away.

Use that. He filed it away. He didn't ask who or what? No, he knew what the temper to file. So he listens? I don't know if he listens. Yeah, who shout out Pete Bo to Judge. Taylor got her barn doors broken down by this man in Hampton.

And we talked... Damn. Did you make any sounds? Can you relax? What did it sound like? Did it sound? She probably sounded like, don't you cat. Blah-la-la-la-ha.

I'm sorry. I don't know why you're just. No, but for real. What is it sound like? Why do you want to know? I want to know if it sounds like lobster mac in tune. You're going to marry that man, yo. Yeah, I hope so.

I'm telling you. The lot does sound like the lobster mat? Taylor Hayes is going to marry that man. Well, yeah. He's turning into a lobster. I can see it on you. Y'all both went to Hampton together, Hampton and the London Eye. You're in love.

Facts. You're in love. Uh-huh. You're going to marry that man. Guarantee. Guarantee. You two weeks pregnant now. I don't even know it.

Two weeks. Did he use a condom? No, I'm not saying anything else. You two weeks pregnant right now. You're two weeks pregnant right now and don't even know it. I'm really not. Can we just be honest? Keep it, Taylor.

Did he hit it raw? I don't keep it. Taylor, did he hit it raw? I don't need to know all of this. My man took you to the sushi. You're going to get married. Oh, my God. You let the man eat at the motherfucker on a cossack.

I cannot. Pound town. Taylor. You let him hit it raw? All right. Shout out to all the virgins out there. Y'all going to heaven, man. Real talk.

Lord up. Is she waiting for marriage? Huh? Is she waiting for marriage? Yes. There's nothing wrong with that. Anybody out there that's a virgin right now. you want to wait for marriage

you're doing what she's supposed to be doing. I feel like it's her in this same age though. With her age? Yeah, guys aren't going to be, unless she meets her man in church. Yeah, they church, they definitely fucking. You got so many, you got so many men in church

that are virgins with their penis with fucking whores with their asshole. Yo. Wait, what's going on? Taylor, no, that's facts. Girls in church get buffed because they're trying to find the way around.

I said the guys. What? Yeah, that's the guy. I said the guy Wait, what are you going? What's going on? I said the guys are virgin with their penises With fucking whores with their buttholes

I mean In church Yeah, but that's not consensual, bro That's- Yes, it is consensual You think they're giving it up to them Priests, consensual? I didn't say nothing about the priest

What were you talking about? I didn't say anything about the priest's do that? Oh my God What's you? Oh my God And Lobster Mac over there Hey, yo, it's Pound Town

How do you turn your shit to Lobster Mac You're going to get married, though. That's the beauty of it. You never, I'm telling you. You never mixed up some lobster mac and it sound like it? What the fuck do lobster mac sound like? No, lobster mac.

You never mixed up a bowl of lobster mac and it sounds like you're hitting it? Why not you? You. Put pieces of red fishing. No, no. First of all, lobster's a crustacean. Second of all, you tell us. That sounds to Mr. Elliott.

I love this headline. Hold on real quick. What is she? What is she? What is that about? Wait, he got a different name? What is this? I didn't hear him.

The kid doesn't know Martin Luther King's real name. But he, that's his name. Exactly, but he gets full. Shout to Richard's a kid. I want to. Shout to Richie kid. Richie kid got bangers, bro. No, Richie kid got bangers, bro.

So. All right, never mind. Anyway, let's do some ask an idiot. Let's do asking idiots. Let's do asking idiots. Sorry, everybody. Teller, you got some asking idiots for us? We're just...

Yeah, but wait, this is actually really funny. Oh, man, you know what's really funny? Okay, let's hear it. Okay, he's with Funny Marco. Dr. Martin Luther King, real name. Huh? He's your real name? The second?

Nothing in the world is more dangerous and sincere, ignorance, and conscious liquidity. No, see, here's the thing. Rich the kid probably never had watched Markle's show, so he don't understand that Marco was being sarcastic with that question. He's watched the show. Well, even if he's watched the show, maybe he felt like he was getting caught in the trick bag

because there's no reason for him to ask that But you know what? That wasn't a bad answer. The second. Because his son... Do we know that he's not the second? Do we know he's not the second? Oh, he is Martin Luther King, Jr.? He got it right!

He got it right! He got it right! What the fuck? Nah, bro. Rich the kid is that dude. His dad is Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King. He was running.

He was right. King the third. He was right. Yeah, yeah, you're right. He was motherfucker-you-right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're all cloned a Richard for. Richard kid was absolutely correct. 100%. You don't know shit. Duh. You don't know shit. Taylor, you wouldn't know that. Oh, maybe that's what he wanted, though. Oh, maybe that's why they clowning them

because they wanted them to say junior. But the second is still junior. Yeah, the second is still junior. Yeah. You don't say, yeah, I'm with that. Let's do some asking any of your stella. Well, also shout out to Miss E. O'E.C.com and DJ Cohert for being Hall of Famers. They've been Hall of Famers.

before the Hall of Fame. Mm-hmm. Didn't need the Hall of Fame to validate their names. All right, guys, we take break for a second because I got to tell you all about the chew.

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Let's get back to the show. I got an idea, Hezzi. Talk to me. Somebody in the comment said some real shit. They said that if you come to the garden to watch the Hezzi, collars only. Okay, I love it. If you are an Andrew Schultz super fan,

Andrew Schultz fan, you've been listening to Brilliant to this, you've been listening to Flagrant all these years. You know why the collar means so much in the garden. I think we all got to come. call it up in me, yo. I agree. I think that's the move. Let's keep a real, real rat package that day.

Oh, I love it. Let's do a real rat package that night in the garden. Yeah, I love it. You might have to do it for real. I love it. Everybody dressed up. Everybody dress up. Yeah, you got to do it, man.

Let's throw the garden back. I think we got to do it, yo. I love it, man. Bring the minks out too? Oh, it's me? We're going Frank Lucas. It don't matter. Frank Luke, what is it?

It's Frank. It's Frank. It's Frank. It's Frank. But yeah, that'll be fire. All right. I love it. Lauren Hill speaks on lateness.

I do want to talk about this that we can do asking this. Because this is interesting because I want to know how you feel about this as an entertainer. What's she said? She's late to us. Yo, y'all love you, I'm making it on this bloodline stage. And remember me do it. I do it. Sister act, too.

Fire. I heard songs that were supposed to be on Lauren Hill's second album. When I used to go to Miami and work at Circle House Studios, with the Diaz brothers, the Diaz brothers, let me hear a song that, uh, they did, I don't know if they did it with Lauren, or they mixed it for Lauren or something.

But here's the thing, that is a terrible excuse for being late, yo. You can't be late constantly and then show up and tell the crowd, y'all lucky I even made it here. Speed limit, bro. It's your boy. It's your boy, bro.

Like, that is not, like that, and why were they cheering? Like, the people that were cheering for that shit are massacious. Y'all like pain. Like, why would you be cheering? She had that rhythm. She had that preacher rhythm. And once you speak in that rhythm, I'm clapping.

Anything. You could say, she could have said anything right now. Everybody here should die. And what else is bad about this? Like, look, she says, yo, y'all lucky I made it on this stage here tonight. I make it on this stage every night. The reality is Queen Lauren Hill, you're lucky that people still show up to the shows, knowing that you're going to be late all the time.

Facts. Like, yo, don't take that for granted, man. Like, you know, one album, 20-plus years later, people still showing up the way to they do. You got to be grateful, man. Don't take that for granted, man. Not take that for granted. Don't take that for granted. A lot of dried-up lobster mac waiting for you to hit the stage.

And don't blame it on God, because God may not come when you call. But he's always on time. He's on-time God. Let's do some asking idiots, Taylor, gang. Yes. But also just start with the asking idiots. Taylor, why do you hate asking idiots, man? Why you don't want to do that?

It's crazy, you. This is kind of crazy how much you hate asses. It's really crazy. They got noisy out there. Who the fuck is that? Jelly roll. Tanya. Tanya?

Yeah. Oh, this is a good one. Undescore only one Rye underscore says, how do you know if your career is the right one for you? Hezzi. It doesn't feel like work. You love what you're doing. You can't wait to do it more.

When you're not working, you're thinking about it. You want to talk about it. You want to problem solve within it. The thing that you're doing just brings you so much joy. And outside of bringing joy, it can exhaust you and it can be tiring, but at the same time it's satisfying. You're not going through it. Lamenting it.

You're not going, I wish I wasn't doing this thing and I'm wasting my life. And, you know, I think I've been very fortunate. I'm sure you feel this way. You've been very fortunate to not feel that way about the things we do to make a living. I agree 100%. You know if your career is the right one for you. If, you know, you don't feel like it's work, you know, they always say if you love, if you're doing something you love,

you'll never work a day in your life. I haven't felt like I worked a day in my life. They go back to the Daily Show. That's how the Daily Show felt last week. It did not feel like work. It was tedious. But it didn't feel like you were work. But it didn't feel like work.

You know what I'm saying? So yes, and that's how I feel on the radio every morning. I actually be feeling guilty. Like, God damn, I get paid X, Y, and D to do this. And this question is crazy. Yes. That's two K-Y. Yes.

He said, you guys were not married to your wives. Would y'all ever be in a serious relationship with a stud? Why? I don't understand. Why would a stud want to be in a relationship with one of us? And just imagine them borrowing your jeans and shit, getting lobster mac all over them. You know what Studge is an acronym for.

Some titty's under that shirt. It was so close. It's some tities under that dress. Under that dress? Stud. Stud. I said studs. Under.

But I added a ass. Some tities under that shirt. Now, you're close, bro. Run it back because I feel like you write on the press. You just do it again. Oh, I did studs. Yeah, what is studs there for? What is studs there for?

Some tithes under that shirt. Bone studs in harmony. Yo. Stud life tatted across my stomach. Stud life. Strat. Strap. Oh, wait, there we got this.

Hold on. Stud is strapped, tucked, like something. Strap, tucked, undercover. I'm about to say dick. That wouldn't make no sense with it. I don't know, man. I just don't understand why this is a question.

I feel like he just did this that we would get these stud jokes off. Yeah. I don't understand why a stud with it. Shout out to you for doing that. Yeah, why would have stud? He's probably into a stud and he's like, is that a stud?

Is that a stud? Click on it. Yeah, she don't push back, though. He's a dude. That's a dude. That's what Studs do, though. They got you tricked. Yeah.

Dog. Dot 50 says, when did Charlotte know that it was time to hang up to Jersey and be faithful? You just, here's the thing. If you're a very self-aware person and you actually love and care about, you know, the person that, you know, you are with, you know, your wife, your girlfriend, whatever it is, you just don't want to hurt that person. Yeah. Especially if you've, you know, seen several situations where you saw men be unfaithful and lose their families. I saw that with my father. I saw that with my uncles and, you know, a few of my uncles.

And I just did not want that to be me. Yeah. Simple as that. And, you know, the way my anxiety be set up, bro, I can't lie. Yeah, just the stress that's going to bring you. No, man, the stress of the lying, the stress of the sneaking around. It's also great to, like, have something that you share with that person that's only yours. Yes.

That relationship that you guys have is strictly yours and you build everything on that. That's right. And then doing anything to undermine that creates a fracture in the entire castle that you're trying to build. How can you, how can you say that, how can you say that that person is your best friend, the closest person to you, the person you laid out with every night and you're lying to that person? Yeah. Like, that means your whole foundation, everything. you just described as a fucking illusion. It's not real.

That shit don't work for me. You know what I mean? Like I only like to lie on this podcast. You know what I mean? Shout out to that. Word up. I like, I only like,

I come here and I lie just to entertain you. Yeah, it's just fucking, you were right about that. All right. Targeet. Would you rather be able to walk through walls or breathe underwater?

I already breathe underwater, so. Breatving under water is way more fire than walking through walls. How would you know? I mean, walk through a wall, like I just open the door. And what would be the, like, what's so good about walking through a wall? I mean, if you locked up, you know. Rob a bank. Rob a bank.

I think they would ever keep you in jail if you had that ability? If you had the ability to just walk through walls, would they ever even think about locking you up? Like, what would be your punishment? How would they even have you? How would they even? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like, I just walk out every single time.

At some point, they get tired of catching me. They got to put your jail under the water. on like some magneto shit? He ain't saying both. I can breathe underwater. All right. I'm not here to convince y'all. I'll show you.

I know you're on this podcast, so I know. I got you, bro. You should believe me when I'm lying, bro. Let's do one or two more. Oh, this is the good one. This is we getting with this. Mussie Lagassee. When you are living your dream,

what is there to look forward to? Congrats on MSG. new dreams man new dreams new dreams but this was the last thing that i wanted to accomplish in a stand-up comedy so i have to start thinking of some new things and i have other things that are starting to percolate and things i want to work towards but this was the final destination so i mean it's still a lot of work even to get there but it is a pretty profound moment in your life when you go whoa that's what i want to do i agree with that is I think I would simply say when you are living your dream, what is there to look forward to?

Living the dream. That's why when you see certain people and you be like, how you doing? They'd be like, living the dream. Living a dream. That's really what it is. That's why that statement exists. You know what I'm saying? Living the dream, living in the dream.

Chris said something earlier that it just resonated with me, but I understood what he was saying. It's just like, yo, garden, sold out. Yeah. Living that for a second. Yeah. Enjoy that moment, man. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Living that. Before you, we're so quick to just want to jump to the next thing and the next accomplishment. Living the dream for a moment, man. Oh, you're right. Go have a nice meal tonight, drink some good wine. You fucking hate a series. You're just bringing us back down to reality.

They're my phone jokes. They're totally. As always, if you listen to this podcast, you think we're smart, you think we're intelligent, you think we're brilliant, you're absolutely right. But if you listen to this podcast, you think we're just a couple idiots who don't know shit, you're right, too. It's the brilliant idiotic podcast. Thank you for listening.