The Brilliant Idiots - Total Authority

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

This week Charlamagne and Andrew discuss stimulus checks, the latest on coranavirus, quarantine life, presidential race, and more!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's so stupid. It's positively brilliant. Yep, Salamina got Andrew Shultz. We are the brilliant idiots since today's show is bought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace turn your great idea into reality with Squarespace. Squarespace makes it easier than ever to launch your passion project, whether you're showcasing your work or selling products of any kind with beautiful templates and the ability to customize just about anything. You can easily make a beautiful website yourself.

And if you do get stuck, Squarespace is 24-7 award-winning. Customer support is there to help. Head to Squarespace.com slash idiot for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code, Idiot to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Charlemagne, let's get the show started. How are you doing? I am blessed black and highly favored, sir.

How are you? Same. You know what I mean? There is no race in quarantine. bro. I like quarantine. We're all locked in. We can't be treated differently

because we're not outside to be treated by other people. We are all the same during this quarantine. And I got to say, as a black man, it's pretty good. That is a fact.

Listen, a lot of people are getting to know themselves in a way that they didn't know themselves. And I think a lot of people are realizing, like, they really don't do shit.

Say what? A lot of people are realizing they really don't do shit. Bro, you know what I'm realizing? I am gaining weight at an exponential pace. Oh, I did it. I had to do a diet.

What'd you do? Because I need to do it. I got, you know, Dr. Sandy has this diet. And it's like, it's like she gives you this protein powder. She gives you this white pottery stuff that you take before bed that helps to flatten your stomach. And she has these like energy boosting pills. But it's really a diet plan. So for like three days, you got to do this detox where you only have a shake for breakfast,

a shake for lunch with the energy boosting pills. And then at dinner you have like vegetables and like six to seven ounces of seven. seven pounds and seven ounces of meat whatever the whatever the fuck not pounds ounces of meat and then um you do that for three days and then for the next 30 days you can have either egg whites for breakfast a protein shake for breakfast or um a salad at lunch with a protein and then two snacks in between so like protein balls long story short i was 196 and i'm 182 now oh wow i started i started last week wow that's weight cutting for a fight bro 14 pounds in a week Absolutely. But I mean, I've done it before. I've done her diet before. You know what I mean? So it's kind of like...

So you're used to it. It's kind of easy for me. But it absolutely works. So I had to drop weight too. I was 196. I was like, man, what the fuck? I can't be calling people a wide hip having hater. And then goddamn... When you look in all wide-hipped. Yeah, you start to spread. You got to lean that shit to fuck out. Well, my diet, if you're curious, is I eat three meals a day. And then in between those meals, I usually eat a bag of dried mango from Whole Foods in between every single meal. I'm probably pop. polishing two bags of dried mango a day. How many meals do you today? Three meals a day. Okay. Plus dried mango plus granola bars when I'm at the studio.

I haven't stopped. Me and my girl polished off an entire beef Wellington. I mean, it has been... We've been eating like royalty, but at the same time, I am gaining weight. And I am shitting nonstop. I took six shits yesterday. Wow. Yeah, my girl thought I was avoiding her.

She's like, you're just going to the bathroom, use your phone. I'm like, I am doing that, but I'm not. I'm also taking fits because we haven't stopped eating the entire time we've been in quarantine. No, that's the wildest part about quarantine, right? It's like, yo, you just can't stop fucking eating. And it's like you're just snacking, snacking, snacking. And, you know, it's crazy because I know why. I think it's because on vacation I eat like that, right?

But this ain't no fucking vacation. This ain't no holiday, baby. We're still in fight season. You got to stay in shape, motherfucker. What the hell is wrong with you? I've drank every single night of quarantine. I don't even drink that much. I'm not a drinker.

I've gotten, I've had multiple drinks every single night we've been locked down. Every single one. I was doing that on weekends. But what about during the week? Not during the week. I was definitely doing it on Friday and really on Saturday, especially when it's a beat battle on Saturday,

when it's one of the verses on Saturday. Oh, you have some sips. Oh, I was there. Yeah. I was there with the fucking Hennessy VSOP, baby. Yeah. I was there. Not Remy?

No, I didn't drink no rem. You know why? Because I got Remy here. But I got so much liquor here. And I was like, damn, let me open up some of these new bottles. So I just happened to try Hennessy VSOP because I hate Hennessy, right? I've always hated regular Hennessy because it's like a laxative to me. It made me feel like how you felt yesterday, just shitting all the time.

And so I was like, fuck it. Let me try this VSOP because it's a better version. And that shit is actually really good. So I enjoyed it. Liquor is an interesting thing. thing. And that, um, you've got to drink a lot to distinguish flavor. You know what I mean?

Like, you have to be a very, like, anybody who says they could taste the different between like, Sirac or Grey Goose or kettle one or these things, shut the fuck up. No, you can't. Only a fat Russian who's like 90 years old. Fam, stop. You could taste the one that has pomegranate in it, but just a regular clear one? If, if, well, that's a good point. I mean, listen, if somebody gave me three glasses of each one, I could,

tell that they're different, I couldn't tell you what they were, though. I couldn't say, oh, this is Sarac. This is Cadill 1. I bet you couldn't tell which one was better. Like, I bet, I bet you couldn't guess what was a higher quality. Oh yeah, I feel what you're saying. Nobody can. Nobody gives a fuck. I mean, I know, I know some seasoned drinkers who can, but the average drinker don't give a fuck. The average, and yo, that's why it's so easy for famous people to get into the alcohol game, because the alcohol all tastes the same anyway, So you might as well take your celebrity and put that celebrity on a bottle and then all of a sudden it's the bottle. That's what Diddy did with Sirrock.

Yeah, yeah. Diddy really drinks it though. He might really drink it, but it don't taste no different from the last vodka he was drinking prior. People fuck with Sarag though. You know what's so interesting about that? One of the first things Diddy did after he promoted it and like he was out for a year. I remember him, you know, letting people know that this has been rated one of the best vodkas. and he was actually putting up charts

showing how Sirak is rated better than Grey Goose or whatever the fuck it was. I don't know if that helped any, but... It's such, it's such horseshit, dude. It's like, Vaca's just like the diamond trade where it's all like, like my girl, you know, we're talking about maybe a little ring situation right now. Okay, okay.

So my girl has become a diamond fucking expert in the last two weeks. I mean, she knows all the fucking things. Like now rap songs make sense. of me that never made sense. Like, I didn't know what, like, VVS was or VS. Do you know what I mean? Like, I had no clue what the fuck future was talking about. But now VS is, like, very slightly indicated.

Yeah. So that means it's a really good diamond if it's VS. And then there's VVS, very, very slightly indicated. There's S-I, like, there's all these different things with quality of diamonds and the size of the diamond, all this other shit. And it's just like, what are we doing here? This was a fucking car. Son, I thought it was Victoria's secret.

What the fuck is V. It's V something in a car. V? Oh, that's the cylinders. You know, isn't it? A V8, V8. V8. There you go.

V8 cylinders. You know the worst part of a shit like that is you have to trust your jeweler. Say again? You have to trust your jeweler. You got to put trust in your jeweler like you do your doctor or your lawyer, bro. Because I don't know anything about that shit. Sluo to my guy, Mr. Flawless. to my girl, Pat, they could have been getting over on me for years.

You got to hook me up. Plug me in with someone because these prices are too crazy. Well, flawless. Hollard your boy. I'm about to go to Paul Wall for my engagement. Well, hold on. Let me say his real name. Greg Una.

Oh, Greg. The guy who makes traffic. Yeah. He loves making some traffic. I don't know. I've never seen him do that in real life. I still to this day think that shit is Photoshop. I don't know how to fuck Greg pulls that shit off.

You see where his business is In the middle of the diamond district Yeah And that right there is I think that's Fifth Avenue he'd be on That shit be busy all of fucking time And you know what's so interesting Greg

Now that the city's closed I see you post one fucking video Now was the time to be getting that shit off Ooh Maybe he's banking them Maybe he's banking like 10 For the future And they'll post them

Once everybody's back in motion Yes You might be and put the, and photoshop the cars in it. Who to my guy, Greg, you know. I hook you up, I'll tell Greg look out for you. Oh, my girl, Pat, I got my, my wife's wedding room for my, my girl, Pat. Pat not from here.

Very hard, very hard to understand. Where's Pat from? I forgot what her ethnicity is, but very hard to understand, but always treats me very right. Where's she from? I don't fucking know. She's her building in the Diamond District, though. Is she white? She's black.

She's Asian. What is she? Nah, she's, she's pale, but I don't know what the fuck she is. She's from another country. Come on, bro. I really don't know what the fuck she is. I'm not the feds. I'm not asking.

I really don't know. Just tell me what the lady is. She told me a million times. I wanted to say, I started to say Peruvian, but that don't sound right. I need, bro, I need a real, like, I need a diamond expert, diamond connoisseur. Mr. Pat, man. I need the hookup. man, I need the plug.

I don't care if the diamond's illegal. I don't care if one of the little boys in a diamond mine snuck it out in their butthole. I don't give a fuck what it is. I just can't pay this market value for these types of diamonds. How many cars you want? Say again?

How many carrots you want? I want, and how many my girl wants are very different questions, Charlie, man. What does she want? Say again? How many characters do she want? Too many. You know?

Okay. But I get it. This is like, this is their whole, their whole life they've been thinking about this moment. You know what I mean? Like, they've been thinking about how they're going to get engaged to. And every Disney movie has been manipulating them into thinking that this is the exact moment. So it's more than just a piece of jewelry. So I understand and I empathize with them for that.

But as a guy, we're not trained in any way to like enjoy or look forward to this moment. Like, I'm not. It's the championship, bro. What do you mean? It's the championship. You got to get her right. nice ring. It's the championship. This is the closest women will get to feeling like they're in the NBA finals. You know what I'm saying? Like this is when they get that ring, man. This is like that

Super Bowl, that MLB World Series ring. Like, you know? Yes, I know. But isn't there part of you that also goes, oh, where I could put a down payment on a house? You know, like these rings can get so expensive. We're not talking about two, three thousand dollar ring. We're talking about, you know, it's a lot of thousands of dollars. You could put that. money down the house, you could put that money in the stock market right now while it's super low. And then 10 years from now, who knows how much that's worth? Maybe your kids' college is paid for, you know? Well, don't shoot your load all that once. I mean, what I did when I was... How do you shoot just a little of your load? You just let a little bit of come out. And then

this little, just a little squirt, just enough. You just want enough to go, uh? You know what I'm saying? That's all you want. You don't want to go to, uh, huh? You don't want to let the whole shit out, just a little bit. That's why you got three girls, bro. You haven't been busting the whole load. You might be right. You got to bust the balls and the dick in with it. You might be right. That's that scared pulling out at the same time, but you're just letting just enough get in. And all the little boys end up on the stomach, the little girls is like, ha, ha, you brothers. So, but it's like, yo, back in the day, I bought, I acted my wage and I bought my girl what I could afford. Right. I'm saying? I think I spent like 10 grand

on a ring back in like 20, what, 13 when I got in? I got to. engaged. I don't remember. I think it was 2013. So it's like, yeah. And then what I've done over the years is I've upgraded the ring. That's all. And that's something I'm going to continue to do. I think I've upgraded it twice already.

And that's just something I'll continue to do. Just continue to upgrade, upgrade the ring. I actually bought her a whole new ring and she wears like both of them. Yeah. So it's just like just continue to upgrade the diamond. That's all. Yeah, but I think that, yeah.

There is that. There is that option. What do you think about like surprising them with it? You know, I think I do. No, no, I know you have to surprise them, but like, I'm practical about this. I know a woman wants to be completely surprised by the engagement, right? Uh-huh. But even if she says that she wants me to pick out the ring, she don't want me to pick out the fucking ring. She got to wear this for the rest of her life. All her friends are going to see this shit. The ring ain't even about me. The ring is about her friends being jealous, right? about everyone in her family and her like close circle being jealous that she got the nicest ring, right? Now, she would never say that. She might not even feel like that. But I know culturally that's what that shit is about. That's the big dick. Did she have home girls?

Say what? Does she have home girls? Yeah, yeah, of course. Hello, all Andrews, future's wife, future fiancé's homegirls. Could you help the brother out? You can't trust them, hate-ass bitches. No, you can. No, you can.

They're going to make you end up with some shit that she's going to hate. And then she got to look at me and smile and be happy. You got to go right to the source, bro. But she is the source. My wife has the ring she truly wants now because our good friend Debbie Brown. Okay, Dev. She was talking to Debbie Brown and telling Debbie Brown what ring she wanted. And Debbie told me.

You know what I'm saying? So that's what made me go get the, when I upgraded the ring, that's the ring I got. And now she's fucking happy. Nice little pear-shaped joint. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? That's all I ask the friends. Ask the friends for help.

Call a friend, bro. I don't know, bro. I don't know, man. For me, with these types of things, I'm like, you might be a little bit less happy now, but in the long term, you're going to be way happier because you're going to have that thing. The joy of getting engaged, I think, is only part of it.

The joy of showing off that ring to your friends is the exact ring that you wanted. That's, I think, what their most value right, aesthetically about it. Obviously they value being with you forever and starting this family and starting this marriage, whatever. But showing that shit off the exact thing that they want, I think that's what they value.

And I'm like, I'm not about to take that away from you by me choosing it and fucking up because I'm going to fuck it up. I'm going to get a Batman ring. But that'd be dope. A diamond Batman ring? See why we can't do this? You know what I mean? The prongs of the diamond, Wolverine claws.

A Batman diamond ring? You give you a girl a bat signal and you take you a bat signal And you tell her like, look, all you got to do is flash just in the air and I'm going to be here for you. Woo. You can't leave it up to us, bro. That's fire. Listen, let's get into some positively brilliant and what a fucking idiot, man. My first positively brilliant of the week goes to the celebrity and chief, Big Dope 45, Donald J.

Motherfucking Trump. What he do? What do he do, bro? The fact that he's ordering the IRS to print his name on the stimulus check. Better believe it. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Hey, man.

You better believe it. You say what the fuck you want. If you are surprised by that, then you've never had a Trump steak. Okay, you clearly live in a city where there's no motherfucking Trump tower. Donald Trump knows that there's an election in November. And he wants you to remember where that goddamn $1,200 or $700 or $500, whatever the fuck it is. He wants you to know where it came from.

Listen, in the main. a couple of weeks ago, I got a postcard that said Donald J. Trump's tips for coronavirus prevention or some shit like that. Yeah. And I'm just like, this is great branding. This is great marketing. This is why none of the politicians can fuck with Donald Trump when it comes to the headlines because they're still, they're boxing against a UFC fight. They're boxing, trying to boxing. These motherfuckers kicking them in the shins, slamming them, putting them in choke. Like, like, no, let's box. Let's box. He's like, like, fuck all that. All right?

You're not going to beat him at his game, bro. He's a DJ Calid, ditty-level brander, bro. Brander, yeah. Now, I mean, that's genius. But at the same point in time, it's like, if I'm giving away a trillion dollars,

you're going to know who gave it away. You know me? I like my credit. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not going to let some, like, lowly congressman take credit for you getting that money. That's coming from Schultz.

Is that not wild? Trump had to get all of this shit voted for. Congress had to vote. for it. The Senate had to vote for it. He's like, man, fuck all that. Ain't enough room on this goddamn check for all of our names. Donald J. Trump. I'm surprised he didn't have to vote for that. Say what? I'm surprised he didn't have to vote for that. Man, yeah, why didn't he? That's his kid. I mean, maybe there's certain things you get to do as president. You got to have like a little, I'm going to just do this power. But I just love it. I really do love it. I think it's hilarious.

The guy's hilarious. He's hilarious, but he's actually very very. smart and this is a I think this is law 37 and the 48 laws of power and it's just yo create compelling spectacles you know what I'm saying when you create compelling spectacles people won't even see what the fuck it is you're really doing even if what you're really doing is fucking up the country and even if what you really did they said if he would have acted two weeks faster I think they said he would have saved like like tens of thousands of lives I can't remember what the exact number it was but they had an exact number of if Trump would have just acted two days faster to this corona shit,

he would have fucking, it would have saved tens of thousands of lives. And I want to put this in what a fucking idiot, man. The media, bro. Haven't we only lost tens of thousands of lives? I think we only lost like 20,000 lives, right? I don't know. Or maybe it was a number of people that got sick.

I don't remember what the fucking, well, let me look it up. People gonna get sick is about making sure people don't die. Yeah, but if we've only lost 20,000, that's literally tens of thousands. So he would, we lost 25,000. thousand. So if he would have saved all 25,000 by operating a week earlier? I don't know if he would have saved 25,000.

I think he would have saved, I don't remember what the exact number. They had an exact number, though. But it doesn't matter. Where's the brilliant idiots? We don't need to know the exact facts, bro. You don't come to us for facts. But I want to put under what a fucking idiot, the media, especially CNN. And the reason I say that is because I was watching, like, you watch CNN, right?

and MSNBC, all of the cable news network that's not Fox. They'll play over and over Donald Trump saying how he never said it was a hoax. How he never said not to take this shit serious. They'll play that clip over and over and over. And then after they play it, the anchors will come back and be like, but he lied. Now, average person watching TV,

who you think they're paying attention to? this clip, this loop being played over and over saying, I never said it was a hoax, I never said it was a pandemic, or the fucking anchor saying, and he lied. What they should be doing is playing the actual clip of him saying, oh, it's a hoax. We got it all under control. It's a democratic hoax.

Play that over and over and over and over. So people constantly see that. Because I watched CNN the other day, and for two seconds, I was like, Well, he never said it was a hoax. Because they keep playing the loop over and over and over and over and over again. And I think I got a little bit of sense. I'm not the highest grade of weed in the dispensary.

But if that shit had that type of impact on me, imagine what type of impact it has on just a regular average person who might just be flipping channels or decides to tune in the CNN for a motherfucking second. You don't know what to believe. So if you want to push a certain message, you want to push a certain narrative about Donald J. Trump. And it's not even a narrative.

It's the truth that he's. He absolutely said this shit was a hoax. Just keep playing that over and over and over and over again. By the way, you don't even have to repeat it. Because even when it comes out your mouth, it sounds like you're lying on the president. It sounds like you're lying on him because he's your opposition. Just use the clip of him saying it over and over and over. That's the only thing you should be running.

That's it. And why do you think they don't do that? Bro, I really don't know. That's why I have them in the what-a-fucking idiot segment. Like, like, I wouldn't even, I wouldn't even show the contrast if I was them. If I was them, I wouldn't even show him saying he never said it and then him saying it. I would just constantly keep playing. It's a Democratic hoax.

We got it all under control. That's it. That's all I would play over and over and over, over the fucking game. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's a tricky, it's a tricky fucking thing, man. It's really not.

This shit really isn't that difficult, Shopes. What do you mean? If you turn on CNN right now. Yeah. Like all you would see, this can go into what a fucking idiot too. If you turn on CNN right now, all you see is Chris Cuomo and Donald Trump. Do you know what Joe Biden did this week? Pissed himself.

He put out a great op-ed in the New York Times about how to properly reopen the country after, you know, during, after this corona shit. Yeah. He got endorsed by Bernie Sanders. He got endorsed by President Barack Obama. Bernie Sanders is, huh? What an absolute coward. You got endorsed by President Barack Obama.

Finally, the Black Panther came to speak up for Hawkeye. And he got endorsed by Elizabeth Warren. But guess what? Now, when you get endorsed, does that mean all the money that you raised goes to them? That's a good question. I don't know. Is that what the endorsement is? Nah, I think the endorsement is for people who are uninspired by a candidate like I am when it comes to Joe Biden.

It's for people like me because if a guy like, you know, if Barack Obama, I respect and appreciate, if he says Biden is the guy, even if I don't believe Biden is the guy, maybe I believe Barack when he tells me that Biden is the guy. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I guess. I'm just so let down by Bernie Sanders, man. I voted for him before. I was going to vote for him again. I really fucking supported him. I loved him. I thought that he was a truly, like, brave guy that had our best intentions at heart. And now I just think that he's just like a disruptor. He doesn't really care about getting anything done.

Like when you literally walk the people, remember when Martin Luther King was like, I feel like I'm walking my people into a burning house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you do that, when you walk your people into the burning house, like when you can't even call out the corruption, you can't even call out the fuck shit.

Like, I don't even know what his goal is. Like go be a teacher at some fucking liberal arts college. Coward. This shit really piss me off, dude. Like call out the fuck shit. Yeah, he's not. Just call it out. You know you've been in politics.

You know the same people that will prop up Donald Trump will prop up Joe Biden. It's the same people. These people are not different. It's the same banks that are going to prop them both up. It's the same rich folks that are going to prop them both up. It's the same people that are going to make money off a Trump and make money off a Biden. No different. Yeah, Bernie didn't even hold his nuts enough to say,

motherfuckers, I was right. Because everything they're doing now is straight Bernie. This is what Bernie been telling y'all needs to be done. You know, all of this time when they was telling Bernie, they tell us, oh, you can't get the money to do what it is. Bernie wants to do. Shit. They scraped up $2 trillion from somewhere.

Out of nowhere, huh? You know what I mean? So it's just like Bernie is fucking right. Like who right now in America, after looking at the way our health care is being hit, wouldn't say all Americans need free fucking health care? I'm just saying, now is the time to grab your fucking balls and go, right?

Now I was trying to grab your fucking balls and be like, I tried to tell you, motherfucker. Van Jones was on Breakfast Club and Van Jones said, right now Bernie Sanders looks like the smartest person in American politics. But I got a problem with the media,

the liberal media, because they didn't say that when Bernie was fucking running. When Bernie was in the primaries, if they were saying shit like that, they probably could assuage some motherfuckers than to go voting for Bernie.

They know where their bread is buttered. They're going to do it. Daddy tells them what the fuck to do. You know, same companies making money off of Biden being president or the people that are manipulating CNN and their journalists to say whatever the fuck they want. There's a reason why everyone on CNN is the same opinion.

Like, that's not shocking. The same thing with Fox. There's a reason why they all have the same opinion, right? It's not like they hired people who all think the same. It's in order to work here, you have to think like this. And if you don't, you're either fired or we tell you to think like this.

Yeah, I mean, that's why when certain people get on, you know, CNN, our MSNBC, see, they cut through. Because, you know, you hear certain rhetoric and you're like, ooh, that sounds refreshing. You know what I'm saying? I never heard that type of truth before. Like, I put on the what a fucking idiot,

Nina Turner, floater senator to Nina Turner. Nina Turner has been a surrogate for Bernie Sanders for a long time. She used to ride with Hillary, but then she left Hillary to get with Bernie. And, you know, back in 2016, they screwed her over at the DNC convention. You know, I think she was supposed to speak

at the Democratic National Convention and at the last minute, they pulled her. and never gave no explanation as to why they pulled her and Bernie Sanders didn't stick up for her then or come to her defense and, you know, this go around. You know, she was out there stomping for Bernie again and Bernie endorsed Biden this week. And, you know, if you heard what Bernie and Biden

are going to do, they're starting these task forces. So it's all of these different task forces. I think it's like six different task force, one for the economy, one for climate change. I just education, just different things. And so we hadn't even to turn on the breakfast club. And I was just like, yo, what task force are you going to be on? Because that's just a logical no-brainer, right?

Because Bernie defers to Nina, you know, mentions her when he's doing his, when he's on the debate stage. Like, you know, like, I'm just thinking like Nina's his people. She's like, they don't want me on the task force. They told me verbatim, they don't want me on any of the task force. And I'm like, why? And she's like, because I wrote an op-ed about Joe Biden, you know, earlier this year and just telling the truth about Joe Biden, you know?

And I'm sure that when she wrote that op-ed, that op-ed got approved by Senator Sanders. So it's just like, yo, when you were on the campaign trail and you being the goon for somebody and doing their dirt, it's all good. But now that you are endorsing Joe Biden and you're putting together these task force,

why wouldn't you get a truth teller, somebody who speaks truth to power, somebody that black people actually trust? Why wouldn't you get her and put her on your team? That shit makes me look at Bernie crazy and look at Joe crazy. He don't care. He don't fucking care.

He never wants to. want to win. He just wanted to rile shit up. It just, it makes, it makes, it's really just disappointing. It makes no sense whatsoever. And that's not how you make change. Change comes by fucking force, man. Yep. You know what I mean? You can't wag your finger and then change happens. Change takes radical movement and radical points of view and then radical action. That's the only way change happens. You can't just go, hop-d-d-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hach. Eight years in a row and expect something to happen. It's not going to fucking fucking happen. Only time change comes with your fingers

is if you got the fucking infinity gauntlet in your thanos, you can just snap that shit. I had, also, this is my last political thing. Positively brilliant. I got to give it to AOC, bro. What does she do? AOC is like, I'm not endorsing Joe Biden.

What's she say? She said, I'm not endorsing Joe Biden. She said, it's very important to support the Democratic nominee when I'm not endorsing Joe Biden until we sit down and talk about some motherfucking policies for me and my goddamn people, meaning progressives and Latinos. I fucking respect it.

You know why? Because you niggers are so quick to give up the ass without letting the motherfucker court you first. Y'all don't even want no goddamn date. Y'all don't even want your pussies eight. Y'all don't want nothing. Y'all just like, here, fuck me, dry, no condom. Don't even spit on the dick.

Just stick it in. That's what y'all be letting these motherfucking Democrats do to y'all. AOC like, no, no, no, no, no. You're going to court me, motherfucker. You're going to take me out. You're going to take me to dinner. Okay, I want me a fucking diamond. I want a VVVVVVS. All right? I want some shit. And that's the way your vote should fucking work, period. Nothing more than nothing less. Yeah, no, no, I, then I have to apologize to AOC because I thought that she was just telling a company line. I thought she was really quiet during this time. The fact that she came out and said that, hey, more power to you.

More power fucking to you. Good for you. That is how you get shit done. That is how you use your leverage. You have your most leverage right now. Like Bernie Sanders had his most leverage in this moment. Get some promises from Joe Biden. That's it. Don't just go out there hop on Cardi B's Instagram and go, you should vote for him. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? What do they have on you? Guess what? Anybody but Trump ain't enough for me. Because guess what? They put us in that position every fucking election.

Every election is a boogeyman. Every election. George Bush, Trump. Yep. Every election. McCain. McCain. Romney.

But then when these people aren't in the goddamn White House anymore, all of a sudden, they're charming characters. They're so charming. Look how fun they are. John McCain is the maverick. He is the mad. And Mitt Romney cares about the people. He balances.

the budget, he balanced health care for Massachusetts. And George Bush is such good friends with Michelle Obama. I remember when day he was calling George Bush the antichrist. George Bush don't care about black people. Don't care about black people. Ten years later, he's exchanging

fucking sweets with Michelle Obama. Every public gathering there is. That's what I'm saying, man. So it's just like every year they do this to us, they try to use scare tactics in order to make us just handle our votes for nothing. And that shit has to fucking

And the only way we'll stop, the only way to stop is if you stop calling people who defect Coons, Uncle Tom, sellouts, etc. It don't matter why. Like, if somebody says, if Kanye goes, I'm voting for Donald Trump and you ask him why, and he goes, I'm doing it because I hate black people, then you call him a sellout, you call him a coon, you call him Uncle Tom. If he goes, I'm doing it because I, the most important issue for me right now is prison reform, and I like his prison reform policy more than I like Biden's, you know.

You can't really call him a sellout, be. He's voting his interests. But his interest is actually selfless, right? Because he's trying to get black people out of jail. So it's like, before you throw that fucking term out and you know who put that term in your head, they put that term in your head. They're giving you the ammunition. They're the ones telling you what to say to these people.

Of course, it's like, this is so easy to manipulate, man. My ass from Joe Biden is quite simple. I want him to have a black woman running mate for VP. I want him, he said, he already said he's going to put a black woman on the Supreme Court. And I want him to have an economic black agenda. And I want him to create some type of criminal justice reform plan that basically counters, you know, all the damage he did with the 94 crime bill. Man, that's good. You know exactly what you want.

And if he delivers, then you vote for him. It's very simple. Like, this is how shit shall work. And I think it's very stupid. That's why I put them on the what a fucking idiot. It's very stupid with the Nina Turner shit. because it's like, yo, you can't even front like you down with some progressives.

Like, even if you just put her on the task force to keep up appearances. You know what I'm saying? Just to say like, hey, we got Nina Turner down with us. Like, just, you don't even know how to front? Yeah. What the fuck, Joe Biden? Yep.

Jesus. Matter of fact, Joe, text Barack Obama and say, what is fronting me? Turn to Simone Sanders and say, what is front in me? Ask the black people in your circle, what is fronting me? Because you need to learn how to goddamn do it. But, hey, man, when you're 78 years old, when you're 78 year old, anything. I don't give you an old white man, old black man. You ain't got time for front. You putting that wrinkle dick on the table, nigga, and letting people know what the

fucking is at all time. I'm serious. I can't wait to get to that age. You think I'm going to bite my tongue at 78? You think I'm going to change my fucking stripes at 78? That's why Bernie's such a pussy. You're going to die. You might as well just call it out. You're dead in a few years. What do you got to lose? This is your one life. You spent your entire life fighting for this one idea. Bernie, I'm talking about, or not one idea, but for this group of ideas. And now you are this close, right? You weren't willing to lay it all on the line, bro.

You weren't to give it up. Go in there and start swinging. It's the 12th round of your life. And you have the opportunity to potentially be present. And you weren't willing to leave it all in the ring? I can't. You're a coward, bro. You're fucking coward.

I agree with you. Let me play White Devils Advocate a little bit. Please do. What if I'm Bernie Sanders? And like you said, I'm in the last days of my life, right? What if I know I can't win the presidency, but this is my opportunity to actually be in the White House and to impact some type of meaningful change?

I may not be the guy, but I can influence the guy in a real way. What if he's looking at it from that perspective? He's been in politics for 300 years, okay? He hasn't been able to influence shit. why does he think all of a sudden he's going to be able to? I agree. I mean, maybe, I don't know.

Maybe just because now of the power that he's garnered over the past four or five years by building the coalition. But he hands over the power, bro. It's like what you were saying. It's like you can have all this influence in the world, right? A group of people can have all this influence of the world. But if you're not willing to listen to people's offers, you have no influence. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're selling a house, right? And you're going, I'm only going to sell the house. to that guy. Whatever that guy offers you is what you're getting. That's a fact. But if you're going, I'm willing to sell the house to anybody, I don't give a fuck. Yeah.

All of a sudden, those people are going to compete for what the, for what offer they would give you, and the highest offer is the one you're going to get. Let motherfuckers compete. Absolutely. It's just right. And one last, well,

positively brilliant. I got to salute Governor Cuomo. He's on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine with the headline, Governor Cuomo takes charge. I told you all three, three, four weeks ago, whenever the fuck this shit first started, I told you the fact that Joe Biden wasn't doing any daily counter programming to Donald Trump, it really hurt him. And I

understand that Governor Cuomo was a governor and, you know, he was going to do daily briefings anyway, but that actually turned into comfort for the whole nation. Yeah. And because of him doing that shit, being doing his daily briefings and then going on with his brother on CNN at night and laughing and joking and just being a regular person and talking to people about their families and what you can be doing during this time to get through this quarantine, that shit made him a national star.

And the time to look like a leader is in a crisis. Crisis reveals character. Period. And his character looks like that of a leader. Joe Biden went to radio silent. Over that period of time when everybody was, you know, turning on the TV every day to listen to,

Donald Trump, you know? And that's why for that moment, Donald Trump's approval rating shot up. For the moment, Donald Trump's approval rating when it came to how he was handling the coronavirus shit shot up. I mean, it's gone down since. But I'm talking about in that moment, that shit worked for him. And it definitely worked for Governor Cuomo. And one of my partners, man, salute to my guy Tommy.

He was like, you think Joe Biden's not going to end up getting the cover of Rolling Stone? Let me put this in a little perspective for you. When Barack Obama ran for president in 2008, he got the cover of Rolling Stone twice that year. You got it in March of 2008. And then again, I believe in October, our all the November issue was right before the election. Everything fucking helps. Everything. Cuomo on the front of Rolling Stone, Donald Trump on your goddamn stimulus check. Your name brand recognition helps. You want to be top of mind awareness come November. Right? I wouldn't be surprised if in November people went into the fucking booth

and wrote Governor Cuomo's name in. Yeah, they might. I would not be surprised by that at all. I would not be surprised that we sitting around on election night and Donald Trump wins. You look at Joe Biden's numbers and then you see some silly shit

like 8% of the country voted for fucking wrote in Governor Cuomo. That shit would not shock me at all, yo. And guess what? You have nobody to blame with your fucking self, Joseph Biden. Yeah, it is a weird thing, man. It shows you how bias we fucking are, man.

I was saying for what a fucking idiot, I wanted to say all the people that have been promoting body positivity for fat people, right? What you mean? They're all fucking idiots. Because they just put out, I think it was the New York Times, just put out, I want to make sure I get it right. Oh, I saw that. I know you're going.

about how fat people die of Corona more? Where am I going, bro? I think I read an article that says Fat people die. Fat people are more likely to die Corona. Than anything else. It's fat people and old people. Those are the two leading causes of Corona death.

If you're fat or if you're old. So I want to see all these body positivity. People keep that same fucking energy, yo. Keep that same energy. It's such hypocrisy, man. It's hypocrisy because. you know, you do want to protect people. Here's the thing.

You're simultaneously trying to protect somebody's mental and emotional health, right? But then what you're also doing is hurting them physically. Killing them. You're killing them. It used to be hurting. Now you're killing. New York, NYU scientists, largest U.S. study of COVID-19 finds obesity. The single biggest chronic factor in New York City's hospitalizations.

That's the single biggest chronic factor in New York City's hospitalizations. Being fat. It's going to kill you now. So anybody tells you, love your body, love yourself, they're trying to kill you. That should be manslaughter. All these chicks are on Instagram and Twitter talking about, I'm big and I'm beautiful. You big and you dead. That's what you're big.

I agree with you. It's a balancing act, though, right? They can't balance? You want brothers and sisters to lose weight, right? You've got this elephant on a tightrope. So you got to walk a, you got to really balance, right? So you got this elephant on the tightrope because you want them to lose weight

but you don't want to ruin their self-esteem. You don't want to fuck them up mentally. You don't want to fuck them up emotionally. You want them to still be mentally healthy and emotionally healthy. But it's a fine line of being able to tell them that they need to lose weight but also keeping their self-esteem up.

And I think the way to do it is through the, yo, I love you and I want you to be here. You're going to die. You don't look bad. You don't look bad. but you're going to die. Yo, you look bad and you're going to die. Okay?

You're going to look horrible when you're dead. I am not carrying your casket. It's going to take eight ballbearers. You don't have eight friends. And especially right now, if you die right now, okay, you can only have 10 people at your funeral. Who's going to carry your fucking casket? You know, okay?

We're going to have to cremate you, yo. We're going to have to cremate you if we're going to get you to the wedding. We're not carrying that fucking thing. Fuck the cremation. We got to have to barbecue you, God damn. We're talking about it's a food shortage. We might have to turn in the cannibal soon. God damn.

Don't let all this good carcans go to wait. Fuck a funeral. We're going to have a luau. So that shit was killing me, bro. Because this is what happens. When it gets real, you see what's going on. When everybody's doing okay, you could make this stupid bullshit up. Like, we're big and beautiful or whatever this kind of shit.

But when shit hits the fan, when life hits you fast, the reality comes out. Start being healthy. Because here's the thing. Words matter. Say what? I think you, words matter. I think you can be big and beautiful,

but can you be big and healthy is the question. Yeah. You can be big and beautiful. Can you? Can you? Yeah, it's plenty of big, big, beautiful women. Let's define big and beautiful. First of all, let's define big and beautiful.

Okay, here. Let's just define it, what we're talking about. I'm not talking about a little fat. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about someone who's a little bit overweight. That's how we're talking about. We're talking about people who are fucking obese. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a big difference here. When there are people who are obese, that's what we're talking about? Everybody's got a little fat on that. It's like, what are you going to have a six-pack your entire life? It's unrealistic. It's stupid. So you mean somewhere between like, like, Lizzo's big and beautiful to me. So somebody, like, so you mean anywhere between Lizzo?

That's it. Right there. Lizzo's a good number. we could start it, Lizzo. So, between Lizzo and my 600-pound life. Your 600-pound life is fucking absurd.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, 100%. Yeah. It's just bad. It's unhealthy. That's what I'm saying. You have the ability to do whatever

you want with your life. You have the ability to do whatever you want with your life. I'm not going to tell you not to be fat. That's up to you. What I will do is push back against anybody that enables that. Right?

Because if drug dealers are bad, because they enable drug use, then body positivity people are bad because they enable your death via eating. I think we got to be careful with the wording shows because I understand exactly what you're saying. But there's nothing wrong with body positivity because you're just telling people to love their body, but you want people to lose weight. You shouldn't love all your body, though. If sometimes you have too much body to love. That's what I'm saying. You can't properly love your body if you weigh 400 something pounds and you're going to the hospital and the doctor's telling you like,

yo, you're unhealthy. There's nothing to, you don't love your body when you're doing that to your body. You know what I'm saying? So you want people to be healthy. Healthy, that's what I want. By the way, don't wait until your doctor tells us what we're telling you now. That's what people do. They wait until their doctor tells them they're about to die.

And then they want to change some shit. Yeah. We're just getting ahead of it. We're trying to flatten the curve that is your stomach. There you go. We're just trying to flatten your curves. We want you to social distance away from the fucking refrigerator. That's it.

Is that too fucking hard? We don't have a vaccine for your fat yet. So what we need you to do. Caloric distancing. That's it. Caloric distancing, baby. Come on. Come on.

Come on. We're trying to help you. Now is it terrible time to die. I'm telling you. I saw it. It's only 10 people allow that funeral. And if you wait 300, 400, 400 pounds, it's going to take a list at least six people to carry your casket.

It's a lot, dude. That's a lot, man. We don't have to slide that downhill. Put some wheels on it. You got to have to make your mom sled you. You got put some wheels on that fucking casket. Uh, what the fucking idiot, Dak and Zeke, too, man.

Who is that? Dak and Zeke. Oh, with their party? Yeah, I didn't like that. Yeah, go on that. Yeah, go on that. I didn't like Jack's answer. I didn't like Dax's answer.

What was his answer? He basically said, like, he only had like nine people. Right, that's too much. Well, the rule, I think is 10. That's too much. Nah. Ten's too much, bro. I'm gonna give you some pushback.

I think we got to stop it with all this. Talk to me. I'm done. No, I don't agree. I'm done. We got a head. hang out now, yo. I don't agree. We got to hang out. We got to go outside. I'm done.

No. I'm done with all this. Stay inside shit, man. I'm done. I'm done. You fat or you old? You stay inside. Everybody else. We out. Can we do a deep dive on how vengeful corona is? Talk to me. You talking about credit? Don't nobody want their credit like that bitch named Rona, bro. I'm sorry. I didn't even mean to call you a bitch. I apologize, Rona.

Talk to me. Every single person I've seen question Rona. Rona has shown them. There's this bishop. I forgot what a bishop from. I think it's Virginia. Oh, yeah. Bishop was like, look, God can protect you from the corona.

God is bigger than Corona. He died of Corona. You know what I'm saying? After having services, you know what I'm saying? Rudy Gobert, Utah Jazz. Ah, ha, ha, ha, touching everything. He got that. Corona.

Yeah. Rona gonna make y'all believe, bro, bra. Oh, I believe in it. I'm, I don't think it doesn't exist. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, I've had enough. Well, she hasn't. We're going outside, bro.

We're going to go outside. We're going to hang out outside. I think that's coming soon, though. We, it's, I have a feeling it's taking too long and we need to get back to it. Now, I'm not saying that we should play pickup backup. basketball games, okay? But you should be able to take a walk. Go take a walk with your girlfriend.

Hang out in a park. Not yet. These things should be okay. I think America, they did great. Social distancing clearly worked. You look in New York City. You know, last week they said the curve was starting to flattened. They didn't know if it was just a blip or if it was a real plateau.

But now this week, Cuomo is saying he thinks the worst is behind us. That shows social distancing fucking works. So why stop that now? That's true. Or what it shows is politics. have self-interest in this thing as well. So what they do is they exaggerate how bad it's going to be so that when it doesn't end up being that bad,

they get to say, well, you know what I did? I protected us all from Corona with my policies to minimize contact and increase social distancing. So most people didn't die? So you don't think Corona was ever as bad as they was making it out to be? No, I'm not saying that. I think Corona is something dangerous, but I'm saying they have a personal interest in making it seem even worse

so that when it isn't, they can look like they save the day. I think you have to scare the fuck out of people just to make people do what it is you want them to do to begin with. Yeah. I can't be nice to you and tell you, hey, man, I really need you to stay home. Blackness curve called Corona. I got to tell you that, look, if you don't fucking stay in this fucking house, you're going to fucking die, your kids are going to die, your grandma's going to die.

You know, they really play, they pull it our heartstrings. Because think about it, the first people they told, look at your phone. Who's on your phone right now? My dad. How old is your dad? 77 or something? Exactly. So when they put that in your head that something could happen to him, you're going to do the right fucking thing.

Exactly. 100%. And my dad's, that's what they did. My dad should stay his ass home. But you out there. I'm out here, baby. But you can't be out there and go around your father. When I say hi to my folks, we stay six feet away.

We literally take walks together, six feet away. We don't hug. It's the hardest thing to be like next to your fucking parents and you can't even say hello and like hug him, give him a kiss or any of that kind of shit. But that's what we do. They wear gloves, all that shit. I know I'm a fucking maniac because I feel so good.

I've been feeling so good the past few weeks. I'm talking about like I'd be laying in the bed and that shit feel like I'm on ecstasy. Why? What do you mean? Because I have had a sense of calm the past few weeks that I haven't felt in a while and it's good for me because it really lets me know what the source of my anxiety is.

The source of my anxiety comes from two things. Other people in stressing about my family. Like I have parental paranoia in a real way. I wrote about it and then shook ones. I got a whole chapter about parental paranoia, but it's true. Like when you're worried about your kids being at school, when you're worried about, you know,

your wife out and about throughout the day, you know, having to pick the kids up and things of that nature. Like those are the things that really caused me to get anxiety. Those are the things that caused me to have palpitations. You'd be sitting around thinking about school shootings or your kids getting into it with some kid at school, all types of shit just go through your head when you got to deal with that.

The past few weeks, I know where everybody at. The kid is right here in the house. Nobody got to go no fucking place. I haven't. I've been sleeping great. Okay? We are just, this is great for me. I know it sucks for everybody else.

I know everybody else in my house absolutely hates it. I know my daughter wants to be at school. I know she wants to go to Chile and practice. For me, I haven't felt a lick. When I, Schultz, when I tell you a. lick of anxiety. I haven't felt a piece of anxiety the past four weeks. So maybe that's what you got to do, man. Stay home. Home school to kids. I'm a homebody. I'm a cancer. So yeah, there is something to that. There absolutely is something to that. But I mean, also, you know,

leaning into the uncertainty of the whole situation, right? Because this shit is out of our control, shows. Yeah, it's out of our control. It is. There's nothing we can do. Yeah, we can. We can just start going out again. But then the fucking shit will probably flare back up. Just don't be around people. Impossible. You live in New York. I can be not around people. First of all, no one's in New York. You see how few people really live in Manhattan, like when this happens? Because I'm in Manhattan. I'm born and raised in Manhattan. Nobody's in Manhattan. You don't see nobody on the street. And they're not all inside. It's that all the people from Manhattan went back to their parents' house or went to their house on the fucking island or went to their beach house somewhere. All these rich people

they're like, oh yeah, we're New Yorkers. We got this shit. They fucking got out of the city as soon as they possibly could. I'm not talking about the boroughs, Brooklyn, Queens, Bronx, et cetera. Those people live there. But all these people that, like, claim New York so hard, they got the fuck out of New York City as quick as they could, man. And soon as you open this shit back up,

that shit is going to flood again. And what if we socially distance? We're going to have a shit not work, yo. By the way, that's the new norm. You said what? I don't understand why they keep talking about, like, does it work or does it not work? Nothing that they say makes any fucking sense, bro.

This shit is driving me crazy. Do you hear what they were saying? Where they were like Fauci was like, we're not going to be able to shake hands again. You saw that? Yeah, well, I think he said until like 20, 22 or some shit like that. Son, son, side. What do you want us to do?

You want us to bow? Did that work for the fucking Chinese? Do you forget where this shit came from? Shaking hands is not the thing that's going to spread the virus. Yeah, you know, a doctor told me this morning, I can't remember the doctor's name. We had them on a breakfast club. He said not to wear gloves.

He said gloves are the worst. He said, them rubber gloves, the virus sticks to that shit like glue. So here's the thing. He said, just wash your hands and use Perel. Here's the thing about the rubber gloves. This is the reason I use the rubber gloves. Because if I'm wearing gloves, I won't touch my face. If I'm not wearing gloves, I'm touching my face nonstop.

So all I do is touch my fucking face. I'm biting my fingernails. I'm doing all that shit. So the gloves are just about me not putting my hands that have probably touched something on my face. Well, I hope all of y'all know that this is the new normal. once this shit does open back up it's going to be mask and fucking gloves all day every day

hand sanitizer is going to be like the new breathments you know what I'm saying you're going to have to have them shit on you need motherfuckers going to have hand sanitizer motherfuckers going to treat bottles of hand sanitizer like they treat their phones really what the fuck is my hand sanitizer

I'm telling you like that shit hand sanitizer is going to be like the new fucking smartphone and people are going to have to wear mask everywhere they go this is the new fucking normal once shit opens back up baby I got a positively brilliant, bro. Talk to me. Bill Maher. Bill Maher put out a piece about, uh, oh, I saw that. They're calling it the Chinese virus. Yeah, I saw that. Or whatever like that. It was absolutely

brilliant about, you know, people in America, of course, you still offended even during a fucking global pandemic. You find a way to be offended by absolutely nothing. And they think that calling it a Chinese virus is somewhat offensive or racist. And he basically goes through every virus. that we've ever had and shows how you just name them after the places where they were found. This is why. Lyme disease is from West Lyme, Connecticut. Zika's from the Zika River in the Congo region. Ebola's from the Ebola, whatever, like that.

Spanish flu. What is it called? MERS, Middle Eastern respiratory sickness. Like, he literally calls out every single one in why it's name that way and stop finding a way to be fucking Pussies about absolutely everything. Do you know, Shalaman de God, Leonard McKelby,

said that on this fucking podcast like six weeks ago. Son, we were saying it. We've been saying it. I've been saying it on Breakfast Club for six fucking weeks. And I use three examples. I used the bowler,

Zika, and West Nile. Because those are all places in Africa. And I mean, no disrespect to the Asians. But even if it is called Chinese flu, I don't understand why it gets called racist when it's Chinese flu, but when it comes to diseases from Africa, nobody says anything.

And that's why I got a herb and get my fucking talk show. Son, you got to do it, man. I watch that Bill Maherty. It's simple as that. I watched that Bill Maher and I said, I had that thought six weeks ago. I expressed that on the radio and on the podcast six weeks ago. That's, listen, platforms matter, bro. And he also did it in a beautiful, concise way.

And he had all the great arguments backing it up. And I just don't understand. It's like, why are people getting so upset? Like, do you think gay people back in a day in the 80s would be upset if they called AIDS gay flu? Yes. What the fuck are you talking about? They were. Absolutely.

Not only would they be, they were. But when it was just targeting them? Yes. You don't think you could be like, yo, you don't get sneezed on. You could get some gay flu. They hated when people used to refer to HIV and AIDS as a gay disease. They still hate it now. Yes.

But back in the day, that shit was predominantly gay flu. I don't know if that's true or not. Well, it used to be to Wuhan. It used to be the Chinese flu and then it spread around the world. Same thing with AIDS. I think it was predominantly gay flu. And then it became everybody's flu. Nah.

Gay flu is horrible. And also gay flu is saying that only gay people can get it. No, it's not. It's saying that's where it started. But it didn't start with gay people. That's where it got popping. Nah. Maybe it didn't start.

I mean, I don't know. No, that's where it got popping. That's where it got popping. Like, I don't think Jamaicans were the first people to have dreadlocks, but that's where it got popping. But you don't call it goddamn Jamaican locks? Some people might. You don't call it a Jamaican perm.

Not be a dreadlock. You don't say I want a Jamaican perm. Hey, dude, that could work. If someone said that, I would believe it. No, but I get it. If someone said, give me some Jamaican locks, I would know what they are. I totally get it. HIP age is actually a great example because, you know,

if you was the car, call it something like gay flu. It's actually not only putting a stigma on on gay people, but it's also putting a negative narrative on what HIV AIDS is because that's a myth that only gay people can get it. We're just saying like where it started from. Like that's why I don't understand. I don't know if it started there.

You have to prove this one. Well, look, here's the thing. Spanish flu, you know the Spanish flu? The Spanish flu epidemic, I think it happened like 1917. Apparently that didn't start in Spain. It probably started from in the wet markets in China, but all the other countries... He's just blaming everything on China.

Son, listen, start fucking closing the wet markets. It's not that hard. Just shut it down. They do need to close the wet markets. You shouldn't be able to sell a pterodactyl on the street. And that's what they're fucking doing. They'll sell anything on the street there. And if that's what's causing the viruses, what?

I'm not going to sit here anytime of you wouldn't try a teradactor wings. Son, I'm not saying I want to try it. Don't fucking lie to me. Bro, I'm not saying I want to try it, but find a better way to sell it, me. That shit sounds tasty. Teradactal wings? Eat like a flintstone.

Let me put some lemon pepper on them shit. Let's go. Now, what are the best terms you've heard for the coronavirus? I like DeRona. What about the Wuhanic plague? I haven't heard that one. That's not a bad one, though.

Wohannic is good. That's not a bad. Like, Wuhanic plague is not a bad one. If you're putting it in terms of like West Nile virus, Zika, Lyme disease, Lyme disease, Spanish flu, Wohonic plague is not a bad one.

That's it. Yeah. So now are you finished offending all of our Asian listeners? I think. I don't know. All right. Do men, listen, they can take a joke, right?

I don't think. I don't think so. Dude, we could take a whole virus. I don't think so. I don't think they can take a joke. I don't, I don't. People are going to find a way to get a fence. during this shit. That is another thing that cracks me up, that people are finding ways to be woke

even during a global pandemic, dude. Do you literally have nothing else to do with your time? You don't realize what's really going on over here? I don't, listen, I don't know how fake offended people are at a time like this because this is a very stressful time. Like, you know, I got homeboys and home girls whose anxiety is really killing them. You know what I'm saying? I'm getting phone calls crazy where people are really depressed and, you know, a lot of people actually trying to try therapy for the first time now because they're sitting at home and they're alone with their thoughts and this shit is really driving them crazy. I think I read two stories this week about two young women. I think one was 19, one was 15. They both killed themselves just based on the fear that is being mongered behind the

coronavirus. You know what I'm saying? So, I mean, you, a lot of people who, they'll trick themselves into jumping off a cliff at a time like this because you got to think about it, right? Like, you can really convince yourself this is the end of the world if you want to. You could really read the book of revelations and convince yourself like, Armageddon is coming and this is it. And you may not want to be around to see that shit. Hey, bro, we're back. What's back?

We're back. Another month, we're back. Americans are tired of this shit. I already feel it. I can't speak for Europeans, but I can speak for Americans. We're getting tired of this shit. And we're ready to get back to fucking. business. We want to leave the house. Do we have to go back to work? No, we'll work from home.

That's fine. But do we want to be able to go out, enjoy the park, enjoy the beach, enjoy fucking things? Yes, we want to do. Slowly, slowly, slowly. Peel it back. Treat it like an uncircumcised penis. Peel it back. Like, don't just freaking, you just peel it back a little bit. Peel it back. Make sure the skin is all the way down to the bottom of your fucking dick before you just put it in, bro. Like, give it a minute. The feeling is if you're telling us the truth about social distancing, then we should be able to do that and everything's fine. If you're not telling us the truth about social distancing,

then that's a different discussion. But I gotta take your word as the government and as scientists. I have to take your word. And if it's six feet, we could work with that. You got to give them time to figure this shit out. And I think what we're doing as we're going along every day is learning new shit about the virus. But how much time they need, bro?

It's like everybody, they told us, I think, in that press conference that they were going to have 25 million Americans, tested in parking lots of Walmarts all around the country. So far, they've done $2 million. That's your president. That's your president's fault. That's Walmart. What do you mean?

Listen, I don't know what it is. I was like, what did Walmart do? Listen, I'll be honest, I've been the most critical of Trump during this whole shit. I think he babbled his whole shit. He did this pathetically, right? But also Elon Musk said he was going to have all these ventilators. And apparently the mayor of, the mayor of L.A. was like, nah, we ain't got no ventilators from him.

We don't know what's going on. So everybody's talking to his big game and all of a sudden we don't have some shit. And low-key, I think the reason why we're not getting tested for it is because people don't want, the more people get tested, the more people have it. And the more people in your country have it, the worse your country looks.

But there's not enough tests. I think that's on purpose. Because here's the thing. If your country is the one that has the most tests, your country looks the least capable of handling a pandemic. I think Russia, they says seven people died in the whole country from it. And that's just because they ain't,

testing motherfuckers out there. And if they do come out with the positive test, I think they made it illegal to announce that they had it. So this is a whole PR game going on outside of just people's health. I would rather be the country that shows the rest of the world how to handle a pandemic correctly. So I think that they should do widespread testing because let's be clear, the faster they do widespread testing, the faster we can, you know, get back into society, you know, even though we're going to be doing a lot of social distancing once we get back out there and everybody's going have on mask and gloves looking like Michael Jackson, but once you start getting widespread testing out that motherfucker,

until there's a vaccine, you know, that's actually what I think will make people feel comfortable. You know what I mean? And then once you do widespread testing, then they have that, what they do, containment tracing, I think they call it. So where you can, am I saying,

is that correct, Chris? Can you chime in on this? You won't ring the bell, I promise. You want him to chime? Is it containment tracing, I think it's called? Yeah, I mean, the lack of testing to me is the A number one biggest issue right now, because if you can't test people, I mean, it's elementary. You don't know who has it, and everyone can pour back into the streets in a month or six weeks or whatever it is, but it's just going to go back to zero a couple weeks after that. So I honestly don't understand why we don't have the testing, because it seems everybody would want that.

I can't, you know, imagine a scenario where somebody wouldn't want that outside of what Andrew said, which is you just don't want to control. front of it. Yeah. And the thing about containment tracing is you know who has it. You know where the problem areas are and you're able to contain it a little bit better. By the way, ain't no NBA until they get that shit. When they do that, when the NBA comes back, that's exactly what the fuck they're going to be doing. They're going to be testing people.

They're going to be quarantining them after games. They'll probably keep them in one area. They'll probably play in like one location. I'm here in Vegas. They'll play in Vegas for the rest of the season. They'll stay in, I guess, different hotels and they're going to test like every, I don't know, a couple of weeks, who the fuck knows? And they got those other things where they can check your temperature, make sure you don't

got no fever. Like it's a different way to put us back out in the streets and contain it at the same time. So it's okay if they do that, but we can't go to the park. Fuck out of here, bro. I can't believe we even buying this shit. Makes no sense. Listen, you'd feel more comfortable going to the park if you knew that the area you lived in, there weren't a lot of cases of coronavirus there.

I wouldn't care if it's the park. The reason you would know that is because people have been tested. It would be great if people are tested. Don't get me wrong. I'm supportive of testing. I want as much testing as possible. I'm also saying you should be able to go to the park. You should be able to go to a beach.

You should be able to do these things. There are these absurd rules about quarantining that make absolutely no sense. They just make no sense. Like we can go to a weed shop, but we can't go to the park. Weed is essential. 420 is right around the corner. In fact, I need somebody to do me a little. a little drop off somewhere in Jersey. I need some

edible for $420. Let's do a little drop off. No hand in the hand. I'm going to leave the money somewhere and you leave the drug somewhere. We're going to do this old school, baby. I need some medibles for $420. That is a fact. Well, talking about a drug that is quite valuable during this quarantine, Charlemagne, Blue Chew is there for you to keep that cock hard during Corona. Now, if you guys don't know what

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telling you it is the truth. But be careful out there, okay? You're going to have something hard. You don't want to hurt someone with it. Okay, so be careful with it. You got a weapon. You got an active weapon. Make sure you use it accordingly. Let's get back to the show. You got any church announcements? The announcements are a very important part of what we do in church. Besides rescheduling shows, you know, rescheduling the special, we're rescheduled a bunch of other shows. I'm putting it out there. So once I have all those out, we're going to update them. And I'm hoping that we'll be able to get back to work this summer, man.

The special I'm rescheduling for fall. So hopefully by November, everything will be good. But you don't think so. Right. He said that they're not having concerts until 2021, the fall of 2020. No, they said that in like L.A. I don't know if I exactly buy that. I really don't think it.

I think the second they let people go out, people are going to go back. out and the people that are out risk are not going to go back out. And I think that's kind of how it should be. Yeah, but you can't take the risk of having large crowds together quite yet. Like nobody's going to take that risk. Not yet. Not yet. But I think in the next few months you're going to see.

I think people are fed up, man, or they're starting to get fed up. In the next couple of weeks, you're going to see a lot of rebellion. And you're going to see a lot of people like, yo, I'm not staying aside. You have your fucking mind. I think because if you're a promoter, right, you can't book a comment. act that can fucking bring a thousand people, 2,000 people, 3,000 people to an arena because you can't social distance that shit.

You know what I mean? Yeah, and if you do, let's say you got a 3,000 cedar. They're only going to say, okay, well, you can sell a thousand tickets. So that's, that I don't like. And I think that will suck, and I think that will ruin a lot of comedy shows. You could do music like that, but comedy people need to be together, man. They need to be close. So it's like, I want them to be close and I want them to be safe, obviously.

fuck check temperature do all that kind of stuff but I think what's going to happen is in the next couple months people are going to realize look I had it I'm good I haven't had it but I'm willing to go out there and take the risk or if I'm an at-risk person I'm not going to take that risk I'm staying home and I'm doing that and I think that actually life will go back to somewhat somewhat normal because of it that's that's my opinion that's wishful thinking yeah and I understand why you feel that way because you're a stand-up 100% I'm telling you back to it I'm telling you shows. Yeah.

The money's done until about fall, 2021. Because you better lean into the audio game, lean into the podcast game. I'm leaned. Maybe we get a fucking, we get a coffee table book or something. I don't know. I got some things coming that we'll be all right. Let's cook. No, I got some things coming that we'll be a okay.

All right. Well, that's good. It's a stand-up shit, that shit. That's why I tell all my musical friends. Listen, you're about to see some rappers. You're about to see some of your favorite gangster rappers sponsoring Fashion Nova in ways you've never seen before. Really? A lot of candy accounts?

Oh, my God. You about to see some of your favorite gangster rappers showing off them flat-tummy T abs, baby. Really? Who goes first? Who goes first? There's no contract. They said at the minimum contracts will be back fall 2021. Now, there's some other doctors.

One mayor in L.A. presumed that. That wasn't like a fact by the CDC or anything like that. Dr. Fauci said that too. Dr. Fauci said fall of 2021 before we can start gathering in large crowds. Now, you have some doctors who are saying they're fast tracking a vaccine, right? I think it's like 70 different trials going on right now

with 70 different vaccines. If they get a vaccine, I think I even saw one doctor that said they might even have an emergency vaccine by the fall. If something like that happens, back in business, baby. Once the vaccine is there, you'll start seeing the contracts and shit come back. Until then, bro, I'm telling you,

fashion Nova is going to. going to be getting some of your favorite celebrities for the low. Watch. Watch. Fashion Nova used to be giving people equity and shit. Nah, no. Those days are over, baby. Uh-uh.

$500. Post it. That's it. $500? You want this $500? I'm serious. You're going to see a lot of celebrities with only fans pages. That's the next wave.

You're going to see a lot of celebrities with only fans pages. It's going to be, it's about to be really, you're about to really see who've been saving their motherfucking money and who've been playing. Who do you think is first? Who do you think is first? Who do you think is first? I'm already seeing some people. Who?

I'm not going to say. But I'm not going to say it. But I'm already seeing some people, man. I'm already seeing some people and I'm slightly disappointed. I'm not even going to say. I'm not going to say. Do I know him? Yeah, you know.

You probably know them. If you pay attention, you definitely know them. And listen, and by the way, I'm not even going to say that they're doing it because of these reasons because they probably were always doing it. I just never noticed. You know what I'm saying? And when you think about it, If you're a comedian or a celebrity, when you're on your page, you're promoting shit that you're doing. So you might promote your show or you might promote your comedy show.

So once you slip in that flat tummy T ad, you don't notice. But she's been dry to past few weeks. There ain't no fucking show. So now them flat tummy T ads is just like, they're a little bit more noticeable now. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah, it's going to be bad the next few weeks, man. And I want to say, I got a lot of people that I know that are telling me they received the, stimulus checks.

And I'm confused about that. Because in order to get that check, you need to be making in 2018 less than 70,000 or something like that, 80,000? Yep. Yep. So it's a little weird, bro. So has there been some

capping on the internet, if you will? I would definitely call that capping. That is definitely capping. But, yo, God bless them. You know, I'm not knocking you. I'm just saying, I'm like, how to, I'm just really wondering, how the fuck you get a stimulus check? That's all. Because like you said, no order to get a stimulus check, you got to make, what, under 90,000 a year, something like that?

Something, yeah. Huh. I just thought people were doing better than what they were. I'm not here to judge. I'm just happy to unbless. Thank you, God. Now, let's get into some shit you're not going to care about next week. Oh, now, Charlottomay, Alex brought up an interesting point.

What if you had your own business and you kind of manipulated the business to make it look like it wasn't profitable? So you didn't make any money yourself, but you made money through the business. So you as an employee maybe didn't get paid out by the business, but you paid everything in your life through the business. Maybe, maybe. I mean, listen, I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and act like, you know, I wouldn't apply for PPP. You know what I'm saying?

Because I have small businesses. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I don't want to fire my employees. I don't have a lot of employees. But, you know, I want to be, I want my employees to be taken care of. I think that if there's any type of resources like that available from the government, take advantage of them and don't let nobody shame you for it.

By the way, those are our taxpayer dollars, motherfuckers. Like all they're doing is giving us back, but we give the fucking FICA, whoever that is. I thought it was a fucking soccer league for years, but it's not. You know what I'm saying? So it's just like, yeah, I read something that said, American citizens paid $1.7 trillion in taxes in 2018. Where the fuck is this money going?

Wow. That right there, you could take care of, you could take care of motherfuckers annually with that kind of money. You can do universal basic income and all kind of shit with that kind of money. There's no reason for a fucking public school anywhere to be fucked up

when you got a country generating $1.7 million in taxes from his citizens. Everybody should have access to some type of affordable health care, even free health care. If you're making that kind of money annually from taxes, where the fuck is the $1.7 trillion You know where it's going to the fucking military?

No, it's not just military. A lot of it has to go pay off debt. Who's debt? So the way that the government creates money is it sells bonds, these treasury bills. And the way a treasury bill or a bond functions is you buy it for $100, then the government says to you, I'll pay you back $110 at a later date. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know about that. So how is it going to pay it back?

the government is going to generate revenue through taxation and then pay the money back. Look, I'm no financial advisor. I can't explain how this shit works, but I do know what you're talking about, though. Yeah, it's like shit goes up over time, prices are low, get in. I mean, that's what, I mean, if you want to look at like, now I'm like looking all these, I'm just bored, so I'm looking at all these conspiracy theories and that kind of shit, but it's like when you look at like throughout time how the people who run the banking establishments around the world have made money.

they've taken advantage of times like this. Like there's been economic depressions. They've called, sometimes the bankers have leaned into the depressions where they've called in the money. So there's not a lot of liquidity in the market. And then you can't take out a loan to pay your bills. So what you have to do,

you have to let the bank seize your property. Right? So the bank's like, no, I'm not going to give you a loan so you could pay for shit, but you need to pay back your loan. And then you're like, well, all I got is my farm. And they're like, all right, we'll take that.

But we'll take it for pennies on a dollar. and that's how they get richer, man. Bro, this whole, the more I research this shit, the whole banking game is so crazy, bro. Do you know what fractional reserve banking is? No, but I have a financial advisor who does. You know, this is the most genius shit ever. This is how money works.

I never realize this, right? A bank only needs to have 10% of the total value in the actual bank and physical money. So let's say Charlemagne Nagu, right? You give that bank a million dollars, right? That bank only needs to keep $100,000 of your money in the bank. It could take the other $900,000 that you gave them and lend it out to other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Right? But what's genius about this is that you have $1 million, right? It lends out $900,000, right? That $900,000 goes out into the world, right? Let's say somebody took that $900,000, right, that you lent it to them, and they don't want to buy, and they buy a house from somebody for $900,000, right? Right? I'm listening. So that person that got paid $900,000 for the house, let's say they take that money and they put it back in the same bank where you are, right?

now the bank has another 900,000 that they can lend 90% of. Yeah, that's why your financial advisor will tell you. Like, it's good to happen. But wait, but wait, but wait, but wait, but wait. There's now in that bank $1.9 million. But there isn't. There's only the one million that you gave them. They just made up another 900,000.

I don't know if that's quite how it works. You see what's going on? I get what you saying. That's how it works. It's crazy. Think about it, right? You put a million in the bank, right? Yeah.

The bank lends out $900,000 to Chris Moreau. Chris Moreau buys my house for $900,000. I have $900,000. I put it back in the bank. That bank can lend out $810,000 now. Okay. I know, listen, I know it's something like that. That's why your financial advisor will tell you,

like if you just got money sitting in the bank, all you're doing is helping other, all you're doing is helping other people get loans. Of course, but what I'm saying is this is how money just gets invented out of nowhere. At a thin air, you're just inventing money because we allow people to lend money that they don't have. And if you can lend money that you don't technically have, then that's free money that comes out of nowhere. But don't technically they have it, though? This is how it all start.

They don't technically have it because they only have to keep $100,000 of your money in. So now that $900,000 is just going anywhere it wants. And if somebody else wants to take that $900,000 and put it back in a bank, they only got to keep $90,000 of it. in the bank. Listen, I'm not sure if that's how that works, but I can't say it's wrong because I don't know. This is how it started, right? Maybe this will be like the apps,

the idiot section or whatever, but this is how it started. So back in the day, you know how shit used to be in gold, right? Yes. So what happens is the goldsmiths would take the gold that you'd give them, melt it down, put in bars.

And then you didn't want to carry around fucking gold bars all day. So the goldsmiths would, this is in England. They'd write you a note that basically was like, yo, carry this piece of, like, paper around and it will basically equate to the gold you got right there. So if you need to pay for something, pay for it in the paper,

so you don't got to carry the gold, right? The goldsmith figured out that nobody would ever ask for all their gold. So what they started doing is writing out notes to people without there being any gold backed for the note. I see what you're saying. And then charging interest on that note. So they're charging interest on money that ain't even there. You know, that's what that's what Gaddafi was doing. What was he doing? Hold on, Gaddafi. Hold on. I want to read. this real quick because I don't want to misquote this. I don't want to get too idiot. There's someone that's way more financially savvy that can explain

fractional reserve banking than me. I'm not doing a good job explaining it because partially because it really isn't explaining it's absolutely absurd, but that's how our economy works. Yeah, Gaddafi was about to challenge monetary imperialism because he had a bunch of gold. Right. He had a big reserve of gold and I think he was, he wanted to create a one world. or an African currency.

Yeah. Yep. You wanted to create a one word, a one world currency. Hey, bro. Anybody that's ever challenged currency, any person in power that's challenged currency has been killed or removed from power. Can't fuck with the church's money.

Hey, bro. Hey, bro. You want to know something? Ain't got nothing to do with the church. But you want to know something? Oh, yeah, that's what it was. Remember they said that Hillary Clinton's emails I don't know if this is true, but they said revealed that Nato killed Gaddafi to stop the Libyan creation of gold-back currency.

Anybody, if you go out there and Google, Google Gaddafi and gold, you can do your own research. Hey, here's another one you could Google. Do you know how our money's green now? Yeah. You know who, it comes from the greenback. And you know who made the green back to finance the Civil War? Mexican leprechauns. No.

What? No. Abraham Lincoln printed the green back to finance a civil war. Civil War because bankers wanted to charge him 25 to 36% on money that he wanted to take out for the war efforts. So he printed his own money, the greenbacks. What happened to Abraham Lincoln? Got a shot. He did, didn't he? He blew his fucking brains out. By some actor that really wanted slavery, an actor. What the fuck is an actor so interested in slavery for? Do you have slaves so you can, what, read lines with them? Well, I mean, it depends.

Come on, bro. I mean, just because you're an actor, just because you're an actor, don't mean that you're not racist. No, no, he was racist. Sure, everybody back in the day was racist, but I'm saying he's not the one who needs slavery,

who's willing to shoot and kill for slavery. Well, I think you're thinking about actors from this, you're thinking financially about what an actor would be making now. Back then, acting probably wasn't shit. No, I'm talking about his job. Like, why would his job need slaves? Like, if you're an actor.

who's going to get you your water, bro. Who's going to fucking get you your... You're going to have a whole slave to get water, bro? What about when your feet hurt after you've been on stage all day? Say, okay? What about when your feet hurt after you've been on stage all day? That's why you have a wife? Why wouldn't you want to...

Listen, let's... All jokes aside. So a million reasons why an actor would want a slave. Okay? By the way, most personal assistants are indentured servants. Oh, geez. All right? Like, let's just, like, come on, guys.

guys, most personal assistance for actors and actresses are indentured servants. And by the way, it's a personal assistant out there right now listening to me who feels like she's in a relationship with her slave master, or in a relationship with his slave master. Right. Okay, we've heard the horror stories of these different actors and actresses who make you get them a bowl of red M&Ms and throw shit at you when you ain't doing shit right.

And come on. It's not slavery. It's a form of indentious servitude. I learned why the actors do the M&M shit. Why? It's to make sure that the people at the venues are reading their writer. They don't really care about the color of the M&Ms. Smart.

But if you put some weird shit in there, then you know they got all the other shit right. You know that they're paying attention to detail. Exactly. So then you don't have to like, yeah, now you have to eat your salad and then it has sardines in there. You're allergic to sardines. You end up fucking dying. That's fucking smart. It's brilliant.

Listen, let's do some asking idiots. Let's pay one more bill and then we'll do ask idiots. Okay. Guys, turn your dream into reality with Squarespace. Squarespace makes it easier than ever to launch your passion project. Whether you're looking to start a new business, showcase your work, publish content, sell products and more. Squarespace is the tool for you with beautiful templates created by world-class designers

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Now, all right, let's do some, um, ask a fucking idiot. Taylor, did you send me asking idiot? You got to scroll all the way down. You got to scroll all the way down. Taylor over there, lonely and sad, bro. Yeah, she really is sad, man. Taylor, what's wrong? I thought she had a boyfriend.

First of all, we're still together. Okay, what else? And then I'm just depressed about the economy. It's just sad. All right. For Angelo 5 car phone. That's Angelo. Angelou.

You got a good question for asking an idiot. What is it? you're going to still keep me employed? Is that that question? Damn. That is a good question. I haven't used them. I don't know if you still have a job, Angela.

We'll see once this is all over. I don't know. Now, Angelo did do a dope video. He made a dope video because, you know, he's been around me so much that, you know, he always has, like, B-roll and shit. But he just has this whole fucking plethora of me just shaking everybody's hands

because, you know, I'm the type person that walks in the room and shakes everybody's, hands speaks to everybody. So he just put this whole video together of me just shaking everybody's hand. And I'm sitting there looking like, I don't know if I ever be able to do that again, you know, seriously.

You will. I can't wait to. I can't wait either. I'm going to be honest with you. I want to dab motherfuckers up. Let's go, bro. Let's get back to it. What fuck we doing? Ask an idiot, Angelo says, which basketball player today would have the same public shock reaction as Magic Johnson if they announced they had HIV?

Wait, say that again? Which basketball player today would have the same public shock reaction as Magic Johnson if they announced they had HIV? I don't know. I don't think it's shocking anymore. I think the shock for Magic Johnson was everybody thought it was a gay flu. And then they're like, how did you get the gay flu if you're not gay? No, that is true. I remember when that happened, everybody immediately went to Magic's gay. And they started talking about when he used to kiss Isaiah on the lips. Yeah.

You know, I was even watching Straight Out of Compton another day. And like, even when Easy E's character, when Jason Mitchell who played, I say Easy E's character, when Jason Mitchell who played Easy E, you know, when they told him he had HIV, that's the first thing came out of his mouth. He's like, I ain't gay. Yeah. So, I mean, that was a thing during that era. You know what I mean?

So I don't think it would be a surprise. I really don't think. The only way it would be a shock is if it was like a player who was a superstar who was married, you know what I'm saying? Because then everybody would be like, how the fuck did he get? You know what I mean? But you always assume they cheat on their wives. So it's like nothing, nothing is that shocking.

Maybe raw dogging is a little crazy. Maybe Steph Curry would be the most shocking if he had. But then again, he's in San Francisco. He's the closest to Wuhan of AIDS. Jesus Christ. Megastosin asking the idiot, what's the one thing you miss doing before Corona that you won't be doing after Corona? Oh.

Um, hmm. It's a good question. I don't know. I don't know. I plan on doing absolutely everything after Corona that I did before. Absolutely everything. Handshakes, meet and greets after the show, all that. Yes, let's go. I was thinking about meetings. Don't get me wrong. I still love having meetings. I still love, you know, pulling up in somebody's conference room and chopping the shit. but I do miss it. Like, you know, you miss having to travel to L.A. you know, to go have these great meetings, whatever, whatever.

But I don't know if I ever have to do that ever again because of this Zoom shit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because I'm the type of, I'm the type that would get on a plane and fly to L.A. for a meeting and then fly right back. Go to L.A. for an hour meeting and fly right back. I don't know if I ever have to do that ever again.

because it is Zoom shit. Yeah. I mean, the fact that you would fly to L.A. for a meeting is kind of crazy. Just a meeting? Nothing else? You weren't like filming something? No, I mean, I do that too. But sometimes I go just for a meeting.

Like, you know, especially depending on who the meeting is with. And a lot of times those have become like some of my biggest opportunities. You know what I mean? Like I've been planting a lot of seeds over the years that people will see the fruit from, you know, over the next year or so. You know what I'm saying? So it's just like, yeah, like I, you take those, you take those meetings and they're stressful in there.

Hard to do and it wears and tears on you, but it's absolutely worth it. I just don't know if I would ever have to do that again. So I'm, this is a good question because it's something that I miss, you know, but I don't know if I would necessarily do it after Corona because I don't see the need other than the field of the energy or the room.

That's about it. Yeah. Do you really need energy? Nice. It is nice, but I hear you. I hear what you're saying. It's a long trip to go just for a meeting, but you're probably meeting people that you want to meet in person.

So it's different, you know. This is another good asking idiot. Like her Hoyce said, how did Shalaman get his girl back in the day when he used to be cheating? I'm going through it. That's a very good question. But you can't compare your situation to mine because me and my now wife, we were together very young.

You know what I'm saying? We were together as kids since high school. So we grew together. We evolved together. You know, we didn't really, you know, how to be in relationships with each other. And then, you know, she went off to college. Forget about it.

You know what I'm saying? She's still going to live her life in college. I wasn't in school. I wasn't there every day. You're going to go through these different experiences. Everybody's going to go through their whole phase at different times. So I'm not necessarily the best example. But I do say, you know, since I am a man who's cheated when he was married,

I just think that the best apology is change behavior. And I think the same way your girl has a sixth sense and she knows when you are cheating, she also knows when you're not cheating. You know what I'm saying? So I just think the best apology is changed behavior, man. That's it. Simple as that.

That makes sense, man. Yeah. That's cool that she's past it. I mean, or is she passed it? Is she forgiven you? Have you guys trust? I think so only because I don't, I'm clean, bro.

I'm four years clean. Yeah. I ain't cheated since October of 2016. Matter of fact, I'll be four years this year. I get a fucking coin this year. Four years. How bad was that last piece of pussy, bro? It wasn't bad at all.

It has nothing to do with it being bad. You know what I'm saying? But is it worth ruining my fucking marriage over? By the way, you know it's so crazy, man. That's why everybody needs to read way to superior, man. It's a great book. And, you know, it talks about sacred masculine and divine feminine. It's a book that Lauren London recommended to Nipsey Hustle.

And Lauren also recommended it to me as well. And me and Nipsey actually had a discussion about it on his last interview with the Breakfast Club. And, you know, it just talks about how, you know, you got to balance that sacred masculine and divine feminine in you. But more importantly, it talks about when you commit yourself to one person, when you commit yourself to one individual

and like, you're not doing the cheating and you're really into this person, man, yo, the lovemaking and just the way y'all connect on an emotional, spiritual, physical level is so intense that it makes you wonder

why you were ever sleeping with anybody else. Sounds pretty gay, bro. Huh? Nothing. What you said? I said, sounds pretty gay, bro. I'm just saying, man, maybe that's why gay people, maybe that's why the gay sex is so good.

Bro. Maybe they connect in a different way. Maybe they, because think about it, right? Based on everything you said this podcast that was highly offensive to the gay community. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. Whoa, bro, why you're talking me under the buzz? I'm just saying they can't jump around from partner to partner. So maybe they really focus so intensely on their significant other

that they connect on a different level. they connect emotionally, spiritually, physically. Did you say gay guys don't jump around from partner to partner? I don't know. I can't speak for gay guys. Oh, child. You have so much to learn. It's not old child.

It's cis. Oh, sis. All right. Sis. Bro. Are you kidding? Listen. Dude, there's a thing in gay culture called the glory hole.

Have you heard of this? Where there's just a hole in a door and you stick your dick in. And then someone on the other side is like, yes, a dick. And they just start sucking it. That's how powerful gay sex drive is or maybe male sex drive is. Wouldn't you love to have a significant other like that? Wait, what? Wouldn't you love to have a significant other that gets super excited?

No, it's not your significant other. It's just some random dude. But wouldn't you want somebody to be that super excited over your penis? I just opened the door and then get my dick sucked. Buy my significant other. The fun part about the glory hole, I guess, is you don't know who's sucking it. But think about the person that's sucking it. the person that's sucking it has to really love dick

in order to... That's what I'm saying! Wouldn't you want somebody to love your penis in that way shows? Are you trying to make me gay? What's happening over here? Bro. Are you in here to listening my dick?

Bro. That's how that flu got passing around, bro. Come on. Shut up. This guy's so crazy. Jesus, man. All right, let's do one more asking idiot and get the fuck out of here.

Wow. I don't know if this is true though. T-Money SIG says, how do y'all feel that this kind of natural disaster didn't bring people closer? And are we fucked when the aliens come? Well, I mean, it didn't bring people closer

because we literally have to distance ourselves from one another. That's part of it. And are we fucking... You don't think it digitally made us closer? I know for a fact. bro, I'm FaceTiming way more than I ever have in my life. I'm Zooming way more than I ever having my life. You're just bored.

I'm doing IG live way more than I ever had in my life. You're just bored, bro. You just bored. You got nothing to do. So you're like, fucking let me distract myself. Everybody's hitting me. Everybody's like, yo, come on my IG live. Everybody got an IG live talk show.

Yeah. Like, everybody doing something. Like, everybody wants IG live action. They're like, yo, come do this, come do that. That's because we're craving live interaction. We want to do something together. Like, that's why I wish they had that MMA fight. because it was going to be something we could all experience together at the same time that was live.

That shit is so valuable, man. We just want to experience something with each other. They got to figure that shit out. That's why Tori Lane's lives pop in, bro. It's like, give us a live moment we could all share. Let's go. True. True.

You absolutely right. Anyway, bro. I think that's it, right? I think that's it, man. You'd be good. If we did it. Should we do a hair line check or now you want to? I got a lot of hair, bro.

Let me see it. Because I saw it when you were lifting the, the, what's it called, a little bit. Let me see. Yo. Yo. My hairline ain't that bad. Oh, shit. Officer Winslow.

Let me see that airline, Officer Winslow. Let me see that. Oh, Mr. Winslow. Let me see it, bro. Hold on. Hold on. Let me see again. No, no, no, no, no.

Let me get a little sneak peek. I feel like I'm asking for a titty pick. Let me get. Just show me a little something. No. I want to say, thank you for listening. The views of Andrew Schultz are Andrew Schultz's views. Man, when you stop, bro?

What type of friend are you, bro? The type of friend that knows when to move out of the way, and I'm telling you to move to. But why are you throwing me under the booty bus, bro? Like, you don't got to do this, bro. You really do. The funniest shit in the world, the funniest shit in the world is the text you get after this podcast

when Chris is like, all right, I think y'all should take out from 1256 to 1987 to 1903. Okay, all references to China just should be scrubbed. Just scrubbed. Dude, that's right. He works for government, bro.

Listen, as always, if you listen to this podcast, you think we're smart, you think we're intelligent, you think we're brilliant, you're absolutely right. but if you listen to this podcast and you think we're just a couple of idiots

who don't know shit, you're right too. It's the brilliant idiotic podcast. Thank you for listening. Peace.