The Brilliant Idiots - WorthyVille
Episode Date: December 26, 2019Happy Holidays! This week Charlamange Tha God and Andrew Schulz discusss worthiness, Dababy going viral, Eddie Murphy on SNL, we do #askanIdiot, and more!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit meg...aphone.fm/adchoices
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It's so stupid.
It's positively brilliant.
The brilliant idiots'all.
Shalamaine the guy.
Andrew Sheld.
We are the Brilliant Idiots Podcast,
and this week's Brilliant Idiots is brought to you by...
We're going to start it later?
You know what?
I think we're in Miroles.
We got it.
Oh, it's Miroles.
It's brought to you by someone, but later.
It's bought to you by me and Andrew Shows.
That's what the fuck is bought to you by.
That's a fact.
Brought to you by Christmas.
Christmas, man.
The holiday season.
This is our last brilliant idiot's podcast of the year.
last original content
Burying Nidious podcast of the year
Drove into the city today
No problem
I thought I was going to be late
Left Jersey at 820
It's like a ghost town out this motherfucker
Which is wild
Because I would think everybody
Would be doing their last minute
Christmas shopping
Have you done all of your Christmas shopping?
I did, yeah
I mean because my wife does all our Christmas shopping
So everything is Amazon Prime
And fucking
Yeah
She does everything online
I went one place in particular
Okay
Slued to my dude
Greg Yuna
you know, Greg.
Greg was on here.
Yes, Greg is...
A dentist guy?
No, no, he's a jeweler.
Jeweler.
Yes, that's right.
Yeah, Greg's a jeweler.
So I went by him to pick up a couple of things.
But that's about it.
That's the only Christmas shopping that I did.
Greg is, though.
Greg is actually in the new Adam Sandler movie,
Uncut Gems.
They've been promoting this movie nonstop.
I thought it was on Netflix.
Bro, me too.
Yo, times are changing, bro.
Because I keep hearing about this shit.
I'm like, where if I will see this shit on Netflix?
So then I finally Google it
I'm looking at all the show times
The movie times
I'm like man I'm not leaving my house to go see this shit
I heard it's good though
Non-stop yeah Kevin Garnett I think is in it as well
So that's the movie KG is in
Yes
So the movie that Adam Sandlin KG are running around promoting
Yes
Is uncut gyms
Yes
Got you
Greg you are crazy for putting that long ass piece
On your Instagram page
That's what made me think it was on Netflix
Wow what he said
Because it's just this long piece of him in the film
It's like his whole scene damn there
And I'm thinking like
Oh this must be on
on Netflix.
That's why I thought I could go watch it.
But it's not.
So I guess they either gave him that to promote or he got a boule
copy or something.
But,
saluted my dual grade unit.
Yeah.
But,
yeah,
I went to the ER yesterday.
Four?
Because I'm just like the most anxiety.
Okay.
I can have the worst anxiety when I hear about something.
What did you hear about?
So it's like,
you know,
for the past few months,
you know,
I'd be having headaches.
Nothing crazy.
Like nothing that makes me go like,
oh,
I'm about to die,
but it's just a little bit abnormal for me.
So I'm like, damn, did I put something else in my diet?
Like, what's causing me to have these headaches?
And then last week, somebody that I know,
his name is Tyrone Garnett, he passed away.
And at first I heard that he passed away from a brain aneurysm.
But then I was talking to his mother,
sleut to Miss Jimmy Sue, talking to his mother this weekend,
and his mother told me that he actually died of brain cancer.
Eye, yeah, y'a.
And so these headaches that I've been having,
in my mind immediately,
my crazy ass mind
I'm like
holy shit I might have a brain
I might be having a brain energy
holy shit I might have a brain cancer
holy shit
So I already had a scheduled appointment
with the neurologist on January 14th
I'm like fuck that
Up it
I'm going to the ER this weekend
Yeah
Because I gotta go out of the country
I'm going to Anguilla
I don't want to be worried about
I can't be having that shit on my mind
You know what I mean
So I go to fucking the ER yesterday
And I'm fine
Nothing just like migraines
regular shit
But yo
nobody in the ER gives a fuck that I was in the ER.
First of all, salute to all the beautiful people that I met yesterday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But let me tell you something.
In a span of me sitting down, handing them my insurance card and, you know, whatever, going through the process.
I had to take a picture, okay?
I spoke to somebody's daughter on the phone.
Yeah.
I listened to two songs.
Okay.
I listen to two songs.
and another selfie
and another guy
another guy had on the mask
while he was taught
like literally had the mask on
the SARS mask on
the SARS mask right
I thought that was you
I thought that was you
I'm like
hey man
I don't know
I don't I don't know
I haven't figured this
what's the word I'm looking for
I don't like the word celebrity
I haven't figured this
celebrity fame thing out
I mean that's that's fame
the hospital
is the great equalizer
I thought about that yesterday.
It's like the airport.
Yo, I thought about that yesterday.
Now, there's a certain level of wealth where, like, you go to Teterboro when you fly out of New York, you go to the private airport.
I've done that a couple times.
But most rich people are going to the airport.
Absolutely.
You could go clear, you could TSA, you do whatever.
If you have an emergency and you got to go to the hospital.
You got to go to the ER.
No, you're right.
I thought about that yesterday.
I was like, yo, man, because I was thinking just in life, we start the same thing.
place, you're in the same place.
Dead and off. You're coming out of vagina and you're going to end up in a coffee.
Yeah.
Like, that's just everybody, right?
Unless you get cremated, whatever.
But our C-section, you know what I mean?
Same thing.
Right.
So for me, it's like, when you're doing stuff like that happens, you have no choice.
Like, I thought about that yesterday as I'm sitting in the ear.
I'm like, yo, the ER is really the great equalizer, yo.
Yeah.
Like, no matter who you are, what you do in your life, you're going to have to come here at some point.
Were you flattered that they were taking pictures?
while they're dying?
Yeah, you know, for whatever reason, I wasn't bothered.
I wasn't bothered.
Because, you know, my thing is like, I think about the universe, right?
And I'm like, damn, well, you know,
salute to the brother.
The brother was actually a really cool dude, you know, his daughter sings.
SARS mask guy?
No, no, no, no.
He was there because he was sick too.
He did have a mask on, but he took it off to talk to me, which I appreciate it.
But it's like.
You appreciated that?
I don't know.
Keep that shit on.
Right?
But he was like, the funniest thing, though, he sat by me and he goes,
yo, pardon my smell.
I've been trapping.
You know what I mean?
Because the hospital was like in between like Patterson and Wayne and all these different places, right?
So he was like, I'm for Patterson.
So he's sitting there chopping it up and he was letting me hear his daughter.
And the reason I wasn't upset because I was like, where was I going?
Hold on.
He said part of my smell I've been trapped.
I've been trapping.
Let me just understand this here.
Trapping is selling drugs, right?
I guess because we had a whole conversation about that too about the word trapping and how, you know,
We can change the connotation
because trapping don't always necessarily mean
selling drugs.
It just means you hustling.
I didn't ask no questions.
It wasn't my business.
But if he's suggesting it, it's probably...
He just said trapping.
I don't know what it was.
Because the illest part about this whole situation...
How does it make you smell?
It's standing on a corner.
This is like an outside smell.
That's all.
It's crazy.
It's not crazy.
It wasn't anything crazy.
It wasn't anything crazy.
The illest part about him, though,
that's just why you can't...
Perception means nothing.
He's tall brother, long dreds.
He's in there because he's not feeling well.
Sitting down telling me, pardon this smell,
because he's trapping, yada, yada, yada.
But then he's like, yeah, I go to school for, you know, culinary.
I do pastries.
With it.
Real hard.
With it.
Look it.
Well, no.
I thought that was dope.
Then he started showing me his brother, his brother, his brother from Patterson.
He does culinary work in, like, Miami somewhere.
He went to some fancy restaurants.
You've shown me all of these fancy dishes that he's made.
And I'm like, yo, this is dope.
Turns out.
And that's how we turned it to the, had the trap conversation,
because I started talking about a trap kitchen.
And I was telling him about how, you know, look at this.
They call it trap kitchen.
Right.
Because trapping don't necessarily always mean hustling.
You know what I'm saying?
Trapp can just be a location.
Like if the hood is where you get,
if you get your money out someplace in the hood, that could be the trap.
And I'm like, yeah, I can't wait to see that trap pastry spot.
You know what I mean?
So I'm saying all that to say,
nobody gives a fuck if you're sick in the ER.
Yeah.
Okay, they still want that goddamn picture.
They're going to get that.
And they still want that conversation.
Matter of fact, that selfie's even more valuable.
Because you could be dead.
Right?
Imagine they got the last picture
with Charlemagne the guy.
Hey, man, absolutely.
You're in there for brain cancer.
Possibly.
Is that what you told them?
No.
I was trying to explain to the doctor.
You know, the doctor looked at me so stupid.
The doctor was like,
you don't have a brain to them.
Yeah.
But how do you know?
Yeah, exactly.
I'm like, I need a,
I said I need a CAT scan.
Yeah, I need a kid.
He said, that's too much radiation.
He was like, you know,
if you was to get something done with your head,
it would be an MRI.
He said, you don't need that.
All right?
He gave me a shot.
They gave me a shot of some Moulteran,
made me take three Tylenol's.
And then, which I thought was like so fucked up,
they made me sit there and watch the rest of the Cowboys game.
It was like, just sit here.
It was like, sit here, you know, and tell me how you feel.
So I'm watching the game.
And I'm like, do I feel fucked up because my Cowboys lost?
Because I still got a headache.
Like, I couldn't figure this shit the fuck out.
And then he gave me a prescription for something
that's a little bit stronger for migrains and sent me all my way.
You have migrants.
Um
bro I just think
I really think it's just all in my fucking head
Well yeah that's where my grines are
Shut up man
You know what I'm saying
I really drive myself crazy
With shit like that bro
It's the weird
I can't explain it
It's the weirdest thing in the world
You know what's weird is it like
Your ability to manifest things
Oh
But listen
Gift and curse
Oh
Right
That's a weird sound
It's the story of my fucking
The gift is, I'll manifest a career.
I'll manifest all these different things.
The curse is I'll manifest brain cancer or any other body ailment.
That's why my anxiety gets the best of me.
That's why I actually titled my book, Anxiety, Playing Tricks on Me.
Right.
But worth it?
Isn't it worth it?
It is.
But, yo, you got to get a handle on it because, yo, I really do believe my thoughts become things in a real way.
So if I'm thinking some real fucked up foul shit, I try to dismiss that quickly because I've seen
so much other shit that I've manifested
in my life happened just because of my thoughts.
I don't want this shit to happen because of me.
And that shit right, they'll drive you crazy.
It's like, stop thinking about that, stop thinking about that, stop thinking about that, stop thinking about that.
Like that shit is wild, bro.
But the benefit is good.
Like, there are some annoying things that come with it.
Yes.
But the benefits like being white.
Talk to me.
I can't relate.
It's great.
Talk to me.
It's great.
You get to achieve all these things.
It's absolutely amazing.
But you're different, though.
You're one of those people who leans into their privilege, which I don't see the, which I think.
you should.
Well, you know what, yeah.
Well, I don't, I don't view it as privilege even if it is.
Okay.
I get it.
That's like having a big dick, but acting like a smoke.
Yeah, maybe.
Because if you act like you have a big dick, you're just going to fuck cautiously.
Yeah.
Right?
So you're not going to treat these women equally.
Right?
You're going to be like, oh, my God, I could hurt them.
I need to fuck super cautiously.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So my feeling with, like, being white and white privileges, I can.
I can't treat you like an equal if I don't believe you are.
You're a giant, right?
So you walk in a room and you have to watch where you step because you'll step on people.
That would be if I really believed in my white privilege.
By the way, which is what I tell all, I tell all extremely talented gifted people that.
Right?
Like if you're extremely talented and extremely gifted and you know you're extremely talented and you're extremely gifted,
you shouldn't have to be like this.
But you just got to watch your step when you come into a room because you're a fucking,
A giant. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. But I guess what I'm saying about the white privilege thing is that if I subscribe to that, I can't treat you or Taylor or Alex or Dwayne or kind of. Exactly. So when you're interacting with people, you're interacting from this place of I am more privileged or I'm whatever. So in order for me to treat my friends as equals, I have to not subscribe to the privileged matrix.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like these people who super subscribe.
to the privilege matrix
are the ones that are constantly apologizing
or like feeling bad or pitying
people. And then all of a sudden
you don't have real relationships with people.
I get what you say.
Guilt-based relationship. So it is a weird
I don't say anything wrong with that.
I see it. It's the only way
like that's the only way I could possibly
like make these types of jokes with you guys.
Because when I'm joking with you guys
you know that there is no filter
that's being placed there because of the color of your skin.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm literally making the joke
that I would make.
Because I'm a comedian.
But also because you're my friend, not my black friends.
Right?
But if you become my black friend,
now I'm treating you differently.
And the whole point of all this shit
is so we don't treat each other differently
because of our skin color.
That's the whole thing that we're trying to go towards.
I see that with a lot of people, though,
not even just taking it out of whiteness.
I just think anybody that has any tremendous level of success
because don't get a twist of it.
You know, rich people too.
Absolutely.
What about the rich people?
And I think you even spoke about this.
It's like if Beyonce walks in the room
and Beyonce says hi to everyone.
It's a total different ballgame than if...
That's it.
Like the custodian walks in hand says hi to everyone.
Even though I look at it, all is respecting.
That's how you're supposed to be.
But if Beyonce does it, it's like some superpower.
Can you believe she spoke to everybody?
But she got to introduce herself as Beyonce.
Oh, I've seen her do that.
But that's beautiful.
And then people go, why are you doing that?
You don't got to do that.
But at the same time, she's like, I need to be human with you.
Yeah.
Do you what I mean?
You got to take the edge off immediately.
Being white is like being Beyonce.
I see the point
It's crazy
To the left
To the left
All the minorities
To the left
Listen
As crazy as it sounds
I see the point
I'm being honest with you
I see what are you saying
Like it's almost like
Yo you just got to
It's like checking your privilege
It's like knowing you got a gun
But I don't got to pull it out
I don't got to wave it
Until everybody get on the floor
I like to act like I don't got a gun
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Because if I don't got a gun
Well I don't
But
Everybody feels
comfortable.
Yeah.
No, I get it.
I get it.
I totally get it.
You know what I mean?
Like you're walking around and people's like, yo, this guy's acting like, you don't even have a good.
It makes perfect sense.
I'm going to tell you something, though.
I also came to a revelation last week in therapy.
I went to therapy on Friday.
And I've been feeling this way for the past few much, which is actually going to be a direct 180 from what I was just talking about.
Right.
But so you are going to suck Sakashi.
No, no, no, no, no.
I finally, I finally feel worthy, bro.
Ooh.
I finally got.
into a place of worthy.
Now, explain worthiness.
Last year I had a conversation with Bishop T.D. Jaxon.
It's something that I've always dealt with.
It's like, my therapist, it calls it imposter syndrome.
Yes.
This is very common.
Yeah, yeah.
Very common for women in the workplace.
Really?
Oh, wildly common.
I think it's very common for, like, people, especially us in the industry.
It's common for us in the industry because we've achieved, you know, immense success in a field that's so difficult to feel successful.
But they say that women,
in the workplace, even in doing normal jobs, often have this imposter syndrome, being like,
are they going to figure out that I'm a fraud?
I don't really deserve this, do I belong, this at the other.
And that's like social conditioning that they actually grow up in.
A woman's not supposed to be a scientist or this kind of shit.
So while all these people look up to you and they're like, oh my God, that's Charlotte,
man.
God, he's got all these skills, et cetera.
They're still a part of you that's thinking, why the fuck do I have this?
As crazy as that sounds.
Absolutely.
I deal with it all the time.
It's just, it's like guilt.
Like, you know, you can deal with,
the, I guess,
survival's remorse.
And then when you look back, you know, at your hometown
and you look at all the people
that you grew up with and they may not necessarily be doing.
What's so different about me?
Exactly.
What's so, like, what's so unique and special about me?
Like, there's nothing.
And you'll tell yourself that, oh, there's nothing special about you.
Like, yeah, whatever.
And so Bishop T.D. Jakes told me last year,
and that's why I actually posted that this weekend.
He told me last year, he was like,
you have to get to a place of worthy.
And he said that it's because when you were,
he said most people that were touched when they were young.
He said, fond of, like, you know,
because I was,
touched on when I was eight.
Yeah.
And he was like, when you would, when you were touched on by you were young,
you never quite feel worthy.
And that hit me so hard because...
Someone couldn't even wait.
Check it out, though.
When I made her stop,
she started talking down on me.
So it wasn't a touching, it was the criticizing afterwards.
Yeah.
The touching would imply that, you know, you were the most worthy.
Yeah.
But when I stopped letting her do it, that's when she was like,
oh, you got a big nose anyway and you ugly and this is that, isn't that?
So it's like, I don't know, I never thought about it.
But it's ingrained in you.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And so he said that's a common thing.
And it's very important that you see the worthiness.
And I'm going to tell you why.
People who have been fondled when they're little always feel unworthy.
They always feel used in some way.
And that lingering effect stays in your life of being somebody's toy.
And you don't feel real.
You feel like a toy on the shelf.
but you're real
and you have something
or you wouldn't be there
people don't get there by wishing
and they don't get there by work
you have to have some sort of gift
or charisma or a thing
about you
that causes people to want to hear you
believe it
receive it
it's yours
and then I remember hearing Tyler Perry
speak about how you have to get to a place of work
because if you don't get to a place of work
because if you don't get to a place of worthy, right?
God will take away, you know, whatever it is that he's bestowed upon you.
Right.
You know, because you're not appreciating it.
And, you know, you'll find a way to self-sabotage.
You know what I mean?
You'll find a way to talk yourself out of things.
And if you live in a place where you don't feel worthy,
then you can't allow any good thing to come into your life.
Every good thing you find a way to self-sabotage it in the back of your mind.
You may be saying, oh, yes, I want this for sure.
I want this for sure.
But that unworthiness, and that comes from something mama said or daddy said or childhood or bullying or abuse.
So you carry all of that into adulthood and you don't feel worthy.
And in searching my own motivations, I realized very early on that I didn't think I was worthy until I learned in the word that I'm worthy because God says you're worthy.
Yeah, yeah.
If God gave you the breath in your body, then that makes you worthy.
And just that alone took a lot of the guilt out of it for me, you know?
and understanding that his thoughts
toward us are pure.
Yeah.
And to give us a hope.
You know, those things are very, very important.
And I think that if more people could understand,
that's what another reason I want to write the book,
it's just get too worthy.
Over the past few months, right?
Yo, I literally be just riding and having these,
these, this energy just overcome me.
I'm like, man, I'm really blessed.
Like, yo, I'm really, I'm really.
really feel good.
Like, oh, thank you God.
Like these pockets of gratitude.
And it's like, I can't describe it in my mind.
My therapist was saying that it's all of these positive endorphins.
She said it's like when you're working out.
You know how you work out?
And how you feel like, whoo.
She was like, it's like that.
And I was like, man, I've been really feeling that the past few months.
And like, yo, last week I just was like, oh, I really feel worthy.
Like everything that I've done, everything that I'm doing, everything that I'm going to do.
Just me as a human being, my family,
my friends, like, I am worthy of all of this greatness that is around me.
And, man, when I tell you, that shit was, like, a revelation.
Like, I've never had, like, eye opening, like, oh, shit.
Like, is this what Molly feel like?
Like, is this what X-Dexec feel like?
Yeah.
Is this what Shrooms feel like?
Yeah.
Really.
Not Shrooms.
Molly.
Molly.
Yeah.
Really.
So, because you know how you're operating on, like, you're operating on a deficit, right?
You didn't feel worthy like you were empty.
Yeah.
So you're trying to fill that emptiness with things probably in your career,
these different successes that you made, right?
Molly, for me, and I'm not promoting it per se,
even though it's fucking fantastic, is not only do you get filled up emotionally,
that void that you're talking about, right?
You have excess.
And then you have the gratitude.
And when I realize whenever I have access,
the first place it goes is everyone...
Other people, word up.
And, like, say what you want about religion and religious folks,
but truly religious folks that really believe it never are taking.
They are constantly in give mode.
Absolutely.
And I think, I truly believe, and I'm someone who wasn't raised with religion,
but I truly believe that their void gets filled with God,
or the belief in God, or the belief that God loves them.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
That emptiness that a lot of those feel, so it's like,
that idea
that idea of like feeling worthy
is really interesting
because it's a double-edged sword
your lack of feeling worthy
probably drove you to greatness
if Michael Jordan felt worthy
he wouldn't be the greatest NBA player
of all time
what did Michael Jordan talk about
in his All-Star except or not
his Hall of Fame acceptance speech
All the rejection that he experienced
Because he didn't feel worthy
So it's this weird thing where it's like
what would you prefer?
Yeah. I mean, listen.
What would you prefer?
Yo, it's a process, man, and I'm going to tell you something.
It's a beautiful journey, you know, because, like, just me constantly feeling like that,
like never feeling like I quite belong.
And I always felt like that was a good energy to have because I felt like if I ever got,
if I ever felt in that space, I would get comfortable.
But that's not, that's not the case.
Now you feel like you're still driven.
I'm even more driven.
And the reason I'm even more driven is because of what you just said.
Yeah.
I want to continue to be full enough.
constantly have my cup overflowing
so I can provide for everybody else.
That's the transition that some entertainers don't make,
some like rock stars don't make.
That's why a lot of these athletes,
not even athletes,
but that's why a lot of these entertainers kill themselves.
I truly believe that.
It's because they get to a point
where they have everything they ever dreamed of
and they're still miserable.
Well, that's because they're in their head
that it's about them.
Right.
It's not about you anymore.
They didn't make the transition to,
oh, the new way to be,
before the way to be happy was,
sell this many albums,
do this many tours, et cetera.
Then you transition.
to, how do I help my friends sell this many albums?
How do I help my friends?
The greatest, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer said that your purpose in life is service to others.
It's hard to get there when you can't even serve yourself.
It's like, I feel like on some level you need, you know what?
When they say on an airplane, they're like, put your oxygen mask on first before you help the kids.
Yeah.
And our natural instinct would be, well, there's kids here.
Let's put the oxygen mask on first.
But the plane people are like, motherfucker, if you can't breathe, you can't help nobody.
You can't help nobody.
So it's like, I think the idea with this, with this like fill in the void thing is once you fill yourself, it will naturally spill over.
It's like one of those champagne glass towers and those fancy, you know, hotels or something, you know, when they have, or like a wedding, they have like 100 champagne glasses.
Yeah, yeah.
And they just fill the top one.
And then all of them start to get fill.
But if that top one doesn't fill, you know how hard it is to fill each one individually?
And I don't want anybody in here that's, that's, you know, how hard it is to fill each one individually.
And I don't want anybody in here that's hearing me to think that you have to get successful in order to help.
Because my grandmother would-
Just full.
Well, yeah, and my grandmother would always tell me that manners will take you where money won't.
And, you know, for me, like, I always say money doesn't change you.
It just multiplies whatever you are.
Yeah.
I've always been a giver just because that's what I always used to see my folks do.
Right.
My father, regardless of what his financial standing was, was always giving something.
I don't get a fuck if it was a beer.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
My grandmother was always giving something no matter what her financial status was just because she would cook and, you know, he you want to eat, you're hungry no matter who you were.
So I was always that type of person.
I would always want to, you know, just be of service to people.
But now sometimes when you get an overabundance to something, you can find yourself being selfish.
And it's easy for me to have this conversation now because I've finally figured it out.
But even talking to my daughter the other day, my daughter, you know, they do Secret Santa.
She do Secret Santa Chile and Secret Santa's school, all different places.
So she ended up getting like a bunch of the same game.
It was like some candles or something like that.
And she's complaining about having the same gift.
And I say right now you're not being grateful that you have an overabundance of something.
I mean, what kid gets another kid at candle?
It's a shitty fucking present.
So she's so funny you said that because she said to me, well, the person that gave it to me told me they wish they had got me something else.
I said that's probably because knowing you, you made a face at her and was like, I already got a, I already got this.
You know what I mean?
So you probably made her feel bad.
We have electricity.
We don't need candles.
Who the fuck gives a kid?
Why would a kid ever buy a candle?
That is the dumbest gift.
No, yo, these kids...
What school is this?
Are you saying your kids are like a special school or something like that?
It's private, but these scented candles are bomb.
You don't care how good a candle smells.
Bro, these kids are a fucking candle.
It's a nuisance.
It's just trash.
You have to clean it all up.
Some of these kids are in the mindfulness way more than us, bro.
So they're meditating?
Yes.
Yo, what if they gave it?
Hey, give us to your dad.
It will come down.
Me and my daughter meditate together.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
This is great.
Yeah, yeah.
I meditate with my daughter.
to do breathing exercises and everything.
This is great.
Absolutely.
But she had the candle.
I told her,
you got six of the same candle.
What should you do?
She was like,
I don't know.
I was like,
now is your opportunity
being that you have an overabundance
of something
to be a blessing to somebody else?
Yes, so beat all those kids
over the head with those candles.
Someone else will appreciate that candle.
Who is going to appreciate a candle?
The kids.
Who in history,
outside of Paul Revere,
has ever been excited
that there is fucking candles?
You sold from New York.
Why?
Because you have never experienced a hurricane and had a natural disaster or anything.
Because when you do...
I did have a hurricane.
Listen, if something's going to happen...
I used my iPhone flashlight.
We got a candle right here.
Wait till that shit go dead.
It's going to come a point in time where America's going to get hit with some type of natural disaster.
You'd be like, where the fuck of those candles that Shalaman's daughter had?
And I'm going to light the candle and it's going to go on.
I'm like, wow, the most minimum amount of light.
This is so exciting.
Thank God.
Thank God I can barely see still.
Still.
One candle doesn't light shit.
Yes, it does.
Bro, one candle?
If I turned off all the lights in this room and lit one candle,
you would be shocked.
How dark it was.
No, how bright it was.
There'd be a little thing of light in the middle and nothing else.
We still got the lights.
We got the lights from the window, though.
Yeah, if it was pitch black...
See how you guys are talking out of this candle?
Listen, you would love a candle, bro.
Candles are shit.
Candles suck.
That's why we replace them immediately.
No, no, no.
I love candles.
That's why candles got to smell good because just being a candle isn't enough.
They're like, hold on.
Did you get me a just candle?
This doesn't smell like apple cinnamon or anything.
They do just provide a shitty light.
They are better when they're sent it.
Say what?
They are better when they're sent.
Because they do nothing when they're not.
Even when they're scented.
Even when they're scented, they suck.
Listen, fuck the candles.
Fuck the candles.
The moral of the story is when you have every right to be pissed off at these pieces
of shit kids.
No.
Who raised them?
The moral of story is.
You know what?
They didn't buy a present.
They grabbed some candles from their parents.
All right?
Say again?
Good Catholic people.
They stole church candles?
They're stealing candles from Jesus as Christmas presents.
If that isn't the most fucked up shit.
But when you have an overabundance of something,
just be a blessing to somebody else.
Because guess what?
I told her.
Like, our nanny just turned 60.
Give her a candle.
Oh, she needs that vibrator.
What are you talking about?
But, but, but, but, but, but the candle.
What?
That's how you make it scented.
Smell like the Great Depression.
The moral of the story is,
when you have an overabundance of something,
be a blessing to somebody else.
Okay?
Even when you don't have an overabundance or something,
be a blessing to somebody else.
But I'm telling you, man,
when you get to that place of worthy,
that shit is better than any drug, bro.
Yo, I 100% agree.
It is an amazing experience to have.
I will tell people that if you try to fill yourself first,
you will,
it will naturally happen
where you want to give to these other people.
Because right now we can sit here and be like,
hey, give to other people.
It's going to make you feel good, and it will.
A hundred percent will.
Immediately.
There are people listening right.
Now they're like, ah, this doesn't make you feel good.
And there's no way to convince you it does.
But it's going to organically happen once you have what you need.
Listen, by the way, I'm not here to try to convince you.
Like when you get drunk, the second you're drunk, you're like, who wants a drink?
Anybody want to be?
You're literally trying to give your friends things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've got two next rounds on me, blah, blah, blah.
Like, everybody likes the drunk guy.
You know what I mean?
It's constant giving.
You're giving.
If you're a nice drunk guy, you have angry drunks out there.
Even if you're an angry jump, you're giving ass weapons.
Yeah.
Do you what I mean?
You're beating up your family.
You're still giving it.
You're slapping your dick on people's forehead when they sleep.
Okay.
Who did that?
I don't know.
I've just seen videos.
Chodey slap.
What's they call it?
A chody slap.
What is the chody slap?
Chodysl.
So why do you act like you didn't know what I was talking about?
What is that?
Don't blame it on Puerto Ricans.
Well, technically it's Mexicans.
Oh, Mexican.
Don't blame this.
That's white people's shit.
Yeah, but we don't do it when we're drunk.
We'll be stoned sober.
He's like, hey, you know, he's sleep, he's sleep.
He's just sitting.
You know, run up behind him, slap his date your dick on the floor.
Constantly.
Constantly.
Listen, that's the thing for 2020, man.
You love dick games, dude.
Do you feel like you're at a place of worthy?
Yeah, no, both, intermittently.
Talk to me.
Times where I feel so grateful and I just want to share everything and I'm so lucky and so happy.
And then there's times where, you know, I feel insecure and I feel like I need to feel it.
I feel like I need to do things.
But I at least know what the feeling is.
You know, that's cool.
I just know where I want to be
and I know where I am.
But I'm also motivated by
not having.
And I'm also motivated by
trying to get there.
I feel like I've seen you get to a place where I'm.
And the reason I feel like I've seen you get to a place of worthy
is because I've seen you,
I think I've seen you align with your purpose this year.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
Just as far as like, you know,
taking your career in your own hands.
Yeah.
Telling the kind of material you want to tell.
So basically you're giving the messaging you want to give out.
You're telling the stories.
you want to tell.
Yeah.
And I think that has helped you, you know,
align with your purpose
and has helped just God open up a multitude of things in your life.
Yeah.
You know,
a lot of different blessings that you probably wouldn't have had
100% a year ago because you necessarily didn't feel worthy.
I feel like,
and I've been saying it over the past couple of years
that I feel like this is the first time I'm truly walking in my purpose, right?
Yeah, yeah.
But that doesn't necessarily mean I felt worthy.
I just felt like I was walking in my purpose.
How do you, how do you,
I feel like,
For me, probably for you, these are things for serendipitous, right?
They just kind of happen.
And then all of a sudden you're walking in that path.
And then halfway through the path, you go, oh, this is the path I'm supposed to walk in.
Let me, let me Google serendipitous before I answer that question.
I think I know what it meant based off the context of Houston.
Put out of one.
Serendipitous.
Hold on.
Is a Greek girl.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.
Exactly.
It just happened.
Like, it's not like you were like, I'm going to walk.
in my purpose today. Here's the path I walk. You were doing something and then all of a sudden
within it you realize, oh my God, this is what I'm supposed to do. And, you know, I'm sure
same thing with me. It's like all these different events happened, which pushed me down this
direction. And then now that I'm in the direction, I'm like, oh, this is the exact thing I'm
supposed to do. I guess what I'm trying to say is I know there's people listening right now.
They're going, how do I walk in my purpose? And the same thing that happened with stand-up
comedy is people go, well, how do I find my voice? People talk about my voice, right? Or even in radio.
It's like how do you be Charlemagne and not the people that inspired you?
I got that answer.
Talk to me. Talk to me.
That answer, that answer comes in what I just told you, telling your story.
And the reason I say that is because my true purpose, I feel like happened when I started putting out literature, right?
When I wrote my first book, Black Privilege.
Because even though I've told my story on radio, told my story on podcast, when you actually package it together and you give people this, right?
And the way I packaged it
because I'm big on self-help books, right?
So it's like I gave you
eight lessons that I learned in my life
based off my life experiences
that I think can help you.
Now, prior to that,
I didn't really move around like that.
You know what I'm saying?
I stopped going to the clubs
and all of that type of stuff.
So when I started going out on my book tours and shit
and realizing the effect,
your words and your story has on people, right?
And so when the next book came out,
which was just me detailing my journey in therapy,
right?
Like, you know, literally, Chris,
when did we start writing that book?
It might have took four months.
Wow.
It might have took four months.
Like, honestly, because I was just keeping a journal
of everything that was going on.
I'm like, yo, Chris, I think I'm ready to go back in.
You know what I'm saying?
And so we put that out to the world.
I'm just telling my story.
I didn't even have it figured out yet.
Right.
Like I'm, I still have no habit figured out,
but I'm in the process of just this mindfulness thing
and going to therapy
and just doing the work on myself,
getting to a place of healing,
and it becomes this thing
where you become this unofficial
mental health advocate.
And people are inspired by your story
and they're saying that,
hey, I go to therapy now
because of you and things like that.
So I'm like, yo, this is my purpose.
This is what I'm supposed to be doing.
The first book
is your first real experience
in giving
on a macroscopic level.
Meaning you've given out jewels
on a breakfast club.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
and these types of things,
but they were always done for the sake of humor.
This was done with humor and drama,
but for the point of helping people.
With the point of, yeah, it was,
and I always said that.
I always say, yo, this is a self-help book for the hood.
Right.
Without even me, that wasn't even a plain thing.
I just like reading self-help books,
and I know how self-help books have helped me.
So you're like, I just don't feel like.
I'm going to do something so they help.
I'm going to do something for people that look like me.
Boom.
All of a sudden you see the effect of helping people.
Absolutely.
And you're like, whoa.
this is what I got to do,
I got to help people.
I didn't know that my story
was helping people in that way.
So when you asked me about purpose
and how to find purpose,
I really think it just comes in telling
your own unique story.
That's it.
Whether that lends is through comedy,
whether that lends is through radio,
podcasts, books, music,
whatever it is.
The greatest thing that you can do
to assist other people is tell your story.
That's how you find your story.
purpose.
But everybody's story is different.
Right.
Like you might have, you might have gotten molested and, you know, got through that.
Right.
You're telling that story helps millions of people who've been molested.
You might be somebody who dealing with anxiety, depression.
So you tell your story.
Now you're helping millions of people who that are going through anxiety,
depression.
You might have gotten sexually assaulted.
You might have been totally opposite.
You might have had a life where you was privileged and, you know, became the next
Steve Jobs, whatever it is.
But you told your story.
And it energized and empowered somebody else.
That's how you find your true purpose.
I truly believe that.
And does it get addictive?
Yes.
In what way?
Is it more addictive than the reaction to like a big breakfast club interview?
100%.
What is the difference between a big moment in radio and a big moment in altruism, if you will, like helping other people?
Those big moments in radio do nothing for me.
outside of an entertainment perspective.
And you truly know the difference
when you are sitting somewhere
and one person runs up to you
and tells you that, yo, man,
I started going to therapy because of you, man.
Thank you for talking about anxiety, depression,
you know, whatever.
Like, I've really been trying to be more mentally healthy
because of you.
That can be one person that nobody ever sees.
That shit gives you a different high.
But, you know, when you do the soldier boy,
the Kashi 6 and 9, whatever,
that's just sitting around on your phone,
laughing at the memes or going on you,
and watching hundreds of thousands of millions of views.
Yeah.
Break that down, though.
Break it down.
So you're in the midst of like, let's say a soldier boy interview, right?
Like, you know it's going to be crazy, right?
In the middle of it?
Do you know it or you're surprised by the reaction?
I'm just enjoying that.
Like, I'm never, I promise you, I've never thought, I only, and I told you all this
before, I've only thought about the aftermath of something once.
Which was?
The Floyd May was this shit.
Because I did that in my mind, like, oh, this shit about to get mad views.
We're about to get married.
mad people are going to be talking about this shit.
That's the one time I did something for that sole purpose,
and it didn't feel good.
Because the intentions weren't right.
The intentions weren't right.
Didn't feel good.
Everything else is organic, naturally happening.
Absolutely.
But you've been in the game long enough where you're like,
this is going to be effective.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can predict effectiveness.
Yeah, for the most part.
And so what is the situation you're in
where you're like, oh, this is going to slap?
Interview-wise?
Yeah.
I mean, you just never know how big something's going to be.
Like, if we're talking about 2019, I could say,
like Soldier Boy going to be funny
But I didn't know that shit was going
End up on SNL and all this stuff
Like you know what I mean
Like I didn't know it was going to be that
Even Birdman
I didn't think Birdman was going to be that
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
You know what I'm saying
Where you were like
You predicted the reasonable amount of success with it
And you just can never tell
Like I stay in this year
Even when I'm having a conversation
With Elizabeth Warren
And I'm like
And you like the original Rachel Dozole
To me that's a throwaway line
But everybody live
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah yeah
Discussions on Fox News.
To me, that literally was a throwaway line.
That wasn't nothing.
I'm like, whatever.
So you just never know.
You really can't predict it.
Certain things you can, certain things you can.
So maybe that's the difference.
What?
Where it's like the success from those interviews is surprising in a lot of ways, right?
The intention was to have a funny line or to have an interesting interview.
Just have a good conversation.
You have a good conversation, et cetera.
And then if there's this amazing reaction to it, that's icing on cake.
That's great.
The intention with the book.
is to help someone.
I think it's the same thing.
Fair enough.
But if the intention with the book
is to help people
and they come up to you
and they're like,
hey, you really help me,
that's different.
Yeah.
Because you're invested differently in it.
You didn't go to that interview
with Liz with Warren and go,
I'm going to say this dull as all thing
and everything's going to go.
Maybe you do.
I'm not exactly sure.
No.
But there's something when when you go out
and look for a gift for your girl
for fucking weeks and you get the perfect gift
and you give it to her,
and she breaks down cries
and it's just the most amazing experience,
that means more than when you just kind of hand your girl a cookie
and she's like,
but this is the most amazing cookie I've ever had a minute?
I was like,
I just had some cookies.
Yeah.
I thought about that when I was rapping gifts this week
because by the way,
I totally understand why Christmas rappers should get money.
What do you mean?
Have you ever tried to wrap a Christmas gift?
Yo, I saw something crazy on the internet.
This is that we've been rapping shit wrong the whole time.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, no, here it is.
So this is, I always put the gift in the middle of the paper, right?
We have rectangular paper.
I have the iPhone.
Fold the edges.
Fold these.
It doesn't fit, right?
I saw on the internet, you just turn the fucking gift.
Holy shit.
All the sudden.
Holy shit.
All the sudden.
Holy shit.
It's perfect.
Holy shit.
Literally turn it.
What is that?
45 degrees.
Holy shit.
Fifteen degrees, no.
Holy shit.
I don't rap gifts.
Oh, man, Taylor.
Word is born.
When I went to go buy that shit for my wife and daughter, I say,
Yo, Greg, you don't have no gift rapping services here?
And he's like, nah, and I'm like, fuck.
So my dumb ass wakes up on Saturday morning feeling worthy.
You know what I'm saying?
I feel nice and worthy.
I just posted Bishop T.D. Jake's talking about worthiness.
And Tyler Perry talking about worthiness.
And NDRI hits me saying, you should really listen to my new album called Worvey.
Phenomenal, by the way.
I can't believe I slept on that shit this year, right?
And so I'm like, fuck, I'm going to wrap my own.
I'm going to wrap these gifts, right?
Exactly what you said.
Put the shit in the middle.
Bro, I try to wrap four gifts.
I literally started that shit at about 8.30 in the morning.
By the time I looked up, it was 11.30.
Yeah.
And I was only on gift number three.
I had just finished gift numbers.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Yeah.
I'm like, yo, I really see why these gift wrapping people get paid good fucking money, bro.
Yeah, maybe that's why people buy candles.
But I said, and by the way, in the midst of that, I said to myself,
I don't need to wrap these shit up.
Nah.
These shit is some good-ass gifts.
The fuck do they really need rapping?
How do we even get here?
I don't know.
But this gift shit is stressing me out
because I still haven't got my girl anything.
I know, but I bought it up for a reason.
I don't remember why.
I need to get my girl a gift.
You ain't bought your girl a gift yet?
No, I've been busy.
I've been on the road.
I've been building out the studio.
You know, it's been, you know,
by the way, guys, you can check out the studio
by the time this comes out.
We should be live.
But yeah, I've been trying to get my girl.
No, because we're going to Africa for Christmas and New Year's.
You're making your girl to Africa?
What part?
Egypt and Morocco.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to see those pyramids, man.
You should go to Ghana, bro.
One of these days.
Yeah, I was going to do that from New Year's Eve and Christmas, but when I saw all these
celebrities going, I'm like, no, I'm not going.
Yeah.
So you're going to each.
Everybody's going to Ghana this year.
Yeah.
Because it's the 400th year of slavery.
So they're going to celebrate it?
Yeah.
You know what?
It's kind of weird.
I thought about that.
I was like...
So all you guys are going back?
It's kind of weird, bro.
Like, it's kind of weird.
It's kind of weird.
It's kind of weird.
Like, I said it to myself, I was like, I don't...
That's just odd, dude.
It's like celebrating July 4th in England.
It's not the celebration of it.
It's just the acknowledgement of it.
I guess it's like, you know, knowing where you came from type of thing.
Yeah, but Americans don't go to, like, Japan for Pearl Harbor Day.
I don't do they?
I don't know.
No, they don't.
I'm sure it's a few.
Do you think?
Yes.
You really believe it?
It's the same area
People go to Charleston,
South Carolina
because of the slave quarters
and the slave market.
No, that's not why.
Why do they like it?
I thought, oh no, wait,
maybe it was Savannah, Georgia is the one I'm thinking of.
Savannah's another place.
No, but Savannah was,
the Union Army got there on Christmas Day.
I don't remember.
And the General Tecumse and Sherman
said because it was Christmas Day,
he wasn't going to destroy the city
because at that time they was just engaged
in total war,
which means they were just literally moving
from city to city down south.
What did you do the next day?
Fucked up Biloxi.
I don't know.
Exactly.
Thank you.
Thank you for Christmas.
But on the 26th,
soon as the clock dropped midnight.
Enjoy those gifts at 24 hours because it's over.
So you're going to see those pyramids.
The pyramid is going to be amazing.
That's the thing.
I just want to see all these amazing things that, you know,
that we've made as human beings.
And in my life.
You know what I mean?
We helped.
Maybe the aliens.
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
Exactly.
Like, there's no way in hell human beings made the pyramids.
Regardless, let's say they were influenced, right?
Taylor, I'm not having this conversation.
Let's say they were influenced.
Taylor's 27.
You know, it's so crazy.
How old are you, Taylor?
27?
Yeah, yeah.
28.
And how long have people been having these conversations about the pyramids and who built pyramids?
Since the beginning of time.
She looked me dead in my eyes and said, you don't think humans made those?
I'm not having it.
I'm not going, I'm not doing that with you.
You're 28.
Hey, take out some cash.
Do you have some cash, Taylor?
Just give me any bill.
I'll show you something interesting.
So, when we were up in Boston doing shows,
we got access to
one of the first Mason lodges in history.
Okay.
Right?
I think it was the oldest one on the West Coast.
It was the one where Paul Revere was the head Mason.
Clearly had candles.
Love the candles.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All over, right?
And I think almost every president in history has been part of the masons in some way.
I think Obama's a Mason.
And they're this group.
There's some people look at them like the Illuminati.
Anybody can join, by the way, but they have this kind of like mysterious order to.
Mason Lodges.
The Mason Lodges.
We saw all these things.
Now, if you look, what's that right there, Taylor?
It's a pyramid, right, with an all-seeing eye on top.
And if you look at a lot of big American cities,
even in Central Park, you'll see it, and D.C., you'll see it.
The Washington Monument is a big...
All-see and I?
Well, no, it's a big obelisk.
You've seen those big, like, pointy, almost pyramid-like structures?
The Washington Monument is the only monument that doesn't have the guy on it.
It's a Washington monument, but for some reason,
it's just this big, tall pyramid shape there.
Why is there, like, this Egyptian influence in...
American and Western philosophy and culture.
Yeah.
And what these guys believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Mason folks,
what these guys believe is that there was alien influence.
Had to be.
And there continues to be alien influence.
And that every once in a while in history,
not necessarily alien, but higher power,
whatever you want to believe it is, right?
An alien that would control shit for us would be a higher power.
It would be God, essentially.
And every once in a while,
they push humanity on the right course.
They nudge humanity in the right direction, right?
So we're essentially a game or an experiment of theirs.
And that explains all these amazing things throughout history.
The pyramids, for example, electricity, right?
Benjamin Franklin, you've heard the story about the kite and the key, right?
They're like, they're like, that's not what really happens.
Which sounds like total bullshit.
Of course it's bullshit.
Of course it's bullshit.
That should sound like such bullshit now.
But as you know, more than anyone, you need a story.
to sell the people on it.
So you can't just go, hey, aliens come in and they influence
and they told me about this electricity thing
that's going to give us an amazing advantage in the new world.
That's not a story you can put the newspaper people buying.
It could be if the aliens told it,
if you got these aliens that are showing you,
like they can do all of this wild children.
But they don't want to be known, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe they push people in the right direction
without even telling them.
I mean, there are a lot of ways it could describe religion.
It describes all these things.
Maybe they give them some information
and then people go left with it or they go right with it.
But still, it is an interesting way of looking at history.
and looking at these amazing events that happened in history
and trying to fully understand
why these events turn out that way.
You know?
And it's like, is it influence?
Is it culture?
Is it the reward system?
Who knows what it is?
But it is uncanny the influence of like these like Egyptian obelists
and all this like Jewish art.
As a human who's seen flying sauces before.
Right.
I saw my first one when I was eight years old.
Right.
And monks corner South Carolina hovering over the trees in my grandmother's yard.
Yeah.
As a human who's been visited.
Imagine how this.
pointing it would be to travel from millions of light years away
and end up at Monk's Corner South Carolina.
That's exactly what you would want to be.
Imagine of all the shit to see in the world.
You got the pyramids.
Hey, man.
Remember my great uncle made those pyramids.
We got to check those pyramids.
That's what you would want to be.
Monk's Corner.
Yes, a great wall in China.
And I'm going to experiment on this little motherfucker right here
and put all types of shit in his body
and make him phenomenal to show the world how great we are.
Who were you not molested?
Who do you take?
Your aunt wants you.
The aliens, how do you not feel worthy?
You're the chosen one, motherfucker.
That's right, God damn it.
You're right.
Listen, remember when I came in him and I had those cuts on both my legs?
You remember that?
When I had the cuts on both shins in the same exact place.
I've had those.
I used to have them right here.
You can still see the scars, right?
Yeah, Jesus.
Bro.
Listen, I know aliens been experimenting on me for a long time.
You know who else aliens built?
The Joe Rogan podcast.
Really?
Look at Joe Rogan's logo.
Look at his logo, God damn it.
Ooh, now we're getting into Conspiracy Charlotte.
Conspiracy Charlotte in the building.
Hold on.
What the fucking hurt?
Oh, Clues bomb.
Hold on.
You ain't never paid attention to Joe Rogan's logo.
So have you been probed and shit?
Is that why you like it when your girl puts her finger in your butt?
Come on now.
Look at that.
What does Joe Rogan have on his logo?
Yeah, the third eye.
That's right.
What's my, Joe believes in all this?
What's my nonprofit called?
For years.
For 20 plus decades.
Huh?
Third eye awareness.
baby.
Oh,
come on now.
Aliens know what
they're doing?
Aliens out there
creating some of the
greatest media personalities
of our generation.
All right.
Okay?
So we can spread the word
about them,
all right?
And we believe in them.
All right?
We letting them know
the goodness of them and God.
Yo, aliens,
we appreciate you,
man.
Thank you.
Keep us on us these blessings,
man.
It's been working out.
We appreciate you.
Y'all keep it up,
man.
Whenever you're ready for it,
whenever you're ready to pull up.
You know,
Jesus up there like,
let him call me an alien
one more time.
Call me a woman.
A motherfuckering alien one more time.
And you know what I would say to Jesus?
They call you and all your friends illegal aliens.
It builds on a wall for you and all your illegal friends.
You know what I'm saying?
But no, I believe in UFOs.
I believe in all that shit.
But salute to Jesus.
It's his time.
Salute to Jesus.
It's his time.
This is his time.
What do you mean?
Oh, this is his time of year where people, yo, all jokes aside.
We talk about this every year.
and I thought about this, who gets less credit on Christmas?
Who gets acknowledged less on Christmas?
Yes.
Jesus or James Brown?
James Brown.
But Jesus is right there with him.
Hold on.
What did James Brown do on Christmas?
I mean, he just died.
I'll be honest with you.
Wow.
Wow.
I'll do you one better, Taylor.
I didn't even know he died.
James Brown?
Did not another.
No fucking clue he died.
He really died?
Jesus.
Jesus allegedly was born on Christmas.
James Brown, I said allegedly, but Jay's Brown died on Christmas.
Yeah.
Nobody cares about either one.
Yeah.
But nobody cares like the day people died unless they're killed.
That is not true.
Name the day anybody else died.
So Jesus was killed.
No, that's what I'm saying.
If you're killed, we remember it.
If you want your death day to be remembered, you got to be killed.
Nobody dies calmly and then we figure it out.
Santa Claus.
Santa Claus ain't dead.
Rudolph, the red nose reindeer.
Rudolph dead.
Santa Claus ate him.
The Grinch.
You think Santa Claus
is going to be up there
and not eat any of them
fine as deers, bro?
Bro, Jesus is like,
and now we say this every year,
but it's the truth.
Jesus is,
if there was a headliner,
right?
Yeah.
Jesus is not even a Koch, bro.
It's like,
it's like, no.
It's like,
I'm serious.
I'm serious.
He should headline it right now,
okay?
He should headlining this hometown.
Yeah, that's my God.
country, whatever it is, what I'm saying.
If it was, you know what I mean.
When you do shows, it's Andrew Schultz.
Yes.
You got your two opening acts.
Right.
Right, right, right.
But I'll constantly, we're on this shit.
We're going, go on, go on.
Jesus is not one of those.
Yeah, but Jesus is not headlining.
He should be.
It's his day.
Yeah.
His name is in Christmas, Christ.
Yeah, but it's cold outside.
You don't want to see some dude fucking naked and shit.
He's not dressed for Christmas.
Bro, if the naked cowboy could be.
If the naked cowboy can be out there in time square naked.
Come on now.
How can he be naked, dude?
I don't understand that.
In this weather?
I mean, it's crazy.
Hey, God created a man in his image according to his likeness.
So if the naked cowboy can do it, I know Jesus could.
But did he create everybody in his likeness?
Jesus?
Yeah.
Do you ever see some...
Actually, maybe he did because sometimes you see someone so ugly, you go, Jesus.
Do you ever do that?
Like, Jesus, Marion Joseph, what the fuck?
That's crazy because you do that with good-looking.
guys, a good-looking people.
Wait, wait, wait.
Here we go again.
I know, there you go.
Here we go.
The baby's meat pick got you going, huh?
Start talking about naked men.
That penis would do that to you, man.
By the way, that baby penis pick, which I haven't seen.
Yeah, I saw it.
To the right, to the right.
It shows how stupid the internet is.
Why?
It's not the baby's dick.
Why would y'all think that was the baby's dick?
I don't know, but that's it was crazy.
Because the internet said so.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, it was just a dick.
No, it wasn't just a dick.
Bro, I'm just saying it was nothing.
You didn't see who it was attached to.
Dude, I thought it was a baby social security number on it?
I think he was talking or something.
Dude, I don't even know what was going on.
I was just so baffled when I said.
It looked like a bobsled.
Looked like a bobsled.
I thought there was four Jamaicans inside of it, to be honest with you.
It was the biggest thing I've ever seen.
And it was just curving to the right.
How come...
Wait, which one do you look at?
I looked at the big old flat earth dick.
Now see how different, you see how different.
There's a dick that curves to the right.
You see how different coaches are?
Andrew can talk about the dick.
Nobody gives a fuck.
Charlemagne says something about dick.
Because I'm white.
They expect me to be gay.
The expectation is gay.
That is white privilege.
Yes, I can be gay and not be gay at the same time.
This is how white this works.
Dick's dog.
Dick, Dick.
Exactly.
Charlemagne mentioned the dickest.
No, homo, pause.
You're gay.
Andrew mentioned the dick.
People really want to have a conversation about it.
Like, it's just perfectly normal.
Like, yeah, it did curb to the right, didn't it?
You know what it is?
Black people are paranoid about shit.
Like, you're paranoid about, like, racism.
I completely understand that, right?
Way more paranoid about dicks.
But dicks?
By the way?
No, no.
Is there a lot of undercover gays in a black community?
Black men care.
Because you're always like,
yo.
Maybe that's it.
Black men came more about being associated with dicks than they do
racism, bro.
Let's get down.
Ain't no
when you,
nobody says
pause when
somebody says
something racist.
You know what I'm
saying?
Nobody says no
racism.
You know what
mean?
But just mentioned,
yo,
let's go get a burger.
Pause.
Why is that gay?
I don't know.
Because it's meat
in your mouth.
I don't.
I don't know.
Yeah, but that's food.
It's like,
we'll have a kind of thing.
What do you mean?
So you can't even say
let's go get a burger?
They'd be like.
Yo.
That's gay to say
let's go get a burger.
Pause.
Pause.
Pass man, ball.
But what if you're like,
hey, can I kiss a tip of your dick?
Can I, is that gay?
Not if you say no homo.
Listen, you know what's so crazy?
So if you say no homo,
anything after that,
dude, this is my thing about no homo
that annoys the fucking shit out of me.
You're the gayest.
If you say no homo, you're gay.
Because you're thinking about gay shit nonstop.
You have,
you know how like, Charleman,
you have anxiety?
Yeah.
Those people have gay.
They got gay on the brain.
Yo, you know what's so wild.
Anxiety playing dicks on them.
Saturday night
I'm online
I'm on Twitter
because Eddie Murphy
was on SNL
I haven't seen it yet
I'm watching all these
trending topics right
So it was
We're recording this Monday
by the way
Go on
It was the baby's penis
Right
And then it was
Logan Paul
They said Logan Paul
was actually sucking a dick
Am I tripping?
No
Yes
I know he was trending
But am I tripping
A dick
I promise you
I didn't
I just was reading
What people were saying
He put the whole glass
In his mouth
I have no idea
They said
Logan Paul
was actually sucking
A dick
There's no way
Bro my point is
If this is
if this is true, because it could just all be social media shit.
I will.
Think about that.
I got to text Logan.
The baby, the baby got his penis out.
Yeah.
Logan Paul's giving head.
Right.
Nobody gives a fuck about the white boy giving head.
Well, he's trending.
Let it been the other way around.
If the baby was sucking dick.
Holy shit.
Something point out?
What is?
Logan Paul.
Let me see this.
I don't want to see it.
Hold on.
There's no way.
You're not going to pause that before you watch it.
But you got to press.
He's tea bagging, too.
He's tea bagging.
But you can't tell.
He's playing that goddamn Mexican game, Andrew was talking about earlier.
Saracho.
What do you call that shit?
Saracho?
What did you say when you slapped to dick over the forehead?
Chaudy slap.
Chordy slap.
That can't be him.
There's no way.
There can be him.
This is my point.
Is this face in that video?
It's his chin.
He's laying on the bed.
Hold on.
It's not him, but he's laying on the bed and his head is hanging off the bed like that.
And then there's some guy fucking is,
mouth. Okay, the baby video. I didn't see it. What? What about it makes people think it's the baby?
What? He was talking in the baby's voice. You can dub that. Yeah, you can't dub that. You can't dub that. Yo, we got to stop that shit with the internet.
You know, the internet is going to really, I'm telling you, some Orson Wells, war the world shit is going to happen in 2020.
Yeah, yeah. If we don't get a handle on this shit, how do people just see these things and run with it like it's fucking factual? You're right. Yeah, the Orson Wells thing, he said there was an alien attack.
He was on the radio saying it was a fucking alien attack. People were killing their self and all types.
the dumb shit.
I'm not going to lie to you, bro.
If there was an alien attack,
I would beat those aliens away
with the baby's dick.
That's what I would use.
That would be the weapon
that I have my choice.
100%.
100%.
He's like an Avenger, dude.
Really?
Yeah.
Let me see.
Curves to the right.
That's it?
That's impressive to you?
This is the privilege.
It's bigger on his feet.
This is the privilege of whiteness
that I admire the most.
It's an angle.
That's nice.
Out of all the privileges white people have.
some dick, bro.
Yo, this dick is literally
twice as big as the feet.
Out of all the privileges white people have,
this is the one that I want the most.
Here, look at that.
No, forget the cop shit.
Forget the cop shit.
He's just a dick.
You look at it one every day.
Forget getting pulled over by the police and all at
and not getting harassed.
I want to be able to freely talk about penises.
Right.
Without being judged.
Just do it, dude.
You're worthy of it, bro.
You're worthy to talk about dicks.
Okay, fill that void.
I do.
I don't have a problem with it.
That shit don't bother me.
I don't give a fuck.
Look, look, look.
I don't want to see that shit.
Hey, look, look.
No, I'm cool.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
I'm cool.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, look at that dick right there.
Look at that.
Look at that day.
What can I do to mine?
What do you mean?
It's how the angle is.
If he's holding it like this, your feet are, like, not going to be.
How you're telling us how to take pictures of our dick.
Oh, Taylor.
Taylor, the dick is quite.
That was a dick just now?
You saw that?
Because you flashed it up.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
What's your thing?
Let's play some games now.
Did you see it?
I saw something.
That was a fucking reindeer antler.
One of the goddamn two.
I don't know what the fuck that was that was on that shit.
That shit looked crazy.
The baby, the big dick, Randy.
That's the thing.
You're just looking at the size of it.
You're impressed by the size.
You don't have to like buildings,
but you can't...
Stop holding that shit up like that.
The fuck is wrong with you.
You can not look at it.
You can't not look at it.
It's like a fucking big-ass green safe.
Why do you?
Man, what?
Like the thing is just bouncing around your screen
on your computer just hitting all the sides and bounce.
Real talk.
Yeah.
You stand up.
It's going to look.
We get it.
You take huge car.
Why are you trying to defend yourself?
Taylor, it's a big dick.
We know we have dicks.
I have a perfectly average dick.
Say again?
Seven inches, three, four, if eight when it's more.
That's not average.
You know, that is true.
It's like five inches.
That is true, because I googled this weekend.
Taylor, I don't know what kind of cocks you've been devouring in your life, but you need to stop it.
The average size penis is like five and a half inches, I think.
That's what Taylor takes down, that thing with all the plugs put in it.
The extension cord.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that a normal-sized dick right there?
Are you sure?
That loaf of pumpernickel that you've been taken down on the weekends?
Jesus Christ.
Do you know that the smaller your penises when it's flaccid, the bigger it can get when it's hard?
That's not true.
Ask Asia.
Stop, man.
That is a fact.
No, it's not.
I read that this weekend.
I don't know why I googled how to make your penis bigger.
I'll tell you why, because you looked at the babies.
I don't know why I really don't, but I was reading about it.
And they said that when you have a, when you have a,
flaccid, when your penis, the smaller it is flaccid, the more blood can get into it to make it
bigger.
But the bigger it is flaccid, they said the less bigger it gets and the less harder it gets.
I don't know if I completely subscribe to that, but there is, some people do say that black people
don't have necessarily bigger dicks, they just have bigger soft dicks.
No, I'm definitely a grower.
I'm just saying like on average, their dicks are harder, flaccid.
Nope, I'm a grower, bro.
it evens out.
Nope, on soft, I'm Mark Ruffalo.
On hard, I am the Incredible Hulk.
Mark Ruffalo guy?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, you're using a character.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He had a big dick.
I don't know.
I'm just saying.
Yo, yo, yo, who do you think has the prettiest dick?
Out of the Avengers?
What do you mean?
What are you talking about?
What do you mean?
He's narrow the scope.
I mean, there's a lot of pretty sticks out there.
Out of the Avengers.
Out of the Avengers.
Rocket raccoon hands down.
You think the raccoon?
Absolutely.
A little pink tip like a dog?
Absolutely. Rocket raccoon hands down.
Why would you say that?
You could just tell.
Like why else would an animal wear pants if he didn't have a big dick?
So you think he's got a fucking hog?
He's just packing.
Come on, man.
What do you think it's like a cute, like little furry thing like a rabbit foot?
When he gets hard, it probably just like, it like peeks out.
Like hi.
Yes.
Like a little kangaroo in the pouch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I would say Rocket raccoon.
Rocket raccoon.
Yep.
Okay.
Absolutely.
Pretiest pussy of all the Avengers.
Thor, hands down.
No question.
Why?
Look at him.
Huh?
Look at him.
What?
Chris Helmsworth?
Yeah, but pussy.
You think Chris Helmsworth don't have a pussy?
You think you got a pussy?
He's way too pretty to have a dick.
Chris Hounsworth?
Yo.
Bro, come on, man.
He said he had the hammer.
Well, yeah, he sits on it.
Yo, help the white girl in.
Help black widow in.
All right, let's take a break in the podcast.
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Let's get back to the show.
So you didn't see Eddie on SNO?
I only saw one sketch.
What sketch did you see?
It was the sketch where he was, it was kind of a playoff of an old joke of his.
where
I seeped it
I seeped it
He did all his old characters
The pool of bears
Are coming to eating the elves
No that wasn't an old sketch
Well it was an old stand-up bit
That he never did in any of his specials
But I think he did on an album
He released or something
And it was about this kid who was like
When the TV cameras come around
He starts saying what happened
He's just exaggerating
Making things crazier
The elf eyewitness
Which is a playoff to black eyewitness
Which black eyewitnesses
Are always hilarious
But the black
He did that
years ago.
Wow.
Look up right now.
I look it up.
But the Black Elf eyewitness sketch
really shows the level of Eddie Murphy's talent, right?
Yeah.
Because if anybody else does that sketch, it's probably corny.
Right.
But he made that sketch funny just off the sheer will of being Eddie Murphy.
You know how they talk about basketball players?
Like, you can't beat them just off their sheer will.
That thing Michael Jordan had, that thing Kobe Bryant had.
Like, that thing they say LeBron doesn't have.
He may be developing now,
but it's just a will to win.
That's what Eddie Murphy has with his talent.
Eddie Murphy has that level talent
where he can just will something
that's probably a three or four at best
turn it into a eight or fucking nine.
Easily.
It's amazing to see him do it.
Listen, I thought he did great on SNL.
I think Eddie did the best you could do on SNL.
What do you mean by that?
SNL is really not a place
where you can go out there and really show your range.
of skills. You know what I'm saying? Like, S&L is not the proper showcase for your
comedic talent. I don't know. It's like, it's like, it's weird because S&L should be the
pros, right? But it's almost like you're in college playing in a system that restricts you kind of.
Yes. You know what I'm saying? Yes. And what I thought he did, I thought he did good.
You know, I, I have no, I have one, two critiques, right? I thought buckwheat should have been
mumbo rappers, right? Because they have buckwheat on the map.
singer.
And he did like Beyonce single ladies.
Yeah, yeah.
Which is like a 10-year-old song.
I think buckwheat doing mumble rappers would have been hilarious.
So buckwheat doing bad and bougie would have been phenomenal to me, right?
I also think that when it comes to comedic acting, Eddie, we see with Dolomite,
I have high hopes for coming to America too now.
Him on S&L, incredible.
I'm just not sure about the stand-up aspect of it.
Ooh.
I'm not sure about the stand-up aspect.
Talk to me.
I just think stand-up is very difficult.
You know what I'm saying?
And, you know, like, to get back in that stand-up ring right now,
that might be a little tough for Eddie.
You know what I'm saying?
I think Eddie's, like, he's just so cool.
Like, his demeanor is just so cool.
Like, I just don't...
I don't know.
I'm just basing this off what I saw on SNL,
the little monologue that he did.
I thought he didn't do a monologue.
He did a monologue.
He did, like, four or five minutes,
and then Chappelle came out,
and Tracy Morgan came out,
and Chris Rock came out and Keenan came out.
But he did a little, my-law.
He had a nice little jab at Bill Cosby.
What did he say?
He just said, you know, he just talked about the fact that he's here with all 10 of his kids tonight.
And, you know, Bill Cosby is in jail.
30 years ago, if you'd have bet me that I'd be here with 10 kids and Bill Cosby would be in jail.
I would have took that bet on, you know, on you being right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he was like, guess who's America's dad now?
You know, and that was a nice little jab.
But I don't know.
I don't know if I'm, I don't know if I don't know if, I don't know if Eddie
you're still bringing in the stand-up space.
That is the only thing that is still to be questioned.
But we have no reason to question Eddie Murphy because he's Eddie fucking Murphy.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Like we have no reason to doubt that he can go out there and do it.
I just know that that stand-up shit, it's tough, bro.
It's tough, but it's also like you're dealing with the platform.
Mm-hmm.
You know, like SNL might be the worst platform for stand-up.
Yeah.
You know, it's...
Especially for what Eddie does.
You know what I mean?
And like Eddie once you're, Eddie is animated, right?
Once you're in the joke, he creates the scene.
He sets the stages for the scene, creates the scene.
And then he heightens, heightens, heightens, heightens, heightens.
And I think that maybe his greatest skill outside,
obviously doing these incredibly good impressions is his ability to heighten the joke.
Right?
Most people will leave the joke at the first punchline.
He keeps heightening it.
Remember back in the do goonigubal, you know, the delirious, she fell down the stairs.
You know, all these, everything keeps getting it.
Your wife's a Goody Google.
You know what I mean?
Like she's a big foot, Gus.
It just keeps hiding and hiding.
And SNL, a monologue, is often not written by the person itself, right?
You have a team of writers.
And those writers don't know how to write like Eddie Murphy.
They don't know how to create a script like Eddie Murphy, right?
They're doing classic set up punchline, one-liner bits that are meant to get an applause break out of cleverness, but not really out of, like, funny.
Yeah.
You know, so if you unleash Eddie in his style, remember Eddie's jokes?
Eddie didn't have one joke that was one minute long.
It might be six minutes, each of his jokes, these pieces, these stories.
So I think when we see Eddie do stand up, and don't get him wrong, it's going to take him months to get it right.
It's going to take a year probably for him to get it to the point where he needs to be, maybe two.
But when we see him do it, we'll see Eddie being Eddie, not a contrive monologue.
If I got my executive producer hat on, if I'm on Eddie Murphy's team, I'm not even
setting Eddie up for failure like that doing a stand-up.
What I'm doing with Eddie Murphy is I'm doing a one-man show.
I'm doing what Mike Tyson did when he was on Broadway.
I'm going to put Eddie Murphy up there,
and I'm going to have Eddie Murphy go up there,
and I'm not even going to have him doing stand-up.
I'm going to take away all expectation to have him sitting down.
You know what I'm saying?
Sitting down to the throne,
and he's telling his story of his life.
From child, not even, you only got to do childhood.
You can start with childhood,
because a lot of things that happen in your,
childhood, you know, impact what happened in your adult life.
But just telling stories about being Eddie Murphy, the 80s, 90s, icon.
It's like Forrest G.
Gump.
Absolutely.
Like, I wouldn't even set them up.
I wouldn't even set him up for standing up.
Put him on that stand-a-throat.
You have pictures behind him.
So, you know, when he's telling his stories and he's doing these bills, because he's really
the OG uncle at the holiday dinner.
Dude, I think it's telling you these stories when everybody just gathered around.
Like, oh, shit.
It's a great idea.
Uncle Eddie Ripping.
Great idea.
I saw him on Fallon, I think it was.
I wanted him to late night shows.
I think it was Fallon.
I don't remember which one it was.
But he was telling this story about Marlon Brando.
Yeah.
How he went to dinner with Marlon Brando
and how Marlon Brando was talking to him about
Beverly Hills Cop of 48 hours or something like that.
And he was like Marlon seen from him
and he goes into this whole thing where he's talking like Marlon Brando.
Like, let's do that.
Because Mike Tyson's one man play on Broadway.
Yeah, it was great.
That Spike Lee did?
Incredible.
Yeah.
And Mike ain't no comedian.
But Mike went out.
there and he told stories about his life that were funny.
Yeah.
That were honest.
Yeah.
That were emotional.
Yeah.
So he pulled it all your, your heartstrings.
Let Eddie go out there and do the same thing.
I think it'll be credible.
Neil Brennan, I still say,
and over the past decade, and I'm really, really thinking about this,
I still think Neil Brennan has the most genius stand-up special.
It won with the three mics.
The three mics.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because he touched everything.
It was one mic for regular stand-up.
Another mic that was just-
I love Neil.
Yeah.
I disagree, but I love Neil.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Another mic that was just for straight up Twitter.
Yeah.
Punch lines, right?
And then the other was just straight up emotional shit you would be telling your therapist.
It was, it was a great, unique way to, like, do stand-up.
But it wasn't, I don't think Neil would be like, oh, that was better than what Chappelle put out.
No, no, I don't mean content-wise.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
The execution, the mechanics of it.
Right.
You did a spin on something that was stand-up.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
And it was successful when people talked about it because of that.
People need something to be shaken up.
They need something different.
Yes.
I agree with you in that regard, for sure.
The thing with doing a one-man show, which I think lends to what you're saying here
is that the expectations are way lower.
When you do stand-up, the expectation is to laugh.
So when you're not laughing, the show is failing.
Yeah.
When you're doing a one-man show, the expectation is not laughter.
So when you laugh, it's like, oh, I got to laugh out of this?
I just want stories, bro.
Here's the thing.
And I'm not saying
that he's not down to do this.
There is an ego, I'm sure, in a stand-up.
When you've done stand-up,
which is the hardest, in my opinion,
of the performing arts,
because there's only one reaction that's tolerable.
Laughter.
Laughter, there's only one, right?
When you've done stand-up,
then I think doing the one-man show,
I know there's a lot of guys that do it
and they should do it,
and their styles lend themselves to it,
but on some level they recognize and understand
it's an easier thing to do.
So maybe Eddie is going,
well, I can do stand-up.
I know, you know what I mean?
Like, I can do stand-up.
Nobody that can do stand-up
does the one-man show first.
It's often the people that can't do stand-up
will go, well, I have a one-man show.
When you're Eddie Murphy and you've got the history that he has,
the things that we probably don't know about,
the stories we don't know about.
I would love it.
Pull up the thrones.
It'd be more interesting.
That's it.
Pull up that.
throne, sitting at throne like the king
you are, and just tell us stories,
Uncle Eddie. 100%. I would
much rather that than the stand-up. We know
it's going to be funny. We know that we're going to learn
from it. We know that it's going to pull it our
emotional heartstrings. I would much rather
that than put Eddie Murphy out there and say, okay,
be funny. By the way, that's the worst expectation
in the world. That's why I admire a stand-up
so much, and I would never disrespect
that craft, because like you said, there's only
one reaction. You got to go
out there and make people laugh.
If things are coming out of your mouth,
and nobody's laughing, you are failing.
And you've never felt those beads of sweat grow down the back of your neck like that
until you've been on that stage saying some shit and nobody's chuckling.
All right?
That is why my favorite thing, which is another thing that I want to do,
I think that we have to put out a special of people bombing.
I think, no, I'm serious.
I think we have to have...
How did your guys, Clay, did that?
Really?
Yeah, right after his biggest special, he'd be.
put out the day the laughter died and it was just a special of him bombing.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Chris, you watched that, right?
The day the laughter died?
No, that is it?
Andrew Dice Clay?
Or it was an album or something like that, but he's just bombing the whole time.
It was right after he was, when he was the biggest comic in the world?
Bro, I would love to do a compilation of the world's greatest bombs.
Oh, yeah.
That would be so good.
By the way, there's nothing funny than failure.
It is the truth.
Watching other people fail is hilarious.
Why do you like to watch videos of people falling off shit?
shit.
Oh, yeah.
And people running the jump and missing the dumps.
Like, that shit is funny.
Yo, a compilation of people bombing would be absolutely incredible.
Yeah.
So we need to, I wouldn't mind putting that together.
But we just got to have comedians that are willing to let us share those intimate moments.
Right.
And that have them captured.
What's wrong with that?
And that kind of stuff.
Because it's a learning experience, right?
The problem is the whole reason you do is special is to advertise yourself so more people come out to your shows.
But listen, every comedian is bombed.
Right, but nobody's going to come out to someone's show in the future
Because like, man, the way he bombed in his specials?
It depends.
It goes back to like when you're a human, right?
When you're a human being, it's easier to talk about your failures when you have succeeded.
So if these comedians have gone on to have massive success,
they wouldn't mind showing the times that they failed.
Yeah, this is not a come-up story.
This is the people, this is like you get Louis, you get Dave,
you get all these people to share videos of their worst sets that they've probably recorded.
And then if they do it, you get to see them at their most vulnerable.
doing bits that you know work.
Yeah.
You know, like,
yeah, I think there's something there.
Yeah.
I always wanted to do that.
I was thinking about doing,
this is something different,
but like, you know,
when I put out the special,
by the way,
we're adding another show to the special
is the LA show sold out.
So make sure you guys go get tickets for that.
I'd probably already announced it.
But the Andrewshoulds.com,
pre-sale code is Matador.
We're recording this Monday,
so I hope everything's confirmed.
I haven't fully confirmed it,
but I'm hoping when you're listening to this shit, everything is confirmed.
Pre-sale code matter.
Go get those.
But what were we saying?
Oh, yeah.
What I want to do is like when I release material, right?
Material, not when I'm, you know, messing with the crowd, that kind of stuff, but the actual, like, material that I've been touring.
The, you're seeing, like, the finished product of a joke, right?
It's about a really fucked up topic and usually takes a really fucked up spin.
on that topic.
But when you see it finally released in a special,
these types of things,
you see the finished product,
you see when I worked it out
to get people to laugh at this horrible thing.
You don't see what it takes to get there.
But that's what you do with inside jokes kind of door, right?
Inside jokes, we're taught, we talk about it.
But I think there's a world where after I release the special,
we release the bits in their infancy
when I was just working them out
and how much they bomb and people fucking screaming shit
and want to throw shit at me,
fighting, getting kicked out the club
so that people really understand the process
of getting to this joke.
Now it's really funny
and everybody's having a great time.
Earlier, you want to cancel me,
you want to fucking write the LP reviews,
you want to call the club
and say how awful it is.
And it's just understanding the process
of this is what it takes
to get to hear with the joke.
So when you're canceling a comedian,
you know what I'm saying?
When you cancel a comic for a joke,
you don't know what part of the process
he's in on.
if he says, yeah, that's the finished product, the joke, and it sucks, and it sucks,
but I'm sure he's still working on it.
He's still getting better on it.
The reason I think that's genius is because I feel like that's something that's just being lost in our society period, like the process because of social media because we're so used to seeing these finished products, right?
Right.
But, you know, one thing that I would encourage everybody to work on, especially going into a new decade is like understand that there is still a process to shit, right?
And I think that that's being, that's been lost.
Like, you see, I don't even think people, people don't even show you the beginning no more.
They just show you the end, which is some bullshit.
Like there is always a process to everything.
Show me how to do this, son.
Because when you show me how to do it,
then possibly I can do it too.
And even if I don't do exactly what you're doing,
I understand that there's a process, two things.
And I understand, when I'm in those moments
where I'm going through that process,
I don't feel down on myself.
Y'all talk to so many kids nowadays
who deal with anxiety, who deal with depression.
A lot of times, they're just getting down on themselves
because they're going through the process.
and they think that this shit is foreign.
Because they don't see nobody else going through it.
So they were like, why me?
Why is this struggle happening to me?
Nigger, this struggle happened to everybody.
Right?
You're just going through that process.
And I think that we should start showing people that process again.
Yeah, take you to the beginnings.
Yes, I want to do ask an idiot because before we get up out of here.
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Let's get back to the show.
Let's get some asking idiots in.
Let's get some asking idiots because this is the end of the year.
To make it happen.
You better have some good shit, Taylor.
We wanted to do asking idiot, and these are the things that we,
anything you wanted to ask us all year long.
Okay.
You have the opportunity to ask us now.
Okay.
We should have Taylor read them.
Okay, Taylor.
Only because it'll give her something to do.
I was reading on the YouTube comments one day and somebody said,
yo, Taylor got a bubble.
So she needs to take all those big ass dicks, bro.
And they was like, they was like, it was like, and it was like,
and they put the timestamp and when you could see it, right?
So I said, let me go see what the fuck.
So I go look at the timestamp.
It's literally, it's like a half a second of her walking by.
So that means somebody really had to pause that shit.
Yup.
Y'all.
That's how I was with the baby's dick.
Okay.
That shit was there for half a second.
Pause.
Zoom in.
You zoomed in to?
No.
I didn't need to.
It's so fucking big.
All right.
I actually, I had the better ones on here.
Come on, Taylor.
This is the last asking idiot of a year.
Make sure these shit good.
All right.
From Fly Kid underscore a name.
Ooh, real quick.
Before we do this, I want to talk about one thing.
Okay.
I saw an absolutely, well we saw an absolutely amazing boxing match this weekend.
Oh, man.
It was a fighter named Tony Harrison.
Yeah, from Detroit.
He was the champ who was fighting Jermel Charlo.
Rematch.
Rematch.
Which from a year ago, which showed you how fast the year goes by,
because I swear I saw that fight in January.
Last month.
They felt like last month.
So, disc, and I literally were watching on Alex's phone while we're in Philadelphia.
I go on stage, shows in Philadelphia, I get off stage,
and it turns out Tony Harrison was knocked out by Jermal Charlo.
Before, go.
No, before that, we were in a group chat.
We were in the group chat.
Talking about how good a fight of Tony Harrison is.
Let me tell you something.
I reached out to him.
I DMed him on Instagram.
I reached out to because I really want to help him market himself.
This guy is so good at boxing.
And I'm talking about someone who was knocked out.
He is so good at boxing.
He is one of the most pure intellectual ring IQ boxers I've ever seen in my entire life.
It's a good, solid boxer.
Solid boxer, but amazing defense, amazing timing, amazing offense, like so strategic.
Everything was a chess move, everything's setting up something else.
He decided to go right at him, play bully ball with the bully, walked him down.
The last fight he was like dancing around, keeping him on the outside, killing him with that jab.
He was doing a little bit, he was doing all of that shit, this fight.
to him and he was, in my mind, beating,
I told you they were going to wrap him off,
because on two of the scorecards you saw,
but he was easily beating Charlo.
He got caught with a big shot.
That left hook, baby.
That left hook, and then like four left uppercuts,
he ends up to, and the left hook they exchanged.
The left hook is what dropped them in the second round, too.
That's right.
Yeah.
But the left hook they exchanged,
and Charlottes were a little bit shorter,
and it was amazing.
Like, Tony had his hand up blocking,
but the, but Charles...
Caught him right on the jaw.
It was right on the jaw.
But still, some people say the stoppage was even a little bit early,
because he was kind of defending himself when he got back up.
Nah, they should have stopped the fight after the third knockdown,
them four uppercuts in a row.
Yeah, they should have stopped that fight, bro.
All right, fair enough.
You're going to kill that dude, his next snapback.
I'm like, oh, shit.
That's possible.
You're right.
Now, here's the thing.
I fucking love this guy as a fighter.
He's the type of guy, and I think Van said it's like,
if he had power, he would be the biggest guy in the world.
It was you.
If he had power, he'd be the biggest guy.
Because he is an amazing boxer.
No power, though.
The power's not there, but his shit.
shit talk is also amazing.
I think that's what caused him to lose, though.
You know what? Maybe it did.
Maybe it was just, he just got caught with the lucky shot.
That being said...
He got too comfortable. Like, you're still in there with Charlo, who's a former champion.
When he was doing all the showboating this shit and doing his little shimmies and acting like...
He was acting like Shalow couldn't hurt him.
He got too comfy.
And he got too comfy.
And he got caught.
But here's the thing.
His Instagram is made in Detroit 1990.
He is a...
He's like a...
The rawest purest Detroit guy when you see him.
As far as boxing goes, Detroit is a...
a great history. Obviously, I think Tommy
Hearns from Detroit. I believe so. Right.
And the great...
Emmanuel Stewart. Yeah, Gronk Jim.
Emmanuel Stewart. And that's where he trained out of.
This guy is a real fucking deal.
I think there's big things for him. I just hope
that he can get
the marketing angle down
because he has all the town. He has all the shit
to talk. And then when he's in the room, he's in the ring,
he backs the fuck up. He did get T.K.O. But I think it's one of these things
where it's like, all right, dude, you're dealing with a beast
in Charlo. Because credit to Charlo. You're
You know the beast?
Don't ever forget he's a beast.
Charlo showed that it's levels to this shit.
There is.
And by the way, when you get your belts back,
that's how you get your belts back.
No disrespect to Anthony Joshua,
but getting your belt back by a decision
after you got your ass,
the way Ruiz waxed you the first fight.
And Charlo,
and then Chalo lost the decision.
But he came back to show you.
This motherfucker shouldn't have been in the ring
with me to begin with.
Yo, credit to Shala.
Credit to Shalom.
I would love to see a third fight.
I don't think Shallo's people will ever give it to him.
You wouldn't love to see a third fight?
That's a lie.
You're lying yourself.
You're lying.
It was a great fight.
Why would you not want to see another one?
Remember, look at the last text I said.
I said, yo, granted a knockdown or a knockout.
Don't be surprised if this goes a draw, because I never thought they would give the fight to Chalo.
Don't be surprised if this is a draw and they're the third fight.
Then I put, never mind.
I saw that text.
Because that left when you was like, what happened?
He just went down.
I'm like, oh, matter of fact, he just went down twice.
The ending of that fight, nah, it's no need for a rematch.
No need for remit.
I think there's no need for it,
but I think we'll have to happen
is Harrison will have to, you know,
get another belt or become number one contender
and then force that rematch.
They're not going to offer it to you
because you're too dangerous.
Absolutely.
But Harrison's a type of fighter
where if he don't have a fan base,
nobody's going to want to fight him
because you cannot look good
in front of Harrison, right?
Like Harrison is type of guy
who's going to make you look bad.
He'll probably beat you.
He might not knock you out
so it's going to go to the scorecards,
so you're not going to see any of the top guys
go, shit, I want to fight that guy.
You would never want to fight.
It's like Winky.
right. Remember Winky right? Nobody
wanted to fight Winky Wright. I remember Winky. He didn't
have power, but he was an amazing defensive
boxer. Get in there, touch you up,
and he could win decisions. That's what Harrison's going
to have to do. He's going to have to win the shoot on personnel.
He's going to have to take something out of the Mayweather playbook.
You're going to have to start doing antics. You're going to
make wrestling out of the shit. Get big.
I like Harrison. I thought Harrison looked great until
he didn't.
That's the thing. I thought he looked great
until he didn't. That's what happened
with it. He lost to Jared at Hayhun.
He lost to Jared Hurd. Same way.
Harrison?
Yeah, and it was like he was boxing him up and all of a sudden he got caught.
I thought he looked great until he didn't, man.
That left hook was nasty.
Strong guy.
And them four left uppercuts in the row was like, God, damn, bro.
Like he meant, and it was just, it was just a little lapse in judgment.
Yeah.
And a lack of focus.
That's it.
Like, that's showboating, bro.
You're still in there with Charlo.
Yeah.
Like, you actually still have more to, he had more to prove in this second fight than
Charlo did trying to get his belt back.
100%.
And he just, he failed that test and dream.
dramatic fashion.
So come on back, Tony.
We support you.
All right, Taylor, let's do it.
You need some asking that you're young.
Well, I don't know if I can still call you young.
How old are you?
Younger than you.
28?
What, 28?
That's obvious, though.
Okay, so that's all that is.
Those big ass dicks will age you, yo.
Ducking bad vibes, but all you ducking big dick.
Can't duck them.
She was like a turnstile.
Dude,
You jump over him then.
Like hopscotch.
What is that shit?
What is that shit with the ropes?
Double dutch.
Double dicks.
Yo, double dicks would be wild.
All right.
That means when you get the train ran on you by two people with baby-sized dicks.
All right, go ahead.
All right.
From high kid,
underscore named underscore cam.
He wants to know what's your biggest troll moment of 2019.
biggest troll moment
I haven't done no trolling this year
not that I haven't done no trolling this year
I mean just because you think it was a troll moment
don't mean that it was trolling
Like when you get excited when you do your little shoulders
I can't think of an exact one
But I've seen you do shoulders a lot
I've had no troll moments this year
I've had moments why I've purposely done things
to piss people off
That's being a troller
No that's not trolling
Um
Hearing something that somebody said about me
and them not knowing that I know they said it
and constantly repeating it around them.
And that's what they're saying.
I guess somebody says, I'm like,
oh, Shalaman thinks things are all about him.
So I constantly, yeah, it's all about me.
You know, it's all about me, baby.
That's right.
It's all about me.
You know?
Who did you do that too?
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
But what do you all think has,
who has been the biggest troll then?
What this year?
Yeah, this year.
I don't know.
I'll be honest, I don't know.
I'm not sure, but I don't love this question.
Move on.
Okay.
Let's see.
I know for a fact that people had questions for us all 2019.
I need some good shit, Taylor.
Give me the questions, Taylor.
You know, is this fucked up?
We tried.
We tried to give you an opportunity.
Try to get you to earn your fucking money.
Jesus Christ.
Taylor.
Look at the questions she picks.
What do you guys think about?
No, this is a good question people can learn from.
Can I show you a horrible one?
Tell me.
What do you guys think about cats?
Oh, my God.
Next level painting
This is funny though
Next level painter says
Man I think Charlam ain't lying
About how big his dick is
Motherfuck is only 5 too
Says he's 8 inches
That's like a whole third of your body
Just stop lying Uncle Shala
Like that's what you got
That's what you're thinking about my G?
Okay
You know that's how you can become six feet
Just put your dick on the top of your head
This is a good one
At Ish underscore Mel says
How do you shit in a public bathroom
Hashtag Hemie?
He meant to put Hezzi
Nobody shits in public places better than Andrew.
A hemorrhoid.
Oh.
So how I shit is I always go cheek to bowl.
The fuck is that?
Cheek to pull.
I put my cheeks directly on the bull.
I don't believe in putting paper down on the toilet seat.
I wash the toilet seat first with some toilet paper.
Okay?
If the toilet seat is really peed on, I'll put some water on the paper, wash it down,
then do another wash with more toilet paper to dry it.
Then I go cheek to pull.
But I always go cheek to pull.
I love cheek to bowl. I need to go cheek to bowl. You like the feeling that porcelain on
your cheeks? I like the porcelain on the cheeks. I like the connection I get at like warming up the seat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not afraid of like catching anything? No, I haven't caught anything so far.
What do you catch in your butt besides, you know, AIDS?
I don't think AIDS is real.
Taylor did say, you did say that Taylor. Horrible segue. I don't think AIDS is real.
Why Magic Johnson got y'all really thinking that shit?
Lord have mercy
No, the toilet
The dirty toilet
I don't think that's real
What do you mean?
Because they try to say you could get disease
From toilet
dirty toilet seeds
I don't think that's real
Hold on you watch your chicken
But not your toilet seats
I do watch
Go go lick the toilet in the eye heart bathroom right now
If it's so sanitary
Next question
I like this one
Hail Giff
Says is there a certain goal
That brilliant idiot's flagrant two
Are trying to reach
Besides just giving out free gems
And expressing your own opinions
Is there a certain goal?
Yes.
Yeah, sure.
But, I mean, that is the main goal.
It's just about enjoying a conversation and talking about the things that they say that we can't talk about.
I mean, that's really what Flagarin 2 is all about is just having those conversations and making those jokes.
The purpose of Flagrant 2 is a space to make the jokes that we would make when we're with our friends, but do it publicly.
And just create some normalcy in this time where you can get canceled for everything.
So we're basically like, no, fuck it.
We're going to lean into it.
I don't think that there's a goal.
For me, it's just like, yeah, creating a safe space
or unsafe conversation, unsave people, you know?
I think that's when, that's when shit gets fucked up
when you are sitting around having a conversation
like it's just you and your folks
and the people that you invite over.
And then all these other motherfuckers
who ain't even, who don't even got a fucking invitation.
You know what I mean?
Peep in and come into the middle of a conversation.
Like, what the fuck they're talking about in there?
Shut that shit down.
You don't have to press play.
You don't have to fucking press play.
Nobody invited you.
Yeah.
I think, by the way, I think that shit is dead.
What's that?
I think that whole cancel culture shit is dead.
Yeah, I hope so.
I really do.
No, I really do.
I really think that we've gotten to a place where people realize how corny that shit is.
Yeah.
For you just to be trying to shut motherfuckers up for a, what they say or B, what they've said.
Yeah.
Do you worry about that?
No.
What's your upcoming special coming?
No.
Do you worry about them digging up old shit?
Yeah, I mean, probably.
You know, I'm sure they'll do.
do it, but it is what it is.
Who gives the fuck?
I don't care because what I've realized about these
pussies is that they only do it,
they don't care about me.
What they care about is getting these big corporations
to bend to their whim.
Yeah, it's people that have no power anywhere else.
Trying to.
And this is the first time they can feel like they've got a big dick.
Exactly.
They finally being hurt.
They can't flex power on me.
Like, the reason they don't come from me now is because who they're going
going to cancel me from myself?
I put out all my own shit.
So when I do it for the network,
I'm sure someone's going to try to do something, whatever.
And that's just up to the network to man up.
But if the network don't, real talk.
Let's think about it.
Let's say you cancel my special and it don't come out, right?
Thank you.
You just made my special the most coveted special.
Absolutely.
And now you can lose TK.
And now you can lose TK and sell it for $2.
Or wherever the fuck it is.
Whenever we go, all I'm saying is,
you just gave me the marketing platform.
Oh, you canceled my special before it came out because it was too crazy?
Well, we got to see what the special is all about.
So my way, I don't worry about it.
You know what's wild about that?
I want to encourage all,
all potentially, all creatives
with potentially dangerous rhetoric.
Just make sure you got a small little clause
in your contract that says if they want a motherfucking
cancel you for some shit that you said publicly already.
I don't give a fuck if it's on social media.
I don't give a fuck if it's on a podcast on a radio.
Let's make sure you got a small clause in your contract
that they got to pay you anyway
because they should have vetted you a little bit better.
That's it.
You know what I'm saying?
Simple as that.
Okay, Gazzo's Papi
It's clearly one of waxes
His girlfriends
She says what's the most romantic gift for wax
A new pair of Thames are a new pair of gloves
Who is this?
I don't know
I think he's got a lot of those
Who could this possibly be?
I'm looking at Gazos Papi
And it's clearly one of his
Latino women
pretending to be a man
In this situation
Because you know wax don't talk to black women
We got to have that conversation in 2020
Whoa
We got to have that conversation in 2020
No, no, no
What is she?
Domenico?
That's not Afro-Cuban.
Or Afro-Latino?
You know I can't tell them my part
What are they?
Latino
She likes Jennifer Lopez, that's what I know
But Afro-Latino
I thought they get to be black
Okay, she is that did
So then she's black?
Yes, yes, she's Afro-Latina
Okay, so he likes black women
So I would tell you, Miss Afro-Latino
Probably a new pair of Tims.
Probably get them both
For new pair of Tim's a new pair of gloves.
That's not expensive either.
Yeah, don't be cheap.
Give them the combo pack.
Take one glove, put it in one Tim.
Put the other glove, put it in the other Tim.
Give him a little combo pack.
Okay?
Can I tell you one?
Yeah.
Yes.
J-O-N-T-E underscore Berggrin.
He wants to know, what's your crazy experience together?
You got to.
What's our crazy experience together?
Yeah.
What's a story that no one knows about you guys?
That nobody knows?
Remember that one time?
we were videotaping the baby's dick together.
I don't remember that one.
And then we released it for viral content.
You don't remember that?
That's crazy.
That angle you had,
though,
you was on his shoulder.
I know,
dude,
I did.
That's crazy.
You know,
you were stating on his security Kong shoulders.
Yeah.
You had the camera down.
Yeah.
Yeah,
I was like,
who's the baby now?
Okay,
there's a better way.
You're annoying.
This just reminded me why we don't do asking these.
Y'all was shit.
I have one and have them ready.
For you.
Sharming, Muggle underscore mind underscore motives wants to know, do you think the conversation
of mental health can have a negative effect?
No.
I've got a conversation about something positive and encouraging people to go get help for
something ever have a negative effect.
Like, how I was encouraging brothers to go get therapy to practice mindfulness to, you know,
get into exercises like meditation, you know, how could that ever possibly have a negative
effect?
How?
Don't answer the question for him?
You just have to question.
Like, Taylor, why you, how can it have a negative effect?
Because this is what I was thinking about with mental health, though,
because what if, like, when you go to therapy,
isn't it not give you sometimes negative effect?
Like, it's like you revisit.
But that.
That's part of healing.
You got to go through that.
You're going to go through that.
You're going to have those break-throughs where you're crying
and you're thinking about, you know, wild shit that happened to you.
Like, you have to go through that.
You cannot heal what you don't reveal.
Didn't Jay-Z tell you up?
Yeah, but you think that it's just to basically
when you go to the gym,
do you know what the process of going to?
You know what the gym is, Taylor?
Huh?
You know what the process of working out is and lifting weights?
Do you know what happens?
Yeah.
What happens is you tear the muscle.
And when you tear the muscle,
you give the muscle the opportunity to rebuild itself.
And when it rebuilds itself,
it rebuilds itself much stronger
so that it doesn't tear from that type of impact in the future.
It's a process.
It's like when you're in the head salon
and they're taking that weave out.
You know what I'm saying?
When you're taking braids out,
how fucked up does your head look in between?
Boom.
Putting that new shit in.
100%
Like I'm serious
That's all it is
Would you want
Would you want to stop at that process?
No but I just think that sometimes
Maybe some people take it as a negative
As in like they don't want to revisit it
Is your new growth negative?
No
Is the new growth under your hair negative?
Huh?
No
Okay so you take that old shit out
And then you get it done
And you put the new shit in
I'm giving you a hint here, Taylor
All right?
Yeah, shut out because first of all
You just got it done
All right, this is the last question.
Then we got to wrap this.
Yes.
What is the most valuable lesson you guys learned this year?
This is from Walking Canvas 1.
The most valuable lesson you guys learned this year.
Invest in yourself.
It has the highest return.
100%.
Simple as that.
Invest in yourself.
It has the highest return.
The most valuable lesson I learned this year is what I told you all at the beginning of the podcast.
I am worthy.
every every every every
position that I've put myself in
everything I've attained
you know even even the family
and friends that you have around you
because that's all energy right
like you have to be putting out a certain energy
to get that kind of energy back
like you build your team
based on what kind of person you are
so when I look at all the great people around me
I look at my beautiful wife
my beautiful daughters I have
earned that
so the most value and I am worthy of that
so that is the most valuable
lesson that I have learned this year. I am worthy.
So I encourage you all to get to worthy.
And in the process, because if you don't think you're worthy right now, just know that God
thinks you're worthy. And that is enough to keep you motivated and get you through until
you actually feel your worthy. All right?
God bless. I want to tell you all, happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah.
Happy Kwanza. I don't know what you atheists. What do you atheists do?
Nothing, right? Christmas probably.
All right.
Everybody does Christmas.
You want them fucking gifts, bro.
No, that's the genius branding of not having Jesus in it.
Is the holiday becomes ubiquitous.
But it's not if it's Christmas.
Yeah, but if you don't have Jesus all over it,
then other people can go, ah, it's Christmas, let's celebrate Christmas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's get a Christmas tree.
There's no fucking pine trees in Jerusalem.
Yeah, so you say Xmas.
You say X-Mis.
X-Mis.
Why do they do that?
I have no idea.
Why is Christ an X?
I have no idea.
Listen, as always,
If you listen to this podcast, you look to this podcast, you think we're smart, you think
we're intelligent, you think we're brilliant, you're absolutely right.
If you listen to this podcast, you think we're just a couple idiots who don't know shit,
you're right, too.
It's the brilliant idiots podcast.
Thank you for listening.
God bless.
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