The Broski Report with Brittany Broski - 11: Hozier & Mortality

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

This week on The Broski Report, Fearless Leader Brittany Broski outlines some housekeeping items, talks Royal Court, Hozier, and more. Follow The Broski Report: https://www.linktr.ee/broskireport https://www.tiktok.com/@broskireport https://instagram.com/broskireport Watch/Follow Royal Court: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV70vvbaktk https://instagram.com/royalcourt https://www.tiktok.com/@bbroyalcourt Follow Brittany: https://www.tiktok.com/@brittany_broski https://instagram.com/brittany_broski https://youtube.com/brittany_broski Brought To You By: Dipsea - https://dipseastories.com/broski  Tinder Athena Club

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds, because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. Direct from the Brozky Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California.

This is the Brozky Report with your host, Brittany Brosky. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of The Brosky Report, starring me, Brittany Brosky, your host, Britney Brosky, of the Brozky Report. Now, so much to talk about, guys, so much. I hope if you're driving, take your hands off the wheel. Okay, you've got to take notes. If you're studying, stop. If you're doing anything productive, just stop.

Just quit. If you're trying to be productive today, just quit. This is the message you needed to hear. Give up. Hopefully this helps in some way. If you're driving, close your eyes. Take your hands off the wheel. Just relax.

Give up. Okay? Anyway. We have some housekeeping, okay? First and foremost, I would like to address the set because you bitches will not shut the fuck up about the set. I know, okay? I understand that the UK and Ireland are missing from this world map,

my glitter map, okay? Now, I'll raise you this. I had a team of white men install this map, okay? So there are bound to be things wrong with it, and I realized it immediately after the first episode. I was like, oh my god, y'all looks so great, thank you so much. much for your help. They left and I looked at the map and I said, so where do you think the UK is? Okay, so where do you actually think that it went? Because I don't know. And something's wrong

with some of the islands over here and the sort of like southern eastern hemisphere and couldn't tell you, right? I'm going to totally blame that on who installed it. And the set's beautiful. They did a great job. I just like don't really know what happened there. So yes, I do know that the UK and Ireland are not canon in the Brooskey Cinematic Universe. Sorry, okay? Also, we changed the desk around a little bit, okay? We have moved the Mickey over here. So now when I get the calls,

oh my God, they're nuking us or whatever. Brittany, what are you going to do to help? When I don't answer that call, it's going to be coming from this phone right here, okay? When we, these also have the nuke codes on them. So they're going to be like, Senator, Supreme Leader Broski, what are you going to do when they bomb us? Are you going to bomb them back?

Okay, I've got it all. right here on this desk, but that's for me to know and you guys to find out. So keep that in mind, Mickey is now over here. I have also moved forward with the addition of this Waterburger weight table puck that I stole when I was in college because that's what you do. You make customer service burgers in fast food. You make their lives hell, okay? Because that's a right of passage, I guess, because when you graduate college, most people will go work customer service. It's like a Karma-Dharma cycle, okay? Maybe I don't know what Dharma is.

Dharma definition. The eternal and inherent nature of reality regarding in Hinduism is a cosmic law underlying right, okay. Karma or Dharma. Karma results from our past and present actions in those we will perform, while Dharma is righteous is righteousness, a moral code of living. Okay, so not the same thing at all. Got it. Yeah. I remember studying a lot of those like, quote-unquote,

Eastern religions in my world history class and, Wichita Falls, Texas, and being like, damn, this stuff's crazy. So where's Jesus? Okay, so you've got all the gods, and you've got the one with the elephant in the arms. Where's Jesus? Is he like here?

My fucking, like, Christochentric, like, Judeo-centric worldview. I was like, okay, now, when they were doing all this in India, where was God? Stupid. Okay, so was Jesus, like, in the Gainesville? Jesus River? Was that like, was he somewhere else? I, for real, like, I was like, okay, so where? That's so fucking stupid. Anyway, um, fuck me. This is the worst, worst part of this podcast. What the

fuck was I talking about? Oh, I stole this from Bonapurger. I sold this from Wadneberger because that's a thing that Aggies do, I guess. I don't know. Don't ask me, dude. And I still have this from college. Over here, I have a Mandalorian Funklepop because I'm a Funkal Pop adult only when it comes to Star Wars stuff. I have a Kylo-Rin

Funkle Pop that I should also pop right on over here next to my boy Mando so they can hang out. They can hang out and hold hands and listen to me talk and listen to me over-sexualize all of the characters from Star Wars because that's what I do best. It's what I really what I was put on this earth to do, okay?

Is to sexualize a man. I'll sexualize any man. Okay. Give me 30 minutes alone and I'm going to type up a fan fiction of any man. Okay. Now, all that's out of the way. I've also gotten rid of the green screen cast onto the globe and on Mickey because I'm what? A set designer. Also something that you bitches don't know is that there's not an audio engineer in this room with me. There's not a tech guy. There's not an audience. This is me alone in this room and I'm running tech. I start the cameras remotely. I start the audio recording. I'm doing the screen recording.

I send all the files. I do everything. And then my editor gets it. And she's like, what did you do? And I'm like, I don't know, you left me alone. Okay? I'm alone in here.

For better or worse. Anyway, I do all this. I set up the lighting or whatever. Because what? Women can. Yes, women can. They said a white woman from Texas couldn't have a podcast.

Guess what? Guess what? We're making history. I am the first. white woman to ever have a book and that is actually actually you can put that in the history books okay oh my god okay all that's out of the way now in other news this guy's fucking again if you're driving hands off the wheel eyes wide open look at your phone if you're driving look at your phone what's that tweet that's like you

break check me I have an open beer and you break check me I'm watching Britney Broski's The Brosky Report while I'm driving and you break check me and you rear-end me. Anyway, I'm joking, by the way. Please don't fucking do that. Like, that's obviously a joke, you idiots. Okay, here's what I really wanted to talk about. My show is out. If some of you, Broski Nation enthusiasts will remember, I went on the H3 podcast with Ethan,

and I talked about how I have a show coming out. It's a medieval talk show, whatever. This was like six months ago. And everyone was like, oh my God. And then they forgot about it, right? But the true Bro Ski Nation lore enthusiasts remembered. And when I posted a teaser last Tuesday, and when I posted the video teaser last Wednesday,

people were like, this is her show. Yeah. And guess what? You get a gold star. You get a gold star. Because you what? Listen. Okay?

One, two, three guys on me. If you hear me clap twice. I don't know why I clapped. Let's do that again. What's the other one? Silent Lama. Do you remember this one? Silent coyote.

If you can hear me make a silent coyote. That's so dumb. Silent coyote. And I would do it too. Silent coyote. Oh, kids are so stupid. I'm stupid. If someone was talking to me and they were like,

can everyone make a silent coyote? Show me you're listening. I'd be like, oh. I just farted. And I'm like over salivating. I just had a Rice Krispy treat before this and it makes my mouth like really salivate. Oh. Okay.

My show is out for the love of Christ. I have been working on the show for nine months. It is a labor of love. It has been, I've been so excited for you guys to see this because it's my dream. I think like, now that I can finally talk about it, I have always loved hot ones and chicken shop date. not for, you know, oh, it's funny, but like, what a good concept for a show. It's completely rejecting and abandoning this idea of what late night or a talk show is. You know, daytime TV talk shows or late night talk shows where it's like the straight white man

and he does a monologue and then he sits down and does hot topics and then they have a guest and it's all, you know, the pre-interview is done and they know what they're talking about and it's rehearsed and then there's music guests and then it's done. I'm bored, boring, right? Yon! like I want to see something new. And I think that hot ones, and even something like Good Mythical Morning, has completely reinvented what a talk show could be.

And I'm very inspired by that. And I think that some of the best just wholesome viral clips come out of chicken shop date and hot ones because you are getting your celebrity there, your celebrity guests, like that's the core of them, right? Like they're comfortable. Well, hot ones are not really comfortable. But Sean Evans creates this environment

that's like, it feels like he knows you, right? And he really did his research and it's respectful and you're there with him. He's doing it with you. You know, like it's a very comfortable, although given the circumstance, it's not comfortable, whatever. I just think that's so smart. And I was like, I could, I could do that. I think I could do that. But what's the fucking catch? Because I don't want to steal chicken shop day. I don't want to, you know, recreate hot ones just medieval. So like, what do we want to do? And I knew I wanted it to be medieval because I love medieval times. I Love Game of Thrones. Dude, like one of my top three favorite things in the entire world is like a medieval fucking, like dress up, cosplay, go.

Go to medieval Times, eat a chicken with your hands. I love it. In medieval times, if you're listening, can you sponsor my birthday party? Can all of Brodkegee Nation come? Can we have 55,000? Can we have 7 million seats in the arena? Please. Guys, can we work on it?

Thank you so much. Let's get those parking tickets validated. But anyway, I had this idea and I was like, let's do it. And so me and Stanley, my fucking boy, we sat down and we wrote this show. And we worked with some incredibly talented comedic writers, Annabelle and Sabina Medici, who I, I, girls love, love, love, love. They are so fucking funny. It's that type of wit where it's like, I know I'm witty and funny, but I'm having a hard time

keeping up with how fucking funny they are. Like, it's just a blast every time we're together. And so to be challenged in that way, but also to create something so funny together was really, really fun. And so Orville was, of course, my target for the first guest, because I love him. And he is a funny bitch. Like Orville, he's always like, oh, sad cowboy. That bitch loves tea and he is hilarious. So like, I'm over it.

And so I was like, I want to show this side of him. And I'm sure that he probably wants to show that side of himself too, right? It's just people don't ask the right questions. So I wanted to have him on and provide that. And it was just fantastic. It was so much fun. And for the episodes going forward, it'll be one a month. So it'll be a monthly release. So it'll be very exciting. I'm very excited to see, you know, where this show is in three months or six months or this time next year, like who we've gotten on and what it's become. And, you know, these funny little intro graphics and everything that we kind of just pulled together. It's like, do you know anyone who does? And it was just such a labor of love. And it's all my own. It's self-funded entirely. Like, I'm taking all my earnings from doing everything I do, and I'm putting it back into, you know, more content for you guys. It's polished and it's elevated and it's professional because I think you guys, I owe you that. You know, like if I get to do this, the least I could do is make it

polished, kind of, arguably. So yeah, that's what I've been doing. And it's been so fucking exciting. And it's just the joy of my life. So thanks for letting me do that. And And if you have not watched it, pause this right now and go watch it now. Okay? Go, run. And if you don't watch it now, there's no dinner, okay? You don't get dinner. You don't get dessert.

And that honestly has nothing to do with the fact that it's like a punishment. It's just we ran out of food rations because we went over budget on royal court so much that we're in the red. So sorry guys, but no dinner for the next two to three weeks. All right? It's going to be bread and water. And guess what? The bread's moldy because it's old. Okay?

So sorry about that, but I do love you guys. We'll also be selling war bonds. If you guys are interested in purchasing a war bond, we're at war. No one in particular, just we are at war always, all right? To be a woman is to fight. So moving on. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance, Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to.

to Progressive and save hundreds, because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. It may just be the world's greatest eraser. Mabeline Instant Eraser Concealer is your secret weapon

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to late-night RSBPs. Mabelene Instant Eracer. Find your shade of instant eraser concealer at your local retailer. Mabelene, New York. Slash Brosky. We have lots of obsessions to get through today, so if you don't mind, the rapid topic change. I'm going to go ahead and jump into it. Hosier's new album is dropping soon. And he's released a few singles for this for this album. And I have been so blown away by all of them. Like here's here's the thing. There is something about his lyricism that I've said this before and like I'll

say it again. I have got to do an entire episode dedicated to his discography and his lyricism and his just like the pure, and I'm not joking, and I don't mean this in like a cringy way, poetry. He literally writes poetry and then puts it to music. And it's poetry that like you would have to annotate and analyze if you were taking like a literature class, a fucking contemporary Irish literature class. If he was not a musician, poetry books. And I mean like a modern day, I just love him so much, dude. And he's so underrated.

And here's the thing is like so much of the weight of, the topics that he sings about and what he chooses to tackle kind of goes over a lot of people's heads because so many people didn't even know that take me to church is about a gay relationship right he had all these Midwestern white moms singing at the top of their lungs take me to church in the car it's about a gay relationship and how the church disapproves and like we were born what was the like I was born sick but I love it command me to be well amen it's about gay relationships are you jumping Like, I just like, it's so, and it's such a breath of fucking fresh air to have a straight white man tackle these issues in arguably the correct way, whatever that means, the correct way.

And he said before in interviews, which I just, I love him so much. He said that he wishes more modern day artists would sing about these issues. you know, plague, what really gets you going? It's like there's a responsibility as an artist to incorporate the injustices of your time into your lyricism and to sort of commemorate them and give them a voice, you know, and he does it so well, he also says all the time, solidarity costs nothing. To be an ally costs nothing. And wow, you know, last summer when Roby Wade was overturned and when all that kind of went down and it was just incredibly traumatizing across the entire, not only nation, but I guess

world. He released a song called Swan Upon Leda, which is, it's just kind of like a solidarity song. And I literally, he was like, new song, and he posted this little blurb about how, you know, this is how it starts. You start stripping women of their rights. You start stripping minorities of their rights. And then that's how it's how it begins. fucking handmaid's tale. And he was like, we cannot let this happen. And women are the foundation

of a strong society. And in fact, like, they should be, you know, it should be a matriarchy and all this stuff. And he linked all these charities of like access to contraceptive pills through male and to be discreet and all these things. And he was just so, like, it's so thoughtful the way that he approaches his art and what it is to create art and what the duty of an artist is. Just this idea that art and artist should dissect and criticize the world in which they live. You know, there's a certain escapism and radio pop hits or things, you know, like what Charlie XX makes or what Joyce Vaughn makes. You know, it's like, these are great songs and they're fun clubbangers. Not everything has to be so dark and hard and heavy, but for some reason, that's kind of the

music I gravitate to. And I really respect the people that do that because it's not an easy task and it's a very noble task. And, you know, the argument is, well, are you really making a difference? Well, you know, everything starts through word of mouth. And if you're singing this at every fucking concert you put on, and it's catchy and you're getting people to sing along, I want to know what this is more about. And they're doing the research into it.

It's like, that's how you spread. That's how a movement spreads. And it's a beautiful thing. He also has a song called Nina Cried Power that he features Mavis Staples on. and the first time I heard it made me cry, made me fucking sob. Just like Swan upon later, I heard it halfway through it was like, I can't do this. And I turned it up. And it took me like another week to give it another try.

It's just so thoughtful. And Nina cried power is about, you know, how modern day civil rights, we're kind of stuck back in the 60s again in America when it comes to civil rights and how it's just ludicrous. It's insane that we're still dealing with the injustices and the brutality. that, you know, 70 years ago we were still dealing with. So anyway, love hosier. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

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to late night RSVPs. Maybelline Instant Eraser. Find your shade of instant eraser concealer at your local retailer. Mabelene, New York. Next up. I want to talk about that fucking age filter on TikTok. Have y'all seen what I'm talking about?

The one, here's something that I made that went viral because you fucking bitches made it go viral and it's not funny and it's stupid. It's humiliating. And I'm wearing the same fucking outfit. It freaks me out. Okay, and I said in this, one of the TikToks I posted, I said, this filter is it, because everyone's like, oh my God, me and my boyfriend are going to be such cute grandparents. I look like the grandma from the visit.

I look like I'm going to shove you in my oven and then stare at the wall and have wasps fly out of my mouth. Like, and like a, and then wasps and everyone runs away screaming. I can't wait to be a, I can't wait to be and kill someone. I look like I've been possessed. My body is a vessel for the devil. It's that scary old white woman stare. I don't know what it is. And I did not think I was going to have it, but God damn it.

I think, okay, it freaks me out for a lot of different reasons. Okay? And yeah, I cried over it. Because everyone was like, why did this filter make me cry? And at first I was like, shut the fuck up. It's a TikTok filter. And then I did it. And I said,

and here it's three reasons that I've kind of, written down, okay? Number one, I don't want to be old, right? It's this constant, like, very, very, uh, Pavlovian response of the patriarchy that has bred us to fear aging. Aging and time is a woman's number one worst enemy. And that is such a patriarchy inspired and influenced idea

because inherently, it is not true. Why do men get to become silver foxes? Why do men get to become hot? He aged like fine wine. You know what they say that about women, too? Like the context they say that about women is if they still look young when they're 55, when they're 60. She aged like fine. That doesn't even make sense, first of all.

Like it gets better with time. Why? Because she still looks young. I just like, I will always resent that because that leads me to my second point of why this kind of freak me out. is because I also have this existing sentiment and philosophy in my head of what a privilege it is to get old and to have experienced life and to have your body reflect that you have lived. Because it is a privilege and a beautiful blessing to get to live, to get to wake up every morning and experience how beautiful life can be and how sorrowful life can be.

That is the human experience. I will preach it at every fucking mountain top that humanity is the universe experiencing itself over and over again and what a privilege to get to live to the end of your life 70 to 100 years and to show it like to have wrinkles where the smiles have been

you know and to have skin that is sun speckled and whatever and I know that it's not considered beautiful but fuck me you lived you know And I just, to have that philosophy kind of taken from us as women, because first and foremost, we owe the world beauty, right? If you're not beautiful, what are you? To have that be put in place of, you know, smile lines like crow's feet. I think crow's feet are the cutest thing ever. And to get rid of crow's feet, you know, to preserve youth, how is youth more important than, you know, the beautiful weight?

of life. It just makes me so sad. And so I cried over that too. You know, I'm excited to get old with my friends. I'm excited to see my friends age the same way that I'm aging. Like, what a beautiful, I can cry about it right now. Like, to do that all together, you know, and to have lifelong friendships and to experience everything. I want to experience everything. And I'm just, I love being alive. I love being alive. I don't want to die. That's part of it too. I don't want to fucking die. That's part of it too. I don't want to fucking die. Oh my God. So why do I keep fucking crying in this podcast? Why the fuck, guys? What's up with that?

Do you think? I need to fucking relax on that. I'm excited to get old with my friends. Okay. And third, like I said, why it freaks me out. It's because I'm scary looking because this filter made me look like the fucking grandma from the visit. That's the third. That's why it freaked me out the most because I'm not like a cute little Mimi. I'm fucking terrifying. You know what else why I've become so like...

Everything ties into each other, of course. And that's why the structure of this podcast works so beautifully is because it's stream of consciousness because that's how my fucking life works. That's what everyone's life works. I've been obsessed with... Well, mortality has always been on my mind from when I was sentient.

When I was like five years old, I was like, death, what have these hands wrought? Me playing with my polypockets like dropping them dramatically and looking at my hands. But these hands too will age. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full,

owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. It may just be the world's greatest eraser. Mabelene Instant Eraser Concealer is your secret weapon

for erasing signs of a sleepless night. Instantly covered dark circles and under-eye bags. in a tap, swipe, blend, leaving a bright, refreshed look without feeling heavy. Instant eraser does more than cover and conceal. With 24 shades, you can correct, highlight, or sculpt.

From a subtle brow lift to defining your pout. This is the multitasker that keeps up with you. The best part? The formula delivers flawless results for up to 16 hours with crease-resistant, lightweight wear. Instant eraser won't settle into fine lines and stays smooth, breathable, and hydrating.

No cakey vibes here. Just a natural skin-like finish that looks fresh from morning coffees to late-night RSBPs. Mabelene Instant Eraser. Find your shade of Instant Eraser Concealer at your local retailer, Mabelene, New York. Anyway, I have been really in this sort of existential mindset because my latest hyperfixation is, can anyone guess it? Correct.

World War I. And you know what? I posted about this on TikTok. And so many of y'all were like, same. I get it. I get it. It's like a thing. Like people will have their one historical event that they really like. For a lot of people, it's the Titanic, right? That's easy. World War II is another one for a lot of people because it's very interesting. And it's this question of how did that happen and why did that happen? And like some things will never know. But with World War I for me, I'll be honest and I'll be transparent with you guys because that is

what I do best. And it's incriminating and humiliating. But I'm here share because I am here for you. What got me on this mindset, on this like track, this, this train is concurrently I'm still in my you and Mitchell phase. I love you and Mitchell. Can we throw up a picture of you and Mitchell? Yep. Yep. You and Mitchell, as I do with any man that I'm obsessing over, I have got to watch everything he's ever been in. I was talking about this with Brooke. Again, how many times are we going to talk about Brooke on my podcast? We have to have Brooke on. Um, we need to talk about guests later too because I'm interested in having guests on this show. I just don't have a second microphone.

Okay? So we need to get into that. But I was talking about this with Brooke because it's like, that's the natural. It's called, you know how lawyers will do discovery when they're researching a new client or like a situation? I'm doing discovery on the men that I love. So you and Mitchell, I was doing discovery on you and Mitchell. And he's in this BBC show called World on Fire. And it is about World War I, Britain's involvement in World War I leading up into World War II

and how it just like shook the country and how they were so determined to go fight for their country and how inevitably it really bore no fruit. You know, it was not worth it. And it created what's called the Lost Generation because A, so many fucking young able-bodied men died. for, I mean, arguably, I'm very anti-war, so no reason. War is pointless, and it's avoidable, and it's wholly unnecessary, I think. So they fought and died in this war for whatever reason. And two, you come back from war, and you're supposed to just assimilate back into real life?

No. So a lot of people having, like, had this unbearable, in an unimaginable weight put on their shoulders of watching their buddies die in front of them and fighting this war that they don't give a fuck about and killing German soldiers who feel the same way. They're fighting a war that they don't give the fuck about. So it's just young people killing each other. And then you come back and it's like, I have to go back to work. I've got to go to my job. And it's just, so they were called the lost generation because in all aspects, they were lost, religiously, traditionally, faithful, like all of it, a sense of purpose, just gone. And so I think that's

so fucking interesting. And I also did a YouTube video on this about World War I's impact on art and how some really, really, like, terrifying art came out of World War I. Because what a terrible time to live through and a source of inspiration to sort of, you know, it was a unifying factor for a lot of artists, their reaction to the war. So go watch that if you're interested. I think it's very, very interesting. And I hope I explain it in a way that kind of gets you intrigued too. It's not too much like, oh, you're going to lecture us. Anyway, I watched the show, World on Fire. And yeah, I got a VPN.

And yeah, I watched it illegally on BBC I player. Whatever, dude, fucking sue me. I love you and Mitchell, and I love the BBC. And so I watched it, and it was so, it's genuinely, like, really good. Like, I was invested. And after season one, I was like, what that fuck? But season two just came out. So I'm in the middle watching that right now.

But you're in it for like, I'm not joking, two minutes. It's like six episodes, six hour-long episodes, and he's in it for two minutes. Fuck you, bitch. You know I'm watching this fucking show. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance.

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Mabelene, New York. So my hyperfixation on World War I came from, of course, you and Mitchell. And now my hyperfixation on World War I has led me into my book talk section of this episode, which is, I recently went to Barnes & Noble, and there's a really cute Barnes & Noble

and I think it's Studio City. And it's this old theater that they've completely turned into, a bookstore and it's so cute and I love going there and everyone who works there is really nice and so I'll just go in there for like an hour and I'll just kind of browse around and whatever but I'm also in the middle of reading thrown glass right now like I'm still trudging along through book seven because I don't give a fuck about kale dude I say this every episode I don't give a fuck about kale he's the main character of this I need to just finish it so I can start kingdom of ash anyway

and of course I finished court of throars and roses which y'all need to read, okay, you need to read it. So I was at Barnes & Noble, and, of course, because I'm in the middle of this hyperfixation, I went up to the counter and I was like, hi, do you guys have a farewell to arms by Ernest Hemingway? And the dude was like, you want to read that? And I was like, what? Because I was wearing a Pedro Pascol t-shirt and a jean skirt. And I had like my eyelashes on. I was like, do you have farewell to arms? And he was like, yes. And I was like, can you bring me to it?

He's like, yeah. And so he brought me to it. He was like, anything else? I was like, yeah, I'm also looking for Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. He was like, are you doing a project? I was like, nope, just pleasure reading. He was like, okay. So he brought me over to that because heart of darkness is like a very, it's about

Western colonialism and imperialism and how it affected both. the colonies and the colonizers and how it's just a fucking terrible situation and, you know, it's a very critical view of Western colonization. And he was just kind of like very intrigued by what I was doing there, which it's funny, but it's also like, girl, fuck you. What do you mean I don't look like an intellectual? You're going to look at me right now and tell me to look like an intellectual? Like I'm not an academic.

I'll have you know I read Twilight when I was in the fifth grade. fluent fluent in English in the fifth grade I put that on my resume fluent in both English and sarcasm my cousins had T-shirts that said that those T-shirts and fucking normal people

scare me Hot Topic made so many millions of dollars out of those T-shirts okay anyway Farewell to Arms I'm about to start it because fuck this fucking throwing a glass book I don't care about it I don't care about Tower Dau

I'm going to have to power through it. Like, I'm going to have to, like, have 17 espressoes and sit down and just power through Tower of Don. I'm going to start Farewell to Arms, which is really about the grim reality of war. And this book was actually banned in Italy around the time of its publication because it was too accurate of a description, of a depiction of war. And that was not the message that the Italian government wanted to send to its people. So they banned this book. which, you know, censorship always ends well. Censorship is the way to go.

That's why I'm going to censor. I'm going to start the international Bro Ski Nations Committee on Censorship, and we're just going to censor anything that I don't agree with. So it's starting now, okay? And the things I don't agree with are, namely, obviously, homophobia, racism, sexism, misogyny, whatever, all of those, obviously, any texts or works or, or video art pieces

dedicated or inspired by those topics are banned. Additionally, we're going to be banning Bryce Hall videos. We're going to be banning I'm sorry about Mr. Beast videos. All right. I don't know. Mr. Beas, you've got to prove yourself.

I don't know what the fuck you're doing over there, but I don't trust it. We're banning David Doberich videos. Sorry. I don't make the rules. And we're banning any other content like that that's just like, ah, ah, I don't know, I don't know, I did it.

It's kind of been ties up. It's gone, censored. And for Throne of Glass, back to it, because of course, we need to talk about it still. I don't want to spoil it for you guys. Will you let me know in the comments if you guys want me to, how you want me to do book talk, because I do want to talk about it, but I don't want to ruin it for people. And I feel like I've been kind of writing that line the last few times I've talked about Throne of Glass, of like, I want to explain what part I'm at and some of the characters, but I don't want to give away the plot,

but sometimes you have to, because new characters are introduced. And it's like, what the fuck? So let me know how you want me to go about that. But Empire of Storms, which is the one right before it, is such a good book. And I'm also afraid that if I read Tower of Dawn, it's going to be very underwhelming. And I'm not going to want to finish the series. But I have to finish the series because the fucking cliffhanger at the end of book five is like so, so annoying. I just got bored of what I was talking about.

I just did that thing again where I was like talking. And I was like, they don't give a fuck. I don't give the fuck. I'm just not going to finish the sentence. Getting insecure. Yeah, I don't care. Yeah, so throwing a glass is, I don't get the fuck. Anyway.

Oh, and another thing, because I'm not done talking about it. When I was at the bookstore, I bought the physical copy of Empire of Storms so I can go back and do the tandem read because apparently you're supposed to read one chapter here, three chapters there, two chapters in this one, two chapters and whatever. And so on my Kindle from 1991, You can't do that because it takes it three seconds to turn the page. It's so old, but I refuse to get a new one because I like this one.

It's just old. And so I bought your power of storm so I can read one chapter on my Kindle and then read the other, the chapter in the other book physically. So I didn't have to, because they're like 700 page books. So I was like, I'll just keep that on my kiddo. So that's my solution. Okay, so if you don't be like me. If you're going to read Throne of Glass, buy both of them physically and do the whole thing.

Like print out the little sheet that tells you how to do the tandem read. go through and tab the pages, like, do that. Don't do what I did, because what I did is piss me off. Speaking of literature, okay, what I'm about to say to you, what I'm about to say to you is very troubling. I need you to understand that. I'm about to talk about this man. And apologies to this man, but it's sexualization time.

He's not real. He's a video game character. which makes it worse. Now, I need you guys to ask me, Brittany, have you ever played Call of Duty modern warfare in your life? Go ahead and ask me. No, I have not. I have never played Call of Duty.

I don't know the plot. I know that it's Call of Duty. I'm assuming that's the military. Modern warfare, I'm sure it's a bunch of like cool nighttime binoculars and scopes, whatever. extended mag. Don't know what that means. Extended mag.

Oh, it's a magazine. Okay, so I'm going to be put on a list for fucking Googling gun stuff. Whatever. Idiot. Why did I do that? Anyway, this man, I keep... Part of this is like the chicken and the egg, right?

Am I the problem? Because I have spoken out loud with my mouth about having a mask kink. Is this my fault? Or is it the internet? Showing me what I need to see. What am I liking online to where the TikTok algorithm is like, oh, she's going to love this one. It puts an edit of Ghost from Call of Duty on my 4-you page.

And I'm like, yeah. I'm literally like eating it up. Like it's fucking soup, slurping it and squelching it. down my throat. Sometimes I feel like when I get to a certain level in these podcast episodes where it's like, we know this is about to be horny hour, right? I'm sitting in this chair. I come before you horny.

I think it would be so funny if just like a red sniper bullet or red sniper dot just came right here and just like leveled on me and it was kind of like you need to relax. Like let's move on. But again, like I said, it's just me in this room, babe. It's just me, myself, and I. Me, myself and I, it's all I got in the end. Me, myself, and my man. Thank you to my man.

Thank you to my man. A ghost fuck? It's something about his eyes. Maybe I'm just very mentally ill. Maybe I just need to be shot. Maybe I just need to. Oh, God. Oh, I'm going to show you guys some of these edits.

What are we talking about? I think it's... All right. Laura, can we add in some like paparazzi sounds and some camera flashes? All right, I will be taking one question at this time. Please limit it to one question. I am not taking many questions this time. Yes, you in the red.

Why am I attracted to Ghost from Call of Duty? That question isn't allowed. Thank you guys so much for your time today. All right, get home safe. and then I leave the press conference because that's fucking invasive, okay? I don't, I think that namely, I am very ill,

arguably incredibly unwell, and I think that does have something to do with it. Two, chronically online has a lot to do with it. Three, the content is out there, right? I'm just consuming what was made for me. I'm enjoying what's out there to be enjoyed. I love a male physique. I am a slut for a male physique.

I am a slut for a man in a uniform. When he's got the fucking, he's got the vest on. And he's, you know how men's legs? I just, okay, I have to explain this to you. What do I even Google to show you this? Javier Pena standing from the back.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay, this is good because Pedro Pascal's got the slutty little legs and that slutty little waist and hips. And so when a man stands like that where they kind of like pop their knee out and they rest their hands like right here and their legs are just muscly enough

like all the way down but they've got that tiny little waist. I want to like get on all fours and like, I'm the alpha. It's that Trust We do whatever it takes We're in the

It's that slutty little stance They do God damn I am so touch-starved I'm so touched-starved For the love of Christ Somebody, just volunteer Just do it

And then I'm gonna come on this podcast And be like I think God is the Savior And I think that Eternal Life is possible Through all that believe Like that's gonna be me after like I just someone fucking touch me for the love of all that is holy for everyone's well-being anyway

Ghost back to it dude I Have moved forward with I have moved forward with a decision to Open A-03 And discover all that the world has to offer via AO3. Now, what is AO3? Some of you may be asking. Archive of our own. Archive of our own. It is a fan fiction website. Not for the faint of heart. Not for the faint of

heart. It's a fan fiction website for the dirtiest, minded, most touch-starved individuals. But you know what's funny? It's like, it's not. Because some of the, some of the most well-written fan fictions I've ever read in my life have been written by married women who are sitting on the couch typing it with their husband on the couch with them watching television. They are just so inspired. I don't know what it is, dude. I don't know what it is, but it's like, it's just women. And it's so good.

And so I knew that starting on this, um, starting on this ghost, just death spiral. Because I know what comes next, right? Like when you saw, I know what fucking comes next. And you know what makes it worse, he's not real. So guess where I fucking landed last night? Ghost cosplayers? Oh, fuck you! Fuck all!

I'm at my lowest! This is my rock bottom! I just farted again. Ghost cosplayers! I am a victim! I'm a victim! I'm like really embarrassed. I don't want to...

I think I'm done with this episode. I'm feeling like maybe we need to end the episode. It's over. Getting red in the face. I'm hot, my face just gone hot. I don't even know, like, if I were to bring this up to my therapist, I don't even know what to say. How do you even approach the subject? So there's this guy.

Ghost from Call of Duty, Fire Warfare. Oh, he's cute. Terrifying. What is going on? Anyway, I read this fan fiction last night that gave me my life. I was like, I finished it and I had to be like, God. Jesus! I need to go get some ice water, dunk my head in it.

Christ. It was so horny, it was so hot. Ghost? Ghost? Ghost? No! No! Put the Nicholas Cage bin. No! Not the bees! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, my life! My life is just like not. If I worked a 9 to 5, I would not be like this, dude. That's a lie. Just lied. Caught myself in a lie. If I worked a 9 to 5, I wouldn't have the time to lay in bed and watch two hours of ghost edits on TikTok and then proceed to go into A.03 and read another three fan fictions of ghost for the next hour.

That is not right. It's not well. You're not okay. Figure it out. Like, what the fuck? Okay. I'm gonna end this episode because I'm,

I've fully bared my soul, and I can only do that for so long. I can only really give y'all so much. I love you guys. And thank you so much for listening to the horseshit, horseshit chicken shit that comes out of my mouth. I am so, so thankful to you.

And with that said, go watch Royal Court. And go catch up on old podcast episodes if you haven't, because they're on YouTube. We're on YouTube team. And love you guys. And we'll see you next week.

And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. So just wanted to send you off with an apology. That's very sincere. All right. Love you. Bye. You started your business with a great idea and a ton of hustle.

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