The Broski Report with Brittany Broski - 119: Thanksgiving But Everything Is Jello

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

This week on The Broski Report, Fearless Leader Brittany Broski addresses some recent rumors, shares her Thanksgiving invite list, and researches gelatinous food.Watch The Broski Report AD FREE: https://patreon.com/broskireport The OFFICIAL Songs of The Week Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ULrcEqO2JafGZPeonyuje?si=061c5c0dd4664f01 👕 Get your merch here: https://broski.shop/ Follow The Broski Report:https://www.linktr.ee/broskireporthttps://www.tiktok.com/@broskireport https://instagram.com/broskireport Follow Royal Court:https://www.youtube.com/@royalcourt https://www.tiktok.com/@bbroyalcourthttps://www.instagram.com/royalcourthttps://www.twitter.com/bbroyalcourt Follow Brittany:https://www.tiktok.com/@brittany_broski https://instagram.com/brittany_broski https://youtube.com/brittany_broski ICE OUT OF OUR CITY / PROTEST RESOURCES:ACLU – https://www.aclu.org/know-your-rights/protesters-rights Immigrant Defense Project – https://www.immigrantdefenseproject.org/raids-toolkit Freedom for Immigrants – https://www.freedomforimmigrants.org/resourcesImmigrants Legal Resource Center – https://www.ilrc.org/community-resources/know-your-rights Immigration Justice Campaign – https://immigrationjustice.us/ CREDIBLE RESOURCES TO HELP FREE PALESTINE:Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund - https://www.pcrf.net/UNICEF - https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/helping-gazas-children-cope-traumaDoctors Without Borders - https://donate.doctorswithoutborders.orgWorld Central Kitchen - https://wck.org/World Health Organization - https://www.who.int/Headcount - https://www.headcount.org/IG ACCOUNTS FOR A FREE PALESTINE:@eye.on.palestine@aljazeeraenglish@palestinianyouthmovement@byplestia@motaz_azaiza@impactLGBTQ+ RESOURCES:https://Translifeline.org https://Glaad.org  https://Pflag.org https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ REPRODUCTIVE RESOURCES:https://aidaccess.org https://plancpills.org https://Ineedana.com https://www.reprolegalhelpline.org/ https://heyjane.com Brought to You By: Galatea – Indulge in unlimited stories – get an extra 25% off at https://galatea.com/broski Aura – Get $45 off at https://auraframes.com with promo code BROSKIEtsy - For gifts that I say I get you, shop: https://etsy.com/broskireportSong of The Week: Midnight Sun by Zara LarsonCHAPTERS:0:00 – Intro1:10 – Addressing the Rumors2:55 – New Merch4:43 – Paul Mescal6:32 – Drink of the Day7:40 – Astronomy11:22 – Internet Search Engines12:02 – Astronomy Cont. 12:31 – Viral Video13:39 – Astronomy Cont. 18:43 – Thanksgiving48:57 – Gelatinous Food59:33 – Outro#brittanybroski, #broski, #broskination, #broskireport, #paulmescal, #astronomy, #romanmythology, #mythology, #thanksgiving, #bronte, #jacobelordi, #miagoth, #zaralarson, #food

When you fly with Hawaiian Airlines, it's hard to tell where your flight ends and family vacation begins. From the moment you board, feel the Aloha spirit. Hear the sounds of Hawaii and relax with local entertainment at your seat. Let us welcome your family to our island home. Hawaii starts here. This episode of The Brosky Report is brought to you by Etsy. Shop my collection of favorite holiday gifts that will make everyone on your list feel seen. Direct from the Brozky Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California.

This is The Brozky Report with your host, Brittany Brozky. I am a man of constant sorrow. I've seen trouble all my days. I bid farewell to old Kentucky. The place where I was born and raised. The place where he was born and raised. Hey, guys. The first Thanksgiving.

Welcome back to the Broccoli Park, starring me, your host. Chris Martin's girlfriend. What the fuck? Hey, real question. What the fuck? How about that, though? How about that? Bitch, I had my du moi debut.

My duxmois debut. What the fuck? How about I was scrolling on Instagram. I was on the turlet. I was on the toilet, scrolling IG. And that shit had popped up and I said, I was like, that's surely me. And you want to know something?

At first, I was like, I got A-I'd. I had gotten A-Ied. They put some other photo of Chris M and Brittany B and they had kind of, you know, cut and pasted. And then I realized, maybe we had been leaving the Tame and Paul concert

at the same time. And first of all, I didn't even realize that was Christopher Martin, one of the top five white boys of all time. Coldplay? Thank you for writing yellow. Thank you for Viva LaVita

and thank you for Paradise. What the fuck? I saw those shit. Everybody in their mother sent that to me and I go, I know I was there. And I was there with a friend of mine and I was like, totally cropped him out of the phone. What the fuck?

It was so stupid. Chris Martin and Brittany Bruske did. What do you think? Hey, what do you think? You bitches. You bitches test me. Test my Christian patience. Anyway.

Guys, a quick little announcement before we. get into the meat and potatoes of this episode, I want to go ahead and just drop the bomb that there's going to be Christmas mum. Christmas mummoos, guys. I've been talking about this fucking merch drop for a long time. Oh, that's why my hand's been burning. I have a big open gash on my hand.

Put on hands on it has your yesterday and said, oh, fuck, what to her? That's probably why. Guys, Christmas mumoos are upon us. They drop this Friday, Black Friday. We're doing a bunch of, merch deals as well. If you've never gotten Brodky Report merch,

now is the time to friggin do it. Okay, there's going to be discounts on discounts. We're doing bundles. We're doing, there's two new mummoos and one new pair of slippers. So go get it while it's hot off the press. Damn. And my forehead is just getting bigger and bigger throughout this episode, okay? The turkey hat's going to be on the back of my neck by the end of this episode.

So go do that. I kind of had this idea because I was like, Obviously, a holiday moomu is something that you need to live in between. Honestly, for me, like October 31st at midnight, the tree's going up. That's kind of how I am. I want to get maximum usage, maximum hours out of that Christmas tree before we put it back in the shed. You know what I mean? So live in that mumo.

There is a beautiful plaid option and a beautiful Mrs. Clause, MS Clause, okay? She's the mistress. mistress clothes. So go ahead and grab those and there are, of course, two matching pairs. I've slap it! Okay, that was one of the housekeeping items I needed to say. Second housekeeping item, yeah, we went ahead and had Paul Meskel on Royal Court. I don't know.

I don't know. We had Paul M. on Royal Court. And that's my best friend, I think, by the way. He's not aware, but that is my bestie. I think we got on like a house on fire girl. By the end of it, we were giggling, like little girls. It was so much damn fun. Here goes my forehead.

Here go that damn forehead girl shit. Put her back. Put her back. Put her on a leash. Sweating. Yeah, me and Paul. Damn. He is just such a fun hang.

I think he is so wonderful. And like his ability to switch between, obviously, we're like, we're bantering and we're having fun to like genuine and so hyper-intelligent, such a deep understanding of his work and how he brings a character to life and all the artistic influences that go into bringing a character to life. I mean, he's just, he's a class act. Oh, y'all know I loved Gladiator. Hamnet just about wrecked me, okay? Hamnet just about took me out. That is one of the saddest fucking movies I've ever seen in my whole. goddamn life.

Go into the theater with a box of tissues. I'm not fucking joking. And bring like one of those little portable trash bags. Because holy shit. We went to a screening for it before we had Paul on royal court. And me and Stanley were like, what the fuck? It's so sad. But so well done.

I mean, so well done. Award winning. Should be award winning. Okay. Those were my two housekeeping items. Number three. I'm just going to keep adding. I went ahead and had, for the first time in a long time,

a normal coffee with hazelnut creamer. Okay? It's a crapshoot, literally. So whatever happens in the next 45 minutes, give or take, I am worried about sort of my gut health and my GI track. At this moment, I am a little concerned. So I'll keep all updated and appraised on that. Appraised? Apprised. I always confuse the two. Apprised versus appraised. One of them is apprised. Keep me apprised.

Is to be informed or told about something. Well, appraised means to have assessed the value or worth of something. Appraise with its extra A, like assess or appraisal, which relates to... Here go, Jim and I trying to give me some fucking pseudonyms. What's it called? Menominum. Nnemonic. Nnemonic. Right? That's like Pimdos. That's like... my very educated mother just Mars, my very educated mother. Mars, Venus, Earth. Mars. Mars. Surely it's not Mars. Surely it's Mercury.

Hold on, guys, I'm going to get this. My very educated mother just made us nine pizzas. That's what it is. I'm going to say Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, because Mars is close to us. My very educated mother does. Jupiter. Uranus. Uranus. Your big gaping anus. Sorry.

Uranus, Us 9, Neptune, Pluto. And you know what just clicked for me? And I am woman enough to admit this, okay? You know what just clicked for me about two years ago? Is that they're named after pretty much everything in kind of NASA or space history is named after gods. So.

And who the fuck is Earth, by the way? Why do we get a bad one? Why does everyone else get a super sick, like, Greek and Roman goddess name and we get, what the fuck is Earth? Or at least name it Gaia. At least Gaia. Why is Earth not named after a god? Because the name has Germanic roots and simply means ground. Why?

You know what? We're going on Reddit, R slash Ask Historians. And I'll get into the Thanksgiving of it all. Just give me a second. This is less a question of history and more a question of etymology, which you guys know makes my penis hard. you're asking why Earth is called that in English, as opposed to other planets, which in English are named after Roman gods. For all I know, they're also named after the Roman gods even in Japanese, but that's not important. What's important is that fundamentally, what things are called is dependent on the language you say, yeah, fucking yeah.

Earth is a word which comes from English's Germanic ancestors via Middle and Old English. In the past, it, like the Roman Terra, T-E-R-R-A, was a personification or deity of someone. sorts, but middle English, I'm ewe, already meant the planet Earth, especially when translating the Latin word terra, which also makes sense because

in Spanish is Tierra, and we have the recognition of the Earth as a planet, that is, not simply as some flat plane beneath our feet. So this word is very old, older than the Latin influence on the English language, and because talking about the earth in the sense of the ground is a very

everyday thing, it is difficult for this word to be displaced by loan words. Difficult but not impossible. If you want to keep it within the fucking unity and the fucking... What's it called? The un... The unilateral.

When something's unilateral. Unit... God, fuck you. Fuck you. Unanimous. Fully in agreement. No, not unanimous. I guess unified.

I guess... Unic... Come on, guys. give me the word that I'm looking for. I wish I had a live studio audience. So I could be like, what's the, um, but the front row in my live shows in my head

are all going to be like etymology experts, historians, scientists, physicists, and each of them is going to have a mic. And as I'm talking, I can be like, um, what's the, yeah, yeah, thank you. And then I'm going to shut off their mic. I'm going to have a huge switchboard. Like I'm a producer in a music studio.

and I'm going to flick on their mic and turn the volume up. And if they're talking for too long, I'm just going to mute it. Okay? Or if they start rambling, hey, mute. Give me the short answer. I don't need to know all the fluff. If you are a scientist or an expert, just give me the answer that I'm looking for. I also need, I feel like, okay, I feel like we need to bring back Quora.

I don't know if Quora went anywhere. We need to bring back Quora. We need to bring back Yahoo answers. Do you know how much of my understanding of human life and the eccentricities and the complexities of human life come from Yahoo answers? Why do spider have pus-puss-puss? Do spider have pus-puss? Remember that? Do spider have pus-puss?

It's the first one. Does spider have pus-puss? I think that was a famous, it was on Yahoo Answers. So what I'm gathering is that Earth does not have a Roman god name because Earth and our familiarity with planet Earth predates our discovery of other planets, right? Is that correct? My assumption? If that were the case, though, if that were the case, then upon discovering other planets, why would we not change the name of our planet? I mean, I guess I understand why we would.

But at the same time, come on. Ask him again. Mikey. Remember that video? This fucking video. What are you going? Where's Mikey? He's a sleep.

70 for a gun... He believes I want to. Dude. I'll come back at poor. Don't fucking... I don't want to make a scene. There's a cop over there. Well, leave if there's a cop, leave. Dude, hook me.

I don't want to make a fucking scene. Well, you already fucking made a big ass deed? I'm 70 for a dying as a fucking deal. I'll be back at four to pick it up. He doesn't want to. Dude, fucking tell him. I already fucking told him. Well, tell him again.

He fucking said no. Well, make them say yes. He said no. We'll make him say yes. Okay. That's a video that stuck with me in a crazy way for some reason. I don't know why. We'll tell him again.

Okay. On the other hand, the planets and other bits of science were discussed in Latin all over Europe, intended not to be discussed by the common man who didn't care so much about why some lights in the night sky moved from night to night and some didn't. This, I think, already answers the question. But there's something else that I've hinted at that also bears making explicit. Girl, fuck whoever wrote this on fucking ready. You dumb ass. You smart ass, like, relax.

But something else that I may be hinting at if you're smart enough to catch my trip. Shut the fuck up and just answer the question. You're pissing me off. And another Easter egg for you mere mortals. Pissing me off. Fucking nerd. Me looking this up. Fucking nerd.

Okay. But there's something. something else that I've hinted at that also bears making explicit. We today recognize that the Earth and the other planets are different kinds of the same thing. But to a human observer, this is not in the least bit apparent. They look totally different. Since the names of the Earth and some of the planets have been cooking in our languages since before anybody realized, even though the Earth looks like a flat service with the grass and soil and trees and people, and Venus looks like a tiny speck of light, they're actually the same kind of thing.

We should not expect their names to reflect their similar nature, but rather perhaps their different appearances. Girl, shut the fuck up because each one, I mean, I guess. Actually, I guess. Because isn't Uranus the water one? Or Neptune, Neptune's the water one, and we named it Neptune. Because he was like the god of water. They're named after Roman gods actually, right? And Neptune, because Poseidon is the Greek god.

Neptune versus Poseidon. Poseidon is Greek. Neptune is his Roman equivalent. Yeah, I freaking know it, bro. Sam, and he's basically like sexy Santa. He's basically like sexy Jesus Santa. Sam. Oh, now we're getting into the freaking nerd off.

Someone responded under and said, At the point your quote was written, and the quote is, and we have the recognition of the Earth as a planet, that is, not simply as some flat plane beneath our feet. The Earth would have been recognized as spherical, but not as the same sort of thing as a planet. In pre-Copernican cosmology,

the Earth was known to be spherical, but was seen as fixed and immemesional. mobile, while the planets, sun, moon, and stars orbited in the heavens and followed quite different rules of physics than things here on Earth. But this just furthers your point, as the Earth wasn't widely seen as in the same category as the other planets until at least the 16 to 1700s. Whoa! Just FYI, this is another guy who responded.

Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn are named after the traditional East Asian or Chinese five elements. Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto are cribbed from the west, so they are named after Roman gods. Same in Chinese. Whoa! Here's some examples from Chinese. Mercury is literally translated water star. This is crazy.

Venus is literally translated gold star, or more generally metal star. Earth, as a planet, not as in soil, is literally translated ground sphere. It's kind of a rougher translation. Mars is fire star. which I think is nicely appropriate given its red hue. Jupiter, wooden star, keeping with the elemental theme. Saturn is Earth star or rock star. Kind of funny to me, but still poetic and keeps within the theme.

This is nuts. Uranus is literally sky king star, pronounced, and forgive me, Tian Wenjing. But it doesn't sound at all like Uranus. It is a translation of the meaning. Uranus was a god of the sky in Roman mythology. So the character just means star or planet. So it's Uranus, the Sky King's planet. Neptune.

Okay, that's T. The Uranus is like the one. Neptune is similar, literally ocean king star, pronounced Hiawangjing. Again, this conveys the meaning of who Neptune is the ruler of the sea, not the pronunciation of his name. Wow. Old Norse. Venus was apparently known as... What, bro?

Fris... Friarst. Friariana. But there is a problem because that means Frigg star, and Frigg was a goddess associated with Venus. What? It is through this connection we get Friday, which in Latin was D.S. Venaris, Venus's Day. So I don't know if this is just the same transplanting of a Latin concept into Old Norse. Now, it's pretty unlikely that there were many ancient civilizations of around that time that didn't have a name for Venus, because Venus is such an obvious feature of the night sky. In English, we still call it the evening star and morning star,

and I would imagine that the designation also existed in other languages. I could read this for literally hours. I'm actually bookmarking this. I'm going to read this later. Okay, let's move on to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving. So we all know my lineup of Thanksgiving guests from last year, and we can go ahead and refresh everyone's collective memory. At the head of the table next to me was actually Paul Meskel and Andrew Scott. Not that they're not invited this year, but they'll be at the kids' table. You know what I mean?

Like, let's move them to the kids' table. Next, we had Anthony Bourdain and Stanley Tucci across from each other because I needed them to discuss some things. Then we had, I forgot. We had Dreamscape ASMR across from Michelle Vassage. then we had Kaisenat and Druski. Then we also had Chapel Rohn and T.S. Madison. Okay, it was kind of a stacked. It was going to be a very loud table,

which of course, me at the head directing the flow of traffic, right? And also picking the topics to discuss. This year is a bit different. It's a bit different. So I'm going to just go ahead and jump right into it because I've been, I've been doing some thinking. And this year, there's some, like,

there are some conversations that I'd like to have with some of these guests that will be more spur of the moment, but I know that our conversation really could leave somewhere great. And all of us this year are going to be miced as well. We're all going to have one of those little lapel mics. And then we're going to, it's more of a wandering thing. Like, yes, we'll gather at the table. We'll eat. We'll do the thing. We'll know, whatever. We'll pray. Yes, we'll also together and we'll pray. And then at the end, everyone kind of disperses. And I'm seeing this in like a New York City apartment, like a cute one, like a three bedroom, okay, kind of spacious. And we'll have a big long dining table. And then there will be like a patio and

like places to go. There's a few different bathrooms. Because you know, that's some of the best times is when you're a little drunk and you go to the bathroom with your girls and you stay in there for two hours. And the people are in the hallway like, let me, I need to piss. And you're like, once in a minute. Because you're having the most intense, beautiful conversation you've ever had in your life, like in some random stranger's bathroom. Well, not some random stranger. your friend. Hi y'all! It is officially the holiday season here in Brosky Nation. It's time to sleep in your childhood bed, bicker with your siblings, and show the people you love, you really love them. If you struggle to find gifts for the people in your life, look no further. I am an Etsy girl.

Okay, I've talked about Etsy for literally years at this point, so this is kind of a dream partnership for me. I'm trying not to freak out. I don't think there's a better feeling than feeling seen. And what I love to do through gift giving is to show the people in your life that you hear them, you see them, and you understand them. The best way to do that is through thoughtful gift giving. If you suck at it, no worries, I'm here to help you, okay? I find the best niche stuff on Etsy, and now I've got some pretty unique friends. Trixie Mattel, I'm looking at you. So where should I shop for these freak weirdos?

Etsy.com. So, I want to show you all some things that I found on Etsy that can certainly. as like some creative thought starters, maybe like a gift guide. And remember, it's not about the money spent, it's about making the people in your life feel seen and loved, okay? And by the way, you can shop my collection of original holiday gifts on Etsy.com slash Rostky Report. There's a few different sections on there

for maybe the medievally inclined, for the book lovers, for the spooky people, for the fashion people. Go check it out. First item up, this medieval, medieval weekly planner. This is from The Creeping Moon, the name of the store on Etsy. This is so cute. It's got a little dragon on it, breathing fire.

It says the week. It's got a to-do list, little nodes. This is adorable. I'm going to give this to somebody. Maybe my writers on Royal Court. Also speaking of my writers on Royal Court, they're weird. They're also twins, and I love them deeply. So I am thinking about getting them.

These leather handcrafted, like pasta, key rings? How cute are these? One's a ravioli and one is a little bowtie pasta, and these are from Mello Mello. I found these are so freaking cute, and I know they'll love them. And in the order, I got these cute little postcards, so freaking cute. And Mello wrote me a note. I hope you love your new pasta keychain, Brittany. I added an extra one for you to gift to a pal. Thanks. Next, look how adorable. This is socks and these are gloves. Tricia Margini. These might be coming to you. These are from Tonko.

I'm addicted. Look at these gloves. First of all, like the fit you can pull with this, and this maybe with like a ballet slipper. Oh, wow. I saw these and I had to get them. So cute. Okay, this next one is for maybe the iced coffee

enjoyers in your life. Do you ever have someone that just always has a drink that's sweating and condensating on everything and it makes rings on the table? Look no further. than these cookie coasters. Are you out of your mind? They're so cute.

This one is like, sprinkle frosted cookie, Snicker doodle, pink frosted cookie, and then I think this is like a dulce de lece. Wow. I saw these and I said, yeah, immediately.

And I might steal one, to be honest. I might give, probably Stanley. I'll give Stanley three of these and I'm going to keep one for myself. These are from Ibus crown on Etsy. And I did actually go ahead and purchase two things for myself for Christmas because I saw them and I wanted them.

Look at how cute these freaking tarot cards are, dude. Show them. Put them on the screen. Look at these. They're beautiful. They're so beautiful. I'm so excited to get these. And I also got this silly painting of a duck. What? He's got a crown on. He's so cute. I'm going to put him in the Royal Court studio. I saw this and I was like, yeah, immediately. And it's so tiny. I'm going to get one. And I might get one for the writer. and for Stanley as well. We'll see. So hear me out. No matter who you're shopping for, it's easy to find something that's personal, original, and special on Etsy. Everything on Etsy feels one of a kind, which is perfect because I'm shopping for one of a kind unique people, myself

included. And my favorite part is you're supporting small shops and real people with each purchase. And that makes the gift feel extra special. So it is my honor and privilege to say, shop my Etsy collection at Etsy.com slash brusky report. I love you, Etsy. Thank you for sponsoring my podcast. And happy holidays, truly. Okay, so let's get into the list. Number one, my first guest, oh my God, relax.

My first guest is going to be Calcifer from Howl's Moving Castle. Okay, put him up here. This is Calcifer. Calsifer is, I believe, a demon spirit that keeps the moving castle alive. He's also like, he's Howl's heart, okay? Calsifer just felt like fucking T to me because in the dubbed version, he's voiced by Billy Crystal, aka Mike Wuzowski, okay? There's something very, I feel like if my spirit had a narration or if my spirit had a character voice

would probably be voiced by Billy Crystal or Josh Gads. or a combination of the two. Just like corked up white guy, older white guy. And I just feel like I was watching House Moving Castle, and every time Calsford came back on the screen, I was like, thank God, because he's so funny and so cute. And I think I needed Calsford tattoo. And I was like, yeah, you know what, you're invited?

Because I feel like he would get the jokes going if someone, if people started fighting, people started bickering, and no, and I said you last year, you said this fucking bullshit to me. You said that bullshit to me. Else would go, wow, whoa, whoa, enough with the yelling. Right, like he'd do that. Also, he voiced Hades, did he not? Hades, Hercules voice actor.

Yeah, it was James Woods. I'm humiliated. I'm fucking humiliated. Oh, I actually know about James Woods because he, they're a similar font of dude, okay? But James Woods, something happened with the budget for Hercules, and they, like, the movie was about to get scrapped or something like that, and they couldn't pay him his full fee or something like, or it ended up taking too long, something like that.

And he did a bunch of work for free because he loved voicing this character, which I love, right? Because, like, Hercules is such a cult classic, and it's one of my favorite movies. So, like, thank you, James Woods. Okay, Calsoper, he's number one. I really feel like he would have a good time once you get a few drinks in him. Like, relax a little bit, you know?

calm down, wind down. Across from Calcifer is going to be Grace Reader, Redder, Grace Reader. Like, OG TikTok, Grace Reader, she's having her Renaissance right now. It's a Grace Reader fall. It's a Grace Reader winter. And I just think she is one of the funniest fucking people alive. I need her there. I need her there and I feel like, and Grace, I hate to ask this of you, but I need you to perform.

I need you. I know you have some bad. black pocket characters. Let's just, I'm going to have a little mini stage built. We can get up there and do some improv together. I would really like to see how you interact with some of my other guests that I'll be inviting to Thanksgiving. So Grace definitely will get you up there. She is just a gift. She's a fucking gift. Next, probably right next to Grace, I will be seating Mia Gough because I need them to talk. Just talk it out. I need y'all to just talk it out. Meagoth also to me, I just feel like I need to get really wine drunk with her, like a nice white wine. And she is someone that towards the end of the night, her and I will peel off and go to the patio, go to the corner of some room. And I feel like I just need her to listen to me. Like she is such an active listener. I just need to talk and I need her to be like, yes, absolutely, absolutely.

She is so sweet. I just feel like she has such a sweet energy, and I really just need to talk to her, okay? But not in like a, hi, how are you? In like a very deep, woman to woman, like connecting brain tissue way. Like, I just need to talk to Mia Gauth. So she's coming to Thanksgiving, and I'm going to have the white wine on tap,

and we're going to just discuss some things. Okay, obviously next to Mia Gauth, I probably will put Jacob Allorty just because I know she feels very maternal toward, him and I know they have a very special relationship. Jacob, you don't have to speak. I would never put that pressure on you. But I, look, Jacob All righty's kind of silly.

Okay, he's kind of like a fucking goofball. Because why are you that tall, first of all? And second of all, if you're that tall, you got to be a little goofy. Because what are you doing up there? Hey, what the fuck are you doing up there? You're scaring the children. Sit down. sit down and eat the sweet potato casserole, okay?

And he can start crying. You just need to warm him up, I feel like. We can book club. Okay, me and Jacob, we're going to go off in the corner after a while. We're going to book club. Jacob, I need you to read Akotar. And then after that, I need you to read secret history. And then after that, I need you to read Angels and Demons by Damn Brown.

And we're all going to, we'll just book club. And you know what I can't stand? And this has nothing to do with Jacob Lordy. Okay, I'm moving on from Jacob Lordy. bitches who only read nonfiction, where's the whimsy? I get it. Nonfiction is very, very, very important, okay? And that is honestly, actually, no, I'm going to change my tune on this for a second.

I was going to say nonfiction is actually how you kind of see the world a bit better or maybe develop empathy a bit better. But I take that statement back because I think the same can be accomplished through fiction. Maybe sometimes even more. I don't know. It depends. This is a very subjective conversation. but fantasy and just like fiction books in general are so important to help you expand your imagination, to help you expand what you see when you look at the world.

And while nonfiction is obviously so important, I would argue fiction is equally as important. Okay. So Jacob Mallardi, I need you to come prepped for the book club I will be hosting on Thanksgiving. Thank you so much. Probably next to Jacob Allorty will be toothless from how to train your dragon. Toothless is a great vibe. I feel like once he's comfortable, you have to kind of butter him up with fish or whatever the fuck he's eating. And once he's tame and calm, sit him next to Jacob Lordy and I feel like they'd get along really, really well.

Because Jacob Lordy kind of has this hiccup energy. He's got a little bit of hiccup in him. Okay? So put them two next to each other. They're going to be fast friends. And Toothless also, to me, I'm like, not too much on Toothless because I love him. Don't be mean to him. Don't feed him things all upset his tummy.

Like, it's going to be size inclusive. I'm going to have a seat that fits him. Like, y'all please be kind to Toothless because this is his first Thanksgiving, so he's a little nervous. He's a little nervous. Okay, so Jacob Lorty and Toothless next to each other. On the other side of the table, this is kind of going to be like, it's going to be. like, it's going to be a long seat because, you guessed it, it's the Bronte sisters. It's the Bronte sisters.

Like I said, I am currently reading Wuthering Heights. Jane Eyre is something we had to read in school, and I will be reading it again because that book is fucking T. The three that I was talking about are Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, and then the tenant of Wildfell Hall. And also Agnes Gray. I need to read Agnes Gray and the tenant of Wildfeld Hall. However, all of the Bronte sisters are invited. Sit your ass down. And, you know, they're going to be kind of out of touch just because, hey, it's 2025. A lot has changed

since y'all had fucking died. So sit down. I'm going to put them, like I said, I'm going to put them across from Jacob Alorti and Mia Gauth because they have such a sweet energy. I feel like they could really coddle the Bronte sisters into bringing them into the modern age. Because Jacob and Mia kind of have this old soul quality. So I'm going to let y'all key. I'm going to let y'all key key down there kind of towards the end of the table because I'm going to be busy up top with calcifer and grace. We're going to be cutting up. We're going to be laughing. Okay. So I'm going to leave y'all kind of towards the end of the table. And I'll come do my rounds in a second. I'll come talk to you. Okay. Further down the table, welcome back this year, Drusky. Drusky is invited to my Thanksgiving yet again.

He's going to be down there right next to the Bronte sisters. And I'm just going to let them go. I'm going to let you all go. Just talk. Find something. Okay? Just talk. And I'll come meet you in a second.

Right next to Drusie is going to be Zara Larson. Let me tell you bitch is something about Zara motherfucking Larson. First of all, I am addicted to her TikTok. I watch her TikTok every night before I go to bed. She does these like snack reviews. where she'll get high and then for like review snacks. And I watch that like it's the fucking evening news.

Like I watch that and she's so cute and she is so, goes without saying, but I will say it because it deserves to be said. Her level of craftsmanship, her level of vocal control, rhythm, like dance skill,

live performance ability. She is a fucking, machine. And I am guilty of this, okay? I slept on her. I'll say it. I slept on her. Zora Larson's been in the motherfucking game for a decade. And just now I'm like, oh, she might be that bitch. I mean, she's always kind of been that bitch. But like, and she made this TikTok the other day where she was like, I've been doing this job for a long time, but I feel like for the first time, my career is starting. I think she's opening for Tate McCray right now on tour. And she's like, like, I see more videos of her than I do Tate.

And it's just, she is nuts. She's nuts. And it's also, you, y'all know I, I appreciate someone who studied at the Beyonce Academy. Okay. Chloe and Halley, Dochi, Zara Larson, all these people where it's like, I know this flavor of dedication. Okay? It is the Beyonce Giselle, Knowles Carter School of Dance and Songs. And I know it well.

I'm very familiar with it. And so watching her perform, I'm like, yes, bitch, give us 120% every fucking night. Yeah. And then on top of that, she's like, chill. She's a chiller. I'm addicted to her. I don't know.

Zara Larson, please hit me up. We have to hang out. We have to... Zara, you're coming to Thanksgiving. We have things to talk about. Okay? She's going to be next to Druski. At the end of the table, and this is a pairing that is important to me.

Okay? This is a pairing that's very... important to me. Giermore del Toro, Gryan Chatton. Okay? Gierma del Toro, world famous director. The monster king of a generation.

One of the most forward thinking and intelligent, and this is my opinion! This is my opinion! One of my favorite directors of all time, okay? Germo del Toro. He's also so, like,

being a Mexican director who has such a lens I mean he said in all of his movies he's always like it just has a Mexican lens on everything that he creates

because how could it not? And it's so beautiful to watch. Frankenstein is a Mexican movie. I mean he's talked about this in interviews. You know like his interpretation of it,

his process and bringing it to life. He has just said like it is Mexican through and through. Like what makes this a Guillermo del Toro film, it's Mexican. And I just, I just love him. He's going to be at the end of the table across from Grin Chatton of Fontaine's DC. They could go back and forth with just the most pretentious blubbering you've ever heard,

and I'm hanging on every fucking word of it, bitch. I don't care, okay? Because I put them at the very end so that when I get up and I do my rounds, I can go sit right next to them. And it's going to be something similar to last year, where when I put Anthony Bourdain and Stanley Tucci across from each other, and I don't say anything. Okay?

Last year, I didn't say it worked. This year, I'm going to be at the other opposite end of the table. It's going to be a long, like, what are those called? Like banquet tables. I'm going to be at the other end, and I'm just going to say, y'all talk. But I also see myself more as like a moderator. So if Green starts talking about something, I'm going to say, I'm going to stop you there. Germo, what is your reaction to the point he just made?

And then, you know, he can, and then I'll say, okay, I'll raise you all. one better. And then I'll introduce a new topic of discussion. And it's going to be just ongoing, ongoing, ongoing. Okay? And I just feel like that to me, when you talk about, you know, who would be your ideal dinner guest like dinner a lot? This is the table. And it'll be different next year. Okay. But for right now, it's actually going to be Calcifer, Grace, Mia, Jacob, toothless, the Bronte sisters, Druski's, R. Larson, Guilloryan. Hope y'all are okay with that. It's a good blend. it's a good mixture of everything. So, Grian Chattin, to me, is the one that I would be the most nervous about, right?

Because I'm like, I want you to be comfortable. There is a live dragon here, and there's also a demon spirit, calcifer, towards the end of the table. I want you to be comfortable, Grian. So let me know if there's anything I can do to make it a bit more comfortable for you. But he would be one where I'm like, if I see him leaving early, that would hurt my feelings. You know what I mean? Like, I would actually be really sad and I'd have to be comforted if Grean left my Thanksgiving. Here are some potential discussion topics that I think we could all, you know, when I toss it to the table.

I want to know from each person, what is the highest you've ever been? Like, do you have a weed nightmare story? Because I definitely do. And mine is, um, mine is one time I took a little bit too much of an edible. and I don't know what the fuck happened, but we went to a Korean barbecue. And we were in this, I was like 23. And we were in Korea town and we went into this restaurant and it was so fucking hot inside. And you know, it's like the open, like where you cook your own, like Korean barbecue.

And the smell, you have to be in the right mindset, I feel like to go into a Korean barbecue. And I was not. I was not. The smells are so intense. I was very nauseous even before we. got there and we went inside and it was so fucking hot and stuffy that I literally was like, I'm going to have a panic attack. I ran outside and I found a trash can and I vomited. I vomited and I was like, I didn't know that weed could do that to you. Like that was the first time I realized,

I was like, ah, this shit's fucking with me. This shit's fucking with my brain cells. And then I vomited and it was immediate. I felt 100% better. I went back inside and I said, where's the bulgogi? Where is the bulgogi? Come somebody else. right where's the fucking bulgogi because i just had to vomit sometimes you just have to puke sometimes you have to be sick on the fucking floor and then you go back in and you lock in and you eat the bulgogi and that's fine that was probably the highest i've ever been and it was it was bad okay like you know that feeling of like verge of a panic attack i had been that way for like 45 minutes and i was like end this finish him like have the panic attack so i can move on like i was getting

frustrated with myself, just fucking freak out or don't freak out. Like this weird purgatory in between is horrific. So you just have to puke and then have Bulgogi. And I figured out that that's kind of the remedy. So I would toss that question to everyone at the table. Okay. Then I would move on to something a bit more inflammatory. I would say, in y'all's opinion, what is the best city in the world? Right? Because people have a lot. People have very hot opinions on this. question I have found. What's the best city in the world? Where's your favorite place in the world? And while I invite sentimental answers like, oh, my grandma's house, boring, where's your favorite place? Okay? Is it medieval times? Is it the Wrenfest? Is it Disney? Is it Korean barbecue?

I want to know, where is your favorite place in the world? And for each of these people I've invited, I feel like their answer would be so specific. Also, your answer to this question is deeply reflective of who you are as a person. It's a great question. You know, another question that my dear friend, Caleb Heron, had asked me one time, is five years from now, what is your ideal perfect day? Where do you see yourself? What are you doing? How do you wake up? How do you go to bed? And what's in between? Who are you with? Right? What's the weather? Like literally paint everything for me. And I think about that question, almost every day. So I would toss that to everyone. Okay, and then also let's talk about food for a second because I want to see a really nice spread.

This is something where I would expect people to, like, I'm not cooking everything for you, bitches. Y'all need to bring something. I'll do the mains. You know, I'll get the Popeye's turkey. I will make the mashed potatoes. I might even do a green bean casserole. That's kind of the extent each of you needs to bring your own thing.

And we would have a great kind of spread here between the Bronte sisters. They would bring something really fucking nasty, I feel like, because. like what were y'all even eating back then? Like, what were you eating? Because British people love to call something pudding. They love to call some bullshit pudding when that is not pudding. And I know that it did colloquially it's different. I fucking know.

I know. But pudding oftentimes is something very gelatinous to British people. And I'm not really rock up with that. So if you bitches, and by you butches, I mean the Bronte sisters. If y'all bring some gelatinous fuckery to my Thanksgiving, you're eating on the patio. Because I don't want to see that. Okay, bring something normal. At least like a nasty Victorian sponge cake or something. You know what I mean? Actually, sponge cakes are pretty good. But like a nasty cake, like a fruit cake or something. Sure,

bring that. Okay. And it'll sit on the dessert table and no one will touch it. But thank you for bringing it. I feel like the range of dishes that would come from these guests would be really, really great. So I tasked them with that. I do want to see a sweet potato casserole. And it's the sweet potato casserole with the marshmallows on top, don't piss me off. That's what I want. So if you bring some nasty, like, it's not even sweet potato casserole. I've seen, um, what do they call it instead? Sweet potatoes or candied yams. I do love candied yams, but sometimes they don't put enough sugar and it's literally just plain sweet potato, candy yams, and you're pissing me off. At least put some brown sugar, put some maple syrup, put some butter for the love of Christ. Okay,

I want that to almost be a dessert. It's so rich and sweet. Because sweet potatoes are naturally very sweet. Okay? Just beef it up. I follow this girl on TikTok named Allison. I wish I knew her last name. She does like, she's another like Alyssa's magic.

She does snack plates and they are so period. And she just eats very simply and very like, today I'm having a Japanese sweet potato, some radish. She loves like anchovies. So she'll do that. She'll do like spicy tuna. And then she'll do like an egg. She'll just pan-fri an egg, some green onion, and like some chili oil.

And she'll lay it all out on a plate. And she'll be like, this is my lunch for today. And it is so simple, but it looks so good how she prepares it. And she always eats these perfectly sized Japanese sweet potatoes. And I don't know where to buy them. And I think about them all the time. And she cooks them to perfection. And then she'll literally take it.

And she'll like bite the top off. And then she'll put like kimchi. some chili oil, a little bit of maybe like anchovy, and then she'll take a bite of it with all the shit on top of the potato, and then take a bite of green onion, and it looks so good. It looks so good! I think about it all the time, and she makes her own plates. And so on the plate, she'll be like, this is the plate for today, says Allison on the back.

She's so cute. I love girls. I love being a woman. Okay. Awesome staying on my sweatshirt. sick. Okay, let's move on to something else. Okay, we were talking about what the Bronte sisters would bring to Thanksgiving and it got me thinking because I know, and I don't mean to call out the Midwest yet again, but honest question, what are you guys eating? What are you guys eating sometimes?

And I don't, this isn't even about the Midwest, but I saw some of this shit because I looked up weird Thanksgiving food from history. And I'm reading some of this. And I'm like, yeah, it's either like, this is so 1950s or some person in the Midwest still eats this. So if there's any Bro Ski Nation soldiers in the Midwest, can you confirm yes or no, you know what this is? What is strawberry pretzel salad? And what is Ambrosia salad? Ambrosia salad is so popular in the South.

Oh. Oh, I'm humiliated. Oh. The amalgamation of fruit and marshmallows. What's Oklahoma's weirdest Thanksgiving food? Girl, what is that? I know that there is some weird. Actually, we're going to Google this.

I know there's some weird historical reason for why things were put into jello. Why things were put into gelatin. Was it to like keep it better? Because I don't understand how putting meat in jello keeps it better. Like, meat's going to go bad regardless. Why did people used to cook things in gelatin? Jello salad history, the rise and fall of an American icon. This is from serious eats.com history of jello salad.

Few foods can tell us more about life in 20th century America than the wobbling jewel of domestic achievement, the jello salad. While jello products are still very popular, as snacks and desserts, the jello salad, particularly in its savory forms, had fallen from culinary favor by the early 80s. Though you'll still find it in church basements across America, today you're just as likely to see jello salads on blogs like the gallery of regrettable food. What makes the jello salad such an icon of its time? Shaped by the rise of home economics, the industrialization of the food system, World War II, and changing expectations about women's labor,

few foods can tell us more about life in 20th century America than the wobbling jewel of domestic achievement, the jello salad. This is exactly, can I just say, there is such a good feeling, and when you Google something, and you find exactly what you're looking for, like, this is exactly the, like, detailed answer that I was looking for. What's the historical context? Like, what was the economic context? Even something, as I'm so glad they mentioned it, like gender roles of the time, all of that goes

into what makes a culinary, like, historical specimen, what paved the road to how we got there and how we look at it so differently today. Like, we can look at this and be like, fucking ew. But at the time, I bet it was like, ooh. Jelotin dishes, as we know them, date all the way back to medieval Europe. What? From that period up until the mid-19th century, so like 1850s, jellied dishes were foods of the elite, served as a loud. And, you know, molded centerpieces on the tables of nobility. The reason was simple. The process of rendering collagen from animal bones and then clarifying it was exceptionally time-consuming, even by the slower-paced standards of the day. It was not for the faint-hearted, explains Lynn Beluccio,

executive director of the Leroy Historical Society, which operates the Jello Gallery Museum, period. London cookbook author Hannah Glass described the procedure in 1747. I'm not reading all that. That's actually going to make me... Take out the great bones of four calves feet and put the feet into a pot with 10 quarts of water. I'm not reading that. That's actually going to make me vomit. Few home cooks bothered with such labor-intensive dishes. Gelatin, indicated to dinner guests that you had a kitchen staff large and well-appointed enough to spare the hours. Tea, it all comes down to fucking classism, doesn't it?

Everything is a display of wealth. Everything is a display of the elite. This remained the case in the American colonies, where elites adapted European customs to their own tastes. Gelatin dishes were a delicacy in New York High Society, where the size of one's household staff was a status symbol, and on the plantations of the South were enslaved, cooks labored in the kitchens. At Thomas Jefferson's estate, Monticello, Monticello wine jelly was often served to guests. Jefferson's time in France, having influenced his taste. Crazy. Under the Sea salad.

Lime jello, salt, pear halves, cream cheese, boiling water, lemon juice, and ginger. Bruh. Okay, in the mid-19th century, the Industrial Revolution was beginning to transform the U.S. economy. Railways were on the rise,

and so was factory production. Both brought radical changes to American food systems. By 1897, when a cough syrup maker patented the brand name Jello, the processed food industry was thriving. 1897. Crazy.

I always thought, like, in the 40s or actually the 50s is when, like, microplastics or single-use anything started to really take hold of the American populace. Like, thinking about them starting this horrific trend of single-use plastic and whatever, in even as far as the 1890s. I mean, this isn't single-use plastic, but something like processed food. I don't know. It's crazy.

The timing couldn't have been better. Jello tapped into one of the biggest culinary currents of the era, domestic science, also known as home economics. This spirit of domestic reform embraced efficiency, purity, cleanliness, and order. Jellied salads, unlike tossed ones, were mess-free, never transgressing the border of the plates.

Fuck. Ew, thinking about jello's going to make me vomit, actually. Instant gelatin fit the bill. It was fast, unlike the traditional method of making gelatin. It was economical. A housewife could stretch her family's leftovers by encasing them in gelatin. And since sugar was already included in the flavored mixes, the new packaged gelatins didn't require cooks to use up their household stores of sugar. Whoa. It was also neat and tidy, a quality much valued by the domestic science movement, as well as by its Victoria. and forebearers, whom were mad for molded foods of all kinds. Jellied salads, unlike tossed ones, were mess-free, never transgressing the border of the plate. A salad at last in control of itself.

Cooks in this era molded everything from cooked spinach to chicken salad with care to avoid the cardinal sin of messiness. What the fuck? Oh, now, this is fucking tea. Because how many times have we mentioned the jungle by Sinclair, Upton Sinclair, on this podcast? I feel like I've talked about it plenty of times and I've never read it, but that had to do with, like, food safety and with, like, how quickly disease can spread or how quickly bacteria can spread. The 1906 Pure Food and Drug Act passed after Upton Sinclair's muck-racking classic, Muckraking classic The Jungle, scandalized the nation, regulated product labels and created the Bureau that would eventually become today's Food and Drug Administration.

Yeah, but fuck the FDA. What does the FDA even do? FDA is might as well not even exist. Because the shit that's available on the public market, okay. Companies began marketing their processed and industrial foods under brand names designed to convince customers of their safety and purity. Boom.

Shopping for dry goods by the pound at the general store was old-fashioned. Food brands were the way of the future. Jello's marketing emphasized that it was the brand you could trust. By 1902, Jello sales were beginning to soar. This is crazy. after World War II corporations that had begun producing instant and processed foods food products to feed the troops were in no rush to slow production. That is so tea. Because yeah, because why would you stop? Like you have this invention that you have created for the use of the soldier. And now that the war is over, how do you convert that money or that product into something that the American you know, the American public can ingest. It's so smart.

And it also makes total sense. I mean, we, I remember being a kid, my dad was in the military, and he introduced me to, like, MREs, meals ready to eat, where you heat it up with, like, boiling water or just over a flame. And it's a full meal. Like, it's, and what the fuck is in that, by the way? Like, how is that edible? But even stuff, like, freeze dried ice cream and all these, like, gimmicky. little hacks that were sold at gift shops or whatever when you would go to NASA or

da-da-da. It's like this was revolutionary science of the time where we can look at it today and be like, oh yeah, it's like, but it's crazy that, yeah, these were military government-funded inventions and then we just shifted. And now all we eat is processed food. Literally every single thing we ingest is processed food. Industrial foods were often cheaper and definitely save time. No longer would they be chained to the stove. Nonetheless, the cultural expectation that women would feed their families remain strong. They rated a woman who resorted to instant products as lazy, disorganized, and a bad wife, sure. But there was a contradiction here, one that required resolution. Instant products were here to stay. They were handy, they were

cheap, and they were fast. To get out of this dilemma, women actually added labor back into the process. Instead of cooking from scratch, they used prepared foods, but doctored them up with additional ingredients or dramatic presentations. Hot dogs? No. Pigs in a blanket with an olive garnish? Yes. That makes sense that they would start putting shit in gelatin. Okay. Well, guys, I think that'll do it for me this episode. I hope y'all have a happy Thanksgiving. I hope that y'all don't get too. annoyed or pissed off with your families. If you are celebrating Friendsgiving, remember to be patient and kind with your loved ones. Maybe try to cook this year.

Who fucking knows? Cooking can be fun if you do it with fun people. Or if you actually like try to enjoy the process, don't get too stressed out. If you will be alone this Thanksgiving, ain't no problem. You got the internet. You got me.

I'll be here. And I love y'all very much. Go ahead and look out for that movie. who drop and go get you some broskey report merch this Friday if you haven't already and i love y'all to freaking death here is my song of the week my song of the week is midnight sun by zara larsson thank you for listening and i will thank you to etsy for supporting the broskey report shop my collection of original gifts at etsy.com slash broskey report