The Broski Report with Brittany Broski - 121: A Very Chungus Christmas

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

This week on The Broski Report, Fearless Leader Brittany Broski talks about The Beatles, her dream Christmas decor, and this year’s Christmas List! Watch The Broski Report AD FREE: https://patreon.com/broskireport The OFFICIAL Songs of The Week Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ULrcEqO2JafGZPeonyuje?si=061c5c0dd4664f01 👕 Get your merch here: https://broski.shop/ Follow The Broski Report:https://www.linktr.ee/broskireporthttps://www.tiktok.com/@broskireport https://instagram.com/broskireport Follow Royal Court:https://www.youtube.com/@royalcourt https://www.tiktok.com/@bbroyalcourthttps://www.instagram.com/royalcourthttps://www.twitter.com/bbroyalcourt Follow Brittany:https://www.tiktok.com/@brittany_broski https://instagram.com/brittany_broski https://youtube.com/brittany_broski ICE OUT OF OUR CITY / PROTEST RESOURCES:ACLU – https://www.aclu.org/know-your-rights/protesters-rights Immigrant Defense Project – https://www.immigrantdefenseproject.org/raids-toolkit Freedom for Immigrants – https://www.freedomforimmigrants.org/resourcesImmigrants Legal Resource Center – https://www.ilrc.org/community-resources/know-your-rights Immigration Justice Campaign – https://immigrationjustice.us/ CREDIBLE RESOURCES TO HELP FREE PALESTINE:Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund - https://www.pcrf.net/UNICEF - https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/helping-gazas-children-cope-traumaDoctors Without Borders - https://donate.doctorswithoutborders.orgWorld Central Kitchen - https://wck.org/World Health Organization - https://www.who.int/Headcount - https://www.headcount.org/IG ACCOUNTS FOR A FREE PALESTINE:@eye.on.palestine@aljazeeraenglish@palestinianyouthmovement@byplestia@motaz_azaiza@impactLGBTQ+ RESOURCES:https://Translifeline.org https://Glaad.org  https://Pflag.org https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ REPRODUCTIVE RESOURCES:https://aidaccess.org https://plancpills.org https://Ineedana.com https://www.reprolegalhelpline.org/ https://heyjane.com Brought to You By: Cash App – Get $10 for free – Download Cash App and use code THATSMONEY10Etsy – For gifts that say I Get You, shop: https://etsy.me/broskireport Aura Frames – Get $35-Off at https://auraframes.com with promo code BROSKISong of The Week: five more by KwnCHAPTERS:0:00 – Intro3:53 – Redbull4:41 – Sleep Schedule6:00 – Maine Trip8:50 – THC Drinks11:02 – Palm Reader12:15 – Bruh Girl14:50 – Blood15:29 – Christmas Songs15:58 – The Beatles25:06 – Christmas Songs Cont. 25:57 – Christmas Decor33:05 – The Grinch38:36 – Christmas List53:20 – Essential Christmas Viewing56:54 – Songs of The Week58:08 – Outro#brittanybroski, #broski, #broskination, #broskireport, #palmreaders, #urbandictionary, #christmas, #thebeatles, #elvis, #holidays, #thegrinch, #disney, #movies

Picture the two of you sitting side by side, a Mai Tai in your hands, and the sounds of Hawaii around you. You almost forget you're on a plane. And that's the point, because when you fly with Hawaiian airlines, it's hard to tell where your flight ends and vacation begins. Hawaii starts here. This episode of The Brosky Report is brought to you by Etsy. Shop my collection of favorite holiday gifts that will make everyone on your list feel seen. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is The Brozky Report with your host, Brittany Brozky. Recording, recording, recording, recording.

I will record the podcast now. Consider yourself recorded. Hey guys, I've had to point back to Honolulu just to get that, that Maui-Wawi, that Maui, that Maui-Wi, that Maui turns out that Maui, Wally, a yeast infection. Hey guys, welcome back to the Brokekegee Report, starring me, your host.

This is yeast. How the fuck? Yeast infection is so fucking gross, bitch. That is so, that's like nasty. Like, how are you 28 with a yeast infection? Like, fucking figure it out. Ew. Taylor was here over the weekend.

Bestie Tato, if you must know. Tato was here over the weekend and I was like, I have a yeast infection. And she was like, ew, bitch. And I started doing this. Like, kneading on her. like knead dough like cats do. She was like, are you baking bread?

Ew. Ew. You have to laugh through the pain. You have to laugh through the itchiness and strangely colored urine. Okay? Are you baking bread? Yeah, that's the funniest thing I've ever fucking heard. Okay?

Whatever. So I think about the Instagram meme a lot of girls that pee, girls that piss. Okay, and how it's like, you know, a girl's girl, a brough girl. Like, a brough girl is somehow worse than a picmy. If you're a bra girl, like, that's such a stupid name. You're a bruh, six, seven chopped unk girl. And you know what?

Yeah. You're literally a chunk girl, chopped an unc. It's giving chunk. What? There is this TikTok. I am giggly today, y'all. There's this TikTok of this girl I follow. I can't remember her name.

She said, talking with straight men is so fucking boring. Like, y'all don't laugh. But, like, y'all's sense of humor are so, you know, it's like, their walls are so high up that she was saying something. And she says something like, it's giving tea. It's giving body. Or, like, it's giving cut. And then the straight guy said, chill. or like, no, what did he say?

No, she said, she said, the straight guy was like, a yo, she said, it never gave a yo. It never gave a yo. Like, it's true. It's true. Like, fucking get with the program. Okay, guys, going back to Maui, just to get that yeast infection.

Here is what I am talking about today. The truth and the light, is my new favorite Red Bull flavor is the Fuji Apple and Ginger. Okay, I read that on the outside. I said, what the fuck is this? Ginger? I don't want ginger beer at 6 a.m. in the morning. I thought that's what it was going to give. It never gave A-O. Um, Fuji Apple and Ginger. I'm really, really, really rocking with that. Blueberry to me is still number one. Blueberry, no one is eclipsing you, Blueberry Red Bull. I love you, Blueberry Red Bull. Fuji apple comes pretty close, okay?

That's very, very delicious to me. Now, this morning I've already pounded a Fuji apple and then also a strawberry and apricot. I drank that shit so fast. I don't even remember what it tastes like. Now I'm working on a tropical... Guys, I got about five hours of sleep last night. Barely, okay?

Because I do this fun thing where I wake up every two hours to pee. And don't... Here come the doctors in the comments. Yes, I have insomnia. Yes, I've tried all the bullshit. Yes, I've tried my... Melatonin. Yes, I know that you take too much melatonin it can keep you out. I fucking know. I know all of it. Nothing short of a fucking narcotic can put me out. I'm serious. I've tried edibles to try to put me to bed.

That shit makes me really sleepy. I fall asleep and then I wake up and I feel like someone hit me over the head with a mallet. I feel like someone dropped a piano on my fucking head and then I get up and I'm like a slinky in my teeth or piano keys. Like, that's how I feel waking up after having taken an edible to go to sleep. I feel like that fucking bonk meme with the mallet and like all my teeth spread out like this. And I'm like, there's birds flying around me. Bro, taking an edible to go to bed, you have to be like, like, hey, it's not that serious. You know what I mean? But sometimes it is like, bitch, I just want to go to bed.

And you know what recently I've been super into is here in Los Angeles America, they sell THC drinks. And you want to know, the first time I had one of these was actually in Maine. I went on a girl's trip to Maine. Y'all remember I spoke about that a few weeks ago, life-changing. Because I knew you be... I... because when we were in Maine, they sell weed there.

I didn't know y'all had weed up in Maine. I guess I just thought it was a bunch of moose up in Maine. Because that's basically Canada, right? It's like Canada, Newfoundland, everyone's walking around in snow shoes, like eating raw lobster. That's what I thought. That's what I thought.

I went up there, you guys are so normal. And by the way, swallow. And by the way, if there's mucus in your throat, just go ahead and swallow for me. Thank you. Yeah, people in Maine are chill as fuck. There's just, I love a small town. We were in Georgetown, Maine.

Just a small, slow town. Right? It was given radiator springs of the northeast. Northeast Radiator Springs. We went into this one weed store and I found this drink. God, I wish I remember the brand. Because, hey, send me a gazillion of them, please. Cinnamon apple.

It was cinnamon, cider, apple, THC drink. It was basically like a cider soda. It did not taste like weed at all. Bitch I drank the whole thing and I was like a cartoon character drunk. It was so stupid. I genuinely was like, have you ever been on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney? Or you're literally on a boat and you're going through this little pirate town and everyone, all the like

maidies and shit and all the winches with their boobs up to their neck are all like, and everyone's like, you know, the animatronics are doing this and they're on the like barrels of whiskey and beer and everyone's just drunk. It's debauchery. That's how I felt off the cinnamon apple drink. I was like, shut up. Me,sters me! The little tubby chunk.

The little tubby chopped unc one. from Peter Pan. And you wish a poxed. Okay, here's what we're going to talk about today. Actually, I wasn't done talking about that weed drink. It was so good, and I'm like, oh, this is what I was saying, to go to bed. The drink, this is what the guy at the weed store told me, and by the way, my rash is coming

back, I feel it. Peri-oral dermatitis, if you bitches must fucking know. The guy at the weed store said, these drinks absorb faster. This is like tweaker shit. The drinks absorb faster because they go into your bloodstream instead of your stomach lining.

Hey, I didn't need to know that. Hey, just sell me the like candy drink and don't, please don't tell me that. Because now I'm high and nervous. It's in my fucking blood. There's apple, there's apple red 40 in my blood. That's why my blood is red to red 40. Why?

Okay, I was gonna go. Google something, but I'm actually proud of myself because I think I know the answer. Why are my veins blue if my blood is red? And it's because it hasn't been exposed to oxygen. Right? Let's double check. Why blue vein and red blood? If blood is red, why do veins look bluish? Due to an optical illusion from how light interacts with your skin. Fuck off AI overview. We're going to live science.com. It's a common misconception that oxygen poor blood is blue. It's commonly said that oxygen-rich blood is red while oxygen-poor blood is blue, but is that true? In a word, no. Blood is always red. Every molecule of hemoglobin, a protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen,

contains four atoms of iron, which reflect red light, and so give our blood the red color. The shade of red changes depending on the level of oxygen in the blood. Okay, the shade of red. When the hemoglobin picks up oxygen in the lungs, the blood is a bright cherry red, as it heads into the arteries and out to the tissues around your body. But on the return trip to the lungs, after the blood cells have delivered the oxygen to tissues throughout the body, the deoxygenated blood flowing through veins is a much darker red. What and why is it blue in my skin? Fingertips appear pink because the vessels are so much closer to the surface than a vein. But there's also veins in my hand. Oh my God, I have to tell you all. I saw a psychic, another one, a hand, a

palm reader. Did I tell you this? She looked at my lifeline and she said, I'm going to have a long life with a bunch of different like career, whatever. And she, and I don't know if this bitch was just spinning me. Okay. I don't know if she was warned me up, babe. She might have been warneding me up. Might make me look like a fucking mug. She pointed to my palm and she said, look how long this is. And there's three different branches off of it. And I was like, what the hell does that mean? She was like, you're going to have a long life and a long career and there's and you're only on this one you're only on this first branch and i said how do you know that but then in the moment because i had had two margaritas i was like holy shit she's right

holy shit first branch and then she said this is my i don't remember she said this is my i don't know that was the only one that i remember because i was like what the bruh being a brug girl is worse than being a pick me and i i hate to say that Because what do you mean brugural? I'd like to read the definition of what a brug girl is. Brug girl, meaning, bra girl, urban dictionary, girls who don't like those cheesy messages, like Good Morning, Beautiful, or I hope you have an amazing day, princess.

They prefer to be sarcastic and joke around. They would rather a guy say, what up, stupid? Hey, what? He called me baby girl. Ew. Okay. Get the brug girl mug. I'm okay.

Brug girl. That one girl who just says, bruh, in response to almost anything. She's typically part of the boys. She prefers insults slash saltiness over cheesy shit most of the time. She's typically,

or quote, really fucking done with your bullshit. It's closely related and probably friends with the bro-girl. National brug-girl Day is June 16th. Wow. Brug-girl. That archetypal girl who, other than always saying bruh, is often very blunt and unpolished in her communication style, favoring real talk over girl talk. They generally do not care much about feelings and would rather point out the cold truth than to gloss it up with positivity. Very rebellious. Cusses naturally

like a sailor does not care about social etiquette at all. If in a relationship, will give off the impression it's a love-hate one. Bitch, brug-girl, sunshine, gloomy sunshine. What's that called? Come on, where are the Wapet A-O-3 girls? What's that called? Grumpy sunshine trope. Isn't that it?

Where one of them's like, and the other one's like, ding! It's like the little, like, shine star sound effect. You guys don't get me. But maybe, you do? With regards to Myers-Briggs, personality types, brug girls are mostly, most likely either

an ISTP, E-S-T-P, or in some cases, INFP. I'm an ENFB. So I'm free. I'm free and clear. Hey, what's up with that girl who always exchanges insults with her peers and has some sort of bone to pick? Oh, that's just a brough girl. Being salty and sarcastic is her thing. Brough. bruh. Okay. Why are veins blue? Why are veins blue? The darker deoxygenated blood appears bluish or green.

Ew, so that's just really dark blood? That's going to make me freak out. Whoa. Deoxinated blood. Deoxygenated blood is actually dark red, but the optical effect makes it seem blue, especially with lighter skin tones or shallower veins. Shallow veins. All right, let's talk about Christmas. Guys, two favorite Christmas songs ever.

I think I say this every year. My number one ever favorite Christmas song ever of all time 100% is, having one of Christmas time. It parties up, summer tear. Only comes time of year. And be laughing. That's my favorite Christmas song ever, okay?

Paul McCharmley. Bill McChamley. By the way, very excited to see Paul Meskel as Paul McCartney. I'm very excited to see, because I know that bitch is a beetle maniac. He's a beetlehead. I'm very excited to see what he brings to the table. Because I'm a connoisseur of Beatle Media. The movie yesterday, Nowhere Boy, obviously.

I've seen all the actual Beatles movies. Hard Day's Night. my copy of Hard Day's Night, the movie, I wore that bitch into the fucking ground. It's literally like shards of a DVD at this point. I replay, replay, replay, replay. When I was in high school, I would literally, my routine was come home from school every day and put it on.

It was like a comfort watch before I knew what a comfort watch was to the point where I memorized it. That whole scene where they're all in the train car with Paul's grandfather. That's my grandfather. Well, everyone's entitled to, aren't they? That's my other one. That was so funny to me. I think that that, honestly, if you're looking for a kind of cross-section of, or a sample of, like, British humor, granted, this was in the 60s, that to me is so indicative of the British sense of humor. Everything said very seriously

and very dry, but they're joking. Like, they're piss takers. They love to take the piss. if I love to take a fucking piss, don't they? Eme. So that, to me, was my first exposure. Also, I think growing up, I was so addicted to the 60s. Like, I love the 50s and 60s. I used to dress like this in high school. Put up a picture.

I would wear this bullshit to school. Because here's the thing, I never gave a fuck. I never gave a fuck. I would wear in bold red lip a Pamela Anderson, Bridget Bardot updo, and a fucking polka dot halter dress to school 6.30 a.m. in the morning. I'm full glam. I don't give a fuck. Oh my God, I used to love Clarks, the shoe brand.

Clarks made such comfortable Oxfords. Oxford's or Brogs. They made Oxfords, and I was addicted to Oxford before I realized, oh, this is like, you look like a 65-year-old male professor. I don't give a fuck. I loved Oxford. That was, it was the time. Like, I would do skinny jeans with the button up. Like, very Eleanor Calder, very Louis Tomlinson's ex-girlfriend, right? I was addicted to her style.

But then I put my own spin on it because at this time, I loved the Beatles. I love Marilyn Monroe. I loved Elvis. I loved the Beach, I was addicted to the beach boys. I loved the Mamas and Pappas. And then it started to kind of morph into this. I had a real appreciation for the late 60s and then the 70s. I kind of skipped the 80s a little bit.

Actually, no, that's a lie. I skipped the 90s. I don't really, okay, I was born in 1997. I don't. The 90s never spoke to me from an aesthetic perspective. Like the grunge. And some of you might be thinking, okay, well, a year and a half ago, or maybe two years ago, when I was going really through my sleep token phase, I'm choosing not to acknowledge that.

I'm choosing not to acknowledge that I was grunge for about 30 minutes. I really loved the 60s, okay? Like early 60s fashion, I think it's so flattering. I was addicted to it. I would dress up. At school, my favorite pair of shoes were these ankle booties that were Oxford's with a heel, like a chunky heel. And I wore them bitches into the ground.

I'd wear a pencil skirt and I'd wear suspenders and I'd wear those oxford. Girl, you couldn't tell me shit. I never gave a fuck. I've always been doing me. I have been doing me since I was born, bitch. You can't tell me anything. If I like it, I'm going to wear it. So, Hard Day's Night for me was an exploration of,

because, you know, they're talking colloquially and also in reference to things that were relevant at the time. So when they say things like Betty Grable are when they talk about that bird on the telly, she's dead grotty. Like things like that, I was like, I would absorb all of those words and those phrases and sayings and the people

and those became my like contemporary perspective into culture. It was crazy for like a year, maybe two years in high school and late middle school. Like, I only gave a fuck about people from the 60s and then like Justin Bieber. And also one direction.

Duh, one direction. So that to me was a very special time. And I don't think the Beatles have stuck with me for a long, long, long, long time. Because then you start to get into, you know, you leave the boy band nature of it. Like Hard Day's Night and even Help. Oh, I loved the movie Help. I loved Help. But to me, Hard Day's Night was like The Movie, because that felt more like day in my life.

That is what it is. like help was a more scripted plot of a movie versus Hard Day's Night. You're just following the Beatles around while they do whatever. Then you have like yellow submarine. Then you have magical mystery tour. Those are a bit more. I do love yellow submarine. I was addicted to it for a long time.

I had all the merchandise. I had the socks with the yellow submarine. I still want a tattoo. And I need to figure out what it is. But, you know, the famous drawing, the animation of them, the four of them, the portholes on the submarine, and it's their little caricatures. I want that right here, and I've wanted it right here for a long time. But I'm like a color tattoo right there where I'm always leaning against shit and like I feel like healing. That would be such a bitch. I need to really

think about what I want the Beatles tattoo to be. That's why I haven't gotten it for a long time. But thank fuck. I got this huge ass Rolling Stones lips that I'm way too big. Whatever. Can't take it back. It's on me forever. Beatles. I'm excited to see what they do with the Beatles movie because obviously when you're touching IP and musical like royalty like that you got to do it right and I hope that it wasn't just this like here's four relevant white guys let's make a Beatles movie like I hope that it's really done well because my ass will be sat in that fucking chair at the local AMC I'm very excited for that anyway why did I start talking about the Beatles. Oh, Pull McChamley, Paul Meskill. Maybe I was just talking about Paul Meskul.

I do that sometimes. Oh, my favorite Christmas song. My other favorite Christmas song is War is Over by John Lennon. I don't think it's any surprise or shock there that my two favorite songs are by two separate Beatles. I do love rocking around the Christmas tree by Brenda Lee as well. I do love that one. Anytime that one comes on, I'm like, it's Christmas. Like, that's just a happy one versus some of the other Christmas songs can be like, oh my fucking God, we get it. We get it. I like that one and I love any Elvis Christmas. I do listen to Elvis Christmas and I do love Frank Sinatra Christmas and Dean Martin Christmas. And of course, like Michael Bublay, yeah, I guess love. Like he's kind of a, he's always going to be on that damn playlist. But for me, I like the more, I guess, stylistic or, or, or, or, you know, just can't be. I was talking about this with my friend the other day where I was like, my ideal Christmas is this like super colorful, super warm, everything's like almost maximalist. It's like the plaid with the checker, like everything's the tartan. I like multicolored lights.

I like things with Santa print, like wrapping paper with Santa printed on it. I like Snoopy wrapping paper. I like just the really kitschy on the nose Hallmark, not even Hallmark, like what would you call that? I just love shit that's like a little cartoonish, but also deeply like almost Norman Rockwell Santa, Coca-Cola painting

1950s, 60s Christmas almost. Like that's, with a mixture of like late 90s, early 2000s, just warm suburban Christmas, like those two blended together. Oh, wow. And while I do have a deep appreciation for like a Ralph Lauren Christmas, okay? Yeah. I like every one of those fucking TikToks that come across my feed because that takes such

an eye and such a like, yeah, girl, that's a design choice. Versus for me, I'm like, I want it to be happy. I want it to be multicolored lights everywhere. I think that they're all floren Christmas one day. I'll get there one day, okay? I, the way I do my Christmas tree, mismatched ornaments everywhere. Every ornament, ornaments and fridge magnets are two souvenirs that I try to get from every place that I go, every place that I visit. Because for me, a Christmas tree is a fun opportunity to showcase all the things you've done in your life.

And I only do that because that's how my parents did it. Like, it's so fun every year hanging like, here's our parents' first anniversary ornament. Here's like, when Jet was born, oh, remember he was fucking 10 pounds, big ass, fat ass baby, like hang that on the tree, you know, and it's a little baby picture of him. Like, it's fun to fight over who gets to hang which ornament every year. So I really enjoy that and creating that tradition, recreating that tradition for myself in my own home is really fun. And also, like, for example, on this main trip I just went on with my girls, we each got the

same matching felt lobster Christmas ornament. And we all put our initials on every one. And then I put like 2025 Maine on the bottom. It's shit like that where I'm like, oh yeah, that was awesome. I wanted to be a kind of living scrapbook. I just think that's so any any opportunity to do that in my life to constantly be remembering and reflecting on how fun and like how blessed I am is, I would much rather have that, like it be absolutely chock full of memories versus, you know, some aesthetic Christmas. I don't know. Is that corny? I love it. I love the multicolored lights, and I do gold garland all around the tree and like a spiral upward. And then usually I have a Christmas topper. This year, it's Glep from smiling friends with a Santa hat on with an Irish passport. I'll put a picture up here.

That's what's on the top of my Christmas tree right now. It's actually going to be Glep. And Stanley got that for me. Thank you, Stanley. So, yeah, that's my Christmas. I also have a really skinny Christmas tree, just because it's a hand-me-down. My Nana and Grandpa gave it to me like seven years ago, and it's just the one.

It works. I'm a fake Christmas tree type of bitch. I don't give a fuck. Okay, yay, it smells good when you get a real tree. But then what about the bugs? And what about you have to do the water? And then when it starts the mold, I don't want to do that.

I don't want to do that. I want to be able to put it in a box and put it away. and reuse the same one over and over and over and over. Okay? Now, here's my, here's my fantasy, okay? One year, and this is like my absolute ultimate dream life fantasy. I am not there, and I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I have always wanted, because my Nana does this, in each room have a different Christmas tree. It can be small, or different decoration, that are all themed differently.

Okay? Now, let me walk you through what I mean. I would never do this in my main living room, like in my living room on my tree. But every time I see like cotton candy wonderland sugar plum fairy Christmas, I'm like, wow. But that's kind of not my vibe. Like I lean into that sometimes and then I lean out of it.

And then I'll lean into like my dark, spooky, gothic and then I lean out of it. You know, it's like these different, I guess different. facets of me and what I like, like design, aesthetic choices, that's what I would want to do. And so I have this vision one year of having a tree in one room specifically where all the decorations are pink and white, like pink and white and shiny and sparkly and glittery and there's candy canes and peppermints everywhere. And it's like Nutcracker themed. Oh my God! And the tree would be white and I would have pink garland on it and everything would be like point shift. and it would be like all the characters from the Nutcracker, and I would have Barbie stuff,

and it would be like fake snow everywhere. And there would, oh, I just, it's just a fantasy of mine. I'll do it one day. But I should, like, buying all that shit. I'd be buying it being like, this isn't me. I'm a poser. This isn't me. Who am I trying to be?

And then every year I see videos of like pink one. And I'm like, fuck. I'll do it one year. I'll do it one year. Another version of my Christmas is, bitch, I saw. this on TikTok, it is a, what did she call it? Dark Yule. Dark Yule. Everything was like Nospheratu themed. Bitch! I think she had a dark, it was a normal dark green, evergreen tree, but the garland was like black, sparkly, and she put the tensile on it, you know, like the,

um, yeah, tensile. And actually, I have an Irish friend. and we were talking recently, and I was like, yeah, you put tinsel on the tree. And he was like, what the fuck is tensile? And I was like, it's the, like, what do you call tensile? And I was like, it's the little shit that you sprinkle onto the tree to make it look like, I don't know, it freshly snowed or freshly rained or whatever. And he was like, we call tinsel what you call garland. And I was like, ow, that's stupid as fuck. Anyway, I'm talking about this shit you sprinkle and it's shiny and it's like the little strands.

and you put it all over the tree and it looks like, yeah, that's what I would do, but it's, it's black and silver. Everything's black and silver themed and like dark emerald. Oh my God, the way that she decorated it was all like bats and spiders and it was, what else did she have on there? Those candles that look like they're bleeding and there were skulls and there were, it was so interesting. And I was like, oh, I love this.

I love this. this. I love it. And also one year, I really want to learn how to like make a fire. I want to learn how to make a fire, a Christmas fire. Or get one of those fake fireplaces. Yeah, I'm into that. Because you know I love my ambient videos. I'll put my ambient, ambient videos up on the TV. The like, cozy 1940s vintage Christmas oldies playing from a different room, 12 hour loop. And it's always got like, what's her name, Claire from the Aristocrats. Is it Claire? Who's the main cat from Aristocrats? Everybody wants to...

Duchess. Duchess, Thomas O'Malley. Oh, Marie. Marie is who I'm thinking of. God, Duchess is the fucking T. Look at her. That's Queen. Everybody wants to be a cat.

Girl, fuck you. Knows where it's at. Okay, my Christmas themes Pink Wonderland Sugar Plum Fairy Dark Yule Obviously the warm, colorful one Ralph Lauren Christmas, maybe

I also love red and white like shit that's all candy cane theme but I think that's really stunning and gorgeous I like this as well this sort of like woodland creature like very

snowstorm like cutesy, wooden. It's kind of farmhouse. Farmhouse Christmas is cute. It just needs to be done right. Okay? And I'm not going to elaborate. I'm not going to elaborate.

Don't make me. You want to know what else I've been into recently? Those compilations of the character actor at Universal Studios who plays the Grinch. Hey, if you play The Grinch at Universal Studios, hit me up. If you are one of the guys that plays the Grinch at Universal Studios and you can banter and improv with people all fucking day and it's hilarious, please hit me up. I want you. I want you and I need you. So just let me know.

My DMs are open, man. Just let me know. Okay. I literally watch those videos. Hey, is this a judgment free zone? I watch those videos and I'm like, who is that? Why am I, why he kind of, me to the Grinch? Why he, because yeah, the way, he goes, they're taking a picture together.

She's like, it's my birthday. He goes, yay! He goes, do I have to smile for the picture? And she goes, if you don't mind. And he goes, laugh every time I see it. He's walking back to like the Grinch holding room, back to the Grinch holding room, back to to the fucking green room. Like, he just got done meeting people.

They're walking him back behind the stage or behind the scenes. And someone, like, who's behind a rope goes, hi Grinch. And he goes, oh, it's just, I couldn't think of that on my funniest day. Hi, Grinch.

Coughing on them is so, and it wasn't within cough range, okay? It was for the, it was for the bit. Oh my God. That shit makes me laugh. Also, the dude who plays. one of the character, actor, I guess, cast members at Disney who does the Crush voice. You all seen this?

I think it's in Florida where it's like, I don't know how they do it, fucking Imagineers Disney Magic. It's Crush the Sea Turtle from Finding Nemo. And it's this live, you know, one of those like rotoscope things like Xbox Live, Xbox 360 things, where someone's behind there, like, I guess, doing the motions. So as he's talking, it looks like his fins are, you know, totally, like, whatever. And then he takes questions from the kids. And the kids will ask, you're like,

what do you eat? Or how do you peepee? And then he'll have the most insane, quick, witty, on the nose responses totally in character. That shit is magic to me, dude. Like, I fully feel, I watch these videos and I feel like I'm one of the kids. that's crisscross applesauce on the floor and like,

holy shit, it's really him. But then at the back of my mind, I'm like, he's sexy. Not crush the guy who's voicing him. Like, I'm imagining bro behind the scenes, like with a little microphone on it and just like being witty and funny. There is nothing that gets my juices flowing harder than that, dude. A man being witty.

Oh, wow. Wow, wow. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, I watched those Grinch compilations for literally like 30 minutes. I'll be like, I've been on Grinch Talk for 100 hours. Let's talk about my Christmas list. This is what I am asking for... What?

What I'm asking par for Christmas. This is what I want from dear old St. Nick this year, okay? I don't know if Santa Claus will be allowed into the United States this year, unfortunately, due to this current administration. I don't know what the immigration policy is right now, but I know that, you know, things are kind of tense. Santa, you might want to try again next year. I just, I really, it's not, hey man, not now. All right. Just ship it.

Just mail it. You're fucking Santa. Just do the expedited overnight shipping. I thought you had fucking money. I literally thought you had money. Just do the expedited shipping, bro. It's 3499. It's overnight.

Just do it. I didn't know yet. Here's what I want this year. I want a mocha pot. Okay? I had one and I just, I guess I used and abused it. All right? I'll be the first one to say that.

I put it through the dishwasher and the little rubber component shrunk and then my coffee exploded everywhere and I got a third degree burn. Okay? I had to throw it away. I fucked that bitch up. My mocha pot, I'm sorry to the mocha pot gods and I'm sorry to every Italian on planet Earth. I don't know what I did. I fuck that bitch up. I want a new mocha pot and I promise to treat it better and I also promise not to put it through the dishwasher and I also promise, I guess,

not to wash it? Do people not wash the mocha pot? I don't know. I don't know about the mocha pot community. I don't know what. And maybe I need to go on Reddit. I need to see what the bitches are talking about on Reddit because I miss the mark. So I want a mocha pot and I want to understand how to do coffee and espresso on a more mature scale. Okay, I locked in a while back where I was like, okay, flat white is my new thing. I enjoy a flat white because it's like a cappuccino but a little better because it's less milk, more coffee. But it's basically the same fucking thing. It's just espresso and milk. Then I was like, okay, fuck the bullshit. I'm just doing espresso. And then that grossed me out because I, as an American, I don't enjoy espresso the way it's supposed to be

enjoyed, okay? I pound it and I say, that tasted like shit and then I go on with my day, right? Like, it's a quick fix. It doesn't make you pee as bad as like chugging a full venty Americano. But still, it's like, oh, this tastes like ass. Because an espresso is meant to be enjoyed sitting down out of a ceramic mug hot with maybe a little, a little thing of brown sugar. All right, just lightly, like, melt it in there. Sip on it while you're laughing with friends. That's how you're supposed to draw. Maybe a little, one of those little biscotties.

Oh, wow. I will say one of the best espresso I've ever had was in Paris. I don't know where. It was one of those little dinky cafes, and we were just sitting there, and I was with Stanley and Tato, and it was during the Olympics, and we were at just one of these little cafes,

and we had a damn blast at this restaurant. We were sitting there. We were just hanging out. We had no rush all the time in the world. And this, I just said, keep them coming. I probably had six espressoes. That shit was delicious. Okay?

When I'm like, here in the States, I'm like, yeah, a double espresso from some takeout plays. I'm like, this is cigarette ash. Like, it literally tastes like I licked the bottom of the oven. It's just bad. It's just burnt and it's cold and it's black. and I'm just like, I don't respect how you made this. And fuck you for making me drink it.

And did I order it? Yeah. Okay, and did I pay for it? Yeah. Whatever. They just disrespect the art of the espresso and I'm sick. I'm tired of it. Okay, Moka Pot.

That's my number one. Number two, I would like the gift of patience for 2026. I would like to be gifted patience, specifically when it comes to trying something new. I am a victim of gifted and talented syndrome, okay? A G&T kid, I was told that I was special, and then I turned, you know, 13, and it's like, oh, you're not special. And that really fucks with you as a child.

When you pride yourself on learning and education and, like, being smart, and then when you don't nail something on the first try, you feel like, failure, and then you give up. And at the same time, I have this unending. like bottomless well of ambition of all the things that I want to try and I want to do. But I get this paralysis of like, well, if I start and I'm bad at it, then I'm going to be so embarrassed, like genuinely only for myself. Like, it's not even about showing it to other people or like having other people see me fail at it. It's truly just me holding myself to a standard that is wholly unattainable and unreasonable. And with anything worth having or any

skill worth learning, you have to start an apprentice and, you know, get to intermediate and then you'll get to master eventually, queen. I just bypass that. Hey, if I'm not a master, if I'm not intrinsically good at this skill, fuck it. I'm never picking this up again. Okay, and it's hard to find the desire to keep doing it. So for 2026, I'm asking for the gift of patience. I want to try crochet. Okay? I recently just started an knitting project. Very good. excited about that. I want a big, fluffy white scarf. That's what I want because I knitted my first scarf and I gave it to a friend and it looks like shit. Sorry. But it was my first attempt. And my friend is so gracious. She was like, girl, thank you anyway. I will wear it. It was made with love. And I said,

thank you. Anyway, I'm starting a new one and it's this big, because that one was like 15 stitches. This one I'm doing now is 40. So it's super wide. I'm going to make it super ass long. And I just want to wrap my whole body in it like a mummy. And I did it with blanket material. Girl, that's the motherfucking T. Get into that. It's that soft blanket. And I've already kind of fucked it up. Like, I've dropped some stitches and I'm just, I don't give a fuck. I'm learning. I'm trying to be gentle with myself. Okay. The gift of patience. Crochet feels so hard. Anytime I see someone crochet with that little fucking hook, I'm like, what are you actually doing? Nitting at least is just like, put it in here, wrap it around, take it out. Put it

around, take it out. Crochet? Oh my God, you're going to hurt yourself, put it down. And they start going real fast like that. I don't know. But I do want to learn how to crochet the, I got one of those wubles sets, you know, about wubles? It's these pre-packaged little animals you can make with the stuffing that you can put into it. Oh, I'm excited. I got the Woobles Penguin. Very cute. I'm going to do that over the holiday break, okay? Next on the list is a gallbladder. You know, just because mine was kind of defective. Not sure what that was about. But life without a gallbladder, not that bad. Okay? You just have to kind of keep the dude wipes on hand. Having no gallbladder turns you into a big shitter, capital S. I'm a big shitter with my big flat ass.

I constantly am like, is this meal going to ruin my day? It really sucks that you have to think about it like that. Like, you can't just eat like a normal person. It's that and also being lactose intolerant and also with the no gallbladder, you have to have a low fat diet. Well, guess what? Everything has fucking fat in it. We live in the United States.

Impossible. So that's on the list as well as, you know, kind of a functional working gallbladder. But the thing is, that's not to be, like, you can't do a gallbladder transplant. Your body's fine without a gallbladder. And honestly, I think it's for the best. Because while I would love a functioning organ, and I am missing an organ, it really teaches you to eat better.

You got to take better care of yourself. You want to know something else? I've started stretching in the morning because my lower back, 28, my lower back locks up so bad that I cannot bend over. Or I have to like bend my whole front over if I need to pick something off or like bend my knees and lower myself to the ground. What the fuck? That 100% is just lack of mobility of motion. I'm lacking motion twin. I don't got that motion twin. It really is like I need to go on walks. I need to move my body. I sit all fucking day. I sit on planes. I sit on cars. I sit here. I sit at my desk. I sit in bed. I sit. It's like I don't move. And I've been traveling so much.

I haven't been able to do the bar method recently, which makes me feel like shit, because I enjoy the bar method and it makes me feel proud of myself. And I can't do it. It makes me feel bad that I neglect my body. Anyone relate? Moving on. Next for Christmas, I want a real minion. like a real minion. I feel like they'd come up to about my hip. They're probably about like, what, two and a half feet? I want a real minion to help me with like lab experiments. He wouldn't live here.

Like I wouldn't make him lodge with me or whatever. And I do think the minions are he, him. I want a real minion to just kind of help me out with my experiments and like a lab tech almost. Speaking of which next up on my list is a lab, I would like a lab for Christmas. I feel like an awesome. office just isn't cutting it anymore. I watched Frankenstein and I really liked his setup. I liked what he had going on in there. The big hole in the floor, I don't need all that. But like all the equipment, the big open space, like, you know, some nice art on the wall.

I think that that would provide me a peace of mind that, you know, just having the minion wouldn't be enough. Like, obviously I need a space to work with the minion in. And it wouldn't be like this sort of indentured servitude thing that Gru has going on with the minions. Honestly, the minions for him is kind of like Stockholm syndrome. Like, bitch, those are umpalumpas. Like, bitch, you have them there captive and they love you. You made them love you. Like, I'm not doing all that.

Like, hey, man, you're free to have a social life outside of this. Like, you just work for me. I'm going to pay you a livable wage. Like, you qualify for health care under my company, like all that. But it's basically like I just need a little extra help around the house. And I feel like they've got really tiny hands that can fit into shit. And, you know, if we do need to conduct experiments, like, hey, Kevin, get up on that table.

You know, and he'd be like, Bel-Lo, and I'd be like, yes. Can you say anything else? The minions are kind of like Frankenstein a bit. Frankenstein's creature. Victor. Victor. Victor. That's going to be the Minion to me.

Bello! Minibos, minibos, minibos. Bellos can say minibos. Why do the minions speak Spanish? They speak minionese, which is like, Spanish mixed with a little bit of English with a little bit of Anyway, yeah, my lab. I feel like the experiments I'd be conducting would be akin to, it would be more like

literary focused. It would be a lot of books in there. I would have some tables. Actually, you know what? It wouldn't be Victor's new lab in that abandoned castle. It would be his old one with all the tables. It's like a long, wide room where Elizabeth comes to visit him. It would be a long wide room, a bunch of tables, bunch of shit, bunch of them, whatever.

Like, I just want a creative space that is filled with bullshit. I love that. I've always wanted that since I was a kid, like being very genuine. Shit with, like, books everywhere and sculptures and art and, like, places to write and natural sunlight and beautiful chandeliers and, like, just take. Tiffany lamps and all the, oh, some nice Persian rugs. Everything's dark mahogany and beautifully sculpted. Like, God, just a 19th century or like early 20th century library.

That's what I want for Christmas. Maybe I'll get it one day. I came kind of close with my Victorian set here on the podcast, okay? I came pretty damn close. Here's what I want next. A new breastplate? one that matches my skin tone a little bit better. This one I've got on right now, it's a bit.

It's yellowed with age. It's a bit yellowed. So that was a suggestion from Tato. A new breastplate. Yeah, one that, you know, comes up a little bit higher on the neck because you can see the line. Like, I want like a RuPaul breastplate. That shit is undetectable, unclockable.

Okay, let's move on from my list. I want to talk about some essential viewing for Christmas. This is the Christmas episode, so everyone lock the fuck in. My favorite Christmas movie of all time, just friends. Just Friends. That movie is a family classic. Me and my family watch it every single year and come to find out, so to Drew and her family. Bitch, that's my sister.

I was like, Just Friends, if you ever seen it, it's like Ryan Reynolds and whatever, like, because he's so witty, it's ridiculous. Like, I don't know what he's doing in his personal life, but his movies, making me laugh. And we were talking about it, and I was like, it really is such a great Christmas movie. And it's, I believe, their love story. And it's so funny. And me and my siblings quote it all the time in the vein of a funny Christmas movie, duh, it's The Grinch. Duh, it's Jim Carrey's Grinch. I want to be one of those people that's like, the Grinch is so over. Like, capitalism loves the Grinch. Like, consumerism knows no bounds. The Grinch meal at McDonald.

I'll say, da-da-da-da. Why are you putting pickle saw on your fucking Grinch fries, you big fat pig? Like, I get it. I get it. However, consider this. Have you watched the movie? Have you watched it? The scene anytime...

Talk about a bitch with a lab. The Grinch has a fucking lab. I need a hole like the Grinch lives in. And he has a minion. Max. Max. There is something about living in solitary with all of your things around you. And it's like the ramble.

and the musings of a mad genius. Like, I just need a physical space that embodies that spirit, and I think I'll be happy. This set comes pretty damn close. Okay? However, I do love The Grinch. I watch it every year.

It makes me laugh. I feel bad for him. And here's the core message of The Grinch is he needs attention. He needs to feel loved, and I think I could save him. I could have saved Baby Grinch. and, you know, things happened for a reason,

and he turned out the way he did for, you know, whatever purpose, but at the end of the day, I think the who's are in the wrong. The Hoos are fucked up, and maybe the Grinch is in the right, okay? And when he coughed at the guy at Universal Studios. Hi, Grinch. That's hilarious. Okay, one more. This is just classic.

Okay, I'm a fan of a funny Christmas movie. I don't want to. I don't want. Oh, Christmas Vacation. My family loves Christmas vacation as well. I've seen that fucking movie so many times. I'm like, can we watch anything else? Can we watch anything else? Elf. Elf is another one where I'm like, okay, I've seen this movie so many damn times. But there are, I do think that the humor and the Grinch, I enjoy more than the humor in Elf, but Elf still is obviously hilarious. And Will Ferrell, obviously one of the greats to ever live. One of the greatest to ever do it. And I'm really, a fan of I'm a fan of the movie as a whole however my knees

buckle a bit at how overquoted elf has become you know when capitalism gets its hand on these fucking movies that's why I like just friends it's a funny wholesome Christmas movie that feels not outdated and it hasn't been clipped

to death you know okay those are my favorites and I want to give you my song of the week as we wrap up here. Oh, wow do we to cry. My Spotify rap came out,

and there was a song that I listened to I think it was like 60 times, and it's five more by K1. Bitch, how many times have I said that song on this podcast? I love K1. I love K1. Five more, no Cinderella, eyes wide open, back of the club,

talking through it. What's my favorite off of the album. That's why I ain't been around for midnight. It really is a no-skip album, which is gag for your first release.

It is gag. Stand on it is great. Buckin is great. All the girls do, War to be over. War to be over! It's so good. I love this damn album.

I love K-1. Go give K-1. It's not Christmas music, but fuck you, girl. horny ass music. I will tell you that horny ass music. I'm into it. I like it. I am about to start reading, motherfucking, um, Jekyll and Hyde, like I said last week. Um, I'm pre-recording these episodes because I'm traveling for, I got the bills, sweet, so the bills, so soon, see, okay, so I will come back in the new year

with my book club reviews and hopefully my scarf progress. Guys, if you want, I want Brokeye Report merch, go to Brooskey.shop. It's there for you. Okay? I think it's a bit too late if you want the holiday mummoos by Christmas, but they're still up. Feel free to go grab them. We have the normal mummoos like I'm wearing here today. Very stunning and gorgeous, and the pockets are just so nice and big. We've also got Brokeke Report merch, always up there. Go grab it if you would like to. You know, I love y'all to death. I hope you'll have a very merry Christmas.

Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. We are very inclusive here at Brokeke Nation. I love you all to death. Please be good. Be nice to each other. And remember, it's not about the money you spend on a gift. It is about the thought put into it. Amen. Amen. I love y'all. Be good. Bye. Thank you to Etsy for supporting the Brokekekekeye. Shop my collection of original gifts at Etsy.com slash broskey report.