The Broski Report with Brittany Broski - 122: Broski Report Wrapped: 2025

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

This week on The Broski Report, we celebrate the year with some of the best moments from 2025! Happy New Year, Broski Nation! Y’all be safe! Watch The Broski Report AD FREE: https://patreon.com/broskireport The OFFICIAL Songs of The Week Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ULrcEqO2JafGZPeonyuje?si=061c5c0dd4664f01 👕 Get your merch here: https://broski.shop/ Follow The Broski Report:https://www.linktr.ee/broskireporthttps://www.tiktok.com/@broskireport https://instagram.com/broskireport Follow Royal Court:https://www.youtube.com/@royalcourt https://www.tiktok.com/@bbroyalcourthttps://www.instagram.com/royalcourthttps://www.twitter.com/bbroyalcourt Follow Brittany:https://www.tiktok.com/@brittany_broski https://instagram.com/brittany_broski https://youtube.com/brittany_broski ICE OUT OF OUR CITY / PROTEST RESOURCES:ACLU – https://www.aclu.org/know-your-rights/protesters-rights Immigrant Defense Project – https://www.immigrantdefenseproject.org/raids-toolkit Freedom for Immigrants – https://www.freedomforimmigrants.org/resourcesImmigrants Legal Resource Center – https://www.ilrc.org/community-resources/know-your-rights Immigration Justice Campaign – https://immigrationjustice.us/ CREDIBLE RESOURCES TO HELP FREE PALESTINE:Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund - https://www.pcrf.net/UNICEF - https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/helping-gazas-children-cope-traumaDoctors Without Borders - https://donate.doctorswithoutborders.orgWorld Central Kitchen - https://wck.org/World Health Organization - https://www.who.int/Headcount - https://www.headcount.org/IG ACCOUNTS FOR A FREE PALESTINE:@eye.on.palestine@aljazeeraenglish@palestinianyouthmovement@byplestia@motaz_azaiza@impactLGBTQ+ RESOURCES:https://Translifeline.org https://Glaad.org  https://Pflag.org https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ REPRODUCTIVE RESOURCES:https://aidaccess.org https://plancpills.org https://Ineedana.com https://www.reprolegalhelpline.org/ https://heyjane.com Brought to You By: Galatea – Indulge in unlimited stories – get an extra 25% off at https://galatea.com/broski Rocket Money – Reach your financial goals faster with The Rocket Money AppSeat Geek – Get 10% off tickets. Download Seat Geek and use code BROSKI2025#brittanybroski, #broski, #broskination, #broskireport, #holiday, #newyear, #comedy, #science, #popculture, #culture

Boone? Vincent Boone. Direct from the Brozky Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is the Brozky Report with your host, Brittany Brozky. Feliz Annoeo! Feliz Annoeo! Feliz Annoe Nuevo and Año novo ano ano ano. That means asshole. Let's start with, you're looking at a woman that is one less.

organ than now I was two weeks ago. Okay? What the fuck? You always hear, oh, she had her gallbladder out. She had her pancreatic removal surgery. It went great. Who the fuck is that ever about? Because it's, you think it's not going to be you.

You know what I mean? Oh, it's now about me. Gallbladder surgery? Goofy-ass surgery. I don't even have a cool one. Oh, I tore my, I tore my nubiscus. I tore my I tore my

hybiscous muscle during bar method because I was going so hard because I'm so ripped and muscled that it just snapped it's never that it's she had a gold bladder out what the fuck

goofy ass I'm humiliated unsurious ass surgery bro except it was very serious It was actually kind of like really super scary. Okay, let's talk about it, I guess. I never thought for a fucking second when I was like, I want to do a podcast called the Brozky Report

that I would be looking up the fucking laws of thermodynamics. That's the stupidest bullshit. I'm mad. I'm mad. And you know what makes me even more mad? Sometimes people comment, I learned more from this podcast than I ever dead in school. That's scary!

That's scary! Did I ever think I'd be in charge of teaching the youth of America thermodynamics? No, but it's a burden I don't take lightly. Okay, we're going to learn this shit, and you guys are going to be quizzed in the end. You know, a lot of my scientific understanding comes from the Iron Man universe, and that's not easy for me to admit. It's not fun for me to admit, but it's kind of, you know. So, a bear back, hey, Jesus Christ, I'm sorry about that.

It was a pretty visceral thing I came up with their Bearback shot? Trying to order an angel shot at the bar and ordering a bareback shot by accident? Yeah, do you guys do bear back shots? They're like, what the fuck? Sex freak? Get out of here, sex freak!

Okay, again, I need a linguist in the corner and I need a historian in the corner. It'll be like, eh, you're lying. And then I'll be like, and then I'll sit here in silence and I'll listen to him talk, and then I'll just regurgitate what he said. One of these days, I'm going to do that.

I'm going to be like, welcome to my home, sit in the corner, and I'm just going to talk. And if you find any incorrect information or I misspeak maybe, then just go ahead and jump in and correct me. If anyone knows any historians, send them my way, because I'd like to employ them for a day. So what's the option? I don't pay my taxes and I go to jail? Dysopian. Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot recently. What if something's really for real wrong with me?

Should I take some medicine? No. No. You know, like, no. What would a Bro Ski Report episode be without me Googling shit, but I don't know? Did Jesus have a lamb? And while I was down in the war rooms,

of course, I did actually start my period, so. Raise your hand if you've started your menstrual cycle in Churchill's war rooms. Just me? Just me, I guess. You hear all the mucus in my throat? Just class. Don't get hosier the way that I get osier!

Y'all aren't listening! You're not listening! Unsustainable. Good morning! Don't talk to me until I've had my diarrhea. When you order a milk replacement, a milk alternative, you are admitting to the cashier that you are of a weak breed. Could I get the oat milk?

Okay, you are at the bottom of the food. That's what you're admitting, okay? My gut bubbles when I smell milk. That's what you're telling them. You're communicating that in a roundabout way. And there's something very humiliating about that. It's a humiliation ritual, okay? When I'm like, could I get the almond milk?

Oh, you're a pus? Yeah. Yeah, sometimes my butthole kind of bleeds. When I poop? Sometimes I have milk and then the rest of my day is ruined. I have to stay home. Oh, not the cow milk for me. cow milk for me, I'll actually have a fucking reaction. I tried out this new place recently.

It's not new. It's new to me. Uh, coffee bean and tea leaf. That's like an LA staple. Everyone knows about that place. I never go. I've never been. I went yesterday. I said, give me three shots of espresso with a little bit of hazelnut in it and a little bit of oat milk. And he said, sure, that shit had me jacked up. I was, I was, I should clean my toilets. I should, I should scrub the walls. I should, I vacuumed. every corner of my room. And, well, the reason I did that, do you guys even give a fuck?

I'm serious, who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? Holy shit! Last night, I got my fucking vacuum because there was a big ass spider in my bathroom. And I am the man of the house. I am the patriarch, okay? You're looking at the face.

You're looking at the patriarch of the household. And that's just how it is. That's just how I've designed it to be. So, yeah, I turned around. And I was also naked. I was naked about to hop in the shower. Big-ass brown recluse. Naked, ran through my house,

grabbed the vacuum, sucked him up. There is a graveyard of scary big spiders in my vacuum bag because I don't want to kill it, and I don't want to smush it because what if it's pregnant? Do spider have pus-puss? Can spider get pregan art? Hey! Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. No, no, no, no. Bum, neon. Bwam. No, no, new, new, new, new, new, new, new. No, no, no, fantastic. Me ensignate to care.

Me ensignate to to bea, physically, fit. Physically, physically, physically, physically, fit, physically fit. Right, way, fantastic. Right, way, fantastic. Men to me are like mythical creatures. I do not interact with them in the wild.

I leave them be. I don't really want to hear from them, but I will admire their beauty from afar. Cassie, a young gentleman with a sort of really nice upper body build. Beautiful hairline. Great mustache. I'm looking. I'm staring from across.

I'm across the street, and I'm staring at you like this. POV, you're a man with a mustache. I'm across the street. Okay, we lock eyes, and I'm doing the Miley Cyrus stare with blue eyes, and then a bus passes in front of us, and then when the bus passes, I'm gone. That's how I feel towards men these days. I'm like, and then the bus passes, and then I'm gone. And then he's like, what the fuck?

And he looks behind him, I'm behind him. But I never say anything. I'm sort of, I'm moaning Myrtle. I'm like floating around him in a circle. I'm Nosferatu. You will bounce on it. Y'all don't know the lore. Y'all don't know my lore.

And you never will. And you never will. Yeah, I used to talk to this one guy. I used to talk to this one guy. I don't know if I told y'all this, but he said that, I said, I don't know why we were talking about this. I said, do you wash your butt in the shower? And he said, no, I don't touch my butt.

That's gay. Oh, right, right, right, right. Hey, sorry for asking. By the way, we're breaking up. By the way, don't ever hit my line. Do you wash your butt in the shower? No, I don't. That's gay. Got it. Who'd you vote for?

I need a man with a mustache to worship the ground. I walk on. These men are fucking crazy, y'all. I'm not joking. I'd rather die alone. I would rather die alone. I made a vow to myself. halfway through last year,

I will never let another man into my house that I pay for. If you are not gay or related to me, get the fuck off my porch. I don't wanna see you. I don't wanna see you. Like, there's no reason a man should ever come to your house. You have a man coming over?

To what, murder you? Why the fuck would you need a man in your house? Like, that's crazy actually. Look, Love is love. I just don't want it. I get in his pickup truck, and in the passenger seat is a plush flower.

And he goes, so I never have to buy you ones ever again. Oh. Okay. Oh, okay. Oh, oh, oh, okay. Valentine's Day, bitch. Hold on, hold on. Hold on. Cut that. I'm mad.

I just made myself mad. Got that. That's how I feel lately. And this is the dream. It's all I need. Because I could be a freak all to the day. Or to the day. You want a rare moment of vulnerability on this podcast?

I Googled it because I didn't know. How about that? Collide with Gassett. We're doing fucking science with Pretty Rosie again. Shit! I've been practicing this for when I'm in Italy. Ready? Time to say goodbye.

It's Andrea Bocelli. And I firmly and who's the actually Italian words. And who performed And who performed at my wedding? Andrea Bocelli. Who performed at her wedding? Andrea Bocelli.

Okay. I don't mean this one either because the 1890s in London was like the Industrial Revolution essentially. It smelled horrible. The working conditions were inhumane, child labor, coal miners, steam engine builders, it was the industrial revolution, okay?

The industrial age had dawned on the Tims River. And it was filled with so many dead bodies and so much nasty runoff from all those new factories that would backfire and wouldn't... It was just...

But then again, you want to talk about architecture, you want to talk about fashion, you want to talk about a society with customs You know what I mean? A rigid society with customs.

I think it would be insane to like just be an observer. I'd be like, damn, y'all really had it like this. You know what I mean? I would have met Sherlock Holmes, okay? I would have convinced him somehow by my wit and charm and intelligence to bed me.

I have his child. We create the next Elon Musk. He's a progressive. He takes over 1910s, London. Okay, stay with him. with me, we don't have a Victorian period. We have a Brosky period. My great-great-grandmother Brozky,

lady Brooski, if you will, gave birth to my great-grandmother, and down the lineage, that's why my lips are so small, okay? So I just want to go to that background to explain to you guys, while my forehead's so big and my lips are small, it's because of that, so it's just genetics. Anyways, back to this painting of the sacrificial lamb.

Sometimes I see a vision of my true self, and she's floating somewhere up high, and she is a vision of golden light. Yet she is shackled by her wrists and her ankles to this version of me. She's trying to get away, and she's shackled and weighed down by iron chains of this version of me. Where I'm sitting on this podcast like, okay, why was the French Revolution? You're Loki T. We are young. Hey, there's a fire in our soul. Do you ever get that feeling that like,

you have a caveman forehead? And I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. That my brain kind of like, sometimes I feel like, what are those, what are those dolphins that look all fucked up? Big, big-headed dolphin. Yeah, this one, Baluga. Sometimes I feel like a fucking beluga whale, bitch.

Look at that. Look at him. It's all swollen and shit to tell I feel in my forehead. I feel like it's swollen and it kind of hangs down. It hangs down over my eyes. Like something from the side, I feel like it's kind of like this sometimes. Like the sac, the bulging sack that sits above my eyebrows kind of just, it's. It's like resting real heavy.

I'm going beluga whale mode today. Can anyone agree? Can anyone sympathize? Just me? Awesome. What is this earth without art? For fucking, for fuck, sex, shit. I'm going to start a new bit where I create a Muppet version of myself,

and when I start getting really angry, I'm going to go into the table and have a Muppet of me come up and be like, if anyone was to make me a Muppet, I'll give you the P.O. box, and you can sit it to me, I'm gonna start doing anger management puppet hour. Because they just pizance me off! You bitches are ruining the sanctity of what art is. Okay, anyway.

Maria! All you want to be lying, that ain't my baby, no, that ain't my girl, Maria. It's drooled. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. You ever feel like your money just disappears each month? It's easier than ever to overspend, from subscriptions to impulse buys after seeing an ad on your phone

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The entropy increases over time in a closed system. So it increases. What the fuck? I don't give a shit. I don't care. Who the fuck cares about this shit? I care. You know, it's inspiring.

It's always all women in my bar method classes, which I like. Because I've done some workout classes and there's men in there. And I'm like, I don't feel safe here. It's a gay man. I don't feel safe here. Can you leave? Please leave. And I like to talk to myself.

We know. Hey, we know. The edible just came and patted me on the back and said, it's time to rat. And the Uber will cancel in 10 minutes if you're not in the vehicle with your... So, I don't know. And if you're not in that car, my ass is on the line. And let's go.

But can I like... I have some stuff in the front? I don't care. Okay. Now, this is your final. Okay. Well, I'm going to run to the bathroom. We're like, okay.

If you miss that car outside... Yeah, it's out of my... Because I put up with your shit, Far No. Okay, can we not do this right now? I'm recording. Get in the car. Okay. Guys, I've got to go in like 10 minutes.

Sorry. She got yelled up by my boss. Well, not my boss. She's my boss, but, like, you know, you don't want it to get up to the big guy because he's got a scary, like, Transylvanian accent. And he's got pink and white,

French tip nails that are in a coffin shape. And he's like, he's really, really scary. And did I ever tell you to reach her on a No, but you should just know to. Because I'm consistently sending out telepathic messages to all of Brodsky Nation. Okay? If you feel a brain zap one day, that's me trying to get in there. That's me trying to get up in there.

And you're resisting. And for that, I'm cutting your pay. If you hear, my right temple is pulsing, that's me being like, Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes. You will bounce on it. And that's y'all resisting. Okay. That's me.

If you see me appear to you in a dream, that's for real. I've taken on my final form, which is Nosephora. Hey, did not be Robert Pence and Stephen Yud? Yeah. And am I okay? No. No. Uh, it gives you that.

No. It was really, really good. And now I'm rewatching Peeky Blinders. Why, what's wrong? I'm rewatching Peeky Blinder. Is that okay with everyone? Because that shit is good. I found my.

love in Portofino and she just broke her fucking metatarsal fin she just broke her dorsal fin and she had sprained her dorsal fin so how are they going to do it? And she's got her special fin like Nemo and finding Nemo. She's different and she's damaged. When in reality, she's one that'll save us all.

Isn't that fucking true? Because we all have that inside of us. We all have a power that if we even knew our power, we could save all of us. Because we are nothing as one. We are everything together. I'm off the Pup, Poo, Poo, Paul, Messkel pack. The thought of waking up in the morning

and leaving your home and not brushing your teeth is like, if you're a fan of mine, cut that shit out. If you're, we're not doing stinky brosky nation ambassadors. Please, guys, don't, we can't be the stinky fan base. Please. Wear deodorant and not that fucking aluminum-free shit. We're deodorant that works. And please brush your teeth.

I'm begging y'all. We can't be stinky. I throw my hair up in a messy bun and run downstairs to have my breakfast of orange juice. When my mother tells me, she sold me to One Direction. What a crazy fan. Here's the thing about modern cinema and literature today. I have yet to see the innovation, the creativity, the originality that was packaged in to a 135 chapter wattpad, one direction fan fiction.

The ingenuity, is that the word I'm thinking of? The inventive, the in, Inventive, the inventive nature and quality to some of those stories, make fun of them as you may. It's great storytelling. What do you mean your mother sold you

to one direction? And why was I reading this like, bless her heart. This is going to be horrible, but it's not. sold her to one direction. Okay, sure. And for those that don't know, that was a famous fan fiction

that went around in like 20, what was that, 2012, 2013 of on Wapad, of like, this quintessential Wapad girl. I've talked about this so many times of like, she's rail thin, ghostly pale,

like the most long, gorgeous, healthy hair you could ever imagine and she's effortlessly gorgeous and beautiful. She just wears her. dirty fucking sneakers and her like skid mark stained underwear and she throws her hair up in a messy bun and she like she gets to it she handles it say it with me she threw her hair up in a messy

bun and she handled it you know what i mean i watch these i need y'all to know this i watched these episodes back and i'm like you sound like a babbling idiot you know what i mean like like like like mine Fine, fine, fine. I'm at my wits in with y'all. I'm serious, I cannot deal with it. I'm so sorry, I'd like to apologize 100 million times. Anyway. Actually, let me tell you something.

I did my 23 and me, and guess what, bitch, I'm 90% Irish. I'm 90% Irish and English. But I don't know what that means, right? Like, is that 50% Irish, 50% whatever? And actually I'm lying It was 99% British and Irish

And the rest of it was Scandinavian So you guessed it I'm fucking white Race reveal I'm white 99.9% 0.01

We don't know We don't know Okay You guys wouldn't last one day in my mind Mr. Aladdin sir Want to be your pleasure please Let me take your other You ain't never had a friend like me.

Life is your restaurant and I'm your maid of D. I'm going to let a brogirl do the genie live action remake. Will Smith had his time as the genie. It's my turn. Let me do it. Except it's just me doing a Robin Williams impression the whole time. Come on, whisper, what it is you want. You ain't never had a friend like.

Try some of column A. Try all of column B. Come on, guys. I'm in the mood to help you, dude. I'm in the mood to help you, dude. Because he's a goat. That's not the part where he's a goat. That's when they're in the city.

Prince Ali, rabelisie alia barwa. If I'm fucking good. In another life, I had fucking gills, dude. In another life, I'm swimming through the water, and I'm playing as the sunlight, catches on the water. And then there's not actually a worry in the world in another lifetime. I look exactly as I do now, maybe a little bit less like Captain Barbosa, a little bit more

like a water nymph. Maybe my features are really exaggerated. And my eyes are so blue, it's like, they're like white. Okay. And I'm, I am of the species of nymph that is local to sort of the Gulf of Mexico, like the coast of Texas, that's where my mermaid clan is from. And we swim and we have fun, we whatever. But ultimately, the leader gets killed. And someone has to step up. And as we know, the best leaders are ones that do not want to do it because they're selfless, right? Like, they're always thinking about us, we, a community. It's not about me and what I want. And so I think that would happen to me. I think my father would be the leader. And I think my father would be the leader. I've practiced my whole life. I've grown my whole life just being a happy go lucky water nymph

that is really, really super into like making music from clamshells and beaded, maybe beaded wares, home decor, shell decor, et cetera. And then someone like gets my dad or he's in some political war. Maybe my dad was corrupt. And I was like, I'm not going to, everything in my I'm not gonna be like my dad. And then something happens to him and they're like, you're up. And I'm like, God damn it! I said, what did I say?

Number 69, TSA pre-check. Number 70, butt wipes. In that order. This beautiful thing is, oh God. Benson Boone. No comment. At this point, it's more of a threat than a promise.

a man is going to enter my life in July, keep him. I don't. I'm not ready for all that. Shit. It's like a threat. Like my fire or flight is going and I'm just sitting here in my home. I really, really, really enjoy an unemployed man. For some reason, I don't know why I just do. And what do you do for work? I'm in between jobs. How long have you been in between jobs? That's the type of young gentleman I go for. I just went to the bookstore today, picked up the Iliad, the Odyssey, I picked up Sunrise on the Reaping, thank you. I picked up, what else?

Oh, Searcy. I went to the bookstore with one book in mind. I was like, I'm only getting Searcy, because I just finished Song of Achilles. I will get to that. I will get to that. Let me get to it. And I was like, I'm on this Madeline Miller kick.

I got to go pick up Searcy because all the girls are telling me you got to read Searcy. It's even more devastating. It's their favorite book of all time. Okay. I believe you. So I went to my local Barnes & Noble, and I went ahead and picked up Searcy, and then about six other books.

I don't think, though, being American, because you forget I'm American sometimes when I'm really deep into it. I've gone to UK before, and when I'm there, sort of, I'll go to Gregg's, I'll go at the local pub, whatever, and I'll go in a sort of older. And I always wonder, like,

do they know that I'm American? Because you put it on quite thick. You can do that. accent quite thick and I always wonder like, are you clocking me? Like, are you seeing through my sort of facade? Facad? And I never know. I never know.

Because I've gone up to Greg's one time, Greg. I've gone to visit Greg. And I've ordered like a sausage roll, like a disgusting, greasy sausage roll, maybe like a kebab. And, yeah, I'm. I don't know if I even cared. Or I've gone up to a lot of Mackeys, probably like, I don't know, maybe three, four years ago. I was in UK, ordered the Mackeys.

And I went out, I was like, you're right, love Cotto, not a number four. She said, is that all? She was American. And I said, yeah, so, holy shit, guys, one zero, one hundred times. I've sat my ass in this chair and talked about nothing. Nothing. But at the same time, everything. I think I've covered pretty much all the bases.

And here's the beautiful thing about womanhood. I haven't even scratched the fucking surface. I have not even scratched the surface. 100 episodes deep. And you bitches haven't even, you have no clue. Okay? There is so much more with that came from. 100.

And I got this beautiful cake here. This beautiful 100 episode cake. Now, don't look at the back, because mama kind of went to, down on it. Okay, mama was sitting here kind of munching on it. I was eating it from the back. So, oh! I don't know! Everything I consumer's made is plastic! I'm turning into a fucking plastic carton! There's plastic in my blood! I don't know! Fuck off!

He liked to move and move it! We like to move it, move it. We like to move it, move it. We like to move and move it. We like to move and move it. We like to move it. We like to move it. We like to... Move it. Physically feet. Physically, physically, physically, physically, physically, because it doesn't physically feed. Okay. That was hard to say. Here's what I... Okay, let me finish my thought. And watching Frankenstein's creature learn the world and the small things to find beauty where usually we don't pick up on it. It was so, it made me cry. It was so good. It's going to make me cry again. It was so good. Oh, and Jacob Alluredy, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry! I don't think I'd talk shit on Jacob Mallory at all, but now I'm crying over him, so that's awesome. I am experiencing caffeine overdose. Caffeine overdose. And I am wondering what, at what level is it, I'm in a dreamscape. At what level, you know, like I can't feel my. hands. I feel like I've got double vision. I feel like, I feel like a white walker. I had so much damn caffeine. I turned into a white walker. So, I just really feel like the way

Killion Murphy's eyes are so icy blue in that one scene of Oppenheimer, put it up on the screen. You know the one I'm talking about when the camera's real tied in on his face and it zooms in and he's, and then it's the music playing in the background as the bodies, he's stepping over charred bodies. That's how I feel had so many fucking red bulls. Maybe I need a duck. Maybe I need a pet duck. The next time I film,

look, they're so good. Where are they going? Where are you guys going? Oh, I had a dream last night about my ex-situation ship as well. Well, I have to do free. Free me. Seriously.

I bet US dollars that he paid an Etsy witch to do that to me. I'm livid. I'm livid. I can't believe you permeated my dream space to send me that fuck-ass message. And let me, hold on,

I don't know if I've ever told you all this. So, so. And for the girls who were like, Um, queen, quit fucking around, drop the album. Um, when's the single coming? It's fucking out. I hope you bitches are hungry. I hope you bitches are hungry.

Eat. Come get y'all. Juice, it's here. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, I went ahead and actually had released a single. I had released an original piece of music. So, if anyone gives a shit. Also, that's an inside joke between me and my friends.

We'll say, they'll be like, oh my God, how was your meeting? How was whatever? I'll be like, it was great, but, you know, like you give a shit. But actually, that's my friend Channing's bit. It's my friend Channing and Tristan's bit. And I kind of had poached it from him. I stole it from them. They all would be like, well, Brittany, we know you don't give a shit,

but last night went great. I'll ever say? I don't care. I dropped a single, like y'all give a fuck. No one gives a fuck. It's a joke. Okay? It's done and the people that I want to have it, it's yours.

You know what I mean? like a Broski Nation, my fucking people, my municipality city-state. Do we have clean water? No. Do we have health care? No. Do we have fresh crops? No. But do we have a fucking single? Yeah. And y'all are getting fed regardless. And you're getting fed again soon. Okay? So keep those baby bird mouths open. This episode is sponsored by Galatea. Between work, errands, and whatever the group chat is spiraling about today, life rarely slows down. down. But you don't need to wait for the perfect moment to arise. Romance is ready when you are. Whether it's a quick escape or an all-night binge, Galatea puts steamy, swoon-worthy stories right at your

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subscription when you go to galatea.com slash brosky. That's G-A-L-A-T-E-A dot combs slash brosky to indulge in unlimited stories for even less. Galatea.com slash brosky. Y'all know that one of my favorite movies of all time is Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes. Hello, and can Garema D'O-D-Tor-R-L-O-C-L-O-C-L-E-S, please? for the love of God, please, can we just, like, find a way? I'll help finance it, okay? Now, I don't have the money for it, but I will find a way.

I'll sell something. I'll figure it out. Just leave it to me. What does swan legs look like? Swan Leg. Oh, there's absolutely no meat on that, but that's not a swan. That's a swan. Goofy all legs.

Goofy all legs, bruh. That is so... It's just tendons. There's no meat on the swan bone. I wonder what that, I wonder what that feels like on the hand. Like if you were to grab... I think I would have enjoyed F1 more

if they would have been playing the car soundtrack over the speakers. Real gone, if they would have been playing some Rascal Flats Life as a Highway, if they would have been doing some Behind the clouds, the sun is shine. Brad Paisley again. Brad Paisley mentioned two weeks in a row.

That soundtrack is just fucking great. Life could be a dream. Boom-shabum. Life could be dream. I'm the only one that you love. And here's it all. Love life could be dream. Sweetheart, hello again.

You do you meet again. What a great song. that whole soundtrack, if they would have been playing that, you know, volume 150 over the speed, I don't want to hear the commentary. Oh, the clowns overtaking. No.

Cars were hitting each other, smack it against them. Life could be a dream. Life could be a dream. That would have been the vibe. Okay, in my head, the movie that's always playing in my head, that would have been the collage sequence,

the montage. Number 64. Having violent mood swings, it's in. I've decided. it's in. Where are the bipolar bitches stand up? It's our time. Get up! Guys!

Hey! But also am I making sense? I had a quad from Duncan. Okay. Hello to Duncan. I had a quad from Duncan and I'm feeling like I could be giving 13 different commencement speeches

at once. Like I'm teaching a lecture in one side of my brain and I'm giving a commencement speech in another and I'm doing the podcast in another. Like a lot's going on up here and I'm trying to chunnel it. I'm trying to chunnel it. I'm trying to chunnel it. Just made a new word.

Every road in Mr. Land. I've been everywhere, man. I've been everywhere, man. I cross the desert bear, man. Breathe the mountain air, man. Travel I've had my share, man. I've been everywhere. I've been hanging.

Da-da-da-da-da-dan-da-dan-da-dan-da-da-dan-da-da-dan-da-da-dun. The creepy and spooky, the art of family. Gomez. Anyway, I'm laying in bed. Chomp halfway down my throat. I bite into it with my back-right molar. Some of my tooth comes off. What?

What? But that's, but I hear you on the other side of the screen saying, Brittany, that's a soft food. Yeah, you think I don't fucking know that? I guess I just have the most brittle enamel known to man. Okay, my teeth need to be studied by Scientologists. Hold on. My teeth, hold on. My teeth need to be studied by scientists. Dental Scientologists. Okay, you want a Snickers dance. put on the show. I want to see choreography. I want to see you guys work for this fucking treat. Okay? What I want to see is more tricks. Trick or treat! And then you got to start dancing.

Trick. Okay? And then I do a head spin. Trick. Armed robbery. Trick or treat. Trick or treat. Trick.

Arson. I throw a Molotov cocktail through your window and I run away. And it's like, who did it? I don't know. it was a little girl, maybe it was a little boy, I don't know, dressed as Uncle Fester. Actually, they weren't that little. They were kind of mid-sized, plus size, and they were about five foot nine. Grown-ass man, Uncle Fester.

Okay. The guy who does the Hugh Jackman. That's one of the funniest bits that's ever happened on the internet, by the way. It just keeps getting funnier. Like, somehow he's cracked the code to where that shit, day by day, gets funnier. And I don't know. Some days I'm like, okay, I'm over it. And then I'll watch a really good one.

I'm like, oh my God. And he changes the words to like Ryan Reynolds, loaf of bread. Lof a bread. It's so funny. Okay, back to mucus. It's the most wonderful time of the year. There'll be much whistle blowing in.

I don't really know the words of that song. Okay, and I texted a picture myself to Drew, and she said I look like, no, it's fraught to. Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you bitch. I'm Fester Adams. Ho. Number 25, flirting with the knights at medieval times. I would highly recommend you get some girls together, go to medieval times, and really lay it on thick.

Sit front row, okay? And if you're not front row, be loud. Be the loudest people in your section. This is something actually that pisses me off about people going to medieval times. You go to medieval times and you sit there and you be quiet. Gives them something. They're performing. When you go to medieval times and the, you know,

the knights do their little parade around and they're whatever, and, you know, they give their flower to somebody. I want to see you bitches on your feet. Add attention. Stand up. Over here, over here, over here. That's what you need to be doing. Because guess what?

The joy in their face. The joy in the night's faces. So it makes it all worth it. Makes it all worth it. They also do this crazy move where I was like, it will be swan. They do this crazy move where it looks like

when swans like sort of fly and then like get in the water and just sort of coast. You guys just don't, okay. I travel, they still let me on planes, even though I got this big farter on me, even though, even though, hey, carry on this big ass, this big shitter, and not ass in the sexual sense of like,

damn, she's got a fatty. This ass as like a weapon. As like big farter, big shitter, she had whole milk before this. And I just, this last flight I was on, let me know what you guys think about this, okay? Because sometimes I get on a flight and people are farting next to me

and I'm like, you are the most disgusting, fucking nasty human. Get your toes and your farts out of this airplane. I mean that. I mean that. And don't put your feet on shit. Don't put it up on the wall, up on the thing when your toes are gripping,

you're pissing me off. That's one side of me, okay? The other side of me is, if I'm in the air and my stomach hurts, I got to fart, okay? Because I'm in pain. And when you're, it's a pressurized cabin, my guts are bubbling.

Okay, I don't have a gallbladder. Cut me some slack. Sometimes I got a fart. And they're blanks. I'm shooting blanks on the plane, okay? I'm farting, but there's no stink in the chamber, okay? Or maybe we're just 30,000.

feet up in the air, my nose is plugged up. This is my opinion! This trick-or-treat bullshit, start dancing. Start dancing now. Recite me a poem, recite me a scene from a play. I want to see you dance. I want to see a talent show. I want to see a special hidden talent.

Okay, even do that shit where you like, remember those kids in middle school would flip their eyelids upside down? You'd have to like, and we'd all, ew, do it again. You remember those kids who used to shoot milk out of their eyes? That is such a public school thing. Okay, I don't know if the little kids who were going to, like, Catholic school and all that. They weren't in the public lunchroom with the government-funded lunch meals shooting milk out of their eye sockets.

I don't know if that was happening. That was reserved exclusively for the public school kids. Perkissette, Molly Perkisette, chase a check, never chase a bitch, Mask off, fucking mask off, mask off, Mask off, fuck it, mask off. Now what's in there, you may be asking? A little bit of lead, a little bit of cyanide, right? I'm trying to do this thing where I'm doing small doses.

You got to work yourself up. Every morning I take a capsule of lead, a capsule of red 40, a capsule of microplastics, and a capsule of cyanide. You guys are not paying attention. If you, everyone clap three times. Okay, and if you didn't clap, do it with me now. One, two, three.

Get up. Pay attention. You've been slacking off. We're learning about wide birds don't sing at night. And say it with me because they are diurnal. Diurnal. Actually, hold on, let me set my attention. Universe, tell me what I need to know.

It's right here. I think it's this. one. Earth Dragon. I literally pulled Earth Dragon. After I just talked shit, after I said, I don't want a fucking Earth Dragon, the Earth Dragon is exactly what I needed. Are you out of your mind? Clears your path and the land around you. And it's sick. Can you zoom in on that? The Earth Dragon's fucking cool. If I was a Phanapha animatronic, that would be gag. Can someone draw me as a, can someone draw me as a FNAF animatronic. And why did they give Chica a BBL?

And do you think in FNAF 2, they're going to have the BBL chika with the like hourglass and kind of like B cups maybe? I don't know. Food for thought. If I was a FNAF animatronic, I think I'd be one. I would be a good one. I'd be like, guys, we can't keep doing this. We're kids. Guys, come on.

We're just kids. Why are we killing people? But honestly, if I was actually, if I was a FNAF animatronic, I was. I'd go along with the flow. I feel like I'd be kind of spineless. I'd be like, oh, we're all killing people. Well, I don't want to be bullied for, like, not killing people. There's, nothing is worse.

Murder can't be worse than being bullied. Do you guys tuck for Uncle Fester drag? Gomez. Okay, moving on. I feel like, the number one thing I really wanted to say is that my tonsils are kind of touching each other today and they're, filled with tonsil stones and I really don't know how to... At what age is it to, like, it's not cool to get your tonsils out?

Like, if I'm pushing 30, I'm 28, careful. Hey, careful now. Easy, boy. Whoa! I'm pushing 30. If I'm like, I need my tonsils out because they're touching, you know what I mean? Because that happens. And oh my God, don't even get me started on when I get a head cold.

Then bitches touch. Then bitches want to kiss so bad. The sexual tension between my tonsils when I have a fucking head cold. They want to get close and personal. They want a spoon. And I'm like, guys, can you please stop? Guys, can you please stop? I have stuff to do.

I have to talk for a little. And then they start kissing, and they start giving each other sloppy. Stop! Guys! I'm punching myself in the throat. Stop! I said.

You know, I have phases. I had the Tom Blythe phase. I had this fucking bullshit phase, whatever. Jack O'Connell? Yeah. I can't meet him. I still can't meet him in person. There's no fucking way.

And I know he'd be so nice. He'd be so fucking nice. I can't meet him. Mm-mm. I'm gonna act real weird. I'll act real, real weird around Jack O'Connell. Yeah, I'll say some shit. I'll regret.

I'm over this idea that you need to be... I'm cool. I'm not too. Be fucking weird because you are. Who are you hiding from? He's gonna find out eventually, girls, just fucking be weird. I don't care.

I'm loud. I'm doing voices. I'm doing the whatever. I'm pulling references out of thin air. If they catch the wave, they're going to ride it, girl. They're going to ride the wave, okay? And they like it.

They like weird bitches. They won't admit it, though. Okay? And also, if a man is weirded out by you, not your man. Get the fuck away from me. Get away. Be weird around men.

It's the wintertime. I'm just trying to kill a baby love for the wintertime. And whatever's something like it is I'm doing. And if Ariana Grande gets that Audrey Hepburn biopic role, I just went nonverbal. Watch me turn this podcast into the Ariana Grande report. Bet on that bitch.

Y'all thought I was insufferable when Elvis came out? Fuck you! If Ariana Grande does an Audrey Hepburn biopic, I am going to be the most insufferable person you have ever laid eyes upon, ever listened to, ever seen in your life. I'm going to make that my entire personality. I'm going to get those fucked up microbangs. I'm going to start wearing pearls everywhere and gloves.

Bitch, watch. I'm going to weigh 100 pounds soaking wet. I'm going to take that shit so personally. Are you going to go to a name? Please, my God. I'm going to have a birded biopic. Oh my God! I don't ask for much.

I don't ask for much. I just ask for Harry Stiles and Jack Harlow to come on royal court. Maybe hosier. Okay? And I'm asking for our end gossip. Or at least like a breakfast at Tiffany's Roman holiday remake on Netflix, please, Marilyn the end. Okay. So, have a great sleep tonight. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. I don't know why. I don't know why you watch.

I don't know what possibly could interest you. If, unless it's thermodynamics, then guess what? You're in luck.