The Broski Report with Brittany Broski - 5: Brittany's Perfect Summer Day

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

This week on The Broski Report, fearless leader Brittany Broski describes her Perfect Summer Day, with a few anecdotes along the way. Follow The Broski Report: https://www.linktr.ee/broskireporthttps://www.tiktok.com/@broskireport https://instagram.com/broskireport Follow Brittany:https://www.tiktok.com/@brittany_broski https://instagram.com/brittany_broskihttps://youtube.com/brittany_broski Brought To You By:Dipsea – https://dipseastories.com/broskireportZocdoc – https://zocdoc.com/broskiPDS Debt – https://pdsdebt.com/report 

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds, because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. Direct from the Brozky Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California.

This is The Brozky Report with your host, Brittany Brozky. Hello and welcome back to, you guessed it, the Brookesky Report with me, your host. Brynie Broseky, the host of The Brookesky Report with Brittany Brosky. What's up, you guys? Anything would you like to discuss? anything with me or is that just like okay just let me know if you have questions there's a lot of things on the docket for today and it is summertime okay oh summertime guys school is that the sun is shining summertime guys one of my oh my god I have so much to talk about really really pressing matters

we'll get to like international wars and conflicts and diplomacy issues later first we have to talk about my summer routine. We have to talk about my summer routine, which is, and I've mentioned this before, every summer, the start of every summer, I have to watch High School Musical 2, Aquamarine, in that order, then I have to self-tan, then I have to whiten my teeth. Okay? Try to do all four of those things over a weekend and tell me that your life doesn't improve by at least 20%. That's going to be a 20% bump in happiness in Brozky Nation. All right, guys. Aquamarine HHSM 2 combo. And know if you're one of those psychopaths that have to watch Housel Musical 1, 2 and 3. Figure it out, dude, just find a way to watch Howse Musical 2. Okay? Get that looked at. Because it is the best movie. I don't,

I don't, hey, who asked? No one asked you. Hise Musical 2 is one of the greatest marvels of modern cinema to ever come out of a movie production studio. Kenny Ortega is God's gift of this green earth. Kenny Ortega, why did you do high school musical and then also choreographed Michael Jackson's movie? Why did you do that? I'm not choreograph. What did he do? Kenny Ortega, like, produced this is it by Michael Jackson, the movie and the tour.

Wild. I'm realizing as I'm recording this podcast, I have a real issue with spitting on everything that is in a direct, I would say about two to three. feet radius around me in this general, you know, 180 degree area in front of me. It really is the splash zone. So you guys are lucky you're not in here with me because it's wet. It's getting wet and wild in here. Okay, like I said, my summer routine, I've got to watch Aquamarine. And that's what that song is from. Summertime guys, school it's out, the sun is shining. She really, really, like, made points with that. That's, oh my God, that movie's so good. Emma Roberts, Jojo and Sarah Paxton. I have to look up her makeup in there. Sarah Paxton aqua marine makeup. Oh my god,

this changed my life as a young tween. It's not even that impressive. Look at that. She had, she had green and blue and blue mascara. Oh my god, I have to go do this. Oh my god, this is beautiful. She is so beautiful This hair Yeah, I did this hair during the pandemic Because what else was I supposed to do, girl? It's me, alone in my room, box of hair dye I'm lying, me and Emmy did it

And this dress when she ripped off the sleeves Oh my God, Aquamarine is one of the best movies Ever, ever made! Oh my God! Okay, it's summertime, right? everyone knows I have my little like routine of what I need to do. I would like to describe what I think is my perfect, perfect summer day. Okay, it is going to be a beach day.

And before we get into the beach day, I would like to just put a little disclaimer out there that has absolutely nothing to do with this. You know how it's always like a joke that, oh, a Caucasian family, every Caucasian family has that bathroom that's themed nautical. Everyone has a nautical-themed bathroom for some reason that's like, on the waves, we stay surfing or whatever the fuck. Like, it's always lighthouses. And like, hey, have you ever seen a lighthouse in person? I haven't.

Maybe if you're from like New England. Also, maybe I don't know what New England is. I thought New York was in New England. It's not. And you guys fucking ridiculed me for that. What states? Like when they say, oh, New England clam chowder. Could that just be like from anywhere?

Generally. What states are in New England? Maine? Maine is New England, but New York isn't? Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island. I'm going to need to pull up a map. Girl, be so fucking serious. New York is right there.

People get so mad. It's not New England. Girl, it's right there. It borders Vermont and Massachusetts and Connecticut. in Canada. I think we should really, really take a look at how we're defining New England, and maybe we should include New York in there, so I don't feel like as much of an idiot.

Anyway, New England clam chowder. Who thought, mm, mm, these clams are so fucking delicious. What if we added cream? What absolute psychopath, prisoner? Prisoner, go to prison, go to jail. Mmm, these sea boogers are so yum. What if we put some cream and salt? Mmm, a bisque.

What? A clam bisque. Maybe not everyone should be allowed near a gas stove. Maybe not everyone should be allowed to go into the kitchen and create, you know? Anyway, just food for thought, by the way. What the fuck is clam chowder next time you eat it? I will get into some corn chowder, though. Corn, creamed corn, cream corn, cream corn.

That is so good. I love cream corn. Anyway, okay, Caucasian bathrooms. I love it. I am an advocate for a nautical-themed bathroom. I think it is so whimsical and fun and camp. If you walk into just some woman's bathroom, some like just normal family's bathroom,

and it's just like life rafts and dolphin, and seagulls and lighthouses and waves and boats and maybe some margaritaville, maybe like a flip-flop, maybe some sand. They always, I love those little sand jars that you can find out like antique stores and stuff that's like the different colored sand layered. I love nautical themed bathrooms. I can't wait. Me, when I have my own house, I live in a house.

When I have like, when I live alone, I'm going to have a nautical themed bathroom at every bathroom. I don't give a fuck, dude. And I also want one of those really like campy zebra print, lime green, hot pink, like, like stay sassy, girl. Like tell me that like you would walk in there and not feel so safe. And I'll always have one of those wax melts going. I'm going to have one of those wax melts plugged into the wall and it'll always be like apple cinnamon or like pumpkin, an apple. There's something just so comfortable about that. Have you ever been to a hair salon in the south?

You go to the bathroom and it's just like that. It's like zebra print towels and cheetah print aprons. And I just love it. It is so comfortable to me. That's also very New Jersey. If I walked into a bathroom and it was just fuzzy and it had zebra everywhere and glitter and sequins, I'd be like, yeah, I'm shitting in here hard as a brick. Yeah, I'm cranking out a log in here.

I am going to town. on this porcelain throne. That's what I think when I see a zebra print bathroom or when I see those fuzzy toilet lid covers or when I see a nautical theme bathroom. I just love them so much. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses,

monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds. because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. You started your business with a great idea and a ton of hustle. Let Gottprint.com help you look the part. Grow your business by getting professional marketing that well. Works. Need business cards before a networking event? High impact postcards for a promotion or sleek signs for your storefront? We offer a huge selection, reliable quality, and low pricing. Right now, get 20% off your first order with the code podcast.

So don't worry about printing. Worry about growing your business. Start today at gotprint.com and print with confidence. Moskey Report. Anyway, well, why did I even start talking about that? Oh, my perfect day. Yeah, my perfect day would start with me taking. in like a monster shit in a nautical theme bathroom.

And then it always like a coconut candle. Oh my God, dude. I love when you go to someone's house and you walk into the bathroom and there's a lit candle. It's like, they knew I was coming. Yeah, they invited me over.

But like they prepared. They lit a candle for me because I knew I was going to come in here and shit. Oh my God. I love my friend. A coconut candle. A lemon lime candle. Actually, no, I might vomit.

Like a coconut. lime candle maybe there's they always do like sea salt and moss those candles and they sell at target whatever so good it or like clean linen oh my god oh my god let me let me put you guys on to something there is a company which i'm sure a lot of you know if you're on tech dot called vacation and i used vacation before they like went viral because they have this whipped cream sunscreen that literally comes in like a whip can whipped cream can bottle and you that was really good actually okay the fart wasn't really but that did sound like a whipped cream can. But it's sunscreen.

It's like SBF, and you can do it, and you put it all over your body, and it smells so good. I have the normal sunscreen that just smells like a beach day, like a fun pool day. It's so, I love it. And the whole branding for it is so, listen, if the product sucks on something, I couldn't care less. If the packaging is cute, I'm a packaging whore. I'm a whore for a good font and a good. good shape of a bottle or like a little applicator. Oh my god, I'm a whore. I'm a slut for it.

Vacation is so good. It's all like kind of vintage but not vintage like can't be 50s or 60s. It's like polished. Like whatever. I'm just obsessed. Anyway, they sell candles and they have this three pack and vacation, you better fucking send me some more because I'm plugging you on my Christian podcast. They sell this this pack of candles and I think it's, I don't know what it's called. like the vacation classic pack or something like that. And there's one called sweet, like a little vacation suite. There's one called, hey, I don't know. Lobby.

Lobby is the second one, like a little hotel lobby. And the third one is called pool boy. And the pool boy one is so, it smells like a perfect day at the pool or at the beach. Like nothing goes wrong. You can relax. You're with your friends. You're a little drunk. You're like, oh, I'm at the beach.

pool, but I need to go inside and go pee-pee. And you run in and guess what? There's a lit coconut candle. That's what pool boy smells like. It smells so good. Sweet and lobby are also that like rich sort of, ooh, where am I? Like it smells so nice in here. There's a difference with candles where it's like, ooh, this smells good or this smells nice or this smells rich. Sweet and lobby smell rich. Anyway, get into that girl, but don't sell them out because I'll be pissed off. I love vacation. I've never tried the whipped cream sunscreen. I really need to get it before, because I am so white. And yes, I am moly. Okay? I'm a molly girl. Yeah, I've had some moles removed. I've had some moles burned off. I've had warts burned off, moles removed, incisions,

hole punches. That's literally what they call it. Dermatologists are like, we need to remove this mole. We're going to hole punch it out of you. Huh? Hey, what? Hey, what do you mean by that? But they've done it. They did one on my butt cheek and one on my shoulder. I'm so white. I don't even tan. I just get more fucking moles. Every time I go outside, I'm like, what's this dermatologist visit?

Can it cost me? Okay. My perfect day. Now that we got all of that out of the way, let's proceed. My perfect day is going to be preferably at a beach resort where you can go to the beach, rinse off, get in the pool, and then go back to your room and go from there. So starting off, I would say we're going to the beach. It's me and my best friends.

We go and we have chairs, so we're not just like putting the towels on the beach because that's so annoying because people will walk on your towel or like you'll walk on your towel and it's sand everywhere. And it's like, this is supposed to be my dry area and you put fucking sand on it. And then like you want to eat off of the towel and you can't. because they're sand, whatever. We have chairs. We put our beach towels down,

and it's not those thin, flimsy, like Miami Beach ones. It's like the thick, plush hotel resort towels with the stripes on them. And we lay there, and I'm in a swimsuit. And here's the kicker. I don't care how my body looks. Because that is, especially like, for a bigger girl or a bigger person anywhere,

like a pool party, a beach day is our worst nightmare. What do you mean I have to show the most pudgy parts of my body to all of God's creation? I don't want to do that, but I want to have fun. Like, why can't, and then if you wear like long sleeves or like a wetsuit or a swim dress or swim pants or whatever the fuck, you get made fun of. So it's like, you can't wear a bikini if you're bigger or, you know, really tight shorts because you'll be like, people be like oh you're showing too much and then if you wear something more modest it's like prude so it's like what do you how do you win anyway um i wear a swimsuit that i feel comfortable in and beautiful in and i and i don't worry about my body that's perfect day part number one

i don't get a mole i am able to be in the sun for more than three hours and i don't get a mole or a freckle that would be ideal my skin remains relatively unchanged. I lay out there. I have my JBL speaker going. Okay, my little JBL speaker. It's fully charged. It doesn't die. And I'm listening to my favorite beach music. Oh my God. For any Tame Impala girls, if there's any Tame Impala people out there, I have just about like OD'd on Tame and Paula. Like they're one of my favorite bands. This tattoo is for them, him, Kevin, still on track from the song. you guessed it, on track. And I just love them so much,

but I have listened to all of the albums, ad nauseum, which is Latin for, to the point of nausea. I could vomit. I found this new brand, new band called sports. That's the name of the band.

Sports. Let me pull them up on Spotify. Here's what I'm listening to lately. Powerful classical music to be dramatic AF2. if you were wondering. So this is them, sports, and this is, this is the album, naked all the time. It's so good. It's kind of like a Tame and Paula alternative.

And it's just easy listening. It's like indie rock, alternative rock. It's just so, like, I'm obsessed. I've listened to this album on repeat. It's only eight songs, and it's just like constantly on repeat. I am obsessed. So get into that if you're into that. If you're not, who fucking cares?

Who asked? Okay, yeah. It's a good rotation of like that sort of music with a mixture of maybe some Weezer and maybe some old, ooh, get into this too. I have this playlist as well that I made. Doesn't it show you when you made it? Maybe, maybe not. When did I make this?

I called it Hawaii in the 50s. And it's just these really cute, like, old-timey, like commercial, like, just hula songs. So it's such a vibe. Especially when you're like getting ready for the beach. I'm obsessed. So get into that. So I want a mix of that also with a mixture of like, I don't know, some Post Malone. You can throw on circles by Post Malone.

Okay? Also, I feel the need to say this. I love Post Malone and I will until I die. Chemical, his new song. Not a fan. Not a fan. I don't like it. I think insane is one of my favorite post-mullin songs of all time.

I like when he does the, like, oh, fucking, uh, 92 Explorer by Postmull is one of my favorite songs. Die for you, uh, on the road. What's the Ozzy Osbourne one? Take what you want. Take what you want. Blame it on me. Blame it on me is so good. I like the, the mean, like,

scorn bass line hip hop that Posty does like all of Stoney was so fucking good and I like his new stuff like I really enjoyed 12 carat 12 carot toothache

14 carot toothache 12 carot toothache I enjoyed it I think it was it was interesting it was kind of experimental for him Lemon Tree is a great song I really really I liked it but it's just not nothing will ever beat Hollywood's bleeding for me

I love that album so much Anyway, yeah, chemical, not my favorite song. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and Save Hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car.

insurance. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. You started your business with a great idea and a ton of hustle. Let Gottprint.com help you look the part. Grow your business by getting professional marketing that works. Need business cards before a networking event? High impact postcards for promotion or sleek signs for your storefront? We offer a huge selection, reliable quality, and low pricing. Right now, get 20% off your first order with the code podcast. So don't worry about printing. Worry about growing your business.

Start today at gotprint.com and print with confidence. Okay, moving on, my perfect beach day. I have a charcutory board, but it's not a charcutory board. It is a snackle box. Now, I did see this on TikTok, okay, as I do most things. I saw this on TikTok, and that's going to be a, so what is a snackle box? I'm glad you asked.

That's going to be a tackle box, like for fishing, which is a plastic compartment with a bunch of different little mini compartments for all the little baits and hooks and whatever for fishing and they have removed all of the baits and hooks stay with me cleaned it out i would hope and they have put crackers cheese olives chocolates and uh meats various meats into this tackle box and then you close the lid and it keeps everything perfectly separated and you just put it in the ice chest. That is so smart. Snackle box?

With some pickles? Get into it. I also saw on TikTok yesterday. Somebody made Old Bay pickles. You bet you're fucking ass. I'm going to make some old bite pickles. You bet your fucking ass. I can't think of anything more delicious.

An Old Bay pickle? I'm shoving it up my hole. I'm putting it in all. all of my holes. Sorry. Sorry, ew. That would burn, actually. That's not even funny.

That's just like, that would... It's like playing with jalapeno seeds and rubbing your eyes. All right. Anyway, snackle box. Stay with me. It's not too hot outside because there is nothing worse than going to the beach. And it is miserably hot. You can't even enjoy.

what it is to be outside because it is so fucking hot. And I can't stand the people that are like, I'm from insert state here. Trust me, this is a hot. Girl, fuck you. It is 103 degrees. Yes, it's fucking hot. You're lying for attention.

Don't lie for attention. If you're going to do it, make it an interesting story. Don't sit there in 103 degree fucking heat and be like, I'm from Ohio. This is not. Oh, fuck you. We're going to play the shut the fuck up. game. You're first. You go first. Your turn. There is nothing more annoying. And people from Texas

do it all the time. It gets hot as fuck in Southern California. It gets hot. Like it really, really can, especially the more inland you get. Like, it gets up to like 105. And people from here will be like, I'm from da-da-da-tress me. This is nothing. I'm like, you motherfucker, I am from Dallas, America. It gets up to like 113 there. This is hot. I am hot. My back is wet. My under boob is wet. My undercarriage smells probably fucking hazardous. That smell could knock out an old woman. The smell coming from my undercarriage when it's 106 degrees outside could quite literally kill an old man. I'm sorry that I had to be the one to say that. But it's true.

Sometimes... Sometimes I'm about to say something and my brain says, don't. Maybe don't. Hey, hey, hey, maybe don't. my brain says nope my brain hits the on the this is the voice I think next season maybe one of the judges on the voice

should take a break and I'll step in I think next year I think Rupal should step down and I'll step up as the host of Rupal's drag race and then all of the judges on the voice should step down and I'll be all four judges as well as on the X Factor and America's got talent. And maybe Britain's got talent as well.

I can do it. Like, I honestly, I'm not that busy. Like, I honestly, I have some free time. So let me know about that. Any producers, if you guys are interested. Okay, what was I saying? Oh, the smell coming from my undercarriage. Okay, sorry, let me get back on it.

Let me get back to the real stuff. Yeah, when I don't want it to be too hot. my perfect beach day because that's just going to piss me off. That's going to piss me off. When it's 105 degrees outside, I'm fucking angry now. I can't even have fun. I'm so hot. And then I get red because I'm so white. I don't even tan. I don't like nothing. I just get red in the face and I get red in the body. I'm like a naked mole rat. A serious mole rat. I have moles. It's like if Rufus the naked mole rat had melanoma. Rufus the naked mole rat. That's literally me. Holy shit, that's literally what I look like.

I loved Rufus. I had a little stuffed Rufus. He's so cute, dude. That's what I look like. Look at him. I have to watch Kim Possible again. Kim Possible was so, so ahead of her time. She was so cunt.

That is cunt. Look at her little lip liner, so cunt. Okay. Yeah, it can't be hot. And if I do get a little overheated, I want to be able to get in the water and just float around. I don't want to have to deal with kelp or seaweed touching my legs, touching my ankles. I have a panic attack in the water. I slip on something and crack my head open on a shell on the bottom of the ocean floor.

I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to deal with that, dude. I can't deal with it. I just want to bring a floaty. I wish they made adult, adult, what are these called, arm floaties?

I would be in the water just like this. And that's all I need, dude. I don't need a big tube. I need to struggle. That's so humiliating as an adult. The tube! And what if you flip backwards,

or you flip forwards, or if you're trying to get on a floaty raft and then you can't do it, or you have to spread your legs like a, like you're trying to mount a horse, but you're in the thinnest sheen bikini bottoms. you've ever seen in your life. They're disintegrating in the water as you're spreading your legs to try to mount this raft. So humiliating. To exist is to be humiliated. To exist is to be embarrassed.

And if you can get over that hump, you can do anything. Free me from cringe so that I may be. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance, Fiscally Responsible, Financial Geniuses, Monetary Magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds, because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. You started your business with a great idea and a ton of hustle.

Let Gottprint.com help you look the part. Grow your business by getting professional marketing that works. Need business cards before a networking event? High impact postcards for a promotion or sleek signs for your storefront. We offer a huge selection, reliable quality, and low pricing. Right now, get 20% off your first order with the code podcast. So don't worry about printing. Worry about growing your business.

Start today at gotprint.com and print with confidence. Okay. Anyway, I want to get on a little floaty. I want to have adult float. Maybe they're SpongeBob themed or maybe they're Mickey Mouse or maybe maybe I don't know. What would be a good like, oh no, I want Ariel on my arm floaties. I want Ariel on my arm floaties and flounder in Sebastian and I want to float in the water

like this and maybe as a joke to my friends, I'll put my head down like this and I'll act like I died. That's always a good joke. That never gets old. I'll act like I drowned and my dead body's just floating. Me and Taylor do that bit when he goes. swimming. We'll lay face down in the water and just float until it's like, oh, they noticed.

And then you can get rid of the bit. Then you can finish the bit. Anyway, I want to get on my little floaty, put my arm floats on, and I just want to, I want to float. And I don't want the current to take me away. That's going to piss me off. If where I got into the water, it drifts me down the beach a little bit, and then I have to walk all the way back because it drifted me down 50 feet.

That's going to piss me off. Um, it also pisses me off when you get out of the water and, and you're walking up the beach and the tide is pulling back and so you're sinking into the, oh, that pisses me off. Maybe I don't want to go to the beach. Maybe the beach is just not a good place for me mentally to be in. I have, uh, I'm always confused when I go to the beach and I see like when the tide goes away and the sand kind of bubbles. Does that mean there's a crab under there or does that mean, Like is a fish trapped? I know some fish bearing under the sand. I know a lot of mollusks and bottom dwellers, Mr. Crabs, if you will. Like, is that why the sand bubbles? I guess I just don't understand how a beach works.

Because what are you guys doing under the sand? What are you guys doing under the sand? You're supposed to be a freaking fish. You're supposed to be a freaking fish. Get out of the freaking sand. Go swimming around in the water. What to fuck? Okay.

Another part of my perfect day at the beach is I would like to potentially eat a berry. I'd like to eat a berry. A strawberry. A raspberry. Raspberry. Raspberry. Your word is raspberry. Could you use it in a sentence, please?

I laid on the towel and ate a raspy. Raspberry. Anyway, I'd like to eat a bear. I'd like to eat strawberry. Preferably chilled. Oh, dude. If in my little, in my year, Yeti cooler, okay? Because it's got to be a Yeti cooler. Nothing else works. I don't make the rules. It's got to be a Yeti cooler. It's got to have my little snackle box. My ice cold Mexican coax or maybe the Rosalia Cokes.

Then I'm going to have some berries, an assortment of berries, maybe mix some banana in there. Ooh, kiwi. A fruit salad, maybe. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Were you guys wiggles kids? I love the wiggles, dude. Even like, it was one of those things where my siblings would be watching it, and I'm like, yeah, this shows for babies. And then I'd be in the backseat, like,

Hoot's a, yummy, yeah. I watch those fruit baby stem videos, too. I sometimes, when I'm high off my ass, off an edible, I will literally, this is 19 minutes long, and I will watch every last second of, this video. There's so many too. There's so many different types of fruit. I will watch this video until it's completion. And then I like these too. Shane from The Watcher introduced me to this. You just get high and you just put on your favorite music or maybe some whimsical Harry Potter

music and you just put these on these POV cab view train videos. I mean, I could watch them for hours. And you can You can speed them up, you can slow them down. I like when they go through tunnels. Let me find when they go through tunnels. And this is three and a half hours long, by the way. Oh, yeah, here we go. When they enter the tunnel, dude.

Yes, dude. Okay, maybe it's kind of creepy. Maybe that's really creepy and scary. Oh, so it goes on forever? Okay. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, here we go. We're coming out of the tunnel.

That's really something special, guys. That's something special. I don't know what it is about being high where it's just like, I have got to watch. I have got to watch something. But it can't be anything too overwhelming or scary or like I cannot. The thought of watching something like succession high, just shoot me in the head. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

These are things people say about drivers who, switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds, because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it, so your dollar goes a long way. Visit Progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. You started your business with a great idea and a ton of hustle. Let gotprint.com help you look the part. Grow your business by getting professional marketing that works. Need business cards before a networking event? High impact postcards

for a promotion or sleek signs for your storefront. We offer a huge selection, reliable quality, and low pricing. Right now, get 20% off your first order with the code podcast. So don't worry about printing. Worry about growing your business. Start today at gotprint.com and print with confidence. Your financial freedom today by visiting PDSdebt.com slash report. Moving on, my perfect beach day, I'd like to read a book. And not something serious. I'd like to read like enemies to lovers or like Akitar. Oh my God, if I could reread Ackatar for the first time.

I need to reread it. Something like that where it's like I can get lost in a little fantasy world and I can really just, just like get lost in there and explore it and escape. I think that'd be really, really the vision. That's the dream. Okay, so we're wrapping up at the beach. Okay, let's say I've been there for like two and a half, maybe three hours. I'm in and out of the water.

I've had my little snack. I'm staying hydrated. I have a Yeti full of ice water. I've got my, specifically my waterburger Yeti with my Mickey Mouse straw. Mickey Mouse, Gay Pride Straw, and we're walking from the beach up to the pool. And you know how sometimes it's that wooden sort of pier. I don't know what you call that. It's like a wooden sort of board, oh, a boardwalk, up to where you rinse your feet off.

Like you can rinse all the sand off yourself and the water's always ice fucking cold for no reason. Like it's 100 degrees outside and the water's ice cold and it should feel good, but it's like, And it comes out so fast like a jet. Like your skin is raw and red. Need that. I'm going to rinse off my little toes, my little piggies. And then I'm going to walk my happy red ass up to the pool. And I'm getting in the damn pool.

And I'm going to swim around and kick around. And it better not have children in it. Because if there's children in it, I'm pissed off. And this is my perfect beach day. So actually, we're walking up to the pool and no one's in the pool. That's the dream. It's like, hey, maybe the clouds are rolling in. Like, it's about to start raining.

Everyone's leaving, but it's just me and my friends. We're at the pool alone. The sun's gone away, but it's still warm outside. And I'm swimming around in the pool. Maybe, okay, actually, I'm changing it. We're at a house. Okay, we're not at a resort. I take my top off.

I go skinny dipping and it starts raining. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That sounds so much fun. Sometimes you need to swim around the water with your gonads out. You need to feel that current of the water on some hair on your body. And I don't mean on your head. You need to feel that current on parts of your body that never are free.

God, I love skinny dipping. So I would do that. I would skinny dip. I would take my swimsuit off. and I would swim around, I'd float around, maybe have some more berries in the water. When I was a kid, my mom used to, like, throw fruit into the water, and I'll go swim over and I'd catch it.

Like little pieces of cantaloupe or whatever. Probably not the most hygienic. But you bet your daint. You bet your fucking ass. I'll swim over there on chattelope. So yum. Anyway, we would do that. And then when we were over it or maybe it started raining really hard or whatever.

We'd get out of the pool. We'd pack up all our stuff. We'd put those, the cheap little old Navy flip flops on. Or like those little beach town dollar store, surf shop flip flops on. We'd put those on and we'd flip flop back to the room. I would take the most glorious shower of my life, do a little hair treatment, moisturize my skin, and take a nap, dude. I would take a nap.

And it would be so, so, so, so. so good because you know i don't know if anyone's not from the south they always say hey the sun will take it out of you it's it's the humidity that'll get you but the sun will take it out of you they always say that i think that that is so fucking true and uh it definitely rings true with me so yeah i would take a great nap and then we'd wake up maybe around 9 p.m. 6 p.m. We'd wake up around 6 p.m. I would get into glam.

I would sit in the glam chair and do my own glam. And then we'd all get ready. And then we'd go out to dinner. And then I would have some cocktails. I would have some dick and cocktails. And you did it at my birthday dinner. There is nothing more culturally significant than that video. There is nothing that will show.

shift culture in a way that that video shifted culture. And you did it at my birthday dinner. Oh my God, I want to have a moment like that so bad where I just dress someone down at an event where I'm like, you know what? And we're all thinking it. We're all thinking it, but I'm the one that has the balls to say it to you.

Okay? And you did it at my birthday dinner to add insult to injury. Oh, I want to dress somebody down like that. That would be so much fun. Okay. So we're getting ready for dinner. We go to dinner. We have some dick and cocktails.

I'd maybe have a shrimp cocktail. I have something light but filling. Nothing cream base, nothing that's going to make my tummy do somersault. I'm not doing all that, okay? Because I'm probably sharing a bathroom with somebody. I'm not going to do that to him, even though I could. Then we order some cocktails and get a little tipsy, get a little drinkty drunk. And then we go out afterward.

Maybe. Maybe we go out to a little club. Maybe a young gentleman comes up to me. Maybe he says that he knows me. And I say, oh my God, a straight man that knows who I am, maybe he's the one. We start talking. He's gay.

He asked me for a picture. We do that. I'm devastated because I thought he was the one. Turns out he doesn't want me. Okay? Even though I could be that for a gay man. I have the same shape toll that a lot of other gay men do. Okay, the only issue is that I'm not a man or gay.

Okay? But I could still be that for you. I could, hey, come on. Look at me. I could really give the fantasy for some gay men. Maybe I'm looking for a bisexual man. If there's any bisexual men that want me, you guys better let me fucking know.

leave a, hey, drop a comment. If you want me, you want me. So let me know. Anyway, in this night, a man comes out to me, I think he wants me. I'm a little drunk and delusional. And when I'm wine drunk especially, I think that everyone wants me.

Because they do. Because they do. He comes up, he wants a picture. Because him and his boyfriend are big fans. Ah, okay. Got it. We take the picture. I go over to my friend.

and I say, hey, I think I'm ready to go home because the wine's getting to my membrane. And then they say, okay, we close out our tab, and then we get in the Uber, we go home. I take my makeup off, I wash my face, and then I climb into my moo-moo, and I run into that bed. And I, you know, when you're sleeping next to somebody who snores and it just like keeps getting louder. And you start to cry. And you start to get so frustrated. You start to cry. That's literally me on vacation with my dad, where it starts out.

And then they wake themselves up and you say, oh, thank Christ. And then they turn over and then the snoring stops. The snoring stops. That is, that is, uh, I have lived through that experience so many times. Everyone in my family's overweight and everyone snores. Like doing a family vacation, miserable. Everyone snores. Probably myself included.

You'd have to ask Taylor. Taylor knows if I snore. And if I do, no, I fucking don't, by the way. because I am the most beautiful, innocent, delicate flower that has ever lived. So how could, look at me, how could I snore? Don't answer that. I would never snore, because that's ugly. Ugly people snore.

I definitely don't snore. I definitely snore. Okay. Oh, oh Christ, excuse me. Anyway, that's my perfect day. That's my perfect day. we start at the beach, do the thing, go to the pool, take nap, dinner, drinks, wash my face, maybe wash my undercarriage again, get in my moo-moo and knock the fuck out.

That is a beautiful day spent with friends and not a moment wasted. Okay? Celebrating God's creation. The beach. The shoreline. I think that's so much fun. Like I have such great memories as a kid of having the, that exact day. I would love to recreate it in my old age of 26. Also, I turned 26 on May 10th.

Okay? And no one wished me happy birthday. That's not true. A lot of people did. I wouldn't worry about it though. Okay? Because if I, here's the thing, if I want to come on this podcast and be like, and nobody did this, that's my reality that I choose to live. Nobody even streamed Harry Stiles' second album, fine line. Like literally no one did. It was so, like, girl, that's a delusion I'm living in. You don't have to live in it. I like to create drama sometimes just to have it. Because sometimes I don't have drama in my life. I have a lot of meetings and I have a lot of business stuff to attend to. But like, I don't keep dramatic friends. You know, like, if there's drama in the friend groups, it's because like somebody else did something and I'm hearing about it. I don't do that. I'm too

fucking old and I'm I'm I don't have time for it. So maybe maybe I need that. Okay, um, before I go, I would like to share, I would like to share, um, one of my latest obsessions. I'd like to share one of my latest obsessions. Now, that's going to be Vampire Jack on Instagram. Brittany, what's Vampire Jack? Thank you for. asking, this is vampire jack. I'm not even going to explain anything. We're just going to watch. I am the vampire Jack Townsend, and I am a real life living vampire.

You're probably sitting there right now asking yourself, vampires, are they really real? I believe in witches, and I believe in ghosts and demons. Sidebirds are like that. Well, I have an answer for you. Not in the way that you've been taught. Is he so serious? Is he so serious?

He's your vampire you think about, Count Dracula, the deep widows peep, and a girl lady in the oxenance, and a cape. But no. We are not the fictitious... Him in front of his, like, Amazon glam mirror with light bulbs on it, like, putting in those red contacts is a crazy thing to think about. Him, like, putting the teeth in, being like,

like, yes, I am a real living. I'm obsessed with him, dude. I don't give the fuck we have to say. Characters of Bram Stoker's none. We existed long, long, long before Vlad Tebisch was ever re-characterized

into the vampire, Dracula. Now, there are some similarities, but there are many, many, many more differences. I can't deal with how serious he's being. Or, for many, including myself, and other can experience. What?

What the fuck is Otherkin? Oh my God, he put a description on the screen. Otherkin, a subculture of people who identify as not entirely human. Some Otherkin believe their identity derives from reincarnation, a non-human soul, ancestry, symbolism, or metaphor. Others attribute it to unusual psychology and do not hold spiritual beliefs on the subject. Otherkin, by the way, is the belief that your soul is not... Babe Her Jack. Not him teaching us.

Exactly. human in nature. That isn't the entire shared experience of the vampire community. The vampire community? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You have an Instagram. The vampire community.

You have a TikTok account. Take those fucking contacts out. Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe I want to be a vampire jack's girlfriend. Maybe I'm really jealous. Also, his girlfriend's the hot as fuck. Look at his girlfriend. Shane Townsend?

She is so sleigh. Oh my god, I wish I could show this video. The caption is he's sexiest when he literally wants to kill you. Hey, what are we talking about? This one is when your boyfriend is a thirst-trapping vampire on the internet. Get into this. Into Vampire Jack, okay? And let me know your thoughts.

We'll retouch on Vampire Jack in the next episode, probably. Okay Love you guys Thank you so much for listening and watching And that will do it for me this episode I got a lot off my chest that I wanted to talk about Vin Per Jack I'm coming back for you Van Per Jack

I love you Van Perchek I'm your biggest fan Can you say happy birthday Britney She's a tourist she's born on May 10th All right rate me five stars Please please please dude christ read me five stars

um subscribe and turn on those turn on that motherfucking bell those post notifications for YouTube Spotify Apple podcast Google podcast Samsung Mark Zuckerberg podcast I don't know what the Samsung one's called still

haven't bothered to Google it love you guys and thank you so much for listening and enjoying and we will catch you next time you started your business with a great idea and a ton of hustle. Let gotprint.com help you look the part.

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