The Broski Report with Brittany Broski - 51: I Need to Feed Stanley Tucci Hamburger Helper

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

This week on The Broski Report, Fearless Leader Brittany Broski breaks down The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and Crime & Punishment before diving into the world of Bridgerton and what she would serve Stanley Tucci for dinner. 👕 Get your merch here: https://broski.shop/ Follow The Broski Report:https://www.linktr.ee/broskireporthttps://www.tiktok.com/@broskireport https://instagram.com/broskireport  Follow Brittany: https://www.tiktok.com/@brittany_broski  https://instagram.com/brittany_broski  https://youtube.com/brittany_broski Follow Royal Court:https://www.tiktok.com/@bbroyalcourthttps://www.instagram.com/royalcourthttps://www.twitter.com/bbroyalcourt  Brought To You By:Liquid Death – Go To https://liquiddeath.com/broskiTinder – Download the App NowRegister To Vote:Headcount – https://headcount.org Rock The Vote – https://rockthevote.org Some helpful credible resources/links to help Free Palestine:Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund - https://www.pcrf.net/UNICEF - https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/helping-gazas-children-cope-traumaDoctors Without Borders - https://donate.doctorswithoutborders.org/secure/give-monthly-double-your-impact-search-onetime-reverse-mobile?ms=ADD2301U3U49&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=BRAND.DWB_CKMSF-BRAND.DWB-GS-GS-ALL-DWBBrand.E-BO-ALL-RSA-RSARefresh.1-MONTHLY&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6PGxBhCVARIsAIumnWZpQAMikxPIRiPMfAjYsJZ-eHiRQV2pw7tu2Jlo6YL8Gk_uaTSwH0MaAtFGEALw_wcWorld Central Kitchen - https://wck.org/World Health Organization - https://www.who.int/Headcount - https://www.headcount.org/IG ACCOUNTS TO FOLLOW:@eye.on.palestine@aljazeeraenglish@palestinianyouthmovement@byplestia@motaz_azaiza@impact#brittanybroski, #broski, #broskination, #broskireport, #thebelljar, #sylviaplath, #literature, #crimeandpunishment, #bridgerton, #stanleytucci, #markwahlberg, #wahlburger

Picture the two of you sitting side by side, a Mai Tai in your hands, and the sounds of Hawaii around you. You almost forget you're on a plane. And that's the point, because when you fly with Hawaiian Airlines, it's hard to tell where your flight ends and vacation begins. Hawaii starts here. Direct from the Brozky Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Brozky Report, with your your host, Brittany Brozky. Bienneu, Bonvenu,

Brosky Nation. Guys, welcome back. Guys, if you're driving, if you're sitting, if you're sleeping, if you're reading, if you are, I don't know, laying. Get up! Get up, cock suckers, it's all over. I'm about to crack this, listen to this.

That was a PBR. It's 9 a.m. I'm just kidding. That's a Red Bull. And I'm about to pour it into my New York bodega cup. Tell me how freaking sweet that is. Y'all, I picked this up in New York last time I was there as a little tourist. I was a tourist. This is just darling. This is what they give you in the bodegas in New York. And it is, it is ceramic. What's no this? It's ceramic.

How freaking cute is that? So I'm about to pour my bup, bump, boon blueberry red bull and my bodega cup because I'm fucking crazy. That clip of Inya, I think of probably once a day. I'm fucking crazy! And then she turns around in silence and goes up to the escalator. Yeah. Yeah, I'm fucking crazy. Wow.

Guys, red 40? More like, what's in this? Red Bull, you better fess up, bitch. What's in this? It just says color. What does that mean? Ingredients, color.

Oh, I'm not worried about how that's going to affect my body in the next 10 to 15 years. at all. What is the color and red bowl? Did you see that in the video? That was a huge bug. All right. There's been a murder. The first murder of the Brosky Report,

we come to you live tonight to report the sudden and gruesome murder of a bug that flew towards my face and now its carcass is forever going to be on that desk because I'm not going to clean that up. In case you forget, I don't have a producer or a cleaning crew or a janitorial service that comes through here.

It's me, bitch. I'm all of those. So that carcass is going to stay right there indefinitely. And I wonder if you can see it on the screen. Oh, I had a big screen installed right here behind camera one. So if I'm more wall-eyed than usual, it's because I'm looking up here. Okay? I'm looking up here at my big white face.

My God. I had a dream last night that I got sunburnt. And that is as close as I'm getting to the sun. Okay? It has been so long since I have, like, stood in the sunlight. I am so white. I am so pale. And usually, I mean, I'm a very pinky white person.

Usually I've got some color to me. Oh, my sweet God. I have never been this white. I truly, it ruins outfits. I'm like, I can't. Anyway. Okay, the Red Bull Energy drink cans are blue and silver. Yeah, I know what the fucking can color is.

What is the color? Red Bull colors ingredients. Red Bull Energy Drink can, contains colors that come from a safe source of food colors. Food dyes are usually present in such small amounts that they don't contribute to anything in terms of calories, sugar, and nutrition. Yeah, that's not what I'm worried about, bitch.

I'm worried about the cancerous carcinogenic qualities of it. Oh, so Red Bulls banned at Whole Foods apparently? All right, this is not making me feel great. Okay, guys, what are we talking about today? Today, I come to you with Brittany Broski's literary reviews. Okay? I finished this monolith.

Okay, I finished the bell jar by Sylvia Plath. I have thoughts. I talked about this a few episodes ago where I talked about how I tried to start metamorphosis by Kafka and the bell jar by Sylvia Plath, and I was like, I want to read about dragons fucking each other. Guys, are we not allowed to change and grow? Are we not allowed to mature?

Are we not allowed to abandon the shell of who I was yesterday? to emerge victorious into the butterfly that I will be today. Am I not allowed to have a cocoon of betterment? Or is that, I guess, outlawed? And Bro Ski Nation,

it's legal. In Broke Nation, you're allowed to become the better version of yourself every day and you are gifted the opportunity to do with the new day what you see fit. Okay? That being said, I read the bell jar. I have thoughts. Okay? You know, a lot of Brosky Nation members are very, very educated.

And some of you are not, and that's okay, because that's what this podcast is for. I'm here to help, okay? And I'm not saying I'm the authority on this book or it's literary sort of, you know, the ripple effect of a book like this, which was her only major novel that she published in her lifetime. She sadly died a few, I think, months after this book was published at her own hand. which is a tragic sort of poetic ending to what I'm about to get into with this book. So I'm not obviously like don't, I'm not, guys, shut up.

There's a lot going on. I am not the authority on this book or its significance or its critiques or anything like that. I'm here to share my thoughts and, you know, feel free to sort of let me know in the comments below. And if you haven't read it, I would say it's worth a read. I rated it three out of five stars on my good reads. And I started East of Eden last night by John Steinbeck because I've been talking about it for months. And guys, you can talk the talk, but are you doing the do?

Are you getting or done? And that's the question I'm here to pose to you today, America. Are you here to get her done? Or are you here to yap the yap? So, bell jar. Let's just get into it. So the premise of the bell jar is that it is a young woman, a young mentally ill woman who feels trapped under an invisible bell jar.

Okay? And if you've never seen a bell jar, imagine from Beauty and the Beast, it's what he keeps over the rose, that magic rose. That is a bell jar. And bell jars were common in scientific experiments to create a vacuum over, you know, whatever they were testing. It creates a vacuum. So the implication here when a bell jar is symbolically placed

around a human woman is that it breeds isolation, it breeds suffocation, and, you know, in Esther Greenwood's case, who is the protagonist in this book, it breeds suicidal ideation, which is common. These are all common symptoms of depression and paranoia, which is what the main character suffered from. This book, with all of its controversies, with all of its, you know, I mean, this book was published in the 50s. There were parts of this book that were hard to read. You know, with a 21st century, even like a 2024 mindset, obviously it's going to be

controversial. It's going to be outdated. It's going to be prejudiced. It's going to be racist, homophobic. All those things are very true about this book. And I feel the need to, before I get into the larger plot and all that, I feel the need to say the simple truth that Sylvia Plath was. a white feminist.

Okay? Not a lot of space for intersectional feminism in this book. Not a lot of, she left a lot to be imagined when it comes to, you know,

liberation for all women. It is a very white feminist book and that kind of goes, well, it not goes without saying, but within the first 20 pages of the book, it's like, ah, I see what's going on here.

It was hard to read at times like most classics are because, not academically, It's not academically hard to read. It was emotionally hard to sort of relate or try to put yourself in the position of the main character because it's like, that's crazy.

You feel sympathetic for her through her mental struggles, but to hold such prejudiced views at the same time, it's like, oh my God, it's a very look, okay? Take that for what it's worth. Okay, so Esther Greenwood is the protagonist in this book. Like I said, she struggles with paranoia and depression. She gets an internship in New York City, she moves in New York City, and experiences the hustle and bustle of this glamorous life as a fashion intern at this magazine. And, you know, she sees some of her peers excel and sort of give in to the culture and society.

And then she finds herself kind of misplaced, you know, kind of detached from what's going on. the internship ends, she moves home to Massachusetts where the depression really kicks up. It really kicks up, it flares up, you know, that feeling of when you're back home in your childhood bedroom with your parents living under your parents' roof after such an exciting summer or opportunity, and it just, it starts to spiral out of control. She goes to see a, oh, this scene was T-Bid.

She goes to see a psychologist or a, um, someone to try to diagnose her mental state and try to help her. This doctor, I think, is, the scene almost felt satirical with how accurate it was. It's a male doctor, and she goes and sits down, and she describes this room as being very medical, very clinical, there's no windows, there's like fake plants, whatever. The doctor comes in, he's very handsome, he's very charming, and he's all cheery, and you know what, what, see, your mother tells me there's something fucking wrong with you. Explain And so she explains You know like

I can't sleep I can't read I can't eat I can't do anything I feel paralyzed By this state I find myself in Of like nothing fucking matters

And I wish that I could die And he goes What college did you say you went to again She says it And then he goes on some personal anecdote About how Oh yeah I used to You know

during the war, this happened to that college. Interesting. All right, same time next week. And she walks out and she goes to the car and here's her expectant, hopeful mother of like, well, what did he say? You know, what can be done about my child's suffering? And then she tells her, he just said what time next week and, you know, kind of put his hand out metaphorically for money. And that is so, and I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but unfortunately, that is the

lived reality for a lot of people who go to therapy or go to seek treatment or help for a mental condition, especially think about the context of the 50s, you know, I mean, it was just dismal. These facilities and the so-called help that these patients were given or suggested. And if it wasn't being overmedicated, it was shock therapy, which, I mean, this isn't, if you know about this, you know about this, go do your own research. I'm not going to sit here and try to like give a lecture on how destitute mental health resources were in the 50s, especially how prejudiced they were towards minorities and the gay community. All that kind of go read about it. It's haunting and devastating.

Also, there's this weird trend now of, I mean, obviously it's kind of a meme at this point of lobotomies and all this. But this book kind of gives a glimpse, a sort of pulling back this. screen door looking into the reality of what electroshock therapy and lobotomies looked like and what failed lobotomies looked like. There's a scene where the mom goes in to talk to the doctor. I'm giving spoilers if you have, hey, it's been published since 1950, okay? Maybe go read it. I'm spoiling it if you ever read it. She goes in to talk to the doctor. The mom does and she's like, you know, they're discussing options and how the treatment's going and whatever. and the doctor recommends that Esther visits a facility,

goes and stays at a facility for a while that's out of town. And the mom knows what this means. And they drive her to this facility. And upon entering, you know, it feels like this, oh, it's this rich sort of estate out in the country. It's real nice. And then you walk in and there's all these patients in the room. Silent.

You can hear a pin drop. everyone is in this vegetative state. And you come to find out soon enough why. It's because this doctor is malpracticing and it is electroshock therapy that is, A, not being done right. B is at the hands of this almost narcissist. I don't know if Dr. Gordon is a narcissist, but he is described as being very handsome, very charming,

and then look at his patients. So I don't know. It's chilling the way that she described. this first visit to this facility where it's like these patients are someone was making decisions for them. The next scene is kind of... And the sad part about this book is...

It's very modeled after Sylvia's own life. A lot of the parts are. She's flubbed names and flubbed, you know, things like that. But I don't know. When you write a book like this, it seems so deeply personal because it was. And she gets sponsored by this rich woman

who reads in the paper that Esther tried to kill herself and it was not successful and she was hospitalized. And so she decides to sponsor her and put her up in this really nice facility for rich mentally ill people. That's where Esther ends up going. And it sort of chronicles her experience through that and how she gets to this state that she's not healed necessarily, but socially enough,

I guess she's fine. And I don't know, it's very, the way that the book ends is very like, I guess that's it, isn't it? That's how it goes, is if you've struggled with mental health like that, it's such a curvy road. And there are good days and there are horrible days. And it just, you know, you take it as it goes. And she lands on this place that's like, I don't know, there's so much symbolism in it. And I can't even, I mean, I could spend two hours talking about it. I won't.

I need to get to other things. But what I will say is everyone, when you talk about the bell jar by Sylvia Plath, upon describing even the title of the book, I feel like a lot of people can relate to it, you know, of feeling like disillusioned with life and disillusioned with the, the hand you've been dealt. And is it a me problem or is it a society problem? Is it a technology problem?

Is it a social media problem? Is it this problem? Is it being overmedicated from a young age sort of problem? All these things are swirling around in the zeitgeist of the conversation around mental health. And here it's interesting because this is from 70 years ago, upwards of 70 years ago. And I'm reading some of the words on this page. and through all my qualms with this book, I'm relating to the basis of what she's saying,

which is some days I want to disappear. And I feel like I'm not good enough. And God, if the world could just shut the fuck up. You know, like, I don't want to be here. I'm so sad. But then some days it's not like that. You know, and it's just, I think she does a really good job of putting on paper, putting pen to paper,

about what that indescribable feeling is and how it's dismissed by a lot of people as being not real. So, I can't talk about the bell jar by Sylvia Plath without talking about the fig tree metaphor, which I have highlighted, of course, and I will read for you now.

If you've never heard this, this is very iconic and I relate to it. I'm sure a lot of you can as well. Now, the internet would love to tell you that, oh, this is a symptom of 88. There's a symptom of ADHD. You just need to take Adderall and you'll be okay.

And part of me is like, that might be true. Maybe I need to take Adderall. And then the other part of me is like, no, you need to be more self-disciplined. And then the other part of me is like, well, the TikTokers know what they know. No, don't listen to fucking TikTok. But then part of me is like, you can't trust doctors. Swirling around, I don't have a solution for this. I'm just, I'm telling you that I read this and I really,

really, really relate to it. And I don't know if that makes me a basic bitch. I don't know if that makes me any sort of negative nominor. I don't know. Here's the passage. I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home in children.

Another fig was a famous poet. And another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Eiji, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America. And another fig was Constantine and Socrates and Attila, and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions. And another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion. And beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death,

just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest. And as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black. And one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet. Okay, so. Like, right. Okay, holy fuck. So I struggle with that a lot, where I want to do so many things and I want to do them well.

And I'm afraid of trying and I'm afraid of starting. and when you really zoom out to a bird's eye view, why are you afraid? What is there possibly to be afraid of? Other than the obvious reason of failure, you know, you don't want to fail, but even if you fail, that's an experience and you take facts and truths from those experiences

and you move on and you try other things and hopefully those things will be a success. But I don't even know beyond the fear of failure, it's like this inability to self-start. Damn, guys, we're getting serious and real. I've got the bell jar open. We're doing class popcorn reading about fear of failure and depression. Hey, hey, team, be on venue. I think for me, I've talked about this a lot before of this compulsion I have to be

a Renaissance woman. I want to be a Renaissance woman. I want to try. I want to die in a mental state where I have no regrets and I have tried everything that I wanted to try. Even if I wasn't good at it, even if I failed at it, even if I embarrassed myself trying to do it, I tried it. And I struggle with that right now of I want to start, but I can't. A lot of that also is just paralysis by social media. I try not to chalk it up to, oh, you're serotonin and dopamine levels and you need to self-discipline because you've been taught that, you know, you can get those same feelings by just scrolling and all that's true, but like that's not reason enough to not try.

And for the longest time, I've let that be the reason why I haven't tried is that any fulfillment I could get from sitting down and trying to write prose, trying to write poetry, trying to write a song, trying to write the concept for a book, trying to write anything like that, trying to create in a way that isn't this or a YouTube video, which those are very fun, silly things,

trying to create something that's in earnest, an artistic piece that's just for me. I stop myself before I can even begin. And why? And fuck TikTok Because TikTok was the genesis of it, I think When I think back to 2019

Of the scrolling that I used to do I used to be able to sit down and watch a YouTube video To its completion I cannot do that now I don't know You all feel me? Are y'all rocking with what I'm saying team?

Here's another passage Here's another bell jar passage for you fuckers I knew I should be grateful to Mrs. Guinea, only I couldn't feel a thing. If Mrs. Guinea had given me a ticket to Europe or around the world cruise, it wouldn't have made one scrap of difference to me, because wherever I sat, on the deck of a ship or at a street cafe in Paris or Bangkok, I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.

Okay? Would I recommend the bell jar? I would say it's one of those that you should. should have under your belt. I don't know if it's crucial. I would say it's an important feminist piece of literature, albeit white feminism, which there are much better feminist books you could read.

I don't know. This one always comes up in the conversation, and so it was interesting. It's very character-driven. It's not very plot-driven. By the end of it, I was like, okay, so what's the resolution? You know, what's to be taken away from this story

other than a more detailed in-depth description of depressive and paranoid symptoms. It helps articulate those feelings. So that's my bell jar rant. Towards the end of Sylvia Plas' life, she was working on, I think it was a thesis, or she was just doing research for the double personalities in Dost. Dostoevsky works. Now, I wanted to take the opportunity to Google this with you guys.

Double personality, Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky. How to pronounce Dostoy... Dostoy... Dastoy... Dastoyevsky. Yeah, I'm so smart.

Now you know we're hitting up Cora.gov. Come on, team. when literary critics talk about dual personalities in Dostoevsky's work like Rachelnikovic from crime and punishment Have you all read crime and punishment? Everyone on fucking book talk is like read crime and punishment I will one day.

Let me work myself up to let me work my way there is basically what I'm trying to say. Getting through the classics is an endeavor and I have to intermingle it with sci-fi and fantasy and, you know, like just a good story. Not to say crime and punishment and all these classics aren't good stories, but it is more of an academic study for me of, you know, there's a reason that these books are taught and lectured on in a collegiate academic context

that I want to give it its due process of taking away what I need to from these books. I want to give it more time and care than I would, you know, a fun novel, a fun novel, like an Akitar or whatever like that. Where that's, you can sit down and enjoy it and it doesn't take that much brainpower. These I want to dedicate time to. That's why I put it off. It's the fucking fig tree, dude. I'm just putting it off because I'd like to say that I'm one of those people that has read all these books. But in earnest, I find it difficult to sit down and try and to sit down and stand.

start. So, when literary critics talk about dual personalities and Dostoevsky's work, what do they mean? Are they talking about characters with two personalities? And now here is an answer. When literary critics refer to dual personalities in the context of Dostoevsky's work, they are not necessarily suggesting that these characters have two distinct personalities in the way we might think of dissociative identity disorder. Instead, they are often pointing to a deeper complexity in the character's psychological. makeup. In Dostoevsky's novels, characters like Raskolnikov are often depicted as having conflicting or contradictory aspects to their personality. These characters may struggle with internal

conflicts, moral dilemmas, or existential crises that lead them to experience inner turmoil and psychological tension. This inner conflict can manifest as a duality in their thoughts, emotions, and actions. To me, that sounds like basic human hypocrisy. Like, we're all hypocrites. For example, Raskolnikov in crime and punishment is a complex character who grapples with ideas of morality, guilt, and justification for his actions. He experiences a profound internal struggle between his rational intellectual side that justifies his crime as a means to a greater end and his conscience that is plagued by guilt and remorse. The notion of dual personalities in his works often refer to the intricate psychological depth of his characters. So people are saying that it's more ambivalence, not meaning indifference, but holding two competing thoughts simultaneously. He is at first glance a very superficial character, but it changes as you see the struggle within himself to both understand who he is and to understand the world around him.

He is a blind man unable to move forward with his life because to move forward is tempting fate. His murders were more of an effort to control his own life, not necessarily the murder, but the desire to be caught. He is a man that feels like he is in prison, but the world around him seems to be free. To recover his sanity, he either must free himself or be in prison. It's not that his personality was, his opposition, but his desires were. Interesting. Okay. Okay.

Don't know. Right. Don't care. What is crime and punishment about? Need to read it. We like skipped over this for some reason and, uh, in English lit. probably because it's not English. Hey, that would make sense.

Crime and Punishment is a novel by the Russian author, Fyodor Dostoevsky. Welcome back to Brozky AP literature. Okay, today we're doing crime and punishment takeaways. The lesson learned is the importance of humility and self-awareness, as well as the recognition that no one is above moral principles. It's also the power of guilt and redemption. Crime and punishment explores the transformative power,

of guilt and the possibility of redemption. Hmm, sounds vaguely Catholic to me. Okay, lit class over. We're going to talk about Bridgeton now. Guys, Bridgerton! I finished season two right before season three came out. So, like, I came around just in time.

Everyone was like, you need to watch Bridgeton, you'd really like it. You don't know me, you don't know what I'd like. Guess what I love it. Okay? So I'm pissed off. Finish season two now. Imagine the horror, the horror and gut-wrenching devastation, I felt, upon realizing that Jonathan Bailey is living as a gay man.

What the fuck? What the fuck? How are you going to yearn over a woman like that? Even acting. Even acting. And then you're going to live life as a gay man? Wrong. Wrong.

Wrong. Oh, my sweet Jesus. You know what, Bridgeton made me realize? No one's ever liked me. No one has ever liked me like that, dude. What? Bring back insatiable yearning. I say it.

Every single episode, bring back yearning. Unabashed, unembarrassed, shameless yearning. I sure as hell do it. Okay? Normalize male yearning. We're on a campaign tour right now. Across America, across the seven seas. Normalize male yearning. Guys, you're not hearing me when I speak.

I wanna see begging on knees. I wanna see clasped fists like this. I wanna hear, please, please. Okay? Male yearning is back in a big way this summer. Coming back to a theater near you. From the 19th century, we're bringing back male yearning. We're bringing back women's ankles in a big way.

We're bringing back holding a man's bicept. Okay? Goodnight. So many of those men in Bridgeton just have those. It's that perfect level of arm muscle where it's like, I don't know, you can kind of see the outline when their arms are. un-flexed and then the minute that, girl, it's just a big buzzer.

I feel like fucking pin Badgley from what's that show? Easy A. Ah! Ay! Aye, aye, aye. Another day, another failed Bechdel test.

Another day, another failure. Good night. Some of those men need to be detained in Bridgerton. I was not a Colin Bridgerton believer. I am a Benedict Bridgerton believer.

I'm a Benedict Bridgeton ally. Oh my God! Of course I like the kind of gay artsy one. Of course I like the funny, unsurious, kind of gay, swinger artsy one. What the fuck? Oh, from that first season when he went to that swinger party and he met the one gay dude in the show,

of course, I like that one. That's my man. Also, how was he the second oldest, and he looks the oldest. How is Anthony supposed to be older than him, but Benedict's supposed to be younger than... What, bro? Benedict's a dilt.

I need him so bad. Is the actor who plays... Who plays... Benedict Bridgeton. It's going to be Luke Thompson. Luke Thompson wife. Girlfriend. Fuck, she's beautiful.

I wish you both a happy life. together. I wish you both a very happy life together. I am going to hide my horror and misery at this at this news. Bridgeton star Luke Thompson, wife, career, married, networth, and more. When was he born? 1988. Oh my God. He's 22. How long ago was 1988? How old is this? I'm not going to sit here and try to do that math. How old is Luke Thompson? 35. Need him. Oh, he's perfect for me. What? What the fuck? What is wrong with you? He's a little twunk.

Dude! I need it. That SpongeBob meme? Water. I need it. Oh, my sweet lord, dude. Okay. Benedict Bridgeton.

He, if If season 3.5, if, okay, we've, I haven't even gotten to Penelope and Colin. Just give me a second. Okay, let me work through this. Antony and Kate in season two. My campaign to bring back mail yearning starts now. I need you guys pushing this. I need you guys lobbying this.

I need you guys making buttons, stickers, pins, flags. We're selling this concept. And this is a message I really believe in. Bring back mail yearning. I'm sick of the dating apps. I'm sick of the sexualization and objectification. The 4B movement. Yes.

How about the BBM movement? That needs to happen simultaneously. We're boycotting men until they learn how to yearn. Good night, dude. Okay. That was season two. Really enjoyed, really enjoyed the forbidden love. Forbidden love

X enemies to lovers X interracial couple X ex-Duchess and Duke X Bridgerton collab Really really obsessed with that dude

I miss it Oh there's another bung on the wall Why is this room I'm so many bugs Oh please Oh please Remember that time I was filming

And a big spider crawled up the desk What? Okay Season two loved it cried, okay? Season three. Now, Miss Penelope, Miss Penelope is a mess.

She is messy, girl. Can I say something troubling? Can I speak? Lord Debling would. Lord Debbing, need him. Lord Debling was the obvious choice. Colin Bridgeton, here's, Penelope's better than me, because I would have been like,

Colin, get the fuck away from me. Man, I'm for dance. No, bitch. That's my. husband. That is literally toxic ex-situation coming back when he sees you're in a relationship. That is absolutely that they are trying to chalk this up to be some romantic thing. Dude, Colin is toxic. You had all that time to realize Penelope's worth and you're gonna wait until she's about to get proposed to. You're a bitch!

Don't piss me off, Colin Bridgerton. Oh my god. When he did that, when he's a you can't marry him. Why? not. Give me one good reason. Because you were too pussed to ask me or to even realize that I was a worthy, worthy woman to be suited.

I was worthy this whole time nothing changed. Okay? Oh, Colin piss me off. Even after the carriage scene, I was like, he's still pissing me off. I don't care. I don't care. I'll never forgive him. Even though the carrot scene,

Yeah, fuck you, Colin Bridgetton, even though. Okay, so Lord Debling, man, off the bat, they were hitting it off. And even that scene where she goes up to him and she's like, I haven't been honest with you. I have been someone that I am not in the hopes to impress you and that is not the foundation to build a relationship on. And I'm sorry. And I understand if you no longer want to court me.

And his reaction is, oh my God, that it endears me to you more. You know, we often try so hard to fit in, but the best matches are made when you are earnestly yourself. And they're, ooh, about to find them love, okay? And even, I mean, she was like rationalizing it too. He travels a lot. He's gone. I like my privacy. Because she's motherfucking lady whistle down.

She's got to have her stew. She's got to cook in the stew. Okay? She doesn't need a man all up in her business with all his dead animals. Get out of here. I literally, oh my God. I would have been happy if the season ended with her and Lord Dublin. I kind of was like, wait, I'm rocking with this.

A sensible match. A sensible, respectful, lovable match. Now, Colin Bridgeton, toxic. Now, is it everything Penelope has wanted? Yes. But look what she lost to gain Colin. And with Colin being so fickle, I don't know, dude, I don't know. I'm very, of course, they're going to get married and all that, but are they going to fight?

I don't know. Penelope likes to fight. Is she going to beat on him? I don't know. I'm worried. And I'm worried that this is the end of that story. Like, are they just done with Colin up inelope? And they're going to move on to hopefully Benedict.

Hopefully Benedict. God, I need to see Benedict yearn. He has not yearned. He has been interested and he's very flirty and playful. Of course I like that one, okay? Of course I like the one that's, he's flirty and witty and bitty. But he's not yearning. I need to see someone on their knees.

Get on the ground, maggot. I want to see you yearn like your life depends on it. Not seeing that from Benedict. Need to see it. Come on, Benny. Come on, Benny. Show us what you got. Come on, old pal.

Anyway, dude, I bought the Billy Eilish perfume tester. they sell this one at Ulta that's like half of its Billy Ilish fragrance number one, half of its fragrance number two. One of them smells like that. Billy Ilish one smells like the vanilla musk oil.

The, you know what I'm talking about? It's the little fragrance oil with the gold screw cap with the like red and green label. It smells like that, but less intense and as a rollerball perfume.

And then the second one, I don't even know how to describe it. It just smells like the perfume section at a mall. And so I've been trying them. I've been trying them, and I've been layering them with Angel Share by Killian and then Amber Vanille by Laura Mercier, the lotion, which they changed the formula on,

and I'm pissed off. So all that, it's a very vanilla, you know, you want to smell like a rich sugar cupcake. Lollipop cotton candy. But it doesn't smell like Victoria's, secret clairs. You know what I mean? Like that sort of cheap vanilla. It's a very rich, mature vanilla. But I don't know. I keep getting a whiff of it. I don't know if I like it. Maybe this is like, I don't need to wear it when I'm sweating with no mu mu mu, like with no bra under my mu mu mu

filming the podcast. This is like, I need to go out and be sipping on an asbestos martini with a push-up bra on. That's what this gives. There is so much sweat under my boobs right now. This perfume is just, it's kind of making me nauseous. There's a lot of. There's a lot of happening sensory-wise on my body right now and I'm just this big screen's also distracting me and I'm worried that I'm I'm looking wall-eyed okay I'm worried that I'm kind of given wall-eyed really quick so let me know about that let me know if I can fix it guys how to fix being wall-eyed how to fix being wall-eyed how to fix being wall-eyed surgically adjusting the tension on the eye muscles fuck does anyone know any good

walleye surgeons. Glasses can sometimes correct mild strabismus. Strabbit miss. I got strabit miss in my eyeballs. Mary strabit miss.

And some glasses have prisms that can help with symptoms. Bifocal lenses. Symptoms? Well, I can see fine. My eyes are just pointing to different directions. What I'm working with is about 180 degree sphere of vision. Most people are limited.

I would say most people have 90 degrees, okay, 45 degree angles of vision. I'm working with about 180. Okay, I'm looking over here and here. You don't need to worry about me. And on top of that, they're bulging, so maybe they can go around a little bit. Okay, maybe 280. 280 degrees of vision. Oh!

Eye muscle surgery. What are we talking about? Can realign the eyes by loosening or tightening the eye muscles and is usually performed as an outpatient procedure. surgically adjusting the tension on the eye muscles. I don't know about all that. Luke Thompson would love me whether I was walled or not. God, he's so handsome. We need to start asking that.

Would you love me if I was a worm? Would you love me if my eyes went in two completely different directions? Because they do. That's not a joke. How to fix being wallied. A crazy Google search on my hand. Sorry, team. Okay.

Oh, this is what I also wanted to see. say on Bridgetton season two, the girl who plays Edwina is such a good actress. Like, she's the best actress out of the whole season. I believed every word that came out of her mouth. Okay? I did not miss Daphne's annoying ass, even though I do love Daphne. Her ass was so annoying in season one. Like, what are you even toiling about? There was so much worrying in season one. Why? The answer is clear. You knew they were going to end up together. Don't piss me off. She's not really annoying. She's super mature and she's like living her hands. happy life with her little baby, but I don't know.

In season one, she just, she annoyed me. Started, oh, this was my, I wrote this note when I started episode one of season three before I finished it. I wrote, started episode one of season three. Collins arrogant ass, you to shut the fuck up, bitch, and sit the fuck down, bitch. Poofy ass hair, don't piss me off. You look like Johnny Bravo. Shut the fuck up, bitch, and sit the fuck down, bitch.

Puffy ass hair, don't piss me off. I need that like, gotta say it on the podcast. Okay, that's my Bridgerton T. Here are my hopes for the second part. Number one, I get to go to the premiere because I have got to talk to Luke Thompson. Luke Thompson, give me a chance. I can make a happy life for us.

Luke Thompson, please give me a chance. I need a man and a pirate blouse. No! Dude, a man in a pirate blouse. That's more dopamine and serotonin than any TikTok could ever give me. A man with curly dark hair and brown eyes in a pirate blouse. I'm about to start chewing. I need a chew toy.

I've said it before. I'll say it again. I need a chew toy. I need a teething ring. Me when I think about men in pirate shirts, I need a teething ring. Okay. What else was I going to talk about here? Oh yeah, so for Bridgetton season three part two, if it's not about Benedict, I'm going to be woefully, woefully angry.

I'm going to be filled with rage. I need to see the planet of the apes movie and I'm worried that I'm going to be very sexually attracted to the monkey. That is a fear of mine that I have to verbalize. I have to see the movie and I am deeply, deeply unsettled by the fact that I know I will be sexually attracted to the monkey. I don't know what that says about me Sexually and emotionally attracted to Caesar Why would you pick a hot name too? I'm devastated

I haven't even seen it dude I haven't even the original ones with Mark Wahlberg Why was Mark Wahlberg and Planet of the Apes? Aren't you supposed to be making burgers bro? Get your ass in the kitchen bro Why are you playing with the monkeys? Why are you playing with the apes? Get off of their planet

You've got to go make some Walburgers Now, we need a SpongeBob reboot Walburgers edition. And it's, it's animated in the style of Bojack Horseman, and we've got Donnie and Mark Wahlberg absolutely flipping the burgers. Actually, who's the, who's the brother that actually works there? The chef? God, they had his ass stressed out. Oh my God, remember when I watched Walbergers for the first time,

this man to die in the trenches. And Donnie and Mark will come in there and be like, How's you going? Yeah, blah, bust your balls, bust your balls. And the brother's like, balding about to have a neurotic, nervous breakdown. And then they're like, all right, go back and flipping some fucking burgers. And he's like, I don't know, we're going to keep the business alive. And he fucking chef, yes, chef, yes, chef.

The bear was based on Walberger season one. I promise you, they had my boy stressed out to the maximum. Who's the brother that... that runs Walbergers. Chef Paul Wahlberger and his Oswald Wahlberg. His own by chef Paul Wahlberg and his brother's actors, Donnie and Mark. Okay. Paul Volberg.

I'm like thinking about some of these scenes. On the verge of suicide, he was so stressed out. And then they'd just leave him. He is so cute, didn't he? Wow. Okay. He's just a man that loves a good burger. He's just a simple man that loves a good slab of red meat.

I need to meet Paul Wahlberger. I need to meet him. Like, I feel like a part of me would heal if I got to meet Stanley Tucci and Paul Wahlberg. I'm actually about to cry thinking about it. I feel very emotionally attached to Paul Wahlberger. I'm being stressed. Like, what the hell? Paul Wahlberg, stressed out.

Come on, dude. I am, I just feel very spiritually connected to Paul Wahlberger. He feels like a very, um, ambitious, like, serious type A. Like, I need to get this shit done. Like, he has his passions and his brothers just dick around. And he's just like, leave me to do my shit. Like if you're not here to help, get out of here. And Stanley Tucci, I've talked about this series before.

I recommend it to anyone I ever meet. Stanley Tucci did a series called Searching for Italy. Is there a new season? Oh no. Y'all, this show got 89% on Google. 8.6 out of 10 on IMD, 78% on Rotten Tomatoes, period, dude. Stanley Tucci, God. Here's the promo.

Let's watch the promo. We're hungry, right? Starved. Getting in Tucci with your Italian side. When in Rome, you don't live without pasta. Eat as the Romans do. On a tantalizing tour, sure to tempt your taste parts. Oh my God.

It's just one of the most delicious things I'm through. This is me with love. With the pork and the result. It's very tasty. I'm so good. Oh, my God. I'd like to see Stanley Tucci eat a Twinkie. I'd like to see Stanley Tucci eat hamburger.

Staley Tucci, this is my formal invitation for you to come to my house, come to my kitchen, watch me cook hamburger helper, watch me cook the simplest of meals, and I want to sit down and I want to watch you eat it. I'm going to cook it, I'm going to plate it just right. I'm going to grab it with the tongs and, like, you know, how they do it, and then I'm going to garnish it with a fucking leaf of basil, and I'm going to scoot it across the table to you on one of those rich people plates

that's ceramic with the little lip on the end, where it looks almost like a little bit. a bowl, but it's a plate. I'm going to scoot it across the table to you. I'm going to flip my chef's towel on my shoulder, and I'm going to sit here and make eye contact with you as you eat it. And I, and I'm not going to tell him that it's hamburger helper. I'm going to say, here we have a lovely pasta dish. This is a pasta dish made with free range organic turkey. Turkey meat that I have so beautifully and lovingly, tropped with my own hands, trotped, minced with garlic, basil, right, some various herbs.

Thrown this into a pot together with a sort of cream base, cream base with a little bit of natural cheese. Wipped that up. Bring it to a boiling point, let it simmer, let it solidify. I've taken this and I've plated it on a beautiful signature Italian ceramic plate. And here it is still warm, we've warmed the plate in the oven for you. Please be careful and touching it. Here is a fork.

Please let us know how you enjoy it. and I want him to sit there and I want his ass to lie and be like, mm, a free range organic turkey, you said, mm, wow, no, I can taste it, I can taste it, yeah, mm-hmm, oh, that's just delicious. You said this is, this is a family recipe, yes, yes it is a family recipe. Yes, it is, thank you. Who owns Hamburger Helper? Eagle Family Food Group, General Mills. This is a Mills family recipe Please enjoy And if you'd like some more

Please allow me to get some for you And then on the side I'm going to say And I've prepared this lovely fruit cocktail for you Now the bubbles you're experiencing Are of a natural sort It's blueberry red ball Are of a natural sort The carbonation comes from the fermented quality

Of the fruit juice Please do enjoy And it has a sort of energetic quality To it as well To stimulate your mind as you eat the Mills family recipe. Now what Stanley Tucci doesn't know is I've just served him

for cheese lasagna hamburger helper with a fucking blueberry red bull over ice. And he would never know. He would be none the wiser. And that is my biggest shit about these food critics, okay? If it's good, it's good. It doesn't matter who made it.

It doesn't matter what's in it, where it came from. If it's good, it's good. Hamburger helper is good. I'll die on this hill. Is it good for you? Fuck no. Is Red Bull good for you?

Fuck no My God Okay, but it sure is delicious Stanley Tucci come to my house I'm going to prepare you a five-course meal One Twinkies. Start with dessert first. Why not? Maybe Twinkies and a zebra cake.

Cosmic Brownie. I'll do it as a little appetizer sampler. Next, we're going to make some air fryer egg rolls. Or, no, no, no, no, no. Air friar taquitos. Toquitos, I love toacitos. I grew up eating tacos.

What's that brand? Frozen Toquitos. It's that one brand, and I get the chicken and cheese ones. Yeah, bro. Bitch, Jose Oleg. Jose Oleg and El Monteerey. Oh, and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, these.

El Monterey. That's the ones I get. Chicken and cheese. Bitch, these I lived on in college. I lived on when I worked my first job. I lived on it when I first moved to LA. Because guess what, they're cheap, they're delicious. And here's my secret, you dip them in ranch.

Okay? I used to dip them in salsa, guacamole. That's good, too. I love a really salty, lymie guacamole. Bitch, dip them in ranch. See about that. See about that. Come see about that.

I would give Stanley Tucci an air friar taucito. Now for course three, I would probably serve some form of soup. I would serve him probably Wendy's Chili. I would serve Staley 2G, Wendy's Chili. I hope we're keeping a tally of this. Can we keep it up on the screen? Third course, Wendy's Chili. And I would garnish it with some fresh green onions,

with some fresh-graded cheddar cheese. And by fresh-grated, I mean, great value, which is Walmart's brand, great-value non-dairy cheddar cheese. That kind that, like, doesn't melt. And it tastes oily and waxy. That's what I put on it. Okay, that would be course three.

Now, course four, again, would be hamburger helper. I would do the four cheese, four cheesy lasagna hamburger helper. For course five, it would be some form of, again, we'd have to incorporate dairy into it again. Maybe an ice cream from when Bluebell had Listeria in it. I would serve Stanley Tucci, Listeria-infected Bluebell. Bluebell Listeria. In 2015, Bluebell Creameries were called 8 million gallons of ice cream

after reports of Listeria Monocidogenes. Mido mon. Here we go. Listeria monocidogenes. Monocytogenes. Monoconidogenes. Monoconamination at multiple facilities.

That's what I would serve for, Sangeria. Now, if he was like, this tastes like Listeria, I'd be like, you know what, you're right, let me get you something else. I'd go in the freezer and I'd be like, why can I fucking, uh, okay. And then, oh, no, no, no, no. You know what, my final, this is another delicacy for the American middle class.

Do you all remember this? Riceeroni. No, no, no, but it's the riceeroni pasta. It's the riceroni pasta that's garlic and herb. This is! Angel hair pasta with herbs. I love, oh my God. I would serve Stanley Tucci this.

Stanley Tucci, you fucking liar, get over to my house ASAP, you and your beautiful wife, and I'm going to cook you pasta ronie angel hair pasta with herbs, and I want you to look me in my eyes and tell me it's not the same as an Italian handmade pasta. Inflation has not gotten my girl yet. A $1.25 for pastaoni. Hell fucking yeah. These used to be like 40 cents. 40, 50 cents.

Man, look, and it's even on sale. 179, how about 125? Yep, yep. Let's see what's in this. Man, this is making me hungry. Okay, so wheat flour, whey, salt, palm oil. What, why? Quick question, why do you need palm oil in pastaroni?

Why is palm oil used? Palm oil is the world's most widely used vegetable oil because it's cheap, efficient, has uses. Isn't it like horrible to harvest, though? It offers a far greater yield. at a lower cost of production than other vegetable oils, but it's destroying the planet. Palm oil is a small ingredient in the U.S. diet, but more than half of all packaged products

Americans consume contain palm oil. It's found in lipstick, soaps, detergents, and even ice cream. What the fuck? Palm oil, bad. It's high and saturated fat. No, I'm talking about the, it's bad for the environment.

Bad for the environment. The truth about palm oil. This is from Rainforest Action Network. As the food industry has moved away from trans fats, the demand for cheap conflict palm oil has skyrocketed. It can now be found in roughly half of all packaged goods in your local grocery store, from cookies and crackers to toothpaste and laundry detergent. What the fuck? But what is the real cost of palm oil? Palm oil plantations are pushed into the heart of some of the world's most culturally and biologically diverse ecosystems.

Conflict palm oil is driving iconic species like the Sumatran, the Megatron. orangutang, sorry. Species like the Megatron, orangutang, tiger, elephant, and rhino to the ring of extinction. Conflict palm oil perpetuates massive human and labor rights violations as palm oil companies forcibly remove indigenous peoples and local communities from their land for new palm oil plantation development. So it's that mixed with like it's devastating, not only the literal, physical devastation to the rainforest of like plowing that down to, harvest this, but the displacement of natives and the human rights violations. I mean, this is why this, we learned about this in college a little bit, we just glossed over

it, I feel like. Child labor, modern day slavery, and other forms of worker exploitation are common occurrences on plantations in Malaysia and Indonesia. Fucking Christ. Too many companies think they can hide the true cost of their products. They think no one will notice. They think increasing profits is an excuse for almost anything. People like you are speaking out across the globe.

Together, let's stand with workers and communities on the front lines of palm oil expansion. Together, we can break the link between the snack foods that line our grocery store shelves and human rights abuses, deforestation, and climate chaos. Will you join this fight? Hell yeah, rainforest. What was this? Rainforest Action Network. Fighting for people and planet.

Hell yeah, go check them out. God, that's devastating. During the pandemic when all that was like, you know, everything was paused. And we were seeing the canals in Venice clear and some of the smog over L.A. clear. And like when there was that brief moment in time where everything just stopped, I remember seeing some of those positive action reports of, you know, this has improved, this is improved. While obviously holding space for the devastation that COVID was enacting, it's, it's, it's, tyrannical rain across the economy and across lives and across health and all that

when everything stopped there were some interesting reports that came out about this sort of you know just even in that brief amount of time how the world the environment healed a little bit and then of course we've gone back to raping it for all of its resources and materials and I just go check out Rainforest Action Network. Actually, let's go to, is this a charity? Let's see it on Charity Navigator. Rainforest Action Network.

Charity Navigator. Oh, wow. This charity's score is 99% earning it a four-star rating. If the organization aligns with your passions and values, you can give with confidence. Oh, this is really great, y'all. Okay, period. Anyway, Riceeroni. What for fuck?

Okay, maybe, maybe I wouldn't. serve Stanley Tucci Rice Riser. What, is that what you want to me to say? Fine, I fucking won't. Poison Stanley Tucci with riceroni. Even though he'd love it. I know he'd love it. Seriously.

Palm oil, maltodextrin, corn syrup solids, natural flavor. What the fuck is natural flavor? Modified cornstarch. Onion, dried. Monosodium glutamate. Parsley, dried. Garlic dried. Anato extract,

color. Sodium cacinate. Black pepper extract. Rosemary. Dried. soy leak thin, sunflower oil, butter, cream, sage, dried, niacine, iron, celery extract, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid. What the fuck is all that doing in my riceroni? And it's 24% of your daily sodium recommended intake. Damn. Okay, that would be my five-course meal for Stanley Tucci.

And of course, like I said, I would top it off with a blueberry red bowl and probably a Diet Coke. I'd give him a Diet Coke over ice with some lemon or lime. Shells and white cheddar, damn. Okay, guys, I'm loving you. And I'm so excited for Bridgeton Season 3, Part 2. Let me know. Let me know if you're also Benedict lovers. Because if I am holding it down for Benedict Nation, that is a title.

will hold with the utmost respect and regard for Benedict Nation. Benedict Bridgeton, Brittany Brosky collab. We got B to the fourth power. B quo-B quadrupled. Quadribupled? Benedict, benedding quadribupled. Shut the fuck up. What comes after tripled?

Tripled again. flawless, flawless, flawless, flawless, yeah. I listen to Yeat. What comes after tripled? Yeah, quadrupled, right? I mean, you would say to the fourth power, but quadrupled. Guys, please go register to vote. Headcount.org is in the description below,

as well as some Britney Broski merch. If you, like, care. If you want some Brocery Report merch, fine, it's there. Whatever. Broseky.com. I'm not going to, like, beg. I don't care. I don't care.

Stop! Okay, love you guys. I'll see you next week. Seriously. Okay, bye.