The Broski Report with Brittany Broski - 78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

This week on The Broski Report, we celebrate the year with some of the best moments from 2024! Happy New Year, Broski Nation!👕 Get your merch here: https://broski.shop/ Follow The Broski Report:https://www.linktr.ee/broskireporthttps://www.tiktok.com/@broskireport https://instagram.com/broskireport Follow Brittany:https://www.tiktok.com/@brittany_broski https://instagram.com/brittany_broski https://youtube.com/brittany_broski Follow Royal Court:https://www.youtube.com/@royalcourt https://www.tiktok.com/@bbroyalcourthttps://www.instagram.com/royalcourthttps://www.twitter.com/bbroyalcourt Reproductive Resources:https://aidaccess.org https://plancpills.org https://Ineedana.com https://www.reprolegalhelpline.org/ https://heyjane.com LGBTQ+ Resources:https://Translifeline.org https://Glaad.org  https://Pflag.org https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ Climate Resources:https://Oceanconservancy.org https://Climateemergencyfund.org Some helpful credible resources/links to help Free Palestine:Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund - https://www.pcrf.net/UNICEF - https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/helping-gazas-children-cope-traumaDoctors Without Borders - https://donate.doctorswithoutborders.org/secure/give-monthly-double-your-impact-search-onetime-reverse-mobile?ms=ADD2301U3U49&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=BRAND.DWB_CKMSF-BRAND.DWB-GS-GS-ALL-DWBBrand.E-BO-ALL-RSA-RSARefresh.1-MONTHLY&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6PGxBhCVARIsAIumnWZpQAMikxPIRiPMfAjYsJZ-eHiRQV2pw7tu2Jlo6YL8Gk_uaTSwH0MaAtFGEALw_wcWorld Central Kitchen - https://wck.org/World Health Organization - https://www.who.int/Headcount - https://www.headcount.org/IG ACCOUNTS TO FOLLOW:@eye.on.palestine@aljazeeraenglish@palestinianyouthmovement@byplestia@motaz_azaiza@impact  #brittanybroski, #broski, #broskination, #broskireport, #holiday, #newyear

This one's for all my TV lovers. My Entertainment from DirecTV gets you 60 plus channels and Disney Plus, Hulu, and HBO Max all in one pack. But here's the thing. With so much great TV and My Entertainment, you're going to want to talk about everything you've been watching. Just remember that your friends might not be as well watched as you. Don't be a spoiler. And encourage them to get My Entertainment for just $34.99 a month. Go to directTV.com slash genre packs and sign up today.

New customers only, service for news monthly unless canceled, credit card required, conditions apply to apps. HBO Max Basic with Ads begins after DirectTV five-day trial. Learn more at directtvv. Direct from the Brozky Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is the Brozky Report with your host, Brittany Brozky. God save a precious queen. Long live her majesty.

God save the supreme leader. Hey, one, two, three eyes on me. Thank you. Silent Coyote. This is Power Hour with Brittany Brosky on the Brookesky Report. Tonight at 10, experts claim lymphatic drainage is the key to a youthful glow. We have an expert here, Dr. Brozky, tonight

to teach us a bit about it. More at 10, someone was accepted into Shiz University. But our nepotism claims at hand. More to come tonight. Buhbba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. So we're letting the children the youth of tomorrow play this game? We're fucked.

We're not there, Purple Enderman guy who killed the kids and was in the rabbit shootie. They're gonna play this game and go on to vote for America and Future. Fuck me, dude. I'm also gonna tell you right now, what am I sipping on?

We're sipping. Listen to that. Yeah. I will not be crazy this time. You will not make me crazy. When you start to think, hmm, maybe men are... Extremely, loud, incorrect buzzer.

Introducing the guillotine into the Broseky Nation sort of military industrial complex as a form of punishment and torture that is accepted by the government, government being me, okay? We are now going to implement, first of all, Boketum and Moncaro by Celine Dion gets played as you're being, your peanuts is being jorched and chopped

by the guillotine, okay? It's actually gonna be a law change. When your peanuts is getting jorked. Do you moan? He makes me really laugh, like genuinely laugh. Oh, what the fuck? Oh, God!

It's so nasty, that is so wretched and vile. See, what the hell is this? Do mermaids exist? Scientists begin tests on a 300-year-old what? Mummified body to uncover the mystery. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, look at her, she's gorgeous. And she's in a skim strapless bra.

Oh, look at her. She is beautiful. She's in a skims. Oh, my God, calmly, you did not. Tell me you were pee. Well, no, I can't talk. No, I would love to her. No, don't stop the car.

Okay, stop the car. Wait, no, I'm headed to Santa Monica. Yeah, I'm doing, you know, bro. Yes, yes. And her point, yes. So that actually comes out tomorrow. I'm the first episode. Oh, call me, you are too sweet.

KK. We like to call her KK. KKKH. Kamala Kardashian, if you will, we like to call her that too. I said, Kamala, you are so sweet. No, please, I have to go. I really can't stay another minute.

I've got to hit the road. Yeah, y'all were blocking traffic. Y'all are crazy over there. Okay, besitos. Bye, KK. Can we be serious for one minute? I need everyone at their battle stations. I need people in the situation room.

I need people manning the fucking forts. You are not on program. Mm-hmm. ID please, sir. Bam, zap! Wabow! Leaky C-smoke! I could have slayed as a brain-dead housewife.

I would have worn one of those little, the big butt dresses, and I would have had one of those fancy little fascinator hats, and I would have had just mercury lead in my mouth, just oozing, drooling all over my chest, okay? And I would have been wet off to some fat, ugly man, but he would have been rich, and I would have gossiped with my girls, I would eat sweet-sweet-s, the just sweetest sugar.

The Coca-Cola had cocaine in it, dude. I would have been living high and mighty. Take me back. Take me back to 1893. I really would have slayed. Like, it really would have been a moment. Would I have smelled like puss? Would I have smelled like puss?

Well, yeah. What's wrong? Hold on. Wait, what's wrong? Everyone smelled like puss. No, come back, where you going? Wait, where are you going? Oh, it's me, I smell like posse. Oh, sorry.

Stop talking, shut the fuck up. Execution by horses, tying each of the victim's limbs to a different horse and then driving the horses in four different directions. You know that that ASMR was crazy. Damn, King Edward had some crazy ASMR. Oh, sorry. Execution by hanging, hanging the victim,

disemboweling them? while they're still alive? And then beheading and dismembering them. Oh! Right. Oh, holy fuck. Oh, Jesus Christ! Literally means cutting the person's body into four parts or quarters.

Oh. Right. I'm done yelling. That's annoying. Fallen! How fucking hard is it to pick up WhatsApp and double tap a message? Shut up! Would you look Sylvia Plath in the eye and tell her to not be depressed?

It's not always the milk. Zooby, zoobie, zoo. I'm cleaning my ass crack. Zuby, zoo. Dantrofen under my nails. Zuby, zoobie zoosoo. Oh, a new ingrown hair. Zuby, zoob.

There's been a murder. The first murder of the Brokekekeye report, we come to you live tonight to report the sudden and gruesome murder. of a bug that flew towards my face and now its carcass is forever gonna be on that desk because I'm not gonna clean that up. I do not miss corporate America, but the tea we would get sometimes, girl, I miss having coworkers.

I will say that. My coworkers are not, we were like this. Damn, we were like this because that's trauma bonding, bitch. Say, uh, one more time. Like, can you speak? Speak normal. Speak like an educated adult. When you, uh, can I, uh, like when you, uh,

Like when you up. Easter is when the bunny, everyone knows the bunny, of course, the Christ bunny, knocked on the tomb three times. Okay, he said, he said, knock, knock, knock. Jesus opened the door, and he said, we're not doing Girl Scout cookies right now, okay? I'm not interested in buying them.

It's Girl Scout cookie season. Please, like I'm trying to rest. We're doing, you know, like three days of eternal rest, and then he became the Messiah, okay? Now, when the buny, knocked on the tombstone door. That is when the peeps came out, okay? Jesus kind of rolled the tomb away.

He rolled the big rock. The peeps came out, okay? And then when Jesus was like, please don't bother me. Like, seriously, I said, leave the door dash in front of the tomb stone, okay? I can't do like hand-to-hand contact right now. Like I'm doing strictly no contact, like,

it's a whole thing, okay? It's a whole process between me and my Heavenly Father. But also I'm the Heavenly Father. Okay, now this is Jesus talking. And so the bunny was there with the door to dash and the peeps ran out and he was like, well, what the fuck am I supposed to? And so Jesus slammed the tomb shut. And the bunny was like, oh my God, what am I supposed to do with all these chocolate eggs?

Okay, the peeps are on the floor. He scoops him up and he goes, this is something. Okay, this is something that we can work with here. What if? And then, of course, he starts, he's kind of like looking up at the sun. Maybe he goes to sit down on like a log stump and he's holding the peeps, he's holding the little chickens, and he's like, what if these old fuckers were made of marshmallow?

And then everyone around him was like, what is a marshmallow? He's like, yeah, marshmallow. Isn't marshmallow made up of like horse bones? If you rendered the perfect human face, like through AI, I know I'm just about really close to that guys. Seriously, it is me, I'm a real human, I have flaws, It's hard to think of one right now, but I will get back to you on that.

We will loop back, sort of circle back, bumping this up in the inbox. No pressure, absolutely no pressure, but I do need this address by EOD, end of day, okay? Make the voices stop, make the voices stop, make the voices stop. Room reveal, is he 16 maybe? Doesn't matter, that will not stop me, I don't care.

Oh my God! Tumblr rotted my brain in ways that I'm still trying to feel Figure out. Wellness, longevity, health as a lifestyle. Every week, a new trend explodes across the media landscape. And depending on who's talking, it's either a miracle breakthrough or just expensive hype dressed up as science. Enter Kara Swisher. She's here to cut through the noise with her signature edge, sharp, skeptical, and allergic to nonsense. Don't miss the CNN original series Kara Swisher wants to live forever, an essential, smart, and genuinely, entertaining guide to the booming longevity industry.

Because let's be real, the non-stop stream of wellness promises, AI-driven health claims, and expensive tech with sometimes dubious benefits, isn't slowing down. Kara digs into what actually works and what it really costs, from access gaps to tradeoffs most people would rather ignore. We're all getting older, that part's inevitable. The choices that come with it? Not so simple.

You might as well understand what you're buying into. Save 40% for a limited time. Get started at CNN.com slash subscribe. Terms apply. Kara Swisher wants to live forever. New series now streaming with a CNN subscription. By the time I hit my 50s, I'd learned a few things. Like how family is precious.

Work can always wait. And 99% of people over 50 already have the virus that causes shingles. Not everyone at risk will develop it, but I did. The painful, blistering rash disrupted my life for weeks. Don't learn about your shingles risk the hard way. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist today. Sponsored by GSK. The last hundred pages, my asshole was clenched.

I was... If I was casting a live-action movie about my life, it would be Nicholas Cage to play me. He would be in drag. Robert grew, also known as the bald terror. That's what they call me as well. Oh, my God. Of course, painter.

If I was a painter, way back when, I would have painted that. Look at the way that that moves. The Red Bull kicked in, I just realized. Me like, look at the way the light hits this Amazon Roman packaging. I really understand painters. I could have painted. Hey, the Red Bull just kicked in. Here's what's going on. I'm talking about the Hubble telescope, okay?

And I've got a question because you obviously have spent an excessive amount of time in the air. You probably know some things about the atmosphere and how it works. The telescope is on a, it's on the space station, about 300 miles above Earth's surface. My question is, if there was a mushroom cloud, if there was an atomic bomb, if there was like a nuclear explosion, how far up do those usually go and could you see it from the telescope? And would something like that affect the technology of the telescope? Well, that's several questions. I would say...

I say this all the time. I don't know how to like something normal. I don't know how to do that. Yeah, I have a screenshot in your parents' home address. What am I supposed to not? I'm supposed to not know everything about you, dude? I'm supposed to not Google your fucking grandma's name. Oh, found your grandfather's obituary.

Lust check, glutney, check, greed, check, Sloth, check. Wrath? Yeah, wrath. Check. Envy. Yeah, check. Pride, check. We're seven for seven team. All right, what'd you guys get on the seven deadly sins test?

Did you guys pass? You have to have five or above to still be allowed in Broski Nation. Broski Nation. At some point, I'm going to relocate outside of a popular Air Force base, and I am going to, yuh, yuh, Yoohoo! And my little Marilyn Monroe white dress, no undies, no undies, okay?

No undies, maybe some spanks. Maybe some 3xel spanks underneath, but no undies. And I'm gonna, yoh! Right outside where they, like, check your ID. And I'm gonna say, there are the boys! There are young servicemen.

I'm just a little German go. And they'll be like, ma'am, you have got to, there are like military vehicles coming through here. You need to get out of the way. Also, why don't you have underwis? on. Why are you barefoot? Okay. You-hoo! My handkerchief is shit-stained. You-hoo! We're like, ma'am, you've got, you are in the way. Please. I'm dodging in between those little, like, the arms that come down to block the, they'll have the arm come down, they'll check your

military ID, and then they'll let you on. You-hoo. I jump it. I'm running. I go straight for the barracks. I go straight for the dorms. Okay. Yoohoo, young gentleman Does anybody want me? I'm just a little gentleman They tackle me to the ground My skirt comes up No! No! My spades!

My tan spakes! No! No! Don't make me go back! And then a young gentleman comes out of the barracks. Stop! Stop! That's my wife! She escaped! Are you... Yeah, hello?

Uh-huh. Yep, they have guns. Uh-huh. And ammo. Oh, there's a bomb. Oh, and anthrax. Okay. Oh, so they're mad.

Okay, yeah. No, and I'll see your dinner tonight too. Okay, could you just like disarm the bomb? Okay, love you. Okay, love you. Bye. Sorry, that was Sam Hartman. That's what Remy's whispering in my ear.

Kill them. Kill them. Burn. And I say, shh, shh, shh, Remy, please. Who was Miriam Webster? Just how I've always thought that it's fucked up, that there's a King James version of the Bible. Who was James?

There's a Jimmy, there's a Mr. Beast version of the Bible. The Mr. Beast Bible? No, bro. Some of them are like, they're fine to play with outside the package, just be careful, don't eat it. Okay? What about if I put it in my mouth? I'm not eating it, I'm just sucking on it a little bit. It's a waffle.

You mean you don't want me to suck on it? Grow up. What sort of meat, what sort of vegetables would this dragon be ingesting after a long day of patrolling, flying around, you know, raising their young? Well, probably something like, because you know they can't swim.

So what was on the land? People. They was eating people. Very interesting. And do we have any sort of understanding or theory leading theory that these dragons were ever tamed by people? Hell no! Hell no!

They would have eaten you like a damn Sunday roast! Get that shit on the barbecue, flint iron in the mouth, poison sack dripping down there's... Okay. I turned 27 this year. Y'all, can you bow your heads and prayer with me really quick? Dear Heavenly Father, I want to thank you for gathering all of us together with our eyes shut and heads bowed and prayer.

I'd like to thank you for freeing me of the shackles of this Irishman. Lord, I thank you for looking over me, keeping your hand on my shoulder when it comes to the Irish. The Irish are devil people. They're devilish folk. They are not to be trusted. Lord, I thank you for keeping your hand on me over me watching me. You led me out of the darkness and into the light, amen.

Church, amen. Lord, I thank you so much for guiding me, guiding me away from the island of Ireland. I was so close. I was so, now I'm just doing Trump. I was so close, so close. Okay. Wellness, longevity, health is a lifestyle. Every week a new trend explodes across the media landscape.

And depending on who's talking, it's either a miracle breakthrough or just expensive hype dressed up as Science. Enter Kara Swisher. She's here to cut through the noise with her signature edge, sharp, skeptical, and allergic to nonsense. Don't miss the CNN original series Kara Swisher wants to live forever. An essential, smart, and genuinely entertaining guide to the booming longevity industry. Because let's be real. The nonstop stream of wellness promises, AI-driven health claims, and expensive tech with sometimes dubious benefits, isn't slowing down. Kara digs into what actually works and what it really costs. From access gaps to tradeoffs most people would rather ignore.

We're all getting older. That part's inevitable. The choices that come with it? Not so simple. You might as well understand what you're buying into. Say 40% for a limited time. Get started at CNN.com slash subscribe. Terms apply.

Kara Swisher wants to live forever. New series now streaming with a CNN subscription. By the time. I hit my 50s, I'd learned a few things. Like how family is precious. Work can always wait. And 99% of people over 50 already have the virus that causes shingles. Not everyone at risk will develop it, but I did. The painful, blistering rash disrupted my life for weeks. Don't learn about your shingles risk the hard way. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist today. Sponsored by GSK. Wellness, longevity, health as a lifestyle.

Every week a new trend explodes across the media landscape, and depending on who's talking, it's either a miracle breakthrough or just expensive hype dressed up as science. Enter Kara Swisher. She's here to cut through the noise with her signature edge, sharp, skeptical, and allergic to nonsense. Don't miss the CNN original series Kara Swisher wants to live forever, an essential, smart, and genuinely entertaining guide to the

booming longevity industry. Because let's be real, the non-stop stream of wellness promises, AI-driven health claims, and expensive tech with sometimes dubious benefits isn't slowing down. Kara digs into what actually works and what it really costs. From access gaps to trade-offs most people would rather ignore. We're all getting older, that part's inevitable. The choices that come with it? Not so simple.

You might as well understand what you're buying into. Save 40% for a limited time. Get started at CNN.com slash subscribe. Terms apply. Kara Swisher wants to live forever. New series now streaming with a CNN subscription. By the time I hit my 50s, I'd learned a few things, like how family is precious. Work can always wait.

And 99% of people over 50 already have the virus that causes shingles. Not everyone at risk will develop it, but I did. The painful, blistering rash disrupted my life for weeks. Don't learn about your shingles risk the hard way. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist today. Sponsored by GSK. Want you three eyes on me? If you can hear me, clap twice.

If you can hear me clap three times. If you can hear me sing, Baby Al-Drezie, baby Al-Rizzi. Did you do it? Okay. I am clinically delusional. I am clinically crazy. I think that we've sort of established that point.

Okay, okay, fucking relax. Calm down. Staley Tucci, this is my formal invitation for you to come to my house, come to my kitchen, watch me, cook hamburger helper, watch me cook the simplest of meals, and I want to sit down and I want to watch you eat it. I'm gonna cook it, I'm gonna plate it just right.

I'm gonna grab it with the tongs and like, you know, how they do it, and then I'm gonna garnish it with a fucking leaf of basil, and I'm gonna scoot it across the table to you on one of those rich people plates that's ceramic with the little lip on the end, where it looks almost like a bowl, but it's a plate. I'm gonna scoot it across the table to you.

I'm gonna flip my chef's towel on my shoulder, and I'm gonna sit here and make eye contact with you as you eat it. And I'm not gonna tell him that a hamburger helper. I'm gonna say, here we have a lovely pasta dish. This is a pasta dish made with free range organic turkey. turkey meat that I have so beautifully and lovingly tropped with my own hands, trotped, minced with garlic, basil, right,

some various herbs. Thrown this into a pot together with a sort of cream base, cream base with a little bit of natural cheese. Whipped that up, bring it to a boiling point, let it simmer, let it solidify. I've taken this and I've plated it on a beautiful signature Italian ceramic plate. And here it is still a warm.

We've warmed the plate in the oven for you. Please be careful in touching it. Here is a fork. Please let us know how you enjoy it. And I want him to sit there and I want his ass to lie and be like, Mmm, mm. A free-range organic turkey, you said, mm-hmm. Wow, no, I can taste it, I can taste it, yeah, mm-hmm.

Oh, that is just delicious. You said this is, this is a family recipe. Yes, yes, it is a family recipe. Yes, it is, thank you. Good night, we're y'all Cooking pigs, feet, and onions in there, shit. Good night, Linda. Were you cooking a turd in there?

Put that fucking lid back on. I didn't know we were making turd stew, Linda. Put that shit back on there. The whole open a window. This whole fucking kitchen smells like dog shit. That was actually, like, exhibit A of intrusive thought winning. Come on, we were supposed to leave 15 minutes ago. Get your ass in that car.

We've got to go. We don't have time to stop at Keynes anymore. I told you if you want to stop at Keynes, we gotta leave 15 minutes early. That line is damn long. Get in the... Well, we don't have time. Oh, I don't give a shit that you're hungry.

Hopefully they have Reese's PCs at the town hall. Lord knows you took your sweet time. La, la, la, la, la, la. I love Timothy Shalemay. And by the way, by the way, I... Massive respect. And I'll stay on a knee the whole time. I appreciate you.

I don't want to assert anything, anything at all. Can you say one time for me, Hail Supreme Leader, Brozky. We are honored by your presence. Please leave us under the Christmas tree, lots of presents. Hail Supreme Leader Brookesy, hail Supreme Leader Brookey, hail Supreme Leader Brookey, Hail Supreme Leader Brookey. Thank you so much for allowing me to have that Nutragrine bar when I got here. You're so welcome.

I won't even charge you for it. May you get up? You can get up. And you know what to catch you? that makes me want to kill myself. Men don't like funny women, okay? Because men hate women. Because men like men.

Like I said, I'm feeling dirty. I smell like B.O. and my hair's a little greasy, so just sort of, sort of walk with me there, okay? Christ would walk next to you and carry you when it gets too tough. I need y'all to carry me, okay? Y'all are Christ in this situation. Bible study begins now. Bup, Bup, Bup, Brokeke Nation Bible Study.

Santa's involvement in Christmas Day. As we all know, he was there, he was in the manger, he was, he had the little elves in the manger, they were sort of running the guest list. So when the wise men and the donkeys, the asses, if you will, were all in that manger after they were at the Holiday Inn and Joseph and Mary were like, please, look at my wife,

she's like about to pop. And the Holidayan employee was like, okay, sir, can I see some ID? Like, and he was like, I don't have an ID? And they were like, well, have you stayed with us before? and, you know, Mary was like, oh, I've been here before. And Joseph was like, really? When were you here? She was like, oh, about nine months ago.

And the receptionist is like, oh, right? The holiday in Jerusalem, Bethlehem receptionist was like, I see what's going on here. Joseph's like, Mary, I've never put my car down here. I've never even been to this holiday in. I've never even been here on vacation. What the fuck were you doing here? And Mary was like, I, I was a work trip, you know,

exactly nine months ago. And of course, she was about to pop that night. My testicles of my balls are hanging out the bottom of my toga. I'm not fighting in the fighting pits. I am preaching on a marble stone staircase, okay? When was the last time you played? Have you played with your friends? Have you played, like, I was about to say played with yourself?

Don't do that. Well, I mean, do, just don't do it around me. There's mold growing in my fucking frontal cortex. And there's this fun little charm on it. Guys, you can put it on your carry-ons. You can put it to go. You can, I don't know, hang it over your bed like a baby cradle and play with it like a cat toy.

There's so many things that you could do. Get out of the pool. That's literally Mother Nature to us. And we're like, I want to go four miles underwater. And then we do it, then we come up and we're, she's fucking, there's nitrogen in my blood, there's nitrogen under my skin, there's bubbles under my skin. Mother Nature's like, told you.

I told you to get out of the water. What I said. I'll give you a reason to cry. That's what Mother Nature said. She said, quit crying, I'll give you a reason to cry. And then she spanked me. She hit me on my breeches. Sorry, was that a screenshot of my home on Zillow?

And you go, what, what's that? No. No, it was like a Capka. It was like a funny Capka edit of like, oh, it seemed like you want to go on a date? No, no, no, yeah, I got that. It was funny. I just, was that a picture of my, my,

I mean, it's not even my house, it's my parents' house. Was my parents' house on there? No, no, I know my finger must have slipped. I'm house hunting right now. Yeah, I'm house hunting right now. I must have accidentally included. Yeah.

Okay. Right, right. No, and I knew you were moving, but I just saw, you know, like, I grew up in that house, so I would recognize it. I'm just kind of wondering, like, why it was in the edit,

you know, just asking. And then that is when I block it. Okay? You're asking too many fucking questions. What do you think? the police? What are you the fucking police? Get out of my asshole. We have this whole back and forth about like, first date ideas, I tie you to the railroad tracks and leave you there. And then he was like, that's a good one. First date idea, um, I, what did he say? I buy a gun and I shoot you. And I said,

ooh, first date idea, we get in sensory deprivation tanks and drown each other. And he was like, oh, that's good, that's good. Imagine having direct access to me, bitch. If I would, if I wasn't me and I was a young gentleman with a painter and I could talk to a woman like me. Imagine not responding. Imagine being like, oh, she texted me, I'll get to it later. Oh, I can imagine that.

Bored. I do think as an adult, like an oral chew toy would be really, really nice. Why don't babies get to have all the fun? Babies get to gum the shit out of those teething toys? I want to teave. What if I'm teething? Don't look at her. She's teething. I hate getting dinner with Britney. She teethes before she's. Teething as a treatment for Benjini disorder. Oh, I got to chew on my microplastics. Dude, teething? Teathing as a 26-year-old.

Sorry, sorry. Sorry, I'm teething. No, it's okay. It's okay. Not a lot of people understand it. Yes. It's part of my condition. What's your condition? My gums? What's wrong with your gums? Well, I just have to chew on stuff sometimes. Why?

Because it feels good. Damn! Shit! Now we're down a fucking rabbit hole. Bear with me. I'll get out of this in a second. The frontal lobe, all right, the forebrain, the foreskin of the brain, And I do wonder, because Noel talked about this on the TMG podcast,

if the human brain is actually the consistency of whipped butter, warm whipped butter, what would it taste like if it were to be, I don't know, salted, seasoned with a little lemon pepper, and smeared on a piece of toast? The frontal lobe, the brain foreskin, is for personality and emotions. higher thinking skills like problem solving and controlling movement. The temporal lobe sitting right under that, sort of like the taint ball sack. Lobe, helps process your hearing and other senses

and helps with language and reading. So the ball sack helps you read. The parietal lobe, that's going to be the sort of crown, okay? The crown tip of the forebrain penis. Oh, y'all, shit. It's hot as fuck under the tree. Dragon Mask. Fuck!

Oh, Napoleon. Wow. He would have loved that chalky taste of tubs. Have you all seen that freaky-ass, kinky letter that he sent to Josephine, his woman, where he said, I return in three days, do not wash. That's crazy.

He wanted that thing stinking. Napoleon letter to Josephine Bade. Oh, my. God, please don't wash. We'll arrive in three days. That is crazy. Even historians do agree that Napoleon didn't mean that Josephine shouldn't do the laundry. Breaky-ass motherfucker. He liked it stinky. Devil man! Or actually, that's a real man. My sister had a baby, and I took it over after she passed away. It's growing, and it's difficult

because I'm working a second shift into factory to put food on the table, but all the love I see in that little guy's face, it just makes it worth it in the end. True story. Bro Ski Nation is expanding into space. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, guys. This has been years. Seriously, guys, stop. Thank you so much. You know, a lot of Brosky Nation members are very, very educated.

And some of you are not, and that's okay, because that's what this podcast is for. I'm here to help, okay? Let's consult the Oracle, Google. And I remember we had to write our own little macab poems, and my teacher gave me a B. Okay, you don't know you're dealing with an actual published Wattpad author, bitch. That's like giving Ulysses a fucking C-plus.

That's like telling Mary Shelley, Frankenstein's okay. you're crazy. I wrote Allure, the vampire Harry Styles fan fiction, the much-loved, number one, $1,000 for selling,

on WapPad, Harry Styles vampire fan fiction, Allure, and you're going to look at me and give me a B? That's like spitting in the face of Christ. Wellness, longevity, health is a lifestyle.

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By the time I hit my 50s, I'd learned a few things, like how family is precious. Work can always wait. And 99% of people over 50 already have the virus that causes shingles. Not everyone at risk will develop it, but I did.

The painful, blistering rash disrupted my life for weeks. Don't learn about your shingles risk the hard way. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist Today, sponsored by GSK. Sometimes I zoom out of what I'm doing, and I realize the people who comment,

I don't like her, she's annoying. I get it. Where is Santa allowed to fly? What air zones, okay? Like, is he allowed in certain air spaces, like above Canada, above the United States? Will we shoot him down? And does he have security clearance to sort of be over the DC area?

A lot of things don't really make sense. sense. Santa Tracker, Nord Santa Tracker. What, do we have a microchip dude? Do we have a fucking satellite on him? I have so many questions, okay? Oh my god, I didn't even tell you. So my plan is to move in next to a, oh yeah, this movie, hold on, go back. It is so fucking hard living in my brain for 30 minutes.

Imagine trying to speak for an hour straight. What the fuck am I talking about? I had that moment about 36 different times filming one of these. What the fuck am I talking about? What the fuck was I talking about? You think that every little dead is saddard, the earth is just a dead thing you can claim. But I know every rock and tree and creature

has a life, has a spirit, has a name. My very educated mother just served us. Okay, now see, they fucking changed this bullshit because they are rewriting history in front of us, sheeple. Wake up, sheeple! They said Pluto's not a planet, they rewrote history! The moon and the sun are are like having a domestic spat.

I really don't know what's going on. You astrology bitches, you have got to explain it to me. Because it's Mercury retrograde, but that shit happens like 17 times a year. I don't know. I don't know about Mercury, okay? Mercury has to do some really intensive therapy. And I don't just mean therapy, I mean like cognitive, behavioral therapy.

We gotta get Mercury like in PT, okay? We gotta get Mercury in one of those pools, where old people are like in pools. Man, some really intensive mental and physical therapy is needed. Because what the fuck is going on? I went to the Pretty Girl Convention and you were not invited. I went to the Pretty Girl Convention and you got denied access, bro. They did not let me in at the door.

They said I didn't have the right credentials at the door, please. Can you text your manager to let us in, bro, please. I had a ticket, but they took it. Back to Red Bull. God damn, can I fucking read? Shit. Like stay focused God damn

Like I'm I know y'all are pissed off As the viewers I'm fucking annoyed Can you I've got like 18,000 tabs open I'm fucking tweaking I play with my stem to her over here

I'm like Oh the Red Bull can The Red Bull can Shut the fuck up What am I I don't even know What's gonna talk about today God damn

And so I was talking to all team Green Talent which of course You and Mitchell And all the rest of the team green cast. And at the beginning, they had me and Teffy sort of banter back and forth, just, you know, some rivalry. Like, yeah, my team's better than yours.

No, and then me and Teffi start kissing. That sort of thing. And in it, I said something like, well, we have the largest dragon. Okay, because his name, and I said his. I said, and his name is Vagar. Well, girl, they posted that clip, okay? And the Game of Thrones,

Dorks for me Because Vagar is a woman Okay, and because of course the biggest, baddest, scariest Dragon in the land is a woman. In the moment, I got nervous

and I said he, okay? I had misgendered Vagar to the general populace and I'd like to come on camera and apologize for doing that because I did not mean to do that. Okay, and from the bottom of my heart I did not mean to misgender Vagar. Okay, I'm not seeing any lip action.

I wasn't checking out the genitalia on the CGI Dragon. And for that, I can't apologize enough, okay? So, all that being said, I checked the comments under that video. And people were like, telling me to kill my misgendered fake. Dork! You know what I mean? Like, I love this shit so much, but like, Dork! Sometimes you just gotta do that.

You just gotta call people. online dorks. And that's okay. Again, I apologize. I apologize. I miss Gendrews the dragon. But you're a freaking dork for pointing it out, okay? I'm normal. And anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar and a hater. Ow-de-o-o-ne-r-o-d-d-w-da-wwwwwwda-wwwbblum. La-wwwwwwb-blum. La-blum-clap. La-blop-blop-blum-blum-blum-blum-blum-bbbb. Can I fucking talk? Jesus Christ!

I'm, um, um, I, I, I, I, I fucking reboot. Put it in right. Shut the fuck up. Come on one more time, I'll flash that badge. I'm gonna flash this badge. Don't look at it too deep. Badge, don't look at it too closely, okay? You wanna know something?

We did a production of Annie in middle school. I didn't even get cast. I applied, I didn't even get cast. I got cut. Like, everyone was in it. I got cut. Fuck you bitches. And in high school theater, I did.

Spam a lot, I did the Adams family, they always made me cross-dress or dress up as some old woman. We did bus stop for a one-act play, the fucking director made me be an old woman. In the Adams family, I was the grandmother. And Spam a lot, I was a knight. I was actually four different nights. I had the most costume changes of anyone in the fucking play because they had me play four different men. Girl, are you not entertained? Stop right there! There's who stand before me, prepare to die. Right? This feels so natural on my hand.

Now, let one more Irishman fuck on me. Nuuk! Nukes! Bomb them! Bomb them! Keep bombing them! Bomb them again! Pankton time when I go home, when I go home, When I go home, Olae, Olae, Olae, Olae, Olae, o'lay!

Olae, olae, olae, o'le, o'le, o'le, o'le, o'lea, o'lea. Your hands are so dainty and frail, please put down the mug. You don't have to wash it, and I say, guys, guys, let me do this. I've always thought I have my father's hands, because guess what I do? These are the hands of a blue-collar man. Okay? my hands look like this so hers can look like this

but it's just that chicken foot with the painted nails it's a chicken foot with three talons and a red painted nail my hands look like my father's so hers can look like that and I'm going to show up in a nun costume and levitate above the crowd

I'm going to show up and be performing exorcisms for free we go to the premiere and we do the carpet and it's just one roaming photographer on the carpet because they're waiting for the principal talent to get there. They don't give a fuck about influencers because why would you? I don't either. Do you know what I mean? But I was invited and I was like, I'll be my mom.

And so we went and it was really fun. And we walked the carpet. It was just one guy by the fucking camera. He said, here, what's the name? And my publicist was like, Britney brisky. And he goes, okay, takes one, count them, one photo. Thank you. I was like, oh, thank you, sir, sir, sir, thank you.

No, thank you. Because I've been on some carpets where it's, baby, I'm here, I'm here, you know what I mean? Like House of the Dragon, that sort of thing. It's like, because you're the host and you're important for some of these carpets. It's like, what's your fucking name? All right, move on.

Next, like moving cattle. They were tagging cattle. I was heifer number four. Oh my God, I'm like shaking. I'm tweaking, I'm tweaking right now. I had like four times coffee. I don't know, I don't know, it was going to say.

Hey guys, today I'm going to get my hemorrhoid cream from CVS. These men, these men are wrapped around my finger. They want me so bad. I saw a comment on the post that I put up on Instagram that was like, oh my god, they all wanted you so bad. I was like, it's like swatting away flies. It's like swatting away flies. Guys, stop, I'm working.

Guys, seriously, I'm working right now. If you could just like keep the flirty, keep the flirtiness to a bare minimum, okay? To a skeletal minimum. My brain is just an, an empty, my skull has cobwebs inside of it and it's just this small little gooey, like shriveled brain. It's like, ha, ha, because of all the red 40. It's dyed red completely. It's, it's completely red. My brain is red and shriveled like a raisin. And it's got mosquito bites on it. I am not usually, I'm about to lie. I'm not wanting to objectify men. Hey, yeah, the fuck I am.

Hey, that's this entire podcast. Look, me, I'm not wanting to objectify men. Hey, I'm lying. I looked at this man and I said, this must be what it feels like when a teenage, this must be what it feels like when a teenage boy, like opens a Playboy magazine for the first time. Like opens it and does boi-yo-yo-yo-y-y-y-y-ing. Like their jaw hits the floor and like their tongue rolls out onto the floor like across the carpet.

That's how I felt, dude. Like me drifting across the room with heart eyes and my tongue on the floor like, towards a pie on the windowsill. That's how I felt. I looked at this fartar and had just about fell out. And so that's this video that someone recorded from the Q&A.

She uploaded it. And I saw it and I was like, that is so, because you know when I'm answering the question I don't think about what do I look like. And I watched this video and I saw my own reaction and I was like, yeah, that's accurate.

Yeah, and I'd do it again. That's real. They just don't see. They don't see. Yes, they don't know what I know. They don't know what I've discovered. That the mermaids are very real, and not only are they real, but they speak to me. Yes, they speak to me.

Whenever I'm in a body of water, I hear they whisper across the waves. They speak to me. I know they're real because they're in my mind, and everything in my mind is real. Y'all are dorks. Y'all are freaking dwebes. Y'all are dorks. And I love it. And I went on this date and I went to a guy's house and I was like, can I go to the bathroom? Where's your bathroom?

He was like, yeah, sure, it's there. And I was like, thanks. He was making me a drink in the living room and I went in the bathroom. He had one of those like college dorm shower curtains that was too short for the shower. No liner. So it's like molded. Moldy toilet, beard hairs all over the sink, toothpaste splash on the mirror. No soap.

Pubes on the sink as well. and no towel and no hot water. And I go, so I literally like, I hover peed, ran my hands with the water, and I go, I got to go, actually. And he was like, what do you mean? And I literally was like, it's nice to meet you by. And I walked out.

And he like walked out and followed me to my car. And he was like, do I just, I was like, no, I just forgot I had to be somewhere. It was really nice to meet you. Because at a certain point, what the fuck are you? Have some sober. Stand up.

Stand up, bitch. I had to I looked at myself in the mirror and said you just hover peed at a man's house because you didn't want to get his pubs on the back of your thighs oh if I was a man and I didn't have to give a shit about imagine how free oh God how free they must feel be like yeah I got this hot bitch in my place yeah you need a bathroom when she's in the bathroom like whee whee whee whee oh God She's having a full-blown identity crisis in the bathroom because she's at your place because she agreed to come over. That was literally me.

That's happened to me twice. I was like, oh, God. And I always fall for it too because at least after college, like at that point in my life, I was like, I'm just looking for a conversation that isn't going to make me want to die. And so any witty man who could hold a semblance of a conversation with me, I was like, he's the one. And so he'd be like, you can't come back to my. Yeah, let's go back to your place. There's roaches on the floor. I have to go.

Oh my God. The clock struck midnight. I have to go. Mignite. The clock struck a mignite. I'm to go the clock to come in midnight. So that's happening to me a few times and it will never happen to me again. Ping, ping, ping, ping, bam.

I'll be honest. I didn't finish the Bible. It's on my DNF. It's on my do not finish. Okay? Did not finish the Bible. Lost interest. No enemies.

to lovers, okay? Adam and Eve, never make up. If the camera zoomed into my head really quick and, like, did one of those, we're blasting through all my arteries and shit, you would see cogs spinning, and you'd see little, like, people working on a railroad in my mind.

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, the shit's on fire, and, like, they're revolting and, like, tearing down monuments, like, that's all going on in my brain. Alimony and child support, bitch, what about our children? What about young Seamus? What about young Seamus O'Flanigan? You're not thinking about our boy!

You're not thinking about our boy! I'm marrying an Irishman and start speaking in an Irish accent. Not how it works. You're not thinking about our boy! Seamus O'Flanigan! His father used to work the field! Penelope's better than me, because I...

I would have been like, Colin, get the fuck away from me! May I'm trip for death. No, bitch! That's my husband! Go, where is the husband? Hubble Space Telescope. This is just me Googling. Where is the Hubble? Have y'all ever been to see it? It's actually in space. Okay. So if you've been to see the Hubble Space Telescope, let's talk after. Because what are you doing up in space? God, that's my Cassian. Literally. God, God. Oh, God. I'm knocking shit over. I start when I start to get, oh, that beat of sweat drips down my

and I start just, I lose control of my hands, my phalanches, my appendages. They go off to the manger, the squad pulls up, the wise men, all of the asses and the horses and the Kingsmen. I honestly don't know if Jack and Jill made it that night. And I don't think that Rumpel's stilt skin was alive at the time. So I'm just trying to remember everyone

who was in the major at the time. Of course, we know that the wise men brought Frankenstein and Mur. of course we know that the wise man brought Frankenstein and murp okay the phrase the wise men showed up with some gifts with some baby shower gifts for the inevitable birth of baby Jesus of course tender and mild Dunkin' Honey Barbecue

they showed up and they were like we brought you a nice dip teak candle it's Frankenstein scented and we brought you some murp gifts They went to Spencers beforehand, the gag shop, they went to Hot Topic and Spencers. They got Jesus some truck nuts. They got Jesus. They got Jesus one of those glasses that looks like, it looks like the 3D movie glasses,

but it's got the little chain that dangles down and it's got a mustache on it. Murp. Now, the worst drink I ever had in my life, that is going to be ever clear in Gatorade. And I went to a frat party at A&M, and they said, punch. Punch? Everclear?

Everclear is like rubbing alcohol. Worse. Everclear is like jet fuel. That shit is lighter fluid. And you mixed it in a big dirty Gatorade cooler with Gatorade.

And there's flies floating on top and you're talking about punch. Yeah, I had three cups. And yeah, it's the drunkest I've ever been to date. That shit was awful. Awful. because I didn't know how much you're supposed to drink.

I was 19. It was the first time I was drinking. I didn't drink in high school. Okay? And you couldn't go to the bars. And so when a scary white man says, here's a free drink. Hey, guess what? I had three.

Never again in my fucking life. We all have to learn. We all have to learn. And trust and believe, I learn my lesson. I will never, ever clear. Oh, my God, I'm going to fucking gag thinking about it. Anyway, that was, I was so drunk. I was in front of the toilet that night talking about, mommy.

I called my mom. and left her voice message and called her mommy. That's how fucking bad it was. Mommy! Help me, mommy. That's insane. I can vote. Mommy. Oh god. The drunker I get, the more my accent comes out apparently. But also, that was in between me mocking him. Of course, I have to mock British people when I'm around them. So no, I'm talking like this. I'm not going to have a fucking great taste short, darling. Darling, darling, and I'm not. mate. We're free more. We're free more green t-shirts. Thank you. So I'm yelling at the bartender. I'm yelling at him. I'm yelling at this guy. I'm a, oh, you fucking more. Ola, all day, oh, lay, all day, oh, stupid. I'm talking to him. I'm flirting with him all night. This dude, okay, don't even remember his fucking name. I wish I did. I'm flirting with him all night. We're at the bar. He's like touching my knee. He's like, he's into it. He wants a piece of the brusky. He wanted a piece of the Boski, okay?

He wanted a bite of Boski. And guess what? The diner was open that night. I want to have witty banter and then maybe meet up and then maybe we ghost each other, okay? That's what I want. Maybe, looking for an adventure partner. Adventure! What are you fucking Robin Hood?

Oh, thank God I've fired my therapist. She is not going to be watching all this. Back to the Goonies Big Monster. I start calling in literally every two days. I'm like, oh, my grandma's sick. Oh, I had food poisoning. Oh, my car broke down. It was something new every day.

I was trying to get creative. And then my manager would be like, two more of these and you're fired. And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna be fired. I'll go work it out back steakhouse, bitch, and I'll make more money there. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.

I hate you. You're going to get fired Oh, good. Please, Donald Trump, if you can hear me, please fire me, please fire me. Can't drink alcohol, but I can fight for my country. Ladies and gentlemen, God bless America, God bless our troops.

And gentlemen, start your engines. That was me on base. By the time I hit my 50s, I'd learned a few things, like how family is precious. Work can always wait. And 99% of people over 50 already have the virus that causes shingles. Not everyone at risk will develop it, but I did.

The painful, blistering rash disrupted my life for weeks. Don't learn about your shingles risk the hard way. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist today. Sponsored by GSK. I'm U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. The sound of a seatbelt. It's one of the most important sounds in our car. It means everyone is ready and everyone is safe.

The more our kids see us put on our seatbelts, the more natural it is for them to put theirs on two. Make it a priority. Buckle up every time. Hear the sound? Make it a habit. Paid for by NHTSA. For many men, mental health challenges aren't recognized until they've already taken a toll.

Work pressure, financial stress, changing relationships. and traditional expectations around masculinity can quietly wear men down, often without clear warning signs. In season three of the visibility gap, Dr. Guy Wynch and his guests explore how these pressures show up, how to spot them earlier, and how men can access meaningful support.

Listen to the new season of the visibility gap, a podcast presented by Cigna Healthcare.