The Bryce Crawford Podcast - Confronting A Trans Woman About Christ (EP 98)

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

In this episode, Bryce chats with Ali Weezy about Jesus Christ. Ali is a transgender woman who sits down with Bryce to discuss various topics concerning Christianity.

What's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Bryce Crawford podcast. I'm Bryson. Today, we have a very special guest. Guys, we've been trying to get this person on the podcast for so long. We have Ali on today. Allie, how are you doing? I'm good.

Hi, guys. I'm glad you're on. Thanks for coming all the way out here. Are you feeling good? Yeah, I'm really happy. Good. I'm excited to, like, dive into a little bit more of your story, like where you're from, kind of know a little bit about you and kind of talk about Jesus and Christianity and things like that.

Absolutely. Um, where, can you, can you kind of like tell everyone a little bit of your background, like, where you're from? Uh, yeah. So I'm Allie. I'm, I just turned 26. Um, and I'm from Tucson, Arizona. And I'm Mexican-American. Nice. Yeah. Nice. And so did you, you grew up in Tucson, right? Yeah. I grew up in Tucson, Arizona. What was it, what was your childhood like growing up? Like, like, kind of invite us into that a little bit. Uh, it was really cool. I had, like, a very, like, good childhood for the most part. like my mom and my dad were married for like 18 almost 17 18 years um yeah I have like three brothers and I have two brothers and one younger sister and then um yeah we're very like I don't even

we're just crazy yeah yeah and so growing up was good like family dynamic was good or kind of like what was like the family dynamic back at home uh it was interesting um I was like kind of brought up Catholic and then like I guess we converted into Christianity. So like we very much like had like a religious household to a certain extent. For sure. Um and then yeah like I had a very like interesting like teenage years though for sure. What was your teenage years like? It was crazy. It wasn't crazy because like it wasn't bad but like I very much like had like a like I felt like I lived like a double life. almost because like what do you mean like invite invite us into that when you say you lived a double life uh what was that like um it was interesting honestly because like so like i said like at home

like i grew up with like i said in a very christian like household and um it was kind of weird because like i would go to school and very much like be like myself and like super like i wasn't like very out there but i was very much like i was obviously like a little gay boy at the time And at home, like, I would go back and it'd be like very like, you know. Yeah. Like very much like not the opposite because I really didn't care about hiding who I was. But like I also very much like was aware of the situation and I knew to tone it down. Yeah.

Gotcha. So for those for so for people out there that don't know you, how is transgender? How long have you been transgender? I've kind of always knew honestly. I just never even had like a word for it. I kind of like I figured out what trans was and I was like. 15, 16 maybe, but I didn't start transitioning until I was like 18 or 19. Okay. Yeah, so tell us a little bit about like when you were 15.

Okay, well, before we dive into that, you said you started transitioning 18, 19. Were you out of high school when you started transitioning? So tell us a little bit about high school, what high school was like. What was life like? How did people treat you in high school? Kind of, that kind of thing. High school is like interesting for me because like I, my, my. freshman year like I was just like I was super quiet in high school like and there's I've heard like

stories of me now like now that I have like my platform and stuff and like I've heard people be like oh she was a mean girl or she was this or she was like kind of had an attitude I'm like no like I was just very quiet like I was super like to myself and I think I had like a very small like group of friends for the most part um maybe that's why you came across me yeah and but because I was also like extremely shy like I was yeah I was very shy and like I I was very confident, but I didn't, like, I wasn't very, like, vocal, like, with, with how I spoke or anything like that. But, yeah, high school is interesting.

Like, my freshman year was, like, very, like, I was kind of just, like, testing the waters with, like, hair and makeup and, like, kind of, like, more into self-expression and stuff like that and, like, how I wanted to, I guess, like, went, almost to testing the water is, like, my individuality, I guess, was, like, the word. And then, like, my sophomore year was kind of when I started, like, dabbling more into, like, my femininity. And then, then, like, I spent my whole junior year, like, I spent my whole junior year, like, going, I guess, full time as a girl to school. And then senior year came around, and it was the same thing. And, like, I started going by alley, like, my junior year.

Yeah. And so you said you graduated high school. And when you graduated high school, you started. your transition. Mm-hmm. Okay, so can you kind of like explain to me what is, what it looked like being in high school and going to high school as a girl versus like your transition like real life? Yeah, like what does that?

Can you explain that to me? Like, what is that? Well, in high school, it was a little different because I, like, my, my, when I came out to my parents as trans, it wasn't like, like, or gay or whatever it is. I don't even know, honestly. I feel like it came out like three or four times already. to them but

like I would very much go to school like female presenting and then I would go to like a Starbucks because I went to like a high school that was like right by university campus and I would go to a Starbucks and I would like go and like wash my face in the restrooms

and then go back home as a boy just because like I wasn't scared like my mom already knew but for me it was more so like respecting my mom and like respecting like her like Yeah. Her opinion of certain things, I guess.

Yeah. So would you say like, so you would go to school as a girl and then come home and be a guy, but you only wanted to be a guy to respect your parents, but you felt like you were a girl at heart. Yeah. I've always been super feminine though. Like literally anybody can tell you in my family or even like Jen. Like she knew it was like, like she knew something was there. And it was even like more than like a, oh, that's just a gay boy. Like, no, like there was, there was like signs there that just like were like I was very hyper feminine. Now, did people ever make fun of you in school because you were you were feminine or like did feminine things? I mean, I'm sure that they did.

But like I honestly like I was so in my own bubble to like even not that I didn't care what people thought about me. I just didn't like it didn't phase me because I've always been like really confident. confident in who I am as a person. Yeah. Yeah. So like I'm I can name a few things off the bat, but like I really don't care to dwell on it anymore, honestly. Yeah. So what so what did the transition look like outside of high school? You graduated high school. And what did that look like for you? It was interesting for sure. Um, so I don't know what it was exactly that kind of like through the like the feather on the camp. almost back type of shit. Sorry to mean the cuss. No, no, you can say whatever. Yeah. Um, it was just, I just remember one day I got into an argument with my mom or my parents and I was like, you know what? Like, I need to leave. Like, I think it's time. Like, I need to separate myself.

And I remember I really didn't speak to like any of my family for like a good three, four years. Dang. Yeah. And it was by, I feel like the, the decision was mutual. It wasn't like they threw me out or anything. I just, it was very much I chose to, like, exclude myself. Yeah. And kind of work on myself. And within that time frame, I started, like, I started HRT, like hormone therapy. I started, like, I guess just full-time living as a woman as well as, like, kind of just getting my, like, outside of my transition, just getting my life together.

Yeah. Like, I'm at that time, like, I was a very young adult. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I don't know like it was just a very overwhelming but like good thing that happened out of that whole experience and then by the time I was like 21 I moved in with my grandma because she wasn't like doing good health boys so she just needed someone to be there like to help her with her medication like her doctor's women so keep an eye on her overall and um I had seen my mom and my mom had never met Ellie at the time and um I kind of just like walked in

and I had like hair down to my ass and like I was in like biker shorts and like a sports bra and like just moving all my stuff in and it was it wasn't bad but it wasn't good if that makes sense I think it was just it was uncomfortable for the both of us um but by the time that like I think she seen me she just kind of realized like well there's really nothing I can do about it like this is who she is yeah so was that when you came out to your parents as trance no I came out I didn't even technically come out. They, like, they kind of caught me, if that makes sense. They kind of caught, like, what I was on to.

So I don't know if it was like my junior or senior year of high school, but something happened in my family where I had to, excuse me, I had to move schools and I was going to go to school in, I don't know if it was in Mexico or in Nogales, Arizona. Uh-huh. It was in Nogales. And my mom was going to pick up my transcripts. And I remember, I don't know what was going on, but the front office lady told her, I wasn't with her.

But the front office lady, my brother was there, told my mom, she was like, why hasn't he been wearing his hair and makeup? Like, he's so much more confident. And, like, there's a big difference in her work ethic, in his work ethic when, like, he's female presenting or, like, in hair and makeup. And my mom had no idea, like, what she was talking about. Yeah. And, um, like, that was kind of like the way that I can't, like, that I guess that happened. That it happened. Yeah.

Yeah. But I think that's pretty sure that's how it happened that I remember. And what are your parents think about it now? I have the most like, but I have the best relationship with my parents now. Yeah. Yeah. I very much, like, my mom, like, even, like, goes as far as, like, help me with my hair. Like, we'll pick out outfits together.

Like, we'll do all the girl things together. Like, I'm very much, like, it's, it's weird when you're, when you're trans because, like, you go through. Like, I. I don't, I guess like female puberty or like the like the teenage phase of like a girl like in your 20s because you never got to experience that like within the regular like teenage years. Like at least for me, you know, like I'm very much going. I'm in the process of like in my teenage girl years in my 20s because I never experienced it. And you mentioned you keep mentioning your mom a lot. What about your dad?

What does your dad think about it? Where's he at in Ireland? My dad is in Mexico. It's so crazy with like everything that's going on in the world too But my dad was deported when I was 14 in front of my family in us So yeah like I showed up one day and they like took him from us And like it was very hard on my family and like he's still in Mexico Yeah

So I kind of had like a really rocky relationship with my dad but I feel like now we're in such a better place I don't really see him like as often as I should but I do speak to him like every other day and we'll just check in with each other and stuff like that and like I don't know it was just a it was a really like just with both my parents in general

I think it was just really weird because for the longest time they went from being like Sunday school teachers to you know to like going through so much and then like kind of almost using the bottom against me like when it came to like my transition and stuff like that and then now like I have like I think it just not that they don't care like what's going on with me I just think they just they love me more than anything for sure just to like they just love me and they just want me to be happy yeah

yeah so so you about because you said you kind of like started showing femininity when you were 15 so probably a year before you did that your dad was deported and then he wasn't like like really physically in your life because he's been gone. Mm-hmm. And then you've had this transition. You've been out of high school transition out of high school. Now, I want you to explain to everyone, like, before we dive into like your relationship with God and Christian, anything like that, I want you to kind of explain to everyone how you

got a platform on the internet and what that was like. Can you explain that? Yeah, of course. Um, so I didn't like, I had no plans on being a content creator. Like I was very much like, when I first started social media, I was working at a T-Mobile. Oh, no way. Yeah. Like I was very much like finessing my sales. Like, like, I worked like a regular nine to five. Wait, you said finessing your sales? What do you mean? Yeah. Like I was like, I was like, I was just grinding. Like I found a way to make my money at work. Like I was just very much like on top of what I did. And I just remember at the time. I was. I just remember at the time. I was. I was just remember at the time. I was talking to somebody. And I think it was like three in the morning and I posted like a TikTok just like throwing shade at them. Uh-huh. And I woke up the next morning and I had three million views.

Oh, snap. Yeah. So that's very much how that happened. Uh-huh. And then it just kept snowballing because I kept posting. Yeah. Like I just didn't remember. I was like, well, I don't know what to do, but like I'm just going to keep posting.

Yeah. So like I would just post like little life updates like a little bit of trolling here and there. Nothing too crazy. Uh-huh. But like I, because I very much have like a sarcastic attitude. too sometimes so I very make sure like it's amplified online a little bit. And then like six months later, I was invited to do a podcast and like I didn't know much about the podcast.

I didn't know what I was walking into, which I mean obviously like I should a smart person to do their research on something that they're doing like that. But at the time I was just so excited. I was like, oh my God, like I got invited to do like a podcast. Like that's so cool like someone found me off my videos and they want to do whatever like you know it's just like that kind of stuff and Um, I remember like I think like the day I was traveling there. I was like oh this is what I'm walking into Like I didn't realize like it was like a very much like hyper masculine like environment that I was walking into So you went on the whatever podcast. Yeah and um within like minutes of me being on there or let me

We run. So, like, I remember I was really nervous. So I don't condone drugs at all or, like, like, the use of them. Uh-huh. Um, but I needed, like, I needed something to show me out. So I took an edible. And, um, I remember I walked in that and I ended up in the room. I, like, signed a form. And then, like, within minutes of going live, I was viral on Twitter. And then that was kind of like a big explosion of traction and eyes on you. Yeah, that was like what really like stamped me on the map. Yeah. Was that podcast. Wow. And yeah, it kind of just snowballed from there. And then now I guess like I'm a, I'm a streamer batty.

Yeah. What is that? What did you say? I'm a streamer batty. Okay, explain that to me. What is a streamer bad? Like, okay, so I don't stream personally. Maybe it's something that I'm going to do later on this year.

I'm not sure yet. But I very much just like, I get invited on streams. I do my quick little one too, well, then I get to leave. Okay, interesting. I've never heard that before. Streamer, Badi.

Okay, so, okay, so that was your kind of like blow up here. And I want, we'll talk about a little something that you mentioned about the whatever podcast later, because I want to know your thoughts on it. But I want to talk about Jesus because we are a Christian podcast.

Yes. And you said you were raised Catholic and Christian. I want to kind of know, like, a little bit about that. Do you have a relationship with God or like Christianity? And if so, what does that look like for you? I do have a relationship with God. Okay.

I pray every morning. Every time I go to bed. Every time I get on an airplane. Every, any, I pray. I very much, I wouldn't say I'm like a religious person, but I do have a relationship with God. And I do my best to talk to him as frequent as I can. So you would almost like confine your relationship to God to like basically like praying a lot?

Like that's what your relationship looks like. And what do you think about Christianity in general? What do you think about Jesus? Well, I mean, I love Jesus. Yeah. But Christianity is something I have like a very, it's like a super touchy subject for me. So like I said, we were, I grew up Catholic for the most part. And then like I don't know somehow in the mix of that we converted to a penitimate.

we became Pentecostal Christians my family and I and you know when you're in an environment where at least for me just picture like I'm a 12th 13 year old little boy who is hearing

like constantly like oh if you don't change your ways like you're gonna burn in hell like you're gonna you're going to hell like you always hear like from like you think that they're not talking about you when they say these things, but like the closet was made of glass

with me. Like it was very apparent. Like I was who I was and and like I wasn't hiding it. As much as I thought I was, I wasn't. So when you grow up and you hear those things, you kind of like, like at least from me in my adulthood now, it's very hard for me to walk into church. And I, there was a time where I was going as in my adulthood. but you kind of, like this for me, like, I get stuck with this, like, I don't know if it's what the word is, if it's like spiritual warfare, what it is exactly. But for me, it's more so of like, why, like, I'm here for God and I'm here for my relationship with God.

This is where I come to, to feel, to feel him and to have my peace and to, you know, just, it's my version of the finding peace. but it's also hard to be there when all you've ever heard growing up was like you're going to go to hell like god doesn't like this like god doesn't like that and it's always like it's hard to be in that if that makes sense because it's like how do you you you find so much peace in a place but at the same time you feel like you're not wanted there and and these aren't it's not like i'm hearing this from god like i'm hearing these from the people who are around me in that area you know so that's where it comes into play where it's like it's hard to find like uh it's hard to

want to be there when that's that's where you know you want to be i don't like i don't know how to explain it like that's that's the only way that i can think of like word it no i kind of give what you're saying yeah so so like what so you grew up in this christian environment what do you think about like what do you do you know what the gospel is like what is like what is the gospel um i mean it's the bible right so you have like the gospels right matthew mark luke and john the the povs of jesus basically but this the the gospel essentially is kind of like this message that you're kind of echoing not from like and not from like a i'm trying i'm trying to figure out how to explain it the gospel in a sense is saying like hey you and i are broken people

and because we're broken and because we're naturally wicked at heart that's how we're born you You know, like you don't have, like when I was younger, no one taught me to be selfish. No one taught me to hit my preschool friends in the head with a toy sword. You know, I just did it. It was naturally in me. And my sinful nature, because I do wrong, I deserve death. I deserve punishment. In the same way, a criminal who murders someone deserves to go to jail, right?

There has to be justice. But because God loves you and I, he dies on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin. So he kills our son on the cross. And then if we put faith in that, faith in his resurrection, defeating death, defeating sin, then we can be saved from that. And so what, do you know, do you know anything about my story or like, like with Jesus or? You can totally like tell me if I'm wrong. Your story was the one in the Waffle House, right? Yeah, yeah.

When you were, you were going to like a rough time and then like someone. Yeah, I heard of yours. I had a lot of, I had like really bad depression. anxiety for probably like four years and then when I was 17 I was planning on taking my life and I went to Waffle House to have my last meal and I had this supernatural encounter with Jesus and he stopped me from taking my life so that was my foot in the door with Jesus relationship with him any sort of religion and so that was my foot in the door of going okay maybe there is a God who cares about me and God loves me because God shows me that and then I started diving into it and research

and more and reading the Bible and that's when I began to develop my relationship with God and so that's kind of like my introduction to Jesus. Let's say every human being has a timer, everyone's clock is ticking. When you die right now, where do you think you go and why do you think you go there? Like, do you believe in heaven or hell? I do. And what is the requirements for someone to get into heaven? Well, I mean, obviously, like, I'm assuming you're a Christian, correct?

Okay. So like I've always been told like if you have Jesus Christ in your heart and you know you repent and you're able to kind of I guess recognize and realize like what you've done from right or wrong and it's and you move forward with that in God's way then you're going to heaven. Yeah. Not obviously but that's just what I heard. But like if you're also I've also heard like if you're stuck in the ways of the world like. like and you're not living in God's path or like you almost take him for granted all the time like there's a good chance like you're going to hell. Yeah.

At least that's what I've been told like growing up through. Yeah. Through church. Yeah. So I don't know where I would be somewhere along the lines of that. Uh-huh. Honestly. Because for me personally, like this is where I kind of like struggle when it comes to my relationship.

with God. And the Bible it says like you're never supposed to question God. Like you're never supposed to question like his his reasons for doing things, why he does things, why he lets things happen because you're just not supposed to. And then I kind of struggle with it in a sense of like, especially for me being trans. I'm like, if God already knew like this was going to happen, like why would he let me? you do it or why would he put me in a place of this and then i always hear like well no that's not god that's the devil like that's that's that's not that's not god telling you to live this way that's that's

that's that's that's that's that's the that's the devil but then i'm like okay then like what is so evil about what i'm doing like i'm not hurting anybody like i'm i'm not hurting myself like i like i genuinely can stand here and say right now and sit like or sit i'm sorry um and say like if I would have kept living as male, like, I would be dead. Why do you think that? Like, I just hated who I was, like, as male presenting. Like, I knew what I was from a very young age. Like, I knew I was, like, feminine.

I knew, like, I don't want to stay here and be like, oh, I knew I was a girl. Or I knew I was a woman, because I'm a trans woman. Like, I remember my place in this world. But I always knew that I wasn't, I never identified with what I had with, what was between my legs. Wait, so when you, when you say like, you hated, you hated who you were as a, as a man, like that, like, was it an insecurity of looks and insecurity of, like, what was it? It was like the gender, like, identity of it all. Like, it was the, the gender dysphoria. Like, I knew in my head, like, like, like, how do I explain this? Like, I knew in my head, like, what I thought in

my head like didn't match what was down there if that makes sense. Uh-huh. Like it didn't click in my head. Like it wasn't clicking. Yeah. Like I, what I saw in between my legs was not what, like, what was going on in my head. Uh-huh. So that was very much what it was.

Like my gender dysphoria kicked in really, really bad, especially in high school. Uh-huh. So that was what it was that I hated. Like, and it wasn't even necessarily about looks per se, but it was more so of like, Every time I had to go to the barber, like, why did I have to cut my hair? Like, I, if I had, like, if I thought like a girl, or if I, if I, if I, in my head, I thought I was a girl. Like, why did I have to wear boy clothes?

Why did I have to do this? Like, I, like, I didn't, like, I, like, it was just something I hated always having to do or, like, if, and even in high school when, like, or when I was younger, like, and I tried to force myself, because, like, my hair was super long in high school. And I, like, buzz cut it for my senior. pictures and like for shit like that like when I like I had like I had to butch it up I was like oh like it was the worst like depressing thing ever because like I knew it was something that I like it would bring my skin crawl so so your kind of question was like you're not hurting

anyone so like if God didn't want me to be this way like why did he stop me kind of thing like exactly like why didn't he stop me yeah yeah I kind of see what you're saying so I feel like well first of all thanks for sharing that I think takes a lot of like bravery to share. Yeah, absolutely. So, so sin in the Bible isn't just action. It's a condition of the world, right? So when God created everything, Proverbs tells us that God used to wisdom to create the world.

So that means there's, there's time, there's detail into it. So when God created everything, he created everything perfectly. And then in Genesis, the Bible explains us that at the beginning of the world, Adam and Eve, male and female, we're together. Yeah, absolutely. And they were in relationship with God. Now, this part, this is the part why I want to answer, like, why didn't it God, quote, quote, stop you, right? So God loves us enough to give human beings free will, which gives us the choice to choose God or not. So when Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden, they say, at one point, screw off to God, basically,

because they bite from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. So they thought that they could be better than God, essentially. so they decided to attempt to rebel against God. Now, because they rebelled against God, sin, this condition entered into the world. This means that sin perverted everything that God originally designed. So not just anger, not just pride, not just lust, but if God has an original design for all of mankind,

anything outside of the original design would be considered perverted in sin, right? So if God designed Ali as a boy and then Ali is now claiming to be a girl, right? You would be outside of this original design that God has and God says, no, I actually designed you as a boy. You know, Proverbs 14, 26 says there's a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. And so what the Bible is telling us is actually when we're born into this world, Bryce isn't born as morally neutral. Bryce is born a sinner. I'm sinful. And most of my thoughts and most of the things that I want to do would be in rebellion against God because that's how I'm born into the world.

Absolutely. Everyone in this room is born in that way, right? So if I'm sitting here going, oh, well, I'm thinking about doing this, I'm thinking about doing that, or I'm just want to go have sex with as many people as I want, or I'm going to go, when I get angry, I'm going to hurt this person. Or, well, I was born a boy, but I feel like being a girl, you know, these things would be us rebelling. against God because imagine God took so much time on you to design you and knit you in your mother's womb and then when you're born into this world Satan plants this idea you're actually not who God designed you to be and so when you go outside of this design God has for you yeah then it's then you're kind of saying like screw off essentially does that kind of make sense yeah and so like

it's not just about like doing the right things uh Jesus tells us that If we want to follow him, we've got to deny ourselves and pick up our cross and follow him. Because he says the path is narrow. The door to heaven is narrow, right? And so we have to repent for the kingdom of God is at hand. Turn away from our feelings and our ways and kind of walk in that. So when you say like, you know, you say you're a trans woman, what would you define a woman as? I feel like a woman is, that's such a hard question.

know because I feel like I would never want to shoebox women into just like one phrase I feel like woman to me woman is someone with like a vagina like that's a woman I guess but I I guess in like today's society like there's like trans men or you know I honestly like I'm just not good at labels like I'm I'm very much like I respect it but like I feel like there's something new coming out every day yeah when it when it comes to that kind of stuff and I get it I respect it and I'm willing to learn it's just it's very hard to yeah yeah to upkeep with it no I kind of give what you're saying I think that there's an abundance of information

out there but I think that there's a lack of clarity and so when I when I think like me and you everyone in the room has X chromosomes right but the difference between me and my girlfriend is that I have a Y chromosome so a man has a X Y chromosomes women have X X chromosomes right and so if we were to go into a lab right they would say oh well you're a man because you have X X I mean you have X Y

chromosomes. Right. I have X, Y chromosomes. And so, like, when you're born into this world, also the reason why I asked, like, what happened to your dad is because I believe that, like, when you say in my brain, you said when in my brain, I felt feminine, but you said what was in between my leg said I wasn't feminine, right? In our brain, we, the Bible tells us we have to renew our mind. It says, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind, meaning like, my, the initial way Bryce thinks is wicked. And so I have to change the way I think and know what God thinks about me and how I should live by reading the Bible. And it will change the way I think and feel and my thoughts and emotions. And so like the reason why I asked about your dad is because

I believe that the Bible talks about like biblical manhood and biblical like womanhood, like what, what the role of a man is and what the role of a woman is. And I definitely think it is hard for, it was hard for you growing up as a boy not having your dad around because you didn't have that like father figure there well my dad was around well i mean like when you were 14 right no like we still went like when he got deported it was just like he wasn't around like physically no like we were just we would go like every weekend in mexico to go visit him so he oh because tucons near mexico yeah okay so we would still go visit him like my dad being present definitely didn't play into that role okay yeah gotcha um Yeah, for as long as I can remember, I've always been to feminine. Like, even, like, my aunts and my uncles will tell you, like,

I used to walk into a room with a towel on my head as a baby, like three years old, and, like, it was my hair. So do you think God designed you as a man or a woman? Um, I don't know. And I will see, obviously a man, because I came out of my mom with, like, excuse my French, but, like, it is what it is. Like, it is what it is. But I will say sometimes, like, I don't know, this is where I struggle with that.

Yeah, I want to keep that conversation open. Like, you can say whatever you want, because this is the table. I don't think God gives people more than what they can handle. And I'm not saying God would be trans. I'm not saying the devil me trans. I'm just saying in general. I feel like I was put in a situation

like just to see like I don't even know how to explain it like I just feel I just think that like God could like wouldn't hate me for what I am you know

and I also I feel like he wouldn't put me in a situation or give me something that I wouldn't be able to handle I see what you're saying yeah So what so define love for me right so define like regular love like what is love and then define God's love for me So I can kind of understand like how you think my version of like well love is love I feel like love is unconditional And I feel like that's the way God loves it's unconditional uh-huh yeah and so when you say like

God loves you for who you are yeah explain that to me like like like I feel like God just loves me for who I am as a person, regardless of what's in between my legs. Like he loves me for being a kind person, for being someone who's always been a shoulder for other people, who's been like, you know, just for, like, God is able to see outside of that of, of whatever it is that's going on in my head, you know, or identity or whatever it is. Yeah. And love me for my. soul and not for whatever other is I have going on. Sure. Yeah, I think the unconditional love is right, right? So I heard a quote today, actually. I was listening to like a sermon this morning and he said, I heard someone say,

God doesn't hate he loves, but this pastor said God hates because he loves. And I had to sit there for a second because it was like, what could God hate, right? You know? And I realized God hates sin. He hates wickedness. And He hates that stuff because he loves us, right? So the example I give is like when I was young, I wanted to eat ice cream all the time for breakfast every morning. And my parents wouldn't let me. And I thought they were so mean because they wouldn't let me eat breakfast in the morning. But I realized later on as I got older that they did love me because it was unhealthy for me to do that.

And I could have probably developed diabetes if I ate every day, you know, and things like that. So really, they did love me. they were protecting me i thought they were just mean right yeah and so in the same way i don't think god is trying to be a cosmic buzzkill and stop you by saying oh i i hate you no i think god loves you but god loves who he created you to be and i think he created you to be that man that you were born at right and so you have society you know abundance of opinions abundance abundance of things i say no like Allie, you know, you do your thing, you do your thing, you do your thing. But to me, the more makeup you may put on or like things like that and blah, blah, blah, it is encouraging you to not be who God originally designed you because it kind of makes sense.

Yeah, I can see that. I don't disagree with you, but I also don't agree with you. Uh-huh. What's that part? You're kind of like neutral on that? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Because for me, like the hair and makeup and stuff, like I can walk out of the house without any of it and still feel the way that I feel.

Sure. Like to me, the hair and makeup is just, it's an accessory. Like, it's cute. It's whatever. But I feel like it wouldn't add or take away to what it is it, like what you just said. The feelings that you have? Yeah. Right.

It wouldn't anything. Right. So my feelings, right? Like I mentioned earlier, if I get angry, right, I might have the feeling like, oh, I want to hurt. that person my feelings wouldn't be the best right like our feelings can be good servants this is why i say feelings can be good servants right if i have if someone comes in my house and i feel uncomfortable it might be maybe there's something off you know the discernment but my feelings shouldn't be my master meaning if i live my entire life off of feelings then i would have hurt more people i would have done a lot more

things i shouldn't have done right and so i think when you're born as because you and i we were born the same in the sense that we were born as sinners. We're born to a sinful world. And our nature inherently is to naturally rebel against God. So if your feelings are saying, oh, I'm feminine, I'm feminine, I'm feminine, you know, in your brain. But your physical definition of your body and who you are and who God has designed you to be says, oh, you're a boy, right? Then that's the part of the Bible where it's like, kill your flesh, you know, kill your desires. That's the whole point.

Deny yourself. you know, kill your flesh, kill what you want to do and do what God wants you to do because he's ultimately right. You know, if we believe, if you and I both say, hey, I believe in God, I believe God is Lord, right? Not just my Savior. I believe he's the Lord. If I believe he's Lord, then that means I'm going to trust and do what he says because I believe his way is better than my way. And so that goes across the board for everything. Sexuality, actions, like what I do with my money, everything. Like, I believe he is Lord, so I'm going to do it. Anytime I rebel against that, that is sin, right?

And my sin separates me from God. Yeah. But I think the hope of Jesus is that, like, he can save us from that. He can change our desires. Like, there are things that I desired before I put my faith in Christ. Yeah. That now that my faith is in Jesus and I read my Bible, it has changed my desires and changed what I wanted.

You kind of see what I'm saying? Yeah, I think. And, like, one thing that I really hate, and I want you to know, too, like, like, Like when we were, you know, I've been wanting you to come on my podcast for a while and I've done research and looked at, you know, watch videos about you and things like that. And one thing I hate and I wanted to bring this up and I want you to know that God hates it too is when people make fun of you and call you names and call you like Gorelock and all the other stuff. I hate that and God hates that. Yeah. Because they're slapping God in the face because they made you, right?

But God made you as a man. Yeah. And you see what I'm saying? And so I just want you to know like God does love you. But I believe God loves Reimundo and sees you and you'll never stop being as little boy. And I think God can actually change those desires in our heart. Like if God revealed himself to you in a dream, let me give you a hypothetical situation. You have a dream tonight.

You go home tonight. You sleep. You have a dream. And God speaks to you in this dream. and he's like, hey listen, like, I love you. There's relationship on the table with me and you. But the thing that's stopping me from deeper intimacy with you or deeper friendship with you is, is you being trans, right?

That's separating you. Would you leave that lifestyle behind for God or what do you think? Honestly, I can't answer that question because I've never been in that situation. What I will say is like I have definitely been very deep in my faith at one point to where like I've bawled my eyes out to God to like I

and this is where I feel like a lot of people in religion get confused honestly where they think that like I mean to a certain extent it is a choice like I'm not going to say here and say that it isn't. But with that being said, I'm like, I don't see, like, I don't see Raymondo in me. Like, I don't see that person anymore. Like, that's, that, that wasn't me. That was, that was, that was maybe something I presented as, but that's, that's not who I am.

Like, I'm Allie. Like, I'm Allie. I've always been Allie. Like, I, like, I'm Allie. I've always been alley. Like I've never like I've never been able to to see Reimundo in the mirror and to feel love or to feel a certain way. So when it comes to God, at least for me, like, and I'm not in no way am I saying that I disagree with you because everything you're saying is I've heard it before. I've heard it in my Bible and it's something that's very true in the aspect of religion. I'm just speaking from my point of view and my testimony. Like, I have never identified with Reimundo. Like, I have never felt in my skin as Reimundo.

I've never, I've never been one with that version of myself. So when I finally did decide to step into the, to my shoes as Alley, I've never felt so free. I've never felt more myself or felt love for myself or felt happy or felt like at peace. And it's more so because of the fact that like it's what makes it's what it's what brought me my happiness. Like how can I sit here too and be like, okay, yeah, maybe like I'll pray or whatever. and like let's say I take out my extension, shape my head and get off my hormones. Like, what am I going to do?

Go back to being depressed. Go back to hating myself. Go back to the suicidal little 16 year old who like almost off to himself because of like how insecure I was and how ugly I felt and how sad I was. Like, no, like I'm sorry. Like, yeah, maybe it does go against God's word and maybe it is selfish of me. but then again that comes back to like where I don't feel like God would put me in this place to make me like hate like myself or make me make me not want to love myself you know and that's what I mean when I say this is my conflict with religion where it's like yeah everybody tells me like

or especially in the Bible or at church like yeah maybe like God will come one day and he'll heal you you don't take that away from you okay like when is that going to come because I've tried this isn't something I wish upon anybody I would never recommend like oh yeah just jump to transition one day unless it's something they legitimately felt like they felt like they had to do scientifically does that make me like a

crazy person probably but at the same time I'd rather be crazy than not be here I see what you're saying and that's where my my my like my friction with religion or Christianity or the Bible comes in because of the fact of

like okay like I don't see like if God would have really come down here and take this away from me and make me happy sure let's do it let's like get me on board but it's not something I haven't tried sure I see what you're saying I feel like sin sin is fun for a season and sin feels like freedom until you try to stop then it didn't and then it doesn't feel like freedom right and so I I think like you know feelings like I feel I feel I feel feelings are a good thing right but you know like I said earlier like my anger can make me feel like I want to kill someone like oh man I'm gonna kill that dude I'm so angry but above my feelings the truth on a piece of paper would say don't kill someone you know exactly so so truth like prioritizing the feelings and so the first

the the the first thing I want to say is like you know heaven and hell are real heaven being unity with God hell being separation or God from God the thing that separates us from God is rebellion and sin against God you know So people are going to hell for more than just sexuality. But God cares about sexuality. And so because God cares about sexuality, we have to take that because it's different than any other sin. Because it's a sin against our own body, right? That's where I kind of disagree, though, because I feel like sin is a sin.

So like sin separates us from God. Like sin from a definition standpoint separates us from God. Sin in general separates us from God. Right. But what makes like a murderer like Like worse or like better like obviously murder is horrible and it's probably no comparing but like from a moral standpoint But right sin is a sin is a sinning. That's like sitting and that's like when this is when I where I kind of clash with people who like kind of come at me And I don't want you to think that I'm coming at you in any way kind of form yeah but like this is where I kind of get

Not upset but like where I get defensive because I'm like okay in the Bible it says you should be threads in the Bible it says you shouldn't be mixing meat or eating meat on Fridays or whatever the case may be there's a lot of things in the Bible where like it was basically like a sin you know it's like for example like you should not have false idols it's in the Ten Commandments and we listen we idolize social media stars we idolize music people we idolize everything there's so many other sins and this is where it kind of it is doesn't upset me, but where it blows my mind is that, like, people are so quick, especially in the aspects of religion, to call out people who are in the LGBT community,

but they don't realize. I'm like, dude, you're, you're, you're, you're sinning just as not as bad as me. What makes your sin worse than mine? Yeah. Or what makes my sin worse than yours? For sure. And that's where I get that. And I get in the Bible it says, too, and I, and I'm all for it too, because I'd be sharing,

like, about God. And I be talking to my friends about God, too. like girl go to church like you know stuff like that like recommending it and and just sharing his gospel but i feel like there's a big difference between sharing his gospel and condemning people and that's where i feel like today especially in a lot of churches and this is why like i have like my my my my my my my reasons for not going to church sometimes is because there's a difference between sharing his word and condemning and judging people and i feel like a lot of people get that confused because they think that that's the exact same thing sure right so like if i think i think i

totally understand. I think there are a lot of people today that will abuse and condemn. You know, the Bible talks about, like, if you're going to point someone's sin out in their life, like, look in your own life first. Look at the log in your own eye. I totally understand that, right? And I got my own junk going on, too. Everyone's got their own junk going on. And I don't want you to think I'm just sitting here condemning. I'm just trying to offer perspective, right? Like, yeah, sin all is equal in the sense that it all sin separates us from God. Me lying would separate me from God the same way it's a murderer separate from God. from sin. But morally speaking, right? The Bible says that like with sexuality, any sexual immorality,

anything like sex is out of marriage, you know, anything to do with sexual sin is a sin against our own body. That makes it different, right? And so when you said the mixing threads and the meat, in Leviticus, there's three different types of laws. You have ceremonial laws. So the mixing of meat was a ceremonial law. You have moral laws. And then you have civil laws. And, and then you have civil laws. And so under these moral laws would be like murdering people. It would be with sexuality. It would be lying. It would be all these things.

Right. And so with moral law, right? Morality. That stuff still applies today, you know? And so I don't want you to think that like, like, yeah, with moral law, we have to look to Jesus Christ and say, God, change my heart, change my morals, right? And so I think like, like you said, there are a lot. of people that come across intense and condemn. But I think what those people are trying to do, not just with you, but with everyone, because they do it a lot of other people too, not just the

LGBTQ community. What they're trying to do is they're saying, hey, there's like a way that there's a way called righteousness that God has described in this Bible. And that's why John chapter one says, the word became flesh and dwelt among us. Jesus being the word saying the Bible, this righteousness that God describes perfection is like we can live out righteousness in this lifetime. Jesus shows us that it's possible to live in obedience to God. And so when these people are kind of preaching the Bible and saying, hey, don't have sex outside of marriage. Like if you were born a man, be a man.

If you're born a woman being a woman, hey, don't be prideful. Don't get angry at your brother. There's all these things. They're preaching all these things because they want people to know that they care and that God cares about that stuff. You know what I'm saying? And so, like, I look, I have the same hurt in the same way. Like, I grew up and I hated a lot of churches because they were telling me what to do with my life.

And I would see them around my town doing the total opposite of what they were telling me to do. And it really frustrated me. And it made me feel like God was a big hypocrite. But what I realized is humans are broken. They may have been hypocrites, but God's not a hypocrite. And so I can't let. That's the equivalent of like, I thought God. was what these people were showing me with their actions, but it wasn't.

That's like me talking to your friends and your family and people that went to school with you to tell me who you are. And they could fill in the picture. People would have good things to say. People would have bad things to say. But if I wanted to get to know you, we'd hang out like we're doing right now. And we'd go get food and we'd spend time together, you know what I mean? And then I'd get to know who you were and you would get to know me.

And I think in that same way, like if we really want to know what God thinks, we have to read the Bible and consume it. And even when we don't agree or even when we don't fully understand, the Bible tells us if anyone lacks wisdom, if we don't understand, ask God and he will generously give it to you. And so I think like when you're navigating these situations like or navigating like the hurt from people on navigating the confusion and they're trying to understand, like maybe one of your prayers because you say you pray a lot, it's like, hey God, can you give me clarity and wisdom on this topic and what I'm going through? I believe he will give it to you and God looks at the heart and and and sees that stuff.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. And I think overall one of the aspects of religion comes into play, I just hope people like can look beyond the surface level of I guess whether or if it's like sin or whether or not they agree and they can just look past and see people are good people and you know and it's just not. their place to judge, especially in the house of God. And just like I said, love is unconditional, regardless of whatever it is that we're going through. And I feel like that's where I think my experience is when it comes to being in church. Yeah.

And I feel like once people who are in church can see that and look at, past the sin, then I feel like that's where I would be. Sure. I would find my peace. Sure. Because my, like I said, I talk to God. I very much have a relationship with God. But that's where my, where I lack is going to church because I don't feel that.

Yeah. From the, from the people who go there. For sure. For, for you personally, before we close, we kind of talked about your perspective. We talked about the Bible. What do you think? God thinks about you being trans. What do you think personally?

You know what? I don't know what he thinks about it. Maybe he likes it. Maybe he doesn't like it. I'm pretty sure he doesn't because in the Bible, there's scripture in it that says otherwise. But what I can say is I know God loves me unconditionally. I know that and that's like that's really all I have to say about it.

Yeah. You know, and I feel like if God didn't love me, or if God wasn't there, he wouldn't have opened so many doors for me. And I feel like I've felt his love around me too many times to know that he's not there. So, yeah, that's all I want to say about that. Yeah, God is there and God does love you and he sees you. And I think that our conversation today is like a beautiful invitation to more relationship with God. even a beautiful invitation to bring these things to the table with God and say, okay, God,

please help me know how you feel about this. And like, please bring that thing. I would love to pray for you before we get, before we end the podcast and just, if that would be okay. Is that okay? Yeah, we can pray. Yeah, thanks so much. Jesus, thank you so much for my new friend, God. Thank you, that you love them and see them. Oh, my God, we just ask for your conviction, first of all, to lay on both of us. God, would you bring conviction in our lives and, and reveal yourself to us? way through conviction. God, would you draw him closer to you? God, we just thank you. God, we ask that your words is, if anyone lacks wisdom, we can ask you and you will generously give it to us. So, God, would you give us both wisdom on what the Bible is saying, how to navigate through

life, how to navigate our feelings? And God, we just thank you for this day. We love you and bless you in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Guys, thank you so much for watching and listening to this episode. If you guys like it, subscribe to us on YouTube, follow us on Spotify. Instagram and TikTok. Bless you guys and see you guys next week for the next episode.