The Bryce Crawford Podcast - I Asked N3on If He's Going to Heaven (EP 206)

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

I Asked N3on If He's Going to Heaven (EP 206)

I'm afraid of debt. I'm so scared. What's the point of me doing all this stuff? Like grinding, working my butt off. All the money you make, none of them headers. They're going to lose it. Like, within one second. I don't think I've ever in life, as of right now, like, truly been fulfilled. I always thought what would make me fulfilled was like views. But like true fulfillment and feeling at peace, like, nah, it hasn't given me that. I literally would sit down and I would like cry and pray. And I'm like, God, please, like, all I want in life is to become one of the biggest streamers.

Like, please, please, please. I would do it every single day. achieved what I wanted to achieve and then just stop praying. I do believe in Islam. Like, I am a Muslim. I haven't been praying much at all, which is disgusting. Like, it's terrible. How confident are you that you would go to heaven? Maybe like, is it a seven? Maybe a six. Hey, before we get into today's episode, I want to share two quick things with you. First, if these videos have meant anything to you, if they've encouraged your faith or helped you see the gospel a little bit more clearly, I just want to ask you to subscribe. A lot of people tune in every single week and haven't hit the button yet. It only takes two seconds and it helps us keep putting these conversations

in front of people who need them. And the second thing, this one I've honestly been really excited to say. I'm officially announcing our ministry's biggest live event to date, Open Heaven Live Podcast Tour. It's happening November 8th this year at the Pavilion at Toyota Music Factory in Irving, Texas. This is going to be a night centered around worship, faith, real conversations, and genuine community. I believe God is going to move in a powerful way, and I would love for you to be in the room.

Tickets are on sale right now. You can head to Brycecroffer.org slash tour, or just click the link in the description below. And please, only get your tickets through my phone. official site or that link below. I recommend not buying from random resellers online. I believe this is going to be a really special night and I hope to see you there. All right, let's get into the episode. What's going on guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Bryce Crawford podcast. I'm with Neon. Hello guys. Which camera I'm looking at? This one, this one or whichever one you want?

It's a crazy setup over here, bro. Dude, I'm glad you like it. Thanks for coming. Thank you for having me. I've been excited to meet you because I've just heard people say nothing but great things about you. So it's seriously. Yeah, seriously. I'm like behind the scenes. Yeah. Yeah, that makes you feel good. Why? Because you feel like you see a lot of noise online? Honestly, not anymore, but I did go through errors where I did. But now it's way different. But yeah, I mean, I've been through a bunch of different hate phases.

But yeah, when I hear stuff like that, it makes you feel good. Yeah, dude, I've heard a lot of great things about you. Just what an awesome guy you are. So I've been looking forward to hanging out with you. So thanks for coming on. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Have you ever been on like a Christian podcast before? No. No, never.

This is my first time. I usually, I do, I've done like, like Bradley Martin, Steinie, stuff like that. I think it's a different vibe. I think it's good. Cool. Yeah, does that, like, you don't really care. It's just kind of like whatever. Yeah, I mean, we're just here to talk.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm Muslim, you're Christian. We're all, you know, we all have our own beliefs. And at the end of the day, you know, we can all believe what we think and we can have a good conversation. Dude, I'm so pumped that we're sitting down because I've done so many deep dives on Islam. And I don't want to, like, get into, like, a bunch of deep dive stuff. But I did a really bad injustice for a while where, like, I kind of went, kind of through this phase where I was like almost like going ham on Islam a little bit. I'm not going to

that. Yeah, I was like I was like going to roll the clip. Dude, there's a ton of them. I was kind of like going ham but it was the only thing that I knew it was almost like I would find out these things that I like maybe had a problem with as a Christian and so I would like immediately go hard on it. Okay. And then I just kind of realized that if I believe Jesus is the way and I wanted like a Muslim friend to actually become a Christian, that's not the way for me to talk to a Muslim about it. So that was something I've been meaning to kind of talk about, which has been really heavy on my heart because I'm like, that was never how I've approached conversations. That's never how I was. And I kind of went through this phase where I was going ham on like certain aspects of Islam that didn't matter.

And then I met, I actually have a new friend. His name Sharik. He like used to be Muslim now. He's a Christian. Okay. And that's like his whole deal about how like kind of like how to talk respectfully with Muslims on faith. And so that challenged me. It really made me dive deeper into how I have conversations so that was that was fun so yeah dude that didn't even know so you've gotten hate before or were they like how did people react um Muslims yeah oh the Muslims yeah on on social media they're crazy yeah well like yeah it was a little intense I mean I was saying I was saying intense stuff though you know what I mean it's like I understand yeah I wasn't trying to rage bait it was just like I would figure out something I'd be like what the heck and then I would say it online and then it would cause and then I just started

understanding I was like I'm not starting conversation you know it was like almost like I It was just like making a post. Yeah. And my whole thing is like from the get go, from when we started making the videos, it was like I like having conversations. You know what I mean? Because that's a point. If we're like we're talking about something like we can't like go through the conversation

unless we talk about it instead of me just, you know, saying like a 30 second one liner or whatever. So I really learned a lot and that's challenged me in a cool way. On stream for me like I try to, I don't like to like push my religion or anything to anyone. For me it's just like I tell them as like if you believe in God, like it's very important. believe in God, pray to God. But other than that, like, I don't even, I don't really even have these type of conversations on stream. So, like, when we do our stream, it's going to be, like, pretty interesting.

Oh, dude, yeah, I'm super pumped. Are you, what's your ethnic background? Ethnic. So my mom's from Pakistan. Okay. My dad's from India. And my mom was, as a kid, moved all around. It's like the Middle East everywhere.

They still, my grandparents still live in Pakistan down there. My mom's actually there right now. Okay. And I always go there, like, every, like, I used to go every year. But now I'm very busy, so it's a lot different. So now I go every few years. But when I go, like, it helps me feel really grounded. And it helps me, like, understand, like, how far I've made it.

And, you know, I like, I like traveling a lot, too, especially just so I could see other sides of the world and how people live. And it's crazy, bro. One thing I always say on stream is people are so much happier in these places where, like, when you look in the outside, you're like, why are they so happy? Like, they live in these situations, whatever. Like, it doesn't look like something you would want. But then these people are all so happy and grateful and, like, connected. So my main thing is just, bro, I love, I just got off topic, but I don't know to talk about that. Bro, I love traveling.

I love doing stuff. But yeah, when I go back home and I go back to where my parents are from, it makes me like, it feels so good. And I just disconnect myself. What's your favorite place you've been? Favorite place I've been? I would say Japan. Really? Because it's just so quiet.

Are you Japanese? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, so you point to the only Asian guy in the room and you're just going to assume that he's Japanese. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I looked at him. You gotta be, you're Filipino. That's close.

Vietnamese. What? What are you? Yeah, he's Cambodian. It's the first Cambodian I've ever met. Nice to meet you, brother. You probably met more, you just didn't know. You probably assumed that they were Japanese, too.

Not much Cambodian. I've never met someone they're like, I'm Cambodian. I got to go to Cambodian. Dude, that was really funny. That was really funny. My bad. I can't even, I'm sorry, bro. Wait, but what did you like about Japan?

It was just so quiet, bro, such a change. Like, for me, like, I'm always out and about being loud. I'm like in third person like damn what am I doing like obviously have to stream I have to entertain the stream and I'm being obnoxious at times try not to be as much anymore but like over there is just so it's just so peaceful bro everyone is just like at peace doing their own thing and it's just it was cool to see bro and it's it's I didn't go to like there's this this cherry blossom thing or something I was supposed to go to I didn't get to go I want to go there next time but I was with a good group of people I was a Brad a bunch of people I had a good good time have you seen the bowing deer no what is that you know you've never seen that

No. Dude, it's like these deer that you could, I think you can feed them, but they're in a park and they like bow at you. It's super cool. I'll show you a video when we get done. But it's like... In Japan. Yeah, I think it's in Japan. It is, right? Bowing deer. Yeah, it's like, I think you could feed them, but they're in a park and they're like, you know, domesticated so they like are used to humans. So they like taught how to sit? No, like they almost like, I don't know how to do it. This looks so weird, but you just like, they like bow at you, you know? It's interesting. How do they make the deer do that? I don't know, but it's really cool. And then, would you wrestle a sumo wrestler in the street? No. No? No, it's disgusting. Dude, it's not even about me losing. They're just sweaty, so I'm like, why would I want that on me? Yeah, I think you could take them, though.

Definitely not. I think you can take them, bro. Really? Yeah. Thank you. You got a good physique, good build. Hey, thank you so much. Yeah, I just said, I got food poison the other day, so I'm kind of skinny.

Oh, yeah, my stomach has been messed up. Might be L.A. Bro, I think we need to get out of here. I think we do, too. We should build a bunker and go live underground somewhere. I know we were talking about earlier the The, what's the festival you're saying? The Burning Man.

Yeah, so I don't know if this is the same type of thing, but I was at EDC. Okay. Which is, I mean, it's just like a normal music festival or whatever, but like when I walked in there with all the lights and everything and like everyone just like behind the camera, everyone's like sniffing stuff, doing crazy drugs, whatever. And I went on stream and I was like, like, you cannot enjoy this unless you're on hardcore drugs and like this is not my type of thing. And all the EDC fans got so mad at me. It's like my first time I got hating so long. Like I was doing so good.

Burning Man's the same thing though. I got heat for saying that from people that go to Burry Man too. They were like, no, it's not. Because it's advertised as like a free thinking art festival. So when you go, like all the building structures out there are like built weird and unique. It almost looks like, uh, have you ever seen the movie Dune? Like I don't know if I'm still out of touch with the reality, bro? No, I haven't seen that.

Dude, it's like a- Wait, is that a movie Zendaya? Uh, is she in that? Yeah, she's in there. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's like a desert, you know, the desert vibe. But then like the vehicles out there, I saw an 18-foot pirate ship on wheels just driving itself. Wow.

Stuff like that. They just build these contraptions and so it's interesting, but it's kind of the same thing. Like you almost have to be on drugs. Yeah. Yeah. And you spoke on it. I spoke on it and I got, I got heat.

But it was like, I felt so like, I didn't feel comfortable there. Just I felt so off. Like, I mean, for me, like I'm not even the type of person to go out. Like, I don't really like that stuff. And I'm awkward. So I don't know what to do. But in that situation, I was just like, oh my God. And like, with, bro, the lights that were going around.

It felt like a hell. like a hell. Yeah. Like that's what I said on stream. I was like, it just feels like hell. It was crazy. Yeah, dude,

there's a lot of that too, all the lights and stuff out. Yeah, it's interesting. It's just an interesting environment, especially if you're not used to it. I'm not used to that stuff either, so definitely throwing me off.

But there is almost, I don't know about you, but I could just feel it. Yeah. No, yeah. You can sense it and feel it. Yeah. You're like, yeah,

there's something off, you know? So you've, have you ever done any substances, drugs, things like that? I've smoked on. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up?

That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Stream before a few times, like smoked weed. I mean, when I came to L.A., bro, I was like the cleanest kid ever.

No problem. Like, the worst thing my parents had to deal with for me was like me staying up too late playing my PS5. Yeah. I never snuck out, never went to parties, nothing. So I was like a perfect kid. I came to LA, everything got thrown at me. Like everything, like when it comes to like money, girls, like fame, anything you can imagine.

So I like, it's crazy, bro. I kind of blacked out. Like, I don't remember any of that part of my life. Like it was like two years. I don't remember any of it. Wait, how long have you been in LA? I've been in LA for like three and a half years. So for more than you've, for longer than you've been here,

you can't remember what it was like. Yeah, I don't remember anything, bro. I was just spending money. I was around the wrong people. That's when I got into like smoking. which was my biggest downfall ever because I just bro it made me so lazy I mean it starts from

and everyone watching this like my chat gets mad at me when I talk about this but do not smoke weed it's very bad for you makes you stupid like actually stupid makes you like groggy it makes you he's smiling you smoke weed I do not smoke weed okay he just keeps out and

our camera guy behind the camera I'm in stream mode okay he's just trying to recover from the fact that he accused you of being Japanese He said he's trying to get you back. I feel bad. I'm sorry, bro. But yeah, bro, and it starts from, like, you do that night before you sleep.

Like, oh, I have a good stream. Let me smoke real quick. And then it goes from that to, oh, like, maybe do it, let me do a little earlier. Let me do it during the day. Oh, now I'm high on stream. Like, it's just, it was really bad. Wait, so have you ever met clavicular? Yeah.

Okay. So do you get worried about him? I mean, yeah, but I mean, he's a grown man. He makes his own decisions. No, no, for sure. I'm not saying it's in like, you know, he can't do whatever. but I remember when I saw the one video clip of him, I guess he OD'd on video or something. Yeah, it was really, really messed up.

And I don't know, it just scared me because I'm like, is he going too far? That's like a whole other realm. I mean, you were like, I was smoking weed and I'm like taking it to like a whole other level right here for sure. I didn't do none of that, but you know, like I guess when I see that and you've met him, is that someone that you're like, hey, bro, like don't go down that route. I've been there. I mean, I feel like someone like him like no matter who tells him. like he won't listen he only listen to himself but he would be great on here well dude we were gonna get him

and then he tried to like ask me how much i'd pay him oh and then i was like oh okay oh we don't pay anyone yeah yeah yeah he was like i mean i deal the same thing happens to me on stream like i do dm a guy he's like how much i've known clap for a while he's like honestly a good guy like i've i've had multiple conversations and i've been around him a lot off stream like he is a good guy he is like around the wrong things when it comes to drugs and everything and i don't agree with him like pushing that on stream and and having people see that because it's messed up and it makes, you know, makes people want to try it, do it. So I don't agree with that part, but I think eventually he's going to, I mean, he's learning. He's slowly stopping. I know, like, he stopped drinking as

much too, so he's, he's on like a new, a new path, I think. Yeah, yeah. I've, I've also heard that he's, he's a nice guy down to earth as well. Yeah, I guess, well, I've never, I've never done, like, drugs or alcohol before. So I, you know, when I, like, meet people. You never drank or anything in your life. Dude, I, the only time I, and I say like I accidentally drank, but literally this last Christmas. Oh, my wife and I were, yeah, I'm like I got hammered, man. No, we were, my, my wife and I were engaged and my cousin lives in the UK and they came home and they brought us this like, like a, almost like a pre-wedding gift that was like, hey, here you go. And it was like a box of chocolates and stuff like that. And I ate this chocolate and I liked it. So I kept eating the chocolates, but I kept

coughing every time I was eating the chocolates and it was like burning my throat. Yeah. And then I was like, yo, this chocolate's got like a kick to it. Is it? spicy and they were like no it's got alcohol in the chocolate it had like champagne chocolate had like champagne in the chocolate oh my god and uh they didn't tell me but apparently that's like normal in the uk what did you feel it it just i didn't feel anything because i didn't eat a lot but i ate like three of them and i was like this is burning my throat yeah but that's like the only the closest i've ever been but i've never intentionally drank alcohol or done drugs before so i guess i was just curious what what that was like but you've been on the internet a while right

Yeah, it's been ever since I was 11, so 10 years. Dang, what's that been like? It's been tough, like, very tough. Like, at some points you start feeling like a robot. I mean, how long have you been on the internet? Well, I've been doing social media for like a long time, but I'd say this stuff only like two or three years. Seriously.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That seems like longer. But yeah, like just at some points you feel robotic. Like I've been through so many eras. And the thing about me is everyone saw like everything bad I've done in life, like all my mistakes, everything I made, because we all make mistakes.

But mine were all like publicized because I streamed it. I made it on, recorded it, whatever. whatever it is. So, I mean, dealing with everyone's opinions, everyone's hate, it, you know, it did suck, but rightfully so, like, I did a lot of stupid things and I deserved all of it. So just going through different eras in my life, it's been tough, but I feel like now the past, like, I would say, like, eight months to a year, it's been, like, an entirely different switch. Like, I feel a lot better. I feel like people like me a lot more. They see through who I actually am, and I think they're starting to understand. How is your content evolved over the years from

when you started to now. So at first it was just gaming. So like me just gaming, having fun, never thought anything of it. And then I wasn't, like I had no intention to have this as a job. I wanted to be a doctor. So I...

Wait, did you really? Yeah, because I have a stomach disease. So I have, it's called Crohn's disease. Oh, yeah, I know what Crohn's. Yeah, so I have Crohn's. So I was like, I want to help people who have my problem. Because for me, like, I couldn't even go to school.

I was like, hospitalized a bunch. I just wasn't able to live a normal life. And that's why I, like, started even making videos. I was like, I have so much free time. I'm not doing anything. That's what I enjoy doing. Whoa, I didn't know that about you. Yeah.

Wait, so how does that affect, like, your day-to-day life? Honestly, now it's, I'm like, like, Crohn's can never be cured, but you can go in remission. So, like, my medicine's working, but, like, there's obviously moments where, like, you flare up, and there's nothing you can do. You just got to deal with it. Dang, man. Yeah. But my problems are very small compared to other people.

So I just, I let it, you know, it's all good. But I did that, and then gaming was cool. Everything worked out. I mean, I just, I was having fun. I was making thumbnails for people. just having fun with it. And then I met Aiden, Aiden Ross, very, very good friend of mine. He helped me, like, and I always have to give him credit because without him, I wouldn't even be in this situation. He believed me. He put me in situations where he didn't need to, and he trusted me,

and he knew what I had, and he is, you know, one of the big reasons for all this. So he put me in front of a bunch of people, had me streaming with him. I was never going to stream. I quit. I stopped. And he's like, no, I'm forcing you to do this. He booked my flight himself. He found my information. He found him anything. He booked a flight to Miami. He's like, you're coming. Is that not scary that you just found your image? I mean, the guy is like, Just I don't know if I can say it. He's Jewish so he can do any. Like he's very, I don't know.

Like they have a Jewish website where they figure out all the information. And like he was able to just figure out my birthday, my full name, everything. Oh my gosh. And he got my flight booked. He forced me to come and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Wow. I started doing IRL content. And then I went in a bunch of eras where I was just, you know, doing anything for views,

like being an absolute, absolute piece of shit, doing whatever it took to get a view and I like, which worked, right? Like it did well. Led to a bunch of hate. realize that at some point in my life in my heart like this not what I want to do like I'm gonna stop doing this I'm gonna do the type of content I want to do which is honestly nowadays like

tapping into sports doing a bunch of like just normal things like instead of just going out being a piece of shit so took a bit of a decline after I switched up the plan switched up what I was gonna do and now I feel like I'm doing better than ever and I'm just from I'm having a blast so all right I got to ask you

you faked your death when you were 14 what gave you that idea um bro straight up like literally Literally, like, I just, I wanted views. Like, I was like, I want views. Like, I want to blow up. I want to go viral. And that was like, let me do it. I was literally like in a Walmart and I posted the video and I was so excited. I was like, oh, yeah, let's do it. Wait, so. Wait, what exactly did you do to, like fake your death? I was just saying, like, I don't know how many days I have to live. Like, I don't know what's going to happen. Pray for me. It was, bro, looking back at it, it's really messed up. It's really messed up. I was a kid and I didn't know, like, I didn't know any better, obviously. But it was really messed up in my digital footprint is it stuck for life. So. Okay. If you weren't sure. streaming, then what would you do? What would you do if you weren't streaming? Doctor? Yeah. Okay. What if you couldn't be a doctor, then what would you do? I had no plan, bro. Like, other than that, like, once I realized how many years it took to be a doctor, I was like, all. So then it was like, I either stream, do this or like, I don't know, because I have no book smarts at all.

Because I was barely in school, COVID hit everything. I probably have the education, like, I had the education of like a ninth grader. No. No, like the book smart wise. Okay. Until like after ninth grade, I just like nothing. And then my school, because I was so sick and they felt really bad for me, my school actually rigged my grades to help me graduate. Like I didn't do anything the last two years. Whoa. Like I didn't do any tests.

I didn't do nothing. I didn't learn anything. And they let me walk. They let me do everything. How do you deal with the hate when you are faced with hate? How have you dealt with it? But specifically, how do you deal with hate when it comes your way? It's so crazy because my peak hate was when I was blacked out.

So I don't remember what I was it's so scary bro I don't remember so much and like when I'm on stream My adrenaline is so high so like I also don't remember a lot of stuff when I'm streaming yeah it's like it puts you like when you're streaming I'm I'm streaming in a different zone like an entirely different it's like a different dimension it feels really weird bro but just in general I mean scrolling seeing hate I don't at first it was getting to me when I was a kid but I was really stopped caring like it was so much and it was so bad and like so far gone in my eyes what I thought like I was like this is done like I'm just gonna always be the kid that gets hate to where I just literally just stopped caring. I was like, all right, you know what? I'm going to keep them off. I'm going to, I don't care anymore. I feel like not even just the hate, but in general, like your life's been on social media for what more than a decade you said? Yeah. Or almost a decade. So, I mean, mental health's got to play into a little bit of this. And, and how much you travel and just the chaos of life, I mean,

has your mental health been affected by all this? That's like the number one thing I struggle with, especially like now, like currently. Like, I'm always, my biggest fear is like, living with regret. It's like not trying my hardest, not doing what I have to do. So if there's a stream tomorrow, like, no matter what, if I have a stream tomorrow in, in Africa, and it's a banger stream, I'm going. Like, one hour notice, I'm going. Like, when I streamed Kanye, it was a two hour notice. It was late at night. Like, it was like 3 a.m. He's like, get on this flight right now. I'm booking it for you. I packed within 15 minutes and went right away. There's like three layovers. He's like, this only flight. Three layovers, whatever. Like, in my head, I do whatever it takes to get what I want.

And like, I really do believe myself and I want to be the best of what I do. So I'm like, I'm really hard of myself. Like very, very hard. I overbook my schedule. I try to like fill in every day when it's not healthy. Like, it's very, very, very tough. Wait, do you want, do you want that to change? Like, I mean, deep down, like, let's, I mean, ignore your just hard work mentality and stuff like that.

I guess hyperfixating on how you feel. Would you rather not be that way? Yeah, I mean, ideally, I would want to deal with all the stress. Like, I'm like, yeah, just overstressed. but in my head too like I just don't want to I don't want to lose everything I built so it's a really bad mindset that I need to figure out but I don't know like people tell me to get a therapist I'm not getting a therapist so dude I I heard this quote the other day and it's actually it's kind of challenged me a little bit where it and I'm going to like totally butcher the quote but it was

something along the lines that like if if you build a company and you disappear from the company and the company can't function it's not a company it's a prison is what he is the way that he talked about Now, and we were like kind of talking about it in here a little bit, like, okay, you, you stream, right? So there's an aspect where you have to show up and, like, be on the stream. Yeah. But, like, what happens in the time period outside of you streaming, you know, are you burning out, or in the context of this, like, outside of us filming a podcast or us going in the street, like, am I burning out?

Am I doing all this stuff? Because I'm the same way, dude. I'm from Georgia. Atlanta? North of Atlanta. I'm from a small country town. So I grew up. my parents are kind of redneck and I just, I've always like had to believe that.

You can believe that? What made you believe that? You could hear it just a little bit. I feel like when I say some words, you can hear it. And, you know, I just, I've always had that same mentality where it's like I like to work hard and I like to do that, you know, and, you know, you get to reap what you sew kind of vibe. But at the same time, I'm kind of, that's something that I have a hard time balancing too. Maybe not the mental health side and I can kind of get into that, maybe with you in a little bit. but more so just the busyness, the busyness side, you know. Do you like give yourself breaks?

Yeah, I do. I try to schedule it out more for sure. Like I'm about to go on, I have like a big vacation I do with my family and my wife every year. And like that's coming up and stuff like that. So we're preparing. So that's one of the reasons why I told you earlier we're going to be gone for a little bit and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. But I think, man, I just think for me, I just recognize that there were a lot of things that I was doing.

that I didn't need to do or that I could delegate and trust someone. I don't know about you, but maybe you can relate. Sometimes it could be hard to trust people with a vision that you have. Like, I don't know if you feel that way, but I'll get a vision of something, and it's hard for me to trust other people with that vision

because I'm like, do you fully know what I'm picturing in my brain? Or do you understand? I don't know if you feel that way. I think a lot of creators feel that way. I mean, like, for me, I like doing everything direct. Just like I don't want to like like I want to handle a lot of stuff myself But my team is great like they're really really good and they help me like take away a lot of the stress Even though I still have a lot.

Wait, what all do you do for me? Yeah So for me on my end bro you know it's crazy like my life if I'm not streaming I'm planning a stream or traveling to a stream like I don't do anything else So I'm on the phone with my team with my friends even who helped me like just like for out of love We're thinking of ideas we're thinking what to do I'm the one reaching out to all these people like all all the collabs I get are just me like talking to people building relationships like knowing this guy who knows this guy and then you meet this guy and then just going out and and just hustling just getting whatever I can like at all costs so for me just like my main thing is just networking meeting people and then ideas

thing like that's one thing I lack like my creative mind is terrible I can execute an idea if an idea is given to me but I can't think for anything which is you know not not good because I'm a streamer but here we are um so I have someone like people who help me with ideas I don't do any of the ideas at all but mainly just that side. And then it's just, I would say the main thing that is just brutal as a traveling. Like I've gone to like

from city to city to city to city like day after day. So like you're going to a city 6 a.m. Or like whatever, six a.m. flight. You land after a few hours, 9 a.m. Check in early to a hotel.

Like you're on no sleep because you're staying up to the flight. The only sleep you get is like two, three hours in the plane. And then you check into the hotel and then right when you check in you have to leave for the stream. So it's just, it's been.

And that's how it is every day. And it's like day, day, day, day. It's just no sleep. sleep, my eyes are closed. I had to like get eye drops prescribed to me to like help keep my eyes open because I'm so tired. What the heck? Yeah like this it's bad. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result,

Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Wait, does that not like affect your crones and stuff too? I mean, yeah, bro, my health is, like, it's, dude, I've been, like, I've been blessed. Like, my crones hasn't, like, flared up crazy like it used to. But if I keep going like this, it definitely will come. So I need to, I definitely need to figure this out. Shoot, bro.

Yeah, dude, I used to, I mean, definitely not to that extreme, but I used to do, like, travel on like that a ton and then i would get super sick after like really sick down for the count yeah i mean like bro every like 10 days i i get sick like whether it's like a fever or something whatever it is i get sick and then i just push through it like i don't even like i don't take a day off i just i'm sick and i keep going it's really bad bro so so with your with all that going on and you know again going back to that mental health side of things like is that do you do you struggle with a lot of mental health um i don't just don't even like think about that like i just like i'll be and like whatever but I just push through it like I don't I don't sit back and be like damn like

I'm not happy right now in life or like whatever it is I mean sometimes like I'll have to talk to my chat like and you know rarely but then they get mad when I talk about it so I just leave it alone but yeah I don't really I don't really think like I don't try I don't feel bad for myself like I sign myself up for this like this is what I wanted I'm living my dream that I've wanted as a kid so I just I just keep pushing wait why they get mad when you want to be vulnerable because they're like oh you're trying to make us feel bad you're trying to get sympathy, whatever it is. They're little sh**.

They don't want you to be honest. Yeah, no, I don't know. Like, I try to be honest with them and they're like, we don't care. Stream. Because it's like in the streaming game, like they, they look at you like, like a robot, like they look at you like a, like a, like a video game, like they're controlling the game. Like, they just want to see you do what they want and they don't care, they don't care at you a person. They don't care about your emotions. They don't care about your feelings. They're just, you're there for

their entertainment. You're like, it's like a circus. Oh, wow. Yeah. But then there is some people that are cool and care about you. And like, that's like, you do find that. But a huge percent of the people are just watching you to either like see something crazy happen on stream, see something bad happen to you. But, you know, there are people that want to see good for you, too. But it's a balance.

So is that, is that why you bring security around? Yeah. I mean, yeah, I would never. It's, actually, I'm going to the World Cup game after this, after our stream. Uh-huh. At so far, I would no security. So let's see how that goes. What?

It's my first time I'm going to no security because they couldn't get a ticket from. What? It was like, yeah, there's no tickets available. I have to go no security and I haven't done that in like years oh my goodness crazy you brought that up I'm so scared wait so good thing imagine we post this immediately after we get done

and we say that that'd be crazy no we're not so so tell me about like when did you start bringing security around is it and I gotta ask is it because your life is actually a threat or is it because too many people will mob you no I don't care about that like I'll never say no to a picture no matter what like at all

but I don't care about the mobbing. I don't care about that because these people are, no one's going to do anything. They're kids or they're older people who are just there to support you. But the main problem with streaming is, I mean, like your live location is broadcast every second.

So like they get shit happens. Like there's been times where like, there's one time where I got jumped on stream by seven people. Like there were seven dudes masked up. I was in a sprinter van. They came from up on the hill, down the hill. They didn't see me in the car.

They saw my manager at the time. And they like just like battered his face. Like completely. Like this is real. like all real shit like all on camera all on stream some people thought it was fake at the time but then actual footage came out and stuff they saw it was real but yeah so situations like that i feel like the main thing is i just i mean rather safe than sorry i'd rather spend all my money and keep my life safe no no for sure wait so these guys came in masks and they beat up your manager

yeah trying to get to you yeah did they get to you or no no they didn't see me in the sprinter they like mistimed it completely whoa i was in the sprinter van and they walked right past it the door was open they didn't see me Oh my gosh. It was, yeah. I thought it was over. And then we closed the door, blacked out the sprinter, and I was just sitting there. I was like, oh, these people are about to kill me.

Wait, so, and then what? And was security with you then? No, my security guard. This might, like, when my first security guards I hired, he was downstairs smoking a blunt while I was outside. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Wait, so what were those guys doing it for? They wanted, like, clicks.

They wanted views. No, someone was recording in the back, so they got paid off to do it. Someone that didn't like me at the time. Probably did it. So, yeah, they were definitely paid off. I mean, dude, money. It's just, dude, this world is just... Dude, that's insane.

You can get anything you want money. It's so sad, but... That's insane, bro. Yeah, I've never... And that situation could have gone left. They've had good security. Someone paid him off, right? Whoever it is.

It could have gone really serious. Like, if I had a good security, obviously they're carrying, they could have shot someone. They could have got shot, like, it could have been crazy. And your manager now, I mean, I'm assuming he's not with you anymore,

but how you... So did he leave, like, shortly after that? No, no, no, no, no, he hung around? Yeah. Okay, cool, cool. Well, at least he didn't let that define the situation, you know what I mean? Yeah. Which is nice, but...

I don't know the day. I mean, it was the security's fault. If security was there in that moment, like, bro, these people didn't have guns. They were just, they were like 17, 18 year old kids that just had their fists, literally. So if someone had flashed a gun at them, they would have freaked out. Yeah. Completely. Dang, dude. Wow, that's actually insane.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't even know what to say. Yeah, that's wild. That's why I need security. But, like, it's... I mean, even when I walk out... in public off stream, I still have security. It's just, it's a lot.

And I, like, I really do have a fear. Like, this world is so messed up and I've seen so much to where I don't even want to, like, one crazy person, one maniac can ruin your life. Oh, no. I don't even want to take the risk. No, no, no, totally. I mean, we, I mean, we don't, we don't have someone with us all the time, maybe like you do, but we have a team because we get threats all the time.

I've had my address leaked. I get mail at my, where I'm originally from. Oh, wow. All this stuff. had, yeah, we've had some crazy encounters. We've done like maybe a handful of streams. This was so dumb on me, but this was the, Chris, Chris warned me. So we were, we were going to start streaming the stuff live because people thought our

videos were fake. They thought we were faking, like the interactions with people. Okay. So I was like, oh, well, just like live stream it. And then we're chilling. And we were going down because we were in Chicago. And I was like, oh, yeah, like, what? He's like, do you want me to point the camera down?

And I was like, no, like, it's fine. and then literally you could see where we were staying in the background and then people showed up, dude showed up, like got inside the building. It was like a, I don't know how to explain it. It was like an Airbnb, but like multiple townhomes, the apartments and stuff. He got inside and he was kind of like stalking us. Oh my God. It was interesting.

But aside from that, that idiotic decision I made, I mean, aside from that, it was, I mean, we'll get threats too. But we, I think that's so fascinating. You're absolutely right. It just takes one person. To make something go wrong. Exactly. And honestly, I'm thinking about getting a second guy now. I was just at Rodeo and a bunch of people were taking pictures, whatever it is.

Me and I was walking to my brother. I brought my little brother from Houston to L.A. just so you can have some fun. And it was like, there's a lot of people probably like maybe like 10, 15 people that were just standing there waiting, whatever. And then a group of like 100 kids pulled up all by all like on bikes. And they all started rushing. Like not like in a bad way. Like they liked me.

Yeah. But, like, that's, I was so scared. Yeah. I had one security guard. I was like, what is about to happen? Like, if all these kids try to do something to me, we're cooked, what are we going to do? So, yeah, I mean, security is like a big thing for me. I get, I get really, really paranoid, extremely paranoid.

Like, now I live in a penthouse. I don't even live in a house. I can't do it anymore. Like, I need, like, layers of security. I just, I feel so unsafe, no matter where I'm at. Okay. And earlier, earlier you were talking about how you came out to L.A., and then you started smoking weed.

Yeah. When did you stop smoking weed? I would say, honestly, maybe like six months. Oh, dude, that's great, though. Yeah, but... Yeah, I mean, that's better. And then I was like slowly, slowly winding down. But it's just, yeah, dude.

It's crazy because when I smoke, it helps me, like, I feel like I can't think through anything, like, properly when I'm sober. But when I was smoking, it was able to help me think through situations. Like, for example, like, if there's someone in my life, that shouldn't have been in my life. And I was just like, in my head, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. This can't be true.

Like, I need this person. When I was smoking, I would think, I'd be like, what am I doing? Like, I'm tripping. And then when I would get out of it, I would just go back to normal. So that's like one of the reasons too. I was smoking a lot. Just helping me, like, think through life because I was making so many mistakes. I was doing so many wrong things.

But yeah, I stop. I can't do it. I just, it's just so bad, bro. So let's talk about the decision-making thing. Do you have a big friend group circle or do you have a small circle? A very small circle. One problem I deal with two is I can't make decisions like for myself at all. Like I ask for opinions too many opinions like I don't go my gut sometimes. I listen to what other people say. I mean, because I mean everyone around me knows what's best for me. But I feel like that's not that's not the best. I need to be able to to make a decision for myself instead of asking for opinions. Like what do I do? What do I do?

And are these people like people that you've known for a while? Yeah. Or new people? Yeah. Yeah. I know for a while. Like I honestly like I just I keep the same people around that I've known for years and years and years and years and years and I'll always keep them next to me and close to me because they were with me before you know before a lot of the stuff came about so yeah like I mean I was going to talk to new people and everything but like my closest closest guys are just people I've known for a while so are you someone that gives trust and lets it be broken or someone that like makes trust be built over time no I don't trust people at all okay yeah that's the third option yeah just don't trust them I did bro I'm always just so careful I always keep one eye open like people have such bad motives and

people are just so messed up bro I just, it's why I just stay to myself like I really try to just stay to myself and like be alone as much as I can because I just don't want to deal with any of that Is that hard being alone a lot? Yeah, it gets lonely. Yeah. I have a dog so like she gives me company but I'm barely

like I'm not home too much so that sucks too Wait what kind of dog you got? It's a little kavapoo. Okay, she's like 12 pounds Yeah, you said boozy dog. Yeah, I said boozy. Yeah, I said boozy. Yeah, speaking to that You know, when you stream these people upcharge you, I got charged $7,500 dollars for a $3,000 dog. I had no idea. It was in Vegas. Wait, where did you bite off a breeder?

No, it was just, uh, is it a breeder? It was a place with a bunch of dogs. It was like a nice place with a bunch of dogs. I see, that's where you went wrong, bro. I bought both my pets off Craigslist. Seriously? And they're probably the best things ever. I mean, they're amazing. I got my dog, Moses, who's incredible. Okay. We just got a cat the other day. His name's Michael. I think he's shaking. I don't think he likes your dog, bro. Yeah, he doesn't like Moses, but I like Moses. He's great. He's a go, he's a mini golden doodle. Okay. And then we have a, we have a cat. cat now. His name is Michael. Oh, a cat. Yeah, but, but, but we got them off Craigslist and we got them pretty cheap. How much? Our dog was 600 bucks. Oh, okay. Like, isn't that a steal? And at the time,

it was like before we had done social media and I had no money and I was living with roommates, so we split him three ways. Wait, but the roommates let you keep the dog? Well, I paid, I paid them off. Oh, oh wow. So I gave them money back. So we each put in 200 to get our dog Moses. Seems crazy. And then, and then, pay them off to keep the dog. Well, at the time, like, we got the dog, and then one of our, one of my roommate, too, he's now married, too, but he, uh, he just, like, stopped taking care of the dog, like, six months in. Okay. And so I was like, okay, and he was kind of like, whatever. So I just went ahead and paid him money. And then the guys kind of decided that when I got married, I'd probably take the dogs. Yeah. He got married and then I'd paid, paid my other roommate off. Makes sense. So do you, do, do you live with just you and your wife? Yeah, now we do. Okay.

But before, we had never lived together before we got married. Yeah. We waited, which was awesome. But, um, but yeah, dude, we have a dog and a cat. And, uh, yeah, you'll have to see him sometime. They'd love you, bro. They'd love you. Especially Moses, bro.

Moses would love you. Is the dog aggressive? No, no, no, no, he's super sweet. Okay. You're not lying, right? No, I'm not, bro. I would not lie to you. I feel you wouldn't lie.

Like, you can't lie. Dude, I know, I would probably, I would be... Lying is a sin. It is a sin, bro, and I would be hurting God's heart right now if I was lying to you. You would love Moses seriously. Okay. Yeah, I would not lie to you. Do you like cats?

I got a foreign bangle, which is like an exotic, exotic crazy cats. What happened to it? I just, I have my family watching the cat because it was just too much. This cat like jumps from corner to corner

of your room at like 5 a.m. It's just the most obnoxious thing ever. Wait, why did you get in the first place? I don't know, bro. I was bored. I was like, you know what? Let's do it. Okay.

Let's do it. But now, like, my family's happened. Wait, those are the ones that get really big, right? I don't think they get too big. But they're, like, they like resempt, they have like the same mannerisms of dogs,

kind of. But they're crazy. They're like... Oh, I know which one that is. I'm thinking of the cats that get like super big. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

Yeah, I thought that's... But I know which one you're talking about. That's interesting. And your parents, they live in the States now? Yeah, I live in Houston. I was born and raised in Houston. They're still over there. Oh, dude.

Oh, dude. I like Houston. We went there for the first time in the early spring or went to what part of Houston do you remember downtown we did an event like we're on a live podcast tour we did an event at a venue down there but it was it was super fun dude that Houston was cool yeah Houston's cool I mean it's very low-key I was like very sheltered growing up so I didn't even leave the house unless I went to school so I didn't really see much like I haven't even gone out to a club or anything in Houston do you go do you go out I've never been to a club before seriously never been to a club that should be our stream no kidding I'm kidding we showed

to a club, I'd probably leave the string dude, I'd just walk away. Yeah, dude, I'm not a club guy, I'm not a party guy. What about like a, oh, but you don't drink? I was gonna say a bar. No, I mean, like, I've never had a drink before but I'll like, like, the other day when the Knicks game was still going.

I, like, went, like, over here to, like a sushi spot and I, like, sat at the bar to watch the game. That's not the same. No, it's not the same thing. I'm talking about like a, like a full-on bar, like a, where there's music going? No, no, that's not me. Okay.

I'd go with you to like a karaoke night, though, somewhere that's like a, like a saddle ranch. Okay. You know? Yeah. Where it's like a little in between, you know, it's like a restaurant and stuff. Like I would go there and hang out. But yeah, I'm not really like a bar go or party go or. Well, I, my vices were other things than drugs and alcohol.

So I had some other struggles. But maybe it seems. What do you struggle with? Well, currently right now I struggle with like, I struggle with, I've always struggled with people pleasing. Like, I care so much with what people. people think. So I asked you how you deal with hate comments because sometimes it hurts me. Sometimes it doesn't bother me. I struggle with trusting people. I struggle a lot with that. I also struggle with like how I see myself. Like when I look at myself in the mirror,

I struggle with like the way I view myself and I don't know, just positively seeing myself the way that I believe God sees me. I really struggle with that. But in terms to like vices, dude, I haven't really struggled with vices in forever. So before I was a Christian, I became a Christian when I was 17. Oh, you weren't born Christian? Well, I mean, I grew up, I grew up going to church and I went to a private Christian school. Yeah. But like I, there would be a lot of people where I was from that would tell me how to live my life one way, but then they were doing the total opposite of what they were telling me to do. So I had a problem with it. And I was like, if that's what Jesus is like, I don't want it. And then I would see a lot of hypocrisy. There was like a church in my hometown where the pastor like cheated on

his wife and stole money and ran. And I'm like, that's a mouthpiece for God. And And then you did that. Like, I don't want anything to do with that. And then when I got to the eighth grade, my granddad got pancreatic cancer. My parents were telling me that I needed to go to the hospital and, like, talk to him about Jesus because I went to private Christian school. And that's what it was like. But I didn't really care about Jesus. So I didn't go.

And he had passed away in the hospital. And so I blamed God for killing my grandfather. And so after that moment, I had already struggled a little bit with depression and anxiety, but I really spiraled into deep depression and anxiety. I battled with it every day. And just how I saw myself, I was, I tried to. find myself in sports and in other people. I didn't do drugs or alcohol, but I really struggled with, like, watching porn and, like, making bad decisions with girls and stuff like that because I thought I was trying to figure

out what love was, and I was looking for it in those avenues. And so from, like, eighth grade until I was 17, I just battled with the depression and anxiety. And then at 17 on Christmas Day, I was going to take my life. Oh, wow. Because I thought it was the only way to get the depression and anxiety to go away. And then I was going to take my life, dude, no one preached me. no one said anything to me about Jesus. I had a supernatural encounter with Jesus

stopped me from taking my life. Wow. And so that's when I prayed to Jesus and I said, okay, if you're real, take away my anxiety and oppression because this is why I want to die. And I haven't had it since that day. It's been over five years.

That's crazy. So that was like my foot in the door with like actually following Jesus. Because there's like a lot of people that say that they're, you know, they're Christian. But then if you look at the fruit of their life, you might be like,

you probably don't really mean what you say you mean. Yeah. I mean, it's in all religion. Yeah, that happens everywhere, not just Christianity, but you get that. So for me, that was like the turning point where I was like, I want to make everything I do about Jesus. I want to glorify him with everything that I do because I really believe he's the one that saved my life and I had that moment. And so that's when I started, that's why I started talking about Jesus online because I felt like I had found the antidote to my problems. And, you know, you know mistakes that you've made no one else knows. I know mistakes I made that no one else knows. So I felt like if Jesus could do it for me, he could do it for little. literally anyone because I'm I definitely felt like the most broken human being on the planet. So that was kind of where that started for me. But I struggled with all that stuff before I was a believer. But when I started following Jesus, I had stopped watching porn, but I still struggled with turning back to girls sometimes when I, when I would like, I was starting to

follow Jesus. And then I would go through something at home or I was starting to follow Jesus or I get hit with this hardship or something would creep up on me. And that took a while for me to get out of. And then, you know, moved out to L.A., started chasing Jesus really hard. And then I met my wife out here. And it was beautiful. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick.

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How did you meet your wife? Because I feel like in today's day and age, it's so hard to find the right girl. Like, especially with everything I'm around, it's very tough. Well, I actually knew my wife. So my wife's from Georgia, too. Oh, same town? Town next door. But she went to a really big public school.

Okay. And I went to a small private Christian school. She was really beautiful and popular, and I was not beautiful and popular. So, like, we knew where the pretty girls went to school. And so, like, I just, I kind of knew who she was, but didn't, you know, she didn't know who I was. So then I moved out to L.A. One of my older roommates used to run a Bible study out here. I'd been out in L.A. for over a year, about a year and a half.

And then one day she shows up to the Bible study at my apartment. I start freaking out on the inside because I'm like, this girl I've always thought was beautiful from afar. It was in my apartment right now for a Bible study. and introduced myself to her. And then we just, that's where we met. That's where we hit it off. But I gave it some time. So we met November 1st, but I waited until like late January to officially ask her out.

And we hung out in a lot of group settings because I wanted to know what she was like around other people. I wanted to know her heart. I also didn't know if she was Christian because I wanted her to be a Christian. Because if she's not Christian, then we're going to butt heads on some stuff. And so I had to see if she loved Jesus and what that looked like. And she far exceeded any expectations or assumptions that I had. So I think all that helped. But mainly, I would say, due to honestly, having the Bible as a source to gauge,

not just someone else's like, not like me using the Bible and looking at you and going, oh, man, neon, you're such a this or, oh, you're doing good at this. I just mean in general, like the Bible is such a good gauge for me to know where someone's heart at, heart is out with Jesus, you know? And then I can go, okay, wow, like I'm looking at what you're doing here. And I have flaws too. Like, I make mistakes. So, you know, it's nice to have someone that can sharpen you and challenge you. And my wife, she keeps it real. She don't hold back. So sometimes it stinks, but it's good. So that's how we met. Where were you at when you proposed? Like, what was it, what was it setting? I did it in Malibu. I rented a Airbnb that

had a backyard and it, like, overlooked the ocean. That's sick. Yeah, dude, it was, it was super cool. And when was this? I got engaged late October or mid at late October. Wow. And you're 22? Yeah. Bro, I tell like when I'm on stream, I'm like, I tell my people like, I want to get married early and they're like, no, you're tripping. But I feel like I'm...

Young marriage is lit, bro. Yeah, right. It's lit. Yeah, commitment is epic. Being committed to someone making a covenant with someone. It's awesome. Wait, how old are you? 21.

Oh, okay, cool. Wait, when's your birthday? August 13th? Oh, is it? Two thousand four, yeah. Okay. Do you feel like people born in June shouldn't have a birthday? What? What month are we in right now?

June? Oh, I mean, I want you all born in June? Are you born in June? Okay, good. Alright, do you think anyone born in June? No, it's so random. Why would you think that? I don't know. I just don't know anyone that has a birthday in June? In June. Like, do you know anyone that's a birthday in June? Damn, like they're gonna be watching and there's gonna be a June birthday and they're gonna be like, wow, this guy's a piece of shit I'm sorry if you have a June birthday. If you're born in June birthday, you don't matter. No, I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I've never heard of a June birthday either. It just kind of made me think. May, no, no, no, May, June, July. No, I have not. I know, right? I always hear a lot of people have birthdays in like August, October.

I know a lot of people with October birthdays. I know a lot of people with November birthdays. I know a lot of people with January birthdays, but nothing in June. Question, do you believe in, like, signs and stuff? Do Christians believe in that? Like, like, zodiac sign? No. Okay. No, no, no. Yeah, we don't believe in that. I don't believe in that either. You're like, okay, cool, yeah. I'm just trying to understand. Do you feel like you're in control with your life? Meaning like I can make my own decision

Like I can And every aspect of your life Like do you feel like you're in control? Nah Yeah Not really I feel like my work has a control of my life Like something that I can't

Like yeah I can't control it Like I can't control Like me like I have to stream Like I have to do this I have to travel I have to do that I don't I feel like I don't have the control To and I can I don't have the power in me to even say no Like if I have a good stream I have to do it

I can't take breaks Like in the streaming world, one week is like two months because it moves like this. It moves so fast. So I just, yeah, damn, I, yeah, I don't think I, yeah, no. Does that scare you? Like I said, I just try not to think about it. But now I got to think about it. Thank you, bro.

Thanks, man. Oh, no, I'm kidding. Yeah, dude, it's, yeah, it's really unhealthy. It's not good. And a lot of people don't like see this side and they think like, oh, this guy's just over here streaming, meeting these people going viral, whatever, making money. But there's a lot that, like, it takes a toll on you. It really does.

And like, you're a human, we're all humans. Like, we all, no matter what we're doing in life, no matter, like, LeBron James is a human, like, we're all the same. So we all deal with the same problems. Yeah, do you feel like what you're doing right now fulfills you? I was having this conversation recently, actually. Like, I don't think I've ever in life as of right now, like truly been, like, fulfilling.

like to where I feel like at peace like no matter and I always thought what would make me fulfilled was like views like when I go when I'm become one of the biggest streamers when I make this money I'm gonna feel like so happy and like it's cool like it's fun like yeah like I got what I wanted but like true fulfillment and feeling at peace like nah it hasn't given me that do you want the true fulfillment in peace I just don't know like I mean I mean that's where I have to go to God obviously and I used to be really like religious to be honest like back at home and I really feel like like this is one of the reasons why I'm here where I'm at today is like I literally would sit down and I would like cry and pray and I'm like God please like this is all I ever want like all I want in life is to become one of the biggest streamers like please please please I would do it every single day and then right did it left home like achieved what I wanted to achieve and then just stop praying wow yeah like I just stopped like I still struggle struggle with this like there's so many distractions there's so much wrong things around me there's so much stuff I have to deal with and like There's some stuff I don't want to, like, put on stream, and like, I do, I still deal with that. Like, for example, like, there was an era when I was putting a bunch of only fans girls on stream, which I, like, completely don't agree with. Like, I don't agree with only fans. I don't like any of that stuff at all. I think it's disgusting. But I just, I had to do stuff that I didn't want to do, and I stopped praying, and I got, like, a deep hole.

Let me ask you a little bit about that. You said you used to be deep in your religion, you're, you're ethically and religiously Muslim. And then now where are you at with just faith, religion in general? I mean, like I obviously believe in God. I do believe in Islam. Like, I am a Muslim. But I just, I, like, stepped away from, like, all the prayers and stuff. Like, for us, we're supposed to pray five times a day.

Like, I haven't been praying much at all, which is disgusting. Like, it's terrible. And my mom is, like, my mom is really religious. My dad, he's religious, too. Like, he, like, volunteers at the mosque every week. My mom, on top of everything. My little brother is even religious. I went to Sunday school for, like, six years.

so I like I was born the right way my parents did what they could but I just all this stuff is a lot and it's so easy to get off the right track and like there's no excuses honestly like it's it's in me and I got to find it within me and I'm going to find it but

like I do believe in God and I do thank God for everything but I just need to get back on on what I was doing before dude that fulfillment and peace question is what like rightfully jacked me up before I wanted to take my life because I went to the private Christian school so we had to take a Bible class every year and my junior year our Bible class was it was like a

world religions class so the the teacher would teach you why the other religions contradicted Christianity or whatever but then I would go home and research those religions wondering if they would work for me okay and I was like looking into everything bro and then all these self-help books and I couldn't I couldn't figure out what was working and I finally got to a place where I was like if I've got a broken heart and we live in a broken world and I can't even fix my broken heart here. There's no way I could work my way to perfection. Like there's no way I could build my way up to heaven or work my way up to heaven. And, you know, I think for me, that's why Jesus is so attractive. Actually, one of the names the Bible gives Jesus is the Prince of Peace. Literally, that's like a name that they give him.

But the Christian perspective of Jesus would say, instead of me doing good because I have to get to heaven, it's, I do good because of what Jesus has already done, meaning like he's, he's already paid the price. What he did on the cross is righteous and justified and wipes my slate clean as if I've never done anything wrong. So that healed my broken heart. And that piece right there, knowing that he did the word for me, that's where I get my fulfillment now. And so it doesn't matter what goes on out here or, you know, I mean, we always want everyone to have a, you know, a fun time, even off camera hanging out and stuff like that. But, you know, if you're just like, man, like, Bryce, you know, you're cool, but like,

you're just not my kind of guy. Like that, you know, I'm like, God bless you. But in my heart, I'm content because I, what Jesus did? You know what I mean? Or what happens if I have a hard week or if I lose a friend or if something's going on in my marriage or, you know, something over here. It's like I have this fulfillment and contentment. My, I remember my sophomore year, I had a Bible teacher.

And he's like the closest person to a saint. I think I've ever met in my life. He asked this question, and I've never forgot it. He said, where do you find your satisfaction, your significance, and what gives you security? And when I ask myself that question, I try to remind myself that a lot, because if I'm in a place now where I try to find my security in something other than Jesus, then it's off. Because then if I try to find my security in, like, I don't know, I'm just going to say money, for example.

Well, if I die, that's not going to help me. You know what I mean? or if I try to get satisfied by what you think about me, well, you know, I love you, but, you know, I could change my opinion about you. You could change your opinion about me. Well, that's like a bad way to gauge if I'm satisfied because people can change their minds about each other. And so that's why I've really been attracted to Jesus because if I would say he doesn't change his mind about me, he's the Prince of Peace. He's satisfied my soul, all of these things. And that has given me this sense of like purpose, desire, fulfillment, satisfaction, all of the above, which that's just

been a fun journey to be on, you know? That's cool. Have you ever been to church? Yeah. I have been. What was that like? I have been. I was in a two-year relationship with someone who's Christian.

Now she's on like a very good path and she's, you know, streaming, talking about God and everything is great. But she was getting baptized. So the backstory of that, she was. When I first met her, I met her at this house. She was on OnlyFans doing all this stuff, whatever. We met each other. And we, I mean, we went on a whole journey together.

Whatever it is, she quit. And then we broke off like, when was this August? And I just, she's on like a very, very good, very good path. But yeah, I went to church with her for that. And it was cool. I mean, everyone seems very connected. Everyone seems very like they really do believe everything they see. see and it was it was a good experience for sure and not I don't I don't as a Muslim I don't

think there's anything wrong with going to church like like seeing it like seeing different religions there's nothing wrong with that at all yeah dude I've been I mean I've been to mosque a few times I've sat I've sat in there and had discussions with the Amman and stuff like that even one like 15 minutes from here and stuff like that and dude I love I love talking with Muslims because you know one thing that I respect about Muslims is that they pray a lot more than some Christians do they fast a lot more than some Christians do they give a lot more than some Christians do. So I have a lot of respect for that because it challenges me. And they know a lot of like the Old Testament, you know, like if you try to go bar for bar on like

stuff with them, they know a lot of old testament. So like it challenges you to read your Bible more. Yeah. So that that's always fun. Do you have the Bible memorized? No, I do not have the Bible memorized. But in my in my, in my, is, because the Bible's huge, is it bigger than the Quran? Yeah, it's way bigger than the Quran. So do people, do people memorize the Bible? I know a guy, like I know a guy from my old. when I grew up where he memorized the whole gospel of Luke or Matthew, which is like 28 chapters. Okay. He memorized the whole thing, which is a lot.

We had to, like, in high school, we had to memorize an entire chapter of the book of Romans, which was a lot. But, yeah, I feel like that there's people out there that do that. But I have never gotten that far. I know, like, like, sections or verses. Yeah. I don't know, like. What's your favorite verse?

Psalm 25 verse 14 it says the friendship of God is for those who fear him. Can you explain that? Yeah, so like the fear of the Lord and the Bible is not like me hiding and shaking and fear. The fear of the Lord is like

a reverent respect for someone. It's like, like my dad or your dad. Like you don't listen to your dad because you have to. You do it because you want to because you love him.

Like you have a reverence for your dad. You have like a respect. Like you love him. but you respect him. So it's like that fear of the Lord where like if I want to become friends with God, then I'm going to have this reverent respect. We're like, yeah, we're friends,

but like you're also my Lord. So I'm going to, whatever you say, like I'm trusting your way is better. I'm trusting what you have in store for me is better than what I think, things like that. Makes sense. So what do you think happens when we die?

It's crazy. I was just going to tell you this. I'm afraid of death. Why? I'm so scared. I need to do more research. I need to like tap more into my religion, obviously because that everything's written right like what like what's gonna happen after death all this

stuff which wouldn't make me not scared but yeah i have like that real fear like i like i like and i think every day like what's the point of me doing all this stuff like grinding working my butt off like doing all this if i'm just gonna it's it's just like this like all the money you make none of them matters you're gonna lose it like within one second so that's why like that's something i struggle too like what what's what's the purpose like what's the reason for all this and do you think it would So right now do you think it like goes all black or you just like? No, no, no, no, no, no. I believe in heaven in hell for sure.

Oh, okay. Yeah, it's just, I just, it just scares me. Like, it really scares me. And it's scary. Okay, so then let me ask you this. On a scale of one to 10, 10 being absolutely certain, one being not certain at all, how confident are you that you would go to heaven? Maybe like a seven, like eight, eight.

And why is that? I mean, I think I'm a good person. Okay. I think I do the right things, but at the same time, like, and I take it back. I'm not at eight or seven. Because of this main thing, like all my sins, everything I do wrong, from what I've heard and from like what I've been told, whatever, is multiplied because of the people that see it. Like the people, if I'm showing wrong, something wrong, for example, like, I don't know if I could say,

like a girl twerking. Like, and like with her, like, and everyone's looking at it, you know, stuff. like that and there's just like tens of thousands of people looking at it or I'm just showing the wrong thing like showing my sins showing the wrong things is I think that's that can really mess me up and that's why I'm slowly trying to switch up my content to where I don't have to do that type of stuff in Toronto every arrival is a statement and nothing says it better than this Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025 find your rhythm across a seamless 33 inch display and an immersive 19 speaker AKG surround audio system

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So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify advertising. You're among fans. Wait, so you feel like you're a seven. Yeah, man. Dude, I don't know. Am I a seven? Maybe a six.

Dude, you just keep going down. I don't know, dude. I hate thinking about stuff. I just need to lock in. And I keep telling myself I need to lock in. and I'm like slowly locking in, but it's, yeah. Okay. What would you think your number is?

I think, bro, you're good, bro. You're chilling. Like, you're so good, bro. Like, you'll switch lives, bro. I mean, I think I'm a 10, but not because I think I'm a good person. It's just what I believe about Jesus. That's why I think I'm a 10. Because, again, the Christian perspective is not how much good I can do.

Okay. Right? That's like actually what it's not about. It's about what Jesus has done. Because we believe from the Christian perspective, we obviously believe that Jesus is God. But we believe he lived a perfect life. So whereas, like, you and I have never lived perfect life, but he did. So you and I, we've done wrong, the same way a murderer deserves to go to jail.

We deserve to be punished for our wrongdoing. You believe in heaven and hell. Yeah. Whereas I just did the six, seven, right? I said heaven and hell. But, like, you know what I mean? Then, whereas Jesus has done nothing wrong. Yeah.

But he took one of the most gruesome death. recorded in human history and the Bible says for the joy set before Jesus he endured the cross so my immediate question is okay if someone is innocent has never done anything wrong and lived a perfect life why would they die the most gruesome death that they didn't deserve yeah if that's true because in my mind that doesn't make sense like if I get accused of doing something wrong I'm the first person that's like pull up the text messages pull up the receipts I did not say that I didn't do that why didn't he do that and the Bible says it's because he was thinking about me and you, that the whole reason that Jesus was willing to die on the cross and resurrect is

because he loves us so much that he wanted to do whatever it took to have a relationship with us. So now the choice is ours. It's like if we put faith and trust at what Jesus did on the cross was enough to forgive our sins, then we have eternity with him. And then if we don't put faith and trust in that, it breaks God's heart, but he respects our choice because he doesn't force everyone to believe in him. It breaks God's heart, but he respects our choice and we spend eternity separate from him. But that's like, that's, that's literally my favorite thing about Jesus because I tried so hard to work, do whatever I could to just fix my depression and anxiety and it didn't work. And then the second I surrendered and let Jesus deal with it, that's where I saw the change. And for

some people, he doesn't take away their anxiety and depression. There's things that Jesus didn't immediately take out of my life and that's okay. But the things that he didn't take out of my life keep me dependent on him. And the things that he did take out of my life, keep me praising him. because I'm so grateful that he took it out of my life, you know? But I definitely don't think I'm a tim because I think I'm like a good moral person. No, I want to clear that. In Christianity, like if you're a believer, like if you believe, then you go to heaven. Yeah, you're putting faith in what Jesus did on the cross, his death and resurrection.

Because even the Bible says even the demons believe, right? So then my question is like, what would make me and you different than the demons? Like, what makes us different? Well, there's a lot of things that make us different than the demons. but I don't want to just be someone, like we talked about earlier, I don't want to be a hypocrite. You know, I don't want to look at you in the face and be like, oh yeah, bro, I love Jesus. And then like we get off camera and I'm like getting drunk and cussing up a storm and like, you know, I'm like acting like I'm not married. Yeah.

You know, then I'm, I don't want to do that. So there's like, you know, there's an aspect of like, what's the fruit on my tree? What fruit do I have on my tree? You know, am I bearing good fruit? The Bible talks about the fruits of the spirit and then the fruits of the flesh. I want to be someone that bears good fruit, you know? And the Bible says that let our good works be shown before men, so it gives glory to our father who's in heaven,

which is incredible. Do you believe, like, demons could be inside of people? I think that people possess people? I think I believe in demon possession, but I personally don't think demons can possess Christians. Okay. Does that make sense? Like, I don't think Christians can be possessed.

I think that anyone, whether Christian or not, can be oppressed, meaning, like, attack. by demons. What if like you're Christian but you're not like a like a firm believer like you're not really religious do you think? Well I guess it's like how do you it's like how do you define a believer right because when we look at the narrative of scripture when Jesus is like on the cross before he's dying he's got two criminals next to him on the cross. Okay. And one criminal is like if you were really the Messiah you would get us off the cross and then the other criminal's like oh this dude's really the Messiah like I've done a lot of messed up stuff.

So just remember me when you get to paradise. And Jesus looks at that guy and he's like, you'll be with me. That guy didn't believe in him for maybe like 30 minutes and then they both died. You know what I mean? Whereas like you and I have lived so much more longer. And I've been following Jesus for five plus years. So there's an aspect of, is it time that makes someone a believer? No, the Bible says, and you would know this too as a Muslim.

I'm like, God looks at the heart. He's going to look at the heart and see the heart. You know, I've got a bunch of tattoos and stuff. but like God's looking at my heart. You know, he's seeing my heart posture. Do I actually sincerely love him with my heart? And so the question is not like, are you religious enough? Like, have you done enough stuff for him? It's like the reason why I go to church and I read my Bible and I do these things, it's all out of an overflow of loving Jesus. Like it's all because I love him. Like I read my Bible because I want to know him more. I go to church because I want to know him more and I want to

surround myself with more believers. And I talk to people on the street about Jesus because I, I I love God. And we're talking about Jesus right now because, man, I love him and I want you to know him. And so, you know, it's like that kind of vibe. It's all out of like an overflow of love, if that makes sense. Yeah, it is. Care if I pray for you before we leave? I would love that.

All right, let's do it. Jesus, thank you so much for day, God. Thank you for Neon. Thank you for our time getting to hang out together. God, would you just be with us, guide us and protect us? Lord, would you just continue to reach Neon and speak to him. God, give him rest. Give him vision.

Give him clarity. Give him peace. Lord, we love you so much in Jesus' name. Amen.