The Bryce Crawford Podcast - Lecrae Opens Up About Church Hurt, Diddy Parties & Depression (EP 210)

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

Lecrae Opens Up About Church Hurt, Diddy Parties & Depression (EP 210)

He went to a ditty party. There are the ditty, crazy, debauchous, nasty events that he had. And then there are the entertainment press-is invited events that he has. I don't know anything about the nasty one. I've never been to anything like that. Have I been to an event where it got a little dicey? Yes, after midnight, it gets kind of wild. French Montana was like, hey man, you want to go with us to celebrate at the strip club?

And I was like, nah, bro. He's like, nah, like, what's you're some kind of Christian rapper or something? I was like, I am a Christian. They was like, he sold his soul. That's when it started to get ugly. You had a season where you wanted to take your life? Oh, for, yes. All I kept thinking about was my little kids at the time

finding my lifeless body and the trauma that would have caused them. God, I don't know if you're real. And it was like a faint voice that was like, I'm here. I'm real. And I wish I would have listened to that voice. Hey, before we get into today's episode, I want to share two quick things with you.

First, if these videos have meant anything to you, if they've encouraged your faith or helped you see the gospel a little bit more clearly. I just want to ask you to subscribe. A lot of people tune in every single week and haven't hit the button yet. It only takes two seconds and it helps us keep putting these conversations in front of people who need them. And the second thing, this one I've honestly been really excited to say. I'm officially announcing our ministry's biggest live event to date, open heaven live podcast tour.

It's happening November 8th this year at the Pavilion at Toyota Music Factory in Irving, Texas. This is going to be a night centered around worship, faith, real conversations, and genuine community. I believe God is going to move in a powerful way. and I would love for you to be in the room. Tickets are on sale right now. You can head to Brycecroffer.org slash tour or just click the link in the description below. And please only get your tickets through my official site or that link below.

I recommend not buying from random resellers online. I believe this is going to be a really special night and I hope to see you there. All right, let's get into the episode. What's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Bryce Crawford podcast. I'm Bryson's day. I'm with a special guest day. We're here with La Cray.

Yes, sir. Come on. How you feeling? I'm great, man. Good to be with you. You know, I admire you a lot because, you have been following Jesus in an industry that can be labeled a lot of different things. Light, dark, good, bad, everything in between through success, through criticism, through hardship, through trial.

Before we get into kind of all the details, I really want to know, where do you believe God has you right now? That's a great question. I think I've always been a bridge. You know, I think the Lord, the labors are few, the harvest is plenty. But a lot of people don't see, when they see like the music industry or they see like hip hop or rap world, they don't see a harvest. And I think I'm like a bridge trying to help people see like that's the harvest. There's not a lot of workers over there. That's the problem.

Right? The labor is a few. So I just see like God using me as a missionary. But I'm in a strange land where people are a little bit afraid to touch. They're like, it's a little dark and dangerous over there. I love it. I love being in the place and in the space. Well, you've been doing this for like 20-ish years, right? 20-ish years.

And, you know, I just got to throw this in there. Come on. Right. Like, I'm 22. Yeah. So it's like, you know, could you maybe be my dad? Maybe. But you're like one of those dudes that like, you know, you know how out of courtesy you tell someone, oh, no, no, like, you don't look old.

Yeah. But you're like doing it out of courtesy because you just kind of like feel bad with this respectful. You actually don't look old. You know, that's a good thing. My son is 18. We travel together a lot. And they're always like, yeah, your little brothers. You're like, y'all look just alike.

I'll take that, man. I'm like my mom. My mom's like 70s. She's on TikTok. She's just still, you know, I got the same kind of energy of just like, you know, not trying to be something I'm not, but still trying to connect and understand what's going on. So in the 20-ish years that you've been doing this, what has been the hardest thing about following Jesus while people are always watching you?

The hardest thing. for me about following Jesus while people are eyes are on me is failing right because the world sees you fail most people get to fail in private most people can like mess up or it's like ah shoot I dropped the ball right here um you may be with your friends and somebody asked you a question about your views on something and you give an answer you know and then they're like I don't know about that, bro. And you're like, oh, I didn't think about it like that. And then, you know, your view changes. But as a public figure, you give you a perspective on something in front of the camera. And you grow. You may be like, ah, shoot, that's not where I stand right now. But it's too late,

because that's how everybody looks at me because of something that I said. So the hardest part is having to grow. And the other hard part for me, I'll just tell the story because I was just talking to Pastor Philip Mitchell yesterday And I was telling him a story I said, you know, in the early 2000s I heard this rapper And he wrote the song about his faith And I was on Twitter

I had more followers than him at the time Right? So I reached out to him And I was like, hey man, I heard you write this song About the faith. Love to talk with you more about it. We just started dialoguing. We exchanged information Exchange numbers. We just kept talking, kept talking year after year after year after year. And that person is Kendrick Lamar.

You know what I'm saying? But a lot of people would say like you're just trying to be, you know, liked by the world. And I was like, man, I was more popular than him when I reached out to him. You know what I'm saying? So it's really just still just trying to be a missionary, but people don't get to see that. They don't get to understand the why. They just assume from the outside looking at. So like when did you realize that following Jesus in that public way would cost you things in private?

when I did this mixtape called Church Close. At first, everybody was cheering for me. You know, I was like double Excel, the BET freestyle battle. It's like me and Meek Mill and Rick Ross and a whole bunch of other rappers, you know, at the time. And everybody was cheering for me. And they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, look at the Christian guys. He's on our side. And I wrapped and I did my thing.

And I remember French Montana was like, hey, man you killed that who that was super dope you want to go with us to celebrate at the strip club and I was like nah bro he's like nah like what's you some kind of Christian rapper or something I'm I am a Christian and I was like yo these people are unexposed

to me and my music I need to make a mixtape to connect with them so they can hear this so I made the mixtape but I did it with a very prominent like secular DJ DJ Don Cannon and um and people really like hate it on me for that they was like

yo man he's he's sold his soul and that's when it started it's like why are you connecting with the world and what is going on and for me i was like i'm trying to reach them yeah i'm not trying to like champion sin yeah that's when it started it that's when it started to get ugly wow that's so interesting i you know i was having the i'm asking these questions in particular because that's something that like i'm trying to figure out so how old are you when you started this about your age Yeah, so I think that's interesting because I'm having so many different questions and like run-ins and I don't understand. And I think it could be hard because we started our ministry when I was 20. So it was kind of like some similar stuff.

And, you know, our deal is like, oh, we love talking to nonbelievers. Like that's our deal. We were just talking about like KKK leader or, you know, going into this environment or that environment. Or even talking to people that maybe in the Christian space that I'm. like, hey, I love you, but I disagree. And honestly, the thing that has been the hardest for me is the friendly fire in Christianity of going like, wait, hold on a second. I thought, like, I thought we were all chasing the same goal, like, what do you mean?

Or no, I didn't mean that, but like you said that kind of thing. And that just kind of, that's been like such a hard thing for me to navigate. Has it been hard trusting people or was it hard for you trusting people as? as you were creating the mixtapes, releasing the songs, and God's blessing you with influence. How hard was it to trust people and pick who trust? Yeah, it got dark for me. And I always want to fight for believers like yourself

to not have to go through that darkness that I experienced. Because I started mistaking the friendly fire and the hurt that I was experiencing as a God hurt hurt, not a people hurt. I started getting bitter with God. Like, why are you letting your people attack me like this? And, um, you know, I remember it, in one of my really dark moments, man, I was just kind of like, man, what am I doing wrong? You know, I'm, I'm, I'm trying to lead people to Jesus. I'm trying to share the truth. Um, at this time, you know, um, my wife and I had moved into the trap. Like, we literally moved into the trap.

So I was in there constantly and I was hearing these kids and hearing these stories and hearing the things that they were saying about my music. And so I was like, okay, I need to change this. I need to do this. And as I'm making these adjustments, there's more friendly fire. Oh, you're being worldly. Oh, why are you doing this? Why are you doing that?

And I remember just praying, man. It bothered me so bad. You know, I remember praying. And the Lord showed me, the spirit showed me, like, this is what Jesus. Jesus went through. You know what I mean? Like they were so upset at him because of the way he was maneuvering. It was so countercultural to them that they were like, we got to kill this guy. He's blaspheming. And I think that's what they want to do to us in a sense. They want to to like socially kill us. Not like literally, but it's like, I want to kill your work.

And I think that's just the work of the enemy, man. It's just trying to allow people to rail against us. And so missionaries are pretty much always misunderstood. They're just some of the most misunderstood individuals because they're really in the culture. It's like being an undercover cop, bro. You know, it's like that's a really misunderstood place because all the other cops out there see you as like a criminal because you can't tell them. Like, I'm undercover right now. You know what I mean? And so they're just like, what are you doing? And you don't want to go out and say, well, I just share with this guy because now you're betraying his trust and, you know, so many things. And so, yeah, it's just, it's a tough space to be in. But I think, I think it's rewarding because if you're

not there, who is. Yeah. Yeah. Who else was going to sit with that KKK pastor if you did? Yeah. Yeah. So how do you, how do you keep pointing people to Jesus when people are always looking at you? I think the mistake that people make, like, I can't remember. I read this a while ago, but there's some psychological thing how, like, through social media, you can subconsciously build a relationship with someone, like, over the screen, just from, consuming their content. So, like, oh, you know, I'm a big fan of LaCray. I listen to his music.

I follow him on social. And then I see LaCray for the first time. And it's like, yo, I think we're best friends. And so, like, maybe there's this, there's definitely this temptation online to make LaCray the point of, oh, I got to look to him. He's my role model. He's this. How do you continue to point people back to.

Jesus when people are always looking at you. Yeah. When people begin to lift you up, unfortunately, they're lifting you up to a standard that you'll never be able to live up to. Right. So they're ultimately rising you up so they can tear you down because they're putting you on a pedestal in a place where they're seeing you as the example. not realizing that they've they've created their own idea of who you are and how you should be. And when you don't live up to it, they're disappointed in you. You have destroyed their hope because they had so much hope in you being who they wanted you to be.

Wow. And it actually says more about them than it does about you. I don't know. Usually what ends up happening, because I've been in this long enough to see the full circle. What ends up happening is, man, you got to stay your race. you got to stay on your path you got to stay consistent and down the line they end up coming around and saying i was wrong bro i misjudged you bro i didn't catch this because they matured right they've matured in some ways life just has a way of maturing people you know i used to get into it with

so many people back in the day online and i have emails i was just yesterday going through some emails and i remember going through this email of this one guy and i was like oh shoot this guy used to be on my head all the time and look at him. He's apologizing. He's come around. And so I just think at the end of the day, you're never going to be able to

get people to see you're not the source. You got to just keep pointing to Jesus, point to Jesus, point of Jesus. And I mean, if that was the case, John of Baptist wouldn't have had to say, I'm not fit to tie his shoelaces. I'm not the guy. He would have never had to say that. But he had to say that because people kept, you're the guy, you're the guy, you're the guy.

He's like, I'm not the guy. I'm not even fit to tie his shoelaces. So I don't think you'll ever get to a place where people are going to stop. But I do think if you're consistent, just be consistent. Eventually people are going to start coming around and saying, okay, I see, I see. So what's something about Christian influence that you had to learn the hard way that no one told you about? Well, one, nobody told me anything, right? Because for me, I was the first person to navigate some of the spaces that I've had.

Yeah, I guess I had uncharted territory. So nobody told me anything. It was kind of all they told me was, don't do this, don't go there. That's dangerous. And I was like, but you've, you've never been. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's kind of like this.

It's like a bear hunter, right? And you're out there, you're hunting bears. you're just, oh man, I'm bear hunting, bear hunting. And somebody discovers that you killed a bear. And they're like, yo, this guy killed a bear. We never knew there was bear killers. How you killed a grizzly? And then they come grab you.

And then they take you on this tour. And all you're doing all the time is telling everybody about the bear you killed. Man, I killed this bear. And how'd you do it? I did this. And before long, you're spending so much time telling everybody about how you killed a bear. You're not killing bears anymore. You know what I mean?

And that's kind of how the church tends to function is everybody wants to hear the story about the bear killer, but no one wants to go out there and kill bears. Wow. Wow. So they start judging people because they don't know what it's like to be amongst the bears. They don't get it. They're like, why aren't you doing this and doing this? And we're supposed to, bro, we're literally supposed to be like hounds on a fox hunt. Right. And the hounds job is to go find the fox, catch the fox. The fox is the hearts of men. We are the hounds. We're going after to sow seeds and throw seeds into the hearts of men. That's our job. But when there's no fox to chase, when you stop chasing the fox, when the hounds stop chasing the fox, you know what they start doing? They start fighting each other. Because they don't have a mission. So they start battling. The dog start getting into it. And I think that's, I think they're going.

That's the issue with the church a lot of times is, man, we're not chasing the hound. We're so, we're fighting each other instead of going after the hearts of people. And we start fighting about how you didn't do it right. Well, you didn't do it right. You should have did this. You should have did it. Meanwhile, we're just sitting on our couch scrolling, looking at how everybody else is doing it instead of doing it ourselves. You know what I mean?

And that's, dang. You know, I fully agree with that. I can't remember, I've been thinking about this a lot. we always want to preach about mental health within the church, but the body of Christ cuts itself every day. We argue over, oh, you did this wrong, you did that wrong, or you shouldn't have done this. And I fully agree, you know, it's because so many people, you really pioneered this hip-hop journey with bringing faith into it. And, you know, no one else, no one else could take the shots for you because you're like, really the first guy to do it. And people are going,

oh, you're doing this wrong, you're doing this wrong, but then they're like, they're not even a musician. Yeah. And it's like, bro, what are you saying? I'd be more, come show me, please. How would you do this? Nobody's ever done this before. I don't know. How would you do this?

You know? I think that's so funny. Do you ever feel bad, like that you were, for a lack of better terms, like a, almost like a test subject for this? Not even just in the hip hop around. Like, I'm really just talking about Christian influence. Because really outside of, I have a lot of. of respect for like the pastors that like when instagram first came out like they got influence like on on instagram and stuff like that and you can you know so-called mega church pastor you know

Christian celebrity pastor or whatever you want to call it but like i i consider that like a separate realm than like someone like you who's really pioneering that was that hard or yeah it's super hard man um it's super hard because you just don't have a roadmap. You know what I mean? A lot of what I learned is like you're in the mix and you don't have a roadmap for how this thing goes. So when I'm sitting on the breakfast club talking to Charlemagne to God, everyone's like, you need to say this.

You need to say this and make sure you say Jesus 10 times and make sure you share the gospel and make sure you do this. And I'm like, I'm never going to get it right for y'all, right? Because if I say Jesus three times, it's three times too little. You know what I'm saying? And then they're like, why didn't you share the gospel with them? Well, I did. It just wasn't on camera.

You know what I mean? Because this wasn't the place for that. And I think that's what people think is they're like, yo, why didn't you take advantage of the time you were on camera in front of all those people? And I really think what they're misunderstanding is that like, we treat the gospel message like a salesman. Like we got to seal the deal instead of it being a transformational message of a king who's coming. And it's not about trying to jam it down somebody's throat really quick.

It's about, man, where are you hurt? Where are you? Like the woman at the well. Yeah. Like where do you need this truth to transform you? And let me speak into that particular place. And so when I'm sitting there with a news reporter, I mean, you've never done it. I've never done it.

Yeah. How do we do it? You can sit back and tell me how you think it should be done. But when you're sitting there on Jimmy Fallon with millions of eyes on you, it's like, okay, I got 90 seconds. Did Jesus die for everybody says, all right, bye. You know what I mean? Like, there's no rulebook roadmap to that. So I just had to like piece it together.

And sometimes I did that. And sometimes I thought, man, maybe I should just like do this song and let people get invested in the song. And then they'll hear the gospel message and that whole album. Or maybe, you know, they'll follow me. I've got plenty of TikTok sermonettes where I'm sharing the gospel. So, you know, but there's no map, man. And so the hardest thing was just like everybody judging you, but not realizing, man, you don't have a roadmap for this. You try to figure it out.

I don't want people to miss that bear analogy you made because I can't stop thinking about it. It's so true. Really, I'm like, man, we got so many people who want to, and I can be the first say, like, I've fallen victim to this before too because I'm human. But it's like maybe before I criticize for someone stepping out and doing something that I haven't done, or much less if you want to be honest with yourself, don't criticize someone for something that you're not willing to step out and do. And that's really the beauty of the body of Christ.

It's like, I don't, not everybody has to be the mouth. That's right. You know, we're like a body. That's right. We're working together. And I thought that was a goal. That was beautiful. It's unfortunate.

That's where we are, though, man. You know, it's like, we all say what we would do. You know, I watch sports all the time and I'm like screaming out television. Oh, no, dude. He should have did that. Bro, I'm not in, I'm not a pro athlete. Yeah. I couldn't make it.

Yeah. You know, all I was my opinion. You're saying that, bro, I'm getting convicted right now. I'm like literally yelling at the TV last night or this morning, whatever. I was watching like that SportsCenter Top Ten or something on the treadmill this morning. I'm like, dude, what the heck is that guy? Yeah, bro. Over?

Yep, yep. So did Satan's tactics change once you had influence? I think the enemy, Satan is a, he's defined by certain things. He's an accuser. he's a liar he's a manipulator right those are he's a tempter like that's that's what he is it's what he's going to do i think we underestimate the intelligence of evil it's the second most intelligent force in the universe second only to god right when you just try to say Satan is stupid and he doesn't know what he's doing i'm like i chill out he's slick and plays the long game

So a lot of times, yeah, initially when you're young and inexperienced and you don't really know your word, he can jump out like the boogeyman and just like, you know, I never forget this, man. I was younger in my faith. We're on like our first tour. And there was this big band out at the time called Jim Class Heroes. And I remember we were in New Orleans and we're on tour. And all my crew was in the hotel. It's late at night. And I was like, bro, we're in New Orleans.

We got to get those bignets. We got to get the bignets, bro. And this is funny. This is how old this is. This is pre-Ur. So there's no Uber. Yeah, there's no Uber. Right?

So I'm like, I'll go walk to go get bignets for us because I don't mind taking a walk. Because my roommate, Tripp Lee, at the time, he was like, man, I'm just tired, bro. I said, I'll go get the bignets for us. Yeah. So it's like 11. at night in the bignet place I know doesn't close it's maybe 10 at night I'm walking down the street in New Orleans and I'm I passed by house of blues and I see this massive tour bus and I was like dang I was like we need a tour bus we didn't have a tour bus that's not we're in like a Winnebago you know what

I mean so I was like man I saw I'm trying to take a picture of the tour bus company on the side of the bus and this girl not modestly dressed at all beautiful beautiful young girl comes walking off the tour bus and not can tell she was drunk. And she was like, hey, why are you taking a picture of our bus? And I was like, I didn't know whose bus it was. She's like, he's gym class heroes bus.

And this is a male group. So I'm like, you're not in the group. You know, and she was like, you know what? If you're going to take pictures of our bus, I'm going to have to take you inside and love you. She's gorgeous. she literally jumps on me like I'm facing her she jumps up on me wraps her legs around my waist and

and on my neck and I was like ha you know just like whoa I literally threw her off me and I threw her off me and like started to run a little bit like like Joseph with potterper I was like, ah! And so, man, you know, that moment is like, where I was in my walk, yes, that was a clear attack from the enemy, and that's the way it will work. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? As I've matured, I'm like, I'm not going to put myself in that line of fire. You know, I just would like, I'll navigate differently.

But he just gets slicker. He just gets smoother. And it's like he's, the way that he's attacked me, the worst is the silent gas of success. Whoa. It's like a slow. You just smell a little bit every day. He doesn't say, man, you're the man. You need to walk around like you're the man.

You own this place and you got it together. It's just a little bit at a time. Just a small little, you know, hey man, man, you changed my life. Praise God. Praise God. Hey, man. Your song is the best song out right now. I'm just telling me, hey, man, you know what, man, you deserve all the Grammys.

Hey, man. You got more platinum records than so-and-so. Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, man. Before you know it, you're not fighting against pride anymore.

You've drifted. And you're just comparing yourself to everybody else who's not absolutely. prideful as you. And now you're like, I'm not that bad compared to them. It's like that's, that was never the standard. Dang. You know what I'm saying? So that's, that's the way I've seen him.

He just gets a little slicker. Yeah, he's not really the guy in red with the pitchfork. That's right. He's like in the tuxedo and the slick back hair and he looks like James Bond. Angel of Light. Whoa, crazy. Man, Angel of Light. Have you ever had like outside of that, which that, I mean, that story in New Orleans is

wild. wild but have you have you ever had like a have you ever had an encounter with the devil himself that's a good question i don't i don't know because from my understanding man i mean like he's not omnipresent he can't be everywhere at the same time i don't know if he's counted me worthy enough to like i'm going to appear and jack you up i will say i think i have felt the full weight of a satanic attack if it wasn't him he sent his strongest, toughest minions at me.

And I definitely feel like, you know, where I was in the darkest space in my life. And honestly, it came from being so beat up by the church. You know, so beat up by the church that I said, I don't, I did not realize the impact in this season of my life that I was. I had the number one album in the country.

You know, I was touring everywhere. I was speaking at every conference. and I just did not realize the impact that I had and how damaging, you know, it could be for Satan to take me off course. And, man, he came in my belief system. Wow. You know what I mean? And just me like, I don't know if God is real.

Because if he was real, these Christians wouldn't be attacking me like this. If he was real, the mentors in the faith that I looked up to, wouldn't be attacking me. Like, they didn't call me and say, hey, man, I got some questions about what you're doing. They just attacked me. Yeah. And I was like, what the heck? That was the toughest spiritual darkness that I'd ever encountered, where I could feel like a weight pulling me down.

And I remember laying in my bed one night. And I was like, God, I don't know if you're real. And it was like a faint voice that was like, I'm here. I'm real. And I was like, ah, that's just me. I'm just tripping. And I wish I would have listened to that voice. You know.

So what did you need from the church in that season that you weren't getting? Honestly, man, grace. I needed grace, bro. I needed somebody to say, hey, LaCray, I think I see what you're trying to communicate. I think I see what you're trying to say or do. Let me pull you in real quick and just, and process this with you. Like, let me ask you some questions

instead of just accusing you. And then a lot of times, unfortunately, man, we assume each other's motive. And the Bible tells us, like, we don't even know our motives sometimes, right? Like, Paul says, I don't even judge myself. I'll let the Lord do that.

We'll call each other lukewarm. And I'm like, when Jesus, when in Revelations, when God was saying this church was lukewarm, he actually had vision into their heart. We'll call each other look warm without knowing each other's motive. So I can see your tattoos and say, he's lukewarm. He's lukewarm.

That's why he's got these tattoos. He's not godly at all. And it's like, you don't know anything about why he did what he did or what was going on or nothing. And the church just didn't give me that grace. They just said, see. Oh, he had so-and-so on his podcast. He just wants to be famous. That's why he did that.

Wow. You know, Bryce wants to be a rapper so bad. Oh my gosh. He meets with Little Tony. He meets with Lucrez. Like, he's just so fake, bro. Yeah, maybe an ad lib, maybe an ad lib, you know? Like throwing a mama, you know?

If you let me do that, I would. I would. I got you, bro. You need a whole song. I do think you can eat the whole song. We'll get you right. I don't know if you got enough auto tune to fix me. We'll get you right, bro.

We'll get you right. Dude, I'm from I'm from Cartersville, That's all you need. I got a little thickness in there. It comes out. I tried to get rid of the accent a long time ago. It comes out. Now, the accent is fire, especially for rap.

All right. You need that. I'll take that. You need the accent, bro. Like, you don't want to, yeah, don't stay out in L.A. too long and lose your, lose that. Can't lose the flavor. Yeah, that's the sauce. Come on.

That's the sauce, baby. You know, I really, really want it. I'm so glad that you brought up, I think you call that season like a reconstruction, which I love that language because when you label something deconstruction it's got this like oh you're deep you know what I mean but you know in a sense

if I'm being honest I have a hard time too in that way where like in similar ways there's like heroes of the fate that I like look up to and have been accused or like the friendly fire and if I'm being completely honest I was because we just

we were just on a live podcast tour and I remember one night I was on our off day I'm in the hotel room and I'm just grieving in the shower. I don't know what it is about. I meet the Lord when I'm in the shower. I don't know if that's there in the toilet. Yeah. Yeah.

Getting alone. There's no distraction. And I'm sitting there and I'm grieving hard. And it was, to be honest, I was growing bitter at Christians. And really, I was growing critical because then I would sit in a church and I would would subconsciously become critical because I'm like, well, all of these other people have hurt me. So are you going to hurt me? Or are you going to do this thing to me? And so it's, it, and really, that's been such a hard battle. And I don't know if this is going to make sense. And I really,

I'm really cautious to say this, but I, it's something I'm really trying to process. And it's going to maybe not sound as like biblically theological or whatever, but I don't care. It's just, Yeah, keep it real. You know, I guess sometimes I wonder, maybe if you've ever felt like this, you could have done anything with your rap. You could have done anything, but you chose to incorporate your faith because you love Jesus more than you love the gift he's given you. And you decided to sacrifice your 20s, your prime years to sacrifice and sweat, put in sweat

equity for the souls of people that you may never meet, shake their hand or touch, that have heard your music or whatever. and in the same way we're doing that with our time and with our videos by saying, hey, I'm going to, you know, we're going to sacrifice our time in our 20s, blood, sweat, and tears to meet people where they're at

and create these videos to encourage other people. But you hate me for it. And that idea right there, I wrestle with a lot because it makes me grow bitter. And I don't want to grow bitter. And that's honestly been my, biggest prayer lately and I would just love to know some wisdom on that because I'm praying and I'm like me God I don't want to grow bitter but I can feel my heart being cold a little bit and even even when

I don't want to be cold and I'm not trying to be cold or I'm not I'm just I'm just really hurt. Yep. And and I that may sound so selfish of me to say maybe it is. I don't know but sounds human. Man I'd love to know some wisdom. Yeah, it sounds human. Yeah no I've been there bro and I I've been there so bad. a couple things that I've had to learn to remember. So one is the people whose lives are impacted by you rarely come back around and say thank you. So there's a story in the scriptures where Jesus heals these 10 lepers. You know, they're so happy to be healed that they run off. And I imagine, I mean, just imagine you got leprosy in their day and time, you're separated from everybody.

about you don't you can't see your mom if you got kids you can't see your kids your spouse like you you got to be off in the like in some quarantine forever and then jesus comes along and he's like yo y'all in quarantine how long you've been here five years man i ain't seen my mom in five years he's like you heal go show yourself to the priest so they take off and they're like yo i'm healed I'm going back home to see my mom. I see my mama forever. And it says out of them, the sliver of all of them who got healed

came back to say thank you. Right? And I think that's a picture of us as believers is there are so many people who've been transformed by what you're doing or inspire by what you're doing. And a lot of them, man, they're just,

they're so excited to be free. They don't spend the block and say, Bryce. Thank you. Now, some of them do. But it's so much easier for us to focus on the loud 5% who say something negative, right? Who got something negative to say. The only reason, bro, the only reason they have something negative to say is because you're impactful.

That's it. If you weren't making a dent, they would have nothing to say, right? If you literally had two subscribers, 36 views on your videos, they'd be like, who is this? idiot, moving on. But because the Lord has allowed you to impact millions of people, people have something to say. Because they're like, I don't like the fact that these folks' lives are, it's Jesus all over again.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I don't like the fact. And what did Jesus do? You know, he engaged the curious, right? Oh, you're genuinely curious. Nicodemus. Like, you're not just here to criticize me.

You're curious. All right. He engages the curious, right? He feeds the needy. Like, you're really hungry, so you want some help. So I'll, I'll, but he ignores the critics. You know what? I'm not giving you my time.

I'm not giving you my time. They try to jam him up. He's like, hi, Jesus, uh, this coin. Who should it go to? Caesar or God? We're going to get him with. this we're going to get them with this one. Jesus is like, yo man, go fishing. Go fishing. Give me the fish. Get the coin out. Whose faces on this? Caesars? All right, then give it back to him. Now, give

God what's his. Whose faces are on you? Whose signatures on you? God's signature. So give God what belongs to God. That's your job. You know what? I'm here for God. And then the other piece of advice I give you is like, man, just them voices don't count. They're in. They're in NPCs, bro. They don't count, bro. The voices that matter are the people in your life who really know you. Those are the voices you got to listen to. The rest are NPCs.

It's like, man, you're just, you're playing GTA and they're just walking around, just yapping. It's like, bro, you're getting me off my mission. So if I start focusing on you, you get me off my mission. And that's why Jesus said, Father, forgive them. They don't know what they do. So, you know, pray for them. For your own heart's sake, I say pray for them. because that'll help ease the tension

because you'll be like, Lord, I pray you open their eyes to see. You're already praying for your own eyes to be open. So that's the piece of advice I give you, you know, don't let the bitterness weigh you down, man. Because if you start paying too much attention to it, you'll want to defend yourself, you'll want to say all this.

And it's like, bro, just stay on the path. They're trying to get you, that Satan will use the church to get you off the path you're supposed to be on. man thank you for that yeah yeah correct me if i'm wrong you had a season where you wanted to take your life oh for yes yes what what what was that what was that like what were you battling with kind of yeah access to that so to give you like a full picture of it all round one i didn't know like you know my family has a history of like anxiety and depression you know what i'm

So I didn't know that that was like a historical thing in my family. So it didn't really show up for me until I was younger, you know, like until I was like in my teens. And then I kind of went through some seasons of depression and frustration. But, you know, I was smoking a lot of weed. I was just wilding. So I just really was numbing the pain. I got older.

I got into this altercation with this guy. And he came and he brought up. a gun to meet me. I barely missed him. Like I was driving one way. He was driving another way. I didn't know he was after me. And the gunshots went off in the air, pop, pop, pop, pop, but I didn't know he was shooting at me until later I found out. So I'm spazzed. I'm so mad. And I'm like, I'm going to get this dude. As I'm going to get the gun, it was like I had a glitch, like my mental health glitched. And it was like, man, you're going to ruin. your life. You might as well kill yourself after you kill them because your life's going to be

ruined. You're going to go to jail. And then just started spiraling. And that was the first time I was like, something's not right. You know what I'm saying? So I knew that I had that potential to go there. The last time was, man, I was so beat down by the church. Just so beat down. Just like, I was like, there's no hope because if this is my existence, God, I don't even have anywhere to turn. I can't even turn to the people who you have to wrap your arms around me. So where do I turn? And it was sad because, you know, I'm making all this money. And one of the mentors that I had, you know, and I got blessed him.

I don't think he meant wrong. I just think he was insensitive. One of the mentors that I had was like, yo, you need to put me on salary, you know, so I can mentor you full time. And I was just like, I don't know how to take this. You know what I'm saying? Like you're asking me to pay you to disciple me. Like it just felt weird.

And so now I'm don't even talk to him. You know, so I don't like, I don't know where to go. The church is eating me alive. There's lies about me going on. And now I'm just like, I don't think there is a God. And that was the excuse I needed to go back to my vomit. You know what I mean? So it's like, well, I'm going to go back to what I know since there's

nothing nowhere else to go. I couldn't go fully back because I'm married with kids. Yeah. But I'm like, okay, well, how far back can I? I can go smoking and drinking and staying out late, going to the parties and the events. You know, I'm a celebrity. So it just got to a point where the Lord was convicted me of like, is this going to be your existence? This is it? Like, this is your life. And I was like, I don't know where to go. I don't know if you're real. And man, I was in such a deep, dark depressed state all of a sudden depression just hit me my brain i woke up one morning i we were we were on tour and a lot of my peers didn't know i was dealing with this you know um and you know we went out we had some fun we has the you know some celebrations they don't know i'm drinking way more than i should

be you know like i'm not drinking in moderation i'm going in trying to numb myself to stop my brain from drinking and i blacked out when i woke up the next morning on the tour bus I was like I was like my brain just is in a fog and I noticed like I didn't feel happy or sad and something was wrong

and I was like what is this? And I was like let me watch I get on social media and I was like I'm not entertained I was like nothing is exciting to me I don't crave food I'm not even hungry I'm usually hungry first thing in the morning

so I'm like oh shoot I think this is depression and I was like I'll sleep it all off. I tried to sleep it off and I woke up and I still felt it. Next day I still felt it. And I was just like, oh, this is about to be my life. I was like, I don't want to live then. This is going to be life. I don't want to live. And so I'm literally sitting in the car and I'm like, how can I take myself out, you know, in a way that where it's like, it's the most painless way.

So I'm like literally thinking of the painless ways to go. And all I kept thinking about was my little kids at the time finding my lifeless body and the trauma that would have caused. them and put them in the same cycle. You know what I mean? I was like, nah, I can't put anybody else through what I'm feeling right now. I got battle through this. I got fight through this. By the grace of God, I got help.

I got therapy. You know, I repented. I confessed. I ended up coming, the Lord drew me back in. It's a longer story. But this is about a year and a half process of getting healthy. You know what I mean? So I know you've told this story before, but you were in Mexico and you read Tim

Keller's prodigal profit books how did that kind of change the trajectory of everything what was going on in your heart yeah so at this point in time I'm trying to get back together I took all I knew I wasn't healthy and I'm like all right God God has started reeling me back in but I was still dealing with like some serious depression and some anxiety and I said man I'm taking off of touring and everything. And I took off, and my wife and I just went to Mexico. You know, it was like, let's just go to Mexico for a week and just be away from everything. And I'm, you know, I'm just trying to heal and get restored.

And I remember I'm sitting in, this part I haven't told before, but I'm sitting in our hotel room. My wife is out, you know, about a pool or whatever. I'm just sitting in a hotel room. And there's a knife on the table. And I'm like dealing with some crazy anxiety. And it's like my brain felt like a demonic attack. It was like, take the knife and stab yourself. Just do it.

Just do it. Take yourself out. And I was like, what the heck, man? I'm like, yo, God. So then I'm crying. I'm like, God, like, I can't. This is crazy. These intrusive thoughts are hitting me.

Like, help me. And I remember sitting down just like, I'm reading through the prodigal prophet story about of Jonah. And I'm like, Lord, please, just give me anything. and I'm just praying and I'm crying and I look out the window and I see water the ocean is right outside the window

and I see water just shooting up out the ocean and I'm like oh God now I'm going crazy I'm seeing water shoot out the ocean I want to help me please and um the prodigal prophet is a book about Jonah and him being swallowed in the mouth of a whale

and and I have have been reading this and on the nightstand is a stuffed whale like a stuffed animal i still have it i took i stole that out that hotel believe that um i think it was a gift anyway but there was a stuffed whale there i mean i've done that too i mean but i'm reading this book about a whale the stuffed whale and there's water shooting up out of the ocean and in like two seconds i see the whale emerge out of of the ocean. And I'm like, God was like, I got you.

I'm with you. Hang on. You're in the belly of the beast right now. I'm gonna get you out of this. And man, I just held on. And every, for like a month straight after that, everywhere I go, I would see whales. Wow.

Like, not real whales, but it's like, I'm just like walking through the airport. I'm like, oh, God, I'm doing bad. And then I was just like, it's a whale, a story with a whale. Why is there a whale all of a sudden? Like, what is this? And the Lord just give you them little breadcrumbs to remind you like, I'm here.

Wow. You know what I'm saying? I'm walking through, I'm downtown one day. And I'm struggling. And then this little girl cuts in front of me and then she's got a whale on her backpack. And I'm just like, yo, I see you, Lord. Praise God. Yeah, bro.

Man, those moments are sweet. Man, I'm trying to tell you. Just a little reminder. So those are the moments where God just started pulling me back in, little by little man. And, you know, it was a year and a half of getting healthy, getting healed, of a lot of therapy, a lot of counseling, meeting with my pastor, and really just, like, getting myself healthy and not listening to all those outside. I quit listening to the voices, you know, because I was like, oh, these are not the voices that matter. And I zeroed in on the voices who knew me, who cared about me, who wanted the best for me. And man, it's like water off my back now.

I just people have crazy stuff to say all the time. It's like, oh, you went to the ditty party. Whatever, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like, whatever, bro. Like, I'm moving on. He's so fake. Oh, my gosh.

Whatever. He hasn't repented. Whatever, man. Like, you know, I'm on my zone. For sure, for sure. So in the 20 years that you've been going through hip hop, ministry, influence, depression, reconstruction, all of it. Yeah. Your rhythms with Jesus have obviously changed.

But, like, in this season, something I've read. really respected was like when we were talking about finding the day and the time. Thank you for coming on. I was talking to Flex and he was like, he was like, yeah, he's, he does this thing till 10 a.m. He's got a thing that he likes to do in the morning and get ready. And I really respect that. I'm the same way. I'm like, I'm the same way. I like, I got a little thing where I got to do it. The best version of Bryce is if Bryce does, if Bryce works out and gets this alone time with Jesus, it's like that duo right there. I'm the healthiest, most gentle. you know, version of myself.

So what does your rhythm what Jesus look like right now? A lot of times is, I'll wake up, immediately read the scriptures. Because the temptation when you wake up is pick up that phone, see what's going on online. And I'm like, now let me get my attention to the Lord, you know, and immediately get into the scriptures. And just like, I may get something, I may not. But the Lord may download something into my spirit. He may not.

But I'm just trying to zero in on a word. Give me something to chew on. It may come back to me. Something may hit me. And then I'm listening to something that is renewing my mind. So whether that is music or whether that is a sermon or whether that's a podcast, I'll just, I need 30 minutes of mind renewal. Right. So sometimes it may be a book or whatever it is, but I just, Lord, renew my mind.

give me something new to grow me and stretch me outside of your word. And then, man, it's silence. I need silence. A lot of times we're spending so much time talking to God. We're not hearing. We're not listening. Wow. And so I'm like, Lord, what do you want to say?

What do you want to say? And, man, God has told me some amazing things in the silence. You know, like just let me be silent enough to hear from them. You know, the most recent thing God showed me in my, in silence was, I was like, what do I do next? And the Lord was like, be quiet. And he said, do the next right thing. But I was like, God, I'm trying to figure out this whole game plan for the rest of the

year is I'm not giving you the plan. Just the next right step. That's it. It's all I'm giving you. I'm just a lamp to your feet. The lamp, the oil lamp, it's only enough for a little bit of just the next right step. That's all I'm going to give you. You know, God, I just had a baby.

How do I raise him into a godly young man? Mm-mm. feed them today what what else hug them what uh pray for them just the next right thing

and you just keep doing the next right keep making that left left left left until you are where you need to be and um and then I hit the gym you know what I'm saying and I hit the gym and now my mind has been renewed my body you know um has the temple's been taken care of let's go let's

start today. I hate to cut it back to something you said, but after I ask you that question it hit me, I'm like, I can't overlook that you said this. Diddy party? All right, I got to go back to this. Yeah, let's do it. You went to a Diddy party. All right. Please tell me about this. This is what people got to understand, first of all. There are the

ditty, crazy, debauchous, nasty sexual events that he had. And then there are the entertainment like press is invited events that he has there there are two different types of things way different but when people say diddy party that they immediately go to the nasty one well yeah yeah i mean you know what i'm saying yeah i get what you're saying so i don't know anything about the nasty one i've never been to anything like that ever i've been to the press event so it was like bt awards and he and post the awards show he invites the press and a few celebrities to come to this big part.

I mean, everybody's in. Leonardo DiCaprio was in there. Freaking Jimmy Ivee, Madonna. Chris Brown does a dance off with another Lorien. Like, it was crazy, bro. It was wild. Like, but it was, I mean, Drake's dad. Like, everybody's there.

The press is taking pictures. It's like, it's not private at all. Yeah. The fans are lined up around his house trying to look. look in the gate because they could see inside. So it's like it was chaos. It was like, I mean, it's literally a thousand people out there. Yeah.

So there's nothing crazy going on. It's just like it's, it's just a big giant festival. Yeah. You know, that's really what it was like. You know, have I been to an event where it got a little dicey? Yes, but it wasn't Diddy. It was a producer in Atlanta. And I went to his, he had an event at his house.

and I saw two dudes start kissing in the corner and I was like, yo, this is getting wild. This is getting crazy. And then another lady who's a Christian, she's like, yo, Cray, after midnight, it gets kind of wild. You know what I'm saying? You might want to slide. And I was like, say less. So I was up out of there. You know, I never saw it get crazy.

And I just saw two dudes kissing. They were fully clothed. You know what I'm saying? But that was all I needed to see is like, oh, it's getting okay. All right. Let me roll on. But as far as Diddy's concern, first of all, and both of those parties, the first one is like, shoot, like 12 years ago. The Diddy event was, what, 2016, 2017.

So it was almost 10 years ago. So I was in a whole different headspace even at that time. Sure. Like, did I do anything sinful? No. But was I being the light I could have been? I don't think I was. I think I could have been more of a light.

You know what I'm saying? I think I was in a dark place where I was just like, I don't care. What it? Where are we going? Let's go. Yeah. You know. And yeah, I think I could have been more of a light.

But what I will say is I got a couple of phone numbers at that event of celebrities that I still keep up with to this day. Praise God. And they've seen the fruit and the transformation. and they've been blessed by it. And like, man, like, you know, it's kind of like, yeah, they have a person to reach out to when they're processing faith and processing things along those lines. Did you ever meet him, like in person? Did he? Yeah, like dab him up or anything.

I heard this one story of like this guy who went to like, I guess, like a Diddy event or whatever. And he came up to him and was like, he was like, come give Diddy some love. And like, went in for a hug. And I was like, what the heck? Nah. So I didn't know if it was anything like that. I never, I never. I mean, he was there.

I saw him. But, I mean, you know, he's security and this different. And I don't know the guy. Plus, I'm not going to be one of a hundred people like, Mr. Diddy, Mr. Diddy, Mr. Diddy. What I will say is like the, I've seen him at another event. This is the, um, the rock nation brunch that Jay Z hosted. Which I know everyone's going to think this.

These are just Illuminati events and why am I even there? It's so funny to me, but it's like the furthest thing from the truth is just It's literally like a barbecue of somebody's house It's really what it is There's a barbecue of somebody's house that's what it is But when I saw Diddy at that of Rock Nation event I saw some it's like I could see the hollowness in him Like it's like it's hard to describe

But when you see somebody you're like yo you are empty You are struggling and I could see it you know he just did not look good, didn't look healthy. And I do remember in that moment, like, I was a healthier version of myself at that point in time. I do remember, like, I need to pray for him. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's good. Yeah. So I always like to ask my married friends and guests this question. Yeah. I've only been married three months. What is the greatest piece of marriage advice you could give me? You're not going to like it. Uh-oh. I mean, a lot of people may not like it. But especially like the modern day culture that we live in.

But I firmly believe that God created, you know, order within the marriage. I firmly believe that the man is called to lead. You know what I'm saying? And it doesn't mean he needs to be a tyrant. It doesn't mean he needs to be. But I think too many times culture has shaped us men to be like, well, What do you want to eat, babe? What do you want to eat?

What do you want to eat? Instead of being like, yo, man, go make a reservation. Go make a decision. Be a leader and say, hey, I made reservations for here. Let's go. Let's roll. I just think, man, we're in this indecisive society and culture. We're so afraid of offending.

And listen, I think women are brilliant. I think women have. I don't think they're less than any of those by any shape of the imagination. I just think we're in a society where men are afraid to lead. You know, we're just afraid to be leaders. And be a leader in service. Be a leader in humility. Be a leader in apologizing first.

Like, but lead. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think we're just in a place where we have really bought into this idea that man, it's going to be this 50-50 thing and, you know, well, I can't pull my weight this month, but she's got it. Brother, if you're sitting around with, well, you know, I can't,

I don't know, brother, may call me old school, but I'm like, look, if I sit around waiting on my wife to be the spiritual leader in the house, like, I'm not doing my job. So I'll say lead. That's what I would say as a man. outside of that, the other thing I would just tell you is that, man, who you are and who you're married to is not who you will be and who you're married to 10 years from now. Wow, that's encouraging.

So both of that's encouraging. I love that. Like, even just, I'm in this phase where I'm like learning, I'm in that process where I'm like learning what leadership looks like. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, what does it look like to, like, lead a disagreement? What does it look like to lead by making the decision of where we go to? eat. What does it look like in leading? We literally just had to get Maddie a new car because her sister, they gave, she gave her sister her old car because her sister didn't have a car. So we had to

get her new cars. Like, which car do we buy? Like, how do you lead in all these decisions? So I'm like, man, so that's just so encouraging to hear like, you know, keep leading. You got to be, bro. You got to. But being a good leader means you're a good follower. It means you're really following the Lord and you're hearing from God. So it's like, my wife followed me into the trap. I said, moving to Memphis into the hood. She wasn't like, wait, what are you doing? What's going on? She's like, I trust this man's leadership.

I trust this vision. I trust he's hearing from God. And I'm a follow. What, you said in Memphis? Memphis. Memphis. Y'all were in there. Boy, I'm trying to tell you.

Memphis, I was like, I had to brace myself. You were in it, bro. And I love Memphis. I love it too, man. I love Memphis, but man, that got me right there. I got anybody about being Hampton, boy, we was in the hamph, we was in the trap, boy, we was in there.

So, and I'm like, she was like, all right, let's do it. I'm following your lead. But that's leadership is like, man, I have a vision. I have a plan. I have a, I'm not going to lead us astray. And it's not like your voice doesn't matter. It's just that, like, I take responsibility for the direction that we're going to go with. You know what I mean?

So, you know, that's, that would be my advice. It don't mean be a tyrant. Don't mean like, hey, this is it. But, you know, if she says, hey, you know, what do you want to eat for dinner tonight? Do you want chicken or do you want fish? You don't say, well, what do you want? It's not sexy to her anyway. You know what's sexy to her?

Like, I'm feeling chicken. Okay. I'm looking chicken. I like that. You know what I mean? Like, it's not sexy to be like, what do you want, babe? It's like, okay, yeah, I don't know what do you want? I like that.

I like that. Yeah, man, be a leader. Take a stance. I admire you. I respect you. I'm encouraged by you. I think the world of you. So I really appreciate you a time.

Fides versa, brother. Like, we need more of you, bro. We need, I love the energy that you come with. Amen, what you represent for a generation, man. Sincerely. Thank you for saying that. I'd love for you to pray for everyone as we close. out everyone that's watching. Absolutely. Father God, we thank you for every single individual who is,

Lord, just whose eyes and ears are on this conversation right now. I don't know all the different things that people are struggling with, but you do. And Lord God, you promise that you'll never leave us nor forsake us. Matter of fact, you always give a promise in the middle of the pain. And so, God, I pray, even when we think about Jeremiah 29-11, that I know the plan. The plan that I have for you, plans for a future and I hope. Lord, that promise came in the time of pain. And God, I pray that people will remember that your promises hold true. God, that they would hold on to your promises.

Lord, would you show them that you are a promise keeper? Would you show them that you're faithful? Would you show them that whatever it is that they wrestle with or struggle with, that you're bigger than that? And God also pray for just a critical spirit that lives in all of us. that wants to critique and criticize and judge, Lord, that you will quiet that voice and allow us to grow and to thrive and to be encouraging toward one another in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.