The Bryce Crawford Podcast - Mike Majlak Gets Brutally Honest About Faith, Addiction, and Still Having Demons (EP 219)

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Mike Majlak Gets Brutally Honest About Faith, Addiction, and Still Having Demons (EP 219)

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I have seen this life from incredibly different perspectives of the lowest lows and now some of truthfully the highest highs. I was a heroin addict and crack cocaine in the end addict from the ages of 16 until I was 25. My goodness. What was the scariest near-death experience that you had using? At some point, while I was driving home, I fell asleep at the wheel or knotted out because I was on so much drugs. I was covered in blood. Like, it was just absolutely pouring out of me. Like, I drove my car off a cliff, completely totaled it, and it didn't even stop me for a second.

So what led to the moment that you decided to get clean then? In 2010, I was supposed to just spend a few hours a day taking care of my grandfather. and there was a night he had somehow fallen out of his chair. He was downstairs, like, begging me to come help him, and he was, like, screaming, and I was too paranoid because I was smoking crack in the attic, and I wasn't able to get down there to help him. That was, I mean, that was probably, like, rock bottom for me.

I hated that I was being buried, and I was still alive. I am so... It's one of the reasons why I became so much reattached to my faith. And there were so many times where, like, that light got so dim, but it was God keeping that little flicker of light on. Would you say that you're happy now? I'm not unhappy. I deal with a lot of demons still, a ton of them.

Do you still feel like you're chasing something? It's funny to say that because I don't think I'm chasing anything. I feel like I'm running from stuff. What do you feel like you're running from? Hey, before we dive in, if these videos have meant anything to you, if they've helped your faith or brought you closer to God in any way, make sure you're actually subscribed. A lot of people watch every single week and still haven't hit that button.

It only takes two seconds, and it helps us reach more people with the gospel. Also, I have an announcement I've been waiting to make, and I'm really excited about this one. Open Heaven. Our biggest live podcast event to date is happening November 8th at the Pavilion at Toyota Music Factory in Irving, Texas. Right outside of Dallas, it's going to be a powerful live podcast experience centered around faith, purpose, real conversations, and connection alongside live worship throughout

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All right, let's get into this episode. All right, what's going on, guys? Welcome back to another episode of the Bryce Crawford podcast. I'm Bryce, and today we're with Mike Maylack. Let's go. Hey, thanks for having me, man. I got to say, first, thank you for getting me

into my first ever fight event ever in Vegas. You're the reason I was able to go to my first ever live boxing match, and it was Johnny Mansell versus Bob Menry. my first ever five ever. It's only uphill from there. Thank you for getting me. That was so fun. We and Chris had the best time.

What did you think of the fights? It was awesome. I love the UFC. I have a Paramount Plus subscription. I watch a good bit. But I've never seen anything in real life. So I was really pumped. That was definitely a great one to start off with.

Listen, Aiden does a really good job with Brand Risk. He puts together really strange fights. That makes sense. I think the next card that he has coming up, have a couple really good fights on him. But that was interesting. I think Bob Menry is going to fight again. So he's,

yeah, I know. After watching the first time, you may not think that that's such a great idea. But I think he has found a lane of kind of like being the like, quote unquote punching bag. Okay. And so he,

I think is going to fight again. And I hope he does well. You know, listen, and he makes money doing it. It gets him to, like, lock in and focus on the gym and work out and prep and train. And so, yeah, so I think he's fighting again on this next card, which is coming up pretty soon. Oh, that's fun.

Yeah. Yeah, I genuinely had such a good time. And it was a cool location. UFC Apex was so sick. Crazy. No, that was nuts. I mean, Aiden obviously has a ton of connections. Dana loves them.

And so it was able to happen. But that was a good event. There were some good fights on that car. There were some funny stuff that happened. You know, Mansell got the win. Money Mansell. And he looked good. He was kicking.

He'll never fight again. Yeah. He only did that because he was called out. Yeah. And saw a bag and was just like, I'll take you. Yeah. Yeah, that was so awesome. Dude, yeah, thanks for coming on.

So, like, I know people may know you for a whole lot of different stuff. You've been on the internet for a while, but, like, exclude you out of you being on social media for a while. being a co-host on Impulsive, who is Mike Maylack? That's a good question to start off with. I'm truthfully one of the people

watching this episode. I mean, that really is like the way that I try to live my life. I have seen this life from incredibly different perspectives of the lowest slows and now some of truthfully the highest highs. And I try to stay as grounded as possible. When I lose that relatability, I ask my team to beat it back into me, like really to

pulverize me and be like, yo, what you just said is ridiculous. Like, make sure you check that. And so I try to as much as possible remain the person that I was. And I believe that I've done a good job of that. I really do. And I believe that if you message me, if anybody messaged me asking me for help on a topic, especially anything related to substance abuse or mental health or mental illness, which are, you know, two things that I hold near and dear to my heart. Like, I'll give you that time. I really will. I pride myself on that. I pride myself on stopping and talking to people whenever they stop me and spending time with people who need me. And that's how I've always been. I've always cared very deeply about other people.

It's made, it's made this current climate that we're in right now very, very difficult for me to navigate mentally. And it's one of the reasons why I don't produce the level of content in terms of like quantity

that I would if things were a little bit different just because I just really detest the climate of hatred that has been elevated so deeply over the past six to eight years. It just doesn't appease me.

I don't like it at all. I like bigging people up, motivating people to do better, pulling people out of dark places. And more than anything, like the one thing that you could always expect for me is like a positive spirit. Even in my worst days,

I'm coming in, I'm smiling, I'm trying to lift the room up as much as possible. And it's just not really attractive these days. People don't like that as much as they like. whatever the alternative is to that. Dude, I totally agree. I feel like, you know, maybe

2020, you'd be like, oh, don't read your TikTok comments. They're brutal. And now it's like, don't read any comments, period. Because it's like from platform to platform, it's progressively worse. And that's like the only thing that really sells, you know? Like one plane crashes and every plane is crashing across America. So people are like, I don't know, they absorb and are attracted to, of suffering and division and just want to everybody wants to tear everybody else down. And I think, um, I don't even dislike those people.

Like that doesn't, that doesn't make me dislike them. I, I understand what it feels like to see others succeed and to be in a, in, in the worst place and to just be somewhere in such a terrible place. For me personally, it never made me want to do that. It never made me want to go and be negative to other people. I have this, you know, somewhat religiously based, carmic responsibility in life where I feel like you'll, you will never, ever see me, especially right now in 2026,

say anything negative to anybody else. Like, it's so rare. Like, sometimes I'll comment, if I get a really nasty comment to me, I'll comment something kind of tamely nasty back. Yeah. I delete it immediately. Like, I just cannot do that to people because whenever I see a comment directed at that's rude or meant to try to tear me down,

I always put myself in the shoes of that person. No one that's doing well in life, and you hear this so often now it is, and it's so cliche to say it, but no one that's doing well in life and performing well and making money or being successful or doing whatever it is that they deem to be good for their life

is tearing other people down. Yeah. It's always a reflection of that person's life. It's always a projection of that person's insecurities and internal sadness to be saying the things that people say to others online. And so it makes me really like, I just always feel bad for the person. And I know that's weird, but like as a Christian, as someone who believes in God,

like I don't want to pull that person down further, if that makes sense. Do you do like it? Do you listen to a lot of Tony Robbins stuff? I mean, I love Tony. We've had him on the show. Dude, they have this thing. I have a life coach that used to work for Tony Robbins. And he taught me, one of the first things he taught me was this triad talking about how like a stimulus happens.

So like, I don't know, I punch you in the face. And then you give that thing me. meaning and then that meaning you give like it like affects your physiology and so kind of what you were saying like I actually feel bad for the people that are negative or hateful. That idea I learned from my life coach. It's so funny how you learn from different people and taking a different thing of going, oh, this person feels like this way towards me, then everyone feels this way towards me. So I should be like sappy and sorrowful instead of being like, oh, well maybe they just like had hard day and they took it out on me. Well, then that makes me have compassion on that person.

I love that. The issue is, is that the algorithm, this is partially the platform problem, the algorithms have rewarded negativity. And so generally speaking, when you see a piece of content, if you go to the top comment that's been voted up and elevated by the community, it's generally some maybe comedic, but like kind of nasty thing about whoever posted it, right? It's always like the, you'll notice it's always the counter angle to whatever the person was trying to convey in the content. Somebody always wants to counter it with the exact opposite viewpoint. There's very little acceptance, very little, oh, I see your point. Like, let's have a conversation about it.

It's always whatever the exact opposite is, right? And the platforms have elevated that type of negativity. So people know, I will be rewarded. If I see a Bryce or I see a mic post or I see any post online, If I present the alternative angle or a hateful viewpoint, I will be rewarded for that, but with likes. And for some of these people, those likes are the only satisfaction or whatever.

Satisfaction or positive sentiment or acceptance they have in their life. And so they're rewarded for posting negative sentiment online. And you know, and you get to the point where, you know, when did you start? Well, we started like the stuff that people see now. February of 24. Okay, but you were creating before that. Yeah, yeah, I was doing like iPhone videos, like teaching the Bible and stuff like that. But still, like, you have some, like, but I've been doing this since 2016, maybe in 2015, right? So very long time. And,

wait, really? Yeah. I mean, I started by YouTube. I was in like the sixth grade, fifth grade. I know. Yeah, I know. Congratulations. Yeah, I mean, we started the podcast in November 2018. I had my YouTube channel going before that. I was in Logan's vlogs and late 2015, 2016. So, you know, it batters you down,

dude. You know, even as a 40-plus-year-old, you know, mentally, semi-mentally strong person in terms of other people's opinions, it just,

you get to a point where you're just like, you start to almost like, not love creating as much as you would have if you didn't have to see that stuff. Now, what I do love,

and you probably get this too, is creating for your audience. When you post, your channels, like this show that people are watching right now, it's such a different sentiment than when you, because the YouTube algorithm really just promotes to your people, for the most part. It's your same people every week to like, great episode, man, or like, this is what I like, this is what I didn't like. Yeah.

But it's not as much of that random viewer that just wants to come spew hatred, you know? It's a little bit of both. Like, we, I definitely like, like, this stuff right here, like long form conversations, talking about faith, live, spirituality, everything in between encouraging people that want to, like, grow deeper. Like I do like that. But our whole vision of starting was in 2023, like all the clipping was going around. Like Andrew Tate and all those guys were like starting the clipping. And it was like you couldn't escape an Andrew Tate clip, even though he was banned on social media because of the clipping. And I remember thinking to myself, if there are people that literally won't even go to church because they've had like a negative interaction with Christians or a bad experience or they're just, they grew up an atheist. they don't care, we can infiltrate their phone with like the love of Jesus.

So there is like a part to it where I'm like, no, I actually want the random straggler that hates, you know, hates God or whatever it may be. A hundred percent. They catch the stray or something like that. Yeah, no, 100%. I see that part completely too because I've been able to reach a whole new era of. For sure. Audience through TikTok and through Instagram Reels that has more of a wide open algorithm.

And so I hear you on that for sure. So take me back a little bit to when you were growing up. Like, what was your childhood like? Great. For the most part. I mean, I grew up in Milford, Connecticut. It's sandwiched in between Bridgeport and New Haven to not so great places. You know, New Haven has Yale, but it's got a lot of crime.

And Bridgeport has a lot of crime as well. Wait, does New Haven really have a lot crime? A ton, dude. We've been there like so many times. I love it. The fourth ranked most day. City in America for a while back a couple few years ago. What?

Yeah, Yale's really the only thing that holds New Haven together in pizza. It has the best pizza in the world, you know. But so I grew up in Milford, which is a, you know, a lower to middle class city and had a great childhood for the most part. I mean, I was in, I would go to Vermont, Orlando with my family. We didn't have a ton of money, but we had, you know, enough. And we had a roof over her head and we had food tea. my parents got divorced when I was 15. That definitely changed the trajectory of my existence a little bit as my father was definitely

like a necessary part of the household and he was gone. And so once he left, I started to definitely go off the rails a little bit. I left a Catholic private school that I was in and went to public schools, which I had been in public schools before. I just did one year of high school and Catholic school. and this so happened to line up with this, the release of a drug called OxyConn. And so when I was 16, when we all started experimenting with weed and the other stuff that kids at age experiment with, we happened to kind of fall into experimenting with this drug called OxyCon.

And we didn't really understand what it was or what it was going to do to us. And no one had really taught us because we'd always known people try pills. and our parents had tried pills and it was just another pill, but the difference with Oxycontin was one OxyContin, 80 milligram, had 32 normal strength percocet's in it. And so it's the strongest, the strongest pharmaceutical opiate that's ever been released. Whether life serves you an ace or an unexpected backhand,

the high-protein yogurt, Oikos Pro, is there to feed your strength and help you turn every challenge into a smash. Oikos Pro helps build strong muscles and support muscle recovery with high-protein and gain. contains no added sugar because true strength isn't about being able to take the hits. It's about being able to bounce back. Oikos Pro. Feed your strength. Visit oikos.combe for more details. So you, so that drug was new. Holy smokes. So how did you get introduced to drugs? I think like, dude, when I was when I was coming up, when I was 15 or 16, it was a little bit different.

And we, you know, like, we knew some stuff in the DARE program taught us stuff, but it wasn't like nowadays where everything's like online. Like, it kind of had a little bit more of like an explore and figure it out yourself kind of thing. And so I remember like the first album I ever ever bought was, um, Eminem's Slim Shady LP. And so that was like how I was introduced to like my high school career. And it was very like drug heavy, like, whoa, sexually, you know, heavy. And, um, you know, my high school that I went to foreign in Milford, Connecticut was a, a really heavy party school. There was keg parties every weekend. And that had never caused much of an issue in the past. You know, the East Coast is a drinking side of the country and a lot of people

drink there and smoke weed and so forth. But no one had ever, you know, there hadn't been like that real heavy drug use in schools. But OxyCon hit like a tidal wave. And there was a company called Purdue Pharma in Stanford, Connecticut, that created. this drug, the Sackler family. And it was created to be used by terminally ill cancer patients at first because it was so powerful. But they marketed it as less addictive or non-addictive substance. And now they've been sued completely into oblivion for billions of billions of dollars.

Yeah, because that wasn't the truth. I mean, that thing was like a... At all. And they've made movies about a dope sick and some other series and movies that have come out. But anyways, when we were introduced to it just through a couple kids who maybe their grandma had a prescription or whatever, we tried it. And it was, I mean, as someone who's always dealt with anxiety and other diagnosis my whole life, it was the first time I ever really, like, felt safe. And felt like my mind slowed down a little bit and the things that I had struggled with in my early teens and adolescents and the negative thoughts and emotions that I felt were blunted a little bit.

So you found comfort in the in the drugs like a I don't know like a finally the chaos kind of It just slowed things down. Yeah. And I remember I wrote about this in my book. But the first time I used it, it was like, you know, the Beatles song, Here Comes the Sun. Like it was just very peaceful and very it just calmed down a lot of those negative thoughts that I had and a lot of that pain that I had. I had. I'd been through some accident. I'd broken my femur. I'd ruptured my spleen. I've had a bunch of surgeries. And a lot of that pain and a lot of that mental anguish kind of went away.

And so I watched a lot of the kids in my high school start to try this drug. And at first, we would go to these keg parties and we would do like, you know, a quarter of the pill and everybody would get high and we'd all just like hang out and party. And then a week would go by and we were like, yo, can anybody get in the oxy?

Like, let's do it again, you know? And then slowly but surely, like three days would go by and be like, damn, man. Like, it'd be nice to get some ice. And then before you know it, like every single day, you had to have it. You know, otherwise, like, we started waking up and, like, sweating and, like, withdrawing and, like, being sick. And it happened really fast.

Like, like, we, we didn't really understand, like, what was happening or why it was happening. And we were still very young. So your whole friend group was, like, struggling with it. Yeah. And it just started as, like, I don't know, like a fun game, I guess, because that was the party culture. It was just, like, it fell at first, like, another drug.

Like, our parents might have done quayludes or, like, maybe, like, a Vicodin or something like that here and there. But the difference with this drug is it was just so powerful and so addictive that you just didn't have the, you didn't have the leniency or like that, that like zone to kind of like not get addicted to it. And so within like, you know, a few months of it hitting the streets in Milford,

I would say probably like 40 or 50% of my class was addicted to oxies. How long did you realize or how long was it before you realized you couldn't stop? probably, I would say probably like a couple months. Okay. A couple months of like at first going to parties and just being like what we call like a weekend warrior and just kind of doing it and then just pulling it together. But then solely but surely like we people started like using in school and like I would have to go to the nurse's office and like break up pills on the back of the toilet and the nurse's office

because the door would lock and it was the only place where the door would lock. Yeah. And then by the time like I really got going like I would wake up and I would already have broken up on like a CD case in my drawer and I would have to drive my sister. or school. So I would do it. And then I would walk out the door so that I wouldn't get sick in school. And so we were 16 years old. We were full-blown opiate addicts. Pretty early, like a bunch of my friends started, like robbing houses and pharmacies and stuff like that. So they went to jail. And these are kids I knew my whole life, played intramural basketball with. They were great kids

and came from good homes. And I mean, this thing hit like an absolute, uh, title wave. Dude, it was one of the worst things I've ever seen. How are you funding the drugs? drug addiction though. At first, when it was, when we were just using it, um, very like small amounts of it, like we would just get money wherever we could, like, you know, do chores or like get money from our parents or like borrow money or whatever, but then slowly, um, you know, when it, when we started doing more and more of it, I started selling it as well. And then you said you guys were robbing pharmaceutical stuff? I never got into robbing. For me, it was more sell. I sold weed for a long times. I got to a point where I was selling like quarter pounds, half pounds of weed.

So I'd pick up like probably the most at a time would be like a pound. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I got to the point where I was, I was, the most I ever got to was like a pound, which like nowadays looking at it, it's not like an insane amount. But at the time when it was fully illegal in every state in the country, like this is 2003. Fully illegal, every state. Like there was no state where it was legalized. It was a lot more. And then and then after that I started just selling oxies. And so I was picking up oxies for, um, about $35 a piece, and they would sell on the streets for 60. So I would just sell them for 60, and then I would end up just sniffing all of the profit.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So my mentor, like I have a Christian mentor, his name's Marcus McFalling, and he was a drug addict. He was like a football prospect, the NFL prospect, did a workout for the Dallas Cowboys, and, like, tore and broke a bunch of stuff at his shoulder. and just from getting the surgery and starting the painkillers,

that's where his addiction started. And I'm totally going to butcher this, but he got like 58 prescriptions from 39 doctors in less than six months. Yep, yep. Like that blew my mind. And he was like, I was drug-seeking behavior. And they watch the doctors nowadays watch for it. Now, I'm sure that happened to him some time ago.

Yeah, yeah. This was in like the, 2010. Yeah, so that was probably like so, so things have changed dramatically. Okay. And, and this was so prevalent, man, like it got to a point where so this, if, if anybody watching this is familiar with the story behind OxyCon and Peru Pharma, this period of time in the early 2000s kicked off the greatest drug epidemic that the United States or the world has ever seen before. Okay. So it created the great opiate epidemic that really last, from the early 2000s all the way until I would say probably about two the numbers are just

starting to come down now yeah um you're starting to see overdose overdose deaths drop down a little bit there's a lot of a lot of a lot more awareness around fentanyl a lot more being done to stop fentanyl from being put into the heroin supply but it was all kicked off by this one company and one pill it wasn't like people were going to this deal or that dealer peru pharma the sackler family out of Stanford, Connecticut and Greenwich, Connecticut created an opiate epidemic that killed millions and millions of Americans. Wait, I'm just realizing that was literally where you grew up. Yeah. That is insane.

Well, you know, and that's a weird part of it, but really the hardest hit states were Appalachia, Pennsylvania, Vermont got hit very hard. Ohio got hit very hard. A lot of those East Coast states got decimated. And I'm talking to a point where there was, there was. was a period of time where they were driving freezer trucks to the hospital because they couldn't store the dead bodies. There were so many dead bodies. They had to actually have refrigerated trucks brought into Pennsylvania to actually store the bodies in because there were so many overdose deaths. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Hey, real quick, have you ever been reading your Bible and you hit a verse that just

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and he was like really bad steward with his money, like had a bunch of problems, drug problems, alcohol problems, gambling problems. He just couldn't, he could barely pay his phone bill every month. And he got a bad bag of cocaine laced with fentanyl and like died in an instant. And that was the first time I had ever had like a close friend die from an overdose. I've had friends do drugs growing up. I never got near drugs personally.

I've never even drinks a sip of alcohol. I had other vices that just weren't drugs and alcohol. But I had friends that did drugs growing up, and it was like, the closest thing I would hear someone do is like maybe cocaine or something, you know. And then transitioning into out of high school working, it was like people I knew of down where I was working were doing crazy stuff.

And it was just, it was kind of surreal losing a friend to like a drug overdose. And it put the reality of the DARE programs, like back into, into your head going, oh yeah, they tell you don't do drugs. It's not cool. Don't do drugs. You're like, yeah, whatever, growing up. And then you lose a friend of drug overdose. You're like, wow. This is insane. Did you ever have a near-death experience using drugs? Dude, more, more than I could ever. So my book, so I wrote the Fifth Vital when I got clean. So I got clean in on June 23rd, 2010. So wait, how long were you using drugs before?

So I'll give you the rundown. So I used Oxycontin. I graduated high school. school 2003, barely. You know, I was I was expelled from school my senior year for selling. I was allowed to walk with my class. Me and my girlfriend at the time and my friends were completely high out of our minds when we walked at my high school graduation, nodding out on oxycon and made it through that. Over the next years, continued to dive deeper into the streets and with real serious dealers in Bridgeport, New Haven, people that were, you know, gang members, people in the mob, I was kicked out of my house.

I lived in, you know, trap houses, people's basements for years. I caught numerous felony charges. I was a felon in the state of Connecticut multiple times. I was on probation. And when it got time for me to, I mean, this lasted for probably nine years, eight or nine years.

You being addicted to drugs. So almost an entire decade. Yeah. And keep in mind, like, my formative years. Like, the years that, like, you develop every skill related to, you know, emotion, attachment, friendship, all of that. I mean, I was a heroin addict and crack cocaine and the end addict from the ages of 16 until I was 25. Oh, my goodness. So really, like, the years that you formed.

Yeah, the crucial years. Yeah, the most crucial years. But like, like, in all honesty, because I mean, I don't have to say this to you. Like, you don't know it. Like, drugs jack you up. You're really sharp, intentional, joyful. Like, if you would have told me this and I did nothing about you, I wouldn't know that you would use drugs. I, uh, it is one of the reasons why I am so, it's one of the reasons why it became so much

reattached to my faith. honestly. And there's a, there's a pastor, a place called, are you familiar with Voo Church in Florida? Yeah, Pastor Rich Rulgerson. He's one of my favorite people. He's one of the best. And I saw a sermon recently from him and he was explaining about people who feel that they're not good enough in the eyes of God. And he talked about the people that Jesus was, Jesus was surrounded with in the Bible. And he talked about all the different people. people and basically led him to saying something that's very, had a very profound effect on me, which was, um, God does not call upon the qual,

no, what is it? Oh, yeah, I wrote it down. He, he, he, he qualifies the chosen.

Mm-hmm. Meaning he, the people that God uses to deliver these messages, to deliver messages of hope or positivity or, or, or perseverance are not always, the perfect, they're most likely never going to be the perfectly packaged people, the guru, the person that, you know, the high school quarterback, they're going to be the people who were

battered and beaten down and taught empathy and perseverance through fire, right? Through being, you know, broken as a human. Yeah. And that was something that really touched me because I feel like that. Yeah. I really do. I feel like that. I was, I mean, I can only so much I could really share on this.

because we have of time constraints. But I mean, I've seen everything. I've lost so many friends. I've hugged so many grieving mothers at overdose funerals. I've broken bones. I've been in ICU. I've lost organs. I've been in, you know, near fatal car accidents.

I've been a felon. And I've now been brought to the other side of that to tell that story and to tell the people because there's really truthfully, there's a lot of people, the majority of the country are not ignorant in a bad way to the underworld that is addiction, but they just don't really know that much about it. And there is a whole segment of this country that are lost to addiction, to substance abuse and to the attached mental illnesses and the reasons that they use drugs. Yeah.

And so I've always, you know, felt like it was my duty to take this second chance that I was given at life to tell the story of those people. In the gospel of Matthew, there's like a, after Jesus calls Matthew to like follow him, Matthew, I mean, he was a tax collector's, he had probably like the biggest house of the city. You know, ripping off his friends for money. He threw this crazy party,

and there was like a bunch of prostitutes and, you know, people over there hanging out with Jesus. And the Pharisees showed up. And they basically were like, what is a guy like that hanging out with people like this? And Jesus was like, well, go tell me what this? means I desire mercy, not sacrifice. And then he says that healthy don't need a doctor the sick do. It's like, I'm not going to come for people that like you to think you have a big ego. I've come

for the most broken people. Like, yeah, in my own eyes, like I may never have never done drugs and alcohol before, but dude, I had a porn addiction since I was in the fifth grade. Like, I've made bad mistakes with women before. I've torn people down with my words. I was very prideful and and guilty. I wanted to literally kill myself. You know, there's, I have my own jar of bundle mess and there's sometimes that I even feel guilty and chanful of sitting here and be like, oh yeah, like I'm the guy that's supposed to be telling people about Jesus and like we're going to have the conversation and I know mistakes I've made that you don't even know I've made. It's like I feel there's like a somewhat kind of guilt there but at the same time it's like,

no, look at what Jesus has done in my life. He's totally transformed me from that way and I really admire that about you. And it's cool to see you stand on top of that, that, that, um, trial and season of life, almost a decade of you dealing with that. And you said you lost friends? Oh, yeah, a ton of friends, man, multiple, probably, probably more than 10. I mean, people that, you know, oxycon, heroin, Xanax, the mixture, you know, a ton, I mean, very, very close friends and having to go to those wakes or funerals and see the families. I mean, how did you process that knowing that you were doing the same things that they were doing?

But you got a chance to live and they didn't. You know, there's a lot of trauma that I've not processed. And it's something that I do think about from time to time. Because if, you know, if you ever do get a chance to read the book, I mean, it is, it is mind-blowing. mind blowing the amount of things that I saw and dealt with and and friends that I lost. And even honestly, after crawling out of it, you know, the people that led me to my new life of, of, of loving cycling and going to the gym and eating clean. You know, my, my, my good friend, Mike Crocky, who I got clean and he was the first person to hold his hand out and be like,

come to the beach with me, ride a bike with me. And he knew that I wanted to be on the bike and be outside to you, take me and show me new routes and, you know, tell me how you. stayed clean. He would show me. I remember he would bring me to the edge and he would show me how to work out. And even, even like that, like in like 2021, he, he, uh, had a motorcycle accident and pass away. And there's, you know, it's, it's, I don't, I don't ever, I know everybody goes through stuff, you know, but I, I, I certainly have seen a lot of stuff in my life that, um, that I have not processed. Yeah. And it, and it continues. And, and stuff happens now. And, and, people have overdoses now and I have regrets about how I've shown up for those people

and I deal with other intricacies of life that we all deal with. But I don't know that I've processed a lot of the trauma, you know, because honestly, one of the reasons why I sometimes find it hard is because I'm always so, I'm always so enamored and thankful for the gifts and the positive side of things. And I know that that's a double-edged sword because we, We have to find a way to come to peace with and come to terms with the things that have happened us in the past. But I try to really like focus and I'm so thankful for the blessings that God continues

to give me and the people around me every single day. Yeah. That I generally have my eyes in the windshield as opposed to the rear of your mirror. Yeah. And so I, you know, therapy's been, that has not made therapy easy because I, you know, it sometimes feels a little bit foreign to look back to me. Yeah, for sure. Now, you said that you'd had a bunch of different near-death experiences,

but in regards to, like, using drugs, like, what was the scariest near-death experience that you had using? Whether life serves you an ace or an unexpected backhand, the high-protein yogurt, Oikos Pro, is there to feed your strength and help you turn every challenge into a smash. OICOS Pro helps build strong muscles and support muscle recovery with high protein and contains no added sugar

because true strength isn't about being able to take the hits. It's about being able to bounce back. OICOS Pro, feed your strength. Visit oikos.Ca for more details. I mean, I'll give you one. I mean, I was near the end of my use. I fell into a really bad crack cocaine habit. And so I was still, by this point,

I was prescribed methadone. I was on methadone, which is an opiate replacement that I was on for six years. It's basically a liquid opiate that people used to deal with the witcheralls so that they don't have to use street drugs. And there's a bunch of different opinions on methadone. But I was on methadone for a long time. I was prescribed 90 milligrams a month of Xanax. So I was a Xanax addict. I was still using heroin even when I was on methadone.

and because I had switched to heroin, OxyCon was taken off the streets because eventually the government found out how dangerous it was, took it away. And I started smoking crack. And so this was probably 2008, 2009. And one night, me and two of my friends were in New Haven. And I had lent my car to my dealer in New Haven

because he would take it to do dangerous stuff so he was in someone else's car and case something happened. And he had given me like a quarter ounce of crack, which is an extremely, it's for a personal use, it's a ridiculous amount of crack. It's a big rock.

And between me and my two friends, we had smoked the entire quarter ounce in maybe a couple hours. And so what you would do is you would utilize a stimulant like crack or cocaine and then you would use another drug to come down, whether it would be dope or Xanax. So I just gotten my prescription of Xanax that day,

about 90 milligrams, 91 milligram footballs. as they call them. And my car came back after we'd finished the crack and we'd started sniffing the Xanax. And at some point around 4.30 in the morning, I decided that I was going to drive home and I had this,

I had this Infinity G35 that my grandmother had paid for or leased for me or whatever because she would do anything for me. And I put her in a horrible position to do things that I shouldn't have asked her to do for me. And at some point, while I was driving home, I fell asleep at the wheel or knotted out because I was on so much drugs and drove through a guardrail, two telephone poles,

and off a cliff into a ravine, so into a river. Oh, my gosh. And by the time, I hit a bunch of trees on the way through telephone poles, whatever. So by the time I got to the end and really made big impact, the airbag had already deflated. So I made direct impact with my face and steering wheel. Came to, I was covered in blood.

like it was just absolutely pouring out of me and rolled out of the car. I kind of woke up the next day in Yale New Haven Hospital and had two milligrams of Xanax left out of the 90 milligrams that I had picked up that day, which is I don't know how that happened, but so basically I drove my car off a cliff, completely totaled it.

And, you know, it didn't even It didn't even stop me for a second. I mean, within a few hours of being out of the hospital, I'd probably be smoking, cracking and doing drugs. So what led to the moment that you decided to get clean then? In 2010, my grandfather had come down with Parkinson's and dementia and had some other issues that he was dealing with. My mother couldn't take care of them because we didn't have the money to put him in a home.

and she asked me to move in with them and take care of them. And so basically I was supposed to just spend a few hours a day taking care of my grandfather. Him and I had never really been super close. I was really close with my grandmother. But my grandfather was a World War II veteran. He fought in the Pacific. Just a really admirable person, just a really good guy. My mother was obsessed with him.

But she was a single mother and she had to continue to work for herself and for everyone else. So she asked me to move in with my grandfather. father. And there was a night when I had been smoking crack and I was in the attic and he had somehow fallen out of his chair. And he was, he was downstairs like begging me to come help him. And he was like screaming and I was too paranoid because I was smoking crack in the attic.

And I wasn't able to get down there to help him. And that was, I mean, that was probably like rock bottom for me. You know what I'm saying? It was just a moment that I was not, another trauma that, like, I really haven't been able to process. I talk about it because I think it's important to talk about it for other people so they know that maybe stuff that they've seen or done or aren't proud of, you know, happens to all of us. And so that was kind of when I, that was kind of when things were at their lowest.

But the clean moment was a bit more triumphant than that. I had been going to a probation officer in Milford, Connecticut for years. I was on probation for years. I would have to check in all the time. And since I was on methadone and I was at the clinic, when I would give dirty urns at probation,

because normally if you give a dirty urn at probation, you'd go to jail. You just go straight to jail. There's no questions asked. But since I was technically in a program, they kept giving me like another chance, another chance, another chance. And I had a bunch of different probation officers

who continued to give me chances. And one day, you know, they were like, hey, you're getting transitioned over to a new officer. And they were like, her name's Ellen Ferrari. Then I was like, sick, a girl. Like, nice. I'll be able to like really like, you know, woo her up and stuff, right? And I got to her a couple days later. She was like, yeah, go down the hall, pee in the cup.

Whatever, I come back. I pee in the cup. I give it to her. She's like, I'll call you. And so she calls me and she's like, hey, Mike, it's Ellen from Milford probation. I just want to let you know your urine came back positive for opiates, cocaine, benzodiazepines. And so here's what's going to have. And then actually at first I was like, no, it's not possible.

It's like, there's no way. Like clearly you mixed up. Drug addicts are the most resourceful finesseers in the world, which is why when you get clean, if you get clean, you will be incredible at whatever you do next. We are the most, like, there's no one that can finesse like an addict. It is, it is every, it's what makes our world work, right? So I, you know, I started to do my normal finessing. Oh, you mix the cups up.

You got somebody else's pee. Like, that wasn't me, whatever. And she caught me off. And she was like, Mike, Mike, Mike, tomorrow morning, 10.30 a.m. You're going to come here and you're going to tell me, A, you're going to go to detox. And you're going to go to detox. And then you're going to follow that up with, with 40 days in rehab. Or B, you're going to do your five year jail sentence, suspended sentence.

And I was like, whoa. whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't, like, first of all, we just met, don't try this. And she was like, Mike, 10.30 a.m. tomorrow hung up the phone. And I was like, fuck, dude. Yeah. This is bad. This lady's not playing around. So went in there, she was like, what, what's the plan?

You know, and I was like, what do you mean? What's the plan? Five, yeah. I'm not doing five years in jail. So June 23rd, 2010, I go to SCRC detox unit in New Haven. Connecticut, state-sponsored, no private insurance, no cash payment. This is the warrior camp to detox in. I mean, you are surrounded by actual criminals, homeless, concrete, real-deal detox. And for six days, I detoxed off. Methadone, Xanax, crack cocaine,

heroin. I threw up all over the place. I sh-all over the place. Sorry for my language. No, no, no. And I saw things that weren't there. I talked to people that weren't there. And I had a full-on detoxification in SCRC. I left there. I went to Connecticut Valley Hospital for 35 days, CVH, which was a similar program, but a little bit nicer.

Jail diversion, though, similar. And left there in August of 2010. And now I'm on there. this chair and never looked back. Yeah, a lot has happened since then, but that is, that's where it started. And you didn't have like any like prior attempts to get clean? I did. Oh, you did. Many, many, many, many. What about, what about this one made stick? I had noticed that the people around me were losing hope and it made me really sad. I noticed the look at my mom's eyes when I told her that I was going to not go to rehab. I was just

going to go to the detox and she said, you know, whatever you think works, she didn't believe me. She was just saying it to, she, everyone had moved into self-protection mode, which is where the families of addicts usually go. They go to self-protection mode because they have to. Yeah. They're not to blame for it. It's, you have to, it's a really sad thing to say, but a lot of times you move into a place where you've mourned the addict, right?

You've already said, okay, like this person, we're not fixing this problem. Yeah. And that really affected me because I hated that. I hated that I was being buried by, and I was still alive. And that's what I really felt like. I felt like, and I didn't blame anyone for it, but myself. And so I got out. I already felt better than I'd ever felt on any of the other attempts because I'd put

together so much time. Yeah. You know, I was 40 plus days deep into the, into getting off. I was starting to get some motion back. And I was, dude, I was 290 pounds. Okay, I was dramatically overweight from heroin and Xanax and eating. I was eating fast food four, five times a day. Pretty much all of the teeth in, in, I instill on this side.

I really have no teeth in the back. Wow. I have a lot of crowns. And I was missing a ton of teeth. They were breaking off all the time from the methadone and crack. I had, uh, fell in, I, I was. a felon. I was, I had a, I had a, uh, sub, you know, 400 credit score. I was, I had not a dollar in the bank. Everything was repossessed. I was 25, 26 years old at the time and I had nothing. And I got out

of rehab. Um, I moved back into my grandfather's house where he still was and he was approaching his, his kind of like, and, and days of his life. But I, I went back in there. And I decided that I was going to go for it. And I started going to meetings. I went to 90 meetings and 90 days for N.A., which we call 90 and 90, which is a mandate for people as they get out of detox. And more than anything else, I discovered cycling.

And I discovered moving again and feeling good without the drugs. Within, you know, not too long, I lost a bunch of weight and I started to feel better again. And I started taking care of my grandfather. And I started feeling pride. and I started feeling like maybe I was actually going to be able to make it. And so it was a really, really important time, pivotal time in my life. And it's the time that I talk about the most to addicts and people watching this

because it's possible for all of you. It's possible for anybody watching this that, man, there are people that have been addicts for so long, dude. I have friends, my childhood friends, some of them are still addicted to heroin. They've been addicted to heroin for 25. 30 years, bro. It's insane, but there's still is hope. There's still is hope.

I was an addict for a very long time. And when you get some clean time and you start to feel what it's like fully clean time. Fully clean. I'm on a little bit of methadone or I'm on a little bit of Xanax. Fully clean, fully of every substance. And you feel what it's like to look in the mirror

and see the color come back in your face and start to form sentences that and find words that you couldn't find. And you look in your parents' eyes and they're smiling. For the first time ever, your mom is looking at you like, wait a second, there's a chance he's going to make it through this. Yeah. And you look at their face and they look at you and they're smiling and your father's

looking at you and he's smiling like, wow, this might work. Yeah. And you get a couple of those days, dude, under your belt and you feel what it's like to ride a bike with the breeze hitting you and listen to a Mac Miller song about getting out or, you know, some other artists that you, and you feel the sun on you, bro. And you start to feel the things that you haven't felt in so long because you've been in a basement or you've been in a jail cell or you've been in a detox or rehab for so long that you forgot what it felt like to live.

It's just, it's magic. It's magic. And it takes a little bit of time to get there. But when you finally get there, there's, it is the most freeing thing and the most beautiful thing ever. And then you start to pick up a hobby. and maybe that hobby makes a little bit of money. For me, I wanted to get a camera,

and I bought a camera, and I started posting on Instagram. And then I, I, I had this camera, and I remember I saved up some money to get this, this canon camera. And I started taking pictures at the duck pond, just docs, like random stuff, just mess around.

And this girl, this girl came, was such a funny story. This girl came up to me, and she was like, hey, nice camera. Do you do weddings? And I was like, as an addict, I said, course I do weddings.

I was like, I'm one of the, I'm one of the, like, I'm one of the bigger wedding photographers in the area, you know? And she was like, and she was like,

you know, what is it cost? And I was like, I had no idea. I said, what's your budget? And she was like, 750 bucks.

I said, perfect. No, bro, I never made 750 bucks in my life. And by the way, I was certainly not qualified, but I was qualified to do a $750 job

because, you know, wedding photographers are good ones are 10 grand, right? So I went to this wedding. I shot the picture. everybody was laughing when I would take the picture. I was having fun with everybody, you know, smiling.

And I took that money and a little bit more money I had. And I used it to buy DJI drone, the first one ever, a phantom drone, DJI. And I went down to the beach and I was flying the drone around and doing these like, swarving maneuvers and like messing around with it. And then I, this is real. A girl either came out to me or messaged me on Facebook or son and said, have you ever flown a drone at a wedding? And I said, well, it's funny you ask.

because I'm one of the foremost wedding aerial cinematographers and I'm pretty sure I was that one of the first if not the first person to fly a drone over a bride and groom walking down the aisle and it was and she had asked me

you know she had asked me at the time too she was like you know what does it cost and I said what you budget and it was like I think three grand I think she paid me to do it her name was Hope Carter Carter I read this is all these are all real stories

and and so I and then I use that money to do this thing and do that thing. But the storyline there is, is that you start to find things and you start to discover things about yourself that you like doing. And I started posting on Instagram. And this might be a good segue. That's crazy. Wait, wait, wait. You just straight name drop this girl. Like, Garter, did you shout out of Carter? Did the footage at least look okay? Yeah, it was all right. I think there was, I think I, I think I, like, blew some stuff off the seats with the drone and like it was like but the reason why I felt okay about it was because the the rates

that they were paying were not like they made me happy but you know how wet you're married yeah yeah yeah yeah well you know how much the stuff costs yeah yeah yeah yeah you're not getting a wedding photographer for seven hundred dollars no no no no you might but they're just it would be me yeah do you know what I'm saying so like it would be me in 2010 so so so so I so I did all this stuff And then I started to like put together a list of things that I thought I was good at. And I started doing Instagram and I put my drone photography and videos on Instagram with songs in 2012. And I think around 2014 maybe, I read this ad in the newspaper and it said, you know, Stanford-based company looking for social media manager and PR person. And it was a company called Love Sack that made these giant beam back here.

And I was like, I don't know, whatever. I'll just apply. And months went by. And I was at Subway one day with my friend Patsy. And we were talking about like penny trading because that's what scheme we were on at the time. And we made no money. We would lose all our money. And I got a call.

And I didn't know who it was, but I picked up. And he goes, hey, Mike, this is Sean Nelson, CEO of Lovesack. And I ran out of the subway and I went outside. And he's like, hey, can you tell me more. You know, I'm looking for Philist's position. You tell me more about your skills. And I'm on Google, dude. Yeah.

Yeah, mostly awareness, you know, conversion is something. Dude, I am just fully just BSing, right? But he, through the call, realized, like, okay, this is a high energy guy. He's positive. He's motivated. Like, he got those things from it. Not too long after that, I go down to Stanford. I have this meeting with him.

And I remember sitting there in Stanford. And he asked me, he was like, I had this old P coat that I had, like, found in my my mom gave me or something. And I sat down and he was like, what do you want for lunch? and I saw the steak salad on there and it was like $22. And I was like, well, I would get the steak salad, but that's all right.

Because I was like, he's not going to spend $22 on my lunch. And he was like, do you want the steak salad? Dude, you can have it. It's fine. I didn't know anything about this life. Yeah. So anyway, so we had the meeting and then not too long after that he hired me as his own,

you know, attach at Lovsack to run his PR and his social media. And I did such a good job for him that not too long after that, the brand hired me as the head of, social media at Love Sack. Wow. And I had the most viewed branded video in Facebook history in the first 24 hours, 44 million views in the first 24 hours on a Love Sack beambagging for Facebook. I had some of the most viewed imagery, some of the highest converting ads in Facebook ads

and Instagram ads history. I met every celebrity, every athlete, whoever. And then in 2015, we were working with an agency called Mullen. Well, I mean, with the photography and drone skills that you have, No wonder you got this job. By the way, hey, and trust me, I brought those to the conversation. Well, I would hope so. Hey, listen, if you need photos or drones, I got you.

You know what I'm saying? I would hope so. You were bringing out to the table. 2015, Mullen Lowe reaches out, and this is where things got really exciting. They said, hey, we have an influencer who wants to talk to you about love sex. And I said, what is an influencer? 2015, this is like the beginning. It's like Jen Seltter days, dude, like real early.

Who is Jinn Seltter? It's someone in your audience, no, I'm talking. Like the early, early influencers, like when it was brand new, right? And they were like, yeah, we're going to, we'd like to connect you with this influencer. I was like, okay, cool. And they were like, yeah, okay, his name's Logan Paul. We're going to introduce you to them on text. And so I get this text one day from this random Ohio number.

And it says, hey, Christian show. All right, I'm going to go for it. You'd call it what you have to. Hey man, what's the deal with these love sacks? Can you f*** on him? That's what he said, right? And I was like, I don't know how to answer this because I'm working for a company and this is like a big influencer. But everything in me is telling me to answer it the way Mike would, right?

So I said, all right, fine. So I said, well, the covers are machine washable. So the nuk will actually wash right out of him. And he just wrote ha, ha, ha, like a thousand. like the longest ha-haha ever. And that text message and the way I approached it, you know, this is a story. We've both told a million times.

He said, like, I knew immediately this wasn't just some marketing guy that I was dealing with. This was somebody that I actually was going to like. And so a little, you know, slowly but surely we started texting more. I sent him the product. We met up Travis Peshrana's house in 2015. Were you already living in L.A. or no, you were still in Connecticut. Yeah. Stanford, Connecticut.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you. So you. started after post-sobriety picking up a hobby. Dude, rip it off some girl for some wedding photos to...

I gave her those wedding photos. Right. They were a little... The flash could have been a little bit... But they were usable. They were usable. Yeah. To securing a job at Love Sack to then being introduced to Logan.

And now, I mean, you go from getting, getting clean. being broke, not knowing what to do, to then now you're a co-host of one of the biggest podcasts. So at first we did, we did content together, we messed around, we shot videos. He had Tokyo happen, beginning of 2018. I was very friendly with him at the time

and already a part of the business to an extent, but just as a friend, I was helping him clean some messes up, bringing my corporate experience in. Tokyo happened. He asked me to formally join the team to make sure that, that type of stuff wasn't happening and that things were more tightened up.

And then in late 2018, he approached me and was like, hey, do you want to start a show together? Podcasts are about to be a thing. And I said, yeah, let's do it. Yeah. That was history. And now here you are. Hey, quick break. Let me tell you about today's sponsor upside.

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Bryce to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas. That's an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas using promo code Bryce. All right. Now back to what we're talking about. Would you say that you're happy now? I'm not unhappy. I'm not unhappy.

Well, I feel your hesitation kind of answered the question a little bit. What makes you hesitate to say that you're happy? I am I deal with a lot of demons still. A ton of them. Not a ton of them, but very specific ones. I've been diagnosed OCD since I was very young. And for anybody watching who understands O.C.

it is it is a monster a terrible terrible monster it's um honestly one of the one of the harder illnesses on the mind um it can lead you to believe things that aren't true about yourself it can it can really torment the mind um and uh so i deal with that i deal with some some anxiety as it relates to the oCD and i still also have had habits that I'm not proud of. And the thing about it is, and this is very important for anybody who is watching this right now, who deals with mental illness or is working on bettering their mental health, your habits are very, very important to facilitating a better mental health, your physical habits and creating boundaries. And so the way my therapist likes to explain it, shout out Sorosia,

if you're watching this, is your mind is protected by, like a border, okay, by border guards, okay? And those border guards are kept alive by the habits that you use in your daily life. And so any bad habits that you have, whether it's, everybody's different. You know, for some people, it's substances, it's alcohol, it's drug use. for other people it's having sex a lot. For other people, it's gambling. For other people, it's bad eating habits, whatever it is. When you exercise those poor habits,

you're taking those guards off. And I say you're shooting those guards. So every time you engage in a bunch of rampant sex, anytime you engage in gambling and lose a ton of money, those guards aren't there anymore. And so what happens is those are the times when your mind starts to be infiltrated by negative thoughts, by negative emotions, by negative feelings.

So you need to exercise very positive habits in your life, in your real life, your actual like you can touch and feel life, to protect your mind. And so as long as you are getting your sleep, hugely important, getting your sleep, getting your eight hours, drinking water, eating properly, not abusing substances. If you have OCD or you have anxiety,

or you have depression and you're using drugs or alcohol because you think it blunts that and which it does. It will help you momentarily. Just to understand that rebound you're dealing with is never going to go away. Every time you wipe those guards out, the next three or four, five or eight days after you do that binge are going to be when you're going to feel those emotions start to happen and your mind's going to start to melt down.

And so if you get serious about facilitating a better mental health for yourself, you get serious about positive habits in your life. Yeah. Do you feel like that even with, I mean, getting clean with career, everything that you're doing now opening two burger restaurants, which is amazing. Congrats. Thank you.

All that. Do you still feel like you're chasing something? It's funny to say that because I don't think I'm chasing anything. I feel like I'm running from stuff. What do you feel like you're running from? I don't know exactly. but, but I, uh, I'm, I've done for the probably the past like four or five years. I've probably done 150 flights a year for the past four years.

I'm never, ever anywhere. I'm just always, I'm like a, like a ghost almost sometimes. Like I just feel like I'm, dude, I've been in the number of countries I've been to in the past two weeks is like staggering. Like I just, I was just in six different countries probably. I was in Spain, I was in France, I was in Switzerland, I was in UK, I've been all over the place. Turkey, I was in three different cities in Turkey over the past, like a couple, like over the past month. What? I've been doing this for a long time.

And even that lifestyle has gotten monotonous to a point where that now feels like the routine. So I'm very much right now focused on like forcing myself to settle down here in L.A. Routine. Yeah. Working out, eating properly. That's why I'm here right now. That's why I'm on this podcast because I, because I'm like forcing myself to not do that. Because it's just not, it's not working for me.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Dang. I appreciate that honesty. Yeah. Like I, I can kind of relate. Like when I was 18, I'd been following Jesus maybe a year.

And I graduated high school. Within three days, I moved to Florida and was working on boats. That's where I met that coworker that had overdosed. And I was like literally running from problems. And I ended up backsliding in my. faith really hard distracting myself with work. I was working seven days a week, 13 hours a day and not going to church, not even reading my Bible, and I was starting to fall back into ungodly habits and just broken and lost and confused just from running. And I mean,

you know this. I had realized that my problems had followed me to where I was at. And I was like, this is 10 times worse than before I was following Jesus because now I feel conviction for the crap that I'm doing now when I like didn't feel conviction before and I just felt like I was digging the whole deeper and deeper and deeper and yeah dude I totally understand that's how I yeah that's how I we travel so much too and like right now like Maddie and I are at home right now the longest that we've ever been home in a while and I'm trying to get back in the routine thing and the structure part I mean I know you got so much going on now but even you even said that the getting clean off the drugs helped like faith was a big part of that but but where are you at with

jesus nowadays there's there's generally not a day where i don't hit my morning and evening prayers um so it's it feels slightly it definitely could be more creative in the way that i'm speaking with them um but i'm i'm i'm always get making sure that i'm thanking him for for his blessings and for and asking him for the things that i need in the morning um I could be doing far better. Now, here's where I do, here's where I would say that I'm, I am doing okay.

For me, a large part of how I view my, not only religion, but just spirituality in general, is, is in my treatment of others. And I do, I do believe that,

the, the great, me personally, the greatest measure of a man is, is in the way that we treat our brothers and sisters. And so are there, are there ways that I could be worshiping more, being in church more, reading the scripture more? Absolutely, right? But I do feel very good about how often and how intentional I am about helping people. And that, that never turns off. I mean, It's something that's just with me all the time. Every meal I eat, if I see someone outside, like I'm going out there and saying, like, hey, do you want this? Do you want some of this?

You want to come in. You want to drink. Do you want this? How can I help you? How can I sit with you? How can I talk to? If you message me, I'm getting to that message as much as I can. Yeah.

And that's always been, you know, helpful for me. I mean, we're working on an organization right now called Mike's bikes, which is ironically not named after me, but named after Mike, a friend who passed in the motorcycle accident because he was so. so helpful to me in getting me on the bike and riding with me when I first got clean. And I promised his mother that I would start the organization. And that org is going to get bikes into the hands of people in early recovery so that they can get to meeting so that they can get their self-worth back through exercise so that they can feel what it's like to feel what I felt when I got clean. And it will also be a program to sponsor people who need rehab and detox.

and will give me a stage to speak on for people with substance abuse and mental illness. And so I know that's only one part of the pyramid, but in my eyes, you know, if Jesus were to come down to us today, you know, and speak with us, in my eyes, I would assume the thing he would say is, you know, be good to each other.

Like treat your brothers and sisters with love and care for them. You know what I'm saying? And so it's the one thing that I tried to live by, even though there are several other things that I wish I was doing better. Yeah, I mean, the second greatest commandment Jesus says is loving your neighbor as yourself. Like one of the most pivotal scriptures that has changed my life is Matthew 25, where Jesus says, he basically says on judgment day,

I'm separating people into two groups, sheep and goats. and he's going to look at the goats, or he's going to look at the sheep. And he's going to say, well, I was hungry and you gave me food. I was naked. You clothed me. I was in prison and you visited me. All these scenarios. And the goats are going to say, well, Jesus, like, we never saw you in that scenario.

So like, why can you? You're setting us up for failure right now. And Jesus says, well, what you do to the least of these, you do unto me. Because the way you would treat them, you would treat me. And, like, yeah, that is like a total, like, true aspect to it. I've come to find in my life that if I'm not, following the greatest commandment Jesus says, which is loving him with my whole heart. I ain't even making it to the second thing, like point blank period. I can't even, I don't even have the capacity

to like love you as I would love myself if I'm not even seeing myself the way that God sees me. And I can't even get that if I'm not loving him with my whole heart. That was the biggest game changer for me in my faith. It was like, dude, I grew up in private Christian school. I grew up going to church. I'm from the Bible bell. I'm from Georgia. Like I had heard about it all. But my hang up was hypocrisy I had seen and stuff like that. And so when I'd finally met Jesus in Waffle House at 17, it was kind of like, oh, God, Jesus actually loves me because I thought you had a million other things on your plate. You didn't, you wouldn't care about me. I've done far too many worse things and you like chose to intervene in my life. Like what you, you care about me, which I thought was fascinating.

You mentioned something earlier that I actually want to ask you about. You said that there's like this part of you, because you kind of were hinting on this a little bit about the beginning about the hate comment thing, that there's this little like karma-like thing in you that makes you want to treat people kindly. Do you ever feel like because you have that inside of you or that point of view that if you do something wrong, God's going to like scold you? 100%. A hundred percent. It's been a really, really tough battle for me. And I do appreciate you bringing up, you know, that first pillar and First Commandment. And it's, it's, it's, it's, I have felt like that a lot of my life.

I've certainly felt like that now. And I am, I am a sinner still. You know what I'm saying? I, you know, and so I, I repent for my sins. I do. And I, and I, and I've gotten better. And I like, I like that. I like being able to say that the trajectory is promising.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, I continue to get better. I've gotten better. You know, I was major, you know, I love sex. You know what I'm saying? I still love sex, but I have gotten better. You know what I'm saying?

So, but I think that's certainly something that I think about. And it's something that I've talked to pastors about. It's something that I've talked to, you know, people at the church about. And they've definitely tried to, like, dissuade me from that way of thinking, you know. Well, maybe like, I'm not. even like trying to like be, I'm just being serious. Like it may be the OCD in you. That's like I have to be so perfect.

Yeah. That if I screw up one time or like, oh crap, I'm trying not to cuss. And if I cuss one time, I'm like, dang it. Like I can't like God's gonna scold me. And it's, like I, I, I think anyone with two cents in their brain that's like trying to get right with God screws up one time. They are going to feel

the same way. You know? Like and, uh, like my, dude, I, because I even now, like there are moments where I'll even think of thought, right? And then I'll feel so shameful for that thought. And I'll bury myself in shame. Or I even now struggle with sometimes like staying up late at night

and feeling guilty from my past. That like I haven't even like just like thinking about how many people I've hurt or like visiting my hometown and seeing people like in a store at a restaurant knowing that I like have hurt them. and like having to live with that. And like literally, it sounds silly, but, you know, looking back at the Garden of Eden when, you know, Adam and Eve,

they're like hiding from God. In my mind, God has every right to be like, you idiot. I told you to do not to do one thing and you did the one thing I told you not to do. Now look what you started. Yeah, they screwed it up for us. And the first thing he said,

is, uh, where are you? Not like, uh, why the crap did you do that. It was no, like, where are you? Because the whole time, they were literally walking with God every day in the garden. And then he shows up at their 12 o'clock session and they're gone. And he doesn't go, oh, well, I know what they did. In fact, he, he did know what they did because he's all knowing. And he, the first thing, he's like, where are you? And that has been like, still to this day, one of the hardest realities for me to grasp was going like, well, God, like, I don't want you to think I'm using you because I'm not using you. Like, I'm trying to grow with you. Like, I'm trying to understand you. And yeah, maybe sometimes I fall flat on my face and I do that more when I try to take it into my own hands. And time and time again,

I think to myself over and over like, Jesus, I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying. And sometimes it's hard for me to receive that love. Like, like, I talk about Jesus for a living and I, like, I will stay awake at night going like, God, how am I even worthy to talk about you? Because I'm broken and I, and I feel guilty and shameful. And I feel all these things. And he's just like, man, I just want to spend time with you. And I care about you. And all the times that I, you know, accidentally slap God in the face, he's like, not mad at me. He's just like, brokenhearted that I chose that thing over him or that that I would look back to something or think that thought. He's not like mad.

He's just, man, like, you know, come to me for that. And instead, that's all God wanted to. It was like Adam and Eve to run to him. But they're like hiding in the thickle bush over there. Like, oh, yeah, God's definitely, God ain't going to see us over here. You know, like, so I totally understand. And I, it's easier send the done. You know, I don't expect to convince you.

Yeah. No, no, no. I mean, it's, it's just something. something that like there's there's definitely like a level of fear and like not and unworthiness that like I feel in in my relationship and it's it's it's weird how sometimes like your relationship with God like kind of like reflects your like your feelings about life you know what I'm saying and it's like almost sometimes like you could you could trace like unworth unworthiness in the real world in in how you feel and your relationship in your

relationship with God, you know? And it's like, I don't know. There's just, there's just so true, you know? No, that's so true. I'll apologize eight times for something that, like, doesn't even matter. Yeah.

Because I just feel really guilty that, like, oh, I accidentally dropped your pen that you let me borrow, like write my name in this book that I just bought. Yeah. Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And like, why are you apologizing for that? You know what I mean?

And that reflects over to, wow, I just feel like a piece of crap sometimes knowing that, you've forgiven me for stuff that I'm thinking about, you know, like, I'm not, I haven't even done. Like, I'm thinking about crap I did eight years ago. And I get that too. Like, that makes sense to me, too, like that part of just, like, having thoughts and you're already apologizing for thoughts. And like, you're already like, sometimes like you're already like repenting for sins you haven't even done yet. And you might not even do. Like, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's tough, dude. It's, that's the thing that I think people, like, lose track of, whether,

you're a praying Christian or you're not or you're an atheist or whoever you are watching this show is like man life is complex it's hard it's hard even if you don't think it's hard even if you feel like you've had a pretty easy life or you think you've had a really hard life or whatever it's not easy man it's really not there's a lot of there's a lot of factors which is why like going back to what we talked about in the beginning of the show and and and how people treat people online and the comments that they leave, they don't know anything. They don't know anything.

They don't understand the immense complexities and pressures that other people are under. It's like how everyone has gotten so obsessed with this idea of just being obsessed with the actions of others, you know, and without really understanding what that person might be going through. And so it's just, you know, know, it's tough. It's tough. You do your best or you don't even, but like for me, I try to do my best, but I falter and I always have, dude. You know what I'm saying? And I always will. Yeah.

You know, but I try to do my best. I try to, you know, maybe this isn't the best thing or the worst thing or whatever, but I try to overcompensate in areas that I am good. I try to help out my brothers and my sisters and do good deeds. And sometimes it's maybe I am doing it because I fell short somewhere else. But a lot of time it's because I want to and it makes me feel good and I know that it's helping them. And I guess we're all just, we're all just, you know, works in progress. Yeah.

You know, we're all just doing the best we can and trying to figure it out. And, you know, nobody's perfect, you know, at the end of the day. So I like asking everyone I sit down this question. on a scale of one to 10, 10 being like absolutely certain without the shadow of a doubt and then one being not certain at all, how confident are you that if you died right now, you'd go to heaven? I would, do they usually give an answer like in between somewhere? I would say, like, is somebody like ripping a 10?

I'm sure someone had. I mean, I mean, I guess the weird thing about it is in a long form, as I usually answered things, the biblical answer to that would be 10. I mean, I've accepted Jesus into my heart. I pray to him. I accept him as my Lord and Savior. And, you know, like, so I would, I would hope it would be a day. You know what I'm saying?

Like, based on what I've learned about, you know, the, the, my, my God, you know. But I, I don't know, dude. I have really tried to turn my life around. I have really tried to give back to people. I've really tried to be a positive influence in the world. And even nowadays with like, oh, man, I can't tell you how many gambling deals I've turned down, dude. Like I, and I had them for a while. And I know what it's like to make $400,000 a month.

I know. I know what it's like. And I don't do it anymore. Can't do it anymore. Can't watch people. Can't watch it happen to people anymore. They're in my inbox constantly. Hey, we have this deal for you, you know?

So I'm trying to be the best person that I can. can be as much as possible. But I don't know. I don't see if you'd be like an eight. Yeah. Yeah. I love your honesty. Because it's like, yes, like I would sit here and say, I'm a 10. Not like an ego thing, but you're

right. It's almost a sin. It's almost a sin to say anything else because the teaching is if we accept the Lord into our heart, we are saved. Well, I love that you're like, you're like, is anyone rip in a 10? Because I feel like typically, typically no, no one's ripping a 10. Typically, like everyone

is an eight, but I like your honesty, because even you say, like, are they riveted to tense? Like you want to because you know that's what you're supposed to say, but deep down, you're like, I feel like an eight. And, and, uh, by more like a good friend of mine uses that analogy and I love it because it, like, let's say you're an eight, then we would sit here and say, well, did Jesus only die for 80% of your mistakes? You know, did he leave out the nine years of opioid addiction? It's like, no, he didn't. Like, he died for it all. And, and I was, like, gauging where people are at. It's just interesting to hear how people wrestle.

And, like, sometimes, like, me knowing, like, right now confidently am I a 10, yes, but, like, if I stay up at 1230 and, like, sit and, like, will I feel like a sit? Yeah. Maybe I'll feel like a sick late. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, like, I love that.

When I do that, I'm banking my entry into heaven off of, like, myself. Yeah. Like, can Bryce build Jacob's ladder to heaven when I'm thinking about being a six versus, you know, like, like, Jesus is my ticket, and I'm straight punching that thing because I can't, I can't get in any other way. There's no way I'm getting in unless it's him. Have you ever read, are you a big reader? Because you wrote a book.

I know. I'm a writer. You're not a reader, though? No, but I, I've been, I don't read as much as I wish I did. I've obviously been, like, walked through the Bible many times in my, I was in Sunday school as a kid. Do you have a Bible? Yes.

Do I know where it is right now? No. I'm going to get you what I'll have put it. I will get back into it for sure. In fact, there's a friend of mine that I met at Vodasfa yesterday. He's now a friend. He's putting out a new book with a, it's just a scripture a day with a kind of layman's terms meaning to, which I thought was very cool. I'm sure it already exists, by the many times over.

But I do have a desire to get back into the scripture, to be honest. Dude, that's awesome. I have like a, I'll give you one in there, like not like you can, you can't go get another Bible, but I got some study Bibles in there, some of for men. So they have like, you know, notes and stuff on the inside too, not my notes. They're way smarter people than me. But there's a book that you should totally read. It's called Confessions by St. Augustine. And it's basically this guy's personal journal. And he's wrestling with becoming a Christian. And he basically has a sex addiction and like basically can't give up sexual desires.

And the most famous quote from it is, grant me chastity, but maybe not yet. Like, he's like talking to God. Like, like, I can't, I can't, like, I don't know. Like, I'm wrestling so hard. To take one more hippie for rehab. You trust me. You know, exactly what that's like.

He's like, that is what I'm struggling with. And, like, we're laughing because that quote applied to not just sex addictions, but like everything in between is so true. 100%. And when you read it, you're just like, wow, I like love this guy's honesty. And I feel like I'm reading my own life. Yeah, like about what X applied into like X part of my life. And that stuff, like honestly, genuinely not saying this. This has been one of my favorite conversations because of how honest you are. And A, that's like what people in general. or want to hear because like what people do is like, oh, like the person right now that relapsed

into drugs after like trying to be clean, they want to hide and shell up because they think no one else is struggling with it right now. And you're just like, no, actually like I struggle with it for a long time and I have friends that still can't get clean. And that helps them break out of their shell a little bit and go, oh, but maybe I need help. Yep. Or oh, wow, I'm not alone in this battle. And most importantly, there's hope. Yeah. That's like the, that's like always the main thing that I'm trying to deliver is like, dude, I felt, I touched that burner for years, man. Years and years and years and years I lost.

And there were so many times where like that light got so dim, but I always had a way of keeping it on. It was God. It was God. You know what I'm saying? Like, it was God. It was God. And he gave me a bunch of different manifestations of God here on earth,

but it was God keeping that little flicker of light on. And for some people, it goes out. And I just, I always try to encourage people. people to keep going. And I know like, dude, there's people that are watching this right now that are so tired because that's what it is. It's exhaustion. You get to a point where you just can't do it anymore, bro. You can't do it anymore. But a lot of times that dawn is like right there. It's right after that dark, dark period. And you're going to, something's going to happen for you and it's going to change your life. What would you tell the person that's one month sober right now? You're just getting started.

But you're on the way to greatness. That's like, that's like the part where like, really start to get excited. If you have like 30 days, if you can get to 60 days, 90 days, and then truthfully six months, that's when things really start to lift up because your mind starts to, your mind starts to change. You start to get faculties back that didn't, that didn't exist. You start to think in ways that didn't exist because you've been under the influence for so long. And some of the issues that you have in your life start to fade away. Maybe you get your, maybe you start moving around a little bit. And that's what I, oh man, that's what, that's like the main thing I would encourage to everyone. Anyone watching this, whether you have an issue,

a mental health issue, a substance abuse issue, a God issue, whatever it is, move your body. Please, please. There's never a day when you're going to get up, go for a walk, go for a bike ride, put the phone down. Yeah. Go to the gym, whatever, where you're going to go back to your house after and be like, wow, I feel worse. It's not going to happen. Yeah. This is the one thing that you can do to 100% feel better, not 100% better, but to feel better in some way about your life, your day, your time is to move your body, get your blood flowing.

If you can do it in nature, fantastic. If you have to do it in the city, do it in the city. You know what I'm saying? That is, if there's anything, you know, after finding that relationship with God and having somebody to talk to and having the hope that God gives you,

it is moving your body. It's just so important. And it's just so important. And it's become such an important part of my life. I've been in the gym every single day for 15 years. I mean, every single day. There's not a day goes by on vacation, whatever. I'm going on finding a gym.

I was just in a visa this last week. I'm finding a gym. Yeah. Every time. Do they just not exist out there, gyms? You have to drive a little bit. It's like 15 minutes. It was, they exist.

But there are some that you go to Iceland. You know, they might not exist. When you said you have to drive a little bit, I think it's like hour plus, you're like, No, no, no, no, no. I shouldn't say we had a gym in the villa, but it didn't have the things that I needed. I'll be honest with you guys, right? So what actually matters to you now in this point in life?

You're... I hate to do this to you. How old are you? No, 441. Okay, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you laugh first, so I'm going to laugh at him just clear lines. Listen, if you're why, if the internet doesn't know by now,

there's something wrong because it's on every comment section video that exists in the world. So like what actually matters to you right now? Continuing to improve myself as a human, continuing to evolve myself as a human. And that means doing my best and doing even better than my best, like really doing it to leave behind some habits that are not,

that aren't good for me anymore. There's not, you know, and just being in places with people that just don't make sense. And I, my family, you know, my parents, spending time with my parents and my sisters and my nephews and nieces, I just, I just baptized my, my niece saw in, I'm a godfather now as of two weeks ago, which was an incredible experience. And like, talk about like just light. Like just, like baptizing a kid in a daytime church on a Sunday, it's like got to be one of the high. of the church state, right?

Like, it's like, you put it right up there with Easter because Easter's obviously such a joyous day, right? And it's springtime and everybody's celebrating Christmas is a little bit more solemn. But, like, man, baptizing a kid, especially when you're the godparent, it's just a cool thing. And I can only imagine what it would be like being a parent. And so on that note, you know, I'm,

I've dealt with, you know, significant struggles as it pertains to my relationships. I have a lot of trauma and a lot of demons there, you know, as it pertains to my ability to be in relationships, but I'm working on doing the things and living a life that facilitates relationships. Right now, that's it. Like no promises to anyone, but I'm putting myself in better places. I'm doing healthier things so that when I do meet someone,

it's someone else that's healthy and someone else that does those type of things, not someone that parties and does that. And so a funny thing that's going on right now, it's not funny at all. It actually is terrible. But it's a funny story, I guess, for you guys. I was on, I've been on testosterone for the past five years. So I started in my late 30s.

And that was due to... You know, they were telling me like, listen, we swear by this stuff. I did a bunch of research on it. My levels were not low, but they could have been, they could be better. And it's, it is an incredible thing if you need it. I really do believe that. I think I could have waited a few more years. So I got on it in about five years ago.

It's been great. It's great for muscle mass. It's great for mental clarity. It's great for a lot of stuff. One thing it's not great for is sperm, okay? Because it takes all of it away. Like you have zero. And so I hadn't anticipated getting off of it because I do feel very good on it and very

locked in on it. And it's not easy to get. It's not fun to get off of it because your levels plummet because your body stops creating natural testosterone. But recently I had a calling to get off of it at least long enough to produce a frozen sample, which is what I'm doing right now. And so I got off of it about a month and a half ago, maybe about 40 days ago. And so right now I'm in like what's called the trough of the testosterone, meaning my body is not producing its own and I'm not giving it exogenous testosterone. So I'm in a very, it's a funky place right now.

So you want to like save that for when you get married and then have a kid. Correct. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Yeah. I know it's, I don't know that this has got it intended, but it's, you know, I might be able to do it the natural way too at the time.

I just, I want to make sure that I have the option to do it in general. Sure. That's where I'm at. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know a lot about it. I don't really have like an opinion on. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. That's awesome. I didn't know, like, does it affect your, well, actually, I'm asked this question, but you're like a very high energy person. I'm assuming it doesn't affect your energy because you're pretty... It makes me more high energy. Oh, really?

So this is me off of it. So, like, you know, but I am definitely, like, it's probably, it's probably puts me at a more normal place. But when I'm on it, I'm even higher energy. Yeah, it gives you more energy, more libido, more, a clearer mind, more muscle mass. it's it honestly is a it's pretty good for you. Um, if you don't overdo it. So your, so your levels are between like 200 and 1100 probably or 200, 1200 for your

testosterone. And if you're in your 20s and you should be, you'd probably be testing at like 700, 800, 600, 700, 700, 700, 700, 700, 700 for testosterone. Nowadays, it's going down because all the stuff and the food and just how the environment is. I, um, when I tested, I think I was around 500. in my late 30s, and I started taking enough to put me up to about 1100. So I've been pretty on the high spectrum for some time now, which has been cool. It's been good.

And your body runs really well and you, you know, you operate well. But now I'm in like the threes or four or so it's been a big drop off. Hey, well, you can't tell and you look great. How about that? Yeah, yeah. You're welcome. Dude, before we close, because I want to pray for you and just thanks for coming on. it really does mean the world. If there's a person watching right now and they're currently using,

they're struggling with addiction, what would you tell that person? Just that there's more for them, that there's more, there's hope out there for them, that there's a life out there for them, that the baseline and where they think they're going to go is really just the bottom floor. And I hope they just look at me. I hope they look at me and they know that there's never been a time like right now to escape. the bounds and the confines of addiction and make it out and make something of yourself and make your parents proud and and be more than you currently think that you can be. Yeah. And, and, and, really just hopefully look at me and just see me as like a sign that it's possible, you know, that there's a way out and there really is. There's people who love you. There's people who

care about you. No matter how lonely you feel, maybe your parents have had to turn their back or maybe your friends have, you know, I love you, God loves you, and there's people out there who care about you, and the people that you've harmed will still be there for you when you start to better yourself. And, you know, I've seen so many people, after so many years, make it out, people that had completely given up and found, you know, God,

and found a way and are doing so good now and are doing even better than me. There's business owners out there who have had addictions in the past, to have hundreds of millions of dollars. There's never been a time like right now to make it out of the struggle. And so just keep the light on and keep going. Man, I love that. Well, I'd love to pray for you before we close. I appreciate you a ton.

Yeah, Jesus, thank you so much for today. Thank you for Mike in our conversation. God, I'm just so encouraged by Mike's transparency and what you've been doing in his life. Lord, would you just continue to bless him and bless his family and bless his new restaurants coming up and bless his relationships? and every friend that comes this way, Lord, would you give him this more hunger for you, God? We thank you for this honest faith that he has with you, God. Would you just continue to fan a flame on the hunger for you?

Would you give him and speak to him and give him revelation when he reads the word and he picks up your Bible? When he feels like you were speaking directly to him off the pages. And, God, we love you so much. We thank you in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.