The Bugle - 2018, Part Two: Trump, *truth* and Theresa

Episode Date: December 29, 2018

Andy Zaltzman introduces six more huge stories from the year, including Trump and the truth, David O'Doherty's guide to Anglo Irish relations and a Mark Wahlberg inspired look at the day of a regular Bugle host.Featuring Andy Zaltzman, Nish Kumar, Alice Fraser, Anuvab Pal, Matt Forde, Tiffany Stevenson, David O'Doherty, Felicity Ward and Alex Edelman. Produced by Chris Skinner.Part one is already in your podfeed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bugles, and welcome to the Bugle review of 2018 Part 2. It's episode 4,091, sub-episode, B for Bloody Hell. Thank God this year is nearly over.

I am Andy Zoltzman, and you may know me from, for example, this introduction. And this week our Magic Bugle Time Machine will take you back all the way as far as almost six months ago, as we begin our retrospection of 2018 with a bugle highlight from the renowned month of July. Thereafter we will delve through our archives for August, September, October and November to find more of the pure, premium grade, audio, historical documentation this podcast has become rightly renowned for, throughout its 500 year history. That has seen its company scot to the Antarctic, Armstrong to the Moon, Queen Victoria on a hot first date with Albert

and Shakespeare, on his how to write a play course at the London Evening College of Amateur Drama. December's offering is something new, and as yet unpodcasted nugget from one of our December recordings, which you can open like that last present you find and drown the back of the Christmas tree a few days later later no one got round to opening and turns out to be that baby terrapin you'd asked for by now a somewhat angry baby terrapin disclaimer no terrapins were harmed in the creation of this simile

simile is not entirely valid do not give terrapins as a Christmas present without reading the instructions first terrapins should not be wrapped up and put under trees terrapins are neither of them terrorists do not give terrorists as Christmas presents either on with the show next week in the first show of 2019, we will have a full bugle and give you all the details on the forthcoming bugle North America tour in late February and early March,

and hopefully be able to tell you more about the future of the bugle, as we attempt to make sure this show continues for another 500 years. But back to July now, and this. Also, we had some rather interesting meetings with her majesty, the Queen, the British Donald Trump, surely in terms of being head of state. They seem quite different people to be fair. Very different vibes. And someone, a brooch expert, managed to pick up on some, well some rather tactical broach work by Her Majesty. Who wore three different broaches in her meetings with Trump in which he did so much break protocol as sledgehammer protocol into

one broach was a gift from the abomas, one was a gift from Canada, and one was a diamond teardrop, which is not as many think worn by monarchs who've personally killed someone. He absolutely loved that he's within your frame of cultural understanding. You're a much more. I am, but you've probably never seen John Oliver without his maker. Anyway. Oh my god. But this broke, this dimension of broke was worn famously by the queen of her own father's funeral. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha pussy brooch. It's appointingly did not wear the commemorative brooch given to the young princess Charlotte or gustor of Wales in 1914 to mock the British burning down the White House. We should credit at Samurai Nitta, who is the

person on Twitter who has done so absolutely sterling brooch based decoding. And it is like in many ways, you know, sometimes people say sort of what's the monarchy for, you know, how does it represent modern Britain? I mean, that represents modern Britain, absolutely perfectly. Being passive aggressive through the medium of brunch is really Britishness distilled. If the queen was also hammered on 16 points of WKD, she would have truly embodied everything

that is great about this nation. I loved that she did it, but there's also a part of me that was like, do you really think that Donald Trump, who is not known to pick up on what women really think of him is going to respect a 90 year old woman insinuating that she has mild distaste to via the medium of hoolery selection. But it's also such a British, it's so British, but it's

also so upper class to be like, yes, I'll hint to that I don't like him by wearing the same jewelry I have worn in times of sadness. That'll show him. And Trump had some kind words about the queen. He said that is a beautiful woman Twice twice It's such a freaking great to be fair to the queen She did she by protest against him by broach. She did It doesn't suggest she knew where his eyes would head on a woman's body. Oh my god. I think either of us is going to be doing the role of a woman. Oh my god.

I think this isn't the first time I've said this on this podcast, but that guy was the not yet. Oh my god. Pears Morgan gives him the out too and he says he says she's beautiful and then Pears Morgan says yes She's brilliant and Trump goes yes, but also so beautiful Like that's the highest compliment Donald Trump can pay anyone a porn star his daughter the Queen of England She is beautiful. It doesn't matter. Nothing else matters. She's beautiful. Not for 90. She's beautiful. So what's I guess like we're on

summer break now. So what do you think is gonna happen to Trump between now and when we're next being able to get over this? I'm slightly more worried about what's happened to Trump since we started recording this orbit. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm, I. No, I think it's an upgrade if we're being honest. I feel like the reality is nothing's going to happen because at this point the Republican party is now supported by racists, people who don't want to pay tax and racists who don't want to pay tax. And at this point Trump could take a shit on the Lincoln Memorial, wipe his ass on the Constitution and then dry up the Statue of Liberty to completion.

And his basis only comments would be, what was the Statue of Liberty wearing? Maybe she was asking for it. Oh, and Lincoln can suck it. The Confederacy losing the Civil War was the worst thing to ever happen to this country. And also, does this mean the tax cut is still on? In which case, shit on, Mr. President. And when asked to walk back his comments, he would just go, oh, oh I meant to say not at the end of that sentence Thank you July we will let you know if your application is successful four month of the year in due course next candidate please

Oh, let's see. Oh welcome all August or August sorry, so so what have you got for? August? Or August, sorry. So what have you got for? BELL RINGS Yeah, let's just pile straight into it. Top story this week, all the presidents men are going to J.O.F. CHEERING Woo! APPLAUSE And the Donald Trump has had another tricky week. Sorry, let me just start like this. Ditto.

Michael Cohen, his log time lawyer and fixer has pleaded guilty to 8 charges, including campaign finance violations and directly implicated Trump in the hush money that was paid to various women he'd had for alleged affairs with and poor man of war the president's former campaign chairman was convicted on eight charges of bank and tax fraud and it's not me. Well that's not me. Well I shouldn't it to have eight charges because then you can do it. Yeah it's very good. Was then you can do a straight knockout to find out your favourite charge that you've been convicted of. The jump straight to the quarter final stage of charges.

You don't need to do some complicated repassage system. No, no, you wouldn't want to last 16. This is the summary of the situation has come from... This is a direct quote from the Guardian newspaper. The outcomes also raised grave questions about Trump's judgment. Since his election, his national security adviser, personal lawyer, campaign chairman, deputy campaign manager, and the foreign policy aid have all admitted all been convicted of crimes. But my question to that is, is that

really the thing that's raised grave questions about Trump's judgment? Or was it his decision to claim Barack Obama wasn't born in America? Open a string of universities whose motto was, does anyone know the Latin for not a real university? Make stakes that were at best mainly dog and at worst predominantly feces. Or any decision Donald Trump has made at any point in his life. It wouldn't surprise me if he invested in Lehman Brothers, those Samsung phones that blew up and the Kevin Costner film Waterworld at this point. It's absolutely extraordinary.

And the big question now is, will Michael Cohen flip? Will he flip on Trump? Will he dobbin' for stuff that he's done? Is he gonna flip? Well, I'll let you be the judge of that when I found out this morning that Michael Cohen's lawyer talked to NPR and was asked directly a question whether he would consider being pardoned by the president.

And he said this, Michael Cohen would never accept a pardon from a man that he considered is both corrupt and the dangerous person in the Oval Office. I'd say, Michael Cohen is going to flip to the same extent a gymnast on pancake day is going to flip. Trump is absolutely thundered. Nish and I had a quick question We in India read through the manifold charges

and it was a shock to us we didn't do any of that was illegal Yes What is an ethical campaign manager? That was a genuine question. The everyone involved has is so sketchy because even technically Michael Cohen is, you know, about sort of acting like he's about to do an act of public service, but he's just set something up called the Michael Cohen Truth Fund, which has been set up as a GoFundMe

page with the goal of raising $500,000 so that Michael Cohen can afford to tell the truth. And in unrelated news, I'm setting up a fund to stop me from shitting in the street. And the Nishkumar No Shit fund is available on Shit Starter right now. I mean, do we think, I mean, is Trump in genuine trouble now? Because it seems, he does seem sort of bullet proof, so, of course, I mean, there's that famous old saying isn't there? If you throw enough shit at a wall, some of it will stick.

Aristotle, I believe it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was Aristotle. But none of this is work with Trump, has it? Because the problem with Trump is he is not a wall. He is a volcano of shit. And if you throw shit at a volcano of shit what you end up with is an Indusurably larger volcano of shit People have already decided they're happy living on a volcano of shit

And it's mainly different. Yeah, it's I mean that it's hard to think of what he could do at this point Sure of defecating on the declaration of independence. Are they trying to tidy it up by masturbating on it? Again, so many apologies to Andy's family at this point. LAUGHTER He also, the problem with Trump is that he's so obviously guilty because of all of the things he doesn't say.

He's gone, judge people, and what they do in standing. This is exactly the tweet. This is exactly the tweet I was going to talk about. He's tweeted, if anyone is looking for a good lawyer, I would strongly suggest that you don't retake the services of Michael Cohen. I'm pretty sure his next tweet was in unrelated news. Does anyone know the number of a good lawyer? Because I am in next level ships. In fairness though gentlemen it is a sensible point if your lawyer is

imprisoned you're probably better off with going with another lawyer who's outside. Anabab is like meeting John Grisham you're a legal expert. I guess that's a bit like going to a hospital to have a major operation and having a surgeon who just has an open wound in their stomach that is gushing blood all over the floor. It's a bad sign, basically, it is a bad sign. I mean, did Trump lie about this? Yes. Did he merely tell 100 percent? He did.

He lied about everything. Did he merely tell a made up truth? Um. I mean... I mean, I don't know. The question is now, will this lead to Donald Trump being impeached? And the answer to that is quite simply... F***ing no.

Because that would require some will or action from the Republican Party. It would require them to actually vote him out. And also, I think I've said this before, but at the end of the day, what about the Trump presidency so far? Suggest that this is going to end conventionally. What about the Trump presidency? Well, even if they impeach him, he's not going to leave. Why do you think he's going to be like Fair Cop, fair result?

I accept it. Refere's decision is final offer. This does not end with him sort of standing outside sort of like all other presidents. But this ends with him, like King Kong, on the roof of the White House, as a phalanx of biplanes flies along the lawn of 1600 pencil vania avenue firing indiscriminately with Melania in one hand at him,

just screaming, I regret nothing as he goes down. Well his lawyer gentlemen did have a issue with the definition of truth. Yes so this was let's all let's get Rudy Giuliani back up on the screen now a long-term bugle favourite to do contribute to his 2008 presidential campaign. If you can never say no and never give up the hope, let the light of hope shine on. So yes, Annabelle explaining this, I mean, it impressed, truth has taken an absolute kick.

I mean, there's a lot of things to add, a really tough time in recent years. Truth nuance, nuance has taken an absolute fucking kicking in recent years. I mean, it's really nuance is going to have to start promoting itself far more strongly and stridently, or at risk that it could just fade away into nothingness.

Correct. Yeah, it's really truth, new ones, women and black people, that are really copying the brunt of the front president. That's the title of your Edinburgh show, isn't it? Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Well, Augusta sure as dinosaurs become chickens but quicker ended, a mere 30 to 35 days after it had begun. I'd like to ballpark these things best, be on the safe side. Next up, yet again, for at least the fifth year in a row, probably more, it was September. I've been here seen the Mark Wahlberg's daily schedule. Since I believe the term has gone viral this week.

Well, we offer you an alternative. Buglers daily schedule. 9am wake up. 9.35am get up. 9.40am go back to bed. 10.55am wake get up. 9.40am, go back to bed. 10.55am, wake up again. 11am, put the cricket on the tillie. 11.01am, remember that the cricket already finished yesterday,

go back to bed. 11.45am, wake up, watch yesterday's cricket highlights on a laptop. 1pm, lunch interval. 1.40pm, afternoon session, brackets, K interval. 1.40pm afternoon session brackets Kip, 3.40pm T, 4pm get up. Invite Mark Wahlberg round for biscuits and scrabble. Act disappointed when he tells you he's doing his 4pm workout. Tell him he can have his 5pm shower at your house. Call him a prick when he hangs up after saying, who are you and how did you get my number? 415 PM to 730 PM, general hanging around.

431 PM, ring mark wallberg again. One minute after his scheduled bedtime. Say you're disappointed he won't come out to the pub quiz because it's past his bedtime. Ask him if he's got his special snuggly blanket in the bed with him and whether he's excited about the tooth fairy. 815, 849 PM, 915 PM, 940 PM, ring mark wallberg. With questions from the pub quiz,

repeatedly saying, sorry, Bergman, I forgot you've gone to bed because I thought you were an adult. 1045 PM, ring mark wallberg. Tell him it's last orders in the pub and is he sure he doesn't want to cheeky points in the game of pool? reply no you Fuck off and asking why he's operating his schedule as if he's living in the UK's time zone So yes, that is why your kids school was confused when you turned up at 7.30 a.m. To pick them up

11 p.m. late-night sport watching 12 a.m. sacrifice oxters use 12.3 12.5. 15 a.m. to 3 a. general time wasting, 3am bedtime, 3.15am wake up, look up some cricket statistics online, 5.45am bedtime again and repeat. So there's your bugle daily schedule, right? September there. Now October, according to the ancient Romans, was the eighth month of the year. Turns out they were completely wrong. It is in fact the 10th. Here it is.

So David, can you, for my, for an ignorant English one, please explain a little bit about the history of Ireland. Chris, could you put on a YouTube clip called Irish Music Sad? Ireland was founded by footballer Stephen Ireland in 3000 BC. Ireland's indigenous people were the leprechauns or leprechans, as nobody's ever called them, but they died out tragically, owing to the fact that they were all male. I never existed, nothing kills the people off quicker than never having actually existed. Your next major character in Irish history, Andius said Patrick, the patron saint of strangers taking a shit behind the wheelie bed in your front garden. And that is how he is commemorated for one day around the world.

Saint Patrick got rid of all the snakes, and so thorough was he. He got rid of any archaeological evidence that might ever have been snakes on the island. Around the first millennium saw the arrival of the Vikings. And they're so unlike any Scandinavian people I've ever met today, it's like one day they must have woken up and gone, hey you know, let's not rape and peelage anymore. Let's invent social democracy. And IKEA and Lego and aha. Then nothing happened in Irish history for 600 years

till the arrival of Oliver Cromwell in 1649. And he... Ha! He absolutely wrecked the place. Although seen as a modernizer in Britain, still seen as that today, in Ireland, he is seen as a genocidal f***head. Potato potato Who caused a population drop-off to some expert put his high as 83% of the Irish population? Thanks, Cromwell, the apparel of Ranset Wangers.

Excuse me if I occasionally visit the British House of Parliament where there is a statue of you to take a shit just in front of it. Cromwell was eventually defeated by Conor McGregor at the Battle of Cromwell. In 18, proper 12. With his rallying cry, you'll do nothing, you f***ing prick. But McGregor was in turn defeated by Queen Victoria at a bout in Las Vegas where he had motivated her by criticizing her family, her nation and her religion. Queen

Victoria loved Ireland and left us with her greatest legacy. The shop, Victoria Secret, on Grafton Street. Short for Victoria Secret was that she wished she she'd done more to prevent the Irish famine 1845 to 1849. This is like shooting fish in a barrel in front of these people. Ireland has always loved a craze from line dancing to yo-yos, from Tamagachis to Catholicism. But they tend to come and go. They say you only play this town twice in your career, said the Pope in Dublin on his recent business.

Once on the way up, it's great to be back. And the eleven people in the crowd jiggle their rosary beads and shook their little bags. Although normally a republic, Ireland is still a mystical place ruled over by Anya. I've never met Anya, but apparently you can recreate the feeling of meeting her if you put your peen slash lady peen in a dyson air blade. If you feel something crazy in the air, listening to this podcast, that's Irish presidential election mania! For some reason, a reason nobody can quite remember, Ireland has a T-Shock or Prime Minister and a President. The President is a non-Shock or Prime Minister AND a President! The President is a non-political role.

The idea of which is that you do the gigs the Prime Minister doesn't have time to do, such as shaking hands at the rugby and apologizing for institutional atrocities the Prime Minister has committed. The runners and riders have assembled for this once every seven years event and what a group. Does the incumbent Michael D. Higgins? A tiny wizard poet who negotiated the tricky events of the last seven years with a plomb. He hosted the Queen's first ever visit to Ireland without giving her a wedgie, and commemorated the centiner of the 1916 Rising without mentioning that he'd love to give the Queen a wedgie.

Job done. So he should get to do it for another seven years, and everyone wants him to, with the exception of five people. The five other candidates who are running for his job. There's no reason to mention the other candidates because you'll never hear of any of them again. So, suffice to say that most of them three out of five have been dragons on Ireland's dragons dead. And they look like they're only running for president for a prank. They lost with one of the lads at the golf club. The other two are ladies and they hate science!

Michael D. Higgins will definitely win, and he'll have another sweet seven years in front of him, where his main job will be to commemorate the centenary of the war of independence in 2019 without giving the Queen a wedgie and the centenary of the civil war in 2022 without saying he wants to give Michael Collins slash Aiman Develera a wedgie. See it's a hundred years and we're still not over it. Oh Ireland. Who said comedy can't be educational? Just two months to go now in this review of the Irwin Who Should pop up on the back of October with 30 classic days of fun and frolics for the planet, but good old November. But she has said that the cabinet has now agreed a draft Brexit with Dorault agreement.

So she's going to present it to Parliament tomorrow, but she said that they've agreed it. Now, just to be clear, even if they have agreed it, this is only half of what we need to do, right? The other things that we need to do are replace all of the EU laws that currently help govern our country and also make trading agreements with the EU. So we are not even half-way done and it is almost also they have had as of Saturday, it'll be 876 days since the Brexit vote. I don't know what they've been f doing that we are in a position where they are not finished Just to give you some context for that in 876 days

You could have completed the principal photography on the Lord of the Rings trilogy twice I'm not saying that you'd done you'd done the effects that took another year per film in post-production the effects that took another year per film in post-production. So you'd be left with a lot of footage of Andy Circus in a green onesie and Sarron being played by a massive tennis ball. But you'd still have done principal photography in a time in which we have done the square root of f***ing call. Premiere foods have apparently started stockpiling provisions that the owners of Bisto and their stockpiling raw materials due to fears of what may happen after Brexit gridlockness. What we basically have here is a symptomless blitz.

You know, which is genius in a lot of ways, isn't it? I'm going to put it in power, it's right. which is genius in a lot of ways, isn't it? I've done a fucking power trick. Simple, simple way. I think we all just start hunkering down under shelters and just... I think they're very clever, because if Brexit... If Brexit's carried out, the one thing that will properly tip the UK over the edge... So, mate, no, do you need

it? I don't know what it is, symptomless blitz. Don't apologise, you're laughing mate, it's beautiful. He's like the words worth of bullshit. It's like the words worth of words. I just, I think it's very clever stockpiling bestow, because if we all go insane once Brexit is actually happened, the one thing that's going to tip us over the edge is a f***ing gravy shortage. Like if you can't have gravy after Brexit, what is the point of leaving the EU? Also, you never stockpile things for a good reason.

No. No one's like, what are you up to? I'm stockpiling beers for my house party. No one's going to tell you to stockpile season's greetings for Christmas. To reason my more breaking news has said that the withdrawal agreement is a decisive step enabling the UK to move on very similar to the decisive step that Captain Oates took. LAUGHTER He went for his little wonder. I'm laughing at that, but I have no idea what that means.

I just thought I'd do a shout out for any dumb f**ks in the audience like me. Hey! Represent! Didn't go to uni, no surprises there. Well, see, what you've got, see the thing you've got here, Philisties, that you are Australian. I mean, you don't need to say that like a burn. No, no, yeah, yeah, look at burn, I mean. So, the tone on the world, Australian suggested, even if you had got to university, it Australia, you would have been talented.

You would have been talented. I think what we've learned is sort of different in the way we look at our country's history, because Australia tends to only look back on the triumphs. Whereas we in Britain, we like to remember our incompetences. And Captain Oates was part of a Scots exposition to the Antarctic that got a credible silver medal. Unfortunately, then, in dollarsging a fatal lap of honour around Antarctica. Well look, I don't want to pay top trumps here, but one of our prime ministers drowned and we didn't look for him.

So you can take it to the Antarctic, good for you. That's what a winning culture you've got. He's obviously a loser if he can't swim back to shore. Didn't Erkkapt in Oats make all the Osiris that we're now stockpiling? Chris has started bringing his own puns to Buglegate. What the f***? I was going to say a lot of people just gravised at that part. I was like, it's going to be a long f***ing night for you. Ha!

It's been a, I mean, you look, it's been a bad couple of, another bad couple of weeks for Brexit news. So there's been, there was some developments last week when the Brexit Secretary Dominic Rab revealed that he, quote, hadn't quite fully understood the extent of the reliance on Dover by the United Kingdom. Now, as an island, you would have thought that would be pretty fucking crucial information. Dominic Rob has been being praised. In the Guardian today, they reported that he's quite well thought of in Brussels, because they said he's been in a Sidious Brexit Secretary noted in London in Brussels for taking a more active approach than the generally Lassay Fair David Davis. Lassay Fair, of course, a common French expression meaning lazy. But if I'm completely honest with you, I'm not surprised that Dominic Robb didn't know about the importance

of David because I have actually had a run in with Dominic Robb when I met him on question time and he thought I was Gina Miller's brother. So Dominic Rob can't tell Asians apart. Why on earth? If he'd been invited round to my aunt's house last Sunday for Diwali or as he calls it Ramadan, there would have been... There would have been all sorts of confusion. He'd been walking up to every single person saying nice to meet you, Nish, before eventually exclaiming, well I give up, this is basically like trying to find a brown needle in a chocolate haystack. Can we just go back for a second? People have been watching a door for two hours tomorrow. And I just don't think we touched on that enough. People have watched a footage of a door,

which is still less wooden than watching Theresa May's back. What do you think took us so long? You reckon she just couldn't remember the moves to Macarena? And she's like, I'm gonna have to polish this turd somehow. Or maybe just finally her whole teeth fell out. You know how she looks like she's just trying to keep her men? Like she's got two loose dentures at all times. And she's just trying to style it out. Like, I don't know if you know the show Mr. Ed, but it was an American show. And I'm not comparing her to a horse at all.

I know they're very sexist. But what they used to do is they used to give him molasses or peanut butter. They used to give it to chimpanzees too. So their mouths would move in Hollywood films, so then they could voice over. What if they've just given Theresa a whole bunch of peanut butter and she's trying to keep the dentures in while someone's throwing their voice from another room. Am I wrong? And that brings us barking and meowing all the way to December. And here is something you have not heard before, unless you've already listened to this compilation or you're one

of the people in it and I know you're not me, so that reduces that probability even for. So well that's it, well I mean by the time this is put out on the airwaves stroke internet everything could possibly have changed, who knows who knows, will put it in the might be a revolution. Yeah, yeah, that'd be fun. We might have to put a huge citation needle in the sit-tiler, but I think we have to do that after every year. But it would be a revolution by sensible people, that's why you're never going to get part of the frustration is the way British politics is and I'm sure international listeners share this is that it is the sensible people that are in the tree. Yeah. The idiots, the zealots, the fringe

elements are now in charge. So the sorts of people who are usually March are now in control. Right. And they're people who don't usually March and the people who should be Marching, but we don't March. All right. there's a lot on the telly. Yeah! What do you... What I'm like... Can I...? Not some marching on like stuff, just stuff to watch.

There's lots of stuff, there's a really bad time for the next series of Stranger Things and the Australia India Test Series to drop at the same time. Can I admit to when the women's march happened for the second time going, why does it have to be when it's so cold? Can we not have a seasonal March, guys?

Can I summer sort of not in the El Carnival type thing? Yeah. Do it in the summer. Yeah, exactly. The problem is in the summer, people feel happy. That's why you always have general elections in the summer. They genuinely think it'll favor the governing party. The people will come out, the sun will be out, they go, they're not so bad. They feel good on the way to the polling

I love the peer behind the curtain that you get with Matt yeah it's just a peak just really sad still well no no it's not sad it's really interesting but also it's so deeply cynical I kind of want to cry not you but politics oh it's great as far as the best things about it. As long as we respect the democracy that God gave us when he drove the orcs from this land. I thought he meant the sort of 13 slang word as in awkwardness. That's how you have known me use teen slang. No, I've never known your reference law of the rings. Orcs does need driving from existence to be fair, along with them. Glow. Yeah. So lovely shirt by the way, just thanks

for the downtime. And that's it from the Bugle in 2018. Inormous thanks for your ears and your support this year, as always. We will be back next week to start digesting another entire year of events and related issues. Look out for the Bugle Live dates in North America, in February and March, until next year from Chris. Wankers. May the entire squad of Bugle co-hosts, and Zeus and Bass Debt, the patron deities of the Bugle. Goodbye. And Happy New Year. Gawson Silly and his Oldman. you