The Bugle - 4163: WAP (Who Appoints Presidents?)

Episode Date: August 21, 2020

Tiff Stevenson and Nato Green join Andy this week. Joe Biden and Donald Trump square off for the biggest job in the world amidst corruption fears. Exam Results and School Terms arrive, and Andy Zaltzman discussing Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion's music is undoubtedly the feel good hit of the summer. GO TO OUR SITE FOR OUR NEW MERCH! WOO!Support what we do by making a one off or monthly donation here: http://thebuglepodcast.com/#donate. We carry no ads and exist because you make it happen!We have a sister show, The Last Post, which you can hear here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.And produced by Rich Jarman and Chris Skinner LISTEN TO RICHIE FIRTH TRAVEL HACKER. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, buglers, and welcome to issue 4163 of the bugle audio newspaper for a visual world with me and his ultimate live. From London, I have some bad news.

The introduction to this week's show has been cancelled due to a general sense of existential unease. As soon as this is rectified on the global level, I will re-record a backdated intro to this show. Instead I've got to go straight into introducing the guests for this week's show to help bring me up to date with everything in the world that I've been essentially missing whilst locked away in the cricket bubble. Joining me from a distinctly non-crickety part of the world, San Francisco, it's NATO green, hello NATO. Hello Andy, hello buglers.

How's, how's California? Well, I had a few drinks last night, and I'm not sure what happened, but I think I might be the president of Belarus now. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Well, that is a last something, a positive sign for the world. You think that is maybe just one little glimmer

of hope, NATO-grown green as the new Belarusian leader. You know, I think I'm as qualified as all the other bastards doing it. Yeah, it will just be quite interesting, NATO, because as listeners to this show will know, you're very committed politically and on the left hand side of the political sea. So I'll be really interesting to see as President of Belarus, how long it is before those principles go out the window as history suggests very inevitably, Will. I'm committed to organizing protests against myself. I'm committed to organizing protests against myself. In New Cavassi, is it possible to you lock your head

to your own desk in protest? Oh, so, Joy, yes. From London, it's Tiffany Stephenson. Tiffany, if you've bonded yourself, President, of any countries this week. I, what have I been doing? I don't know what I'm fit to be a president of, to be honest. I was late for this podcast and by two, only by two minutes, which is not bad for me.

And Paul said, I cannot believe you're going to be late for something in your own house. And I was like, you misunderstand chronic tardiness is a state of mind, not a destination. I don't have to be going anywhere to be late. That's, you know, that's in many ways a metaphor for all humanity as well. We are recording on the 18th of August 2020, animal subject of things being late. It's the 100th anniversary of Tennessee becoming the last of the 36 needed states to ratify the 19th amendment to give women the votes. As an overwhelming 50 out of 99 members of the Tennessee House of Representatives voted yes to women voting.

That's the 19th amendment. So clearly America found 18 other things that needed amending before remembering till half of the population have a say in stuff. At Berringham Minds, I'm a clearly, they work quite a lot of amendments that needed to be doing pressingly before that. But Berringham on the 18th was about banning alcohol.

Does slightly suggest that women were not entirely top of the American priority list. And of course, famously, the second amendment was to safeguard the right of all Americans to fire machine guns at innocent bystanders. And that had to be sorted out long before issues such as not enslaving people or acknowledging that women are probably the same species as men. But still, but I like them never this day a hundred years ago. Of course, this is not unique to the USA, it's a bit of a speciality of our supposedly sensational species. But still, America gave fuck with psychopaths and racists the vote before women.

On the 20th of August 1858, Charles Darwin published his theory of evolution through natural selection in smash hit, a big selling issue of the journal of the proceedings of the Lenean Society of London, who can forget that classic issue back in this week in 1850. Of course, the theory of evolution by Darwin, a theory since debunked by both the Bible and the internet, so it's two one against Darwin. Darwin himself did concede in an interview with the 19th century Gossip magazine Bodys

that natural selection is, and I quote, a bit shits when you look at it objectively, it takes fucking ages and most species have still got design flaws. You could drive a fucking horse and car through. Darwin added that free market economics would quote, it's probably work max more efficiently than natural selection. And concluded, if I could buy a dog with wheels

that could bark me a half decent song, I'd fucking buy it. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, a free algorithm. Now, algorithms have been very much in the news of late for those of you who don't know what algorithms are. They do the kind of mysterious, unseen shit that used to be correctly attributed to the devil himself in wiser, simpler times. But we have a free algorithm and algorithm to help you confirm that you are cool or hot, or simply awesome. Also, a free algorithm to help you work out if you're the kind of person who should be listening to this bugle.

And the algorithm basically goes like this, are you currently listening to the bugle? If no, then no. You're probably a loser we want nothing to do with. If yes, you are listening to the bugle, then you may be the kind of person who should be listening to the bugle. Next question, are you enjoying listening to the bugle? If no, then we don't want anything to do with you. If yes, you may be the kind of person who should be listening to the bugle.

And finally, are you currently naked in a motorway service station? If yes, welcome to the show. which nearly octogenarian white man will be in charge of the free world for the next four years. And this is in many ways, NATO, as our American politics correspondent, Donald Trump's greatest achievement. He has managed to turn a bumbling nearly 80 year old white guy into a savior of 21st century humanity figure. That's essentially the way that Trump has transformed Biden into a modern day Messiah. Is that what he will be most remembered for? Yes, I think it will be on the list. Biden has run for president a number of times before and was always seen as too inarticulate

to be actually statesmen like, but you know, if you success it's about lowering your expectations, Andy. That's what this show has been all about since day one. That's why I got rid of John Oliver. He was dead weight, I tell you. So are you saying the parameters for what statesmen like, are you saying those parameters have now dramatically kind of dipped after Trump's presidency?

You see this now in political debates where somebody will say, like this person's thinking about running for office and other people will go like, they're not qualified. And then you're like, well, hang on. The president of the United States is talking about injecting people with bleach. So essentially, Bob Biden is very much the overcooked cabbage following the still twitching plague infested rat and fox shit and banana that Trump regime has been.

You take the cabbage, Enny's eye, wouldn't you? Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm a Jew. I fancy a cabbage Sprinkle some caraway in sure the Democratic Party virtual convention has been going on This week our viewer have you found that nice is that a step up to avoid it? It's considerably less neuromburgy than a traditional Traditional convention. Oh, it's been it. The Democratic Convention has all the production value of a high school student film project doing an infomercial for a high fiber diet.

It's been like a greatest hits of political cliches. I just want to run down the list. I was keeping a tally of the cliches used. This is about Unity versus Division. The moment has come to deal with systemic racism, battle for the soul. Most cops are good. This great nation. Look at these old-ass white people. When we work together, we can accomplish anything. The soul of America shared values, old white people, children's future, the best is yet to come, work with both sides.

Here are some Republicans who support Biden for real swing voters are not made up. Bring us together again, more in common than what divides us, restore decency and dignity to the White House, and finally, we want someone who will separate families and lock children in cages, but with decency. Bring dignity to the White House. The thing about the Democrats is they're very attached to respectability, faced with the dangers of climate catastrophe, pandemic, economic meltdown, erosion and democracy. The Democrats are here with an appropriately respectable level of outrage. Instead of energizing the nation to defeat the scourge of Trump and Trumpism,

once and for all, their approach is more like seeing Trump as the dirt on lettuce leaves that can be gotten off our political system by holding it under cold water and sort of gently massaging it until it floats away. The speeches included the kind of quotes that were as stirring as they were totally vacuous. For example, former Democratic presidential candidate Cory Booker said, quote, I'm running for president to heal a divided nation. Aim lower, man. You're from New Jersey. Aime Lowerman, you're from New Jersey. In a montage of former Trump voters giving testimonials as to why they were voting for Joe Biden, one said, Joe Biden has a detailed plan like unity. Yes, unity.

So detailed. New York governor Andrew Cuomo's face gave one speech about how his state faced the darkest days of the COVID crisis while his eyebrows gave a completely different speech about the virtues of slipping into something more comfortable. Cuomo said that COVID is a metaphor. On the other hand, former Republican governor of Ohio, John Kasich gave a pre-taped speech about how America is at a crossroads while standing outdoors at a literal crossroads. So the difference between Democrats and Republicans is whether they know what a metaphor

is. I saw that video and it didn't look like a particularly difficult crossroads and it was more of a kind of tracks in a field. The ditch suggested if you went the wrong way, the crossroads, you could just walk across the field and join the other road. Is that, is that really inappropriate enough? Does you not need a crossroads where one road leads off a cliff into a shark infested pit? Yeah, well, so I looked it up, Andy, where that crossroads actually was and this is perfectly captures what John Kessich was trying to say John K. Sitch was standing at a crossroads near his own house,

and the crossroads diverged from one $800,000 house to another $800,000 house. That's American politics. Wow. What did you think of Kamala, by the way? You say Kamala, I say Kamala. What is it, Kamala? We say Kamala. She's from here.

She's from San Francisco. So I've been, you know, she's been in my life for a long time. This whole, the whole, what they call the Veepe Stakes was the most tedious reality show in the last several months, with no judges, no audience voting and no hot tubs that we know of. Apparently, some Biden inside has felt that Kamala Harris was too ambitious, which, as we all know, is a key liability for someone being considered for National elected office is ambition. Being too ambitious to be vice president of the United States is like being too sleepy for the 17th annual national napping contest brought to you by 1,000 thread count sheets. So she's the

senator from the Bay Area and so her first elected office was in San Francisco in 2003 when she was elected district attorney, like our prosecutor, and what you may not know about San Francisco is that my city is defined by civic corruption, but in a dumb way. Like there's not exactly high crimes and misdemeanors, but more like constant low level and stupid craft. Like we regularly have public officials getting arrested

for taking a bribe of $500 and a use bicycle. We have so much corruption gay pride parade as a perp walk. And this is true. Kamala Harris is no exception. Her first run of office came at the crest of a scandal called fajita gait, which was a cover-up of a fist fight among off-duty cops over a bag of fajitas

outside a bar in a posh neighborhood. So, is the kind of sports bar where people shout while watching LaCrosse and Dressa. Gentlemen, and so, our local press has been like very excited about having a hometown girl on the national stage. Our main daily newspaper has done several articles about like Kamala Harris is the only person on the national ticket with a refined wine palette.

It's very Northern California. I'm backing Kamala because she's only the fourth woman ever, I think, on a major campaign ticket. And in her speech, she spoke about her husband and her kids. And then it was flagged up to me that they aren't actually her kids because they're already grown up and she only got married to their dad five years ago. So she's a stepmom. So speaking as a stepmother, I'm behind her. Because I, I, there aren't that many of us in public life because we're normally busy talking to our enchanted mirrors and poisoning apples So and they could she like me. She doesn't like the term stepmom I like I only use that for the first time last year when I was like oh stepmom needs a margarita and

And my step-son was like oh god, that's gonna be a catchphrase And I was like no, I just believe that's child labor. We need to bring back from the 50s and 60s, kids making cocktails. Every nine-year-old should have a signature drink in their repertoire. Make me a martini, put some of your tears in it, a little bit.

But the only thing that made me cringe slightly was they call her momela, because she hates stepmom. And I was like, that's a bit cringe. But here's the thing. She would have been told or she would have been advised that she had to talk about them in her speech because heaven for fend that we have a vice president who is not seen as maternal like and and about family because no single person is ever won a presidency, right? The thing is you vote for a family, you vote for a first family, you don't just vote for the president.

So I think she's been told that she's got to go on stage and do a bit of a speaking as a speaking as a stepmother so that we can all just feel relaxed, that she's not a barren bitch that hates kids and you know has no interest in the future of the world On the subject of Michelle Obama Trump had a Twitter blast at Michelle Obama's Pusimly, I don't know some alarm went off at 7 30 hadn't insulted anyone for a while and Michelle Obama made a very powerful speech as he often does. Right now folks who

know they cannot win fair and square at the ballot box are doing everything they can to stop us from voting. They're closing down, polling places and minority neighborhoods, they're purging voter polls, they're sending people out to intimidate voters, they're lying about the security of our ballots. And I'm not as impressive that the effort that is going in to ensure that this election is as corrupt as some American elections like to be. Barry, this is a system that basically often declares the lose of the winner in a two-horse race.

And also, I mean, this has been a lot of criticism for, you know, and we'll touch on that the postal service issue shortly. But we should remember, it's often said that people fought and died for our democratic rights. And we should also remember that some of those people who fought were probably crackpot Republicans who would do anything possible to stop Democrats getting in. So let's honor their sacrifice if no one else is. And Trump himself has claimed this week that he had a conversation with God.

We're still waiting for the official transcripts to be published. Rumors of circulation that God told Donald Trump to quote, suck a fat one before adding of Regal book, and it's even more full of shit than my book, and concluded, I know it might sound a bit rich coming from me to question, you giving influential jobs to people from your own family, but at least my lad had a range of relevant skills. If God is in touch, apparently pays debts, God pays debts, so can you tell him to get

in touch with me? I've got a few outstanding ones. I did this, again, the whole postal voting issue, NATO's, quite hard for democracy fans to understand. Obviously, the idea is you should try and make voting as open and accessible as possible. And the chances of corruption through postal voting is maybe slightly higher than without it,

but not significant. Just talk us through the background to this. This store in Trump basically nakedly saying that he is trying to fix the election. The polling for Trump is very bad. and the general consensus is that the assumption is that the higher the turnout, the greater the chance the Trump will lose. And because of the COVID virus, they're trying to keep people from, you know, queuing at the polls for a long period of time.

And so a lot of states are going to vote by mail. And the other thing you should know about the post office is that And so a lot of states are going to vote by mail. And the other thing you should know about the post office is that there are a lot of black people who work there. And the workforce at the Postal, US Postal Service is about 20% black, which is a higher proportion than the country as a whole. And so that's why Republicans hate it. A public agency that gives black people good jobs in a retirement plan, got to go. And the post office is also used to deliver medications to old people, including old white people, which is a court-foting demographic. So, you know, they're a death cult, as always.

The fear on the part of the Trump campaign and the Republicans is that they can't win the election fair and square, and they're kind of like, well, for our next trick, we will wreck the post office. And Democrats are very upset about it. Nancy Pelosi said that she was considering calling the Congress back into session to take to discuss it. And, you know, when Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House gets to considering something, you know, look for cover, Pelosi, the Speaker of the House gets to considering something, you know, look for cover, because considering is usually followed by pondering and judging, and some stern disapproval. So you never know. So, you know, there are stories that they're like physically removing and destroying machines that will sort ballots, and that then Republicans are saying that any late arriving ballots will

not be counted. So, and there's a whole back and forth. And so, people are charging out as part of their civic duty to save American democracy by buying posted stamps. So, never would have thought it came to this. Trump tweeted today, if you can protest in person, you can vote in person. So at least he knows who's gonna vote against him. Like he's acutely aware of all the people who vote against him. But I read, and I don't know if this is true, that the chairman of the US Postal System is a Trump supporter.

He's given money to the 2020 campaign and that the Republicans don't want nationalised postal service because they don't want nationalised anything that will make people think a national health service is a good idea. I don't know if that's true, but the post office and the NHS are very similar here so I can understand that concern. You know, a lot of queues, old people use it more and there's always people shoving things in your box. What I'm saying is I've had a lot of smear tests. But yeah, is that a true thing? The idea that the Republicans think of a working, socialized kind of postal system could

is a dangerous, a slippery slope to giving people free healthcare? Yes, it is. And you know, wouldn't you like to be able to get to get your your your your perhaps mail-in mail-in book at the same time? As long as people change gloves in between, I don't care. Education news now and well, it's approaching that time of year where kids around the world are going going back to school. My son is about to start secondary school assuming that the entire country doesn't shut down again. And as discussed last week, exams chaos has

rained here in Britain. Now it's not been a huge surprise. We talked about this a bit last week. We can update you on it this week since the English A level results came out. Resulting in students from disadvantaged backgrounds being overwhelmingly penalized by an algorithm and the government you turning on it and then going back to teachers predicted grades. I mean, I guess it's not a huge surprise that a government of to-ging incompetence has performed with flounderingly cack-headed incompetence

in dealing with the issue of exam results in a year where no exams have been set. I mean, inevitably, the government has wapped out the penis of blame and started spraying the was with culpability in as many different directions as possible, particularly the education regulator off-qual. It's been, I mean, it's quite, again, it's one of these things, it's quite hard to explain. So, so, if I'm going to pass this over to you and you and your expert confidant, Scottish boyfriend

to explain the exams chaos to our listeners. Yeah, Scottish boyfriend explains a hang. Fuck, Tory Shipe-Agg Wanks, what more can I say? All right, short story fucking long then, coronavirus, stop the fucking world as stop kids being able to do their exams So exam boards and teachers all decided that the teachers who knew the students abilities better than anyone would be able to award grades Based on their past performance amongst other things makes fucking sense. No cut to exam results day Students have done better than ever and a statistically this means some kids got better grades than they deserve, but I say fuck it. They just left through a fucking global pandemic, missed out on drums in their first drunken

holidays without parents. What the fuck can they do to bump them up for me, C++ to a B- but no. Can he have that? So they made an algorithm to decide who gets marked down and low and behold the majority of the grades that get cut are these fill lower income communities. Apparently it's to do a class size or some pitch. But at the end of the day we f**king dark win the Harrow School of Future Bellens. Didn't he get a results down graded because when a decision by a Tory government affects somebody negatively it's never a f**king Tory. Maybe that's just a

coincidence. And yes, I know they've done a U-turn and g'd everybody down a grade but doesn't he make me like them any less? Tory shite bag one cars. Well, I thank you for shedding light on a very complicated topic to Scottish boyfriends. I think that's probably going to be one of the National Parliaments one day. The Education Secretary Gavin Williams and has refused to stand down after presiding over this quite monumental former Department of Education, permanent secretaries David Bell said that blaming officials was, quote, depressing, demotivating and irreputable, which coincidentally is Gavin Williams and Tinder profile.

And he said he's going to remain in post and told the BBC, I'm determined that over the coming year, I'm going to be delivering the world's best education system. Now, can I please issue a message to our government who keeps saying their stuff is going to be the world's best world stop aiming to be the world's best. Let's move past that imperial shit, just aim for vaguely competent or probably fit for purpose or reassuringly not total shit. Let's just aim for what we can hope to achieve. I mean, world's best admittedly, when he seems in the context of who is prime minister, Boris Johnson allegedly, although he has barely been seen

whilst all this shit has been his in the fan. And Boris Johnson could take a shit in a bucket and claim to be the world's best basketball player, which I think gives some context to what is the cabinet ministers say. Boris doesn't know, like, can't give us an accurate figure on COVID deaths. He doesn't know how many kids he has. I don't know how we can expect him to get facts and figures correct. It's not fair. What did happen though on the A level results day was, and this happens every year, and it just always stuns me,

the amount of rich connected white dudes who went to private school who come out and go, I'm sitting right here too. I'm sitting right here too. Who come out and say, hey, don't worry about exam results. I didn't do well and look at me now, with no sense of self awareness at all. So people like Jeremy Clarkson, who's family are like millionaires

because his mum like made the Paddington Bear teddy bears, Ben Fogel who I did a radio show with and went, oh, do you know what, I just relentlessly failed, but people were very kind and gave me another, another go. He actually said in a radio interview, I got an ennun geography, I don't even know what that is. And I was like, top of a compass mate. Start there. But he's, he's like, he just went, people just kept giving me another go.

They were so nice. And I was like, of course, because you're a posh white man, you'll just fail upwards relentlessly until eventually your prime minister. Like that's how it works for those guys, but I do feel this, it's like real, this kind of narrative that devalues education and doesn't take class into consideration, which is infuriating. I get the idea of trying to make people feel better, but in the midst of all of this, it's just like such a shocking lack of awareness. Well, I mean, the fact that I I know having been through private education and have seen the other good sides and the bad sides of it, you know, that I've talked about on the bugle

before, I left school, you know, unable to rewire a plug or talk to a girl, but I could express those gaps in my knowledge and grammatically perfect Latin. So, you know, it was very much swings and roundabouts. But unfairness is not just baked into our... Andy, Andy, is your school proud of your achievements as a podcast? They put you on the alumni brochure. I don't think they enormously are. I think they're proud of people who become city accountants, I think, essentially. Um, unfairness is not just baked into our education system. It is written into the recipes. It constitutes 98% of all the ingredients.

And then it's slatted on top like a glutton's icing. And Gavin will, I mean, the government being made a laughing stock. And that's not unusual for the government to be laughing stock. The problem is, it's the kind of laughter that is now the problem, because it's been a kind of weird, terrified, nervous cackle of despair that has been reverberating around the nation. And if Gavin Williams and was sent to your house to put up a shelf, you would flee the building, call the Fibergade and emigrate.

He, everywhere he's been in politics, he has left a trail of administrative destruction behind him, like an untrained hippopotamus-sized porcelain-hating puppy in a china shop. NATO, your kids are about to go back to school in California. They just started this week. My children are back to school this week remotely. I have 12 year old twins And I am on a mission to raise the most insufferable wocus white kids of all time

Which is a that is a hotly contested title. Yeah And and my children are in public school, which means they're being duly educated to take their place in the class system. Now, can I just point out that public schools in America mean a very different thing to public schools in Britain. Where public school is one of the charming quirks of the English language in Britain. Public schools here are very much barred to the public. Oh, yeah. So my dad, before he retired,

was the principal, or the head of school for a public high school. And he couldn't get funding for some program that he wanted to do. And he actually went to the town school board and asked if he started calling the school a prison, if they would fund it adequately. So that's our public school system.

So California public schools have adopted a curriculum focused on literacy, maths, and downward mobility. So my kids, typical day, first period, they learn how to drive Uber and second period, they learn how to upsell from a black coffee to a venté latte at a Starbucks. And the key is eye contact and nodding. And so as a result, like a lot of middle class families,

we're supplementing with home enrichment. And to stay completely on brand for NATO green, as anyone familiar with my uvra will know, this is literally true of what we've actually been covering with my children. We've done an extensive inquiry into the work of Alan Turing as a way of dealing with themes of homophobia, math, technological innovation, its relationship to capitalism, methods of warfare, and espionage. Also in anticipation of Trump cheating and stealing the election. Again, we've been discussing how to overthrow the government

and using as a guide the Minard map that depicted Napoleon's unsuccessful Russia campaign of 1812 that my children have been learning how to calculate how many people would need to set out from San Francisco to successfully march across the country and lay siege to Washington DC and house the Trump regime, taking into account maintaining supply chains, deaths along the way, desertions, Wi-Fi, road rash, calluses, chub rubs, sunburns, diarrhea, true love, gout, dengue fever, weather, fisting, moratting Nazis, and the miles necessary to traverse the country.

And finally, like if my children are learning how to make a proper bourbon-old-fashioned, including a giant ice cube, muddling the orange slice, which bitters to use, and the daddy likes to be able to hold out his hand without looking up at 5.45pm on the dot and have the drink just f**king appear in his hand. It's important! SX-F-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X-L-X specific rap music correspondent. Oh, it's me. Oh, God. I've gone very badly in tea. So, well, I mean, very entertaining show is spats between Cardi B, the rap sensation and Megan the stallion who have collaborated on a single entitled WAP or WAP or WAP or WAP? It's WAP because it's technically an acronym. It could be wireless access protocols as well. It could be that. There is a court case involving the Western Australia petonk organisation as well. Between between the rap stars and Ben Shapiro, the conservative commentator, and, as you don't know, Ben Shapiro, he's a kind of anti-messiah put on this planet to spread

his message in order to make us think that humanity is completely f***ing doomed and there is no prospect, however, a mode of individual or collective redemption. A man who exudes a certain genus say poor, and it's has been, I mean, I will admit, I'm not fully up to speed with the full over of of Cardi B and Megan the stallion. Tiff, can you, can you just fill us in a bit on the details of this spat? Sure. Although I would like to say, I think Ben Shapiro is what would happen if a bottle of Davidoff, Clearwater, f***ing just for men hair dye. I think that is the child they would have.

Ben Shapiro has come out against WAP. So the initials, WAPAP stand for wet ass pussy. Now, as a, obviously, as a British person, you know, I want to say wet ass pussy. And I mean, I think we both do. But it doesn't, wet ass pussy doesn't sound correct. No, Ben Shapiro won't even say pussy. He calls it the P word in his dissection of it,

but he's one of two. So we should discuss both. Ben Shapiro and Russell Brand, given their opinions on female sexuality and how it's expressed in the form of song. So Ben Shapiro put out a video, which I think is quite funny. I think I'm hoping that he's doing it with a sense of humour, but I don't know. There's a lot of heavy moralizing in it, and the first thing he does is sort of describe the video as it's happening.

And he says, we can see them going into a mansion. And there's a lot of water representing the amount of water coming out of the pea. Here we see some golden buttocks and some nipples with some water coming out of them. And these women have serious gyneological problems, was basically his deconstruction of the song, is he thinks that they've got some kind of, I don't know, you're under retract infection, I think, for which, you know, maybe to just drink some cranberry juice would

help that out. Ben Shapiro calls Cardi B. A quasi prostitute who became a rapper and then said American success story. And I'm like, yep, he's saying he doesn't think it's feminist and he thinks it's gross. And this is like Russell Brand's opinion as well. Russell Brand's like, is it feminist masterpiece? Is it porn? And Russell Brand is the man who onstage

to protest consumerism once shoved a Barbie doll up his ass. Feminist masterpiece or porn? I mean, it's difficult to tell. But I think, like, listen, there could be a discussion around this. You know, I think I think what the rappers are saying is they're expressing their sexuality on their terms, what they enjoy, some of the lyrics are along the line of I'll tell you where it goes, which is agency and consent. And educational as well. Yes.

We talked about the failings in the public education system. Yeah. Andy, you might want to watch it on slow motion. It was just with a note pad hand. Yeah. There is another line saying something about, you know, my pussy is going to pay for my tuition, which, you know, maybe has less agency to it. But Russell Brand's argument was that, is it, you know, is it empowerment if it's in

the confines of male objectification? And him saying it's okay for men to express their sexual desires, but not for women. So I think what we do want is people like Russell Brand and Ben Shapiro giving their, you know, Russell Brand was shagger of the year three times in a row. I'm not sure he's the one that we want to turn to to feminist discourse, but also the option is there to like not watch the video or not buy the song. So like, good on Cardi B for like selling a shit ton of records. Yeah, it's been a huge hit. Personally, I have no musical frame of reference to expressing opinion on the quality of the

song. It's not my thing. Coincidentally, the title of my new rap collaboration with a CGI recreation of the former BBC tennis commentator Dan Maskell. Suffice it, say, if you've not heard it, I can tell you what it's different to. It's very different to I should be so lucky by Kylie Minogue, Agadoo by Kajagogo. When I'm cleaning windows by George Formby and Franz Schubert's 1816 chart-topping dance floor banger, Litany, Alfdesfest, Alice Seelen.

It's more similar, perhaps, in subtext to George Forbys with my little ukulele in my hand, but even more sexually confident and assertive than Forbys. I think the song it is most unlike is probably Snooker-Lupy by the Matron mob with Chazam Dave, which was a group of white men singing jointly about Snooker, which I think is the most opposite possible piece of music to Wap by Cardi B and Meghanthi Stallion. One of my favorite things on the bugle is when Andy has to talk about pop culture. It is, it is like watching an alien trying to blend in with the humans. Well, you say that, but I've been doing my research about Cardi B, who's one of the most influential musical artists in the world right now in my book, albeit a book that I've printed out

from her wiki pdia page. A few things about Cardi B. Cardi B is not the same as KGB. That's very important to remember that. She took her performance name, it's not her birth name, Cardi B, from Cardigan Bay in Wales, famed for its long sandy beaches, numerous campsites and diverse marine life. She has actually written an as-you-unreleased album of songs about the culture and economy of the town of Aberystwyth and places herself firmly in the barge of traditions of the Welsh I steadfast so I've heard. But if the proposal that the US National Anthem should be whatever happens to be top of the Billboard 100 chart that week, I

mean that would we'd have seen sensationally awkward faces this week, if that had been the case and some baseball players holding their caps over their kejungles. I the song, the song is so popular and raunchy that it was viewed 80 million times in the first week. And there are a lot of reasonable responses to a song about wet pussy. This makes me feel things and I need some time to myself

as a perfectly reasonable response. This is not for me, is also a valid response. But Ben Shapiro, who is an online personality, anti-feminist, right wing patriot, who really puts the ****** in my country to the... decided that he was so offended that he... So he tweeted out that his doctor wife told him that anyone who's pussy is so wet that it needs a bucket and a mop to clean up requires medical

attention because they probably have bacterial vaginosis or a yeast infection. Conservatives has so much difficulty imagining women enjoying their own sexuality, the only possibility they can imagine is, well, actually, this is false. Pussies don't get wet unless they're broken. And so what they're telling us is that they have no firsthand experience of a woman being so turned on in their presence that their body might have a common physiological response, and that telling this fact to the public is a shrewd political strategy to win the culture war. I want to clean. I love it. I want to clean. The more I listen to Ben Shapiro, the drier it got. The one lyric really stood out for me, having read the lyrics, which I believe were lifted

straight from an early Woody Guthrie song, was right near the end. Macaroni in a pot, which does suggest that the whole thing was just disappointing product placement for Gerald's instant pasta meals, just add water. That brings us to the end of this week's bugle, really pleasure having you both on. If you've got any more live online shows coming up. I think I have, I think I'm doing another Zoom gig of a new hour actually, but I haven't set the date for it. So if you just follow me on my Twitter, active Stevenson or on Instagram, I mean every Monday

night on Instagram, I'm doing old rope. We have to get NATO back on. I think all the buglers have been on at this point, so keep your eyes peeled for that. That's about it on the live front, I think. So yeah, come for all and subscribe to my YouTube channel. I have one. NATO, anything to plug?

Yeah, yes, I should do. Obviously, follow me plug? Yes, I should do. Obviously, follow me on Twitter at NATO Green, Instagram, Mr. NATO Green, but also I have a new series out. It's called Laughter Against the Machine, and it is streaming now on Means TV. Just out Means TV is the, in true NATO Green fashion, it is, I believe, the world's first worker-owned post-capitalist subscription streaming service for all of your socialist streaming needs.

And so, laughter against the machine is me and W. Kamau Bell and Jeanine Brito. It's footage that we shot many years ago when we went on a comedy tour where we like crossed the U.S. Mexico border. We went to political hotspots. Cross the Mexico border from Arizona. We visited the levees in New Orleans.

We were on strike with hotel workers. And then we were like all in the middle of Occupy Wall Street during police riots and doing comedy the whole way. So look it up on means TV to check that out. I saw clips of that. It looked really excellent. Yeah, it's footage that we filmed in 2011. It was sort of lost to the sands of time.

And I've been trying to figure out how to get it exhumed and released. And it was a long time ago when the country was driven by racial strife and division and xenophobia and the right wing was on the move and liberals and progressives were despondent and disorganized and so it's a good time capsule and not relevant to anything that we're dealing with now. Thanks very much and thanks thanks for listening, B Bugglers. We'll be back next week with Bougal 4164. Until then, goodbye. Don't forget to join the Bougal voluntary subscription service. Go to BougalPockers.com and click the donate button. And our new range of merch is available.

Tisha, Socks and Christmas Jumpers. And more to follow soon. Until next week, goodbye.