The Bugle - 4164: Falwell That Ends Well

Episode Date: August 28, 2020

Andy is joined by Alice Fraser and Aditi Mittal to discuss the many Trumps at the RNC and Jerry Falwell's pool boy. Also, salmon news, exams and British culture wars.GO TO OUR SITE FOR OUR NEW MERCH! WOO!Support what we do by making a one off or monthly donation here: http://thebuglepodcast.com/#donate. We carry no ads and exist because you make it happen!We have a sister show, The Last Post, which you can hear here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanAditi MittalAlice FraserAnd produced by Chris Skinner LISTEN TO RICHIE FIRTH: TRAVEL HACKER. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, Bugleers, and welcome to issue 4164 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world Hello bugleers and welcome to issue 4164 of the bugle audio newspaper for a visual world with me and his ultimate the five-time winner of the How what was it again? Don't never mind. It's Thursday the 27th of August Not for the first time and of adventure not for the last either, I hope not, anyway. I am live in London, and if you told someone standing right here, 3000 years ago that today,

a 45 year old second generation lapsed you would be recording a podcast with two guests, one in Australia, one in India, via the internet, on this very spot, well, you would have been met with some very blank faces and possibly an invitation to sharpen a piece of flint and nip up to the words to kill some dinner. But that is exactly what is happening right now. I'm in the shed and joining me from Sydney, Australia, it's Alice Fraser. Hello Alice. Hello Andy, hello buglers. I am indeed in Sydney, Australia and it's quite nice here is which is a change for the world.

Yummy that is the best the world has achieved this year I think. Outside the cricket bubble I think quite nice as good as the planet can get right now. What's making it quite nice? Well I've just moved my dad out of the flat we were sharing into his own house. He's bought a house and so it's been unpacking boxes and looking at memories and throwing them away. A metaphor for humanity itself. And joining us from Mumbai, India, where will Mumbai sit on the quite nice scale to tell us it's a DT-Mital. Oh, hello, Andy. Hello, Bueueglers, so nice to be here. Andy, I mean, I think it's now a well-known fact that I don't engage with the outside world

because my own Mania has kept me pretty busy during this pandemic. In fact, I recently got a dog, which is the wrong way to say it because the dog got me. At this point I am its designated poop and pee cleaner and that's pretty much what he looks at me as. So it's going really well. It's going really well. Great, have you back on the show? It's Thursday the 27th of August 2020, and as always, some sections of the belatedly remembering things, that was it. Five-time winner.

Very impressive. I've still got it. As always, some sections of the bugle are going straight in the bin. This week, stars in their Tsars, top celebrities reveal their favourite Russian Tsars. Here Justin Bebel lament the early and brutal death of young Fird or the second, whilst Hallibary ponders how different the world today would be if Babitsar Ivan the Sixth had ascended to the throne at a more mature age than two months old, whilst

Taylor Swift explains why she named her new parrot Constantine Pavlovich. Also in the bin, a pointless argument topic section, while this world is riven by furious disputes about issues of fundamental importance to our present or future, and our understanding of the past. So to help calm things down, we give you free from the bugle, nine completely pointless topics for a social media spat. Enjoy a consequence free bicker with an anonymous stranger that doesn't leave you trembling with existential dread at the true nature of humanity and the future of the planet on one or more of the following issues about which it should be impossible

to be provocatively in-sendery. Issue 1. Is it possible to drown a table? Two, to fish, you can usually like swimming. Three, should jujitsu be compulsory for recovering librarians? Or would they be better off learning the clarinet? Four, who would have been the better formula one driver? Composer, Bedric, Smetaner, or painter, Tintoretto? Five, douche nakes have lungs, six, is blinking over rated, seven, what is all the fuss about cushions at eight?

Carrots or tennis? And nine, a list that, but we're supposed to have nine things that end up with only eight. What's going on with that? I, Andy, I tried a tweet today where I was suggesting that, you know, you see people having arguments online all the time, but you don't know how qualified they are to their opinion, and that we should have a ranked hierarchical

caste system where people get assigned a certain font. And I said, for example, if you're an idiot, you can still have an opinion, you just have to do in Comic Sans. I thought, a harmless joke. And then immediately people came out of the woodwork to tell me that that mocking comic sans is ableist. Yeah. And then nice. Then some people told those people that actually mocking comic sans

isn't ableist because of these and it just didn't evolved into a whole argument. Ah, very stressful. Very stressful times we live in Andy. Such, such, such is life. Dr. Weirder, the, the, the. I think this millennium will be remembered as the millennium of pointless disputes, which it may be that'll be better than the second millennium, which was the millennium of highly important disputes. We are recording on the 27th of August happy Sacka Vessere to our Visigoth listeners 1,610 years since

Well your glory days really allurekin is rowdy rumpers squad finished their three-day wild weekend in Rome It began of course as a stagdo for allurex best friend Keith And ended up changing the course of European history. We're on the great empires crumbled on this day 90 years ago in Canada Five suffragists women sent a petition to the Governor-General to pose the landmark question to the Supreme Court. Does the word Persons in section 24, the British North America Act 1867, include female persons? It's a difficult question to answer, and we mustn't judge it by today's standards. The initial response from the Canadian Supreme Court was, well, no, could you possibly make us a nice part of tea. We have some very important men's legislating to do

and maybe some battenburg cakes as well, if you're not too busy. This, however, was overturned in October 1929 in what became known as the, oh, okay, then, ruling that women are indeed persons. And that is a ruling that the bugle fully supports. You better. Well, yeah, I mean, I don't know if you've got any views on that.

A DT analysis, I mean, history changes are perspective on these things. And who knows? People used to think the earth was flat. I mean, our women people really, because I think I've spent so much time as a bunch of flesh hanging around a ubrus that I'm not 100% sure there's even value in this argument. Tune in again in another 90 years time for a final definitive verdict. Top story this week as the old saying goes, how do you know of your planet is teetering

on the edge of total catastrophe when 50,000 fish make a break for freedom? This story really encapsulates the planet that not only are humans, not really satisfied with what's going on on but 50,000 salmon from a Scottish salmon farm escaped this week. I made a break for it. They've had enough. They've had enough of being associated with the human world, the enterprising aquatic exescapologists waited under cover of darkness underwater which looks quite dark, especially when it's dark. Until storm damage broke the mooring ropes of their piss-going penitentiary and they bolted for it. Sadly, 30,000 of the fish are estimated to have passed away without even having the chance to become a delicious teriyaki kabab or anything. Although obviously

when the film version of this heroic breakout story is made, they'll make it appear that everyone made it to freedom apart from one fish to give the movie a proper tear-junk a moment. Sadly, 125,000 of the other salmon at the farm were then punishment harvested as the official don't try to... The official don't try to reestablish piscopulin, piscopulin. The concern is that the escaped fish who have never known freedom in their young lives will now go absolutely nuts drunk on the sweet nectar of liberty and run out of their meager resources of cash within weeks and inevitably they'll be tension in the fishy hierarchy. The leadership will

fracture into rival factions and a bitter, into these giant struggle will ensue, but will leave that out of the film as well. It spoils the sweet narrative of freedom. Anyway, these Houdinis of the high seas and our report is to be gathering support for further breakouts from other fish farms causing panic in the frozen food industry. Alice, you are the Bugles fish escapology correspondent. Where does this rank in your hierarchy of great fishy breakouts? I mean, this was an epic breakout and it was caused by storm damage and this storm in question was storm Ellen. a reference here to a real storm and not to the recent scandalous revelations that the talk show fronted by Ellen DeGeneres

has a hostile backstage environment and toxic work culture. So it's a farm called the North Caradale Farm near Campbelltown and it suffered damage to four of its ten fish pens and even if I don't really understand what a fish pen is, I feel that I can deduce it from context. And I definitely know that four out of 10 is heaps when it's in fish. Not heaps in a spelling test. Heaps in a fish escape.

But yeah, this is an amazing thing, because 48,834 salmon escaped. 30,616 died. 125,000 were, as you say, punishment harbored, harvested. Which, wait, I don't understand how the harvesting became part of the escape story. If it's a prison break, a f*** ton of fish get shot by the guards.

If it's not a prison break, the remaining fish should be treated as respected prisoners, the Judas fish, maybe to lead the other fish back home. Environmental campaigns have raised concerned about the escaped fish breeding with wild Scottish salmon, which seems racist. I don't know how old it does. Just let them live their lives, they want to live. A DT, I don't know if the fish industry of India has been, is now concerned about your copycat breakouts across the country. You know, actually, Andy, I have to tell you, this story personally resonated with me

very strongly because it reminded me of that moment in Indian history when we raised the slogan Salman go back which happened in 1928 when the Simon Commission came to India in a commission of seven English MPs and the Indians sort of rose up in protest for representation and so this reminded me of that incident and it you know actually warms my heart to imagine 50,000 salmon just breaking out of the shackles of this of their pens just screaming like this is sputter! And because it's so beautiful to me to watch them escaping because they're finally sort of reclaiming their lives because I have realized that a few minutes I was looking up should

we should we be eating salmon right? Is salmon an endangered species? And no it's not, no it's not. In fact Google Google tells you, you know what? If you want to go ahead and have a couple of bites, go ahead, choose the wild, the last one once, because they're not as toxic. And so actually, I realize that this article is basically us going, oh my god, the food has escaped. Because I don't think that this has anything to do with us really caring about

the salmon population, about their feelings. And so to me, I support the Salmon Freedom Movement very strongly. And I hope even the ones that have been harvested as a protest, I mean, you know, as a sign of, as a retaliation to the ones, the 50,000 that have escaped, I know that the 50,000 that have escaped will carry the torch of freedom further out. So many seminars are contained in these farms, I'm hoping that this escape will balance the scales a little. Boom, boom. So I'm hoping that this escape will balance the scales a little. Boom. Boom. I mean, it's hard to know where to go after that. It's a story that's touched the world deeply.

I mean, I love the idea of this being like a spotter kiss revolution. And if it's anything like spotter kiss the TV series, then these something that have been wearing not nearly as funny. You've just absolutely ripped Sam and having a ridiculous amount of sex and destroying the Roman Empire as they do so. But the question does arrive, let's look at the world, the human world that the Sam and I are trying to escape from. Clearly, it's been of a mess we've had yet more tragedies

in America's ongoing battle with progress. Clearly these 50,000 Samaritan thought we don't need these land-based, except for the legated losers anymore. We're better off out of it. Let's start with Well, let's start with the Indian news, DT. We've had our exam scandals here in Britain where our government has decided to really parade its fearless incompetence to quite extraordinary, almost a limbic level. I understand there's exam brows in India as well. Yes, Andy, we have had the, we are currently in the middle of the protest against the, for the postponement of the JEE and NET admission exams. JEE stands for the joint entrance exam and NET stands for the National Illegibility and Entrance Test. JEE is for engineering and architecture courses and NET is for medical courses. Though the exams have been currently scheduled for September 1st, but have already been postponed

twice due to of course, I don't know if anyone said this before, on this podcast, unprecedented times. And we are currently, India is currently number one, yes, thank you, at 70,000 cases a day. These are kind of like the Indian SATs which we are currently calling the Indian WTFs. Students have protested by wearing black armbands and changing their display pictures to black which several Indian celebrities mistook for a black lives matter protest sign after they discovered it's for our own Indians only. They changed their DPs back to something that can be jerked off to and that's as important

as service for our students as any. In fact, one of the beautiful things that emerged out of this protest is, you know, the signs that students are holding up and one of the students has held up a sign saying we want to be doctors please don't make us patients and I think that's wonderful I think that's wonderful it's also kind of saddening because it makes me realize a lot of really creative people are going to be going into the sciences. At point, Greta Thunberg has tweeted in support of the postponement of these exams, which is insane.

It's the ultimate endorsement, because this kid spent some time ignoring exams, but there was no pandemic. And it was really good for her. And there have, of course, also been floods in three major states in India, which is further exacerbating the problems that students have had. At this point, it's like Noah offloading all the animals from the ark and saying, okay guys, I don't know what the world is going to be like when we find land in terms of food

or danger, but you have to f*** enough to repopulate your entire species almost instantly. Also no pressure, but anyone up for an exam. At this point what this government has done is that they are regulating the exam dates from the center but the pandemic handling has to come from the state and this is the ultimate form of dadness by the central government where he's like, oh my god, I need to go out golfing so I'm going to leave my kid in a car on a hot summer's day with the windows rolled up. And then the kid dies and he takes him home and shouts at the mother saying, it probably

happened because you haven't been giving him enough water. Now he's dead. Who's fault is that? I mean, this is the education ministry doubling down on a date like a really persistent dude on Bumble that you've been chatting with but don't feel safe enough to go out with yet. And this is the thing like rising hate scams lack of education won't kill us but postponing of exams will and look the dates have already been shifted enough and multiple times. And they say, but they say that they have to do the exams right now because it might lead

to a log jam of admissions in successive years because medical schools have a fixed schedule and I'm like can we change the schedule of medical schools because during a five month pandemic I don't know if anyone said this before, but unprecedented times, it's not like medical schools schedules are unchangeable. But no, no, no, oh my God, the academic year, the academic year.

I'm like, you know what? You can't spell pandemic without academic. You can. That's why I never appeared for this exam. But I guess the idea here is to let a bunch of students die in the entrance exam itself so that there will be fewer applicants in the colleges. This reminds me of my brother's father-in-law who, when he gets a bunch of resumes for a job will split been half throw half in the bin and say I don't want anyone unlucky working for me.

That's all that stuff. That's what we do with all job interviews in Britain. It's just, yeah, before we rip them in half and chuck them in, they've been, we check what school and university that person went to, make sure that made of the right stuff for this country. I mean, it's not been a thought, Aditi, to take an example from Indian cricket. The Indian Premier League cricket competition has been moved to the United Arab Emirates, because they not just make all Indian students sit their exams in Dubai.

You know, the reputation that we have gone through this pandemic has been, I don't know if anyone has ever said this before, but unprecedented. So, in Indians, before the pandemic were not super welcome anywhere else, and now I reckon it's going to get lesser. For the Indian media this situation is a gold mine because after the exams there will be a series of heartwarming stories about the student who was tied to a chair and had to pee in a diaper and survive off of hair and socks while being stabbed continuously in the forehead with a plastic spock and they still managed to get 95%. This super spreader was also a super score because there is literally no stone cold hearted decision of the government that the media cannot turn into a heartwarming story.

Britain news now and Britain has been racked by a fundamental argument about its national identity yet again after the BBC announced that the last night of the prom's concert, the annual flag waving festivity of patriotic music, will only include instrumental versions of the song's Land of Hope and Glory and Rule Britannia, Land of Hope and Glory, which those unfamiliar with might be surprised to discover is actually about Britain and Rule Britannia, which despite being a popular song appears to be a memo that got lost somewhere in Boris Johnson's intray underneath a bigger memory, reminding him to dick around, talk shit, abdicate responsibility and blame anything that moves. It's been a fascinating look into the way Britain is at the moment. This comes out, I once went to I think, or Proms in the Park,

where they have a sort of concert in Hyde Park and they show live TV relay from the Albert Hall of the concerts going on there in the annual proms festivities. And I can say if you say it was probably the dullest evening of my life and bear in mind the number of my own gigs I've been to. That is high accolade. It's not really my thing, these kind of musical acts of patriots. I'm not, should be honest, I've all struggled with patriots as much, it's just not really, not really my favorite hobby, I prefer cricket. And you know, it's not really, you

know, other people, you know, do like patriotism, but don't like cricket. Each of their own, we all find what we can find to keep ourselves distracted from reality, whether it's immersing ourselves in the glorious exploits of elite level sports players and athletes or waving a little flag and singing objectively silly and impressively inachronistic songs. So the um it's uh so what happened is the BBC said they're what they're going to do a musical only version of these two songs um uh then the uh the right wigg media largely jumped on the same thing as another attack on British tradition. The song Rule Britannia contains the lyric, Britain's never,

never, never shall be slaves. Boris Johnson said, I think it's time we stopped our cringing embarrassment about our history. Now, let's give him some credit. He's doing his level best to ensure that we're no longer cringingly embarrassed about our past, because this is heavily camouflaged by cringing embarrassment about our present and a stomach churning sense of dread about our future, which is probably the best way to deal with any lingering historic guilt we've got. And also, cringing embarrassment, a. A, cringing embarrassment is the flip side of flag-waving pride. I don't think you can have one without the other.

Personally, I can't really be bothered with either of them, but that doesn't mean I don't acknowledge both the great achievements of Britain's past, and it is deep scarring sins domestically internationally that have shaped Britain and the other world as it is today. But I've just not really, it's not really my thing, flag waving pride or cringing embarrassment. And also cringing embarrassment, that's what you feel when you watch the Eurovision song contest. Or remember to read some, giving a conference speech, or watch highlights of England losing to New Zealand in 1986 in a test series.

Or think about having a Prime Minister who hid in a f***ing fridge. That is cringing embarrassment. Cringing embarrassment does not quite cover slavery and a sense of empire. Stealing and murdering hundreds of thousands of people, oh it does make me blush. Oh, it's grunting embarrassment. He said, we need to stop this self-recrimination and wetness.

He's wetness. Wetness. Is he wet? I think that maybe celebrating the lives of shysters like Robert Clive has discussed on the bugle with big bronze sniveling statues, which is the wetness there, or the wetness of hiding in a fridge to avoid a journalist. Anyway, it's been... We know from the reaction to the Cardi B song that many conservative public figures disapprove of wetness, and I am tempted to make a cheap joke about all wetness disappearing in the presence

of Boris Johnson, but I'm better than that, you're better than that. And we all know he meant wetness in the flaccid British private schoolboy vernacular sense and not in its diametrically opposed female moistness. Probably. Show. People are accusing Boris Johnson of cynically attempting to provoke outrage in the culture war by criticizing the BBC over their decision about the prompts. If you don't know what prompts is, it's like the prom in American schools, except nothing to do with school or students, and more of a week of musical concerts with some banger karaoke

sing-alongs like Jerusalem and God save the Queen, and thousands of people singing along to classical music, because you're partying like it's 1899. And this year of course because of coronavirus concerns, the concept will be very different. With fewer performers, concerns about how spitty horn sections in the orchestra can get are identical about this hot tip, extremely spitty. And there will be no audience to sing the words along it. Anyway, whether they decide to have words or not. Here's a hint, you can sing along at home and nobody will know whether you're singing the words in a racist way, singing the words in a way that

patriartically celebrates all the good things about British culture or as the vast majority of people who sing along at concerts do, singing the words wrong. As the old woman, the actual lyrics of rural Britannia are,ool Britannia Britannia rule the waves La la la la la la la la waves People then spent hundreds of hours arguing about how cynical they thought this move had been by Boris How distracted from the main issue they were all weren't And whether the BBC are pandering leftist quizzlings betraying the glorious spirit of the British people, or actually quite fascist really, and only pandering to the leftists in order to conceal a hideous fact that they're actually fascistic boot-looking

authoritarian kinksters, with a ponchon for being whipped by private schoolboys, over a mahogany desk with your face buried in a bowl of eaten mess while an oil painting of a midfielder and a safari suit watchers disapprovingly. Sorry, what was the main issue? What was the main issue we were talking about? The BBC claims that, as you say, was prompted by issues of Covid transmission and there being fewer performers, obviously, the right-wing press reported this as being the BBC being a front from Marxist conspiracy to destroy Britain. And basically ran headlines saying BBC bans anyone from singing ever for the rest of time. A BBC spokesman said for

the avoidance of any doubt these songs will be sung next year. Now, obviously, this is the BBC being lackey to the government. A tub thumping jingo is blathering on endlessly about team GB. Such is the the curse of the bbc it simply cannot and will not win well this is the thing i would like to note for everybody listening whether in the uk or not the problems haven't happened yet yes well everyone is already outraged at what they assume will happen oh yeah well that's that that's the key without rage you have to get out rage in early these days there's no point waiting for something to happen to be outraged about the land of hope and glory for the sake of BBC

Balance and they are they're just hearing actually they are gonna now sing land of hope and glory but balance it out With a version entitled land of despair and rubbishness just to make sure that we get both sides Of the picture and David Lamy the Labour MP accused the government of trying to distract from its own, quote, relentless incompetence. Now, I think this is a, this is basically a good two-word summation of the Johnson regime. So relentless in, I mean, at least with Theresa May the incompetence lacks that fevered intensity that the Johnson junta has brought to the task. It's more rubbish village fate where they forgot to order any tables.

All the raffle prices had to be balanced on the back of the vicar who crouched on all fours for the whole afternoon and where the food was all for the wrong month. So the sausages has gone molding. There was a wasps nest in the Apple Bobbing Bucket. That was Theresa May leveling competence. But this relentless incompetence of John, that's a whole new level of commitment. Well, they say women can multitask, so she was all doing some quite competent things with her left hand

while doing the incompetence with her right. Whereas Boris Johnson is charging right ahead of it with that patriarchal power. I like how David Lamy said the PM Prime Minister was trying to distract the public in a pathetic way, he said he'll take any opportunity to start a culture war, thus Lamy succumbing to the irresistible urge to leap into the very trenches of that culture war by drawing attention to the pointless fight that up until that point nobody knew needed having. A couple of other Boris Johnson stories this week, he has rubbish suggestions which apparently emanated from Dominic Cummings' father-in-law, his Machiavellian advisor and behind the scenes, Schitt Sturra, that Johnson could step down in six months' time due to ongoing health issues. He's labeled these

suggestions as absolute nonsense and confirm that he will in fact step down in six months due to massive incompetence and being for shitless of having to do a real job. And there was this wonderful story about he gave a speech in a school as he attempted to deflect blame for the exams he had to go and whoever's the school librarian had lined up a spectacular array of books behind Johnson. These books included the Twits by Rolle-Dale, the subtle knife Fahrenheit 451 and various other dystopian stories about the collapse of civilization. It was one of the most glory at the subtle knife and other one betrayed. It was one of the most glory, the subtle knife at other one, betrayed.

It was one of the most gloriously subtle burns that has possibly ever been perpetrated in the history of political burning. American news now, and well, I remember thinking last weekend to myself you know Andy there is simply not enough going on in this world that is harrowingly ominously dystopian please or might ease use give us something just something that proves that all hope of normality dignity and indeed hope itself can be truly crushed and we can all move on from the ephemeral affectation of optimism and except that democracy and civilisation are not only dead but never truly alive well my prayers have been well and truly answered by the Republican Convention this week,

which successfully boil down every fear you could possibly have about the present and future of global politics, into a week of soul-tremblingly weird propaganda. Woo-hoo! It's been just bafflingly terrifying. I mean, nothing says I'm cleaning the swamp more than a series of your own family members who found themselves bafflingly in positions of alarming responsibility. Toadying up to daddy D-dog whilst others expect to rate into the gaping mouth of American Dermcratic tradition precedent and legality. Alice, have you been following this curious parade of bizarnas?

I find myself almost incapable of watching more than 30 seconds of it without having an anxiety attack and I don't even have anxiety. I find it incredibly stressful to watch and particularly the family circus shenanigan re because normally when politicians step forward into office holding the arms around the shoulders of their children and wives what What they're saying is, allow me to present to you the people who I will be ignoring for the next, the rest of the term of my duty. But he's presented his family as like this weird, intonation, political, familial, hierarchical, dynastic, power system thing and all of them are awful. Like none of them are good.

All of them not only are awful, they look like they're having a horrible time being awful. But if you can't be awful at least enjoy it. You're a cackle of it. You know. This is so cute, Alice, it's so, it's so enduring to watch someone be confused by that. I mean, have you seen Indian politics, and that's literally all it is. That's, that's so nice.

That almost gave me hope. Yes, I think this is the terrible pain of being an optimist or having a bad memory. One of the two, I'm always surprised that all the full people can be. Optimism and amnesia are happy bedfellows. In other American news, naughty Christians news now, the Full World family has found itself caught up in another scandal. Alice, you are high profile religious figures being massively hypocritical correspondent with your background in pretty much every major global religion. Tell us what the fullwells have been up to.

I mean, this is an amazing story, Andy. And by amazing, I mean, a fairly straightforward story in which the four worlds who were religious, evangelical family, who supported Trump, are now having been revealed with quite a lot of backing evidence that they supported Trump because he had evidence that they were having an affair with a young man. And the constitution of the affair is not entirely clear,

but it seems to be being agreed by pundits that it was Mr. Fawel, watching Mrs. Fawel and this at the time, Paul Boy, who then they later went into business with and fell apart, and he then revealed all. I just feel like there are so many authoritarian figures in the evangelical religious community whose kink has to be hypocrisy? Like the only reason to get that high in one of these performative moral scolding communities

is to dial up the orgasm you have when privately betraying the principles you publicly espouse. You know, you can just not be a religious leader. You know, no one's going to get in trouble having dirty sex in a hotel balcony if you're just Joe Blox. You can join a community where that shit is encouraged, you know? Those sex based functions do tend to involve way more admin than you would think.

I have a friend who's into sex parties and they're always doing spreadsheets and color coding, consent, symbolism, and things like that. It's quite heavy, but I do. Sounds like what I do with cricket statistics. They're also, I mean, let's look at it from a biblical point of view. Oh, but Andy, may I recommend swinging? Well, I mean, you say that. Of course, England's greatest swing bowler, Jimmy Anderson,

which has had a tough record this week. So I've been doing a lot of swing swings. Oh, boy, could he bowl a hundred of tech records this week, so I've been doing a lot of swing swings. Oh boy, could he bowl us at a keys into a glass? Oh, pasta on pitch-blog with a B this week. Biblically, I mean, people say it's hypocritical, which just very much depends which version of the Bible you read in the Gospel according to some Alvin. There is, of course, the parable of the voyeuristic priest masturbating while he was jagged to toy boy. There's the miracle of the inexplicable threesome and even if you go back to the Old Testament which of course is the or as we like to call

it the correct testament, the book of Proverbs, some Proverbs that justify what the full worlds have done. It turned not your eyes away from your wife, congruintling with a hot young dude, for the Lord also sees everything. And the perving husband strangles the early pigeon. I think that pretty much justifies. Oh yeah, very importantly, let not your seed fall on barren ground, let it fall on 1,000 thread 1000 thread count cotton sheets while your wife

fucks the poor boy. You're very good. It very much depends how you translate the original. I feel like we should end this with A-men. A-men, one man, two men, one wife. Well that brings us to the end of this week's Bugal. Thanks as always to our wonderful guests. A DC great, have you back on the show? Have you got any shows or recordings or podcasts or videos to alert our listeners to?

You know I would go back, my two Netflix specials, one of them is called Things They Wouldn't Let Me Say The Other One is a part of the comedians of the World series, it's called Girl Meets Mike, and the third one is called Mother of Invention, which is on nextupcomedy.com. And please follow me on Instagram, where I have a meltdown live at 4 p.m. Indian Standard Time every day. And follow me on Twitter, where you will regret following me on Twitter and that's it. I have a daily satirical news podcast set in Olden Dimension called The Last Post. I have a weekly podcast called Tea with Alice.

I have a number of specials out available variously on Amazon Prime or next up comedy or other things but you can get them all by going to patreon.com slash Alice Fraser for behind the scenes. Look at my glamorous life. Yes, oh before we go, Bugle Merch is a live and well, again after a bit of a break to spend some time with itself and think about what it's what what is going on in the world. You can get t-shirts and socks and Christmas jumpers. There are a few Christmas jumpers left before we are sold out and have to have a very difficult discussion about whether to have some more made or not. Anyway, go to the website. If you do not buy Christmas jumpers now, you are a perfect metaphor for the ways in which people are incapable of long-term thinking

just because it's hot where you are, doesn't mean winter will never come. That's right. Set an example for the future generations of this planet, people are incapable of long-term thinking, just because it's hot where you are, doesn't mean winter will never come. That's right. Set an example for the future generations of this planet by buying a Christmas jumper. For them! Thank you very much for listening. We'll have a sub-episode next week and then be back with a full episode in a couple of weeks time.

And we will play you out, as always, with some lies about our premium level voluntary subscribers to join them and help keep the people healthy, free and independent, go to thebreaglepodcast.com and click the donate button. James Conway is not that impressed with Pythagoras' theorem. Sure says James, big P might have had some funky ideas about planets, the earth, music, and stuff like that. But triangles? Give me a break. Seriously, who gives a flying one about right-angle triangles? I often go months without even thinking about them, let alone using one. Pythagoras should have kept that tedious gulf to himself, the jumped-up protractor waggling idiot, no offense. Strongpoint strongly made James.

Similarly, Nick Anderson is not convinced that tardigrades, the self-styled, most resilient living creatures in the world, are really up to much objectively speaking. Well, well done then for being able to withstand extremes of heat, cold radiation, pressure and oxygen and water deprivation, says Nick. But what's the point if you're only 1mm long? If I was only 1mm long, I reckon I could probably roll with a few more of Nature's punches too, rails Nick. Hef Davis acknowledges Nick's point, but adds that we need to, quotes, give the tardigrades a bit of time. They're probably playing a long game evolutionarily, and if we come back in 1 or 2 million years' time, I reckon we'll see Todd Egrade's about an average of five to six, maybe six and a half feet tall, bustling

around in power suits, making some seriously sweet dollar whilst not having to worry about air conditioning nuclear wars, environmental devastation or burst water mains. They are concludes hef simply biding their time and learning from arm mistakes. Brian Weeger has come to the conclusion that not only is a vague sense of annoyance the natural state of all human existence, but that that very fact was, in fact, key to humanity's spectacular progress up the evolutionary rankings. Being knocked off about stuff made early humans think of solutions and improvements to try and make them less annoyed explains Brian, like for example the door to make caves less

irritatingly vulnerable to burglars and dinosaurs, or the wheel to make us less pissed off that we get being outrun and mulled to death by saber-tooth tigers and giant wippits, or the underpants for very obvious reasons. Chris Blakely agrees and adds that being vaguely annoyed about stuff is generally way more useful as a human being than having opposable thumbs or having discovered how to do agriculture. Thumbs tend to end up being twiddled to no discernible purpose, argues Chris. Whilst agriculture is all very impressive, but we can get food from supermarkets now so it's probably had its day. A vague sense of annoyance, however, is a key productivity driver, alongside its evolutionary siblings, a furious sense of injustice, and a repacious sense of entitlement.

On the subjects of vague feelings, Matt Shakespeare wonders whether there is a piece of terminology in the field of psychoanalysis that describes that feeling when you're being run over by a rhinoceros in your sleep. None of the current terms I'm aware of quite do it justice says Matt, who has also pledged to stop watching both nature documentaries and motoracing in the hour and a half before bedtime every night. And that is the end of this week's lies.