The Bugle - 4169 Strikes and Jet Skis

Episode Date: October 13, 2020

Andy is joined by Alice Fraser for a tour of the week's 'news', before being joined by special guest Nato Green, live from a strike. Finally The American rejoins the show to celebrate Donald Trump.GO TO OUR SITE TO SEE NEW MERCH!Support what we do by making a one off or monthly donation here: http://thebuglepodcast.com/#donate. We carry no ads and exist because you make it happen!We have a sister show, The Last Post, which you can hear here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserNato GreenThe AmericanAnd produced by Chris Skinner LISTEN TO RICHIE FIRTH: TRAVEL HACKER. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, and welcome to a special interactive edition of The Bugle, in which we give you the listener a choice of which show to listen to. Your options this week are the true story of cushions. Magic Mertles Moonshine Mayhem, the podcast in which Magic Mertle, 63rd rank to Necromancer in Utah, which is a surprisingly impressive achievement, gets hammered on homemade spirits and attempts to make the dead laugh with some extremely rude jokes. Are you using your bucket wrong? The paint-culler podcast, ten new paint-cullers described. What worms think this week with a special interview with Germany's leading worm impersonator

Werner Wurm, be warned Werner stays in character throughout? Which isn't great audio to be honest, despite the undercurrent of sexual tension between himself and herself. Donald Trump screams at traffic, also known as the news from America, or the bugle. Please make your decision now. You have chosen the bugle. Hello, bugleers, that instant vote was much closer than I would have hoped to welcome to issue 4169 of the bugle I am Andy Zoltzman, now aged 46, a whole year more than when I last spoke to you, which coincidentally is the age of which Buddy Holly had he lived, would have produced an album of avant-garde hard-house cover versions of the songs of the British

punk band The Slits. In 1982 that would have been a decade ahead of its time, shows what we lost when the music died. Also by Cointurance 46 there is the equivalent age in Delania Americana Mayfly years, at which the average Delania Americana Mayfly starts to wonder what it's doing with its life. For the male Delania that's about 18 minutes into its half-hour lifespan. For the female, it's about the three-minute mark of her five minutes of existence. Probably just enough time for the lady delinears to start meditating on the patriarchal unfairness of delinear lifespan, I imagine. And for the dude delinears to think about running off

with a two-minute old female delinear and buying a flashy new car. I'm not suggesting the fourth that I've started wondering what I'm doing with my life at the age of 46, far from it. I've been wondering that for at least the past 45 years. Well, joining me on this week's bugle from the other side of the world, it's Alice Fraser. Hello, Alice. Hello, Andy. Hello, bugleers. How are you? I'm well. I'm well thanks, how's Australia? It's full of despair but you know, nice weather. Well that's despair and much more. It's full of magpies at the moment. I got swooped by a magpie earlier today. Right. If there's despair and nice weather, is that slightly more irritating because you can't even use the weather as a metaphor for your general sense of being. Yes, yes. Does it make poetry harder?

Yes, the pathetic fallacy is a bunk. After the pathetic fallacy is something I've had. Sorry, it's not a family show. I've met your family. Also joining us later on, we have two interviews with, well, from across the pond in America, with one with a bit of a blast and a bugle past and one with NATO green. We are recording on the 12th of October 2020. On this day in 1492 Christopher Columbus's first expedition made landfall in the Caribbean in the Bahamas, they exchanged gifts with

the local Tino people. Not sure, history doesn't tell us what to Columbus received, but it is known that his hamper of goodies for the locals consisted of a bumper sticker, a branded CC explorer travel bag, a leg of good quality ham, smallpox, and a commemorative puter tankard, inscribed with the traditional European greeting. Congratulations, you've been colonized. On this day, 200 years later, in 1692, the Salem witch trials ended. At the time, time of course there was considerable legal and linguistic semantic dispute over whether or not there was any difference between the word witch and the word woman. But a recent computer simulation has revealed that if tried under the laws of 1692 97% of all people alive today would be legally witches and who wins out of that of course

the lawyers always the way still raking it in some 328 years later and coincidentally 328 the number of spiders you're supposed to throw into your cauldron in some witches recipe to read into that what you will. As always a section of the bugle is going straight in the bend this week, board games, a special board games section, now we're all spending a lot more time at home playing board games either literally or metaphorically with our inner selves. And we review the latest board games to come out, including Forget Me What, which is a brilliant new game for the disposable

instant media generation. Draw three cards to describe a new sensation sweeping the internet from stacks of person stroke animal cards, activity cards and adverb cards to make a sensation such as a donkey, canoeing, fearfully, or micapents shaving his head erotically. Set the included egg time a going, and if any of your opponents could remember any aspect of your sensation, you lose points for insufficient viral fm morality. Also, we review another exciting new game, Top Tirt, a deeply historical game of politics, in which you have to move your politician around the board, collecting scandals, failures, indignities,

and other assorted corruptions and career in aptitudes. Land on a maker, speech, or right and article square for the chance to win extra gratuitous offending and naked hypocrisy points. Compete with your opponents for most ethically squalid business practices or political policies. Antiguaal reputation is so destroyed that nothing can damage you further. The 21st century politicians shield of invincibility. The first person to achieve total unelectability wins and becomes the king turd who was floated to the top of

its coosier politics. Also we review reboots of classic board games for our new Covid age, including no risk and update of the world's domination classic risk for the Covid age you begin on one of the continents and stay there having nothing to do with anywhere else in the world. Each turn the player rolls the dice which are blank on all sides and then does nothing. The game ends when all players agree that everything is futile. Also, squabble, which is a cross between scrabble and a squabble, in which players have to dispute all words played by their opponents because hey it's 2020

we're humans and how do we know we're alive if we're not in a futile argument with someone. And, no operation. An inaction pact fun for none of the family game as the much loved electric loop based game of steady hands operation moved into the year 2020. Essentially it's the same set up the operation table with patients a pair of tweezers for removing organs all wired up to a buzzer and a light. But each player is allowed no all wide up to a buzzer and a light But each player is allowed no closer than two meters from the board and no operations are allowed to take place That board game review section in the bin you aboard games fan Alex or not I'm not I feel like I should be a board games fan. I played a fair bit of board games with with my first year

University friends and then to the point where they bought me a trivial pursuit board for my 18th birthday and they gave it to me and I thought I hate board games. What I liked was my friends. Top story this week, Covid around the world. And while it lost some good news, Alice, we always focus on the negatives with Covid, the pain, suffering, tragedy, the slow degradation of everything that makes life worth living, the crushing of the hopes and dreams of generations amidst the political flailings of the Annept and Unqualified, the agonising realisation that democratic politics is dealing with all of its challenges incredibly badly, the heart-rending lack of spectators at sport and

face masks. And we bleed on about negative things like our governments awarding billions of pounds worth of contracts to companies with no discernible expertise but friends in high places. We bleed on about that as if companies with relevant expertise could have done any better, which they could have done, but that's not the point. But what about the positives, Alice? What about the positives? Obviously, I mean, people do, it's not well, we haven't mentioned the positives at all. People bang on about the displays of incredible humanity and generosity, nice homemade bread, the intermittent outbreaks of token and stick performative corporate shame. But what about real, tangible, measurable politics? Well, this week at last, there is one, because billionaires are doing measurably well out of this

global pandemic. Surely that is something for us all to cling to. Yes, Sandy, the headline that I read is the wealth of the world's billionaires is up 27% during COVID, open brackets, cackless and evil wizard with a hard on from recreating the feudal systems of a fart pass by regenerating a peasant versus aristocracy format. I'm definitely not saying that the billionaires wanted or caused a massive increase in human suffering that directly

caused an uptick in their personal wealth. I am saying that when you see your industry on a sea sore with human happiness, you might want to start trickling some of that wealth downward by, for example, pinning employee wages to profit you ravenous, salach malnutric whips. Just always be careful when you're on a sea sore. What may come trickling down from the other end? The breakdown, if I had a look at this, the breakdown of billionaire winners from the coronavirus

is fascinating to me. So tech billionaires' wealth is up 41%. That makes sense to me. The gentle touch of a grandmother, a spontaneous ego-boosting kiss, slightly do close to the lips from a hot colleague. Even the ability to punch a Nazi have all been sublimated to unsatisfying technological proxies. Even the suns coming crudibly close together. Yeah, everyone's getting cancelled.

Even the self-protective ironic sexiness of a let's not define this relationship, Netflix and Chille has turned into a solo Netflix and YouTube at the same time. So that makes sense. Healthcare billionaires also make sense. Their profits have gone up with mortality to the forefront of people's wallets and some of the nicer billionaires dropping funding into other billionaires, like a money-based version of Suck and Blow. Even the people who are offering things that people would especially want during a pandemic makes sense to me. China's

new richest person is a bottled water guy. James Dyson is doing incredibly well. He's the top of the UK rich list because who doesn't want a top notch vacuum cleaner when you have to spend 23 hours a day confronted by your own skin flakes? The weird thing, the weird thing for me is that the rise in billionaire money reflects my favourite brain for cereal, incidentally. The thing that's gone up is like stock markets and industrial since late March. And that has happened even though most countries are in severe recession. The reason apparently is that industrials are being priced, the markets are pricing in what's called a significant economic recovery after the lockdown ends, which is a really nice way of saying

that people are paying the people they think will be rich later by making them rich now, which is a significant portion of the reason that they will be rich later because nothing makes money like free money. Oh, it's so reassuring that our economic system constantly learns the lessons from historic mistakes. Now, then why are I looking at it? I mean, this is a genuine good news story. You said the report from the Swiss bank, UBS, showed that the world's 10-digit network individuals have seen their wealth climb by over a quarter during the pandemic to just over $10 trillion. That's 10 trillion or in lay person's terms, how much?

And that's not just in the pandemic, that was from April to July alone. So basically, April, that's the, just going long enough, April, to see how the pandemic was unfolding and say to each other, hang on team gazillions, is it just me, or is anyone else up for happy hour at club global crisis? And again, I think it's a positive, because let's not forget,

Billionaires are one of the world's smallest minorities. Numerically, there are fewer billionaires than speakers of the Collina language in Brazil and Peru, which is comparatively healthier, almost 4,000 people, almost double the amount of people who speak fluent billionaire. A extreme poverty is set to rise for the first time in two decades this year, but that doesn't matter so much, out of sight, out of mind. And, you know, let's focus on the success of these hard-working billionaires. The UBS report said that some billionaires have donated some of their increased wealth

to help the fight against COVID. The report said that they'd identified 209 billionaires who've publicly committed a total equivalent to $7.2 billion from March to June. So that's around 10% of all billionaires who've committed to giving a bit of a shit and they have pledged almost 100% of the collective billionaire wealth pot to the global cause. You simply can't ask for more than that, can you? You cannot ask for any more than that. You can't afford to ask for more than that. Presidents versus COVID updates now, and well Donald Trump has proved conclusively this week

that the 210,000 people and counting who have died from or with COVID in the USA were all wrong. 10,000 people and counting who have died from or with COVID in the USA were all wrong. They were wrong to do so. COVID is actually a piece of piss on a cakewalk in the park. Those were the presidents. Own words written with his own face. I mean, it's a miraculous recovery, Alice. I mean, from you would have thought that it's a miraculous recovery really and it shows very much that God is clearly on the side of the the present who just who described his bout of COVID as a blessing from God as well as a process election campaign opportunity. The kind of thing only really

awesome people get and no big deal unless you're a wimp about it and die. But the key I mean he didn't say all of those out loud but it's very much all of those were implied, but he did say out loud, it was a blessing from God. I mean, you are renowned to be in direct contact with various deities, current present and future. Is there any truth to this claim might by the president? The thing about Trump's illness is that nobody believes any of it. Everything that has come out from all sides of the equation,

whether it's his doctors or him, just no one believes it. And they don't believe it for different reasons. If they're on his side, they think that it's a secret plot that he's doing. And if they're on the other side they think that it's a secret plot that he's doing and if if they're on the other side they think it's a secret plot and just nobody what is the point of anyone saying anything if no one can believe anything anyone says well that's that's getting very philosophical now I mean it's it's only gave Trump a chance to channel his in a cartoon autocrat and indeed his outer cartoon autocrat. Amazingly how often those

two go together. He flew back to the White House in a chopper that only after the chilly weather put him off returning naked in a burning golden chariot. He then heroically strode up a staircase, leaving himself majestically only very slightly, obviously, desperately gasping for breath. He then removed his mask because, well, why not show your people you're unafraid of other people getting ill? That's the kind of strong friendship we need in this world. And then saluted the military helicopter like any decent, draft dodger would, and then made the chopper take off by saying, a rise, my pretty, pretty. It's managed to turn it into some kind of personal triumph, the way he's projected it to the American

point. You do get the impression that if he was a footballer, he would be the kind of footballer who would celebrate wildly and point at the name on the back of his shirt. After a ball ricocheted into the net off his ass for a 94th minute consolation goal in a 9-1 defeat, after he had scored four own goals and repeatedly whacked his own goalkeeper in the crotch with a baseball bat. And he told America not to live in fear of the virus, which in a way that's fair enough, it's also good for example not to live in fear of lions, but that doesn't mean that you have to demonstrate how little you fear lions by putting on a pantomime zebra outfit,

smearing yourself in wildebeest flav flavored ketchup and prancing around a safari park shouting, look at me not being afraid, before fearlessly unlocking the gates of the lion enclosure. One of the things that is astonishing to me is that he told America that he had lied to them about the virus for their own good. Now he's telling them that he got the virus because he was being brave for them. And despite having already told them that he lied, what, I think

the people who say they like Trump because he says what he means, then spend all of their time explaining what he actually meant by what he said. Or explaining that he didn't mean what he said, but he didn't say it on purpose. And what he said, he meant wasn't what he meant to say, he meant because it's obvious what he meant, that he, it's so obvious that he meant, it's so obvious what he meant that he didn't need to actually say it. That's a very good summary of the last four years, to be honest. He speaks in innuendo conspiracy jargon half sentences. He uses language like an abstract impressionist to sort of herd people towards meanings

that are more emotional states than they are ideas. Everything he says is a Rochart test if the ink plots are always in the shape of a penis holding a gun and a massively overdrawn credit card in the name of a shell company. That's a beautiful image Alice. He's given a number of experimental treatments to expedite his recovery and get him back to work as quickly as possible including steroids, plasma and the looming prospect of electoral defeat. I think it was probably the most effective medicine he could have had, to be honest. He downplayed the seriousness of the virus and basically said that if only the 200,000

plus losers who've lost to it had taken the simple precaution of having access to a helicopter their own private hospital and a million dollars worth of medical treatment. They would probably agree with him instead of being dead. He was given Dexamethasone, which has a number of side effects, including pronounced moodswings and irrational disinhibited behavior, and by coincidence, Dexamethasone is what powdered baby milk was made of in the USA in 1946. I mean, is that a fact? It might as well be. is what powdered baby milk was made of in the USA in 1946. I mean, is that a fact? It might as well be.

His personal physician, Dr. Sean Conley, I think came up with, arguing with the greatest piece of, of, of doctoring in the history of medicine. He was asked why Trump had been given, he was asked why he had been given... He was asked why he had not informed the media that Trump had been given supplemental oxygen. He said, I did not want to give any information that might steer the course of the illness

in another direction, which I think has given us an insight into how diseases work and how psychological viruses are. You know, they are confidence-based creatures, very much like human beings and COVID, whatever you say about it, that's a virus that listens, it listens, it listens to data and it listens to what doctors say. And, you know, if you don't build it up, then the virus is going to lose, lose its edge. Yes, COVID is very smart. It can solve simple puzzles.

It's almost as intelligent as it is. No, that's COVID. And this brings me to the launch of my new product, which is fact-based medicine, which is where you just say facts or lies at a disease until it goes away. And I'm calling it a fact scene. I don't know if that was worth the build up. I think Alice, it's the bugle. If anything you could

have gone a lot further with the build up. We also saw last week the Vice Presidential debate, which is rather more civilized in the first presidential debate and accolade right up there alongside with being a more child-friendly toy than a hand grenade. Obviously there's been a lot of talk about the fly that landed on Mike Pence and ended up saying no way I'm eating that. The fact that the candidates Pence and Kamala Harris were separated not by seven feet as initially planned but by an infinite chasm of American division and despair. So that seemed a lot safer. It did. It's just amazing to watch them both try to be incredibly gif-able. It's become the marker of politics is just doing the eye-roll that people are going to send to each other.

Exclusive Bugle interview now and we now cross to California to join NATO Green. This is very exciting new development for the Bugle. We are interviewing NATO who is sitting in a car in the middle of some news. NATO just explain where you are and what you've been doing. Hello, Andy. Hello, Bugleers. Hello, Alice. I am sitting in a car. So some Bugleers will probably know this. So as a, you know, I'm a comedian, but I also have a hobby as a union organizer. And so I just, it is, as I sit here, I just organized an incredibly successful strike.

It was a five-day strike of over 3,000 public health workers in and around Oakland, California. And the strike ended at 7 a.m. Pacific time this morning. I was out in front of the buildings and then walked the workers into their buildings at 7 a.m. to end their successful five day strike. So I'm checking in with you and then we go back to the bargaining table in a couple of hours. So the strike was essentially nurses at three hospitals in Oakland. Not just nurses, it was it was all the job classifications. So nurses, hospital housekeepers, hospital food service

workers, social workers, physical therapists, lobotomists, you know, ultrasound texts, everybody. We also, and we covered, I think, four hospitals and three satellite clinics. So, and that, you know, at certain points, we had just like hundreds of people filling the streets and blockading the streets. And what was unusual about it is, is that it wasn't just a strike over the, over money, but it was really a strike over, over sort of austerity, like chronic underfunding of the public health system. And about 20 years ago, the county that Oakland is in, Alameda County, kind of quasi-privatized this public health system, and the strike was partly to undo that

and get the county to take responsibility for public health again. And on the second day of the strike, they agree. Basically, do that. I don't know if you've been on strikes before. The weird thing about going on strike, Andy, is that you have these huge ideas about, we're about reducing economic inequality,

and we're going to change the world and the rising of the working class. And then as soon as the strike starts, it's like, where are the granola bars for the picket lives? You know, every strike develops its own sort of unique picket like culture. And so like, there were some cases where individual departments would go, would sort of take a grab a bullhorn and then go march around and just shout, shout about how much their own manager sucked.

So there will be some people being like, you know, what do we want, contract, when do we want it now? And then there's another group of people down the block who are like, jeff, you know. I'm gonna hit it. I'm gonna hit it. So that's great. Also, you know, 3000 workers is a hugely diverse workforce,

probably 80% people of color. And a lot of, a very international workforce. And so, and because it's Oakland, a big part of the strike culture was synchronized dance numbers. So, so different sites would like create these like elaborate synchronized dance summer, stunt numbers on the picket line and then post videos and then there were battles between them. Do you know, do you know, I'm

I know I'm going to regret asking this. And if you know what Ghost Riding the Whip is? No, not not not personally. No, okay. So Ghost Riding the Whip is some, as we say, some real Oakland shit. So, it is, it comes out of the side show culture, like Oakland Car, Oakland's underground car culture, and Ghost Riding the Whip refers to putting your car in neutral, unlocking the parking brake, and then getting out of the car and dancing around the car while it rolls slowly forward. So that's what Henry Ford had in mind when he invented the Model T. So we had people go riding the whip on the picket lines. So in true Oakland fashion we had a group of Ethiopian nurses, AIDS doing synchronized dancing to Amharic music. We had a bunch of Nigerian nurses dancing to Nigerian music.

So we had a Zoombook class on the picket line. We had a giant inflatable 20-foot rat for no reason, just like this again. So that was very exciting. And then and then late at night on day four of the strike, we found out that someone who had been on the picket line had tested positive for COVID-19. And so we scrambled and you know didn't want to have our strike be a super spreader event. And so with about half an hour notice, we assembled 20 workers who were on strike, our elected rank and file leadership. And then in a span of about three hours, evaluated the information, made some decisions, planned,

and then executed a response to contact trace, isolate, and contain the exposure, and shut down in person, picketing. And so what I'm trying to say is that 20 striking healthcare workers had a more competent response to the pandemic than the entirety of the US and British governments come back. So that's how it's been. Right. So amongst some of it was sort of related to COVID safety and combination of understaffing in adequate training and shortages of personal protective equipment. I mean, I get, isn't, yeah, wouldn't having adequate

staffing, decent training and decent equipment show the virus that we're afraid of it? And isn't it better to go with the American government and not show that kind of weakness to the virus, which hates our way of life? Yeah, so just to give you a sense of it, you know, staff, they have, because they don't have enough PPE, staff have been given medical gowns to wear into patients' rooms that say not for medical use. So that's fun. Under California law, in the public sector, an employer is allowed to seek a court order to have exemptions from the strike for workers who are irreplaceable. And the group of workers that were irreplaceable, that I mean, so they tried to get an injunction stuff and strike. There was a whole legal or deal.

And the group of workers that they wanted to be compelled to cross the picket line and work during the strike were workers in the psychiatric hospital who were mostly Nigerian immigrants. And they wanted to compel those workers to have to report to work and the workers were like, you I'm striking. And so, and I was really struggling to remember, like Andy, do you know, is there a word

for what do you call it when you try to compel Africans to work against their will? Oh, I should know this. Oh, we don't really love to think about it. Some of you are moving with this. It's a lot of steep in our national consciousness. Yeah, it was something like that. So not a good look for the entire system. So as with everything else in the United States, when something is messed up, usually the explanation is slavery. usually the explanation is slavery.

We've talked about Cardi B and the song WAP. One of the members actually rewrote WAP as a picket line chant. So that was, and shall I read you the lyrics briefly? Please, please. Okay, here we go. I said certified freak, striking seven days a week. Workers and patients, make that layoff game week. Whoo.

Yeah, you fucking with some workers and patients. Bring our contract and respect for these workers and patients. Feed it up, take a charge, extra proud and extra hard. Put these right in your face. Cut them out like a credit card. Workers out here on the front line. Bosses work from home safe inside covid breakout cover your eyes uh... always always knew that song had a

kind of a hard left wing undertone that's a lot of you can that taking you to show it to us all you know i mean my favorite bit is the is the parking attendance taking temperatures i you know that you said it was a bad idea that they'd taken from their elbows. I'm surprised they didn't take them from their cars. That's right, yeah.

And now we're on to victory to settle the contract. Go on, congratulations. That's fascinating and uplifting stories. Thanks for telling us all about it. And hopefully we'll talk to you on a full bugle at some point. Do enjoy the next three weeks, Nate. I'm sure you're just going to show America and it's absolute best and the build up to the election. Andy, I have to say one of the best things about the strikers that I've had this single-minded focus on pulling off the strike. And apparently Donald Trump has done something.

There's, you know, an election underway. I have no idea what's happening in the news for the last week or two. So that's like, it's been a real vacation. The War of the War of the War of the War of the War. Well, now it's time for another trip across the Atlantic to talk. What a... to someone we've not spoken to on the bugle for some time. And it is a huge exciting to welcome him back to the show.

Please give a huge bugle welcome wherever you are to the returning hero that is the American American, hello, how have you been for the last decade or so? Oh, it can't be a part, it can't possibly be a decade since I've seen you guys, huh? I mean, if so, I can tell you this, it's been a hell of a decade, you know, it's been a hell of a decade we do. I mean, things over here, you know, you guys never talked to me when the ship was sinking over here with Darren Obama and now all of a sudden, once again, things are great and then the phone rings, you know. Right. I guess, well, we've got to cover our backs. I mean, what have you personally been up to the last, you know, the last, the last however many years since, since you will

ask with a... I've been doing pretty good, you know, a couple of the voices. That's fewer than your average decade, isn't it? Well, you know, look, I can tell you what's happening right now and I don't want to get into relationship with us, but women over here now all of a sudden they've got all these ideas about, you know, not, you know, not being called this, not being called that, you know, so it makes, you know, relationships pretty tough. You know, relationships stuff. Really what I've been working on as some ideas for Shark Tank,

I think that's my next play. Okay, so that's where you pitch a business idea where we have dragons then in Britain. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what they call them, but because here we have real businesses and stuff so we call it Shark Tank. Oh, okay, yeah.

I know in England, you guys use to have dragons for here. It's been interesting for years for America. How would you sum up the last for the Trump era as the American that you are? I'm happy to sum it up but obviously I think anyone could see it's been the greatest four years in, you know, centuries. Right. Well, you say that anyone could see it, but it seems that, you know, at least half America think the exact opposite of that.

So I mean, what? No, that's fake news. No, that's what, see, that's what they do. You see, this is what they do. Right. Like, they, so they take facts into store them. This is what, and I'm glad you asked about this because this book keeps happening. So there's any number of topics that people will tell you are true and are true and everything's up for questions right now.

You know, they'll say things like the earth is ranked. You know, I mean, or who were to globe or something and you go, well, is it? But is it? You know, so I'm all about asking questions that open up people's minds that are, there in front of them that maybe they're not seen and I can tell you that the last four years this country's stronger It's stronger, it's better than it's ever been Are you sure you're okay? Yeah, no, I've got it. I just got allergies a lot of allergies a lot of my friends have allergies Yeah, it's been a tough allergies season. I got very tough a real bad headache I got like 103 fever for the last week or so, and I can't taste that loss My it's just I don't know it's a bad pollen a lot of pollen everybody at my friends house

We had a big party last week like half the people from the party got allergies afterwards Right, so I've heard the Poland the Poland Counties are unusually high if you had it all up Yeah, it was weird because we were all we were all inside and on the windows closed So no Poland came right yet a lot of people got allergies from it But Poland's a lot more advanced than it used to be isn't it sort of finds it adapts Yeah, so evolution in action isn't it? Yeah, well, if you believe in that, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, I mean, one interesting aspect of Donald Trump's present, well, there's two, there's two thing, we look at the statistics of it. One thing has gone up,

and one thing has gone down under Trump's presidency. Patriotism, I could tell you're in a Patriotism, it's up higher than it's ever been. And I think what's gone down is cowardlyness. Right, I mean, that might be two different ways of looking at this. What's come down is shock attacks. Shock attacks, statistically,

there have been fewer shock attacks under Trump per year than Obama. It makes a lot of sense. I mean, how would you explain that our sharks now is America so much greater as a nation on the Trump that sharks are now more scared of Americans than they used to be? 100% because they know we're not going to just stand there and take it. That's the whole energy we've been putting out. So whether you live on land, whether you live in the ocean, America is not to be messed with.

So if you're going to attack someone in the water at the beach, go for, I don't know, a German maybe. Another thing that's gone up is the sails of jet skis has gone up. Now as we talked about before with you the jet ski is the most the most American objects in the universe. Well it's a motorcycle on water I mean everything that's great about the world combines it into you know one thing right yeah so it makes sense it's like in other words the jet ski is what I call the freedom indicator. So the more freedom you have the more people are gonna have access to

jet skis. So obviously as Trump has increased freedoms, you're going to have more people being able to experience the great joy of freedom on the water with the wind in their face. And also a lot of times water on them. You know, the run up the device. But of course, a lot of Trump's heartlander are in the central part of the USA, which doesn't really have C so much. Well, they got lakes, they got lakes. You know, look, I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous of where they got to ride their jet skis, but they can ride them.

So I just, sorry, the American Alistair phrase of pleased to meet you. You may have met my alternate universe self quite recently. Now, I have a question because you say that Jetskies are the ultimate expression of freedom, right? But recently, the NRA tweeted that their bullet sales had gone up about 134%. They said, that's a lot of freedom seeds. Are you telling me that Jetskies grow out of bullets? Well, look, there's two different types of freedom, all right? There's a freedom of experiencing just, you know, actual, no one is near me, freedom.

And then there's the freedom, see, and this is a big thing in this country, you see, the left is scared, all right? They're scared and they don't shadow. But what they don't realize is you don't have to be scared as long as you build a wall around the entire country and Have a lot of bullets in your house and guns. So that's why they're you know, we're not scared You know, we just we're just ready and I think that when you see bullet sales You know right it is tough to get bullets right now. I could tell you that's why you got a stockpile

And I've been telling people that a long time golden bullets are the only two things No, because if people have you know, oh, they got you got a stockpile and I've been telling people that a long time. Golden bullets are the only two things you need. No, because if people have, you know, they've got you got a stockpile food, I go, do I have to stockpile food? Because if you have food and I have bullets, then don't I have food. You stockpile the food, I'll take the bullets and then when I'm hungry, I'll come by your house and we'll have a conversation about how much of your food I can have. And then when I'm hungry, I'll come by your house and we'll have a conversation about how much of your food I can have. And now this year, of course, dominate around the world by the coronavirus, or as I know you call it the alleged coronavirus. I mean, how have you... The China hoax. Right, okay.

So I mean, I've personally taken the fight to the China hoax. You know, what I've been doing. I think which is important is Whenever I go to Applebee's For a foot for launch a dinner We know which is three maybe three to five times a week. I won't wear a mask I will not wear a mask. I walk in there. I won't wear a mask and and here's the reason now There's a 22 year old kid there who's the host, you know He's the host is to a tomato dean, whatever you call it.

And he gets upset because he's got to deal with me. A full grown man was angry with a lot of times a rifle on his shoulder, refusing to wear a mask. But I like to take the fight to the little guy. I like to be people with low paying jobs at these small places that have to deal with my anchor, so that's one of the ways to do it. Right, so you scare people like that. Yeah, at the local level, at the local level. And that will drive the virus out of America.

Yeah, and also will drive the fear out of people who work at Applebee. Not rather than increase the fear, because I would seem that that might. Well, if you give people a little dose of fear, it kills them with the bigger fear. It's like a vaccination. It's like a fear vaccine, exactly. If you believe in that sort of methodology. Right.

I mean, look, I'm not a big vaccine guy, but if Trump says this is gonna work, I believe him. But like something like polio, no thanks. I'll roll the dice. Roll the dice with that, okay, no thanks. I'll roll the dice. Roll the dice with that. Okay. So that's a projection of American strength. Is it that America can say, well, we can afford to lose more people than any other country because we're so. I'm not saying I'm just saying that that is something that we're number one. Right. Right.

Okay. Just any any sort of listing things that we're number one out right? Right. Okay. Just any any We're just listing things that we're number one out there. Okay. And I mean if we start doing that then it will never end really on No, we'll be here all day. I don't know. You know, I'm not sure how much time this show is anymore because it's not that well No, I think we should we should probably bring this this conversation to a to a close it's been a fascinating insight into a side of America that conversation to a close. It's been fascinating insight into a side of America that maybe on this kind of lefty woke show, we don't see enough of America. Now, I think that it's important to be woke, you know what I do. But I think it's all relative about what you woke up. What works you up? Well, you know, for me, what works me up right now is realizing that everything I'm hearing

coming out of the news media is fake. And I think the more I realize it's fake, the angerier I get, and I think the angerier I get, the more I want to take my guns and my bullets to the streets. Right. And so I'm waking up about the fact that even though my doctor says stairs are good for me right now because I'm awake, that I still might have to get out there, you know what I mean in hand. But then the other part of me is like, well, it would be easier to just do like an online civil war because I'm tired. But I don't know.

So I'm waking up to a lot of things. Right. Well, American, thank you very much for joining us to do enjoy the election in a few weeks. Maybe we can talk to you again after that and see how you're looking forward to. I'm happy to talk to you afterwards, but I can tell you right now, Trump's going to win. I look, a lot of us have been saying that we even need an election. You won't understand that, but why not just have one leader in charge forever, and then their kids can take over. That's the same side of the American way to do it. Well, that's just baked into your DNA from the early days,

I think. Some of you guys won't understand. That brings to the end of this week's This Week's Buehler with our two world exclusive interviews and contributions from the wonderful Alice Fraser Alice anything to Pog. Yes, I do a daily historical news podcast set in a lot of dimension that is a sister podcast to this podcast. It's called The Last Post and we have merch. We have merch. We have, if you are a to the last post, you'll

know that in the last post dimension, Dwayne the Rock Johnson and Bob the sentient trash island are running for office under the Democratic flag and we have campaign t-shirts available. All of the proceeds of which go to the Rock's Lash Island 2020 campaign, so that's a great cause there. That sounds like a crazy utopian world. Oh, and you can find them on thebuegapodcast.com. Oh, yes. But you can also buy Google Merch.

Yes. From this time. But more importantly, the last postman. Well, I'd both. You've got more than one body to close. That's probably. You've got more than one body to clothes. That's probably... You can wear different clothes on different days.

That's what I was trying to say, Alex. I'm a natural born publicizer. You can find all of Alex's various works spread all over the internet. Thank you for listening, Bugglers. We'll be back next week and I will now play you out with some more lies about our premium level voluntary subscribers to join your Buggle voluntary subscription scheme, and to give a recurring or one-off donation to Keep the Show free and independent and thriving go to thebugglepodcast.com and click the donate button.

Chris Plumley wrote a children's book called Nonnie Mouse, the Anonymous Mouse. It was, however, rejected by the publisher, who claimed the title was self-contradictory, and added that a cloak of anonymity is something shared by many, if not all mice anyway. Chris responded, oh, well here's another idea, how about Paul Powerpric, the pedantic publisher, to which the publisher responded, it's better, but it's still no. Muammar Gaddafi, interestingly one of five people of that name, who are regular donors to the bugle through the voluntary subscription scheme, pitched another book to the same publisher about a friendly dried grape who had the magical ability to bring people back to life.

His book, entitled Raisin the Dead, was also rejected on the grounds that it made it sound like the raisin itself was dead, which the publisher thought would be a hard sell in the kids market, without even touching on the author's refusal to use a pseudonym. John Tracy also had a fleeting brush with children's publishing. However, his book, Millie Pied, goes to the shoe shop, was rejected as being, quote, overly long and repetitive, aside from being a harrowingly overt satire on the life of the former Philippines' first lady and despot wife, Imelda Marcos. George Hasser wonders if Wales ever have erotic

dreams about submarines, and whether, when they wake up from those dreams they feel more or less submarine curious than when they fell asleep and whether or not they feel ashamed. Liz Cole was once asked in a job interview what eyelets of Langerhands were. She had a vague recollection of learning about them at school and took a guess that they are the scene of a naval battle off the North Coast of Prussia during the early 18th century war of Spanish succession, or a 1990s thrash metal band. Neither was correct, Liz was asked to leave the room instantly. Following Liz into the same interview, Ian Tucker, on being asked the same question, was also sure he could remember what eyelets of Langehands were from school, and suggested that

eyelets of Langehands are were the famously narrow passages between seats of St. Eustaceus Cathedral in the Dutch city of Langerhands. The church renowned as the thinnest church in the world, built to fit in between two canals just four metres apart. Passing the Disconcelate, Liz and Ian, Emmy and Jihadian had absolutely no idea what eyelets of Langerhands were. However, he took a world stab at them being parts of a pancreas containing hormone-producing cells, critical to the process of metabolising glucose, and was surprised and delighted to be told that he was correct, and had just landed himself a job as head of pancreatic surgery at the world-renowned Sherry-Tay Hospital in Berlin.

G.J. was given a homemade mixtape in the 1990s by a radiohead obsessed friend who had a tendency to misspell simple words when writing them out longhand and emitted the letter R from the title of the song Fake Plastic Trees in the handwritten track listing. GJ therefore spent several years believing that Tom York, lead singer of the influential rock band, was vehemently opposed to the modernization of golf equipment. In another bad job interview story, John Woods had to give a PowerPoint presentation at a job interview once, but accidentally included a transition between two slides which featured the face of BL's Ibb, emerging from a fiery background and mouthing the words, you will all burn.

Needless to say, John was not employed by that particular kindergarten and blame the incident on having lent his laptop to his friend Weird Ken for his TEDx talk on satanism in the age of tech. And finally, Aiki Burmese is pleased that giant squid never evolved the ability to live on land, as well as, or instead of, in water. I think they could have been great colleagues in the workplace don't get me wrong, which is how I judge all species, says Aiki. However, I just

think those wondering tentacles would have got them into trouble at some point in a business meeting or at an office Christmas party or something. No fault of theirs, but I think it's for the best that we dodged that particular evolutionary bullet. Here end it, this week's lies. Goodbye. Thank you.