The Bugle - A Canadian politician's signed copy of certain German's book, US sequel on the Moon and the Academy Awards!

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

On this week's Bugle, Andy is joined by Hari Kondabolu and sister Helen Zaltzman, as the three take a look at the latest news from around the globe. From a Canadian politician's resignation following the discovery he owned a signed copy of Mein Kampf, to the USA's plans to launch a new mission to return to the moon, and we catch up on the latest from the 2026 Academy Awards. It's issue 4372! 📚 Niagara Regional Chair's Book collection: Andy, Hari and Helen uncover the controversy surrounding Niagara Regional Chair, Bob Gale and his interesting library.🚀 USA's Final Frontier (Again): The trio discuss the US plans to return to the moon!🏆 The Oscars: Andy, Hari and Helen discuss the latest from the 2026 Academy Awards.Andy's Links: andyzaltzman.co.ukHari Kondabolu's Links: https://harikondabolu.com/Helen Zaltzman's Links: theallusionist.org & answermethispodcast.com🎧 Support The Bugle! Become a Team Bugle subscriber for bonus episodes, exclusive video editions, and the righteous satisfaction of funding satire:http://thebuglepodcast.com📺 Watch Realms Unknown on YouTubeProduced by Chris Skinner, Laura Turner and Harry Gordon. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I am Andy Zaltzman, as you may know. The Bugle, as well as being the world's only ever, longest-running and arguably best audio newspaper for a visual world, is one of the very few fully independent media empires remaining in this thus far very silly millennium. Our voluntary subscribing listeners have made this possible, and you, if you are not already one, can join them to keep our shows free, flourishing,

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To become a true hero, or just to join the voluntary subscription scheme, go to the buglepodcast.com and click the donate button. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, buglers, and welcome to issue 4,372 of the Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. I'm Andy Zaltzman in the shed of truthishness in South London, and if music be the food of love, then topical comedy podcasts be the under-the-counter and tatted of news, I think.

For the first and last time, it's the 16th of March, 2026, and for this latest installment in this August Chronicles, chronicling of the stupidest millennium in history, I'm joined by no fewer than zero co-hosts from across the Atlantic Ocean, but by two more than zero, in fact, two of them, from New York City, Hari Kondobolu, and from Vancouver, Canada, Helen Zaltzman. Hello to both of you. Hello. Hello, Andy. Hello, beagleers. How are you both this mid-March? It's all right. It's all right. The missiles aren't pointed this way, so so far so good. I guess that's one of the few positives we can cling to at the moment, Harrow. That's an unusually hopeful start for you on the bugle.

I know. I'm trying. I'm trying. I really am trying to be more optimistic. Good. Does it ever worry you, Harry, that you live in the city that you live in the city, is most often destroyed by aliens on film. There was one time something happened in real life that's more scary than the fictionalia. Two jets hit the World Trade Center

about 25 years ago. You know, there's a lot of kids who don't remember this at all because they were born after. Yeah. Is that strange? I don't remember. remember things from before I was born either. Ah, yeah, I guess that's true.

Yeah. I do. I remember things from before Helen was born, certainly. Happy times. There's a lot more space. You're a simpler world then. Helen, you also have been trying something new. You've been to watch ice hockey

for the first time. Yes, Andy. As part of my Canadian work permit application, you've got to go and see some hockey to fifth in. I went to see the Vancouver Golden Ice, who I hear are not having a good season, which I think makes the team easier to root for, doesn't it?

Yeah. One likes an overdog. Exactly. Sport is supposed to be a metaphor for life, and life is all about failure and disappointment. So, yeah, that's, yeah. Is sport supposed to be a metaphor for life? No, but people like me

justify the amount of our lives that we waste on it by interpreting that spiritual element. So if you can just run with it, Helen. Yeah, all right. Yeah, sport is a metaphor for life. And also they gave everyone a little towel to wave around enthusiastically. So now I have a little towel. We are recording on the 16th of March, 2026.

On this day, in 597 BC, the first siege of Jerusalem ended when the city surrendered to the Neo-Babylonian Empire. boss Nebuchadnezzar the second, full name of course, Nebuchadnezzgoin. He then perpetrated a cheeky little bit of regime change and installed a puppet leader sparking a mass exodus of refugees. And it's that kind of story that really makes you feel umbilically linked to our shared historical human past, 597 BC and it appears that nothing has changed in the intervening, what, 2,600 years. On the subject of stupid wars, I've been on tour.

I went to Kenilworth Castle the other day, which was, you know, it's a classic English castle from the early second millennium. And there was a display in the little sort of visitor centre that said, it is said that an event at Kenilworth Castle. It is a real mark of historical accuracy. Always good to have that little disclaimer. that an event at Kenilworth Castle in the 1400s was the reason for the start of a war with France.

Some say, again, cover you back in case of legal challenges from the 1400s, that Henry V was in the great hall at Kenilworth Castle when he received a gift of tennis balls from the French king, which was interpreted as the French telling Henry he was too young to be a king and should stick to playing games. He was very insulted, and it contributed to his decision to go to war with France. And it's that kind of thing that makes you feel umbilically linked to our shared human

historical past. It's not a new thing. They have tennis balls then? They, yeah, not, um, not exactly the same kind of, of tennis balls. I don't think they came in those metal tubes that made that satisfying pop and give you that strange little blast of tennis smell when you open them. They found tennis balls from Henry the 8th reign made of potty and human hair. At least they've interpreted that as tenets.

who knows what they were really doing with that. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, we look at the Oscars films that didn't get nominated for the Oscars this year. The Oscars, as we record on Monday were announced last night. We may touch on that

later in the show. The well, hit action movie Badger Cano did not get nominated and the oft-overlooked Shark Nado-inspired sub-genre of animal-based natural disasters. It's a great film, The People of New York City, initially intrigued when a mountain sprouts up in the sea off Long Island,

but that intrigue fast turns to fear when the new mountain erupts, but not with magma and ash, with molten zombie badgers who run amok on the streets of Manhattan, as Helen was suggesting, disrupting everything from jazz to baseball. Luckily, the situation is saved by Super Rabbi and the Incredimam, saving their city and bringing religious communities together. I don't want to give too much away, but if you like superheroes, Abrahamic religion figureheads, and flaming badgers, fired into space from a nuclear-powered catapult. This is the movie for you. It should at least have got a special effects nomination. And do look out for the director, Peter Pete Haggastrangs, follow-up, the asteroid in which an intergalactic missile made of donkeys crashes into Earth,

leading to a swarm of lethal giant poisonous equines roaming the planet and forcing the American President into drastic action. Not nominated, though, also not nominated, well, the romance, hit romance film, Susie and Trey, a historical epic, charting the will they, won't they, could they, should they romance between American women's rights activist and social reformer Susan B. Anthony and first century Roman emperor Trajan, criticised by some for being historically inaccurate. Come on, it's the 2020s, guys.

It's about the story, not the truth. Still a great watch, particularly the scene at the Battle of Waterloo, in which Susie and a flying Tesla rescues Trey from a vengeful Darth Vader. Of course, nitpicking pedants are pointed. pointed out that Napoleon actually lost that battle and was, according to most contemporary sources, not a sexy lesbian vampire. But look, it's just a film. You've got to keep people interested and not get bogged down by facts. And also not nominated and best documentary, Just Deserts the moving story of celebrity Patisier and legal historian Geraldine Cruckle,

trying to fulfill her lifelong dream of setting up a shop selling court case-themed pastries and puddings. Tremendous watch. Anyway, that section in the bin. Top story this week. Well, we're not going to go with the top story this week. We've gone with the top story this week for the last two weeks, that being the Iran War and related issues such as the death of international law as even a tokenistically observed concept, the dangers of indulging toddlers at whatever age from two to, let's say, 79,

and how the best way to build a coalition is to do something without consulting your coalition partners, unleash a vortex of chaos and then say, who wants in. So we're not going to do that. Instead, we're going to focus on something a bit more edifying for all humanity with a bugle cheating news section. Cheating, obviously, is one of the things that evolutionarily sets us above and beyond the other beasts. You know, our instinct to cheat is really, in many ways, given us the edge in the evolutionary race. Helen, you are the bugles cheating at strange events correspondent.

and the world of competitive camel beauty, that's not a sentence I was expecting to say at any point in my life, has been rocked to its foundations by a cheating scandal. Can you bring us up to date? Yes, Andy, the beautiful camel world has been shocked and rocked in the last few weeks because 20 contestants, camel contestants, were disqualified from a pageant in Amman. because veterinary inspectors

realized they had had multiple cosmetic enhancements. They had their lips made poutier. They had fillers in their noses. They had Botox to make their faces smooth. They had their humps inflated with silicon wax. And tampering with the beauty of camels is against the rules of these pageants, supposedly. It's happened multiple times before.

the biggest camel beauty pageant in the world in Saudi Arabia has had several years of scandal, including in 2021 40 disqualifications for having stretched noses and rubber bands put on their various body parts to make them bigger, restricting blood flow. Humans must be stopped, Andy. I'm going to take a different position on it. I'm all for it. I think these poor animals don't know they're ugly. And these humans came to fix them. Because this might be controversial, but camels

have never turned me on. You're lying. Not once. Not once. So thank God. Dramadaries? What? Dramadaries? We've all heard the rumors about you.

My lawyer will be on that. Yeah, I just feel like sometimes maybe these camels are grateful. Maybe these camels have self-esteem issues. Maybe these camels want a pair of double Ds on their back. We don't know. I think if they didn't have self-esteem issues before,

they might have them now after going through that. They'll never be beautiful enough. No, I mean, this is a whole adding of silicon enlargements to their hump, their hump, their lovely camel lumps. I'm just not at all. I'm not at all happy with it. Look, I'm not blaming the camels themselves. for any of this, or judging them for aspiring

to the social media-driven, aggressively marketed, commercialised beauty standards foisted upon this planet. I mean, I personally have managed to reject those beauty standards successfully for all of my life. It doesn't mean I think everybody else, including camels, should have to do so as well. I'm not judgmental about these things. But I do think that in these camel pageants,

I prefer the camels to be judged more on their personalities than their looks. I want to hear their hopes and dreams for a better planet and whether they think young camel calves are the future or not. And I just think it's just a shame that it's been reduced to just objectifying camel's bodies. And I don't think that's a good way to go. Yeah, what's beneath the luscious hump, eh? Is it a camel that can dance?

Do you think people feel the humps and ask the camels of their natural? They do now. They put them through a series of tests to try to ensure this cheating hasn't. taken place. X-rays, I believe, veterinary groping. Is veterinary groping an official term? I'm summarising. I'm not a camel vet. No, don't give up on that dream, Helen.

I'm, for all fingers crossed, Andy. In other cheating news, in a court case in London, a claimant in an insolvency case tried to cheat by using smart glasses during cross-examination so he could be fed answers to the tricky questions that often comes with cross-examination. Le Monis, Jaxdis, was, according to the judge, untruthful in denying his use of the smart glasses and used witness statements that were clearly prepared by others. I mean, look, do you not think we should cut some legal slack for people prepared to go

a little bit off-book? I mean, sure, it's not technically legal. But look, look at the world. We live in a post-legal age. This is the kind of lateral thinking ingenuity that our society and our business community desperately needs. I think this is a step into the judicial future

where ideally, eventually, the entire process will be automated and AI-driven, judges, lawyers, defendants, witnesses, juries, and it will be all done. Each case will take around about 1,000th of a second. and the whole society will benefit from it. Aren't Google glasses, don't they look different than regular glasses? Yeah, you look more like a whittaker.

That's not a crime yet. Yeah, it should be, unless you're a camel, which you can look however you want, as we said. Also, I think there's a sort of democratizing element because not everyone can afford hot shot big bucks, just discerting legal wizards, which basically just had the same effect, don't they? It's just human technology rather than technology.

This to me is democratizing the subversion of the legal process, and that, again, is a huge step forward for humanity. Fishing, cheating news now. And, Harry, I mean, this is a story from Texas in America, and, you know, it's sad for the world that even Texas and even the USA have been victims to dishonesty. which is just not what you expect. But in a fishing competition,

a guy called Curtis Lee Daniels, is now facing a potential 10-year jail term, according to reports, for putting three small metal weights. Allegedly. In the body of... Allegedly, thank you, Helen. In the body of a fish to make it 60 grams heavier

when it was weighed in a fishing competition. So they found these three metal weights inside the fish, but no evidence that the fish had recently eaten a tiny bodybuilder. So suspicions were aroused. I mean, Hari, this must have rocked America to its ethical foundations. It's all we've been talking about for the past couple of days. I mean, the fact that a metal detector was used indicates that this has happened before. They had a metal detector on hand.

Secondly, I feel like, just let him get away with it. Because apparently, because of the amount of prize money that was in involve, it's technically a felony. I'm like, let's just let him get away. If someone is cheating during a fishing competition, there's not much else going on for him. Like, this is all he had, and that's being taken away.

And now you're telling me he's going to be charged with a felony. He can serve two to ten years, and then what? He's going to join a white supremacist jail gang. Just because he cheated in fishing, how does that make any sense? What are you in for? I cheated during a fishing competition. What are you here for?

I killed my cellmate. It doesn't feel level. He'd also won in other categories in this contest before. So maybe he should have just learned to be happy with that. But once he tasted glory, just want more and more, as Andy can testify. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, since winning Series 18 of Taskmaster a couple of years ago, I've just been all about getting the Ws

and, you know, whatever it takes, whatever it takes to, you know, I've been taking all manner of stuff. I've certainly been putting on weight like a champion fish. The fishing question was a lot. You do expect to be given a trophy for achieving a strange and difficult task. Then you have a big tantrum when you don't get one.

Yeah, but I've always had that. The fish was a large mouth bass. Now, large mouth's quite a good evolutionary development for a fish, until the invention of the fishing rod, at which point it became a bit of an Achilles gob. We should emphasize that no charges have been brought against the fish itself.

We have to say this to cover our backs legally. There is no suggestion that the fish was in any way complicit in the cheat. It's also not inevitable that this man will go to jail. I mean, there are recent examples, Hari, in America, of people who escape custody for, for example, 34 felony offences and were instead given rehabilitative community sentences,

given the chance to get their lives back on track with four-year work placements as president of America. So it's not completely inevitable that he's going to go to jail. I saw that coming. I saw it coming, Andy. I knew it was going to go to him. It was time. We had waited too long. As a spectator sport, fishing has never completely grabbed me.

You do see occasional fishing shows. Have I found my limit? obviously we're supposed to support the humans like we're supposed to support the country we're from in other sports we've got to support our home species against the fishies but also I like to support the underdog and stats show that humans have overwhelmingly dominated that contest the fish team gets the odd win mostly sharks

occasional piranhas or mackerel's and sardines picking up the odd choke into death on bones base victory but generally the fish are very much very much on the losing end of the seesaw in this. I don't know who to support really. Maybe they'll have a better season next year. You're thinking like a sports fan. Yeah, they'll draft in some good fish from out of town.

Oscar's news now. And as I mentioned earlier on, the Film World's annual award doling jamboree happened last night. Harri, despite your disappointment at once again missing out, In all the categories at the Oscars, you are the Bugles official Oscars correspondent, what particularly grabbed your attention? Well, I saw the whole thing,

and I think there's really just one thing that I want to leave Bugle listeners with. It's the fourth consecutive Oscars, no one slapped Chris Rock, which is still behind the previous record of 93 consecutive Oscars. Or no one slapped Chris Rock. as a result, the ceremony was exactly what you expected.

Right. Which is unfortunate because the slapping of Chris Rod proved very entertaining and shocking when it happened. So you didn't enjoy Barbara Streisand's tribute to Robert Redford that was so long that by the time she'd finish it, everyone else in Hollywood had died. I wasn't sure if she was going to make it through that. It went on and not.

And the whole story. was that he used to call me Babs. I didn't like being called Babs. So I killed him. So I killed him. And the last note I left was, thanks, Babs. Helen, did you have any Oscar highlights? Yes, Andy.

My highlight was when an ad came on featuring my friend Sarah as a harried mum supermarket shopping. The room went absolutely apeshit. Excellent. As in the room where you were watching it, rather than the room where The Oscars were happening. Right, okay. Yeah, very much both. In the Oscars room, they do love an ad for a local Canadian supermarket.

And also the sound was very bad, which is relatable. I've been to a lot of audio events as an audio producer and maker, and the mics never work. And the Oscars, where they have the temerity to give out an award for sound, absolutely fucked it. That's fairly basic, isn't it, just a kind of functioning microphone. It shouldn't be that difficult. they disagree, Andy.

Michael B. Jordan won Best Actor, which again puts him one step closer to getting rid of that B. Which is his goal in life is just to get rid of that B. Right. It's going to take quite a lot to become the Michael George. Jordan. Well, how many Oscars does the other Michael Jordan have at this point? He has zero Oscars, six NBA championships. And the shoes. And the shoes.

He has appeared in film, so, isn't he? He was in the film Space Jam, the original Space Jam. Did not get Best Actor for that. All about an improvised moon mission. Oh, Harry, I'm not sure you've, have you spoken on a bugle yet? No, this is actually the first time. Well, buglers, this is Harry, who is our new producer working alongside Chris. Welcome, welcome to, welcome to the show.

You've just posted that they made a film about Michael Jordan's shoes. Yeah, the first thing I'm ever going to say on a bugle is to add to the point that they've also made a film about the shoes. Yeah, Jordan's shoes. I think it's Matt Damon is the guy at Nike that goes, we've got to buy this teenager because he's going to be the best player ever. And Michael B. Jordan plays both shoes. And you're out to joke about the film sinners that I'm 100% sure you've not watched. I've got watched. That's the bio-pick of the Italian tennis player Yanik's in it.

Am I mixing it up with him? Moving on now to Canada News. And Helen, given that you are now a resident in Canada, and Canada is not yet the 51st state of the USA and is now facing increasing... Maybe by the end of this episode. Well, increasing competition from obviously your Greenlands and your Venetans.

as wellas, but also Iran and, you know, who knows, Iraq and anywhere, basically, the list is growing by the week. But Canada, not yet the 51st state, but some, a couple of interesting stories that you've brought to our attention, including the, a political resignation that was caused by the ownership of a signed copy of Mine Camp. Yes, that mind camp The one written by Adolf Hitler And let me emphasize who it was signed by

It was signed by Adolf Hitler The author Which The author and painter Adolf Hitler Yeah So just fill us in on the details of this story Well there's been a quick turnaround Andy for the chair of the Niagara region

Bob Gale Who in December was instituted in that position, not by election, but by Doug Ford, the eternal chaos merchant of Canadian politics, and resigned last Thursday a mere nine

hours after local advocacy groups, the Niagara region anti-racism association and Justice for Black Lives Niagara asked that he explain why he owns a signed by Adolf Hitler copy of Mine Kampf by Adolf Hitler

and also apologize. And And he did not explain, and he did not apologise, he said, today a member of the Communist Party, no footnotes there, not evidence, circulated a dated document that listed my name as the owner of a historical book found in many libraries. And then gave his resignation effective immediately, which given that he did not seem to fill any,

compunction about this historical book found in many libraries. Not in my local library. They've just got like Stephen King and bird guides. I don't know what library he's going to. I was wondering whether he has worse for his resignation to be effective immediately and to also insinuate that it was the communists, as aforementioned, not pictured. But he paid in 2010 $6,345 for this book, which was authenticated in 20. which also cost thousands of dollars.

You can get a free PDF of Mindcamp if you want to read it. I've heard it's not very good. I've heard it's quite boring. Even Hitler after a decade was like, I've sort of moved away from that. As many of us have from our youthful creative output. Yes, true. I mean, say he was the owner of a historical book found in many libraries.

I mean, that sounds like the first clue in like a TV quiz, which you have to work out what they're talking about. Oh, it turns out. It's mine camp. That's sort of like saying you were striving to achieve the harmonisation of a well-known mammal found in many zoological parks with a popular, much-loved theatrical narrative after releasing a lion into a children's nativity play. But I guess the thing is that also there were suggestions that from local,

from councillors in the Niagara region, that there had been one of the reasons that he resigned so quickly was because there had been a huge backlash to his efforts. to bring about municipal amalgamation in the region. And look, I guess without being completely up to speed with issues around municipal amalgamation in the Niagara area, I guess pushing for essentially merger and I guess subsumation of one region into another region

and owning a signed copy of Mine Kampf, that's a bad combination, is it not? That's less than a... optics are not ideal. I mean, also, I think what are the goals of collections? It's not just to collect things, but to show off your collections.

Like, no, none of us read books. We just have books that we want people to look at. Oh, is that a first edition, Notes of a Native Son by James Baldwin? Like, and it tells you what kind of person I am that I have a book like that. So the idea that he just has this in his collection

is very strange because what kind of people are coming over that are going to be impressed? by a signed edition of Mindcom. And how is he going to find out what kind of people they are like, hey, do you hate Jews? Yeah? Well, check this out. I believe Mindcamp is also anti-trade unions,

so you can make a lot of different friends. Like I said, it's not just the owning of a copy of Mindcamp. If you had a copy of MindCamp with copious handwritten notes about the historical lessons to learn from it, noting all the political warning signs to heed in this age of rightward drift and the revived global anti-Semitism that we're seeing around the world and frequent highlighted passages noted with Adolf was absolutely bang out of order on this one. That wouldn't necessarily be a problem.

But you add the signature of Adolf Hitler, it becomes an entirely different artifact. It's unclear from the reports whether it was personally signed to Gail, to Bob, love your work. It wasn't. It was inscribed. Who's inscribed to one of Hitler's friends. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. But also, like you say, he paid $6,000 for it in 2010. That's 20 and 10, not 19 and 25 when Mind Camp was published.

And you could be just about forgiven for thinking, I know absolutely nothing about this book, but it's got a catchy title and I like to support new writers at the start of their careers. That would be just, but you're 85 years on from that. I don't think, we also don't know whether he suggested it to his book club group either. So that's another matter that remains unclear. Well, it's very long. Who's got time for that? I was trying to think what is the most mind-campy book I have.

And I thought, I felt dodgy enough even just having a collection of Christopher Isherwood's Berlin works that has a swastika on the dust jacket, which I have removed from it. Mine camp fee is an adjective but you don't hear it very often. I'm sure it will come back in, Andy. Yeah. Just a little bit too mind camp fee for my liking. I've got a cricket bat signed by someone who was involved in the British Union of Fascists,

but he was also a former England cricket captain, so I don't know where that was back in the 1920s. One other Canadian story, Helen, from British Columbia, where you know your current stamping ground. I'm stamping here right now. Concerning, well, a politician getting very cross about land acknowledgements. Yes, I mean, my interest in this is the reaction to him getting cross.

Land acknowledgements, Andy, I'll explain because outside of various regions of the world, you may never have heard one, but they're very common here in BC, basically at every event, someone will preface the event by acknowledging the local nations whose land is unseeded and stolen and the rest of us are now on it. There are controversies around them, for instance, saying it's lip service by settlers. And I do think it is better nonetheless than saying nothing because you really can't feel too comfy when you're reminded every day that you're on stolen land. that's not why the Conservative MP Aaron Gunn has become inflamed. He posted a Facebook statement last week. If the federal government truly believes in the private property rights of Canadians,

they should probably stop opening every meeting by proclaiming the gathering on the unseeded territory of this or that First Nation. Doing so reinforces the radical and dangerous legal concept that most Canadians live on stolen land. That being the problem, of course. And so the chiefs of four local nations where Erin Gunn is based released an absolutely exquisite rejoinder. Urging the public to please approach Aaron Gunn with no caution whatsoever is completely harmless, though momentarily unsettled by the alarming possibility that someone might acknowledge the land before the meeting. They point out that land acknowledgments have never seized private property,

cancelled a mortgage, repossessed a pickup truck, or altered a single title deed anywhere in Canada. No one is going anywhere. Canada will survive the brief moment of honesty. Until then, chiefs across the region continue to reassure the public that land acknowledgments have not to date resulted in any land back. And they told him to chillax bud. I look for this gorgeous condescension. Well done. Stunning. I mean, it's perfect. Like, what else could you possibly say at that point other than Chalax? Because basically you want to take

away something which basically says you stole my land and all I get is this land acknowledgement and not even a t-shirt. Your payment for stolen land and hundreds of years of oppression is collective white guilt and he wants

to take that away. Collective white guilt that is that is like nectar to of people of color. That's all we have. As you mentioned, these land acknowledges that have them in Australia as well.

That may be obviously rather belated, perhaps a bit tokenistic, can become a bit habitual rather than meaningful. But at the same time, as you say, Helen, much, much better than nothing. And also, they make people more aware of history, which is generally what the people who complain about history being stolen or rewritten,

least want to actually happen. I mean, these are, as you say, educational things that are opening people's minds, rather than just sort of forcibly highlighting history into the only bits that make us feel good about ourselves. Well, Aaron Garlandi has made many comments in the past belittling the harm wrought by residential schools against the Indigenous populations of Canada. He has also said to stop lying and read a book. It doesn't specify which book, but you could borrow mine camp off another. The British Columbia Indigenous Relations Minister, Spencer Chandra Herbert, said there seems to be a manic anxiety quality coming from some conservative politicians around acknowledging history.

And yes, there is. And that's because history is full of absolute doing completely things. And from a Western European origin perspective, those are some embarrassing floodgates to risk opening. So you can see why conservative politicians want to keep them shut. As someone who studied history in the British education system, I totally understand. They've really got to step around a lot of landmines on that. History is the highlights. Space news now and, well, exciting times, Harry.

America is going back to the moon, sort of. Going back to near the moon. You must be very excited about this. The Artemis II mission could launch as soon as the 1st of April. You know, presumably you've always dreamt of going to the moon. as all Americans do. This is hugely exciting that they could get to just 4,000 miles away

from the moon. Well, first of all, I think you misstated the truth. The truth is they're ready to shoot the sequel to the moon landing. The long-awaited sequel. I don't find this exciting because Mars is really what everybody's talking about. But the moon at this point is just a gas station rest stop on the way to Mars.

Yeah. So why do I care if you go to the moon? Yeah. Also on the way to Mars, it's not very far on the way to Mars. It's like stopping at the end of your road on a round of a world trip. But if you realize you've forgotten something, you can pop back to Earth. Harry says everyone's talking about Mars, but really you just mean billionaires. And it makes me wonder about the company you've been keeping.

I mean, like you say, it's not particularly exciting or impressive, getting four to six thousand miles away. Apparently how close they get will depend on when they launch, because according to NASA, the moon will be in a different spot for each of the possible launch dates. That's getting your excuses in early. And also it's still going to be in fucking space, isn't it? And it's pretty big, so you really shouldn't miss it by 4,000 miles.

At the distance they're going to be, the moon apparently will appear to the crew to be the size of a basketball held at arm's length. That is nowhere near impressive enough for me to get excited about. A basketball held, but that's, that,

I mean, that's not, you know, that's, what's 57 years after they actually landed on, on the moon. And finally, we've made the next step of going back close to the moon,

but not actually landing on it. I don't, this doesn't feel like progress to me. It is not. Obviously, cynics will say it's all probably a hoax anyway, and the Artemis II mission will just be filmed in a special studio, four to six thousand miles away from the studio in Texas, where they filmed the moon landings.

But, and government, American governments, scientists have calculated that getting humans four to six thousand miles away from the moon will bring down the cost of eggs in the USA by 76% and improve healthcare for low-income families by, and I quote, loads. So, you know, there are benefits for ordinary Americans from this. One aspect of it that I don't think people have picked up on is

the fact that it's called Artemis. There's Artemis 2. Artemis 1 was an uncrewd mission. Artemis is the ancient Greek goddess of, amongst other things, nature, vegetation, transitions, care of children and chastity.

Does Donald Trump know? This is what Artemis was goddess in charge of? It doesn't really hit with his approach to the environment, planning regulations, trans rights, brutal treatment of immigrant children and marital vows. They might need – I think they might need a bit of renaming if it goes much further than this. Does Donald Trump not have a degree in Latin and Greek like you have? No, no, obviously not. The planned launch in February was delayed. Various reasons have been put forward, one that Iran was about to launch a preemptive military strike on the moon.

Another, the astronauts wanted to watch the Super Bowl. But also that the moon is colder in February because it's winter, so it shrivels up and it's harder to get close to. So you've got to be careful. But you don't want to leave it too late because the nights are getting shorter now. So your window for an accurate moon shot is smaller. Really, they should be launching from Antarctica in late June to give themselves the maximum amount of night to hit the moon with.

And finally, the Iran War. Yeah, well, like I said, we've led with it the last couple of weeks. We've reduced it to a quirky and finally story this week. Still quite a hard story to really enjoy as a fan of the planet and humanity in general. Pete Hegseth, the American, well, formerly defense, is he now just officially war secretary, offense secretary? I believe so, yes.

Has been complaining that, well, that the US media is not patriotic enough and that he said Iran's leaders are rats in hiding. It's not, I mean, that's an odd thing to throw at the Iranian leadership, but they're rats in hiding. I mean, obviously, you know, standing out in the open saying, come on, bring it on, would be strategically naive at best. And you also have to ask, where is Pete Hegseth himself?

I mean, he seems to be cowering in America, 6,000 miles away from the front line. And I think you should get in there, the cosplay crusader file, and show some real-hapravery. When he says rats, I have a feeling he means it in a non-Disney's ratatouy way. I don't think he's calling them friendly, creative creatures that specialize in French cuisine.

but is dehumanizing them to justify their potential murders. That's just my take. In terms of demanding a more patriotic press, I mean, I guess you could argue that a patriotic press is one that's unafraid to speak truth to power, and that might be backed up by, for example, the U.S. Constitution. But the twisted pseudo-patriotism of the Hexethean world

doesn't really chime with that. I can't think of any historical figures who might have demanded the media unquestionably towing, a so-called patriotic line, but maybe Hegseth could check Bob Gail's personal library for a few clues on that. I wrote a couple of patriotic headlines. I think speak to

what he wants. US missiles greet Iranian leaders. And here's another one. US entertains Iranian locals with elaborate and deadly fireworks display. That's

you know, that's, it makes me swell up with pride, and I'm not even American or in America. I guess with Hexeth, he likes to lead from the front page after gobbing off in a press briefing. So it's just what we have to expect, I guess, in the... Helen, have you been enjoying the Iran War in Vancouver? I'm all right, thanks, Andy, for Iran War. I'll stick with the women's ice hockey for now,

for my enjoyment. In further evidence of Pete Hegseth's heroic, indefatigable fearlessness and valor, he has reportedly banned press photographers from some press photographers from the Pentagon. Now, you might ask, how were the media undermining America in this time of war, the shameless commies? And the answer is because there were photographs used of him taken in press briefings that he considered unflattered, Now, Hari, as an American, is that the kind of dauntless intrepiditude that you are looking for from your military leaders to inspire you to walk towards danger and death on behalf of your nation? I didn't know what that word meant that you said, so I'm just going to make the joke I plan to make regardless. I mean, look, it's hard for photographers to take a good picture.

of this guy because, like, he has resting a little face. That's not his fault. That's just what it is. Like, he looks like a little. He pomes his hair like a asshole. Like, there's no angle that's going to fix that, really. Yeah.

And he's the one that has pictures of himself with a shirt off with white supremacist tattoos. I don't know if they're, like, what is the bar at this point? Yeah. And, um, Yeah, I don't know what the camels must be thinking of all this as well, all this, this objectifying. And these were not doctored photographs.

They were not completely made up as much of the footage shared by the White House social media feed is, for example. They were just photographs of Pete Hegseth looking like Pete Hegseth. So, yeah, it's... But I don't think that's ideal. Someone, you know, the head of the US military, essentially, who gets cross. if he doesn't like how he looks in a photo. I'm not sure that is going to, is what the American military needs right now.

As the primary peddler of made up bullshit, Andy, do you feel like your territory is being encroached upon by some of the most powerful people in the world? Well, obviously, you know, the bugle, we were pioneers in the modern media use of bullshit. And I guess we have to accept some responsibility for the White House media feed now because of the amount of bullshit that we did on this show

from October 2007 onwards. And that's a burden that weighs heavy on me every day, Helen, as I'm sure you can very well imagine. And I do have concerns about Pete Hegseth conducting this essentially improv war in the manner of a teenage gamer in his underpants who rubs an action man doll on his crotch whenever he shoots a baddie.

I don't find it reassuring. Well, that brings us to the end of this week's bugle. much for listening. Whether we lead with the Iran War next week or not, that is not entirely down to us. That's down to the people in charge. I know you're all listening to this.

Pete, Donald. So can you please just sort everything out by next Monday? By which time I will have done tour shows in South End, Cambridge and Norwich. There are tickets left.

for the South End show. Tuesday the 17th, if you get this in time, do come along, and the rest of my tour dates on andesaltzman.co.com. Thanks to everyone who's been to the shows so far. Harri, anything to plug? Sure, I'll be performing at the Alaska Before You Die Festival in Anchorage on Friday, April 3rd. I know it's another bugle stronghold.

So I'm excited for those four fans to make it out. also as I'm doing a podcast that comes out every Wednesday called Health Stuff with I-heart, you can find that wherever you get your podcast. Helen? Yes, I make two podcasts, The Illusionist, which is available at The Illusionist.orgon in the pod places, and Answer Me This, which predates even the bugle. And if you need stuff to get you through the howling vortex of this world, answer me, this has an ample backhand.

catalogue of that as well as a present because like the bugle it's been resuscitated and continues to lumber on um so yeah i you know people listen to podcast andy to cope with how terrible things are and um that is about all i can provide coping mechanisms that last for 30 to 90 60 minutes well that is well and like other things better than nothing um is it i'll just say. Yeah, hard to say. Thank you very much for listening at Buglass. We'll be back next week with

Tom Ballard and Nish Kumar. Until then, goodbye.