The Bugle - A Collection Of Perfectly Normal Stories From Across America

Episode Date: April 22, 2023

A trip across America, where every state seems to be having some, er, issues. Also, Dominic Raab is a bully, and the pope gives King Charles a weird, and fake, gift.We only survive thanks to listener donations. Please support us monthly or one off to keep this fine show running: http://thebuglepodcast.com/donate - new premium merch being ordered at the end of April so make sure you're on board!Why not check out Tiff's show Catharsis: https://pod.link/Tiny.Featuring:Andy ZaltzmanNato GreenTiff StevensonProduced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, buglers, and welcome to issue 4,260 of the publication voted one of the world's top million audio newspapers for a visual world for 15 of the past 16 years.

I'm not sure how we missed out on 2018, but I thought the show was solid, but definitely top mil quality. Anyway, let's just move on. I'm Andy Zoltzmann, just back from a very exciting trip actually time travel. I got asked for a review a new time machine for a history podcast. The machine was well excellent. I went back to 30 AD just to see what was really going on but I forgot to switch the location and I just ended up in what is now South London. The weather was shit and I forgot to pack any foods which just came straight back.

I can report they had trees then. That's really all I can tell you. Joining me this week, well not the UI was hoping to have on the show. When I set the dial to 30 AD but he will have to do, it's NATO Green. Hello NATO. Hello Andy, hello Bugler. It's good to be here. And joining NATO and me, T Bugler's. It's going to be here. And joining Nito and me. Tiff Stevenson.

Hi Tiff. Hi, I feel quite upset because I thought I was a bit of an influencer. But apparently there's time travel machine trips going on. That feels like an influencer type. Type deal. I don't know why I wasn't contacted. I definitely could do some branding with that. If you were contacted check your message request DMs on

Instagram. Okay, yeah. You have to accept the... You know what it was is they were sent before Instagram was invented. So that's obviously where the confusion has occurred. How's your week been, both of you? Reasonable. Like, get depressed during the winter. I think I've seasonally affected disorder. Maybe it's the Valdivarian. I have it all four seasons. But more so during the winter.

So I've been desperate for the spring to get here. And it seems like little seeds of hope are popping up. And this morning I spotted a sparrow hawk in the garden. So that is possibly a good thing, but also quite scary for the other birds. Really, I just think you need to go by whether the cricket season has started or not, that's that's really all you should need. Sparrow hawks can go f**king themselves.

started or not that's that's really all you should need. Sparahawks can go fuck themselves. Andy, my phone reminded me recently that like it was just it was just the four-year anniversary of my first appearance on the bugle. Oh. And it took me three years and ten months to realize when you say in the bin, it refers to the trash bin. Probably. Why does it keep saying that? Finally it was like, oh, it's like the section of the newspaper that you throw in the

car because you know, it's just, oh, I get it now. So always click on the uptake over here. What did you think it was? Like a storage bin of like to like for memorabilia A sin bin Sports there. They have the sin bin, don't they? Well, I'm glad that you finally you finally came to Never it's never too late to learn It's never too late to learn. It's the point. It absolutely is too late.

So our entire society and politics is based on the fact that we will never learn. So the other was at Cobb's comedy club on the lifetools. Yeah, what? Your bugle debut. Hopefully we'll be back there at some point in the next 100 years or so. I should say, for any confused confuse Twittie users who listens to the bugle, this bugle is an official blue tick bugle. I know the blue tick's been undergoing something of a, I don't know, a regenerative process

to put it positively on Twitter, but in fact every bugle, official bugle is a blue tick bugle. If you listen very carefully in the background of every properly sanctioned episode of this podcast right from the start, you can hear the sound of a blue tick bugle. If you listen very carefully in the background of every properly sanctioned episode of this podcast right from the start, you can hear the sound of a blue tick. So Chris, can you just zoom in on this week's tick and we'll find out exactly how blue it is? Being a blood sucking parasite makes me so sad. I don't want to be a vector of disease, such as my fatal us. Oh, look at that untrouse of coffee. I hate what I am. So pretty blue tick that one,

pretty pretty blue tick. What was that accident? I don't know, you passed the tick. Fabric? We are recording on the 21st of April 2023. On this day in 753 BC, Romulus founded the renowned city of Rome. He was, of course, world-fractresside of the year in I think 754 BC, after bumping off his brother Remus, essentially after a bit of a family spat about town planning. Romulus was the first person known to have a personalized license plate. His open top chariot had a R-753 BC plate glistening out causing everyone in Rome to think he was a bit of a tool and wishing the other brother had won and they'd ended up in a city called Reme instead on such threads as History Hang. In 1509 on this day, Henry VIII became Henry VIII,

having previously just been Henry. His father Henry VII died and the new Henry, Optel Halsey liked to be known, came to the throne. And for a man renowned for his love of a wedding and of course for being the first Twitter user to swipe down, he averaged approximately one spouse per 2.4 decades in the early phase of his reign, but then rattle through one per 2.7 years in the later years before leaving his sixth and final wife for his later squeeze death. And on this day in 1934, the most famous photograph allegedly showing the Loch Ness Monster was published in the Daily Mail,

known as the Surgeon's Photograph. It was revealed 60 years later to have been a hoax, meaning that the last fact ever published in the Daily Mail does still date back to 1927. As always, sex, not the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week we review the latest cutlery books, including from cutlery to culltery, how one man's obsession with eating utensils led in extrable to a table manners based culltin, the patrimansion jungle that ended inevitably with the confusion of sporks. We review also Hitler's chopsticks, a fascinating insight into how an increasingly paranoid fiora tried to ban all Ponzi Capri, in case someone tried to kill him with it.

When T's... Sorry, I'm just seeing Chris's face. Yeah. We also review when T'spoons attack a graphic and moving catalogue of some of the most harrowing injuries suffered by people using T-Spoons, including 1920s film star Merrick Force losing an eye when trying lapsang su-shong for the first time on the set of the silent movie at T-Tazan, part of the briefly successful Shakespeare in the Jungle series.

And we review cruel fate or crew it fail. Was the failure of the Scriven's Treffoliard Expedition to the South Pole in 1908. Do you not to misfortune but to expedition leader principal Scriven's insistence on taking a full dinner set of cutlery plus individual Sultan Pepperpots to cover all eventualities for any eight-course meal? Not only for his overman 25 strong expedition team, but also in case they met any other polar exploration parties and needed to entertain. It goes into a lot of details. Scriven's team included a Somalia with a Husky-Drawn Sutter of Fine Wines, a pianist to help Wileaway the chilly evenings, a billiard table. His American tennis partner, Jamsu Thalamour, was of course Wimbledon mixed doubles champion in the previous year,

alongside the controversially opinionated Lady H, it has very if it's Bernard. The co-expedition leader Archibald Treffleard of course didn't actually make it to Antarctica due to becoming inextricably involved in a bridge game at the Imperial Club in London that ended up lasting 14 years and only ended with a death of Lord Monsley from a heart attack brought about by an aggressive bit of five no trumps. But the extra weight of the cutlery taken on the expedition is thought to have led to scribes and his men becoming stuck fast in the ice, just 50 yards into their journey, falling short of the pole by around 600 miles. Anyway, this book really gets to the bottom

of that fascinating expedition. That section in the bin. In the garbage. In the garbage. Thank you. Thank you. Andy, what wine pairs with raw emperor penguin? I think you probably want a, I don't know, an 1893 shadow, enough to perhaps probably, I think that's what they took. Oh, no, Andy, surely, don't you have a cup of tea with a penguin? Now that is, I mean, for people who have not grown up with the penguin biscuits, which is I think a distinctively British confection, that joke will not have got what it deserved if, but I admired it. The UK listeners will be, we'll love it.

And the Americans will, well, probably as per usual go, what is she talking about? So don't change from the usual. Top story this week. The United States of America, one of humanity's boldest silliest and most self-loathing social experiments, is heading towards the end of its first quarter of a millennium with many questions still unanswered, including which of America's many states is the silliest. It's always hotly contested. NATO Green can bring us up to dates with a wall, an extremely feisty battle for top spot that is going on at the moment. NATO, what states in particular you say are pulling ahead? ahead. Oh, Andy, I mean, it just, it feels like with America, it feels like the

merry-go-round is going faster and faster, and at some point we're all going to get up, get off, and throw up and fall down at the same time. You know, when when when Trump was president, you know, people were like, oh my god, we, you know, we thought we hit bottom. We thought that Trump was incredibly stupid. If you thought Trump was dumb, nah, how about some Republican state legislators, like Trump, but with all the stupidity and no gold plate, played in toilets? I mean, it's just, it's like, it's banana. So Wisconsin had a judges race, tipped the balance of the Supreme Court, that's in a liberal direction in a way that might have bearing on the right to abortion and voting rights in the state of Wisconsin. But at

the same time, elected a Republican to the state legislature who gives them a super majority of the state Senate They will allow them to impeach the judge that they just elected. It's like one step forward two steps back In Chicago, Illinois, there was a race for mayor Brandon Johnson beat Paul Vales to become mayor of Chicago It was Johnson had the support of the Chicago teachers union Valos had the support of the police. It was a teacher's V cops race and the teachers won. That seems good, seems good. But no, the media is already blaming Johnson for shoplifting in Chicago even though he's not mayor yet. The big one that I'm most excited about is Tennessee.

So, just to bring people up last month in Tennessee, there was a school shooting that was committed by a trans person. The shooter was under care for emotional disorder, but had seven legally purchased firearms. You would think that someone would have caught that. But anyway, so the whole thing was tragic. Following the event, three members of the state legislature led a protest on the floor.

Two of them named Justin were expelled. By sheer coincidence, they were also black. There was a white lady who was not expelled. Everybody knows, if you're a comic, a white lady making a scene is just the Friday late show at a comedy club. The, the Justin's are also millennials. So by the way, like I, so I look, I was looking reading up on the Tennessee State Legislature and I looked at the roster and as a coastal elite from San Francisco. And I don't want to fit the stereotype of being judgmental

towards the hardworking and humble heartland of America. But the Republicans have a state legislator named Brock Martin, which just sounds like the generic knockoff brand of Doc Martins. Like, oh, I got some new Brock Martins under the bridge. The Justin's were elected this year. Justin Pearson, one of them, was elected in a special election in January, took office, and less than two months later was kicked out for protesting. The balls, like he didn't even finish the probationary period at the

new job before he was like, I'm burning it all down. So the case blew up, the law required the local council to vote to create an interim appointment. So they appointed the same guys. The vote to expel them was called by this Republican House Speaker Cameron Sexton, who is now going to be famous for making them famous, like how Voldemort made Harry Potter the chosen one by trying to kill him. But instead of he shall not be named, the guy's name is Cameron Sexton, and instead of the greatest dark wizard of all time, he's like a bank manager from Crossville, Tennessee, who just wanted to keep a bust of the founder of the Ku Klux Klan in the state capital, like Voldemort would have.

Interesting. So, reading about this, that this protest involving the two justins and Gloria Johnson was described as an insurrection, which, by the standard of recent insurrections, wasn't very insurrectiony, and they were accused of participating in quotes disorderly behavior. Now, the irony being this was a protest against gun violence, which I mean, what would you say is worse, NATO, some quote disorderly behavior or the slaying of innocence to uphold a point of political principle. Yeah, I mean, they, you know, it was disorderly behavior and a breach of decorum. And, you

know, I mean, I think, I think if someone breaches decorum, they should be murdered. Well, I think that's the American way. Okay. I've obviously, sorry, sorry. I've noticed a past, my personal judgment on America's right to watch his own citizens being gunned down in cold blood because of shit for brain interpretations of a 230 year old piece of legislation. That's not for me to say.

For us outsiders, it's hard to understand how each of our parent tragedies, in fact, a reassertion of America's unique greatness. As a nation, we can't understand how it's only through allowing and encouraging guns slaughter that you can foster as lively and engage with the bait on guns as America enjoys. And we don't have much of a gun debate in Britain. So in many ways, America is doing better, I think, if we look at it in that interpretation. I know you're a huge fan of Tennessee as an adjective, but as a state, how do you find it? Well listen, I'm into Gloria and the Justin's. I'm going to do it that way round because then it sounds like a cool band, right? I would listen to Gloria and the Justin's. But it was, it backfired incredibly, didn't it? Because what happened was they

they expelled two black reps and not the white woman. And the two men who were expelled are both incredible public speakers, very charismatic, both of them under 30. And all it did was just increase their platform and get the message out further about gun reform. So it actually ended up, and they've both been brought back in. But Gloria, she narrowly survived an expulsion vote. And the Republican said she played a small role in the protest and did not use a megaphone. And she said, I think it might be because I'm white.

But the megaphone thing is wild. because what that says to me is it like it's not what you say it's how loudly you say it. And they said it very loudly. So a lot of people could hear and we didn't like how reasonable it sounded. We object to that. Also, I mean, the megaphone specifically is an inherently comic means of amplifying your voice. If they just done it with a, you know, with an ordinary microphone, it probably wouldn't have had quite the same effect, but there's something about the megaphone that is just huge. Yeah. It's, it's, but the megaphone and the tiny

microphone that you see a lot of influences or people on TikTok use, if you've ever seen them use the tiny tiny mic, huge and small is hilarious, like with penises. Like we're at the point where it's just like, what will it take? Like you're having to come up with new words for gun massacres, you know, shooting, sprees, gun violence, mass shooting, serial shooting, gun situation, which is what Trump started calling it,

which sounds like a bullet-ridden episode of Jersey Shore. But I can't, what I was thinking, because I've been thinking about this, when I was in Louisiana, they had open-carry discount, which was to say, if you go into a store there and you're carrying a weapon, you get like 10% off, 15% off, right, which is, if they don't give you the money off, presumably you take what you like because you've walked in with a 100% discount in reality. If you wanted it like, on your person. But I sort of thought that was mad.

And I was like, God, if you're broke, you can't afford to not have a gun if you wanna get money off stuff. So I think we need to stop de-inscentivising gun ownership and incentivise using your wit and if necessary, your fists. So you get a no-carry discount. So that is a certificate that you bring everywhere,

saying you don't have a gun registered in your name. You show it, you get 25% of everything everywhere, forever. So it's the opposite of an open carry, it's a no-carry. And then I'm not advocating the use of fists, by the way. I was just saying, if someone comes at you with fists, you can fist back. I haven't thought this through, clearly. I was suggesting fisting as an option. Let's not, let's recent the fists.

But I do think... Do you mean fisting as in terms of punching or like the sexual act? Well, I meant punching, but increasingly it sounded more sexual the more I said it. So, if someone wants to fight and you want to finger their butthole, that's a appropriate response and you should get a discount at the store. Don't, do just need to gradually go back in time. So from today's guns go back to the 1790s weaponry

that presumably the second amendment was designed for. The muskets that take a while to load. Yes, back to proper cutlass, and then maybe just eventually a stick. And I think, yeah, just gradually wean America off its addiction to self harm. If I know you have friends in the Chicago media, believe you've asked one of them to give us a full report on the the Meryl race. Oh yes, yes, I have asked for a rundown from my friend, the news hall. Ah well, it was a close race, but in the end this guy Brandon Johnson won. He's real square

he's finally gonna rid this town of all the punks and get him in the cab. Send those criminals to the big house but only if they've done big crime. He wants to reform the police. That other guy vales he's got ahead as smooth as a pebble and the personality to match. He wanted the streets to crawl in with cupbers. Experiences taught me never to trust a policeman just when you think once alright he turns legit. Johnson declared in his victory speech that Chicago is a union town. So as a great union member, I'm after drinking some giggle shoes and watch that canary with the great gams bell out a couple of tunes. On the subject of this supreme court at NATO, Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice of

well, long, well, 1991, I think he joined the Supreme, was the longest, longest serving member of the Supreme Court because when he appoints someone to a job, why not let them do it for 32 years until death intervenes. But he is according to Vanity Fair magazine quotes on a quest to be the most corrupt justice in the Supreme Court, which I'm not sure if he's defined that quest himself, if he's accepted the challenge of such a quest from some divine being, which we don't know yet. But there's an increasing scandal over his relationship with a right-wing donor, Harlan Crowe, who is, aside from dousing Thomas with gifts, which he's not declared, he is a Crowe, a collector of far-rights memorabilia, including paintings by Hitler.

Now, it's quite hard to unpack all of this. I guess, you know, when you look at the Supreme Court, obviously, the Supreme Court itself as a kind of traditional built-in corruption on which the American body politic is founded. But you want its actual members to be, at least to be pretending to be law-abiding fans of, well, I guess, the law. And also is the supposed leading minds of their country or be it within the subset of leading legal minds with the right political alignment for whatever happens to be present at the time before they're appointed for all eternity. You want them to have the wisdom to think, when offered freebies by a known hickory enthusiast, you want them

to be smart enough to think how does this look? And I daily think that the answer is bad. It's and he's even worse than that. It's that it's that if you're offered freebies by a known Hitler enthusiast, you're not supposed to say, I don't think I should do this. You're just supposed to write it down on a form. I put it in the ledger. Isn't that good enough? So Harlan Crowe collected Nazi memorabilia, as you mentioned, including paintings by Hitler, which is odd because arguably paintings

were not Hitler's best work. Like of Hitler's contributions to mankind, of the things that Hitler excelled at, painting is near the bottom of the list. Like say what you will about Hitler, but like no one was as ever been like, Hitler, horrible person, but quite a painter. You know what I mean?

Like, you see his brush stroke. So you have to be really into hit, like, you know, you could imagine like a Nazi enthusiast going, you know, I wanna have some Hitler military tactical maps or copies of speeches or Gestapo boots or mustaches or whatever. Like getting into the paintings is like a deep,

you have to be so into Hitler to be like, yeah, I'm just saying. Um, what are you saying? Are you saying he's suggesting he had a series of stick on moustaches? That's a mess. Yes, I am. Yes, I am.

It reminds me, I mean, I had a flashback because when I was in college, I was at a party and there were some guys at the party, like there were hundreds of people at the party in this house and there were some guys in a room with Nazi memorabilia, like SS helmets and flags and arm bands. And I went to the host of the party and I was like, what the fuck man,

why are there Nazis in this house? And he said, oh, don't worry, NATO, they're not Nazis, that's just their thing. And I was like, that's not a thing that you can have. Like, it's not, you know, it's not Nazis, that's just their thing. And I was like, that's not a thing that you can have. Like, it's not, you know, it's not like, oh, this is, I had my Nazi phase and then I had my emo phase and it's just an aesthetic I was trying on. It was just a big mess on it.

Anyway, so the donor didn't only pay for, a Harlan Crowe didn't only pay for vacations that Thomas didn't disclose, but he also bought Clarence Thomas' mom's house in Savannah, Georgia and paid to have it renovated by an award-winning architect. Like any of us would casually do for a friend, we were not trying to influence it anyway at all to buy their house and renovate it. So there's a Fox News commentator, Juan Williams, who is a good personal friend of Clarence Thomas and wrote an article about the stink of corruption around him, and who described Thomas as a pleasant guest at his birthday parties. And I can see a Republican ideology being really into playing pin the tail on the donkey.

Does that joke travel across the, because the donkey, the Democrats? Okay. So, I don't know. I may have overthought it. So, according to Juan Williams, he said, Thomas can quote, Malcolm X by heart, and represented the best ideals of what black men could accomplish, which I guess in this case is to sexually harass a woman and get away with it for 30 years. And then marry a white woman involved in a conspiracy to overthrow the US government,

while hanging out with Nazi billionaires to end this democracy, just like Malcolm X would have wanted. When Malcolm X said, by any means necessary, I'm pretty sure he didn't mean these particular reasons. Oh, so when you're being, you know, you're being criticized by a Fox News analyst, that's not ideal for Clarence Thomas. I mean, that's like being lectured about your attitude to women by the Saudi Arabian government. It just doesn't, you know, you think that that's really, it's not looking good, is it? A one final piece of American news, a Tennessee Air National Guardsman has reportedly been

arrested after applying for a job on the Spoof website, rentahitman.com. And reportedly telling undercover agents that he was not only an excellent shot, but was also quite happy to torture people and cut off their fingers and ears. Now, I guess when you find yourself applying for a job like that, you might think what has happened to my life. But yeah, we all look for jobs that suit our skill set. Now I personally am very fortunate that I have essentially two jobs that I love that suit who I am as a person that are extensions of my true self. You know, as cricket obsessive with a lifelong version to reality responsibility and regular working hours, being a comedian and cricket statistician suits me perfectly. So for Josiah Garcia, who one assumes has a lifelong skepticism of bits of the body that stick

out and secretly enjoys the sound of screaming, a job that involves chopping off ears and fingers and shooting people must must have appealed. You can understand that. One extraordinary detail was that he apparently having been arrested said he's not going to take the job anyway because he'd received a job offer from a Nashville medical centre. I guess it would have been interesting to see how long he lasted. Oh, Mrs. Fribin, it's good to see you again, do sit down. Now has your cough got any better?

It hasn't, so chopping off your fingers and ears has not helped. Any side effects you're finding you're playing the piano less well and your glasses keep falling off. I mean, how do you just the wet, the name of the website? Like, you would assume that immediately it was a parody. Yes, like if you don't spot that, then it might suggest you don't have the attention to detail that is really a key part of the job of being a hitman. Ah, well he's from Tennessee, so how did they advertise? Did they, did they say it or did they shout it loudly through a megaphone? So we need to know, it makes a difference. It is curious.

I don't know how you find out whether or not you've got the skills required. I mean, you know, can you do like a work experience placement? Or a... I think you have to have a teenage daughter who potentially gets kidnapped on her way to watch you two in concert in Europe. Yes, you do have to put that in. Then you find out if you have a particular set of skills.

Right, you do have to put that on your CV. UK news now, and what news breaking today, that the Deputy Prime Minister Dominic Rob has quacked after a report into his alleged bullying when he was foreign secretary. A report found he had been unreasonably and persistently aggressive in the meeting. And his behaviour also involved quotes an abuse or misuse of power in a way that undermines or humiliates a report concluded that his conduct was abrasive and felt intimidating or insulting, but was not intended to be so. So are the curious case this? In the sense that, I mean, you might view this as bullying, you might view it as someone being a little aggressive in the

workplace in a slightly old school way. The more important pertinent question is, why the fuck was he deputy prime minister in the first place? How'd he not been fired for years and years of being unbelievably fucking incompetent as reported on Passem on the bugle? The report cited an example where Rob... He's doing a lot of work there

the um the report site didn't example where Rob described someone's work as quotes utterly useless and wofl before he reportedly added to can you people quit muscling in on my territory um i mean if i know you're a huge fan of Dominic Rob i've seen the tattoos uh you're very sad to these uh huge fan of Dominic Rob, I've seen the tattoos, you've got to be very sad, that he's sad. Let's show where the channel is. Can I say it, can I say it? Rapsie Exit. Yes, well there we go. Rapsie Exit.

Okay, again, this is one that specifically like the Penguin Biscuit joke is really not going to make sense to anyone outside of the UK, but yes, well you've shown it to me, but there was a TV comedy show called Rubsie Nesbit. There's bit, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes hit you on the way out, well he probably won't, because he would probably hit it first. It's, there were like 20 plus complaints, I might, we should fact check that maybe, but he said actually out of those, they only found that I bullied two of them, which is not quite the slam dunk that you think it is, is it to go? Well it's just only two people, but I'm, in setting the threshold for bullying solo, this is what he said, this inquiry has set a dangerous precedent. Now, I'm sure if Boris was your previous boss,

your threshold for bullying was quite high. But that doesn't mean it's a good thing. Like a lot of those stories went to boarding school where it's part of the training. You have to do bullying. You take turns, you know. Well, some people stay on the bottom of the bullying run and have to clean all the shoes and make the beds

and stuff like that, but yeah, it's part of the training. I mean, he's not good at his job, he's never been good at his job. And like you say, surely before, how did he manage to get there in the first place? It's what we know is that, I know they say like cream rises, but in this government,

I think it's like incompetence rises, like an ingredient in a souffle. It's like yeasty, incompetence is yeasty, because somehow throughout this government it just keeps rising and rising and rising. How dare you people complain? It's spoiled breaths that you have someone who all he did was be bad at his job and abusive to mid-level civil servants and had the self-respect to resign.

Like, in America, that would qualify him for higher office. It's in the national anthem that you get to abuse the staff. It's unbelievable to me that there were complaints, there was investigation, it was sustained and then he resigned. That seems like the system's working great. I would argue on the self-respect bit because he also didn't resign at first when he was told to resign. So I think it was a more of a resign before you're fired. And it was very much a resignation saying, I have to resign. So I think it was a more of a resign before you're fired. And it was very, very much a resignation saying, I have to resign, but I, I, I personally don't think I should be resigning. And this is all the reasons why he didn't really mean it, essentially. Now, I guess some people argue that in positions

of responsibility, I resign, I was not a bully. You. Yeah, some people argue that in positions positions responsibility, it's all about doing whatever it takes to get the job done and be able to speak firmly and directly to those people who work for you. And also, surely more importantly, how will this country continue to attract the best caliber of the, you know, the robbing level of quality people to high level public office? If you, if they do not have the workplace perk of being able to psychologically destroy their

underlings, flaunt their over-weening egos and act like a total shithead was failing to get anything discernible done anyway. So I worry about the impact this will have on recruitment into politics. The new deputy prime minister is Oliver Dowden, who again we've talked about periodically on the bugle. He's the man who you may remember, blamed last year the weakening of the West, as he described it, not on the hollowing out of society by the forces of untrammel capitalism and political and economic short-termism or one of the other many contributing factors, but on some people

wanting to use different pronouns, which he said has essentially left the West unable to deal with Putin. He is now Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. So talking about failing upwards, I'm not sure what direction this is failing in, it's that kind of scattergun failing. Or direction is it flailing in. or direction is it flailing in? Coronation news now and we're very exciting news ahead of the coronation of King Charles, our feudal overlord who will be officially Bekinned on the 6th of May is coronation is to feature Shards of the true cross which have been given to him by the Pope, not just any

Pope, the actual Pope, not a guy in a Pope outfit, the actual Pope has given him bits of the cross, one bit that is a centimeter long and one bit I think that's five centimeters long. To help him, I know, coronate himself even better, the Greek government has also offered the douse the king in water from the river sticks to make him immortal So I mean, it's gonna be it's gonna be a sensational Sensational coronation you know with bits. I don't know if it's still got any bits of Jesus on this I don't know which bit of the cross it's from it might be I don't know the bit. I mean, I hope it's not from the bit But yeah, but his ass was on

So you can't describe it as coronating himself. That sounds so masturbator-ish. Essentially what it is, isn't it? It comes with special oils, too. It's a very expensive one, because that's what we're saying. Yeah. You can save it oil. It's international.

It's international whank. What do you give the money as everything, including huge amounts of entitlement? Shards? Shards of the cross? I mean, that is how high you've got to go, to give a member of the royal family, to give the monarch of this country something they don't already have a bit of the f***ing cross. I've got a true cross fact box actually because I did a lot of research into this because obviously for my team it's a bit of a controversial piece of wood to be honest, it's cost of, it's cost of a lot of market share over the years. So here is the bugle true cross fact box. Fact 1. If you put together all the pieces of wood, claiming to be from the true cross, you would be able to build a wooden empire state building and crucifier giant wooden

king Kong to it. Fact 2. Golf of Ben Hogan won the Open Championship in 1953 using a three-wood reportedly made from the true cross. Every shot he played went perfectly down the middle of the fairway, accompanied by a shaft of heavenly light, an acquire of angels singing, Get in the hole! Fact 3. Do be careful when handling fragments of the true cross. As they can be sharp, and if a splinter of the true cross pierces your skin and enters your bloodstream, you could end up being unable to handle any vessel containing water without automatically turning it into wine, behaviour which could see you barred from your local swimming pool and or accused of

insensitivity towards tea-tokers. Fact 4, if you think you might have a fragment of the tru cross but aren't sure, please contact your local church. If you take the fragment to the church and the organ starts playing spontaneously before you float up towards the heavens, smashing through any stained glass windows that might be in the way, then yes, it is a fragment of the true cross. And finally, fact 5, it is thought that Jesus was quite impressed with the workmanship of the cross. The gospel according to St. Nigel Quotes Christ is saying, God has say, that is beautifully sanded and elegantly finished with a clear varnish

that really brings out the grain of the wood, terrific job. It's an absolute pleasure to be crucified on such a lovingly crafted piece of work. But, and I will say this now for me, do you think it seems a real shame to whack nails into it? Guys, can we take a rain check on the nails? Any other coronation news tips? It's only a couple of weeks now till the big day. My husband sent me a wiki page and I'm thinking about divorcing him because of it, because it was an article about someone called Roland the Fata. It said Roland the Fata, known in contemporary records as Roland L'Effatier, Rolandus L'Effatierer

or Roland L'Péture, was a medieval flotist who lived in 12th century England. He was given Hemingstone Manor in Suffolk and 12 hectares of land in return for his services as a gestor for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform Unum Sultan, Et Sifl-Tum, Et Unum, Bamblublum, one jump, one whistle, one fart for the King's Court of Christmas. Now, I have to say, right? So my husband sent it to me going, is this a relative of yours? I think he's saying I fart a lot, and it's not a lie. And I think if I can get an invite to the coronation,

that is probably my way in. Because this said, like, imagine farting so good that the king gives you a 30 acre estate. And I think I could be this generation's Roland if I'm just given the chance. So that's my pitch to get an invite to the coronation. I will turn up, I will fart in front of the king, I will's my pitch to get an invite to the coronation. I will turn up I will fart in front of the king. I will make it loud. I will make it wet and I'm gonna reclaim

Some of the land for the surfs and the peasants and I'm gonna take it back At Chris have you been invited to the coronation? Yeah, I have actually I'm really good to it. Yeah, yeah I'm gonna be a Prince Charles's chair Do you have to say do you have to be like the forms and say sit on it? Then I have to do a ceremonial jumping of the shark as everyone does it such a bit That brings us to the end of this week's bugle. We will be back in about 10 days. We're shifting back to recording early in the week as the news quiz is back next week, which you'll be able to hear on BBC Sounds. A quick plug for a regular bugle co-host, Harry

Kondabolo, has a new YouTube special entitled Vacation Baby, which is available now. Do watch it's Pugula's NATO. What do you have to plug this week? Well, as always, I have some comedy albums out, the native green party in the White Nessam. You can get the best way to get money to the artist is via band camp. Also, if you're in the San Francisco area on Saturday,

April 22nd, I will be judging the US Air guitar championships. Oh, so how do you do that? I mean, celebrity judge of the US Air guitar championships. Is anyone going acoustic this year? I will report back. It's at bottom of the hill. So, and otherwise, giggling around. It's at bottom of the hill, so, and otherwise, giggling around. Tiff, any shows you'd like to... I am on tour, starting in two weeks. So in May, I'll be on tour. I think the first dates are Southampton. Please buy some tickets for that one.

Who's Southampton, Bristol and Cambridge, I think, for the first week. So I'd love to see you there. Also, check out Cassarsis, my podcast with the Bugal Network, a whole network, a whole network of podcasts now. And we've got some fantastic guests, we've had a recent one with Mark Thomas, we've got one coming up with Ali Mckofsky, one coming up with Lou Sanders, so looking forward to getting your feedback guys and by feedback I mean like and subscribe. That's where the main feedback, what I'm

only looking for is positive feedback but yes please check them out, listen, like us, love us. We will now play you out with more entrance to the Bugle Wall of Fame. If you want to join the Bugle Voluntary Subscription Sch give a one-off or a current contribution to help keep the show free, flourishing and independent, go to the BuglePockast.com and click the donate button. Goodbye. Sarah Nakmiya was responsible for the high reputation of ancient Greek philosophy superstar Plato after proving that what people had thought was badly spelled and poorly written nonsense

was in fact really quite clever stuff, but in a foreign language using a different alphabet. Nicola Lawson calculated for NASA that when launching a space rocket to the moon you did not actually have to wait until the moon was directly above the launch pad. You do in fact have to factor in lots of other stuff, including whether you launch your rocket with spin. Aaron Green was the person who suggested adding dimples to the surface of golf balls. In order to stop passing birds, thinking that a vengeful egg was heading their way, whenever a golfer's golf shot with a golf ball sent the golf ball flying towards them. Birds are haunted enough by guilt at the best of times explained air and it seemed a very least I could do. Sean Nalti dissuaded Albert Einstein from

trying to launch a career as a nightclub DJ under the pseudonym MC Square and convinced him instead to do much more physics. James Toneckliff similarly convinced Escapology celeber Harry Houdini not to branch off into crime fiction, and Houdini's Houdunits remains mercifully unpublished to this day. Peter Hennessy convinced science duo Marie and Pierre Blottosnitz to change their surname to something more befitting people making significant medical breakthroughs that could help people recover from serious illness. His suggestion of Cury proved instantly popular. Paul Thomas did his very best to make table tennis more popular as a global spectator sport by suggesting that, like in actual non-table-based tennis tournaments, should be played on different

surfaces. And Kyle Cohen jumped in to back up this suggestion, advocating amongst other potential table surfaces, clay, grass, concrete, so far so tennis, ashram turf, antique tablecloth, snooker-style green bays, ice gravel, corrugated iron, writhing tray of worms and bed of nails. Regrettably, their suggestion was not accepted. you