The Bugle - Arm all the drag queens (4232)

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

Hari Kondabolu and Nato Green team up on The Bugle for the first time ever, as they and Andy go to town on US gun laws following more mass shootings in the country. Meanwhile in the UK, Boris Johnson survives a vote of no confidence and Q-Unit gives the nation a truly jubilicious four day weekend.We run no advertising, you keep us going!Support us via our website with a regular or one off donationBuy a loved one Bugle Merch Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this show with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanNato GreenHari KondaboluAnd produced by Chris Skinner and Ped Hunter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Bugleers, and welcome to issue 4,232 of the Buegl audio newspaper for a visual world. I am Andy Zoltzmann here in the shed of immutable veracity as the United Kingdom tentatively, emerges into the second half of the reign of Queen Elizabeth, the unquenchably Jubilee Shus, and to mark the beginning of the new inter-dubileziotic phase in this country's life as we wait for the 71st anniversary celebrations next year, I've had my scalp surgically treated so my hair and hairline matched the glorious bonfire of the queen herself. My larynx has also been fully Elizabeth, so I sound exactly like the greatest British monarch of my life. Oh hang on, no, I'm sounding just like I normally do

That's not let me get my mirror and my hair also looks the savers on Oh, no, there's been a terrible mix up in the ordering process I've got a maca call it's gonna be very awkward. It'll have to wait till after the show Oh my go welcome to the muble. It's Wednesday 8th of June 2022 And I'm just a few thousand short, but wet miles from the United States of America, from where both of our Bugle co-hosts this week joined me from New York City, specifically Brooklyn.

It's Harry Condabolo and from San Francisco, NATO Green. Welcome both of you from your distant hosts. Hello Andy. Hi. Hello Andy. Yeah, I realised that by welcoming you both at the same time that made that simultaneous response inevitable, which, um, yeah, I'm quite new at this podcasting going on, I'm quite cracked. You know, Andy, Harry is one of my oldest friends in comedy, and so Harry is one of my oldest friends in comedy. And so over those many years,

we developed the kind of like, just intuitive comic timing as to answer a question or interrupting each other at the same time. In a way that only friends could. Well, it's not just having you both on the show together, which is a bugle first, to have you both on the show together, which is a bugle first, to have you both on at the same time. So yeah, don't fuck it up, that's what I'm saying.

No, did. How are you, Ari? Why do you ask me that question every time I'm on? First of all, you know the answer to it. You read the news, secondly, like you have a phrase in the UK that stands in for Hower You. It's, are you have a phrase in the UK to that stands in for how are you? It's, are you all right?

And honestly, that is the appropriate question you should be asking every American whenever you talk to them. Are you all right? No, not really. pandemic, nuclear threats still in the background. Everyone's shooting each other. People can't decide whether we should be allowed

to shoot each other or not. It's not good. And I have a kid. I brought a kid into this. But the mates are doing well. All right, so they're, you know, that's good, isn't it? It's too early and you know how that game has played. Oh, they're doing so, oh, what happened?

Everybody got injured. All the free agents that they signed got injured all All the free agents that they signed got injured all at once. Yeah, yeah, this is the setup. The Mets know how to rope a dope. On this day in 1954, Joseph Welch, the special counsel for the United States Army, had a pop but Senator Joseph McCarthy and gave McCarthy the famous rebuke, you have done enough, have you no sense of decency sir, at long last, have you left no sense of decency? That was on

this day in 1954 and it's good to know that the world of politics has moved on with such maturity that no leader could possibly hear such words ever said again. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, alternative modes of travel. People are increasingly looking to different means of getting around. It's concerns, for example, that while people losing faith and air travel due to administrative chaos, staffing troubles, the delays, hidden costs, the queues, because frankly what's the fucking point of going anywhere and also because the physics just simply

doesn't hang together. People also because of the rising cost of fuel on the back of the wall, the free market, it's not always having humanities best interest at heart and oil being a slippery little bastard all around. That's making people slightly more reluctant to drive cars around, trains in some countries of research or a mixture of expensive, unreliable and shit. So people are looking increasingly

to different forms of transport. We give you the pros and cons of some of these alternatives. Donkey, pro, you feel like a Messiah. Cohn takes a long time to fill up when it runs out of fuel. Caterpult, pro, it's environmentally friendly. Cohn, vulnerable to sudden changes in wind, which can blow you off course from your landing mattress with fatal results. Caterpolt, Pro, it's environmentally friendly, Con, vulnerable to sudden changes in wind, which can blow you off course from your landing mattress with fatal results. Piggyback, Pro, it's fun, Con, socially found upon for adults. Zorbing ball, Pro, excellent 360 degree visibility, Con, slopes and physics are a disharmonious combination.

Space rocket, Pro, it's glamorous, fast and funky, Con's tends to return you back to way to Coffron, cramped conditions and very poor in flight service, and Teradactyl, Pro, exciting, Kahn extinct. That section in the bin. MUSIC Top story this week, America, still at war with itself. We're in a fairly introspective phase here in Britain, really over, I don't know, the last hundred years or so, but maybe even probably since, I don't know, things start to go

wrong in the 1770s, but America, it seems, is in just a permanent state of attempting to rend itself to pieces from within. In the aftermath of the latest mass shootings. There has been talk of bipartisan congressional cooperation to try to find something that he slightly looks like a solution. I mean, is this actually going to bring about any possible results or will, you know, the end to America slaughtering itself, really rid of any, you know, of its kind of USP as a nation, but, you know, it is more willing than any other country in the world to act against its own self-interest.

Oh, yeah. We're number one at that. We're very good at acting against our own self-interest. First of all, the big news this week is that Republicans and Democrats are willing to talk to each other about creating a proposal for gun control. It's not that they've agreed to anything. It's simply that they're talking to each other as they're supposed to do, as legislators and has been the case for a couple of hundred years.

But they just started talking about it and going back and forth. And there seems to for a couple of hundred years, but they just started talking about it, and going back and forth, and there seems to be a lot of disagreements, for example, the GOP is still a little wary about passing any kind of federal legislation or anything that would prevent people, potentially with mental health issues, from purchasing guns.

Now, the left is worried because that seems to be a lot of the gun violence we see in these mass shootings. A lot of the mass shootings are seems to be by people that shouldn't be owning guns. But the right's problem is that is a big part of their base. People who would not be allowed to buy guns if uh... there were mental health checks and that is such a sizable proportion that to actually bend on that particular issue would be the downfall of the republican it's quite competitive title hard but that's one of the most depressing jokes in

the entire history of the bugle i i i know i knew nato was here i knew nato is here i had to come up with something the gauntlet's been dropped nado america uh... and spetically whiteness i would say is a murder suicide packed with the planet texas senator john cordon said that we all agree that deranged dangerously mentally ill people shouldn't have firearms they called us a red flag law uh... now the average gun owner owns five guns

if you want five automatic rifles, that is a red flag to me. I'm just gonna start there. Is that number because when you have more rifles than limbs, that's gonna require you to be using your teeth to fire the fifth of those rifles. So is that your, that's the limit for you, Nito. That's the limit for you, Nito. That's the limit that if you, if you have, you know, more guns than books in your house,

I'm going to go ahead and call that a red flag. This bipartisan push now from the Senate to pass gun control, you know, there was a school shooting in Texas recently. It was incredibly tragic. School shootings are the only form of abortion that Republican support. What I've been reflecting on is I think about how our commitment to mass murder in the United States is that mass murder is actually a form of privilege. And hear me out. Okay. I've spent a fair amount of time in the third world.

I've traveled pretty extensively in Latin America. There's a lot of violence. People get killed a lot, but not for such stupid reasons. Like in Latin America, if you're a sociopath with an assault rifle, you're given a job. Like you're a colonel in the secret police. You have a purpose. It might be to exterminate some villagers

or fight Narcos while being a Narco. You know what I mean? But you have a purpose. It might be to exterminate some villagers or fight Narcos while being a Narco. You know what I mean? But you have a mission. You don't go murder children because you're a virgin. That's a waste of bullets. According to a new poll from CBS, 72% of Americans think mass shootings could be stopped if US politicians would only try, but 69% thought it was not likely that they would try.

No wonder people are cynical about politics. We don't think politicians will even try to solve problems. It feels like we're peasants in the 14th century France. Just trying to harvest some carrots and hope the Hundred Years' War doesn't raise our hamlet on its way through so we can die of bubonic plague and peace. Almost half of Republicans think that mass shootings are the price of living in a free society. And I have a different idea of free I realize. That's what I realize is that like for example just recently in San Francisco we had carnival. It's one of my favorite events. It's a parade in street fair of celebrating the diversity and

endurance of Latino culture in my neighborhood. And as I stood on the street watching vintage low riders bounce down the street to a Portuguese version of Daphpunks Get Lucky while I ate an empanada and come be the answers on Stilts Walk By while lesbian roller skaters gave candy to children. I did not think this feels free and it really needs a mass shooting. So just complete the weekend. So the Republicans and the Democrats and the Senator negotiating and they're far apart at a few points. Democrats want to do things and Republicans want to act like they're doing things without

doing things. And so I've gotten, I was leaked the notes that of things that the Republican senators are adding to the gun control bill to reduce the risk of mass shootings without upsetting the gun lobby. One is a new initiative to teach babies how to use a gun at the same time that they learn to latch onto the nipple, because the best defense against a bad man with a gun is a good baby with a gun. Requiring children to wear school uniforms of bullet-riddled and bloody clothes so they look like they've already been shot. Making every third gun out of avocado so that it will go bad suddenly three days after purchase and stick up the house and training veterans with PTSD and Army them to be school security. We're bringing back waterboarding in school. So during the negotiations, Biden gave a speech about his agenda for gun control and a Republican senator involved in the negotiation described

Biden's remarks as quote, unhelpful but irrelevant, unhelpful, but irrelevant sounds like a Yelp review of Christianity. uh, unhelpful, but irrelevant sounds like a Yelp review of Christianity. There's three heathens on this and we're all enjoying that joke. We're all enjoying that joke. We're all going to hell. So we can laugh about it there as well. Um, well, Harry, I think you're you're depressing jokes, not even top 10 now after. After, after. If you didn't enjoy the joke, please email Jews at thebubel.co.uk. One of Biden's proposals that people are not interested in

is to raise the gun age to 21, right? And there's a lot of people, when several polls show that people actually seem to prefer raising the gun age to 25, which makes sense, because that's when the brain like solidifies A bit more and I prefer 25 to 18 Because if we do that there will be fewer school shootings Though there will be more shootings in colleges and at the workplace and that is progress It's like bleak tennis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a lob. There are a couple of proposals the Republicans have put out that are a bit, they're fringy, but I see what they're doing. One is that they're offering a tax credit for everyone who does not shoot somebody. And you might think, well, couldn't they just use that tax credit to buy a gun? No, because of the honor system.

There you go. Honor systems work really well in politics. That's good to, to, to, to rely on that. I mean, there's another suggestion that all triggers on guns should have a one hour delay. So you've got a cooling off period where you can really think about what you're doing. I like that. I like that. Well, the other thing is, you know, the thing is all these, even the tax credit for not shooting someone, you know, clearly the Republicans aren't going to like the idea of the tax credit. So another proposal from further right was that under the law, shooters must yell for before firing.

So you have been given fair warning. Right. So learning from golf, essentially, which is not necessarily a sport at the moment that the world should be learning a lot from. Which is, would explain why Republicans immediately thought that was the best approach. That's good.

We could learn from sport. Another question in the poll said, for states where buying a semi-automatic weapon, such as an AR-15 is legal, what should be the minimum legal age to buy one? And 5% of people said any age. Oh my God. Any age, what So again, this, you know, this, this, this idea of

arming babies, I think, you know, actually has a surprising amount of public support. I mean, that's, that's a kind of 5%. I mean, I think some of those 5%, presumably want to arm the babies in the womb as well, logically being pro-life as they are. So we can build a better planet. Republicans would like that, because they're, you know, profetus and anti-woman and an AR-15 of the womb would handle that situation. Yeah, you've got to let the fetus defend itself. But of course, it's not the guns that kill people.

It's pictures of people's private parts that kill people. And don't take this from me. JD Vance, a Republican nominee for the Senate election in Ohio. There's not one of ban guns, but he does want to ban pornography. There's been this sort of incredible moment where, faced with a great concern about gun violence, Republicans are falling all over themselves to find other things to ban that are not guns. And that list, the things that are harder to get than guns. And one of them is pornography, JD Vance, Ohio, Senate candidate wants to ban pornography because I guess the money shot will remind people of

mass shootings and plant the seed in a very literal way and so then people will be so hopped up that they'll go out and shoot people. It's easier to get an assault rifle in Texas than a vibrator. That story came out. And now there's a new, also a new initiative. Texas Republican State Legislator, Texas representative, Brian Slayton is introducing a bill to ban children attending drag shows. That that's the major threat facing the children of Texas.

He thinks drag is sexualizing children, which is kind of a self-own, not children doing drag, but children witnessing drag performances because it tells us that he doesn't know the difference between children being sexualized and children enjoying themselves in any way at all. So, you know, as someone who grew up in San Francisco, like, I love drag, my children love drag, they've been around drag queens their whole lives. Drag queens are amazing. They're like, you know, you learn about glitter and dancing, and you know and how to put on makeup. This is the drag queens are the answer to gun violence. Arm all the drag queens and that shouldn't go away.

So the stuff that Republicans are trying to ban instead of guns, they're really going for some deep cuts. It's quite remarkable. NATO, you said one thing. I do want to comment on you. You said that it's easier to get assault weapons in Texas than a vibrator. In Texas, assault weapons are used as vibrators. So don't need to worry about it. I have a feeling that JD Vance is firing blanks.

I have a feeling that JD Vance is firing blanks. He's not enjoying pornography because he's firing blanks, so he wants to ban it. The logic of, you know, why would he want to ban pornography? Is it because of the misogyny? It engenders. Is it because it's an exploitative industry in numerous ways? It's not that either. Is it because of its damaging impact on the mental well-being and attitudes of young people? Is it because God, God Himself gets very, very cross when He sees people as naughty bits and assorted wobbledges? It's not even that. He wants to ban pornography because He says it's stopping young people from getting married and having children. stopping young people from getting married and having children. It's quite hard to entirely follow the logic of that.

I mean, I guess it does highlight one of the joys and multiple choice questions in today's political landscape. You just wait for the most unbelievably stupid option and you won't go too far wrong. But I mean, this is, I've got to think, you know, what might make people stop wanting to have children? Yeah, it could be economic practicalities, a lack of financial and social support for new parents, changing life priorities and expectations,

generally these could all be factors, but perhaps most important. I think the thing really stopping people from having children is not wanting to bring a child into a world in which JD Vance could be an elected representative. I think that's the more pressing piece of logic you should be focusing on. Well, I mean, Andy, have you ever read

some of the Republican proposals for biology textbooks? One of the key ideas around masturbation is if you keep masturbating, you will run out. And then you can have children. You'll just run out of the sauce. So that's what happens to the dinosaurs. That's exactly, They just kept jerking off until there was just nothing, nothing left to share to the world, share without the dinosaurs.

So it's the, it's the same thing. You see that? I mean, the T-Rex even evolved shorter arms. Yep, to try to evolve away from its own inevitable demise. But it's still good. Yeah, because it's good. The T-Rex were super good at checking each other off. They... JD Vance very much loves pornography. You do realize this is what it's about. He loves pornography very, very much to the point where it's affecting his work, his marriage, really, his friendships. So he's like, I can't stop.

What do we do? Wait a second. Let us ban pornography. So I can stop touching myself. That's what this is about. Jim Justice, Governor from West Virginia, blamed pornography for gun violence, also blamed video games. I mean, it's often the way that influential, you know, cultural things are blamed for what happens. And it's the same in Shakespeare's time. Shakespeare was blamed for there being a huge spike

in the number of people comparing things to summer's days. So it's not just a modern phenomenon. And also, you know, it's not just a video game, it's board games, for example. Monopoly, first sold in the USA in 1935, and you know, what, 80, 87 years later, we're witnessing the fruits of unbridled capitalism. CAUST by that Jordame. I'm living on within America. Native, pretty much every time you're on the show,

you bring us up to date with some crazy bit of American democracy. What's the latest? Well, yeah, and every time I'm on the bugle, California is in the middle of another stupid, pointless reactionary recall campaign. This time, yesterday, the city San Francisco, our district attorney Chesa Badine, was recalled. Chesa was elected a couple years ago as a reformer, and San Francisco is a city allegedly so progressive that the right wing across the country uses it as a shorthand for woke gay eco communism, which don't threaten me with a good time. So, but the voters of San Francisco will jettison our progressive reputation without hesitation

if only some right wing VC billionaire shithead dumps approximately $8 million into a fear mongering campaign of lies to get a sense of how which is about how much they spent on this recall, to get a sense of how much $8 million is that is enough to buy two houses in San Francisco. So it's a lot of money. We are only the 17th largest city in the United States, but the national discourse gives a f*** all about the affairs of bigger cities such as San Diego, San Jose or Fort Worth, Texas. But we are a metaphor. And so like because our DA was recalled, there's a wave of lame San Francisco trend pieces,

like the Associated Press Alert of the Recall of the DA, quote, San Francisco voters recalled DHS of Odin a rejection of one of the nation's most progressive prosecutors in one of its most liberal cities and quote to which I say eat my whole entire asshole AP you don't even go here. It is so irritating to live in a place where people elsewhere get paid enormous amounts of money to offer lazy and superficial opinions about your experience. Imagine you turn on the television and you watch show

after show that are biopics of yourself written by someone you had one class within college, never talked to, but who sold a script about your life based only on them interpreting the stickers on your notebook. It's like, I can't be reduced to Motorhead GenoV, come on. So, what was the recall about? Well, Chesa Badine-Rayan as a reformer who promised to spend less time prosecuting crimes of poverty, more energy on rehabilitation programs, and holding murderous police accountable.

And once elected, he did what he said he was going to do. And other politicians said, we can't have that. A politician who keeps his promises. That makes the rest of us look like that. So meanwhile, although violent crime has been down in San Francisco, the public narrative has been that crime is up. Why does it seem like crime is up? Well, the police don't like being held accountable for their murdering, so they basically went on strike and refused to arrest people committing crimes in front of them. This is true. Last month, the DA launched a bust of a bobo shop that was selling, there was a front for selling stolen goods and the police refused to

participate in the raid So he had to call an uber to confiscate the evidence. What is our police department doing instead of Fighting crime well their top crime fighting priority is making sure that the mayor does not have to see homeless people while eating in Niswaz salad for lunch at a sidewalk park lit They are a hundred percent on that menace to society and about 3% on anything else. So no matter how much they fail, the solution is always to give police more money. They solve crimes, give them more money. They don't solve crimes, give them more money. They murder people, they need more training, more money. That's always the solution. It's like the state Department of Justice is investigating SFPD right now because just a couple of weeks ago, they responded to

a 911 emergency call and killed the victim. So we have years of reports that the SFPD is a racist violent gang and recalling the DA definitely means more black people get killed by cops in San Francisco. So this is it's a moment that really crystallizes the difference between the right and the center. There's just the right wing wants to kill black people and liberals will let black people be killed if a hobo shouts at them on their way to see Hamilton. Or someone breaks the window of their Subaru and steals their Wu-Tang Clan CD. They don't mind a little bit of fascism,

they're just gonna feel bad about it as they go. So that's how things are going in San Francisco. But on the bright side, I got one of those Japanese toilet seats. So my butthole is clean, I've never been. Okay. So if you do wanna eat NATO's ass, this would be the time. Yeah, this is peak time for eating my ass.

If anyone's interested, please email eatingnadosass at thebugel.co. Okay. Oh, right. Well, there's a few few new email addresses flying around. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha to wreak havoc upon this nation. Boris Johnson have survived the vote in no confidence this week. It came about after the required 54 conservative MPs submitted letters, yes letters, to the chairman of the 1922 committee, don't even be asked, saying they no longer had confidence in the prime minister.

Why does this happen like that? No one fucking remembers, but we're Britain. So we don't give a shit. Johnson won the vote, 211, 248, so, especially as numbers you might think, 211, being the score of the first level, double hundred and test marks cricket. And 148 being the score of the first test 100 made,

lords, the home of cricket, interpret that, however you want. So he's still prime minister after the conservative body. If whatever unfathomable fucking reason decided it still had a vague shred of confidence in him. I mean, I guess it's a no confidence vote and that enough of them didn't have absolutely zero or indeed negative confidence in him as the vast majority of the country has. Maybe they thought the vote was whether Boris Johnson has confidence. And if there's one thing Boris Johnson has, it's confidence. That is a fair point.

I mean, so he's still he's clinging to power like a rat to its favorite turn, a shriveling husk of a politician, a walking, talking, shambling, travesty of the democracy people supposedly die to protect in two world wars. But more than 40% of his own MPs voted against him. That's more than 40% of the tautious, the possible tauties. More than 40% of the people literally paid to support him voted against him and he's come out, and his supporters have come out saying this was a decisive victory. It doesn't entirely stack up. I'm going to imagine the situation is in. It's imagine playing football,

real football, not your crazy American version Scoring a goal for your team turning to celebrate and finding the almost half of your teammates are arguing with the referee saying the goal should be Disallowed that that is essentially where Johnson finds himself now apart from he's never come close to scoring a goal As part if we want to that analogy to sustain it's more that he squatted 12 yards from the goal as part, if we want to that analogy to sustain, it's more that he squatted 12 yards from the goal, shot on the penalty spot, and then told Jacob Riesmog to kick the shit into the goal, then what's Reese Mogg full on his ass while attempting to kick the shit and land face down in the still warm turd before Johnson ran off celebrating shouting, Johnson, what a goal. But then if you do that, the other part of the analogy doesn't really, the

point is he's a pile of shit in his own team, don't like him anymore. Boris Johnson's ethics advisor said there was a legitimate question over whether he broke the ministerial code after getting fined over the Downing Street parties. Now, breaking the ministerial code traditionally in the giving a shit about these kind of things, era, and resignation offence. But just a lot of the idea of him having an ethics advice. I mean, taking on a job as Boris Johnson's ethics advisor, that is as touching a display of naivety and optimism as taking a defibrillator to a natural history museum, taking it into one of the

dinosaur galleries cranking it up and shouting, come on Steggy, I can't afford to lose another one. And ethics advisor. Wait a second. You mean a conscience? He got tired to be Boris Johnson's conscience? What? Yes, you have to have a human to be his conscience. That's a job. I'm guessing that person has a lot of time on their hands. Yeah, I imagine it's about a three seconds a day job where you know, basically you turn up and have a door slammed in your face and just go, oh, I do do do whatever you want. Johnson's supporters have said he's the victim of a conspiracy to oust him. And I guess he has been in a way, the victim of a kind of sinister Macchivellian plot in which he's been undermined and assailed by all the things he said and

done, ganging up against him. So you can see that. The official government anti-corruption champion, John Penrose, was this official title, the anti-corruption champion? Now, I don't think that is a particularly impressive title. I don't think the competition is as good as would be ideal in today's political landscape.

He says it was pretty clear that Johnson broke the ministerial code, but luckily for Johnson, more than 200 of his MPs couldn't give a f*** about woke shit like dishonesty and parliament, breaking the law or ranking competence. But his problem, though, is that he doesn't really have any support left, apart from his, it seems, his kind of close cotery of political accoladesades because I mean even that the Tory press have turned against him quite strongly a lot of them think He's not conservative enough other people think he's too conservative something he can't be trusted to do the right thing Or indeed trusted to do anything or just can't be trusted full stop the evidence being amongst other things his entire life and career today Some people will never like him because he helped concoct and then drive through Brexit. Some people have turned against him because he drove

through the wrong Brexit or drove it through too hard or insufficiently hard or hard enough, but at the wrong angle, some people think that his charisma and novelty have worn off. Others could never see what his mythical charisma was since he seemed to be and has proven to be ever since a sham bolster shalt and the shithead. So it's it's hard to see how he can win enough of these skeptical groups over to stay in power, but we shall see. I saw the quote that it said, Johnson had embarked on a last minute bid to win over colleagues, but a number of Tory MPs said that they were, quote, surprised by the lack of effort put in. said that they were, quote, surprised by the lack of effort put in. And, you know, why change now, Johnson?

I also liked there was one conservative source who in his defense asked, regarding the Downing Street parties, is there anyone here who hasn't gotten pissed in their lives? parties, is there anyone here who hasn't gotten pissed in their lives? And that's a fair question. Yes, of course we've all gotten pissed, but most of us have managed to get by not getting pissed while running the government. I have many important life events or periods of intense responsibility in which I had the presence of mine to not violate rules that I made. That's amazingly self-disciplined of the image, but not everyone has that club in their bag, sadly.

Sir Charles Walker said, de-fenestrating a PM is a horrible, terrible thing. Until he brought it up, no one was talking about defense rating the PM, but now that you mentioning it, it's not the worst idea. That could be the highest grossing pay-per-view event in the history of British television. Particularly, I mean, I think the original defense stations in the 17th century, people were chucked out of the window into a pile of shit,

weren't they? When they do land in like a pile of dung hay and stuff Oh, I just had to look up Diffinistration. I was worried it meant castration. I just wanted to double check I'm like I really don't get your system at all Andy. Geez. That is harsh harsh, but and in Johnson's case way way too late. Oh, yeah case way too late. Oh yeah. However, fortunately for Britain, for four days, we didn't have to think about all this shit, because since we last reported from this kingdom, Queen Elizabeth, the second has jubilee the living shit out of this place. Yet again, Bessie banknotes, balconies yet again, can you use balconies of her? I think you can vote better than these days,

extending her British balcony record, huge celebrations across the land to celebrate the woman's insatiable patience, if nothing else. I mean, not many people want to do a job unbroken for seven decades straight, 24, 7, 36, five in the quarter without even the no-sional possibility of promotion. And she has stuck with that that even though there's no career progression with being queen. That's it. You know, she kind of, you know, gone a different direction and tried to build something else up but she stuck with it and we have to, we have to respect that. Was the Jubilee big news stateside? Very much here's what you could have had.

No, no, we have the Kardashians. And plus we have have the good one we have Megan and Harry's we got that we got the good ones were good Wait, so does Charles have to fake a smile through the whole thing? Yes. Oh my god. She's still alive Oh my god, I'm so happy my mummy's still alive So every time he sees you just has to me, this is exactly what I wanted. Obviously, the monarchy is not everyone's cup of tea. It's America proved by turning Boston Harbor into a cup of tea back in the day. But the queen is personally very popular.

There's no real threat. I think to the monarchy is a concept at the moment. And what are your views on the queen, her role, her family, and her theme song, wherever you stand with your pro, or against, or couldn't really give a shit, what you cannot argue with is that if you offer the British people two extra days off work, we will celebrate the f*** out of anything. And that four day weekend, two extra bank holidays, I think that is, I mean, we've seen the turning points in British history caused by things like this.

There was a room at the turning point, the key moment of the battle of Hastings in Tennessee, 66, was when William the Conqueror shouted, we'll give you next Wednesday off, and the battle just turned. And that's, we've clung onto that. So no pangs of a grip, that, you know, when you saw, you talked about your parade in San Francisco,

but we had a parade with giant mechanical Korgi dogs. I mean, surely you must have been a little bit jealous of that. I'm watching the carnival parade. I discovered that they talk about sexuality as a spectrum. And I realized that my sexuality is at the at the at the cusp of somber dancer and gay circus performer So Yeah, we celebrated the Jubilee in America by let it by talking about Johnny Depp

Being a user so that was how we commemorated the Queen's reign So the Jubilee means 70 years of service How are you defining service? Oh well, that, that's a very complicated question, Harry. Very complicated. I think it's predominantly being on our coins and never being allowed to sail or do anything. That's really the recipe for the Queen's popularity, is that she has skillfully avoided being allowed to sail do. And because it's really when politicians start saying and doing things, right, right, right, but the magic fides, isn't it? Okay, okay, so you're saying the way that in the US,

House arrest is a form of, I suppose, prison, quote, unquote for white collar criminals, that's a form of service by staying in your house. Yeah. She kind of is doing suppose, prison, quote, unquote, for white collar criminals. That's a form of service by staying in your house. Yeah. She kind of is doing the same thing by just getting out of the way and just being allowed to do anything. Well, yeah. And also she has a lot of other jobs as well as Queen. She's a commissioner in chief of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Oh, that's a fact. Most of the last time that she had an assignment? I think she bust the drug-during in Montreal last weekend. She's also a member first class of the Order of the Lion in Malawi. I don't know exactly, all that involved, but I imagine quite a lot of roaring. Has she been to Malawi? I think she goes every two or three weeks, I think. She doesn't call it visiting

though. She calls it plundering. Old habits die hard in this country and it does mean legally lines are not allowed to eat the queen. She is also head and fountain of justice, order and honour in Australia. I mean, I don't know again what that involves. She's the honorary connevil of the Order of the Grand Canyon and the Lady High Funkadelica of the Order of the Groove. So many testing jobs. It's strange that she goes to other countries. Like, do you know who else goes to the scene of crimes that they've committed? Serial killers. They like to scope out the places they did things and get the second hand high of the murders they committed. It's weird that she does the same thing.

Yes, I mean she didn't personally commit the murders, or didn't steal most of the stuff herself, so I think it's some... Okay. But you know, that's a representative, that's very much the role that the monarchy has. I'd like to know if she swiped anything though, I have a feeling that she's visited embassies and things and I'm like, oh, wait, I'm just saying this silverware. She's not making any money, Andy. It's like, she needs to, you know,

she can't just buy stuff without having a bunch of paperwork, I'm sure. So it's like, I want all this China. I'm gonna take it now. She also was given an honorary doctorate of music from the University of Wales. Does she have a bachelor's? Yeah.

I don't know, I think they just bumped us straight up to actually do a doctoral thesis on the super fairy animals, I believe. You know, in poor control. 90s rockers. I would have gone with super chunk, but fair enough. Yeah. I love it when Andy works in pop culture references to jokes.

It's like it's like it's like watching an otter play the harpsichord. Which I think did happen on one of the super furry animals later on. She had to use the the gold state coach, which is a sweet little set of wheels from 1762 that makes up in ludicrous ostentation, what it lacks in speed and maneuverability, functionality, driver aids like satnav and a rear bumper camera undercar lighting and a sound system with some serious base. And she apparently used it in her coronation in 1953 and described it as being like the idea of Boris Johnson remaining as prime minister. Not in those words, she described it as horrible and not as all comfortable.

William the fourth apparently described it as like tossing in a rough sea. You can interpret that however you want. This illustrates the role the role family has in our country, this gold coach from 1762 that is deeply uncomfortable is staffed by nine walking grooms, one of whom has to walk behind the coach, six footmen, four yeoman of the guard and four postilians. Now, no one knows what the f***ing postilians are, but that is a total of 23 people needed to make a gold cart work. That is what we do in this country. That is the way we keep our unemployment figures down.

Man, would somebody just make her a statue and rent out the palace already? Like, this just seems like there's more, there's money to be made. What is this? Still holding on to this. I mean, every time I get hard on the US and our stupid reality show culture and everything, I think about, oh, you all started it. It wasn't even televised. You just started writing stories about it and then, you know, and obviously was no longer relevant

and you're like, let's keep it going. Let's spend millions upon millions of pounds to keep this fantasy going. There haven't been dragons for years, Andy. Why do you need kings and queens? That's all we've got left. I didn't actually see any of the Jubilee because I was being contractually obliged to watch four days of cricket. So I missed the celebrations but some of the coverage was the way they described the ceremonial garb, the tight-fitting gloves, these of course are the gloves worn by the Northern Irish Schnucker referee Len Ghandley in the 1983 World Championship final between Steve Davis and Ronford, perhaps the Queen trying to cross the burgeoning Essex independence movement, and representing the Queen's Commonwealth subjects, Cliff Thorben

of Calendar. Glorious day. I have a breaking update, so out of curiosity, as you were talking, Andy, I decided to, because I also don't know what a postilian is. And I like to learn, hurry learn the word, defenestrate, so I want to know what a postilian is. So, and I like to learn, hurry, hurry, learn the word defense rate, so I want to know what a postilian is. So I went on LinkedIn and I searched for postilian jobs. And what was returned was actually a position for

a mammographer in Wisconsin. So I think it's interesting that the queen travels with a assortment of mammographers. From Wisconsin. The specific Wisconsin. Wisconsinian mammographers. Yeah, to I guess keep an eye on her breast health while she's in the carriage. Maybe that's what so uncomfortable. It must be hard to press her breast into the plates for the mammogram while she's in the carriage. See, I know you're not geographically in the United Kingdom, but this podcast is based here. I think you might have just earned yourself a 50 years spell in the Tower of London.

Talking about the Queen's Waps. We're talking about the Queen's Waps. The Queen's Waps Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Bugal, which has been... I'm not allowed to say uniquely depressing, but I don't think that's necessarily the case. Anyway, thanks very much for listening, Bugal's NATO-Hari. If you've got any shows or anything else you would like to alert our listeners to. I do, Andy. Thank you for asking. Good. I am recording an album and a special in Brooklyn, New York on July 1st, June 30th and July 1st. Two of the shows are sold out, so we still have some tickets for the 930. And I would love Bughle people there to see how a baby and Andy's

Alzheimer's have ruined my stand-up comedy. So at the Bellhouse in Brooklyn, July 1st, and if you're in other cities, I'll be in Houston on the 10th. I'll be in Detroit on the 11th, Minneapolis on the 18th, Chicago from the 23rd to the 25th at the DENTHATER and Baltimore on the 18th Chicago from the 23rd to the 25th at the DENTHATER and Baltimore on the 28th. All of those dates can be found along with Ticket Links on harrykundabolo.com. That's Google, Hari, comedian, find a link that looks vaguely like my name and click it. And that's where you'll find it.

Nice, I... After today's depressing view goal, I'm just going to focus on my new career path, which is becoming a full-blown swamp nowist. But failing that, I have two albums out. The NATO Green Party and the White Disalbum. They are because Spotify is fighting with the comedy business right now. The best way to get them is on Bandcamp, where if you purchase the Albums on Bandcamp, Art of the Artists gets the most royalties.

So please go buy my Albums on Bandcamp or add native green on Twitter, Mr. native green on Instagram. Well, I'd be glad you can still hear the news current series of the news quiz. The BBC sounds the last quiz via BBC Sounds. The last episode is this week and if you like cricket I'll be banging on about that for the rest of the summer. Until next time, Bueglos, good bye. tiny revolutions and the gargle wherever you find your podcasts.