The Bugle - Bonus Bugle – Putin, Trump and The Queen’s Brooch

Episode Date: July 27, 2018

Putin and Trump. That was weird.Trump and The Queen. That was weird.Balls. They are weird.Audiences. Weird.Enjoy this bonus Bugle!With@HelloBuglers@Aliterative@AndrewisMaxwell@MrNishKumar@AlexEdelman@ProducerChrisMore episodes and live dates on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.comWe are proud members of Radiotopia Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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With Paid Your Breath to see my show, right question to wrong answers, at the stand comedy club from the 15th to the 26th of August, there are two live Bugles shows, one on the 15th of August with me, Alice Fraser and Alex Edelman, one on the 15th of August with me, Alice Fraser and Alex Edelman, and on the 22nd it'll be me and Nish and TBA, terrific act, TBA. Can't wait to see what he or she brings to the table. This week, as our 4,076 sub-episode A, there's some classic off-guts from recent bugles. Do enjoy them. There was also had some rather interesting meetings with her majesty the Queen the British Donald Trump

Killian terms of being head of state. They seem quite different people to be fair very different vibes and someone A broach experts managed to pick up on some what some rather tactical brooch work by Her Majesty who wore three different broaches in her meetings with Trump in which at various point he didn't so much break protocol as sledgehammer protocol into something like a little jelly. One brooch was a gift from the abomas, one was a gift from Canada, and one was a diamond teardrop, which is not as many think worn by monarchs who've personally killed someone. He absolutely loved the fact that he's within your frame of cultural understanding. You're a much more.

I am, but you've probably never seen John Oliver without his make. Anyway. Oh my god. But this broke, this dimension of broke was worn famously by the queen of her own father's funeral. Read into that what you will. Oh, I did what other people will, which is that the queen was basically making a comment on the entire death of American hallucination. Yeah.

She had to be talked out apparently, talked out of wearing a do not grab me by the pussy brooch. So disappointingly did not wear the commemorative brooch given to the young princess Charlotte Augusta of Wales in 1914 to mock the British burning down the White House. We should credit at Samuay Nitta who was the person on Twitter who has done some absolutely sterling brooch based decoding. And it is like, I'm mean, in many ways, you know, sometimes people say,

so what's the monarchy for? You know, how does it represent modern Britain? I mean, that represents modern Britain absolutely perfectly. Being passive aggressive through the medium of brooch is really Britishness distilled. If the Queen was also hammered on 16 points of WKD, she would have truly embodied everything

that is great about this nation. I loved that she did it, but there's also a part of me that was like, do you really think that Donald Trump, who is not known to pick up on what women really think of him, is going to respect a 90-year-old woman insinuating that she has mild distaste via the medium of jewelry selection. But it's also such a British, it's so, like, nice, said it's so British, but it's also

so upper class to be like, yes, I'll hint to that I don't like him by wearing the same jewelry I have worn in times of sadness. That'll show him. And Trump had some kind words about the queen. He said that is a beautiful woman. Twice. Twice. He's such a freaking creep. To be fair to the queen. She did. She... By protest against him by a brooch, she did.

It does suggest she knew where his eyes would head on a woman's body My god I think this isn't the first time I've said this on this podcast, but there goes the night hit. Oh my god. Pears Morgan gives him the out too and he says, he says she's beautiful and then Pears Morgan says, yes, she's brilliant and Trump goes, yes, but also so beautiful. Like that's the highest compliment Donald Trump can pay anyone. A porn star, his daughter, the Queen of England.

She is beautiful. It doesn't matter. Nothing else matters. She's beautiful. Not for 90. She's beautiful. So what's, I guess like, we're on summer right now. So what do you think is gonna happen to Trump between now and when

we're next to be going in all this? I'm certainly more worried about what's happened to Trump since we started recording this film. I mean, you might have been invited to the leveeer or something. I don't know. I think Alex, what's the American view? What's your record? What's going to happen? Well, I think Putin is going to be head of the environmental protection agency. Not his worst appointment. No, I think from Prue, it's an upgrade if we're being honest.

I feel like the reality is nothing's going to happen because at this point, the Republican party is now supported by racists, people who don't want to pay tax and racists who don't want to pay tax. And at this point, Trump could take a shit on the Lincoln Memorial, wipe his ass on the Constitution and then dry up the Statue of Liberty to completion. And his basis only comments would be what was the Statue of Liberty wearing, maybe she was asking for it, oh and Lincoln can suck it, the Confederacy losing the Civil War was the worst thing to ever happen to this country.

And also does this mean the tax cut is still on in which case, shit on Mr. President. And when asked to walk back his comments he would just go, oh I meant to say not at the end of that sentence. It's World Cup time now, let's turn to happier things. So who here is an England fan? It's coming home. Yeah, I mean it might come home, but if it comes home, will it be again? Will it be just to ask us to do it's washing and give it dinner before it sucks off to the pub with its mates and then goes off on another 52 consecutive gap years like last time. I thought that because I thought the hashtag and I thought it was a kind of Brexit thing,

ITs coming home about how going to claw back call centre jobs that were stolen from us by Indian graduates because of Brussels putting quotas on our cod stocks and all the Bulgarians and the refugees flooding over to primarily to other countries. So it's coming home. Is it written in the stars? That's what people said. It's written in the stars for England's women.

I think it is. It is written in the stars, but there's a f*** of a lot of stars. And if you are fluent in Braille and read the stars by some kind of like braille interpretation. You can pretty much see anything written in the stars, including the words, we're going to tank the semi-final against Croatia. The media will then start banging on about how lucky we've been all the way through and returns to the grand English tradition of personalized recrimination and infantile scapegoating. That is also written in the stars. So we'll

see which one shines brighter. I don't know how people can be pro-World Cup and pro-Brexit at the same time, because a lot of the World Cup further seems to involve going over to other people's countries and vomiting on their stuff. Yes. No matter how good this mobility framework is going to be, it's one thing to have to organise your cheap spuck nights, Bucks night in Croatia. And it's another one when you have to organize a visa for violent Dave and his police record from that night when he hid buttered a teenage girl who refused to back down from her insistence through a heme sterling as a fumble-footed boughabungler in a waste of a forward and she wouldn't bang

manager, got Gareth Southgate despite having with her own eyes witnessed his vest wearing compassionate yet manly post-match hugs. This is the level of punditry we're not getting from the BBC. Well you know they say... Quite Chillsleys awful, I think. I'd be a great football commentator man. Oh of course you would. I say women wouldn't be good at it and the underlying premises that you know women don't like balls even if they say they do they don't.

Oh. So I guess that's... That's right, they don't love them. if they say they do they don't. Oh, I guess that's it. That's right, but they don't love them. But who loves balls? Absolutely deplorable. Aren't they? I mean, even when you're born with them, and you know, oh, God. You just want to kick him.

They can't swim away in the bathroom. Oh, this dude, oh, ew, yuck. I'm against them. LAUGHTER Uh... But I think honestly, Clive Tillsley's awful, isn't he? Surely, can we... You know what I mean? Can we retire Clive Tillsley?

I mean, that could be a, like, a strand into some kind of Brexit negotiation that we've... Like, sell Clive Tillsley to Bulgaria. I was listening to Dee on Dublin waxed lyrical about how Russia's the best place he's ever been this morning on Five Life. He's genuinely gone. It's never been Russia. It's amazing, country.

What a brilliant place. And I recommend that everybody comes to Russia. It's really a place. It's a best place. I just thought somewhere out there there's people in Salisbury going. LAUGHTER It's not super awesome here. In this two week heat wave of sat inside our house is terrified.

So we're not, we're kind of on the fence, whether we love Russia. My friend brother went to Russia after we finished school, I was on his gap year and he went with his friend who's also got the Jewish heritage. They went to a circus and they had two monkeys dressed as Jews having a wedding. Great country. Oh, sorry. As the only Gentile on the stage, I was supposed to go terrible. Did they have a little monkey hopper?

Did they? Did one the little monkey smash the glass? Next year in Monkey Jerusalem. how far did they go? Well, I probably went further than I did at my wedding, but then I am... I am a tremendously bad Jew. Was your wedding cake made out of ham? My wedding cake was not made out of ham, my wedding cake was a leg of ham. It's not... It's not great. It's not.

It's not. It's not really too murky. Interesting. Well, not interesting. Shameful and terrible. Well, they can't reproduce, can they? One of the problems. A lot of Scandinavians,

is it the polling birth rate in Scandinavia? Yes, because they're women are happy. It could be that, or the men are firing blanks. And they need some Irish men to reverse invade the situation. There were not much to look at us Irishmen, but we're absolutely swimming with you. We are some jizz heavy men. That's science. That's not me. That's Samuel Beckett.

That's Samuel Beckett. Is that what your balls are doing in the bath? They're just, they've got their own little longboat and they're trying to get back. Trying to get back over there, really ride up a fjord. Huh? Huh? I find you can make something dirty, but you're just adding ahhh. Really forcing a dirty.

There was nothing dirty about that. Fjords are very navigable. Or were you talking about the monks? Because although they were not, they see that's the thing that a lot of people don't understand. Is monks were, they were celibate. They, it was celibacy, not chastity. Yeah? Celibacy as you can't get married.

Chastity as you can't have sex. So a lot of the monks were in fact very lusty individuals. How dare you bring theft here? Yes, not too worried. None of that was true. No, no, no. Not entirely none of that. I don't think I've ever said a true thing in my life.

Well, you are fitting in very well on this show, Andrew. So it's had a huge impact on the country. The extent of the impact of the World Cup run on this country is that a number of British supermarkets have said they will close early on Sunday if England reaches the final. And that puts everything in perspective because we do not stop shopping for f***ing anything

these days. I mean, our supermarkets would not shop for for f***ing anything these days. I mean our supermarkets would not shop for the f***ing apocalypse frankly. They would be tenaciously hanging on after the rest of the planet had ended. Well the four horsemen tapped their watches ostentatiously through the window and the store manager tried to put them off by saying we've got a two-for-one deal on bags of carrots and sugar lumps. maybe your horses would like that. You lose. Here is an important announcement.

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Quip starts at just $25, and if you go to getquip.com slash bugle right now, you'll get your first refill pack free with a quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at getquip.com slash bugle. Spelled g-e-t-q-u-i-p.com slash bugle. I mean, there was suggestions that you know, various people did suggest that you've been, he had been, uh, been treasonous. When it comes to putting, uh,

I mean, I've never met Vladimir Putin. And people are often very different in person, aren't they? I've found that actually from my cricket commentary work for the BBC, where I've worked with various current and former players. And you see someone on the cricket field and they're mostly playing cricket, but then when I've met them in the commentary box, they don't hit things with bats. And they're very small, hard balls at other people nearly as much which I have to say.

It's not a Putin maybe it's very different in a private, private meeting. I mean, I do find him about us trustworthy as a suntan polar bear. And I try to take him at face value and I mean his face says I can and we'll do absolutely whatever the f**k I want. It was slightly odd to hear Trump say President Putin says it's not Russia that did the meddling in his election. I don't see any reason why it would be. I mean that's I mean how in terms of the most worrying things an American president has ever said Alex in the history of your creation. I mean how far up the top

of your organization. Wait, wait, I'm going to how far up the top two or one is that? Well, I think it's number two after that time, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, I mean, Japan says it wasn't us who attacked Pearl Harbor, and I can't see any reason why it would be. He had to walk it back almost immediately, but people forget about it all the time, but he was a liar. He wasn't even really in a wheelchair. There was all the rules for sympathy. It's in, that was the second most worrying thing

that he said all day. Seriously, my least favorite thing that Trump said, that day was something that he tweeted and then repeated several times, which is our relationship with Russia has never been worse. Never been worse. Ha ha ha ha.

There was a point where we were pointing missiles at each other from Cuba. There was a point Donald Trump had to hide under his desks during nuclear drills as a child, and he was like, it has never been worse and is now where I have a two hour solo session with the Russian president where he almost definitely took a shirt off in front of me to demonstrate dominance.

And there's a, it's never been worse. But yeah, it's very, it's very concerning, but I also feel like what's, what was interesting to see is there are a few people who really who voted for Trump, but there's a chair of the Institute for US Russia conflict or something like that. So it's very much, there's a line where we're seeing now that Trump is crossing where a few people are like, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep lying to myself. Like the chairman of the charity to keep children out of cages is like,

I think it's time to draw a line in the sand right here. And Russia, it seems like, is a real lion for a lot of people. So Joe Wall, she's been a Trump defender since day one in Newk, Ingrid, who's been Trump's number one legitimizer since day one. They were like, they've couched it in trump friendly language but they're like oh the president uh... should probably walk back his comments uh... on

russia being uh... america's closest ally because that is not happening he uh... so that i mean get gengrich called it an aberration which suggests new gengrich has not been paying attention to the last year and uh... and uh... sort of, the kind of key flashpoint was Trump's comments when he was asked directly about Russia's interference and whether it was, whether Putin was involved. And Trump said, I have President Putin, he said, it's not Russia. I don't see any reason why it would be. Then just over 24 hours later, he claimed that he meant the exact opposite. The sentence should have been, I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be Russia, Mr.

Trump said, sort of a double negative. Aping that famous American rhetorical flourish that all presidents have had. Who can forget? Kennedy's infamous don't ask your country what it can't do for you, speech. It's been I nip nip nip nip nip Yeah, it's I mean it's at best linguistically unorthodox and at worst the president Alex is a fucking treason it's more on I mean I mean he's not so much of the know he rode back on his statements. I tried to row back to the surface after singing his rowing boat by shooting several holes in the water. That was a blad of me at holding. I guess the question that everybody's asking is, does it matter? And the answer everybody was receiving is, no it fucking doesn't, because

an opinion poll found that 79% of Republicans approved of his handling of the Russian president and 85% think the Justice Department investigation is a distraction. And Anthony Scaramucci, the ex-communications director and pound shop dog shit goodfellah, said, I was happy to see him walk it back. True friends tell you when you have food in your teeth and when there's a stain on your shirt. That is not the same thing, unless the stain on your shirt is an etching of the current President urinating on some prostitutes. And it was also interesting that some of the things that Trump did not mention after the meetings.

For example, Russian military involvement in Ukraine, the annexation of Crimea, poisoning people to death on British people. Meddling in the US election, firing dogs into space, that's been a while. Oh, the famous Russian magician, the incredible Vladimar, an sensational disappearing journalistry. Oh, when you list them like that, it sounds bad, actually. Also, he didn't mention exactly what went on during that VAR replay in the Russia Spain game. Either of Putin's recent bestselling books, How to Buy Friends and Subjugate People and the Joy of Assassinating Political Opponents.

What about just all Q? All Q, okay, all Q and no A. Right, surely that's half the time. You ask all your questions and then we'll leave. OK, right, we'll just get three questions and then... No answers. No. Hands high. Hi, I can't do one other. Look at that, look at that, look at that, athleticism up the stairs. Move!

Wow! You like the shirt? I'm not like the shirt. I feel, yeah, we're going to be seeing quite a lot of that shirt. And there's India cricket shirt for those watching in home. Well, what are you watching with their ears on the audio of us? It's common home. To India, where they really are into cricket.

Instead of the seven weird old bastards who like it here. Oh, look! That is insulting to me and the other six weird old bastards who like it here. Oh look, that is insulting to me and the other six weird old bastards. That's a good one. So Andy, I hear something about puns, you like puns, right? I've been clean for a couple of weeks. Okay, okay. I want to try this one on you.

So cricket stats and puns. Right. Is that possible for a pun run? Cricket stats. Cricket stats and puns. Not off the top of my head. From your good old confectionary stall days. Is that possible for a pan run? Cricket stats. Cricket stats and not off the top of my head. From your good old confectionery stall days? Well, I just be worried that it wouldn't be quite good enough

if you end up being very average. Yay! Boo! Right, OK, next, we have one more question. Yes. Oh, that's good. Has anyone checked with the home office if football has the right documentation to enter the country?

No, there we go. Yay! No, the question. I resent that the audience is funnier than me, to not like. I love it, that you're just saying it's true. Are you South African? Yes, my father's from South African Moote here in the 60s. And so my father's an immigrant,

and he did take the very sensible precaution of being white. He got away with it. Genius tactics. Genius tactics. That was all the documentation you needed. I think back in those days. Well, I hope you enjoyed this week's bonus sub-bugal. There will be more from the archives next week.

And don't forget to buy all tickets to Myad and Rishou. And the Adam Rishou is of all Bugal co-hosts, details on the internet. See you in August!