The Bugle - Bonus Bugle – The Story of Wills and Kate

Episode Date: July 17, 2013

Soon to be a new entry at #3 in the British boss charts, it's a royal baby! In eager anticipation we deliver the story of Wills, Kate and the baby. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Hello, Buegglers and welcome to Bueggle 240 sub episode Bufford Badonka Donk, there is

no actual bugle this week. There's been simply too much sport going around it, would not have been safe or sensible for anyone to record or listen to it. That was Britain, winning Wimbledon, all 60 million of a Spritz who've strived so hard for these 77 years. We should be careful though, after Andy Murray's glorious triumph last Sunday, British men winning Wimbledon, often presages a world war, Fred Perry in the 1930s, Arthur Gore in the early 20th century, stock up on your air-raid shelters, buglers, things are about to get funky. All those British nemesis finally consigned to the history books where to be fair, they already were in common with other things that have happened in the past.

These specific history books were only history books that deal with often early round exits of Wimmelton, but the points down, they are still in the history books. Anyway, it was all lovingly watched from the Royal Box by Prime Minister David Cameron, Ed Milliband, the alleged leader of the Labour Party, and the Scottish First Minister, Alex Sammond, who just decided to debice the moment by waving a f***ing flag, as Murray stood ready to serve at 40 love, three championship points with his destiny in his grasp. The TV pictures flashed to these political leaders sitting in the royal box and it's almost as if Murray looked up, saw those men there and thought, well, I'm

40 love up, I have three max points, two sets to the good, I've proved, I can win Wimbledon, but I don't want any of those f**king, in my reflected glory. He probably lost four points in a row and almost tanked no match before pulling himself back together, like a dismembered but determined magnetic dog and finally winning the famous old trophy. In rugby, the Lions be Australia to the disappointment of Hardcore rugby fans. It wasn't decided by a random technical decision by the referee, but actually because the Lions played well, that's not really what the game is about. And there's been lots of cricket going on too, almost, unbearably exciting cricket

as well, which you Americans may struggle to understand for which you have, frankly, only yourself to blame. You can hear more about that on the greatest test. My podcast, Ruth Chris, the producer, soundcloud.com, slash the hyphen greatest, hyphen test. Then anyway, away from sport, there is a new dawn for the world people. I foresee that a child will be born. A special child.

People will one day call him King. Or if it's a girl, Kingette, a child of destiny who will be worshipped by all Newt newspaper editors. Yes, the imminent birth of the magic royal baby is now even more imminent than before. Kate Milton now Experts reckon about 99.4% pregnant due out later this week the new Royal Kid any day now it shall be released so to commemorate the exploitation of the new Majestic Hot we have a compilation of the Bugles best monarchy moments. Sit back, pop your crown on and enjoy or get a divorce and split your church. You're cool. Kate Middleton could well be our queen one day. And you know what that means? It means we'll be making disrespectful and childish from off and her expense in the future. Yep. I mean, that's not warm. We're not for that day. I think we're already half way into it.

T-chails are gradually emerging of the engagement itself. Apparently, Prince William popped the question at a secluded game reserve in the foothills of Mount Kenya. Beautiful location, Andy. He then celebrated by shooting a line in the face and smearing his bride with the blood. I think they call it a traditional 19th century proposal. But then he chose and came middle to the head of other potential candidates, including Scarlett Johansson, one or both of George W. Bush's daughters,

and Popstar Lady Gaga, who had the advantage of course of being titled aristocracy. And also, he turned down any of the world's genuine current standing princesses. And personally, I think this is a mistake. I care much more about the problems, the current interpretation to the rug law and rug beat than the royal wedding, to be honest. And as far as I'm concerned, the one remaining function of the royal family is to stop prex-like Peter Maddenalds and try and become king. But still, good luck to my both seem very nice. And I'm already spoken spoken for so it's not like he's taking a potential Mrs. Ultraman off the market.

But and it is a big but from a patriotic point of view it is a shame not a disaster that Prince William is marrying for love. Now I might be a bit old-fashioned about this but what is the point of having a Prince John? If you can't marry him off to a princess from another country, the former strategic political partnership. If William had a shred of patriotism, he'd be marrying either Angela Merkel or Chinese President Huzion's house daughter, Hiking. That's who you be marrying. What happened to tradition, Andy?

What happened to this country and its value? Yeah. Neither of those is technically a princess, but they are basically day--to-princesses. Yes. So, as you said, the announcement was instantly met with a predictable reaction of wild media hysteria and winging more importantly.

And as you said with the media, the whole of the world's media jumped on board, and when the media goes up shit, then what happens is that they even have the public, I'm not sure the public had particularly on ape shit, but the media then saw the public reading or watching or listening to them going ape shit. And they reported that the public was going ape shit as well.

And then they went even more ape shit. And it's a cycle of ape shitery that has no foreseeable end. But the wind to the wind was extraordinary done within literally seconds of the announcement, people across Britain were grumbling about the potential cost to them to tax pay. To which there are two very obvious responses. One, lighten the f*** up big horse and two, it won't be very much. No comes a hit back. That wedding is going to cost us more than 20

billion pounds over nine years. No, you can respond. You'll make a deal with the combined cost to the country of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. And they reply, yeah, or they're all basically part of the same thing. It's all about the oil. That Kate Middleton, they want to run a pipeline through her. And how companies already agreed that Haliburne can make a wedding dress. Death to the East. I'm confused. Yeah. The UGLE feature now and Royal Wedding countdown. We are as you very well know, the official podcast of the Royal Wedding, as appointed by Her Majesty Queen Victoria herself on her deathbed in 1901. She said, I believe, amongst her last words were other than someone turned that f***ing radio off. I don't need to hear the shipping forecast on this stage in my life. Just make sure

that the bugle covers all future Royal Weddings. So we are the official podcast of the Royal Wedding. There must be another couple called William and Kate getting married on the same day. We will be the official podcast of their wedding whether they listen or not. Yeah. Just three weeks to go until the big day when Prince William, the number three ranked monarch in Britain, Mary's Kate's the monkey wrench of an Isle of Middle East. Now, doesn't seem the most appropriate nickname that parents have ever given their child child now, but she just looked that way when she popped out and it kind of stuck. Same reason I've always been known as the humanobogine, and why John's family

still call him Eleanor Roosevelt. There are precious few signs, so John of William snapping to a cent is marrying someone politically expedient for this country, so appears we're just going to have to suck it up. And proceedings for preparations for the big day are proceeding a pace mass air drop of disappointing canopies over the whole of Britain all set to go rain clouds specially seated with cheap champagne and Whitney Houston ready to go up in a hot air balloon and sing I will always love you through a giant megaphone at the assemble crowds in London it's gonna be a special day is America excited about it John well of Well, of course they are, Andy. This is, and for good reason, the greatest day in human history is now just 21 days away.

The union of the greatest man in the world and the greatest woman in the world, in the hope that they can produce the child, which will once more lead Britain back to reinstall its empire and take over the planet again. Anything less than that will be a huge failure on that child's head. But that's all of the future. For now, it's all about pompe. And as Jay-Z would put it, it's Britain is about to be all about big pompe

in spending the cheese. And why not? Why not? Well, the way the world is in the moment we need to be distracted, Andy. Spend in the cheese. Yep, with a lot of cheese on this wedding, Andy. Yeah, on this big pumping.

Unpasturized as well, that's very bumps the bills up. That, we need to be distracted. That is why CNN is reportedly sending over 150 people to cover the wedding. In contrast to that, they had 50 people in Japan and virtually no one in Libya. And that's because they know what matters. It's time for us all to stop looking into the abyss

and start looking at something shiny instead. This has always been the case, Andy, when things get too depressing in the world, the royal family step forward and one of them get married. Look at 1981, Reagan was shot, the Pope was shot, Aikid was discovered, a partite was still going, so Chas and Diana got married so we could all ignore it for a bit. Then in 1986, Uganda was raging in civil war. Half a million people were killed, the space shuttle Challenger exploded, there were kidnappings in Beirut,

and there was the Chernobyl disaster. Someone clearly had to do something, so Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson got married. It didn't matter that both couples were fatally flawed and terribly incompatible, it was about something bigger than them. They entered terrible marriages, some of them for just one day, people could be distracted from the world around them. And let's not forget in the summer of 1986 England cricket team lost home series to both India and New Zealand. So I mean they could really dark times for this country. I can't believe I prioritized Chinopelo. Yeah, that and the I'm sorry.

And now there's uprisings in the Middle East, soon armies in Japan, and we're stepping up to the plate again in Britain. Don't worry world, we've got this. Break out the crown polisher, we're putting on a show. There must have been a f*** of a lot of problems in the world in the early 16th century. Henry VIII, a very public-spirited man. But there's relatively little excitement, Sir John. There's very few applications for street parties to be held compared with certainly the Charles and Diana wedding and the Queen's Jubilee in 1977. I think there's a number of reasons for this. As a nation we simply aren't quite as impressed by

shiny hats as we used to be. Also William and Kate didn't come and wave flags at my wedding so why the f*** did they expect me to do so at theirs? Also the magic of royalty was destroyed when scientists proved that princesses could only feel a pee under their mattresses if they'd been leaked information about the presence of the pee by court insiders. Also, also destroyed when Prince Charles still looked like a frog even after the 1981 royal wedding.

So all these myths about royalty sort of fizzled away. And also, if we the tax basing voters are forking out for it, when we would have preferred the Prince's wife to have been democratically elected, or at least, for the wife to be randomly selected on the day from 300 lottery winners, which is also how Henry VIII used to do it. And of course, some people in Britain are simply firebrand Republicans who will not rest until the entire Royal family are on the one way trying to get to Siberia again. So I guess that's you know we're just not as excited as we might have been but I'm sure when it comes to your wedding later on that's the one that Britain is really getting revved up for. How's the seating

plan coming on? Because I want to sit next to Bill Clinton if that's all right So I put you on a pretty decent table at my wedding. So I want Clinton. I want Gill and Hall preferably the girl one and I want to I want Bress Top story this week Everything else that's happening in the world. The wedding is nearly here. And I know I'm not alone in thinking this because the sheer number of news crews that have been descending all week on London, the 32-time capital of the entire world. But the upcoming Royal Wedding is the only thing that anyone in their right mind should be giving a shit about at the moment.

I think most international news organizations are gonna be sending a very coherent message over the next seven days. And that message is, Yemen, fuck it. Syria, fuck it.

Fukishar, Manucleoplans, fuck it. Royal Wedding, fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The scene of elaborate media center construction outside Buckingham Palace is really a site

to behold. If aliens were to land on Earth, what to park their ship on the mall leading up to Buckingham Palace and saw the sheer amount of media trucks, camera positions and broadcast satellites built on the side of the road. They would think, well, this must be the most important thing happening on the planet right now. There can clearly be no bad things happening anywhere else at this one time, so focused on these humans on this single event. These must be the two most important people on Earth.

And you know what, they'd be right Andy, because as we've said before, the world isn't such a precarious, troubled place at the moment, that it seems that we're all using this event as an emotional and aesthetic, just to dull the pain of life on earth. In fact, the most appropriate song for William and Kate to walk down the aisle to after the wedding would be comfortably numb by pink Floyd and the crowds of people lining the streets shouldn't be shouting and cheering, they should be blissfully muttering to themselves like someone who was just injected with methodos. Oh congratulations on the wedding, oh that felt so good, oh, I think it's already wearing off. I was a child, I'm on a rhythm.

Well just to get to the studio and whopping today, John, I had to fight through crowds 30 or 40 deep along the rows already queuing up for the wedding in seven days time. Estimated crowds of 1.75 billion royal worshippers were line-news straights of London to wave hands, fists and middle fingers at the half-a-cuffle. And you know, it is, as you said, it's clearly, I think, you know, the greatest, most important thing ever. Probably since maybe, since the Big Bang or more important than the Big Bang. So I don't know. All I know is that in a few million years' time, there'll be a particle accelerator in Switzerland

trying to recreate the Royal Wedding. They won't quite manage it, but you know, it'll be worth a go. I know lots of people, especially in England, are uncomfortable over the amount of coverage that this story is getting. But I'll say of people, especially in England, are uncomfortable over the amount of coverage that this story is getting, but I say to them, give into it, shut up and give into it. Royal fever is in the air, Andy. Let's all go out in the cold without wearing a hat and catch it. Top story this week.

Here comes the bride. There goes the bride. Now now let's all go kill Prince Charles and the Queen so she can take her rightful place on the throne. Just kidding, I'll give it six years. Well we did it Andy, we did it and when I say we, I mean England, I want to say England, I mean Prince William and the woman once called Kate Middleton and it was now called if I'm not mistaken Kate Prince William I'm pretty sure that's right

Pretty sure but the palace having insisted that for now she will be officially referred to as Princess K dog Both traditional and modern and I think that gets that across now I might sound a little tired Andy but that's only because the wedding was on here at six in the morning And I decided it was safe. It's just not asleep last night Going to bed was just too big a risk. What if I'd slept through my alarm? It's just it's just too horrible to even think about did you camp on the streets like everyone in London's been doing? Yeah, I had to add to enter into the spirit of things Now when people ask what where were you during the royal wedding, I didn't

want to have to say, what, fast asleep, dreaming about being shot by a talking seal holding a paper girl. No. Was that one come back, John, is it? No, it's back. God, I thought I'd lost that one forever, but no, it's back. It's back strong. That dates back to your first solo Edinburgh show, doesn't it?

Instead now, I can say I was strong out on coffee and a cold sweat jittering in front of the television. And what a ceremony it was Andy. There were some surprises, certainly. Mainly what didn't happen rather than what did. I put quite a bit of money on the Queen wearing a light blue hat, but instead she wore a yellow one. Yeah, she dressed like a banana.

I thought that was bold. I don't know what she meant by that I mean, she did because she's quite old now. She's slightly sort of hunched over so she's I mean she really did look I mean more like a banana than the Queen should look I'd also put a great deal of money on the ground of the Abbey opening up after the Vals to reveal a zombie princess Diana crawling out of the fires of hell trying to drag Kate Middleton back down with her. But that didn't happen either. What, I'll tell you to go on that 2-1. It was 9-4, but I really thought it was gonna happen. Luckily the royal fly pass that went off perfectly without a hitch. It must have been a slight concern that the pilots

momentarily forget where they were and rather the fly pass was with the ravine formation instead They might launch a series of targeted stinger missiles instead Could they not have used drones? I mean yeah, you want drones or for these days using for all high risk missions like that Now also a noticeably Kate took the obey part out of the vowel and the obey part out of the vow and regarding the vows I also also thought that she could take out the for poor a bit of the for richer for poorer part or at least that we need you now. Or at least you said afterwards yeah but realistically just for richer. So as you say the guests are currently at the wedding reception at Buckingham Palace

right now where they are reportedly eating royal hot dogs which is of course corkies in a hot dog fun smeared with relish and mustard if you think that's disgusting ask yourself this is it any more disgusting realistically than a regular hot dog also don't act surprised why do you think the queen has so many corgis she's been farming them for meat for meat Andy for meat Andy. For meat and handbags. So it was unquestionably not just the wedding of the Millennium John but the wedding of the post-Paleolithic era I'd say. And as we speak now I believe the father of the bride is speaking and Princess K. Dog is shifting uneasily on her newly royal buttocks. as her father starts banging on nervously about what happened to Anne Bolin and telling her to be a very good princess just to be on

the safe side. Prince Harry of course has rattled off some crude jokes that he downloaded this morning off the internet and made some suggestive remarks about the maid of honour who if I'm not very much mistaken was none other than the Italian politician and porn star, like Kitsuliona. Kitsulina. Controversial choice, but her and Kate used to play the same roller hockey team. Anyway, I digress. But yes, it's, and of course, you know, not only is the ceremonial inaugural royal hump just hours, perhaps even minutes away if they can sneak out the back of the marquee for five minutes was the band is setting up. But the first dance is must be getting imminent now, John. True. As revealed exclusively on the Hello Bugle of Twitter feed, that first dance is going to be

two of the other undergrounds, heroin. Very much what Kate and William refer to as their song. And Lou Reed's been involved in the choreography apparently is going to be pretty graphic but moving. Is it going to be both of them slump down in the choreography apparently is going to be pretty graphic up moving. Is it going to be both of them slumped down in the middle of the dance floor motion? Well, I don't want to give away any secretion on a spoil the occasion. In terms of the guest list of the wedding, there was some late controversy when it emerged that the Syrian ambassador had been invited to the wedding, which does look bad when you consider what Syria is doing

to the Syrian people at the moment. As a nation, it's basically self-harming like a depressed teenage goth. All this provoked something in the diplomatic snafu, as his invitation was revoked after government official said it was inappropriate for him to attend. And that's for pretty understandable reasons. I think the wedding invitation clearly states that it's formal dress and that any guest attending cannot have been implicated in opening fire on crowds of their own unarmed citizens. And you really have to make a choice whether you want to go or not. Do you want to go to the wedding or do you want to shoot your own people? And Syria made their choice. I guess under the reasoning that the Royal Wedding is really just for one day,

whereas you can shoot your own people all year. That's why I didn't invite Robert McGarby to my wedding. Just on those self-same grounds. Otherwise you'd have been there. And so shame, because I think you'd have got us quite a good present. The Syrian ambassador went on to say that things are settling down in Syria now,

but he refused to be drawn on how many people have been killed in the recent violence there. Again, without because he didn't know Andy, but because he's now, he's lost count. The news of his disinviting was almost unanimously welcomed, and even the shadow foreign secretary Douglas Alexander said William Hague took the right decision this morning to withdraw the invitation to the Syrian ambassador. It's crucial at this stage that we send a clear and unequivocal message to the regime in Damascus. And what a message that seems to be, Andy, it seems to me if you keep slaughtering innocent people, no wedding

buffy and party bag for you. You can't say anything stronger than that, John. I don't know how you can put it any harder. If they don't get the message from that, they are listening or they're dead inside. Strangely, even though the Syrian Ambassador was disinvited, the Ambassador of Bahrain, which has been under martial law since the middle of March, was apparently due to attend. And Libya's ambassador was also officially invited, but was not expected to turn up. I'm guessing on his RSVP, he said,

oh, very sorry, but my country's tearing turn up. I'm guessing on his RSVP he said, oh very sorry, but my country's tearing itself apart in a brutal civil war. Otherwise, I'd dearly love to have been there. Please accept the enclosed griddle pan as the top of the Libyan nation's esteem. The Syrian ambassador spoke to the BBC and said he was, I'll quote, a little bit embarrassed, perhaps in his invitation with Dron, but he wished a couple the best of luck. Now, is that the same kind of luck that he wishes the Syrian pro-democracy activists? Oh, wish you the best of luck with your protests, by which I mean best of luck dodging the bullets

that we'll be firing at you. The very best of luck with that. Well, I did. There were representatives from North Korea and Iran at the wedding, apparently. So, you know, I guess, you know, just building bridges, John. Building bridges, you know, after all, you know, what is the role family apart from the best cooperation between Britain and Germany that's ever existed?

You're right, Andy. North Korea is there, and that's got a sting. If you are not invited to the wedding, but you see the ambassador from North Korea there, that has to be a slap in the face. And it does seem a gamble having someone representing Kim Jong Il in the room for when they say does anyone have any objection to this union presumably Kim Jong Il sent them with orders to shout something absolutely insane out of an

app point they are his representatives after all I'm sure he said now at that specific moment I want you to shout something out loud about how I'm sure he said now at that specific moment I want you to shout something out loud about how I'm the greatest. I'll leave that up to you but that's the tone I want to strike. It might not be directly answering the question of the archbishop's just post but I'll really think it's worth pointing out loudly at that moment. So not only was the Syrian ambassador invited and representatives from North Korea but not invited were the two previous prime ministers Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. Downing Street have denied this had any political angle to

it. Oh sure, yeah sure. When you're inviting someone from North Korea and not your predecessor in 10 Downing Street, then you are making an infantile political point. And as St James's Palace spokesman explained this by saying, this is a private wedding not a state occasion. For a private wedding they make quite a song and dance about it. So do check out the updates that I put up on the bugle to it's a feed at Hello Bugle. And I just leave you with this thoughts about the wedding, John. If we'd lost the Second World War, that wedding would have happened in life, so... Oh, I make you think, doesn't it? Why that really brings it home. Nudity News Now, and Andy, when we went on break, the Royal family was on a pretty impressive run of not being caught and naked in public ever since Queen Victoria was caught flashing

a russ on the Buckingham Palace balcony after losing a bit. And now Prince Harry has been caught, stuck,ollocknake in photos in Vegas and Kate Middleton has had a whaps splash across the magazines. Thanks to a French cameraman with a long lens and statistically a tiny penis, catching her sunbathing topless. The photographs were taken when she was sunbathing on a private holiday at a French chateau in Provence. And here's the problem Andy, these things always come in threes. So who's next? It's pretty for them to be photographed with his balls hanging out of his trunks as he climbs out of the swan pool.

Because I would really rather that that did not happen. Really? Really John? You have checked. You went to America. There's an elemental curiosity that wants to see what they're like. It has been an extraordinary media story. It could have been a really unremittingly depressing news month with institutionalized

cover-ups of the truth. The Britain's worst sporting disaster, tax evasion, just a series of deeply joyless stories. Britain not just plumbing its moral depths, but installing a fully fitted bathroom complete with the world's most advanced moral biday to wash away the shit. And on top of all that, a woeful lack of any more Olympic medals. But luckily, the forerora of the future Queen's royal wappets has saved the media day John and I would have to say this probably the story of a happily married young couple spending some time together unquestionably the biggest sex

scandal to hit these shores since a caveman from Wiltshire was caught trying to have it off with Stonehenge in July 2460 BC. And the Duke and the UKIS were left to try to doubt the international media and inflagration with the traditional petrol of PR and lawsuits. What's on an extremely private tour of the Pacific Islands, where they would have been left completely alone, but for the fact that by unlucky coincidence, all of the world's media's royal correspondence happened to be on a trip to the same places to make a wildlife documentary about the endangered Pacific Beaver snake and the royal couple just happened to keep getting in the way of their cameras. The prince and his alleged wife

has that actually been confirmed yet? I never trust anything I'll see on the telly these days. Carried out important official functions such as watching local people dance, being carried around on litters like the 18th century imperial supremacists, all of us Britain still secretly dreamed that they are, and smiling in an array of pretty dresses. On the tour they encountered local dancers who were unashamedly and ironically topulous as they whackled their whaps in Kate Middleton's recently whapped face. By contrast with the Princess. They seem perfectly happy to be filmed with their Chester Tomacol's house, given that they are as scientists now believe fairly common appendages on the female homo sapiens. Here in London, John the city that is rumours previously played

host to at least one and probably two of Princess the Duchess of Earl Cambridge Hines, Kate Middleton's bloops clothed mostly, but at times unclad. I mean there's been talk of little else rumours now suggestion that she will in fact have her breasts encased in stone cladding to ensure this does not happen again. I mean it was historically inevitable John that this would happen in France that the Waparazzi would get hurt. The French of course have preferred that role to top plus ever since the late 18th century. C'est comme un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un un They seem to have forgotten that there is something called the internet now, which means that getting something banned in print is close to meaningless and Maccaseings in other countries have gone ahead with reprint of the pictures anyway Swedish celebrity magazines say or Koya Have published the topless photos. I know that you yourself have had problems with say or Koya as well. Haven't you Andy?

Didn't they publish topless shots of you on holiday in Spain last year? Yeah, I don't want that one of these bloody you on holiday in Spain last year? Yeah, they did, I'm with us. One of these bloody suites, let me live my own life. Eating a hand. Off the rim of your head. Vikings did on these shores. I think it was true. That was when the world found out

that you have a very intricate architectural drawings of the Brooklyn Bridge tattooed on your back and a huge tattoo of Tina Turner in concerts on your stomach. Yeah, but that does not affect, that does not affect me as a human being, Joel. That's right, business. Ryan and Tina Turner in concerts on your stomach. Yeah, but that does not affect, that does not affect me as a human being, John. That's right, business. Right, and Tina Turner's business. She was less happy with having Andy's

ultimate tattoo on her chest, really. Well, for that. The, was the hair transplanter really got me worse, so. The Danish edition of the same magazine was set to publish the photos as well. Yesterday, a three-page spread including 11 pictures including one which shows Kate Middleton partially removing her bikini bottoms and the editor-in-chief

Karina Lurfkrist said this is nothing unusual these are quite nice pictures if you compare them with the other celebrity pictures that we publish all the time. Yes yes yes Karina except this isn't just a celebrity picture is it it's a member the Royal Family. She's not Lindsay Lohan falling out of a car with no underwear with her vagina pointed towards the heavens. She's married to the future king of England. The only way this might possibly be news was if the photos show that it turned out she had a penis and that she would set to become Britain's first official drag queen. Oh, John, I mean, I think I think Cully was a massive invasion of privacy, but I think they've overreacted and have made it much more of a story than it needed to be. And I think they're trying to hide something. And I think when we see higher-ed pictures than those rather grainy,

sorted long-range shots we've seen, she must have some kind of embarrassing tattoo that it could be of a profit. I mean, we don't, I'm not saying which profit, but I'm just saying, if that is the case, that would be a story. That would be an issue. That is why they're trying to suppress these pictures. In fact, the editor-in-chief of the Danish magazine

said that the pictures will show Denmark what these photos are all about and you know it's not like the Danish have a history of bad judgement when it comes to inflammatory publishing isn't it? So I'm sure that's fine. But I tell you what this situation needs Andy and I am Spartak as moment. The Brits need to step up. Step up. We need to defend our princess and mobilize ourselves as a nation. All British people should head straight to Provinces now and start waving our genitals around at any photographer that moves. Genitals, John. I think he's my nick to consult a biology textbook there, mate. I'm talking about taking it up a notch. That's right. Distraction, tagging.

That's right. Yeah. They've come at us with swords. We need to fight back at them with bazookas. Well, it does. Also, it does, let's put this in perspective. I mean, there are a lot of photos of the princess of Cambridge and the vast majority do show her with her clothes fully on. So on balance, she is still ahead of the eight ball,

or at least ahead of Prince Harry's 8-balls, which was a genetic mutation revealed by those vagus photos caused by centuries of royal in breeding. Well, we don't like to think of Prince as having anatomicals like ordinary human women do, but Kate Middleton actually, according to scientists, shares more than 70% of the same DNA as ordinary British women. And of course, she's not the first royal to support a pair of, what I believe, technically, biologically known as Mariana Kiglandiolae. Amongst other royal figures confirmed or assumed to have had breasts including 17th century Charles II's consul Catherine of Bragranza between four and six of Henry the eighths known wives, Newsreader Anna Ford, Queen Mary II, and the girl with one eye from

future armour, who is of course a direct descendant of 19th century King William the Fourth. Can we go back a second? Yes. Beaver snake. Wow, that's not going back a second Chris. You got a thought of mountain of bullshit together. That wasn't supposed to be a, that does sound quite sexual, doesn't it? I haven't listened to any of the last six or seven minutes since then.

It has also been suggested John this whole story shows continuing misogyny in the media that the sexual objectification of women continues deep into the supposedly more equal and enlightened 21st century and in response I would say to that, well if Eve hadn't eaten the apple, none of this would have f***ing happened. Wow, that's the misogyny double down, I think. But also it does rather suggest John. I mean there's been a lot of criticism of the media in this. But I think, you know, we need to point some more fingers here John,

because those magazines have been flying off the shelves. Yes, quite. So I mean, the public is not entirely blameless here. It turns out, you know, the public might like princesses, but they also like breasts. And maybe that relationship is doomed to end in pain. I guess also we all have regrets maybe came across an hour of regrets, disrobing, you know anyone could have seen anyone can see it from a public road if they happens to be passing with an industrial strength telescope. Literally anyone maybe she regrets that. I think Barra Kabbama probably regrets off the bumping off a song of In London. He did not use the words America,

we have hit the crackpot jackpot. Because if he said that, John, he wouldn't know how to be moonwalking back into office. And the question is, will these lawsuits, will it stop the weapon actually trying to photo-total princesses in future, or attempting to get less heavy snaps of the great and famous flogging around with their frontous pieces and backstressories out.

Well, is the Pope a professional dance instructor? By which I mean, or most certainly not. Top Story this week, Bucal Royal Special. Stop everything you're doing, everybody on earth, stop everything that you are doing. We're having a baby. Britain is having a baby. And it would have been so easy to not do a bugle this week without current geographical circumstances. It just might be, this bugle will sound a little worse than usual as you are. I have to do it down a phone line. But there was nothing that could possibly stop us. When the news came out that Kate Middleton has a tiny person in her stomach.

It happened Andy. You go away for one week. Andy, just one week and a print-f gets pregnant. Don't tell me that that is just coincident. Yeah, there is absolutely no other news in the world this week. It's basically not the week that the imminent birth of Jesus was leaked to the Gothel Hacks in North BC. And I cannot believe John that I have been

4944 miles away from home on the greatest day in history of the British nation since the invention of the sandwich. Yeah. What a day when all the nations problems and all the cares of the world melted away at the news of the miracle child, the magic tot, who will surely bring a new Eden to all remaining corners of our glorious empire, albeit that the only bits left of that empire are the Falkland Islands, Gibraltar, memory service station, the M4 Motoy, at least since we arrested control back from the Mexicans in a bloodthirsty guerrilla raid, and of course England.

But this is a great days, John. Great days. How's America reacted? Well, you know, I mean, as far as I can see down this spider-man has started punching the air-round and he looks happier, so the magic child is already working his little magic. I mean, the fact is, it's all over the new tier as well because nothing else has happened this week, or if it has, it frankly doesn't matter. Because Kate Middleton is the proud owner

of some fertilized eggs. She will now, as his tradition, curl up in a nest, and Pippa Middleton will sit on her for the next seven months to assist the incubation, occasionally giving her food by regurgitating it into her mouth. The royal family have some strains, but deeply rooted traditions, and eat as we both know. The news came out when it emerged that Kate Middleton had been admitted to hospital earlier

in the weeks suffering from acute morning sickness. Seconds later, all the major news agencies were pulling their journalists from Cairo, Damascus and Afghanistan to send them to stand outside the hospital for no discernible reason whatsoever, shouting at any doctor who was passed where's the baby? we demand to see the baby! release the baby right now a shaken doctor attempting to point out that the baby would not be born for

at least in other six months the journalist finally snapped screaming why the cover-up? release the baby right now! this is a conspiracy! she's gonna try and smuggle that top out inside her womb. There you go. We'll be back next week with Buegel 241. In the meantime, you can get your Buegel merch and take out your voluntary subscription. If you haven't done so yet, and this podcast means anything to you in quantifiable financial terms and you want to keep it going and independent

and free unless you've actually paid for it. Anyway, for googlepodcast.com, come and see me and Chris in the greatest test recordings in Hackney on the 17th and Brighton on the 24th. And above all, happy baby day, whenever that may or may not, that it probably will be definitely within the next three months.