The Bugle - Brexray Specs – Bugle 4091

Episode Date: December 14, 2018

Andy corrals together Nish Kumar, Tiff Stevenson and Matt Forde to look at a baffling week in a baffling year in a baffling decade for UK politics.With@HelloBuglersNish KumarTiff StevensonMatt Forde@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Joining me today for this emergency bugle called it short, and I just welcome to Nish Kumar. Hello, Andrew. Hello. Have you enjoyed the week of chaos? Yeah, I mean, I'm glad to be part of, I mean, the UK's emergency response unit is Cobra, and we are, I'm assuming, grass snake. We're like this sort of UK's dog shit emergency response. We've had to immediately convene ourselves. We're not a gust of terrible way of Cobra, Nish. We're the police. We're also to immediately convene ourselves to the other guest, the terrible way of Cobra, Nish. We're the police Cobra.

Also joining us, welcome back to Tiff Stevenson. Hello, hi. It's been a curious week to be from these bizarre islands. It has, it really has. I was going to do a little rundown of Theresa May's sort of Brexit chaos wardrobe but I think she's just gonna need to wear Wellington's because she's knee deep in shits. I can't offer any other suggestions whatsoever. Although I did see a turn up wearing what looked like yesterday the EU a carpet jacket. Well like if you if you know what I'm to walk all over, I'm not enough politicians in cricket, cricket, cricket, cricket. Also, Johnny, I say for the first time on the bugle,

it's a great pleasure to welcome here. Matt Ford. Pleasure to be here. Now you are a Westminster nut, I think that's I think. Yeah, I was there really today, actually. Yeah, what we do there. I went to see Tony Blair's speech. I was just... Yeah, I was there really today actually. Yeah, what we do there? I went to see Tony Blair's speech. I was going to say I knew you would be there. I knew you would be there. I've been sort of in the middle of it all the time.

Well, not me personally, but I've been watching you at least paying attention to it this week. Because when he described Brexit as a historic mistake, isn't he? Which lines up a lot of topical questions? Good to see you back. You're back more, I imagine. He was on very good form, as you would expect me to say, being a Blair, I probably deal with that early, but yes, it was very one of the things that strikes me early on is that he's one of the few people that Jeremy Corbyn

Tvers has said nothing this week. Theresa May is going ahead with the plan that she knows is bad. So to actually hear someone who's held the Office of Prime Minister talk fairly sensibly, it's such a change that it's actually shocking to hear it happen. From me. Oh shit, someone's actually capable of talking sense at the moment. He did mention the frictionless border, and I was like, oh, this border needs loop.

It's not about that. So this emergency vehicle is doubling up. As big of 4,091, coincidentally, 4,091 is the estimated number of different versions of Brexit that people voted for in 2016. Also, the number of different ballot papers that Theresa May spoiled before finally voting that she had confidence in herself in this week.

So, vote of minimal confidence. It's Friday the 14th of December, 2018. voting that she had confidence in herself in this week's vote of minimal confidence. It's Friday the 14th of December 2018. Nine years and 364 days since my midwifery career began and ended with a silky handed delivery in our bathroom. Lovely piece of glove work. Happy birthday to my boy one day. All of this will be his. I assume my daughter will find something more useful to do with her life. It's also fortunate that the same way it's World Monkey Day. Oh brilliant, I love monkeys. Yeah, I've been to Monkey Forest. It is World Monkey Day.

Oh my god, I am wearing a gorilla. Tips wearing a shirt with a gorilla on it. Yep, so there we go. We're all celebrating World Monkey Day and the planets, celebrating all the planets non-human primates and what an appropriate day because as we speak at Blacksley Park, the British government's secret bunker with an infinite number of monkeys is attempting to hammer a new fact off a agreement. Let's find out how they're getting on. Oh no, sorry Chris, that was the wrong clip. That was some prime minister's questions on Wednesday. On this date, 100 years ago, the general election in 1918,

which was the first in which women were allowed to vote in this country, and just look at the f***ing mess we're in now. We regretted it ever since. LAUGHTER MUSIC As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, a British international credibility memorial supplement after British international credibility passed away sadly after a long illness, a long painful embarrassing illness deeply lamented by a large circle of sowing friends and acquaintances

resting piece, the body will be created created and the ashes blasted into space. Also in the bin this week, Brexit's Christmas gift ideas, including a 42 inch cast iron TV screen grill, so that the bricks you inevitably throw at your television between now and the end of March will bounce harmlessly off. Trade negotiator 2019, the latest exciting PlayStation simulation game from the EA diplomacy range, get out there on the international stage and vlog whatever remnants of British industry you can find. Show to reason on the team how it's done by sealing a £100 billion deal with Laustus, what porcelain pigeon figurines for 3D traffic cones. Sell the electricity from

a new tranche of resentment-fired power station in exchange for magic guatamol and dr. frogs to save the NHS. Also in the Brexit Christmas gift ideas section, Brax Race Bucks see through the bullshit with a pair of magic Brax Race Bucks. You can see through everything from basic spin to advanced hogwash to level 9 reality manipulation all the way up to a grade hollow-wide political grandstanding, warning not suitable for adults, side effects may include a withering faith in democracy and also why not buy one of your offenthal loved ones the exciting new DVD when back benches attack terrifying tales of low profile members of parliament bringing governments covering to their knees including exclusive footage of wins to blanford gribard told

Harold Millen he had the guts for thrrice, Wilted, Cabbage. Also, free a complimentary vote. You can vote in favor of coming to see Andy's ultimate 2018, the certifiable history at the Soho Theatre, from the 18th to the 22nd and the 27th of the 29th of December, and the 2nd to the 5th of January, 930 pm. Or vote against it.

But go to the Soho Theatre's website to vote either way, vote in favour. Manker, a subsequent financial expense, as is so often the case with that section. In the bin. So top story this week. Well, we've already touched on it. Britain has been absolutely devouring itself.

I'll just tell a quick summary. Theresa May is still prime minister at the end of this week of drama. We still have absolute no idea what's going to happen with Brexit. No one knows what's going on, but everyone knows whatever is going on is not going on as it should be going on. People are still formulatingly stroppy that Brexit is going to happen too soft, too hard, too at all, too soon, too not soon, too anything. The public is united in wanting the government to just get on with it or not get on with it, whatever it may be. And respect the will of the people by going through with a 2016 referendum or respect the will of the people by holding another referendum or just invade Portugal to give us all something

else to think about. Or send a battalion of giant mechanical robot virulins around the country to sing us all soothingly to sleep with a collection of patriotic wartime lullabies. In summary, Britain is a f***ing incomputent discuss So Matt as our resident Westminster correspondent, right? Promotion how do you Summarize what is what is unfolded?

The list is better fit immediately started rubbing his eyes like he'd immediately burst into tears More face excitement because I watch the Parliament channel nearly every day The list is better fit immediately started rubbing his eyes like he'd immediately burst into tears I Face for excitement because I watch the Parliament channel nearly every day A funny erect Winders open We have the opposite effect on me. It's like it's healed over I'm full with Clote I love it. I love all the sort of drums and all the all the all the

background deals. We're going to have a vote on the withdrawal agreement. Which I don't know if you've read. I've downloaded the five or eight five pages. I've read some of it. I've read the 37 page political statement that I use it. And what you what is immediately clear even if you have no knowledge of European law is that it is so vague it is useless. The whole thing is, we will commit to finding a solution to this, we will endeavour to find, with our best intentions we will try and resolve, there is really, apart from the Irish backstop, which is the major stumbling block, the rest of it is so vague as to be

meaningless. There's a bit in it about that sheer review for my 2013 average year. I mean, that's it. The Coppaz and Pastin, this is really a great answer. It's like you're wracking all over again. And I am. The average, and that are really worrying about particular security, which is a fear we should all be alive to. And it says from now on, this is part of the political agreement from now on, Britain

will only be consulted in informal meetings. Right. Now, I don't know how you talk about security in an informal way. How many times do you guys go? Yeah we got shitloads. How is this going to be? So already there's there informal meetings are basically just parties. So I've got a shout out over the disco. That's a good idea. Yeah just a sort of drink reception. So we'll get on the back of the security packet. So she knew there was no parliamentary majority for her deal. Yet she was stubbornly saying she was going to put it to the floor of the House of Commons anyway. The one sense of wisdom she'd excited this week was to not put it down and therefore avoid

her defeat. However, what that meant was on the other side, the Tory MPs who need a minimum of 48 MPs of the parliamentary party, 15% of them to write to the chair of the 1922 committee, which is the back bench group of Conservative MPs, chaired by Sir Graham Brady. He keeps that number secret, but once it's 48, he publicly declares it. They then have a no confidence vote. They have a confidence motion in Theresa May. She gets 200 and her favour 117 against, which is 2 thirds of the parliamentary party. So it's a good enough victory, but it's also a third of them have voted against her. And what a lot of the Brexitiers will say is that it's

basically the payroll vote, all the cabinet are going to back it. All the ministers are going to back it and all the junior ministers. And the 1922 committee not an indie band that I love. Yeah. The 1922 committee is maybe the only organisation in Britain whiter than most indie bands. And I mean, just in terms of Tories not doing their numbers properly, it was formed in 1923. LAUGHTER

It was just a great, even, even history of the Green. It's steep in, you know, enumerate politics. Was it off the back of Ireland becoming a republic? It was on the back of the 1920s to election. So after that, they decided they needed

a proper arrangement. So you have the parliamentary Labour party, basically the back of the 1920s to election. So after that they decided they needed a proper arrangement. So you have the parliamentary Labour party. You basically the back benches since 2010. You think very diplomatic, Matt. It's the fucking weird ice. It's the weird ice. It's the OG, which is another group. Well, they're the weird ice within the weird ice.

The 1922 committee, which was formed in 1923 under the Prime Minister's ship of Bonelot has had a meeting this week to determine whether the Prime Minister will continue to stand Resorting in someone getting so angry in Parliament that they picked up a mace as a sign of disrespect So just to be clear we are not a real cut. This is Narnia dog shit Does the final vote rest with talking this gift? The mace thing is bizarre is nicks all that or matter of context I suppose because if I grab

mace it's probably because I'm in fear of my life walking down from the station. So what are one of the the the regulations on mace grabbing in the House of Commons? Well you know that's what happened it was a Russell law Lloyd Russell Moil a carnival which order name's going, but it's an assumption to those three. It's a very passionate new, when I say new labor, I mean, he's recent rather than sensible. So he picked up the most of the house can only sit when the mace is placed on that sort of bench in front of the speech chair. So once it's removed, the proceedings of the house are

effectively not official. And there's a parliamentary presence to this Michael Hezultine got his name, Tazan, by picking up theace to join a famous debate. And the last person to do it with John Macdonald did it over Heathrow expansion when they were in government and now Lloyd Russell Moil, Russell Lloyd has picked this thing. It's a real shame for him because the week before he got really moving speech on how he was living with HIV. And I think the only member of parliament to talk about it, Chris Smith had done in the 90 night, but I think he's the only person to really bring it to the floor of the house to come and there's a suffer of it. So he's got the huge constituency of people

out there that go, wow, who's this really moving blow? And then a week later basically, he's my boy. He has a tantrum. The speaker has John Berkert says, bring it back. And he sort of says, no. And then one of the ladies to the Sergeant, half of his arms office, just it so, bring it back. And he sort of says no. And then one of the ladies for the Sergeant half of his arms office, just, it so easily takes it back. Doesn't that kind of summarise Brexit? Someone grabbing a thing, they're not really knowing what to do with it.

Yeah. I've definitely, hopefully putting it back. Well, what's astonishing about it is that Theresa May, in terms of the wider Brexit ramifications, Theresa May won, like you say, by 200 to 117, so that's a 58% confidence vote, which compared to the Brexit vote is in fact a landslide. But Jacob Riesmog has claimed without any irony

that this vote is not enough of a mandate for Theresa May to continue as Prime Minister. And the only way at this point that he could be less self-aware is if he described Mr Burns from The Simpsons as being a thin rich prick. Well also the tweet that he put out when he did because he said which way and I do love for Theresa she went from no confidence whatsoever to full confidence than a matter of hours it was like she must have read Cosmo sex tips but he tweeted, didn't he, saying, was it, Arve Acquavale, which does sound like some kind of northern spring water. Arca, with Arve Acquavale. But like, I don't, since when is tossing around Latin phrases made anyone more likeable,

even Stephen Fry can't get away with it, I just, I like to be... Can I tell him actually a pop? I like to be relatable, Andy, that's my modus operandi. Yeah, he came off so awfully. I feel, you know, I've points throughout this. I've felt quite bad for Theresa May. Then I remember who she is in a voting record. And then every now and then, I think, I think, wow, even within your own party,

you've just got people like Reece Morgh, like kind of just hovering, waiting, but Boris and Reece Morgh, you know. I do sort of weirdly have a lot of, I mean, I do not like her, but the woman who puts the Prime Minister into the phrase, how the f*** is the reason I still Prime Minister? Deserve some respect for her ability to simultaneously win and lose things.

It's a real incredible art with the last general election, with this no confidence vote, that she has technically won, but somehow morally seems to have lost. It's like winning strictly, but only because all the other dancers get violent to diarrhea. There's an element of default that really hangs over her. Well, the result, as you say, 200-17 was, I like to think of it, the number of tests played by Sachin Tessmaker. First, it's the number of tests played by David Gower. 117, also, of course, the highest test score ever made by a test match number 10, which, of course, ironically, is where Theresa May currently lives.

Let me cling to what I know about that, of course, as scored by Walter Reed for England versus Australia, Reed being something that no one has done with that 585 page document. At the Oval in August 1884, it's by coincidence that the year to which Jacob Reece Mog would like Britain to return. 200, the number of wickets taken by Australian paste bowl of Jeff Thompson, whose international career ironically lasted a little bit too long after he'd really lost his edge.

I mean, that's not a valid comparison with three's makers. Thompson was, of course, good to start with, but it is a valid comparison because Jeff Thompson made English people terrified about what was about to happen. Am I taking this too far? Yes, but the point is, 200 to 117 Sagittarius Jovid said it was a clear win for May, but the problem is, it's a clear win,

but they're also supposed to be on the same tee. You know, they're a football manager. If you're a football manager, the opposition scores a goal. And four of your 11 players joining the celebration, you have problems. It's the way the numbers in politics are so important, obviously, not just getting a simple majority so that you win or don't win or whatever it is. But what you always get in these scenarios is different sides briefing about different thresholds. Now, all you needed was 50% plus one. Obviously, that would have been a disaster, were it to be that close. But I remember when I worked to the party, we'd go to these election count and you'd be given awful lines to have to

take to actually 2,000 losses actually represents progress for the later part. But this is actually a great night. It's a ton to mountain to the disrespect the public whole for David Cameron. They haven't given him 100,000 victories to that. And you have to you have to spin these bizarre and what happens is you start spinning early. So you have to say actually, you know, and a lot of people around him were saying that if there's some, all she needs is more than 50%, which would have been awful. Yeah. So then anything more than that, you just plant it in the public were saying, there's not, all she needs is more than 50%, which would have been awful. So there's anything more than that. You just plant it in the public's mind,

and we'll go, well, actually, there's the threshold. It's totally, obviously, that was the real threshold, but beyond that, yeah, it isn't, you're absolutely right. To have so many of her own scene, that said. It's in Darren Brown's here, isn't it? Well, it is, yeah, you just have to, you have to just lodge in people's minds, what is really going on?

And obviously, both sides will have different things, which is why the 200 number was so significant for her, because she got 199 of them to back for the Tory leadership. So what they're actually saying is, her one out, which is half a percent more pop, you know, after two years of actual government, she's half a percent more popular on her own back then.

What, my money Prime Minister can say that? It's grand faster than the economy, so this is it. What I'm really enjoying about all of this is that obviously this opposes an existential threat to our entire nation because our country is supposed to be to go shake a Brexit position. And what I really like is that under threat, Andy has responded like one of those animals in nature

that like curls itself up into a ball, except you've just wrapped yourself in critic cricket statistics and sport analogies. I'm so into cricket balls. It's a comfortable cook. Don't pick up the scenes. But didn't she compare herself to, or one point, was she mentioned boycott? Yeah, she has.

But, Jeff Boycott is a favourite critic in an Alphara, tragically non-cricut obsessed. Not after you have my continued sympathy. But Geoffrey Boycott was renowned as, who is a very good player, but also an incredibly defensive player, renowned for his absolute refusal to entertain the paying public. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Theresa there, Theresa, that's very much. He was very much a man who saw sport as being a chore

the public must be put through. He was very much a man who saw sport as being a chore the public must be put through. He was human porridge. And he batted as if Troniel eradicate the concept of hoax. So the reason why he's picked up that cricketing bat on. This has started to feel personal Andy because you picked that part up from my 2013 edit for a movie. But interestingly, the way she got those 200 votes seemed to be by some kind of bartering process whereby she basically avoided the full traditional Tory Julius Caesaring. But I don't have one. I've got this.

And snapping herself metaphorically and announcing that she promised to bleed out slowly at some point. She lost her slow self-assassination. Try to commit suicide by taking two paracetum on a day from here. So So as you said now the deal, this all came after the canceling this deal when it became clear that the the deal that she was gonna put to Parliament had as much chance of passing through Parliament as a Lead watermelon has of passing through the digestive tract of a squirrel None and even if it did it was gonna get extremely messy So where and I guess you know it's it's it, it's kind of clearly difficult to reach in the agreement

that it's going to, it's not about pleasing both sides of it, it's about not completely displeasing. I would say that ancient sayings, that you can disappoint all the people some other time, some of the people all other time, and if you really try near after Martha the divisive referendum, you can disappoint all the people all of the time. And well Ian Duncan Smith, got dressed his soul. Um, the old IDS, the irritable dunderhead syndrome. Self-style Vincent Van Gogh of alienating voters.

Said this, he said, if you think you can reach out to the Labour Party with the leadership they've got at the moment, you must be living in a mad place. Well, yes, we're living in Britain by the way. This is a mad place. It is a mad place, but the reason why the vote can't get through is purely because of the Parliamentary Rhythmic.

So it's not just that people are leave or remain, there is no majority in the House of Commons for any one deal. And that's why whatever people say, if she put a no deal to Parliament, it would lose. If she put remains to Parliament, it would lose. So this is the problem is that it's not even about how good the deal is. Literally no deal would pass on

for all the House of Commons at the moment. Right, so it does seem that the only scenario and I'll put this to you, Nish. It's to delve back into British history and use some of the skills, which is used and partition the United Kingdom. Leave a country in a remain-class. That's what the S&P want to do.

Are you proposing leave this darn and remain-be-it? Where's Kashmir? Cashmere, Northern Ireland. Listen, Andrew, as someone who on a sort of familiar level has some experience of Britain's attempts at partitioning, I say, I say go for it. Go for it because at the very least it will be, and I speak very much as a laps, lapsed Hindu here, karma. For the third time, for the third time lucky. The concern you think about it is that the further we get into the process, the more we realise that the VARIOUS LEAF CAMPAIGN

has had a single plan that they could unite around, which is a pretty significant stumbling block. I went to Reason-Aid said Brexit means Brexit. I think we all assumed that was the first three words of a more detailed plan. The majority of leave campaigners could sort of rally around. But it turns out that was the entire plan. And it was Brexit means Brexit written in Boris Johnson's shit on an A4 piece of paper. It's a diffuse concept. And one of the biggest problems is Ireland because they still can't agree on whether they want, because the EU, we want to put a backstop in place, which means that Ireland would essentially stay part

of the single market, the customs union, while the negotiations are on. But the EU wants to put a backstop on the backstop in case we don't reach a free trade agreement. Now the backstop to the backstop. Yeah, the backstop to the backstop. Now that's a side-screening cricket. Yeah, that sounds like strictly.

The problem with that is that we have shown no track record of being able to achieve any sort of deal. So the backstop on the backstop makes complete sense. And the fact that Tory MPs and the DUP are getting upset is like a baby getting upset that its parents are bringing nappies with it on a day out. And the babies now say, they're going, well, I have no idea why you assumed that I will shit myself even though my track record is exclusively of me shitting myself I refuse to be treated with this level of disdain To reason my in her speech after triumphantly not losing the vote of Minimalist confidence Said people just want us to get on with it. Yeah

But the problem is there are massive fundamental and unbridgeable disagreements about what it Is it hiding in a great Underneath a curve waiting for a child with a balloon great underneath the curve waiting for a child with a balloon. Yes, that's the only circumstance at the moment in which the phrase get on with it is acceptable, that if someone has paused a DVD of the film it. She also said we should be standing together. Well I think we are standing together as a nation and on the edge of a cliff looking at scouts at each other, waiting for the right moment to throw everyone else off the cliff. She says, we need to concentrate on delivering

first-class public services. Yeah, which is not... It's not been hugely high on the Tory list of priorities of last but this is what is fascinating about what Brexit has done. So what the leaders have realised and they realised you're in reference that the NHS was a big deal for people and they fused NHS and immigration together in a big message to get labour people to vote for leave was the NHS offer. Theresa May in announcing this NHS splurge is strategically trying to box Corbyn out in the centre ground trying to create good messages, good news for Brexit. The problem is, so the new money for the NHS,

which will be just around 350 million pounds a week, will come from a Brexit dividend. The problem is the OBR, the NAO, the Bank of England will say there is literally no such thing as Brexit video there, it doesn't exist. It will be like going to a restaurant, saying all right mate, it will split the bill three ways. It will put 20 quid on the card,

20 quid in cash, the last 20 quid, just go f*** yourself. You said. You said. That's what you're expecting, that's what you're expecting. That's what you're expecting, that's what you're expecting. Not even an offer of washing up. No, I'm not even a lawyer.

I'm not even a lawyer. I'm not even a lawyer. And she has also, as you referenced earlier, announced that she won't be standing for leadership, because she won't be the leader of the Conservative Party come the next election. She won't fight the next election and I think it's a great policy of pulling out of something that you have no chance of winning

anyway. I would like to announce the end of my marriage to Rihanna and return the 2021 Oscar for best supporting actress. Is she the guilty mum of politicians now? That's how it's come out hasn't it? It's like I'm not I'm going but it's not gonna be for ages but I want you to know that I'm going in you know when your mum calls you and goes listen You'll I'll be dead one day and you'll regret not calling me So I need to go into a confidence vote going I'll stay for a bit Even I know I can't hang around that just vote for me for now I'm

100% sure Theresa May wasn't one of the hundred and seventy? That would be great. A quip toothbrush has sensitive sonic vibrations, gentle enough on tender gums, and with a built in timer with guiding pelters, to remind you when to switch sides, and thus avoid brushing the same side of your mouth unbroken for 30 years. We've all been there. As a professional comedian or quipster if you will, I found that my quip toothbrush not only soothed even my British mouth into a well brushed toothy cutopia, but also made my jokes 500% funnier,

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I do have an idea of the backstop, but only because I got someone else to explain it. Would you like me to explain the, um, please do too. Okay, so here's to a little section that we like to call Scottish boyfriend explains a hang and this time it's uh Scottish boyfriend explaining the backstop nobody really wants Brexit politicians didn't want it Europe doesn't want it even the folk that voted for it didn't he can what it is they voted for and what is they actually want is an impossible utopia and it is impossible by the way because we live in a country we're in a imperialist history that we simultaneously want folks to forget

about and respect us for who don't mention the atrocities committed in India and Africa but do remember we used to run the world. I very good f***ing up you've run it into the green and while we're talking about atrocity there's one very good reason why Brexit is impossible and that is island invaded by the British, co-est into a union before being starved by the newly self appointed imperialist landlords, islands have been a battleground for the brits for hundreds of years, us Celts can be a stubborn bunch when there's no money on offer to grease the wheels and ease the conscience, that's when problems arise, the English thought they could impose their rule Our skilts can be a stubborn bunch when there's no money on offer to grease the wheels and ease the conscience.

That's when problems arise. The English thought they could impose their ruling island by force in Scotland, we're a bit more canny. They use flattery, money and force to get us on side. Scotland got the carrot in the stick. Island just got the stick. Ultimately, we both got fucked. Thankfully, a few years ago ago they all sat down one Friday came to agreement and now everyone's cool until now that is because now we're leaving there is only two real options for Northern Ireland. One a hard border with the rest of Ireland which could see the troubles being reunited

or two a border with the rest of the UK which effectively leaves Northern Ireland in the EU with the rest of Ireland. A backstop solution that has Westminster all in a panic that is some underhand plan to trap the UK and Europe forever. I'm sure the back to the delusion that we are this super important country that everyone should be really reboot after us and trying to help but we know. We've already got the best deal of any European nation. We're no going to get a better deal than that, and the rest of Europe certainly ain't gonna help. It's pure arrogance to think otherwise.

So when nobody wants a hang, it makes it f***ing hard to get a good version. Pfff. Pfff. Pfff. Pfff. So please, that my Scottish boyfriend has explained the backstop. As a side note, the eponymous Scottish boyfriend is also my tall manager and that is a dead-on impression.

I'm just not used to hearing that voice with that level of force behind it, talk about anything other than whether we're getting a nando's before or after the shot. So, well, we are in this bizarre situation now the clock is ticking, sorry, the clock is tutting. And if you just let the clock tut out, what it's saying in Morse code is, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, shhhhhh, David Cameron in case any of you are wondering what he's been up to. Oh, what's that **** up to? Well, he's having fun playing in his special tree house with his Lego.

He's wearing Oddsok today because why not? And later on he's going to draw a picture of a dragon and stick it on his fridge. He's been times the former Prime Minister and so are the seeds of our national doom. The Guardian has published some of the reactions from European diplomats who are quite obvious reasons, remains unnamed. One of them asked, is there a government in London actually? Another described the whole thing as a muddy soupie kind of drama. And then another one, and I don't know if this is specifically referring to Brexit, said, London is a mess, everything is horrible. The nervous atmosphere gets tensor and tensor.

Hopes are still there, but joy is zero. And you're like, that's not Brexit, that's just people on the central line. Like that. The two are not related in any way. London, hope is there, but joy is zero, is basically our city's mark time. So assuming that Trees and my full fills

a dream of resigning. Before that, that will mean that for someone else will become prime minister before the election. That means four prime ministers on a row will have come into office without winning a general election. Yes. That may brown and whoever takes over from may through midterm leadership. And technically Cameron didn't win a general election. So if you form the coalition. Cameron came in from a coalition agreement. That's

four in a row, six of the last eight, and out of 22 new Prime Ministers since the start of the 20th century, only seven have come into office for the first time as a result of winning a general election, so it isn't democracy far. We have a quick Brexit Q&A section now, very of you have submitted questions on Twitter, the Fount of All Truth and information. For us to address this came in from Jeremy. My question is what the actual f*** a fair question might think we've probably covered that over the past.

Can we also just get, do we have Jeremy's surname? Because I am slightly concerned it's the leader of the opposition. LAUGHTER This came from Phil. Dear Mr and Mrs Bugle, why? Some second votes necessary, but other second votes are in a front to democracy. Mm.

It's two years, it's enough time, I suppose, to with new information to say we could have and we could now have another vote. That's not undermining democracy, is it? Although that's what people like David Davis will say. A man whose parents didn't even have the time to give him two different names. But yeah, isn't two years enough time? Well, yes, and also fighting democracy with democracy. You have to be careful, but it's a crucial problem is, because obviously they reference the Irish referendum, where the Irish people say they didn't want to join the EU,

then they put it back to them, then they did. Was it more than twice though? I thought it was like three or four times in Ireland. It's just because they wanted to be sure to be sure to be sure to. No! That kind of joke is entirely welcome. The difference to this is, it is because you can't get votes from the floor of the House Commons. This isn't about remaining a cent, although obviously that is a huge part of it. This isn't about a point of principle. This is that no deal can get through in Parliament

has the legal right to a meaningful vote and cannot express its will. Therefore, this is about breaking democratic deadlock. Otherwise, if you're not a referendum, it's either that or a general election, which I don't think people really want. The Tory party don't want a general election because they're petrified, they'll lose to Corbyn. So then a referendum really is the only way to... Well, yeah, because otherwise we crash out. Otherwise it's no deal. And day one is like, it's like it's mad Max. But then Dominic Grieve is trying to get a deal on no deal. Right. So basically be able to vote on no deal. Right. So there is a theory at the moment that

they will go through every iteration of breaks. So it's fundamental every version of it on the floor. And no lemons is going to host it. And then that sort of thing. Nackel Pandey asks, when is it your turn to be Brexit secretary? And well, I think this raises an interesting point that actually, and I've suggested this before, that it, get the politicians out of it and just have random members of the public selected to do on a day, 100%. I completely agree. I don't see that as being any less insane than our current policy of just picking politicians

that are increasingly less famous. Well, and if it is, we just take a turn, I think it should be any of you, because I think it's sexist, if I'm expected to be a turn. I think it should be any of you, because I think it's sexist if I'm expected to be a secretary. This came in from Lion O. What Britain can be? I'm immediately on board. What Britain can be?

It's the end of the cast's fun. What Britain consider entering a trade agreement with Thundera? Is the eye of Thund a part of the deal? Do we get to have that? Because that's make or break for me. I don't know, these are the kind of deals that Brexit will allow. Listen, thunder is full of worryingly

African sounding name to people. I think we're better off going with Narnia. Like, it's just a bunch of white people in a Jesus line. That's the trident agreement. We need to strike a trade agreement with Narnia somebody get a delegation for Aslan on the blower stat She's even called the snow queen isn't she can't get wider than that Anyway, apparently thunder it says our economy is strong and we're happy to do isn't with humans hang on thunder exploded at the start of episode One that's why they had to go to different

Yeah, and then the eye of thunder was it's in the source is in the start of episode one, that's why they had to go to different places. Oh yeah! And then the eye of Thunder was... It's in the source. It's in the hill of the shore heavens. Yeah. So either, that is an echo through time. Or this person's just talking absolute nonsense. Well, which fits in entirely with the Brexit. LAUGHTER

That was the only trade agreement that we could have given to do. Is with fictional planets that explode. It's Thundera and Gallifrey. Is anyone been in touch with Skeletor or Neeman? Charlie asks, how about a quote, just the tip Brexit? By taking Cornwall out of the EU and seeing how we all feel about it. So it's just great, is it? There's an experiment.

It's a great idea. Yeah. It's like the poll tax in Scotland, like we tried things elsewhere. And that basically worked out really well. And Cornwall, want to leave the UK, don't we? There's like a whole... There is a Cornwall issue in the public. ...to the public.

...to the public. ...to the public. ...to the public. Yeah. ...to the public. Yeah. ...to the public. Yeah. like these Celtic radical games. Do you know what that is though? That's mainly to do with the fact that they disagree with Devon on whether they put Jamal Cream first on a scale. It's like more of the roses. Well, in a fair version.

It's a fair backstop. It's been all this talk about needing to bring the country back together, which has fundamentally never happened. Yeah. Can we decide? If we can't even decide on what, you know, the right way to put the toppings on a scone? Scone? Scone? Scone? Scone? Scone? Scone? Scone? How to pronounce it or what order the topics should go?

Well, that brings us to the end of our Brexit special. There's no other news this week, apart from Donald Trump's lawyer going to jail. It's a lot of bad luck with the people he's appointed to. Very, very bad luck. I know how we feel. So I've had two producers on the show. Tom had to flee to Australia after stealing a 25 million pound diamond encrusted collar from one of the Queen's Corgis, while Matt's grading is the royal vet. And Chris sells depleted uranium weapons to impressionable governments on the show. Don't forget, if you're still struggling for Christmas presents to buy yourself and everyone you know and love tickets to my Soho show starting on the 18th of December, running crew to the 5th of January. Anyone else got any shows to plug? Yeah, I'm on tour from the end of January until

until pretty much Brexit day. Right. So yeah, there's some of the tickets. There's some places where I have sold they are selling out and there's other places. Who? If you live in Scotland and you fancy reclining across five or six and two rows in the dress circle of an optimistically large venue in Glasgow or Aberdeen. Do please pop along to the shows. I'm doing two nights

of the last square theatre on the 19th and 20th of a podcast that I do called the political party which will be dealing with all this Brexit stuff that gets to include Jess Phillips and Anders Tacamble and I'm on tour from February. There you go. I am, we have an old-rote Christmas special on Monday, the 17th, and also I'm going to be doing shows in LA in New York. So I'm going to be in LA in 22nd of January. So I know that there are American listeners to the bugle because obviously, you know. The ghost of John Oliver Hansen.

And I was going to say, or I was going to say, it's whenever we cock up they look and go we can supersize it So you know like I know you're listening so come to those and there's a couple of shows in London I go my Twitter at tiff Stevenson and be nice Oh consider yourselves verbally flyered Well, that's it Britain is not the only thing leaving something. The Bugle is also leaving Radiotopia, as some of our listeners may have noticed from our absence from the Radiotopia fundraising drive. You will not have to adjust your podcast feeds in any way. The show will be continuing. Exactly where and when. We'll be decided soon. It's been a delight to be part of the Radiotopia Network for the last couple of years, but we will well we'll start a new season after a after new year. There will be a show next week. I don't

know exactly what it will be yet, but it will, I'm questioning it will be worth listening to, so you all at the Soho Theatre show until next time. Happy Brexit, bye. Ha!