The Bugle - Bugle 185 – Burning Rings Of Steel

Episode Date: March 2, 2012

How is London getting on with the Olympics? How wet is Angela Merkel? What have News International been up to? http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for our visual world. With me and his ultimate and the sun-kissed utopia of London, the city about which Oscar Wilde said, the man who can dominate a London dinner table can dominate the world. furniture wrestling was of export in those days and Wilde was a tremendous pundit. The way he called each Alphbrisket versus a Chetafil sofa title fight was a masterpiece of lyrical insight.

And Johnny Me from New York, the city described by the early 20th century American writer Christopher Morley as the nation's thyroid gland. That's quite a hurt. It's John Oliver. Hello Andy. Hello. Hello, Bugles.

I was in Atlanta last weekend, Andy. I'd like to say a quick hello to all the Bugles who came to see me. I'd like to say a particular hello to Richard and Jim. And he who brought along a box for me that said free words on the front that have meant so much to the Bugle over the years and have been the building blocks

indeed of an entire nation. Those three words were Belgian waffle maker. That's right. They brought me a Belgian waffle maker, Andy. The card read as follows. Dear John, Andy and Chris, in order of enjoying these Belgian waffles. My roommate and I just wanted to wish you the best of luck

and put our support behind you guys in any way we could. Being from Florida, the only way we knew how was the ancient Florida tradition of gifting a Belgian waffle maker. The tradition first observed by European explorer Ponce de Leon. Legend has it that he encountered the Calusa Indians in the Western portion of Florida.

The Calusa presented to Mr. de Leon a primitive waffle maker in a collection of tinting comics, which the Spaniards in their clothes-minded way took as a threat and fled. It was honestly a later that they realized the Indians had met no harm. But by then it was too late as the collusion had been seriously offended by the Spaniards' lack of manners. This eventually led to Ponce Daly on's death, when a collusion Indian arrow accidentally mortally wounded him. Anyway, please enjoy the waffles. Maybe you can hold a bake sale to save the bugle, Richard and Jim. Come on, Andy.

That is some high end bullshit generosity with a side helping of bullshit reasoning behind it. Andy, you're actually coming here next week. You will be doing the bugle together next Friday. I'm gonna whip you up a waffle, Andy. We'll eat like a couple of Belgians. Awesome. Have you made any w, Andy. Well, eat like a couple of Belgians. Awesome. Have you made any waffles yet?

No, not yet. No, not yet, Andy. I'm waiting till you come here. The only side note to this story is that when I got to the airport, the driver said, oh, what have you got in there? And I said, what, it's a waffle maker, someone from the gig he'd given me. And he said, have you actually checked what's in the box? LAUGHTER

I said no, and he said, it isn't a knife or a gun or some heroin, is it? And I laughed, and then I thought, actually, I don't know. And let me tell you, as that box went through the scanner and you know, I looked at the TSA agent screen, I've never wanted to see the outline of a Belgian waffle like a morgue.

Well, I look forward to similar gifts of generosity when I landed America next week. Yeah, it's waffle or cock-hack. Set your watch to waffle. I'll say something to my trip to America. There's a few gigs I'm doing in New York, as I was talking to you, recording for your show,

John, including Hot Tub on Monday the 11th. Hang on, let me get the dates. Oh, you're so bad at this. You're so bad, Andy. There's a few gigs I'm doing in New York, if you want to come along. And it comes the pitch. Here comes the pitch, man. I really love them doing Hot Tub on Monday the 12th. And I show it the duplex on Thursday the 15th in Greenwich Village. What's wrong with that? Roll up John. Show what's the century.

I believe the duplex ones are at seven o'clock or something, or half seven. That was like a guess. Yeah, it is a guess. That's funny. I think it's actually nine. It's not a clock, I mean. That's two hours wrong.

To be honest, hang on, I'm gonna check on the internet. I'm pretty sure it says seven. You're so, so bad at this. That's one of my career's going so spectacularly. That's why I'm breaking into Primetime TV here in Britain on a daily basis. There are millions of people all over the world queuing up for Andy Zoltzmann gigs at any one

time. It's just the wrong time, the wrong place. Wrong day, wrong date. Well this is all staying in. This is broad casting gold. The waffles are burning. So there you go, 7 to 8 o'clock. I was right. But don't check with the venue. I'll be by chance. I'll be by chance, Andy. And I'll still, my instinct says you're still wrong. And hopefully there'll be some other gigs as well.

I'll post details on the at-hello bugle of Twitter feed. So this is bugle 195, the week beginning Monday the 5th of March 2012. 5th of March, John, is National Tree planting day in Iran. Of course. Yep. And I think we all know what kind of trees they'll be planting this year, John. Nuclear trees. And for the special March, the 5th Bugle, if you are listening to this bugle while traveling at 5 times the speed of sound, or Mark 5, it contains the code to the Russian nuclear arsenal, which you can then use to broker a fractious and fragile piece in the Middle East. Sunday John is 519 years since little Chris E. Columbus returned from his Caribbean crew, the trip of a lifetime. Just think without Christopher Columbus, America

wouldn't even exist. And you would be sitting in an inflatable dinghy somewhere in the middle of the Atlanta Pacific Ocean, hoping to catch a seagull for Hogi to nibble on. And we're recording on the second of March, far to the second of March, 130 years to the day since Queen Victoria went eight for eight on surviving assassination attempts. I figured that she retained them till 1901 when she dropped to eight for nine on surviving assassination attempts, a figure that she retained until 1901 when she dropped to eight for nine after being assassinated by natural causes at the age of 81. The eighth assassination attempt in 1882, internally all of them by men, if any of you

are tossing up a score for who's better out of men or women, was perpetrated by the Scottish nut job poet Roderick McClain, who was apparently so knocked off with the Queen for sending him a curtr reply to us poem that he'd sent her, that he attempted to kill her. He really needs to lighten up, John, because I send the current her majesty a fat wodge of income tax every year and don't get so much as a f***ing post guard from her. My claim was found guilty, but insane, which by all accounts irritated the queen more than the actual attempt to kill her. Which she must have been used to offer seven previous attempts of varying degrees of an aptitude, one of which involved a chance of whacking her in the face with a stick.

So, just in her PR department hyped it up to the major as an assassination attempt, rather than what it really was, a clumsily executed snooker shot. And surviving assassination attempts has always been good news for opinion poll ratings, as it comes to think of it as not surviving assassination attempts. Why else will I have a tattoo of Julius Caesar and William McKinley respectively shooting and stabbing each other, what's in the background and my hat and my candy and the queen mother chest bump each other all on my left buttock. Sorry not my left one, my middle one. And as always a section of bugle is going straight in the bin. This week making pets pay can jirbals play the stock market.

New research shows that if you put the share price pages from that date financial times in your Rodents cage overnight, it will shit on the ones that are going to go up in value the next day. How your goldfish could earn up to £1,000 a week as a stunt double in a mermaid film. Wherever I lay my hat, that's my turtle. Legal loopholes that can help you acquire rare creatures with high resale values and pets with natural multi-purple-possality cut down on unnecessary expenditure by

getting a bifunctional buddy. We test out snakes, gavs, pelican wallets, pug hammers, polar bear chairs, do sit down carefully and cow cycles. And also pet ransoms, we tell you the latest market values for kidnapping celebrities pet from snails, 20 p.n.s. the owner is French. Vibe parrots don't bother, two grandparents. Do they still count as pets? I don't know, anyway. But that's it all in the bin this week. Top sorry this week, Olympics countdown. And with the crisis in Syria, Iran's race to obtain a nuclear

weapon and what Israel's response to that might be, it is very easy to lose sight of what's really important. And that's that this is an Olympic year, Andy. We mustn't forget that. The world is in pain. So why not enjoy the fact that we have a ready-made anaesthetic on it's way? We can let the Olympics drift us into a methadone-like dream of bliss only to wake up four weeks later and discover the three more countries in the Middle East have had their leaders amputated. And I believe, Andy, that the fact that 2012 is an Olympic year is the detail that was left out of the Polk's new year message. It should have mentioned it at the end, at least, saying, with these thoughts, I offer my reflections and I appeal to everyone.

Let us pool our spiritual, moral, and material resources for the great goal of educating young people in justice and peace. Plus, you know, Olympic Year. So you can bet that that's something that Jesus is looking forward to. Okay, that's it from me, your P unit. Actually just one more thing, message to the priests.

Let's take it down a couple of notches with child abuse in 2012, shall we? A full couple of notches. Happy new year, who's gonna kiss the Pope? London. And he's right, you were saying? What? No, nothing. You were saying nothing.

London is hosting the Olympics, which means that you're hosting the Olympics. How is your hosting preparations going? I know. Are you going to rent out a room to an athlete? I know you've been very keen to get Moses Kipton Oe to stay with you over the years and teach you kids a thing or two about running long distances very quickly. Yeah, well, I'll Kipton Oe. I'm not sure he's going to make the team this year,

but at the moment, we'd love to have anyone called either Moses or Kipton or East A.M. House in any combination. Just 147 days to go now, John, until my house is just absolutely jam-packed with triple jumpers and fences and volleyballists. And the world's largest sports day begins in how worries it again. Ah, that place where the German Air Force used to keep dropping exploding litter out of their airplane. London, that's it. And as the athletes hone their bodies and skills with just months to go in the

builders, but the final touches to their architectural masterworks. The political grandstanding is gathering paste, John. And in particular here, John, this week, the Britain's biggest union has threatened to strike during the London Olympics and has been roundly condemned by political leaders. The U-Night Union suggested that it could prompt a mass walk out, it has well over a million members, so that could cause logistical mayhem, John. And I think really should remember, this is the Olympics, John. This is Britain's greatest opportunity to showcase itself to the planet. How not just the planet, John, to the universe, and we need the nation united in its efforts

and the politicians have all come out against your nightiness. We need the nation completely at one in its efforts, all pulling together to pretend to the rest of the world that everything here is just fucking fine. Exactly. We have exactly. And we only just need a 17 days job. We need to hoodwink the world into thinking we all love each other and that everything

in Britain is going swimmingly. And by swimmingly, I mean, it's going up and down in a confined space before ending up back where it started, exhausted and bedraggled and all the while moving far less efficiently than it would have just got out and ran along the side of the pool. 17 days, John, not to have to give a shit about the stuff these people are planning to strike about, that is the whole point. 17 days to worry about whether you own bulk can still run very fast. Not about whether the National Health Service is being turned into a notion of health service.

17 days to get excited about how seeing how much of an advantage night of the realm Sir Chris Hoy will get from his new night status, which of course enables him to knock his opponents off their bicycles with a medieval jousting pole. Our rules. What about spiraling unemployment, ah, ah, ah, rules. And they want to work about spiraling on employment, falling living standards, being held to ransom by financial forces beyond the grasp of law or morality. 17 days, John, to concern ourselves

with whether British horses will do need to ship to all the other horses in the dressage. Not about whether the economy is imploding like a criminal gang bundling a load of stolen folklore demons into the back of a truck imploding. Is this on? Oh yeah, yeah, it's because you were just on a roll there as well happening. And then you basically just dove straight out of a speeding car.

Well, this self-proclaimed battle for the soul of Britain and our national way of life John, that this strike is, this strike, they clearly isn't going to happen, is all about. That's a shit. That's a poorly wait until after the dress-hours has finished. Now, 17 days. How dare they threaten to keep the British public away from their beloved volleyball from the ski shooting that they dream of on a nightly basis. Yes. That's in the BMX riding that's been part of this nation's sport watching culture ever since the Roman road into town in 55 BC. I do think, Andy, cycle jousting is an Olympic sport that's,

it's a tragedy it hasn't already been there and surely we can get there in time. I know, Chris, you went to the Olympic Velo drawing for the event. Now, I mean, you set one cyclist on one side of the track, the other on the other. Yeah. They've got about 100 meters to get up to speed. Yeah. Bang.

I can fact, actually, In the very real sense. Take a sport in the world. Yes. Even better than the omnium. I'll take you words for that. Any Olympic city is bound to experience jitters as the big day arrives. So much work's gone into it. So much money's been spent. But no city in Olympic history has done a run up before the big day yet. There's never been a group of athletes turn up to a stadium on the first day to see it completely empty with a sign on the front saying, so sorry, we're just not ready for this. It's not you, it's us. As you say, there is concern about this threatening strike that's not going to happen but

could happen but isn't, but could and that's the frightening thing even though it won't happen. And Len McCloskey, the leader of your night, the biggest union in England, said, if the Olympics provide us with an opportunity, then that's exactly one we should be looking at. The attacks that are being launched on public sector workers at the moment are so deep and ideological that the idea that the world should arrive in London

and have these wonderful Olympic games as though everything is nice and rosy in the garden is unthinkable. No, it isn't, McCluski, that is one of the main points of the Olympic Games. The whole point of hosting the Olympics has always been about pretending that you're a far better country than you are.

Ask Hitler at no point before Burlington 1936 games, did he say, oh, do you know what? I feel it with paper going with a cracks and what a bunch of ourselves we are. Is anyone else worried about that? Oh, you are too. Oh, arrest that man and take his family to a camp. You're either with me or against me.

Spade on! My class has been accused of opportunism by politicians. Right, do I mean accused of or complimented and marringly for? Anyway, opportunism is the charge. Stylia-ironic coming from a government that is pushing through massive ideological changes to public life without a direct mandate from the public to do so, but there you go.

I get the impression, John, he's just trying to get a rise out of politicians by making these comments. And if so, he has yeeted them up like a sesame seed bloomer because they have taken this bait. There has been lucky say, huge criticism of this. A spokesman for Prime Minister David Cameron called the idea unacceptable and unpatriotic and Labour has also been criticising him. Now you see, this is why China put on such a good Olympic Games, because if anyone said

anything against the Games of the run-up, they just threw them in jail. No questions asked. Easy. Problem solved. And as for the problems of workers' conditions in China, no problem there at all, because they couldn't give a shit about them. Everything was easier. Sure, we could get planning permission over the next few months to build a velodrome in the area, currently occupied by that huge housing estate, or plan... Do you know what? We could just bulldoze it to the ground and if anyone's got a problem with that we'll give them a one-way ticket to

Jelsalvania. Let's go with B first. Then let's do A if we need to which we won't. In fact conservative co-chairman Baroness Wassie also piled in calling the comments and a polling display of naked self-interest. And she's right Andy, but in our defense at least the self-interest is naked because given a choice I actually prefer self-interest stark bollock naked I prefer it with its balls hanging out to when self-interest is heavily clothed. What about when it's kind of slightly sluttily dressed do you know will you prefer it? Well I don't yeah actually that's that's probably even worse when it's just trying to tease you say to you wonder what's under here oh don, I don't, yeah, actually, that's, that's probably even worse when it's just trying to tease you say to you wonder what's under here. Oh, don't look, don't look, stop looking at me. Now, in an amazing

development, the British government, Olympics minister announced that the Olympics will come in under budget. Hugh Robertson said that with 150 days to go, we're on track, on time, and just under budget. To which the British people said, hold on, are you fucking serious? What did that happen? Yeah, you might want to do those sums again. Apparently, the entire 500 million pounds Olympic contingency budget remains unspent.

And again, Andy, this is not what the Olympics is about. We're not doing this right. Look at Montréal, it took that city 30 years to pay off their Olympic debts. Literally three decades, the Olympics was in 1976 and they finished paying it off in 2006. That's the real Olympic spirit Andy, a majestic financial swam dive

with a high degree of fiscal difficulty, getting low marks from the accountants. The 2004 Greek Olympics cost $11 billion, double, double the original budget, which is strange, because the Greeks are usually so good with money, Andy. I just worry that we're not going into this Olympics in the right way, but there is still time to pull this around, because what are we going to do with that £500 million contingency fund? We can't leave it unspent Andy.

That's not how you do one pretty spectacularly wasteful thing we could do is put it in a giant gigantic dish, cover it in paraffin and use it as our Olympic flame Andy. The only way we could create a lasting memory of an opening ceremony to rival Muhammad Ali lighting the Olympic flame with a torch or thousands of Chinese people lifting blocks rhythmically as if their lives depended on it which they actually did.

Would be for us to create an Olympic opening ceremony moment of our own. And what could be more spectacular than a British man taking the Olympic torch, turning to the crowd and saying, I can't believe we're gonna do this. Before setting fire to 500 million pounds, I declare the London Olympic Games

a financial disaster, as is tradition. But as you say, the whole point in the Olympics is to go way over budget. It's always been this way. Look back to ancient Olympia where it began, John. The place is a mess and they still haven't finished the stadium. And the 527 million contingency budget had been put in place to cover unexpected costs, such as, for example, added security required in case President Assad gets a bit over-excited

and tries to invade the double gold medal-winning British track heroine Kelly Homs. Plus the cost of... Oh, oh my god, that. Plus the cost of installing individual viewing booths at the beach volleyball arena with two way mirror for men to watch the sports through. And Jack London Sharpelling in case of a dry summer, but under budget John, now this is this is this is great. It's an amazing achievement to come in under budget until you realise that the budget in a come in that come in under was in fact itself four times over the original budget. So that's not quite as impressive as it first sounded.

It's just coming slightly less over budget than we'd been expecting it to for the last five years. So perhaps not. That's still not ideal, but that's, but I feel better about it now, Andy. Perhaps not something to be doing too many press releases home about. Now, the Olympics that are not without controversy, because Indian government officials are discussing a boycott of the opening and the closing ceremonies in protests of the sponsorship of the stadium rap by Dow Chemical.

You see, India has a bit of beef with Dow Chemical, although they don't really like this term beef. Well, they love it. They love the term beef. They think it's a sacred term. They just don't like it, use that way. The point is that Indians believe that Dow has ongoing liabilities after the 1984 Bhopal disaster, a catastrophic chemical leak of toxic gas that killed 2 1,000 people immediately and has later had 25,000 deaths attributed

to it. So you can perhaps see what the Indian people might be a bit miffed at seeing Dow chemical all over the stadium that they're running around in. At the Indian government has written a complaint to the IOC before, but has already had one appeal refused. And the problem is that the IOC has a hundred million dollar sponsorship with the chemical giant Dow.

So you can see their point that India should just shut up when it was ages ago. Because $100 million will really make you feel that way. At $20 million, I'm sure that the IOC would say that the Bokepull disaster was an atrocity that should never ever be forgotten. But the problem is that $100 million, you just say, sorry, what a trustee, I never heard of that.

I never, I'm sure it wasn't that bad, because I've never heard of it, and I definitely have not heard of it. The Dow took over ownership of Union Carbide to charge of the chemical plant at the time of this disaster. Energy say their defenses are basically, yeah, it was ages ago, and I'll figure off the ground, so we're immune. But it is highly complex legally, John, and it's not helped by the fact that the Indian

legal system has not exactly been massively on top of things. It's an unspeakable tragedy, and in fact the Indian legal system has largely elected not to speak about it for most of the last 27 years, other than giving compensation, totaling about the value of a baguette to the software. But it just goes to the show, John. That's the Olympic ideal can withstand absolutely anything. And by the Olympic ideal, I mean, big business using a price as marketing opportunity to push his brands.

That will never be defeated, John. It will never ever be defeated. It'll live on in our hearts and in our wallets, Andy. And not in our hearts. Now, if a Britain sports minister also defended the deal with Dow Chemical this week saying, the time for a protest, if any protest needed to be had, was the moment that the IOC signed up Dow in the first place.

If any protest be needed, wow! That is definitely leaving nothing on the field in terms of your opinions. And I believe that his general attitude towards India's upcoming follow-up appeal to the IOC is gonna be yeah good luck with that good luck with that and What part of a hundred million dollars do you not understand? There are ongoing court cases relating to this and you can understand now Not wanting to

You don't necessarily give any more of its money because when it took over Union Carbide, the matter of exposure being settled by the frankly appalling settlements that have been made before. And also, Dow has been struggling recently and it's recently quarterly reports revenue which was expected to be $14.19 billion for the quarter. It was in fact only $14.09 billion. the quarter was in fact only 14.09 billion. So you can see that I got nothing. Tutting their belts.

I didn't know that. I don't know that. Now I feel terrible about how glib I've just been about the whole thing. So these these these winging victims of one of the most appalling corporate crimes in human history should really just wait their turn until they've sorted their money out. Well, at the least they could do with is the boost of seeing their name on an Olympic stadium to get through this terrible time. Because when you make 13 billion a year, you're basically dead in a way.

Dead is like... You've been in too many films, you're. Germany update now or do you have data? As they would scream at each other in their gentlest tone of voice. It was a tough week for Angela Merkel last week, not just politically, and it was very tough politically, but also because she had five glasses of beer poured over her by a waiter. The waiter was leading over her and the glasses emptied over her back. And she was pretty calm under the circumstances, Andy, certainly showing the most restraint

from a German leader to provocation in the history of that overly proud nation at times. Certainly, that way you'd definitely pick the right century to have an accident like that in. The waiter said, I was shoved from behind and tried to catch the beers, but I was too late. I shouted shit really loudly. No. No.

I don't want to go all JFK assassination conspiracy pills on this Andy, but if you look at the tape, that's clearly not true. No one pushed him and he did nothing to catch the beers. I can't believe he was acting alone in this Andy. Some witnesses have testified that they heard some giggling behind a beery null. The whole thing stinks Andy, it stinks of beer. I reckon it was the Mexicans, John. It was definitely the Mexicans. There's no way he was operating alone.

But a couple of days later, we was holding a press conference and someone had just stormed up, stormed up to him and threw some beers over him. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Too sure. Markle did handle the whole situation very well. The waiter later said,

after a cheat turned around and grinned at me. Oh shit, that waiter is dead Andy. I mean we've all subconsciously or otherwise wanted to pour five beers all over Angela Merkel. But yeah, I'm in fact blading for drawing it. The Germans of course have long enjoyed beer, but maybe the time off of this harrowing incident they should, they should reassess quite how committed they are to them. I mean there's plenty of other things historically that they've enjoyed that they since grown up. I'll look never mind, it was ages ago.

But I mean it's possible also that this guy had just read on the internet that pouring beers on a German Chancellor can make it grow. It's like pouring Guinness on a spider plant. That's very effective. Right, or it's like Gremlins. Now maybe if you pull beer on her before midnight, you balance the budget. I don't know what the system is. I've pulled Guinness on a spider plant once by accident and it lost all the colour in its leaves and started growing twice as fast. Where's my Nobel Prize? Where's my Nobel Prize?

Sylvia Berlusconi thinks that if you throw five points down him, she stops being an unfilial lad else. Unquotes. In other German news or do it not least as Germans would whisper softly to each other. The German, German Finance Minister Wolfgang Scheubleer was criticized on Wednesday for playing Sedoku during a crucial parliamentary debate on Greece. The German public broadcaster first aired pictures on Monday of a smiling man appearing to play Sedoku on his slightly concealed computer while a member of the

center-right coalition spoken favor of the second Greek rescue package. Now, let's put this in context, Andy. Last week, we were talking about a politician who watched pornography in Parliament. So let's not get carried away here. A numbers puzzle in comparison seems like a pretty nerdy rebellion. Yeah, the system. I'm going to do a number puzzle. Don't give a shit.

Right, ladies? Also, it shows how far we've come with Germany. If this is the worst that we can accuse their politicians of doing, we have to accept that. That is progress. And it was ages ago. It was ages ago. It was ages ago.

Absolutely ages ago. But it's not the ideal preparation for debate about Greece? Is that not or economics essentially is a high stakes game of Sudoku? No, it's not because Sudoku works due to logic. Rules that have to be debate and numbers that actually exist. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a few thousand bad apples, spoiled it all for the two or three good apples that work there.

The phone hacking scandal has claimed another victim as James Murdoch has stepped down as executive chairman of News International, the UK newspaper business that owns the Sun and the Times. James Murdoch, who coincidentally is actually related by blood to Rupert Murdoch. In fact, I believe he's actually his son, although it's got absolutely nothing to do with him, getting any of the jobs he's had in New Zealand's National. Said, I deeply appreciate the dedication of my

many talented colleagues at New Zealand's National who worked tirelessly to inform the public. Oh, I'm sorry, inform the public. Does James Murdoch know what the word inform me, and Dandy, someone should tell him quickly, because I'm pretty sure he'll want a quickly issue or a interaction. Demoralize the public, certainly. Poison the public metaphorically. Miss Lee, the public, occasionally, make the world a slightly worse place for the public, always Andy, always. That's the news international guarantee. Do you know

it's not as much fun doing this, it's not the way I'm saying it. It's not so, it's not, it's just, it was more fun saying this before we were fired. There's not the same thrill anymore. In fact, I feel like I'm chasing the kind of adrenaline right that we got. And I could only do that if I started insulting SoundCloud.

They haven't illegally tapped anyone's phones. Yes, yes, yes, Andy. what are you up to, SoundCloud, playing the long game on watching you soundcloud and thank you for your support. But I want you, SoundCloud, using to national support it does for years and now they're in court. I fully expect you to lawyer up by 2015 SoundCloud

on watching you soundcloud. Is this on? I bet it might be, it was James Murdoch's own personal protest that news international ditching the bugle, but he just, I guess we'll have to let history be the judge of that, you know, too close to it really. And in other news, it turns out that Rebecca Brooks, the former news of the world editor, was lense a horse by the metropolitan police. And that is not a euphemism either. That will annoy the horse and archaic term for a sum of money.

Maybe that was it. They were giving ponies one way horses came back the other. They were giving ponies one way horses came back the other. So, a Brooks has claimed that some subsequent investigation was revealed. It was not in fact a horse, but two news of the world hacks in a pantomime horse outfit. Brooks is playing with had Dobbin working under cover inside the map for five years before he was paying off a swearing in the vicinity of the coin, while supposedly policing the tripping of the colour. And a police spokesman confirmed that police horses are generally released after they start orderly cussing, as spokesman said, you can tell they're getting parsed

when they start struggling, giving it the whole business. When they start saying shit or it's just done to let them go. A horse. A horse. A horse at the end of its working life, John retired police horse, leading tabloid newspaper editor.

That is a body movie waiting to be made. God it is. I'm going to start writing that now Andy. Yep. It's like the film Mrs Brown put more so. The Met Police Force said that there's absolutely nothing unusual in it deciding to loan a horse to Rebecca Brooks. Of course not Andy.

Of course not Andy. Of course not. There's nothing unusual about you loaning someone a horse. Especially someone that you, as you so say, you have no real relationship with them. That's not unusual at all, Andy. Loaning a horse to someone. There's nothing unusual about that.

You just listen to the way that sounds. I loan that personal horse. Do you know them? Not particularly well, but they wanted a horse, so I loaned them one. Can I borrow a horse, please? Sure. No problem. No questions asked. Oh, thank you. It turns out that Rebecca Brooks' own phone

was hacked twice a week by her colleagues at the news of the world. Holy shit. Which is amazing, isn't it? I guess you see, it's a test of leadership. They always say in sports, you know, you should be prepared to do what you demand, others do if you're a captain of a team. I guess there's an extra of the news, but you should be prepared to have done to you

what you demand is done to other people. And by demand, I, of course, I mean no absolutely nothing about Rupert Murdock last weekend launched the new Sun on Sunday newspaper filling the hole that had been left by the defunct News of the world in terms of something pretty shit to read on a Sunday if you've got anything else to do and Yes pretty shit to read on a Sunday if you've got anything else to do. And, um, yes, he said, uh, that he praised the, the sun for always, uh, uncovering stories to inform and protect the public. He sent an email to Sunstaff saying this, uh, inform and protect the public. I think he seems in mixing up stories with breasts. And I don't know what he's protecting the public from, John,

I imagine he's protecting them from not seeing enough breasts. And I mean, he's a hero in that regard. He also said in the email, we will obey the law. Illegal activities simply cannot and will not be tolerated at any of our publications. Our Board of Directors, our management team, and I take these issues very seriously.

And unfortunately, at the end of that, he omitted word, now. Your emails now and this comes from Alan Greening in Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates on the subject. Abu Dhabi Bugle Estrache, UAE Law News, De'Aqmej Jamal and Fatima, as you'll be called out here in the ridiculously, the building city of Abu Dhabi. As I was listening to the latest batch of bugle broadcast driving down the Sheikh Zayed Road back to Abu Dhabi after a busy morning,

getting hopelessly f**king lost around the ever changing streets of Dubai, I thought he might be interested in a few of the lesser known laws that aren't in the travel brochures for the UAE. Flipping someone the bird is illegal. What? Yeah. Wow, Dandie, did you know that before?

You spent a little bit of time there. Well, I don't know, but it appears that Dubai has just been flipping mathematics the birds for about last 15 years. Yeah. In fact, the birds' caliphate is pretty much just one long extended middle finger to the concept of sense. If a policeman sees you flipping someone off or a UAE national report you're doing so you could face two weeks in jail and a 1,000

DRAM that's around a $270 fine. Swearing in public is illegal. Telling someone to f*** off or calling them a f***ing idiot results in a similar punishment to bird flipping. It is technically illegal for a man and a woman who are not related or married to each other to be in the same room or car together unsupervised and exception is made for lifts. If you find that someone has hit your car over night and driven off, it's your fault. I'm pleased to find you 350 dirams in the last six months of accrued fines of 1,050 dirams for the crime of having someone hitting my car and driving off.

Well, oh, yeah, it is not possible to get damaged, damaged cars fixed without a police report, but I will wait until Ramonhan to pay the fines as you get 50% off during the Holy Month. There we go. Oh, that's an early gesture, isn't it? So there is, there is a solid logical system in place. Anyway, must press on the fines and bugle donations that you'd paying for. I would say keep up the good work, but that seems inappropriate.

Regardless, Alan Green. Yeah. Please. It's a super passive aggressive insult at the end there. Yes, if you think a 50-pound donation is worth it, could you please tell Irish bugler, Darryl Lawler, a useless fucking f***** happy to for 50 quits. Well Andy you've got a prize. I think we all know it was a lot less than that.

He did not haggle that deal down well. There's a great email from Peter Betz who said D. Andy Chris and John in order of who's most likely to be deported for inserting rebellion against the Channel Islands long-standing relationship towards the Queen. My wife is currently five months pregnant and I've been reading some of her pregnancy books, the following advice is given. The baby is perceptive to all manner of sounds. It can hear your voice and experts believe that listening to classical music will stimulate the baby and will even remember this music once it's been born.

Best done was falling asleep at night. Then it dawned on me that the only thing that gets me to sleep is a heavy dose of bullshit so I listened to the bugle. I'm now seriously concerned that my unborn child is soaking up bullshit on a daily basis. I have visions of her first words being, f**k you Chris.

Her first drawing could even be a hotty from history. Whatever happens, the bugle can now say it's genuinely brought bullshit into this world. Many thanks, Peter Vets. That would be phenomenal. If a child was born into the world, looked up and said, f*** you, Chris, with a smile on his face of, I've arrived. Well, I mean, I've seen you a photo of Matilda and you have seen for about 10 days off.

Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first.

Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Fliping you the first. Looking up at the camera, think you've set a tone, daddy. You've set a tone.

Do keep your emails coming into info at thebugelpodcast.com. Do follow the Twitter feed at HelloBugalus, whereas I say we'll put up more details from my New York gigs, and I think we might put them on the website as well How about that Chris, will you reckon with that? You tell me they'll go there. Alright, big horse and don't forget our wonderful friends at SoundCloud, currently masterminding a large-scale phone hackie operation.

If it's not true now, it'll be true soon. If it's not true now, it'll be true soon. Just time for a quick bit of sports and it's the horse racing tips. Point it forward and tell it to run as fast as possible. So that's it for this week's Bugle. Thanks very much for listening. We'll be back with one of the very rare Bugles when we're in the same room as each other. Yeah, let's see how that goes a script point out the last time into that was in Edinburgh when we were both on the I think on the fatigue side of entertaining Hopefully better you're both a king disgrace

That's a different way of painting that. We're going to get an NBA referee in the room with you. Yeah, that's what we're going to do. Yeah. Bye! you