The Bugle - Bugle 187 – The President’s Playlist

Episode Date: March 16, 2012

Assad's account gets hacked, anonymous Brit visits the US and ugly dog dies. Visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, we're Uglars and welcome to Bugle issue 187. With me and his ultimate still live in the city where gorillas keep climbing up skyscrapers New York. And with me also in New York, it's John Oliver. Hello, B. Eugler's, it's party time in the words of pink. We're here. So we're getting it this party started. It's our second and final New York B. Eugler and you've been here for a week. I can see that the city has been getting into your system a bit every time we cross the road

Your shelter traffic. I'm walking here. I and these old men are literally walking here Evening you sleep you've been murmuring about Kwafe and donuts and it's it's interesting that all your children seem interested in seeing over Skype Is yellow cabs have you ever pointed out to them that this is actually a historic city with a great melting pot of culture and it's not all about fucking yellow tacksies? I don't know. I believe the yellow tacksies are really, you know, that's the only thing holding New York together. Well, you know, I mean, that doesn't sound true, but I guess it could be. Yeah, I mean, it could easily, have you ever tried New York without yellow tacksies? Again, that's my point. I haven't. No one's had the courage to do that that's good not even Julie Arne job even Julie on the great Rudy yeah now my dog has been also eating some of

Andy's possessions will have been there just for the record only she's never done anything like that in a whole life before you came to stay so my only guess is that you've been smearing all of your personal belongings in bacon. Just cat blood, actually. Yeah, I mean, that your dog has got through a wooden coat hanger, a copy of the Lapperms Quarterly magazine. Yeah. And also a notebook containing some of my jokes. Right.

Ever since when your dog has just been unbelievably fucking fun. She's particularly interested in books. Before she ate your books, Andy, she ate last week the most of the first chapter of my copy of recent Aslan's book, How to Win a Cosmic War, God Globalization of the End of the War on Terror. And I can understand why she did Andy. Recent Aslan's a phenomenal writer, isn't it? It could barely have been a more relevant book right now. She ate the first

chapter, fully digested it, and seemed very anxious to eat the rest of it afterwards. So it's tremendous review for Rita Aslan's book. Really from my dog. Did she not review it in a coiled pile in the park? I guess that was that was kind of her online celebrating at the end of it. Well that's what I think of that turgid. Now pick it up and put it in that bin. Thanks to all the buglers who've come to my New York Giggs and who came to the recordings of John's TV show last weekend. Spitting Duff had had a fantastic time.

It turns out I seem to sell better on continents I don't live on, which I'm not sure is the... That's the economic we've heard. Let's be clear about where the bar is there though. Yeah. Yeah. And I know apologies if you did try to get into my solo shows this week, but in defiance of more than a decade of carefully

guarded tradition, I did miraculously sell out. So thanks to everyone who came along. This is the Bugle for the Wipe-Bee any Monday, the 19th of March 2012, as always a section of the Bugle, it's going straight in the bin this week, a, as always, a section of the Google is going straight in the bin this week, a personal fitness section, how to keep fit when doing everyday activities. We suggest that you deliberately forget your wallets or purse whenever you leave your house. If you live on the sixth floor of a block of flats, forget your wallet twice a day. If you live on the first floor, forget your wallet. Twelve times a day, preferably six times in quick succession twice.

Let's do be open with your family or flatmates because returning six times in succession could make it seem like you're spying on them. If you live on the ground floor, make sure you've walked at least 200 yards from your house before remembering you've forgotten your wallets. This exercise works better if you are running slightly behind schedule, so have the sprint back at top speed, and if you're with a spouse who will berate you for your forgetfulness, running when annoyed burns 27% more calories than normal running. Also comb your hair with a 19th century iron pitch fork, you will have to fork your capillaries at arms length strengthening

your triceps and flat-press wrap muscles. And the ways the pitch fork should also work at your core torso musculature, including the pectoriacs, the diaphragm, and of course the Clurshary Dorseps. And whenever traveling on public transport, traveling the front or rear carriage of a train, every time the train stops, sprint, manically to the other end of the train. And within six weeks, you'll be an Olympic athlete. Chris, that's basically how you train for the triathlon,

isn't it? Religiously, every day, yeah. And that last passage, was that one of the passages that Hogi ate and regurgitated and you're able to put together. How many of those words are actually in the English language? And how many of the times did you just fall asleep on your keyboard? I don't know, but I definitely did tweak a Clutchery Dorset the other day. Top story this week?

Syria Update! And you don't really think of murderous dictators as human beings, and that's generally for a pretty good reason because they tend to lack any of the behavioural qualities that qualify you for humanity. Things like conscience, mercy and kindness are not high on dictators' personality profiles. But you don't want to humanise them, but sometimes it is worth it when that humanising turns them out to be not so much intimidating monsters but rather pathetic little dweem.

With another life we'll be having their lunch money taken from them and hung from coat hooks by the back of their underpants. Hitler, for instance, was rumoured to only have one testicle, of course, which does help in a way to slightly demystify him, even if it also makes you slightly concerned about what he would have been capable of doing with the power of both testicles intact. So a sad of Syria has been very busy over the last 12 months, doing some intensive interior decorating of his own country in the form of bombing his own cities and murdering his own people. He's a flawed human being Andy. He really

puts the cock into that man as a total cock. But we now have quite a lot more personal information about in the we did this time last week because the Guardian newspaper in London has published more than 3,000 documents. The Syrian opposition claims are emails downloaded from private accounts belonging to a sad and his wife. It's basically a glimpse into the internet history of a tyrant and a Mrs tyrant. And he can't help but juxtapose what they were doing online with what they were doing in the real world. For instance, in February, when the siege of Homs was taking place in Syrian citizens were being killed in the streets. This is a sad who was apparently browsing the internet for luxury shoes and writing to her friends about six inch high heels that cost more than $5,000. That's a little let them eat cakey.

Andy, just a touch. That's a little let them wear three-inch heels. It'll be easier for them to run away from tank bombardments they're about to receive. Also, she is really screwing up the customer recommendations for other people who buy those shoes, Andy. If you like these six-inch high heels, you may also like firing on unarmed groups of civilians. Oh, I'm not sure about that, but I do love those shoes.

So maybe I'll give it a go. Customers who bought these shoes also tortured political dissidents for information. Well, that does sound fun. It'll be much easier to do that in a flat-sold pump like this one. Do you think there's a correlation between the height of her heels and the murderousness of her husband? Because didn't she always use to wear pumps in the old days? Just flat-sold pumps.

Or before he just started unloading tanks on people. And then the higher her heels got. So are you appealing for Mrs. Asad to? Yeah, all I know is... For the love of God. Yeah, lower your whole. All I know is that Mrs. Pol Pot was a professional stilt woker. That's a fact.

That is a fact. Also in February, at the outset of the assaults on the Homs, professional stilt wicker. That's a fact. That is a fact. Also in February at the outset of the assaults on the Homs, a sad, since Mrs. The Sad, the lyrics of a song by the country star Blake Shelton, are you, I wasn't really, I'm not aware of Blake Shelton's ear, but he's quite a big star here, isn't he? He is a big star. Yes. Oh, if you like country music. Yeah, and does he wear massive hats?

Bad country music. He's no stranger to the massive hat. That's good. I mean, he'll not wear a hat as well, but he will also wear a hat. Is that an acoustic thing with country singers? What? The massive hat. Does it like keep the vocal tone or cheer? Yeah, it's angled downwards to get a more reddened timbre. But it's more than just angling it downwards. It also projected skywards because of the rim of the brim towards God in heaven. Yeah. So that he can hear. So he can fry his chicken. Some of the worst sounds that his creations have ever created. So anyway, I went online to find some of Blake Shelton's songs and played them

backwards to see what coded messages they contain that maybe a sad had been influenced by and his 2009 hit Hilbaly Bone, a duo with Trace Adkins, John. 21st century's Wilfred Owen and of course the creator Overlord behind the unofficial US National Anthem, Honky Tonk, Badonk, Badonk. That song Hilbaly Bone contains this lyric and honky-tonk, but donk-tonk. That song, Hilberly Bone, contains this lyric, we all got a Hilberly bone down deep inside, no matter where you from, you just can't hide it. When the band starts banging and the fiddle soars,

you can't belt, help the hollering, yee-hoor. Ha-ha! When you see them for a little country queens, man, you gotta admit that it's in them jeans. Ain't nothing wrong just getting on your Hilberly bone, but bone, bone. Now, I'm very moving, moving lyrics, as they are, but played backwards in Arabic, what it says is, show no mercy to those who would overthrow you, but visit upon them devastation from the sky and from the ground as a hail of holy pain rains upon their infidel heads

until the streets run crimson with the blood of the unfaithful, and the echoes of your vengeance reverberate through the corridors of the Syrian soul, such that none shall dare again raise hand or voice against your powerhead for all eternity. Yee-haw! Now this, another song, old red, one of Shelton's breakthrough hits from about 10 years ago,

cover version. Now, old red, he's the damnedest dog that I've ever seen, got a nose that can smell a two day trail, he's a four-leg tracking machine. If you translate that into semiforbe, use the wrong flags, it says, suck my big ones international community and suck them hard. What are you going to do? Put one hand on your hip and whack a ear index finger on the other hand in an monetary fashion. Good luck with that girlfriend.

If you need me, I'll be on the phone to Russia and minding them how much money I pay them every year for their fireworks, total pip. And of course, Shelton's 2011 solo hit Honey Bee. If you record it onto a wax cylinder and then melt the wax cylinder and pour them all to wax into cold water, it's solidifies into the shape of a collationic off pointing at a child. So I guess we can see, you know, the influence that Blake Shelton has had on

the oppression of ordinary Syrian people. Well, there's no question that's true. And what has Shelton got to say about that? Well, he's been ominously quiet about it, isn't he? He had a few of what? As is Gough Brooks. It's still alive. In fact, Blake Shelton and the city of Damascus have never been seen in the same place, haven't they? Is that coincidence? A sad email was reportedly Sam at Alshaba,

which is pretty unspectacular email address. I was hoping it might be big Guns 22 at Syria.net or Bashar al-Assad 3 at Mac.com. Did he hadn't moved quite quickly enough to get his name first? And the emails do offer a great window into a state of mind. At one point, he's found to be swapping amusing links to videos with his aides and his wife. One video is a YouTube clip featuring a reenactment

of the Siege of Homs with a child's toy car and a pile of biscuits. That's like Paul Pot making a video reenacting the killing fields with rice crispies for skulls. It's possible, but it doesn't necessarily mean it a particularly good idea to do it. A sad link to the video in an email to his media advisor saying, check out this video on YouTube in an email. She replied, she's a quote, ha ha ha ha ha ha. OMG, three exclamation marks, this is amazing.

They're high school girls, Andy. High school girls with somehow an even worse grasp of humanity. And in another video, a sad linked his wife to a clip from America's Got Talent in which an illusionist appears to saw his assistant in half. Maybe that was a metaphor for what he was planning on doing to the opposition in Syria, or maybe he just thought it was truly incredible piece of magic and it was making him rethink his relationships with the West.

Dear Sweetheart, watch this clip of my wife. It turns out that America really does have talent. We might have misjudged the great Satan. What sorcery is this that can saw a person in half and then put them back together? I'm going to Google Israel's Got Talent now. If it turns out that a Jew could juggle 14 bagels to Celine Dion's My Heart will go on, then I might have to seriously rethink my anti-semitism. Anyway, I hope you're having a good day. Lots of love, bash. Have you got Paul, if you got the Celine Dion

track there, because I've got 14 bagels here, and I'm feeling confident? Let me check. John, so he watched this on YouTube for the kid being soar in half. Yes. Which bit of that did he like best? Was it just the soaring in half? It was the middle bit he liked. He found the start took too long

and the ending he just found it inexplicable. He just didn't want the kid put back together in the middle bit. It was the middle bit he saw saw the altering of a child. That's really what he goes for. It was what looked like an entertaining snuff movie by the woman in a bikini. Oh, maybe that's what he's gonna do. Maybe that, you know, this is all some elaborate setup.

And then he's gonna suddenly go, Abraham Kedabra and everyone in Holmes is gonna be fine. And Syri and society going to put back together in perfect harmony just as they were. Maybe that's it. This is just the best direct. Yeah, this is, he's like the David Copperfield

of Arabic politics. Get ready for the prestige you end. But perhaps the motherload of information, as you alluded, came from his iTunes accounts. Specifically, what purchases of music he'd been making. For start, it's frankly incredible. They actually paid for the downloaded music. What a strange point to start suddenly taking an interest

in international law, Andy. He has absolutely no respect for human life, but he will not mess with iTunes terms and conditions. Do you think he's as he read all 63 pages of it? I think it's every chance he has. We all have a line we will not cross. Yes, I've ordered the murder of Innocence of Illions, but I personally am not comfortable with what

is to all intents and purposes stealing from Lionel Richie. It's, let Carrie Underwoods eat her rightful bread. It's the songs that he's been buying themselves that are incredible. When you think of a dictator's music taste, you probably go with either Metallica or some other death metal, or you go with opera. You know, for your classic hairless cat-stroking dictator, Hitler caused big vogn of fan.

Colonel Gaddafi, as we know, was no stranger to the musical charms of Nelly Fatard. I hope that he was only human. But a sad may have really to the musical charms of Nelly Fattado, but he was only human. But a sad may have really taken the musical biscuit here. There's no point in guessing, butleous, what a sad downloaded, because you'll never get it right. The press has been describing his musical taste as eclectic, and I guess it is eclectic for a 12-year-old girl. Because his collection of music records may be even worse than his records in human

rights. Try this for size. Right, said Fred. That's right, Andy. Right, said Fred. The two men who became famous for their I'm Too Sexy song and who may have been the gazed music artists of all time. But it wasn't even the I'm Too Sexy single that he bought. It was their less popular. Don't Talk Just Kiss song. Well, there's an explanation for this, John. Because it came down to a linguistic confusion. Because Kiss is, in fact, the Syrian word for be brutally oppressed.

Oh, that makes a lot more sense. She does direct message. Don't talk, just be brutally oppressed. Oh, I need to start to catch it. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, try these. I don't know what a sad record on gay rights is. I'm imagining that where rights said Fred to tour Syria, they might not get them warmest official reception.

I don't want to judge his book by its violently oppressive cover, Andy, but I'm guessing he's not particularly progressive in his views on equal rights in that department. I met the Fairbrass Brothers recently. Did you? Yeah. It's impossible to go 30 seconds of conversation with them without sexually new endosominating. They're phenomenal.

They know what they do. They know what they do well and they do it all the time. I admire that. They also hate shears, so it's... I admire it. LAUGHTER The sad also added to his extensive musical collection, ordering Hurt, by Leo and Lewis, look at me now by Chris Brown,

the R&B musician of wife, Batterer, featuring Lil Wayne and Buster Rhymes, and on New Year's Eve he bought a tribute to Cliff Richard. I think that last one might actually get him shot in the street, Andy. The Syrian people could only take so much humiliation before they'll just rise up and tear his administration to pieces.

What actually could that be? The final straw that gets the international community to fully commit to. I think it might be. Because what's clear from the last 12 months in the news is that none of this music has succeeded in calming him down. And even Miss Althoe and why? Not even Miss Althoe and why.

That's usually the great pacifier. Now, perhaps my favourite purchase, Andy, on the 5th of February, just before Valentine's day, a sad sentence wife and iTunes file of, just before Valentine's Day, a sad sent his wife an iTunes file of, who else but Blake Shelton, the US country star, singing, God gave me you. And I guess that makes sense in Awakers. He's clearly a fan of atrocities, a sad, and that song is a musical human right abuse. It also shows that he has a sensitive side because the lyrics to the song show a tortured soul just a day before the shelling of Homas began. I've been a walking heartache.

I've made a mess of me. The person that I've been lately, I'd who I want to be. But you stay right here beside me. Watch as the storm goes through. Andy, this is just the final evidence to add to your evidence that Blake Shelton should be immediately arrested and taken to the hake because that song is clearly sending a message appealing to dictators to violently clamp down on their people. And let me just give you a blast of it Andy. Oh yeah.

It's human, I'm a big, oh my, my. If you cut him Andy, do you not bleed? John I think, you know, we might not have found a sad cut off point, but we've found yours because you've been prepared to sing pretty much any form of music on the beautiful John, I think, you know, we might not have found a sad cutoff point, but we've found yours because you've been prepared to sing pretty much any form of music on the musical. It turns out country is one step you're not prepared to take. Well, let me just take this one step further. Because in January of this year, when he'd already done so many terrible things,

it was about to do so much more. He bought a number of songs by the inexplicably popular US dance group, LMFAO, including there hit Sexy and I know it. And there's a chilling message in that song for the international community and he where LMFAO say, this is how I roll. Animal print, out of control. I got passion in my pants, and I ain't afraid to show it. I'm sexy, and I know it. Now, I know that a sad, as a figure, is a terrifying prospect with the full might

of the Syrian army at this disposal. I know that for people in Syria, you know, in Homs and in Damascus, he's an intimidating presence to stand up to. But instead of picturing him like that and, you know, with an army of tanks and soldiers in front of him, just imagining dancing around in his compound, in his underwear, when he thinks no one is around to this song. With a hairbrush as a microphone. That's right. Just imagine Bashar Assad dancing around nearly naked to this song. It's just not as intimidating. He's an idiot Andy. He's a complete idiot. I'm not going to say that the fact that that is the case makes anything better.

But it is a fact. Oh dear, I've got a job. This is the way I roll, clearly, is referring to his tanks. Yeah, exactly. Look at that body, I think that's just too soon. Andy, what I'm saying is just imagine this beat just thudding through a ceiling in the palace, in Damascus. Imagine his wife banging on the ceiling and shouting at him as the music stops. We shot! Turn that shit off! And imagine there being a pause.

And then imagine this again. Pfft! I'm sexy and I'm known. Ha ha ha ha! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft!

All I'm saying is, yes, he's frightening. Yes, he's a terrible person, but he's also a fucking moron about that. And also, to be fair, LMFAO does stand for the League of Muslims for authoritarian oppressors, so, you know. It also downloaded someone by a New York group called The Cover Girls from the late 1980s called We Can't Go Wrong. I do hope he's aware that citing the lyrics of late 80s New York Urban Girl Groups is not considered a legal ex-girl patient in the international criminal court. And as you said, look at me now by Chris Brown featuring Lil Wayne and Buster Rhymes. Yes. And it's great, I'm sure you'd agree, John, to see Wayne and Rhymes back together, building up to another tilt at the Wimbledon Men's Duffles title.

I mean, you've got to ask how they got the all-round game to beat the Brian Brothers. So I mean, I'll be confident they could take on Lodra and Ziminiich, maybe not on grass, but certainly on a hard court. Lodra's got a lovely touch at the neck, but I think Buster Rhymes is urban groove, could knock him off his game.

Well, it's a little Wayne, I've such a variety of his backhand, that I think even an experienced dub is practiced in such a zimini. It could find a hard to cope. I go for Wayne and Rhymes in three sets, John. Okay. If they do win, of course, I'll be the first hip hop pair

into winner Grand Slam tennis title since Terminator X and Schooly D teamed up to beat Mack and Ryan Fleming at the US Open in 1985. The UK invasion news now and is not being the only Brit inviting the self-style greatest country in the world this week. Prime Minister David Cameron has been here on a state visit. A visit that has been largely ignored by the majority of the US press. I'm not even criticizing them for that. The UK is, which arguably not was. You know we were taken over just last week for the sixth biggest economy in the world by Brazil. Now they did to our economy what they did to our football team Andy they outclassed us with their vibrant attractive to watch economy making ours

look sluggish and old and comparison. Besides Andy it's not the size of your economy it's what you do with it. Besides, economic conditions are very cold at the moment. Our economy is shrunk a bit, but it'll grow. We're not in the mood. Anyway, no, no, that's the point. The point is that the special relationship between the UK and the US is still blazing hot, Andy. So much so that President Obama opened with some pretty ballsy jokes during a welcoming ceremony at the White House on Wednesday, specifically about how in 1814 we British tried to burn the White House down.

He said, and I quote, it's now been almost 200 years since the British came here to the White House under somewhat different circumstances. They really made an impression. They lit up the place. But we moved on. Holy shit Andy, can world leaders joke about that now? Maybe next time Cameron comes over he should give the president a fake smallpox laced blanket as a gift. Everyone will roll around laughing. It's funny because

we did it. Cameron replied to the joke by saying, well I'm a little embarrassed to think that 200 years ago my ancestors tried to burn this place down. You've got the place a little better defended this time. I mean, that's fine, Andy, but it's a slightly half-assed retort. If he had any balls, he'd have gotten out of box and matches and started flicking them around, saying, I'm here to finish the firing job.

Hold on, I've got a marshmallow on a stick. I'm gonna toast this baby up a treat. A camera was sort of paraded around by a barmer. I'm gonna like the Romans used to parade captured chieftains around. He took him to a basketball game, which obviously is not something that British people emotionally attuned to do.

They went to see Mississippi Valley State play Western Ken Tucky in, I believe, it's called March Madness. That's correct, Andy. Yeah. Which also title of Napoleon's autobiography, if I recall correctly. And it made me think John, you know, this, because obviously very important meeting between you know, our prime, my prime minister.

Yeah. No, not mine. Not yours anymore since you left the country. I don't have prime minister anymore. I cut off cold turkey. Yeah. But does him go into a basketball game mean that the government's NHS reforms are going to work or not? I mean, it's hard to read the subtext of that, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, does the Prime Minister then chilling out with the Malice celebrities at a go all of dinner mean that the cuts program's going to work fine?

And if a bomb would go to the Cameron's children personal as bean bag chairs, does that mean he's looking to increase American investment in British manufacturing? Hmm. I mean, you can only speculate. Was it just grandstanding? Yeah, you can only speculate Andy or or you can not speculate and just report on facts but why would you do that when

this speculation to be had there were a lot of gifts exchanged not only the bean bag chairs but a table tennis table and various other bits of completely pointless and unnecessary tap of course this goes back a long way Teddy Roosevelt famously gave Edward the seventh book on how to shoot big game animals at point blank range whilst in return, Edward the seventh gave Roosevelt a burlesque dance called loopy la puk. La puk live with the Roosevelt until Teddy's death in a belief 1919 from complications resulting from having shot more than 10,000 animals to death.. There was, as you mentioned, there was a state dinner to which neither of us were invited.

No, fuck, sake, man. Can you believe that? Oh, fuck. Sure, Warren Buffett gets it invite. He's not even British and his pronounce buffie. Unbelievable. And as you mentioned, the only part of this trip that got any real attention here was when David Cameron joined the president court side at a basketball game in Ohio and never has a man

looked more out of place. David Cameron looks awkward Andy when he's trying to pretend that he enjoys his own country's national sport, let alone somebody else's. And they were said to be scheduled to watch the game and then talk about Afghanistan as Syria afterwards. But why wait until afterwards Andy? Why not start talking while you're watching the basketball? There is no better place to have two world leaders discuss major issues that while watching sports, two-state solutions seems like the only practical way forward right to the hole. Holy shit, that was a sick windmill jam! Anyway, I think history proves that Afghanistan is impossible to occupy and rebuild, as it's

barely a functioning state in the first, but referee wake up out there! That's a fucking trouble! I believe that Neville Chamberlain and Hitler discussed the fight of Europe while watching a horse polo match, Andy, which was so exciting that Chamberlain got a bit over and grossed, and wasn't aware until afterwards that during a key part of the match he somehow promised Czechoslovakia to do. We've all been there whilst Cameron's been away though John, and to be fair he took Cameron, it's quite brave of him to come here because he is exactly the kind of British person that

provoked the war of independence. But while he was away, the white Cliffs of Dover have collapsed. What? Well, a little bit. Thousands of tons of chalk fell off the White Cliffs of Dover and crashed into the sea. And you know, as soon as Cameron goes away, the country starts literally crumbling, probably something between Brussels, saying the edge of cliffs are illegal. But if the White Cliffs of Dover do carry on eroding at this rate, John.

By the year 2082, that's just 70 years from now, all Britain will consist of, is a server station on the North Coast of Scotland. That's, don't bring the move down, but that's, what he just did. I think you made the right choice in getting out. Oh, there's still something to get out of. There's no question that was the case.

BLEEP Bugal feature section now, Dead Animals. And it's been a interesting week for Dead Animals. And most particularly, tragic news from Germany, not for the first time. It was ages ago. And the death of a little rabbit's born without ears, or a rabbit born without ears or a such creature is a commonly known rat.

And if you don't believe me, catch a rat, stick too long fluff ears on it and see how much sweeter it looks and tastes. The earliest rabbit was named Till, or to give it a full German name, Till! And was born with a genetic, what's the effect? Always funny. I mean, it's always funny. I mean, I know it was a lot, what they did was wrong.

Yeah, anyway. But, I mean, let's move on. That Till was born with a genetic defect that left it without the rabbit's signature physical feature, the long waggle years that have made it famous. And it became a celebrity on German TV, John. This is a little airless rabbit. I mean, how do you think they add more instinct to things to watch on television? I guess they just don't want as many history documentaries as we do. But anyway, that's understandable. But the airless rabbit, that's followed in a long line of freaky animals, including the trunkless elephant or hippopotamus, the necklace monochrome giraffe

or goat, the brainless tiger or carpet, and of course the four-legged snake or dog. And the EARLESS rabbit met its end at the tragically unexplorted age of 17 days when a TV channel was preparing to film it it to launch it into the consciousness of the world and an elus rabbit. So, thank or mighty fucking Jewish, we can forget about Syria for a bit. There's an elus rabbit on the tele. But with start and beckoning and a role in Hollywood, buddy movie, so within its furry reach, you were in talk, 20. You were in talk? Yep. A cameraman stepped backwards, trot on it and squished it. Thus, in the words of the day, compromising it to a permanent end. Now, till it snuggled down in some hay, the cameraman

didn't see him and squished that was it. So, eerily reminiscent of how Scott Bio died during filming for series 2 of Childs in Charge. It's a tragic story. You've only been here a week and you dig a reference like that. What's on Freddy's Telly? What's he throughout the 1980s? I don't know if I've ever seen it. You know what, we're watching him go on from school. That's my entire view of America is coloured by Charles and Charge.

Of course, Charles and Charge are very much a whathothfish that are on the taft years of America. But it's a tragic story, Paul Iltil died, so young left so many carrots, sunnabled, so many wheels, unspun, so many noes, twitches, untwitched, so many boings, unbanged, it's an irregular verb, no, no, no, so many rabbit shits, sunn rabbit shats, and so many lady rabbits unhumped. They love breeding the rabbits, they absolutely love it. And I think, you know, we'd been treated differently all its life till just because it was different

to all the other rabbits. We've been through that story before, first Jesus and now this. LAUGHTER I had a rabbit when I was young, John, and it also died tragically. It was being converted to judy as I'm in a ritual bath, the eating a bit of unleavened bread,

but the food got stuck in its throat. It wretched repeatedly, but choked to death on its own vomits, tragic. Yet another rabbit that died of mick from that so six. Hey, well, Andy, it turns out your puns are even worse at point blank range than they are 3,000 miles away. Yeah, welcome to my world, George. Andy just laughs so hard he's, his headphones just fell off his head. Another dead animal news, the owner of the world's ugliest dog has announced the death of his 15-year-old

prize-winning pet. Oh, jump in, this is a heart-rending storage, I guess. You know, all dogs die in the end. I don't know, you know, it's probably you're not the right person to say this to with a dog. But, and one day she's going to be dead. No. Not true. Dead as a nut. No, I'm going before her.

That doesn't negate my initial. I guess death is the great level when it comes to K9 looks. It's all about what's on the inside. But to be fair from the look of it, this dog probably had fucking ugly insides as well. But then all crew, you know, even scarlet your hamstrings insides are probably pretty rank if you slice their open. But you have to ask John, how extensive was the research to find the world's ugliest dog?

And more to the points, how much taxpayer's money was spent finding the most repulsive pooch on the planet? And could that money not have been better spent on schools or weapons or jailing some criminals? And it does raise the question, you know, why do we own dogs? If a dog is going to be so ugly, that's, it becomes the world's ugliest dog. I mean, what do you own your dog, John? Because you know, it is a single moment of uncomplicated, pure joy in, you know, life and the... Right. Sorry, is that quite for a dog? Which one is that referring to? Oh, shit Landed yourself in trouble.

And in other dead animal news, the US network HBO has cancelled the horse racing drama luck after a third animal, third horse had to be put down during production. There's a lot of inconsistency in this, John. What about other TV programs that have, for example, killed the human soul? Isn't that more important than a horse? And, you know, if this keeps going, there aren't many,

going to be many cookery programs on French television. In fact, there aren't going to be any cookery programs on any television if animals dying in the name of entertainment is deemed off limits. In fact, I've just heard that the latest series of MasterChef has been cancelled. After producers admitted that a monkfish, three scallops and some of a pig were put down during the making of a monkfish and scallop brush it with a panchetta scrint. And also, John, you have to ask, what about the proportion of the infinite number of monkeys who died whilst writing the script for Downton Abbey? What about them?

What about them? Take that Downt to Navi, take that! Your emails now, and we have an email from Eric in Missouri, says, Dear Paul, Chris, John and Andy, in order of presumed mathematical aptitude. Ooh, Andy. You came out of that very badly. Is that not increasing? Oh, that's a nice way of looking at it. I just made my donation to Save the Bugle earlier today

after pondering the precise moment of my life that went so wrong that I was now paying to be fed bullshit. I need something that what taxes are. Disappear. I'm sorry to poke around the bugle website to see what else, my hard earned dollars had brought. I can tell you that I was very disappointed to discover the complete absence of offensive math problems for me to use maths plural. When do you people going to learn about this? Do you give it, just be for

here for one more week and do you have to go away? To use, to educate my children in mathematics and prepare them for the horrors of the world that one day inherit. I can see that a view goal needed more help than simple financial support. So I decided to create some math problems for a potential use of other Vugalers looking for bullshit-based educational resources. John is taking a Delta fly from New York to Chicago, while waiting to board a terrorist sets off a bomb in the airport, El Dier, killing 15 million people, entering 20 million more and utterly devastating a

synabond store. John, fortunately, receives only minor injuries. I can take a hit, Andy. And after being released from treatment, decides to take a bus to Chicago instead, assuming that the bus maintains an average speed of 60 miles per hour, 96.5 kilometers per hour, for lazy people to use easily convertible units, how much earlier will John arrive in Chicago than if there had never been a bombing? Okay, bear that question in mind, Andy.

Question number two, assuming John's soul has 500 pieces and two pieces die with each of Andy's puns. How long a pun run will it take to turn John into an emotionally dead husk if Andy starts making British general puns at a rate of 10 puns per minute, well, excellent question. And finally, question number three. If Chris can f*** right off two times in every odd numbered bugle and f*** right off three times in every even numbered bugle,

then how many times can Chris f*** right off between bugles 179 and 187 inclusive? I hope this helps Eric and Missouri. And the answers? Yep. Question one, three hours earlier. That's just a good answer. Question number two, 25 minutes, totaling 250 British general puns.

And question number three, Chris can f*** right off 22 times. 22. That's on the assumption that I f*** right back. That's true. Do keep your emails coming into info at thebugelpodcast.com or else. Sport now and just time to tell you that such intent look of the legendary Indian batsman this morning, just hours before

we recorded, reached his hundredth international hundreds. And here in New York, there's been spontaneous bumping across the city, as America rises as one to acknowledge one of the greatest achievements in the history of sports. John, I mean, America's really taken this to its heart, hasn't it? Yeah, yeah, absolutely, you know, people are huge 10-Dorker fans here, Andy, and they're huge fans of round numbers. Yeah. And to see the two together at last is just a thrill.

I know just people all over the streets being, in tribute, buying a baloney, that's a sausage, isn't it? Yeah. And two bagels and holding on next to each other to make the number 100, an Intribute to attendled girl. It's someone, it's just, I'm blessed that I'm in a cricket, a city such as New York

for this momentous occasion. Well that's it for this week's Bugle. We are having a week off next week, but there will be a supplementary Bugle involving a bugle's question and answer session. Don't send your question answers in because by the time you listen to this we'll already have recorded it. So just ask yourself a question and answer it yourself in John's or my voice. And before we leave Andy in an effort to significantly improve Syrian Israeli relations,

there is a bag in front of you with 14 bagels. Okay, take them in your hand and do your best. Keep your eyes on it and keep your eyes on it. Keep your eyes on it. I should not have set these things on fire before starting to do this. Keep going. Keep going. I'm going to catch him on my head. One, two, three.

Oh, I'm lost it. I just didn't practice enough first of things. Well, it seems like it's a more complicated situation. It could be helped with Bagel, Juggling, Andy. Goodbye, viewers. Have a great week. Hard to wake. Go, whoa. Oh, John, you've sunk to a new low.

Oh dear. Strangely moving. Yeah, Andy, you talk a big game. Why is this not? What a UN-SNATIAL anthem. I just feel like a sad listen to a little more of this. And a little less of LMFIO he might kill at least five less people. Listen to those pan pipes. If that isn't

killing spree music I don't know what is. Yeah it is probably it's quite hard to go on a killing spree whilst pan pipe music is playing. What they need in There is more Peruvian bands. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you