The Bugle - Bugle 190 – Santorum splashes out

Episode Date: April 13, 2012

The Republican race to win the right to lose hots up. Plus a Titanic celebration and rowing about rowing. http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world, the podcast which, if it had been around 230 years ago, would probably have stopped America from splitting off from Britain. It's right for owners and if it had been around 2,000 years ago, would have stopped the Roman Empire taking its eyes off the ball and becoming obsessed with feeding people to lions. But we weren't, and instead of doing those things, we're busy trying to stop Newt Gingrich becoming President of America. I'm Andy Salzman, I'm in the Olympian City of London, chosen by God to stage the greatest

ever sporting event in the history of the world by God in association with the International Olympic Committee. But I think God would probably have chosen London anyway, it's convenient for him, but within having a couple of cathedrals he saves on accommodation costs, although even he couldn't get tickets for the 100m final and despite his onissience, he doesn't understand the medieval levels of secrecy around the ticketing process. And in New York City USA, it's the man who only has to look at a peek at not these days to turn it into a pie. It's John Oliver. Hello Andy.

Hello viewers. I hope you all had a good Easter, Passover or just weekend last week, depending on your beliefs or at least, depending on the beliefs that you're willing to pretend you have when family or chocolate is involved. Andy, you're back in a studio this week after last week recording from Inside Chris's house. And what was it like, journeying inside the DMZ of Chris's dwelling, Andy?

You must have felt like one of those journalists that managed to get inside North Korea. Is it just filled with gigantic statues honoring Chris and people averting their eyes or bursting into tears whenever he walks into the room. It's pretty much like that. To me it was like journeying not so much into Chris's house but into her anonymous Bosch's soul. I imagine that Chris spends most of his time parading around his house holding a nuclear weapon up in the air to send a message to the neighbourhood.

Well you've got to do that. And hack me otherwise. It is no no respect. It's like those Western journalists that are currently in Piong Yang to watch the missile launch. You can't get taken in by the propaganda. Sure, Chris probably offered you a cup of tea and tied it up his house so it looked nice. That's because it's what he wanted you to see, Andy.

If you scratch beneath the surface, there are probably millions of suffering people living in that house under his brutal regime. All I know is that he had George Galloway coming round for tea and that had to raise suspicion. Nice guy. Incidentally, some like breaking news that apparently the North Korean Missile launch has failed, which is an embarrassment to the North Korean leadership and extent, because they don't really, when you build yourself upon exceptionalism to that extent, you don't really give yourself

any buffer room for a rocket failing without looking unbelievably stupid. Could I, because it crashed into the sea. So, I mean, had they had a more experienced leader in charge, you would have just passed it off a saying, well, this is an anti-summarine missile that we're testing out, so it's all gone perfectly well. But I think the little fella's shown

his inexperience there, John. Well, it does show his inexperience because also the state television apparently just announced yeah, it failed. With Kim Jong Il, that would never have happened, sadly. Never whether it failed or not, you'd have had a journalist on TV say, try-unfant, try-unfant success. The rockets left the earth with the glorious leader Kim Jong-hil riding it like a pony. And then it returned for a perfect landing after orbiting Jupiter. And very little splash on entry, so that's going to get high marks on the judges as well. What I learned this week, John, I had a few days holiday down in Kent with my family. And we went to the zoo, and what I learn this week is that when one of your children

asks you at a zoo, the question, what do they feed the lions here? The correct answer is not necessarily an orty children. LAUGHTER Depending on how fractious and afternoon you want to have. LAUGHTER MUSIC Top story this week, presidential race update. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha this week as he presumably just couldn't bear to see it suffer anymore. He announced his run for office last year saying that God had told him to do it. Well, in the case

that God has now told him to step aside saying, I'm sorry about that whole YouTube run for office thing, Rick, we just thought it would be hilarious up here. That time that we had Hermencane and you leading in the polls was just so funny to see the look on your faces. Anyway, sorry for fucking with you, but if it's any consolation, you are absolutely hysterical. Anyway, look, I'd better go. We just need to mess with Gingrich a little bit more before that's all over. I'm sure I'll speak to you later. Toodles! Indeed, the Agatha Christie style page turning, who's going to do it?

Republican nomination race thriller, entitled, and then there was one, brackets well, technically there are still three, but realistically there is only one. Now has an answer, Mitt Romney is gonna do it. It's not the most thrilling thriller. Plot has been fairly predictable. Some of the main characters have been massively overwritten, and there has been some frankly ludicrously

unrealistic dialogue. No one actually talks like that, or talks about those things surely. Not surely? And Donald Trump was written out far too early to make it really entertaining, John. But Gingrich and Ron Paul are still hanging in there, like the last two residents in a condemned nursing home. So this is indeed now like a who've done a crime novel in which the guilty suspect is clear 150 pages in the end, but in which another character keeps claiming outlandishly that he did it, despite having a cast iron alibi proven beyond doubt that he didn't, and another

clearly innocent suspect gets mentioned once every 80 pages or so. Each time drawing the reaction from the reader, who was here again? I've forgotten he was in this book. So, Torum had so many wonderful moments, Andy. Let's try and focus on on the dishes that he brought to the crazy table who can forget when he argued against the size of clover change by saying there is no global warming and then saying the dangers of carbon dioxide tell that to a plant. Point made Andy. Point made not a good point made but a

point made nevertheless. Maybe he meant that you should just talk to a plant about the dangers of carbon dioxide, just like you should talk to teenagers about the dangers of drugs. That would actually make a lot more sense than what I think he was trying to say. Another of his greatest campaign hits, and you may want to wave your lighters in the air during this one, was this, I quote, you are black by the colour of your skin, you are not homosexual necessarily by the color of your skin. Undeniably true, Andy.

Undeniably true, I'm not sure that that needed to be said or necessarily should have been said, but that is a fact from big, Ricky Sets. Yes. Well, it's going to work with that, child. Not necessarily, anyway. Not necessarily. Right.

So it seems that America has looked a gift horse in the mouth with Rick Santorum and turned him away, probably because they weren't sure if he was actually a gift horse or one of the four horses of the apocalypse. Mitt Romney, as you say, looks like he's all but tied up through Republican nomination and that Republicans are going to have to do what women sometimes tell themselves they have to do and just settle Settle sure he may not be perfect. He may not be who you dreamed of ending up with He's not mr. Right, but look it's time to just suck it up and settle down

You could do a lot worse, right? Maybe sure besides as often just killed skin doesn't crawl when you see me You're doing the right thing hold on. what's that crawling feeling? Oh boy. And as you say, the only candidate left now are Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich. And Newt Gingrich is still in the race, either because he feels he can get as far as a broken convention or as is much more likely because he needs money,

because his campaign is enough f*** of a lot of debt. The Gingrich campaign recently bounced a $500 check for the filing fee for the June 26th Utah primary. That's a bad sign, Andy. That's very bad. And apparently his campaign is around $4.5 million in debt. Having said that, could Gingrich not argue that what is more American than being in a massive amount of debt? Does that not make him more quintessentially American than any of the

other candidates, especially Romney Andy, what better reflects a country that is $15 trillion in the whole? Mitt Romney or a man who's bouncing checks all over the place. That should be Gingrich's campaign slogan in Utah, Newt Gingrich 2012. Please don't cash this until next week. From Gingrich's perspective, he now has an ice horse's chance in the bowels of hell, grand national of winning. But you can see from his point of view, John, staying in the race. Well, A, it's a good way to meet potential new wives in case he decides he's another, do another free upgrade. That's a good point. And B, when you're his age,

it's good to have a hobby, John. Something that gets you out of the house and speculatively running for president and wasting money you don't have on something you can't possibly achieve. It's just as good as line dancing or crown green bowls or stamp collecting or trying to get your parrot to breed with your goldfish

so you can scare the living shit out of your grandchildren at Christmas. Well, that other staple of old age time passing, shouting at traffic. And in fact, campaigning for the Republican nomination is essentially indesernable from shouting at traffic, other than the fact that it is more expensive and generally slightly less coherent. For Romney's part, after a long hard primary campaign in which he was forced to pander to the right wing base of his party, he must now find a way to desperately crawl back to the middle

ground and hope that no one remembers the things that he's been saying over the last six months. The early battleground between Romney and the president seems to be waging over the female vote. There's been a tornado in a teacup over the last couple of days here. After comments made by democratic strategist Hillary Rosen about Mitt Romney's wife. She claimed that Anne Romney had never worked a day in her life. Now, Anne Romney did raise five children, and indirectly claiming that motherhood is not work,

even if you are married to a multi-millionaire, is not an incredibly clever thing to say, Andy. It's somewhere between not clever and electoral cyanide. LAUGHTER The White House immediately tried to distance itself from the comments, and Hillary Rosen herself quickly backtracked, like Michael Jackson on a moving walkway, saying,

as a mom, I know that raising children is the hardest job there is. As a pundit, I know my words on CNN last night were poorly chosen. I apologise to Anne Romney, and anyone else who was offended. there is. As a pundit, I know my words on CNN last night were poorly chosen. I apologized to Anne Romney and anyone else who was offended. At this point, conservatives occupied the moral high ground, which is their happiest spot for an ostentatious picnic. Unfortunately, even they found it hard to stay up there for long. After the RNC themselves had to quickly distance itself from

the Catholic League, a conservative group who attacked Hillary Rosen's comments by saying that lesbian Hillary Rosen had to adopt her kids while Anne Romney raised five of her own. Well, congratulations to both sides. You're both managed to make yourselves look like arseholes. Well, so having the moral high ground in American politics, I guess, is like climbing the tallest mountain in Holland.

It was still essentially pretty much below sea level. But Romney does now have a clear run into tackling the reigning US presidential election champion Barra Khabama, or as many Republicans still think of him, Muhammad Kiptonui. But the major concern for Romney, the Massachusetts Macchi of Ellie himself and for his supporters, must be that their man having power spewed so much vitriol and overcoming Santorum might actually have vitrioled himself out by the time he even

tries to chunder more vitriol, all over President Obama, who of course has his own lavish vitriol spewing machine at the ready for the battles ahead. So the results of the election, John, could depend on how successful Romney is in his latest vitriol raising drive. Because with an opinion poll deficit to overcome, the rules of modern democracy state that in order to fully dissolve Obama in his vitriol, I guess it, he will have to blast his vitriol at 330% of the pressure, 275% of the viscosity, twice the billiarsness and 400% of the splatter range that he's been blasting it at his own party.

So it's a tough task for Romney, John, tough task. That's racially somewhat disturbing question for all democracies, though. Has top level democracy now become the preserve only of those who have access to massive reserves of vitriol? What chance now for candidates who just want to debate the issues, but are power-hosted into oblivion by candidates with seemingly inexhaustible supplies of their own personal and big corporate vitriol resources?

Isn't democracy fun? We fought world wars for it. People have laid down their lives and freedoms for it. It has been held up as a beacon of hope for the oppressed and the disenfranchised, all with a distant expectation that one day a multi-millionaire vulture capitalist would have the right to the freedom and the inclination to spend millions and millions of dollars on advertisements savagely lampooning someone who essentially thinks exactly the same as him. George Washington must be spinning in his grave, John, and spinning so fast that he will probably

soon power drill his way out of it and find himself zooming around over America in a lower bit shouting, no you f**king num skulls, it wasn't supposed to be like this. GURR! GURR! GURR! GURR! GURR! GURR!

GURR! GURR! GURR! GURR! GURR! GURR! GURR! Georgie Cross Lion. Rrrr! Georgie wants zebra. Sorry, I'm getting off point. The point is... Rrrrrr! Is this what you did at the zoo in the weekend? So, yeah, I think to the zoo. Yeah.

Oh, and you've been personifying animals for too long, if you... LAUGHTER What has got that I've moved on from making my chicken noises whenever my wife suggests he might want another baby. Titanic news now and it is the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic disaster. Can you believe that Andy, it feels like only yesterday that the Titanic was not at the bottom of the ocean. It seems like only yesterday that it's very name

was not synonymous with complete catastrophe. There are so many events going on to commemorate. Everyone's favorite ocean calamity. There are cruises going out to the exact spot with the Titanic's tank. Some people are choosing to commemorate the anniversary by putting an extra piece of ice in their drink today. There have even been new reports on how many dogs were on the Titanic, Andy, and how many survived. The answer is 12 dogs, three survived.

There is a fact that you would do very well to instantly forget. I think they did slightly better than third class passengers in that case. It does show the social strata of the time. I'm going to say, you have to understand the complicated British class system at that time, which went upper class, middle class, dogs, cooks, third class. Sorry, luggage, third class. Sorry, luggage, third class. As he said, it is 100 years on tomorrow Saturday, as we record, late Saturday night since the Titanic, that most quintessentially British-ish ships, current joint world record holder for the

world's wettest tourist attraction, attempted to politely move an iceberg out of the way before its female passengers bumped into it. As you said, the 100th anniversary has been wetest tourist attraction attempt to do politely move an iceberg out of the way before its female passengers bumped into it. As you said, the 100th anniversary has been marked with various commemorations of the famous Nature One mankind mill, shown out of 1912, which followed swivel on the heels of nature's points victory over Captain Scott just a couple of weeks before. What a great year 1912 was for nature really exerting its privacy over human philosophy. I see nature. Yeah, I see nature really exerting its privacy over human- I see nature. Yeah, I see nature really landed some punches that year. There were 1300 passengers on the Titanic, on a 900 crew,

and the little incidents happened later at night. So statistically, it is almost certain that one of the passengers would have been getting a drink at one of the bars on the ship. And one of the bar staff must have said, would you like ice with that? The passenger would have said, yes please, crash, not that much. That must have happened. That must have happened. If it didn't, it should have done Andy, and that's the much broader point here.

The movie Titanic featuring Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio and the ghost of Celine Dion has been re-released in 3D so that you can now enjoy the reenacted deaths of an actual 1,500 people in a whole extra dimension. But China have exercised their twitchy censorship finger again. As they've apparently censored Kate Winslet's breasts from the film, thus removing what many people

would consider to be the movie's only redigming quality. LAUGHTER All I'm saying, Andy, is that Titanic is a long boring movie to not have Kate Winslet's breast in it. James Cameron knew that. That's why they were in there in the first place. I don't know why China finds that so difficult to understand. There was a statement from an official of China's State Administration of Radio Film and Television, the organisation behind

the censorship, apparently saying, considering the vivid 3D effects, we fear that viewers may reach out their hands for a touch and thus interrupt other people's views. To avoid potential conflicts between viewers and out of consideration of building a harmonious ethical social environment, we've decided to cut off the nudity scenes. Now you might think that can't be a real statement, Capit. And you'd actually be right, but you'd also have put more thought into it than any of the news agencies that reported that statement as a fact yesterday. It was literally too good to be true, but I guess it was so good that people like MSNBC here thought it was too good to be false as well and just ran with it anyway. Apparently it was basically a joke on

someone's website that got out of hand, and everyone thought, oh, let's just assume that the Chinese actually said that, because you know, that's stupid. Oh, I was just saying that didn't actually happen to him, because that would have been the most roundabout way of saying to a girl, you've got a cracking per. The Chinese state attempting to chat up, Kate Winslet. If it's the ultimate compliment for Kate Winslet, that's right. The largest emerging economy on the planet is saying,

listen, love, we just can't have them. It's no good. I mean, it's too good. That's the- oh, pepper. Now, some people are holding special viewing parties of the movie, one screening, took place in a swimming pool where people watched in period clothing sitting in rowing boats on the water amongst dry ice. And I wonder if, when people were floating in the frozen ocean a hundred years ago, waiting for rescue or death? I wonder if they were thinking, oh, in a hundred years' time, do you think anyone will remember us?

How do you think they will do that? With a solemn ceremony? Or with a re-release of a highly profitable blockbuster film? But with added controversy about the whaps being taken out. Or do you think people will watch that movie in rowing boats in a swimming pool so they can better enjoy the experience of watching actors pretend to be in the living hell that we're currently experiencing? Or do you think it will be with commemorative mugs? I think it will be with commemorative mugs. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to die now.

Well, let's be fair, the people who are using the swimming pool for their reenactments will be drowning three dogs out of the four who are attending. three dogs out of the four who are attending. It's, well listen, if you want to feel closer to the movie, then that's the kind of thing you have to do. That's right. Well, what was the Titanic's legacy now? It's where a hundred years on, we can view it with a bit of objectivity. Well, I guess one lesson learned was that ships should probably take a bit more care,

not to slam SNOUT first into ice books. No longer consider a right of passage for a new ship to prove how tough and masculine it is by ramming a iceberg. So I guess that's a step forward. I guess we've also learned not to ignore warnings that there might be ice bugs in the way that Titanic apparently ignored six ice warnings. And again, that is a very British level of stubbornness.

I don't know, we cannot possibly inconvenience the ship. I'm sure everything will be fine. Also, there were only enough lifeboats for one third of stubbornness. I don't know, we cannot possibly inconvenience the ship. I'm sure everything will be fine. Also, there were only enough lifeboats for one third of the passengers. Now with hindsight, that does look like an administrative howler, but in those days, these kind of things just gave you the added opportunity

to be even more British about stuff. Don't know how I insist after you. No, no, no, please don't mind me. I'm waterproof. Now, no, you first, I'm descended from fishes, I'll probably be fine. No, really, I've always wanted to know what whales talk about when they're under the sea and we can't lip read them, so this could be the perfect opportunity to find out. Tell you what, why don't we make this one more fun?

Let's go erase to the bottom, lose us by the drinks. Tally Ho, want to take a bite of your wife and children? No, no, wouldn't want to interfere. Right, three, two, one, splosh. We've also learned, if you're a nearby ship, do not ignore distress signals, mentioning no names, the SS Callifornian. And I've got a bit of new observational material about the Titanic as well. It's never a strong point as you and Ferris or audience is well known, but I've thought of most sideways into observational. I'll tell you another way in which men and women are different.

Women, well they would probably survive an early 20th century naval disaster, but men, they'd almost certainly die. What's up with that? It needs a bit of fine tuning probably, but it was, it was 185 women and children survived in first and second class, only 18 died, but of men, 71 survived, 272 died. Pretty quiet about that, Mrs. Pankhurst, didn't we? I think, John, if women won equal prize money at Wimbledon, they should have died in the equal quantities on the Titanic. Take that, Billie Jean King. I think that's a fair point, Andy. There was that technique at around the time

of women and children first. Apparently, shivalry on the Titanic led to 70% of women and children surviving, while only 20% of men escaped alive. Now, the art of shivalry now, Andy, is dead. It died alongside the 80% of men that day. And next time you don't hold a door open for a woman, you should turn around and scream at them through the closed door. I'm not

doing this because it starts here, doesn't it? It starts here and it ends with me drowning in a frozen Atlantic ocean. Unbelievable. Also, more British people died than Americans on the Titanic, and because a study was really saying that at that point in time, British people were more polite while Americans were more assertive. But Americans should not feel bad. Andy about their ancestors elbowing our ancestors out of the way, because that was ultimately a truly honorable death for the British people on board that of the way, because that was ultimately a truly honorable death for the British people on board that ship, Andy,

because for Vikings to enter Valhalla, they had to die violently with the sword in their hand. For British people to enter British Heaven, we have to do so, basically, completely unnoticed without causing too much of a cup of four. And we did that day, Andy. We did. So I guess the only question remaining with a Titanic now is could it be repaired?

Well, strange things have happened, John. Actually, I'm not sure that strange things have happened. But if ever there was a time for the Titanic to be fixed, it has to be now. There must be some ludicrous oil shake or Russian fuel gawk who wants something other than a football club to piss his people's money away on. And the Titanic, John, arguably only slightly more of a wreckage of its former self than Fernando Torres was when a bram of its bought in for Chelsea. So I think this could be

on the cards. And it's worth thinking about this as well. Yeah. There were some quite prominent people on the Titanic when it went down, some industrialists and even one former first-class cricket had died on the Titanic. And it makes you think, if that had happened today, which celebrities would have been on the Titanic. And, well, I've done some research into this. And these celebrities who would have been on it include the rapper and activist Usher, the BBC tennis host Subarca, and the film star Kelly McGillis. Now, none of them would have died because the old school women and children first has been superseded by celebrities first, but still. Yes.

I think that puts it all in some kind of perspective. They've got to America late and those celebrities would have been inconvenienced. In many ways, that's a much larger tragedy than what actually happened. Could I ask who the first class cricketer was and what his batting and bowling averages were? There you go, Andy. Oh, I've disappointed, I thought you'd know. He was quite... He shouldn't have to look it up Andy. That's quite obscure. His name was John Fayer and he played seven matches that are now regarded as first-class

cricket matches, all of them for the Philadelphia Cricket Club in America. Good side. He scored 138 runs in those seven matches and took six wickets. His best was three for 17. Unspectacular career from JB Thayer, but still all my first-class cricket. Of course his final statistic was cotton bowl ice book. Ha ha ha. BELL RINGS BELL RINGS Bugal feature section now and expensive art. It's been a great week for expensive art, John. Edward Munches the Scream is going on show in London. It's set to be auctioned in May

and has expected to fetch $80 million at the auction in New York. Now the screen, it's one of four versions of the screen, the one that's going on show and being sold, it's a pastoral version and a very famous picture and it kind of, you know, we can all relate to it because, you know, look at the face of the person in the screen man, you think, well, we've all had gigs like that, sorry, we've all had days like that. person in the screen, and you think, well, we've all had gigs like that. Sorry, we've all had days like that. Edward Munch, also known by his nicknames Eddie the easel, Teddy chomp chomp, Percy pallet and the flying flipcharts, the origins of which remained obscure. He passed without this

version in 1895, and no one is sure exactly what the subject is. It's thought to be either a man who just remembered that he'd forgotten the eggs at the shop and was supposed to be cooking a carbonara for his girlfriend for dinner or it was a woman who'd just seen a man wearing socks with sandals, what a fashion faux pas, or it could have been Aisha Kago Cubs fan. I guess we'll never fully know. Four versions of the screen exists, although new research suggests that, a munch was in fact trying to paint different noises but they all ended up looking the same. The pastel version on cell was supposed to be the Yelp. A lithograph version had been provisionally entitled The Woop.

A second painted version was known as the man who had just dubbed his toe on a priceless Ming vase. It's also thought that if the screen is bought by an American buy, it will be renamed so that young Americans can understand it better as OMG. Oh God that's depressing. Also for sale at the Impressionists and modern arts, evening sale in New York on the 2nd of May, you're going to go to that John, you've got a couple of spare walls in your flat, I'll notice when I'll show you.

Yeah, definitely. It would look great there, so I'll probably go in big early on. Get it moving. I would be nice to just go in and put the first bid on, wouldn't it? Yeah. Just go in. $20. OK, bye.

Now, it's amazing the amount of money these pictures go for. John, some would say that $50 million for a piece of expressionist art is a lot of money. I think that's a lot. Other people say that's snowing near enough for a piece of art history. I mean, it might seem a lot, but in context, it's nothing. Some would even say for expressionist art.

It's a pull-cly-some pull-cly. No. Others would say this. Oh, my God, Andy. Others would say this. It's too no. Others would say this. Oh, come on, I don't know what to say. Come on, it's too soon. Others would say it's too soon. No, Andy, come on. Come on, I feel like it's been too soon.

What did it, it's painted it nearly 120 years ago. Others would say it's way too much to pay for a painting. I mean, who are these people wasting all this money? They must be complete and Otto Dix. I told my wife to see an exhibition of expressness art recently. Okay, okay, that, we, okay. I hate myself saying this. I quite enjoyed that one. But that is a one off. Andy, we still get on. Even a stopped clock till the right time. Twice a day. We still have not a 24 hour clock. We still get on even after 15 years

together, my wife. Honestly, we're still friends, Mark, my words. It's Franz Mark, it's not really more obscure than, anyway, we went to the cafe for lunch to start. I had a cheese roll finished with pickle. Rollthnese, now that was a new name for me to be honest, John. Rollthnese. My wife ordered a straight bacon sandwich,

but when it came, it had egg egg on she left it on her plate egg on she left there you must know him did pictures of ladies with her bits out no of course not all the paintings were good there was one really stupid painting of left over food containers hurtling down a mountainside really stupid painting it was silly canton skiing but was silly can can okay that's a bit of a stretch. I'll give you that, canton ski fans out there. But my wife enjoyed the exhibition. It's good when you have a lady friend who likes that kind of thing. It marks your girl out as being in touch with her artistic side.

We went to the souvenir shop. My wife would really love it. It's a lovely looking thing to keep her keys on. Yep, really, a handsome key fob. A handsome key fob, German neo-expressionist. So, to be honest, I've got Wookie P to thank for that one. I would have known one of handsome key for paintings that came up on neo-expressionizing me right under face.

But the bugle is the only, only new source prepared to take this issue on. There are some celebs at the exhibition too, John. I still going, he's still going, Andy, he's still going. Okay. On the way out we passed Michael Jackson, Jesse Jackson, and Glender Jackson being surveyed on which expressionist artists they liked the best. It was neck and neck, they just couldn't decide.

No, this isn't going to a Jackson Pollock reference. There was a real Jackson Poll lock. Oh. So on the way, home we saw the film saw Daniel Day Lewis driving his lucky automobile. You know the one that he drove to pick up his Academy Award in 2007? The ad specially modified with a cudgel under the steering wheel to smack him in the penis if he ever drove too fast.

That's right, he was in his Oscar Cosh Car. Oh come on, that's worth something, isn't it? Oscar Cosh Car. If a focus carefully enough, I'm not here. That's it. Sorry. You need almost Buddhist levels of meditation at this point, Chris. I'm sorry about these times. Especially because you need something that is going to will you towards non-violence. I'm sorry, but I mean the word...

This is a medical thing. A lot of people have emailed in suggesting I could be suffering from whistle sucked. That's a medical condition that makes the sufferer disposed to make puns. So that could be that, you know, this is the oil making light of my affliction. And I think it might get worse with age. Yep. A mill and older than I used to be.

There's a little emil-nolder joke for a year. Fans? Fans of it. Andy, there's no audience for this. No, I'm sorry. Do I need you? You're appealing to nobody. No, I need to be appealing to nobody. I just think... I think it's... Why did Hillary and Tentson climb Everest?

Because it was their John. And I've made those puns because they weren't there before, and they are there now. It's going to be impossible for all of us to understand Andy, and his desire to do this. And I know that many of us, you know, have understandable feelings of disbelief and anger when he starts going through these lists of verbal atrocities.

I will just say this in Andy's defence. I think it's important for us to remember that it seems with Andy you cannot have a flying George Washington acting like a lion without also having whatever those puns are YIN to the YAN I don't even know I know nothing about expressionist art John But I like to feel that I've now encouraged our listeners to take more of an interest in it Yeah, and Emil Nolder was probably not on many people's radar before that.

True. I think we've got to keep these memories alive. And now like a Pavlovian response, every time anyone here is the name Emil Nolder, they're just going to instinctively feel angry and betrayed. Come on, the Oscar, the Oscar one was quite good. I mean, come on. And I took a photo of you during that run and you look so happy. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tweet that later on.

It's the only language. It's like your version of the Mona Lisa smile Andy. It's all enigmatic. The End of the Classic. The End of the Classic. Your emails now, and we have an email here saying, dear Andy, Chris and John, in order of whom, I think we'll make the funniest joke about this article. Well, let's see, let we have an email here saying, dear Andy, Chris and John, in order of whom, I think will make the funniest joke about this article.

Well, let's see, let's see about that, shall we? I came across this article while reading Twitter today, and I just had to share it. Although I haven't personally seen the Smurfs, wait, what? I just don't think I can agree with this line in the article. And she's linked, Andy, to an article with the headline, Mom, who had one too many at Smur's Movie With Daughter Please No Contest. Basically, a mother was pulled over drunk, Andy, while driving,

because she had taken her daughter to watch The Smurf's Movie, as all mothers should. And the police found a bottle of vodka in her purse and a blood alcohol level tested at 0.35. The police officer said, I know the smurfs can be tough, but they can't be that tough. Listen, listen, you don't need alcohol to enjoy the smurfs, Andy. You might need methadone, but you don't need alcohol. And let me tell you, as someone who recently started work on Smurf's too.

I can say that woman, she better start herself a nice little heroin habit to get ready for the blockbuster that is coming her way summer 2013. So what work have you started on it? Well, I did some, well, I've had as much work as last time, Andy. I did... Vanity Smurf is back. That's all I'm saying. That's all I can say at this point, Andy. Vanity Smurf is coming back.

Summer 2013, bring your drunk children. Oh, no, get drunk and bring your children. We have a carpooling system for parents who have to take their kids to the designated driver. You know what I mean if you just do, you know what I have to, you should want to. Well half a billion dollars, numbers don't lie. They miss lead but they don't lie. They miss lead but they don't lie. Brianna finishes the emails saying, I would never condone drinking and driving, but I would say that drinking might be the only way for anyone to make it through the whole movie. You haven't seen the movie Brianna! Don't criticize what you don't understand. This email comes in from the wonderful name Gourash Koss, who

writes, dear J.A.N.C. in order of how likely you are to become exiled from China. Well, that's happened the air, isn't it? Up in the air. As long as I can remember, I've been proud of my surname Koss, which in my native Slovenian language means Blackbird. The surname is also shared by such remarkable things as the US Corporation cost pharmaceuticals, characters in the game of thrones and Norwegian Olympic medalists. A few years ago when I still had a noteworthy job and was visiting around on business for the first time, a gracious business partner had informed me just before I was about to make a public presentation that my last name costs means *** in Colourquil Farsi. that my last name, Kos, means in colloquial falsity. Whoa!

Startled, I had to quickly alter my presentation, so at no point mentioned my full name, and I'm made sure no matter how far the occasion had been, that I mentioned it only my first name. So now condemned only a one word name in Iran, I share the same fate as Madonna and Prince, where a higher power is made sure that we will never again make public appearances

in that country again. You're truly gotrished. Cots. Is that why Madonna and Prince only have one name? Yeah. Because their surname's are like, **** ****. Yeah.

Wow. You're making your own bleeping work now, Chris. You're doing it to yourself. This is self sabotage. Well, I've got a load to put in anyway. What's the theme, or, you know? Do keep your emails coming in to info at thebugelpodcast.com. Sport now and well, it's been an amazing time in Britain, John.

The boat race last weekend. Did it make much of a splash in America? Unless you're referring to the Titanic, no. I mean, you were referring to the Titanic anniversary. Which I guess was a race in a way? Well, it was, it was lead new to the last weekend. That usually the boat race just involves two teams of tall, skinny, foreign post-grad students

pegging it up the terms and a desperate attempt to prove that boats are still better than cars. What's the rest of it? The country busies itself and not giving a students pegging it up the terms in a desperate attempt to prove that boats are still better than cars, whilst the rest of the country busied itself not giving a flying **** about it. But not this year, John. This was the most controversial contest in British history since the famous 1649 showdown that ended King Charles Nill Axe 1. It all kicked off when Hoxford's rowing in there now trademark 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 tiny little one formation.

We're neck and neck with Cambridge their old rivals. When all of a sudden a man's head appears in the water. Excellent, I thought a lot of BBC have souped up their coverage with some mid race on the spot interviewing. And I waited for Gary Linnaker to pop up and ask, so you're halfway through the race, you still haven't thrown your breadcrumbs in the water for the ducks, what's gone wrong?

But it wasn't that, do I have speculation, what could it possibly be? Was it a Titanic centenary fan who'd forgotten his pantomime as iceberg outfit? Or was it Jesus shouting, hi, sorry I'm late, I was supposed to get here in the 1930s, but something f***ed up. It wasn't that, it was a 35 year old man, John,

protesting against the concept of privilege, which was a strange way to do it, John, to basically risk your head getting sliced off by an awe. But that's how he chose to do it. And it's not really the time or the place. Empty could have nailed his nuts to Buckingham Palace or stood at the end of Downing Street shouting, if we're all in it together,

how come all of you dream of shooting rhinoceros at point-black range for fun. But protesting against the boat race is really only protesting against people who suffer the knee-psychological condition that makes them want to sit in a boat for hours and hours on end, going backwards at medium speed towards nowhere in particular. The main problem though was that security consented raised ahead of the Olympics, and people were worried worried what if the same thing happened during 2012? What if a man in a mull out of it borrowed up through the trek and tripped up Usain Bolt? What if Tom Daly was standing on the 10 meter board above the water ready to leap to glory when he looked down and so on a skate shark and a pool with a handkerchief round its neck saying, yum, I mean we can't

take that risk, John. We cannot take that risk. So anyway, the boats, the race restarted. The boats jousted like Randy Dolphins, Oxford, Brokenore. Then could a seven-ord boat be an eight-ord boat? Well, could a three-legged horse win the Grand National? Does a one-legged Pope shit in the woods? No, of course it couldn't.

And then, okay, there's one. But it was highly dramatic and the man was hauled to the shore. It turned out it was in fact Elvis Presley and his first words were what year is it, all our members falling down my toilet after having that massive burger. Well is it for this week's Bugle thanks Thanks again to SoundCloud for generously hosting us. You can find us on SoundCloud. Oh shit. Andy, what the f*** site? What's the name of the address of the page?

SoundCloud. This is willful incompetence. It's not a calm slash the hyphen bugle. Okay. You can find us at, you can find our SoundCloud page at soundcloud.com slash the hyphen bugle. How's that Chris? Was that bang on the banana? It was close enough.

Close enough. Close enough to the banana. It's not sound cloud and bugle in, and look at all the other amazing things on SoundCloud. And it's safe, good, safe, good, safe. clouds and bugle in and look at all the other amazing things on cloud and it's safe. Good safe. Good safe. And do follow the at hello bugle Twitter feed for up to dates updates on what's happening in the world and gigs that I'm doing that I need people to come to

including this coming Wednesday at the other belly in London, the 18th April. I'll see all of you there. John, you're coming for that one. Yes and no. I mean no. Thanks, Bugleers. Happy Titaniversary. We'll speak to you next week. Bye!