The Bugle - Bugle 206 – The President is not a gremlin

Episode Date: September 21, 2012

Andy and John provide the latest from Democrapalooza, offer the latest smart phone reviews, reveal what a vicar should never sing at a funeral, place lies into categories and discuss the latest waparazzi news Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugleers and welcome a little belatedly to issue 206 of the Bugle for the Wheat Beany Monday, the 24th of September 2012 with me and his ultimate in London 2012. Shhh. Shhh. Can you hear that soft, sweet sound? That is the echo of Jessica Ennis' stomach breathing It's not over yet. And joining me in New York City, a man who has been to two more party conventions that he had since he last spoke to you so could well be a broken shell of a human being who can

no longer see the good in people or understand the concept of hope. It's the whole helicopter of hilarity himself. John Oliver. Hello Andy. Hello, Bueglers. We are back. Or to be more specific, I am back. I understand that Andy has been laying down micro-bueglers like an incontinent hen over the last couple of weeks. But we're back. The dream team is back together. Andy, we're not guring and himmler. You might not know what we do. You might not like what we do, but you cannot fail to be impressed with the extent to which we're getting away with it. No.

Oh dear, that could be the final straw that sees my aged grandmother off this planet. That's right. People have apologized for my absence over the last few weeks. As Annie mentioned, I was with the daily show at both political conventions here, both the DNC and the RNC, desperately trying to keep my solar life whilst simultaneously being aware that there was a dead canary in the centre of my chest. And then last week I was at Christian Charles Wedding in the Colorado Mountains,

which was absolutely fantastic. It is the first time I've been at a wedding in the mountains, and it's even more the first time that I've seen the wedding party flanks down the aisle by two actual llamas in bow ties. Nothing says I'm about to get married more than two llamas in formal dress, and the, or at least it doesn't from now on

as far as I'm concerned. It was a really happy day, and it was basically the perfect antidote to the previous two weeks of political skull-duggery and grandstanding known as the party conventions. Otherwise known as economic proof that America spends way too much on elections. Why Andy? Because they are a hugely expensive two-week extrafaganza of next to nothing. It really is incredible how much passion, money and balloons go into presenting that nothing. It's like if in the Emperor's New

Clothes the Emperor wasn't just naked but had painted his penis in gold paint and was swinging it around to the cheers of the crowd. That's what being at the conventions felt like, Andy. Well, it seemed to me that just watching from afar, I mean, I guess what I could pick up from it was that the Democrats seemed really big fans of Barack Obama, but the Republicans less so, they seem to prefer Mitt Romney only just. I was actually in the arena at the RNC when Clint Eastwood began talking to an empty chair. And it was a strange feeling, as thousands of people around me started wooting and laughing and cheering. It was a really odd feeling to be seemingly

the only one thinking, hold on guys, I think this might be fucking awful. I think this might actually be one of the most embarrassing things I've ever witnessed first hand, because it actually made even less sense in person than it did on TV, Andy. But you wouldn't know that from the reception in that arena, because as far as they were concerned,

they were witnessing a Gettysburg adress to furniture. Ha, ha, ha. But perhaps the biggest letdown of the whole two weeks was the fact that President Obama's stadium speech on the last day of the DNC was canceled due to weather. Instead, they held it indoors in a much smaller arena. Now that's a huge climb down, Andy. Americans gave up just because they didn't want to get their president wet. I think they're mistaking the president for

a gremlin, Andy. He'd have been fine. In fact, what would have been more majestic than seeing Obama delivering a speech soaked to the skin. Did we back down when a monsoon struck the Queen's Jubilee? Did we f***? Andy, we made a standout side during a tropical storm because we know there is nothing funnier than a wet queen. And if the queen can get wet, if an 86 year old woman can stand up to rain, then soak in a 51 year old president.

Shame on you, America. It does this go back to the whole William Henry Harrison debacle, John. It must do. It must do. 1841 when he spoke for so long is inorgeration that he got a cold and died a month later. Yeah, he was assassinated by temperature. Clearly what a bomb was worried about. Well, John, I saw Clint Eastwood a lot more positively than you, but then I spent quite

a lot of my career, particularly with the Edinburgh Festival, talking to empty chairs. So I think it was going. This is Buegel 206. 206, of course, the number of consecutive table tennis matches won by Vice President Millard Fillmore in the White House in 1850 before he finally reported that President Zachary Taylor had died. Our reckoning was still alive for the first 10 or 15 said Philmore is an orgyration and he had no answer to my slice. 206 also the number of decoy breasts that Queen Elizabeth the first had to prevent her real breasts being painted by a hidden easin portrait at so

very sensible precaution. And this is for the week beginning Monday the 24th of September 2012. John on this day in 1664, centimetres away from where you are currently sitting on your special Google recording throne, the Dutch surrendered new Amsterdam to us, British, it's right for owners who soon did the decent thing and renamed it's New York City and open a hot dog van and the rest is history. Are there big celebrations, John in New York, two mark, the historic handover of New York, two breads?

Yeah, absolutely. Only people are setting fire to ceremonial clogs in the streets. The Dutch, that's the triumphant croit goes up across the Tri-State area today. The Dutch. Because there was certainly, obviously, a great day for New York, but very bad day for American soccer. As always, this section of the bugle going straight in the bin, this week, Smartphones, the reviews of the latest smartphones, the hits, and increasingly competitive marketplace, including the HTC Dunknugget.

Model on across between Steve McQueen's fist and Lucy Lawless' elbow, the Dunknugget is designed to be semi-immersible in boiling liquids, enabling you to make calls and to interactive gaming whilst having a cup of tea. Impress your friends by calling them from a steaming mug of lapsang su-shong using sub-aguatic audio technology modelled on a dolphin snout. The HTC have corrected the bug in last year's Fontlor IPN22, widely reviewed as an unnecessarily arrogant uber smartphone, which resulted in the Irish recognition software only working with eyeballs that have been removed from their owners heads.

Also the Apple iBrick 4bS, very much like a normal brick but wireless and smooth, the iBrick cannot be used for telephone calls and has no internet capability, but it's very useful for building walls or houses. And unlike most smartphones, it's actually enhanced by being smeared with mortar. Big enough not to fit in most pockets, the iBric is both more solid and more fire-at-art than either the Samsung Plank of Wood 3.2 or the Nokia Wattledore 54i. The iBrig comes in at a bargain 99 Pents per unit or 399 pounds 99 for a pallet of 500. Also we review the Motorola Yum Yum. Motorola's first fully edible phone, the Yum Yum, has been described by the Sunday Times Food

Critic AA Gill as a tasty post-prandial bonus to chomp on once you've ordered your taxi home reminiscent of a top-end fig roll or a melted croissant. Although £35 per month on most tariffs, you won't want to eat it until the last month of your contract. And finally, the Samsung Elvis Phone 6.8 comeback special, an eagerly awaited return for the Elvis Phone after several years in the wilderness. Now with enhanced crew and technology and reduced hip swivel, the 6.8 promises to outsell the Blackberry Tony Bennett 5, but question marks remain over its durability and firmwares longevity. Do not use on the toilet. That section in the bin.

Top story this week, US election news, Democca Paloza 2012 Yes, Andy, the US presidential campaign has begun. Now, you might be thinking, well, hold on. Wasn't the first Republican candidate back in May 2011? So, hasn't this already been going on for 16 months? Well, technically, yes. But that was just electoral dry-humping, Andy. This is where things get really hot and heavy.

And Mitt Romney has had a bad, bad week on the campaign this week. Now, on the one hand, he's probably very upset about that. On the other hand, luckily, he still has a personal fortune of hundreds of millions of dollars, so that should help make the pillar a little easier for him to swallow. He doesn't so much have a safety net as a safety mattress stuffed with 300 million single dollar bills Ron even came YouTube's latest victim putting him in another exclusive club in his life this time one that includes Kramer from Seinfeld And the testicles of thousands of errant skateboarders He was caught on camera at a $50,000 of plate fundraiser back in May

Which is already a little awkward in terms of optics in the current economy here in the US, unless part of that meal is a check for $49,000. The point is, during a speech, or a raw unicorn testicle. It's, during a speech, no one would begrudge that. He was recorded talking about poor people with the tone of a Dickensian villain saying and I quote

There are 47% of the people who will vote for the president no matter what There are 47% who are with him who are dependent on government who believe that that they are victims who believe that government has the Responsibility to care for them who believe that they're entitled to health care to food to housing My job is not to worry about those people. I've never convinced them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives. Wow, Andy. I don't think I've ever heard a sentence that feels more like it featured the word peasants even though it technically didn't. He sounds like a French aristocrat. He should be wearing a powdered wig and a beauty spot and standing next to a topiary kangaroo.

He might have been holding up a great big placard saying I didn't really want to move to Washington anyway. But so I guess he's a little politically indelicate, Mitt Romney, and a kind of eating babies at a christening way. But it seems that he's also kind of delusional that possibly entirely unhinged because that doesn't seem a great deal of factual background as he wrote off the poor, the old, the sacked, those left jobless due to the financial shittery of people like him,

who are up the economic food chain, the disabled, war veterans, people who've bafflingly chosen to devote their lives and careers to something other than the generation of mega-wealth. That is quite a large chunk of American society to basically just completely write off. Now, it's either very stupid or extremely confident because when there's only 53% of the population left, he must be pretty damn sure he can get at least 50% of those 53%. So, you're right, in less than 30 seconds, he managed to insult at least 47% of the

population. That's pretty good going in any presidential candidate who wanted to torpedo their campaign would be happy with a number like that, but did Mitt Romney stop there? Well, as the Mormon himself would swear Andy, did he heck? He also managed to insult the vital Latino and Jewish voting blocks to block your freckles. You'll go, there you go. You hadn't even got to the sh of Jewish there, Andy, before you've had a bloggedly responded. Oh, no, it's not in the Latino.

So I did a classic delivery, small the Latin thing. Those are two blocks that you are frankly going to need if you're gonna win Florida, which, electronically speaking that you are frankly going to need if you're going to win Florida, which, electrically speaking, you pretty much have to. Of his panics, he said, my dad, as you probably know, was the governor of Michigan and was head of a car company, but he was born in Mexico. And had he been born of Mexican parents, I'd have a better shot at winning this, but he was unfortunately born to Americans living in Mexico.

I mean, I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino. Well, no, it wouldn't, mate. It wouldn't be helpful to be Latino for you at all, and that's partially down to people like you, because if Mitt Romney was born to Mexicans, he technically already be asking himself to self-deport right now.

Now, of Palestinians, he technically already be asking himself to self-deport right now. Now of Palestinians, he said that they, and again I quote, have no interest whatsoever in establishing peace, and then suggested that he would not press for two state solutions, saying we have a potentially volatile situation, but we sort of live with it, and we kick the ball down the field and hope that ultimately, somehow, something will happen and resolve it. down the field and hope that ultimately somehow something will happen and resolve it. I mean, on one hand Andy, that might be the most honest answer any American politician has ever given for a long time. His policy on the Middle East is essentially, ah, f*** it, it pretty much f***ed anyway.

What's the kind of clear-eyed precision you want from a president, John? I mean, It does race. Question marks about how he would do as an American football coach. All right, boys. Cook it. And then just wait around. I hope for the best. One, two, three, go team!

This last two months has basically featured Mitt Romney insulting everyone. When he insulted the Olympics, British people were up in arms. Little deep we know that we would only be the first line on the back of his insult tour 2012 T-shirt. They should actually get some of those T-shirts made, Andy. Insult tour July 2012, Britain and Poland. August 2012, poor people. September 2012, Latinos, veterans, old people, Jews, Palestinians, people in wheelchairs, and at least 47% of the American population. I can't wait to see what his October tour dates are, Andy. He is coming for you, the armish.

But it's very difficult for Romney to be seen, to share the concerns of ordinary Americans. I guess the closest he can claim to have come to understanding the difficulties faced by ordinary Americans stems from having seen the looks on their faces when he sacked them. And that's possibly not quite enough, John, to see him through. I mean, I guess it's a tough situation that you can either claim with this video, taking up this very expensive fundraising to it. You can claim that he didn't mean it, in which case he looks like a fecalist tool to say anything to anyone if he thought it would benefit him, which actually isn't actually a bad quality to have as a president, or you can claim that he did actually mean it, which just makes him look like a f***. So I guess maybe he's just appealing to call Republican voters, I don't know. Well, he's hit back at the video saying that he stands

by its contents, although he admits that his sentiments were not elegantly stated. But here's the problem, Andy. He's never sounded more comfortable than he did in that video. He's no touristy as stiff man who has struggled to emotionally connect with people, but in that video, for the first time I've ever seen him, his shoulders were relaxed, he sounded completely at home, and you realise that is where he's truly happiest, at dinners where each person is paying $50,000 and you get to whine about poor people. As a result his poll numbers have been sinking like a lead octopus and his popularity has not just gone through the floor but he's personally kicked it down the stairs

into a special dungeon. It does seem John that socially that socially, runny has the delicate touch of a randy rhinoceros in a china shop full of figurines of hot lady rhinoceroses. And he's better empathetic as a vicar at a funeral, jumping up onto the edge of his pulpit, wearing a replica grim reaper kit, sticking his arms in the air and shouting, woooooooooooooooooooooooo can't breathe, you can't sing, you can't do a f***ing thing! Underground, underground, you're lying in a book, saying you're going underground, underground, where's your pals gone? Where's your pals gone? Stand up if you're not a corpse. Stand up if you're not your cold your stiff your family is quite moved.

You're dead. Eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee-e-eee-e-eee-e-e-e-e-eee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e But you'll be gobbled up by where I'm sorry else you'll decompose Rick Man we will now sing him number 216 your dead and you know you are He's like that Vicar John that is what he's like God and it you made just have made the next funals that all of us go to a little awkward. Well, I know what I should not shout now. So I should definitely not shout that even though every pulse in my body wants me to. The point is, campaign season has begun and you'd all better brace yourselves for six weeks of premium grade bullshit. I'm talking platinum nonsense and it can get a bit confusing at time so let me help you.

You're going to see and hear a lot of things over the next month and a half that sound a lot like lies and you might find yourself wondering about how the hell these campaigns can get away with some of them but the truth is that not all lies are the same. There is a hierarchy of lies, some are allowable with some of them. But the truth is that not all lies are the same. There is a hierarchy of lies. Some are allowable, some are not. There's actually a scientifically measurable scale of fibs that ranges from utter and total bullshit. That's the worst.

And it sends down through Wopper's junior, lies, white lies, and Santa. Now, that last one, of course, is the most acceptable form of lie, available it, a lighter children to help make the world a bit more bearable like the tooth fairy, where we light a children by saying that, a magic fairy is going to leave you money under your pillow for your tooth, rather than telling them the actual truth, which is of course that a tooth fell out of your head and one day everyone you know will die. White lies. That's basically

been the foundation of the European economy for the last 20 years. White lies, that's the next step up, are lies that people will look the other way for things like, you know, padding out your CV to get a job and claiming or not claiming fart ownership, stuff that everyone does. Actual lies are lies that could really hurt somebody, stuff like she's just a friend, or the facts in a Texas textbook. A Wopper, Jr. is a big lie, but one which no one really cares enough

to do anything about something like, I'm sorry officer, but that hobo was dead when he climbed into the boot of my car. As far as the police are concerned, on one hand, yes, someone is dead. On the other hand, it's just a hobo. Then you have actual whoppers, a lot of big enough that the collective unconscious accepts something like a multivitamins or anyone can be president. And then finally, there is total bullshit, something that is completely devoid of anything

resembling a fact, but that is still somehow hugely entertaining. I think of something like an Oliver Stone biopic where you find yourself thinking, wow, I'm pretty sure that Lyndon Johnson did not strangle John F. Kennedy today, but I definitely enjoyed watching it. What a poor Ryan fell in this scale done with his claim to have broken the world marathon record. Yeah, I guess that would probably come around the... Yeah, that would probably go down... You know, around your Wopper Jr.

Right, you bet. Around there, that and the fact that he also said he had 6% body fat. Which, yeah, I mean, that's a lie, but who gives a shit? And whose body was that fat taken from? That's all I, but who gives a shit? Yep. And whose body was that fat taken from? That's all I wanted, no? Ha, ha. But, um, did he, has Romney got any chance, John? I mean, it seems that he's only really a hope hooker.

Yes, he does, do you? Yes, he does. That is the most terrifying thing, Andy. This election is still going to be close, even though he's doing everything in his power to not make that the case. And, I mean, how was Obama Obama live in the flesh, John? Well, he had to tamp it down a bit,

you know, because he wasn't in his stadium where he should have been. But, and also because people's lives in America are quite a lot tougher. And is ideal when you're delivering what's supposed to be an uplifting speech. So he had to... Is the kind of thing where he will deliver a better speech than that, when he's not president. You kind of, you're working with a handy cap when you're president. There's some interesting things that you said he said that I never said the journey would be easy. Fair point, but I did, you did at least suggest that it would be partially paved.

The road is longer, but we travel it together, well, you know, by a map. And Providence is with us. Well, that may be so, but Providence clearly is not what she was. She's a bit cranky and senile. It doesn't seem entirely sure what she wants from life anymore. Frankly, it's probably better everyone if Providence just popped her cloaks and stopped interfering. New Dity News now, and Andy, when we went on break, the royal family was on a pretty impressive

run of not being caught naked in public ever since Queen Victoria was caught flashing a rost on the Buckingham Palace balcony after losing a bet. And now Prince Harry has been caught stock of Bollocknake in photos in Vegas and Kate Middleton has had a whaps splashed across the magazines. Thanks to a French cameraman with a long lens and statistically a tiny penis, catching her sunbathing topless. The photographs were taken when she was sunbathing on a private holiday at a French chateau in Provence. And here's the problem Andy, these things always come in three.

So who's next? Is Prince Philip going to be photographed with his balls hanging out of his trunk as he climbs out of the swimming pool? Because I would really rather that that did not happen. Really? Really, John? You have changed.

Don't really. You went to America. You've changed. There's an elemental curiosity that wants to see what they're like. It has been an extraordinary media story. It could have been a really unremittingly depressing news month with institutionalized cover-ups of the truth of Britain's worst sporting disaster, tax evasion, just a series of deeply joyless stories,

Britain not just plumbing its moral depths, but installing a fully fitted bathroom complete with the world's most advanced moral bidet to wash away the shit. And on top of all that, a wofull lack of any moral-impic metals. But luckily, the forerore of the future Queen's royal wappets has saved the media daijon. And I would have to say this probably the story of a happily married young couple spending some time together. Unquestionably the biggest sex scandal to hit these shores since a caveman from Wiltshire was caught trying to have it off with Stonehenge in July 2460 BC. And the Duke and the UK were left to try to doubt the international media and inflagration with the traditional petrol of PR and lawsuits.

What on a extremely private tour of the Pacific Islands where they would have been left completely alone, but for the fact that by unlucky coincidence, all of the world's media's royal correspondence happened to be on a trip to the same places to make a wildlife documentary about the endangered Pacific beaver snake. And the royal couple just happened to keep getting

in the way of their cameras. The prince and his alleged wife, has that actually been confirmed yet. I never trust anything I'll say on the telly these days. Carried out important official functions such as watching local people dance, being carried around on litters like the 18th century imperial supremacists, all of us Britain still secretly dreamed that they are, and smiling in a array of pretty dresses. On the tour they encountered local dancers who were unashamedly and ironically topless as they wagled their whaps in Cape Middletons, recently whapped face. By contrast with the princess, they seem

perfectly happy to be filmed with their chested tomacles out, given that they are as scientists now believe, fairly common appendages on the female homo sapiens. Here in London, John the city that is rumoured previously played host to at least one and probably two of Princess the Duchess of Earl Cambridge Highness Kate Middleton's bloops clothed mostly, but at times unclad. I mean, there's been talk of little else rumours now suggesting that she will in fact have her breasts encased in stone cladding to ensure this does not happen again. I mean, it was historically inevitable, John, that this would happen in France, that the

Waparazzi would get her the... The French, of course, have preferred that royalty, topless, ever since the late 18th century. CABOOM! Take that, Mary Antoinette. The Royal Family immediately launched legal action over the French photographs, but they seem to have forgotten that there is something called the internet now,

which means that getting something banned in print is close to meaningless. And magazines in other countries have gone ahead with reprints of the pictures. Anyway, Swedish celebrity magazines say, or, or, or, have published the Topless photos. I know that you yourself have had problems with say Orchohia as well, haven't you, Andy?

Didn't they publish Topless shots of you on holiday in Spain last year? Yeah, they did, I'm with us. One of these bloody suites, let me live my own life. Eating a hand. After everything the Vikings did on these shores. I think it was through those pictures. That was when the world found out they have a very intricate architectural drawings of the Brooklyn Bridge tattooed on your back and a

huge tattoo of Tina Turner and concerts on your stomach. Yeah, but that does not affect that does not affect me as a human being. That's right. That's right. Ryan and Tina Turner's business. She was less happy with having Andy's ultimate tattooed on her chest. Well, for that. Was the hair transplanter really got the alert? The Danish edition of the same magazine was set to publish the photos as well. Yesterday, a three-page spread, including 11 pictures,

including one which shows Kate Middleton, partially removing her bikini bottoms. And the editor-in-chief, Karina Lurfkvist, said, this is nothing unusual. These are quite nice pictures, if you compare them with the other celebrity pictures that we publish all the time. Yes, yes, yes, Karina, except this isn't just

a celebrity picture, is it? It's a member of the royal family. She's not Lindsay Lohan, falling out of a car with no underwear, with her vagina pointed towards the heavens. She's married to the future king of England. The only way this might possibly be news was if the photos show that it turned out she had a penis and that she was set to become Britain's first official drag queen. Oh, John, I mean, I think, I think, Cully, it was a massive invasion of privacy,

but I think they've overreacted and have made it much more of a story than it needs have been. And I think they're trying to hide something. And I think when we see higher-ed pictures than those rather grainy, sorted long-range shots we've seen, she must have some kind of embarrassing tattoo that it could be of a profit. I mean, we don't... I'm not saying which profit, but I'm just saying if that is the case, that would be a story. That would be an issue.

That would be a, that is why they're trying to suppress these pictures. In fact, the editor-in-chief of the Danish magazine said that the pictures will show Denmark what these photos are all about. And, you know, it's not like the Danish have a history of bad judgement when it comes to inflammatory publishing, is it? So I'm sure that's fine.

But I tell you what this situation needs, Andy, and I am Spartak as moment. The Brits need to step up. Step up. We need to defend our princess and mobilize ourselves as a nation. All British people should head straight to Provance now and start waving our genitals around at any photographer that moves. Genitals, John. I think he might need to consult the biology textbook there, mate. I'm talking about taking it up a notch, haven't I? You got distraction. Distraction tactic.

That's right. They've come at us with swords. We need to fight back at them with bazookas. Well, also, let's put this in perspective. I mean, there are a lot of photos of the princess of Cambridge and the vast majority do show her with her clothes fully on. So on balance, she is still ahead of the eight ball or at least ahead of Prince Harry's eight balls, which was a genetic mutation revealed by those vagus photos caused by centuries of royal in breeding. But we don't like the thing of princesses having anatomicals like ordinary human women do, but Kate Middleton actually, according to scientists, shares more than 70% of the same DNA

as ordinary British women. And of course, she's not the first royal to sports a pair of what I believe technically biologically known as Mermaryanacheglendaeolae. Amongsts, other royal figures confirmed or assumed have had breasts, including 17th century Charles II, Kantort, Catherine of Bragranza, between four and six of Henry the Eighth's known wives, Newsreader Anna Ford, Queen Mary II, and the girl with one I from Futurama, who is of course a direct descendant of 19th century King William IV. Can we go back a second?

Yes. Beaver snake. Wow, that's not going back a second? Yeah. Beaver snake. Wow, that's not going back a second, Chris. You got through the mountain of bullshit together. That wasn't supposed to be a, that does sound quite sexual, doesn't it? I haven't listened to any of the last six or seven minutes since then. It has also been suggested, John, that this whole story shows continuing misogyny in the

media that the sexual objectification of women continues deep into the supposedly more equal and enlightened 21st century. And in response, I would say to that, well, if Eve hadn't eaten that apple, none of this would have f***ing happened. Haha. Wow, that's the massage you need double down, I mean. But also, it does rather suggest John. I mean, there's been a lot of criticism of the media in this. But I think, you know, we need to point some more fingers here, John, because those magazines have been flying off the shelves. Yes, quite.

So I mean, the public is not entirely blameless here. It turns out, you know, the public might like princesses, but they also like breasts. And maybe that relationship is doomed to end in pain. Because also we all have regrets. Maybe came across an hour of regrets, disrobing. You know, anyone could have seen, anyone can see in them from a public road if they happen to be passing

with an industrial strength telescope. Literally, anyone, maybe she regrets that. I think Barrake Barman probably regrets after bumping off a song of In-Lawden that he did not use the words America, we have hit the crackpot jackpot because if he said that John, he would now be moonwalking back into office. And the question is, you know, will these lawsuits, will it stop the weaponry actually trying to photo-total princesses in future or attempting to get the civvy snaps of the great and famous flobbing around with their frontous pieces and backstressories out?

Well, is the Pope a professional dance instructor, by which I mean, almost certainly not. Middle East protests now and protests are continuing to spread across the Middle East, like a combustible smear of peanut butter across a very angry bagel. The trick has seems to have been partially due to a crass anti-Islamic YouTube video produced here in America called The Innocence of Muslims. Now, is this video offensive? Yes, is the person who made it a monstrous dickbag? Indubitably.

But is this reaction way over the top now? I would argue yes, because the pointless waste of human heartbeats behind this project is a man called Nakula, Bersalee, Nakula. And you can say what you like about him, and that is literally true, as America is a country with freedom of speech. A freedom of speech that he's personally shitting up the wall at the moment with his crappy video. So let's say a few things about him now. He is a myopic mother of the highest level, a numb nuts of legendary proportions,

a cock blaster with a bone-chilling range. But you have to say that he knows how to cut an eye-catching trailer, because the horrendous trailer alone for this depicts the Prophet Muhammad and his followers as killers, looters and extortionists. In one scene, the Prophet sanctions the sexual abuse of children in another he announces that he is gay. Wow! You do not need to flash up a commercial afterwards telling people to turn off their mobile

phones after that Andy. You have their full undivided attention. And in a BBC interview, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair said the film was wrong and offensive but also laughable as a piece of filmmaking. And while he's technically right about that Andy. What film was he talking about, John? How about not using the word laughable? How about having blessed not basically employing to be fair? It was very far. To be fair.

Mind if all the crimes against filmmaking perpetrated by the US film industry? Is this really the one most worth getting fired up about? What are you trying to say Andy? Oh nothing mate, nothing. Is that a point to come out of? No, nothing mate, no, no. I'm sure you'll make up for it in time. Don't, that is a misplaced confidence.

Almost no leader with hostile persuasions has missed the opportunity to jump on this bigotry bandwagon and ride it all the way to Fistacoff town. The leader of Hezbollah in Lebanon says the US faces very dangerous repercussions if it allows the full video to be released. In a very rare public appearance he told a rally in Beirut that the world did not understand the breadth of the humiliation caused by, and I quote, the worst attack ever on Islam. Whoa there, whoa there. I hate to call you up on a minor historical quibble, but have you ever heard of the fucking crusades? I seem to remember them being significantly worse

than a YouTube video with low production values made by a fuck quit. I think some of the thousands and thousands of people killed during the Crusades might have a problem with you comparing the physical horrors they experienced to a video on a website that mostly features cat videos and backyard dunk contest. Bugle feature section now and the future of the Bugle. Now, bugles as you're well aware at the start of this year, we were divorced by times online after four years of marriage. The last couple of which we have the most cumulative of relationships.

Little tempest. Little tempest. Some more of an absentee husband, I guess. And your contributions help save the bugle then and keep us going through this year. So if I keep the Holy Hyderant of Bullshit spraying its cleansing nectar all over the world. Well now we need to plan beyond the short term for the future of this statistical cost. For the next one maybe 2000 years of Bugles give or take. Now a while ago we contemplated charging for the podcast and the highly scientific online poll suggests that 80% of the world's population, that's almost 6 billion people, we're willing

to pay for the bugle, but I have extrapolated that figure from people who voted on the bugle Facebook page. Well, we're not actually going to charge for the bugle, but we are going to ask you to voluntarily charge yourselves with the new bugle Voluntow subscription scheme. You can follow the link on the webpage, the BuglePodcast.com and set up a recurring Voluntow subscription. Whatever weekly or monthly sum, you think the Bugle is worth to you, maybe $300,000 a week. If it's as worth as much to you as having baseball at Alex Rodriguez or football with Lionel Messi just knocking around your house, it doesn't need to be that much though. Whatever you think is appropriate and you can also still

pay one off voluntary payments. So the show will hopefully remain free for all seven billion potential listeners. If enough of you seven billion help fund the podcast so it can remain both free to download and free editorially and commercially. So thank you in advance for your staggering generosity, Stroke. Well, I suppose that's better than nothing. Stroke screw you, does five years of free hold-wash mean **** nothing to you? Audio-deleteers applicable. Yes. Very nice. Yeah, please, please do help out, Buglers. We would love to keep producing this absolutely valueless form of entertainment for the future.

Let's try and let this bizarrely expensive weight to produce nothing. This is the podcast equivalent of the conventions I was after the two weeks. What do you mean, John? We've seen off in almost five years, coming out of fifth anniversary in next month. Wow. And we've seen off in our almost five years coming out of fifth anniversary in next month. And we've seen off some of the world's worst desperate.

True. Several of them. There's hardly any left standing from when we were, you know. Let us continue our killing spree. I haven't even released the balloons yet. Thank you. Thank you. Your emails now and we have a phenomenal email here from Kate who writes, Dear The Pughal, in homage to the Pughal I named a fake horse in a simulated horse game after the podcast. She turned out to be very successful, winning four steaks races and $175,000 in fake money. Now she has a son who needs to be named.

If he's successful, he will get to be a stud horse. If he isn't, he might be constricted. With a beaner. With a beaner? Who or what do you think is up to being the namesake for this fake horse? Listen Andy, I just claimed that this was valueless and I don't think anything proves that better than this email. That is a complete and yet glorious waste of time, that, you know. I don't know. I mean, you want someone that's going to end up as a stud horse.

Yes. Well, without one, if you know, that one needs to blow my own trumpet. I am two for two, but I don't want to, you know, but that one is a blow my own trumpet. I am two for two, but, um, burlaskoni, scurry up. Burlaskoni's not a bad name for a stud horse. Burlaskoni's bullnacker. That's quite a good name for all. Waper-art sea. Yep. That's, yeah, that's pretty good.

What's the first burlaskoni's bullwatt? Bullnacker. Burlaskoni's bullnacker. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty, no one's constrating that horse. Yeah. Even if that is not a successful horse, you're just not constrating it. But Tony's bullnacker. I mean, there's pretty no one's concentrating that horse. Even if that is not a successful horse, you're just not concentrating it.

You couldn't bring yourself to do it. So, bugleers do email in the names for the fake horse. And we will announce them next week. And we'll relay them to Kate. A fake, Randy horse. Yeah. And do keep your emails. Oh my god.

Oh, beugles. Let us continue to waste each other's time before swan diving into the chasm of death. That awaits all of us. Two and a half thousand years of civilization have led, have led to this. Please name my fake horse. thousand years of civilization have led to this. Please name my fake horse. LAUGHTER Actually this one comes in from Tim, a loyal listener,

although not a pitting one, he says, and we can rectify that now. Andy John and Chris, a team of Italian scientists claim that the average size of male genotania has been shrinking over the past 50 years and named environmental pollution as a possible contributing factor. Rush Limbo got hold of this story after misinterpreting environmental pollution as necessarily only meaning global warming and speculated that the feminist agenda was a

more likely culprit than this ridiculous straw man of the researchers' actual suggestions. There's nothing about this bullshit study or Russia's bullshit analysis of it that isn't right up your alley. You find time to comment on it in the coming weeks. Well, I think that's one of the stories that in our weeks off we've not touched upon. Also Vladimir Putin, John, we've, I'm sure it was massive news in America, but Vladimir Putin really surpassed himself, John, by he tried to help some endangered cranes migrate by leading them in their migration, flying a hang glider. Sadly, he did not wear the prosthetic beak that Ruma had suggested he was going to wear. I think

he should have worn the prosthetic beak. And I think he's, he's really sent example for world leaders. I want to see David Cameron do the same job. I want to see David Cameron dressed up like a pantomime salmon who wrote, who wrote, he's swimming upstream shouting, come on, it'll fish. Let's snuggle up with your uncle Dave. Then and only then will I consider. I want to see Mitt Romney need deep in the Okavango Delta screaming like a wildebeest and having a go at Zebras for turning up every year expecting there to be free water for them. That's what I want to see from my leaders, John. I would love to see David Cameron dressed up like a salmon leaping out of the water into a grizzly bear's mouth.

I guess the bugle voluntary subscriptions game is basically it's like Romney's attitude towards tax You know, it's yeah, if you can be asked and if you could afford it basically It's the most American wire funding anything. Well, that's it for this week's bugle It's great to be back bugle us. We'll be back next week with bugle 207 Goodbye from me and goodbye from John. I'm just going to throw that in there on your behalf. That saves me two syllables. We're going to play you out with this little offering from Chris the producer. In January 2012, the Bugle became an orphan, cast the drift, homeless and alone. It was saved by you.

Without your support, there would be more pung runs. I wouldn't want to be sinnowidu in public. Sinnowidu, that's another North Korean city. More singing. Oh yeah! Unless high class satire. Let's get rid of this f***ing horse. Oh yeah! Unless high class satire. Let's get rid of this f***ing horse.

This horse is an asshole. They may even be no bugle at all. Oh boy. Oh boy. Imagine a world with no bugle at all. Welcome to the producer Chris podcast coming up triathlon. But first, let's kill puppies. So help save the bugle.

Visit thebuglepodcast.com and click on the support icon. What are you? Cheap! you