The Bugle - Bugle 225 – Waffles are forever

Episode Date: February 22, 2013

Andy and John provide a crime update and reveal a few unexpected law changes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. Hello, Bee Euglers and welcome to issue 225 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual

world. The 25th of February, 2013 with me and his live, in the certifiably historic city of London where people have been doing, building and banging on about stuff for literally ages, and from the island voted greatest island in the world by things that look like half-eaten chicken legs magazine, Manhattan. The man who is likely as anyone to star in the title role of the not particularly forthcoming movie Arnold the Mal functioning toaster and the slightly singed bagel particularly as Marlon Brando is so tragically dead these days. It's John Oliver! Hello Andy! Hello Mugles! I'm a heavy pencil for that movie.

A heavy pencil. And I was a guest on Jimmy Fallon's show this week and sitting in with the roots the house band for the entire show, was the seminal 90s R&B singer and the pioneer of New Jack's Wing, Keith Sweat. Now, Mr Sweat and I were never supposed to have our lives overlap in any way, Andy, I think that's probably demonstrably clear. I have literally nothing in common with Keith Sweat. He is more sexually confident than I'm confident in anything. For instance, I'm pretty confident that the capital of Portugal is Lisbon Andy,

but I'm not as confident in that fact as Keith Sweat is in his firm belief that he is reigning mayor of bone town. Okay. There are many remarkable things about Keith Sweat Andy. One is that he actually wrote the song because to not be missed, I want to get free kill with you! Which is a classic and the other is that his name is actually Keith Sweat.

He was born Keith Douglas Sweat and if you name your child Keith Sweat and he just accept that you are pretty much forcing him to be an R&B singer that or a professional wrestler whose character is an R&B singer. The point is if you stood outside our two dress rooms on Wednesday and you saw those two days John Oliver and Keith Sweat I think you'd be well within your eyes to ask, what the f*** kind of program are these still appearing on? Also, just in reference to last week, I know we had some fun reading out

some of the iron sheikh's tweets last week, can be. He's a man with a real skill for pithy of 70s. And I was looking at his Twitter feed last night and I stumbled upon one particularly magnificent misive. He tweeted yesterday, Chris Brown win the Oscar for Best beat the shit out of his girlfriend. I hope he died. Now one thing you can definitely say about the Ishii Gandhi is that you always know where you stand. He is no fan of the concept of subtext. So this is bugle 225. Coincidentally at 5 is Archbishop Desmond Tutu's highest ever breaking snooker. 225. Amazingly, that was

my first and only time he ever played the game. When from his break off shot, 5 reds went in separate pockets, giving him five points. He took it as a sign from God, H. Christ, the middle name is a family on a family and devoted himself to the church. Two, two, five also, the ratings out of 10 given by Stalin, Roosevelt and Churchill to each other's wives that they're in front of Miss World Competition

at the Yalta Conference. And also the number of squares on a Scrabbleboard, 225 squares, John, and a single one offering quadruple points for rude words. Shame on on a Scrabbleboard, 225 squares, you're not a single one, offering quadruple points for rude words. Shame on you Scrabble. Yeah, shame on you. Living the now Scrabble. See what, you just hate success.

And... Scwery Scrabble, Andy, is, look, if they just had the confidence in their game, they would know that it could sustain being dominated by Scwery Scrabble. This is the week beginning Monday Monday the 25th of February, which means John it's 350 years since in 1663 the London diarist Samuel Peep's wrote the following entry in his famous diary. Oh yeah. Today I woke up and then I had breakfast which was egg and bread and sausage and then I went to the loo and

after that I went to see my friend Pe but he was dead of the plague so I saw Mike instead and he was fine and we played with his toy car and then his mum cooked us fish fingers and I went home and found a pencil. At dinner I had meat and vegetable but I can't remember what vegetable although the meat was brown. After that I looked at a wall which was nice and then thought about why trees always have erections and then I went to bed. Tomorrow I will change my name.

Tomorrow I will be called Samuel Thunderdick. Three hundred and fifty years ago on Monday. Oh really, one elegant diarist, he was, even back then. As always, the section of the eagle is going straight in the middle. This week London quiz in which you can win the DNA of Samuel Peeps. If you could answer all the questions that are in the bin this week including this one. What are London cabbys still required by law to carry in the boot of their cab? Is it a a sorn-off longbow? That's a rule that dates back to the 15th century when cab drivers were viewed as London's first line of defence in the event of a French invasion. Was it

B, a bail of hay, this dates back to when cabs were drawn by horses instead of their modern predecessor, internal combustion engines, traces of which will almost certainly be found in unrealistic cheap meat products in 120 years time. Cabbys still have to carry a bail of hay for any cab nags to snack on. Also, they used to have to carry it in case their passengers got frisky in the back of the cab after a classic London Saturday night out in the 19th century and wanted something to romp in that was more comfortable than the lead seats. Or was it sea? They still have to carry a plaster cast of Queen Victoria's butt. The Queen's arth was used as a measure

by Cabbys from the 1840s until her tragic death of natural causes in 1901. If a cab claimed it could seat six, the cabbie had to show it could accommodate six Queen Victoria's butts using the royal measure butt. Newcastle issued every three years as the Queen's royal posterials grew sizably at with age. Until eventually a two person cab was wider than most London wrote, leading to the development of the dual carriageway. Also, the first use of the phrase does my bum look big in this. It's thought to be an after-by cab driver checking out the space in the back for new economy tax. Hey, V or C. Any ideas for the arn'trys, Tom? Is it D and D, a predilection towards conversational racism?

Well, there is that too. Actually, the answer is, in fact, B. They are still by law required to carry a bail of hay. Very few of them do. And that's someone just a slippery slope from that to racism and assaulting their passengers. LAUGHTER MUSIC Top story this week. What time is it? Hold on, let me check my watch. Wait, someone's

stolen my watch. Oh, I get it. It's crime time! And we're starting this episode with a bugle crime roundup, because it has been a good week for getting away with crimes, Andy. So bad luck, bugleers, if you didn't have the foresight to try and commit any over the last seven days But let's start that does that does sound like you're going in hold on the Pistoria's case no, no, no, no, I'm going in soft on the Pistoria's thing Andy in that I was planning on not mentioning it at all because Before we get into the crime section which doesn't do with the Pistoria's game. It has proved yet again, John How efficient trial by media is

as a form of justice. Because, much quicker, much quicker. We already had an instant verdict, which was definitely innocent. Then within hours, appeals process, definitely guilty. And then over some scundays, another appeal, and it's now probably innocent. So that is trial, but it's gonna say,

we, months, probably years to get through the course, John. And we've already had three different verdicts in a week. It's streamlined justice, Andy, as, you know, as people could, he couldn't even have dreamt of. That is the future. When you compare it with the, the Vicki Price case here that some buglers might be aware of, Chris Hune, the former Cabinet Minister, pleaded guilty to getting his wife

to take a speeding offense for him on his license. And, but his wife, the case went through court and the jury was discharged this week and a retrial ordered because they sent some questions to the judge that showed that they basically didn't have a fucking clue what was going on. These questions basically included questions like, can I decide she's guilty if I think she's got a shifty face?

My mate Ian reckoned she's done it, can I use that as evidence? I've seen pundits on the teleprint at the outcome of sporting events by gut feeling. If that's allowed there, can I do it in a court case? And if we can't decide by discussion, should we do edimini minimo or a game of scissors paper stone and if so should it be best of three, best of five or a simple one off. So there you go, John. Bad week of trial by jury, good week for trial by media. Your win. Well, let's start our crime roundup in Belgium. Andy, Belgium was the scene of a spectacular crime this week, which thankfully did not involve a creepy old man locking people in his basement

especially using them for decades. So they must have been relieved about that the Belgians andy, because anything less horrific as a crime that a creepy dungeon man has to go into the books as a big win for the waffle wizards. Instead, Belgium was the scene of a spectacular diamond robbery. Apparently eight-mask gunmen took less than five minutes to pull off one of the biggest diamond heists in recent years stealing precious stones worth about $50 million from the hold of a plane bound for Switzerland. And yes, $50 million to Belgium's Andy, that is a lot of what. In fact, I believe that is how it was reported on the news there. Good evening fellow Belgians. We have breaking news which is not chocolate related.

A spectacular diamond heist has taken place at Brussels Airport, where police say thieves made off with pressure stones worth upwards of 70 million waffles Waffles that will now remain un-eaten their sweet goodness unaccented with cream and berries and a choice of syrups This is a sad day for waffles and is therefore a sad day for Belgians Hold your waffle close tonight? Fellow Belgians, and tell it how much you love it. In other Belgian news, waffles are still delicious. So let us eat waffles and be merry. God bless waffles.

God bless you on Corve Van Dam and God bless Belgium. And God bless waffles again. Good night. I'm pretty sure that's how it was reported, Andy. I just don't know how else they'd explain it to Belgians and still have it makes sense to them. But as you say, incredible storyous gang drove through a hole in the airport's permit offence, then heisted the living shit out of a security van, hyper-heisting £30 million worth of rocks, whilst the security van driver was distracted

queuing up for a plate of waffles. Now it's just inevitable, if you're taking valuable goods through Belgium, that kind of thing is going to happen, isn't it? Police are searching now for eight to most government and they're also searching for some chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Apparently these armed robbers were dressed in police uniforms, broke through this hole they'd made in the security fence, had a van and a fake police car drove straight across the runway to a Swiss passenger plane, where staff from a security firm were just finished unloading the diamonds. They flash machine guns but no shots were fired as they took 120 parcels from the planes

hold, getting away at high speed through that hole in the fence. The van was then found later, burnt out just outside Brussels, and the only possible response to that, Andy, is, wow. That is awesome, because for some reason, everyone loves a diamond robbery, Andy. There's just, there's something so romantically authentic about it. We've become so used to money being stolen through white collar crime nowadays,

inside a training or Ponzi schemes or dodgy high-frequency trades of derivatives that the idea of people actually going to the effort of putting on a costume, traveling to steal a physical diamond. It's incredibly appealing. You root for the Mandy. They're gentlemen criminals. You just assume that they dress well and that they plan the high spy standing around,

looking at scale models of the sight, drinking single malt whiskey, smelling incredible, and making wise cracks at each other. It's... A diamond robbery feels like a victimless crime even when it isn't. If you can imagine George Clooney doing something, it just can't be that bad, Andy. He's too handsome for whatever he's doing to be criminal. It's just a fact. Yeah, I don't know if anyone who's seen the film Ciri Arnold would necessarily agree with that.

Well, I know of criminals are outward. It was certainly pretty damn tedious. But, um, so do you say those gems were on their way to any guesses, but you're glows? Yes, Switzerland. Oh, the Swiss. The Swiss. Yes, the Swiss. Ironic twist on the traditional timeline of stealing valuable stuff.

Maybe it was a satirical heist. I guess we'll just have to see if any of those jewels end up being distributed around Jewish families in Germany. Of course, you know, these days you immediately think when something like this happens, that's probably a stunt for a TV reality show, but this, as you say, it was a genuine old-school diamond heist and there must have been some consolation for the security van people as they stared at the machine guns, pointed in their faces, contemplating the prospect of a

Extremely rapid and noisy death to think Well, this is a bit awkward now, but they're definitely gonna make a film of this absolutely definitely I wonder if it's gonna play me probably if I get shot. It's gonna be a fat guy with trustable face if I If I get away alive without being shot just just any fat guy. Awesome, Hollywood, here I come. I just, I love a diamond hoist, Andy. I remember when you remember it back in 2000, British detectives prevented that diamond robbery at the Millennium Dome, where they were planning to steal

I think 350 million pounds worth of diamonds that were on show by breaking in with a bulldozer before getting away on speed boats. I remember being so disappointed that they didn't succeed. It feels like diamonds are basically made to be stolen. Why else would we assign such arbitrarily high value to them? If it's sufficiently imaginative and it doesn't hurt anyone, I think diamond robbery should essentially be legal.

And this was even the most audacious diamond heist in the news this week, Andy, because Prime Minister David Cameron was in India on a three day visit to drum up trade and investments and was forced to address a little giant diamond snap food that took place between our two nations in the past. More specifically, the 105-carat coal-enore diamond, which was taken from India in the 19th century, given to Queen Victoria and set in the Royal Crown. It was a pretty audacious criminal move from the British,

and for a start, it would be absolutely sensational. If the entire British Empire was actually just an elaborate plan to steal that particular diamond all along. The ultimate long con, planning a century long heist that evolved conquering 2,000 world's landmass, purely as a distraction. It actually makes sense when you think about it. Why else would you would we've worn such ridiculous costumes? Who wears a f***ing pit helmet, Andy? Unless they're wanting to distract your eyes from the fact that their hands are stealing India's largest diamond? And it's even more paulsy to then put that diamond in a crown. Most Julf thieves would lie low for a while.

Andy, not do anything too flashy to a rail suspicion. Not the British though, we immediately wore that diamond on a hat, and that is the ultimate f**k you to India. Hey, you want your diamond back India, you have to come and get it from my f**king head. It was, in fact, one of the terms of the Treaty of Lahore, legal agreement formalising a British occupation of the Punjab, just formalising. Some of which the gem was going to be taken and surrendered to the Queen of England.

So as you say, it's amazing what you can get away with a smart uniform. But India's now claiming that it was taken away illegally and Britain's response has been, yes, it probably was. Oh well. Mint, do let please buy and make it snappy. I've got some history to selectively ignore. But also, John, as you said, this diamond was put in a crown and the crown worn traditionally by the consort of the monarch. Now this was belong to the Queen Mother who died in, uh, allegedly in 2002 and it's really taking the finders keepers rule a little too far.

But if you wait that you found it was by stealing it via a treaty. And also the Queen Mother's crowned John, dead for over 10 years, when you refuse to give back a bit of a dead woman's hat that she hardly ever wore anyway, you need to take a long hard bath with yourself and think about what really matters to you in life. It's classic children's behaviour. Can we have a diamond back? No, it's mine. Technically that's not necessarily true.

It's mine. Well you're not using it, so why not let someone else ever go with it? It's mine. Did you pay for it? What? What does that mean? It's mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine.

You're right. I've legal defense for this. He's basically find mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. You're right, it's, but our legal defense for this is basically finders keepers, losers weepers. And when I say finders, I mean takers, takers keepers, losers weepers. It doesn't rhyme so much, but it makes everything so much easier. You're right. The question posed to David Cameron by the Indians this week was, essentially, wouldn't it be a nice gesture on this goodwill building visit to just think about maybe giving that diamond back to which David Cameron paused, acted like he was thinking about it before responding, go fuck yourself.

Some Indians, including Mahatma Gandhi's grandson, have demanded the diamonds return to a tone for Britain's colonial past. Good luck with that. It did because if they really want it, Andy, if they really want that diamond, do you know what they should do? They should try and steal it back.

Because that would unquestionably instantly be the new world's greatest diamond heart, Andy. It's stealing that diamond right off the crown in the Tower of London. Are greatest diamond heart, Andy. Stealing that diamond right off the crown in the Tower of London. Are you kidding me, Andy? That concept is so incredible. I now think they pretty much have to try it. Because if they pull it off, there is not a single British person that would begrudge them that diamond. Why? Because we'd already be planning how to re-steal it back. Maybe they should try and place it at their own game and try and treat it out of us. I'll cheek you out.

Cheeky, the small print of a trade deal. It wants to surrender. Look at it. In explaining why there was no way that India was or is getting that diamond back. David Cameron, cleverly used a reference of some other stolen goods that Britain is perched on at the moment, he said. It's the same question with the Elgin Marbles,

which are the classic Greek statues that Athens would really like back, he said. The right answer is for the British Museum and other cultural institutions to do exactly what they do, which is to link up with other institutions around the world to make sure that the things which we have and look after so well are properly shared with people around the world. I certainly don't

believe in returnism, as it were, I don't think that sensible. Returnism, I'm selling it before, and I'll say it again, the British Museum is essentially an active crime scene. Each room in that museum should have yellow police tape across the front of it. Return is as well. I think that's not entirely his party's attitude towards people, don't they? They're all keeping on keeping things that aren't people in this country. What's very inconsistent approach to looting, John? Punitive jail sentences for the looters and writers of a couple of summers ago, but as long as it was done ages ago

and it stuck on the Queen's hat, it's fucking fine. The whole point of Cameron's trip was to tap into India's economic rise, and he was anxious to point out that he wants to focus on the presence and the future, rather than reach back into the past. And that is spoken like a man who knows that to reach too far back into Britain's past, risks you getting your hands bitmove. That's right.

Or at least the past spontaneously vomiting history all over your arm. And another reason, well I don't ever get that down the back, is as you mentioned, you know, you wear that if you're the Queen Consul, over your arm. And another reason why I don't ever get that diamond back is as you mentioned, you know, you wear that if you're the Queen Consort, which means that if Kate Middleton, who's husband is currently second in line to the throne, if she becomes Queen

Consort, she will apparently wear the crown holding the diamond on official occasions. And wow, that has got to weigh heavy on your head, that particular piece of headwear, Andy. You've got the weight of the anger of over a billion Indians glaring at you. It'd a better look good. On his trip, Cameron also visited Amritzer, the site of one of the more notorious glitches in the otherwise smooth sailing of Britain's glorious ship of empire, where in the British military opened fire on a crowd of unarmed protesters in a confined space.

Now this happened in 1919 and even by the standards of the time it was considered bad PR. But Cameron stopped short of apologising for it, said it was deeply shameful and should never be forgiven. But did not apologise, saying it would not be appropriate as the killings were at the time condemned by the UK authorities. Now, this is true. John, sorry, it's not a word that comes easily to British leaders because once you open

those floodgates, you are going to be absolutely delused by other bits of sorry you have to be sorry about. And it's an extraordinary story at this. In 1919, the Brigadier General Reginald Dwyer ordered the shooting without warning the crowd to disperse and fired for 10 minutes on men, women and children until him and his men basically ran out of bullets. Some were shot, some died jumping into a well

to escape the bullets, and some were then just left to die if their wounds overnight because a curfew had been imposed. The Indians estimate that over a thousand were killed, or the official British tally was 379. Oh, and we were cartoon villains back there, Andy. Well, one, two, three, four, maybe five. So that's got my mouth is getting tied from counting.

And 379. But it gets even more extraordinary. At the Hunter Commission that investigated it afterwards. Dyer explained, I think it quite possible that I could have dispersed the crowd without firing, but they would have come back again and laughed, and I would have made a fool of myself. So, in no circumstances, saying sorry doesn't seem too much even at this distance. I think that gives real context to make Americans feel better about what they've done to the world over the last 10 years Andy, which is that it doesn't even scratch the surface of what we were able to do. Further more, he stated he did not make any effort to tend the wounded after the shooting.

And these are his words, certainly not, it was not my job. Hospitals were open and they could have gone there. Oh my god! Well, is that not one of the problems of being wounded after being shot that travel to hospital becomes a logistical issue. The investigation reported that continuing to fire as long as he did, it appears that General Dwyer-Dyer committed a grave error. So you can see why some Indians think maybe the Britons did not react to this other way that they could have done. And when he returned home after being relieved of his duties in India, a benefit fund was started which raised £26,000 for General Dyer who was greeted as

quotes the man who saved India. So I really think sorry is not going to break the moral bank on this particular incident. It is amazing that he's become the first serving British Prime Minister to voice regret about the massacre. In a visitor's notebook at the Pink Granite Memorial in Amaritsa, he apparently wrote, this was a deeply shameful event in British history, one that Winston Churchill rightly described at the time as monstrous and it's a tough spot for a leader to be in, isn't it? Andy, having to sign a visitor's book at the site of a tragedy your country was completely responsible for. I actually feel from a little bit there because what is supposed to write? Oops, love the gift shop, great trip of a lifetime, David. Like you say, notably like the Queen before him, he did not think it

appropriate to offer up a full apology, a fact that, understandably, did not go unnoticed by the Indian media. And my favourite commentary on all this, Andy, came from the New York Times, who wrote echoing what you were saying earlier. Britain's colonial history is so replete with regrettable episodes that officials have quietly worried that an apology for one episode might lead to an outpouring of demands for serious apologies all over the world and That is just a phenomenal excuse for not apologising Andy Look if we apologize to you, we're gonna have to apologize to almost every nation on earth. And that is just going to be exhausting.

It's like a bank being too big to fail, Andy. As an employer, we were just too bad to apologize. Sorry, it's a difficult word, but clearly, you're welcome seems to trough the tug rather more easily, because Cameron was not being able to say sorry, did say there was an enormous amount to be proud of in the British Empire. So this is clearly not a two-sided tennis racket. I don't know if the enormous amount we've got to be proud of includes opening fire on crowds of unhomred locals in confined spaces or well executed diamond heists or even tactically starving millions of people to death by exporting all their food to Britain

during a famine or even by making their farmers grow pop to death by exporting all their food to Britain during a famine. Or even by making their farmers grow poppies for opium instead of food for tubs, or other sundry procedural questionable, some of which were questioned pretty stropily at the time, and answered by the British with a single word, bang! Still, on the flip sides, you got cricket. Diamond fact box now. So what exactly is a diamond? Well in the words of the 60s rockers the kinks, it's a metastable allotrop of carbon. Oh yes it is. Oh yes it is. The diamond of course is long been associated with love and marriage and it has a number of qualities

which explain its romantic links. It has strong covalent bonding, symbolic of the unbreakable bond between two lovers. It has very high thermal conductivity, representing the warmth that flows in a loving relationship. It's also notoriously hard all the time, symbolic of the early order of the first flarrings of a lustful conflabularation. It also has relatively high optical dispersion, symbolising how inevitably after a certain amount of time in a marriage or relationship, your eyes start wondering. It's also remarkably durable, as it bloody has to be to put up with 45 years of ceaseless and hagging, and it's very dense and impregnable, like the withered husks that remain as you sit opposite each other in a nursing home, silently glaring

at each other's time, rattled faces, channeling a lifetime of resentment, and hoping that you don't die first to give your other half the satisfaction of muttering one nil, one nil at your funeral. So all in all, it is the perfect gemstone for marriage. And it's interesting to think of history turned out differently, that's really just through the evolutionary quirk that's human beings like sparkly shiny things. But it's coming very different John. It could have been that human beings liked aesthetically muddy, lumpy things, and that potatoes were what their diamonds are to die.

Do you like my new earrings? Yes, they're lovely. Those jersey royals really bring out the color in your eyes. Curbling. And what about Brenda's new no-stud? Isn't that great? Brenda, Jumean Wallace Simpson, because that King Edward really suits her. Have you noticed anything else I've had pierced? To be honest, yes I have. Are they Russet Burbanks or Bel de Fontenades? I can't tell under your t-shirt, but they are certainly a feature. Do you want to see the Winston on my Winston? And that's all the fact you need to know about diamonds.

Were you talking about diamonds then? I can't remember, it's been a long week. In other crime news, French illegal trials are news now and a Dutch well-class sentence. A 200-year-old law forbidding women to wear trousers in Paris has finally been revoked. On January 31st, the French Minister of Women's Rights made it officially impossible to arrest a woman for wearing trousers in Paris. And that means that for the last two centuries, Andy, any woman in Paris wearing an elegantly tailored pantsuit has technically been breaking the law and could have been arrested by not

just a fashion police, but the actual police as well, which, having been to Paris, I have to say, could easily function as the same thing. The law required women to ask police for special permission to dress as men in Paris or risk being taken into custody. In 1892 and 1909, the rule was amended to allow women to wear trousers, if, I quote, the woman is holding a bicycle handlebar or the reins of a horse. That is a magnificent loophole landing.

No wonder so many chic handbags around that time were shaped like bicycle handlebars with horse reins for handles. Because what an amazing pair of objects to need to remember not to leave the apartment without if you were wearing trousers. Okay, Jean-Luc, let's go. Let me check. I've got everything at keys, purse, phone.

Oh shit, I nearly forgot my horse reins. I'm wearing trousers tonight, and I don't want to have to end up in jail. Actually, put your doll and rip the handlebars off that bicycle over there as well. Just so we're doubly safe. So I went to Paris on Honeymoon, John, and I'm pretty sure that my wife, awesome trousers then, so that. Well, you should have turned her into the police. Well, I just think I was better sitting on that information

until I actually need it. That's true. That's true. The law was kept in place until now, despite repeated attempts to repeal it. In part, because officials said that the unenforced rule was not a priority and part of French a quote, legal archaeology. I tell you what else was legal archaeology here in the state handy, slavery. And that was still worth getting rid of. And incident incidentally Mississippi only officially ratified the

13th Amendment this week which outlawed slavery. This was after a clerical error meant the paperwork was not filed when they finally voted to ratify the amendment way back in 1995. Just a century and a half late they really wanted to be sure. Yes, Andy, that it was the right move for America. Yeah, he just don't want to jump into these things too footed and then regressing light or what it all turns out of.

It actually happened after two men in Mississippi were inspired to check on the status of the amendment in their state after watching the movie Lincoln. So Mississippi was inspired by the movie Lincoln, Andy, not the movie Lincoln. So, Mr. Cippy was inspired by the movie Lincoln, Andy, not the actual Lincoln. They just didn't find him convincing enough at the time. They preferred the fake Lincoln years later instead. The British guy pretending to be Lincoln

who was backed by a John Williams soundtrack whenever he opened his mouth. And then that's a problem with Lincoln at the time. He just lacked a bit of quality music behind him. Of course. Everyone's a problem with Lincoln at the time. It's a slacked, a lack of a bit of quality music behind him. Of course, everyone's more impressive with a soundtrack. And to be fair to Mississippi, Andy, I think the main reason they took so long to ratify the 13th amendment is that they just like coming last in things, whether it's education, race relations, or body mass indexes, there's no sturdier place than the foot of the table, Andy.

I believe that's their state motto, except I believe their state motto actually ends with the N word as well. In other crime news now, Icelandic names, and a 15-year-old Icelandic girl, Andy, has won the right to use the name given her by her mother after a court battle against the authorities. So she's escaped presumably the death penalty. I think the Icelandics go pretty hard on her. But her name, her name, Blair Bjantka,

well, well, now we'll be able to use her first name, which means light breeze officially. And the reason this was a problem is that the country Iceland has very strict laws on names which must fit Icelandic grammar and pronunciation rules. Blair said after the ruling, I'm glad that this is over. Now I expect I'll have to get some new identity papers. Finally, I'll have the name Blair in my passport. And yeah, like Germany and Denmark, Iceland has extremely rigid limitations on how a baby can be named.

Names like Caroline and Krista, for example, are outlawed because the letter C is not part of Iceland's alphabet. Names are not allowed to be unisex either. And that's pretty strict. Andy, especially now around the world, people are choosing to name their children after fruits, vegetables and spare car parts. Yeah, I mean, if this kind of legislation comes in in America, it's going to completely destroy American football as a sport.

Other names not allowed in I shouldn't for being insufficiently feminine, include Snauthammer, Pull My Finger and Missile Defense System. But her mother's name, John. Her mother's name was Bjork. Look, how feminine sounds like a vomiting dog. Or possibly slang. Oh dear Derek Jeter's gun down hard there.

It looks like he's a captain nasty one right in his buorks. There are apparently 1,853 officially approved female names on the Icelandic naming committee's list. And yeah, Buork, as you've said, said she had no idea that Blair was not on the list of accepted names. And as you entered the panel rejected the name because they said it was too masculine for a girl. What hold on? The name Light Breeze is too masculine.

I don't know if that argument would hold up in most international courts. And here's the crazy thing Andy, they're missing the much bigger point here. Icelandic names are already ridiculous. What are they frightened of? There's nothing they can come up with that's more silly than names they've already got. Like Arin Bjorn, Armin Funur, Berge Lot, Oragnar and Flurg. Now if you want everyone to have serious names, stop giving your children names that make them sound like Ikea shelving units.

Oh, not nice to meet you, dagstop. Now what do you do? Are you a full-time wardrobe? Also, I read this story, Schrolenker must be laughing its head off, John, they have names like novels. There's also a little known aspect to the Conservative manifesto at the last election. They'd seen a possible hung parliament coming and thought they might have to negotiate a coalition agreement. So in their manifesto, there were various laws that they never intended to possibly use as bargaining chips, including passing a law.

So the only four names were allowed for all British children and these names were Brian, E-Nid, Sopwith and Mork. Because George Osborne was a massive Mork and Mindy fan. Massive. As his tattoos will testify. So it came from negotiations and the Conservatives dropped their names demand and the Liberal Democrats gave up their commitment to not charging university tuition fees but a give and take. So they worked out for everyone. In New Zealand, someone was banned from naming their child sex fruit. Really? Yeah. Sex fruit was, can they have a, they have a committee as well. There was a sex fruit not allowed. There was an adult Hitler case as well,

isn't there? Who would not want to name their child there? Sadly, that name was not 100 years ago in Australia. In Austria. Or Australia. Anyway, here's a tiff Iceland. Spent a little bit less time worrying about what people call their children. And a little bit more time stopping your entire banking sector, collapsing like a watermelon and a nuclear test zone.

LAUGHTER Your emails now, and this one comes in from Oshin. Who writes, dear John Chris and Andy in order of who gives a shit. About what? Me and the wife drove down to Florida a few weeks ago and spotted this precious gem on a highway billboard. A picture of US Army tanks, strike helicopters and soldiers coming right at you, set in a lovely background which appears to be bursting volcanoes, explosions and a hellfire, and in the middle of it all, with his arms outstretched, looking like a cheap

redneck actor dressed up like a Jedi, you guessed it, Jesus Christ! Wow! Seems we know what he's been up to these last 2000 years. Yeah, building an army and such. I see he's been making particularly use of his mind control power. So I mentioned in Tutoronomy 231. The top of the billboard reads, I'm still in control, dot, dot, dot, Jesus. I'm not sure they really need the dot, dot, dot,

but for the sake of dramatic. So I still think it fits the mood rather well. Underneath that reads, wait for it, www.iwillbeback.org. It's... Ha-ha-ha. It seems only proper this. I mean, it's like Jesus in the Terminator. Well, that's pretty much how my team views him.

Ha-ha-ha. In terms of market share. So, thanks very much for sharing with us, Oshin. Thanks very much. I was an extraordinaryer. Also I do want to be one of the facts too. Any time you hear anyone saying I'm still in control, it usually means they have completely lost control. I think that's what Gaddafi said, wasn't it?

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Well, so it's been turned into a human cabab. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Well, so it's being turned into a human cabab. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Do keep your remarks coming into info at theBuglePodcast.com. And do check out the SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle. And don't forget, if you have not, volunteer subscribed yet on theB buglepodcast.com please do so to keep this podcast free and independent and alive three things that I think we all hold extremely dear to our heart and otherwise I'm going to have some pretty

fucking empty weeks so um that's it's Spuglers, until Beagle226, next week, goodbye. And if you see any diamonds, just help your f***ing stuff. It's the British and Belgian word. Bye! you