The Bugle - Bugle 227 – Farewell Bush’s Muse

Episode Date: March 8, 2013

Andy and John mark the passing of Hugo Chavez, look into the baffling Italian elections and discuss what John needs to do when he hosts the Daily Show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com Hello, Bee Euglers and welcome to issue 227 of the Universe's most popular newscast, The

Bugle for the week beginning Monday, the 11th of March 2013 with me and his ozman, 48 time nominee and great guy magazines, Husband of the year awards, shh, don't tell my 49 wives, one of them is going to get cranky. And I'm live in London, the city that houses amongst other world famous attractions, the Queen's house, the Prime Minister's house and my house, co-incidence, you decide. And joining me from New York City, it's the man having moths to himself, the man who later this year will become the first co-star of the Bugle ever to host the daily show. Bad luck to all the Bugleers who put their money on me in that little race. It's the self-styled pneumatic drill of unavoidable truth himself. It's John Oliver.

Hello and the hello Bugleers. I'm in a hotel in Maryland and we've been shooting a feast down here about gun control for the last couple of days most of America wants more gun control and the a smaller part of America wants less gun control than they have now and an even smaller part of America wants to have their hands surgically removed and replaced with gun So I guess what I'm going to say, gun control is a very complicated issue here. But you're right. We should probably get something out of the way before we get going. As Douglas may or may not have heard or just heard, John Stewart, who I work for, has written

a movie and he's going to be directed over the summer. So for the couple of months either way, I am going to be hosting the Daily Show and believe me, Douglas. It is even weirder for me to say that out loud than it is for you to hear it. Essentially, I've got just eight weeks to destroy everything that that man has spent 14 years carefully filming. It won't be easy, but I think it can actually be done. Now, here's what are obviously extremely big shoes to fill.

It's like wearing comically oversized clown shoes. You just have to hope that it's at least funny when you inevitably fall over and land on your face. And I tell you what did not calm me down at all Andy. And that was sitting at home the evening after it was announced. And seeing it talked about on the nightly news here, which was a quick way to have my balls take a one way trip into my stomach, especially when it came with an inbuilt zinger up from bros and williams who said i was going to be guest hosting the show with my and i quote

thick british accent to that i say this you back off williams you watch your mouth could you have a thing anything yet you have no idea how much of the holding this accident back don't make me turn it up to somewhere between a can-loach movie and a victorian chimney sweep because I can and I will wait until I open the first show by welcoming people without using any

confidence out and elbow and I lay out the point is it's going to be a symbol trainously fun and terrifying summer and you are all welcome to tune in and witness the strangest weeks of my life. Well, you've had certain exciting weeks, Lily. I had a cricket stat that I dug up on Twitter quoted on the BBC's commentary of the New

Zealand, the England test match. So I guess we've both taken a little step into the showbiz big leagues this week. We're both taking W's away from this weekend. What was the stat? The stat was, actually, wasn't one of my best ones, but England has been bowled out for under 200 and they lost four first innings of the series away from home. It's good.

When you heard that read out on the radio, were you just moving around the room high five in yourself? Well, I just got into bed. It was quite late at night. I'd been working on some stuff. I just put the radio on to check the score. And within a minute, they said, there's a step from Andy's Alzheimer's. Well, there you go. That's it. I've made it. I can now die happy. I saw this all being building build the up to, John. So we're recording on the 8th of March, it's happy 196th birthday to the New York Stock Exchange.

Have a lovely day, treat yourself to some wild speculation on something, it's your special day. And it's 50 years on Tuesday, the 12th, almost 50 years since Lee Harvey Oswald bought the rifle used to kill John F. Kennedy. Oh, that's not, that's a lovely antifer. Yeah, which means that on Wednesday, it's exactly 50 years since the CIA bought that rifle off him and it seemed for a lifetime going to supply a first-use chocolate. What a bargain.

Top story this week. Hugo, he go. Oh no, no, Joe go because Hugo, he no no. Now look, is that the most respectful thing I've ever done Andy? No. Is it in bad taste? Yes. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. Hugo Chavez, the Venezuelan leader, socialist and occasional crown, died this week. He was 58 years old but had the energy of a three-year-old and the ingrained eccentricities of a 94-year-old. I know that there's been some push out there from Douglas for Hugo to receive an official f***ing QLG and I just want to say that that will not be happening. You have to understand what the qualification requirements for f***ing G.E.U.L.A. membership are.

It's not easy to deserve one and we have to keep the bar hard. That's right, yeah. So far, they've been issued to the logs of bin Laden and Colonel Gaddafi. Let's not dilute the term by flinging around to anyone who's even slightly annoyed us. Because is Hugo Chavez a first ball at Hall of Fame

Art Soul? I don't think so, Andy. Could he be irritating? Yes, but in many ways that was one of his greatest charms. Yeah, you've got to keep that bar high. Otherwise, you end up putting Robert Plantin for his 1980s album Now and Zen. And that just doesn't seem right, does it? You've got to keep your standards.

He didn't murder hundreds and hundreds of people that's like crackers from caracters the wet vener's wailer a la has flung his final bar piece cracked his final pot but his final worth of defiance stroke idiocy deletes you see fit gone for 58 a spectacular and often controversial innings, as John suggested, and indeed, as the title of his fourth coming biography suggests, Hugo Chavez, hero, or...

F***. He did not just split opinion, John Chavez. He slathered opinion with whipped cream and popped the cherry on top. Was he a progressive, trying to write the wrongs of social and economic history in favor of the poor and disenfranchised, a carbon independent course for a nation away from the control of oligarchs and outsiders, raising living standards for those whom capitalism often forgets?

Or was he a lunatic megalomaniac who further restrained his own people beneath the retrograde dogma of his own self-mythology? Or was he just a regular guy doing an extraordinary job with a funny hat and a way with words, starring Vin Diesel as chavis and Hathaway's love interest either Paron, James Cromwell as Barack Obama and Peyton Manninger himself. Bit of a bit of a revisionist. That's the point Andy, I know that global opinion on Hugo is devoidist, but I think there's one thing that everyone can agree on and that is that he had a commitment to the beret

even the french had long since given up on the beret and he but you go he he hung in there with the beret to the very end and i think that's something you you simply have to admire it's not an easy hat to wear and the the beret you have to be confident because if you're not extremely careful, that beret can end up wearing you. That's the fact. The funeral for Hugo Chavez is today, and it caps a week of morning in Venezuela. Earlier in the week, his coffin was taken in procession through the streets

to the military academy, where he's been lying in state. Chavez supporters in Caracas have been telling the media all week that he is not dead to us. And well, that line is not just emotionally blurry because it's about to be physically blurry too. Because Shave's body is apparently going to be embalmed and permanently displayed in a glass casket so that as the current acting president said his people can always have him. And that is a little bit creepy. I get that it sometimes happens. That doesn't make it any less creepy. When the Queen Mother died, we didn't have her stuffed and mounted to the door of Buckingham Palace, did we? Even though we knew that would be awesome, we knew it would be a huge

way to attract tourists, but we didn't do it. Well, I don't know, John. We're going to have to wait for the statue to limitations on the documents to expire on that before we know for sure. Just say it's just got a bit of a thud when you knock on the door. When you'd expect more of a woody sound, it just... It could just be a heavy coat, but it could be a hundred and one year old woman's corpse. We just don't know, we just were never there. So now he's going to be on permanent display at the Museum of the Revolution close to the presidential palace where of course he ruled for 14 years, but he shouldn't just

have him lying down, Andy, he's body. He was a colorful character and he deserves to be remembered that way. They should have him in a pose. He was a man who loved baseball, Andy. Maybe he could be wearing a baseball glove, diving to catch a line's ride, or riding a motorbike while firing a crossbow in the air. It's up to them, but let's not remember him as being just asleep. Let's remember him as being crazy. LAUGHTER

Now, of course, the death of a 58-year-old man from a disease as rare as cancer has set alarm bells ringing and there have been suggestions that Chavez was in fact bumped off by any guesses. Chavez himself had already accused the CIA of giving him cancer, then as well as acting president Nicholas Maduro made the same suggestion. did Macmood's Armadinoj ad the Iranian number one who also claimed that's like in the build up to a sardine themed fancy dress party something fishy was going on amongst the that's three people John you know no smoke without fire that's what I'm saying amongst the other things that Shavez had accused the CIA of doing to him change in the temperature on his oven so his frozen pizza's always came out slightly undercooked, that's really annoying.

And hacking into his world of walk-off to camp and changing his play name to senior small balls. They're also allegations by the Venezuelan authorities that the CIA put a remote controlled fart machine in Chavez' coffin to discredit the former leader whilst he was lying in state. These have been strongly denied by the acting CIA boss Mickey Morrell, who said, yeah, it's awesome, we can set it off from Langley. We did the same for Brezhnev.

Problem was, people thought he was still alive, so we actually stayed in power for five years after his death, just because we kept setting him off from here. We started doing it in Morse code. I think that's how Gorshiv cut the idea for Perestroika, so blim and all father-tizing. Yesterday, Shavah didn't know it, but he told his people to suck his big ones from me on the grave. But, no, we definitely did not put a flatulence X-8 F-Tech fart machine in this coffin. Absolutely not. Do you want to go on it? But I think this conspiracy theory with death is entirely appropriate, Andy. The most

fitting way to mourn such a crazy life is to imply an incredibly crazy death because as you say a Nicholas Maduro the vice president said we have no doubt that a scientific commission would find the commander Chavez was attacked with this illness and that is exactly what Hugo would have wanted and if he could have just gone on to say that he had concrete proof that George W. Bush had a cancer can and that he'd been firing a Hugo from his ranch in Texas that's the only way that he could give him a Hugo or more touching tributes. I'm pretty sure that if you watch Shavez's dead body at that exact moment the corners of his lips

would have slightly turned up. So there's going to have to be a new election in 30 days or less. And one Caracas resident was quoted in the newspaper saying the opposition has to consider that winning election in 30 days or less against the state machine would be like winning an election against Jesus Christ. But you have to ask, I mean, would that actually be so difficult? I mean, Jesus, I mean, Jesus never actually ran for public office. And you can understand why.

I mean, it's typical for political figures like him. He largely maintained his popularity because he avoided the responsibility of having to make tough executive decisions, you know, resurrecting the dead, nifty, magic trick, economically absolutely disastrous as a political policy. And besides, when people are actually in the ballot box, John, they're going to be thinking about the nuts and bolts, the practicalities of government, and their bottom line personal finances.

They're not going to vote for an illusionist with a natty line in storytelling. And all his lovely, dovey, be nice to people and don't be a dickstick. It's not like a cut it when hard political decisions have to be made. And that's where his 100% tax on earthly possessions. Frankly, I'll be lucky to get his fucking**king deposit back. Even Christians would not actually

vote for Jesus. And the meek inheriting the earth, where is the reward for hard working families who've slave the way trying to earn a living with the meek who are mostly unemployed because they traditionally are useless in job interviews, get the f**king lot. No way, mate. Where are your custings? Let's see the numbers. It's all very well getting out of free booze for your bodies at a wedding. But what are you going to fix the f***ing potholes in my road? Good point, Andrew. Yeah, take that, Jesus. I am not voting for you on a number of levels. Chavez's death was of course by no means a surprise as he's been seriously sick for more than a year now. And perhaps it's time to look back at some of his more memorable moments in power. He was a bugle favourite

and he earned that title with some top level whack jobbery. He was famously of course a staunch critic of the US particularly of George W. Bush who can forget his phenomenal speech at the UN when he famously described him as the devil saying the devil is right at home, the devil, the devil himself is right in the house and the devil came here yesterday, yesterday the devil came here, right here and it smells of sulfur still today. He then flashed the kind of smile of someone who knows that he just won a bet for saying that you you didn't think I'd do it I said he's melt of sulfur you owe me three burritos and now you have to get a Hugo is numero oonotato on your ass he went on to say

yesterday ladies and gentlemen from this rostrum the president of the United States the gentleman to whom I refer as the devil came here, talking as if he owns the world, truly, as the owner of the world. And you realise, Andy, that in many ways, President Bush was shabby his muse, and he never quite seemed the same after Bush had gone. All his best work was inspired by him. They hated each other, but they spurred each other on to newer or crazier heights. They were like late period Lenin and McCartney, Andy. It's like Borg and Mackinar all over again.

Yeah, in a nationally televised speech in 2006, shove his described books like this, you are in Ignoramus, you are a burrow, Mr. Danger, or to say it to you in my bad English, you are a donkey, Mr. Danger. You are a donkey Mr. Bush. You are a coward, a killer, a perpetrator of genocide, an alcoholic, a drunk, a liar, and a moral person Mr. Danger. You are the worst Mr. Danger. The worst of this planet, a psychologically sick man, I know it. He seemed to be on the edge of breaking down at that point Andy,

and don't you ever leave me your buzz. These have been the best worst years of my life." Ahmadinejad said another quite amazingly. He said, Shavez would return on resurrection day. He said he had no doubt that Shavez will return to earth along with Jesus and Imam Makti, the most revered figure among Shia Muslims, to help establish peace, justice and kindness across the planet. What? Shabbat is in pretty a lot to your company there, aren't they?

That's right. He better wear his best beret if he's going to be between those two guys. I like a politician who talks faster than he thinks. And he was not afraid to take a linguistic flight to whack job his stand. And Chavez, of course, in another highlight, once referred to Condoleezza Rice as little girl, saying, remember little girl, I'm like the thorn tree that flowers on the plane. I waft my scent to pass us by and prick he who shakes me. Don't mess with me, Condoleez me. Don't mess with me, Condoleezer.

Don't mess with me, girl. That doesn't sound like an insult, Andy. That those literally sound like song lyrics. This is from my new song. Don't mess with me, girl. Remember, little girl, I've lacked the thorn-treated flowers on the plate. I waft my scent to passes by and prick.

He who shakes me, don't mess with me, can't elise her, don't mess with me, girl. Well, I think we had a little glimpse into what the Daily Show is going to be like this summer. The songs of Hugo Shavitz. I like what your person in your hotel room next, you must be thinking right. I was expecting them to be bangs on the wall long before this happening, so I'm presuming someone's dead. Or it's Condoleezor, right?

That's not what I was just holding a hand on a heart, say. The wind, he's singing to me on the win and also and who can forget the time at the obiro american summit in san tia go when king carlos of spain looked at chavez and said why don't you shut up k

chavez could have entirely fairly replied because i can't. I have a condition. I'm about to say something about you now. I can't help myself. I think there's something wrong with me, but there's no way I'm going to try to fix it. So, yes, the body is going to be permanently displayed in a lovely glass crystal casket. So, in the words of Maduro, his people will always have him. He belongs to you. He told the Venezuelan people, and that John, that is an awkward present.

I'll thanks very much Mr. Maduro, a very thoughtful gift of corpse. I said, haven't such a say in my wife how much we need of corpse. Darling, we're going to have to get that mantel piece wide, and do what's going to topple off onto the dog. Chavez in one of his more incredible moments, even declared a war on Halloween. In 2005, he should have tacked on Halloween. So telling his countrymen here had no place in Venezuela's society saying, what they've implanted here, which is really a gringo custom, is terrorism. They disguise children as witches and wizards and that is contrary to our culture and that's look that's easy for him to say andy and he's playing to his base and it's

it's politically useful i get it but it's easier to say that before he's seen Americans dress up their pets too it's so easy to take a hard line like that it's much harder after you've seen a dog dressed up like a bumblebee. At that point, you find yourself having to say, you know what, this Gringo customer is actually incredible. Would you absolutely get involved? I think I'm going to dress my cat up like a washing machine. And also, trick or treating is the foundation of all international trade and diplomacy. That is 100% true. The international community has sent in warm tributes to Chavez all weekend.

When I say international community, I mean basically everyone apart from the United States. I've been in the chat announced a day of mourning in Iran as you say describing Chavez as a martyr i'm getting that statement didn't get any american any closer to buying a with sympathy card for shaves pop it in the post at nor did the fact that basha al-Assad also sent a telegram from syria saying the death of the fighter president Hugo shaves is a big loss for me personally and for the people of syria as big as it is for the people of Syria as big as it is for the people

of Sister Lee Venezuela and for the noble and free among the peoples of the world. And I think the telegram must have mistakenly cut off there and because I'm pretty sure that it must have gone on to say I mean obviously take all this with a pinch of salt as I'm a total arsehole. And I should also say that the people of Syria may have to put off mourning for Hugo for a while, as they're a bit preoccupied at the moment with watching Syria tear itself apart, something which is entirely my fault, by the way. Anyway, at times like this, I like to think of the words of my favourite band, LMFAO, who

said, when I'm at the mall, security just can't fight them off. And when I'm at the beach, I'm in a speedo trying to tan my cheeks. This is how I roll. Come on ladies, it's time to go. We headed to the bar, baby, don't get nervous. No shoes, no shirt. And I still get service. I think that, as it all, Godspeed you go. Shine on you, batshit diamond. Italy is now, and well, the PAPE will concave is about to be under way, Andy, with the cardinals in the Vatican, about to play the official game of Roper Pope to try and plucked themselves a new pontiff but it's not just the

Vatican which is in the midst of political upheaval Italy itself is politically fucked with a pH the Italian General Election last week produced a stalemate result between center left and center right blocks. With the centre right block, headed up by, by, by. Yes, you've guessed it. The star of the horn identity, Sylvia Burlusconi. Burlusconi's political career, Andy, is just like his penis. Just when you think it's finally down

and will stay that way forever, somehow it gets back up and ends up rising to a place it has no business being. Must be artificially stimulated, it cannot be natural anymore. Global markets reacted very badly to the news of uncertainty, in Italy as it is most of there is almost no fathomable way that they are going to be able to form a coalition government. France and Germany urged to continue to reform while Spain described the result as a jump to nowhere. It's basically a bungee jump, Andy, and there are some serious concerns about the strength of the cord. I think it was the Spanish foreign minister who

described it as a lead election as a jump to nowhere with positive consequences for nobody. Wow, that is a lot of negativity in one wants vengeance from my foreign minister Andy. Tell us what you really think in your scales a lot. Extraordinary effort from Barles Ghani, although we didn't do it in that so, I'm going to say a terrific performance from someone who just in October of last year was sentenced to four years in jail. So that's a remarkable, electoral performance.

He himself said that everyone should now reflect on what to do next so that fresh elections could be avoided. Saying Italy must be governed. Everyone must be prepared to make sacrifices. And Burlusconi then paused before saying, for instance, why don't you sacrifice that bikini top lady? Do you know what I'm saying? And then dropping the microphone saying,

it's no good, I can't change, I just can't do it. It's your fault for continuing to try to elect me. I'm taking no responsibility for this. The main issue emerging from the Italian election was the performance of the five-star movement led by a comedian and satirist, Bepe Grio, whose party had become the biggest in the Italian parliament. Just three years after they were founded. Now it's called the five-star movement, John. Truly, this man is a genuine comedian. He's clearly obsessed with reviews.

It's one thing put him on your poster. I don't think creating a whole political party to flash them about. But it's, it's a, it feels like quite a landmark moment for a European democracy, as whole movement based on the internet candidates were picked in online primaries. It has no headquarters, no local offices

and basically running on a redistributing wealth, attacking privilege and cutting spending on defence and boosting public schools and health care. And clearly the European political establishment is shitting an entire house full of bricks as a result of this. Greco-capitalized on public despair about recession and unemployment and poverty, that's sort of a common theme across the democratic world, a kind of dissatisfaction with the conventional politics with the outdated customs, parties and structures of the past. And the sense that mainstream political parties doing little more than urinating on each other's deck chairs as the Titanic goes down. And you have to ask, you know, this kind of more

egalitarian type of democracy with, you know, the youth fully involved based on direct participation, is this what we thought World Wars for John or, in Italy's case, is this what we thought World Wars for and against? So people could do more than just waggle a pencil of the piece of paper every five years. No, it is not. As Mitt Romney, so eloquently inferred in last year's US election, voters are essentially interfering little shits who seem intent on screwing things up for people whose tax returns prove they are inherently superior and for the poor little markets who, as you said, John, are absolutely terrified by the instability that this has created. But it does, it just feels like European democracy is about to burst into some kind of new form of flour. It might be a shit flour, but it will at least be a new flour.

It was pretty remarkable. Befe Grillo never gave a single interview to Italian TV during the election run up and yet he has nearly 170 seats for this protest movement receiving 25% of the vote and has now become the single largest party, the largest single party in the whole country. That is how pissed off Italians are with their government, Andy. They voted in a huge number for a comedian who ran on a platform of basically telling current politicians to go

and that's a lot to be said for that there is a lot of it is it is an entirely legitimate point and burlis go needs miracle come back uh... came partly as he presented himself as the anti austerity candidate giving an extremely seductive platform pledging not only tax cuts, but talking of actually handing back some tax already paid, which for a country in the government of economic mess the Italy is in, is one of the single

stupidest things that I think I've ever heard. And in response to all this, a Germany opposition... last week made waves by claiming that uh... missed it by describing a bet by grillo and uh... burlis golly as clowns and not i've got a say that i did a pretty good clowns to be fair that's a pretty high-end clowns and it's even more impressive the burlis golly still in the running especially because in the latest legal snafu

he was sentenced to another year in jail this week over in legal wiretap he was accused of arranging from a police wiretap concerning a political rival to be leaked and published in a newspaper run by his brother classic silvio and he's gonna appeal so he'll remain free in the meantime but that is by no means the end of his legal saga because let's off again as you mentioned he's was sentenced to four years recently he's currently appealing to a different year long jail sentence for tax fraud and faces a verdict in his sex trial in mid-March where the allegations are that he a 76 year old paid for sex with an underage prostitute so you can really see where

Beppe Grier was coming from with his just all of you go f**k yourselves argument. I agree I was coming from with his just all of you go f**k yourselves argument. Yeah sir, you got another twist in the fascinating tale of Silvio Berlusconi who has not been quite as much in jail as someone sentenced to four years in jail might have been over the last six months and you have to think of this John. If Silvio Berlusconi had been the Roman Emperor he clearly has always dreamed of being, by now he would have been assassinated at least 18 times by his own bodyguards. So, I guess swings around about for living when he does live. Bugle Feature Section Now, Animal Slotter!

Animal Slotter, not just the name of the death metal band Walter Cronkite, fronted for 15 years in the 1960s and 70s. Not just the third most popular name for baby girls, according to Attention Seeking Celebrity magazine, and not just the Major League third basement who played in the 1890s franchises, including the New York vomiteers, the Boston Inberseals, the San Diego snouts. But also, animal slaughter is one of humanity's all-time favourite hobbies from working out

how damn tasty you can make a goose if you feed it 25-3 course meals a day, whether it likes it or not. Via formulating indispensable new shades of eye makeup by electro-cuting monkeys today, or whatever they get up to in labs, to realising how heroically fun it is to be out in the midsts of Mother Nature, fighting Mano-A-Mano with her most magnificent beasts, armed only with a massive gun. Now, they might sound unfair John, but to be fair the animals have home-advanced, so you know, 50-50. But humanity has always found that whilst animals can be fun to play with, there are even more fun

to slaughter animal slaughter! And if there is one thing that this famous species has devoted more time to than developing ways and reasons to kill each other, it's developing ways and reasons to animal slaughter. Golly, it's a lot of fun coins back with the band back together, Andy. Animal slaughter! And now here's the latest from Richard Nixon. In British animal slaughtering news, around half of this country's growing dear population is going to need to be slaughtered, John. It's going to be shot every year to stop the devastation of woodlands and bird life, according to a group of scientists.

A colour of 50 per cent of Britain's 1.5 million deers is necessary to ensure that Britain's supply venison is sufficient to keep the nation fed with succulent gaming, unassar enough or at the wrong version of that sort of. A colour of 50 per cent of Britain's 1.5 million deers is necessary, according to scientists, to ensure that at least 750,000 households can be fitted with a pair of decorative antlers with people to hang on or hang on. No, sorry, I've just read the wrong... Oh, not so that...

Anyway, the point is, you cannot move in Britain for deers now, charging around antling stuff out of their way. They are now more deers in Britain than any time since the last Ice Age, and those are just the ones that are filled in their census form. So, the question is, how do you go about slaughtering 750,000 animals with weird pointy shit on their heads that could have your eye out? Will the government pass this back to the people and say, go on, knock yourselves out, kill half of the deer's that you see? Or will you have to trick the deer's into coming to an open air screening of bambi on a giant screen in the high park? And then unleash a load of football supporters who've been told that the deer support

the team geographically close to the team they support and just let nature take its course. To be honest, it's crying out for a TV game show. Celebrities and bandanas charging through the undergrowth trying to bring down a deer with their bare hands with that slightly hollow look in their eye that says, I really hope this does for my career what my agent said it's going to do before Before eating the deer hole and saying, I really wanted to win this task. It's easier than you make it Andy, drones, deer drones. That's the emergency work. Take it from the Obama administration and rain the pain from the sky.

Get those deer with drones. I guess the other option is deer adoption. Now you famously, John, adopted a dog a year and a half ago or so. Are you interested in having a herd of deer as well? Well I'm certainly the very least interested in getting a pair of antlers to put on my dog's head. I'm interested in a dog deer, does that count? Well it's a possibility, I mean it's a good hook hook, John, if you're a, you know, with

a new daily show gig, you know, who's that guy hosting the daily show? I don't know what I've heard he keeps a herd of deer in his flat. Well, in that case, he has my undivided attention. He's pretty eccentric. I've heard, I've heard this 16 deer in his house. And he's got two stags stacks it makes no sense he's not getting any sleep they're just fighting all night so butlers if there's any animals you particularly like to see slaughtered do let us know info at thebugelpodcast.com and general slaughter them live on the daily show well that you got a you got a carve your niche, John. Yeah, so...

It's a crowded marketplace, like I tell you, Andy. So, one, you have to market yourself in the eccentric and living with 16 deer in a smaller part of the middle of that. That's definitely going to help that. But also live animal sacrifice. That is going to be controversial. And your controversial means ratings. That's right. I guess what we've learned from working this out loud is that I just need to kill animals live on television and live with deer. You could ride your deer to work and then kill it. Well that is an almost statistically well thought out plan Chris. I think that's more about you than it does me.

She's going to pose your own distinctive twist on the show. Jon, that's a very well established formula. But you know, a section called Jon Oliver's Live Abbot War. That is, I mean, that is going to get people talking. Well I guess because it's all about as well, especially on American television, and it's all about as well, especially on American television, and it's all about advertisers. That's right. I guess if there's like a barbecue sauce that would like to buy some advertising to enjoy in that break, you would kind of make sense.

That's right, carpet cleaning products. That kind of thing. But you have to be better than John Stuart. You've just got to be different. That's the key. That's right. Thanks Andy. Tell you what, before I start in a few months, if you could give me a kind of a psych up talk like that, that would be great. Alright, yeah. Because I've been in showbiz now for 14 years.

Yeah. So my own broken run of successes on British television proves that I know I'm talking about. So we'll workshop off your ideas on the bugle before you start. Your emails now, and well, a lot of people have picked up on the exciting news, John, about your new gig, your upgraded gig. This came in from Chris in London. Who says, dear John

Chris and Andy in order of who will be most personally affronted by this news? I work for a newspaper in London and part of my job is to troll our competitors' websites to see what big stories they're covering. When I was able to prize myself away from reading about Justin Bieber and King Kardashian on bail online, it mattered my surprise to see the Times feature an article on John Stuart taking a hiatus from the Daily Show and how he will be replaced by quotes an unknown British comedian. Oh come on! Come on!

I thought we were on your payroll for you! I thought this puzzling. This Chris considering your podcast used to feature quite prominently, I say quite. I mean it was just there, on the very same website. John, I think it means that at long last you've arrived. What a zing from the times, John! I think it proves they were never left out. That's the only way of explaining how we were with the times for so long.

I don't think they knew we were there and we have an email here from jim vickers uh... with the title do molecules uh... and saying dear christ john and andy in the order of listed you fair little point i was looking to be called to do one regarding a science section that was in the been i'm a graduate student of chemistry and at the time i was weighing out a sample of sodium tuxed where the question was presented, do molecules f***?

I believe I have a definitive answer to this from a paper published in the Real and Repetible Journal in organic chemistry in 2004, so you attach. In this work and seeing the figure, a molecule which is clearly dickshaped, this is a graduate student having a molecule which is clearly dict shaped, this is a graduate student having a molecule which is clearly dict shaped, brackets complete with tip, inserted into a ring molecule that I believe your culture would refer to as a fan. You might also wonder that what that funny double sided arrow means between the two and well basically it means that this was going in and out repeatedly. Also worth noting and not surprising is that the work was done by a research group in Brazil

They can make anything fake me. I guess whoever said chemistry is hard was right and a million other Jim Vickers graduate student Well done. There we go. Well done. So we have an answer molecules do indeed Do keep your Scientifically informative emails coming in to info at thebugelpodcast.com and don't forget to check our SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle. And also don't forget to take out your bugle voluntary subscription at thebugelpodcast.com

and win yourself a lifetime supply of justified satisfaction. On the merch, the long awaited launch of the Bugle Merchandise, is it even more imminent than it has been for the last year and a half? Well, that's not hard, it's not hard to be more imminent than, basically, not happening. basically not happily. We've cleared the first batch of products and it will be available hopefully in a week or so in Britain and a little bit after that in America and it's going to be it's the fashion event of the year I think. Well that's very exciting and absolutely sensational. So that's all we've got time for in this week's Bugle 2-7. We'll be back next week with Bugle 2-8. John, any other shows that you've got your eyes on to take over as interim host for

in the next two weeks? Well, I mean, yes, it's all, it all has to be part of a much broader plan, Andy. So anything from America's funniest home videos to a Rachel Rays cooking show, I want to be Rachel Ray, basically. What about Bill O'Reilly? He's got to take a holiday every now and again, isn't he? Uh, does he? Andy? I mean, he could really do with taking a long holiday, a permanent holiday holiday, if you will, but I'm not sure that's going to happen.

Anyway, thanks for listening, vehicles. We'll be back next week. you