The Bugle - Bugle 233 – Baby got hack

Episode Date: May 3, 2013

Hacking, Afghanistan and Andy introduces his lobsters Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugleers and welcome to issue 233 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world. Take out a voluntary subscription to the Bugle podcast.com now. And what a delight it is to be here in London. Seriously, we're not getting. Where the sun is shining, the birds are shitting almost certainly. That's just one of the things about London. Whatever you're up to, you know, the somewhere of bird is crapping on someone's car. Make you think, doesn't it?

And in bird-free New York City, well, the only thing that shits on pavements is Wall Street. Yeah, take that. It's the cracker tower. It's the cracker tower of comedy. The Mount Pinotubo of Pastiche, the Santa Rini of satire, the Mount St. Helens of massively striking hilarity. The Etna will get you with his laughter lover, splurting his magmur of mirth all over the pompay of pomposity and burying the herculaneum of hypocrisy with his pyroclastic flow of pointed facetiousness. It's the vaudeville vassuvius himself, John

Oliver. Andy, your writing checks are can't cash. LAUGHTER Ah, hello, Andy. Hello, Bughlers, but mainly, hello, Bughlers. Why? Because Andy, the Bughlers have outdone themselves over the last seven days. First, the official merchandise went live last week, and we got inundated with so many orders.

I think I just presumed it was sarcastic. But it turns out people actually have a genuine desire for something physically worthless to symbolise their love for this philosophically worthless podcast. So thank you so much for your interest. It's definitely going to help keep us doing whatever this is for however long we can. And secondly, you may remember that we had a brief discussion last week about dating sites and the bugle being signed up for Christian Minkle and we casually expressed a concern that bugle was not signed up the bugle email for another dating site. Well, if you had any doubts about the sheer caliber of people who listened to this, then doubt

no more because within with it hours, the bugle email address was almost brought to its knees after being signed up for, and here's the list, J-Date, A Theos Personal's, Africa Beauties, TotallyJewishDating.com, single book, which is apparently a German dating site called Single Book! That does not blend with totally Jewish dating.com. It's one or the other. One or the other. Well, though, I guess totally Jewish dating was kind of what they were going for. It was not there. Anyway, a free thinker match, atheist passions, which seems sleep-refully. Mingle two, meet single women in

Grozny. That must have been my favourite clown passions until that one became the favourite. Daily diapers which is apparently adult fetish wear, lie and brand Yarns which is just Yarn but by this point I assumed it was some kind of Yarn based sex cult. It didn't stop there though, John. It looks like an update on that we've now also been signed up. Not only to a site, we can get all the yarn we could possibly want, but also ammo Latina, which suggests that 62-year-old Lena from Paraguay could be right up our romantic alley.

Okay, cupid, and we've already had someone try to contact us through that. Scorpio's love from New York City is a thing into the view goal. 23-year-old straight man might take a bit of work to wake that one, workout for us. BlackPeopleMeats.O. is lost from New York City, is a thing into the view goal. 23 year old straight man might take a bit of work to wake that one, work out for us. Black people meet.com. That could have just dot com.

That could have just been you signing out for that one. National Institute of Health. That was so. Yep, the American National Institute of Health, someone signed us up for their bulletins, possibly. Maybe it was automatically signed up based on the frenzy of global pansexual carnal activity or dating activity suggests we're about to undertake.

And this will be amishcrush.com. So that's, you know, clown passions and amish crush very much to the end of the romantic season. And these ones will be particularly of interest to you, ozCupid.com. And the RSVP.com, which claims to be Australia's number one dating site. So maybe a chance for us to build bridges.

That is sensational work. I got an email from Chris about this when I was on a train back from DC with the list of everything that we've been signed up for. And he just already sounded so tired in the email. And I laughed out loud on the train so hard that the person next to me asked what had happened. And he began to articulate what indeed had happened, how stupid it was, and why that somehow restored my faith in human nature.

So I just said to this person, I can't explain it to you, but I promise that it still won't make sense. And he actually seemed happy with that also. So well played, Bugleess, I doff my cap. Regarding the merch, it did come up as sold out fairly quickly and what appears to be one of the less successfully organised commercial launches in history. But that's now be rectified. It might take a while for delivery, but you can now order everything theoretically if there's any problems. Contact us at the info at thebugelpodcast.com email address and with a massive range of retail expertise, we will attempt to help out. But thanks to everyone who's bought the merch so far,

it's truly a great day for humanity. So did you go to Corresponders dinner this year, John? I did. How was that? It was, you know, it was socially awkward. I've annoyed a lot of people in that room, Andy. And it becomes clear why sometimes it's not a great idea to see the consequences of your jokes in person.

So this is bugle 233 and for the week beginning the 6th of May 2013. Now on the 5th of May 1953 that is 60 years and a day ago. Alders Huxley, the celebrity wordsmith, first tried the psychedelic hallucinogen mescaline. Now in his first trip he hallucinated that he lived in a country where everyone really wanted to own a badger. But there were no badgers left. Then a giant mummy badger came along on a boat and said, Hey everyone, I'm full of baby badgers, let me in. And everyone said, yay, baby badges.

So the mummy badger was welcomed in and everyone got very excited as the mummy badger built a big nest saying, yeah, they're on their way. I promise you, baby badges and baby badges you all get. Anyway, 10 years later, the mummy badger still sitting there on an increasingly comfortable nest. Everyone saying, what the fuck are our baby badges? And the mummy badger said, you've already had them,

I quit and runs off her pantomime badger outfit falling off as she goes and they shout you're not a mummy badger you're a lawner on a Kawasaki 350 lawnmower revs off into the distance shouting you welcome everyone look after my little badger cubs and it's never seen again bit of a weird trip anyway the very next day 6th of May 1953 Tony Blair was born read into that what you will. Andy, when you said at the start of that, Aldous Huck's sleep once took mescaline. Did you mean to say, I just took payote? Not that I'm aware of, John, but sleep devoration could very well have the same effects.

2, 3, 3, bugle 2, 3, 3, in current teenage slang, according to the internet, and the internet source, 2, 3, 3, bugle 2, 3, 3, in current teenage slang, according to the internet, and the internet source, 2, 3, 3, is sometimes used instead of BFF to abbreviate best friends forever. Oh. That's it. It's Corusc more than the number key, so it would have been pressed on an old style mobile phone. And that is very much how John and I view you, bugleers, are BFFs, are 2, 3, 3s. And you can further cement that status by taking out your voluntary subscription at thebugelpodcast.com. Best friends forever, Buglers.

Well, make sure you do it before we get to Bugle 439 and have to tell you to GF yourselves. And as always, a section of the Bugler is going straight in the bin. This week is a new audio part work series. This week, the first instalment of celebrities secrets of success. Number one, Franklin Roosevelt's Bucket of Lobsters. Roosevelt renowned as one of America's greatest president. He put much of that success down to his bucket of lobsters. Roosevelt took the reception of crustaceans within wherever he went, and they became a valuable source of both companionship and advice. Ironically as a young man, he used to eat loads of lobsters,

but he had an epiphany during a big out of his favourite lobster bar, Snappy Lionel's crustacea cardinock cardinock advisory. In 1913, when he thought he heard the lobsters communicating with him in Morse code, don't eat us, they seem to clap with their claws, we can help you. He borrowed the restaurant's one remaining bucket, and thereafter, everywhere Roosevelt went, the lobsters went to, and they click a de-clacking, help shape modern America as we know it. With the day 24 hour media, of course, he couldn't have got away with it, people would have been saying, why should I vote for a guy who goes everywhere with a bucket of f***ing lobsters?

No way would he have been president today, people might have been prepared to vote in a black man, a lunatic, a philandera, a lunatic's dad, and a film star, but there's no way they'd vote in a guy with a bucket of lobsters. But it was the early 20th century, and the lobsters were there to stay. That's why he delivered his messages to the nation by a crackling fire.

So people couldn't hear the clacking of lobster clauses they fed him wise, soothing words to relate to a troubled nation. The lobsters became increasingly influential in formulating his policies, but it came at a moral price. The famously prodiged Eleanor Roosevelt banned them from having carnal relations with each other in the bucket, as she found the sound of lobster's humping, distressing, and distracting from her prime hobby of plating bread. The lobsters reluctantly consented, until one day their pent-up lobstops were on, boiled

over. Roosevelt didn't want them breeding, in case the Russians got hold Until one day their pent-up lobs obserone boiled over. Roosevelt didn't want them breeding, in case the Russians got hold of one of their offspring. So he said, all right, I'll show you a boy's night in with a stripper. Any other aquatic creature apart from lobsters, the lobsters as one clacked, New Deal, New Deal. And Roosevelt's plan to rescue America from the depression was born, thanks to a bucket of perverted, Randy lobsters. and the reason Stalin always looks so awkward in those photos of him with Roosevelt and Churchill at

the altar well you try looking relaxed for the camera when you've got a lobster clamp to your Soviet nut sack all that in the bin this week and the go to sleep Top story this week, baby god hack! Over the last week or so there have been a series of high profile computer hackings with responsibility claimed by the Syrian Electronic Army, which correct me from wrong Andy, is exactly the same name as that synth pop band that you were in in the mid-1980s. That's right, don't you? If I remember rightly, you wore a fluorescent yellow headband and played the keytar in a pair of tight blue stone wash jeans that had the Syrian flag sewn onto the arse. I'm pretty sure I'm not making that up.

No, yes, certainly, one of the photos are out there somewhere. Yeah, right somewhere. So the Syrian Electronic Army is a group, which is said to have the tacit support of Bashar al-Assad, although that could not be independently confirmed, mainly because Syria is still a total f***ing mess at the moment. I mean, an unremitting sh** show. I'm talking about a f***ing taster of the highest water. And last week, the SEA managed to hack into the Twitter account of the associated press and posted a message that two bombs had exploded at the White House injuring Barack Obama. Then, all they had to do was just sit back and watch all the hell break loose.

The market immediately, albeit momentarily, collapsed, temporarily wiping more than 90 billion pounds from the US stock market. In the space of just three minutes, Andy, after the hack tweet was posted, the benchmark S&P 500 index, which most people have heard of and almost no one understands, fell nearly 1%, briefly wiping out $136.5 billion of its value. I think the fact that all of that happened over a single tweet, Andy, should give us all a deep and lasting confidence in our financial system. It's somehow reassuring to know that the global financial system can be brought to its

knees in less than 140 characters. It's progress in a way. It's just the same kind of progress that Thelma and Louise made as they drove faster and faster towards the edge of a cliff. Well, then of course, it bounced back, John, but was this due to people realising that the tweets was a fake or was it simply the prospect of alluming catastrophe? Because three minutes, John, as we've discovered on this podcast, it's about the market standard minimum decency period after a tragedy of some kind. Before they think, well, there's no point crying over spilt blood. There's money to be made, it's what the dead would have wanted. And once again, it does raise the alarming realisation that

the entire global economic system is not vulnerable to much of the threats of terrorism or natural disasters, mother of own involuntary terrorism, if you will. The entire global economic system is vulnerable to a well-placed piece of bullshit, which raises the question, how the f*** up I'm not a billionaire, John? What the f*** am I doing wrong? I should be working this guy. That's a fair point. You are uncut bullshit, Andy. Well, I guess the thing is stilled. I guess the thing is the bullshit has to be believable. Your right fellow says not about the money, it's about the art.

Point taken, it's also about the honey. And it's also about avoiding any sense of responsibility, reality or genuine adulthood. Stand corrected, fellas. Have some bacon. A lobster doesn't eat bacon, honey. A security expert. It makes't eat bacon, honey. A security expert. It makes them kosher, John. Accounts you to out. If you feed a non-cosher animal with non-cosher food,

it's a double negative that becomes kosher. Take that up with God, come down to the top. Decent mathematician will tell you that. Take that up with God. He might just ask you to, just spell Yamaka. That's all he might require for you, Andy. The security expert explained why the financial freak out

was so instantaneous, saying, high frequency trading bots are monitoring real-time news sources like press feeds and stock exchange notices. They then try to analyze whether the news is positive or negative, they'll automatically buy and sell stock accordingly. When the SEA hacked AP and posted the single fake tweet, trading bots saw crucial keywords from a highly authoritative source,

explosion, White House, Obama, and injured, which was a strong sell. It took some minutes until human operators interceded and stopped the madness. There's so much to unp pick from that sentence Andy. First, trading bots. There's nothing more bone-chillingly terrifying about the phrase, isn't it?

It turns out the trading bots, though, are actually a lot like human traitors, in that they both run on cocaine and prostitutes. Traiding bots work hard, trading bots play hard. Trading bot heading out tonight to sexually assault stripper bots. Actually, I actually think a trading bot computer trip probably has exactly the same level of conscience as your average wall street trade or anyway, I'm be, but at least has the

integrity to physically have a stigley metal heart. You know, if you record the words trading trading bots, and make a little kind of old-style record out of them, and then just drag the needle backwards over it on your record plan, it says the words, what could possibly go wrong? Well, also the last line of that guy's answer is the most chilling there. It took some minutes until human operators interceded and stopped the madness. That's basically the movie logline for War of the World, Andy.

Ha, ha, ha. I think we need to try and extract the positives from this, John, try and find some diamonds in the Dungheap. And I think, you know, we can work this to a more positive way. We just need to spread the kind of rumors that can be relied upon to ensure that the markets skyrocket. You know, positive rumors, rather than rumors like

this, of a death that could destabilise the entire politics of the world. Maybe a leaked member about how the chief financial officer of the International Mega Bank snutterbuck and vault has just successfully grown a diamond tree in his garden that grows pure 3000 carrot ready cut rocks as big as a man's ventricle by burrowing his july loving wife and fertilising her with decomposing banknotes left over from the Vomile Republic. By mark calculation that diamond tree would be worth up to $500 billion worth of market capitalisation. Whatever market capitalisation is, I think that's when the share prices are so ridiculous, they have the printed in capital letters. But I mean, I think we can work this, John,

we just need to start spreading lies. I mean, basically, if the whole of economics is based on bullshit anyway, then you might as well try and fight the bad bullshit with the good bullshit. That's basically, that was Jesus' message in... That's what... Again, he'll just want you to spell Yamaka andi. That's all he's going to want to do.

The FBI... Sell it if it's on your head, John. Ha-ha. The FBI are, of course, currently investigating. Could they from Hamlin? They can spell Stovetipe. Could he? Ha-ha-ha. There's a screen grab of the tweet online before it was taken down.

And you can see that it instantly had 363 retweets and 144 favourites. Now, I don't want to tell the FBI how to do their job, Andy, but they may want to look, spend some time investigating the people behind those 144 favourites. Because if you are favouriting a tweet about the president getting hurt in an explosion at the White House, you may be a person of interest at some points in the future. How's that? Even an instinct to hear who one of the most potentially shocking pieces of news in your lifetime. Oh, what's that? Blast inside the White House, President Down put me down for like. And as it turned out, that particular tweet

was just a hacky order for a tasting menu of tap-tweetery from the Syrian Electronic Army, leading to all news organizations this week being officially warned by Twitter to tighten their security. The Guardian newspaper in the UK was hit this week inadvertently sending a hacked week that read, follow the Syrian Electronic Army, follow the truth. But my favourite hacking was when for some reason the SEA decided to attack the BBC weather

Twitter team. I don't know why they were a target, but I'm frankly glad they were. Here are just some of the messages they posted. The first one was Edinburgh Storm Warning Station decommissioned after maintenance fund diverted to Syrian opposition. Okay, you know, I get that one Andy, you know, it's topical, it's got a bit of weather in there too. But from there, they seem to really settle into a rhythm. Another one was earthquake warning for Qatar. Hamad bin Khalifa about to exit vehicle. Boom, Andy! That's got everything they want, a criticism of Qatar who they're angry with, another bit of weather,

and a fat joke, because to be fair Andy, Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa is of the larger persuasion. That's why it works. Then it just got downright weird. When BBC Weather tweeted, Saudi weather station down due to head-on collision with a camel. And at this point,

I think the S.E.A. were just mainly having fun and enjoying the fact that for some reason they still hadn't been kicked off the server. It's pretty amazing. It's basically kind of thing that you would tweet, Andy, if you hacked into the BBC weather feed. If that's the kind of thing that you would tweet, Andy, if you hacked into the BBC weather feed. If that's a kind of terrorism that I think we can all accept. That's...

I mean, but you know, the BBC weather fork, I mean that is... I think I'm taking down the pillars of Western society one by one. That's hitting Britain where it hurts most on the... As you know, we're a weather obsession nation. I have been ever since the ice caps melted and we ended up separate from France. That's why we get so annoyed when it's cold, we just want to make sure the icecaps don't come back. So we've got, so we've got. At Vice Magazine actually managed to conduct an email with someone claiming to be part of the Syrian Electronic Army

and ask them if there was any particular English-speaking journalists that they don't like. To which their answer was, there are many really, but any media company in the world has to know that it is a target for us when it reports false or fabricated news. Oh shit, we're going to be a target out there. Because that is essentially all we do. And if you guys I hope you realise the self-restraint involved in doing this whole chunk on Syrian cybernots taking over the BBC Weather Twitter account without once saying that they were going to be sunny spells. And that took determination. She had determination. And I'll wait, of money news now. And it emerged this week that tens of millions

of US dollars in cash were delivered to the office of Afghanistan president Hamid Kazai for over a decade, dropped off in suitcases, backpacks and plastic shopping bags. Oh, what could possibly go wrong with a plan like that, Andy? I love it. Other than absolutely everything, I mean your potential failure rate is only not impressively

me go 100%. How could that scheme be flawed when you're handing those bags of unmarked money to a country whose two main exports are heroin and sadness? How could it not work? Carzai told reporters that the Office for National Security has been receiving support for the past 10 years, not a big amount, he said, a small amount. And this is where the words get really interesting, which has been used for quotes, various purposes. Now, when Hamid Carzai says, Man has been put to various purposes, and that should set alarm bells ringing,

like at a World Campcamponology championships. That is, he said the assistance has been very useful and we are thankful to them for it. Well, that's nice. Yeah, that's nice, so. So, that's lovely, isn't it? Actually, the money was supposed to buy influence for the CIA, but instead, and you're not gonna believe

this, Andy, it apparently fueled corruption and empowered warlords and undermined any attempted US exit strategy, or as they described those three things in Afghanistan Wednesday. But these bags of cash demonstrate a clear new strategy for the US and Afghanistan, Andy, rather than just throwing money at the problem, they've moved on to dropping money near the problem instead.

So let's not claim that their strategies have not evolved. Now, according to Kelli El-Roman, who was Carthage's chief of staff, and I imagine literally also his bag man, according to him, the Afghans called it Ghost Money, saying we called it Ghost Money, it came in secret, and it left in secret. And that's not ghost money, Andy. That's ninja money, silently arriving, silently leaving completely untraceable. Ghost money is something that disappears

before repeatedly coming back to haunt you. Do you know what he's right? It was ghost money. And Hamid Karzai actually called it something different, similar to what you heard, Andy. He called that money multi-purpose assistance, which is like the kind of euphemism that a massage parlour would give for a hand job. It's apparently got so bad that an American official stated this week that the biggest source of corruption in Afghanistan was the United States, and that is big praise, Andy, because almost

any single object in Afghanistan is a potential source of corruption. Somehow, even their boulders are on the take. There was a report in August 2011 that said that as much as $60 billion in American funds have been lost to waste and fraud in Iraq and Afghanistan over the last 10 years. So, I mean, you know, it's nice at least we're giving some directly in cash because the problem with fraud that goes through the books is you lose so much in commissions, at least it's going directly to where it is most needed for the purposes of corruption. Yeah, here's another thing on Afghanistan.

Afghanistan renown as a terrific producer of opiate drugs, but until recently was not actually a major consumer, but that has all changed in the last 10 years. Now, a more than a million out of the 35 million population are now addicted to drugs, which apparently is proportionately the highest figure in the world. Now, where could they possibly have learnt this from? America has one of the world's highest rates of drug-related deaths. Britain has the highest drug abuse rate in Europe. So you're f***ing welcome Afghanistan.

At least, let's look for the silver lining here. They've knocked Iran off the top spot. Yeah, I'm a take that. I'm a dinner, Jen. An addict was quote on a BBC report saying, buying heroin in Kabul is as easy as buying yourself something to eat. Still sounds quite difficult if you're in Kabul. But at least, John, this is opening up

Afghanistan's assertors, we promise you, this is giving the consumers what they want. At least they now have the choice of whether or not to annihilate themselves with lethal drugs. And women and children account for 40% of the country's drug addicts. So even more than the choice, we are bringing gender equality to Afghanistan in the post-Taliban era and and we're bringing families together that are being traditionally torn apart by civil war. That's, I mean, it's, that is really the legacy that we wanted to leave in Afghanistan. And that's a good point. Yep. The entire budget for treating the country's

one million drug addicts and bear in mind that they've lost 60 billion dollars to corruption in Afghanistan and Iraq. The entire budget for dealing with a million drug addicts, 2.2 million dollars. That's just over $2 per addict per year. So in context, you might argue that isn't quite enough. Maybe not quite enough. Well, there's no more money on it because it's being dropped off in cash plastic bags at

Carzile's office. And I imagine also most Afghan drug dealers don't take credit cards. So who knows where that cash is going? Well, the reason these cash drops started was apparently. In 2010, Carzile admitted his office received cash in bags froman, but that it was a transparent form of aid that helped cover expenses at the presidential palace. He said at the time, the United States made similar payments. So what happened was, in December 2002, Iranians reportedly showed up at the palace in a sports utility vehicle packed with cash, and the CIA then began dropping off cash from them at the palace the following month and the sums grew from there. We were

like two contestants on the bachelor's end. Desperately trying to compete to win the affection of someone who deep down we probably didn't even like. Definitely don't know that well and who we know we have no real future with yet whose favour we are inexplicably willing to degrade ourselves for. America, I have really enjoyed my time with you this month. Will you accept this opium poppy? Oh, of course I will, you dangerously corrupt bastard. Come here!

Someone is definitely getting some multi-purpose assistance later. It just seems crazy Andy, you're giving the money to Hamid Karzai, a man who, if his previous behaviour is anything to go by, is just going to spend that money on heroin and hats. Your emails now and aside from the emails from dating sites that we've been getting, which in a quick update we've also been signed up for Anastasia Date, which I'll presume is dating agency for people who are a literally part of the former Russian Royal family, but disappeared in mysterious circumstances, and Muslima, Haryat and Passion Networks. So, and it's all happening.

It is all happening at, all started by Christian Mingle. And I think that showed how a religion doesn't need to divide it and bring people together. And now we've been signed up to two dating websites from most of the world's major religions. That's a great thing. I see an amazing rom-com coming out of this where you accidentally double book yourself

onto a Christian mingle and Muslimadate and have got a potential to be both in one nightclub with hilarious consequences. You see, you say that like it's a joke, Chris, but if you say that out loud on the west coast of America, you may find yourself making that movie. No, you may find yourself making that movie. Hypo Rudd. He's so likeable, perfect casting, Chris. You've shown you got a good eye. Yes. Thanks to Casey, you took it upon herself to make little illustrations for us. She describes them as a sexy dating website profile pictures, which is basically women in bikinis with John's and my head superimposed,

which is probably the creepiest thing I've ever seen. It's pretty chilling. I mean, we definitely look like serial killers. It's certainly the creepiest thing I've seen since I actually saw John in a bikini. This one came in from Max in Florida who writes, uh, Andy affecting my love life. Oh dear, I don't know the way this is going. Dear Andy John and Chris in order of influence on my love life, my Canadian girlfriend recently came to stay with me. So you needed to exchange some Canadian currency.

So I took her to my bank. When she took out her bills, I couldn't help notice the smoke in a hot woman staring back at me. It was the queen. I tried to control myself and his influence on me was too hard. I received a few very awkward glances, while I talked about how hot she was and how the bills were practically made to be sticking out of a stripper's G-string. Needless to say, my girlfriend was not that impressed. I may have the switch banks soon Sincerely max in Florida. Well, you know The coin is what the coin is, you know don't fight it

Don't but when you got that that kind of branding. Why not stick it on a banknote? That's what though I mean, what are the scots doing not having a coin on their banknotes? That is But they just clearly don't trust themselves We have another email here from Dan who says dearest christ John and Andy in order of those who would have the potential vanity to use services such as mine. As a personal trainer, I like to get through my worst and most painful workout on a Saturday by doing my heavy squats to your Splendid for a bugle podcast. I can't. It was a heavy squat. I can't believe there's something about the phrase

heavy squat. Andy, you're Friday, Carrie. Not that kind of show. It's not that kind of showlessness. What is he gazing on in that kind of show? This is high in satire, John. Let's not forget that. Never forget.

It's just the image of someone doing squats up and down, up and down. Well listening to this is very, very funny to me. Anyway, I get through my worst amongst painful workout sessions, I do my heavy squats to your Splendid for a beautiful podcast to distract me from the focus misery of my workout up and down, up and down. And I get down, work it, work it, come on dad squat squat up squat up squat up A moment of intent to larity I think we've all demonstrated that neither of us have ever been to a gym or had a personal trainer However, I'm over to intent to larity cause one the gigglish courtesy of the penis still amars

Course me to L.R. Well at a moment of maximum exertion still amars, caused me to LL at a moment of maximum exertion, subsequently resulting in a torn muscle in my lower back four days off work and thus far a net loss of over £1200. A birthday present was to be a volunteer subscription to your sales from my mother at a rate of £10 per month. Therefore I will now be paying in 2023 no doubts from a spinal rehab clinic. Thank you, Bugle, for making me both incredibly happy and yet unable to extricate my 16 stone carcass to perform even the most basic oblutions. Oh dear, that is a problem when you got some heavy squats

to get through. Squat down, squat down, squat down. Well, we can only apologize to the very tops of our hearts. That spine tastery was the subject of that emo, which is, there are another nine. Feel the burn, Dan. Feel the burn ripping all the way up your spine.

You've heard it again. If it's quite down, it's quite down. If it ain't hurting and ain't working. And this, are on a similar, I think the bugle is actually on the piece of disastrous on any number of levels. That is the next the next merch we should do and is an exercise tape that is all just squatting. Just squatting. Shelting it to a camera. Squat up! Squat down! You can do that when you're hosting the daily so John. So you got it, it may come to that. I think lunges

and burpees are both quiet bugley. Well we've got to go to the Queen's swear-o-bicks, we could, uh, maybe... And f***ing... And f***ing... And f***ing... And f***ing... I forgot swear-o-bicks. That is very good. We actually could do an exercise take-out there.

We could... This one comes in. How long bugle cost me £20,000 a year from Guy, did John Chris and Andy in the order you appear on the assassination list of the nation of Australia? Well, I'm done quite well with that. Yeah, you should have done that. You don't have to piss them off Chris. Well, you were above me on that list.

I just think it's my gym with the media. Because you went out there during the last act, isn't you, mate? I did, I helped England win the ashes. Yeah, that's all that to do. A few weeks ago, I was scheduled to attend a job interview, which could have seen my salary increase by 20,000 pounds. As this was clear, an important interview I needed to decide what to listen to on the three hour drive

to best increase my chances. Possibly some learned documentaries related to the field, maybe some soothing classical music to make sure I'm fully at ease. Now, of course, what you need for a job interview is to ensure your mind is full of premium grade bullshit, to ensure you have plenty to spout off when the time comes. I therefore decided to listen to back-to-back bugles for the drive.

Unfortunately, one of the recent bugles I chose was the one where John was really out tweaks from the iron shake, including one of the ones described as distilling down the essence of marketing. Well, I thought if it works for selling t-shirts, surely it should work for selling myself. Thinking a bit more, I decided it probably wasn't a good idea. But throughout these subsequent interview,

the mental effort required to not just stand up and yell, give me a job or go fuck yourself. Man, I couldn't really concentrate on the questions being asked. It's now been several weeks, and I haven't heard back from them. I therefore blame my subsequent failure to get the job on you at the

ViewCore. I'm not expecting a yearly stipend of 20,000 pounds to be coming my way from your overflowing coffers. So, well, Bugleys, if you want us to be able to pay guy the money he so clearly deserves, then our coffers are not we describe overflowing. So do kick those voluntary subscriptions coming in at TheBugle podcast.com and check out our SoundCloud page SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle and the merch is also available via the via the bugle website and You know, it's hard to imagine a world within a year or so where at least half the people are not wearing a bugle cap.

Make sure to think. Thanks for your emails. Do keep coming in info at thebuglepodcast.com. Well that's about it for this week's bugle. Any bugle is who are going to over this weekend to the Badminton Horse Trials, do enjoy it. It's the annual event where Britain's naughtiest horses face justice in the four-day highlight of the Equine Legal Calendar offences. Being prosecuted in a law-studded bill at the Trials City Arrange from unlicensed nying by galloping under the influence of sugar lumps to a sexual misconduct, so brought by two actors from a very disappointing pantomime. That's all, Buglars. Until next week, please stop signing us up for dating sites.

We're already happily married to our beloved audience. We need no more love in this. That's lovely, just you and me. That's nice. Um, so, stamp up your fucking dowry. And, uh, that's it. Until next week. you