The Bugle - Bugle 234 – Nuns, guns and nutters

Episode Date: May 10, 2013

Who the hell are UKIP and what do they want? Is making guns an act of libertarianism and why nuns and nuclear don't mix Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. Shining a bit ill, John. I am ill. I'm definitely ill.

This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com The Bugle Audio Newspaper for a Visual World Hello, Bugle! And welcome to issue 234 of the Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world for the New Monday, the 13th of May 2013, with May Andy Zoltzman in London. You really should come here someday Bugle as it's got restaurants and so much else besides sensational places. And in New York City USA, it's a man who these days can just look at a thing, anything, and it spontaneously just starts satirising itself. It's the Manhattan Murthmaker, the West Side Wittocyst and definitively one of the funnier Gentiles in New York. It's John Oliver. Hello Andy, hello, Buugles, you're really talking

up London there anybody saying it's got restaurants. Oh, yeah, mate, you were talking about the quality just saying, factually, there are places you can pay for food. That's right. I mean, what more do you want in a place? In a place? Why wouldn't you come on holiday here? Achieveable goals. That's what you've got to set. I forgot to mention last week, but just so that Bueglis know,

the date that I'm going to be temporarily hosting the Daily Show has been set. It's going to be from Monday, June the 10th. And look, I'm just going to be honest with you. I'm going to need Bueglis to watch, H, highly because it's entirely possible that no one else will. And you know I have separately and together taking a number of TV shows off the air of videos and I'm really gonna be trying to make sure that I'll still have a job by the time John Stuart comes back. So put June the 10th into your diary, tattoo it onto your testicles because it will be the beginning of a few of the strangest months in my life.

We're going to keep trying to do the bugle throughout the summer, although my contributions may, if it's possible, we're even less though through than they already are. But it may end up, who knows, being a valuable audio document history of one man single-handedly destroying one of the most iconic programs on American TV. It won't be easy Andy, but I'm pretty sure it can be done. I could have taken the Cosby show off the air if they'd let me anyway near that thing. I'm sure I can do it now. Alright, a rare delve into the world of television last weekend at some bugle of Smite of Cine. I did a little piece at the end of the world's snooker

championship coverage for the BBC. Now, as you've suggested John, we do tend to split opinions sometimes into us and everyone else. And it's fair to say that I might be in a quiet taste and I don't know if quite a lot of snooker fans, seven minutes was not quite enough time to acquire that taste. The instant response on Twitter showed. I was quite pleased with the piece and a lot of the bugles who commented on it on Twitter. The email seems to have liked it as well. But that was not the universally held opinion, John, as comments such as Who's this cuntestify?

And make it stop and this guy can f*** off So there we go. The Gourry's quality heckley The spittoon of democratic opinion that is Twitter Did you get any negative reviews though? This is Bugle 234, making the most suitable Bugle for preceding a love song, 234. Can now be replaced with the next half hour or so of total jive we're about to lay down as the archives of humanity. In fact, if any Bugle is worth a thing of serenading and intended romantic partner with

a song, we'd be very interested from a scientific point of view to find out whether playing this episode instead of saying the words, 2, 3, 4, before starting the song, makes digestion more or less romantically effective. And it can also now, this episode can now be used alongside Bugle 1, in our Use Your Bugles to count in a game of hide and seek. So you now have one and now 2, 3, 4. And you have to wait for Bugle 56,789 for the rest of that. So that little collection number three. That's Hiddler to me in the year. 3433, roughly by which time,

according to Projections Podcast, will be the only remaining branch of showbiz left in the world. So do keep your voluntary subscriptions coming in. If you want the Bugle to be in the forefront of that commercial gold mine. I am in London The city where 73 years ago this week Big Winston Churchill was putting on his new prime ministers underpants after the ceremonial handover from his outgoing predecessor

Neville Chamberlain Chamberlain to be fair to him had had the Prime Ministerial undergarb's thoroughly lauded Post his little Munich incident but he was a much skinnier man and Winston a man of, it was of course a man of famously defiantly considerable girth. But due to the lack of fabric in the war and the hectic nature of his new double's Prime Minister, Churchill endured five years of overtight underpants before a deliberately throwing the 1945 election to the much more skinny, clemenately,

pretending to be annoyed at the public for voting out. And going command over for six years to get rid of the indentations around his waist. I've been a long week. I've been working on a radio show that's basically been keeping me up until 4am. Every moment for three. Who's this? And I've been having people ask me, on a radio show that's basically been keeping me up until 4am. Every button for 3...

And I've been having people ask me who this is. It's honestly, Andy, it's quite a profound philosophical question that I'm asking you there. What is the answer? I guess there is no right answer, it's just your journey to finding that answer. As to what kind of f*** you are. Ha ha ha ha. F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F***ing F*** Oh yeah. Still got it, lady. Still got it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Dead now, of course. Tragically snatched away from us at the age of just 90.

But I'd tell you, John, if I was 150 years older than I am, I would have been volunteering for the Crimean War and dangling my leg in the way of bullets. Oh yeah. Sorry I've been holding that in for a few years. And to mark this historic occasion of FlowNi's 193rd, this week's section in the bin

is a pre-nighting girl medical treatment audio part work. Part one, her doctor I've just been bitten by a worm. Right, so pop your trousers down. Look at this pencil to distract yourself from the pain. Pfft, how old that just smirred. Yes, I bet it does. I let it rust up just to make sure. There you go. One leg off. One leg on. Do you want to take it home with you? Oh, please. Just one thing. The worm actually bit me on my arm.

Oh, right. I'll get my axe. Did you say you could bite your wife yet? Because I can always do this as a home visit tomorrow if you like. Oh, thank you, Doctor. That'll be terrific. We've got people coming for dinner. It'll be an awful shame to miss it. You to bleed an out on your couch. Testify. I'll tie you up for the evening. Never whiskey. No, thanks. I'll take it like a man. Yow!

That is going where it belongs in the bin. Top story this week, Britain and Europe, sitting in a tree, F-I-G-H-T-I-N-G. And Britain had its local elections this week, which was obviously huge news around the globe. Damascus, Rebels and a satellite is both laid down their arms to huddle around radios, hoping to hear the exit polls from Gloucestershire. Here in the US, and easier, I'm sure you can imagine, it was wall-to-wall coverage with the President, the Captain, constant touch with the results coming in from Dagon himself.

This time, though, there was relatively big news coming out of the elections, with UKIP, the UK, independent party making huge gains to the joy of Euro of Eurosceptics and the dismay and slight embarrassment of everyone else. There is something about UKIP which taps into some of the worst sides of the British character or the best sides of the British character as some of the worst people in Britain would argue. UKIP is a political party run by men who look like they were from a different time in British history. Nigel Farage, is it Farage? Farage, yes. Farage.

It looks like he should be sitting on a port in India with a rifle on his lap, wondering which endangered species he should go and shoot next. Fetch me another cool glass of water Rajeev. I've got to need to be hydrated when I shoot another tiger in its stupid tiger face. Yeah, it's either kind of permanent half-grin knowledgeal for us from someone who is constantly surprised that he is not being punched in the face by someone. And I can tell that, John. Justifiably surprised, Andy. Justifiably, because I know that.

I know that, John, because that was a real dick when I was younger. And I'm slightly less of a dick now, so it doesn't stuff it's quite so often. But I recognize that when I see it. Well, you can basically sum up UKIPs policies like this. Britain is an island, and if too many forests stand on it at one time, it will sink. Also, you shouldn't even be looking at her. Or you will make Britain dirty with your eyes. Also why doesn't everyone treat us like it was

300 years ago? Things were so much better back then. For us obviously not necessarily for everyone else. That's another point. The point is Britannia rules the waves. God save the Queen. Oh, Pippa. That's basically you keep policy positions in a single meandering sentence. And the already muddy waters have been further muddied by the infantil of a couple of senior conservatives, Nigel Lawson, one of the factors, chances of Michael Portillo, have both suggested that Britain should withdraw from the EU. I think withdraw from Europe as a continent. In fact, maybe just, as I believe we suggested

in a live show years ago, John just withdraw from the planet Earth, maybe just rockets in all four corners of Britain and fire ourselves into a slightly superior orbit. So we can look down and say, all we are Britain, good day to you, f**kers. Exactly. It's something about orbit,

which only gives you the kind of high ground, the intellectual high ground that we're claiming anyway to feel physically aloof, as well as intellectually aloof. But yeah, you're right, with the intervention of Lawson, particularly the extons of the exchequer, under Margaret Thatteron, of course, father's of Britain's favorite soft core pornographic chef nijela lawson oh nijela you can make my souffle carefully rise any day

uh... anyway he mentioned him a portillo has made these more fringe anti-European views more mainstream and uh... uh... lawson argues that we were britain would instantly save eight billion pounds in money that spent in annual membership fees, if you're of money that could be spent on building a time machine to take Britain back to the 18th century when we were truly happy. I will say though, an 8 billion pound membership fee does seem a little steep andy.

Should we not all be getting some at least free gym memberships to the EU in Brussels for that? Maybe some discount Quassal or a free tote bag. Something to make us feel like we're not being completely ripped off. Nick Clegg, the Liberal Democrat leader of Deputy Prime Minister, a big European fan, massive European fan, but even he said we need to reform the European Union to make it more transparent because currently the EU has an organization. It's about as transparent as a brick in a stagnant pond with a hippo shitting on it.

And we in... Well, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't say a sentence like that and they continue with another sentence. That's like going out to a high-end gastronomic spectacular meal, Andy. And having this chef run in front of you, eat that in one bite and then drink this pint of milk. No, no, Andy. OK, we'll just let that float. Less across the channel.

Let it digest. There was a beautiful sentence. Now, we in Britain, we tend to be pretty suspicious of anything that comes from across any of the seas surrounding our holy island unless we have personally occupied subjugated stolen or shot it. And we've already taken the EU to our hearts, I think it's been a bit of a shame, John, because you know I'm a real fan of the concept of Europe as a continent not slaughtering millions of its own people in avoidable wars, every couple of generations.

Because I've really enjoyed the fact that since you and I were born, John, we haven't been expected to walk directly into machine gunfire emanating from people with whom we might reasonably think we have a shared history going back thousands of years. I've enjoyed that. I've been able to have a lot of time for my other hobbies in life, which include watching Snooker and being called a ****. So, but there is this skepticism and you know, particularly about things like that we view as kind of, you know, add a lessened friepries that you should grow out of such as human rights and employment rights and things like that. Things that you just put on the side along with, you know, kind of overly brightly colored t-shirts. And we want to be independent, John. We want to let our own financial institutions bend us over our own British

workbench and spank us with our own claw hammer until we beg for our own British form of mercy. We don't want, we don't want to drown in Europe's economic slurry. We've got our own financial cesspit to force our own faces into. So but out Brussels, it's Britain's business. Michael Portillo, another conservative policy's new mentioned who also like Nigel Farage, looks like he'd be most comfortable hitting an Indian boy with a stick. Also announced his support for Britain leaving the EU saying, the UK is unhappy in the EU. We do not share its vision, partly because we are not visionary by temperament.

Oh, that's nice, Michael. We're not visionaries or dreamers of a better tomorrow. We're a stoic people who accept our lot in life and take pleasure in the simple joys of complaining about it all the time. He went on to say, we're not so easily convinced that the EU is a necessary response to the horrors of the Second World War

because our experience of that war was different. Oh, I think I know where this is heading. We did not endure revolution dictatorship or invasion. Other countries may look to institutions at the European level because I doubt the durability of national institutions that perished in that conflict. We do not because ours survived. Well, that great Andy, so he's throwing in an extra little

f*** you up with a second World War for good measure too. Oh survived and they are in a truly glorious state as a quick perusal of Eddie Deuce paper in Britain at the moment will tell you. Now I don't know, John, you've been out of this nation for a what coming on seven, seven years now. Coming up, coming up Andy. Yeah I don't know if John, you've been out of this nation for a, what, coming on seven, seven years now. Coming up, coming up, Andy. You know, I don't know if, when you hear you have a woke up and wanted, uh, what the f*** had happened to this country. Um, this will be lurching right withering spiritually, cracking under the strain of its own broken political discourse.

The government is currently selling off the legal system to a haulage firm and a supermarket. Wait, whoa, whoa, what? I think what? It's a, no, I'm not talking to you just telling spectacular lies and I'm assuming that is one of them. It's not, I mean, I don't have the full facts to how to basically eddie Stowebart the prominent haulage firm is taking over large parts of the criminal justice system. I think we should go into this in more depth maybe next week. It's a kind

of story that's sort of been buried under things like football managers resigning. Well to be fair that was a pretty big story. I mean that was the biggest story that's hit the shores, really, probably since the Romans invited. But it's, I mean, everything's just being flocked off in this country. Education is a political punch bag. The poor, increasingly viewed as disappointing relics of a bygone era when we had some need for them. And what do they actually do now? The disabled, do they take sugar and if so, are they gonna expect us to fucking pay for it for them? We have a political elite drawn from exactly this kind of school die when,

so let me tell you, John, people like me, are the last kind of people you want in any position of responsibility. We're a nation. You've proven that, Andy. We walk the walk as well as talk the talk. We're a nation whose response to minor moral orquindnesses like mass institutionalized sexual

abuse, especially to kick it under the carpet and then jump up and down on the carpet and the still it top stop twitching. We didn't have enough skeletons in our national closet that it is probably time to start digging up our own patio as well just to check what we buried underneath it. So all in all, John, go Team GB. Great as f***ing nation in the world. But on the plus side, the international cricket season begins next Thursday. So reality can go f*** itself for a while. Exactly, these are only moments of clarity that you have to feel, Andy. Sport will anesthetize you. Relax.

I think I'm just a little bit overtired. And irritable. overtired and irritable. 3D printing news now and 3D printing is supposedly, we're starting to hear Andy, the future of manufacturing. As long as the thing that you want manufactured is plastic and less good than the non-plastic version of the thing, you could easily buy if you got off your awesome lens of the shops. But basically, the technology works by building up layer upon layer of material, typically plastic, to build solid objects. The idea is that as printers become significantly cheaper, instead of going to the shops, consumers

will instead just be able to download designs and print out the items they want for themselves at home. So, what is one of the first things that this landmark technology has been used for? A gun, of course. What else, Andy? A firming Texas, huge surprise over the static question there, has successfully manufactured the first 3D printed gun. And what a perfect time for this to happen, Andy,

because the NRA had just held last weekend their 140 second annual convention also in Texas, 142 in a row and the muzzle tough, NRA. I believe that 142 is the lead anniversary. I think I'm right about that. The company question, defense distributed or defense distributed as they would say here as put the blue the blueprint online for manufacturing the gun and it's already been downloaded over 100,000 times and amounts that they described as surprising but really what is remotely surprising about that number Andy I really didn't expect anyone to have

any interest over a 3D printed functioning weapon. I can't believe that that would intrigue people in any way. What is fascinating about being able to forge a lethal plastic gun from a home printer? A gun that would therefore not be able to be spotted with a metal detector? That doesn't seem to have any one of the key ingredients for human interest. What a shock! What a shock! Well, it's so often with any form of new technology that humanity's first reaction is to say, oh wow, that's awesome, this could really revolutionise the way we live, this could bring

untold benefits to millions. I wonder if you could kill someone with it. It's true. That's true. That's it's always that is humanity's thought process. It's a point of any major development. It's not it basically violence and sex. It's basically how films work, but it's also the same with technological breakthroughs. Yes. That's why most missiles are shaped like penises. They double up. But it also makes you think, John, in what words the founding fathers say about this? Because we know that they wanted Americans to shoot each other as often as possible. But what were their view of 3D printers have been? Because they don't exactly go on about it that much, John.

They didn't crap on it, they're saying about the need to use 3D printers responsibly. So I can assume what they really meant, a clear subtext of the fact that they didn't mention it was, see if you can use it to make a gun. George Washington did not explicitly tell you Americans not to use 3D printers to create a little organ of devastation. So we can only assume that is exactly what the Wig Wearing Independence Fan would have wanted all Americans to do. And it does raise the question As the technology advances, will you be able to print an entire well-regulated militia? Just surely what Constitution fans will want to do. It's the next step. The right to print arms

The company question defensive to be did is headed by Cody Wilson a 25 year old law student at the University of Texas He describes a law student. Yes. Yes. Should he not be studying a bit harder? well Well, maybe or not studying at all. He's in that very tricky middle area at the moment He describes there was a crypto anarchist and said his plans to make the design available work and I quote about liberty Oh, fuck you, Cody The crypto anarchist and said he's plans to make the design available work and I quote, about liberty. Oh f**k you, Goldie. It's always about liberty when it comes to firearms in America, Andy.

It's getting so annoying. It's just never about the liberty to not get shot by a maniac carrying a 3D printed plastic gun. That is not a particular liberty that you have. You don't have the liberty to shoot him first though, that's the point. Could you not have printed a nice little puppy or something? He'd unsuccessfully applied for a federal firearms license from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Which might as well be called the Bureau of Dangerous Combinations.

I think alcohol and farms should really be separated off, organizationally. Second of ember, second of ember Andy. No, second of ember, you're wrong about that. Oh, sorry. I'm a bit out of the loop. They never specifically said that you couldn't be drunk and on methranphetamines whilst firing a 3D plastic gun. They never said that, and if they'd meant it, they would have said it.

Stop putting words in their mouth. MUSIC Nuclear non-news now. God, I love it. Yeah, you have a little... A lot of undivided attention now, Joe. LAUGHTER An 83-year-old non successfully broke into a Tennessee

depleted uranium storage facility. You've posted? Yes. Yes. And the sentence isn't even over. Exposing a massive security hole. And we're sentenced this week to up to 20 years in jail. Boom. We can keep talking useless or you can just take that fact and enjoy it for the rest of the week until we speak to you again. It's pretty amazing. Susan Rice is the woman in question, the 83-year-old nun. She cut through the perimeter fence with two of her similarly-agent buddies and then spray-painted several surfaces and hung up protest banners

as well as spraying human blood on several surfaces, mentors symbolically remind people of the horrific spilling of blood by nuclear weapons. The non-inquestion has apparently been arrested between 40 and 50 times, committing acts of civil disobedience, including what's in Nevada after you physically block the truck at a nuclear test site. I mean, look, for an agey three-year-old non-andy, this woman don't f*** around. Because after being sent as to these 20 years in

child, she told the jury her only regret was that she wished 70 years hadn't passed before she took direct action. So she wishes she'd done this, Andy, at 13 years old. I guess that's the only way this story could have been more incredible. Because the only thing better than 83 year old nun breaking into a nuclear facility is a 13 year old nun breaking into a nuclear facility before nuclear weapons were particularly widespread. Well I think that's what you want your nuns to do isn't it? You want your nuns to step up and call some shit down Anthony. Step up to the plate and break into the power station. Apparently, all three protesters spent about two hours inside the Oak Ridge facility,

cutting through the fences in a facility known as the Fort Knox of Uranium. And once they're as I mentioned, they painted slogans, they chipped off part of a wall with hammers and sprayed the exterior of the complex with baby bottles containing human blood. Now, when a guard approached, they offered him food and started singing. But I'm guessing Andy, the guard wasn't that hungry after seeing those baby bottles of human blood.

That kind of thing can really ruin an appetite. Oh, I was quite peckish, but then I saw you squirting that baby bottle of human blood and, you know, I think I'll pass on that. It's so hard to get it to exactly the right temperature as well when it's, you know, the thing. That's the thing. You just don't trust them to use it in the right way. Your emails now and this one comes from Felix Harcourt at the Eleanor Roosevelt Papers Project. Which, you know, that sounds like a mycona project.

Dear Andy, brackets and John and Chris, although we don't hold you responsible. In last week's Beagle, you referred to Eleanor Roosevelt as, quote, famously, prudish. We at the Eleanor Roosevelt Papers project, take Umbridge at this. In studying her political life and work, we found that she was off on the life of the party. Take, for example, this genuine quote from 1959 that we recently uncovered. Quotes, I know very little about rock and roll. I've seen some of my own young people do it rather conservatively.

Clearly, we await your attraction. That's... You're... you're move, Andy. That said, you were spot on about the bucket of lobsters from... No. So that's officially sanctioned, right? That is officially sanctioned. Frank Henry's about to have a bucket of lobsters,

so he went with him everywhere, everywhere. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and the other lobster is a notoriously wise creature. If you want to follow the Eleanor Roosevelt Papers project, they have a Twitter feed at ER Papers. So, for all your Eleanor Roosevelt needs. We all have it. All your Eleanor Roosevelt needs, those needs were actually denied FDR at times, I believe.

Yeah. Yes, by all accounts, you saw a conjugal bliss as something of a chore. Maybe you could differ. Oh, yeah. Well, Felix. Well, yeah, there is the Twitter feed. What's the latest on the ER papers, Twitter feed?

They've got a quote from her from 1958. Yeah. It's very wise. No person in the world is really far away nowadays. Teres de Fertz has de... Well. Class classic hippie thought from Ella, no, no. She was off her tits on Ella's de the other time.

Disprove it. Yeah. Disprove it. Do you know the first things she did after FDR died? I wish. Well, no, she made a massive seafood chowder out of his lobster. It was one of the most bitter things anyone's ever done after a spouse's death.

I think the Eleanor Roosevelt Papers Project need to understand that this is what happens when they even jokingly agree with one of your facts you are fueling the flames of bullshit. Yes, three of us in this relationship. You, me and the bucket of lobsters. This one came in from Rich, who writes on the subject of merch, dear Andy and John in order of last appearing on a Snooker show. I hear congratulations during order for the completing utter mullering of the normal monotone grainess of Snooker audio, when in fact it was video as well, but the point stands, I'm not as well not have been there. In fact, when I turned on, I was reading something, then I heard a familiar voice. I looked and they were in all your faux art garf Uncle glory,

which then the bombshell hit me harder, even than the disappointment I felt when I first saw Star Wars Episode 1, that must have been, that's pretty hard. You've made a big thing about the launch of your merchandise and very nice it is too, but where is the bugles official and the saltman wig oh well oh as we said we've only that's only the first trash of merch not a terrible idea Andy available I mean that's when you know you're getting really huge when you're starting to monetize your own appearance that's right we could do we could do John Oliver kind of glasses and Yeah, nose attachment kind of Classic voucher marks. Yeah

That's true I mean, that's you know whether as you know the bugle is all about the dollar So we'll definitely bear this in mind next time we have a meeting of the beautiful We can we can mark them as John Oliver and Andy's ultimate disguises for bank robberies We can mark it. We can mark it. There was John Oliver and Andy's ultimate disguises for bank robberies. I'd love someone to rob a bank dress as you guys. Don't say that Chris, because you know how easily golden the bugles are.

And there are two people out there that will wear a fright wig and grab some eyes glasses and they will rob a fucking bank. Who just got a response from us? There'll be some story about some half a go hero who foiled the burglary having said, who's this f*** coming into my bag? We have another email here from Tuffy who says, dear Andy John and Chris in the order of which ones I typed first. Not like that.

I'm a work study student at a college working towards my PhD in math. Well, spell math, right, to one day become a math instructor. It's mathematics or maths. In short, I'm a... I'm going to have your green card take away from things. Actually, yeah, you know, let me retract that because you have to edit that out. That kind of thing can get you booted here.

I'll take it, I'll take it about. I've made my choice. It's math, you're right. In short, I'm a really fucking smarty-pants. That said, I'm currently grading papers for a class designed to teach future teachers how to be teachers. As I grade these,

I've been a fronster grammar, spelling intelligence in common sense. Well, I hope you wrote that at the bottom of a page. I find myself becoming hopeless and depressed, realizing that the people who wrote these travesties are gonna be the ones teaching the next several generations. The only thing that keeps me from ramming my head through the computer and electrocuting my brain is listening to the bugle, and that terrifies me rightly so. So before I begin to question my sound,

as he can start writing, are you kidding me? You can't teach English if you can't f**king spell you waste of oxygen and protoplasm. Go get a job somewhere where you're particularly a brand of stupid can't infect the rest of us on every paper I'm grading. I'm going to take out my voluntary subscription to the bugle in the hopes that you'll be around a long time to help distract me from the depressing reality that is the American education system. You're sincerely t-f-y-p-s, f-u-c-r-s, nothing personal, I just need to swear at someone and I can't get fired for doing it to you. That is, look, in many ways that also is what the bugle is all about Andy.

We can provide a lightning rod for people's aggression and hostility. Directed from us, if you can't direct it anywhere else. Now, you might know, we've bleepaked out the bugle's name. Andy, even though he didn't say, he or she didn't say, don't use me, it just seemed like that was, that was slightly too much from the heart. Yep. That didn't sound like there could be some consequences. Like a letter of resignation as much as an email. So that's it for your emails this week to keep them coming into info at thebgolpodcast.com.

Don't forget to take out your voluntary subscription at thebgolpodcast.com where you can also find a link to the merch, the biggest, I think it's now the biggest selling fashion accessories of the decade so far. I believe that is now officially confirmed. And don't forget to check out our SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle. The Huy Fun Bugle. Sport now and well, as we mentioned earlier on,

I mean, it was the biggest story in British history. The resignation of the Manchinite Manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, the age of 71 after 26 years in charge of the prominent football club, Manchester United. And it shoved everything off the news, including the announcement of the government's legislative program for the next year or so. And was it big news in America, John? It wasn't, it wasn't Andy, but it's big news for me personally

because I cannot stand Manchester United. Even though they play some quite beautiful football at times. And it's much easier to admit that Alex Ferguson is possibly the greatest managers ever lived after he's left. So now, my positive feelings for him are able to flower. But the media coverage was extraordinary. I mean, there was a point when I thought they were going to suggest that

his manager ship was going to get a full state funeral. And he deserves it more. Yes, there's even talk that he's... And he was a divisive figure. He's going to be made a lot of people call it for that for services to childish elongated spats with state broadcasters. Even suggestions that he could displace Prince Philip as the Queen's squeeze. And that would be, that would seem a proof.

That would be a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem a good proof. That would seem You still got that club in your bag when you're tired though Andy. Yeah, it's the last thing to go. It's like a box, like a box of punch. It's the contrived metaphor. LAUGHTER

And in the snooker, Ronny O'Sullivan, a big favourite of the Bugle Sports section, won the World Championship after taking a year sabbatical from snooker, the bait over of the Bays, and extraordinary, to probably the greatest sporting event to be held on British Shore since the 1966 World Cup this year's World Snooker Championships. Roughly. And it was, er, he is, I know Snooker's not that big in America, John. But I think your American bugle should really pick up Ronnie O'Sullivan as a sporting icon when he's like a cross between Babe Ruth and Wayne Gretsky, but without having to move

very far. He plays Snooker so beautiful. It makes you want to dig up your dead, great-grandparents, slap them around the cheeks until they wake up, plonking them in front of the Italian, so they watch this before you go back to dead. And that really is the ultimate compliment, isn't it Andy? Yeah, I think we've sort of mentioned him sporadically over the five and a half years of that we've been doing the bugle. And he threatens to retire almost as often

as he wakes up in the morning. And but the thing is, he's only 37, and that might seem quite old for a top level sportsman, but you know, and Snook all you have to do is sit down and they walk around the table wagging their stick. And in his first season, John, when he was a prodigy, sort of 16 years old, 1992, he played against Fred Davis, who was 79 years old.

So I reckon he's got at least 40 years left at him. And he also said that he had only come back to Snooker because he needed money to pay his kids' school fees. So if you are the headmaster of Ronnie's kids' school, keep bumping the fees up. Yeah. And it was a very impressive performance. He was only behind for one frame in the whole tournament, and that was at early stages of the final, and he just kept

getting in front and then like a bereaved dog owner struggling to come to terms with the death of his favourite pet. He just wouldn't let go of the lead. Did you hear that? Did he, what was that, did that, sorry, did that sound like an off cut from the piece that had people calling me a f***? Oh yes, no it did sound a bit like that. So that's it for this week's Mugle do get your emails coming in. For Mugle 2, 3, 4, that's it.

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy dream. I'll be your hope, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy dream. I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, I'll be everything that you need. How's that working out for you, Bugles? There we go. That's it. It's been a, I think, I think what we need to do, John, before next week's show is ever bit of a snooze.

Yeah, yeah. I think, I think snoozing might not do it for me. I think I might need like a medically induced coma. Has the last 10 minutes of this actually still been the show? I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's hard to know where the show ends and life begins. That sounds like it might have been a comment on Twitter, my snooker post, medically induced Koma. So that's until next week's bugle. Attention, Norwegian bugleers.

I'm doing some gigs in Norway at the end of the month and I'm really post it. Yeah. I'll post details on the bugle Twitter feed in I think Bergen, Trondheim and Oslo from memory, but anyway, I'll post details up. So, these showbiz events of the millennium in Scandal. That's very exciting, and maybe John Arna, Reese will come to me. He doesn't live there anymore, John. He lives in England now.

If that particular Viking was going to come and see what my action was, he'd have come in London. Goodbye, Bueglis. Until next time, farewell. Bye! A fearless crew.