The Bugle - Bugle 237 – Istanbul’s hit

Episode Date: June 7, 2013

Half way through the year and what countries are performing? Plus, what happens when world leaders get hammered together? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, me Hugh Gloos! And welcome to issue 237 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world for the week beginning Monday, 10th of June 2013 with me Andy Sultzman, the, uh, man, uh, and I'm in London, the place. My vlog cab has really taken a backwards f thingy this week. And joining me from the city where penguins fit a thread, New York. It's, let me just check the roster, Obama, Banky Moon, Mandela, Chomsky and Reese with a spoon, Lenny Bruce, nothing his agent pulled them out. Bieber and Albright, no, not this week,omsky and Reese with a spoon. Lenny Bruce, nothing is agent, pull them out. Bieber and all bright, no, not this week.

A media rare heart. What a show that's going to meet. June the 10th. John Oliver. It's John Oliver. Hello Andy. Hello, buglers. Well, well, Andy. Yep. I'm about to embark on the strangest week of my life. Last night, John Stuart hosted his last daily show until September, which was

an extremely emotional experience. I stayed strange. As you know, I don't usually consider myself blood related to emotion in any form. From Monday, I start hosting in John's place. And the last week, a couple of weeks really, it's been a bit of a blur to be honest. I've had to do a lot of interviews. Which is what your love, isn't it, John? That's what you're in. Well, it's not exactly my comfort zone, and he's not really in the same hemisphere as my comfort zone. I've talked about myself more than I imagine anyone will need to hear for a lifetime.

In a desperate attempt to try and get people to watch the Daily Show next week and over the summer, despite the fact that the reason to watch the Daily Show will already and over the summer. Despite the fact that the reason to watch the Daily Show will already be on the plane to the Middle East. So, buglers, listen, please do tune in, log on, or watch with your face pressed up to the best by window. Share with me what is going to be a weird, weird week. And by next week's bugle, at least I'll have four shows in the bag.

Well, even I had to do an interview about you this week, John. Did you? Yeah, the New York Post, believe it. Oh boy. Oh my God, how was that, Andy? Are you aware of what the New York Post is? No, I did, no. I should have said the New York Times, but more so.

It is close. Right, it's close whilst being about as far away. It was a New York post-handy that published the wrong two kids as Boston bombers on the front lines. Oh right, and then refused to apologize. But apart from that. Apart from that.

All I know is that I just had to send them a couple of those topless shots we did years ago when we were in the middle of the morning. Well, I did, I did David Letterman's show on Tuesday, Andy, which was a big deal for me. I've loved it for a long time. And I was saying, he's a cantankarous man. You can never be sure whether you're fun fighting or actually fighting.

And I was so off-balance through the whole interview that he brought up Belgium out of nowhere at one point. And I'm ashamed to say, Andy, I brought up chocolates as Jean-Claude Van Damme and not what? Oh, man. Not what was the only thing anyone thinks of when the word Belgium enters their mind. And it probably speaks how tired I've been of. I've brain-signed abscesses didn't make the single most logical connection between two things

in the known world, Andy. Belgium and Waffles, the Romeo and Juliet of countries and food stuff. I know what's wrong with me. Well, you've better smart enough by Monday, John. I was going to go very badly in deed. No, no, no, I'm going to be able to hear your voice in my head on Monday. You bet a smart and up. This is going to be awful. Now you were in Norway, Andy, which is of course, as we all know, famous for Vikings and nothing else. Yes, that was that. Oh, it was excellent, thanks, John. Yeah, it was Vikings and nothing else. Yes, that was that. Oh, it was excellent, thanks John. Yeah, it was Vikings and Herring for Breakfast, which

I've got hardly recommend to all Bugles. Yeah, it was thanks very much to all the Norwegian Bugles who came along, including Ben Smith, who designed the logo. It's a New Zealand living in Oslo. He came to one of the gigs I did there. So I have a photo of me and the world's logo designer of the year, 2012, 2013, what year was it? 2009. And I'll put that up on the Twitter feed and I think we'll try and put it on the webpage as well. But yeah, thanks to all the, the bugles that came to my Norway gigs, but you've obviously, I've had a less busy week

since I got back, you've been doing kind of round of showbiz interviews and going on David Letterman. For me this week, a tortoise did a massive shit on my garden path. LAUGHTER Honestly Andy, there were times during my week when I would rather have been watching that, toward a shitting than listening to myself. And next week you might be shaping the future of Democratic discourse in America. I'll

be taking my son to look for a squirrel in the woods at the top of the road. So that's again Andy. There are going to be mongwins when I will want to change places with you. Oh but how are the the stand-up show gigs? Oh they were good. Yeah I was good. I I'd forgotten I'd done them and I did eight of them this last week. Oh god. Oh God, I think I'm hallucinating a tortoise shitting on my face now. Well, I can arrange that, John. The Sims have moved into our garden permanently. So this is the week beginning Monday, the 10th of June 2013. Many, it's 220 years since on the same date in 1793, the Jacobins gained control of the French Committee of Public Safety following the arrest of the Jaronne-Dan leaders in the French Revolution and installed a Revolutionary dictatorship and on the same day the natural history museum of France was founded and that must have been an awkward awkward awkward opening day and an awkward

thing for museum fans to have to decide you know what what they go and do they now there's a revolutionary dictatorship just taken power but I do love dinosaur skeletons tough tough cool in on this date in 323 BC Alexander the Great, popped his clogs, probably poisons, possibly a trampoline accident, maybe an electric hit, trying to rewire a faulty toaster. We may never know. And on the subject of Vikings, John, 1220 years ago this Saturday, the 8th of June. If you'd been hanging out in the abbey on Lindisfar and Ireland in Northern England, you would have had your morning paddle in the North Sea rudely interrupted by some big blonde, beardy bastards in silly helmets.

The Vikings had come, John, a terrific raid on the abbey. Commonly acceptors beginning of the Viking invasion, a start of the Viking era, and also they launched the Great British tradition of getting hammered and smashing something to pieces at the weekend. And it's very interesting being in Norway and contemplating the Viking influence on launched the Great British tradition of getting hammered and smashing something to pieces at the weekend. I was very interesting being in Norway and contemplating the Viking influence on British history and the British gene pool because of course you know we're as a nation, we're a mixture of the results of various invasions and the pillaging gene has come out strong,

left the show very influential, not just in the scenes that we see every weekend in our town centres on Friday and Saturday night, which historians claim are eerily accurate reconstructions of Viking raids right down to the smell of piss and vomit. But also the Viking urge to pillage combined over the years with the Roman love of administration, the Saxons' Germanic will to expand, and the Normans' French insusions to Thomas into the cocky empire building Trinket-thieving machine that has left us with such wonderfully stocked museum. So thank you Vikings 1,220 years ago. And in 1949 on this weekend, all wells, George O'ol's 1984 was published his terrifying vision of the past. It certainly keeps me up shitting myself about stating Truson into my life 29 years ago and I was nine, good one George.

Of course, the book was named after his two highest breaks in Snooker, 19 and 84. He'd never got more than 19 in this 20 years of Toronto perfected Snooker technique. Then one day, just clicked for him in a match against his fellow terrifying future predictor, all of this Huxley, Huxley for once played a loose break off shot, nor well, he never previously potted more than seven balls in a row,

sank eleven reds eight blacks, two pinks and a blue before running out of position, and trying an ambitious double to left centre on a ready-left on the cushion as an insurance policy. Or well slammed his key on the table, punched the air and went for a piss. During a worse, he became convinced that he was being watched by secret cameras everywhere, and started graffitiing the classic novel on the toilet wall. Huxley meanwhile, Saturday's chair, affected to look unconcerned, took a couple of sips of water and started writing Brave New World, eventually all well-returned and Huxley took the next six frames to wrap up an 84 frames to 19 victory. And, oh, it's been a long week, John. That tortoise has got to me. Amongst all, Wales' other famous works, of course,

Animal Farm is pitched for a children's cartoon, finally produced some 60 years later by the BBC as Big Barn Farm, complete with talking animals. The Road to Wig and Pier are drivers' guide to the A49 from Rosson, Wyop to the North, Northwest of England, and keep the Asperdist Reflying, a guide on how household plants can save you from wasting money on a real kite.

Was that the section in the bin or not? I don't think it was. Oh yeah, there is a section in the bin. It's a DIY sound effects quiz. Question one, what are my drilling? Is it A, a hole for a new shelf, B, a hole for a new hook, C, a hole for a new hidden camera in the guest bedroom, or D, a hole for exploratory keyhole surgery in my friend's knee. I WELL A FUCKING A DILLY! What could be any of those four? Question 2, which of these hammer-thwacks went wrong? Ow!

Ow, that was my thumb! Ow! Ow! Ow! That was my thumb! Ow! Ow! Ow! That was my penis! Ow! Just one of those went wrong. Question three, grout or trout? One of these is the sound of someone doing some grouting. The other is the sound of a trout, which is which. And finally question 4, paper-capers, I have wallpapered my living room. Can you tell what mistake I have made? Help! Help! Not me help! I can't breathe! Help! Help! Let me help! A corn brain! Help! Help!

If you get the answers to all those four questions rights, you win the right to host week two of John Stint as the Daily Show hook. That section in the bin. We've had a lot of good luck messages actually from bugleless to John Fiora. That's nice. You're some genuine ones, but also this one. Yeah. Okay.

You've got the platform. Let me just break myself, Andy. Okay. You've got the platform. Now give the people what they want. Or it says the trick for me, love from Pope Francis. Bracket and Pope. And also, dear the Bugleus, best of luck to John

hosting the Diallie show. That's from the International Association of Old Fashioned Telephone addicts. Let's go. I'm looking at them. I'll take the well wishes we're at together, man. Yeah, why not? Job story this week. You're the best. Around. Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never! John, you really have to get all of this out of your system before Monday. Do I?

Do I, though, Andy? We'll see if I do or not. We're at, more or less, the halfway point of the year. And it's probably a good time to get some of the scores on the board for who is being the best country on the planet right now. This is going to be a nervous moment for you, Bueglers,ows all over the world. So I hope you've got your winner speeches ready as well as your fake faces of happiness for when you lose.

And of course, who's the best is a hard thing to rank? You really need to break that down into categories for most chaotic nation. You're spoiled for choice at the moment. Syria makes a very strong case. Somalia barely seems to be a functioning country at all, but for the sheer spectacle of barbarism and hopelessness doing a bloodthirsty tango across the country, I think you probably have to give it to us sad. For best climate for a massive protest

against strong nominees, Andy, that's a tough category. Basically anywhere in Europe, you're seeing a lot of things getting justifiably smashed. But for best protest newcomer, Turkey in particular, and it has put in a late run for contention, as huge protests have been ripping across the country. A Turkish Prime Minister Erdogan is sitting on a pretty combustible kibab of a country right now. He has called these protests borderline illegal, which seems to be a way of inadvertently admitting that they are actually legal. And they're actually not on the border, they're behind the border, looking at illegal on the other side. The protests were sparked over the proposed controversial development of a park where protesters have been congregating. And it served as a lightning rod and encompassing fears that problems to Erdogan is going to be imposing a conservative Islamic system of values on

Turkey which is of course a secular country and I tell you what did not calm the situation down at all Andy and that was the tear gassing of a lady. Basically there is a very famous lady in a red dress now, say the song her and positive that is not how you pronounce her name. An unassuming, middle-aged academic at Istanbul's Technical University, she found herself at the front line of a line of right police and a series of photos show her being tear gasped out of nowhere for no clear reason whatsoever. The photos instantly went viral as they seemed to call it a question to claim by Erdogan that the protesters

were extremists living arm and arm with terrorists because this was clearly a nice lady who was arm and arm with her actual handbag. So hard to tell in the heat of the moment, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no thing. That is, you know, what could have been in that very small handbag, documents, documents of what? In the city of Izmir, her picture has been made into a giant billboard where sympathisers can put their head through a hole where her face should be and pose for photos. Although, look, for that photo to work, Andy, there were dogs who were really should make you say cheese and then tear gas the shit out of. Of course, making the whole issue more poignant, John, is the fact that the side of the

protest in Istanbul, Ghezee Park, the formerly the side of the tax him stadium where Turkey played its first ever international football match in 1923. That's so crowd-growing. And Zachary Reedus, Sparrow, popped up with a couple of crucial goals in a scintillating tool draw with the Romania Terrific match for the neutral that. And they're now plans to replace the park with a replica of a big old barracks building, possibly with a shopping mall, a mosque, maybe in museum, this and that,

they can be riffing it as they go along. And this has not gone down at all. Well, John, with the people who don't have a lot of parks in Istanbul, as it is, it seems basically, when possibly the equivalent of turning the whole of Central Park into a golf driving range, maybe of transforming London's hide park into a giant exclusive hairdressers. I mean, it might be nothing like that, but it might be a bit like that. And the people of Istanbul have called Istanbul shit on it. And they say, what began as a peaceful sit-in protest to stop the park being bullshit dozed Turkish government and for reasons known only to themselves and people with extremely odd brains then decided to

plow in with riot police firing tear gas and burning protesters tense down then water cannons pepper, more tear gas just to be on the safe side, including, as you say, the woman in the red dress tear gas at what can only be described as point blank range. Yeah, it was absolutely amazing. It must have been about a three feet. Yeah, but if they really want to make a cry that much, they could have just told her a really sad story. That was that close. That close. or said you red dress looks stupid yeah it doesn't matter

so as a result of this not really heavy-handed but kind of morbidly a base-handed reaction by the government what began as a small group of environmentalists standing up for the rights for their rights and their lovely little parking into the dead hand of commercially driven pseudo-progress. There's now transformed into hundreds of thousands of people across the whole country protesting against the government. So they haven't really dealt with it in the most productive way possible. And Erdogan gave a televised speech condemning the protesters,

vowing where they gather 20, I will get up and gather 200,000 people. That is, I will gather 100,000,,000 people. That is a way that they gather 100,000 I'll bring together one million from my party, which is kind of school boy psychology really isn't it? I've got more friends than you. And it's certainly not helped Turkey in the chart of happiest nation in the world, which was produced a week or so ago and I'm afraid they've not made a top 10 John. Really? Yeah. They didn't make the top 10 happiest country. No. Even though half the country seems to be on fire. Yeah. Sorry. Also just missed out. And top. Yes. Australia. Australia.

You're right. Australia's been ranked. right Australia's been ranked yeah Australia's been ranked the world's happiest nation among developed economies For the third year running and they can add that Andy to the title I awarded them earlier this year of most comfortably racist country in the world after I would have it if you were explicably specific suspicion of lebos and yes, it shows on right Andy They're happy. They're perfectly content with their level of Lebanese bigotry. Right.

But I mean, what are you suggesting that Lebanese bigotry is the recipe for national happiness? Because it seems to be. Yeah. It seems to be. You want that not to be the case, but then you just look at the numbers,

Andy, the figures don't lie. Because if you look at the three countries below them in the top 10, Sweden, Canada and Norway, they have moose and they have bears, neither which Australia has. So it can only be the Lebanese bigotry that is really bummed in the muscle. It just must be. Yeah.

How did it feel to be in the top five happiness country? And because could you feel the happiness and did that happiness go up or down after your gigs? Ha ha ha ha ha. Well, you can, it is, it is, it is, it does seem quite a happy play. I think I, you know, a few problems, but I think you can make top 10 while still having a lot of problems judging by the fact

that America is in sixth place. So, yes. Yes, that fair point, Andy. A low punch, but a well-delivered punch. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER So, yeah, Australia's the happiest. Turkey seems to be the best place to throw a brick at the moment. And in terms of the most positively viewed nation in the world, there are some statistics available from the annual country rankings poll by the BBC World Service. And it's a surprise winner because Germany, yeah, that Germany is apparently the most positively viewed country

in the world. Too soon, Andy. Too soon. They cannot be number one after what they did, Andy. There should be a hundred year ban on them even being eligible for the number one spot. That's positive with you. Two soon. There should be a hundred years.

That will take it up till 2096 until they can be forgiven for how Andy Muller reacted after his penalty sent England out of the 1996 year. It was so arrogant, wasn't it? It was so frustrating. It was a frustrating. It was a two tonne't it? It was so frustrating. It was a strut. It was a huge, more than extra of the worst going.

More than 26,000 people were surveyed internationally for this poll. They were asked to rate 16 countries and the European Union on what, whether they're influenced in the world was mainly positive or mainly negative. Germany came out top with a 59% rating positivity.

And Iran was apparently once again the most negatively viewed so there you go You know you they got somewhere to go Andy. There are builder club Iran What's this worry? Nice people. I think they're getting judged by a very few unpleasant Iranians Yeah, you just worry that you know as a franchise They're just gonna come too far down the wrong road It's gonna be very hard. You know they're like the cubs, okay? Yeah, apparently the UK So a bigger increase in positive ratings than any other country with this and climb to third place in the table Mainly in the wake of hosting the 2012 Olympics

So we've gone a good Olympics Andy. Yeah That's all it takes that's right and people clearly like the nation we were pretending to be during those Olympics. That's that's that's bumped our rating up. It also does suggest that's really the world should be considering giving Terran an Olympics in the not too distant future. Now, just in terms of reintegrating Iran is the international community that that is the way to get countries viewed positively. Britain was viewed positively by 55%, negatively by 18%. But these figures, of course, exclude a country's view

of itself. Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point. That negative will go through the room. Well, yeah, but so are the positive. I think in Britain is basically 100% positive and 100% negative at the same time. But I'm still surprised by this.

How well America did in the happiest nation. Obviously Australia would be the national slogan, no worries, you expect them to be, to be the top of the spike there, fading cricket team. But America, if you'd followed the the election last year, you would have thought that America was about as happy, comfortable, and at one with itself as a nation as a pair of violence-hating, bolt-gun-aphobic actors,

wearing an extremely realistic pantomime cow outfit, and a very crowded lorry full of cows that just turned off the main road after seeing a to the abattoir sign. And it was a story this week that suggests why America is so happy, that's the story of the National Security Agency basically attaining access to the systems of Google, Facebook, Apple and other internet giants, according to a top secret document that has been leaked. I can understand, I imagine this will be featuring in the daily so for you next week, maybe they've already hacked into your scripts. They've probably made some changes to the front door on the camera.

It's just a show that America's happy with this, John. It's happy to have a government taking time out to keep tabs on things for us. You know, we all live busy lives. I've one can barely remember which of my numerous sets of wives and children I'm supposed to be within any given month, let alone what top secret meetings of the Jewish cabal that run showbiz I'm supposed to be attending to schedule my latest massive prime time TV hit. Now, I'm sure many viewers have trouble organising their day-to-day lives. That is where a comfortably intrusive state snooping operation really comes to a nation's rescue.

In Britain, we had the newspapers to do it for us. Typically, the government outsourced it to a private company whose main imperative was profits and go quite as well as it could have done. But America, this is the recipe for American happiness, John, snooping on the people. BELL RINGS Soz on Stalin news now, and a newly released foreign office report of a 1942 Moscow visit

between Winston Churchill and Stalin has had some awesome revelations in it. It basically reveals that talks were proving to be quite awkward until a late night drinking session lasting until 3am loosened everything up. The file states that the mood was, I quote, ''Merry as a marriage bell'' although Churchill was complaining of a slight headache by 1am. The letter adds,

''The two men really made contact and got on terms.'' Yep, I'm sure they were hanging off each other and I've loved it, love you. All these others, they made nothing. You're my best friend. We're gonna kick the shit out of Hitler's together. You and me, I'm gonna call you about it tomorrow. We're gonna f**k you, we're gonna punch him in the ball face. And then we're gonna go scuba diving together

Just like we talked about with that's definitely I'm definitely gonna remember the scuba trip idea right after I've just been a little bit I don't know what we should do is split your up to the middle with a big f***ing f just do it. We'll just do it. We'll just do it. We'll just do it. And so the first transcript has Stalin saying, tell you what you should do, winst, was that J-dog replied Churchill, Stalin, eliminate all your political opposition and brutally repress all forms of artistic expression. Yeah, I should do that, Joseph, I really fucking should. And you should grow up, fucking big Verstache. Yeah. So this is said Churchill, I've always thought the old face could do with a little bit of hedging.

This is going to affect the way. I look at every photo of Stalin and Churchill together forever now Andy. Because I'm just going to be picturing Churchill with his arms around Stalin, holding him outside. Hey Stalin, you're f**king nuts, but that is some amazing facial furniture you've got. You're okay with me, kid. So Alex under Codigan, who was permanent under Secretary of the Foreign Office, wrote up the report of the meeting that this was found in this file saying, conditions have been established in which messages exchanged between the two will mean twice as much or more than they did before. So just because, I mean, they were booze buddies.

He claimed that the Second World War could have been over years before if Churchill had just got into a drinking game with FDR Every time you say you're not coming into the war you've got to take a shot He also wrote what Stalin made me drink seemed pretty savage now that could have been Literally anything. I'm not saying Joseph Stalin made homemade vodka out of poets. I'm just saying you might have done, or at least had someone make it for him. Yeah, I dread to think what kind of cocktail Stalin have come up with, Andy, but I'm guessing

it's the last thing you order before you black out. Well, I don't think he was on cocktails, John, because the documents also reveal that at the same meeting was Molotov. So, I don't imagine he was on the cocktails, yeah. One of the bits of the transcripts says, go easy on the Tabasco, please Molotov, they're still cleaning Sergei off the walls in the snooker room. He was there. Molotov was there with his trademark cocktail shaker.

But I think this is very much the future of diplomacy, John, because we've already Hey what's up, Molotov was there with his trademark cocktail shaker. But I think this is very much the future of diplomacy, John, because we've already discussed in this show and repeatedly through the five globally happy years of the bugle. There's a lot of problems in the world that have not been adequately resolved by normal communication. So I think we need to resort to the bottle because if Churchill and Stalin, one of the biggest goodies in history and evil genius magazines, world number one ranked baddie for seven years in a row from 1945 until British singer Vera Lynn surprisingly

used up to him in 1952 and its allegations of vote rigging by a man she'd rejected at a party later in 1951. I agree, we'll meet again, but I do know where, and I do know where, and rum 2, 3, 7 in 5 minutes, out's that hurt. Oh, what so did that. But if Churchill and Stalin could learn to get along with a little bit of alcoholic lubrication, then so can Israel and Palestine, North and South Korea, Turkey and itself, Australia and New Zealand even, or Bashar and Assad are the rest of humanity. The world, would the world now, John, be in a better or worse state if all major political meetings since 1942, where this original one happened, had been carried out under similar conditions to the Stalin Churchill booze

up, which ended up with them singing a karaoke version of Bon Javi's Bed of Roses into an empty vodka bottle whilst agreeing to share Germany. Would the world be better or worse? It's clearly, I'm clearly. Yeah, gollyby. I think maybe you could introduce that to the interview section of the Daliso, John, just tell me. Yeah, if ever things are getting tough, just pull out a bottle of vodka. It's like you drink half, I'll drink half and Then let's have an amazing three minute interview and then tell me all you have out here book

Yeah, it's so it's a log book, isn't it? I've got a story Your emails now and this one comes from Melissa in the Bronx, which I believe is in your part of the world, John. She writes, Putin on the pull, question mark. Dear Andy, Chris and John, did you hear the news? Vladimir Putin, the steely eyed steeler of hearts of the world over, will soon be back on the markets.

He and his misses are getting divorced. When this has got all, all lady buglers, I'd imagine, who have a bit of a posh on for extremely domineering, Russian leaders, very much paying attention now. I think, given the proliferation, Melissa writes of the bugles popularity on internet dating sites in recent times, it may be time to turn that experience into an opportunity. I think the bugle needs to start its own matchmaking operation for the sole purpose of finding Putin's new put in.

It's as if the fates had spoken when a profile was created on Christian Mingle and other sites. Someone was merely getting an inside look. And what you'd need to know in order to assist the delicious dictator in finding a new lady love. Maybe a sexy pun run from Andy John's sultry rendition of sex in I know it. Whatever it takes is what must be done. Do it for Vlad, do it for Mother Russia, but most of all do it for love. Touching email from Mollisha. So, well, I mean, if mean, if you do want to submit an application to become the new Mrs. Putin, do email it into us. Info at thebugelpodcast.com and put in the subject box. Miss Mrs. Vladimir Putin the second. I have registered f***ed engines.com as well, should we?

Okay, alright, Tingray. Wow, there is an incredible sentence, Chris, that I guess I was, it wasn't, I didn't think it was going to cut out your mouth. I guess I was just waiting till the perfect moment. This one comes in from Doug and bat on Rouge. Oh, right. So, I just bought the Bugle Coffee mug and let me tell you this, it'd better be f**king funny. If it just sits there containing coffee, not telling jokes, I'll expect a full refund. Also, good luck to John Houch and the Daily Show. Don't f**king up, we'll all be watching.

Thank you very much. I'm looking forward to Andy. It's not looking forward to a bungee jump. I'm sure it's going to be great fun and an amazing experience. I'm just not 100% sure that I should be doing it. Did you see that video? The guy who's rope snapped and he fell into a... A pit of crocodiles, John.

Really? And lived. He did live. Great, so that's a happy video. Yeah, it is. Don't worry about the middle bit. He lived to make another movie. Well, I mean, you can get, you can, all of you can test out whether how funny the bugle

mug is by clicking the merch link on the buglepodcast.com. Is it up there yet? Yes. So good. Right, that's a relief. So yeah, I mean, it's, you have maybe a, you should try and get one on the daily so table, John. Oh, yeah, pull it out. Yeah.

Pull it out. Wait until we've got someone who shouldn't be photographing something like that and just slip it out for a daily show bug. So do get your emails and constructive criticism of John's performance next week coming into info at thebugelpodcast.com. Don't forget to check out our SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle spread the world to Syria and all other non-bugle worshiping countries. And don't forget to take out your voluntary subscription at thebeaglebotgast.com or else we will hunt you down and hound you into the very bowels of hell.

So that's about it for this week. Yep. Best of luck, John. Thanks, mate. For exciting, you know, I said in my interview with the New York Post, it's going to seem like a, you've come a long way since that gig at the space in Docklands when we ended up standing in an empty room after a hundred percent walk out. Well, not that Edmund would give you. No, in the New York Post, Andy, they might have taken that quote and slightly misquoted it into something to foward through about Muslims.

No, in the New York Post, they might have led with the John Oliver dreams of a tortoise shitting on his face. Like, that's true. You're bearing the lead post. So I've got some gangster plug as well. You might be able to see John on tell you, but you have to have to move geographically to see me political animal.

This Thursday, the 13th at the other belly, and then I've got a solo show there on the 27th of June as well, and another political animal on the 11th of July, plus four cricket fans, or people who hate cricket, but love being at shows that they don't understand and actively dislike.

I'm hosting the greatest test, a series of ashes themed live podcast, comic quiz show recordings conceived by the media guru Chris, the producer. That's me. The brainchild. Good first show on Wednesday. We've got you, Miles J.J.R.P, Joe's Corrin, Kent Valentine, Amel Rajan. That's great. That's very good. That's strong. So we're going to listen to that. Yep. So we will be talking shit about cricket. Whilst John is bringing American democracy to its knees. Bow down before me. What's the page we can book when.com forward slash greatest test. There we go. So we're both both moving we're all moving into the hot seat in our different ways this week

That's true. That's nice to know. Yeah, well better like John and we will see you on the other side Yes, it next week's bugle Until then goodbye boy Hmm, goodbye. Boy!