The Bugle - Bugle 239 – Goodness Gracious G8 Balls Of Tennis

Episode Date: June 21, 2013

A Summer On Murray Mound Beckons and the G8 Summit is the perfect opportunity to sample delicacies not normally found on one's plate. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugle! And welcome to issue 239 of the world's final remaining objective, unbiased and verifiable source of lies. The Bugle, audio newspaper, for now seem to be a conclusively visual world. I'm Andy Zoltzman live in in London city of a million paving slabs Probably more still early days in my counting project and in New York City USA It's the Titan of the topical the Leviathan of the lampoon the Cyclops of satire the Goliath of go on tell us about your new movie It's John Oliver

Hello Andy. Hello, Pugas. Well Andy. I'm two weeks in to my summer job and this week, in case you missed it, this week through a comic gift of epic proportions. On Monday night, after the show, we were discussing doing the immigration debate the next day, so I went home and thinking about some ideas to break down the pros and cons and the pitiful to bait in Congress. And then later that night, I received one of the strangest texts I'd ever read. It simply read, holy shit, some wrestlers are talking shit about you on WWE Raw. And I thought, well, no, that obviously hasn't happened. And then I got to work Tuesday morning and it turned out to be true, Andy.

They're doing a storyline in the WWE at the moment with an anti-immigration character called Zeb. And he's apparently angry that I, an English rat, have taking an American job or be on a seasonal basis. Anyway, long story short Andy, the next thing you know, later that night I'm taping the show in a suit with Terriway Sleeves about to shoot a smack talking promo with Mick Foley in front of a screen of fire. To quote Ron Burgundy, Andy, that escalated quickly. But yeah, it's worth checking out online. Basically, I guess there's nothing that's really going to make much sense this summer. But that was definitely a moment that seemed particularly ridiculous.

Apparently, the wrestler in question has even been tweeting at me all week with insults and seems so want to fight. So, perhaps that's the only way of making this experience any stranger, any thing, include me in the ring during summer slam getting thrown from the top turnbuckle. Well, it's not going to be so defeatist, John. There's no reason why you couldn't more than hold your own in top level wrestling. That's true, Andy. You know, I've got a decent elbow drop. I do a serviceable pile driver. Also, I'm willing to have a go

at the people's elbow. Let's not rule out the classic daddy splash, Andy. Well, of course not, I mean, that's part of your British heritage coming out. All in all, John, sounds almost as interesting as... Basically, the only summer job I've ever had, which was working in a language school for German teenagers in Norfolk in England. The highlight of which was having an entire coach load of 13 to 16 year old Germans singing Hitler has only got one ball Building British John yeah, I pay back and the pay back and political

Part of the healing process John So this is vehicle 239 K239 was moatshots only known work for two orchestras, known also as the double booking symphony. Send them away, Mickey said to his agent when the two ready made orchestras pitched up. What do you mean I've already paid for them? I'll flaming Austrian bullsecks. This has not pleased the wolf. You've just put the mad into amadeus. I don't know what Azartis but you're about to get mo of it. 239 also as I'm sure you know John now that you're American. It's the number of

chapters in the book of Mormon. Yeah, obviously. So, so from next week the bugle is going to be very different now that we've finished translating painstakingly. All of those 239 books into modern English and publishing them as podcasts. We've been getting Monday the 24th of June on this day in 1497. Italian exploring superstar Johnny Kabot landed in Newfoundland. The first European and North America since the Vikings were are prancing around and they're silly helmets. Kabot was representing England by that stage of his career, shame so many of our top exploring positions

were taken up by overseas explorers. Where was the encouragement for the young English English explorers? I don't know. One of the most influential moments in the history of North America when European culture started to intrude gradually onto the continent, as shown by Kabot's diary from that very day, landed in Canada.

This place is a D.U.M.P. dump. Can't get a decent cup of coffee for love nor money. I tried to find a gym as well, but no cigar. I just found some locals standing on a rock, but they wouldn't accept my membership card. This continent needs some serious updating. Not impressed. Does it get a Kabot, a hot rating or a Kabot, Karat? It's Karat, no doubt. So Kabot's at one look at Canada and thought boring and headed straight back to Europe. And in fact Canada is

called Canada because of Kabot, the cat, that was his nickname, cat, because they had to talk very quickly on ships in those days because life was short. And he was asked what he'd found when he got back and he said, NADA. So, KANADA. That's the origin of that. Yeah, that makes sense, I'd be. Also, on this day, 60 years ago, in 1953, John, as the fear of communism spread through America, the American government covertly launched the popular children's cartoon film,

KOMI MOMI, about two young children who suspected their mother of having socialist leanings, because she always wanted to give them exactly the same amount of cereal for breakfast. She said she was just being fair, but they turned her into the FBI, and they all lived happily ever after,

apart from Mommie, who was incarcerated. Komi Mommie, too, scuba to Cuba, proved less of a hit, as the children found the sight of mommy threatening to provoke a nuclear arm again and a little too scary. Just picking up on the surveillance story from previous weeks I was on a train up from Cardiff today this morning to record the show here and I tried to connect to a wireless network and the mindset networks that came up was FBI surveillance van 7

Which is somewhere on the outskirts of Swindon Someone just entertainingly named their own Network FBI surveillance van in which goes congratulations, maybe they were the seventh person in the Swindon area to do that. Or there was an actual FBI surveillance fan. Yeah, and in the interest of transparency now, they have to call themselves what they are. Well, I stubble up, isn't it? Because, you know, it sounds so obvious, people assume

all that can't be an FBI surveillance fan. Um, uh, no, uh, this week, this Thursday, if I may plug a gig at the other belly Thursday the 27th of June it's just me versus the microphone we're all possibly on the same side do come along tickets are available on the internet if you look up me and other belly in London there's a political animal on the 11th of July as well. Sex in the bin this week, heartwarming stories, special collection we've put together, of how people who've taken out a bugle voluntary subscription at the buglepodcast.com. I've seen their lives transformed for the better, including this from Mergie Renoc

from somewhere in France, who explained before I took out the Bugle Vollen toy subscription. Nothing was going right for me. I was lonely, I hated my job as a concrete describer for the local construction sales firm, and I kept dropping my baguette on the floor, so I was permanently hungry. But as soon as I decided to help save the Bugle in April this year and took out my bugle voluntary subscription at the buglepodcast.com. It was amazing, things started happening. I got a job flying airplanes for fun, I fell in love, I got married and had three wonderful children and wrote the best selling album of duets for the pop starlet's Carly Ray Japson and Dave Mustaine of Megadeth and Best of All. I haven't thought to single beg yet since then.

And... Andy, I can't work out whether that is offensive or not, and even if it is whether I'm offended by it. That is, that was a confounding 45 seconds. Also, you want me the only person that makes a perision accent south-African. Well, she's paying a bit of time there. Oh, that's it. Oh, that's... In which case, that is a Parisian accent sound South Africa. Well, she's been a bit of a time there. Oh, that's it. Oh, in which case, that is a deep accent, Andy.

That's right, yeah. I've got into the park. And this test have been, it came from Hubert Limplock of Horny Junction, Middecoater, who tells us, I'm an astronaut. Before I took out my bugle voluntary subscription, my horn-made rockets had a 0 for 34 record at getting me into space. Quick update. I'm now 1 for 35. Hello from Venus!

Worth every cent of the recommended couple of dollars or quit a month to keep the bugle free and independent. I'd say by clicking the hashtag save the bugle link at thebuglepodcast.com. Please send food. I did not legislate for this going so well. And oxygen. This place aggravates my asthma So you can join them to bugles and have your life turned around

At the buglebotgods.com Right, I think that's quite enough plugs for one show You're gonna mention the cricket Actually, no, sorry quick update. That's not enough plugs for one. On Wednesday this week, we're recording episode two of the greatest test. So if you're a cricket fan, in the Essex area, come to Chelmsford for that, and keep downloading it. We're dominating the iTunes podcast charts. And now that everyone's stopped listening, top story this week, ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju-ju summit in the past. Eight leaders enter and a eight leaders leave having achieved very little in the process. At these summits always seem to be a sequence of photo ops of people shaking hands, then a series of discussions about having discussions and then a sequence of photo ops of standing

in a group together. At the end of which it's always claimed that relationships have improved with the only evidence being that no one was wearing ties. And that's basically it. That's basically how every G8 summit goes. Protesters in Ireland showed up in big paper mache heads of the leaders, which seems very much to be the standard protest move now, Andy. You make a huge head version of someone and then you walk around waving like a satirical side bottom. There was there was one Irish woman who was captured on TV who was interviewed sitting at the side of the road in a garden chair who I think had the best complaint as the motorcades weren't passed. She looked at the camera and said this is all casting so much money. Why can't they do what we all do and just stay home and Skype?

I mean She raises you know an interesting point and not a good point but an interesting point and You know in many ways those are the best points But I mean I don't see why they couldn't Well, I couldn't do that. I mean that I get everyone. I mean they could just open it up to the whole world then couldn't they? I mean, I get everyone, I can just open it up to the whole world then, couldn't I? So, it's being 8, could be like all 7 billion people in the world in Skype. On Skype, shouting in each other. That's just broadening it out a bit, isn't it? Now, either that would solve all the world's problems

or it would make everyone aware of how difficult diplomacy is until you've not to expect so much. It seems to be a win-win or a lose-lose. Again, it doesn't matter. Well, one man's loss is another man's win-john, so, you say lose-lose, I say win-win. Perhaps the most chilling move is they apparently put fake paintings of bustling storefronts over all the closed-down stores on the motorcade route, and that is a pretty draconian move for Island Andy. I do hope they let the Irish people keep the fake shop front so that they too could live under the warming illusion that island economy is not completely fucked. That sounds like the kind of thing that the North Koreans would do. It would be lively

lampoon for. Yeah it's absolutely amazing. Did you see it at all? I did see us at all one picture. Yeah, it was just, it was really chilling, some kind of people walking past it. There's no way. There's no way they're doing something. They're, oh, I guess they're treating us with complete contempt. That's what international politics is all about, though, John, giving the illusion that things are not nearly as shit as they actually are.

I guess that's true. I guess that's true. I guess they were just doing to those storefronts what they're trying to do to the world. Security was stepped up understandably with the US Secret Service apparently trying to blend in by using tractors and posing as farmers. Now, locals apparently said that it wouldn't be hard to recognize them as the US Secret Service because and I quote their tractors were new and shiny. Oh Really that would have been the giveaway Just that not when you take a look at farmer leery over there

Sure, he's got a wire coming out of his ear and a pair of fancy sunglasses on and when you look at how jacked he is and that huge gun he's got good for old farm and leery making significant life changes later on in his years oh don't I think his tractor has an unusual shine to it we're being Yeah, it's like no one spotted the Shoebacopters. LAUGHTER So that's some pretty big issues to deal with. Syria, obviously, that is the vomit that keeps jundering over the world's menus. That's true. They're trying to reach some resolution. Basically, I mean, asking nicely trying to reach some resolution. Basically, I mean, asking nicely simply hasn't worked.

And they've kind of finally said, this is really the last straw. Now, oh no, hang on, the Russians have just turned up with a new bail of straw. You're still good to go, I said. You're still good to go. And again, you just end up feeling really sorry for the people of Syria,

the ongoing atrocities by both government forces and rogue extremist factions of the rebels. I guess the people of Syria, the ongoing atrocities by both government forces and rogue extremist factions of the rebels. I guess the people of Syria left feeling very much like a mermaid trying to referee an MMA fight between a man eating lion and a very hungry shark. So yeah I'm sure that's exactly how they feel Andy. I think you might have just you just might have successfully put yourselves in their shoes. Their blood so choose. There was actually controversy before the summit even started. After the Guardian revealed that the UK had spied on world leaders

during the G20 summit in 2009. And I think David Cameron's early attempt to settle the leaders down was to say, yeah, it's okay everyone, we weren't prying back in 2009. We're just perverts. We weren't trying to get any state secrets. We just wanted to see what Nicolas Sarcosi looked like when he was in the shower. And with that in mind, Andy,

let's all just accept that there was no way that there was ever an international summit anywhere in Italy without Burlusconi having people cameras in everyone's room. That's just a fact. In fact, President Clinton even admitted that he had spied on leaders back in 1994 in Miami when this news came out. And the technology back then was basically nailing CIA agents into the ceiling of hotel rooms

and having them lower down a microphone whenever anyone was talking. All of this threatened to derail the talks before they'd even begun. No one was happy over these revelations. And when you have the Russians telling you off about spying, you are over the lie. Especially when the current leader of Russia used to work for the F***ing AGB. I think maybe he's just old school Andy. That's the problem. He's just offended by the technology. He's just, well, why would you listen to somebody when you could just

beat the secrets out of them instead? What is happening to the world? So when it came to Syria, the G8, very much stepped up to the plates and had that plate filled with some unnecessarily expensive food, then sat down for a romantic dinner with itself, which it resolved definitively to meet again sometime so niche, in order to resolve to do something about resolving, to resolve the crisis through some form of resolution, the exact form of which is still to be resolved. So that's the official statement, Andy. I think you might have just read out the official statement there. Well, So far the international strategy on Syria has been fingers crossed, here goes nothing. And nothing has indeed gone and does not seem to have worked, which is possibly influenced by the

Iraq strategy when the Bushy-Akablerian strategy was fingers crossed, here goes something. So I guess it's that balance between something and nothing that the tricky ones has tried. It's true, it was the big topic of discussion, Siri, with the leaders trying to build a consensus, which is very difficult when you got Vladimir Putin in the room. Apparently, one point, he brought up the video of a rebel killing an Assad soldier

and eating his internal organs. And I hope he saved that comment, Andy, for just when the G8 leaders had sat down to dinner and the starters have been served So you could hear plates getting pushed across the table and my friend would have yeah, I'm not actually hungry Thank you. Thanks a lot for that Vlad. We'll just take the check please Cameron tweeted that he'd had an encouraging working dinner on Syria last night Oh well if he tweeted it and it must have been true. So, but given what we discussed recently about how Churchill and Stalin lubricated their working dinners to get the wheels of their diplomatic disco dancing going,

our trust camera just plonged a creative thunderbird on the table, down two bottles himself to set an example and just started bonding, and that the evening ended with a Japanese Prime Minister standing on the table with a karaoke machine, she ain't melting out, I am the one and only. He also tweeted a picture of the rather tasty looking menu for the dinner. Now Cameron is frequently criticised with being out of touch with the public, largely because he is clearly out of touch with the public. And this seemed to really rile people, because I mean it wasn't a kind of classic G817 course

extravaganza like they've had in the past, particularly when discussing the world food crisis. But this current menu did include Violet's Artichokes, which coincidentally was the name of one of the strippers, George Osborne hired for the Bullington Club back in their Oxford days. But you may think, why in heaven's name did Cameron tweet this picture? Because, you know, of course, everyone assumes you're in the G-Aid hook-up for their annual

vaguely targeted Chinwagon Pajama party. They probably eat reasonably well. None would expect Cameron to tweet a picture of Angela Merkel ordering extra chili sauce with her large donor at Hakansk of Babvan, even then people would still complain, saying they've probably got their chips on expenses. But Cameron is a politician who's permanently concerned about how he presents himself to his unadouring public. I guess in that respect, he's like, for example, all other politicians, but it does raise the possibility that the reason he tweeted this menu, to show that he was having kill, keel, crab, prawn and avocado salad, followed by philite and shin of kettile beef with violet artichokes, was that he actually considered this meal

a bit plebeum by his user standards. And wanted to show that he's just like ordinary people. He will eat other beef than wagyu beef or be it a lot of meat. If you cut him, does he not bleed? Yes, I mean, the blood's a bit bluer than some, but that could be a dietary issue. And well done to him for not including the hashtag with the tweet. Hashtag can't believe I'm eating this slop. So, man are the people, John.

Look, I'm eating your peasant food. And I'm sure the displaced masses of Syria were delighted that the G it had an encouraging working dinner two years after their living hell began. I'm sure they all huddled around their Twitter accounts. It's happened! Yes! Peace in our time! Another big issue at the summit was tax. And they came out again saying, oh, we are going to stop massive tax evasion. We are really going to stop this, which is basically what they said about four years ago as well.

And it doesn't seem to have happened in that time. As I've quoted before, John, the great philosopher and West Indian cricket, a civilian Richards man who battered so empirically, it looked like he was about to announce that he just conquered Gaul. Will this prove to be a case of shooting the horse after the door has bolted? Well, in this case, that might be appropriate because economically with the horse representing the public and the door the protection they might have expected from their governments and the gunman being the harsh expediencies of global capitalism's profit imperative. So maybe this is shooting the horse after the war.

Maybe the more pro-zek, common version, the shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. Now, again, this is basically what has happened. That horse proved to be a pretend horse made of wood and inside it were a load of top level bank executives who then burst out, caused total havoc and built themselves a new golden stable somewhere in the Cayman Islands. So whether it actually works John remains to be seen. Cameron hailed the leader's agreement on tackling both tax avoidance and ransom demands, which are basically two fingers in the same v-sign, two unnecessarily spicy jalapenos on the same provocative feature. I don't know what it means, but it sounded right Andy.

Isn't that what Moses said after covering the tank of ours? Cover it. Yeah, I mean, I guess I'll get a one covered. I guess sure. No, no, no, no, no, no, was that David Cameron went swimming in a lake swallowed a whole kipper apparently. Vladimir Putin spent the morning flying bear back on a teradaxle with his whaps out, knowing him. And still, I mean, that's what he brings to these summits. This is why they all melt before him, John. Just one flick of his highly toned peck.

And they just do what, they just, he just has their full undivided attention. And Angela Merkel apparently, according to hotel staff, warms up for a hard days international politics by body popping to some hardhouse. That is a sentence, Andy. I never thought was going to come out of your body. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. I don't, I don't. Even without the Angela Merkel bit of it. I don't really know what it means, but it sounded right. And, apparently, President Obama, who repeatedly called George Osborne by the wrong name,

called him Geoffrey Osborne, which is the name of a solstinger, which is about as far away from being George Osborne as it's possible to be, also apparently describes Nick O'Clegg as, quote, the better-looking half of the coalition. That is unacceptable Obama. He's not a piece of meat. Respect him. He's the leader of our precious liberal Democrats.

New goal feature section now. Wimbledon. And yes, it's... Come on, Tim! Come on, Tim! It's that time of year. Wimbledon is upon us from Monday. Could this finally be the year? That's Alex Bogdanovich wins Wimbledon. Come on to Bogd. Possibly not. But some of very much exciting about this year's Wimbledon possible Federer and Adal caught a final meeting. Murray to play the winner in the semi-final if it goes according to the

seedings and new balls this year, new type of balls. Now traditionally tennis balls of course were modelled on the testicles of the fluorescent yellow bristle slope. Discovered in the then jungles of Cornwall in the 14th century by tennis pioneers, a Wimbledon Hartguch. The Brussels Sloaths nuts were, of course, farmed for hundreds of years for tennis

until they became as extinct as you could possibly want to be, which is very extinct. If you generally had to live out your life as a line-judge barking out in a high-pitched manner whilst watching your own bollocks being used for sport. But now, this year's Wimbled Bulls, much higher tech than the slow scroats used in the early days. And for the first year, in accordance with prevailing social fashion, tennis balls will be fully waxed with a tattoo of something shit in Chinese on them.

Do you know what it's... Also, we've got a competition. Wimbled in competition. Do you want to know what it's like to be a tennis ball? Then enter off what it's like to be a tennis ball competition. To win the right, to be repeatedly smashed in the face with a tennis racket by the top 100 ranked

player of your choice. Simply complete the following sentence. I want to be hitting the face with a tennis racket because and send your answers to, out that hurts my face feels like an unloved waffle at Wimbledon tennis balls. And when your children say, daddy, what do you do for a living? Do you look down at them and say, I could tell you, but I don't want to make the world an even more confusing place than it already is.

And now, for any bugles, lucky enough to have tickets for the championships, we have our special Wimble Doos and Wimble Don'ts. Wimble Doos keep quiet during rallies, respect the players and officials, have a lovely day and resist the temptation to shout, football, every time you play a surf. Wimble Don't leap out of your chair shouting goooooooall every time a ball hits the net. Wimble do applaud politely when the umpire reminds your fellow crowd members to switch off their mobile phones. After an ill-timed bleep caused World No. 43 Mardi Fisch to lose concentration

in the middle of a rally and Copper smashed directly in his plumbles. Wimble don't after your phone has bleeped during a rally, causing Marty fish to lose concentration and copper smashed to his grow bag. Do not say sorry, Marty, but in case you're wondering what that was, I'm pleased to say my mate Nigel has just had his cat put down, carry on. Wimbledu, when a player leaves the court for a comfort break after losing a set in a blatant effort to disrupt their opponent's concentration, stand up and shout. So, what are we reckon, everyone? Was or dump? Wimbledoo don't run on the court dressed as an old-style wooden racket, shouting, progress is everyone slugging two handed back hands from five yards behind the baseline, really progress,

before leaving yourself out in the rain and warping. That's our Wimbledon Wimbledon section so you should be fully kitted out now for a happy day at the tennis. Qualifications been going on all this week for Wimbledon. Great chance to see some of the new generation of tennis players. A couple that really caught my eye this week, John, include Lavinius Scacaroch of the, he's world ranked 45,784. Great story, boy from the wrong side of the tracks who discovered he was good at tennis, when he broke into an eight-puri arm, don't you with a frying pan and a chicken

to try and make a honey omelette. He tripped over a bee's nest and was attacked by a swarm of non-killer bees, was in the panic, the chicken, which Skacaroch had placed on a shelf, started laying eggs at a furious rate. Skakarotch had sat up a layer of range of shots with his frying pan racket. He batted the way the angry bees with the pan, mostly struck hard with a bit of topspin, so the insects dipped before flying in through the open window of the 8-3 supervisors office, whilst playing Delacock cushion drop shops to stop the eggs from smashing. Needless to say, he framed one of the bees,

flew in through the window, the supervisor woke up, saw Scecacrocs is bewitching mixture of fast reactions, power and delicacy, and thought to himself, this reminds me of when a young beyond-bore got that job, hitting falling atleast straight into a side of barrel, and the rest is history. His career highlights so far, young Scecacrocs, was beating Novak Djokovic at the French Open. Admittedly, the French Open is a local cafe where Scecacrocs used to work as a sous chef, and Novak Djokovic at the French Open. Admittedly the French Open is a local cafe where Skakarot used to work as a sous chef and Novak Djokovic is hitting his nickname for an egg. And career low light was failing a drugs test at pre-qualifying for the Novosibirsk masters in 2011.

After he tested positive for being an iguana, he blamed his failed test on his iguana pair having called in sick. I had to play with Iggy in my shorts for safe keeping. Needless to say all that running around playing tennis and stuff left him feeling a little nauseous. So as soon as I unzipped myself to give my sample, he vomited straight into the test tube. They have to take your first sample so I was done for. And in the women's draw, well one young player has been really catching the eye in qualifying and that's Dramilia Dura-Vochka-Cover, highly promising four-year-old from the Moscow

tennis factory. Could have become the youngest player in Wimbledon since the three-year-old babe didrix and reached the quarterfinals in whatever year she was three and Dura-Vochka-Cover was the first player to receive the new style in Wimb coaching Waster-Fetus. Her mother's womb was implanted with an amniotic net, Waster's an entry-unit uterine sonar, played instructions from Florida's supercoach, Nick Bollatieri. Dremelia was not allowed to be born until she'd hit a hundred consecutive two handed backhands within a centimeter of the placenta. And she already has six estranged stepfathers mixed doubles news and a big match

today in final court ran qualifying between South Africa's snailcock Scalcon's bike and Khauhete Vandam Yule against Canada's Gerbal's McWifen Roblin a Bamcork was called off because none of the players had rackets. That's your special feature text in Vuegles. Right, it's going to be a hell of a tournament while the cello is out there. Yep. You think I'm going to definitely say anyone's stuff for grabs. Your emails now and this one came in from Christina in Troy, Michigan, unless it's Christina Troy from Michigan. Who writes on the subject John Cinematic Career? What about it?

Did John movie star? What? Did John Kritten Andy? What? On Monday's episode of the Daily Show, John Regal Linda Codellini, with a story of his time on the stage. He told her that at the age of six he played third shepherd in the Nativity. I did.

He called this moment the height of his experience as an actor. Thus sweeping under the rug, his magnificent roles in movies such as The Smurfs and The Love Guru. I mean, fair point. I mean, I mean, I mean, I'm sweeping under the carpet, it's just putting in in his right context. I'm not. No, no, Andy under the carpet, it's just putting in in his right context. I'm not. Ha ha ha. No, no, Andy. No, listen, what happened was, I was talking about the stage.

Yeah, she's, no, she's in Freaks and Geeks, little cardolini. No, she's very beautiful. I was talking slightly faster than I was thinking. And, you know, I just, I just, I just, I just, look, I didn't, I didn't think, I didn't think to say, actually let me take that back, Linda, because you're looking at dick pants and it's a bit weird that you haven't brought it up. So, Chris Eding continues, John, I can only assume that you did not mention these roles as the true height of your experiences and actor,

due to your humbleness, this is where we, your loyal dealers come in, where you are not able to brag of your cinematic achievements, leaveity to the smurfs as they say we must rise to the occasion America may have forgotten about these cinematic masterpieces but the bugles did not and they will not forget eagerly awaiting the release of smurfs to electric Boogelloo Christina Troy and Michigan so, that's some... Yeah. You saw me and he said, that sounds stuck a bit of an issue, John, there. What, what me denying,

denying my movie career, in the same way that, up with dinner, Jed denied the Holocaust. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's not necessarily quite in the same ballpark as that. I've got a centre, this, a number of people sent me a link to this news story about Armadinajad, obviously tragically leaving office as King of Iran. And apparently according to one source, his next job is going to be as a lecturer in urban planning.

Yeah, well he has a doctor,. He has a doctorate of traffic, Andy. Well, I just raised a question. How did he go from that in the first place? Should he not have stuck with it a bit longer? You don't know what damage he could have done to Terrance traffic system, Andy. We have an email here from Anthony who says, dear Andy John and Chris in order of who cares. I've been listening to you since episode 110 including some bugle marathons while working nights,

try explaining why I'm laughing like a drain to my fellow workers, I'll feel like a drain while with the kind of wheezing suction. Well that depends when you work as well. I mean if it it's in a mortuary, I can see that might be an issue. He said, I've enjoyed everyone, especially Andy's pun runs. Don't do this. You don't know what you're getting into. That's what comes of starting only a hundred and ten in. You don't have the depth of pain. Especially Andy's pun runs, I've always been very few since the legendary fish pun run.

However, I must take issue with your lack of any mention of the most important events in the rugby calendar, the British and Lions tour of Australia. How can you fail to speak of such an important sporting event? Never mind that having reached a halfway stage with the first test looming, they're almost unbeaten, they've had to call up the legendary Shane Williams IRB player of the year at a retirement, call yourselves a sports fan, par, stick to cricket, you s***, you all's Anthony from Swansea. Well, yeah, I mean, we've not touched on the lines of British Irish Lions tour of Australia. I mean, possibly because the pain of what happened 12 years ago when they were robbed after our key

player Richard Hill was elbowed out of the series. Yes, it's just... And then the cheek of it, a former former Australian coach accused the Lions of cheating which is like being accused of doing pointy pictures by George Surrah and there's a little joke for your fans of pointy list. It's a niche market but you know ticket sales are ticket sales. But I mean it's very exciting. I imagine you're probably doing blanket coverage of this on the daily show next week? Oh, absolutely. We'll be covering every touchdown, Andy.

Yeah, getting all the old legend, Willie John McBride on the show next week, probably. Yeah, that's right. I hope we can together, Gareth Davis. Oh, Gareth Davis, interesting call. Yeah. I mean, most will go for Gareth Edwards, but you've gone for the early 80s flight off instead. Yes. Interesting. Never one of lines, of course. the early 80s flight off instead. Yes, interesting.

Never one of lines, of course. But let's kick off tomorrow. Today, yesterday, last Saturday or ages ago, depending on when you're listening to this. And it's a classic battle of the hemisphere, John North, the free south. Go North! Go Northern hemisphere!

And it's a great event of the lines, because it is one of those very few sporting events these days that still possesses that rarest of sporting rarities, namely rarity. Only every 12 years they play each other, so it's 12 years since we played Australia. And it's you know, the cream of four nations that the coach has to whip into the perfect rugby moose without it cuddling and splitting like an overstretch metaphor. Well for you Lions fans we'll exclusively tell you the results of that first first match next week to do try and avoid the score. If you don't want to know the score line just just

look away from the planet now. So do keep your emails coming into info at thebugelpodcast.com and check out the SoundCloudPace SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle. And I think you can get the merch at thebugelpodcast.com. And very, very fine, it is, very fine, it is, is I have to say John T out of a bugle mug tastes twice as sweet might be that I put two sugars in instead of one that's that's a possible factor more sport now and it's been one of the great sporting showdowns this week in football Spain double European champions and World Cup winners

versus Tahiti, a team with one professional player. Who were so sure of numbers that on the subspents they had a painting by Paul Goga, the Impressionism star and Topolis Tahitian Totifan. They met in the Confederations Cup in Brazil and basically the football equivalent of Frank all the world's greatest racehorse racing against a cheap supermarket Lasagna or of Ronnie O'Sullivan the world's greatest snooker player playing a lump of camembert at snooker or if you want to flip a lump of camembert playing Ronnie O'Sullivan at being a lump of cheese or even Edwin Moses at his nineteen eighties peak when he

went unbeaten at 400 meter hurdles ever more than the decade competing against Timmy the Tortor who crapped in my garden. Go Ed Moses, teach that hard back bastard the lesson he won't forget. It was a classic David V. Goliath Clashjon, only Goliath was in a tank and David was a baby goldfish that had just been turfed out of his fish pond for breaking wind during morning prayers. And Julie Goliath won 10-0 despite the Spanish manager pledging that his team would try not to score too many goals, which is an unusual thing for a football manager to say before a game. 10-0. But great great. I think World Sport needs more Tahiti, Tahiti and football teams. I think the NFL would be definitely improved by having a team that just got absolutely mashed

every single week by about 150 points, preferably of Tahitian school children. So that's it for this week's Bugle 239. We'll be back with Bugle 240. Next week, thanks for listening again, John Goodluck on the show again this Thanks. Again this week. I'll try. It seems to have gone pretty well so far. I do hope you're setting it up for something really spectacular in your last week. Ha ha ha. I mean the possibilities are endless.

If I may we should open up a new email thread. How should John Oliver? That's a good idea. His final show on the daily show. When is it in the July? It will be time in August. It'll be middle of August. Yeah.

So cos I mean, it's almost like you're doing it just suspiciously too smoothly at the moment, John. Mm. Mm. Oh, any suggestions? Welcome. For how to put this thing up in a ball of flames. Do send them in.

To info at thebuegalpodcast.com and bear in mind that the American Secret Services will be reading all of those emails so just be slightly careful what you say. Until next week, bugleers, goodbye. Bye! you