The Bugle - Bugle 241 – Motown breaks down

Episode Date: July 19, 2013

It's hot, Motown becomes no town and JK's growling Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugleers! And welcome to issue 241 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world. For the big and in Monday, the 22nd of July 2013, with me and his old man back from our two weeks off What's happening in the cricket Chris and ready to focus exclusively? exclusively On the bugle what's up? What's not? Because there's some seriously heavy shit going down and frankly need satirizing and it's what the hell was best I doing yesterday was actually and there are so many big problems in the world like you know Syria and money and

Shit like that and we really have a duty as comedians to hold up a mirror to the world. I mean, seriously, hitting a full toss straight back to the bowl, or right near the end of flight, you know, honestly, how's that kind of batting on the solving Middle East crisis? And joining me from New York City, ex-The Exemplary Host in the Temporary Post, the Outstanding Standing,

the Gerald Ford of Comedy, John Oliver. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I mean. Oh, hello Andy. Hello, I'm Douglas Blue. Did you want to remember four years ago if you were listening back that on the Ashes were on? Andy is distracted at this time. He's not even fair to say he's distracted because that would imply that he has any attention on what he's doing right now,

rather than 100% focused on the cricket. We are back after a couple of weeks away. It was lovely to see you and your family and I think I have a little vision chips before getting on the plane. Such a great choice for a digestive meal before an international flight. Let's head about that a bit better. But I've been back as a substitute host as you say for the day show week where so far I've succeeded back as a substitute host, as he's safe for the Daily Show week, where so far I've succeeded, surprisingly not taking the show off air, but only just because on Monday,

I don't know if any people are watching the Daily Show after the first two segments of the show are finished. We were just getting ready to do the interview segment with Aaron Sorkin, and there was this weird, loud, guttural sound that started coming out of the speakers, like a Skrillex gig in a functioning abattoir and this is one for all you dubstep fans out there and out of the loop with Skrillex's recent over. He It's that... It sounds closer to that than really makes sense. Right.

It sounds like a hip-hop... Anyway, giving birth. Yeah. That's... It's basically that. You know, if you've ever seen a hip-hop giving birth, you just inherently start dancing to it anyway. Yeah.

And if you haven't, you have not lived. Don't... Don't see those, I suppose. And then all the monitors in the studio went black. All the cameras went down, half the studio went dark, and all the edit-based and control room lost power. And I thought, this makes sense. I don't know why I'm surprised.

I have broken the day in the show. I can't complain if anything has happened a lot later than I thought it would. So we had to do the interview with Aaron Sorkin on a pair of handheld cameras, and then run the tapes physically, run the tapes over to the Colbert studio, frantically ending the showdown in time to put it on air that night. And just in time, I might add, there were only a few minutes to spare. And the whole crew were incredible in keeping car with the

face of what seemed to be electrical on McKheadden. Especially because in the midst of the Mayhem, and I'll really admire this Andy, I know you will too, they still managed to find time to talk shit to me. It was, it was literally panic studio and today is running around saying, I've got a sage on this, it's a never happened before in the history of the show

and I've been here 15 years, you've been hosting for what, a few weeks now. Funny that, I mean, I'm not pointing the finger of blame, it's just I am pointing my finger at you. It's not what you want to hear Andy, this was when there are noises coming out of equipment that seem to suggest the studios about to explode. And then there was one other fantastic moment this week, on Tuesday I met my first Dame, Andy, I've never met a Dame before. Have you met a Dame? No, I'd hear it,. Well, you'd know if you'd met a Dame before. You would know if you'd met a Dame before.

My Dame was Dame Helen Mirren. She was a guest on the show. And I had to end the previous act of the show before the interview, dressed in an adult nappy or a diaper. I'd like to call them here in the US. You had to, or chose to, John. I mean, let's not get sematic on you. I chose to. I chose to. I just don't have to. I won't even try to

explain why I was dressed like that, but it turns out that the lack of dignity it takes to put one of those on actually pales against Paris into the lack of dignity it takes to take one off. You have to release both sides and then pull the whole thing forward through your legs. And as I did that Andy, holding the nappy in front of me with my trousers around my ankles, I looked up and I saw Dame Helen Miran staring back at me with a smile on her face that said, you look fucking stupid right now and I pretended to be the queen. It was definitely not our own visit, my first encounter with the dome going down, Andy. Now well, first, first

of many, John. I met, I was interviewed this week for a place in England cricket team. Congratulations, how'd it go? Well, went, went all right, I'm Chris, Chris, you were there, was dinner with the chairman of the England cricket selectors, Gemmaela. So this was the closest that you're probably ever going to get to get a selection. You sat there in front of the selectors and the selector asked Andy, Andy, what do you bow to which Andy's response was mind your own fucking business? I forgot about it.

Oh my god. How do you forget that Andy? You just bank it on the fact that he would respect that kind of stress. That's interesting. That's interesting. Yeah, he was. They're looking for cricketers with strong minds and not afraid to express their own opinions. So he interviewed me for a positional England cricket team.

I'm not sure. I haven't had the call yet But so I don't like I think I'm making an impression. I think it might be coming with that conversational Smackdown at the So this is bugle 241 very special bugle 241 We have a special 241 offer if you take a voluntary subscription out today You can listen to this and all future bugles twice for no extra payment. That's got to be pretty tempting. So double your enjoyment, if it works out of that, or actually probably slightly reduce your enjoyment

of the show by clicking the link at thebugelpodcast.com to keep this invaluable new source, free, editorially and free for those who cannot afford it or are too tight visited to pay or more likely to disorganized or just can't be asked or simply hate the show and want no part in its continuing existence. This we're recording on the 19th of July. That is 460 years to the day, John, since 1553 England's literal teen queen, Lady Jane Gray, had her nine day rain as queen terminated. She was only about 16 years old, what a nightmare for a teenager. I've actually threw a proper teenage strop even more so when she was beheaded a few months later. Well I don't want to have my head

chopped off and you can't make me. I'm going to my room. I'm sorry you can't make me. Oh my room is in the Tower of London right where I'm going to be executed. Right, we have a situation. And also, 425 years ago, another historic moment in British history, 1588, the first Spanish armada was viewed in the channel off Lizard Point in Cornwall. Oh, yeah. And legend has it that England's naval warfare ace of france strike was bowling at the time And he was informed about the incoming Spanish fleet and responded hey that can wait

We've got time to go bowling and still be the Spanish stop distracting We haven't even programmed my name into the computer yet. Oh Type me in as admiral mobiles Top story this week the heat is Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeet. If you live, if you don't finish that thought, Andy. If you live in the US or the UK, you aren't feeling pretty f***ing you hot right now because it is hot here, Andy. It's hot here in America. I don't know that the UK empathizes with that

because by all accounts, it's too f***ing hot there too. Oh, too. Oh absolutely John, yeah I mean we're struggling with a heatwave, the like of which has never been experienced by humanity anywhere before just day upon day, week upon week of burning sunshine, record temperatures, we're talking, we're talking high 20s John, low 30s Celsius even, it's making the Sahara look like a partially refrigerated cake counter in a bakery store It's making the Australian outback look like skeg nest beech in early April It's making the attic armor desert look like South America's answer to a soggy Christmas dog walk Britain is so Toast it the moment if you dropped it from space it would inevitably land people side down You that I mean that that is the thing if you if you saw any reporting of the heatwave in the UK at the moment

and then you looked at the number that prompted that reporting and you live anywhere else in the world, you might think, what is wrong with these people? But it's difficult to explain. It's not, yes, it's not technically as hot as elsewhere in Britain, but Britain is significantly less well equipped to deal with high temperatures, both physically and more importantly emotionally. And for a start, people don't really have air conditioning in their homes in Britain. Apparently a report in 2008 found out that just 0.5% of houses in the UK has any kind of air conditioning, whereas here Andy, in the land of the free, the land of the incredibly cold inside, when it's incredibly hot outside, nearly 100 million homes have it, and it's

possible, apparently it's possible that air conditioning accounts for as much as 15% of total American energy consumption, and that is 15% Andy, that's a 15% portion of a pretty fucking huge burrito. Because that's the ultimate demonstration of freedom, Andy, being on a hundred degree day, inside able to wear a coat. That's a profound and powerful fucking nature. Oh sure, you've been beating down pretty hard, Mr. Sun. It's dangerously hot outside, you say. So why then, am I shivering in here?

It'll be exciting to see my breath when I tell you to go fuck yourself That's what we fought two world wars and at least two cold wars for the right to air condition America I'm in Britain. We've been really struggling. John haven't seen this many people looking burnt in public since Queen Mary was barbecuing Protestants in the 1550s. Man, that's two 1550s jokes in one show. Yeah. That's setting the bar pretty high. Deep cut, Andy. And we've, it's the biggest heat wave here since 1976, when of course you don't need me to tell you, famously the Queen Mother melted

whilst watching a horse race at Royal Ascot, had to be taken to a special laboratory and the basement of Windsor Castle and poured into a cast of herself that they'd taken during the war. Back on due to a week later after resellifying, yeah, and lived for another 20-26 years. Now I keep waking up, it was so hard, it's very hard to sleep, my kids are really, 20, 60 years. I keep waking up, it's so hard, it's very hard to sleep. My kids are really, really struggling to get to sleep, maybe because I'm standing in the corner of their room, Dress Locker ghost,

but, but, anyway, probably the, more to do the heat. But I keep waking up in the middle of the night, sweating like a guilty feeling pig being cross-examine about whether or not it's kosher. Too hot, sometimes even to think about sport, that puts it in perspective. So hot, John, that I keep thinking on Florence Nightingale and it's becoming now so

reminiscent of 1796 that I keep expecting Mousy to die again or the Bay City Rollers money honey to shoot back to the top of the Canadian pop shots. Well you are jumping around the centuries today. I knew I'd make it. Thank you, we're keeping you. Is the heat short circuit in your brain somehow? Ha, ha, ha. I will say, though, Andy, one of the things about the kind of actual heat that we're experiencing here in New York is that it's not just about the feel, it's about the funk. There is a powerful thick perfume to this idea

at the moment. This place is a feast for the senses at the best of times, but when it's over 100 degrees outside, it becomes the kind of heat that you can not only smell, you can taste. If you could bottle the smell in New York at the moment, Andy, then your factory would be instantly shut down for health and safety violations.

That is the kind of wall of scent you are walking into. It's like walking into soup here, Andy. It's a heady scent, especially around where the Daily Show studio is in Manhattan, because if you've not been there, I'm guessing most of you have it. We are between a subway sandwich shop and the stable where they keep the central park horses. So there is a pungent combination bouquet in the air of subway sandwiches and warmed up horse shit which is coming by. Yeah, combined and it smells like a shit sandwich or to put it in another way a subway sandwich. Boom! Boom! No! It's caused all kinds of political ruckians over here John Maheat because Labour MP Ben Bradshaw committed the heinous political crime of wearing cycling shorts to a political event.

Is that true? Yes. Is that without making him cooler? Indeed, there's a cycling shorts or a little... I don't know. That's a cyclic shorter a little. I don't know if that's a tight short. Unless that's a pre-devil fabric he's looking at creating a kind of one-man sauna inside the shoes.

Yeah, definitely one-man, two-acre sauna. And it was David Miller-Bans farewell party before a jets off. Joining you in New York, I think. I don't know if you're at all worried about that. John's be a fairly louding him up. He's heading up the international rescue charity, taking over from its previous head Jeff Tracey, who many people viewed as little more than a puppet. And that's joke for all your Thunderbird fans out there. Wow, I just don't know what has happened with your references, Andy. Oh, I know. They've stayed exactly the same. There's actually no change here.

Some people viewed Ben Bradshaw's shorts as perhaps the greatest distract of political disgrace in Britain since Guy Forks tried to blow up Parliament. And oddly, he was wearing a smart shirt. So presumably, he must have had a pair of trousers with him that he elected not to put on, unless he'd been cycling to this party, wearing his trousers as a kind of Superman cape and they'd blown off.

Because he had the shirt to go with the trousers, John. Right. He wasn't wearing a cycling top. And this is, rocks the British Political Foundation to its knees, basically. It's said to all kinds of discussion, ever whether our fashion sense disappears as a nation when the weather gets hot.

All of a sudden, things like short sandals, togas, speedos, medieval suits of armor come out. Now, I'm not one to pass judgment on people's fashion choices as you well know John, me and fashion a lot of the Pope and condoms. We've seldom met and when we have the conversation has been one sided and awkward. And I'm in no position to give anyone any fashion tips as my collection of 18th century wigs will testify. They will come back. Everything comes back. And shorts really all depend on the person. It's all relative Roger Federer and shorts. No problem. The enormous community secretary Eric Pickles MP and shorts, aesthetic minefield, the

Archbishop of Canterbury and shorts, constitutional minefield, the Ayatoller and shorts war. And the deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, committed an even greater, he-related clothing faux pas. He took off his shoes in his office. Oh, come on, Nick. Come on, Nick. This was reported at the newspapers. News papers.

News, news. Let's go on the first syllable of news papers. But I did make me think, John, if Nick Clegg, the deputy prime minister, to IC, have Britain. If he is gonna take off his shoes in the office, I mean, you just think, f***ing hell, we might have let the f***ing Nazis win the war. And come on, Clegg, be British,

swell to your nuts off in a suit, tie in a proper pair of shoes. We built a f***ing empire in unnecessarily hot countries just so we could prove that there was no climate that we were not prepared to wear an oxygen- ...ducing net garment in. Do you know how intimidating that must have been in the war? The German soldiers sitting there thinking,

f***ing hell, these guys wear tweed jackets and a crevatt in the f***ing Sudan. They must be tough as a dinosaur's bullbag. We haven't got a hoe. Besides or so, you need to keep the level of British formality under any circumstances. The Germans would have been blitzed in the crap out of British cities. And we'd have been there wearing full morning suits saying, oh, we're terribly sorry to have rather damaged your bombs with our buildings.

That was an awfully rude of us, I'm sure. I'll tell you what, gives us a few years, we'll replace them for you. No, don't mind, we'll just drop them off on our way over, absolutely no problem. You take your formal clothes off, John. You lose that British cycle logical edge. Did Churchill swan around in Bermuda shorts? Yes, but not in public. Did thatcher wear a bikini in cabinet? Yes, but that was just a show who was boss and keep Cecil Park in his straggs. The point is, John, we're British. We did not take our ties, trousers and shoes off at any time. Not when we're working, not when we're at political functions, not when we're bathing and above all, not when we're breeding. That is what

made this nation what it is. I feel a bit sick after that. Yeah. That's a rid of the key. Yes. Not an easy one. I guess we've all got embarrassing in an appropriate summer clothes. My worst was when I turned up to a Captain Scott themed summer party dressed as Rald Ammonson. I've got a very frosty reception. Approximately enough. Detroit News Now Motown may become no town.

And Detroit, that is a very glib way to rhyme away the troubles of a dying city. Detroit has become the largest US city ever in history of all time to file for bankruptcy, declaring debts of at least £10 billion, probably around $18 billion. It's all looking good for Detroit, Andy. I'll see that. I mean, that sounds bad. They're never more dangerous than, you know, when they're backed into a corner, but this corner may be a little too pointy, and narrowed to get out of. The city of Detroit once, you know, of course, a symbol of US industrial power. This was the, you know, they were the

kings of the car industry is seeking protection from creditors who include public sector workers and their pension funds. Oh good Andy, good to see that the vulnerable are not going to be the ones to suffer here yet again. Detroit has faced a decade of problems linked to the decline of its industry, although it's not only a decline so much as it is a bungee jump of industry. Detroit's industry bungee jumping off a cliff while also having to make cutbacks on the use of bungee cords due to the economy. So basically just jumping off a cliff. Detroit's industry has over the last decade jumped off a very big cliff and had the water removed at the bottom of it.

It's dead. Yeah, Detroit. So I'll see a try to say that. And I believe you have said that now. Yeah. Detroit, as you say, they're renowned city, 18.5 billion bucks in the bad. It is in economic parlance, upshit creek without a paddle or a life jacket or a boat and with a disappointingly heightened sense of smell.

And as you say, John, the questions do arise. How did Motown become less town? I've done a little variation on it. Difficult, I don't know if? I've done a little variation on it. Yeah. Difficult, I don't know if it's my mum or my more British perspective on it. Who put the detritus into Detroit US? Who put the lose into blues and the realisation into de-industrialisation? And it's very ironic that the city of Henry Ford cannot afford to buy a real head. OK, I'm done. OK. OK. OK, I mean, the point is...

It's literally sold its soul. The market worth of a vandela has plummeted to its lowest level since the early 1970s. OK, OK. Are we really done now? Or is there... Are you James Browning this one? I can't go on. I can go on. Detroit is an amazing city or was. I mean, it really is an incredible place.

And they're now left with a series of options, I guess one, fake their own death. Leavernote somewhere saying, sorry, just couldn't go on. Don't worry, it's nobody's fault apart from institutionalized corruption, mismanagement and in the industry This will really be stuffed and mounted to the White House's wall could buy cruel world and then Try and collect the insurance money somehow after disappearing option two gambling You know they're around 18 billion dollars in debt

So they just need to get an 18 billion dollar loan go to a casino and put it all on red. If they win, they're back in the game. If they lose, they can always go back to option one and fake their own death. Or three, like so many people in desperate situations, Andy, they could turn to a life of crime to try and rebuild their city's infrastructure, start low level, you know, a steal a few buses from various other cities, just to get their public transport moving again, maybe a few trams from San Francisco to throwing there as well, then steal a few monuments, then a few buildings, you've probably got to steal some people to go in those buildings as well, just gradually so that no one notices, then go big and start stealing some huge stuff. Go and go bridge St Louis Art, the Liberty

Bell and Yankee Stadium Andy Andy. Then Detroit is back. But we say, I'm a crime is an option, but I mean, it's actually one of the problems in under 9% of criminal cases are solved in Detroit part, because they have a 58 minute police response time compared with 11 minutes as the national average. 78,000 abandoned buildings buildings that that seems a lot Yes over a hundred thousand creditors, and I'm getting not all of them are the pay me back when you can love maternal kind of credit

And one third of ambulances are out of service, which I think is a silver lining to this Financial black cloud because I mean fair enough. Why bother living longer? If you know, you've got a chance not to in these circumstances. How many are you gonna ring up the England so I say yeah I've just skewed myself on a railing, fell out the window, was taking a run up to kick my TV to pieces. I know I shouldn't watch the local news anymore. I know I know that now. You're probably gonna bleed out in 15 to 20. Now I don't bother I've seen the figures, there's nothing for me here and one less pension to pay. I'll take one for the team.

But to me as an outsider, you look at the stats, 40% of street lights, not working. I mean, 78,000 buildings, unoccupied. The light's on, and no one's home. It sounds like the city equivalent of the Duke of Edinburgh. And it still has some still has some lingering race issues as well. Bugal feature section now, pseudonyms and a publishing sensation here in Britain this week, J.K. Rowling, the woman behind the Harry Potter books and general world dominating media franchise. A woman who's generally found that the pen might not be mighty in the sword, but it is certainly more lucrative than the sword. She secretly wrote a crime

novel under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith, had it published, and it had sold around about 1500 copies. Before her secret was leaked by a law firm, oddly, and the book has now accidentally shot to the top of the best seller lists. And it seems an approach to my... Was that law firm representing her publishers, Andy? I have no idea. She did seem genuinely annoyed by it. Yeah, I'm sure she was, but I'm going to get publishers. Maybe a little loose with their time around town.

I'd be really nice if this sold a thousand times the amount that it is. And the rest? Over night. I'm be really nice if this sold a thousand times the amount that it is. And the rest? Over night. I'm sure they're absolutely devastating. They're giving all the money to a charity for abandoned authors. But this is a great tradition throughout literary history of famous writers using pseudonyms to publish things secretly. James Joyce, you're a big fan of the J. Jones, aren't you, John? Massive, massive Joyce fan. Did you study Joyce at university or not? Well, I definitely looked at a lot of the books at them.

Yeah. Some of the back covers are excellent, I know that. Anyway, James Joyce, the famously obtuse Irish words, myth author of such incomprehensible classics as Eulaceys and the hauntingly ahead of its time, Judy Finnegan's Wake. Also wrote the classic six-book series of girls boarding school novels, Mallory Towers. Anyone who's ever tried to read them backwards will testify. He wrote them under the pseudonym, Enid Blighten, which is already used by the prominent children's novelist Enid Blighten, which is already used by the prominent children's novelist, Enid Blighten, who everyone assumed the books were by. Later, Judy Bloom's teen-girl novels were of course

written by another than president Dwight Eisenhower, and in accordance with the great man's will were published posthumously. He said that writing fiction from the point of view of a teenage girl really, he found it very relaxing during the heightened situation of the 1950s global political situation. American publishing sensation Ed Grail and Poe released a three volume treatise on the history of the commemorative figurine entitled a history of the commemorative figurine in three volumes under the pen name the slaughtering claw of death. Whilst the controversial fatwell-winning novelist Salman Rushdie is rumoured to have authored a number of celebrity autobiographies, including Stephen Gerrard's My Liverpool Story and Pop Singer Cheryl Coles' Cheryl My Story,

plus the surprisingly controversial critique of the National Health Service, the Satanic nurses. And Eric Carl, the author illustrator of the very hungry caterpillar, is also rumoured to have been the literary paradisethyl Nazi behind such genre-lampooning erotic classics as the penis of Monte Cristo, Wang of the Derbaville's, and 1984. Well, it all started with Shakespeare, of course. Famously the pseudonym under which most turn of the 16th, 17th century playwrights published their works. Shakespeare, of course, used by amongst others. You're John Webster's, you're Francis Bacon's, you're Chrissy Marlos and you're ready to veer. Not to mention other candidates like Queen Elizabeth I.

Now widely accredited as the author of Shakespeare's little known play, the true story of the awesome ginger queen. Francis Drake, the aforementioned Francis Drake, now viewed as the probable writer of Shakespeare's work, Frankie Toohats and the Armada Gardens, and Drake's fellow explorer Walter Raleigh, credited with bringing potatoes to Baco and children's bicycles back to Britain from the Americas. People saw his hand in some of the blatant product placement in Shakespeare's work, as evidence that Raleigh was the author, including such famous quotes as, Is this a potato I see before me? And eight to Brute, I eight three can't beat a spud.

And have that, have more than thou showest, speak less than thou knowest, lend less than thou oest, with the smooth taste of Raleigh's high-tar long-buster cigarettes. And of course, back to the subject of JK Rowling, as we're way back in Bugle issue 3, the lead singer with a British acid jazz band Jameeraquai actually had a hit single in which he impersonated an angry bear entitled Get Out of My Bins and released this song under the name J.K. Growling. Oh boy. But if you're going to be too busy to do more than one or two stories, then I'm going to have to pat it out with some shit.

This could be a wrong. You didn't think about me, John. I know, this could be a rough one. The consequences. This could be a rough month. I can re-engage in the bugle. This could be a rough month, people. Your emails now, we have an email from here from Anne in Wisconsin, who says, dear Chris, Andy and John, because Chris is so rarely listed first.

I just listened to Friday's episode of The Pugal and the only response I have is that it sounds like the revolution number 9 of Pugal episodes. It's either genius or something you can't even listen to because it's so unintelligible. I listened to it backwards and it told me that Andy died in a car crash three years ago and the man we think he's Andy is actually named Henry Borden and ex-Cricketer, which is why he tries so hard to make us care about cricket. This also explains why the bugle logo needs to be an illustration and not a picture with Andy's back to the camera or walking barefoot. I'm gonna go back to previous bugle episodes, he listened to all of them backwards to see if I can find out more clues.

And now I haven't heard it yet. Chris. The episode you put out last week, but it sounds fucking weird. It certainly, it's split opinion. It's slathered some whipped cream on it and it's popped the cherry on top. It was about time the audience got the truth. Ha ha. I mean, we got a lot of,

a lot of probably more emails about this subject than any other topic in the history of the universe. This email came in from Steve, subject whatever the f*** it was you released on the 12th of July. Chris and the Injorn in order for whom I choose to blame for the item mentioned in the subject line, I have, or possibly, had a friend. This is a good friend when I value quite highly. This friend trusted my judgment enough to ask for a few podcast recommendations. I mentioned a small handful of, as I referred to them at the time, quality bits of sound, including of course the bugle. This possibly now former friend grabbed the most recent thing at the

time. The f***ing thing mentioned in the f***ing line and gave it a listen. This friend will no longer speak to me. Fix it sincerely with an otherwise appropriate level of respect, Steve. That's what you've done, Chris. That's going on my CV, that. What you've done, John's broken the daily cell and you've broken the bugle. Sorry. So, we also put out a best, in advance of the magic royal baby, which is due literally any second now, we did also put out a best of the royal family,

best of wheels and cakes of bugle compilation and I'll probably see a lot of bugleers watching the birth live on the big screen in Hyde Park, huge screens live relay from the birthing footage and I believe Steve Redgrave has been booked in as the midwife or could be David Beckham or it could be a representative sample of London youth. We don't we don't yet know There are a lot of excitement about the imminent imminent birth in America John and maybe yeah, maybe we could I mean it would be not it would be an lovely gesture If having had the baby they they just sent it to Detroit

to spread its magic. That is a nice idea. If she really cared about Detroit and I don't think she does, and this she has no real need to, then she give birth there, put the city back on the map. So Tiki, your email is coming into infoatthebugelpodcast.com. Do check out our web info at thebugelpodcast.com? Do check out our web page, thebugelpodcast.com, where you can buy merch and also take out your volumny subscription. And don't forget to look at our SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle, and you can also get our cricket podcast, the greatest test also at SoundCloud.

Now, John, I mean, the ashes have been, you left Britain from your brief stay here. Yeah. On the morning that the ashes began. I did. Yeah, just before the first ball. Which, and you miss one of the greatest test matches there's ever been. I imagine it probably got wall-to-wall coverage

in the American media. Well, thankfully the pilot was doing a ball for ball commentary, Andy. Well, I know a lot of our American listeners find it hard to relate to cricket. I was a wrote my cricket book this week. I said, a good test match often compared to a gripping novel. But the difference is that you can flip to the end of a novel

and find out what happens, which you can't do in a test match. I mean, a novel, you can skip the end to discover whether or not Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy finally snap and gun down the interfering Mrs. Bennett and the rest of the Bennett family in the hail of bullets before escaping on a motorbike and fleeing to Mexico. You can find out whether or not the line in the witch end up getting it on in the wardrobe. Whether Willy Wonka ever gets it deserved legal comeuppance for breaching all manner of employment and health and safety regulations, whether the gruffalo is finally shot by poachers and its body parts sold as decorative ass trays, or what happens to caterpillars with serious

eating disorders. But you can flip to the end of a book, but not of a test match, John, and that's what makes it so engrossing. And with public attention comes commercial opportunity. And the bookmaker, Paddy Power, put up an advert. They projected an advert onto the outfield at the Oval Cricket Ground. With a picture of England captain, Alistair Cook, and the captain, Captain Cook, civilising Aussies since 1770.

Which was not the most historically sensitive comment. to cook and the captain captain cook civilising Aussies since 1770. Which was not the most historically sensitive comment about. No, it's not really. There's a number of things wrong with it. And when captain cook landed in Australia on his first global visit in 1770, it didn't really start civilising the Aussies there. He stopped some of their spears and helped himself to a bunch of flowers. But it didn't really do a lot else and and then basically f*** off around the world. And before he claimed the East Coast of Australia forbidden without telling the people who already lived there, and I'm not sure that they necessary

thought of themselves at the time as Aussies. The subsequent British people who followed Captain Cook to what became known as Australia had a bit of a tendency to civilise these Aussies in the way that you might try to civilise a clay pigeon, or in the way that Theodore Roosevelt tried to civilise African wildlife. And then they simulated those proto- Aussies who were around in 1770 into Australian society by amongst other things, giving them small pox, that traditional European police to meet who have some death present, also by stealing their land, stealing their children, devastating their communities and way of life, and if all else failed, shooting them a bit more. But still, don't worry, it's just a harmless joke, all is fair and advertising, just a bit, a little bit of banter about a long past genocide, as long as it encourages

people to indulge in that most civilised of British activities, online gambling, then fair enough. gambling then fair enough. Well that brings us the end of this week's bugle 241. We'll be back with bugle 242 next week at which point there will be no cricket going on during the middle of a match. We've just seen an Australian player get out testicles before wickets in an exciting new development for cricket. The nut shot, that's a very exciting, exciting development in cricket. And I know the Wang shot in baseball has been quite an effective, for a kind of, a bunch technique for some while, hasn't it? But so we're back next week. John, enjoy your next. So we've got a big name guests coming up on the Daily Show this week. Louis C. Kay on Monday.

All right. Nice. Very, very interesting. And the Egyptian National Football Coach on Thursday. An American man. He's going to be very, he's in a very, very interesting position. And the embossed footballing. And I guess at the moment, more political sense. Because I know my hammered

Moresy reckons that the Egyptian national team should play a kind of traditional 442 Yeah, so you know some of the more secular Our people needs you think they should go with a like a wing backs formation, so I don't know how I work They'll never be peace until then be a glist Bye circle. They'll never be peace, aren't they? Until then, Beagle is goodbye. Bye! you