The Bugle - Bugle 243 – The gifts that keep giving

Episode Date: August 2, 2013

Robert Mugabe is going nowhere without a struggle, especially when he still gets 103% of the vote. Plus, Silvio Berlusconi is back in the news! Thanks Silvio! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And welcome to Bugle issue 243 for the week beginning Monday the 5th August 2013 with me and the results month, the arbiter of Armageddon. That's a new part time job I'm doing on the side, not the most interesting work to be honest. Sitting around waiting for the end of the world, still keeps me in the house. Er, and my next guest, regular buglas will probably recognize him. It's the new stalker, New Yorker, the Muhammad Ali's fist to the George Foreman's face of events. It's John Oliver. Hello Andy, hello buglas, we'll never mind the small screen Andy,

because it's movie time this week. Check your local listings, Smurfs 2 is here. And a Smurfs 2 has dropped this week like a golden stone. Shiny and heavy, Andy. I haven't seen it because I'm not six years old. But if I was, I would have done Andy, and I'd have loved it. I think it's hard to say. I haven't seen it. The point is, Andy, vanity smurf is in movie theaters now. Now will the world of cinema ever be the same? Too soon to say history will be the judge.

The point is, I offered a heartbreaking portrayal of a complicated soul trapped in the body of an inexplicably popular blue Belgian creature. Is it Oscar worthy? Again, not for me to say, Andy. Is it Oscar eligible? I think not, which actually might help take care of that first question. Now, apparently, I've not had the box office list receipts, I don't know. I don't even know how you quantify a film's success. Apparently, the film is opening very big in career and Germany,

two places that like extremely strange things. And I've got a horrible feeling that there may be some adults only screaming is going on over there, but that's not the point. That's not the point. Everyone is welcome, including German and Korean perverts. Sperfs too, Andy. Well, of course, have, you know, very highly respected and many ways illustrious

career on the big screen. Decorated on the silver screen, Andy. And I'm a f***ing smurf. Respect me. Smurf's, that is a centre. It's never been said that he was like. Not since Picasso's blue period, anyway. But on the Rotten Tomatoes website, John, which is not entirely a scientific experiment. It's pretty scientific.

The love guru, your previous, that was your film your film debut that got 14% Only Tom atometer out of how many percent believe it's had 20% roughly a hundred. Oh, okay The smurf to John what what what do you reckon it's it's it's it's Are you getting higher? It's a sequel so they're all wait. They always slightly dip. I'm getting like 82% right 14% John exactly the It's the 14% sir John Oliver What what did Smurfs one get hang on let me find it because that that is key You don't judge it against other movies Andy your judge against itself and it's massive box office potential.

22% of the smurfs on that. Yeah, so that's an acceptable drop for a sequel. But John, I don't want to slam your artistic over. Let's be clear, let's be clear, Andy. That 14% means that only 86% of people are leaving disappointed. That's right, and these are the critics, John. According to the audience ratings, 74% liked it. Yes

The critics Andy this is for the people I mean of those who who did respond from the public and left a comment Not not all of them were in that 74% and some of them expressed their membership of the 26% in quite aggressive terms But still there's been some you know that let, you know, what are reviews mean, John? I mean, in fact, nothing. Well, exactly. There's been some interesting reviews, per se, per se, et la grille of the New York Flabbergaster. Really loved it, John. I mean, this has really gone down what was some of the big hitters. That's good.

She wrote, so as cinematic masterpieces go, this is like Orson Worlds and Martin Skorsese teaming up with Eisenstein, spectacular, moving and philosophically vibrant. Smurfs too is the silver screen-sistine chapel but more so and with Smurfs in it. Well, I agree with that. Again, I haven't seen it but I agree with that. Well, as Professor Arnell McStrain of the Harvard Art Tropistical says, if I've ever seen a better film than this, I've yet to see it. Yeah, good point. This review just come out today. So damn gutted to have died 40 years before this came out. What a film. That's from Lyndon B. Johnson. The American Weeger

reviews August 2013. It's their ex-president special. They already also have Teddy Roosevelt reviewing the lookalbusier exhibition at Moemore in New York City. Not enough dead rhinos for my liking, he writes. James K. Polk reviews Dr. Darren Lange and Dr. Meg Barker's safe, sane and consensual contemporary perspectives on Sadomassacism. And he loved it. And Calvin Coolidge gives us his perspective. On the Broadway theatres, new smash hit musical, Street of the White Glove, a big budget musical based on the life of the renowned late 20th century snooker referee, John Street. Now without giving too much of a wide audience,

as far as I say, the 30th President of the United States and small government fan was not at all impressed with the casting of Hollywood star Vin Diesel as Street's referee and colleague, Len Gangley. He thinks, cool, he's very much thinks, film stars should stick to film, it seems, and it's pretty potty mouth language. So that section in the bin, the review section, but it's not everyone's against it, John. This is Bugle 243, 243, of course, the optimum number of wheels on your vehicle at different stages of your life, two for your bike as a kid, four for your car as an adult, and then when you get old,

three, car with a wheel taken off as a prank, you've got to entertain yourself. And today, what Monday, the fifth of August marks, John, 125 years of the road trip. In 1888, Bertha Benz, the wife of carmaker, carmaker CarlBenz, took her sons on a 66-mile road trip to see their granny, which the first ever long-distance car journey. It took all day, took her from dawn to dusk, to do those 66 miles, the kids, and they took our kids with her. They must have been a nightmare in the back. Are we there yet?

I'll need a wee. Or given that they were German. I need an Inabladigasplatt piss. That's a... Ha! The pit stop, John. The word pit stop, by most recent, in the form of a... You've come to the German word,

German word for toilet stop, which is pit stop from brick. And that's where pit stop came from. In fact, and Grand Prix's up to the 1960s, when drivers took a pit stop, they did have to pop out of their cars to use the men before they were allowed back on the track. That's, that's is a fact. Also, on this date, the 5th of August, 1735, landmark in history, the Freedom of the Press, the New York Journal writer John Peter Zenger was acquitted of seditious libel against Bill Cosby. Not that Bill Cosby, it was in fact William Cosby, then Royal

Governor of New York and Zenger was acquitted on the basis that what he'd published was true and therefore not libelous. And we mark this historic anniversary in the freedom of the place with some bugle, sickle-fantic libel, lies about the great and famous that they would like to be true. The kind of bullshit that Zenger would probably have been absolutely fine with. Hop Starlet Taylor Swift has hammered out a lasting peace deal that will end decades of conflict in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Swift, who was also committed to a worldwide one woman mission to eradicate malaria, will demand that all sides in the Congo conflict sort everything out.

Film Star Robert Pattinson voted sexiest man alive by both the magazine Glamour UK and the Financial Times has rescued 35 stricken dolphins from public swimming baths this year alone, and a media mogul Rush Limble can kill dogs just by looking at them, but it's such a great guy that he chooses not to apply his power. If any of that is right, sue us. Top story this week, Breaking Burle Sconey News! And we have late breaking Burle Sconey updates. Here at the Bugle, Silvio Burle Sconey, the real-like leather face, the sexual assault, sexual assault, and a man whose body is 60% water and 40% viagra, who walking chemically induced boner. And he has had Italy's highest court just uphold his prison sentence for tax evasion. And that is apparently the end

of his appeals process. Incredibly, it seems that Burlescoini has been found guilty in a permanent way. Like Al Capone, it's tax evasion, the seems to have been is unlikely downfall, especially because also like Al Capone, he's lived a life of a career criminal prior to this decision. It's extraordinary that it's over. It feels like at the end of the police academy franchise or something, you thought it would just never end. But he described the more than 50 court cases he has faced as, quote, genuine judicial harassment that is unmatched in the civilized world. I mean, that's a big claim.

I think what he needs to understand, that some of those charges against him have generally been a response to human behavior from him, which is unmatched to the civilized world. Well, John, look, I'm not a massive fan of the no smoke without fire school of justice, which, you know, not all of my family would necessarily side with me on that one, as you would know, having, for example, met my brother.

But 50 court cases, John, that is a lot of smoke for a man who's dead. It's a lot. He's never even been to a barbecue. A lot of smoke. Apparently, this sentence cannot be appealed. And yet, Burlesconi, a 76-year-old, is evidently unlikely to go to jail still because of his age. Reports seem to suggest that he's likely to serve

house arrest or carry out community service. And for a start, you know that he's likely to serve house arrest or carry out community service. And for a start, you know that he's going to try and carry out community service, cleaning the changing rooms of all women's volleyball team. That's for a start. But also, does that essentially mean it? In Italy, once you reach a certain age, you can basically commit to any crime. Because that's an interesting idea. Age has increasingly been respected less and less culturally and maybe that would

turn it all around. If upon turning 75 you were basically guaranteed not to go to jail that might make kids think twice before messing with old people. Oh sure keep pushing my bin over on your way to school kids. Just know that on your way home I'm gonna be sitting in my front garden with a fucking crossbow. Oh, what's that? You don't want to offer your seat to me on this bus. How about I empty this bucket of paint over your head? If you need me, I'll be serving out my sentence for this at home.

Also known as the place I spend all my time anyway. He said, I've been rewarded with accusations and a verdict that is founded on absolutely nothing that takes away my personal freedom and my political rights. No justice, no justice. Moving words, John, because when a man has his personal freedom and his political rights taken away, what is left of him, the answer of course is his penis. Apart from his penis, what is left of the

man and the answer is his makeup and his hair dye and his total control of the media? Apart from that, John, what is left for Boris Golding? Got a feel sorry for the guy. Boris Golding's legal team said there were solid reasons why Boris Golding should have been acquitted. But again, when it comes to the sexual charges against him, there are some pretty solid reasons for which he should be in jail. And many of those solid reasons emanated from inside his trousers. But that's not the point. The point is, it could have been even worse for Silvio, the Silvia Burrisco, and the self-styled human snake, because the judges did not uphold the order that would have barred him from public office.

That will apparently be re-examined by lower court. So hold on, Andy. He could still come back. If he pulls that off, Andy, not only is he technically legal Teflon. It would actually make me feel sorry for Anthony Weiner here in New York, Andy, because he's having some self-induced trouble running for Mayor of New York, but it seems like he could announce running for the Mayor of Milan, get on a plane to fly there, and have been elected to office before the seat belt sign was turned off.

Well, he just shows you can never rule Burler's going out. John, you know, he's, you know, because Italy has shown a frankly astonishing willingness to just keep voting him in, in the interest of global entertainment rather than national well-being. And if he does get back into power John, the way Italy just keeps voting me into me, that will be like getting another blowjob of the same crocodile with your eighth consecutive penis. I think that is the fairest way to describe his political history. And I think it's the way of describing it that he'd be most likely to understand. And also try to ban, how you can't ban burless goli from public.

You'll find a way. You might as well try to ban bears from disobeying into the woods with the newspaper and across words solving dictionary under their arms. You cannot fight nature. That is his natural habitat. BABY TICKING Zimbabwe holds election question mark update now. And it's Zimbabwe election time, Andy, which is always a confusing time for the international community. The people of Zimbabwe and the concept of numbers.

Before the election, El Presidente Amagabi made a statement that was akin to a minvars. It was as admirable as it was empty. He pledged to step down if he lost the election which of course and he's completely meaningless because he doesn't lose elections. He's the Harlem Globetrotters of democracy. His winning record is undeniably impressive, but you have to take it to the fact we're looking at that record. He's not playing by anything resembling the rules. It's, I mean, he knows one thing, John, it is how to win an election, and the final result aren't, out the world is waiting with Magneton,

it's mouth, sorry, with baited breath. That's a little fishing joke for all your fish fans. For the result of the election, is this on? Is this on? And he does look set for another win, John. I mean, there's no substitute for experience. When you have a winning record like that, John, try to beat McGarby in an election.

It's like trying to beat Lance Armstrong in a who's had the most Tour de France title stripped from you competition. You're going to have to do something pretty special, and also something pretty fucking dodgy to fill it off. Magarby is now 89 years old, but the official election returns counter must 23 years old. And he is running for a seventh term, and he said, if you lose, you must surrender before winking at journalists and saying,

that's a pretty big if, though, am I right? Do you get it? You know, because of all those elections, I stole. Do you get it? Do you? It's a pretty big if. Do you get what I'm saying? Because there's no way I'm going to lose.

Do you get, because if it looks like I'm going to lose offix it, do you get it? Yeah, you get it. Macarby's a poed in Morgan's Fangeride it. Macarby's opponent, Morgan's Fanger, accused Macarby of vote rigging, and must have said that with an almost bored sigh in his voice. But he claved to the election was a huge fast

and the poll on Wednesday was no unvoid, presumably before saying, okay, if anyone needs me, I'll be over here watching people do absolutely nothing about it. It is tough, as you say, Andy, to run against Macarby, and for so many reasons, especially when Macarby runs constantly on his classic platform of vote for me, or it might have you killed. That's a campaign promise that he's kept over the years, Andy, so there's just no room

to accuse him of hypocrisy there. It's a very catchy slogan, as you say, it was a spangler I described as a huge force, and by comparison with the other country's elections, he might have a point, but by comparison with previous symbiabian elections, it's actually been about as far as a brick resting in a shed, because it's been a much more peaceful, it's been devoid of the levels of violence,

and obviously, some pretty dodgy things have gone on, John, but it's just, make sure you sort of hurt as a neutral hanker for the the old days when for example 25% of the Electrical register turned out to be dead, you know You just kind of miss that level of fraud. Just I just feel that the world has lost something Now first official results from the elections in Barboui show the Magarbe's party has taken an early lead, which prompted the kind of surprised response when a particular horse takes an early lead, when all the other horses have been shot dead in the stables.

There's a reason that horse is a hot favourite Andy, that's all I'm saying. Well, he got a cut in some sledge on him. He vowed, rob a Magarbe vowed, that's a vowed John, free and fair elections. Now, obviously given his formline in this area that I guess is about as reassuring as Joseph Stalin saying to you, no, honestly, I've really come round to poetry in the end. So please do read on, Mr. Poet, I'm all ears.

Don't worry, it's a nervous, I'll probably like it. As long as it rhymes, I'm not into all this free verse shit. Did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm, did I'm,'m did I'm did I'm did I'm did I'm did I'm did I'm did I'm did I'm why piss on a winning sandwich go on ignore the fact that I'm on the phone to the train company booking a substandard class one way adult single to Siberia for a what was your name again yep go on right let's hear it why are you crying shit I've got a break for someone with stars again no no well okay what's it what's it called anyway hang on let me guess is it what a great guy Stalin is. Ah, I thought that's good. Is it a long one?

I might get some popcorn in. I love poems. Oh, this is going to be about how difficult your wife is going to find it after your mysterious death. It is, isn't it? I love those ones. Oh, by the way, that's a lovely tune, Stravinsky. We should meet up and talk about it sometime.

The international media does not seem remotely interested in the election as involved. And if it's possible, the American media does not seem remotely interested in the election as involved. And if it's possible, the American media is even less interested. And I can speak with the experience, Andy, because I'll be watching the news in America all week. And I can promise you that American news networks would demonstrably rather cover an election between hypothetical candidates that will take place here in over three years' time than covering an election in Zimbabwe that is happening right now. They have made their choice, Andy, and they're sticking with it. But just 89 years old, John. I mean, that

itself is intimidating for anyone taking him on. It seems not only can he beat his opponents and the concept of democracy, but I think he might even have bought off the reaper. opponents and the concept of democracy, but I think he might even have bought off the reaper. Because elections in Zimbabwe have tended over the years to be about as bitter and divisive as a Zionist lemon in a Palestinian pims. So, so I'll be interested in, it's good we can laugh about that situation as well. It's good we can laugh at it. John Kerish in the moment with that. Here was a, years ago. And although they haven't been, they haven't been the same level of violence as in previous elections in McGarby, isn't quite the 40 was, you know, the 80, 90 percent turn out to be, well, the 80, 90 percent of the vote that he returned in the 80s and 90s. That seems to have gone from his game, John, I guess you lose something with age.

But there has been, there have been something irregularities. Two weeks ago, there was an early polling, mostly for the police, who would be on election duty. Only around 60% were able to vote. And after the poll, a pile of ballot papers marked in favour of Svangaro were found in a dustbin. And Svangaro said, it's a sham election that does not reflect the will of the people. And McGarby said, yeah, no biggie. No biggie. And I guess also with Zimbabwe, you have to think, you know, a calm Zimbabwe in election. To me, that is like Lindsay Lohan.

You know, even when it's calm on the surface, who knows what the f*** is going on underneath. Well, there we go, John, that's my first ever Lindsay Lohan joke. Well done, Andy. Even. Well, so no, it's really like, it's really a duck joke and you've just used the words Lindsay Lohan instead of the word duck.

It's, yeah, I know, it's very much a career rubicon we all have to cross at some point. Mm-hmm. A quick delve into the archives now, It's very much a career rubicon. We all have to cross at some point. A quick delve into the archives now. Bobby McGarby has long split opinion like a lobster in that most of it ends up dumped in the bin. And like many controversial leaders, he has been a victim of sporting boycotts in the 2003 cricket World Cup, leading some barbed wire players and the flower who's now the England coach and the opera singing fastball, Henry O'Longer,

issued a statement lamenting the death of democracy in Zimbabwe and took the field wearing black on bands to mark their protest. It was a very brave action. And I think I'm right I'm saying neither man has returned to Zimbabwe ever since the reaction of cricket as a whole was to say, this is a bit awkward.

Yeah, look over there, there's some sport. So the Zimbabing Pro just actually went on beyond the World Cup. And there are more subtle, less attention-seeking way as this exclusive footage from the first test match of Zimbabwe's Tour to England later in 2003 revealed. Well, just take you through this Embarrowing Scorecard. Now, first man to go was Mark Evermoreland,

took a big swing in a mist, cleaned by Young James Anderson for naught. Yes, speeder, this was very much an entomogabi dust-muscle of Evermoreland's wild swash at thin air was clear, heavily symbolic statement, how Zimbabwean society has descended into an uncontrolled mist with no possibility of success. Well, yes, nice, and of course it was, the next man out of course was young Dion Abraham, bowled by Matthew Hoggard for naught, leaving the Taurus struggling on naught for two, played no stroke and watched the ball go straight into his middle stump.

Bit of a misjudgment there. Not a tall Peter Abraham deliberately left a very stride ball. Did he Nigel? Yes he did, Peter thus brilliantly expressing his disapproval for the conduct of the international community. And how exactly did he do that Nigel? But doing absolutely nothing. By refusing to put his patch in the way of an obviously wicked, threatening delivery,

Abraham implicitly criticized our political world for its failure to act in response to Mugorpi's brutal accesses. Ok and I suppose you're going to tell me that he perhaps in action led to the total destruction of the stumps which instantly came to represent Zimbabwean societies. Oh, your bang on the banan of their beater, shetted and smashed all over the place. Yes of course and the third wicked to fall was that of experienced campaign at Gradflower. He also had for naught, leg before wicket to Hoggard. Zimbabwe, naught for three at this stage, so what you f***ing take on this one,

Peter. Oh well, Nigel Grant Flower, but coming to the wicket without a bet, left himself extremely vulnerable to Hogwarts, Yorker, very much in the way that the population of Zimbabwe have not means of defence against the brutal Mukabi government. Grant Flourmaid an extremely powerful statement by allowing the board to crash into his undefended toes at 85 miles an hour, thus sharing and very vocally expressing the pain of the Zon Bobwean poor as he symbolically hobbled off the pitch, winning his inegany whilst all these spectators looked away awkwardly. Right, and that, of course, left involved with struggling at 0 for 3. Very symbolic school on.

Is it really? Yes, it definitely is. Yes, of course, and that soon, of course, became 0 for 4 when young Wickedkeeper, attended Ty Boo was also cleaned well by James Anderson, also for not. So tell me Nigel, what f***ing message was Young Ty Boo trying to get across to the viewing world? Well, uh, Peter the Bull swung and Ty Boo missed it, uh, poor betting for me from the young man. So you don't think he was embodying the desperation of his nation's youth in the face of domestic disintegration and international apathy? No, I just think the leds got a work on his technique against the moving ball.

You're an asshole. Nigel, you're a professional asshole. Well, I mean, I was cancelled. I mean, just good luck finding a sillier sketch anywhere on the internet next week. Good luck. Good luck. I mean that sketch and he was pointless. I was just pointless as an orange. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Well emails now, this one comes in from Ben Reinders. Well Reinders, let's call him Reinders. Ben Reinders, dear Chris Andean John, in order of whom I most respect to be secretly the

royal baby. As John insists on mentioning, the Smurfs movie has somehow made over $500 million. That's half a billion dollars. Yes, that's right. Half a billion dollars. That was just the first one, wasn't it? That's not even the first one. That's just the first one.

Trillions that the new one's going to make. I would imagine through a combination of bribery, espionage, and general confusion. He suggests, well, you can't argue the market, a sale or sale. Detroit, as mentioned in Bugle 241, is about 18.5 billion dollars in debt. That is true. This means that John and Co only have to make 37 smurf sequels to pay off the entire debt of that great city. Great.

I figured out that all that is required to make one of these sequels would be some be-less celebrities. And I'm being generous, John, he says, to write some words are a few to call it a script. And someone to draw some smurf pictures for the animation. I'm sure there are plenty of children in Detroit who enjoy drawing. And if they can't afford pens, they can draw in the blood of a dying city. Or tell us if you just get a run full of monkeys and typewriters.

As I hear them when monkeys are not writing Shakespeare, they are pretty good at writing smurf sequels. Yours Ben Reindeers. Well, Andy, just for the record, from the my experience of the timing of making this Merf, 37 Merf sequels would take me about 37 days work. So if I did it quickly, I could probably get that done in a month. Right.

And you think, I mean, his Katy Perry going to be, you know, going to be up for the day. I can't speak for KP, Andy. I can't speak for her. I have a Met KP. We have another email here from Theodore who says, dear Andy John and Chris, this week, is limist fighting against the regime

of recent Instagram joiner and LMFAO groupie Bashar Alasad, issued a religious decree banning the Quasar in Syria as a symbol of colonial oppression. As if the Syrian people were not suffering enough and they definitely are, trapped in a seemingly endless war between religious zealots and an authoritarian regime, the things of nothing of killing its own people,

they must now go without this breakfast treat that none of them ate before the war anyway. Is it, it's at times like this that one cannot help but take a step back and survey the magnitude of history and how it's been brought to bear on the present. What if France had never occupied Syria? Could the rise of the bath party in the current civil war have been avoided?

What if another European power such as Belgium had ruled the Syrian people? What would the Islamists be banning now? Yours in confusion? The of course, the OSFF in waffle! But the waffle is. Yours in confusion. Of course, the ice the f***ing waffle, but the waffle is not banned in Syria. And that is what I say to the people of Syria. Yes, Quasar is a banned, but the waffle waved strong. Trust in the waffle. The waffle be thy name. And this was sent in by Mikey in Bristol and various other people as well as sent us alerted us to this story. Dear John and in Chris, in order of likelihood of causing an international incident, or

in John's case, another international incident. A number of vehicles ago who discussed the mayor of Riga, who used a tank to crush a car in order to curb the non-existent problem of illegal parking. That's a kind of strong gestiopolitics the world needs more of. Well, I not only have a related story, but a potential candidate to the Bugle Sports Hall of Fame. I bring you Atalanta midfielder Julio Miglacciol, who attended an ultra-s rally for his club at Alanta on a tank. Now, Atalanta's a for American listeners or non-football-followings. They're in a football club in, from Bergamo in Northern Italy,

a town where you will struggle to get a bad meal on my, my evidence of my three-day visit there sometime. Now, the ultra is the kind of extreme fans anyway. So he attended this rally on a tank, which is impressive enough, but he then proceeded to crush two cars painted in the colors of arch rivals Brescia and Roma. Oh, that is it. I'm people say football as don't connect with the fans anymore. That is properly connecting with the fans. Oh my god, that's great. He's been charged with what is possibly the greatest incident of bringing a game into disrepute disrepute

That is bringing it into repute Yeah football into introducing repute into Italian football He's claiming you didn't know about the cars which I assume is a valid excuse as the tank was clearly in reverse However, I think this car crashing comfortable makes him a clear candidate for the bugle sports hall of fame Well, I'm not gonna argue that junior Milaccio. He's in. He's in. Super work. I'd like to see him, take his work beyond the tank and follow the evolution of mechanized warfare from the tank in the first world war through the rest of the 20th century. I want him to nuke cars in the color of Laccio before the end of the season. Well, yeah, and then at the start of the next season, just sit in an office in Nevada on

a computer, centre drone across to Italy, and then just bomb a little village painted in the colours of Roma. So thanks for your emails to keep them coming into info at thebugelpodcast.com. Don't forget to check out our SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle. And on the bugelpodcast.com website you can buy the merch and take out your voluntary subscription if you've not already done so, which I assume you have, or you will be hounded by the furies of hell for all eternity. by the furies of hell for all eternity. Now, it's gigalert time, a very momentous time in the history of British show business.

I have a run coming up at the Soho Theatre from the 9th to the 21st of September, in which I'm doing a show entitled Saturist for Higher, in which I will be taking satirical commissions from you, the ticket buying public, to satirize the issues that you want to be satirized in the show. So when you buy your ticket, you'll be sent an email link that you'll be able to send in your request, the date of the show you're coming to, and the topic that you want me to address with any kind of, you can even request a particular political angle you want me to address with any kind of you can even request a particular political angle you want me to address it from although obviously every day is barkingly right wing or even barkingly left wing I might tell you to go fuck yourself but do so a bit basically a fresh

different show every day and you can play your part in helping the world cure all of its problems through the soothing balm of satire in a roomful of about a hundred people. So do come along to the new show. It's on the Soho Theatre website. I will put up a link also on the Google website over the weekend. That's it. Plug finished. John, have you got anything to plug apart from your movie? Smurf's too, it's our Andy. Daily shows on next week. New York's standup shows on every Friday night at 11, but most importantly, Smurf's Tuesdays, O'Andy. I'm a Smurf, respect me. That's it. Once a Smurf, always a Smurf. They can't take that away from you, John. Can't. They'll always be a little bit of John Oliver that is forever blue.

Thanks for listening. We'll be back with Bugle 244 next week. Until then, goodbye. Bye! you