The Bugle - Bugle 244 – Russian into battle

Episode Date: August 9, 2013

The Cold War is back – and this time it's colder. Deadly weapons are being used – like banning Pride marches, and the relentless use of puns. We live in dangerous times. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, the Euglurs! And welcome to issue 244 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world. For the week beginning Monday the 12th of August 2013, I am Andy Zoltzmann in London from where there is nothing to report. And in New York City, firing his hilarity harpoon into the porpoise of pomposity, it's John Oliver. Well, hello Andy.

Hello, Vueglos, that was a mercy harpooning, just in case animal rights. That porpoise was needed as we put out in his misery. It's misery being it's a fucking porpoise and the terrible life. So one more week of my daily show, Sudo Ho Summer Adventure, Andy, I'm within four shows of managing to hand the office back

to John Stuart in an unlikely one piece, which is a classically the exact point at which, I think you'd probably expect me to do something which somehow causes the building to collapse at the seams. I'm sure there's a button somewhere under the desk that John has written, do not touch on with John. At some point accidentally knock into with my knee, inexplicably launching the entire studio 150 feet into the air.

Or maybe everything will be fine. The point is feel free to watch this week and find out. Now bugle wise, we're going to be off for the next few weeks as we're taking a summer break. And are you going on holiday? I believe. Yeah. Hell yeah.

And the sunny spine. Wow. Viva, Spain, yeah. That's right. And I'm going somewhere absolutely ridiculous on a USO tour, almost as soon as we finished the show next week. So I can't talk about exactly where right now, but it should certainly make for some pretty incredible stories when I get back. What's this space? next week, I can't talk about exactly where right now, but it should certainly make for some pretty incredible

stories when I get back. What's this space? So yeah, we'll be off I think for the next three weeks. But of course you can console yourself, but by booking tickets to my run of the Soho Theatre in some of the time. Perfect, perfect. Perfect waiting.

As you pause. Some of the time. Yeah. For the the satirist for high show and you can email Perfect, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, What, the ashes? We beat Australia with the concept of weather. That's right, we won the ashes in probably the least heroic aspect of a sporting victory of all time, as England who were in the process of essentially being thrashed, sat in a building watching rainfall until time had run out.

It was one of the bad things. Oh, how pan-glory. You know, what did this lessen the achievement? I think I've got a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, big dog, a big dog, big dog, a big dog, a big dog, a big dog, big dog, big dog, a big dog, big dog, big dog, a big dog, big dog, big dog, a big dog, big dog, a big dog, big dog, big dog, big dog, a big dog, big is basically how I see that. For your England clinching the ashes, this is Bugle 244. 244 of course, the responses given by Churchill, Stalin and Roosevelt at the press conference in Yalta in 1945, were asked by journalists from Nuts magazine, how many testicles they each had, Churchill on his Brits said to Stalin, never afraid to talk things up when with four, Roosevelt couldn't be seen to be outdone by the Russians, also when with four. Monday, the 12th of August, John, historic day in the history of the universe. It will be 130 years to the day, since the extinction of the Quagga. That's a horse like Zebra,

or Zebra like horse, depending on whether you're a man or a woman I think and the last specimen popped its clog in Amsterdam in 1883 Just one week later fashion designer Coco Chanel was born for the first and only time read into that what you will I'm just saying it's a bit of a weird how many how so many of her clothes was stripy on top and not stripy lower down and With a tail? I've no idea if any of those true. Did she make striped your clothes? Of course you know all about fashion, don't you?

Yeah, she was famous for a 1927 stripes range. Right. There you go. As promoted by Johnny Cash. Of course. Yeah, of course. Striped right around much older. Five hundred and thirty years ago, as we were record,

Ninth of August, the first ever mass in the new Sistine Chapel. That was in 1493, all kinds of fancy stuff all over the walls, but the ceiling, oh, well, the ceiling, we all know that 25 years later, as reported, as long ago as Bugle 34, it was sorted out by Michael Angelo, Mickey Paintbrush himself. But why did he have to do it? Well, whilst Pope Six is the fourth, might have commissioned top painters to do the walls, like your periginos and your Potter cellies. You ran a bit short on budget for the ceiling, and ended up hiring Brian's home interiors, a British

decoration company based in Luisham in Southeast London, the eponymous Brian of 45-year-old painter decorator and his mate Ian Ditto, pitched up with a chapel with some ladders and a load of work experience kids. One week later, all done, massive picture of a crucified Jesus holding a pint of beer with a slogan clumped and kentish ails, father forgive them, they know just how to brew. Oh said six to the fourth, that's why your quirk was so low. Stay for 25 years until Michael and Lil's called into us all day help. Ah, there you go. 530 years ago. Fascinating story Andy. As always, a section of the bugle is going straights in the bin this week.

Your health. Love it or hate it. Being healthy is all the rage these days and not a day goes by without some primped up lunatic, walt walking out of a laboratory telling us that if you eat a you'll live forever but if you drink B you'll deserve it lead to the next day. And after more scientific research, quote, suggested that drinking cocoa can stop old people going bonkers. Come on let them have something sort of the few privileges of old age. We give you the rundown and the latest health advice from senior science including eating a whole pizza by laying it on your face and eating your way out can make you crash your car. Drinking swans milk can aggravate feelings of social

alienation unless you milk the swan in private first. Eating bricks can damage your teeth. Birth they cake with icing shaped like a sports pitch and with little sporting figures on it doesn't necessarily make you better at that sport but it might. And thinking about Che Guevara playing table tennis can cure arthritis. Also, Jimmy Chunga makes you younger, that's from a South African researcher. And we give you the latest from the cycle, cycle, cycle, psychology foods, psychological foods. Baguettes can help you balance on a tightrope. Colin Flare makes your brain go crunchy and erectile dysfunction. Try carrots. That section in the bin. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- a fighting again Andy and is great to see such a classic international rivalry at each

other's throat once more. It's what scuffle fans around the world have been waiting for. This is the Yankees Red Sox, marquee match of passive aggression. It's the Ross and Rachel relationship of will they won't they destroy each other and the entire planet with their electrifying chemistry. This latest psychological snafu has, of course, been brewing up since Edward Snowden, the official Sir Lixelot moved into the Moscow Airport terminal, checking in with a large amount of diplomatic baggage. Russia has apparently given him temporary papers,

meaning that he can leave the airport, which I'm sure he'll be free to go wherever he likes, Andy, and that Putin in in no way. We'll be watching every time he so much just thinks about blinking. Well, as he said, much of everyone's relief for the Cold War is back on after Barack Obama threw his diplomatic toys out of the presidential pram about Snowden. And now I once again, at each other's throats like two top surgeons in a one-on-one emergency track eotomy competition. And this has been a kind of result of some kind of growing tension.

The recent G8 summits, a Brahman Putin seemed to get on like a house after a fire. Smoldering without nearly as much warmth as they used to be and the insulate to build on with everyone having to tread extremely carefully around. Well, that kept working that analogy. Oh, thanks. I like that analogy at the start of it because it was stupid. Then it seemed to work. It was stupid. Then it seemed to work. That was, that's basically been the story of our career. That was, that's basically been the story of our careers. Right, that's the story of your career anyway. I'm still on phase eight. All this has led to the US government cancelling its forthcoming meeting

between President Obama and Putin in St. Petersburg. And there's only one problem with that. And that is the fact that the president is going to be in St. Petersburg at that time anyway for the G20 summit. That is going to be awkward. Obama may have found the only way to make their next meeting even more tense than the last one. How is he possibly going to negotiate that emotional minefield? Oh, I'm sorry that you could not make our schedule the meeting tomorrow, Mr. Obama, I'm sorry about that. It's just I'm busy doing something else in some Petersburg.

Oh, yeah, it's always been a dream of mine to visit the Peter Hough Fountains. You know me, always been a fan of high velocity projected water. Love it. Can't miss it. The last time an American president quit the summit with the Russians, of course, is when Ronald Reagan got pissed off with Michael Gorbachev for allowing

Sir Guy Bubkher into some arms talks in 1986 and Reagan stormed out with the words, I cannot concentrate with the guy pole-volting over my head. I don't care how fucking good he is. But the White House said about the postponement of the summit. We believe it would be more constructive to postpone the summit until we have more results from our shared agenda. To which the translation into plain English is, go f**k yourselves commas! And when it's become more constructive to do nothing and publicly create a diplomatic incident, you know that there is about as much construction going on as there is on a Greek government

building site. So let's take that to Greek. Take that. Pluses and minuses to this. On the plus side, it frees up Barack Obama September and he has a great time of year to clean up a shed. And last year, of course, he was busy with the election. So that's probably good news.

On the minus side, it shoves the world closer to a full resumption of Cold War frostilities. On the plus sides, gives both countries more time to see other nations, maybe America can patch things up with Venezuela and Russia can hammer out some kind of more progressive deal with Syria.

On the minus side, the ever present threat of nuclear annihilation is back. On the minus side, the ever present threat of nuclear annihilation is back. On the plus side, the ever present threat of nuclear annihilation definitely helped the movie industry. And on the minus side, most importantly, a real dampener on this week's world athletics championships. Oh, it's just such a shame, John,

that so many of those athletes are going to be preoccupied by international political tension. Just think it could probably knock a tenth of a second off some of their times. But while Putin, Johnny, seems to be loving it. He loves these kind of retro style Cold War spats. He's always given the impression, John, of a leader who slightly regrets that he wasn't born 70 odd years earlier and with a massive unshavable moustache already on his face. He's always slightly

hinted that he kind of wished he had slightly more control of who goes where on what railways, how cold the destination should be and how long they have the way to get a return ticket. And I imagine John looking at him and he's kind of cold-walled fetishism. When he was having breakfast as a child, he put half a tomato on his plate and waggle his finger above it, and so he threw his mother up nodal for it to press this boom. There's also a growing number of people calling for the US to boycott the Winter Olympics in Sochi, due to the fact that Russia's record in gay rights is about as good as it's record in non potato based alcohol. President Obama was on Jay Leno this week for reasons best known to himself.

And he said, I think Putin and Russia have a big stake in making sure the Olympics work and I think they understand that for most of the countries that participate in the Olympics, we wouldn't tolerate gays and lesbians being treated differently so far so good Andy. Then he went on to say, they're athletes, they're there to compete. And if Russia wants to uphold the Olympics spirit, then every judgment should be made on the track or on the swimming pool or on the balance beam and people's sexual orientations should have anything to do with it. Just one key problem with that Andy, and that is of course that Russia is hosting the Winter Olympics, not the regular Olympics, which of course

always hosted in London and opened every time by the Queen jumping out of a helicopter. That's always been the way it happened. The swimming pool in the Winter Olympics, Andy, is frozen solid. And that involves Olympic divers plummeting headfirst into sheet ice before their broken bodies are dragged away by the Norwegian judges. Swimmers, of course, thrash around belly, belly stuck to the ice, desperately trying to slide up and down the pool. Although I will say, watching you say in bolts run 100 metres in three feet of snow sounds profoundly entertaining. Stephen Fry, the British comedian, has urged David Cameron to support moves to strip Russia

of the 2014 Winter Olympics. And he urged the IOC President Jack Rogger to, quote, take a firm stance on behalf of the shared humanity that the IOC is supposed to represent. And I guess the IOC's response to that would probably be, do you fucking realise how much that firm starts would cost? Look, can we not use the Olympics to educate people? Just as London 2012 caught, taught Britain that you don't have to be grumpy with everyone all the time. Let's so she 24 educate Russia. Look at Moscow 1980, all that sport, less than a decade later, the Berlin Wall comes down. Berlin itself, 1936, less than a decade later, Hitler takes Eva Brown on the world's worst ever honeymoon, and Nazi Germany is destroyed.

Sarajevo, 1984, who's currently sitting in the hagg saying no, it's not Torval and Dean, it's Radavan Caratips. And the list goes on. At Lanter, 1996, 17 years later, the war in Iraq is over. Sydney, 2000, 13 years on, still no invasion of New Zealand. Rome, 1960, Silvio-Burlaskoni, sentenced to jail just 53 years later. And Paris, 1924, eight years later, the baguette is legalized. That is the power of the Olympics. The power of the Olympics. That's the thing Andy, everything's

going to be fine after this request from Stephen Fry who I believe is officially registered as a national treasure now. I think he is technically one of the crown jewels. But yeah, you can always trust. The crown jewels to such an extent that India are demanding him back. You can always trust the IOC and indeed any major sports body to put morality over business or politics. And Jack Rother will always tell you that humanity is more important than money while frantically whaddling the lever underneath his desk that opens up a hole in the floor underneath your feet.

As a little background on this story, homosexuality was decriminalized in Russia in 1993. Unfortunately, that was 1993 AD, not 1993 BC. So it's a little more recent than is perhaps ideal. In August of last year, Moscow's top court upheld a ban on gay pride marches in the Russian capital for the next 100 years, meaning that Moscow's gay community has an entire century now to get their floats and costumes ready for the next pride march in 2112, which is going to be absolutely f**king amazing. And in June of this year, Russia passed a law imposing heavy fines for providing information

about homosexuality to people under 18, which is written so broadly that it is deeply troubling to almost everyone that reads it. This law has been criticized by Western politicians and human rights groups and has raised concerns that visiting gay athletes and even spectators at the Winter Olympics could face discrimination or maybe even end up in court. This terrible law has been pushed by men like Yves Geni Mazepin, who is a lawyer and leader of a campaign group called Special Vitalian and he recently said Andy, I do not know any homosexuals personally but I've seen them on TV and I saw them on

the 20th of January in the square here in foreign-eth and And it's always good, Andy, to listen to someone talking about something they've only seen on TV and in Frozen Russian squares. Because you know you're dealing with a high level of expertise on that. He also said, in my opinion, homosexuals do not work. They spend their days in idleness and they live off strange income from art shows. No. and they live off strange income from art shows. That one. I think he might be basing his entire belief in this law, Andy, on the fact that he wants accidentally watched a biopic of Andy Warhol on TV.

LAUGHTER I... Well, it's better than that. Better than that. It's... It's progress. Progress, progress. I guess, I guess. I guess I guess I guess

I don't think we should boycott the winter rooms I just think we should encourage all our windtratheleates gay straits or miscellaneous to camp it up big time spangly bobsleds. That's what I want to say Dressing up like Liberace for the ski-jump. That is the only language that put in and Russia will understand which that Putin and Russia will understand. BELL RINGS BELL RINGS After sage on though, you know, after all this, I've had enough of Putin. Really? He must go. BELL RINGS

No. Still giving arms to a sad, millions of dollars worth and the roast of it. BELL RINGS No. I went around to talk to my friend Peter who has a parrot, but Pete wasn't in, so I spoke to his parrot instead. So I was sent to Peter's bird, got to stop. Every bell is a dagger to my heart.

It's got to stop. And the parrot said, well, Andy, why don't you go and talk to a bomber? So I thought, yeah, that's a good point. So I did, I went to Washington and I told the president, he was being silly, don't cancel the summit, I said he was being silly. Don't cancel the summit, I said. You absolute, but, Artskim to sort out the Snowden's your muzzle. A cut, did he, that didn't really work, did it?

I hope it picks up. Andy, this is the most chilling bell sound since Breaking Bad. The Sirifusness, the medieval human rights glitches. Oh, sorry, it's all that coming too early. Kazan, Kazan, no, he'll listen to you. And the president said he sure will listen. He's got amazing hearing, incredible.

It seems to understand things in different languages. I'll tell you, it's not natural. It's almost like he's got a computer on the side of his head. He does, I said. That's his cyber ear. Come on, Mr. President, it's almost like you scared of him. I'm a bit of a bit of a bummer. He was such intimidating clothes.

What was he wearing last time you had talks asked? Something furry and brown. Was it a moose pelt? No, said the president. No. Was it bear skin? No, no, not was it. No, got it. Yes, I think it was bear skin, said the president. And he's got this really unpleasant assistant fresh out of the university, very rude and uncouth. A vulgar grad. Yeah, he vulgar even crass now I ask Crap crass now ask anyway, I'm just not being so rude But he was still swearing curse cuz he thought it made him look tough pretty obnoxious But he didn't doesn't look tough. He's tiny when he looks like a hard leads very small and skinny

Anyway, I said to a bum. I need to bring other leaders into it put pressure on Putin You could get Angela Merkel involved in the deal. I said No, farmer, he needs to bring other leaders into it, put pressure on Putin. You've got to get Angela Merkel involved in the deal, I said. Uh, no, you're taking this to Oofa. Oofa, I've never even heard of Oofa. Anyway, you're applied. I don't want Merkel in the deal. Listen, I said forcefully. Get Merkel in on the deal. You cut her in because she's very influential.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm too kind of old. So many countries owe you in one way or another. These are the type of favours you've gotta be calling in, gradually. TELLING IN. Telling in, great, you pick that up. You're looking, you're looking confident on that one, Chris. Okay, you can see the bottom, you got a number. Yeah, I said, I think so.

I wrote it down, summer I got it. In a notebook or something. Then the president's wife came in, she was wearing tinted goggles and a bobble hat. Hi, Michelle, you've been skiing. TELLING IN. Tell your binks, got that? No.

I mean I did have to look most of these up. Yes she said, I've just got back from skiing with a secretary of agriculture, Tom Vilsack. The president seems surprised. I didn't know Tom skis. Yes said Michelle, it's his big hobby at the moment skiing. He actually learnt it as his child. From his parents, he loves it. Yes.

Man it's hot in these, those mountains close, he said. Well, take your care of, he said the president, the first lady, D. Salah Petrod herself. Hey, said Barak's mall talking. Have you had your hair done? It looks curly than usual. Yes, she said, I had a perm. I looked at the impressive Primo Femmele Quafirad Maringly

whilst chewing a sandwich. Mmm, Voronosh. That gave me an idea. I said to a bomber, hey, you know who to be like out door sports. What are you taking from? Good idea, Andy. Do you want to borrow my fishing kit? Thanks, but not of God.

You're not a stubborn one. No, I've got a rod. I can't take it anymore. Do you think you like cycling too? I bet he does. Then then we'll bike it. I'll take him for a ride. Good idea.

You might like a swim, but in a lake, never in saltwater. Why not? We've got it into his head that pets urinating it. Really? Yeah, he's obsessed with the idea that dogs and cats pee in the sea. That was a long walk. That was a long walk. That's odd, because he's got a lovely cat, always seems so content.

Yeah, Dunnie per. And he left skinny zipping too. Fladi was talking... Fladi was talking about it just this morning. Never. Yes, but hey, eyes up. Why? Because he does his weird thing, we're one of his testicles, twitches.

He can't help it, it's involuntary. It is famous bulltick. BEEP. BEEP. Oh, I'm blast. BEEP. I actually had quite a few more on that. For some reason, that last one bothered me more than the other one.

Well, John, I don't know. I mean, let me, I don't know what to say, Andy. No, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what you want to say, Andy. I'll tell you what you want to say, Andy. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you've been laying out the puns on the daily show, mate. Not a haven't. That's not, I've had a lot of complaints about this. A lot of complaints that you've suddenly been like foreign. I don't think that's foreign, I don't think that's true. I don't think, if you don't even notice it, mate.

It's been, if ever, in any other house beat, and on by no means of meeting it, Andy, it's either accidental or so germane to the story. That is harder to not pun. At no point have I forced a pun, you don't like natural puns. You like forced puns. You Americans, you're all the same.

BEEP. Oh. That's the most I've cried since semifinal Italian 90. The power is in your hands, Chris, to take that bell and throw it out of a window. Consider it done. So, uh... G. Oh my god, he's still...

That's... right. Get rid of that bell. The fact you were rid of that bell. The fact you were sitting on that one, like a smug chicken on a foul egg. I can't relax till you let go of that bell. He's got another one, I can tell it in the way he's breathing. He's got another one. He's got another one.

Just fucking do it, Anthony. Do it, because it's the suspense, it's the do it, Andy. Do it, because it's the suspense. Is the suspense that's worse? Do it, sir. Well, I'm very difficult lunch, so I went to a restaurant and all of the root vegetables, so I said, do you like it? I said, these are enough carrot.

Oh no, that really doesn't work. That was supposed to be these nougat or just really didn't hang together. I should have got the lentil curry made by the, uh, made by a Susan Sarandon, Susan's doll. It's a little tam with some historic churches outside Moscow. Are you deliberately doing shit ones so you can correct yourself with a good one or a better one?

That was just a little underprep. Anyway, you sound so happy and that happiness is so misplaced. Right, because the way you talk, it's almost like there's been a big crime here. Sorry, technically that's a new crime. Oh, dear. What's been well? What? Do you have your words that it's over? It's over, mate. It's over. I did edit it down, so I was going along, actually, just for your sake. I don't know, I don't know when you're taking this with you for three weeks off, haunting you around the world.

I've been clean for quite a while, though, to be fair. Yeah, the tree must be nice. I know, but now, whatever chip you must get to, Andy, you have fallen off that wagon hard. You've woken up in the middle of a roundabout with a heroin needle in your arm and a bell in your mouth. Hahaha. Yep.

That's like the new bugle logo. Hahaha. Hahaha. The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The

Your emails now this one comes in from Sarah in Buckinghamshire and other people have alerted us to this very important, very important linguistic landmark. Dear John Andy and Chris, in order of whom we'll probably take most pride from the following, I came across this list on GQ's website this evening. See item 15 of 20, and it is a list entitled Greatest Moments in the History of Curseing. And I've just clicked on the link, and it's come up with the requested web page

might be dangerous. And that shows you, that shows you the power of the language. It's actually considering how many pages on the internet Andy do not have that warning at the start of them. I mean, a GQ magazine, John, I mean, you've appeared in it in a f***ing two, two, so it's, oh my god, it's quite, you know, it's not unruly. I push back Andy, but I've got no, I've got no legs to stand on there. So anyway, 15th in the list, 2011, the Bugle podcast.

We did it! We did it! We made history, Andy! We did something! Makes a major advance in swearing, fired up by the killing of a someone bin Laden. Oliver and Zollson devotedoto segment to his legacy. Oliver is quick to clarify that they are not delivering a eulogy from the Greek to or for to speak well of

for Bin Laden, but I f**k eulogy for the English to speak of a dead shitbag coming to a dictionary near you soon. We did something Andy. That's it. I mean, you've had a lot of great successes since you went to the States. John, as well as appearing on mock the week here before you went. And I think this is really right up there. You can take your hosting the Daily Show, any chance I can do that. But not many people can get into the list. Of the 20 greatest moments in the entire history of language, well, swearing, which is basically the history of language. Sadly, say Sarah, they've gone for chronological order, but I'd like to think

that had the swears been ranked, you would appear at number one, or possibly second, but only two puns. Anyway, I do hope this has inspired you to carry on contributing to the history of cursing yours and profanity Sarah. So what the? I mean that is a... That really is a... I mean that's your obituary written isn't it basically? Yeah that is magnificent. And this one came in on the subject of Ohio Geography, dear John, John and John, in order for whom I take Umbridge with.

Uh oh. This is from Dan in Logan, Ohio. I'm concerned about a joke you made on the Daily Show yesterday. You said something called a Cleveland steamer. Don't know, don't want to know. He writes, is a technique that would be performed on the Ohio River. Now you see he writes, there are two distinct bodies of water contiguous with Ohio's borders. I grew up in southeast Ohio with a beautiful, pristine Ohio River meanders through the stunning

tree covered for hills of the Appalachian Mountains. On the other hand, a couple of hundred miles to the north, the city of Cleveland sits on Lake Erie, a body of water known for being so polluted that it caught on fire. It's summary, associating the Ohio River with Cleveland, is as insulting to southern Ohio High Abuglers as saying, a Belgian's favourite breakfast food is a crepe because Belgium is somewhere in the vicinity of Paris. Oh wow he's put that in some painful context there. I hope for an apology but we'll settle for a pun run featuring American cities. He just wants to hurt me back there. That's all that is. From a cold or point of view I'm going to have to balance it up on after doing you're doing Russia. Yeah, that had been brought to my attention, Andy. There was a geographic snaffo there.

And I do apologize to the people of Ohio who are rightly proud of their war, one of their worst of all, he's rightly ashamed of the other one. So, yeah, I'll attempt to get it right next time when I'm making fun of Ohio waterways. Well, this is just a matter of time, let's be honest. So, well, that's, I think we should probably leave it there for this week's, John, have a great few weeks. Off enjoy your travels. Look forward to hearing about them. On the way to any, I mean, what are your big plans for your last four shows left?

Four. Yeah, relegated back to the ranks. What's, I mean, you want to go. You've got to go. The plan, I mean, look, I can't, I don't want to spoil it. The big, the ultimate booking is to have Oprah and the Queen cage fighting. Right, with you dressed as Vanity Smurf, gold in the middle, just saying,

okay, I want a nice, dirty fight. The two most powerful women in the world, they're not all boxing. That's God intended. Thanks for listening, Buegler. We will have supplementary vehicles for the next three weeks. If we can find enough to shit to put out. I've got a few ideas. All right.

Sounds extremely... That sounds extremely... I've got a few more ideas, too. But... Oh dear, I had a severe relapse. Thanks for listening, bugleers. We'll be back in September and we'll be virtually back for the next three weeks anyway. Until then, goodbye.

Bye! Thank you.