The Bugle - Bugle 258 – Nazis versus Terrorists

Episode Date: January 24, 2014

Andy and John focus on two major meetings in Switzerland and British plans to form a police state. Plus – exclusive interview with Frankel! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And welcome to issue 258 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world for the beginning Monday, the 27th of January, 2014 with me and his ultimate, that's my story and I'm sticking with it. And joining me in the city that never sleeps must be stressed about money, have young children or racked by existential existential guilt is New York. USA, it's the man who can do anything. He recently turned a puppy into a dog just by keeping in his flat for a couple of years. It's the dog maker general himself, John Oliver. Hello Andy, hello viewers, that's right Andy, I'm the dog Jesus. Water, wine, puppy, dog. I did the second one, how hard can the first be?

That's all about confidence, isn't it? Or a very light coloured reasoning. That's the key. It's f***ing cold here in New York, I don't know how cold it is where you are or where anyone is, but it's not as f***ing cold as it is here. I think I'm frozen the subway solid this morning. Right. And it's so cold that it could not be melted by people's flaming anger. And there was a lot of that.

Wow. But in New York, that is saying something. So that seems really increasingly common complaint from you, John. So yeah, because it is, because it's fucking cold, Andy. Right. I think you will change your tune within six months. I doubt that. I doubt that I'm pretty stuck on this at the moment Andy. I think you're probably wrong So yesterday beginning Monday the 27th of January 2014 that's marks the 11th anniversary of the creation of the Department of Homeland

in Security. Also, it marks 1,973 years since the death of Caligula, the professional emperor platinum level horn dog, aqueduct fan, burlisgoney inspiration and five time Roman pervert of the year. That was a hotly contested title back in the day and remains a hotly contested title. So one thing to win it is another to retain Andy. That's right. Five times. They should almost have retired at that point. Well, they didn't retire as the history of Rome since then contestify. He is nevertheless still a hall of, hall of fame in, in Roman perversion, but they have been a lot of pretty impressive challenges from his spiritual descendents in the eternal city, particularly some of the medieval

popes cracking ban that was, including a man with a strong claim to being the pissed poorest pontiff of all time, John the 12th. It was a 10th century AD Pope who was a famous shagga, boo sound devil worshipper, occultist, rapist thief, insetualizer, and murder. Wow. That is not classic Pope material. He only really ticks the last one in Pope Boxes there, don't you? It's all this is alleged, the one who's lawyers to get cranky with us. But it's alleged that he stole church treasures,

slept with his two sisters, these alleged of rape, peasants, and pilgrims, sometimes instant Peterson itself, which I'm pretty sure from my visit to the Vatican is on the list of prohibited activities, along with flash photography, low cut, top screaming and genocide. Before wrapping up his innings of immorality, by being battered to death with a hammer,

by the husband of a woman into who supposedly spoken for Spangled Crank, he was flamboying his Popey prongulum. He was made Pope as a teenager, John, this John the 12th Geaser. Turns out, giving some of that amount of celebrity and influence, that young and age can seriously affect their behavior.

So very much the Justin Bieber of his day, do you think why Bieber's followers are called Beliebers? It's a nod to his papal heritage. But let's try and be positive about John the 12. Let's see the good in what he did. He ordained a decan in a stable. That's just money saving. He consecrated a 10-year-old boy as Bishop.

If you're good enough, you're old enough. And one inspiration to a young one of me bishops around the world that's going to improve kids' behaviour. He drank toast to the devil, buttering up your enemies, keeping the D.Dog on site, might come in down a bit, you had an awful temper. He invoked pagan gods when playing dice, that is surely better than invoking pagan gods when conducting maths. He maimed and mutilated his opponents,

cruelty be kind, he converted a papal palace into a brothel, business, his business, and he castrated one of his cardinals. Well, he probably wasn't going to use them anyway, and it made him more hydrodynamic and nudy swimming races. Now that is a checklist of notiness that colligial himself would have been proud of or at least considered a morning well spent. John the 12th was criticized heavily at the time by contemporary pundits, including the prominent monk commentator Alan Shirrires who said about John the 12th he'll be disappointed with that when your Pope you've just got to do better than that. When you're Pope, you've just got to do better than that. So that's, yeah, indirectly. That's happy, happy death, they take a

regular and everything that he inspired. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, bugle undercover. We go undercover to investigate your queries about what is really going on in the world, including answering the following questions are British school children being put through mock executions and school playgrounds to increase discipline in the classroom. Are the big oil company stealing stray dogs off the street, pulping them down in industrial matter-rated to make a new carbon product putt-choyle that can make cars run fast and bark at potential car thieves. And it's Barack Obama secretly running an illegal collager fighting ring in which major global figures from politics, industry and showbiz meet in a Washington warehouse and bet some

of tens of thousands of dollars on bare knuckle punch-ups between pensioners. I can reveal the answer to all those questions, almost certainly not. We are now 99% sure that section in the news. A summit on Syria has been taking place this week in Switzerland because what says calm the f*** down to two sides more than easy access to cook-o-clock's chocolate, skiing and an ugly national history of ignoring genocides. This has been a long time coming, diplomats from dispute or. I'm not willing to argue with the Swiss on that. This has been a long time coming. Diplomats from the UN, the US and Russia have been carefully

cajoling both sides in the Syrian conflict. It comes to the table and talk in what has become known as Geneva 2. It is the blockbuster sequel to Geneva 1 that everyone hoped would not be necessary. Geneva 1, I'm tired of this shit. Geneva 2, this time tired of this shit. Geneva two, this time it's even more personal.

As we know, John, that bafflingly some sequels get made no matter how bad the original was. Yeah. The UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said it would be unforgivable not to seize this opportunity to end a conflict that has left more than the 100,000 people dead and driven 9.5 million from their homes. Although, part of the problem is that it is also unforgivable that 100,000 people have died because of this conflict, and it's going to be very hard to forgive the people directly responsible for it. That is the tough thing about peace negotiations, isn't it Andy? The forgiveness part is a tricky egg to scramble. That's been proven throughout history.

As a result of this, there was not a great deal of optimism heading into the summit. Very much see, view to have the same likelihood of success as like earthy, pioneering, Soviet, Cosmodogs prospects of managing a full successful reentry into the earth's atmosphere and a smooth manual landing. You tried controlling a 1950 space rocket without a possible thumb, so I was trying to read an instruction manual written in Russian. Peace fans had basically as bad as much hope as animal fans had of Ian Lee Tasty looking but socially nervous lamb of managing to talk his way out of the abattoir. And it did not start too well. Any guesses, buglers, are a quick

multiple choice question for you now? How the talks on the first day went between the Syrian government and the Syrian opposition, were they a mature, constructive and mutually respectful, b, understandably tense, but conciliatory and productive, c, oddly jovial, occasionally lured and increasingly drunkard. Or d, furiously vitriolic, with accusations thrown around like a frail granny who were wanted into WrestleMania 29 wearing an eye-hate muslim mentee shirt. Ha ha ha ha! Answer on a postcard.

It was even before Day 1 the buildup was so tense, especially since there was absolutely no guarantee that either side would even bother to turn up. And it could very well have ended up with bankey mooms sitting on his own in a massive table in Switzerland, doodling a unicorn on a piece of paper and trying to remember all the words to here come the hot stepper. Oh that is a real Ike. It's how I kill time. Word her up, I'm the lyrical gangster. Word her up. Excuse me, Mr. Officer. Tensions were increased even further when just three days before the conference, President Assad said in an interview that there was a significant chance that he would seek a third-term in office in elections due this June in Syria. And he have to remember when he says, run for office, he means take office, and it's like if there was one scoop of ice cream

in a bowl left and the sad said, I'm now going to run a campaign for that final scoop of ice cream. You know deep down that, that ice cream is going into his face, and anyone who thinks otherwise is gonna end up extremely dead. As you say, it's been a tough week

for the UN Secretary General, the bank East Moons, we're wearing the face of someone. He's very much had enough of saying, please stop killing each other. And he spoke and said this, enough is enough, the time has come to negotiate. Which he's basically been saying now for three years. And the fact is enough was enough,

fucking ages ago, and the time to negotiate was early in 2011, or at any point subsequently in 2012 or 2013. We have a difficult road ahead, he said, but it can be done and it must be done, he said before getting into his car, driving two yards down that road and disappearing into a sink hole. Well he didn't, he maybe didn't help things out because before the pre-talks, talks even began,

there was a huge surprise when Iran was suddenly invited along too. And that seemed like a bold move. That's like taking an already intensely spicy bowl of chili and adding an actual hand grenade to it. You have to question whether it inclusion is in the best interest of the dishes a whole. Iran has been a key ally of Assad, but Bankymoon apparently said that he's strongly believed Iran had to be part of the solution to the crisis in Syria, and he might be right about that, but do you introduce it at this difficult early stage? When you have a mountain to climb, do you release a bunch of lions at the bottom of the mountain as well? Lions are majestic creatures Andy undeniably but maybe at least

get out of base camp first before you're good to death. It's very hard to know what we can do, John, because a lot of the debates at Geneva 2 are about the communique issued at Geneva 1 and really what more can the international community do than issue a communique and ask people to sign it. There are no other avenues down which we can row the leaking gondola of diplomacy. And unsurprisingly, this invitation turned out to be trying to calm down a wasps nest by slamming your head into it whilst dressed as a bee. And Teran instantly accepted the offer, pledging to play a positive and constructive role, at which point the opposition national coalition firmly announced the entire port peace talks could f**k the f**k off until Iran was de-invited. And a day

later, Ban Ki Moon was forced to retract his invitation. And what, you got to hand it to BKM Andy, he must be great at throwing dinner parties. Who have you invited, dear? Oh well, I've invited Tom and Margot and Michael and Diane. I thought that'd be nice. And then I thought I'd invite Michael's ex-wife as well. And that guy who Margot once went on a date with and said it was the worst experience of her life. I don't know if I'm invited that guy if one thinks

he's responsible for burning the local church down. Should be a fun evening, right, love. LAUGHTER There are 40 different states in attendance at this conference, which does sound slightly like too many cooks spoiling the broth. But I guess on the other side of that... It's a shitty broth. The broth tastes like the shit that it's been made with.

So you might as well let as many cooks have a look at it as possible and try and learn from the previous cooks mistakes. Mexico, are there? That's going to bring some big hats and overhead kicks to the situation. And the Vatican City there, John. Are they really? Yeah. Maybe just going to try and persuade both sides in the conflict to stop using condoms. Maybe that will help. That's really hanging in there. With condoms on the main problem and the entire world aren't they?

Heck, you cannot question their commitment to that concept. Day one was supposed to just be ceremonial with a sequence of formal speeches without one another in the room, just dipping your toe into diplomacy to test the temperature of the water. But it turns out that temperature could over boil an egg faster than it takes you to say, wow, that egg boil quickly. Wow. Syria's foreign minister said his country was engaged in a war against terrorist groups

adding that only the Syrian people could decide on a south future. And the opposition leader said that human rights violations in Syria were reminiscent of Nazi Germany and suggested that President Assad leaving was a complete precondition for peace. So I mean you have to hand it to him, is that a hell of an opening bid from each side? One side got a get-and-call terrorist, one the other side is getting called Nazis. If it was a poker game you'd be getting a lot of other people pushing their cards into the middle of the table saying, yeah, this game's a little spicy for me

before grabbing the cunts off the back of their chairs and running home. Well, it's very mind. Very mind, those two men weren't even supposed to be in the negotiating room together until later today when they're scheduled to negotiate in private. And there's no word about whether they're in there or how it's going yet.

But I just hope they removed anything pointy and make sure that they screwed the chairs to the floor. This all explains why Sergei Lavrov, the Russian foreign minister, said that the talks between warring sides from Syria will be, quote, like an overweight, arthritic and spiritually committed nun. So sorry, no, he said that they will be neither quick nor easy. and spiritually committed none. So, sorry, no, he said that they will be neither quick nor easy. You want to just, you want to celebrate that Andy? You're gonna have fun. Fine. You're running around the table or you just want to,

you're just tapping that in and picking up the ball and running back to the center circle. But perhaps the most constructive contribution. Coming from Tony Abbott, the Australian Prime Minister who swept a power in last year's election on a platform of as far as I can make out being anti-immigrants, anti-women and anti-scientific fact. And he weighed into the Syrian debate by saying that it often seems like a struggle that involves baddies versus baddies. And I guess the best way to do that. Did you say that? He did. And Adolf said that. I guess the same as he did. And Adolf said that on the adults. And Adolf.

Are you sure he wasn't overheard explaining it to his three-year-old? Oh, well, I mean, it was the Australian people that's, you know, I guess you could argue that is very much a spiritual three-year-old. I wouldn't say that myself. I would leave that to you to. And let me just warn you, Andy,

about what making glib comments on this podcast can do to the nation of Australia. He also said lightly, I guess the best way for them to demonstrate if some of them are goodies is to lay down their arms. So, there we go. God. But, you know, often, does it go? I don't think he understands that in laying down the arms, the other one, it seems is going

to commit ethnic cleansing. It's hard. The baddies are real uppercase B baddies in this case. Yes, they are, that is from me. He explained his use of colloquial language, saying he was trying to explain complex situations to ordinary people. So reading to that what you will, Australia, that's your prime minister calling it, not me or John. It gets one step bleaker than that,

because just days before the talks were scheduled to begin, serious national reconciliation minister. That is the man, sole job Andy. So job. Does he even have an osteopos... Yeah, he's to positively drive, to find a way to bring anyone together.

He said, don't expect anything from Geneva 2. Neither Geneva 2 nor Geneva 3 nor Geneva 10 will solve the Syrian crisis. The solution has begun and will continue through the military triumph of the state. Oh, is he aware of what his job title is, Andy? Because he's acting like serious national provocation minister and they already seem to have hundreds of those. Well, that's got to be a tough, that's a tough brief, isn't it? Yeah.

National reconciliation, that's, I guess, like being in charge of the Congolese Winter Olympic team. You know, it's, you know, at best you're hoping for quite a shit result. It's not just politicians and business leaders who've been at Davos. There've been a lot of celebs there, including charity active actors such as Goldie Horn, Matt Damon and the late Buster Keaton, plus the Southgarin rapper Psy, the originator of the worldwide hit Gangnam Style. Why was he there?

You may ask, is it because the whole thing is just a glorified jolly of no practical use to anyone earning under $500,000 a year? No, it turns out that if you play Gangnam Style backwards, it is a trenchant reputation of Cain's and economics. He's very much, very much their poster boy. Some interesting talks held at the meeting included business and sustainability, managing profit margins in a shrinking marketplace,

who needs plebs, does watching people starve give you the horn, and masturbating over the share price page in the Wall Street Journal is perfectly normal behaviour. So we're fascinating stuff going on in the Swiss mountains. In one of the more jarring juxtapositions of humanity, Switzerland is actually running another summit at the same time this week and that is the World Economic Summit in Davos. So one in Geneva, two blood-drenched sides screaming each other in hopeless rage, in Davos, billionaires skiing around each other on champagne-drenched mountains. And in a net... It is what you could have had.

That's it. It's the, you know, that's right. It's the bookends of life on this particular globe. In what? I don't know. How far is Davos from Geneva? It's, well, it can't be that far. No, I mean Switzerland isn't, isn't that big.

I'm gonna take the world to get around just because you have to just stop and count all your Jewish gold every couple of miles. I don't know. In actual distance. It was ages ago Andy. It was actually, it wasn't that long ago at all. In one of the more, in an effort to assist

those billionaires into understanding what the non-snowboarding millionaire life is, that apparently they'll be able to take part in exercises such as a refugee run where a charity called the Crossroads Foundation is attempting to highlight the plight of refugees by pushing some of the richest people in the world down a street and jostling them a little bit. It was, it was, it was built as an attempt to give the rich and powerful an insight into what is like to be penniless and powerless. With they don't need a refugee run to show them that and if they should just go up to

one of their servants, ideally one whose name they think they might be able to guess and simply ask them how their day was. That's basically all they need. The whole location of Switzerland for the Syrian peace talks may be a mistake, especially after there were some developments in the South Sudan peace talks this week. You might remember that last bugle, we talked about the fact that after a double booking in a hotel conference room in Addis Ababa, the Sudanese peace talks took place on the dance floor of an elite nightclub, the basement of an elite nightclub in Ethiopia.

And we liked the detail of that story because it was silly. They were on a dance floor in front of a DJ booth talking about incredibly serious things. And to get to the negotiation table, we also found out last week that across a big glass bridge and sitting in a room that probably still smells of perfume and margaritas. And here's the thing, it worked. They officially signed a ceasefire in South Sudan this week. I knew there was something in it, Andy. It was too stupid not to work. Nightclub diplomacy is the future. Every summit should have a velvet rope at the front and all delegates should be given glow sticks.

The Secretary General of the UN should not be banquimoon Andy, it should be red food or will I am or scrillex? And in fact, scrillex. Scrillex, yeah, scrillex. Isn't that some kind of an ointment you can use for the genital infection? No, it is a hybrid international DJ and sink cleaner. My mistake. In fact, Andy, this is how all nightclub should now be advertising. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Come on down to the vortex! We have four floors of Hardhouse Dance Music, all of which also double perfectly as a space to negotiate the end-to-entractable conflict. Yeah, Nice! There are a bump counters in the ceiling, perfect for taking the party up a notch and also perfect for injecting a moment of levity into discussions about millions of displaced civilians. Every Friday night people are bouncing and reaching for the lasers but I'm sat in the afternoons,

people can be reaching for last insolute for the brutality of war. All of this is available for your vortex. We also do bar mitzvahs. Women get in free. Come on down. Oh, that's a lot of background research has gone into that job. Very impressed. Background research is called being 15 at one point, I think. At one point in the middle of the last week. How is week?

Well, I mean, this does raise some hope with the nightclub diplomacy has worked in Africa. It just seems that just a bit of fun this needed. We are in Switzerland. One of what is Switzerland synonymous with? Bob sled runs, John. You telling me that if you put two people from each side in the Syrian conflict in a four-man bob

and chuck them down a bob sled run, they will not sort it out within approximately 45 seconds, going with the G forces running through their necks. They will sort it out. Has anyone from a major Bob sled team ever started a war? No, almost certainly not. I mean, it feels instinctively like you're wrong, but mathematically, I think you're right. Can I just set that there has been some bizarre pop culture thread running through the last 20 minutes? You've come up Andy with your

typical sly odd pronunciation of a pop act. That's far. Yeah. All right. Well, how's it? How's it supposed to be? I think you're close enough. It's more silent. But that's, and then John, not only have you referred to Skrillex and Ravenites, you've also done a terrible misquotation of Inny Komozis. Here comes the hot step up. Well, misquotation of any commoses here comes the hot stepper. What was it? Misquotation? Why is it? You said you said they call me unstable and then what did you next say?

I said they call me the hot stepper. I'm the lyrical gangster. Excuse me, Mr. Officer. That's what I said. I'm sure you said word her up or something like that. I'm sure you are. It's murderer. It's murderer. It's murderer.

Murderer. Oh, no. It's got to be murderer. I got my teenage years wrong. Ha, ha, ha. Sorry. No, don't, do not apologize. Listen, if I have, if I'm inaccurately quoted,

I only, I only come over only commosily apologize, Chris, and you're right to pick me up on that. I do not want commosies lawyers to descend on us like a pack of vultures. This is a new show. We need content to be accurate. He was one of quadruplets. He only commosies, brothers,

me and he, MINE and MO. BELL RINGS What a cannon news now! And in an amazing move, the police in Britain are to ask the Home Secretary for permission to use water cannons against protesters across the country. The argument apparently from police chiefs is that more water cannons are going to be necessary because and I quote austerity measures are likely to lead to continued protest. And this puts the government in an extremely awkward situation and because if they sign off on these water cannons they've essentially said, look we acknowledge now that there is serious social unrest due to our policies. So we would like to pacify that unrest by blasting people in the face with water cannons.

Unless unrest is soluble, Andy, I'm not sure that's going to work. It's an amazing fork in the road. Do we craft a new policy in the wake of public unrest and attempt to find a new on solution to this complicated economic and social problem. Or do we shoot people in the face with water cannons? Let's put it to a vote in the room, hands up for nuanced policy. Anyone? Anyone at all, raise your hand. Okay, I think I know where this is going, but just to be sure, hands up for water cannons it is. You don't need an exact head count there, Stefan, just to put down all and zero.

Critics have warned that this is a step towards the militarisation of the police and could be used to stifle the democratic right to protest. While supporters of the move have highlighted that it is a step towards the militarisation of the police and could be used to stifle the democratic right to protest. And it does show, John, that I to serve in politicians, the word protest is basically the same as the word riot. And they basically think themselves, well, I've seen the highlights of St Petersburg 1917, these things never end well. And it has two benefits if any protesters float on the water, they can also be prosecuted as witches.

The Commission of the Met Police have burnered Hogan Howe, has pledged that water cannon would be like a 19th century child rarely used and rarely seen. And many public facilities are like that. We have to know that they're there, but they won't necessarily be used, for example, nuclear weapons, the poor, tax avoidance charges for the super wealthy and morality and water cannons very much in that same political category Boris Johnson writing to the home secretary said referred to the the interim water cannon solution which I think is a bant he was in at school as a national asset Make this something we can promote ourselves with as little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this a little bit, make this spray, our gracious queen, God's mask, our soggy queen,

God both the queen. The other irony is that these water cannons would be used in the face of public anger at massive cutbacks, and they themselves are not fucking cheap to buy Andy. We would be spending nearly a million dollars, I think over 600,000 pounds per cannon, which adds serious insults to water-inflicted injury. The water cannon, we've apparently been looking at purchasing around the country, is apparently the Ziegler Wasservalfa 9,000.

Ha ha. And it's not a fake name. No. Ziegler Wasservalfa 9,000. And it's not a fake name. Oh. Zeglo. Zeglo Vasa Ralfa. 9,000. That sounds like a kind of Hitler would have invented if it had been born a bit later and got into designing water parks.

But it can get, I mean, yeah, it would have been, if only. Yeah, sure, it would have been preferable, but I still think he could have found a way to make them devastated. And you certainly would not be getting a ticket for the big flu, meet, it would have been preferable, but I still think he could have found a way to make them devastated. And you certainly would not be getting a ticket for the big flu, me, the round day. But it can get through, it's 9,000 litres, apparently, in just five minutes at full pressure. Apparently, the water in the tank has to be kept at five degrees centigrade to prevent the onset of medical conditions associated with the shock of being exposed to cold water. Does Siegler-Vasefere for 9,000?

Basically, the subject of everything Boris Johnson has said is cleaner hippies, first decent shower that a valent 20 years. Exactly! If we've got any wedge left over from the water cannons, we'll buy some ninjas for those throwing stars to give them a long distant haircut to, oh Margaret, you did not die in vain. Sports news now and some wonderful news for the nation of Britain. Frankl, the former champion racehorse, who has reported exclusively in bugle 214, how centratoment been earning his living as an echo and jiggleo banging lady horses on demand

and exchange for suitcases full of cash. Has become a father. His first foal was born this week and a BBC correspondent described it as being like the birth of a royal child. And... Well, it's as important, well, to probably worth more.

We're all gonna spend a lot of our time betting on things that it does or doesn't do. Anyway, I went down to the Coolmore stud farm in Horseland, sorry, Island, to talk to the 5 year old Horsehtario. Frankl, Unbeaten Champion Race Horse, 2 time European Horse of the Year. Thank you very much for talking to the beauty. Welcome Andy, long time listener. Thanks for coming down. So I hear congratulations are in order. You and your sometime girlfriend,

Krasantumum, have just had a baby. Yeah thanks Andy, he's a lovely little foal, but apparently I don't expect I'll get that much saying he's upbringing though. I don't expect I'll get that much saying is upbringing though, I don't see his mother much anymore. Oh, why is that? I'm not impressed that I've also impregnated 125 other horses. I've told her I can change, but she's having done of it. Well, those must be some seriously impressive horse balls you've got there, big stuff.

From you Andy, that means a lot. Well, those must be some seriously impressive horse balls you've got there big stuff From you Andy that means a lot You want some grass No, thanks not really my scene now sounds like you must be having an absolutely awesome time in retirement What the serious candy? Seriously, you mean that? Sure, it was fun at first. I like a bit of the old giddy up, Tom Toa as much as the next horse. But after a while you want a little bit more out of life, than coerced casual sex, whilst some guy with a clipboard watches on and checks that you leave the appropriate dip or seat. I know I shouldn't say I feel like a piece of meat,

but a lot of my old horse racing friends are literally pieces of meat, but I want more out of life than f**king e-horsey horsey. But I've heard the money's really good 15 million pounds you'll set to a van to the horse to a institute in your first year on the game. I think you know how the industry works. After the bosses have taken their bits, I'll be lucky to see 3 million of that. What am I going to spend it on?

It's very hard to find nice clothes in my size. I don't like fancy food and I'm not allowed to drive a car. Right, okay now I don't only get personal here, Frankl, but after so many conquests, do you have any well difficulty, you know, making Percy Perky? Hell yeah, I'll have to show you new videos of the Australian Super Horse Black Caviar winning the new market handicap in 2011 to get me even halfway handy these days. Man she was a hot tea. Oh yeah, I know she wants it. I know she wants it. She's a good horse. Don't let it get past me. You see what I mean Andy. I've changed. I've changed.

Frankl, thank you very much for talking to the bugle. Get me out of here Andy, I'll do anything. Pants of mine, don't leave my horsey dongle me the whole day, but in France put somewhere. Well done, Andy, how's that? Well done for getting that scooping that official interview. Well done. Now just a bit of context,

Frankl was indeed the world's top race horse. He won all 14 of his races, and he apparently commands a 125,000 pounds of time stud fee. Apparently he made it with 133 ms at Bandstead Manifarme near Newmarket between February and June 2013 and has been described as both super fertile and I quote a thorough gentleman. Again, just to be clear, he may be described as a thorough gentleman, but he's still very much an actual horse. He yielded an estimated 15 million pounds from his first season at

start, 15 million, and could reap a total of more than 100 million pounds from his breeding. Just his breeding career alone, but will he truly find love Andy? No, and that's the tragic thing, not because of the money involved, but because he is, and I think we keep forgetting this, a horse. He is just a horse. But clearly, economically, this is just the beginning, Andy. You have to let the market dictate behaviour, and we should be doing this with athletes. In Britain, we have great cyclists,

and it is a national economic tragedy that we are not currently putting Sir Chris Hoy out to stud. It's a waste. Well, I mean, surely by now I'm in gold, the price of gold has collapsed. There's no real certainty in the international market these days, but you would have thought that's, you know, the sperm and eggs of leading sportsmen

and sports women really should be the most stable currency there is in the world. Yeah, Chris Hoy sperm has never gone down in Valorant. Never has a true word. But the problem is you just don't want terrorist groups getting hold of it. That's a nice, such a good point. Your emails now and we just have a time for a very quick email. We have one here from Laura who says, dear Andy John and Chris, I won't come up with a reason for it as you shouldn't cushion the horror that is to come with humor.

Okay. She says, I'll present you three words never previously used together. Queen shaped dildo. She then provides a web link basically seemingly coming off the website masterpieces.com. She says, I can't even think of anything funny to say, as my mind is still really in horror, and the fact that someone went to the trouble of making a fallace in the shape of the queen, thinking someone would want to, you know, stick it up there anyway. I felt the near near to share this horror with others and as my friends no longer accept my declarations of, oh come look at this, I felt you all and possibly the rest of the bugleers were the next logical choice. You

all seem disgusted, terror and in need of I bleach Laura. Well, wow. That is the ultimate honor or the ultimate insult. I mean, I, that, that, I mean, this is, this is a philosophical issue we've touched on a number of times on the bugle right back to the early days of whether, you know, fantasising about the point. I just clicked on the link. I mean, is that, is that patriotic or treasonous? I mean, it is such a fine line, isn't it? That's not safe. She's wearing the fucking crown. Yeah, I mean I don't know,

I suppose not a detachable crown. Yeah, well, oh no. I wish I had clicked on that. I wish I had clicked on that. Yeah, but I mean you can't, you cannot unclick on a webpage of a Queen's Show, still though. They call it her vagus, That is not an acceptable pun.

Does it not show the esteem in which she is held? That's a patriotic. It does not. It does not do that. Would want her netherables to commune with the Almighty Monarch. That surely shows that, I mean, you do not have a David Cameron shapes dildo, I assume, I hope and pray. Don't ask that because I'm sure there is one somewhere. Chris has just shown me from the same company what appears to be a dildo shaped like a rabbi.

Yep. I mean that's... What? That's either building bridges across communities or burning bridges. It's called the Rappi. That is rabbi. We find ourselves, ladies and gentlemen, at the sharp end of capitalism, because there would not be supply with that number. Maybe this... When again, this could be used in Syria, you know, and a sad shaped

pleasureer would, you know, when it would sell certainly wouldn't it? Well thanks for bringing our attention to that and really got to be one of the low points of the 258F episode. But arguably matched by this from Sebastian, who wrote, dear and the, and Chris, in order of whose fault this is. My girlfriend is coming over this weekend, and my man bush needed a good tidy up. I thought I would get my regular bugle fixed while I do this. What's the worst that could happen?

Always going smoothly until about minute 22, when the mention of giving Dick Cheney a reach around just to stop in masturbating in front of you for the rest of his life. At this point, I start to giggling uncontrollably, which when you have what is essentially two blades very close to your junk, is very dangerous. Myself performed operation now makes me kinfloak with Andy.

Do you feel connection to? I'm very concerned about the blue direction. They got very blue. Emails. You know, Razor Game Bugles. Razor, there's quite a lot of film coming in. Oh dear. Yes, well.

It's going to be hard to forget that. Please, can we end this show? Please, can we end the concept of monarchy after that? Well, do you keep your emails coming in? Preferably not involving royalty related sexual accessories to info at thebugelpodcast.com. Don forget to check out our SoundCloud page SoundCloud.com slash The Hiphon Bugle and by your Bugle merch and your volunteer subscriptions at thebugelpodcast.com there is nothing more to add to this

nothing more The rest is silence Bye!