The Bugle - Bugle 268 BrokeSadleBack Mountain

Episode Date: May 8, 2014

There's gold at the bottom of the ocean and a mountain for sale. Let's team up. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Bugleers and welcome to issue 268 of the Bugle, audio newspaper for a mercilessly visual world. For the week ending Friday the 9th of May, 2014, that's right, week ending. We are now temporarily at least switching to a Thursday recording in an effort to make news happen one day sooner. Thus giving the planet a crucial competitive advantage on its rivals. Tell them to maintain that number one ranking in the solar system. I am Andy Zoltzman Live in London, the city that has once again beaten its old Siberian rival, Verkoyantz in its annual head-to-head who can have the warmest winter contest, 150 wins in a row,

barely even be bothered to celebrate anymore here in London and a New York City. A 21st century entertainer in a 20th century city, using 19th century technology, a telephone, wearing an 18th century wig, as he always does for this recording. And with a 17th century attitude to America, just stop the dutch getting hold of it, everything else will take care of itself. It's John Oliver! seen sentry attitude to america just stop the dutch getting hold of it everything else will take care of itself it's john olleva i'll i'll be i'll be a good uh... well uh... at the hb o show in up and running or the very least up and

walking the point of it up thank you so much of the uglis who are tuning in and the people who are not tuning in let me simply say this what the f*** you can't be i'm a declared on the new every single one of you What the f*** are you telling me? I made it clear that I'm needing every single one of you. What the f*** are you doing? Now our first two shows have been based around the Indian elections, food labeling, the death penalty and Sharia law in Brunei. Why? Because I know what people want, I mean. I'm not afraid to give it to them. The people are crying out for a 12 minute piece of the death penalty while they're getting ready for better on a Sunday night

it's like a one-gathered milk at the end of the day accepted to be up to boiling point and then throw straight into your face uh... the uh... the indian election piece ended up going viral on youtube in india i think today has over one and a half million views which is pretty incredible for something that does not involve a wrapping kitten and

some of the best pushback pointed out that we had potentially got the map of India over my shoulder wrong and to that Andy I simply say this un-British it is impossible for me to get the borders of India wrong if I draw them in a certain way even if they make no geographic sense whatsoever, that's just the way it is. What part of your own turbulent history are you struggling through on the map? So this is Buegull 268. Coincidentally, the number of clauses in the pre-NEP agreement made between Jesus and Mrs Christ, according to a recently unearthed biblical manuscript

that is unquestionably authentic, found in a municipal waste dump in Minnesota, believed to be the first draft of the Gospel according to St Luke entitled, Gs Did You See That? That's before the agents and publishers neutered it, of course. In this pre-nut, the future Mrs. Belinda Christ apparently stipulated that Jesus was not allowed to metaphorically or literally bring any of his ex-girlfriends back from the dead, have more than ten of his mates around for dinner at any one time, that's why they ended up going out for the last supper instead of calling in some falafel. Or turn water into wine whilst she was in the bath.

Some Christian scholars have doubted the veracity of the script saying there is no way a genuine first century AD manuscript would have been typed in the font of Kills MT, far too tiniest, at the Archbishop of Canterbury. They're also skeptical that the Gospel would have been printed on recycled economy A4 paper, or include the phrase quality Us Time. This is bugle, as I said, for the week ending Friday, the 9th of May, let's we forget John. This week has been international composting awareness week.

Of course it has. Yep. And how have you personally marked this thing? Well, I've been in a wear of it, Andy. That's how I've marked it. And what I've done is to all my rubbish bins I've just emptied them all over the floor and I've waited.

That's what it's about, isn't it? I'm not sure that is what it's about. I think I assume that basically it's aimed at eradicating composting as we have with diseases, you know, any disease awareness we want to stamp it out. I assume it's the same with composting. The goal is to stamp out all compost from around the world by the year 2075. So if any of you buglers see a big pile of vegetation, please destroy it by whatever means possible before it slowly turns into Neutrises mulch that can let plants cheat in growing races. Composting, of course, is a scourge on this planet's long-term future. It prevents carboniferous matter from being eventually compressed in the Earth's crust

to create fossil fuels for future generations millions of years from now. How are they going to get around if we've waited all our vegetable and plant matter making compost just so our daffodils will work next year or grow from giant libilias instead of making sure our giant 20-foot-high human robot hybrid descendants can still drive around in some sweet wheels like we do. So to join the no-mater mulch campaign this week, as always, the section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. 2014 marks the 40th anniversary of the invention of the Rubik's Cube by Ernie Rubik, the self-styled Hungarian hexahedron, who accidentally invented the Celebripuzzle whilst working on a prototype

for a new rotatable 54-flavor Apple. The cube, soon became the most popular thing in the universe and spawned spin-off products such as the Rubik snake, the Rubik Neut, the Rubik womb, that was fiendishly complicated, I can never work out how to get the placenta to stick, little one get the baby out, the, you've either got it or you haven't with these things, the Rubik stick brilliant if you have an easily distracted dog,. The Rubik air that never caught on us the gases proved to be poisonous. And of course the Rubik Bickerstaff modelled on the former British trade union leader Rodney Bickerstaff. And to mark the historic occasion of the 40th anniversary of the cube, we are giving you a free side of an audio Rubik's cube. Collect all six sides then see if you can complete the puzzle.

Select all six sides, then see if you can complete the puzzle. This week, side one, top row, left or right, red, blue, yellow, middle row, yellow, green, orange, and bottom row, white, orange, green. To collect the remaining six sides, we will be releasing one, every anniversary of the cube that is a multiple of 40. So in just 200 years from now, you'll be able to impress your descendants from way beyond the grave with your amazing puzzle solving skills. That that genuinely might be in the top five stupidest things that ever happened on this podcast. It's a high bar but that really is utterly ridiculous. That has no point. has no point. Top story this week, get rich quick with these unmissable opportunities.

This is not audio spam, buglers. These are real wealth creation plans from this week that could make you the listener rich beyond your wildest dreams in a matter of days. Matter of days is a figure of speech, not meant to relate to A or any number of days, weeks, months, or years. Riches are contingent of various economic fluctuations and details of what the streams might vary. After you're accounted for an actual problem for this,

or if your erection lasts longer than four hours, back account results may vary. The bugle of the episode is possible if he for riches won or lost. So, with the economy still in recovery mode, some people have gone off the grid this week to make some money. Outside the traditional methods of wealth creation of either a bit of sweat and elbow grease,

or the white collar fraud of the financial services industry. Now the first game only works, to be honest, if A, you are an O, B, you own a mountain and C, you are willing to sell it that is what is currently happening i'd be a aristocrat is attempting to sell off a mountain his family owns to play off a large inheritance tax bill and when i read this and the i was over reading a new story

or a movie picture of bad you grant comedy but which i mean a movie pitch for any Hugh Grant comedy. Boom, I lost my edge. I'm not afraid to go after late 90s movie stars. So don't say that I am. Yeah, the mountain in question is in the late district, it's called Blaine Catherine or a saddleback. I think you used to go out with a girl called

Blaine Catherine, saddleback, didn't you, in your case? I did, in your case. Very a girl called Blancathoros saddleback, didn't you, in your career? I did, in your career, in your career, in your very lovely girl, mountainous. And he's apparently the asking price, John, is 1.75 million for this mountain. And as soon as the news of that valuation got out, the Nepalese economy went f**king mental. The early question is the, as you say, the Earl of Longstale, Hugh Lelver, and he has played the 2850 foot Lake District Mountain on the market, 4.75 million. He said it was either that or play cup for Longstale Estate, which has been in his family

for hundreds of years. And this may be, and the one of the least sympathetic titles the recession has yet grown up. It's an absolute disaster. We're barely making ends meet i can't believe i'm going to say this family but we may have to sell the mountain if i own the mountain and they that'll be the first thing i'll tell anyone john john john john if when john when you're right i have to think what an american yes when i own a mountain when i'm out in

and a barmer's trying to tax it away from the punishing my success uh... if i'm out in andy whenever i go for playing anywhere in the world and they said anything to declare i would say yes absolutely and they'd say have you got any fruit for the walls or far arms in your possession and i'd say no that's not what i want to declare. What I want to declare is I want a f***ing mountain. Well that's entirely justified. And not only

with this deal, you get to own a mountain, you also get to call yourself the Lord of the Manor of Threlkeld for an extra 300 grand, you can call yourself Alphra's Or the Magnificent. I like that title, and it can't ring to it and that ring is of a middle-level Game of Thrones character. It is I, Lord of the Man of Thrall killed, so I have my father, brother of my sister, daughter of my mother and owner of a f***ing mountain. That'll put your top back on. My email address that would you get that you also get number of use. 5,400 and so there could have been some haggling going into that original deal, John. I don't have any of those, Andy, but I do have a dog and my dog is definitely in the market for a mounted

dish. So that might still be useful. But I'm starting to wonder if you can find a way to go in on this together, Andy. And part of the reason is that there is yet another detail that we haven't mentioned yet and that is a new owner will be able to apply for an official coat of arms you know that means that the coat of arms can and should mean a coat of penises who among us can honestly say we have absolutely no interest in showing the title lord of the

manner of for help and scaling the near 3,000 foot peak of Mount You Chris The current Earl of Longstale Explaining the sale said we don't want to have to evict tenanted farmers and other tenants and what have you from their houses So we can sell them now to put this in context for our American listeners, what have you, is the traditional term used by the British lander Gentry for women and children?

But it's just one of these conversations we've all had, John, isn't it? We've had a sit down in difficult times with our spouse and say, hey darling, look, I don't know how to say this, but I'm afraid we are, we're absolutely skinned, we're on our uppers, we're gonna have to sell the house, we absolutely skint we're on our uppers we're gonna have to sell the house we're gonna have to downsize the car we're gonna have to eat the horse and go and holiday to that

bench in the park instead of Mauritius this year there's nothing else we can do that's it the good days are toast and that toast is being eaten by the tax man with our last jar of family jam we still got each other that's the most important thing what do you mean sell my mountain I'm not selling my mountain that is who I am I'm the guy who owns a mountain! Non-negotiable! What, if you make me sell that, you might as well make me sell my head, my penis, and my other mountain! Sorry, did I not tell you I own two mountains?

No, I probably should have kept you in the loop on that one. Well, you're saying we could sell one mountain? I hadn't thought of it like that. I guess we could, but then again, what is the point of only owning one mountain I hadn't thought of it like that I guess we could but then again what is the point of only owning one mountain uh... john robson at the man who is managing the sale of the mountains that it was a one-time opportunity to vote one of the jules in the lake districts clown

and he told the big you see that selling the mountain with unlike anything he dealt with before yeah no shit at all. It's a f***ing mountain. Well, the naming rights, as you hinted at earlier on, is a very, very delicate issue in mountains these days, and there are suggestions that they could go the way of sport stadiums, and we could soon have the world's great peaks, such as the Virgin Everest, and we could soon have the world's great peaks, such as the Virgin Everest and the Akon Kokua and Mount McKinley in association with Mastercard down to minor local hills, such as the Hogan's

orthopedic Shu Sierra and Mount Hungry Nigel's Tasty Eats. Of course, we already have Mount Fuji in Japan, co-owned by the pop stars Red Fu and Warren G. And the way the housing market works, John, you know that it's going for 1.75 million now, but in 20 years time whoever buys this mountain is going to be flogging it for 20 million minimum and people be complaining that it's really hard for young people to get on the mountain ladder and many of them are having to camp out longer and longer on their parents mountains, which just isn't really ideal in this day and age. But also, if mountains are worth this much money, it is surely just a matter of time before

they turn into the must have accessory for today's image-conscious celebrity. A state is simple to be obviously deliberately photographed with and flaunted around in the newspapers. In fact, just picking up, but today's daily mail on their celebrity page, which shirt is entitled, f***ing pointless. There are rumours that the Hollywood heartthrob Ethan Hawke was seen going to a nightclub with Mount Humphreys, the beautiful 14,000-foot Sierra Nevada peak whilst in India, the Bollywood starlet Katrina Caffer's angrily denied reports linking her with Nanda Devi, India's 7,800 metre, hunky Himalayan stud, after she was photographed by the paparazzi buying some oxygen tanks and crampons in a specialist mountaineering shop in the northern city of Srinagar, where

just friends claimed a blushing cave who recently split up from long-term partner Mount Killer Manjaro, claiming that wealth she was still friends with the Tanzanian former volcano. Long-distance relationships, quotes, were really difficult in their respective lines of work shipwreck news now and uh... look not everyone has access to a pointy landmass in their profile of everyone else there is uh... only really one other option coming out this week and that is for diving for buried treasure on a shipwreck classic plan b a u.s.d. ocean exploration firm recovered apparently nearly a thousand ounces of solid gold worth one point three

million dollars uh... or as i now think of it a pretty good down payment on a mountain as i did that on a dot or historical and the ocean shipwreck uh... dating back to eighteen fifty seven uh... the success of this dive has added fuel to the fire of the room was that there may be tens of millions of dollars still down there on the Sunken ship. Apparently the SS Central America sank in 1857,

killing 425 people, triggering one of the world's first financial crises. It was caught in a hurricane, 160 miles off South Carolina's coast, and was carrying 21 tons of gold Which was intended to prop up the struggling banks of New York and as a result It's lost created a huge financial panic and you know what there is something quite charming about that developer Andy Because that is a refreshingly tangible way to cause a massive financial panic

The well-being brought to the brink of financial implosion due to credit default swaps in the subprime mortgage exposure is something that only relieves you some balance sheets. But the well-being positive to financial crisis because a ship full of gold thanks to the bottom of an ocean is something that everyone can basically understand. 21 tons of gold as you say and 1857 so I think I think that was when the Yankees started trying to get the money together for Alex Rodriguez's latest contract. And as you said, this is a lot of gold to put in one single boat, John. And what I like about this disaster, it is basically a physical metaphor for the history

of human economics, trusting a notoriously sinkable vessel, a boat, and piling enough gold in it so that in the event that it did crash, it took the entire f***ing global economy with it. Questions of a risen over what will happen if this gold is recovered, have already been legal disputes dating back to when some of it was recovered over 25 years ago. And the problem is, John, this gold is from 1857, suggesting that it would probably be racist gold, misogynistic and probably homophobic gold as well.

I'm not sure we want that kind of gold infecting our international system. From the 1988 recovery operation, 39 insurance companies filed a lawsuit claiming that because they paid damages in the 19th century for the lost gold, they had the right to get the gold that was dug up in 1988. Now, they had been sitting on that complaint for a very long time and that is a dangerous legal precedent. I mean, you think the Italian economy is never really fully recovered from the sack of Rome in 410

AD and all the insurance claims that flooded and after that for a busy got damaged. And if they ever find all that secret loop we've got locked away in Britain that we harvested from around the world, we'll be absolutely done for economically, locked away of course, in secret glass fronted display cabinets in large public museums, hiding in plain sights, it's always the best way. And the Catholic church, John, could be launching massive legal actions in the event that it does turn out that Jesus was wrongfully convicted, that one still going through the courts, even if it was only on a technicality. Because in the crucial Messianic in charge of a donkey charge, they actually named the wrong donkey on the charge sheet. So they named Jesus'

old donkey Hansom, whereas in fact the offences were committed on his new donkey brownie. He'd sold handsome to Judas Iscariot, with some dodgy paperwork that suggested it had clipped the club 5000 few miles than it had. Sure enough, the bloody thing conked out on a scarier halfway through a long journey back from yet another disappointing surf we can normally see of Galilee. Well, disappointing very far apart from Jesus. Look guys, haven't even got a board! Wee! And Iscariot always found it hard to forgive it old mucker. There you go. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Wee! OUTRO MUSIC Vs. OUTRO MUSIC Wee! OUTRO MUSIC Vs. OUTRO MUSIC Vs. OUTRO MUSIC Wee! OUTRO MUSIC Wee! OUTRO MUSIC Wee! OUTRO MUSIC Vs. OUTRO MUSIC Vs. OUTRO MUSIC Vs. OUTRO MUSIC Vs. OUTRO MUSIC Vs. OUTRO MUSIC Copenhagen's Nome once again and also features renowned nothery such as Mugarits in Sandsavastien, the Ledbury in London, Heston Blumenthal's the Fat Duck on the M4 motorway, basically and Bertie Beefgakes Big Berger-Bananza in Mogadishu, the world's first triple Michelin starred Berger-Van owned by the former bodybuilder Bertrand Harpoon, whose burgers include his signature thrice slap-shotted puck of ruthlessly executed guilt-free cow, served between two sesame-beceded matrices

of yeast inflated and heat metamorphed wheat-influenced dough, besourced with a deconstructed and reconstructed ketchupine rouged a tomato squeegee, comfortably blanketed with a rectangular of thyme-ripened, coagulated, utter-originating lactotum of maternal bow void, or to give it its nickname, the cheeseburger also comes with a slice of girkin. Malvein, slammed the judges for being quote, afraid of the new, after they overlooked his newly opened restaurants, the Coupari in Gloucestershire, in which Dynastite and Giant Coups are served by waiters and pigeon outfits flying around the restaurant with jet packs on, and vomiting partially pre-digested dishes onto their customers' plates. And they also overlooked his Parisian newbie, La Canceille de Mourn, which Dynas have played the dying thoughts of the creatures on their plates as voiced by leading actors such as Gerald Deppardieu, Isabelou Père, Sean Connery who does a sensational haggis, Michel Platteny, Joel Bats, John Oliver and John Baptiste La Grange,

or Monsieur Crivet, the self-styled Marlon Brando of Prohn and Personnators, the sensational food is reported to be 12% tastier with a backstory, and Dynas found that any minor qualms about the mechanized slaughter of their dinner are, quote, swiftly dissipated by the succulent perfection of Malvaine's cooking, and the comforting knowledge that most of the animals were only too pleased to take the trip to the abattoir, to bring a bit of variety to their numbingly repetitive daily schedule of eat, shit, eat, shit, eat, shit, get put in a shed snooze. These fuckers don't know real food even when it comes straight out of their asses the next day, complained Malvain. If any of these top 50 restaurants came

to be serving a dish better than my intensively cross-examined soul of long suspected lamb, justifiably incarcerated in a confine more solid tear with than a potato padded cell of its own ribs, retributively punished with a gush of red-current tears, they can go f**k themselves, they are f**king liars. Malvain was also a furious that his pioneering zero gravity flotter on to Cosmarchomp, was excluded from consideration due to it being located on the International Space Station. If they're only going to consider restaurants on Earth, he said they should f**king say so on their entry form.

Your emails now, and we have an email here from Ben, he says dear Chris and Andy and John I've been a big list for a couple of years now and I've gradually noted that it gives one a rather unique view of many of the small orquid or difficult situations often in some inappropriate way. That's what we're here for. Easily the most inappropriate of these today, the curtail last Saturday morning around 9 a.m. I work at a pretty expensive restaurant which also has some private suite attached.

It's a fairly regular occurrence to get minor celebrities, footballers etc. Staying with us. Serving them professionally and curtailed, generally just a case of treating them like any other customer. This became far more difficult last week when we hosted a guest who was more than the average soap star, a lamb belt should have been ringing when I spotted the name P. Middleton on the reservations sheet, but they didn't. So I was taking completely off guard when her royal system was worked in the door with her latest squeeze. The temptation to shout, oh, forever, was very nearly overwhelming as I showed them to a table to their order and

serve their breakfast full-engaged post-ex, oh, pepper, good choice. I'm surprised, really, the rest of the ship is a bit of a browse, I'm not certain I didn't embarrass myself greatly. In order to increase my career prospects, I decided to stop listening to the meagle, particularly just before work, and I'm petitioning my MP to get all three of you fitted with a public health warning, this podcast can severely impair your ability to wake like a grown-up in public. You're a severely bad. Oh, Pitha.

Oh, post-agg. Oh, English rose. Well, there were allegations surfacing in the press this week that at the famous Royal wedding, she actually was using a counterfeit backside an extraordinary allegation so this could be the biggest biggest scandal in the Royal family was since Ed Wooden Wallace Simpson maybe even since since Charles I and his little allergy to axes knows? Do keep your emails coming into info at the buglepodcast.com. Don't forget to check out our soundcloud page soundcloud.com slash the hyphen

bugle. And if you want to help raise the money for the bugle mountain at 1.75 million, then do take out your volunteer subscription at the buglepodcast.com where you can also find all the must have or could have bugle merch. Bugle merch. Well, Cup countdown now and it's just five weeks to go until the World Cup, America of course, I've qualified alongside England. I imagine the excitement is ratcheting up in America, John. Can you just explain the scenes of Mayhem on the streets? Oh, it's huge Andy. If, uh, excited for the World Cup, you mean exciting for the NBA Boschable Plays.

That's kind of their World Cup in a way. Some injury news, Portuguese star Cristiano Ronaldo tweaked a hamstring for Real Madrid this week, but should be fit for the tournament, but also suffering a perforated quiff while trying on a new hat in a backstreet milleners in the Spanish capital, Real Madrid, Boscale, and Michelotti explained, I've told the players not to try hats on at this stage of the season. Damage of their quaffirin could result in three or four hours repairing it at the local hairdressers.

Cristiano has his done by a lady called Pam, whom he flies over from Nantwich three times a week. Meanwhile, Guatemala midfield, a sancho-miliano guava-cada, was ruled out of the tournament. After getting his finger stuck in a mouse trap, was trying to explain the offside rule to his wife using captured rodents. Russia's v-gore-chichikonichkin of the Russian Champions Spartac Moscow out with a suspected lost boot.

You can't find it anywhere. No nonsense, Russia, Moscow, Cabello will not let them in field of play in his plimpsol. It's not 1950s, he said the Stropy Italian. Brazilian goalkeeper, Turner Pinho won't be selected after FIFA ruled at his gloves, the fingers of which are made out of boiled turnips. incompatible with a commercial sponsorship deal with McDonald's. Turnips are not part of FIFA's core value, said set bladder, chowing down on a no-quo. That's a nugget of questionable origin.

And USA Squad Player, imagine this being big news in the stage on Johann Santana, ruled out due to being a Venezuelan baseball player. The Baltimore Orioles star picture was expect to be a backup for Clint Dempsey, but despite his $20 million plus a year payback it, isn't either American nor a football player. And now first in our countdown of the World Cup's greatest goals at number three, Argentina 1978.

What a goal! Oh terrific goal! That is a beautiful goal. What a goal! Oh, terrific goal! That is a beautiful goal! The frame of the goals at the 1978 World Cup in Argentina had a simple construction, posts and a crossbar, with just two short horizontal poles sticking out horizontally,

backwards from the top corners where the posts met the crossbar. The goal net was strung extremely totally down from these prongs to be fixed on the ground about three meters behind the frame of the goal. Thus from the side the gold had the elegant shape of a sail on a sailing boat, the diagonal angle of the net and the torments with which it was strung down to the ground meant that the balls entering the net for a goal high up were deflected swiftly, spectacularly

downwards, with the ball often staying within the confines of the goal rather bouncing out again as if they were afraid of being scored. You really knew a goal had been scored in Argentina 78, no side netting and fusion for these brilliantly designed, masterpieces of goal-cutting. The pile-driven 30-yarder was given a pleasingly unarguable aesthetic. Wack, goal, no arguments. Whilst no ground-shots gave them an abbreviated but sharp ripple effect, again decisively signalling goal. Far removed from today's homogenised goals were their drab corporate uniformity of design and net bulge. The 1978 Argentinian goals were classics of their time, unmistakably distinctive, and truly, some of the greatest goals the World Cup has seen.

Next week on the World Cup's greatest goals, the sinuously, almost erotically curved goals of Chile 1962. Oh yeah, like Jane Mansfield and a fishnet singlet. Good god yeah, no wonder Garensha kept banging them in. And as the official broadcasters of the FIFA World Cup, we will tell you all the scores, as they happen through the tournaments in June and July, you will not be able to hear them anywhere else. So that is it for this week's bugle. Sorry about the telephone sound quality

coming from the States we hope to rectify that for future recordings. Until next week bugleers, goodbye. you