The Bugle - Bugle 270 – Fruitcakes and Loonies

Episode Date: May 30, 2014

Farage and Le Pen lead the charge to bring Europe back to the good old days, assuming bloody and broken is considered good. Plus, wasp news, and the outcome of the Zaltzman v Oliver Pool Championships... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:48 Hello Bugleers and welcome to issue 270 of the Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. For the week ending Friday the 30th of May 2014 with me and his ultimate in London, I recently picked up my 5th consecutive second place finish in the annual British Silver Metal Winning Championships. The result I was absolutely delighted with. And in New York City, USA, it's the Frank Sinatra of Funny Stuff, the Judy Garland of Great Jokes, the big bird of Bob Phil Banta. It's Sergeant Showbiz, John Oliver. Hello Andy, hello viewers, we are back.
Starting point is 00:01:21 I was in the UK last week shooting a couple of interviews for the HBO show more on those in the next few weeks It was great to be back Andy and I managed to watch the Champions League final together Athletic over Dreads against Ray Alma Dread It's often said that football is like life and that was definitely true in in the case of this game Andy because the richer club won money wins Every time it was a happy inevitable ending. It was especially good to be back in the run up to the World Cup to basically remind myself how fucking excited I am about it. It was great to be in a country where there was an actual story
Starting point is 00:01:55 on the news, a story that was not short about a player at England's training camp stretching. It was amazing to see adults talking to microphone saying Gerard looks loose, look at him stretching there. How do you think that hamstring looks from 70 yards away outside his body? I think it looks good. Also on my way back I had myself a sweet little eight hour delay for the flight and it is never ideal when your delay is longer than the flight itself. But it did afford me the chance to witness a truly unnatural wonder of the world, Andy. And that was the sight of two visibly wealthy teenagers unironically reading yacht magazines.
Starting point is 00:02:36 It's one of the single worst things I've ever seen anywhere at any time. That's the future, John. Yots is where it's at. That is the, who said they're rich, John? They are just preparing for a Kevin Costner water world style future. They're just concerned citizens, John. It's like, it's like John Steinbeck said,
Starting point is 00:02:58 Americans are just temporarily embarrassed yacht owners. Yeah. Don't do not judge a book by the magazine cover it is reading. Yeah, the old saying goes. This is bugle 270, 270s. Of course, one of the legitimate criticisms about the birth years involved in this podcast, bit 270s. 270, of course, the number of decoy great-grandchildren of Winston Churchill currently alive in the UK.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Now in World War II there were several decoy Churchill's to try and hoodwink the Germans into assassinating an actor instead of the real Churchill. I think it was a pro-Churchel thing more than an anti-actor thing, but I guess it worked on two levels. They didn't manage to keep Churchill safe through the war, but afterwards they started all breeding with the decoy misses Churchill's, which I guess you know that's understandable they would fance each other. And as the generations passed these have increased exponentially the Churchill attendance. Now 270 bogus Churchill, great-grand children, even the family don't really know who's who anymore. And if this continues by the year
Starting point is 00:03:57 2843, 99% of the UK population will be decoyed descendants of Winston Churchill and then maybe UKIP will finally be happy. This is the week ending Friday, 30th of May 2014. 17 years to the day from 30th of May, 2031, which is when computer predictions predicts will be the first day that the tabloid press run a negative story about Prince George after he flies on a rocket pack into the one of the massive greenhouses and cue gardens at the Duke of Nantelges 18th birthday party whilst dressed as his great-grandmother, the Queen and shouting, I could have you all killed with one phone call. That's 17 years from today. Top story this week. Europe goes to the polls, polls suggest that Europe hates itself.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Europe Andy has a complicated relationship with itself, it's a fiery relationship, like Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, will have explosive fights dragging the whole world in, and then we'll follow those up with a marathon sessions of makeup bureaucracy. Let me just put it this way. When there's a sock hanging on the front door of the EU building in Brussels, you do not want to open that door, because they will be bulls deep in the middle of a 12-hour constitutional drafting orgy. It's not so much a love-hate relationship in Europe,
Starting point is 00:05:18 as it is a tolerate-hate relationship. The European Union was supposed to be a way of taking our differences and turning them into a positive, rather than taking our differences and using them as a springboard for blood baths on an unprecedented scale. And in general sense, it's been a success. But last week, there were elections to the European Parliament across the country, and there was something of a lurch to the right. And historically, Andy, when Europe lurches to the right, terrible things, Andy, when Europe lurches to the right,
Starting point is 00:05:45 terrible things inevitably happen afterwards. The European political spectrum is something of a batshit barometer. It is the canary in the crazy mind. And when that thing starts squawking too loudly, it's probably time to start digging some fucking trenches in Belgium. Yes, well, as you suggest, you don't need
Starting point is 00:06:02 to be a rocket historian to think that if there's one single continent in the world one Continent that should know the dangers of swinging politically to the right Europe would be pretty Fucking high up that list. I would say top four or five and Antarctica You can probably excuse if it sings into sinks into retrograde extremism But really Europe should have picked up on those hints from history and by hints I mean cautionary cricket bats to the face. And it's been concerning, John, as it's been a huge, basically extended middle finger to the European political establishment, a Pandora's Jera
Starting point is 00:06:39 Berm of resentment has been uncorked and basically a full and in fact a full double bird flip to the entire EU. And another factor in this drift to the right is I mean, I think, well, how is Europe allowed this to happen? And one of the factors in it is the importance of the European elections to the voters across the continent. And that importance is basically roughly as important as wondering what the difference between table tennis and ping pong is. Or trying to remember all the words the bony m classic of historical gangster pop,
Starting point is 00:07:08 Mar Baker. In the Czech Republic and Slovakia, two countries released from the yolk of communism and embraced into the bosom of the EU tent. They were 19 and 13% turnouts, and in Britain, we, yeah, that was worth the wait, wasn't it? In Britain, 34% of people could be asked to struggle all the way to their local polling station, which is about standard for a European election. So basically, this is Europe just basically pressing the snooze alarm button and saying, oh, it's probably not going to be as bad as last time we swang hard to the right. And it's been a lot of debate over what the causes of this have been. And I think a lot of it comes down to the perception amongst the people around Europe that the EU political elite basically
Starting point is 00:07:53 sit around eating scrambled, fabled eggs for breakfast and not really doing what they're supposed to do. It's hard to draw significant conclusions from any single set of election results, but the European parliamentary elections make a pretty strong case for the argument that Europeans are complete ourselves. Because in a worrying waltz, as old as the continent itself, Euroskeptic and far-right parties see significant ground in what's the French Prime Minister called a political earthquake.
Starting point is 00:08:22 And I don't know if it was truly a political earthquake, Andy, as much as it was a shame inducing shitstorm. Some very depressing parties around Europe made gains, although to even call them parties is slightly misleading. They're not a party-like expression of joy in any form. They're more like parties in the sense that a wake is a party. They're essentially funerals for humanity. The UK Independence Party, or UKIP, or KISS for short,
Starting point is 00:08:49 made big gains in the British election, and the French National Front, led by the abomination of decency in a pantsoot form, Marine Le Pen, also made big gains, and the truly terrifying Greek neo-Nazi group, Golden Dawn, also won seats. They are misleadingly named, of course, after a sunrise, but it would only be the kind of sunrise you mistook for a sunrise when the world, in fact,
Starting point is 00:09:11 was actually on fire. The French national front, 125% of the vote in France and were described as fascist by Germany's finance minister. And when a German leader describes you as fascist Andy, the label sticks. Good luck peeling that thing off. German Chancellor Angela Merkel described the far right victory as a remarkable and regrettable, and said that the best response was to boost economic growth and jobs. Although again, she really has to say that, Andy. There is no world in which a German Chancellor can say, I actually understand the frustrations that people have and will work to restore the pride, so Mr. Phil, it's a country, you can't say that. That's not an option without people starting to kick the
Starting point is 00:09:55 tyres on their Spitfires. Mr. Le Pen, rather jamless, as you um, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, a country which has 246 varieties of cheese. So, Marine Le Pen said that she will now use her mandate to defend France and fight crazy measures like votes for immigrants. Although to be historically clear, France's idea of defending itself is usually completely rolling over and waiting for someone else to come and defend them for them. So, maybe that's the kind of national defense she was referring to. UK Prime Minister David Cameron said the British public was disillusioned with the EU and that their message was received and understood.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Francois-Alauged asked Europe to pay attention to France after describing his parties' defeat to the National Front as painful. And the week was split between political leaders saying they had heard the dissatisfaction and the right-wing groups claiming a seismic victory that would propel them even further. But as you say, Andy, let's get all this in perspective. The election turnout in general was 43.1% according to European Parliament figures. So this is still an
Starting point is 00:11:20 overwhelming landslide victory for people absolutely not giving a shit at all. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con.
Starting point is 00:11:33 We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con.
Starting point is 00:11:41 We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. We've always got that as a con. Wow Andy, they've taught Europe to dream again. We have started lifting our testicles out of the electoral food processor. That is a good sign. Murray in the pen also said this, tonight is a massive rejection of the EU. What is happening in France prefigures, what will happen in all European countries, the return of the nation.
Starting point is 00:12:01 Now, I think nationalism has a pretty checkered record as we've suggested on this continent. And also, I would argue, there is a time and a place for nations, John. And that time and place is in Brazil starting in two weeks time with footballs. That is the only time that you rig that this kind of thing is acceptable. Football, sport, the saviour John. In the United Kingdom, as I saw, UKIP purple posters were everywhere on the streets like a stick on siren-cooled, a self-destruction. And much has been written and bloviated about UKIP's leader, Nigel Farage, who was like a one-man echo
Starting point is 00:12:38 from a time Britain should be desperately trying to forget. He is constantly photographed with either a point of beer or a cigarette in his hand, and his supporters claim that he's a man of the people and every man. And to that, Andy, I say this, if Nigel Farage is every man, then I hate everybody. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha part of Farage's current popularity that he's viewed as the kind of man you could have a chat within the pub
Starting point is 00:13:05 Orbit of that chat would probably end up with you calling him a f***ing nut job him calling you a C*** and you then telling him to stop ruining the quizz night by shouting out brossles as every answer He suggested that the election had put the you-kip fox in the Westminster henhouse Which I'm not sure I mean do you really want to be aligning yourself with a fox as a political party, a large permanent renowned, principally for thieving stuff from people's bins, people's British bins, murdering defenseless British poultry with low levels of personal hygiene and a high volume sexual intercourse. Is that something for a political party to aspire to? Even this nation's once favourite Sunnabry Fox, Basil Brush, the former TV star, currently is embroiled in lengthy legal battles over unpaid tax and a noise abatement order.
Starting point is 00:13:51 I should state the Mr Brush real name Basil, the Fox, insists the tax schemes he was investing in were technically legal and that he was supporting grassroots banking in the Cayman Islands. And regarding the noise abatement order, he said, our two Foxes not allowed to fall enough anymore. What the f*** has this country become? One of Farazhi's supporters said, when Nigel Speaks, he doesn't sound like he swallowed a book of soundpights. And, you know, that is true, Andy,
Starting point is 00:14:14 because when he speaks, it sounds like he swallowed an English history book from the 1920s, a bag of marbles, three bottles of red wine, and he's vomiting them all back up simultaneously into a microphone. That is what he sounds like. of marbles, three bottles of red wine, and is vomiting them all back up simultaneously into a microphone. That is what he sounds like. There is justifiable concern in Britain about what UKIP's electoral victories mean for the future. Ed Miliband, the opposition
Starting point is 00:14:35 leader, argued that UKIP had won votes by touting simple solutions to serious problems that had built up over generations, then saying, but there isn't a simple answer. And that's clearly ridiculous, Andy, because as the UKIP manifesto perfectly simply testifies, what could be simplifyingly simpler than pledging to build a simple time machine to go back to the late 1800s and, impermanently and selectively, in Britain's glorious past, God save the Queen, Andy, not Elizabeth, Victoria, the real one oh yeah oh yeah she was
Starting point is 00:15:09 all queen and also ex prime minister Tony Blair said that you keep his view on what was that God rest his soul John I mean he's still alive but his soul is long dead. That's true. It said that UKIPs use on immigration were regressive and that under that facade, there is something unpleasant and nasty. And the problem with that statement is that the employees at UKIPs facade is pleasant and unnasty in the first place. They are a disgusting book wrapped in a revolting cover. But they've managed to pick up, I think, around about 29% of the votes. And clearly not everyone who votes for them is in the image of their opinion splitting leader.
Starting point is 00:15:53 And I think part of the problem is there's just this massive dissatisfaction and disconnection with mainstream politics. And this is proved by the fact, John, that the number of tattoos of politicians that people in Britain have has fallen dramatically over the fact, John, that the number of tattoos of politicians that people in Britain have has fallen dramatically over the years, even as the overall number of tattoos has rocketed up. I mean, back when we were growing up, a solid 60% to 70% of this nation's ink was the likes of Clement Attlee, Winston Churchill, little Stanny Baldwin and Nye Bevan. Now you go to the beach, you're lucky if you can see a single Chris Grayling tattoo in
Starting point is 00:16:24 an entire afternoon. And that shows what British politics has become. And Ed Milliband is sort of in the forefront of this. He was possibly the least appropriate party leader in this nation's history. I mean, it's hard to think of anyone less suited to leading a political but other than me, because he has no relevant experience, he comes from a privileged background and he is unnecessarily young for the job. The very least he could do is look and sound authentic. If you're going to have slick media managed politicians, at least make them a slick and b, look like they've paid attention during their media management classes.
Starting point is 00:17:00 The British electorate is about as convinced by Ed Miliband as a vegan would be, if a pig walked up to him in a salad bar and said, you can eat me, I'm a lettuce, go on, tuck in. And he got, he was picked up in one of these completely irrelevant political micro storms for getting the price of an average family food shop wrong. I think he said it was 70 pounds and the actual figures are 100 pounds a week. But frankly, if you're leader of a political party, you should not have time to even contemplate going to the shops. You should just be living on takeaways, frankly.
Starting point is 00:17:34 And also, I mean, to be fair, he does spend 70 pounds on his weekly shop, but he spends it all on watermelons, which he then paints faces on, lines them up around his dinner table at home and pretends to be holding a cabinet meeting. And that is the closest thing he will have to relevant experience should he become Prime Minister at next year's general election. So are there any grounds for optimism? Well, you know, I'm not a godfiring man, John, and that feeling is entirely mutual.
Starting point is 00:17:58 But if I assume, if I thought praying was worthwhile, I'll be asking a big man to pull out some of his old magic for one of his finest ever Contents because Europe needs it now John. The European Union, flawed as it is, one of the greatest political ideas in history It would be a real shame if it wastes itself up the wall in a morass of needless legislation and bloat in this and I've For one, you know, it's one of the the founding missions of it was to stop Europe from killing itself. It began in 1951 with a formation of the European colon steel community and in the Schumann Declaration of 1950, the French Foreign Minister Robert Schumann, the Bobby Schumann popping up there in the box with a terrific little proposal for a Super National community. He said this, Europe will be born of this, a Europe which is solidly united and constructed around a strong framework.
Starting point is 00:18:43 And he said that one of his intentions was to make war not only unthinkable, but materially impossible. And the nation's involved, France, West Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Belgium and Luxembourg. Why not Luxembourg? Why not join in for fun? Bear again mind, twice in the previous 35 years, most of those countries had been killing the living shit out of each other. And that much of the European history prior to that had also been spent killing the living shit out of each other. And that much of the European history brighter that had also been spent killing the living shit out of each other. And when you're
Starting point is 00:19:07 on board of that, we sailed around the world and killed the shit out of whoever we found elsewhere in the world. Sometimes we've got them to do it, sometimes to do it ourselves. Other times we outsourced it to our key strategic allies like smallpox or forced starvation. So it's been a step forward. and I don't like massive continental wars jump because A, I'm a coward and B, as a consumer. I don't think they represent good value for money. So I think this European idea is something that the continent should be clinging to. There are some shafts of hope. It was not all the right word drift. There was also a swing to the left in some areas in Spain. There's a brand new political party called the Podemos party and it was only formed way
Starting point is 00:19:45 way back in 2014 and it registered 1.2 million votes, 8% of the Spanish vote and now has 5 seats in the European Parliament and amongst its aims are poverty reduction, social dignity, strict controls on lobbying and trying to stamp out tax evasion, which I'm sure are lefty affectations that they will simply have to grow out of when the harsh realities of government come calling. A quick bit of animal news now and footage captured by scientists has revealed a parasitic wasp that appears to have evolved a zinc-tipped drill on its snout to bore into fruit. Now this is very exciting development. John, I imagine it's been huge news in the States.
Starting point is 00:20:33 I think Marvel have already bought the rights for that. The new superhero, the zinc-tipped wasp. Well, I think it's the first side of the animal kingdom finally fighting back in its age old battle with the top dogs Humans and when you've not dogs out of the top dog slot, you know you're a pretty fucking special species I'm gonna option Andy That is gonna re kickstart my movie career. I'm gonna be this ink tipped wasp Buzz it around stinging people but not dying from it. Don't I think when people are kicking your movie career they're not trying to make it start again I'm gonna defeat the pewter tip to be
Starting point is 00:21:10 but it's very interesting there's this zinc tip drilled wasp appears to have concentrated on developing industrial machinery rather than transport or military hardware and it's not the first time it's happened. Of course, the 19th century naturalist, Don Elias Polkoun, came back from an eight-year expedition in Africa with sketches of gorillas with rotating sores for arms and giraffes with TV aerials in their heads. There are also rumors that an armoured dillow
Starting point is 00:21:37 with a machine gun snout somewhere in Madagascar is at large. Those rumors are as yet made up. But we cannot rest on our bipedal laurels anymore. These animals are out to knock us off our evolutionary perschion, and we have to respond as we've all responded to any threat from the animal kingdom by hunting it to extinction and beyond.
Starting point is 00:21:55 Oh! Oh! Your emails now this one comes in from Robin. Right, as a newcomer to the bugle, I've been catching up. I downloaded the bugle back catalog and it's taken me six months of listening to wave through all the bullshit to get to the present in May 2014. As a consequence of what could be called a punishment or self-flagulation,
Starting point is 00:22:16 I've learnt one, penises are always funny, but particularly if on a roof belonging to a congressman, nails to red square, that was particularly funny penis or wangled from Napoleon's corpse. Oh yeah I forgot about that, that was the most reason one. I did a gig in Paris recently and I did some of those Napoleon penis jokes that we did on the Beagle the previous week and I don't know I think France still holds a can if not further a hole in Napoleon then certainly for his penis Two wearing my orange bugle socks and orange bugle scarf and drinking from my Eulogy mug makes life better. Well that never has a true word been spoken and you can buy all that much
Starting point is 00:22:56 at the buglepodcast.com and three I know more about cricket now than I ever wanted to know well I might be more than you ever wanted to know Robin, but I's not all that you need to know. You need to know more. You need to devote yourself to it. Cricket will save you from the harsh realities of reality. And he concludes, I want to give Andy special praise for his 12-1-joke in Griggle 127. The best joke I've heard in ages. It was a great joke. Well, I was just about that. We were just a world class joke. Well, for those of you who didn't hear it at the time, we were talking about this last weekend, while you were here by coincidence.
Starting point is 00:23:29 Here is that joke. It came a little while into a particularly cos-heavy bugle. It's things a little bit, John, to be honest, as a citizen of the United Kingdom, as I still am, do you still have the paper saw? Yeah, yes, I do, Andy. We're all really, the f***ing news I'm every now and again, mate.
Starting point is 00:23:48 But, it's been awfully swearing at Buegel recently. Yeah. I don't know why that is. Chris, any suggestions? Well, maybe you just need to listen to the words of the Pope. All right. What at least they don't f***ing swear. Right, that's now 12 fucks one.
Starting point is 00:24:06 Fuck, today. Oh, god. Yeah, why have you said that? That's 13, too. That's 13, too. I was going to say 12 fucks one. That's pretty much the Jewish have to do to the new testament, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:24:20 Oh, Andy. I'm going to burn in hell for that. I'm going to burn in hell for that joke. That's a way to make the absolutely foul, truly sublime. Well, I hope you enjoy that joke, Budalus, because I'm going to suffer eternal pain for your laughter. So there you go, that's, I mean in many ways, John, that is not only the highlight of my professional career, but arguably it's in the top four moments in my life. And I only say that because I have one wife and two children
Starting point is 00:25:00 who might have some stage listened to this. So I have to say top four, not top one. two children who might have some stage listened to this. So I have to say top four, not top one. Okay. Today's count is 10 f**ks and three f**ks. Now we go excluding the clip of the last one. All right, well that gets into, you know, how philosophical areas of what counts as a f**k
Starting point is 00:25:19 and a f**k. Do keep your emails coming into info at thebouglebodcast.com. Don't forget to check out our soundtowepadesanclad.com slash the hyphen bugle. Don't forget to also buy your tickets for my Ed and Richo at the stand. Also, there's a charity gig on Wednesday, the 4th of June at the Hyderway in Stretem, right by Stretem station in South London. Starts at 830 doors from 630, tickets 15 pounds, raising money for the Stretem Youth and Community Trust charity that my wife works for featuring me, Russell
Starting point is 00:25:50 Howard and Tiffany Stephenson. You can get tickets at hideawaylive.co.uk. It's your unquestionably, these show is events of the millennium. Now, just time for a quick sports section. And a quick report now from the Bugle Pool Championships held last week in Gypsy Hill, South London. And, well, John, as I'm sure you remember, the Bugle Pool Championships resulted in a convincing win for a very deserving champion and exultzmanly 39-year-old father of two who actually demolished the well-beaten former British number 8.3 million Frank's John Oliver in one of the finest displays of tactical pool and human ship that the game has ever seen many fans had expected close contest but
Starting point is 00:26:35 so Zoltzman won frame after frame as Oliver's potting and break building. Well frankly it collapsed like a hippos hammock and Zoltzman's masterful safety play allowed to clinical potting of the pool balls in the pool pockets. Well, the laps due ran away with it. The laps due and bacon, a fishing auto. Claim the title in considerable style. I'm delighted to say that we're joined now by the Buglepool champion Andy Zoltzman.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Andy, hello, thanks for taking some time off from this recording to talk to us. And that's fine. I absolutely no problem, I was in the studio anyway. Now, you must be absolutely delighted with your form on the day. it was a truly magnificent performance, you knew one by, frankly, an almost embarrassing margin in the end. Yeah, well I just got out there and concentrated on my pool shots and let all the hype get to me and while I was
Starting point is 00:27:14 delighted with an absolutely thumping victory over John, my thoroughly and rightfully demoralized opponent. Where next few Andy off, they're surely going to have to seek tougher challenges than the challenge John Oliver was able to provide on the pool table. Yes, well, with all due respect to John, these are the kind of matches that I expect myself to win and I did win by an absolutely colossal distance. Thank you very much for speaking to us, Andy. And now, Johnny is from New York. He's defeated. Bugal pool championship finalists.
Starting point is 00:27:39 John Oliver. John. So what went wrong? What went wrong, John? I mean, that was an absolute showing. Absolutely. A one-off aberration, Andy. Just look at the scoreboard for the series.
Starting point is 00:27:51 That's all I've said. This proves nothing. You couldn't do it on the big occasion, John. That's what it shows. That's what it shows. We'll be back next week with the official Bugle Football World Cup preview. And that tournament cannot start soon enough from a point of view of ignoring all world news.
Starting point is 00:28:08 Thanks for listening, bugleers. We will speak to you again next week. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. you

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