The Bugle - Bugle 283 – #JeSuisCharlie

Episode Date: January 9, 2015

A show dedicated to all the people of the world who aren't arseholes. Happy 2015! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Hello, be euglers! And welcome to 2015, yet another year they seem to keep on coming,

and a bugle will as ever be here to chronicle every single moment, as the countdown to the end of the third millennium keeps rolling on still quite a way to go but still. I'm Annie Zotsman, live in London and joining me from the silly side of the Atlantic, relatively it's the man who turns the big apple into the massive flagging of cider by squishing it in his cider press of probing side-swipes, fermenting it in the vats of veracity before presenting it to the world in sweet bottle bullshit form with which to drink away its pain. It's John Oliver Hello Andy. Hello, Bueglers. Happy new year to one and to most mostly all

Hub 2015 has been individually and collectively acceptable to you so far. I was back in the UK Over the holiday for a week during which time I played football with both Andy and Chris which was a true festive delight despite the fact that my personal performance was not up to my regular standards. I'll quickly say that, I will then go on to say, in my defence Andy, if you took Pele and got him to play a game at his peak after getting off an international flight last thing the previous night you get a similar performance. What I'm saying is I'm a jet lagged Pele Andy. Right that's a big that's a big thing. If you took Pele off a transatlantic flight the day before and removed 90% of his

central nervous system and repeatedly smacked him around the head with a frying pan. Yeah, maybe you're getting somewhere there. I'm when he was a pro. The point is I'm like, Pele. Yeah, it was the point. Yeah, yeah, what you play like a 75 year old. I was, oh, it was an abject display, John.

When truly, truly abjects. Yeah, I mean, I was bossing it, knocking it around the midfield. Like, I mean, I'm very much like a young Beckonbauer. I'm not gonna randomly sweep knocking it around the midfield. Like, I mean, very much like a young beck and bower. I'm knocking it around and sweeping up from the back. But not to too many of your own players. That's all I'm playing, that's true. Yeah, that is true. If you can't read, if you can't read it.

Chris has got one hell of an engine. He ran around like a triathlete. He even tried swimming across the floor at one point. What I would say, Chris, it answers it. Your suggestion of not all my passes found teammates is if you can't read a book, don't go in the library. across the floor at one point. What I would say, Chris, it answers your suggestion of not all my passes found teammates is if you can't read a book, don't go in the library. LAUGHTER

MUSIC So this is Buegel 283 for the week ending, the 9th of January 2015 which means that tomorrow is the 10th of January in 49 BC on this date Julia Caesar crossed the Rubicon the river the celebrity river in Italy a move that cannot be unmoved The phrase can't be known as a boundary that once crossed cannot be uncrossed. And on exactly the same day, two thousand and 56 years later, eight years ago, today, my wife and I crossed our own personal Rubicon, which I mean, we had our first child. There's no going back. Once you've done it, absolutely no going back.

And a week ago, John Matilda, you know, heading up towards the heady heights of turning eight, turned to me with quite a serious look on her face and said, Daddy, I think I'm getting a little bit too old for some of your jokes. And, wow, I mean, that time was always destined to come. And in many ways, I'm thankful that it took so long together. On this day in 1776, well, tomorrow, 10th January, Thomas Payne published Common Sense. If you're listening, Thomas, an updated version would be handy.

Your message still hasn't hammered home to everyone on the planet. They've recently discovered unpublished excerpts from the original Common Sense, including chapters entitled Why To Avoid Large Spikes, Don't Euronate On Crocodiles, and The Doos and Donts Of Trampolining at Funeral. Top Story This Week It's 2015! Hopefully this year will contain some happy news that last year, it's not like it can get anywhere. Hold on a second, what the fuck is happening in Paris? So this is gonna be a little tricky

as the situation is fluid, a very depressing fluid as well. But on Wednesday, there were horrifying scenes in Paris as a pair of gunmen or gun douches to describe them in the mildest possible way killed 12 people at the offices of French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo. Killing a bunch of innocent people because you're offended by a joke is a bombastically bone-headed act of barbarism Andy. To commit murder over a cartoon is almost cartoonishly stupid. And perhaps we should first do a bit of background explaining exactly what Charlie Hebdo is,

just in case you don't know, or were unable to find out this week due to understandably throwing your TV out of the window in frustration when this story first started to break. The satirical magazine has actually been attacked before. They were fire bombed back in 2011 in November after it published a cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad under the title, Sharia Hebdo. So this is nothing new. They've also featured cartoons, insulting Christians, Jews, politicians, and even the British, although I can't think what they could possibly find mockable about us. The point is, pissing people off and entertaining them was very much being in Charlie Hebdo's Rayzon detra over the years, or whatever the French for

Rayzon detra is. The magazine was born in 1970, fittingly from an arguably offensive, but pretty good joke. There were two big news events around that time, a massive fire in a disco tech, which killed more than a hundred people, and the death of former French President General Charles De Gaulle. A magazine called Harakiri led its edition making fun of De Gaulle's death and the historical reaction to it with the headline Bal Trajique à Colombe Unmour, which translates as Trajecteur Colognebe, which was De Gaulle's home, one dead. Pretty good joke, pretty especially for 1970, Andy, where the bar of jokes was very low and very racist. However, there was a scandal which led to Harakiri getting banned and the

journalist employed their respondent by setting up a new weekly paper, Charlie Hebdo, Flash Floor, two decades of cartoons, both entertaining and infuriating people, and that gets us to Wednesday with two maniacs and some guns. And what a shitty Wednesday it was. Yes, as is often the case, the actions of a nano minority of hypercars from a dark cranny of religious filth were met with a globally extended middle finger of defiance, as France and the rest of the world united. In revulsion terrorists, John it seems, even in 2015 still struggling with the public relations side of things, saying no closer to winning over of the world united in revulsion terrorists, John it seems even in 2015 still struggling

with the public relations side of things, saying no closer to winning over the floating neutral. Much of the media, particularly in Britain, I don't know if this was the case in America, as well, did come with some slightly odd mixed reactions to it. They expressed their defiance of the terrorists by a not reprinting the cartoons in question and b, publishing instead video footage of the terrorists slaying a policeman and photographs of the bloodstained crime scene, I found these rather mixed messages from our media being sent out, messages which included you can't look at this, it's too disgusting, and hey guys, look at this, it's really disgusting and they seem to have got confused over which was supposed to be which. One exception to the prevailing tide of global opinion was Angem Chowdry. And I don't know if he's had a lot of airtime stateside, I

don't know if you see how he had an article on the USA today website. Now he is one of Britain's gobbiest quits and a man who must make 99.9% of Muslims unbelievably frustrated because he has bafflingly wheeled out on news programs with alarming regularity. Now I know even less about Islam than I do about Judaism but I would imagine putting Angem Troudry on Telly to talk about it is the equivalent of having a golf commentator who spends the whole day saying, this player defies the laws of golf, put the five iron down in for the scum, you should be using a baguette and a dog's testicle. He would speak for at best a very small minority of golf fans. One of the biggest questions the people have tried to wrap their arms around is why?

Why would people do this? Why would they kill innocent people over a cartoon? To which the answer is because they're arseholes. And that's basically it. It's easy to overcomplicate a response to that question. And in doing so, people will then add their own beliefs or prejudices to the motivations. But if you really boil it down, the answer, their arseholes really gets to the nub of the question that you're trying to ask. Because it's a fair rule to say, if you kill someone for making a joke, you are an asshole. No matter what that joke was, or whether you liked it, or whether that joke was even particularly good or not, you are committing the act of an asshole for

reasons entirely consistent with assholeery. And that is not to say that you can't be offended by things. I'm sure many of the things that Charlie Hebdo published offended a lot of people. It's okay to be offended by things. In fact, it's absolutely inevitable that you'll be offended by things in this world. It's impossible not to be. This is an offensive planet. Feelings get hurt. That's the inherent design flaw with feelings. They make you feel things. What you can't do is kill people just because you're offended by something. That makes you a sociopath. That makes you joepexi in goodfellas. And no one wants to be joepexi in goodfellas.

But all you have to also ask questions over the quite, the thing, the logic behind it, Charlie Hebdo, it's quite a well-known magazine, but had a circulation or a red of around 30,000 in France and a reputation for being not entirely complementary towards the big celebs of global religion, not your gods, your Jesus', your alas, your Muhammad, your Moses', you know, the type.

But one assumed of these 30,000, fewer than 30,000 were Muslims, and much fewer than 30,000 were fundamentalist Muslims. These things tend to be quite easy to avoid if you are sensitive about them. However, that avoidance has become significantly less easy now because these terrorists have made Charlie Hebdo at the moment the most famous magazine in the universe. I don't know how many other potential second earths you astronomers find. This magazine has planning now to raise its print run from its standard 30,000 or 60,000, read a couple of different figures. Two for next

week's issue, one million, making it by sheer weight of numbers, 33,300 percent more offensive to the average fundamentalist Muslim. In fact, what they have done, John, is taken a magazine with a roughly equivalent circulation as the American ship review. A 1859, for those who don't read it, that is a specialist magazine about the state of Oregon and Donnier Yebazi, an Iranian biweekly Persian

language computer games magazine, and with a significantly lower circulation than either the New Zealand gardener or Britain's simply knitting, and I sincerely hope simply knitting as a gesture of solidarity runs with a crochet your own profit story on the front cover next week. Charlie Hebdo has only around five times higher circulation than the highly prestigious and influential potato processing international magazine with whom I once had a job interview.

And what these terrorists have done has turned it. Well, we're all going to have to take a diversion there. Does that mean you had an interview with the Potato Magazine and were not good enough to get the job? Well, I'm glad you didn't think I had an interview to try and publicize my tour. But no, this was back in the happy days when I was looking for a gainful employment post-university.

And when you didn't get the job out of you. I don't think I conveyed the requisite level of enthusiasm for sub-editing articles about the international potato processing industry. All be it! That's... Potato processing internet. It is the global leader in the potato processing industry globally, in terms of magazines.

Right, palm of the brakes under you know I need to view now. Right. And I wouldn't have just been potato processing international. I've also been working for Asia Pacific Baker as well. So let's not forget that. For a grand salary of, I believe it was £10,000 working in an industrial estate in Chemzing near Seven Oaks in Kent. Happy, happy days. Now I've never been more delighted to receive a rejection

letter. So what they've managed to do, John, to return to the point, is turn a magazine with a circulation of, generally, you know, 30 to 60,000, into the single highest profile magazine issue in the history of humanity. That is counter productivity of the highest order. It's also a problem for the attackers in general on a practical scale,

this level of irritation at something so small. Because if you are that angered by a cartoon, you must be angry literally all the time. Because you don't get to be murderously angry by a cartoon. You must be angry literally all the time because you don't get to be murderously angry over a cartoon and then not be murderously angry over, let's say you're taking away pizza being cold. If you're gonna set the bar for killing that low, you have to accept the irritation of everything

that is above that bar. If you're a terrorist who is willing to kill someone for a joke, then when a train is canceled and someone starts screaming in frustration, you do not get to say, oh come on mate calm down, it's just a train, let's try and get this in perspective shall we? No, you have to be intellectually consistent and you have to kill every train driver who has ever been late to anything. That is just a fact. There is concern now in France about how some people may respond to this because

to put it mildly, racism is very much a club that some French politicians have in their bag or in their satchel as they would put it. The Le Pen family have a long poisonous history of inciting race hatred and as if to get ahead of that there were some interesting campaigns to try and raise people's belief in humanity in the aftermath of this horrible event. The Jesuit Charlie campaign was instantly popular. As was an extension, the Jesuit Ahmed movement, referencing the fact that one of the 12 people killed was 42-year-old Muslim policemen, Ahmed Marabets, shot outside the Charlie Hebdo

offices. Other responses, of course, were a little less measured. Here in America, XNSA Director Michael Hayden was asked broadly on TV how humanity might best be able to avoid future tragedies like this. A general question to which he answered, well, I was talking to you guys about 12 months ago about those massive amounts of metadata that NSA held in storage. That metadata doesn't look all that scary this morning. And it wouldn't be surprised if the French services pick up cell phones associated with the attack and ask the Americans, where have you seen these phones active globally?

Oh, fuck you, two extra men to six cents. This is not about you, you little fucker. LAUGHTER In another media low point, on CNN, Don Lemon was interviewing Arsalan Ifetta, who is a prominent Muslim human rights lawyer here and senior editor at Islamic Monthly. They were discussing Islamic extremism, that was the stage upon which Don Lemon was about to take a gigantic shit. Because he then said Don, to his guest. In August 16% of French citizens support ISIS. Would you describe those who support ISIS as Islamic extremists?

Do you support ISIS? To which his guest, understandably responded, wait, did you just ask me if I supported ISIS? And that's a fair response, Andy, from a Muslim human rights lawyer. Because if you're wondering whether your guest, a, let me reiterate, Muslim human rights lawyer because if you're wondering whether your guest, let me reiterate, Muslim human rights lawyer supports ISIS, the answer to that question should probably lie

in how you f***ing introduced him. Many publications have expressed their solidarity by reprinting many of the Charlie Hebdo cartoons. Obviously,'re an audio publication so we can't reprint those cartoons but all you can do is issue our own audio cartoon in response to the attacks. A man with a beard who may or may not be a prophet wearing a not-in-my-name T-shirt with an angry look on his face. Take that terrorists, take that. 2015 prediction section now and well 2014 as John suggested has thankfully f**ked right off into the anoth of history like the cranky little sh** bag that it was. 2015 as many predictions as taken its place and has not started too promisingly. It's a shitty start to a year this. Yeah it's a shitty it is as

you say it is a bad start two a year but thankfully there's a cricket world cup and a rugby world cup to cover up to distract us. So it's time for our bugle predictions. Let's start with the oil, John. I know you're a massive fan of the Black stuff. In 2014, Oakpec launched a surprise, massive half-price sale on oil, just 50 bucks a barrel for all the crude oil you can drink. That's 50 bucks a barrel while stocks last,

and a free subscription to Rising International Tension, Monthly magazine. The oil price last year, deflated like the hopes and dreams of a costeted idealistic teenager, reading his first copy of the Daily Mail. Down from over $110 a barrel, still not bad, that's a lot of oil in the barrel,

and you can just pour it on your next all-nabous garden. And if they complain, you just say, hey buddy, think how many birds you've saved by having this on your lawn instead of in the sea you're a fucking hero and you get a free barrel for rolling down a hill in when drunk so you've not $110 barrel for me it was a bit of a bargain but this year it's now it just touched $50 a barrel I'm gonna jangle my crystal balls in the underpants of future history on this one and say that oil is going to keep sliding down like a hip-hungry bobsled and by December we will all be waking up to knock on the door and opening it to find a Saudi prince outside with a free barrel of oil saying please take

it and have a tenor for your troubles. John what's your prediction for oil this year? I think it's going to be big in people's engines Andy I think it's going to be big in people's engines, Andy. Right. It's going to be big on people's pelicans. You heard it here first. Russia. Now, Russia, the celebrity nation acted like a proper tool for much of 2014. Has started 2015 in similar form. It is listed in new legislation, apparently, transsexual and transgender people amongst those who will no longer qualify for any guesses.

I know, driving licenses. Driving licenses. Other quotes, mental disorders that can now bar people from driving include fetishism, voyeurism and exhibitionism, which barges from driving, but not evidently from being president. That's a very important legal demarcation. But I guess, John, you know, I might seem a little intolerant to ban people who enjoy fetishism, voyeurism and exhibitionism

from driving. But as the old saying goes, you cannot drive a car on a motorway at 70 miles an hour whilst hog tied to a refrigerator with a dominatrix dressed up as a giant cucumber standing over you screaming who lives in the vegetable box. You cannot possibly hope to negotiate the Moscow rush hour whilst looking through an industrial tell us cope as you drive along through every single window of the nearest block of flats to see if you can spot a hot housewife doing some naked yoga. And you cannot negotiate your way through the ticked tricky switchback mountain roads of the Caucasus. If you're driving along with your plums out of the window shouting,

say hello to the dangly Douglasses. Road safety simply has to come first. And I'm glad Russia has taken a lead on this. You might think that passing this kind of legislation in the state of Russia is in at the moment is classic procrastination tactics, sought out the small stuff to justify ignoring the massive looming deadlines. We've all done it. We've all decided to catalog our socks and arrange our pens and pensables in nib thickness order before filling out that tax return or before going to hospital to have that severed artery checked out by a specialist. Russia, can we deal with a collapsing economy, international Paris status and an absolute arbuckle of political corruption? Now that can all wait. First, let's stop transgender people from driving.

After all, as Putin himself would almost certainly say, if they can't decide if they're a boy or a girl, they're going to have trouble with left and right. Now someone fill me with my shirt off riding a horsey. Oh yeah! So my prediction by the end of the year, John, I think Russia will probably have got a bit over excited after its take-overs of the Crimea and Ukraine and have had a pop up Mexico. I think you could have Russians massing on the board trying to sneak into Texas. What's your prediction for Putin's year this year, John?

Well, it's also about your predictions overall, Thor Andy, that if Russia leads the news in 2015, as much as in 2014, we're all in serious shit. I think that's a very fair point. If the news starts, we begin in Russia. It's not usually for anything good. Britain, of course, we've woken up this year and election fever is once again gripping the nation. May the 7th general election now looming over the British public like a dessert of shit

ice cream on a set menu in a restaurant. We know it's coming and we're just trying our best to enjoy the rat cutter old main cause of the best weekend. It's going to be a fascinating election, John. The relationship between the British electorate and their politicians is roughly equivalent to that between a jam-covered family of picnic and some wasps. They don't want to hear them, they certainly don't want to see them and they definitely don't want to give them their money. All the traditional parties are in a state of somewhere between complete and partial

disintegration. The Conservatives, the dominant coalition partners, have overseen an economic recovery that looks good on paper. If the paper you're reading it on is either the Daily Telegraph or a certificate saying congratulations on being absolutely f**king minted. For most other people, that paper will be best flushed down something. Labour are the hamstrung by a number of problems, not least their leader, their previous leader and the leader before that one. Whilst the Liberal Democrats are currently doing an early shackle ton and getting stuck in the icy Nether regions of the opinion polls for an extremely long time, a touching tribute to the great polar explorer under on the hundredth anniversary

of his significantly longer than planned Antarctica expedition. And into the gaps has come, you Kip, whose leader, Nigel Farage, has been mostly for the last couple of months since he became increasingly prominent prominent been playing a kind of game of political hit the mouse uh... game in which you have to whack a mouse with a hammer when it pops up out of the board uh... and instead of hitting and mice it's shutting up and the lunatic candidates his party has to choose including this week himself as a frankly ill-timed at best and at worst totally horrific comments in the aftermath of the Paris

shootings. There are so many balls in the air, John, and the British public is understandably taking cover. My prediction, I think we could be heading for the first ever 0% turnout in a British general election, and the Queen will rightfully retake absolute power. And I think that will make this nation significantly happier. Oh, Andy, you're starting to sell a lot of Russell brand. I thought that was one of my predictions that you certainly start to resemble Russell's career a little more. Do you still get to vote or has that been correctly stripped away from you since you

have abandoned everything has been all power has been stripped away from me in Britain I've had everything All elements of power has been taken away out of pure spite right because of my me daily to spend more from three weeks outside the country Including the power in your once-mighty left foot by the evidence of that football game And of course the democracy's to be gearing up in America for the 2016 election. This being 2015, there's going to be an absolute welter of of build up action. You excited, John? Well, yeah, although it's it's not so much starting, Andy, is it

never end? Now, the election cycle is a true cycle in America. It's a circle. There is no start-all ends to the whole thing. It just goes round and round and round. I was looking at the odds because I mean, it's not just a significant political event, but more importantly, it's a gambling opportunity as well. The favourites, Hillary Clinton, five to four favourites, Chelsea Clinton, 1500 to one,

maybe four years too soon for Chelsea. And second favourite, Jeb Bush. And I guess John, he kind of thinking, what the world needs right now, is that surname on some very American-headed note paper. So it could be Clinton V Bush again. So like 1992, all over again, which can only mean David Gargettian unnecessarily dropped in the England cricket team again.

But it does seem rather insesstuous now, American politics. And I think, I mean, looking at it, I think America should just be honest with itself, stop digging around and take the monarchy back. Because what American politics has become has basically the British royal family in the 15th century, but without this straightforward decency to actually assassinate each other. Yeah, without the really spectacular costumes as well.

So any potential big movers from outside the favor, it's a Michelle Obama listed at 66 to one with one bookie. 66? That is not long odds. Not, not, not long odds. David Letterman. I mean, that interesting, interesting time. It can't be coincidence. Derek G. just got to be worth a go. Sure, he might split the New York vote. Any plans for yourself, John? I mean, I know you're technically not American.

Where that has, and stop the last guy. You're a great big Muslim. That's, uh, uh, me sure, Andy, I just, I have to attack the Constitution for, you know, there are those in America who think I'd do that on a regular basis. I was reading a, in a text section, they've got new technology that can recreate Abraham Lincoln's brain and use it as an app to run government. that's one potential avenue for America to go down. Let's call that 72 to one. So let's have your early prediction. I mean it's still quite a long time to go.

I can't do it Andy. If I engage in predicting the presidential debate I'm going to throw myself out of the window of my office. Right, I've got a floor, you want? High enough, Andy. Okay, it's okay, probably not worth it then. Anything below four, yeah, give it a go. [♪ BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, RINGS, BELL RINGS, this year in Britain is the 800th anniversary of the publication of the smash hit blockbuster Magna Carta. A bit dry to read these days. It can be basically summed up as a bit about

fishing and how to stop Kings being pricks. Like many things cited as being quintessentially British, it is a covered in layers and layers of historical bullshit and be English. It initially works pretty well. The Magna Carta for about two months before Warbroke out between Naughty King John and his barons, which I think was the working title of your HBO show initially. Absolutely. King John renowned as one of our worst ever kings. Here is a bad, bad review, John. This is from a monk at the time writing in St. Albansans. Black, as is hell, King John's presence there makes it blacker still. Zing, that is one star. Within 10 years, only about a third of the Magna Carta

were still being used, and now there are just three remaining clauses on the statute book, including we will sell to no man, either justice or right. In other words, please, if you're in government, don't vlog off the criminal justice system to a road haulage company. Thank you very much. And the 800th anniversary celebrations will be huge. They just announced a special series of enormous public concerts in which singers such as Coldplay, Adele and Bitsky Snickerdick will sing specially commissioned songs,

explaining the 13th century feudal system and whether or not you'd be allowed to plant a forest where you're standing 0.8 of a millennium ago. So all that to look forward to in 2015, as we say it started, oh, to be honest, John, at this stage, I would take a three out of 10 year.

I think last year was about 1.5. I'm looking for a bit of a bounce back, but I'll take a three out of ten year. I think last year was about 1.5. I'm looking for a bit of a bounce back, but I'll take a three out of ten year this year for the world. Bad start though Andy. Bad, bad start. It's not a grumpy. You've got to hit the first corner well. Well, that is it's for this week's bugle. It's been nice to be back doing the bugle but ideally it's slightly nicer circumstances. Stop being fun hasn't this. No, it's not been fun.

No. Next week Andy, there's always next week. Yes. So if you're listening and you are a terrorist please, grow the f*** up. We'll be back next week. Do check out our SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com, slash the hyphen bugle. Do send your emails into info at thebuglepodcast.com. No further questions. Goodbye. BORN!