The Bugle - Bugle 285 – Where’s Bono?

Episode Date: January 24, 2015

World leaders head to Davos, but the big question has to be asked... where's Bono?You can donate to Michelle's fund here: www.gofundme.com/this-is-michelle Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Hello, we eaglers and welcome to issue 285 of the Bugle Audio newspaper for a visual world

with me and his ultimate live in London. In a new studio this week just around the corner from St Paul's Cathedral, Little Chrissie Rins, Bulwess Big Top for Big Baby Jesus and in New York City USA it's the future head of FIFA himself the British American ambassador to Australia it's John Oliver. Hello Andy, hello viewers, if I cannot run FIFA into the ground and do nobody can. What I'm willing to offer is more competent than it is seen in the past. That is my final and holy offer. That is an extraordinary claim to be able to do that, John. I mean, if you're

a man of many abilities, I don't make it lowly, Andy. I'm not qualified to do that, John. I think I will harm the institution, but I know that's not enough, because stepbrat can already take me on that. I know I need to get more incompetent, faster and harder, but I'll say I think I can do it. Right, I mean I can't see how you will do that other than filling the fee for building with livestock and slaughtering them over with your bare hands. Well I'm not, I'm liberty to say whether that is or is not my platform. I will say that I have 300,000 pigs. I'm ready to challenge. Tragic news is Saudi Arabia.

I just came in yesterday. Of course, people were. Saudi King Abdullah passed away at 19, or 91, or 92, or 93. No one's sure exactly when he was born, or whether he was a spectacular hologram all these years. But the new Saudi King is going to be a brief is half brother there was 79 years old so it's good to see they're getting some fresh blood in there. Well I was just marinos taken at the moment otherwise I think they'd have gone for him.

Also bladder if I push him out. I don't think even the Saudis would know of ethical bar to allow that to him. So we are, as I said, recording just around the corner from St Paul's Cathedral. And just across the road from St. Bart's hospital, well, he's the old, the old bit of it, where? Chris, the producer has just told us. Go the bar!

So he was born. So when was that what thirty five years ago nineteen seventy nine yeah did you want to refute your service now can you tell me Chris uh... because I was born nowhere near the vicinity of a cathedral uh... in uh... in hammersmith john were you born anywhere near a major cathedral no no and the odds were in Birmingham uh... very much you know when you have we know we have no cathedrals in it,

because it's 100% Muslim. It's just a lot of mosques. Yeah. The whole city is just a living, breathing mosque now. As it was then, and always has been and always will be. Chris, do you feel that you're more godly as a result of just being born there? One of the Lord's properties. I've got, of course.

Yeah. I feel blessed. Do you think, I mean, is that manifest itself in your bizarre obsession with triathlons? It has, it's always been about the Holy Trinity. Right. Well, there you go. What was the Holy Trinity except for, you know, a really intense triathlon? LAUGHTER

Who is which bit? Are Jesus was on the bike for me? Yes. Hence the term Christ on a bike. You know what? I can't remember what the other two parts are only for the T.R. right now. I'll do it.

Amen. Well, it's a team game, isn't it? You don't see individuals just working terrifically as a combination. Well, Barcelona's midfield. That's from a few years ago. Otherwise, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, audio beauty tips turn to Minute 53 of this audio newspaper

for advice on how to make yourself sound more beautiful, including reviews of all the latest audio beauty technology, including Perky Bross, Larynx Symbols, turn your coughs into dramatic clangs, Snirlitz's Leg organs affix these high quality organ pipes to your thighs and calves when you go jogging and as you run and the air flows through the pipes enjoy soothing harmonies reminiscent of a very enjoyable church funeral and remember the fast-eat-run the funky at the funeral or so the Sonuki harmonica-shan modeled on the classic woopy cushion but fitted with a

small harmonica so that when the classic woopy cushion but fitted with a small harmonica. So that when you sit down, your companions rather than suffering the self-slapping misery of fake flatulence can enjoy a sweet little blest of the blues from the makers of the Hammond snooze of home which transordinates your nighttime snoring into a loud brosy pop. And to that, to that mundane voice of yours, with the new noise-cancelling, sex-simple personal mini-amp, mind-schnisel-v-alterizer. Simply a fix the specially devised audio mask around the lower part of your face, and the voice-alterizer will translate your humdrum tones

or embarrassing regional twang into the voice of one of the sexiest sounding celebrities in history, with a choice for women of Monroe, Bardow, Emberg, Orbright, Thatcher, or Gargar, and for men, Clooney, Nicholson, Benno or Zulteman. Also we look at the latest Blinken Klink with all new eyelash bells. Ladies be literally as bold as brass with a boob tubeer with underquire and for those big nights out the puke-alayly that section in the bin. so I'm sorry this week give me a D give me a day give me a V give me an oh give me an S What have you got a collection of billionaires in a swiss-fucking-ski result of some reason check your Rolex? It's Davos time

And the it's January it's the star of the year There are gigantic economic problems in both the developed and the developing world year. There are gigantic economic problems in both the developed and the developing world. Once again, it's time for the tiny twist-town of Davos to step the f*** up and saw things the f*** out. Those juggling, cheese-chomping, multilingual, fondue-stirring, naughty, sympathizing, maniacs. You cannot help me, but try to help the rest of us on a once-a-year convention-staging basis. Now Now to be fair the annual World Economic Forum in Davos can actually do a lot of good as long as that good is restricted to the January balance sheet of high-end hotels in the Davos area.

The summit has been running since 1971 when 400 business leaders were invited to Davos to discuss things and eat things and slide down things with the things they were invited to slide down being mostly, but not entirely mountains, not entirely. The guest list for Davos is a who's who of people who were used to find yourself in a room with them would make you think think what the f*** am I doing in here? Everyone from the head of JP Morgan Chase to Jamie Dyeron to the Prime Minister of Greece to gigantic hedge fund managers to Tony Blair to Bono because of course Bono was head on the of course he was f***ing there he is at all of these things. He did every world meeting for everything nowadays.

So much so. It's going to your point when it's starting to seem weird when he is not somewhere. When you look at the photo of the G20 world leaders standing together in a summit, you can't help but find your own thinking, hold on, where the f*** is brought on. For godly going, oh no, no worry, there he is, he's standing next to the prime minister of Italy wearing those stupid fucking glasses. Because what's concerning, I've got a serious accident recently, and I was some concern that the edge might have to go to Davos this year. That's when you know the world's in real trouble.

But maybe get a breath of fresh air, would help, bringing me the edge or maybe Larry Mullin. We're just going and just sort of drumsticks. Tony Blair was there. He appeared on a panel entitled Religion, a pretext for conflict question mark. Which must have been a pretty f***ing short discussion. Yes, next question please. People have been using religion as a pretext for doing some strikingly unreligious things

since before the beginning of time, probably even since before the one true Lord invented the earth in 4,04 BC. And if you disagree with that timeline, I'll f***ing punch your lights out. Wars have been fought so over time for believing in the wrong gods or more often the wrong version of the right God,

that really seems to warn people up or believing in no god or too many gods or believing in the right version of the right god but not believing in him quite f***ing hard enough or her or it but usually probably him. Audience member Henning Zierock, president of the Culture of Peace Society, nice idea, bit of ground to make up, told Blair, I think you have a great responsibility for the conflicts we have now to which Blair blushed demurally and said, well, thank you very much, it's lovely to say to you, but I really want to take all the credit, a lot of people put in a lot of work to start and

perpetuate this cycle of conflicts, I really, this compliment, it's not just for me, it's for everyone who works together for this as well, I'd like to thank my family, my Labour Party, my Parliament, myself, and of course my friend, Confident, tennis buddy and double-act partner, God, without whose help none of this would have been possible. The problem with Davos is not so much the content because there isn't really any. It's a gigantic networking opportunity, whilst grading re-humanitarian summit. So, in the 60 year throw every year, is the optics of this whole shaboggle, because the whole of Davos has more than a whiff of Bond villain laugh. And most of the photographs that come out of the

many opulent parties that CEO's attend to hobnob with politicians, printers and billionaires, look so ridiculously overblown the you are half expecting backman to burst through a graph feeling just up punching people in the but but a lot of talk at davos about how to alleviate poverty but that is a little hard to swallow from those particular people

and that particular place at that particular moment because if they are the solution for poverty there are these partially the f***ing cause of it so well there are so many jarring juxtaposition positions there every year and this year has been no different uh... there are the depressingly few talk christ for awareness such as the one hundred ninety three-year-old men this year

with national flags tied around their necks attempting to highlight how important it is for the world's richest people to do more about poverty growing inequality and climate change and to the honest and the most honest and intellectually consistent response many of the wealthy attendee to Davos could have to those snowmen would be too I sit back in a leather chair and watch those snowmen melt to the ground while chewing on a lobster and laugh. B, you and A come to the side of those snowmen while chewing on a lobster and laughing, or C, both A and B together. Well, D, just let them melt. So all that's left is the little bits of coal, the where it's buttons, a little satire on humanities over a lens on fossil fuels.

If that niche is winner of the awards for breathtaking lack of self awareness, would US real estate magnate Jeff Green, a man who is worth over $2 billion, and who apparently flew to Davos on a private jet with his wife, kids and two nannies to go to a speech where he warned Americans that they need to live with less to help the economy. Blueburg News, close to the video today, and saying, Americans lifestyle expectations are far too high and need to be adjusted, so we have less things and a smaller, better existence. We need to reinvent our whole system of life.

And here's the thing Andy, he's not entirely wrong about that. And he's not even a terrible man, he's joined a Buffett initiative to give away most of his money before he dies. But there's a time and a place to deliver a message like that Andy, and the world's economic forum in Davos is neither of them. There's been quite a lot of publicity over the report that's from Oxfam, that's suggested that the richest 1% of the world will earn more than the remaining 99% put together within just a few years. But whenever there's a sort of complaint about this and suggesting that maybe the super world he should give more, often people are accused of the politics

of envy. I'm not sure if the politics of envy, and I think it's more just the politics of basic politeness, not quite hoarding so much of the world's resources for yourself. And it reminds me very much of a birthday party I went to a few years ago with 15 other people. And there was a cake sliced into 10 slices. Now Fat Allen, who had invited himself to the party and just marched in, helped himself

to nine of those 10 slices of a cake. I complained to him and said, Alan, that's not fair. And he replied, I said, Alan, that's not fair, you're having almost all the cake and he replied, don't be jealous Andy, I said, Alan, you fat prick, there's hardly anything left for everyone else. He replied, there wasn't enough to go around anyway. Well, ten of us could have had a slight, slight seat said someone else. Well, Alan replied that leaves me eight slices down. How is that fair? OK, big man, I said.

But there was enough that you could have had four slices, someone else could have had two, three people could have had one each, and the other ten could at least have had just a little nibble to see what it was like. I don't see your point replied, Alan. I've got nine fucking slices. That is way more than the four slices you are now offering me. Yeah, I see that, but it's still not fair, Alan. He replied it's fairer than no one having any cake. I said that wasn't a choice. He said, wasn't it Trotsky? Tell you what,

I'll vomit two of the slices back up onto the plate and then you can all have a bit. It's no one up for that. You are ungrateful little shit. Besides, I paid for the cake. No, you didn't Alan I replied. We all chipped in with a pound each apart from you. It cost 14 pounds. Here you go. He said, here's eight pounds, I've now paid for the cake, and you owe me six pounds change. I thought I'd hang on eight plus six is 14, that must be hang on. He said, I'll let you off two pounds of the change,

if you let me have the last slice of cake, do we have a deal? I said, where is the last slice of cake? And he said, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, very reminiscent of that for me, John. It is this chilling new research, was released with an excellent sense of timing by anti-poverty charity Oxfam, who are coincided with Davos pointing out to reiterated the wealthiest 1% of the world will soon own more than the entire rest of the world's population puts together.

And they say that they expect the wealthiest 1% to own more than 50% of the world's wealth by 2016. And at that point, presumably, the wealthiest people will celebrate by urinating on a completely melted snowman. The director of Oxfam actually co-chaired Davos this year and stated beforehand that she wanted to use her role at the forum to demand immediate action to narrow the wealth gap, saying,

business as usual for the elite is not a cost-free option. So the attack will in equality will set the fight against poverty back decades and that's clearly true but for many extremely wealthy people the cost is not going to be felt either financially or emotionally because for them to feel a cost they would need to be invested somehow in poor people rather than seeing them as an occasionally unwanted jet ski of structure. What was that thought? I think I may have just hit one of them Jeremy. God, I hope that was a dolphin. Fingers crossed. Wack it with your foot. Will you? Well, in response to that comment, the world's elite did reply, reply. Oxfam has always used Davos to pin depressing reports to this week. You can actually track developments over the years. Last year, Oxfam made headlines when they revealed

that the richest 85 people on the planet have the same wealth of the poorest 50%. Luckily, there has been a bit of a development on that number. Unlocally, it is in the wrong direction because it is now the 18 richest people that have a social wealth of the poorest 50%. And you really have to feel for the five people who fell off that list, Andy, at the top, not the 3.5 billion people who remain at the bottom. But I mean, there's two sides to every coin, John. It's also true that the 3.5 billion spiritually richest people in the world are as spiritually rich as the, that sentence is going nowhere. I think there's possibly a joke in there somewhere, but it definitely

did not come out there. Come, I'll work on it for the next month. The barrier of entry to Davos alone is interesting. To get two Davos, you need to be one of two things, either a professional henchman or a re-riot inducingly rich. I just have the opportunity to be invited to Davos. First, you have to be personally invited to become a member of the World Economic Forum, a Swiss non-profit organisation. And I'm not sure that any combination of words sets off more alarm bells in my mind

than Swiss non-profit organization. It literally feels a bit of a room has just gone slightly colder whenever those words are uttered out loud. In fact, if you ask a Swiss non-profit organization three times out loud, it's automatically punctuated by a clap of thunder. Once you've been invited to become a member of the World Economic Forum you then have to choose from several levels of membership now you would think that those three levels would be douche, power douche and sociopath. You'd actually be wrong because the New York Times revealed back in

2011 the cost of attendance and it worked out like this the basic level of membership to the world economic forum will get you an invitation to purchase a single ticket to Davos no plus one and that membership alone will cost you $52,000 the tickets itself cost $19,000 plus tax but I'm guessing that if you that rich you're not really paying any tax on your income so you're sure as shit not going to be paying tax on a f**king ticket. Now, this makes it to get in for the first time you're going to be shelling out $71,000. And that's at the lowest level. The industry associate level would cost you $156,000 all in. And at that point, you might as well just bump yourself up to the strategic partner

level, which apparently will cost you $527,000. That is the annual membership which in total is used to up to five into invitations all of which you will still have to pay for at $90,000 a month, bringing you to a total of $622,000. At that point Andy, Bono and Betty fucking be there. I think that it will be shipping in the corner of the breakfast buffet, like where the streets have no name and giving out free head massaging. I think you do get a free sports hold-all with the top level membership, though.

OK, well, that kind of offsets. Everyone loves a hold-all. I've always tried to have free things. There are a number of issues on the agenda. The oil crisis, the glowed plunging oil costs, oil prices have, of course, been plunging like a French coffee addict. The current slump is good news, John, because it means that the fuel in my car is cheaper. But it could be leading to a catastrophic rise over the next few years to up to $150 a barrel,

which will be bad, because that means the fuel in my car will be much more expensive. That is the only possible terms we in Britain can understand. The oil crisis according to our news coverage and the euro zone as well which of course has been flagging like Leo Tolstoy at the live semifore addition of war and peace. And there's been some massive quantitative easing announced, John. $60 billion a month worth of quantitative easing, as Europe tries to stimulate it, it's apparently dead flesh by throwing not really good money after bad, because it's already throwing the good money after the bad. And now it's throwing in pretend money after both the good money and the bad money to see if you can break up the fight that broke out between them. DaVos fact box.

DaVos was in fact named after the person who founded it, an Australian explorer who stumbled upon a cow shed during a blizzard whilst backpacking through the Alps in the 13th century. He claimed it as his own, slumped in the corner drunk, and never left a settlement that evolved around it. It's been known ever since, as Davos. Davos was once the self-styled coat-dozer of coughing up blood. It became the must-be-heard coughing venue of choice for the 19th century celebrity

tuberculosis sufferer, Robert Louis Stevenson, the famous Scottish writer, author of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde, a savage critique on the relative merits of private and public health care provision, went to Davos to splutter his guts out in 1880. But he didn't do many good. He died 14 years later. Davos has a special place in the heart of English sports fans because it was there that England became European champions for the only time. Did you know that Chris? No. The England became European champions for the only time. Did you know that Chris? In 1913, in the little known sports of Bandy, which is basically giant outdoor ice hockey, was still that's the only time the European champions

have been ever been held 102 years ago, because we are still unbeatable at the sport that no one in this country has ever heard of. Davos is in a mountain valley, that's a fact, but if it were on desert plain, it'll be a very different place with fewer skiers and no annual meeting of the minted. According to the census in the year 2000,

there were eight Jews in Davos. Most of them probably looking around the local art gallery thinking, yeah, that's probably one of ours. I reckon that is definitely one of ours. And here's a final fact about Davos. The birdie song, also known as the chicken dance, was composed by an accordion player called Werner from Davos. Do you know that John?

Can we have a little blast of Eucharist? Is that available with, you've got it? The dance which involves making a chicken beak shape with your hands, flapping imaginary chicken wings, waggling a pretend chicken tail and spinning around in some form of ironic flight is now seen by most economists. As a brutal critique on the heartless spiritual void at the core of global capitalism, the chicken representing the battery-formed mass of humanity placed at big businesses mercy, able to be only a parodic version of itself without its prime function, laying any eggs. And that is your dowos, fact box.

Bugle appeal updates and last week we launched an appeal to raise money for cancer treatment for my daughter's friend Michelle who needs some sort of pioneering immunotherapy treatment at the children's hospital of Philadelphia. Butuglers, I cannot thank you enough for your frankly heroic response to this. We've in just the first week raised more than 37,000 pounds from almost 1,800 different donors. You've been frankly spectacularly generous. And thanks for all your contributions and the kind comments you've left on the page.

For those of you who still want to donate, the page is www.gofundme.com slash this hyphen is hyphen Michelle. And I'm hoping that by next week we'll have an update on when she might be able to start the treatment. But yeah, thank you so much for all those who've given and do. If you can continue to contribute to this, it could make a a massive difference to Michelle and her family. The page again on the Google website now. Nice one. Sports news now, an American sport has been rocked to its very core in a build up to the Superbowl

by deflate gate. Probably the biggest scandal ever to hit America. I think this puts Watergate very much back in the software it belongs. There have been allegations that the New England Patriots may have deliberately deflated balls in their championship player against the Indianapolis Colts. I've used the right terminology there. Championship player, this sounds about right. Which they won by a massive margin, I think, 45-7. Turns out 11 of the 12 balls they used were deflated beyond legal limits. John, how is America reacting to probably the biggest scar in its ethical history?

Well, a little like, you know, we reacted to the Wall Street meltdown in 2008, Andy. Yeah, it's incredibly annoying, but you kind of assume that we're absolutely going to shit anyway and I guess the chickens finally come home to roost. The patriots Andy are not the most ethically pristine organisation. They have been involved in this kind of petty shit before and they'll be involved in this kind of petty shit before and they'll be involved in this kind of petty shit again. Well, it does turn out that the the Patriots did show their patriotism to cheeky underhand tactics

land by supposedly deflating these walls. It made them easier for ace quarterback Tom Brady to throw, but of course this has been an issue in top level football for a long time, John. Really ever since the Denver drill bits used homing pigeons inside balls in a match in 1927 that of course in the game with a nantucket goblers. Later on, of course, those were the famous controversy. When the notoriously hard-nosed Texas lettuces gained a shock victory over the mighty Los Angeles lungs, by making them use balls which transpired to be severed dog's heads coated with soap and then painted to look like normal footballs using icing sugar and food coloring. Plus today's further allegations against the Patriots that the not particularly crucial sixth touchdown was used was scored using a drone, not a football. So I mean what are the likely punishments for the Patriots after this shocking breach of

inflation regulations? Something akin to a slap on the wrist that is closer to a stroke on the wrist. regulations. Something akin to a slap on the wrist that is closer to a stroke on the wrist. Okay, I heard that it's possible that if found guilty, they will not be allowed to listen to the half-time show at the Super Bowl, which I'm going to say never ever get away. It's Tom Brady and Bill Bellicek, and he never get away with a level of punishment that harsh. It's a shock, because it's a big gig. Katie Perry actually. Well, it was Katie Perry. She's unfortunately had to step out because she's busy. She's been replaced by ace classical pianist, Daniel Barron-Boym, who's going to be tinkling out on this classic hits,

raising, ranging from Beethoven's a passion artist, Sonata, to Bobo Blackcheap, have you any wool? To Schubert's piano, minuet, number 34, f*** this shit, to his own solo version of the Boney M hit, hooray hooray, it's a holly holly day. Other possible munitions for the Boston based franchise include a $500 million fine to be paid in weekly installments of $10 in coins

over the next one million years. They might be forced to play the Super Bowl in nothing but speedo, something trunks and tutus or they could have to play the whole of the 2015 season using an 18th century lead cannonball instead of a conventional football. And I mean a lot of people appointed the finger at Brady, John, and it is true, he wrote in his autobiography, I believe that he's always found squidgey of balls easier to hurt and scurrying up in his uncle Wendell's tropical juice factory, where young Tom was paid to tenderize already over at mangoes, papais and Spanish melon by hurling thevoid fruit as hard as possible into the juicing vats at the far end of the

factory thus saving Uncle Wendell. The three dollars a year in wear and tail on the upkeep of the juicing grinders. So if you're not sure how this story pans out. Your emails now and we have an email here from Samy who says dearle, I'm not right this, I'm currently stranded in the car, bogged in soft sand in the Australian desert, this is the Bugle 250 on a loop, because of some reason I would be out of the soundfrog present on my tablet computer. Wow, you are describing a nightmare. But by the time you get this message, either we will have done ourselves free or we will be dead. And whoever finds this car and my friends and my corpses will have followed the final instructions I fully intend to leave and serve as an email on Tees the Gardener.

I hope you and other people who can enjoy joy from the image of two young women addressing the Australian death and breaking in the summer sun with no sounds for the ruffling breeze, rubbing of insects and bugle 250, drifting across the waist. Oh, yeah. When the day has I lived, enjoying the highest grade of quality, refined bullshit. Also, I find the haunt one or both of you, Sammy.

Now, for a start, before we get to the epilogue here, one or both, if you're haunting both, that's a lot of commuting for a ghost attack. You're going to have to fly across the Atlantic. You have to ghost fly. Right. You have to, at a lot of air miles, you have to put in as a spirit. And you can have to dodge all those very stroppy, Titanic passengers as well, because they really show things up. It's one of the states side of the Atlantic.

Luckily, she says, P.S. we did not die before the desert claimed us some lovely Polish tourists came along with a winch. You can remain unhaunted unless there are some hockies from history runners-up or her rubs or runners-up or the grudge. Apparently the bugle also serves as adequate snake repellent. It does. And that is not said enough. All right, I mean it's not as good an email now that we know that it all ended up for all right. And I guess that's probably one of the very few occasions in which you're probably pleased to see Polish people turn up with a winch, otherwise it's a might look a little bit threatening.

But the broader point there is that the vehicle is repugnant to snake and that's worth knowing. If you ever find yourself needing to throw an iPod to earbuds at a snake, it's about to attack you. Just crank yourself. That's basically how some Patrick got the snakes out of Ireland, nothing was it, just by the power of ship. That bugle 250, I'm just having a look, see if that was a... A barmer, no one is mad at an abama. Right. I wonder if you can either play a clip of that and see what it will be like to die to that.

Could maybe just have a little... I think Andy, on my end I feel like that would haisen your death. It's like when they put the spear in Jesus' side as an act of mercy, you just think you're welcome to make a blivian at that point. I thought it was acupuncture. So let's see, buglers, now you can all imagine passing away in the middle of a deserts to these dulcet sounds. But the president, at least claims he didn't know anything about it.

Now that seems bad. Your time matters. He lost every possible way he could explain it. It's bad if he signed off on it. It's important. And it's also bad if he didn't sign off on it. And it's now being... A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Now this email came in from Tyler in Indiana. Did Andy John and Chris in decreasing already the amount of blame to be assigned to the

decimation of my relationship? The decimation just means that it's lost 10% technically. So unless you had 10 wise and you've had to kill one of them. Anyway, let's not go into that. My now ex-girlfriend of more than a year, Rice Tyler, came home the other night very upset. When I asked her how her day was, she responded that she had quotes, had a foul day.

I resisted the impulse, further inquiring into the course of her day. Oh, no, no. I inquired, asked about her co-workers. She stated that they had all had foul days as well. But now I could not resist Rice Tyler. I interjected to clarify, I asked her to ensure that her co-workers were not running around, ruining her day whilst dressed

in chicken costumes, for that would be a foul day indeed. My memory of the events of the next 20 minutes are a haze, Rhyse Tyler, but I do distinctly remember asking how recently she had hatched the idea of breaking up with me. I also distinctly remember that it was in that instant that she made the decision to break up finally and irretrievably with me. And now because of my love of your bullshit podcast, I'm serving my punnishment as a single bugle listener, sincerely, Tyler from Indiana were, I would say that any relationship needs to be tested. It's like a stress test. You have to take it to the brink using the power of a pun. And if it survives it, it will survive literally anything

as evidenced by the fact that I am still now with my wife and I've been together with her for nearly two decades, and she could be doing a f*** of a lot better. So I think you have to put your relationship through that, Tyler. And I don't know, maybe we should set up some kind of bugle dating site. No, no, no.

Pumphetish is good. We've been there with the dating. Anyway, yeah, better off without a Tyler. So, do keep your emails coming into info at thebuglepodcast.com. Don't forget to check out our soundCloudPaysSanCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle, the webpage again for Michelle's appeal is gofundme.com slash this hyphen is hyphen Michelle. I can also announce some gig dates. I'm shortly heading to the wrong hemisphere

to watch and write about the cricket World Cup in Australia and New Zealand and I am doing shows in the following great conurbations of the Southern Hemisphere. Christchurch on the 20th of February and Auckland on the 24th then in Australia Saturday 21st of March in Adelaide, the 25th of March in Sydney and the 28th of March in Melbourne. So do come along to all of those shows if you live in that part of the world. I will see you all there, the tickets. I'll tweet a link to the ticket website or just look up Live Nation and Andy's Ultraman on the internet and you will find everything that you need to know of that. I'll phrase that really badly. Ruthless self-promotion for 15 years in showbiz. We'll be back next week with Bugle 200 and 86 until then if you're listening in Davos

do enjoy the skiing. If not, enjoy watching some very wealthy people ski. Goodbye. Bye.