The Bugle - Bugle 286 – Greekonomics

Episode Date: January 30, 2015

Greece elects a new leader and Europe freaks out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. Hello, Bueglos and welcome to issue 286 of the world's only and longest running audio

newspaper for a visual world with me and his ultimate life once again within suspiciously easy divine punishment range of the almighty Lord's London HQ and Paul's Cathedral and joining me from the Wolden worshipping city of New York it's the mint of Muth who freshens the infertile breath of politics it's John Oliver Hello Andy, how are you? Well, and he's been something of a mostly fraught week here in New York on Monday night we will promise and he'sstorm. A shut down snowstorm. Somewhere the

projections were saying that 20 inches of snow might fall down on the city in 24 hours bringing everything to a standstill. The subway was shut. Cars were curfewed off the roads by 11 p.m. People prepared for a disaster. However, Andy, waking up the next morning. It turned out the storm really clicked New York and hit Boston instead there were a few inches of snow on the ground and a lot of king angry New Yorkers looking at it with a disgusted look on their face because if you promise New Yorkers and apocalypse Andy you better fucking deliver on an apocalypse never has a city been so furious that

something terrible did not happen to it not not even the fact that Boston was miserable could make New York happy it was just water wall people complaining where is my life threatening snow where is it I should be dead by now why am I here there were I was in Norway last weekend and there was a story on a Norwegian news website. There was some town, so up in the north of Norway, which is not renowned for its warm and tropical winter weather. And there have been a lot of complaints about, from people about the effect of snow on

local transport and the local police chief just came out and said, I would encourage everyone to remember that they live in norway i i mean that's a pretty good argument you know people just kind of look down at norwegian boots and same yeah it doesn't feel good for him to be right but he is right nonetheless

we can come down here in america and because of course america to become to our bill america for a day this time they it is super bowl sunday uh... the day of the year that america perfect itself it's going to be the Seattle seagorks i think the new government patriot tonight the one will be rooting for the apple andy not so much because i want to have to win

as because i want tom Brady, the Patriots quarterback, to lose, actively rooting against one individual player. I'll tell you why, Andy, because it will be good for him to have something go wrong in his life. Ridiculously attractive for strikingly talented, and things we involved in the healthy marriage with the supermodel, and he's clearly going to age well as well, Andy.

His face is clearly going to age like a friend's cheese. It's going to just become more sexually potent and dusty. I feel like I've spectacular defeat with Giffith's life texture. Especially if the defeat is all his fault. So that's why I'm rooting for Andy. I'm rooting for that for him, for his own good. It will be a gift for him to be humiliated during that game. Look around at the rest of his life and appreciate his abyss ingol. for him for his uncle's it'll be a gift for him to be humiliated during that game Look around the rest of his life and appreciate his abit Bad Omen for Seattle though. I used to have a Seattle sea hawks hat and I left it on a train so you can Oh boy, that was a damn warm hat and I don hat and I can read into that what he wants sports fans.

I've been enjoying the build up from Martian Lynch. It's brilliant. For those people that are Martian Lynch is an enigmatic and very impressive scandal running back and he has basically been engaging in a kind of campaign of silence with the water voters and he's driving them absolutely crazy. If I make it, he did press conferences where his only replies were, I'm just here so I don't get fined and then this next one, you know why I'm here. I mean the second one did possibly suggest that he might be the long awaited Messiah. That's the thing, it's so enigmatic that it does really give you food to thought.

It's almost like, no, I'm sure there are French philosophers looking at Marchion Lynch's first columnist, why are any of us here? Why is Marchion here? Why do we speak? Why is there life? He's posing many questions, which is important for us to try and answer. Yeah, that's very much the Aristotle of the 21st century, but a faster runner. I'm recording in that studio near St Paul's again, on a street called Cock Lane. I believe the bugle may have found it spiritual home. And it's quite fascinating little street. It was the site of the famous Cock Lane Ghost,

which was an alleged haunting that took place in the 1760s by a ghost named, wait for it, scratching Fanny. Now, I just love the internet, sometimes facts are even better than bullshit. When scratching Fanny was alive, she had a servant called Carrots, the story gets better and better, and the her supposed ghostly existence led to sayons is attended by amongst others the Duke of York, who was the brother of the f***ing king. Went to a sayonce, that was a proper monarchy. Not like today's half-ast bullshit.

It turned out that this ghost was in fact a hoax perpetrated by the landlord of the property in Cochland and his young daughter just scratching on the wall. After an investigation featuring none other than the dictionary writing lexacography celebrity Samuel Johnson. It's truly extraordinary little piece of history though. I'd never come across before. The Cochland Ghost Ring leader was sentenced to be pilloried. So, basically, he put his head and arms in a sort of lock device and people can taunt you and throw fruit at you. But apparently, the public took Pizionim and just gave him money as if he was some odd kind of street artist.

So, that's, I hope, the vibes of that extraordinary story will infect this podcast. As always the section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week your vegetable problems. You can write into our vegetable agony ants with questions such as, I think my lettuce is depressed, how can I cheer it up? My vegetable patch has been haunted by the ghosts of last year's dead carrots. Am I, but oddly, I wrote that before finding out about the Coch Street story. Yet it involved both ghosts and carrots. I think there might be something supernatural at work here. Also, we teach you some intermediate level

potato massaging techniques and if your beet truce won't germinate we give you some special tips to make them feel a little bit more sexy. That section in the bin. sorry this week only i'll say is give the chance now and the the cliques may have invented the policy but clearly over the last decade the teachers

tantalizingly close to destroying it the cliques people have been forced to endure cripple stony measures after watching their economy employed in 2008 and in pro-dick did and in pro-d it did Andy it crumbled like a Greek column in fact the Greek Greek economy Andy was very much like the Acropolis once great but now nearly gone because no one was

playing enough attention to it but the Acropolis will be standing today Andy that's an important point to make the covers will be standing today if the British have had the foresight to steal it before we stole all their marvels. So they're not stole by their marvels. So they're not borrowed, they're liberated their marvels. So they're not liberated, stole their marvels. Yes, that's right there. Well, last week Greeks went to the polls for an election with the eyes of the world upon them. And if not the world, then certainly the eyes of the rest of Europe Europe because the EU was pretty heavily invested in the outcome of this election and not just emotionally, financially.

Greece is currently in debt to the tune of 270 billion to the EU and the IMF alone. So Europe literally had a financial stake in whatever the result was. And the choices were between a new democratic party widely on popular and held responsible for the austerity measures some new parties on the block and of course greets is purifying nationalist golden dawn party a party with local looks to quote one of their members pretty like a swastika

if something looks pretty like a swastika and i think you can say it looks a lot more like a swastika than anyone should be comfortable with yeah i was wondering if there's a comma in that phrase pretty like a swastika would make it worse that might have been the problem and just to give you a sense of how frustrated the Greek electorate were in

the run up to the vote this is one of my favorite passengers from the news this week a journalist went to greet the individual people in the run up to the vote this is one of my favorite passengers from the news this week a journalist went to greet the individual people in a cafe and wrote amidst the dense cigarette smoke one eighty two year old man slammed his hands down next to his nest cafe and back up and board until we he would never vote again

for anyone because he didn't believe in anything anymore wow that's what he can do I mean that man may have just lost a game of fat camo. I thought if all he did does actually go deeper than that. Yes the photos of Greece have given a resounding oh f*** this to the years of austerity. I f*** this to the reordination of ordinary people's lives and livelihoods. This to the rampant corruption tax evasion and asset stripping of their nation and a f*** you to both frowline frugal, Angela Merkel and the troika of the EU, the IMF and the European

Central Bank that have essentially parented the Greek economy in recent years or bit of the kind of parenting you might have got in a 19th century at the wrong end of a very big stick and an angry dad. The new government has come in and down great of those s*** used to screw you, as it begins the process of renegotiating various aspects, including the length of the nail with which the great financial powers of Europe keep Greece's bulls firmly attached to their coffee table. Now it's quite exciting this in a lot of ways. I've got a real soft spot for Greece John because well I loved organized sports, which Greece sort of basically started. I like comedy. I'm

partial to the occasional blockbusting war epic. Thanks again to Greece for those. It doesn't stop there. I quite enjoy just lounging around, thinking about stuff, preferably with my junky out. Another tip of the hat to Greece for inventing that as a hobby and I really really love sacrificing her to have auctioned to appease the vengeful gods but most of all we just absolutely love voting and so it's them it it is as you say the the home of democracy has taken a pounding recently and as soon as this this I guess it was a hopeful election result from the point of view of the people who've had a tough time recently. Then the reactions against it began, the stock markets sank and they were concerns that

really the new government would be putting the eeeeeek into economics, it was described as a significant risk which could lead to instability and economic disaster, which I guess is roughly equivalent to Captain Scott saying to Oats, well you know in going outside of this time of year you might get a little bit chilly. Well it turned out in this marathon of democracy that, or that's another thing I invented. I turned out that in this election the winner was the relatively new left-wing party Suritor who won with 36% of the vote on a platform of ditching austerity and really go shading the EU bailout.

I think it's safe to say, Andy, that that was not what the EU and the IMF were particularly looking for in the result. So Greece's new prime minister, Alexis Sipra, who gave an impassioned victory speech in Athens on Sunday night, he spoke of wanting to restore Greece to its former glory. Although to be fair, that's one hell of a restoration project. You're not going back a decade in that case, you're going back centuries. And if that's really what he wanted, he shouldn't have delivered that speech in a suit,

he should have delivered it in a fucking tow-gatherer, holding a flack and a wine and demanding that everyone in Greece should now be naked for 80% of the day and home a sexual for at least half of it. to John, Togas, that's very much a Roman Roman, I don't know, I came out from my four years studying and PhD, PhD about three facts, one of them was a toga, he's definitely Roman, not Greek. And the other is that the ancient Greeks had a punishment for adultery, which involved shoving a large rooted radish up the backside of the guilty man. That's something. Right, so naked, so naked, then, they were probably just naked for Greeks. They didn't even develop the wraparound sheet yet. The Greeks are on but i had to develop a radish of the old make it and walked out completely pollock make it

it's your choice of the case and what he said make it which is our people have a right to join celebration for five years they've taken both away from us and the cloud with wild and he that was a real drop the right comm moment or I get in Greece, a real smash for plane pilots. You should have done that. You should have got the enemy speech completely naked, smash the plane on the floor and then everything is going to be fine. Before someone whizzed with it and he said, I think that's a massive structural problem

in this nation. I might have overstated the potential. To be fair, Spirors does seem to be different from either the breathtakingly corrupt or the mind-numbering bureaucratic politicians over the last 20 years. In Greece, he's applying those his rhetorical skills, his dislike of neckties, and his youth for looks. And I think about the time for politicians to accept, the bigger political renegade has to be about more than just the absence of a necktie

it's in the across the world there is nothing presented as more rebellious by the politician the not wearing a tie and potentially having their sleeves rolled up that's as close as they're willing to get to start a real and again and if he was really level he'd be naked or in a toll-grathy was wrong when i was naked i'm sorry i hate to have all about it and he but if he was naked he'd be naked, or in a toll-gurphy was wrong when I was around. I hate to have one of those here, Andy, but if he was naked,

he'd be looking at a genuinely transformational Greek figure right there. Just a matter of time. Maybe that's two biggest step on his first weekend office. I think give it a month, he will be oiled up and probably wrestling Angela Merkel live on Greek television. His new finance minister, Janis Varoufakis, and probably wrestling Angela Merkel live on Greek television. His new finance minister Janis Varoufakis said the day off the election, what really matters is that we now sit down and discuss away

in which the haircut to our debt is minimized. Now, this guy speaks my language, but also you have to ask what happens after you cut your hair? Well for a start it grows back and for a second start you get mercilessly teased by people who haven't recently had their hair cut. So either way I cannot see this ending well for Greece. As already achieved a great deal just by the dint of being elected to be fair but now he has inherited one of the hardest jobs on the planet because it is hard to

overstate just how serious Greece's financial problems are when you can paint on a platform of writing off a hefty chunk of debt that already sounds difficult the one that debt is one hundred and seventy five percent of your country's entire gdp you're biting the way of a pretty sizable soo vlaki of a challenge and you only need to look at the general reaction around the e.u. to see just how sizable that soo vlaki is in germany which is the country uh... that holds the most great that the tabloid newspaper bills wrote greek elects a euro monster how many billions is this going to cost us ok first thing is Germany prompt the brakes on the fear of a young charismatic leader

posing a threat to Europe you are a fair nice thing thin nice and also give the guy a fucking chance to annoy you first at least let him provoke those headlines with some actions or you're leaving yourself nowhere to go a Germany's vice chance of a also reiterated the need for Greece to respect the terms of its bailout which sounds like a reasonable suggestion until you look at the terms of the bailout and also you hear that suggestion in a German accent respect for the terms of the bailout respect for the terms

beautiful language respect the terms. Beautiful language. I'll be just soft poetry to the ears. So in all of this concern, not unjustified concern as a result by Germany, the honest was on Prime Minister's head for us to make some early, conservative gestures, especially to the Germans, he even went so far as to say to the German government that he was not looking for a fight, which is why it was so noticeable that he's first act after being swore to office with the pay respects to a monument honoring the communist executed by Nazi occupies forces in 1944. Oof! And that is not going to pacify the German.

That is historical heartball that he played. Zip Rattas also said, we will not continue a policy of catastrophe. We'll just go to show what a naive idealist he is. A proper, hard-nosed modern politician knows that when you are halfway through a policy of catastrophe, you have to have the courage to see that catastrophe through. Otherwise, the results could be absolutely catastrophic. And you will piss the catastrophe off, making it worse. You have to appease the catastrophe and let it take its course. That is a lesson that Europe really should have learnt very well indeed. A Varu-Fakis, in a city that is country, cannot restore its finances until its debt is lessened and describe the bailout terms as fiscal waterboarding.

Now waterboarding, John, as we know, has an at best checkered record of success. It worked very well for the beach boys as a theme for hit singles in the 1960s, but less well for the USA and getting terrorsus backs to admitting bits of terror they were or were not planning to do or not do. And generally, using it creates a significant amount in resentment in the recipients of the waterboarding treatment and a slightly queasy feeling from the neutral, very much like the treatments of the Greek economy in that respect. Although to be fair, the Greek Central Bank did eventually crack last year

and admit that it was planning to launch a nuclear attack on the Los Angeles counter-terrorist unit just to stop Angela Merkel from holding the towel over its face again. Budgetry belt tightening is all very well, but it tends to go down significantly less popularly when someone else is holding your belt and tightening around your neck whilst your trousers fall down and they look right into your face at point blank range while saying, are you feeling better yet? Maybe this belt needs to be just a little bit tighter. So you can understand why Greece is trying to throw off these shackles, although shackles

not always easy to throw off, which is I guess what makes them shackles and not pajamas. That's always been true. That's right, a bit of play-to, therefore, quotes fans. Just to get that's what the plate of the foot quotes fans just to get a sense of the scale of what this new government increases up against it was really distilled by one newspaper report or a this week which said i'll be to defend Greek dignity mr. sypras said

a really go-shows of the Greek debts would aim for a viable fair mutually beneficial solution he did not give any details he doesn't have to give any details, Andy, but he does have to have some idea of what most details my f***ing be. Because the closest I could find to a plan was that Syracur is pledging to give 300,000 households in Greece under the poverty line up to 300 kilowatt or three electricity per month and food subsidies for the same number of families who have no income. Tax on heat fuel is going to be scrapped and then there are also some plans for free medical care for those who are unemployed and do not have medical insurance.

And all of that sounds great if a little expensive, so you might reasonably ask where the money's going to come from well the party claims that this plan has all been priced out and a total of eleven point three billion euros and will be paid for by several initiatives including a crackdown on tax evasion and smuggling well hold on andy that's giving away to Greek identity if you're cutting down on tax evasion smuggling you most will cut down on the stashes and peter bread as well because down on the stashies and peat at bread as well, because you're given the f***ing house away. Well, they announced four pillars

of a national reconstruction plan. Those are those words, four pillars. Now, I do suggest that early on, John, the history of the pillar in Greece is a mixed one. And there are a lot that aren't in quite such good shape as they used to be. The four pillars were one, confronting the humanitarian crisis and developing the country as a result of austerity, two, restarting the economy and promoting tax justice, three regaining unemployment and four, transforming the political system and deepening democracy.

I'd like to chuck in a pillar number five for them, a new ingredient for your fucking food. You've basically used the same four for fucking ages. I'm going on a holiday to Greece in April, bowls of yogurt and weird stuff that came out of goat's tits. It's not going to cut them up for ten whole days. Raise the bar grease, raise the calendary bar. But you have, there's a few questions with these pillars of the recovery. This term, tax justice, which is the kind of term that sets alarm bells ringing and chief executives going straight on to the internet to check flights to Monaco and the Cayman Islands. So, best of luck, Greece. I think you will definitely need it. But at the same time, with a third of Greece currently living below the poverty line,

you have to think if 300 Spartans could hold off the combined might of the Persian Empire and look absolutely buff whilst doing it, then maybe this new anti-Ostery party can do something for Greece. And here's a financial figure that really puts first things into some perspective. This week, Apple, the celebrity technology giant announced financial figure that really puts, first things into some perspective, this week Apple, the celebrity technology giant, announced world record quarterly profits, $18 billion in three months.

That is the most ever made by a company broke the record held by oil stars Exxon Mobile, which suggests that gadgets have now overtaken oil, which does raise the very exciting possibility of major wars being fought over Wi-Fi hotspots in motorway service stations. Under the pretext of course, an over-throwing in naughty desk spot, which passes used by date, but basically it's all about the Wi-Fi. Your emails now, this one came in from Pete. Who writes, in response to Sammy's email in bugle 285, I thought it was important to clarify that when visiting Australia,

the bugle podcast will not, I repeat, will not protect you from snakes. I can't believe the science will back you up on that. There is an old saying here in Australia, and by old saying, I mean a Chuck Norris joke that I've shamelessly plagiarized. If you can see a snake, it can see you. If you can't see a snake, you may be seconds away from death. Which I think that's basically the subtext

of the Greek election as well. But he sent a picture of him holding his phone with a snake. It looks like an actual snake wrapped around his hand and phone. So if anything, the bugle attracts snakes rather than repelling snakes. I mean, this needs to be, there must be some bugle listening scientists out there who could do some much needed research into whether or not the bugle in particular and podcast in general do or do not attract or appell snakes. The world is dangerous enough as it is without having that sort of damacly dangling over our faces. Looking at the photo though, it does appear that he is almost at the end of the episode. So it must have prevented the snake biting him for all of what looks like about 28 minutes

already. Okay so it's possible that the bugle attracts snakes who assume they're going to hate it but then actually when they start listening, they quite get into it. Snakes are a big money market, that's just a fact of showbiz. So I so many of them work in the industry. Do keep your emails coming in to info at thebugelpodcast.com on the subject of Australia. I will be going to Australia, as I mentioned last week,

and New Zealand for gigs. I mean, Christchurch on the 20th of February, Auckland on the 24th then in Australia, Adelaurch on the 20th of February Auckland on the 24th then in Australia Adelaide on the 21st that could do with shifting some units and Sydney on the 25th and Melbourne on the 28th there might be an extra gig in Sydney and Melbourne. I'll keep you posted and do check the website. Also a quick update on the Bug Bugle appeal. You have now collectively donated almost £50,000 to help my daughter's friend Michelle get her cancer treatment at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. And next week, we have a week off the Bugle next week, but we

will put a show out hopefully including an interview with Michelle and an update on when the treatment can start. But thanks once again, if you do want to contribute, go find me.com slash this. Hyphen is hyphen Michelle. Don't forget to also check out our SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen bugle. A quick sport story. There was talk amongst Saudi officials of a possible joint Olympic bid with Bahrain, and the reason that they needed to have a joint bid was that they wanted

to hold all the women's events in a different country. I'm sure that's what the Olympics is all about. Personally, I will be in the favour of this on one condition that they held at separate times, so we basically get two Olympics. I believe that the massively sexist price would be worth paying to get the extra support on Telly. But I don't know, the Olympics in Saudi Arabia, it would, yeah, yeah. It just doesn't seem quite right. We've seen the international community bowing down before the late King Abdullah, the Norwegian Prime Minister, Ernest Solberg. She said this, the late King really had some reform programs that I hope will continue. I don't think he's right up there in your top ten all-time greatest reformers. And I think possibly praising those reforms

is a bit like seeing a lion accidentally trip over and it's enclosure in a zoo on Swallow or Tomato and respond by saying, well, I think he's 50% of the way to becoming a vegetarian. So good luck for the Super Bowl to a martial ninja. I do hope if they win and he does post match press conferences, he is equally philosophical and them

oh yeah he got he has to you can have to commit to this for the rest of his career now refused to engage in the premise of any question i'm i'm completely behind them uh... who's gonna win john well i'm hoping to get on the again i Seattle, Andy. Again, I don't really care who wins, as long as Tom Brady loses. I get that in most Seattle winning.

So if he gets injured, does that mean that throws your calculations out of kilter? Then you don't mind who wins at all. Well, I don't want it to get hurt. I'm wanting to be here. So I'd like him to slip. I have to leave the field because he's so ashamed. That's a possibility. Never ruling out.

So we will have a sub-bugal next week. And hopefully the week after a possible triconsonental bugle with me in Melbourne, John in the States and Chris in Mogadishu. And hopefully. So we will speak to you indirectly next week and hopefully directly the week after that or possibly the week after that. Until then, buglers, goodbye.

Bye! Thank you.