The Bugle - Bugle 4004 – ZERO DT

Episode Date: November 11, 2016

Andy and Hari Kondabolu try and fail to make sense of the US Presidential election. Also – why are McDonalds taking legal action against a whole city, and why did Andy think this was a good week to do ONE OF HIS HATE CRIMES? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A. Hello, B-U-Gl-S! It will all be fine. It'll all be fine.

Just have a nice relaxing cup of tea. Look at a pretty flower. Think about a nice relaxing game of tennis. Eat a sweet, soothing banana. Stroke a bench. Sm smell a clean puddle. Hadle a bus stop or a lamppost there. There, it's all fine. The world is fine.

BELL RINGS The headlines today. World shits itself. International opportunists lunatic tycoon association hails greatest ever victory. Thing thought to have had a 15-20% chance of happening happens. Experts say no one could have envisaged this. Clinton lawyer buys massive yacht. Republican party attempts CPR on Lincoln corpse. Federation for the rights of white men hails biggest historical breakthrough in white male political power since about five minutes ago. Trump

eats live squirrel belches, then says he's looking forward to taking care of the squirrel and that he's always wanted a squirrel for a pet, whilst flossing his teeth with squirrel style. All four jaws fall off Mount Rushmore. England score 500 in a cricket match in India. Media and political elite told in his out of touch by other bits of media and political elite. Gary Johnson says, yay, I got bronze! World shits itself again.

He is Ian with the weather. Yes, hello, butchlers and welcome to issue 4,004 of little bit more than I've ever seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before.

I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. I'm a little bit more than I've seen before. United United States of America in New York City this city that never sleeps certainly not at the moment It's too busy having a fist fight with itself. It's a man who I imagine is not in the top 50 million Trump fans in the USA It's Harry Condo Bolo Hello Andy Hello

I believe our nation is now referred to as states of America Even that is pushing it a bit, isn't it? What? You know what it feels like Andy? It feels like my nation broke up with me. Right. And you know, you could see that the relationship was rocky the whole time, but you didn't think it was going

to end like this, not for him. The whole thing is, oh, I walked outside. I walked outside my apartment in Brooklyn the day after it happened. And it's usually very bustling and kids and nothing. It was the eerieest thing. it was nothing. I mean, I didn't see tumbleweed, because that'd be a bit much, but like it was nothing. It was just eerie silence. Right.

How are you doing? Well, I mean, I'm very pleased that the Atlantic exists. That's for sure. I mean, your tone of voice says more than a thousand op-ed pieces ever could, frankly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who Alexa Lex Luthor as president? Who thought that was a good idea? Who was watching Superman and thought Superman was the villain? Yeah. I mean, that's a very strong way of putting it. And this we'll get onto more on this, what does look like probably being our top story this week. Bugle 4000 for the

week beginning Monday, the fifth of Trumpuary in the year zero DT or in the old dating system, Monday the 14th of November 2016. Amazing to think. It is exactly 20,000 years to the day since a bird in what is now France, ate a worm causing the death of that worm. At 225 years since Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart wrote his little known blues classic, I feel shits are reckon I've only got about three weeks to live or the prophetic number. And 80 years since the launch in 1936 of the first ever John Lewis department store Christmas TV advertisement. in 1936 of the first ever John Lewis Department Store Christmas TV advertisement. It is Christmas soon, so why not buy something for someone? That is all.

As the world moved on, or gone backwards. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin this week, a clickbait section to mark the UN International Intrusive Marketing and Online Exploitation Day, including a lecture from Professor Graffindredge from the Massachusetts Institutes of Pointless Curiosity entitled, You Won't Believe What I'm Going To Tell You About Why Clickbait Works. We also have bits of clickbait conversation phrases for you to say, allowed in public spaces to get people to talk to and or look at you

Including hey here are 15 reasons why people are using their tables this year Be want to know something really weird. Well, I'm going to tell you something mildly interesting and see my penis is bigger than it used to be and all I used was a pencil sharpener and a liter of kerosene so throw those into conversation and see what happens and we have our own audio clickbait in the conversation and see what happens. And we have our own audio clickbaits, including 46 descriptions of pretty women who don't realise they're being described. Ever wondered why everybody from the 1840s is dead, celebrities who sound so different now to how they sounded as children, and 25 things professional golfers have in common with Hitler. That section in the bin. Top story this week and well as we have touched on already, it is the 2016 US presidential election or to give it, it's now official title.

What the unholy f*** just happened? I don't know quite how you are processing this motherload of electoralism, Harry. I mean, personally, I was trying to watch England play a test match in India while this was unfolding. And for the first time in my life, I found it really quite hard to concentrate on the cricket. I mean, that puts it in context. It was four in the morning and I could barely even concentrate on Alice to cook that thing as if he was a hardcore Hillary Clinton fan. It was not an easy morning for cook.

You mentioned the icy coldness of the streets of Brooklyn. How do you consider this was even a vague possibility? Because every time I thought of it, I thought, no, I know we had Brexit. But this is, as Trump himself said, this is Brexit plus, plus, plus. Surely, surely America can't do the same. But what went wrong, it's been basically an 18-month viral mutation of democracy that appears to have infected the entire voting system of America. I mean, first of all, maybe I vaguely imagine this and what would happen when I went down that path and I imagine the possibility of a president, Trump, I thought to myself,

hurry, you just have so much imagination for the day. Why waste it on something that will definitely not happen? So many people in this country drank the Trump Kool-Aid that I'm wondering if that Trump Kool-Aid was mixed into the water supply. Because there's no other logical way that they could vote for this human being. Right. Oh wait, racism, racism. All right.

That's, I forgot about the racism. The election results also give us statistical proof of how racist are a country, as we now have the numbers. Right. So everybody's, it's 47% racist. Is that essentially what you're saying? Oh, wasn't it, it's more like 49%, doesn't it?

I don't know, depends on how Gary Johnson's fans have fitted in for that. That's right. That's right. That's right. Right. I mean, the extraordinary thing is that, and we haven't really fully told our listeners

the stories. Have anyone who's missed the news, the winner on Tuesday and you, President Elect of the State of America, is spoiler alert, the undisputed Beethoven of Bigotry, the Michelangelo of Missogini, the Pablo Picasso of Polarokeo prejudice, the Homer of hate mongering, the Vincent van Gogh of the vindictive, the Daniel DeFoe of divisive demagoguery, the Shakespeare of shit stirring, I think I've made the pot. Oh, there's another one coming. The Carly Ray Jepson of Krakpot reactionary jive. Jepson belongs in that list, I stand by that. And the amazing thing is he did everything within his power to make himself as unelectable as possible. He gave a performance of Nadia Common-X style perfection in his How to do Everything to

Lose an Election routine, but it wasn't enough. How much of this do you think came down to the fact that the one thing he was unable to do anything about in his admirable quest to do everything not to become president and make himself unelectable was the fact that he was up against Hillary Clinton? That seemed to be the one obstacle Trump could never fully overcome. Yeah, I mean, I think it was hard for him to lose when Hillary Clinton, you know, is seen as so unlikable.

A lot of that has to do with sexism. Much of that has to do with sexism and also racism of hating Barack Obama for eight years. Part of me wonders if there's a percentage of people that don't understand how to vote. Did they think they punch out all the holes except the one they want to lift it? I've been trying to figure out all their explanations for this. So, did people just show up and urinate on the ballot

and hand it in and people knew that was a Trump vote? Like, how, how, I don't know how else this could have happened other than, than that. I mean, it just, you know, look, certainly Hillary Clinton's, you know, her record is a bit spotty. And the reason for that is that she's been in politics for several decades. So that happens when you're in politics for several decades. She's really bad.

She's like, that things happened during that time. And I think Trump was able to exploit that as well as a very fascinating method of explaining things to people, which is saying nothing, but repeating it over and over and over again until it sticks. Right, and this does seem to be the fear, this is my deep concern with this,

is this appears to be the future of democracy? And we've seen Trump, you know, bragging about sexual assault, but maybe that's, that's not going to be enough in future elections. People are going to have to take it further. They're going to be candidates in, you know, 2024 or 2028, deliberately leaking footage of themselves saying, yeah, I speak to the back of the head, you should have seen his face. Oh my God. Tough, tough time for me to come up with words, Andy. I mean, I'm just seeing how this could potentially, I know you dealt with Brexit, but it almost feels like I would want a al Murray type figure.

I would want somebody who everybody voted for because they thought he was the pub landlord and then gets elected and it's like, no, it's Oxford educated al-Murray. So you're saying you hope Trump is just a character act. Yes, yeah, I mean, that, that, that would be ideal. I would like him to rip off his face on the opening of the inauguration.

I want to do all the other parts of the space during the inauguration and I want Andy Kaufman to appear. I think, I mean, that would be great for TV writings. But he's just ripping off the face alone, I think. It's still, I still don't fully understand from Hillary Clinton's point of view. And clearly, there were, there were some off-puttingly tumestant question marks, not just hovering over her head, but fully roosting in her hair. But

it still does not completely explain why, to it seems millions and millions and millions of Americans, Hillary Clinton was not so much a viable potential president as... This born of the Elzibab, the source of all evil, the de facto Mrs. O'Binn Larden, a card carrying camel, who wants to eat your children like a heart dog and charge you for the ketchup, the self-styled woman responsible for the eruption of Mount Sunhelens in 1980, and the Wall Street crash of 1929. Linnings, new girlfriend. But it's hard, it's hard to that. And I guess that explains why, you know, as they keep saying with democracy, the people have spoken. This is the will of the people.

But the thing is in democracy, when the people speak, it is largely incomprehensible. And looking at the results, what the people of America have essentially said is we very, very, very marginally prefer Hillary, but without any real conviction and in a geographically unhelpful way. So that's these are strange times and it is hard to escape the sensation that America, what America's essentially done, Harry, is vote for a Halloween pumpkin or scary, hollow on the inside. Actually, that's a bit unfair on the pumpkin. Halloween pumpkins do often have at least a flicker of light. Andy, I'll say that your analysis is very astute,

but it is not making me feel better. Oh, sorry. I didn't write, that was, I didn't write, comes to see me as some kind of doctor or shrink. LAUGHTER They're the, protest now. The anti-Trump protests in New York and many other cities, I don't know, have you joined in with Lady Gaga and the rest? Well yesterday, I was on Madison Avenue, around 36, 35th street, and I saw the incredible rally of young people marching

in the street, stopping traffic. I didn't see an end in sight to these young people walking towards the Trump Tower, demanding justice, and it was a beautiful sight. And I saw it and walked in the opposite direction because I had to get to a podcast. But I spiritually never left them. My soul was there and was carried. There was a certain irony in these protests in this democracy-loving country, people refusing to accept the results of

the election. The results of an election whose results were threatened not to be accepted by the man whose acceptance of those results is now being protested by people not accepting the results. This is democracy really disappearing extremely fast up its own art. Are there any positives that you can take from this as an American of a non-Trumpian persuasion? Yes. Before I just want to tell you the most devastating quote that I... Is that okay if I just the most devastating quote that I... This show is all about devastating quotes. The quote that hurt me the most was, maybe America is not ready for democracy. Do you know who said that Andy?

Do you know who said that? Oh, I know. The nation of Iraq, the nation of Iraq, like that. That was one of the things about his acceptance speech. He has that maneuver with his hand when he's speaking, as if he has spent his entire life from the age of four pulling the legs off spiders? No.

Oh, man. Any other positives to straws to clutch? I mean, statistically, let's, I mean, let's try and be objective about this. Statistically, 83% of worst case scenarios never actually happen. Well, that doesn't leave ample 83% of worst case scenarios never actually happen. Well, that doesn't leave ample space for very bad case scenarios that could only be slightly worse than the worst case scenarios.

But still, that's, I mean, I might not back statistic, but it can't be that far off. Yeah, but it wasn't very comforting either considering the worst case scenario was Donald Trump being elected and that happened. So at this point, the idea of another worst case scenario happening repeatedly seems very possible at this point. Well, so you're saying that the worst is over. So it's all uphill from here. That is a very optimistic thing. And no, I was not saying that. Not at all. Oh, okay. Other positives. Alec Baldwin will be on Saturday night live more doing a pression of Donald Trump. People like Alec Baldwin. That on Saturday Night Live more doing impression of Donald Trump people like Alec Baldwin.

That's good. End of the world. End of the world, you know, it's not maybe it's not the ideal solution, but it's a positive. It ends all of human suffering by ending all of humans. And that's a positive. Oh, T-shirt sales. I'm sure T-shirt sales, anti-Trump T-shirt sales will go. That will only be good if they are manufactured in Michigan as

from from. Oh, yeah. Good point. Yeah. I mean, you might get a nice, a really nice mural on the big wall with Mexico. And that's, that's something to look forward to. A bit of wall art. Also, I mean, I might be looking at this from a slightly selfish point of view, but it has, it's not since 1980 has a Republican president won an election and the England cricket team then gone on to lose its Winter Test Match series. In 1984, Reagan was reelected England beat India. 1988, George W. Bush, so George Bush senior, he was elected England's then withdrew from Toronto India. 2019, 2000 George W. Bush's win, and I use that word in the el you know, elucist sense.

England went to beat Pakistan and Sri Lanka and 2004 and Bush won again, England beat South Africa. So we're just touring India at the moment. So I mean, this is absolutely fantastic news for English cricket, which surely has to take priority over, over, over, over, over. It's funny. None of the papers here had that on the front covers.

That's strange. It's almost, well, that's the liberal media, isn't it? Not telling the true story again. I'm just spinning it their own way. I can't handle the truth. I'm sorry, every time I do that, I just might make that sound. It's not you, it's just, you know, everything. Right.

If the US was another country, and they elected a man like Donald Trump, people would be calling for foreign military intervention. Like they would be discussing what is the best way to invade America. Right. And it's the Northern border. It's definitely the Northern border, I would say. I mean, who the hell would you blame? I mean, one of the best things to do after a vote like this.

And you said earlier on that I've dealt with Brexit or we as a nation of dealt with Brexit. Let me just confirm that neither I personally nor Britain as a nation has even come close to dealing with Brexit. That is, we've experienced the initial thrashings of Brexit. Dealing with it is something that was going to take many decades, but you've got to find someone to blame, Hari, that. That is a way to psychologically deal with these things. I mean, who are you pinning the finger of blame onto the severed finger of blame? Who's I am nailing that into? Well, first of all, there's a lot of people who have been blamed, right?

Certainly, the cable news has blamed the green party, partially, the libertarian party and the green party. They're 1% apparently led to Donald Trump's victory. I'll tell you who I blame. I blame Franklin Delayno Roosevelt, really. He's famous quote, we have nothing to fear, but fear itself as quoted by Hillary Clinton in her in her convention speech earlier in the year. We have nothing to fear, but fear itself. And I was rooted all the way down quite how effective fear itself could potentially be as a campaign tool.

And he really laid the ground for the amazing fear-mongering industry that has grown up around electoral politics in America ever since. So I blame FDR, he's fault. I didn't know that Donald Trump was the fear itself, I really was talking about. Here's the important of fear, isn't he? A number of things were said in Mr. Trump's acceptance speech. I'm going to do some crazy things I've been said since. I mean, people have compared it with Brexit and said the world did not fall off his axis when Brexit happened. And that's true. But then again, all the dinosaurs didn't drop instantaneously dead when the asteroid hit either. So let's not jump to conclusions. And Trump did give a relatively gracious acceptance speech, albeit one in which he did that with pulling

a little ex-off-spider's thing with his hands. And maybe this is a sign that as many people said he will be a different person in office. Well, my response to that is, A, he probably won't be, B, well, he might be, but C, that does not make everything okay. If anything, it makes it worse. It is ladling another splodge of dishonest custard onto the 18 month crumble of power lies. This is like praising a serial killer for making a nice cup of tea for the police when they finally catch him and giving them well fed with a surprisingly serviceable homemade strawberry cake whilst they dig up his patio. He said to him, he said to make extraordinary things, he began by saying, Hillary has worked very long and very hard over a long period of time.

We owe her a major death of gratitude for her service to our country. Now, it wasn't a long period of time what Trump was recently saying she should be serving in jail. And he continued by saying, I mean that very sincerely. Hang on, Donald. It is a well-known rule of language that anyone saying, I mean that, probably doesn't mean that. Anyone saying, I mean that probably doesn't mean that anyone saying

I mean that sincerely or most certainly doesn't mean it. And someone saying I mean that very sincerely is congenitally incapable of sincerity. He also said, now it is time for America to bind the wounds of division, which is when that was, that was truly spectacular. That was like Brutus going up to Julius Caesar and saying, oh, Julius, you want to have that looked at? That's who would do so? I would bandage you myself with my tunic if it wasn't so covered in blood splatters, honestly.

Honestly. And it doesn't sound like him at all. All that victory speech says to us is that Donald Trump can read. It's definitive now, we've seen it. He said, we will seek common ground, not hostility, partnership, not conflict. I say this time for us to come together as one united people. Now this can only be seen as a withering assault on everything Donald Trump has stood for and a visceration of the politics that got him elected. And what

this has led to, I believe, is surely that now everyone in America is pissed off because you know, he acted like a **** in the campaign. People voted for a ****. He called backtrack on it now. He should have some respect for his electorate and continue being a kid. He can't backtrack on it now. He should have some respect for his electorate and continue being a kid. That is the only way he can justify this result. And also, it may be that, you know, it was, you know, objectively, if you're ready, you think, oh, that's a nice, that is a nice conciliatory speech. That is trying to build, bridges over the lakes of division that he has personally dug and flooded himself. But it also made you think if he had made that speech before the election or at the convention

or when he launched his campaign a year ago or at any point since he would have f***ing lost that election. That is not what people wanted from Trump. He would have lost very badly indeed. I've got some positive news for you, Harry. Yes. So you mentioned this like Brexit, but if America has in the next couple of months what we've had over here for Brexit, what you're going to get is Trump's going to stand down. Everyone around Trump is going to stand down and inexplicably, Tim Cain is gonna have to lead a Republican agenda for the next four years. Oh my God.

How was that good news? Well, it's not Trump. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'd like to know from your perspective over there, is this something that is just a source of mockery for the US? Are you all also legitimately scared? Well, both. Those two are not mutually exclusive.

I mean, if this planet is going to go down, it's going to go down laughing. And well, it's interesting you should ask that, because we do have some exclusive footage of the global media coverage of the Trump victory. This, firstly, from the Russian TV station, depravda. Владеме из-за скуратченого чужик-но-плохо гигли-гигли-гигли. Отчен, отчен, хай-фай-вмселф Кремлинский, парти-парти-парти. Прекрасная бабушка бан-бан-бан-бан! Это из-за американца, фонанский радиостационный, паспомдал, ФМ. Майк, а что это, трамфикторий, mean, экономикали? Ну, баб, что это значит, что a return to everyone having everything they want and doing exactly the jobs they want, whatever wage they so choose to be paid for doing it.

Is that so, Mike? It is, Bob, and if you disagree, you're gonna have to f*** off and get over it. What does that mean? I don't know, Bob, but America's great again, so it doesn't matter. Details, Schmetails. And this from Canadian National Radio. There is a duck loose on the road north out of Winnipeg this morning. So do drive carefully if you are driving north out of Winnipeg. Now here's Celine Dion. Again.

Andy, I find your access to such a broad range of media. What are you saying? Really incredible. What do you mean, my accent? Your access. Oh, access. Oh, okay. Good.

I'm glad you said that. I find your accent when reading a broad range of media. Very exciting. No, no, I mean, every time, every time we've done this, which is one other time, I've just been blown away by what you're able to find. Yep. Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. It was clearly not in terms of this. But I think there are some legitimate questions to be asked. I mean, how did this happen? I guess it all started with the Big Bang. Then the first fish climbing out of the sea, an unelected fish, I should point out, an elite

unelected fish. Then the asteroid knocking out the dinosaurs, a thinning democracy rising and then failing before it could sort itself out Columbus, getting a bit inquisitive. The war of independence, John Lugy bed in Vennett television, and of course the gradual marginalization of the working class as the forces of globalization and technology foist and more rapid change on humanity than we are evolutionally able to cope with. And it's, I guess Trump's call to our calls to arms did seem to resonate. Is slogans like make America great again? Also if I haven't thought this through then, you don't have to either.

I'm not hurt. That was particularly effective for him. Hates the fun, free and fast acting alternative to thoughts. That really hit home, slogany, unveiled last week. All other humans are shit. That really seemed to get the voters out. And of course, pussy grabbers of America unite. That was a very potent, potent slogan earring from the Trump campaign. But

it does seem that he connected more effectively than the other candidates. He also disconnected more effectively, but that's, that's beside the point. Bernie Sanders said this after the election. He said, people are tired of working longer hours for lower wages. They're seeing decent paying jobs go to China and other low wage countries of billionaires, not paying any federal income taxes and have not been able to afford a college education for their kids all while the rich become very much rich. And I guess, oh, this is a fair point, America's working class beaten down by the repatio of practicalities of global capitalism and it's ponshorn for money saving immigrant labor, damaged by the trickle-down injustices

of high-level tax evasion have finally found a man to represent them against these immovable forces of the modern economic world. And that man is a repacious capitalist and proud tax avoider with an impressively shameless track record of implying cheap foreign labor of questionable legality. As the old saying goes, keep your friends close and elect your enemies to the highest possible office. If this is the problem, then Trump is a fucking weird solution. It's basically voting for the very embodiment of the thing people are protesting about. I mean, to be honest, I'm not sure there is any problem to which making Donald Trump president is the solution, unless the problem is

how do you stop Donald Trump complaining about the election process being rigged? This is like trying to eradicate bubonic plague by hiring a battalion of unusually flea-ridden rats. Or if you're a chamber music fan, trying to cope with a new neighbor who's moved in, who loves jazz, who started playing their Dave Brubeck records a bit too loudly, by hiring the band Megadeath to play live in your living room for four years. Yet, Donald Trump chose a very interesting way to win the selection. He apparently chose the George Costanza approach, Yet, Donald Trump chose a very interesting way to win this election. He apparently chose the George Costanza approach, which is to do everything in your power

to lose and somehow you win. So, Seinfeld, still relevant all these years. It does seem, though, Harry. That's the key demographic in this election was white males. And I do think, speaking as a white male, it was about time our voice was heard in mainstream politics. What I think we should probably wrap up our election coverage.

Then, yeah, a lot of people have actually sent in requests of trying to deal with it through the medium of puns. And, well, I'm not sure whether, you know, whether that's, that's, that's people from people also puns about some of the candidates, some about Trump himself and his, his own personal character trait. Well, I'm not going to either of it. I mean, I'm going to be, I'm going to just do a, you know, half look back on the campaign because, and I'm going to be pillar read for this, but at one point, I really thought, quite early on, I thought Trump was going to cruise to victory. And people are getting very angry.

A friend of mine is protesting. He's protesting by setting fire to his shoes. He burning sandals, but that didn't work. and all the sexual revelations, nothing could damage him. He'd have sex with anything, Trump, women, animals, furniture, insects. I think it even pull his pants down and for Huckabee. Oh, God. But he wouldn't be gentle with it. That is appalling.

Oh, he did apologise to one of the women involved. He admitted he acted like a prick, centre, a massive bunch of flowers. Well, I think it's time to accept it. Wake up, America. Rubio eyes. And looks at the future. And at least the, you know, the tide has turned. 2020 will be different. Might be hostility at Trump's rallies in 2020.

He could be in a little stadium with his son, Eric. Suddenly the crowd's gonna turn against him. He's gonna have to flee, getting the car sun, he'll say. Getting the Kalivi arena Carlyvee arena. Carlyvee arena, getting the Carlyvee arena. I mean, I think that was technically quite good. Anyway, but everyone needs to relax. I need a decent, pre-hot cup of English breakfast

with its clean, clean, favour, a crisp, crispy tea. But it got me thinking about what kind of man Trump is, Harry, what his character is, his deep, seated personality traits. I was constantly getting so hard, I'd lost my way on the way to the recording. You had to get walking directions on Google Maps. It's amazing. You can set it to give you directions as a pedestrian.

It shows your path. So show your path. So show your path. So to spot you want to get to. Barric and Trump was probably obsessive as a kid. From Master played board games. A fan of self thinking. I wonder what board games he played?

I reckon came down to a choice of five. Was he a Scrabble fan, b, risk enthusiast, c, chess addict, d, Cludo devotee, or e-go maniac? And more importantly, it made me think, you know, what drugs are all these Republican voters taking to make them support Trump? The works are reckon, crack pot. to make them support Trump? The works are a crack pot. But not all the Trump family is that bad. I mean, his female sibling is lovely. She's no, she's sister.

No, no, no, sister. No, come on, you're just looking at me confused now. This is quite a high tariff pun run. It's still happening. Nearly. Okay, well, we'll finish it now. Because Trump, you know, he's got issues with anger, clearly. Sometimes he's so busy that he gets an itchy rash between the digits of his feet,

which he finds can be cleared up with a powder, the kind of thing parents use on babies. He has a special formulation made to treat his foot problem, but he often loses it, and then he suddenly has to look for it and go on a total cunt. Total cunt. I mean, that was worth it, wasn't it? Was that not worth it? Did it go on too long? It's not getting bleeped, so... I think I stabbed breathing in the middle of it.

You'll learn, Harry. You will learn. MUSIC Other news now, and well, America's not just been ruffling its own feathers. It's been ruffling Italian culinary feathers as well. McDonald's, the celebrity-fought food chain, is suing the city of Florence in Italy for $18 million after it was prevented from opening a, quote, restaurant in one of the famous squares in Florence, the Piazza del Dwomo, an architectural marvel. And this is a truly extraordinary,

extraordinary, so first start. I mean, have some fucking self-awareness, Ronald. I mean, have you been to Florence? It would take a hard-hearted, brick--headed clown not to think, you know what, I'm not needed here. They have food, they have better food than I can give them. The Piazza del D'Oomo needs no architectural adornment from the Golden Arches. I'm going to move on. Maybe they'll build a 600-meter high McDonald's in Dubai or something. It was no need for this, no need, Harry. would meet a high McDonald's in Dubai or something. It was no need for this, no need, Harry.

I mean, it was, it was very much a Trump move. Like, they said no. So, uh, Lauren said no. So McDonald's said, they will sue. That is a Trump move. That's what you do and you don't get what you want. If McDonald's could, they would put ads in the Bible. If, if McDonald's had the choice, there would be McDonald's at cemeteries in the cardiology

departments of hospitals, in confession booths. They would open the McDonald's in a burger king. There is no shame here. I mean, this is... There will be one in the White House, come January the 21st, sure. Yes, and slotap Machines. McDonald's claim they were discriminated against. And I guess when you think of it in those terms,

the courts must stand up for the victims of any form of discrimination. And multi-billion dollar global fast food mega brands operating on the very edge of edibility are the last persecuted minority. They need legal systems Italian or otherwise to look after them. And frankly, also, if the Italian legal system is preventing you doing for something, then frankly, well,

you need to have a word with your accountants or you are doing something very, very wrong indeed. Do you know the recent killer clown craze started from Ronald McDonald. Is there a first, well the first 25 years of McDonald's existence, he personally slaughtered every single animal himself. Your questions now, and well, having quite a lot of around to setting up the email, I promise I would set up by this week, this week, I will try and set it up by next email. I promise I will set up by this week, this week. I'll try and set it up by next week. I promise I will try to set it up.

I'm not saying I will set it up, but I promise I'll try and maybe will. Michael Boyd asks, Hey Andy, I'd love you to do the whole view without once mentioning the US presidential election. The view goes my escape. Can you please do that? Sorry, I got to that slightly too late in this show. Just very slightly too late. Thanks, those of you who did send in queries,

the email address will be functioning within a couple of years. Sooner, hopefully, hopefully within a week or so. Anyway, time to move on from that. And, well, if you're looking for something to buy for people for Christmas, can I recommend tickets to Andy's Alt 2016, the certifiable history. That is my world exclusive look back at the year at the Soho Theatre from the 20th to the 23rd and 28th to 30th of December and the 3rd to 7th of January of 2017. That's 2016, the certifiable history when I will attempt to bag and label everything that has happened in the world.

They say, Oh, I've got he got he gigs to plug. I do have gigs to plug. I'll be doing my first post election gig in Boston at the Wilbur Theater on November 12th. So, you know, we'll hug it up. We'll cry together. And maybe jokes. Bloomington, Indiana, November 17th, 19th, Chapel Hill, North Carolina, November 20th, and at the end of the month, going to December, we'll do a West Coast run from Portland,

Oregon, on November 30th, Seattle, Washington, December 5th through 7th, Vancouver, December 3rd, and again, we'll head to the South if I'm still alive by the end of the month. So go to harrykundabolu.com or Google to find out where I will be and how to buy tickets. But the lowest clock expedition all over again, isn't it? It's time to put democracy back in its box for at least 24 hours until the 2020 campaign begins. So you're going to run, hurry? I mean, we've seen that basically anyone can become president.

You're in showbiz like Mr. Trump. I don't even run in real life. I can't even imagine wanting to do that for offers. Run, because there's two meanings of run in that... Yeah, no, I saw what you did there. I saw, I enjoyed the linguistic gymnastics. I went into that. Much appreciated at this late stage of the show.

If you... There's one piece of advice for any listeners who are coming to the US in the next couple of months. the linguistic gymnastics. I want to say that. Much appreciated that this light size of the show. If you have this one piece of advice for any listeners who are coming to the US in the next couple of months or perhaps are deciding to stick around the US and are planning to maybe make a trip to New York, I would suggest going to see the statue of Liberty if you can, because within I'm assuming by the time Trump takes office, she will be deported back to France. LAUGHTER Minus underwear, oh, the sheep. And Amanda, she has some fine underwear.

So that's it. Bugle 4000 and for the first Bugle of the post, Donald Trump has never yet been elected well as most powerful person, era of humanity, which is just a plant of the Anth anthropocene era, I believe. And remember, Bugglers! It will all be fine. Don't worry, it will all be fine, possibly, depending on who and where you are and what your definition of fine is and whether by all you mean not all. It's just been a storm in

a teacup, admittedly a storm that has seen a democratic process in the concept of human dignity capsized and buffeted to within an inch of their lives, and in a teacup that is the world's most powerful nation. That is a big teacup, a big, big teacup, and we're all now going to be forced to drink that bitter, bitter tea for four years, that potentially poisonous teacup. It's still just a storm in a teacup. And look, the markets, the economic markets have been quite stable. For the last few hours that proves that everything is going to be okay economically and socially on a national and global level for the next four, sorry eight years. And yes that shattering sound, you can hear that it's not the sound of the glass ceiling being smashed to pieces,

it was the sound of Vladimir Putin high-fiving himself in his own mirror. But there's no point crying out of a spilt milk. Even if that milk is spiked with arsenic and it's been spilt directly into your mouth before someone forcibly holds your lips together in shouts. It's democracy in action if you don't like it, why don't you f*** off to North Korea? It will all be fine. From me and his ultimate in London, good bye. And from a harry condom bowl of in New York. It's so bad. It's all just so bad. Good bye! Hi.

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