The Bugle - Bugle 4007 – Mid Atlantica

Episode Date: December 3, 2016

Andy is joined by Wyatt Cenac to look at the latest developments either side of the Atlantic, plus Fidel Castro and buckets of gold. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, BUGLE's and welcome to issue 4,000 and 7 of the Pulitzer Prize winning newscast of the Bugle for the week beginning Monday, the 5th of December.

Was it the Pulitzer? I forgot, I forgot, just blew us into one. It wasn't the Pulitzer, was it? So it's the Bugle Relaunch Award for most Bugle-like relaunched podcast of the last quarter of 2016. Still silverware is silverware. I am Andy Zoltzmann, and I am in London, a city visited by every single one of the past 20 British Prime Ministers, because I like to hang out where it happens.

And joining me from New York City, returning for his second Bugle appearance. It's a man who, last time he was on the show, had not at any point in his life written, recorded, and released a brand new stand-up album as an instantaneous response to a lunatic winning a presidential election within a week of that lunatic winning a presidential election. That is no longer the case.

It is Mr. Wyatt Sennak. Hello, Wyatt. Hello, Andy. thanks for having me again so your your new album one angry night in november which is available for free download on your website whitesonac.com that was strainer void taxes that's the best way of avoiding taxes exactly to earn zero money or just, you know, earn loads of money and do it anyway. Right. I'm trying to figure the second one out, but in the meantime, I'll just try to nail

the first one. So, you recorded it and released it within a week of the Trumpocalypse. Yes. Was that therapeutic or did it just make everything worse? It was somewhat therapeutic for me. I mean, here's the thing. It's not even jokes about the election. It's just stories about a cat that I once met. And then that cat had a lot of thoughts about the election. So I guess in that way, maybe it is about the election, but it's mainly just a bunch of really interesting cat stories. Oh, yeah, I mean, a good time to release a bunch of cat stories.

Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, how is the intervening, what's almost a month now since the election house, how's that treated you the month. Yeah, we're into almost a month with this baby that we didn't really want and are now stuck having to raise. It's very weird.

I think it feels as though we're sort of settling into it I think it feels as though we're sort of settling into it, but also I think still hoping that maybe something will change or that we'll all get abducted by aliens and they'll fix everything. I think at this point, that's where we're kind of like, okay, this works, but also, I've seen the trailers for a rival. That doesn't seem so bad.

Ha ha ha. I mean, we've been trying to get over our own vote from June, nearly six months on now. Yeah, from Brexit. And how is it going for you? Well, it's been up and down. And I don't think either side has fully come to terms of what's happened.

No one seems happy on winners and losers. I mean, we did, I think with Tommy Stodd, just about coming to terms with it was when the Olympics began and we had a proper distraction. So maybe you just need to... We need an Olympics. You just need to cling on. You need an Olympics. Yeah, we cling on. You need an Olympics.

Yeah, we need an Olympics to take the taste out of our mouths, but we're not... I mean, then we don't have one coming up. Like, the best we could do right now is try to pull a winter Olympics together, but nobody writes that. Nobody. That's not going to bring people together. Oh, yeah. Look at the ice ballet. Nobody wants that. That's not going to save us. So we're just going to have this horrible collective taste of bile in our mouths for, I guess, until, yeah, maybe, well, we don't care about World Cup, so yeah, what else is there?

Maybe there's a track and field competition that we could get really excited about. Well, there's the World Athletics Championships in London next August. Yeah, I think we know about those. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, there are certain things that just don't, they don't even come across our, our airwaves. And usually if they have the words London and sports, it's not going to, our filter just blocks it out automatically.

Well, I'm sure something will come up. Sport always saves us. Sport is the one guaranteed, guaranteed savior. Yeah. This is Bugle 4,077. 4,077, of course. The highest recorded number ever used as the count in a game of hide and seek. That, of course, what the Anglin brothers and

Frank Morris told the Alcatraz prison guards to count to back in the 1962 San Francisco by hide and seek open championships. The IHSF afterwards imposed a maximum count of 120 for all competition play. The week-bearing Monday the 5th of December, on this day in 1484, Pope Innocent the 8th issued a papal bull appointing inquisitors to root out witchcraft in Germany. And on the exact same day, just 448 years later, the German-born physicist Albert Einstein was given an American visa. Coincidence? I don't think so somehow. No, he's got the hair of a witch. Put a hat on that. That's a witch warlock or wizard, your pick. Which is also a fun game to play when you're doing a witch burning,

witch warlock or wizard. Yeah, that's, what is the technical difference in the wizard and a warlock? A warlock's a malwitch. Right. So I think that is the only difference. Right, but a warlock and a wizard, I think that is the only difference. Right. But a warlock and a wizard, I think a wizard would tell you it's an Ivy League degree.

Right. Yeah. They would, I think warlocks go to state schools and wizards go to private upper-crust institutions. Wizzards are the elite. Yeah. They're the Harvard elite of spellcasting. Right. So they're basically responsible for Trump winning the election resentment against

the elite wizardry. Yeah. Oh, I definitely gust me. Yeah, it makes you look at those Harry Potter movies a little differently. On this day in 1766, exactly 250 years ago on Monday, James Christie, the London auctioneer, held his first auction sale and to commemorate this historic occasion, we are giving away a free audio, top end art auction bid for you to use at a sale of your choice. Here it is. 25 million pounds, all dollars. The bugle is not responsible for the payment of successful bids. Any artwork, livestock, industrial equipment, international or Indian cricketers or spouses purchased, adults and using the bugle audio bit, other sole responsibility of the bit of the use of Andy's ultimate voice, unsuccessful bits

to nut in tail as sales contract with Mr. Ultimate. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, the Vladvent Calendar. Venture's bling about 24 different aspects of the behaviour, politics and words of Vladimir Putin. One per day throughout December, we pick it up with this for Monday the 5th of December. Vladimir, I heartily disapprove of your intervention in the Ukraine. I want you to know that.

Tuesday, the 6th of December. Cheese, Putin, race, Syria. Can you stop mistaking one of the gravest, political and humanitarian crises in human history for your own personal play thing? Thank you, you absolute tool. Wednesday, the 8th of December. Putin, I'm getting f***ing cross

about all the people who keep disappearing after me in critical of your regime! Stop it, Vladimir! Stop it! 1st day of the 9th of December. Ah, for heaven's sake, Putin. Just cut out the middleman, grow a big bushy moustache and make people call you Joseph. And finally, Friday the 10th of December. Vladimir, you know how your country's GDP fell catastrophically by over 25% due to the global oil price decline? Maybe think about rebalancing

your economy. You know the economy, you've allowed to become completely dependent on oil. Fuck you, Putin! more often than a Vladevane calendar throughout December. That section in the bin. Top story this week and well, let's have a Brexit update. I am here in London where let me just check out of the window. Still smells like Europe for now, but give it a couple of years and that could all change, which explains why the mayor of London, Saddi Khan, has suggested that London could seek out its own Brexit deal. He said that if the government ignores the needs of business and pushes ahead with the new system, it cuts off access to skilled workers.

We will have no choice but to look at a London specific solution. Old times we have a labour mayor threatening a Tory government trying to get a better deal for big business in the city of London. I just don't know who I am. Any more. Is it viable that London could this bleak to London just becoming completely independent from the rest of the United Kingdom? London simply swap with Munich or be moved to Gibraltar? Ooh, a London secession. Yeah, I mean, that's... I mean, there is...

What? I think, definitely, after what has happened in our two countries, democratically, this year, there must surely be the live prospect of a London New York City hookup to form a floating super city somewhere in Mid-Atlantic. Ooh, I would like that. If, yeah, if they could both sort of break off, and maybe we could go somewhere slightly warmer. Right. It's strange that just a year ago, the United Kingdom was worried about Scotland leaving. And now, here it is, London.

I feel like trying to backdoor its way out of the United Kingdom. And yeah, if they in New York and maybe a few cities like Austin and Portland could kind of come in to sort of buoy this relationship, I think we could make a great little nation there. But Portland, that's a long way for Portland to get though from the West Coast. I'm only thinking Panama Canal, I mean, could you fit, can you fit a city down the Panama

or we have to go right around, I mean, is it gonna be through the Northwest Passage and that's could get icy, taking an entire city around that way? Well, I think once the New York London connection happens, I feel like it's one of those things like when you hear about a really great party. Other cities will find their way to the party. Right. It's not on us to get everybody a cab to the party.

Maybe we call them a cab home, but not to the party. So we're basically looking at London and New York, mooring themselves somewhere around about the Azores halfway across the Atlantic as a beacon of hope for all humanity. Yeah, a shining city on a hill, I believe someone once said. But in this case, not a hill, just relatively warm water. It's so bizarre that the aftermath of Brexit, all the arguments about it, it's become very much in British politics, the elephant in the room, albeit this is an elephant that everybody is talking about all the time, as you would do if there was an elephant in your room, especially if the elephant has crapped all over your best armchair and has now kiddened up the TV remote control, which is graph firmly in his trunk and is now watching back to back episodes of Attenborough's

wildlife programs going, oh yeah. Basic, as we've discussed previously on this August news outlet, since voting for Brexit, what we've basically been doing here is arguing furiously over what Brexit was other than, of course, Brexit, which it is. Are we going to have a hard Brexit, soft Brexit, squidgey but firm Brexit was other than, of course, Brexit, which it is, are we gonna have a hard Brexit, soft Brexit, squeegee but firm Brexit, clean Brexit, dirty Brexit, filthy Brexit, or screaming uncontrollably by immigrants stealing all our biscuits

and urinating on our Christmas presents Brexit. We're trying to decide what kind of divorce we want from the continent we used to call home. I don't know if it's gonna be a full split with no further contact, just removing all photographs of us with Europe taken down off the walls as if a whole sorry romance had never happened. Or a quickie divorce with occasional meetups to reckon the old trading magic. None of our partners but still trade f*** bodies, no strings, just for fun and economics.

But we're still free to met around with other trading blocks. Or just a long, slow, gradual breakup, increasingly despondent, leaving deep, emotional and economic scars and an inescapable sense that we should have worked harder at the relationship of having a stupid one referendum stand with ourselves. These are tough times, tough times. How's it... Are you excited in America that you have this new global facing Britain that we could maybe rekindle our old national romance. It's here, I think, we're concerned, but more so because we're looking at you all and hoping that we can forecast what's coming for us. I think there's a part of it that as you're going through this divorce, we're trying to see, okay, well, you all set the model for us. And then if it is some kind

of divorce where, oh, they're occasional hookups. Okay, we now, we now look at that as the blueprint. But right now, it seems like like you are going through a divorce where you're still roommates and it's not very, it's not going very good as some people start labeling things in the refrigerator that may or may not have been there as to begin with. Ha ha ha. I don't, a friend who's at school, whose parents divorced.

And sorry, was they just took one end? Well, yeah, I mean, it's a school whose parents divorced. And what is it? They just took one end. Well, yeah, I mean, it's a long time ago now. I didn't say anything. You didn't specify it. You, I don't know, your friend is calling us. I want to tell you how long of your life. Well, thank you very much, Wes.

Very tolerant of you. And in a year that's seen so much intolerance, that open-minded attitude can only be a beacon of hope. But his player in split up and basically took one end of the House H and put a wall on me in the middle. Yeah. Wow.

And I think there was even a hatch to pass meals through the wall. And the kids. Yeah. Oh, that's kind of great. I would hope though that when it was time for each one to like go like, okay, now it's your father's weekend that they would still make the kid not go through the hatch, but like pack a bag and walk out the front door and then walk to the other front door, knock on the door and just like there still has to be some sort

of formality to it all that I would hope would exist. Well, I hope they drive him 10 miles away to a service station, petrol station and hand them over to Ford. Or even better. I'm even share a left home afterwards. David Davis, the Secretary of State for working out exactly what the **** we voted for, has said that we could now leave the EU and then essentially use the money that we've saved to pay for access to the European single market.

Understandably, people who wanted us to not just leave Europe but leave the entire universe, not happy with this. The critics have said this is essentially like canceling your membership of your local boxing club, but still turning up every night to let everyone else punch you in the face. So, I don't know, we are torn as a nation white. We are very, very, very torn.

Yeah, you're screwed. It's maybe time for you all to take back Australia. Well, I mean, this is definitely one option, the relaunch of the British Empire, because we do have a pretty impressive track record of just thinking, right? There's not enough going on here. Yeah. Let's just go and explore. Yeah.

This isn't done right. Let's fix it for them. Some news just breaking. And latest government statement, they've been analyzing Brexit. Turns out we've not just voted to leave the EU or the single market or to get rid of anyone from this country who can't trace their bloodline directly back to Bodicea at the very least. But we've also voted to leave UEFA, the governing body of European football, and to join a new football continent, Antarctica. So all of the England, Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales will be becoming part of the Federation Continental of Football in Antarctica and the islands around southern oceanic longitudes

or together this full official acronym back off and die asshole. You're right, there was no need for that. Anyway, strap in penguins, you guys are about to get beaten too nila wembley in a disappointingly turdied encounter. Brexit not the only meaty economic issue in Britain this week. It turns out the new £5 notes launched to much fanfare earlier in the year because it enabled you to forget about the money in your pockets of your trousers and put them through the wash and laugh to worry about it. It turns out these £5 notes are not suitable for vegetarians because they have some animal fat in them.

The plastic polymer that the notes are made from contains small amounts of tallow, which is derived from animal waste products from the processing of animal corpses. And people are not happy, why? I mean, our vegans in particular are up in arms because they can no longer snort cocaine up a five pound notes. These are dark days for this divided country. Yeah, if you're not a meat eater, you're definitely not a meat sniffer. The vice website calculated the total amounts of tello used in all the bank notes would require the collected corpses of not one thousand

or one million dead cows, but 0.5 dead cows. There's not a lot of meat in these bank notes. So I think I understand a bit. Some people are not happy. I mean, I guess the problem is what kind of precedent does it set? What if the Bank of England have been actually saw that it's a small amount of beef they've been slaughtering one animal per note so that each bank note has its own unique DNA fingerprint to help combat fraud. What if we let this pass and we've got a new

10 pounder coming out next year and I think what people didn mind, the tallow slather all over the last year's five is like butter on a big bastard's breakfast, why don't we staple an endangered butterfly to every single tenor just to get the conversation started? What, what happens if 20 pound notes are withdrawn from circulation and replaced with rashes of bacon? What then? People do not think about the implications

of these apparently trivial issues. I mean, this does feel like it's sending you on a soil and green path. First year economy is sort of in the shitter, a post-Brexit, and now... That's a technical economic term. I think it, I went to Wharton. I didn't actually attend classes, I just went.

Um, but I think once that starts, yeah, this is, I feel like putting a little bit of meat product in your money, it's going to save, there's not going to be a need for bread lines. Your ATM machines just become your automated bread lines where people will just go and they'll pull out a five and then they'll just eat it directly. I've eaten in London. I don't, you gave us, you just gave us a wagg-a-mama here. And let me say, I've been to wagg-a-mama before.

I'd eat a five pound bank note over another bowl of soup wagomama. First you all have your sort of isolation as Brexit thing happening that spreads to us. Now you give us wagomama. What is next? What else will you curse us with? Well, cricket hopefully. We had one go that a while ago and you rejected it. I mean, that could mean that could mean America's salvation in the Trump era. If Trump learns to play cricket, that could civilize the man. Oh, that. I would actually, I would love if every televised speech he gave

instead of giving a speech, it was just him learning to play cricket. Just me and Nigel Farage are going to play cricket, but I got to learn how to play it first. Well, Farage is a big cricket fan, so maybe this explains why he's been sent as an unofficial man in Washington. Yeah. It is a cricket-based scheme, it all makes sense. Yeah. The uses of Tallow through history are quite interesting. It's been used in candles, The uses of tallow through history are quite interesting. It's been used in candles, soldering, engine lubrication, even aviation fuels, the US Air Force,

we're using a jet which was powered by tallow apparently. All right, the meat plane. The famous meat plane. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, can you be a vegan fighter pilot? Presumably, you have to be prepared to kill some things if you're a, can you be a vegan fighter pilot? Presumably, you have to be prepared to kill some things if you're a fighter pilot. So a bit of a bit of meat in your airplane fuel

isn't gonna upset you. Unless you're a fighter pilot who's vegan, who's just going to possibly shame your enemies. You're not gonna, you're not gonna actually shoot any of these. You just fly by and look at them sternly and like hold up some photos. You're that kind of fighter pilot.

Are there many of them in the USA force at the moment? Not as many as you think. Yeah, they don't go far. After their first mission where they come back and they say, well, I didn't have any confirmed kills, but I really made a lot of people think about what they're going to do. It's a bizarre story. It's one of these things that seems simultaneously a massive overreaction and entirely justified

on religious or ethical ground. And it is amazing that no one thought, oh, some people not a bit uncomfortable with using particles of dead stuff when they're not really necessary these days, particularly given that we are Britain and there is a precedent historically for people getting annoyed by Tallow. In the 1857 Indian mutiny, apparently Hindus were disgusted by the use of Tow in cartridges for guns.

And that's behocked this massive mutiny, a basic, basically, provoked a war. So maybe historically, we should have known that. But if there's one thing we have as a nation, it is the ability to completely forget bad things we've done in the past, that is one of our defining features. This also may be your passive aggressive way

to try to combat immigration and also vegans and sort of what many might consider liberal elites is that, okay, if you put meat in your money, then all of a sudden, okay, you get rid of anybody who has a problem with that. If you don't like it, then get out of the country. All the red meat brits will have their meat money to themselves. Well, that could work more effectively

than most of the other attempts our government has made to stop immigration, which basically involve looking cross and putting up an extra set of cliffs at Dover. Interestingly, Scottish banknotes are okay, apparently. The Scottish notes do not consider tallow. Partly because tallow there is, I don't waste it on banknotes, it's considered a culinary delicacy in Scotland, it's byproducts of rendering animal corpses. The perfect accompaniment to other Scottish culinary delicacies, such as mashed up rat lung,

socky, whole street vomit scraping, no glass of wager night out, it's complete without a packet of those beauties, and deep fried fossil anuses. So there's a reason for that. Do they still put toenails into a sheep's stomach and serve that as a children's dish? Yeah, that's what makes us grow up tough as a nation.

Yeah. Yeah, the Scots, I think, are probably the most inventive culinary nation in history, just because they look at things that no one else would think of putting in their mouths. Yeah, I think, well, give it a go. would think of putting in their mouth. Yeah. I think, well, give it a go. I think, good. I think the phrase, one man's trash is another man's dinner is a Scottish phrase. Just on Donald Trump, apparently last year he only followed 47 people on Twitter and one

of them was former Australian cricket adameon Martin. Oh, how did you find that out, Chris? I just Googled Donald Trump cricket, and that was the first result. He followed Damien Martin on Twitter. Good cricketer. Very elegant, batsman. Yeah, Mars batsman.

Damien Martin commented that he didn't know why. Wow. Well, here's the other thing. There was a really great documentary called Small Potatoes who killed the USFL, which was the United States Football League. And the answer is Donald Trump. And it's this documentary about how he wanted an NFL team so badly that he bought a USFL team and then put the USFL into direct competition with the NFL in the hopes that he could then sue the NFL for being a monopoly because at the time they were the only football league on television, on like all the major networks. And so he did this in the process,

killed the USFL, but was hoping he could sue his way into the NFL. And instead the case, he was right, but he was awarded one dollar because he was awarded one dollar. Wait, the win. They were like, we saw what you did and what you did was basically ruin one business so that you could try to get something for yourself, which should have been a warning about what a Trump presidency is going to be like. But maybe this whole thing has still just been a really long game to get rid of football and replace it with cricket.

Well, that brings us on to this week's Trumpet section. Well, it's not just Britain's refusing to accept an election results? They recounts imminent in America and Donald Trump has claimed that there has been voter fraud. Now, as often you get the winner in an election claiming there's been fraud. I mean, this is extraordinary, isn't it? Yeah. It feels as though even the winners at this point

don't want the result. Like he's saying, yeah, he thinks that he should have won the popular vote. And then you have Jill Stein on the other side asking for recounts to possibly see that maybe Hillary Clinton won the electoral college, or one more states than she did. And at this point, it feels as though maybe we could broker some sort of negotiation where Donald Trump is willing to trade some of his electoral college votes for a popular vote when which might solve all our problems.

It's not Jill Stein thinking that, you know, thinking what, I can't have only got 1% of the vote, whatever. Of course she got, I want to recount. I reckon I've got at least 60. Yeah. I mean, could we be looking at a Jill Stein presidency if she's right? I think at this point, anybody, even if a zoo animal were to somehow get enough electoral college votes, if the ghost of that dead gorilla, Harambe, were to somehow pull out a win,

I think people would be much happier with that than what's going on right now when you have both winners and losers freaking out It feels as though. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is maybe we should maybe just restart this whole game Let's just let's just have one more year of Obama and why don't we just restart this election process all over again? Because nobody seems that that happy with what's happened. There is something I will say that as an American, this feels like one of those similar things. When you were a child and somebody told you for the first time in your life that Santa Claus wasn't real, and you go crying home to your parents and they're like, no, no, Santa's real. And then they write you

like a really shitty letter that they sort of, that they give, that they give to you from Santa, but it's on family letterhead. So you're like, well, it sort of works. But this, this says it's, it's from the Smiths and where the Smiths. What, why, you've just, you've just ruined Christmas for at least 20% of our listeners who are still clinging to... ...clinging to hope that... ...just sign might save Christmas. Yeah, that, that, that too.

Trump, but then... Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, look at Jill Stein go. The latest Trump pointments to the Trump cabinet been interesting. He seems to be basically going after the hyper wealthy elites that his voters wanted him to take down by punishing these hyper wealthy elites with the ultimate punishments, forcing them to serve in his cabinet. That will teach them.

But one exception to the multi-millionaire capitalists who will be tasked with bringing multi-millionaire capitalists to heal under the instructions of a multi-millionaire capitalist is the incoming defense secretary, sorry, defense, defense or defense. It's if you're, if your team is down, it's defense, but if you're doing well, defense. Okay. So I mean, I don't know how Trump coming back could change midway through his presidency, I think. He has appointed James Maddog Matis.

Well, I mean, that is a worrying nickname for a defense secretary, a widely admired military figure. But being Donald Trump's defense secretary, he could be very, very busy indeed. That could be, I'm not sure, 24, 7, 3, 6, 5 could be enough to be the Trump defense secretary. He's got an interesting, interestingly contradictory nicknames. Mad Dog is one, but also he's known as the warrior monk. How do those two fit together? A mad dog and a monk. Well, and not just a monk, a warrior monk. Like, I've always assumed monks to be very peaceful people.

And that would suggest that he's aggressively peaceful. Like, we want quiet in here, and I will choke everyone in this room to get it. Namaste. That does square with some of the things he said, some quotes from, uh, from Mad Dog Mattis, uh, this be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet. That's, that's when you walk into a restaurant. That's what you gotta do.

Jav, interview, restaurant, anything. Be polite, be professional, but also have a plan to kill everybody. I'm sure there was a context that they explained that, but out of context, it's much more entertaining. I think the context was speed dating. He was appointed because Donald Trump's preferred candidate was unavailable.

That was Hannibal Smith from the A team, who could not take out the post due to fictitiousness. That is despite prolonged negotiations with the agent of actor George Peppard, who played Smith in the hit 1980s TV series, but sadly died more than 20 years ago. Yeah. That's a shame. I always assumed Trump was a Howlin' Mad Murdock kind of guy.

Well, I think he's got him lined up to be... He'll be joint chiefs of staff or something. Yeah, you'd expect that. Yeah. He'll find a place for Murdock, unquestionably. Yeah. And he's going to treat the rest of us like BA Barakas and slip us a Mickey in our milk so he can do whatever he wants. We'll just wake up on a plane, just confused knowing that we hate being on planes.

Now, Andy, you were talking about your financial problems in the UK and here in the United States and in the city of New York, we've got some financial issues of our own. There was a man just this past week who was in New York City, who was walking by an armored truck, saw a bucket on the back of the armored truck, looked at the bucket for a while, then took the bucket and walked down the street and found out that the bucket bucket filled with over $1 million in gold flakes, which raises the question, who needs that many gold flakes? What are you doing with that many gold flakes? It's, I mean, it's obvious that those gold flakes are probably going to Donald Trump as some sort of post-election celebratory cereal that he may eat. You know, everything he touches turns to gold, whether it's by physically painting it

gold or by eating something and shitting all over it, so it's not covered in gold. He has a mantra he lives by and we have to respect it. I mean, another question that arises is, I mean, it's all right while having, you know, was it $1.6 million worth of gold in the back of a security truck? I mean, the guy working the security truck, I guess, has a few questions to answer about leaving a bucket full of gold unattended. But how did the gold get into the bucket? Who had a pile of $1.6 million worth of gold flakes and thought what's possible receptacle would

be the most appropriate for this to be transported and then came up with the answer of ****ing bucket? How did that happen? What? What does happens to your country that people can put $1.6 million of gold in a bucket and think that that is acceptable? It says something about the perhaps the declining value of gold that we don't trust gold as we no longer want to live by a gold standard anymore, that it's good enough for a bucket. Buckets are where fried chicken go, they're where paint go, they're things you put on your head when you're having a toga party.

It's really? Yeah, we do things a little differently here. I don't know how your toga parties go, but ours, if there's not a bucket on somebody's head, then it's not a toga party. That's how the ancient Romans used to wear, isn't it? Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah. That's its bucket is derived from the Roman word party hat. Obviously. I'm not sure that info. Yeah. The other part of the story that I find interesting though is there's video of the guy and you see him walk past and notice the bucket and he stares at the bucket for a while and he does a few passes where it seems like he's scoping out the bucket. I don't think he knew what was in the bucket. I think he may have just thought, you know what, I could use a bucket. I think he may have just thought, you know what, I could use a bucket.

Somebody is spouse maybe said, hey, we need a mop the kitchen floor, go out and get a bucket. And he was on the way home, remembered bucket. Right, I forgot the bucket. Oh wait, there's a bucket. Should I take that bucket? Okay, I'll take that bucket. And then took a bucket, took it home, mopped the floors, and now the floors are worth $1.6 million.

In other news, former Cuban leader Fidel Castro has finally died, having beaten what Cuban officials claim were more than 600 attempts to assassinate him, mostly by America's CIA. I mean, those are mostly dating back to the years when Wiley Coyote was acting director of the CIA and was trying to take out Castro with giant magnets, acame earthquake pellets, and CIA agents strapping themselves to giant fireworks and firing themselves out of cannons. It's an extraordinary, I think I've read, or six, there was a documentary called 638 Ways to Kill Castro. So, listen, that's even over, over six.

Did you ever attempt to kill Fidel Castro? What? I mean, I assume most Americans must have had a crack at it at some point. In it, vertically, I did. I, yeah, inadvertently, I, as a child, I sent a letter to Cuba and didn't realize that the crayons I was writing my note to Fidel Castro

that the crayons were laced with arsenic. All right. Yeah. Easy mistake to make. Yeah, it was a school thing. They had the school drop pictures and write letters to Castro. And yeah, the CIA had laced all of the crayons with arsenic. We only found out after six of the children died. Some kids just love to eat crayons. Oh, yeah, I mean, that's, I mean, they're quite good for you, actually. I think it's a bit of a crayon every now and again, balanced diet. Not with arsenic, they're not.

No, no, except that arsenic. I mean, as a parent, I've learned the hard way how dangerous it is to feed arsenic to children. Your emails now, and this came in from Dave Burke of it in Schaumburg, Illinois, which is a good name for a town, said, dear, hello Andy, can the bugle financial section provide some good solid advice on quality investments in a world where it will soon be illegal to sleep more than 20 miles or 100 kilometers in the UK from the place of your birth? So I mean, well, we took about a golden bucket's wire. Are there any financial experts, obviously? I mean, is there any advice you can dispense to our listeners?

Well, as I said, I've been a warden and I would say at this point, your best investment is a canoe. I think canoes are great investments because whether on land or on sea, you can sleep in it, you can move it around and if worse comes to worse, you can use it to fend off a bear attack. The whole bottom edge of it is all sharp, like an ice-keep. That is the kind of wisdom that we have on the show for. Thank you. Thank you very much for that. And what do you want? It's an economic fact that canoes historically have never depreciated in value. There has never

been a canoeing company who shares have declined. That is the fact. Yeah. And just quickly before we wrap up this week show, this came in from Jeff. Dear Andy, just checking to see that the email address has not yet stopped working. And that email address is hellobuglers

at thebugelpodcast.com. So we'll have more of your emails next week. That brings us to the end of this week's Bughal. Thank you very much for listening. We'll be back next week with Mr. Nish Kumar returning from exciting globe trotting expeditions. He was just about to go to Mongolia last time he was on the show, wasn't he? So we'll see how Mongolia treated him. I hope he's brought us an elk or something back as a souvenir. Mongolia may be the place where we all go to after our countries fall apart. Well, there's a lot of space in Mongolia. It is one of the least densely populated countries in the world ever since,

well, I don't know, they've basically invaded Europe about 700 years ago, don't they? Chris, you're on site, historian? It was 700 years ago, was it? I don't know, time flies these days. It sounds like we'll be back for our futures. We'll be back next week with that. In the meantime, don't forget to book your tickets for my Soho Theatre run from the 20th of December And the so-ho theatre website. I'll tweet I'll tweet a link to it as well. Are you telling me to do that? Or are you telling them to do that? Oh, yeah, yeah, you are what I will even I could even get you

At least a two pound discount on a ticket, but just gonna go. I am just you. Yeah. All right. I like crying I've got a lot of of living mate. Right. You don't think you can download what's a new album, what angry night in November on his website. Anything else you'd like to, you'd like to plug? You're a show at the Soho Theater. Thanks mate. Cheers buddy. You should go check it out. You actually, Andy, you should check it out partly because you're in it. I'm in it. I should write it first and then I'll check it out. So I know 23 December. You could wing it. I could wing it. Any otherugglers, thank you very much for listening. We'll be back next week and we'll be back with us often you year hopefully. Yes. Until next time goodbye. Goodbye.

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