The Bugle - Bugle 4008 – Citation Needed

Episode Date: December 10, 2016

Andy and Nish report on the latest experiments with democracy in Europe and look at the latest actions of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson. Plus – India Jones, traffic lights and your letters Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugglers! And welcome to issue 4,000 and 8 of the Buggle the week by week, weekly, 7-day installment by 7-day installment, live in cyclopeter of the 21st century.

I am Andy Zoltzman, Doctor of Truth. Sorry, Doctorer of Truth. That is a piece of the lumbar style there. And I'm live in London, the spiritual home of the slightly resentful glance. Doctor of Truth. Sorry, Doctorer of Truth. That is a key syllable I missed out there. And I'm live in London, the spiritual home of the slightly resentful glance. And I am joined this week back for his second crack at the controls of HMS Bugle

to see if he can Titanic it into a iceberg. It's Nish Kumar. Hello, Andy. Hello, Bugleers. I'm back. Welcome back. So I should just point out I know Titanic was not an HMS. What was Titanic?

What Titanic's initials? Chris, you're our maritime shipping expert. BS? BS. All that being inappropriate. LAUGHTER RMS. RMS. RMS.

Anyway, that was a needless diversion, but... LAUGHTER I mean, really, if I start picking up on minor factors and actually- Yeah, I was going to say Andy, given the previous, however many episodes there have been, if they were on Wikipedia, would have a giant aspect towards citation needed in 78 point fun. I'm not sure if I'll open this particular Pandarica. I think we should get that citation needed on the next range of Google merch. LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Um, anyway, so, Nish, last time you were on this newscast, I've held onto a job. Absolutely. No one is more surprised about that than me. The rehab for coma. The, you were just about to fly off to Mongolia. That's right. I was just about to leave for Mongolia.

And how did Mongolia treat you? Andy, last time we spoke, I was a man who had not milked a horse. And now, as we speak, I'm a man who is still never milked a horse. All right. Okay. I failed to milk a horse. That's what I wanted to tell you. Did you attempt to milk a horse? Yeah. Right.

I was in Mongolia making a travel programme, which hopefully because we're able to see it later on into 2017. Mongolia is a really spectacular country. It's really interesting and amazing. There's a lot of space going on out there, a lot of space. I met some incredible people that were really friendly and when we arrived there on one of the first days, we met a lady who said, the key thing you know need to know about Mongolians is they don't hate you as much as it looks like they hate you. She said that the Mongolians traditionally have good hearts, but angry faces. That was exclusively my experience of Mongolian walking, thinking, well, I've really messed up here. And then actually, Peter E.

It really warmly, it's absolutely lovely people. And on one of the first days, we went to say with a family in a tent out kind of in what they call the step, which is kind of this desert. It's really one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. We were staying in with this family who were really sweet to us. When we arrived there, obviously, there's a huge language barrier.

And so we were all just kind of sat there, sort of in silence, kind of smiling at each other. And then a small child walked in who belonged to the family, she wasn't just roaming the Mongolian state. And she sort of took a look at the situation and then did what I can only describe as an almighty fart. The kind of fart that you do not associate with three-year-olds, the kind of fart you associate with 56-year-old alcoholic there. It was absolutely astonishing. All of us started laughing, and that broke the ice.

Right. Nothing breaks the ice better than a farting giant. LAUGHTER Never a true word spoken on this podcast. That's what I learned from Mongolia, basically. Okay. So I mean, how, talk us through the filing to Milka Horse. How, how spectacularly, did you end up with one presumably very angry horse? I ended up with a string of very angry horses, Andy. It's a, they, they, they milk horses and they ferment the milk and make a sort of beer called agar, which,

I mean, we ate a lot of great stuff in Mongolia, but drinking that was the closest I've ever felt a death. It really was. It's a unique bouquet. So in order to do that, they obviously have to milk the horses. And this lady did it and she did it just so easily, just knelt down, milked the horse, but I approached the horses and those things looked at me like, please keep your hands away from my never regions. I've never seen such anger in an animal. Did you definitely pick a lady horse? Now we're getting close to the problem. Now we're getting close to the problem. Anyway, this is hindsight is 2020 Andy.

This is the Google issue 4,000 8th, the week beginning Monday, the 12th of December, 2016. Can you believe, Nish? It is already 608 years since the foundation of the Order of the Dragon. I absolutely cannot. A monocleical chivalric order founded by King Sigismund of Hungary. Are you a member? I am not. Right. You're not concerned about fighting the enemies of Christianity. You're not one of those trendy dragons rights campaigners.

Are you a commentator on one of my guardian articles? And on this day, in 1901, Mark Oney received the first transatlantic radio signal, the letter S in Morse code. History does not report the following three letters. And on December the 10th, so I mean Saturday, that'll be this year in 1868, the first ever traffic lights were installed outside the Palace of Westminster in London. And that's just a mile from where we're recording today. And of course, we at the Bugle of Honored and Privileged to have exclusive access to the British National Audio Archives, containing all the sound ever generated in this country since 1519, and of course Henry VIII invented shouting. And we have the audio recording of the first ever use of a traffic light which took place

as I said here in Yundan, 148 years ago this weekend, just a mile away from here. Gentlemen, the red signal means you must not go, the green signal means you may go. I will now turn the signal from red green Shift it, you can't. BELL RINGS So, the first of you sort of traffic light in London. BELL RINGS What did I say last time, Andy? Yeah, accent work is undervalued.

That was like watching Eddie Murphy in Norbert. On the second of January 1869, just three weeks later, that traffic light exploded. BELL RINGS Second of January 1869, just three weeks later, that traffic light exploded. So, but interestingly, you know, I don't know if we talked about this before, in athletics, the, if you, a full start is if you go within 0.1 seconds of the gun going off, that's, because that is considered

the fastest possible human reaction. And they measure that based on the time between a traffic light turning green in London and someone honking a horn. This is what was the human brain of the book. Also, it's 80 years this weekend since Edward VIII abdicated. And this was an interesting quote from his own private secretary, nine years before the abdication, what he became king and abdicated in the same year in 1936. I can't help thinking that the best thing that could happen to him and to the country would be for him to break his neck.

That's not a ringing endorsement from someone employed by you. That historical event also inspired the film that Madonna directed. I think there was a biopic of Wallace Simpson. Oh right. And arguably that movie was so bad, it is a worse consequence of his abdication than the constitutional crisis that followed. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight into the bin. This week, as we continue our exclusive build-up to Christmas 2016,

World Exclusive Coverage, we have the latest pre-Christmas injury gossip and Well, it's not looking too good actually for Santa this year. Prance looking doubtful for the big night after rupturing in Achilles in training There has been a lot of injuries them in the rain days quad this year. Dasha down with a touch of moose flu He's touched and go vixen reportedly pregnant and of Moose flu. He's touched and go, Vixen reportedly pregnant, and, or the boss manager, is furious, according to reports. And no prizes for getting who the father might be after Rudolf was relegated to the back of the lineup. And Donna, after an administrative mix-up, currently having a large metal spit removed from his body and treatment for all over Burns to his fur. Also, in the Christmas

in the bin section, Christmas apps, new apps to help you through Christmas this year, including present and correct, an app that enables you to share with your partner, your romantic partners, the amount of money you've each spent on each other's Christmas presents. So make sure you can either match up beats or deliberately undercuts your loved ones.

And a major danger. That's an app that analyzes how securely large Christmas scenes in churches are made so that you know whether a manger may or may not collapse. And you're right, I just didn't think of the term manger danger there. LAUGHTER BELL RINGS

BELL RINGS Top story this week. Party time. Andy, it's it's December. We got Christmas, we got new years. You know what that means? It means party time. And it's big party across Europe because there's been some good news, some good news coming out of European politics. Alexander Vanderbeilin won the Austrian election, defeating Norbert Hoffa of the far right freedom party, party time, Andy. It's party time. Yes, the far right party did win 45% of the vote, but it's still party time. We need to hold onto this. Some people are saying that this isn't necessarily good news. We shouldn't be celebrating that Nazis have not won a major

election. But given the all you can eat buffet of utter feces that has been 2016's political news, it is a sweet relief to know that Cobbon says has prevailed and a far-right party has not won an election in a major European country. Particularly Austria. Yeah. Just, I guess comes to that democratic conclusion. It's better late than never, I suppose. Listen, they're learning from their mistakes, Andy. A Green Party politician, Werner Kogler, I don't know if I've pronounced that right, but let's go with that.

And Vanda Bellen, he does sound like a name that we've made up. But he's, he's, he's his actual name. He was formerly in the Green that we've made up. But it's his actual name. He was formerly in the Green Party running as an independent, a Green Party politician described the result as, quote, a small global turning of the tide in these uncertain, not to say hysterical and even stupid terms. Well, I don't know if it's a turning of the tide. You know, one of those turnings of the tide

where the tide goes out a bit before a massive tsunami comes in instead. But we'll take it. It has been, it has been a wet year on the beach, Nish. Party time. Yeah. It might just be someone throwing a bucket of water into the sea. But we'll take it. We've got to take what we can get.

It would have been an absolutely disastrous result if he'd won. There's been some commissarations across the far right of Europe. This is slightly extraordinary claim from one of his supporters who said that if Hoffa had won, he would have proved he wasn't a Nazi if he had been elected. Now that is a very dangerous game to play, especially given that he is the leader of a party who was founded by a group of ex-Nazis. But that is still a very dangerous claim.

If somebody said to you, you go stick your dick in that lion's mouth. And that will prove that the lion will not bite your dick off. You'd probably think, who is running this today? LAUGHTER And also, when you look at the track record of people who have, you know, run as Nazis and then got into power, I mean, for example, Adolf Hitler, Rana Zanazi, and then if anything, became much, much more of a Nazi,

absolutely after winning the election, much, much more of a Nazi, absolutely, after winning the election, much, much more. And he was pretty much a hundred and twenty percent Nazi. Yeah, he went full Nazi, power really teased the Nazi out of him. Interestingly, Hoffa has had a pop at Nigel Farage who, enjoying himself after interfering with British democracy and now fierce faith trying to interfere with everyone else's, as well. He's been blamed by it in the freedom of party for the defeat because he claimed on Fox news that Hoffa would hold a referendum on Austria leaving the EU. And Hoffa described

these comments as a crass misjudgment, which I think Farah probably took as a compliment. Adding that it does not fill me with joy when someone meddles from outside. The ultimate insult to Farah. Especially because that's what he accused Barack Obama of doing. Earlier in the EU referendum, he said that it didn he accused Barack Obama of doing earlier in the EU referendum. He said that it didn't help that Obama came and interviewed and he's not learning his own lessons for Raj. What is whole political career is based on the idea that people come in and meddle from the outside.

We've got to take the positives from the situation and it does seem to be sort of one in the eye for right wing populism. But 2017, as bad as 2016, has been, could be limbring up to be a sequel in the vein of the matrix sequels, and it could be longer and even more painful. But because there are major relations happening here in France and Germany next year, and the sort of hope is that this is kind of one in the eye for the right wing populists. And my, the thing that I find most interesting about this is the way that these people brand themselves,

like calling themselves the national front, in Italy they're called the five-star movement. Even the fact that they're called populists, is a real victory of branding. Because if you walk around calling yourself popular, there is a chance people will go, well, there must be pretty popular. It's like the ultimate confidence streak. And I'm still not sure why we've all gone along with that idea. When Prince changed his

name to the artist formerly known as Prince, we just laughed at him and then kept calling him Prince. But it's very strange. I've got some possible suggestions for alternative names to stop calling them right-wing populists. My suggestions are dickheadism, woodstock for shipbags, nutcase enablers, the dark side of the force, art holes and half the way. Because for whatever reason, I'm a fan of an half the way, but people seem to really hate an half the way.

And I think if we start... It's just the one that married Shakespeare or... LAUGHTER Well, that is right I'm like for. Are they blaming Shakespeare's romantic comedies on the fact that he was... I think they might be slightly confusing too, and half the way. LAUGHTER

Well, in France, Marine Le Pen, who is the daughter of one of France's biggest ever shitheads, is... Well, she could be, she could be president by this time next year. Very scary. She's behind in the polls, but that is generally a pretty sure-far sign

that she's gonna romp to f***ing victory. LAUGHTER This week, she calls some controversy with these comments. I've got nothing against foreigners, but I say to them if you come to our country, don't expect you'll be taken care of and that your children will be educated for free. And then follow that by saying it's the end of playtime, which is contradictory messages, isn't it? Saying that your children will not be allowed to go to school, but then also won't have playtime either. So if they're not going to school, playtime is all they've got left. She did try to, there's going to be playtime 24-7, which coincidentally is an issue's name on the comedy circuit. But anyway, she tried to play T, though, that or NK 47.

She tried to clarify matters by saying that she meant only illegal immigrants, not all foreigners. So everyone assumes that what she really meant was all foreigners. That is basic, what she said. Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's why she, she has, many hotels said, worked very hard to detoxify the foreign national party's extremist image. But not entirely detoxified, because I guess if you're a right wing leader, you need, what 2016 has shown is you need to have an effective level

of electable toxicity. You don't want to be completely detoxified. You want to be, have enough toxicity to poison people to make them feel sick and angry, but still leave them just alive enough to vote. That is the absolute key. Electable toxicity is Andy's no more than UK companies. It does seem that fascism has had a rebrand,

because I thought we were all under the impression collectively that it was a bad thing. It is definitely a tainted brand. It's definitely, I thought it was a tainted brand, but it seems like everybody's sort of cool with it now Trump was openly endorsed by the KKK and I just sort of seemingly co-opted fascist propaganda for Brexit What I'm worried about is where does this leave Indiana Jones? Because why these questions never asked in the mainstream

Classic MSM bias wake up she called I Classic MSM bias wake up, she cool. In the other terms, I always thought was the story of a sort of plucky archaeologist and his bloody sailor who were trying to keep the holy grail out of the hands of Nazis. And then it has a happy ending when the grail doesn't get stolen by fascists. But now, in 2016, we have to redo that entire film. It's now a horrible story about a group of outright activists who are trying to get hold of the Holy Grail for reasons of economic anxiety or to keep it out of the hands of Islamic fundamentalists. And then some liberally

academic comes along from the establishment with his Muslim friend and tries to interfere because of political correctness. And actually, the ending is very sad because the outright activist drink from the wrong cup, and they could have consulted the academic given that he was actually an expert in biblical history. But I think we have all had enough of experts. Testify.

But when was that? How old is Indiana Jones now? They're from the 80s. So, I mean, he must be 17 now for the Fees of Day. So he's probably swung right. I think he's... LAUGHTER That's the very dark fifth Indiana Jones movie.

Indiana Jones and The Change of Heart. I've travelled the world. I know what these people are like. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER of heart. I've traveled the world. I know what these people are like. Italy, which you mentioned, had its own little bout of democracy, a referendum, which resulted in an overwhelming thwacking for the Prime Minister Matteo Renzi who resigned and was replaced by caretaker Prime Minister Matteo Renzi who then and was replaced by caretaker Prime Minister Matteo Renzi who then resigned again, as far as I can work. It seemed to resign twice in three days.

There's someone certainly over who's going to take over. I think it goes back to the beginning of the rotation now because everyone in Italy has had a go. And here this referendum now, I think a lot of the problems with Brexit came from the wording of the question, which was quite vague. It basically just asked us a kind of loose opinion question, should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union, which is a kind of vague half-assed question. We will leave the European Union. It's gone a bit like asking,

should Mike ask Trina out on a date? Should we be playing 442 or should I wear this shirt with these trousers? A question which in Mike's experience tends to lead to the answer no. But in Italy, when the other way, and they manage it like a 65% turnout for a referendum, the question of which was, do you approve the text of the constitutional law on the, quote, provisions for exceeding the equal by camera-lism, reducing the number of MPs, the containment of operating costs of the institutions, the suppression of the CNEL and the revision of Title V of Part II of the Constitution, close quotes, approved by Parliament and published

in the official Gazette number 88 of 15th of April 2016. And 65% of Italians turn up to vote for that. That is a victory for democracy regardless of the result. Renzi was trying to introduce sweeping reforms to Italy's notoriously slow cumbersome and costly government and lost 59% of 41 because, I think what happened here is that in this age of blurring national identities

of global consciousness and fracturing communities, Italy has to hold on to at least some of its defining features. Everyone eats pasta, everyone eats pizza now. A lot of countries play negative football, but nowhere has notoriously slow cumbersome and costly government as Italy. They cannot let that go. This was the people rising up saying, no, you cannot take it away from us. It was an incredibly complicated referendum and it seems like the Italians take the same approach to their democracy as they do to their churches, spectacularly flamboyant.

Really, really flamboyant stuff in the pulpit and the ballot box. And the concern now is with Renzi stepping down. It may lead to something that's been described in Italy as a period of uncertainty, which is not a great description for a major European democracy. To be honest, in Italy, a period of uncertainty began in about 410 AD, didn't it? When the Vizigoth got a bit Larry on a night out. Oh, there's nothing worse than a Larry Vizigoth. A period of uncertainties, how I described the 24 hours after I ate a suspect kebab. That's not what you want. It's not what you want.

For Eddie Country, let alone Italy. The five-star movement, which is sort of a, that's a kind of more left-wing populism. I mean, Italy, Italian politics is as baffling as any other nations. And it was basically founded on ending Italy's notoriously slow cumbersome and costly government. And they were the main drivers behind defeating the referendum to do exactly that. And it essentially became a referendum on Renzi. He's been in, he's been a king of Italy for two and a half years, massive banking crisis,

40% youth unemployment, sluggish economy. Frankly, he could have written anything on that ballot paper, and he would have liked, he could have asked people if they wanted free ice cream forever, and we're still of lost by at least 10 points. That does seem to be the way that the Italians have simplified the whole thing down, is instead of this incredibly complicated question, essentially a piece of paper that says, do you like this

man or not? David Cameron was wise to sort of take, remove himself largely, especially the weeks leading up to Brexit, to not turn this into a plebiscite, because if he had done that, I think he would have been 100% go f*** yourself camera. I mean, it does raise the question if Renzi is going to... how's the time come for the return of Silvio? I mean, one of the reasons Renzi has been unpopular is that he has simply not put his penis in enough things. LAUGHTER Well, when you compare his popularity with Burlaskone, he's over many years. That's the only conclusion you can possibly draw.

Two words, Bunga, Bunga. Rennsey, you've made a huge mistake. BUZZER BUZZER Brexit news now, and unless you just mentioned David Cameron, he has made his first kind of major public appearance this week since catapulting himself into the chasm of history. He said, the rise of populism cost me my job. No, David. It was you calling a snap for

referendum on a hugely complicated issue without giving anyone the chance to really think about it properly or telling them what was actually going to happen if they did vote either way, just because you got a bit bored of newspapers saying referendum, referendum, referendum. And then campaigning for the side you claimed that you were heart and soul in favour of with the impassioned zeal and rock solid conviction of a frozen chicken at a rally for the compulsorisation of badminton in school. That is why you lost your job. Wasn't just populism.

It does seem like David Cameron is following a lot of his predecessors path and just moving on to the lucrative American lecturing circuit. Yeah, apparently, Osborne's on 26th grand a gig now. Yeah. That's nearly your race or something. Very close. They get close to your corporate race now. Very close to your corporate race. Very close. I do buy Bormitz for as well. So the highlight of the whole Brexit,

she's a model this week. We've had the Supreme Court talking about it very seriously in a way that an issue like Brexit is not supposed to be talked about. It's supposed to be left to simple headlines and people shouting at radio phonens. And we have 11 of the countries leading legal minds looking at it objectively, and we cannot cope with this in Britain.

Theresa May luckily has jumped into the breach with these wise words. People talk about the sort of Brexit there is going to be, is it hard or soft, is it grey or white? When is that based on the hair color of the most influential voters in the decision? I don't know. This sound like she's describing a meringue.

Um, actually she said we want a red, white and blue Brexit. Uh, now, a holy shit tories, though, where the f*** did that come from? B, who is telling you to say these things? And B part two, why have you not either sacked them or locked them in a soundproof safe? I've got one spare for you, D. And above all, C, congratulations on achieving the seemingly impossible.

You have said something even more mealing this than Brexit means Brexit. The linguistics expert said it could not be done. You looked them square in the face. You shoved a thussaurus in your mouth. You chewed it, swallowed it, and chandered it back up again whilst eyeballing them in the face. And you proved them wrong.

Fair play to Reza. I'm guessing she wants the kind of Brexit that would suit Panama or Paraguay. LAUGHTER Guadalupe. Guadalupe. Guadalupe. Guadalupe. Guadalupe. Yeah. Well, it just shows what a global nation we're becoming. This is exactly what Daniel had been saying.

We want a Brexit that suits the French, the Russians, the Americans, the Guadalupeans, the Paraguay, the Buffalo builds NFL team. They have to suit them. Any others you want to throw into the mix? Dominic and Republic. Yeah. Well, Wallace and Fortuna. Oh, I love someone is thinking about what Brexit means for Wallace and Fortuna. I always, I mean, Fortuna always struggled.

Feral ones. Feral ones. Replacing Grommet. Primeer. Primeer. Primeer. That could be in-sangery. Yeah, I mean, I was suggesting to be what's a crimeean Brexit.

That doesn't play Vladimir Putin is about to elect himself dictator of England. I'm trying to think of this more carefully. I think what she means is that she wants a Brexit based on the influential 1990s film trilogy, three colours. Directed by the Polish cinema legend, Christophe Kisłowski. Which, if you play them back, was the red, legend, Christof Kisłowski, which if you play them back was the red, white and blue films.

I can't remember which order they were in. They contain coded messages about capping immigration to Britain at 43 people per year. How easy it is to make a trade deal with China and under an hour. I'm wanting to have cubic British apples again like they were before Brussels made them all round. I hope that you too are right, because at the moment,

if she's not referring to either Britain or any one of the other countries or film trilogies that have been mentioned here, it does imply that we're going to emerge from Brexit, bruised, covered in blood, and all white. I think you might be quite cautious. I mean, it's an issue of... It's an issue of a pattern... I mean, I bleed quite cautious. I mean, it's kind of an issue of... An issue of a pattern...

I mean, I bleed red, white and blue, which is largely a dietary issue, and something I should probably have looked at by hematologist. I think maybe it's... What she's referring to is the three phases of the post-Brexit face, red being either embarrassment, guilt, or continued fury, white, blanching with worry about what we've just done, and then blue the language used to do the but we weren't told there were options of color schemes. Red golden green, I'd have liked a Brexit based on the color of boy George's dreams

in the hit 1983 song, Carma Cameleon. I'm assuming Black or Brown is not one of the options of this particular color chart. But it wasn't just to read the way that was thrown out there. The aforementioned Alexander Van der Bellen, the new incoming president of Austria, said that the Austrian flag will be a red-white red signal of hope for Europe. So, yeah, that's what I always think of when I look at the Austrian flag. Just screams hope. Last time I was here we talked about the fact that the Brexit vote was sort of enabled some of the kind of previously thought to be lunatic fringe

of British politics to come into prominence. And in the intervening weeks, that has just got truer and truer and truer. And a couple of weeks ago, Jacob Rees Mog was interviewed on News Night. Now, for the viewglist not from Britain or who may be unaware of who Jacob Rees Mog is, it's very difficult to describe him. He is a sort of kind of affable, but simsynister posh guy who turns off, he's basically like a prequel to Boris Johnson, essentially. And it's hard to believe that he is a real person.

It only really makes sense if 10 years time, if it only really makes sense, if in 10 years time it turns out who's being played by Sasha Barron, and the entire time and his entire career was a sort of bar out like prank. But he weighed in because there's been some findings recently for the Institute of Physical Studies that Brexit is going to mean that we're going to have sort of slower growth and it's going to directly impact people's wages, we're freezing, people's wages over the

next sort of couple of years. And he then said that experts, Suhtsaias and astrologers are all in much the same category and dismissed their opinion by then. And I know you're a fan of the classics Andy. He then waited in by quoting Cicero and he said, there's nothing so absurd that it hasn't been said by some philosopher. And I thought it was interesting that he was dismissing that kind of reasoned based opinion. Because if he's such a fan of Cicero, there's two other key quotes I think that he's missed out on here.

One is, The Wiser Instructed by Reason, Average Minds by Experience, The Stupid by Necessity, and The Brute by Instinct. And the other... Zing. ..and the other is, Do not listen to Jacob Reesogg, that guy is a total

asshole. Very wise man, Sissaro. I think I had that in my GCSEs. Yeah, that was in my year 7 copy of EK Romani. If you haven't seen him, Jacob Reesmog, just imagine the 1870s boiled down in some large saucepan and then sprinkled with some special aristocracy powder to create a human form. In 2016, you don't generally expect to encounter people who look like they could have colonized my ancestors. Ah! And it is a concern because a lot of the findings seem to be suggesting that it's going to impact

on the poorest people. And after all this talk, we're sort of taking back the country for ordinary British people to suggest that Brexit, at least in the short term, is not going to be great for the poorest people in society. And I know this isn't the most important thing, but what did not help is that Nigel Farage recently had a banquet thrown for him by a group of powerful millionaires at the Ritz hotel. And they were all drinking champagne and being served tables of Ferreiro Rache, which again for Google is not for England. It's a chocolate that's associated with the ambassadors reception

because of a 1980s advertising campaign. I was a jockey reference to Trump suggesting that for us become the UK's ambassador to America. Now, this is the thing. Far be it from me to lecture anyone on patriotism. But if Nigel Frash had a shred of loyalty to this country, he would not have held it at the ritz had been drinking French drinks and eating Italian sweets.

He would have held it in the car park of a travel lodge with a bunch of disgruntled football flans complaining about the recent appointment of Gareth Southgate. While everyone drunk cans of special brew and instead of Ferrero-Roshe, then of all but eating Terry's chocolate orange and not in segments that have been biting into it like an apple. That is what we fought two world wars for!

God save the Queen. I know I started that by explaining British references to American Bugglers and then ended it in an absolute hail of very specific. You'll just have to trust me. That was a very good joke. Google it. And now ladies and gentlemen on this week's bugle and it's time for the Trump. Well it's been a big week for Trump.

He's been voted time magazine's person of the year for 2016. Now we should emphasize this is not time magazine thinking this guy is the greatest thing. Greatest guy. Yeah, I mean, it's not for being a top, top, top geezer. No, I mean, given that past recipients include Adolf Hitler, you would hope that it is in Time Magazine's ringing endorsements. Yeah. Because I think they went straight from Hitler to Stalin, which is really... You know, it's more in certain character traits, but, you know, different wings of the political. It's really hedging your bets, isn't it? And Roosevelt went at three times, I think, in fact, in consecutive years, they had Roosevelt Hitler, Stalin, Churchill.

That is really hedging your bets. There have been some pretty vague ones recently. Hitler, Stalin, Churchill. That is really edgig of it. There have been some pretty vague ones recently. You, 2006, you won. There was just a warning to you. Not just... Basically, anyone who'd ever done anything online was a person of the year.

The American Fighting Man in 1950, American women in 1975, the computer in 1982, the endangered earth in 1988, Enid the Magic Fall in 2004, the letter Q, people who like brunch and drunk men on trains. All previous winners of the attract, this is not the first award, Trump's one, not the first person of the

year award, he's one either. Also, similar awards from other magazines, including today's ****, ****, knuckle international, opportunistic chance of monthly and MacRomey for the clinically insane. He beat off competition for Man of the Year. For a person like I said, Man of the Year, it was called Man of the Year up to 1999. That is. It seems jetively too late. It does seem too late because that is 87 years after women were scientifically proved to exist and to be the same species as men.

So it does seem we're in a new age of insult diplomacy with Trump and everything else that's happened to go. The sort of fury politics and drudge mockery that things are infuriating, informing the way people vote. And therefore Boris Johnson is the most appropriate foreign secretary we could have. Couldn't be a better man for the time for the insult age. And he was, he got

told off by his boss Theresa May for accusing the Saudis and Iran of manipulating religion and conducting proxy wars. Now this is a rare brush with something approaching the truth. He said there are politicians who are twisting and abusing religion and different strange of the same religion in order to further their own political objectives. Now, twisting and abusing say facts or economics is of course fine if you're Boris Johnson. Religion is beyond the pale. The government has been accused by the shadow foreign sexually Emily Thornberry of Shabby hypocrisy. And I, for one, think we need to get back to the proper honest above board straight down the line, unashamed hypocrisy, with which we

traditionally conduct our business with Saudi Arabia. And Prime Minister, may have just returned from a visit where she'd had dinner with the leaders of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, the UAE, Qatar, Bahrain and Oman. But it was fine, she had her husband's permission so they were she had her husband's permission so they were all right. Well she's been accused this week by Boris's supporters of being part of an orchestrated campaign to embarrass Boris Johnson, which is very unusual because normally he's very much the conductor of that orchestra and it very much takes care of his own embarrassments. But yeah, I mean he's not, he's not, he's not expressed himself ideally, but you know, a stopped clock or indeed a total is right twice a day.

Well, we're briefly talking about the subject of contentious remarks about another nation and also on Twitter. New Gingrich, who is by understanding, a full-ass ho. Took to Twitter this week to really celebrate, in quite a strange way, the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. He tweeted this, 75 years ago, the Japanese displayed professional brilliance and technological power launching surprises from Hawaii to the Philippines. Now that is not what I was expecting from New Gingrich. I did not expect New Gingrich to take Pearl Harbor as an opportunity to praise the Japanese soldiers. That is left field. I mean, that is left of the left field. That is

a very strange turn of events. And you're trying to imagine a world in which, if, say, a Democrat had decided to take the opportunity of the anniversary of Pearl Harbor to praise the Japanese army for skillfully blowing up a load of Americans. I suspect if it wasn't at the front, he would certainly be in the front third of the line to call those people out on that. It was a very strange move from Newt Gingrich. Did he follow it up by saying, so it'll be like about Stalin, he got the trains to run on time? I've heard that Newt Gingrich is angling for a position in Trump's government. Maybe and he got the trains to run on time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha someone known only as rotation north, who writes, there's been a lot said about American elections recently, but there is one important question that is yet to be answered. So I turn to the

Paragon of Virtue that is the bugle. Can you still donate to Rudy Giuliani's 2008 presidential campaign? And I think you can't anymore, but it does seem like he could well be in the front line of Trump's administration. So you could just send him a, you know, some loose change to Washington. Well, happened to all that money, because presumably people were still donating after 2008. I can't imagine that. Well, we tracked him, and he was still, it was still up for at least three years afterwards, possibly even through the 2012 campaign. I mean, I still, you know, in hindsight, it would have been goods had more people donate it if he'd won that election in 2008.

I don't believe Trump would have won in 2016. Is that possibly because America would have ceased to exist in 2009? Well, possibly. I don't know. I would take that at this jump. Well, the door's not shut to Giuliani now because Trump's really open the door, but I mean, Giuliani has some political experience. Trump has no political experience. It doesn't seem to know anything. Trump has opened the door for anyone. Rudy Giuliani, Mickey Mouse, Donald Sutherland, just anyone at this point. Donald Sutherland will be a... He's keeping it great, President. He probably get key for into the job forum as well on National Security.

If you can get him back off the... Who kidnapped? Is it the Chinese or the Russians? I can't remember. I've got my masteries, I've finished. I just came from Brian in Houston, Texas. It says, dear Andy Chris Nish, and the metaphysical remains of John Oliver that linger in the airways. Take it to us. Breathe it in. What do you each want for Christmas this year?

As for me, I'm asking for Santa for a mini Mussolini's fascist start-up kid, because once again, all the other kids in the world are ahead of me when it comes to today's trendiest toy. Nisha, what are you, are you a big Christmas fan? Oh, I'm a big fan of the festival I refer to as Honky D'Valley. Big fan of the old HD. Right. Well, this year for Christmas, I'm hoping for one thing and one thing only, and that is the ability to become white.

I'm just hoping that if I can somehow get a sort of X-Men superpower to remove all the melanin from my skin, I might stand at better chance of making it through 2017. We will have, I'm not going to answer that question because we will, in two weeks time, we have a full Christmas special. We'll be unveiling all the must-have Christmas gifts. If you all be doing that with my sister, Helen, next week on the Bugle, we have Anuva Pal reporting in from India again as our rest of the world correspondence. We will leave this week's Bugle. If you want to keep sending your emails in, the address is hello bugleers at the buglepodcast.com. Don't forget to buy yourself and all your friends and relatives' tickets to my Christmas stroke new year show

at Soho Theatre from the 20th of December to the 7th of January with a few breaks for things like days when absolutely no one will turn up, rather than just most people won't turn up. And my UK tour starts in February. Do check out the internet for that. Nish, anything to plug? I mean, you've got to be ruthlessly self-promotional to stay on this show. Yeah, yeah, you've got, I've really got it.

I've still got some loose tour dates. My tour is almost over, but there's some dates in January, the 30th and the 31st and the 1st. That is a Scottish run. So that's Glasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen respectively. And then there's some other dates as well, but I can't really, I can't find them. You're fitting right in.

It's not right in. Right in. This is kuma.co.uk. I want to say.co.uk and it might be.com. Just google nishkuma.com. Talk. Nishkuma. A graduate of the exclusive and exultant university course of public relations.

I think I've spent too much, too many hours listening to this f***ing podcast. To have Andy says of how to self-promote. Thanks for listening, Bueglers. We will be back next week. And Nick will be back in January. Until then, goodbye. Bye. Bye!