The Bugle - Bugle 4018 – Fashion & Fascism

Episode Date: February 24, 2017

Andy is joined by Nish Kumar to present a series of key announcements: an Amnesty report is never good news, don't mess with a monk and Saudi Arabia is the Roger Federer of human rights abuses. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bueglos! And welcome to issue 4,018 of the Buegl official podcast of record for the human race. Still, the world's leading species in terms of achievement levels.

If not necessarily standards of behaviour anymore. I'm Andy Zoltzmann, live in London, and joining me once again. The globe-trotting force that is Nish Kumar. Hello, Nish. Nice to see you, Andy. I'm back. Back in the United Kingdom. You say that every time you're on this show. Your passport has taken an absolute hammering right now. Not just my passport, but my chances of ever actually being able to go to America. Have absolutely taken a

pasting on a level of George Foreman in the Rumble in the jungle. It is a real. Yeah, I've been in the Philippines for a bit and then I was in China with the Kung Fu monks at the Shaolin Temple. Right. It was pretty great. Here's what I've learnt Andy.

You don't mess with a monk. You don't mess with a monk. You don't fuck around with a friar in China. That's a serious, absolutely serious. Did you learn some, some sweet kung fu moves? I participated in the stretching. At which point I believe the technical phrases were tired. The warm-up was so intensive that I had to be excused and I ended up taking an hour-long meditation class. Which, it turns out, equally bad at. I was as bad at the physical as I was at the mental side of things. It's really hard to meditate. It's really hard really hard, because as soon as you sit there, you're like, am I meditating yet? Is this meditating?

Am I meditating? Am I meditating? At which point, you have failed at meditating. Right. I've never consciously tried to meditate, but I'm going to use it not just basically the same as watching accounting channels and freaking out. Ah!

Andy, the Buddha found enlightenment by sitting under the Vannion tree at Contemplate the No Tribute with Existence. You found enlightenment at Glumorgan versus Sussex. LAUGHTER There are many paths for the same day. The tower, according to Soltzman. LAUGHTER

MUSIC This is the bugle for the week beginning Monday, the 27th of February, on this day in the year 425. The University of Constantinople was founded by Emperor Theodosius II, bloody elitists. At the urging of his wife, Elia Eudosia, bloody feminists, let the Colostant and the Politons live their own lives, the Adosius, you jumped up half with Microsis, don't impose your intellectual snobbery on them just because your Mrs has got you under the thumb. Sorry, I know we shouldn't impose on modern advanced values on the attitudes of the past, it was a different world then. Also we're recording, in fact, on Thursday, the 23rd of February, on this day, 1903, Cuba, least Guantanamo Bay to the USA, in perpetuity for use as a calling and naval station.

I mean, it's slightly diverge from that original. Look, Adi, it's a bite-a-let market. Well, why not really talk about the Philippines? How was, how was, and was, how many did you, did you go on some ganglion slangs with the president? Yeah, yeah, we're on a couple of ganglion slangs. You know, you know, when you're in the Philippines, you want to take in the spectacular surroundings,

the delicious food, and participate in the summary execution of a couple of drug lots. That's in the lonely planet guide. What am I supposed to do? What would you have done in the summary execution of a couple of drug laws. That's in the lonely planet guide. What am I supposed to do? What would you have done in the Philippines, Andy? Not assassinated and known drug dealer. I want to say no, not mean an entirely unknown, but it doesn't really matter because he's the president anyway,

so he was going to stop him. Well, exactly when in Rome. Um, are you peaches in Rome? You slayed drug laws in the Philippines. Um, as always, a section of the view was going straight in the bin. This week, a tech business section, including the latest company valuations. We look at Fridge Tech, the start-up app developer, which creates an app that helps people

find jars or sources and other condiments in their fridge, some of their apps include resourceful, Hayo wears my mayo and ketchup catcher. Fridge tech, the Bay Area sophomore, made a loss of $950 million in his debut year, meaning that it is now valid on the markets at $560 billion. That looks like a sound investment there for any bugleers who like to back a short fire winner. And we look at Vendetta Corp as well. They're spooked by nan technology and take control of someone else's smart enabled home and basically act like an online poltergeist. A reason, of course, designed for people who wanted to put the willies up elderly relatives

to convince them it was time to move into a home so they could sell their house. Now rolled out to cover other social groups and building types including ex partners and business, although she is as well as schools and hospitals. Vendetta Cops turnover last year was in excess of $2.5,000 giving it a current market capitalisation of 1.2 trillion. And also we look at another tech news, Elon Musk rival, Pee Laos Snorke's latest, trying to compete with a driverless car. He's about to roll out quite literally the riderless motorbike.

That could be a very exciting developments in travel. And also a special jobs in the tech business section, including, well, a job that's just recently come up, a new tech editor for Bright Bart's Fakency, just come up this week. Qualifications, according to the advert that I may have made up. Could you look a starving child from a famine zone in the face, eat two half-pound cheeseburgers and a kilogram of top of ice cream whilst eyeballing that child with a cold dead in difference

of a true believer and then say to it, you may or a hungry little ****. Then you could be just the kind of person broitbur are looking for salary enough to be worth flaunting plus bonuses including the adoration of thousands and the visceral loathing of millions so to apply if you think you fit that bill. That section in the bin. Top story this week. I hate you so much right now! Ah! I'm not saying that was the one way to get that out of your system.

You don't have to look me right in the eye with the same net, boy. So this is like a hate crime. You've never missed the Skype connection with John Oliver Moore, that one, that one, that way. Andy, Amnesty International has released a report. Now, when Amnesty International releases a report, it is almost never a good thing. An organization that exists solely to monitor human rights and their abuses across the world. Whenever they come out with anything, it's normally not pleasant. So they've released a report this week. So is it in a multiple choice answer?

OK. Is the report this week about ketchup-versed and mustard? It will. Right. Is it, if sticky fingers is the Rolling Stones best album? Ooh. Is it whether La La Land is a good film or not? All right. Or is it everything is terrible?

I'll give you a second to think about that. Right. Well possibly, I'd go, I mean, they've probably got to have an opinion on B. Yeah, I mean, sticky fingers got a strong claim. Andy, you should not have something pre-75 certainly. Anyway, look, you should not have taken this long, Addy. The answers to all of those questions are clearly ketchup, yes, sort of, and oh my god, everything is awful.

LAUGHTER Yeah, obviously international have a publisher report this week. Criticising. Why don't they go to Newarkport about all the people who are rightly in jail? That's what I'm gonna know. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Yeah. people who are rightly in jail. That's what I'm gonna know. LAUGHTER

Yeah. When are Abnesty International going to congratulate us for finally bringing Bernie made off to justice? Where is that report, Abnesty? When I got a speeding ticket for going 45 miles an hour and a 40 limit at 2am on the M4 coming back into London after late night gig. Where was Amnesty International's letter saying you deserve that mate?

You fucking deserve it, respect the law. Yeah, I know, your human rights have been flagrally abused. They're too busy with all this political prisoners' bullshit. But where is their protection for British stand-up comedians who frequently have to take late night drives. I know, shocking. It's absolutely shocking. Well, anyway, the reporters said that politicians who are wielding a toxic, dehumanising us versus

them rhetoric are creating a more divided and dangerous world. Yep, but they're also getting a lot of W's in the results colour as well. It's a democracy fun at the moment. It's hard to say whether this is a criticism or not, because in us versus them, I mean them has definitely scored a severe victory in the last 12 months where us is saying people and them is the crazies. I think us definitely, I mean, tactically far too attacking, you know, going with the L235 formation,

really didn't sure things out at the back. Amnesty International or as they are known by someone the right hand, they're just the political suspects, snowflakes for Stalin international. Come on, these losers end up ended up in jail. They lost, get over Amnesty. They also claim that 36 countries broke international law and forced refugees back into conflict zones or places where their rights were at risk. That's, that's quite a lot of countries to be

kind of batting, playing the feather a backhand, refugees. Yeah, that's right. And Britain is one of those countries. Right, well that's only six who put the f*** into country, going to the official words of the report. Actually, I see they might not have used those precise words. I think I think Amsterdam would get a lot more kudos and have us all wider proliferation if every so often they just went you know what these people are being

total fucks total fucks and instead of the sort of the barbed wire around the candle logo if it was just a man just flicking his middle finger a picture of Donald Trump well that's something that could be the future everyone needs a rebranding every now and again, doesn't it?

Yeah, that's right. And the artist formally known as Amnesty International, who are currently known as GoF** yourself**s, would get a lot more... So they've criticised it a bunch of world leaders. The four that they've singled out are Trump, Orban, Erdogan and Duterte. Can you single out four things, Nish?

Oh, yes. Is that notuterte. Can you single out four things, Nish? Oh, yes. Is that not... What's roopling out? The four leaders that they've quoted out. The four leaders that they've quoted out. And when you read them as a four, you do start to think, well, I mean, they've remade the fantastic four a couple of times.

Maybe it's time for another reboot. Only this time instead of superhero, I was trying to save the world. It's for lunatics trying to build gold statues of themselves. Yeah well, Nish there's some pretty appalling characters in that list. I mean if you can tell me a worse leader in the world right now than the turkish guy, I'll be surprised. I certainly haven't heard a one. He's a, oh God. He's a recipe for disaster. I would like to put a message out to Amnesty International now. Free me from having deliciousness of this.

You're saying that I'm putting four on the list, frankly. And as for that clown in the Philippines, I've been he's obsessed by his manhood and in his inflated sense of self. And he's corrupt. So in summary, driven by his rod or ego, too dirty. You know what? I support that one.

Don't. I'm the... Come on, Grace, that. To the love. I'd also, I'd hold a competition to see who loves the Hungarian leader, the best, just to kind of flush it out, and then stop the winner from competing again, either temporarily. Well, permanent loss. So I'm talking about a suspension for the victor,

or ban him, or ban him completely. That joke is a violation of my human rights. That makes it a meta joke in the context of an honesty picture. LAUGHTER All right, let's see, I think I've done enough Trump puns over the last two. On that, across where there was still recovering from... LAUGHTER Sorry, let's make it to the show, Nish.

I say we're still recovering from Andy. I'm still very much in recovery from that one. But it was a bit of a slapdown for the UN over Aleppo in particular, after the International Political Dating Agency, sprang into action like a coiled yogurt stood up for the afflicted, like a four-day-old portion of half-eaten battered haddock, and for that corner, like a Batonburg cake fights a grizzly bear. It's a pretty depressing read, this report-niche. And I could do with lightning things on. What's also worse is that they've sort of broken down all of the countries and kind of

given a little explanation of their human rights violations by country. It's just quite a relentless read. You know, obviously all the aforementioned countries are in there, the Philippines, the US, even the United Kingdom has made an appearance this time. Normally, we just used to call our human rights abuses spreading the empire. It's a bit of a bit of a change to the whole problem.

Let's hit go, Nish. You're doing all right, aren't you? Let it go. Never, Nish. You're doing all right, aren't you? Let it go. Never, Addy. Never. Cricket is not enough of a compensation. I keep telling you this. How can you say that?

And it's not really been hugely the headlines of late, but luckily, Saudi Arabia, the Roger Federer of appearing on list of countries violating human rights. But it's one thing to get on it, but just stay on it so consistently. Stay on it. Got to admire the consistency. It's absolutely incredible. And under Saudi Arabia's criticism says critics, human rights defenders and minority

rights activists have been detained and jailed on vaguely worded charges such as insulting the state. And all I can say is Andy, thank God we do not bugle from Saudi Arabia. If the British government ever brings in that sort of regulations, you and I are going to be in jail faster than you could say, go fuck yourself to reason my name. You're a Briton dick and a bit of a slapping as well. The Brexit referendum was a particular low point and the report pointed to a 57% spike in reported hate crime the week after the vote. That's democracy. That's what we wanted. People have spoken. We wanted a spike in

hate crime. Britain was also criticized for introducing quotes, one of the broadest regimes for mass surveillance of any country in the world. Why is just the government keeping a friendly eye on us, isn't it? Well, maybe they're just recording one long podcast. Well, this is possible. Yeah, when that, my life does feel like that quite often. Did you work for the government, Chris?

Yes. Oh, Chris, you've asked that before. But I think it's a good thing, it's a two-way Bob said, Ron. Surely, I mean, if we want to keep an eye on the government, Nish, surely we have to accept that they might want to keep an eye on us. Transparency. That's what it's all about. It's too wide banana.

Also, I mean, if the government is currently spying on me in my house all I'm on my own, I would like to apologize to whoever that spy was, because that spy has seen some truly reprehensible behavior. Yeah. You should never have got that karaoke machine. No, I shouldn't.

I certainly should have shoved it up my ass. LAUGHTER Family show me. I don't know what brought you to me new to this. Family show. LAUGHTER How am I going to show you. Family show me. I don't know what relatively new to this. Family show. How am I going to get this on mainstream television if you keep coming up with shit like that? I just got a really good version of eyelids in the stream.

I think working on from me, I have to celebrate somehow on some bugs the parts as well. It's interesting this toxic talk that is discussed. I mean, I guess, we see this all over the place. On the internet is, I mean, it has been one of the great growth industries in the world since the start of the internet. Absolutely.

Toxic talk. Toxic talk. It's become not just widespread, but extremely lucrative it would seem as well. I guess one of the positives of all this, you know, toxic talk, you know, kind of, you know, want the out, the outright. And we'll touch on that this, in a matter of fact, having certain developments in the outright of late. Overpopulation, clearly, one of the major problems in terms of environments, migration, food supplies, water supplies. And if you know leaders like Trump, Duterte, all those cats, basically going out of their way to make more and more people think I do not want to bring children into this planet. But surely that has to be good long term in terms of reducing the number of little carbon

footprints, pitter pattering all over the world. Yeah, but I would say, even if we follow that logic, these guys have overcorrected. Because it's one thing to say maybe we shouldn't have more children born, but it's another to say maybe we should start executing some of the adults. The best way to stop people procreating is to stop them from existing. Right. And we're having second thoughts on myself. My little blurs are eights, ten and eight now.

When I took my daughter back to the hospital, she was born and I said she was out of warranty. But it's a bit of a, my news is actually an extra, I'd be very interested to see if birth rates do dip in, you know, the 2016-2017 era. Because it must be a bit of a, a bit of a passion killer, darling. should we try to make a little baby? Sure, I'll just watch the news headlines, then we can pop up to bed and get down to business.

Okay, level up, put the teleon. Oh, oh, oh, I'm not really in the mood anymore darling. Should we just stay glumly into the middle distance, wondering what has happened to the concept of the dignity? Yes, let's. Are you suggesting the news is now acting as a sort of anti-viantra? Yes, I am. I am suggesting that. The news is a boner killer. Yeah, I think, yeah, I mean, that doesn't mean that the sooner Catholic Church is going to try and ban people

from watching the news. LAUGHTER It's against God's will. The problem with this is that the Amnesty International Report is obviously rigorously researched and well argued, but will it make a blind bit of difference to any of the people it's aimed at? And the answer to that question is, a f***ing no! Amnesty International, to most of the political leaders in question and their supporters, will always and only ever be the bad guys from 24.

I don't even remember who remembers 24. Oh yeah, oh what's every single series of that? Yeah, but in every series of 24 for documentaries. What access? Absolutely amazing access. But in every series of 24, Jack Bowel would always constantly be trying to sort of, you know,

rip some guys nuts off to find out where a bomb was hidden. And then he would, how do you think Andy got me to agree to do the view? But they would then, you know, and then they'd be a call from Amnesty International. And the problem is that I think that that's how a lot of people on the extreme right of the political spectrum view them as sort of obstacles to progress. I mean, just reading Amnesty's comments about America. This is what they've written. An election campaign marked by discriminatory misogynist and xenophobic rhetoric, serious

questions about the strength of future US commitments to human rights domestically and globally. Now, if you put that to Donald Trump, presumably he would say, great, I've absolutely nailed this. Yeah, and probably sad in capital letters at the end of a time. Yeah. Another report on Trump suggests he's absolutely hammering it out of the park with an average of four pieces of bullshit per day, which I mean, that does seem like a low estimate to me, but this is the report on the Washington Post's

Fact Checker page or as it is known in the White House Lenin.com and I mean that seems a low estimate given that he said an average of more than four words per day. You think I'd be more than four pieces of bullshit. They've credited potas 45 with 163 mislediments, factual twisty tostical, and outright porquies in just 34 days. 34 days, another counter report suggests that Trump has told 120% of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. So you just got to choose which of those you believe.

It doesn't surprise me that it's four statements because regardless of the word count that Donald Trump is playing out on a day-to-day basis, he very often only gets round to four subjects due to his truly unique approach to speaking. Because he sort of repeats words over and over again and sort of goes back on himself. When you look at it, he's often only talked about three subjects

in a 40-minute press conference. He's like a political stewardly. Yeah! Yeah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! 40-minute press conference. It's like a political stew at least. Yeah! LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

There has been some better news for opponents of hate speech, which I really did, I really wish that didn't now have to be classified as a minority person. LAUGHTER People who are actively in favour of hate speech. Milo Janopolis has been the subject of controversy this week over some comments that were not found because the footage has been around for quite a while. So I guess we have to say comments that were heard? Yes. So I guess we have to say comments that were heard? Yes, do you forgotten about?

Do you forget about him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uniternal sunshine, essentially, that he made about seemingly supportive of Peter Files. And say what you will about Milo, but he loves an underdog. He is a true contrarian. But this appears to have been the straw that has broken the racist sexist and homophobic camel's back.

Because the... Remarkably... You know, not gonna be tough camel, sir. Sturdy camel, and steady camel. But that has, because that's now resorted in a conservative group. He was due to speak at the C-PAC, which is the Collison Conservative Political Action Group. They dropped him after the remarks came to light and Simon and Shuster have cancelled his lucrative book deal and he has now voluntarily stepped down from his previous job as Breibart's tech correspondent. Breibart, of course, the website's set up by Donald Trump's advisor and looking

unwell magazines man of the year to you, man. He looks so unwell. Yeah. Every time I see a picture of his face, I think, you know, do, or a Pilar and just something. You've got to stop eating your own soul for breakfast. His face looks like scurvy. I don't even know that was possible. That was the Beast-Hider smells like teens' beer.

LAUGHTER I'm really interested in to see the breadth of the reach of the young outright. Recently also won an award for least diverse social group in the universe, even knocking out pokes that are additional winner. And the art is a contemporary. Yeah, no, well yeah 102,000 Twitter followers Paul Joseph Watson another young man Popular in outright circles more than 500,000 And that is how you judge People now but purely by the number of their Twitter followers

The Church of England's Twitter account 67,000, even the Art Bishop, plus the Church of England is only a third of a man sitting in a flat in Battersea. It's a mind-bending technology, the internet. Yeah. You know, it's beyond space age, but it has uncorked an unending cracker of sub-medieval behavior.

From all sides of the political to on, and all crannies of the religious cave, it's basically, the way the internet worked, and I need to take a serious break from reading stuff. I think just at all, not just on the internet. I'm worried about it. You get books out now from the library,

and because we're living the age of the below the line, come on, you get some art ancient ancient manuscript out and someone will have written, who's this fucking fucking, and what, and shit, what the fuck, and the fuck, there's got a low note about fucking planets, shit, and shit, and shit. Chris, they're really writing hard in the old swear log.

And also, so newspapers report these things. So you get, depending on which side of the political spectrum, the Newspapers are coming from, well, you'll see some headlines saying, A destroys B, and then you'll see from the other side, B destroys A, and they both link to exactly the same clip of two people talking over each other to no discernible purpose. This is the world we live in. And it's, I'm worried about you, Addy, because I've realised that

in doing the bugle with sort of a weekly frequency again, you are really staring into the abyss, because for us the rest of the guest host, it's kind of like a misery relay. But unfortunately in the misery relay you are the batard. I'm not pressing that on my poster. From an action. A bat on in the misery really. Yeah. Absolutely, you can't. Because you're really...

And the thing is, there is so much of this misery around because the alt-right are everywhere. And it's a term that was sort of semi-coined by a political philosopher called Paul Gottfried in 2008. But then was really seized upon by a dude called Richard Spencer, who is the head of the National Policy Institute, which is an extremely right wing think tank in America. Now, that sounds like quite a sensible thing to have a national policy institute, isn't it? Absolutely does, but it also sold us national socialist. Yes, I guess so. It's part of the labels of tricky on the. The grand lineage of things that sound fine that absolutely aren't. The Richard Spencer is a white supremacist and I feel very comfortable in saying that

because on his Wikipedia page, he's described as a white supremacist and there is no citation needed next. Bear in mind that for a time my one said that I was a comedian and it had citation needed next to it. Boom! Bambo! Take that myself. Of course, a number of new heroes of the altthrite's bustling to jump into the void left by Milo,

at least for the time being, from, well, we'll give you a quick guidance because I guess most buglers probably aren't natural subscribers to the Althrites, although maybe in future generations because Bright Bart's got a kids' channel now. Yeah, I tell you. I mean, it's the bugle looking for a new permanent home and...

Right, let's just attack. Let's just... We've got a little clip actually from the Kids Are All Drites on the Bright Bart Channel. Hello, kids! This week, did Muslims kill the dinosaurs? How to shoot your weight and good grades? And shouting at girls, how to make them cry every day. So we're really catching them young now. And depending on the new heroes of the outright from Britain, Finnegan Gringelbreak, a 21-year-old

graduate of memory services college of lesser education on the M4, West of London Gringelbury, 21-year-old graduate of memory services college of lesser education on the M4, west of London Gringelbury, is the author of the right-leaning blog of the two truthful truth, which exposes left-wing media bias in kids TV, such as the episode of Postman Pat, which if you play it backwards with the images flipped vertically, he claims looks like footage of Joseph Stalin waving at a parade of Soviet tanks. And the three consecutive episodes of the hit-kid show in the night garden that did not mention Margaret Thatcher. Plus an entire day of programming on the Nickelodeon channel that managed to avoid showing a documentary proven that all climate is a hoax.

He has 8.9 million Twitter followers. In America, Jonathan Jovelle, Jr., former editor of the anti-Sanity schlock vlogs, like Crazy Talkers, where he gained notoriety for his claim that, if Barack Obama had been a turkey, he'd have eaten father Christmas. Now worked for the far right website, come to Uncle Dictic, writes articles such as, if immigrants were as great as the snowflakes say,

they are, how come Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon? As well as videos entitled, the mainstream media won't let the KKK do the Super Bowl half-time show because Jimmy Carter is a Muslim. LAUGHTER And if I'm not allowed to scream you're a f***ing bitch or the baby in a shopping mouth just because it might be female, then gay people shouldn't be allowed to buy cars. And also, Kay Lucian Flouch, a big star of the Bright Bike Kids channel, four-year-old

outright shot kid, makes YouTube videos and his parents barselman, which makes a little squeaky duck say, ducky like bath time, because only ducky allowed in bath and not Mexicans. So it's a strange social phenomenon, I guess, you know, within the multiple concentric bubbles I like to live in, I find it quite hard to understand that's kind of the popularity of this kind of, basically, by all brewing acupuncturists into the eyeballs of social cohesion, that's the way I sit.

Well, it's been brewing for a long time, because it's... And by acupuncturists, I don't mean that they're curing it. Yeah. Do not put acupunctur needles into an eyeball. It's really been brewed since 2008. Right. When it all boils down to it, all of this kind of bile, particularly the stuff that started

in America, can basically be rooted back to the fact that for a time there was a group of Americans who suddenly discovered they did not like being told what to do by a black guy. That's a real roots of it. I'm going to be full. The view will start in late 2007, so that's right. That's the real roots of it. The view will did start in late 2007, so... That's right, yeah, yeah. That would be a...

Well, and the ethos of it, it seems to be against sort of caving into political correctness, but it's all really a cover for just racism. And ultimately, the alt-right are just Nazis, but they just got a different name. It's a bit like when... Don't I've been called Nazis? They don't like being called Nazis. That's a cool one. They get very upset. It's exactly like when Opal Don't like being called Nazis. They don't like being called Nazis. They get very upset.

It's exactly like when Opal fruits change their name to Starburst. These are Starburst racist. And that's now for American buglers, Opal fruits. It was a very popular suite in England that changed its name to Starburst. I don't know whether you had that in America. And also for American buglers, I am am Nish Kumar, a comedian in Britain. I've just realized I've done five vehicles and I imagine there's some American assistant who's thinking, why has Andy bought his weird friends?

Brilliant. I've done 300 episodes and I've got four people. No, you've done 4,000 and No, you've done 4,000 and eight people. Well, not just that, you Andy and you Chris have caved into the PC lobby. Yeah. Since the rebrand of the bugle, I've seen the other guest hosts. It's just a parade of women and darkies. Absolutely unbelievable. You're on what's going to change the name of the show? You have absolutely caved in to people who were critics

of the bugle from 2007 to 2016 for its incredibly undiverse makeup. You've caved into the hashtag bugle so white campaign. You've bowed to the PC lobby. You're right, yes. Yeah. I can't defend it. Nisha's a set up having trouble maintaining my mental equilibrium because I read too much

on the internet. You scroll on any news article until you get to the comments or if you click the wrong link, you end up basically web surfing in the equivalent of the moment that they open the arc of the covenant in Indiana Jones. Was that documentary? I can't. it was a drama that I think. I mean, it wasn't because the Nazis were the bad guys. Right, so I think what we need to do is start counter-potending that everything is okay. So we are now going to have an official bugle.

Calm the f*** down section. Yes. Calm news today. A butterfly fluttered from a pretty flower this afternoon onto a picnic rug, impressing the enchanted picnickers before fluttering off again, pitching and lilting in the spring breeze, then disappearing from sight, leaving behind only a transient sense of the fragility of the delicately wondrous beauty of life. Meanwhile reports estimate that more than 25,000 people around the world, unknowingly had a nice relaxing cup of tea at the same time yesterday afternoon,

drinking tea that were now in fusion is thought by many scientists to be considerably better at engendering a sense of calm and well-being than other activities such as taking heroin, cock fighting, clickbaiting, and politics. And finally, a 25-year-old man from France was reported to be feeling soothed and spiritually equilibrious. After listening to a CD compilation of great classical guitar music and then falling asleep on the sofa for a couple of hours... Yes, the guitar was nice. It made me feel nice. That was nice. It's really cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. And nice. And finally, sport, try bowls.

That looks really quite hard to have a fight about. As of by John News now, Andy. And this is one of the most incredible stories I've ever come across. The As of by John, he president Ilham Aliyev has appointed his wife as vice president of As of by John. Now two details make this even spicier as a story. Number one, there has never been a vice president of Azerbaijan before, so he's created the position for her. And number two, it is also their wedding anniversary. What a gift. What a gift, Andy. It is my girlfriend's birthday this weekend, and she is not going to be happy with booktakers.

I'm starting to think that me giving my Mrs. a copy of my own DVD to look a little bit hollow. Yeah, I mean, I imagine she's furious, she hasn't been invited to be guest host of this show. Well, yeah, I'm going to have my sister, so I'm going to have two many legs to stand on. But your sister's got own peckable credentials as a podcaster, Andy. Are you saying Mrs. Aliyev does not have impeccable credentials? I'm just saying.

My name's President. When it comes to nepotism, you are way out of your depth, Oldson. Because in 2013, the organized, private corruption reporting project named Ilham Aliyev, corruption's person of the year. LAUGHTER Huge, huge accolade.

That is a wholly contested title as well. Yeah, and there's a lot of money change accounts over it. Very lively betting syndicate. Yeah, I imagine. I imagine there's a couple of people who were in line to win, but mysteriously took a dive. Yeah, some Indian politicians who bizarrely committed

no corruption in the year. And then ended up in a very fancy looking Jaguar. Yeah, it's it's absolutely extraordinary. It's also the part of his wider attempt to essentially turn the position into a monarchy because he's also ditched term limits after 2009 referendum and ditched the age requirement for being the president, which is, they believe is paving the way for his 19 year old son to run once and then.

It's really, it's just really good at a time where we're seeing, you know, so much open and aggressive corruption and corruption that's feel so much. Just some people are still kicking it old school. And just relaxing and easing in and appointing their family members. Unfortunately, we in the west have sort of got no legs to stand on, because a journalist who is from Azerbaijan has said, a pro-government lawyer from the country said that if donald trump is able to appoint his son in law as advisor

why can't alley ever point his wife as vice president at which point the journalist in question is just gone uh... that's cataget is mainly i is mainly over cataget is mainly over uh... who is uh... expressed a frustration we've lost that we've lost the moral high ground and he there's a time where we could have found that sort of corruption funny.

Yeah. Oh, bring those days back. Beautiful feature section now. Fashion. It's been London Fashion Week. This week, Nish, I know you've been... Yeah, you don't need to tell me about it. So, I saw you there on at least three of the,

how many fashion days in a fashion week? Four, eight. Four days, man. You can carry a diaphonous, chiffon unisex blouse, and wipe it other than I thought you good. I was too busy dealing with some disappointed people who had turned up having misread a sign thinking it was London fascism with.

They were not impressed to see me or indeed you there Andy. Sensational week, some of the big trends, the designer, and your hind march, went in for that, like this is that's an actual design. And I know I'm slight boy who cried wolf this year here going, Socks and slippers seem to be in from her. Basically nursing home chic. All there is something to do with Brexit, I think, reflecting where the balance of voting power now lies. If you can't beat him, dress like him.

Also an amazing show, if you saw this one, guys, by Gregorntons, practical industrial and workplace safety were. Hi, Viz Tabards, very much in. I mean, they are the clothing of the, clothing of choice of the year, emerging the age of practicality and the age of vanity. You want and need to be seen out in London Fashion Week. Coach Schertz, Trails of Skirtz, Stresses and Jacketz,

all symptomatic of the Metropolitan Elite, they've got to go. Metal grieves are in. That was the big news. It's a combative age and you have to have lower leg protection. You never know when someone might want to whack you in the shins with a mace these days for thinking about a fact they disagree with.

Togas, still out. That's Brexit, Romans, bit European. Polar bearskin bikinis are in. Democsive as a vote of a global warming and fashion is reflecting, reflecting that might as well in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in Spain, in, fucking grumpy, uh, but a six year in a row. The full stop was quite widely seen.

Borderline hostage, uh, that was, uh, that was, uh, that was quite a strong, strong showing, harrowing remembrance of a deep personal trauma. Just watch the news look, that was very much in evidence. Uh, vegan doing work experience in an abattoir, seen a many of the catwalk shows, uh, and three quarters of the way through an 18 hour shift as a manual sewage sifter at a wastewater treatment plant.

There were sort of a lot of models rocking that look as well. But the one I most enjoyed was that distinctive look, just given out by an umpire and a tubious decision at a crucial stage of the fourth innings of a test match look. That's, which is basically a combination of all the above. Yeah, show that my favourite look missed out. Desperately suppressing a fart on a crowded trowel. Ah!

That was the title of a Rembrandt's self-portrait, I think. Start a start, start a design, as this week. Brazilian designer Kuturino went in with Convict Sheik, ball and chain, 12,000 carrots, obsidescent onyx ball, puzzled chain made of interlocked faux stuffed eels. David Cameron, former prime minister, dashing collection of hedgehog pelt socks, themed around the feeling of eternal guilt,

ridden regret, reportedly the itchiest socks ever, to help you truly experience the restless feeling that you've been of the agent of something terrible and un-curable. The Trump effect seen in the designs of Mombasa-Tippel-Vimkovich with the new stove trousers, across between a stovepipe hat and a pair of trousers inspired by Trump predecessor and a theatre skeptic Abraham Lincoln so well. It's been a big week and in fact in partnership with London Fashion Week we have a free giveaway this week, audio fashion accessory you can express yourself or someone else's self with fashionamleness. Just need a Bluetooth speaker tied to your top and

you can play the following fashionable phrases on a loop to show that you're right up with the latest trends in fashion. Who am I? And what do I mean by this? Put me only in the category of the uncategorizable. Look at me and wonder how the f*** this happened. So there you go, that's the end of the fashion section. We have to get out of this studio because we've slightly overrun. And we've talked about fashion. And we've talked about fashion.

The fashion and fascism show. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh That's what this shows all about. Somehow London Fashion Week feels like the thing we are least largely because you and I look like we've both been interrupted on our way to an art garfun culture view show. Yes. To be honest, there's only one subject in the world that I am qualified to talk about. That is our cane crickets statistics. I don't know what you would have lost at 300 episodes without you. You are up on me. So we have to leave it there because we are about to be thrown out. We'll have some of your emails next week.

Do you kind of see my tour show? I just had to rearrange my Nottingham show from today, as we were called, due to Storm Doris. Better names, please. It's now going to be on Thursday, the 9th of March instead. Also, coming up, if you get this in time, Friday the 24th, Wolverhampton Saturday the 25th, Southampton and 28th in Canterbury. Yes, then the 9th of March in Nottingham, then Melbourne,

at the end of March through April. Oh, great. I'm very jealous. Yes, it's going to be a lot of fun. Well, let's hope so. Yeah. Yeah, for the audience at least. Whether I enjoy or not, it's kind of a lot of fun. Well, let's hope so. Yeah. Yeah. For the audience at least. Yes. Whether I enjoy it or not is, it's kind of harder at the moment.

I just end up most of my shows thinking, I'll, what am I to my planet? Ha ha ha ha ha. Never mind. Don't you have a laugh about it? That's all it counts. It's another planet. That's right.

Well, yeah, they just discovered seven new planets. Oh, great. It's fun. We are off the f***ing hook people. Yeah, let's see if we can find one of those to f*** up. Beyond recognition. Speaking of things f*** up beyond recognition. Speaking of things being fucked up beyond recognition, I am reprising my tour show at the Soho Theatre Thursday to Saturday in March.

All three days Thursday, Friday, Saturday through the whole of March. Tickets very available due to the fact that I forgot the run was on and I've not promoted it. Please come and bring up to 100 friends per night. Goodbye, Muglos. Goodbye! you