The Bugle - Bugle 4019 – Donkey

Episode Date: March 4, 2017

Andy is joined by Wyatt Cenac to review Donald Trump's attempts to sound like a president, plus new billionaires want to be president and an in depth look into the latest fad – sleep. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, Bugleers, and welcome to issue 4,019 of the Bugle the World Exclusive Podcast available exclusively in the world with me. And his ultimate here in London, the capital of Brexbrutania, a city where getting on the property ladder is now so expensive that this week an actual ladder left leaning against the wall in Kensington by a window cleaner sold for £1.2 million and now has six young media professionals living on it. They get three rungs each. And joining me from New York City, from Manhattan Island, surely the island that looks most like a leg of Serrano ham from space, it is the one and only white sannak.

Thanks for having me back on the bugle. It's great, great to have you back. How have you been? How's America? You know, we're maintaining, it seems as though we have now, I'm gonna say, accepted the Trump presidency. Right. People have now turned so far, their vitriologists turned into something

where now it's just turned into acceptance. Trump addressed Congress, he didn't scream at anybody or fart on camera and people just took it as, oh, look at that, he's become presidential. Well, that was, I'm more touched more on this later in the show, but I mean, people didn't say it was Trump's most presidential speech, which is not the most hotly contested title. I mean, it's roughly to being the politest belcher to funeral, or the most dignified cavity search, or the sexiest roadkill badger corpse.

Or the closest to a real word a baby said. They go, yeah, no, that sounds, it sounds like they said donkey. Look, it just say it again, say, mungang. Look, it sounds like donkey. Well, look, the baby's almost saying two syllable words. Can't do anything else, but mungang. No. Well, you know, we should be, you know, properly house trained within a couple of

years. Are you all right? In 18 years, Donald Trump will finally be the man America needs. This is Bugle 4,019 for the week beginning Monday, the 6th of March 2017. 148 years since Russian science, the Ardom, Metri Mendeleev, presented the first version of his periodic table of the elements. Bloody scientists, to complicate any things that are of one before. That used to be Earth, Fire, Water, other stuff, vegetables and dogs. And also, Happy Birthday to Michael Angelo, 542 years old today on Monday, and to celebrate. At the end of this week's episode, we will delve into the Bugle Archives way back to Bugle 34

when we commemorated the 500th anniversary of Mikey landing the Sistine Chapel Sealing gig. As always, a section of the Bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, Lent, it's Lent, now the Christian Festival of Giving Stuff Up. We look at the origin of Lent, of course, when Jesus gave up doing magic loop, the loops on his donkey, after the animal named Trixie Bell vomited on an ill child while 15 foot off the ground and upside down. Jesus did one of his cheeky little abracadabra on the donkey chunder to miracle the kid back to health, but the puke splattered boy's parents did suggest that the storytelling stand up and former carpenter could have saved everyone a lot of trauma

just by doing a standard laying on of hands-type miracle on their ill-ad, Jesus, so apologised. And laid off the donkey tricks until Easter. Easter, of course, very different festival in those days, mostly commemorating when the Prophet Bernard returned from Mount Sinai with a chocolate egg and demanded two days off work. And we look at what the celebs are giving up for Lent. This year George Clooney is giving up cauliflower. Susan Sarandon is giving up swearing when losing at Darts, the Canadian rock sensation,

Carly Rae Jepson. She's giving up short selling vulnerable currencies on the international money markets. Whilst Stock quarterback Tom Brady, he's giving up projecting a Batman-style image of himself doing a loser sign on his head over the skies of Atlanta for the next month. And David Cameron, former Prime Minister, he's giving up or at least trying to give up, waking up in tears, screaming, what have I done?

Whilst, he's giving up tattoos for Lent. I mean, she's pretty much covered up everything below the netline now. And Steve Bannon, you're a equivalent of our Queen What? Steve Bannon is giving up communing with Satan on an hourly basis. He is going to cut down to a single longer morning session, plus an afternoon top up. And maybe a snapchat. Can you snapchat the devil? What is this world coming to? Yeah, oh. Also in the bin, to commemorate the first ever gay Disney character coming soon in Beauty and the Beast, we speak exclusively to the editor of Christian Looney incorporating today's homophob weekly magazine.

Can't believe those two titles had to merge. You still think that's a market for both? It's the readership cross-cross over. And we ask, does this mean it's okay for Tom and Jerry to have sex? That's what I can also in the bin. Andy, the top story, this week as with every week until we all die or he kills us. Donald Trump. Donald Trump, depending on who you ask, gave the state of the union or just an address to Congress

this week where he took a tone that people seemed to suggest was normal for a human, abnormal for him. Right. He addressed Congress. It was, he didn't yell at anybody. He didn't spit too much. Right. Huge deal in this country. Huge deal that our president seemed more like a president and less like a dictator.

A baby step towards civilization. Mm. I mean, he still did make weird gestures that people, if you just listen to him, it sounds kind of rational and reasonable. But if you watch him, he still does like make weird gestures that people. And I don't know, I don't feel like we're any closer to a finding a way to

not have to apologize to every country when we call them. I feel like so much of the Donald Trump presidency now is he says something and then we as society have to pick which American is going to call that country and say hey we're sorry. Have you had a go yet? Have you been the American picked for any apological? Yeah, I had to call Qual Lumpur. It was just they're really mad. He hasn't even said anything that inflammatory towards them and that's part of the problem. Right. They're kind of like, hey, we matter. And it's like, yeah, but we're from a country where all countries matter. So, you know, sorry, qual and poor. Yeah. The one interesting thing though about Trump being seen as a reasonable president now is that

it's open the door for other people to think they could be president, specifically billionaires. There are a lot of billionaires now who are considering running for president. Most recently, Disney CEO Bob Eiger has said that he would be interested in running for president and has said that people around him, and I quote, a lot of people, a lot, have urged me to seek political office, which yeah, if you're a billionaire, people will tell you anything

as long as you maybe give them money. Like, oh yeah, no, that's a great to pay. Yeah, that's totally a great to pay. Seriously, don't cut me off. Bob Iger, Oprah Winfrey and Mark Cuban, all billionaires, all apparently flirting with the idea of running for president. Well, I've looked into this.... i mean opera win free there's rumors that she could be running on a kind of dream team with montel williams of

security of state and ricky lakers uh... defense section of stalk show host dominated cabinet and when you think about it politics is all about communication white and are you telling me that oprah as president could not get a Vladimir Putin to break down in tears on the overlaw for so, or talking about his daddy didn't really love him. I mean, surely this has to work for America. That's no, that's an Oprah presidency, could be an interesting presidency. I feel like a barbiger presidency, what he does have to offer is he owns Mickey Mouse

and the Avengers. So it feels like obviously Mickey Mouse, Secretary of State will just replace the whole Secretary of Defense with the cast of the Avengers, which I don't know about you, but that's a confirmation hearing. I think I'd love to see. Chris Hemsworth in his weird Thor costume.

And we realize that Mjolnir doesn't look the same in a congressional hearing as it does in the movies. Right. Yeah. Yeah. See, the scale's falling from America, as always on that happen. I mean, I can see a Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse dream ticket again.

But there's nothing in the constitution explicitly excluding fictitious cartoon mice from holding high office. I mean people say well, fictitious cartoon mice did not exist when they were hammering a constitution together in the late 18th century. Do you know, I guess the response would be neither did semi-automatic weapons. As the old saying goes, what's good for the Second Amendment goose is good for the cartoon mouse presidency bid gander. So I'd like to, I'm making globally recognized brand, a property around the globe does not speak in complicated grown-up sentences.

It would basically be a seamless transition from Trump to Mickey Mouse. I mean, and can you tell me that a Mickey, a literal Mickey Mouse presidency would be more divisive than what we have now? Surely this is a, this must be a step forward. I think it's a step forward. It's also a step forward for Mickey Mouse to get to reclaim what a Mickey Mouse presidency is all about. I think good for him if he gets that opportunity.

I think it really does also open the question of if billionaires and millionaires can start running for office and it's a viable path, there's so many more rich people who I feel like would be interesting people to run for office. I think, you know, you've got Mark Cuban has considered it, which I feel like part of his platform could be as the owner of the Dallas Mavericks. If he's elected, he might choose one citizen a month

to join the starting lineup of the Dallas Mavericks. A vote for Mark Cuban means you get to start at center for the Mavericks for one game. Doesn't matter if you're not seven feet tall, he'll just throw you in. He's president. It's an executive order. I think LeBron James, there's a dream ticket of LeBron James and just the mascot of the

Cleveland Cavaliers, which I'm not sure what exactly the mascot is. Their logo is a sword, but I've never seen a dancing sword on the sideline. Right. I think that's what the ISIS football team has. It's a dancing sword. It's tough. You don't want courtside seats for those games because that sword will catch you.

I've been to some other options. I mean, you mentioned Mark Zuckerberg, the Grand High Nerd of Computer Lands Caesar of... Oh, sure, Mark Zuckerberg. I mean, he of computer land, Caesar of... Oh sure, Mark Zuckerberg. I mean, he could fulfill the prophecy of America's top rank Messiah Jesus Christ that the dweeb shilling her at the earth. You've got PJs debony, the chief executive of gun match, in fact, for a Smith and Western. Surely this will be popular with the, you know, the gun lobby, very influential American politics.

Just have the boss of Smith and Western as you're laying the second amendment cards fully on the table. Snapchat's Ivan Speagle in the news this week managed to make billions out of disappearing photos of people's sandwiches. The guy is clearly a fucking genius white. You need to get that, if you could make billions out of disappearing photos,

you could make America the greatest country in the history of America. You could make America the greatest country in the history of America. You could make all Americans billionaires with these rumoured new venture air there, where people just point at the air there about to breathe, launched 45 seconds ago this business, already worth 21.7 billion on Nasdaq. Uber boss Travis Kalanick, he's got to be a candidate, also known in France as Jola, definitely not a taxi. That's a little

rough. A song from my childhood. Do you remember that song? Chris? Yeah, it was by Vanessa Paradis. Are you aware of this song? What? Jola taxi? No. Right. But I'm aware of Vanessa Paradis. Yeah, she was Mrs. Johnny Dup. Yeah, she sang a song called Jola taxi in, well, it must have been late 80s, early was Mrs. Johnny Depp. Yeah, she sang a song called Jola Taxi in, well, it must have been late 80s, early 90s. One of the great, great musical tracks. Anyway, I believe that's it. Yeah.

That tracks first ever reference on the beautiful historic. But Callum Nick seems to be positioning himself for a presidential bid after being caught on film behaving like a dick and presiding over a culture of endemic sexual harassment. I mean, there's a county politics riding on the Trump Coat Tiles. Yeah, that sets him right up. He could Uber his way right to the White House.

Uber take over Air Force One. I mean, that's, that is exciting. Oh, everyone, isn't it? Instead of Air Force One, you just, it's just, oh, okay, I need to get to London. We're just gonna take this Delta flight, kick everybody off of it, and it's Air Force One today. But it also does mean that you could just be trying

to get a taxi home, and Air Force One happens to be in the area and you end up Ubering it. Oh, that's an even, if you Uber pool, you could Uber pool your way into an Air Force One flight. I like that. Elon Musk, sadly, an eligible tutor being not born in the USA under the Springsteen Amendment of the US Constitution. And also clearly being even more fictitious than Mickey Mouse. But his big rival, P. Laosnault, who as we reported on the

Bugle last week was about to launch the ride-alus motorbike. He could be in the running. The ride-alus motorbike already superseded be in the running, the riderless motorbike already superseded in his plans by his new drone chef operation. Those are flying microkitchens that prepare you a hot three-course meal, was flying to your place of work. Then hover outside your office window and fire it, course by course, directly into your open mouth from a military caliber gun, enabling you to enjoy a Michelin quality slap-up lunch, whilst never leaving your desk.

Snork is the CEO of a number of high-high tech companies, including Frankensteinies. Now, Frankensteinies is a company that's aiming to make terrifying monster children in their laboratory for today's hyper-competitive parents. Fluxedo, they make hyper-astro-tech, infinite-g-enabled, functionalistically mutatable, formal dinner jackets, flux, you know,

they can transform to any color you want, depending on your move and conversational topic. As well as playing videos on the chess pocket and have all your social media feeds down either arm to help you charm your dinner companions, also has the capacity to hack into the person sitting next to you's social media. So you can be fed real time info on their hobbies, interests, and romantic status

to help you pull off the perfect black-tie seduction. Fluxedos are available actually to be all listeners at a special reduced rate. Of just $3.49 million, just input the code bugle-snorke on the Fluxedo website, the old 900% discount. And also, he's just launched Invinciballs and you high-tech testicles that enable men who never lose at support. So he's got to be in the running despite being clearly made up. It's been a long week, why I believe he was real.

Well you just don't know these. Maybe he is. Maybe, maybe I'll just, you just can't tell anymore. You just, you just don't know these. Maybe he is. Maybe, I just, you just can't tell anymore. You just cannot tell. There are a couple of other things from Trump's non-state of the nation speech. He said, the time for trivial fights is over, which is interesting coming from the man who basically declared trivial war on the world

and has been the principal aggressor in a conflict with no winners. And he's calling for a bullshit armistice. This is a bit of a surprise. I mean, it does remain to be seen whether this was a genuine turning point in the Trumpian presidency, just managing to speak in a non-soul chilling way. I mean, the problem is, Trump is not so much the boy who cried wolf. As the boy who did a wolf shaped shit on America's dinner plate and then blamed the journalist for not writing about his Michelin start cooking. Also, this is another interesting development. Midnight on the 24th of February, it's um followers of witchcraft across America, apparently performed a mass spell designed to remove Donald Trump from office It appears and we are as we were called what a week or so on from that

It appears not to have worked. I don't know if they put a within eight years clause into their spell but I Do worry to I'm no Trump fan as I've laid my Trump cards on the table over the last few months. But I do worry, what if this works? Well, I mean, is this going to become the future of politics, witchcraft and spells? I mean, I think that's what you open yourself up for. You decide what kind of country do we want to be? Do we want to be a country that is seen as isolationist,

or do we want to be a country that is ruled by which is warlocks and dragons? How to tell the difference sometimes, isn't it? It's a little bit, yeah, no, it's definitely, I mean, if you look at Trump's cabinet, they do seem a lot, they seem kind of warlocky. And Trump himself were to like grow 20 feet tall and his skin were to peel away.

I'd imagine there's a dragon underneath there. So yeah, it is a little, it's a touch and go thing. I mean, I think the other part of this is if witches start casting spells, A, what took them so long? Why just do it now? Why did you wait this long? Why not do this earlier?

I feel like, again, in the idea of Donald Trump trying to make America great, maybe this is what finally put the fire under those witches' ashes. And by the fire, and I realized that's maybe an offensive term for witches, just given how many were burned at the stake. So maybe not the best term to use. I apologize to any witches who were offended. But it just feels like maybe it was time for them

to start holding up their end of the bargain a long time ago. They've been around since Salem and now they want to start working. This is the problem in this country, lazy witches. The other big Trump story this week is around attorney general Jeff Sessions, who I object to just from a name point of view. That is not a serious enough name to be attorney general. It sounds like a set of bootleg jazz recordings by Miles Davis, where he tutled along the background while his mate Jeff sat in a van with the window down explaining how to plummet at new toilet. The Jeff Sessions. Oh sure, I love the Jeff Sessions great album. It's one of Blue Notes more underrated albums.

Yeah, Jeff's just in the background having a horrible heroin trip. I've not entirely followed the Sessions Russia conversation story. It does appear that he did speak twice with the Russian ambassador to the US, so guy, Kizliak. But it's now claiming on the first occasion they spoke only about their favourite character and power ranges. And on the second, just exchange recipes for Victoria Sponge Cake, Sessions told a congressional inquiry. We're both avid fans of the Great British Bake-Off and sharing cake recipes has helped Sergaya and I overcome deep psychological cake traumas.

Sergaya, of course, grew up in Soviet Russia, where his uncle Yevgeniy Yagev was one of 12 Soviet cakemen, or it's killed on a special birthday space rocket made of cake disintegrated shortly after launch on the key to Christchurch birthday in 1964. Whilst I personally have been afraid of cakes, ever since I had a dream about being sworn at by a life-sized date and war nut cake during a Senate meeting. So sessions said that other than that, they didn't talk about politics just mostly girls beer and baseball, so it's probably fine. Totally fine.

Not weird at all. It's really who in Trump's world has not talked to Russians. Andy, you're a man who likes to fly, yes? Hell yeah. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. Andy, you're a man who likes to fly, yes? Hell yeah, I lift a fly. And I assume your favorite thing when you fly is drinking. Absolutely. You know, if I come off a fly, however long or short,

not too drunk to remember where I flown from, then I have not really flown. Well, one of the biggest problems with drinking, when you're flying, is that beer doesn't taste as good when you're 30,000 feet up in the air. And thankfully, there are people working to solve that problem to make sure that you get drunk the best possible way.

There is an airline carrier in Hong Kong that has spent countless time and money making a beer that tastes good when you're 30,000 feet in the air because if there's one thing that you want to happen when you become an obnoxious asshole on a seven hour flight across country. It's you want to do it, but you still want to do it where you've enjoyed what you've had to drink. You don't just want to become an asshole with a tart beer. You want a tasty one as you start trying to play grab ass with a flight attendant and start screaming at the person next to you

for their political beliefs. Ha ha ha. It's not, I mean, it's interesting this Saturday that different alcohols taste different at 30,000 feet. It's not something I'd, and food as well. Apparently airlines already address this. I mean, because they've evidently decided that's what you need at

30,000 feet is a meal artistically designed to express the absolute essence of mild disappointment, which at 30,000 feet apparently is as tasty and tempting as a ground level perfectly grilled 12 ounce T-bone or for our vegetative vegetarian listeners, a 12 ounce OBJIM. The, I mean, it's a critical piece of science, what? I mean, we rely on science for human advancement, and to have developed a beer that tastes better at 30,000 feet. Just shows. I'd say this is up there with the moon landings in showing what potential we have as a species.

They did not develop this beer because it was easy. They developed this beer because they want people to get pissed on their aeroplanes. Also, bloody mairiesres apparently taste better. They taste better naturally at high altitude, according to a professor of experimental psychology at Oxford University, who presumably is quite a smart guy. I mean, this is an absolutely critical piece of science. It's quite a smart guy. I mean, this is an absolutely critical piece of science. The reason for this is the background noise on planes, apparently, and this professor has come up with this theory that background noise on an aeroplane

raises an ancestral fear of being chased by a predator. And that's prompts dollops of saliva to develop in your mouth, meaning that these kind of these sharp umami flavors are even tastier. And the background noise of an aeroplane. Basically, it makes you want to hanker after Japanese food. I mean, I imagine there were, you know, hundreds of thousands of cavemen saying to each other, look out, there's a flock of T-rexes

right over there heading all the way. Good spot, I'll call in a takeaway from Chio Nafuji. Looks like the lizards of Peckish, I'll make it a big one. How long do you think it'll take him to deliver? I don't know, about 50,000 years. Oh, should most dinosaurs have died out by now? Yeah, that's why they look so cross. Okay, I'll order some extra teriyaki. So, also, another thing, how tastes change at high altitude. White house down is a 156% better film when watched on an aeroplane with nothing else to do. Whereas when watched arrestually, it can provoke intense feelings of the pointlessness

of life. It definitely sets us up for a future where we can just move people into hot air balloon houses like in up and just create more real estate for ourselves. And those people who want to live up there, yeah, they're people who they like White House down, they like weird beer. And that's the new world that will exist if Trump and everything is going on in the world,

there's too much for some people, they can just get themselves a hot air balloon house and live 30,000 feet above everything. Watching Channing Tatum in a t-shirt and eating spicy Japanese food. We can build a new utopia wire. However, that thing seems now, there's always hope around the corner. Also on the beer in Flight's story, the new Hipster Air line,

the Long Hall Specialist, has just opened up. They're flying 16 times a day between Shoreditch and London and Portland, Oregon. And they are the first airline to have an in cabin micro-bruary brewing fair trade ethy beer that's for each pint drunk saves an endangered breed of pigeon in the Amazon rainforest. So it's all happening in that sector of the world. No pilot because they actually had to turn the cockpit into the microbruhry. The plane flies on potential. That's very much how the American economy is flying at the moment, isn't it? Pretty much, yeah. Potential and a real lot of just scared teeth chattering,

which that noise, with that noise in the background, that changes the way that beard tastes as well. The Google feature section now and sleep. We've all done it. Let's admit it, we've all done it. It's nothing to be ashamed of in this day and age. And even I'm talking to you in New York, the city that never sleeps and is therefore permanently cranky, completely dependent on coffee and almost totally divorced from reality. We're so tired. It is a national bed month here in Britain, why it's a national, I mean, that basically means we have to spend the entire month of March in bed.

It's coming a good time. At least 48% of the population are feeling like hibernating for the foreseeable future. And as world sleep dates you are up on the 17th of March, Put yourself in for 24 hour power nap a week next Friday. Now, um, wait, that's the day after St. Patrick's day Good spot. So I'll sleep it off day then. Yeah. I think they I think that's some that's some really good schedule and right there It's becoming an increasingly prominent medical concern sleep. And I speak to someone with a frankly borderline, slow acting suicide of a sleeping pattern. But the health implications are bad sleeping.

I try to avoid thinking about on an almost daily basis, usually around 3.30 a.m. when I'm looking up cricket statistics or working out how I can make the words golden retriever into a pun. But here's a list of things that can go wrong apparently while if you do not sleep enough. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease, strokes, problems with your muscle and tissue health, mental problems, your immune system can go highwire, and you can have problems with your your your your your junkles plats which could turn your libido into a libido and to a libido and basically pretty much your entire body can stop functioning properly if you

don't get enough so now are you are you a sleep fan you tend to like get your regular eight hours a day? Well that's two different questions am I a sleep fan yes I like to go and look in people's windows and cheer them on as they sleep. I'm a big sleep fan. I'll go to hotels and pretend that I'm staying in room 721 so I can get a key card. I'll go in room 721.

I'll sit in the closet and I'll wait for you to go sleep. And I'll just root by, I got pom-poms and I'm like, go, go, go, sleep, sleep, sleep, you're doing it, you're doing it, yay! And then I hope to leave before you wake up. That's quite so big sleep fan. Quite tough thing to cheerlead, isn't it? Sleep, because you know, you want to be enthusiastic

because I'm thinking don't want to wake people up. But I recognize just how important it is for people to have a good night's sleep. And so I don't get a full eight hours in part because I'm cheering other people on. There are a number of things you can apparently do to improve your sleep. I was reading a list of advice. Switch off your phones, tablets and screens, and take them, in fact, take them completely out of your bedroom. I mean, this is, I mean, this is the kind of stuff you expect your mother to tell you,

not sleep scientists. A warm bath or shower can help you relax. I mean, relaxing, that's pretty 20th century. We don't have time to relax these days, we're too busy. You've got to make sure your room is tidy. Mum, come on. And breathing exercises, light yoga stretches or meditation can help. Yeah, I will just pop my yoga instructor and a Maharishi on the end of my bed. I'm sure the wife will be absolutely delighted.

And also to just make if your mind is racing, keep your weight, you can make it to do lists to clear it. But that's a problem if the first thing only to do list is get more sleep. That is really just going to emphasize the fact that you're failing with your to do list and your actual sleep. Also, noise and the light can wake you up. Noise and lights go into the nicknames I have for my children. They sort of get on weight. Oh, that's sweet. Which one's noise and which one's late? I'm going to do the nicknames I have for my children. They say, I'm going to eat your hot.

Oh, that's sweet. Which one's noise and which one's late? I cannot possibly divulge in case at some point in their future lives they listen to this. They're not going to listen. They'll be watching John Oliver's videos on YouTube. Apparently an extra hour average sleeper night in the long run correlates to a 16% increase

in wages, which means that the average chief executive of a London hedge fund sleeps for I'll just do the math. 7,650 hours a day. Well, that is all we have time for on this week's Abugal. 650 hours a day. Well, that is all we have time for on this week's bugle. We are once again about to be tough to have a studio. So your emails will wait again. I know we're keeping coming into HelloBuglers at thebugelpodcast.com.

Maybe we can get the next podcast to answer the emails. Just leave them for the next podcast. Right, okay, we'll do that. I don't know what is coming in here. Maybe it's local traffic news, but they could do with the Sunday night music club. Sunday night music club. I'm sure they'd love to. Absolutely, right here. I can deal with a people complaining about the inaccuracy in my cryptic crossword clue a few weeks ago. Anyway, thank you very much for listening, listening, Bughlers. Don't forget, my UK tour show in Nottingham has been

rearranged for Thursday, the ninth, my Melbourne festival show starts at the end of March. I'm also doing some dates in Sydney towards the end of April and Auckland and Wellington, end of April beginning of May, all details on the internet. What an act thanks once again for joining us on the Bughal. We'll be back next week when it will be Helen's ultimate in the Bugle chair once again. Until then, Bugle is goodbye.

Goodbye. The Bugle loves being a part of radio topia. They and therefore we are better thanks to support from the Knight Foundation and MailChimp. High Fives all round. Give one to yourself as well. 500 years ago, this year, Michael Angelo, or as he was known by his friends, Mickey Paintbrush, was commissioned to do a little bit of decorating for the Pope.

He got his nickname, of course, not because of his artistic skills, but because he had tough, bristly straight hair, which when he was drunk, he would dip in a vat of paint and head butt cartoon testicles into the size of churches. Anyway, the story goes, the Julius II asked Mickey Paintbrush,

can you whack a lick of paint on the ceiling in my chapel? It could do with a bit of sprucing up. Short Papa J replied, Michael Angelo. What do you want? How about a bit of a fresco? Sure, why not reply the pontiff? Great, yip the young artist. I was thinking of doing something with some dogs playing snooker.

Right, Mickey P said the Pope awkwardly. It's just, I was just kind of hoping something a little bit more neutral. Maybe just, you know, just a plain off-white Magnolia color, you know mix something that isn't gonna go out of date Righto skip a replied Michelangelo a little downcast Hey, do you want to do a couple of little bits from the Bible in the corner? Now all right, consider the Pope, but just nothing too flash little Mickey. Yay! Yelp the 33 year old five-time winner of the Golden Chisel Award for terrific sculpture.

I'll go and get my special scaffold. Four years later, an angry Pope banged on the door of the cysteine chapel with his big staff. Have you finished yet, paintbrushy shouted? Yep, all done big man. The pontiff stormed in, hat a Kimbo. What the f*** have you done to my ceiling, you flash s**t? Sorry, pop, said the artist. I just got a bit carried away. Oh, balls wins the Vatican Vicar.

Bloody hell, Mickey, what is your obsession with naked cocks? Shit, I've got a christening to do in 20 minutes, this is gonna have to do. Okay boss, sorry boss, mumble the four in one painter, sculpt, architect and chicken impersonator. You haven't heard the lot of this one erotic blast of the Catholic Kahuna. Give me that paintbrush, that's confiscated.

Pope Julius turned to go to his dressing room, just then something on the ceiling caught his eye. Hang on, that looks like, no, it can't be. Is that my Wang? Mickey Paintbrush, have you painted my paper prong on that new demand? Come here, come here come in you little don't know he's got a way I knew I should have got Da Vinci to do

this knew it so to commemorate half a millennium since this historic moment in the history of history we present to you the bugle Italian section and the that has to become a regular feature. Historical story time. Missing for your children with Andy's ultimate.